[ laughter ]
[ screams ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you kidding me?!
Who's a good cat?
[ laughter ]
[ laughter echoing ]
Tonight we are in brooklyn at carmine and sons pizzeria,
And we're playing angry customers
Marching into the pizzeria
And throwing water in a worker's face.
The worker will be someone we know,
But we won't know who until the moment we step in the store.
And the reason we're throwing the water will be given to us
By the other guys.
If you can't convince one of the customers
That that employee deserved it, you'll lose.
Okay, so here's the deal. [ laughing ]
For q,
We have our dear friend brooke shields.
Shields is in a hairnet at the pizzeria,
Working.
Hi, brooke. Hi.
Thank you for doing this. Thank you.
Brooke, you do realize, if this is a success,
You will be taking like a pint of water to the face.
You know this. Terrific. Yes.
Okay, okay.
The more, the better.
[ both laugh ]
Alright, here he comes.
[ laughter ]
Q, it's brooke shields.
Icon, legend.
Q: Can't believe that I'm about to throw water
In brooke shields' face.
Go for it, q. Right in front of this guy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
[ clears throat ]
Ah, there you go!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
I'll tell you why I did it.
"I said smile more."
I said smile more.
"she didn't. And now we're here."
She didn't. And now we're here.
You don't get to tell a woman
How she's supposed to feel, you jackass.
And you ruined this guy's [bleep] pizza.
It's a pizzeria. It's a pizzeria. Get him a new pizza.
You guys agree with me, though, right?
Obviously, if she smiled, that would be a little bit better.
That's [bleep] up?
[ laughing ]
So, nobody's with me on this?
Sal: Oh, no! Oh, my god.
Go, q!
You agree with me, right?
No. Nobody agrees.
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god.
By the way...
Not a drop hit the floor. You guys notice that?
Not a drop hit the floor.
I kind of deserved it.
[ buzzer ]
Murr: Alright, sally, here we go.
Well, you guys know simmy can't-stand-your-bits,
The producer of "impractical jokers."
-Whaaaat! -Ohhh!
Q: Oh, it's his daughter. It's simmy's daughter, ella.
It's his 13-year-old daughter, ella.
Ella can't-stand-your-bits.
Daddy's got to go make-a da pizza.
[ laughter ]
Alright, well, sal, go. Go for it, bud.
[ exhales sharply ]
Hey!
You thought I wouldn't find you?
"she told her mom I was a scrub."
She -- she told her mom I was a scrub.
-Uh-oh! Uh-oh! -[ laughing ] ohh!
You just threw water on a 13-year-old girl's, like, face.
You are a scrub.
[ laughing ]
But there's a reason I did it.
No! There's a reason I did it.
She keeps calling me a scrub.
How old are you?
I-I'm in my 40s. It doesn't...
But whether I'm -- whether I'm in my 40s or not,
You want to be treated like an adult,
And she keeps insulting me, so I just -- it's just --
She just...
[ laughter ]
Ella: I'm soaking wet! You don't think she deserved it?
Get the [bleep] out.
[ laughing, shouting ]
Oh, you're done. You're done.
My mom don't want no scrubs.
[ laughter ]
A miserable failure.
Q: Alright. There she is.
Sal: Murr is going to have to throw a cup of liquid
Directly in his grandmother-in-law's face.
-Betty. -Yes.
What type of grandson-in-law is murr?
Is he -- do you like him? Is he enjoyable?
Yes, very much so.
Betty, can you name five good traits about him?
He's very good-natured.
He's very good to my granddaughter.
And that taps it out at two.
That's two right there.
Um, I don't know him that much
Because I'm not around him a lot.
Don't you think that a better grandson-in-law
Would make sure that he saw you more?
Yes.
Seems a little weird that he's always going away
On vacations and stealing your granddaughter away from you.
I agree 100%.
I turned her. I turned her!
It took two questions to turn her.
-That's nanny. -Yeah.
Welcome to work today.
Go assault your wife's grandmother.
You say it like that, I feel like a dick.
But if it makes it easier for you,
She was hardcore complaining about you --
Was she? ...Before you came in.
Yeah, and you don't hang out enough with that --
Their side of the family. Really?
[bleep] this bitch.
[ laughter ]
Here we go, buddy.
Excuse me.
That's what you get!
[ laughter ]
"she turned her grandchildren against me."
She -- you know what it is?
She turned her grandchildren against me.
Did you throw that on a lady?
I...
[ laughter ]
Murr: She turned her grandchildren against me.
You know what it is? She turned her grandchildren against me.
Did you throw that on a lady?
I... Did you throw that water on a lady?
I did just now. Get the [bleep] outta this store.
Get out of the store. Let me explain --
I don't give a [bleep] what you...
She's a woman. Get out of the store!
Let me explain, though. She turned her grandchildren --
I don't give a [bleep]. Please leave.
Don't you think she deserved it, though?
I don't think a woman deserves that at all.
I'm old! I'm old!
I'm sorry -- brother, don't touch me.
I won't touch you. Step out of the store. Please.
But you know, I just want to explain my case.
I don't want to hear you. I don't really care. I feel like --
Murr, I think that you've lost,
But you do whatever you want.
Just go outside. What I'm gonna do for you --
You're not gonna do anything for me.
'cause now I'm starting to get pissed off.
Now you're getting pissed? Yeah.
Murr, you are done. I never seen someone more done.
What I think I'm going to do at this point
Is just take the loss and step outside.
I'm just gonna -- right? Thank you. Good.
But you don't --
Okay, I'm just gonna...
[ laughter ]
Betty, say, "beat it, baldy."
Beat it, baldy.
I'm so sorry I threw water on you!
[ buzzer ]
Narrator: They shouldn't have thrown that water on the lady,
So q, sal, and murr are heading to the loser board.
Today, we're at a focus group reading
Our recent online reviews to a group of strangers.
The thing is, these reviews have been written by the other guys,
So we have no idea what they say
Until the moment we read them aloud.
The goal is not to laugh.
Whoever laughs the most loses.
A real review of "impractical jokers" --
"q is the coolest, sal is scared of everything,
And murr is their toy."
[ laughter ]
Well, I'm so thankful for you to come here, all of you, today.
-Alright, sal. -Here we go.
So, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Q: Today we have phoebe as a moderator.
You've seen her on the show before.
She played my wife in a challenge.
And I think your wife too, right? That's right. Yes!
Yeah. She's a dear friend of ours.
Phoebe: We're just trying to figure out, like,
What in a product inspires people to write a review
And what makes it positive or negative.
So do you want to start?
Okay, this eyebrow lamination kit.
I was very happy with the results the first time using it.
Sal, are you dressed exactly like this woman?
Oh, my god. Same shoes, too! Yeah.
Sal, you dress like a 25-year-old girl.
It does not feel cheap at all.
Phoebe: Great.
Alright, sal. Here we go.
Okay, so this is actually not a product.
I'm from staten island, so staten island mall urgent care.
"beware. Smoking is not allowed inside.
Receptionist is racially ambiguous
And has a visible tooth."
[ laughter ]
What's a visible tooth?
Not that I would smoke inside, but there was a vestibule,
And it used to be --
Used to be smoking in there, and they took it away.
-Are you a smoker? -No.
Alright, sal, you got through one, bud.
Phoebe: That's great. Let's do another round.
This is a review for women's probiotic supplements.
"I started taking mom's vitamins when mine ran out,
And I got to tell you,
[chuckling lightly] I'm dropping turds like a lady."
[ laughter ]
That's a little bit of a laugh.
Phoebe: Alright. And did you have one more?
Okay. Hungry hungry hippos.
Good luck with this one.
Uh...
[ laughs ]
That's it! Right away!
[ chuckles ]
There you go, bud.
You can read the review.
I know. Hungry hungry hippos.
"game play too confusing."
[ laughter ]
It's dunh-dunh-dunh!
A moron could do it.
I don't know, I can't get the scoring system down.
They don't put in instructions.
Nope.
[ high-pitched voice ] that's my review.
[ laughter ]
[ bell dinging ]
That was impressive for sal.
Here we go. Q is up.
So, thank you all for coming today.
Who wants to start? Sal: Alright, buddy.
Let's see how you do. Let's see how you set the tone.
Do you know what jasmine rice is?
Uh, well, unfortunately, I did not have a good experience.
"I had a terrible experience with this rice.
It was hard and impossible to chew,
Like chomping on rocks.
Not soft and wet like in the pics.
I was peckish, however, so I did eat the whole bag."
[ laughing ] you ate raw rice?
"stomach distress ensued, followed by a disastrous trip
To the staten island mall urgent care."
Did you cook the rice?
[ laughter ]
Well, it was in-- it was instant rice.
It was rice.
[ laughter ]
So, like, two minutes in the microwave?
No, instant, like instant mashed potatoes.
Like the flakes?
You put them in your mouth and then you chew them enough
And they kind of turn into mashed potatoes.
That's terrible.
That's -- that was my point.
[ laughter ]
Murr: Alright, q.
Alright. You flexing nuts out there?
No laughs?
Did you have another review?
Sal: Alright, bud.
This is for an air freshener I got.
Good luck.
"as someone who suffers from multiple intestinal conditions,
It can be hard to keep my home smelling fresh.
It usually smells like I'm running an air biscuit bakery.
[ chuckling ] I'm always st--"
There you go. There's a laugh.
"I'm always stomping on ducks and stinking it up,
Tickling my taint
And thurping bung thunder...
[ laughing ] ...Til the air turns brown."
[ laughter ]
"but guess what.
Somehow, miraculously,
This gift-from-god air freshener
Has my whole apartment smelling like a brand-new car."
So, that's a positive review.
[ laughter ]
I'm so sorry -- I feel like I barely --
Understood what he was saying?
[ laughter ]
There were tons of fart innuendos
About how much he farts.
Yeah.
Alright, let's wrap this up. Last one.
Q: Sorry. Yeah, my last one.
This is natural soy wax scented candles.
Yeah, I just wrote, "it stinks dick."
[ laughter ]
I just wrote, "it stinks dick."
[ laughing ] you know.
There you go. There you go.
Well, this was super helpful.
Was it? Was it super helpful?
Did I -- was I helpful? I feel like...
Can I go?
Murr: Good job, q!
Phoebe: Do you guys feel ready to start?
-Sure. Yeah. I'm excited. -Okay.
-Here we go. Here we go. -Okay.
We didn't make this easy for murr,
I'll tell you that right now.
This review is for gps tags.
"this is a great way
To track your wife's movements without her knowing."
[ laughter ]
-I'm not touching that. -Me either.
Murr, get worried.
[ laughter ]
Are you saying my wife knows that?
Woman: Probably.
What's the point of tracking, I ask you?
I use it for the cats, so if they get out...
-I use it for my dog. -Yeah.
I don't use it for people.
[ laughter ]
-Wow. -We should just move on.
-Okay. -Yes, we should.
[ laughing ] the next one!
Murr: I have one more.
-Alright. -I did linen napkins.
So, as a...
Q: Are you bailing?
Are you just taking a straight up thumbs-down?
Sal: [ laughing ] the next one!
I did linen napkins.
So, uh, as a...
[ laughter ]
[ chuckling ] I...
Q: That's a laugh.
[ laughing ] I did linen napkins.
That's two laughs, dude.
Come on, james. Spit it out.
Linen napkins. The...
[ chuckling ] the review I posted...
I posted this review. [ chuckles ]
[ laughing ] "for me,
As a black man in my 40s.
I need a nice set of linen napkins,
And these do the trick," is what I posted.
[ laughter ]
Very interesting.
When we posted these things, I thought it was like anonymous.
I didn't think I'd actually read it.
Next? [ laughter ]
I certainly learned a lot today.
So have I.
[ laughter ]
[ buzzer ] brutal.
Narrator: The reviews are in,
And it looks like murr is tonight's big loser.
You guys good? You need anything at all?
Sal: So, we're here at delmonico's steakhouse
For murr's punishment.
Q: As you can see, it is already in motion.
Normally we do introductions on punishments,
But we needed him to work.
Are we going to start this?
You haven't told me what I'm doing yet.
All I can tell you, buddy,
Is that the moment will present itself.
And you will know what it is when it begins.
That's so vague. Come on, guys.
Murr, walk over to a table and just be like,
"hey, friends, I'm toots and I'm a chocoholic."
So stupid.
It's gonna bring me so much joy hearing you say it.
Hi, guys. My name is toots. How are you?
Yes. Welcome to delmonico's. Your first time?
Woman: Yes. Oh, my gosh, you're in for a treat.
Q: "hey, did I mention I'm a chocoholic?"
Did I mention I'm a chocoholic?
-No! -I am, I really am.
My wife tells me I'm getting fat with all the chocolate I eat,
But I ain't stopping.
"she started to call me 'tits.'"
She, uh... She's, you know...
She went from calling me "toots" to "tits," you know?
Yeah. You know.
If you have any questions about the menu tonight,
Just come find me -- toots, okay?
-Thank you. -You're welcome. Thanks, stripes.
[ laughter ]
He's leaving a wake of confusion.
-Is this the punishment? -No!
Wait, this is not the punishment?
This is not it, but this is a joy.
Murr, give a table some hot goss.
Like give them a heads-up, michael bolton may be coming in.
I just wanted to let you know
Michael bolton is coming by in a little while.
Michael bolton.
-The famous singer. -Refresh my memory.
♪ I could hardly believe it ♪ you know him, right?
You know, I can hardly believe that he's coming.
Anyways, carry on.
I'd love you to go up behind her and just start singing again.
[ speaking indistinctly ]
♪ I could hardly believe it ♪
Michael bolton. He's gonna be here soon.
He's going to be here soon.
Soon, like 20 minutes, he'll be here.
Murr, I'd love to see you sing behind her one more time.
♪ I could hardly believe it ♪ [ gasps ]
[ laughter ]
It just never gets old.
Gentlemen, anything else today, or you're all set?
Oh, sorry. Okay. Very good.
-Oh, you like the bill? -Yes.
Let me get it for you. One second.
-So, murr... -Murr-man!
-Yeah? -What did they ask for?
They asked for the check.
And thus it has begun. Your punishment starts now.
My friend, you may never deliver that check --
To them or anybody.
[ laughter ]
Sal: You, under any circumstances,
Cannot deliver a check to any table.
Ohh. Oh, no.
The goal here is riot. [ laughs ]
Here we go.
Murr: Oh. Oh, you need the bill?
Oh, sure. Let me get it for you. One second.
I'll go get the bill. I'll get it right there.
-One second. -Oh, [bleep].
Oh, he's already trying to give you the card.
They're already annoyed. Yeah. Oh, no.
Murr, the guy's looking at his watch and looking at you.
No, he's not.
I swear to god, he just did that. You don't understand.
I feel the tension in the air from him.
This is a lunch break on a work day.
People are going to need to get their check.
Go by and drop it and then go,
"I'm not sure if we take amex, but I will check right now."
But then leave their card on the table and walk away.
Oh, god.
God. God.
Oh, my god.
I'm not certain if we take amex.
Let me go check. One second.
Yeah. Let me check on you.
Oh, god.
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god, oh, god.
You don't understand.
He's getting up. He's getting up!
No, he's not. No, he's not.
He's walking! Oh, my god.
Oh-ho-ho! Oh!
Sal: "I'm not sure if we take amex,
But I will check right now."
I'm not certain if we take amex.
Let me go check. One second.
Yeah. Let me check on you.
He's getting up. He's getting up!
No, he's not. No, he's not.
He's walking! Oh, my god.
Oh-ho-ho!
Man: I've been here a hundred times.
Oh, well, thank you for coming back.
Dude. [bleep] "I know you're in a rush."
So you definitely take amex.
Unless there's a -- I just checked.
I just checked, and we do, actually.
Yes, I know.
I'll tell you what. I'm gonna run this --
Oh, okay. Okay. I'm gonna --
I'm gonna run this card, and then I'll bring you guys...
You want some bread on the house?
Some bread? You want some bread?
Okay. It's complimentary.
[ q groaning ]
I don't have the guts for this.
Okay. Oh, my god. What's the play here, guys?
Sal: I'll tell you what the play is.
You're gonna eat a bowl of creamed spinach
In his eyesight right now.
[ q shouting, laughing ]
Oh, my god. You don't understand.
He's ready to kill me. We understand.
This is what we intended.
Oh, my god.
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god.
Oh, they're looking at you. They're looking for you, bud.
Oh, yes. Yes yes, yes.
He can't believe it.
Oh, [bleep].
Murr, for the love of god, just drop the check, man.
I'm starting to get too tense back here.
Fellas, I am sorry the food took so long.
It was the -- oh, it was the --
[ laughter ]
Murr: Hi.
What's that?
The check, please? Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
Grab a pile of those checkbooks.
And then I want you to walk over to the couple
And then have a wacky drop.
Make them go everywhere.
When it drops on the floor, be like, "jesus penis!"
Here we go, here we go.
Jesus penis!
Sorry. One second.
What did I do? Oh, [bleep] penis.
Just compare them to the receipts.
No rush. You can stay as long as you like.
There's no rush on our part. Okay?
Alright, murr, if you scare her one more time,
We'll let you give them the bill.
From behind. Yeah, yeah.
He's doing it. He's doing it.
♪ I could hardly believe it ♪
[ laughter ]
[ laughter continues ]
I'm crying. I'm crying.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
What are they doing? What are they doing?
She's signing a bill. Go swoop the bill up.
Tell them there was a mistake.
You wanted to take some stuff off of it.
My apologies.
I think we gave you the wrong one.
This is the wrong table. Give me one second.
Let me get the right one.
Alright, murr? Yeah.
Make a bill that's double the price.
Alright, ladies, I took the desserts off.
Here's the correct one. Here we go.
It's double the price.
[ laughing ]
Yeah.
What do you mean?
We both had filet. None of this.
I took the filet off.
Yes, but you added $250 worth of beef on there.
Sal: "oh, [bleep] penis."
Oh, [bleep] penis. Did I do that?
You know what it was?
I took everything else off that you had,
And then I added all this stuff on.
[ laughter ]
Three cod. Four lamb chops.
One porterhouse, one filet, one bone-in rib eye.
"look me in the face and tell me
I didn't see you eating a bone-in rib eye."
Look me in the face
And tell me you didn't have a bone-in rib eye.
I did not have a bone-in anything.
[ laughter ]
Q: Last one, buddy. Last one.
How's the baked alaska? Good?
-It was delicious. -Delicious?
-We'll take the check. -The check? Okay.
Very good. You got it.
Oh, god. They're waiting for the check.
I know you're already feeling the heat.
We brought vr goggles for you, bud.
I'm gonna have you put on the vr goggles
And just be screwing around in vr
While they're waiting for the check.
What are you doing to me, man?
Can we run those vr goggles out to murray?
Them to see me like this...
[ laughter ]
Stupid [bleep] hat.
[ laughter ]
Just like, sidle up to him and just go,
"sorry, guys. Just tallying everything up."
So, you had one baked alaska?
I'm just tallying it up real quick.
-One, right? -Oh, yes.
"we have a new system."
It's a new system now. It's a new system.
As he just stands over them!
Just stand there for a good two, three minutes.
Don't say a word. Just keep pushing buttons.
[ laughter ]
It's in the calculator. One second.
Just start making the jerkoff noise with your hands.
[ laughter ]
Just taking something off the bill.
I'm going to take the appetizers off the bill.
Okay? Murr, throw it.
Just take an appetizer and just throw it.
[ laughter ]
The guy in front of you is crying!
"and am I splitting the check, or is it just the one?"
Are we split-- [ laughs ]
Are you guys splitting the check
Or is it all on one bill?
'cause splitting the check is gonna take a lot longer.
Yeah, let's split the check.
Then karate chop down the middle.
Karate chop!
-Split it? -Yeah. Make it easy.
Hi-yah!
That's it, murr. That's it.
Just into menus... Looking at a menu!
Look, everyone's looking at you in the whole place.
Yeah, unbutton the shirt and squeeze the boobs.
[ laughter ]
I'm done. I'm done.
[ laughter ]