>> HELLO, FRIENDS. >> HEY!
>> ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.
>> HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BOYS. >> YEAH, HAPPY THANKSGIVING,
BUD. >> OUT OF ALL THE TIME WE SPEND
TOGETHER, WE’VE NEVER SPENT THANKSGIVING TOGETHER, SO I
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.
YOU GUYS LOOK NICE. EVERYBODY GOT DRESSED UP.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK THE ODDS ARE THAT I’M PAIRING PANTS
UNDER THIS TABLE? ZERO.
>> DIVERSITY, I DON’T EVEN THINK I BRUSHED MY HAIR.
>> YOU DIDN’T. >> SEASON ONE, I DIDN’T COMB MY
HAIR A SINGLE TIME. WHEN WE WATCHED IT BACK, I
THOUGHT I NEED TO LOOK LIKE I’M NOT SEVERELY DEPRESSED.
>> WELL, YOU GUYS ARE LIKE FAMILY TO ME.
YOU’RE LIKE BROTHERS. YOU GUYS ALSO KNOW MY FAMILY.
SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD ONLY BE APPROPRIATE THAT MY FAMILY GOT
TO SAY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. MY SISTER GINA’S FAMILY, OF
COURSE. >> HI, GUYS.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING. >> AND MY STAR CARLA AND HER
FAMILY WANTED TO SAY HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
>> HI! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
>> AND THEN MY PARENTS. [LAUGHTER]
>> NO! NO!
>> HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM MOM
AND DAD. >> JOE!
[LAUGHTER] >> OH, MY GOD.
>> I’LL TELL WHY YOU THIS HAS GRADUATED TO A NEW LEVEL OF
INSANITY. YOU NOW HAVE YOUR EXTENDED
FAMILY IN ON THE JOKE, SISTERS, HUSBANDS, NEPHEWS AND NIECES.
THAT’S A FAMILY THAT CAN TAKE A JOKE, WOW.
>> DON’T FORGET, SAL, ALSO THE FULL‐ON PUPPET ARE YOU AT THIS
POINT >> WHO’S DOING THE PUPPET ARE
YOU? >> IT’S LIKE "WEEKEND AT
BERNIE’S" OVER THERE. >> YOU MADE THANKSGIVING DINNER
FOR THE CORPSES. THEY HAD PLATES IN FRONT OF
THEM. >> DID I NOTICE THAT YOUR
FAMILY WAS FAKING THE TABLE. >> THEY ALSO DON’T KNOW WHAT
THE JOKE WAS. I JUST TOLD THEM TO SEND IN
THOSE CLIPS. THEY’RE JUST SEEING IT RIGHT
NOW. >> OH, MY GOD.
>> I EXPECT A TEXT TO COME ROLLING IN IMMEDIATELY.
[LAUGHTER]
♪
>> HAPPY THANKSGIVING. >> YOUR FOLKS LOOK GOOD.
>> YEAH, WELL, THEY’RE HAVING RIBS FOR DINNER.
[LAUGHTER] >> NO, JOE!
COME ON! >> THEY HAD THEIR BONES ABOUT
DOING DINNER, BUT THEY DID IT. WELL, YOU KNOW, SOCIAL
DISTANCING HASN’T BEEN A PROBLEM, BECAUSE MY PARENTS
HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SIX FEET AWAY FROM ME, SIX FEET UNDER.
>> OH, NO. NO!
JOE! >> I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME
YOU STARTED DOING THAT TO ME, I WAS SO, SO FLABBERGASTED.
>> AND YOU STILL ARE EVERY TIME I DO IT.
>> ACTUALLY, IT DOESN’T REALLY GO AWAY.
>> THAT’S ON YOU, SAL. BECAUSE, LIKE, AT A CERTAIN
POINT, BECAUSE I GOT IT. I WAS FLABBERGASTED AS WELL.
I WAS LIKE, OH, MAN, I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH.
BUT AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S ON HIM, NOT YOU.
>> NOT AT A CERTAIN POINT. FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME HE DID
IT IT’S ON HIM. >> I JUST MEAN IN TERMS OF
ALLOWING YOURSELF TO LAUGH AT IT.
COME ON, IT’S BEEN DECADES AT THIS POIFPBLET
>> I ONLY HOPE THAT I CAN ONE DAY BE THAT FREE AND ‐‐ I DON’T
KNOW. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
[LAUGHTER] >> CALLOUS MIGHT BE THE WORD
PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR AT HOME. [LAUGHTER]
>> NOT CALLOUS. IT’S ACCEPTING OF MY FATE AND
MAKING THE BEST OF THE SITUATION.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. SPEAKING OF MAKING THE BEST OF
A SITUATION, ‐‐ >> YEAH, I WANT TO SEE
THANKSGIVING DINNERS. LET’S SEE, BOYS.
>> I HAVE MINE HERE. CAN YOU SEE THAT?
>> YEAH. >> OH, WOW.
>> THIS HERE IS SCREAMED POTATOES, SHALLOTS AND PEAS.
>> DID YOU MAKE THIS? >> AND THEN I ALSO HAVE, THIS
IS TURKEY COOKED WITH A ‐‐ >> A WHAT?
>> A SUVY. >> WHAT IS THAT?
>> IT’S A LITTLE BIT OF A HIGHER SKILL LEVEL IF YOU’RE A
COOK. >> WHO’S SUVY?
YOU HIRED A COOK FOR YOU NOW? [LAUGHTER]
>> YOU PUT THE SUVY AND IT HEATS THE WATER UP, AND THEN
YOU COOK THE MEAT IN A BAG IN THAT WATER SO IT COOKS THE MEAT
PERFECT. EACH TIME.
AND THE REASON I KNOW THIS IS BECAUSE A CHEF TOLD WHEN HE IT,
AND HE SENT ME THE SUVY. >> YOU’VE SAID IT ABOUT 10
TIMES, AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, WHAT IT DOES, SO
THANKS FOR THAT. >> WHAT I’M TELLING YOU IS I
DIDN’T MAKE THIS. >> WHAT I FROOK YOUR
DESCRIPTION IS IT’S A BAG FULL OF WATER.
THAT’S ALL I GOT. >> SAL COOKED HIS MEAT IN A
WATER BAG. THAT’S ALL I KNOW.
MURR, WHAT DO YOU GOT? YOU HAVE A LOT OF LANDSCAPE.
>> HERE’S THE THING. IT’S HARD TO COOK A TURKEY
DINNER FOR ONE. SO I TRIED, BUT IT’S, YOU KNOW,
I MADE A TURKEY, AND I’VE GOT THE WHOLE STUFF, BUT I PUT IT
ON A GIANT PLATTER LIKE YOU HAVE AT THANKSGIVING.
IT’S VERY HARD TO DO FOR ONE PERSON.
>> I DID A STUFFED ARTICHOKE. I GOT SWEET POTATO MASH WITH
CORN, STUFFED MUSHROOMS AND A LITTLE FAKE MEATLOAF.
>> NOTHING BEATS A GOOD STUFFED ARTICHOKE, BUDDY.
>> YEAH, HARD TO BEAT. >> WELL, YOU WANT TO DO A WHOLE
TURKEY, SO SHE GOT SLICED, LIKE TURKEY CUT LETS, GOT CRANBERRY,
GOT STRING BEANS. SHE MADE STUFFS.
SHE BURNED THE STUFFING. >> BUT YOU JUST SAID SHE DIDN’T
WANT TO BUY A FULL TIRK, SO YOU MAKE HER BUY THE GROCERIES TOO?
>> NO, I DO HER GROCERY SHOPPING FOR HER, AS A MATTER
OF FACT. BUT NO, NO, SHE JUST DIDN’T TO
WANT COOK A WHOLE TURKEY, I GUESS.
>> HER REQUEST, GOT IT. I THOUGHT YOU SENT HER OUT WITH
A LIST. >> IF I COULD, I WOULD.
>> Q, OF COURSE THERE’S DOOR DASH.
YOU HAVE DOOR CALABASH. >> HEY, THAT’S PRETTY GOOD.
I’LL TELL HER THAT. SHE’LL BE LIKE, WHAT’S DOOR
DASH? >> WHAT ARE YOUR FAMILY
THANKSGIVING TRADITIONS? >> WE’RE PRETTY STANDARD IN MY
HOUSE. IT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECT ON
A THANKSGIVING DINNER. I DON’T DO LIKE ‐‐ IS THAT
CHRISTMAS? MY ITALIAN SIDE ‐‐
>> SEVEN FISHES. >> WE DO THE SEVEN FISHES.
>> WE DON’T EVEN DO THAT. >> THE WORST SEVEN FISHES
CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER I HAD, I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS DATING A GIRL NAMED MEGAN, WITH WHO YOU GUYS KNOW,
AND SHE HAD JUST BOUGHT ME A BRAND‐NEW CHRISTMAS SWEATER.
IT WAS REALLY NICE. SO I WAS GOING TO, AFTER DINNER
WITH MY FAMILY ON CHRISTMAS EVE, I WAS GOING TO MIDNIGHT
MASS WITH HER, HER MOTHER, HER GRANDMOTHER, AND HER
GREAT‐GRANDMOTHER, FOUR GENERATIONS.
>> OH, MY GOD. >> I GOT ALL DRESSED UP.
BUT FUNNY LITTLE SIDE NOTE, I’M SOMETIMES HIGHLY ALLERGIC TO
SHELLFISH. SO I EAT THIS WHOLE DINNER WITH
MY FAMILY. AND I WENT TO MIDNIGHT MASS AT
OUR LADY STAR OF THE SEA CHURCH.
>> THAT’S WHERE I PLAYED SOUTH KOREA AS A KID.
>> IS THAT RIGHT? >> YEAH, IT WAS MY SOCCER TEAM.
>> THREE‐QUARTERS THROUGH THE MASS, I STARTED NOT TO FEEL
WELL, AND WE’RE KNEELING, GETTING READY TO RECEIVE
COMMUNION. RIGHT BEFORE COMMUNION, THERE’S
ONLY ONE AISLE IN AND OUT OF THE CHURCH, THE MAIN AISLE.
AND I STOOD UP, I WAS LIKE, I CAN’T STAY.
WE WERE AT THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH.
I RAN TO THE MAIN AISLE, AND I STARTED RUNNING DOWN THE AISLE
TO GET OUT OF THE CHURCH, AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT.
I THREW UP IN THE ENTIRE MAIN AISLE OF THE CHURCH AND RAN OUT
THE LOBBY AND CONTINUED TO THROW UP ALL THE OVER MY NEW
SWEATER AND IN THE BUSHES OF THE CHURCH.
AND I MEAN, ONE MINUTE BEFORE PEOPLE HAD TO WALK DOWN THE
MAIN AISLE TO RECEIVE COMMUNION.
>> DO YOU THINK IT WAS A SHELLFISH OR DO YOU THINK THAT
THE LORD COULDN’T STAND YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS BUILDING AND
WAS TRYING TO DRIVE YOU OUT? >> THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS
YOU! >> IT WAS THE WILDST THING, I
ATE SHELLZPISH MY SKIN STARTED TO SCOMBUBBLE BOIL AND MY HEAD
STARTED TO SPIN AND I WAS THROWING UP.
[L >> I’M WORRIED ABOUT THE FIRST
TIME MY KIDS GET STUNG BY A BEE.
>> THEY HAVEN’T YET? >> NO.
I KEEP TRYING TO SIC BEES ON THEM SO I CAN GET IT OUT OF THE
WAY. [LAUGHTER]
>> I WOULD LIVE IN SUCH FEAR. I WANT TO TAKE C. P. R. AND LEARN
HOW TO ‐‐ WHAT DO YOU CALL IT, HEIMLICH?
Q KNOWS ALL THAT STUFF? >> DID YOU KNOW I SAVED A
PARK‐GOER’S LIFE? WHEN WE SHOT IN FLORIDA AT THE
AMUSEMENT PARK DOWN THERE, THERE WAS A KID EATING WITH HIS
FAMILY, AND HE JUST STARTED FULL‐ON CHOKING, AND I GOT OVER
THERE, GAVE THE KID THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER, GOT HIM
BREATHING AGAIN, AIR CAME RUSHING IN, HIS MOTHER STARTED
CRYING, ALL THAT STUFF. AND THEN I JUST RAN BACK TO
SECURITY AND KEPT WALKING TO SET, AND THEN JUST SHOT.
>> WOW! >> THE HIKE LICK ALWAYS WORKS?
>> NO, I KILLED A MAN ONCE. [LAUGHTER]
>> I TRIED THE HEIMLICH AND I WAS DOING AS MUCH AS I COULD,
AND THE GUY WOULDN’T COOPERATE AND DIED IN MY ARMS.
>> WHEN I WAS IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL, MY MOM TOOK ME TO THE
PEDIATRICIAN, AND WE WERE IN THE WAITING ROOM.
THE WOMAN HAD A BOFLE HARD CANDIES, AND SHE HAD BUTTER
SCOTCH, AND SHE GAVE ME ONE. I PUT IT IN MY MOUTH, AND I
REMEMBER I JUST ‐‐ AND IT GOT SUCKED IN, AND I WAS LIKE ‐‐
AND MY MOM GOES, OH, MY GOD, HE’S CHOKING.
AND THE NURSES JUST FROZE. >> THE NURSES FROZE?
>> THE NURSES JUST FROZE. THEY JUST WERE LIKE ‐‐ AND A
WOMAN GOT UP THAT WAS SITTING THERE, AND THIS IS HOW SHE
SAVED MY LIFE. SHE OPTED TO NOT DO THE
HEIMLICH, SHE GRABBED, IN ONE FELL MOTION, SHE GRABBED MY TWO
EAGES LIKE THIS AND LIFTED ME IN THE AIR, FLIPPED ME
UPSIDE‐DOWN AND SHOOK ME LIKE A CARTOON BY MY ANKLES, JUST
SHOOK ME. >> TRYING TO CHANGE OUT OF A
PURSE? >> YES.
AND IT JUST FELL OUT OF ME. AND SHE PUT ME DOWN ON THE
FLOOR, AND SHE’S LIKE, WHO GIVES A CHILD HARD CANDY!
>> THE ONLY TIME I TRIED TO APPLY THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER,
WHEN I TRIED SAVE OUR TOUR MANAGER JEFF JOHNSON WHEN HE
PASSED OUT. A
>> I REMEMBER. I WAS SO SCARED.
>> OUR TOUR MANAGER, IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT, WE JUST FINISHED
A SHOW. WE GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL
TOGETHER, AND HE WAS GOING WRITE THE CHECK OUT, AND HE HAD
A COUGHING ‐‐ WHAT WE DIDN’T REALIZE IS JEFF HAS SOME TYPE
OF, LIKE, CHRONIC BRONCHITIS, WHERE HE CAN GET INTO A
COUGHING FIT, AND IT HAPPENS OFTEN APPARENTLY, AND HE FAILS
TO TELL US THIS, AND HE’S ABOUT TO SIGN A CHECK.
>> THE PEN WAS ON THE SIGNATURE LINE.
’ HE GOES TO SIGN, AND HE GOES LIKE THIS ‐‐ [GASPING]
IT WAS LIKE A CARTOON, AND HE JUST DROPPED DOWN.
SANDITS, HA, HA, HA, JEFF. HE HAD A COUPLE OF BIG COUGHS
FIRST. HE WAS LIKE ‐‐
[COUGHING AND GASPS] AND HE SLUMPED OVER, TURNED
PURPLE, ALL RIGHT, JEFF. AND THEN I STAYED LOUN, AND
JEFF? JOE JUMPS UP AND STARTS DOING
IT ‐‐ >> I SPRUNG INTO ACTION.
>> DOING HIS OWN VERSION. >> IN A PANIC, I COMBINED TWO
DIFFERENT MOVES. I GAINED, LET ME HELP HIM UP
AND LET ME GIVE HIM THE HEIMLICH, AND DID I A SEAT
STRAFMENT I WENT OVER THE SHOULDER, AND I STARTED JUST
THRUSTING HIM, PUNCHING HIM BASICALLY IN THE HEART,
BASICALLY WHAT I WAS DYING. >> AND HE’S HOLDING BY THE
NECK, UNDER THE ARM, AND HE’S JUST SHAKING HIM VIOLENTLY.
AND I GO, JOE, JOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
AND I DON’T THINK YOU’RE HELPING.
>> AND I SAID I’M SAVING HIM. THAT WAS MY ANSWER.
>> AND THEN HE GOES ‐‐ I GO, I GO, I’M GOING TO GO CALL 911.
IT WAS A ROTARY PHONE ON THE WALL.
I WAS GOING RUN TO THE PHONE AND DIAL 911.
WE WERE DOWNSTAIRS, AND I RAN ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE EMPTY
BALL ROOM I PUSHED THE DOOR OPEN, AND I JELLED INTO THE
PHONE, SOMEBODY DIAL 911. >> THE PHONE ONLY RANG TO THE
FRONT DESK T. DIDN’T RING TO 911.
>> MURRAY, YOU JUST GLOSSED OVER THE FACT THAT WHAT YOU
WERE DOING, MURR WAS HOLDING HIS SHOULDER AND GOING, JEFF,
JEFF? >> I STARTED GIVING HIM A DEEP
SHOULDER MASSAGE. [LAUGHTER]
>> Q WAS THE ONLY ONE TRAINED IN C. P. R. AND HE’S ASLEEP.
>> I’VE GONE TO BED, YEAH. >> HE WAKES UP AND CONTINUING
SIGNING AS NOTHING HAPPENED. >> HE GOES ‐‐
[LAUGHTER] >> HE SAID, JEFF.
HE SAID, YEAH? WE GO, UP TO THE SAY SOMETHING?
HE GOES, OH, MAN, DID I DO IT AGAIN?
>> THE ENTIRE TIME, IF HE, GOD FORBID, PASS AD WAY DO, WE KEEP
SIGNING HIS NAME ON THAT CHECK? >> YOU BETTER.
>> WE ALMOST GRABBED HIS LIMP HAND TO JUST GET THE LAST
LETTER. >> IT WAS POETIC YOU’RE NOT
THERE BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO DO
ANYTHING. >> YOU WOULD HAVE RUINED THE
WHOLE STOMPLETE >> OH, MY GOD, AS A MATTER OF
FACT, I WAS ON THE FLOOR. >> THE THREE OF US CAME OUT OF
THE ELEVATOR AND COLLAPSED ON THE GROUND LAUGHING.
>> THAT’S TRUE. >> WELL, THANKSGIVING IS A TIME
WHEN YOU WORK OUT GRIEVANCES. WE ALL COME TO THE TABLE AND
WORK OUT GRIEVANCES. >> WE GOT A GRIEVANCE.
>> I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED.
I’VE INVITED A GUEST TO TALK TO US ABOUT IT.
>> A MEDIATOR TO DEAL WITH THIS SURPRISE EVERY WEEK.
>> I’M EXCITED FOR THIS. >> THERE WE GO.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ED HARRIS.
>> OH, NO! OH, NO!
>> MY MIND IS BLOWN! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
>> OH, MY GOD. >> I DON’T EVEN KNOW, LIKE, I
‐‐ I ‐‐ I ‐‐ >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE’LL BE
BACK AFTER THIS BREAK WHEN THE GUYS CAN TALK AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER] >> OH, MY GOD.
>> I AM SPEECHLESS. >> YOU GUYS ARE HAVING DINNER
OR WHAT? >> THANK YOU FOR JOINING US,
MR. HARRIS. I APPRECIATE YOU COMING TO
THANKSGIVING DINNER. >> OH, MY GOD.
>> WHAT’S UP WITH THIS THANKSGIVING BUSINESS?
>> EVERY WEEK WE HAVE DINNER, ED, AND THIS WEEK WAS THE THEME
OF THANKSGIVING. I KNOW YOU HAD SEEN THE CLIP
WHEN WE HAD JEFF DANIELS ON AND HOW THAT WHOLE, HOW THAT WHOLE
CONVERSATION UNFOLDED. >> AND I WAS WALKING PALS THE
THEATER ONE NIGHT, AND I SAW ED HARRIS, AND I DIDN’T MEAN TO,
BUT I LOOKED AT ED HARRIS LIKE YOU SON OF A BITCH.
BECAUSE HE HAD TAKEN OVER YOUR ROLE.
TELL US WHAT WENT DOWN BETWEEN AND YOU ED HARRIS.
[LAUGHTER] IF YOU WANT TO SAY [BEEP] ED
HARRIS, JUST SAY IT. >> SO THE FIVE OF US HATE ED
HARRIS. [LAUGHTER]
>> YOU HEAR THAT, ED HARRIS? >> I PUT IT IN QUOTES.
[LAUGHTER] >> OH, MY GOD.
>> SO I JUST WANTED TO INVITE YOU TO DINNER AND EXTEND A
BRANCH SO YOU CAN SAY HELLO TO MY FRIENDS.
>> MR. HARRIS, LET ME BE THE FIRST TO SAY IT, I KNOW YOU ARE
ONE OF THE BEST ACTORS ON THE PLANET.
[LAUGHTER] >> NOW, DID I WRITE THIS A
COUPLE OF WEEKS SNAG I DID. I DID WRITE THAT.
BUT IF YOU SEE, IT’S JEFF DANIELS WHO SAID IT.
MR. HARRIS, CAN I SAY I’VE BEEN A LONG‐TIME FAN, AND I
APOLOGIZE FOR THAT NIGHT OUTSIDE THE THEATER.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER IT, HOPEFULLY YOU DON’T.
PROBABLY DON’T. WOW.
I AM FEELING THE HEAT RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHTER] >> Q.
>> I AM NOT GOOD. >> YOU’RE IN THE HOT SEAT,
BUDDY. YOU GAVE THE STINK EYE TO ED
HARRIS, AND HERE HE IS SO CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR BULL [BEEP].
>> ME? ALL OF YOU WERE SAYING [BEEP]
ED HARRIS, ALL OF YOU. >> I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER BACK
TO THAT NIGHT. >> PLEASE DON’T.
[LAUGHTER] >> YOU HAD THE BEARD BACK THEN,
DIDN’T HE? >> I HAD THE BEARD, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH. >> WERE YOU WEARING THAT SAME
HAT? NO.
>> I MIGHT ‐‐ ACTUAL, PROBABLY WAS, YEAH.
>> YOU’RE THAT [BEEP] GUY? JESUS.
[LAUGHTER] >> WE HAD GONE ‐‐ WE TOUR, AND
WE SHARE A TOUR BUS. AND ONE NIGHT WE WATCHED "THE
ROCK," WHICH YOU’RE IN, WHICH WAS GREAT.
AND PHENOMENAL. >> YOU REMEMBER THAT, ED?
YOU WERE IN "THE ROCK." SO WE’VE ALWAYS HAD AN
AFFINITYY FOR YOU. WHEN YOU CAME UP IN THE
CONVERSATION, IT WAS JUST REALLY, REALLY FUN.
>> YEAH, IT WAS FUN. >> CAN I ALSO SAY, AND THIS IS
JUST APROPOS OF NOTHING, BUT YOU ARE SO [BEEP] HANDSOME.
[LAUGHTER] YOU’RE JUST GOD BLESSED.
>> TELL MY WIFE, YEAH. I’LL LET HER KNOW.
>> ED, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OR SEEN "IMPRACTICAL JOKERS"
BEFORE? >> I’VE GOT TO BE HONEST
WUFMENT I WAS NOT AWARE OF YOU FOUR GUYS DOING THIS.
>> SO YOUR INTRODUCTION WAS US SAYING F ED HARRIS.
>> WELL, YEAH, I DID YOU NOT REALLY GET THAT FROM THE SHOW.
I DIDN’T FEEL INSULTED OR ANYTHING.
AS MUCH AS YOU WERE TRYING, IT JUST DIDN’T COME ACROSS THAT
WAY. [LAUGHTER]
>> I DIDN’T HAVE THE STONES TO PULL IT OFF, I GUESS.
>> ED, CAN YOU SPEAK A LITTLE BIT TOWARD WHAT THE BEEF
ACTUALLY IS BETWEEN AND YOU JEFF DANIELS?
>> YEAH. I WOULD IF I COULD, BUT THERE’S
NO BEEF AT ALL. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T GET
A CHANCE TO SEE JEFF DO THE SHOW EARLIER, AND THEN WHEN
THEY ASKED ME TO DO IT, I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE IT, BECAUSE
I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO BE INFLUENCED.
BUT HE WAS REALLY COOL, BECAUSE DURING REHEARSAL, HE LET ME USE
HIS DRESSING ROOM AND STUFF DURING THE DAY WHEN THEY HAD
NIGHT SHOWS AND WE WERE REHEARSING ON STAGE, THE LAST
COUPLE 10 DAYS. >> WHAT WAS THE EXPERIENCE LIKE
FOR YOU BEING ON BROADWAY? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, THE BIGGEST
TRIP WAS, YOU GUYS PROBABLY READ ABOUT IT, WE DID THE SHOW
FOR 18,000 KIDS IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
>> WHOA! >> WOW!
>> THAT BLEW MY MIND, BECAUSE THEY WERE INTO IT.
THEY WERE ATTENTIVE, DIGGING IT.
IT WAS REALLY COOL. IT WAS REALLY EXCITING.
>> I THINK I HEAR YOU’RE SAYING.
YOU’RE SAYING [BEEP] JEFF DANIELS.
>> I HEAR YOU’RE SAYING. YOU’RE SAYING [BEEP] JEFF
DANIELS. >> YEAH, WE’RE ALL SAYING
[BEEP] JEFF DANIELS, YEAH. >> RIGHT, I HEAR YOU, YOU’RE
RIGHT. >> JEFF DANIELS, IF YOU’RE
WATCHING, [BEEP] YOURSELF, BECAUSE ED HARRIS IS REALLY THE
MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND. >> JEFF, DON’T LISTEN TO THESE
GUYS. LOVE YOU, MAN.
>> YOU’RE SO KIND TO COME ON OUR LITTLE RINKY‐DINK SHOW.
>> PLEASURE, GUYS. >> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
>> HOPEFULLY I CAN COME BACK SOMEDAY.
>> YEAH, WE WOULD LOVE IT. YOU’RE FANTASTIC.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME, ED.
WE LOVE YOU, MAN. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, MR.
HARRIS. WOW.
JUST WOW. >> BYE‐BYE.
>> OH, MY GOD. HOW DID YOU DO THAT TO ME, JOE?
[LAUGHTER] >> MY MIND IS BLOWN.
>> I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. >> I TELL YOU, HOW MANY TIMES
IN MY LIFE HAVE I ACTUALLY BEEN STAR TRUCK?
PROBABLY LESS THAN I CAN COUNT ON ONE HAND.
THIS CAN’T BE GOOD TELEVISION, BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING TO SAY TO
THE MAN. I FAILED YOU.
I FAILED THE THREE OF YOU. I FAILED THE VIEWER.
I FAILED THE SHOW. BECAUSE I ADDED NOTHING TO
THAT. I ONLY MADE IT WORSE.
>> WELL, VERY STOIM YOUR WORK ON "JOKERS," SAL.
>> FINDING MYSELF IN THIS ED HARRIS, JEFF DANIELS THING IS
ACTUALLY THE SECOND TIME THAT I’VE HAD SOME SORT OF TROUBLE
WITH A HOLLYWOOD LEGEND, BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER THAT J. K.
SIMMONS WAS LOOKING FOR ME FOR YEARS, AND J. K. PLAYED J. JONAH
JAMESON IN THE "SPIDER‐MAN" MOVIE.
HIS FAMILY IS FANS OF "IMPRACTICAL JOKERS."
HIS WIFE BROUGHT THEIR OLDEST KID TO THE LIVE SCOMMOW SAT IN
THE FRONT ROW, AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL.
SHE’S QUITE STRIKING. AND I POINTED OUT HOW BEAUTIFUL
SHE WAS. AND THEN SHE GOES, OH, I’M HERE
MY SON, AND EVERYBODY LAUGHED BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE I WAS
HITTING ON HER IN FRONT OF HER SON.
AND THEN WE FOUND OUT THAT THAT WAS J. K.’S WIFE, AND THEN AT
THE "SPIDER‐MAN" PREMIERE, HE COMES UP TO ME AND GOES, YOU,
I’VE BEEN LOOKING TO TALK TO YOU FOR YEARS NOW.
AT THE PREMIERE, HE WALKED UP TO ME AND WENT, WHERE IS HE?
I SOLD YOU OUT SO FAST. HE WAS LIKE, HE’S RIGHT OVER
THERE, J. K. [LAUGHTER]
>> HE WAS INTIMIDATING. >> WHAT A GREAT DUDE HE IS,
TOO. HE’S GREAT.
>> A FEW YEARS AGO, WE WERE FLYING L. A. FOR SOMETHING.
AND SITTING NEXT TO ME WAS ZOE SALDANA.
IT&IT HAD BECOME MY BIRTHDAY OVERNIGHT ON THE FLIGHT.
AS HER AND I WERE WALKING OFF THE PLANE, I TURNED TO HER AND
SAID, MS. SALDANA, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY.
SHE SAID, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. AND SHE TOOK OFF.
[LAUGHTER] >> I THINK THAT WAS RON HOWARD,
REMEMBER? WE SAW RON HOWARD.
AND I GOT SO SURPRISED BY, IT I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND WENT, I
HEARD YOU’RE DIRECTING THE NEW "SOLO" MOVIE NOW.
HE GOT RIGHT IN THE CAR AND DROVE OFF.
>> THE FLIP SIDE IS NOW THAT WE’RE CELEBRITIES, I MEAN, Z
LEVEL. >> ONE OF THE LITERAL COOLEST
THINGS HAD A THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, I WAS OUT IN A MALL, AND
I WAS IN LINE TO PURCHASE SOME SHOES.
I WAS AT A SNEAKER STORE. AND THERE WAS A GUY DOING THE
LARRY BIT. >> OH, REALLY?
>> NOT KNOWING I WAS IN THE STORE.
>> OH, MY GOVEPLED >> JUST DOING IT TO MAKE HIS
FRIEND LAUGH. >> AND I WALKED UP, I HAD
GOTTEN MYSELF, AND I WALKED OUT, I TAPPED HIM ON THE
SHOULDER AND I SAID I LOOKED ALL OVER AND CAN’T FIND HIM,
AND I WALKED WAY. AND YOU WATCH THE KID’S MIND
GET BLOWN. IT WAS ONE OF THE COOLEST
THINGS EVER JUST TO SEE THAT. BECAUSE HE WAS JUST DOING
SOMETHING WE DID TO MAKE HIS FRIENDS LAUGH.
>> IT WAS REALLY, REALLY FUNNY. >> THAT’S FUNNY, BECAUSE I’LL
POP OUT OF A SCOMBUSH SAVE A KID’S LIFE AND YOU’LL POP OUT
OF AN AISLE AND SAY LARRY. >> LARRY, YEAH.
AND WE’RE BOTH HEROES. I GOT TO GO ON THE SET OF "LAW
& ORDER" A FEW YEARS AGO. A FRIEND OF MINE IS A WRITER ON
THE SHOW. >> WHY?
WHY DIDN’T BRING NOTICE THAT? WHEN WAS?
>> YOU WERE TOO BUSY POPPING OUT OF BUSHES TO SAVE PEOPLE’S
LIVES. >> I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER SEEN
A "LAW & ORDER" IN MY LIFE. >> HOW DO I GET ON "S. V. U.,"
THAT’S THE QUESTION. >> WE DON’T AUDITION WELL.
I AUDITIONED FOR THE SOAP OPERA "PASSIONS," AND I WATCHED SOME
OF IT. IT IS MORT FEWINGLY
EMBARRASSING. WE DON’T AUDITION WELL AT ALL.
>> WHAT IS THIS STPWHE YOU JUST TOLD YOUR STORY.
>> YOU GOT A MOUSE IN YOUR POCKET?
>> YEAH, I WANT TO BE THE GUY THAT, LIKE, GETS INTERVIEWED BY
THE COPS, BUT HAS NO TIME FOR THE COPS.
IT’S LIKE IF THE COPS SHOWED UP AT YOUR HOUSE, YOU’D PROBABLY
BE LIKE, HOW CAN I HELP? "S. V. U., I DON’T KNOW, SHE WAS
HERE LAST WEEK, ORDER UP, SHE WAS HERE LAST WEEK.
SHE CAME IN HERE, SHE HAD A SANDWICH, I DON’T KNOW.
SHE’S A NICE KID. I DON’T KNOW WHERE!
LOOK, I GOT TO GO! AND THEN THE SCENE ENDS.
EVERY INTERVIEW GOES LIKE THAT, IT’S SO FUNNY.
>> LATER THEY SAY THAT GUY AGAIN.
YOU AGAIN? IT’S THE BEST WITH S. V. U. GOES
TO STATIN ISLAND. IT’S ALMOST BORDERLINE
OFFENSIVE. LIKE, IT’S ALWAYS LIKE A WOMAN
WITH A SCRUNCHIE AND A PONY TAIL COMING OUT, LIKE AN
OVERSIZED SWEATSHIRT GOING, I DON’T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? OH!
>> IT DOES SEEM LIKE YOU’RE AUDITIONING QUIETLY RIGHT NOW,
Q, FOR THE SHOW. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I AIN’T GOT NO TIME FOR THIS. OH, WHAT ARE WE DOING?
>> ARE WE GOING TO COMMERCIAL OR WITH NOT?
WHAT ARE WE DOING OVER HERE? >> ALL RIGHT, BOYS, WELL, THERE
YOU GO. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
>> HAPPY THANKSGIVING. >> HAPPY THARKE FELLAS.
>> NOW THE TRYPTOPHAN IS KICKING IN.
THIS IS ACTUAL AN HOUR‐LONG EPISODE.
WE’RE GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT HALF‐HOUR TAKING A NAP.
>> THE DESSERT TRAY COMES OUT NOW.
>> I GOT PECAN PIE AND APPLE PIE, BECAUSE I LIVE A LIFE OF
ANDS, NOT ORS. >> WHO’S UP NEXT WEEK?
>> I’M UP NEXT, FELLAS. WHAT IS MY FAVORITE FOOD ON THE
PLANET? I LIKE ALL VARIETIES.
>> SOUP. >> SUSME
>> ANY KIND YOU WANT TO MAKE,
MAKE YOUR OWN DARN SOUP. >> DOES ANYBODY KNOW A GAZPACO?
>> SHE KNOWS HOW TO RATTLE SOME PANS AND GET SOME SOUP GOING
OVER THERE, I’M POSITIVE OF IT. I’M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT
CALABASH TASTE I GET NEXT WEEK. >> YOU’RE LEAVING IT OPEN,
RIGHT? SOUP, OPEN?
>> OPEN. SOUP OF YOUR CHOICE.
I DON’T DISCRIMINATE. IT’S ALL GOOD.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I’D LOVE TO DO?
SINCE WE HAVE THE THANKSGIVING KIND OF THING GOING, I’D LIKE
TO SAY SOMETHING I’M THANKFUL FOR.
I’M VERY THANKFUL TO MY NEW FRIEND, ED HARRIS.
[BEEP] JEFF DANIELS, AS WE KNOW.
>> WHO THE [BEEP] DOES JEFF DANIELS THINK HE IS?
>> I’M THANKFUL FOR MY NEW BEST FRIEND, ED, COMING ON THE SHOW.
THANK YOU. >> I’D LOVE TO CONTINUE THAT
CONVERSATION WHEN I’M NOT A STAMMERING IDIOT.
TRY TO BOND WITH YOU IN SOME WAY.
>> SAL, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU SHOT YOUR SHOT AND YOU LOST IT, PAL.
[LAUGHTER] >> COULD YOU IMAGINE BEING,
LIKE, EVEN A YOUNG ACTOR AND YOU GET A BREAK, AND SOMEHOW
YOU END UP BEING IN A SCENE WITH THIS MAN?
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM THIS. >> SAL COMES UP WITH GOOD
QUESTIONS NOW. [LAUGHTER]
>> NO, I JUST WONDER WHAT IT’S LIKE.
ACTING OPPOSITE HIM F. YOU’RE LIKE SOMEONE WHO’S COME UP AND
SEEN ‐‐ >> THAT’S NOT A GOOD QUESTION
FOR ED HARRIS. YOU’RE ASKING ED WHAT IT’S LIKE
FOR SOMEBODY ELSE TO ACT WITH HIM.
YOU STILL HAVE TERRIBLE QUESTIONS FOR ED HARRIS, AND
NOW WE’RE OUT OF TIME. >> ED, IF I HAD TO ASK ED
HARRIS ANYTHING AT ALL, IT WOULD BE, YOU KNOW ‐‐
[LAUGHTER] >> I’LL NEVER HAVE A