[ laughter ]
[ screams ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?!
Who's a good cat?
[ laughter ]
[ chuckles ]
[ laughter ]
Today we're in an office,
Peacefully working alongside some newly hired temps.
Peacefully, that is,
Until the office bully comes in to belittle us.
After being bullied, we'll tell our new coworker
That we have the plan for the perfect revenge.
Unfortunately, our vengeance is going to be super lame
'cause it's being given to us by the other guys.
The goal is to get the pl-- blah.
The goal is to get the...
The goal is to get your -- ah.
Just -- just -- just -- just read it. Just read it.
The goal is to get the temp worker to admit
That your plan for payback is perfect.
If they think it's lame, you lose.
Alliteration is getting me.
That's what it was, alliteration. [ chuckles ]
-Uh, this is edward. -Hi, edward.
Hi. How you doing?
What are we doing? What's happening?
-[ chuckles ] -oh, yeah.
Oh, she's all business, I love it.
This is just -- we're going to be moving on to something,
But for now, uh, straightforward.
How are your -- how are your typing skills?
I mean, I'm not -- I'm not a great typist,
But I think I can do what you need done here.
Okay, well, we'll see. Okay, so let's start with the first name.
She is all bus-- she's great.
Okay, first one I'm going to do is cortney arena.
And then... -E-mail?
Yes, it's "c" arena --
Okay, we're going to need to get this
Into a better rhythm.
Murr: [ laughs ]
Alright, well, send in the bully.
-Oh, here we go. -None other than dan cast.
Uh-oh, sal.
-[ chuckling ] look at dan. -What's up, buddy?
He looks like a shark.
Uh, and that number is going to be a 3-1-5.
-Uh-oh. -Soon as we get the donors --
They don't have to go off-site to another link
To make the donations.
[ q and murr laugh ]
She is honed in.
What's that? What? I can do it another way if you want.
Oh, I wasn't even listening. Sorry.
What is the, uh -- what's this shirt here?
Where'd you get that shirt, divorcedvirgins.Com?
-Okay. -[ laughs ]
[ q and murr laugh ]
Just meander out, dan.
Sal: Did you want me to do that, or...?
Murr: Shush him on the way out.
Shh.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Yeah, you divorced virgin. [ laughs ]
He's a supervisor.
He's an asshole.
Whatever, I don't know.
He gets me so frustrated.
I've been dealing with that for so long.
I feel like I should say something
'cause you really shouldn't treat people like that
In the workplace, you know?
So what's our third name?
Let's -- -oh, yeah.
[ both laugh ]
She wants nothing to do with you.
What's the third name? What are they doing?
Let me tell you this, 'cause I've been, like,
Thinking about this for a while.
It's been stewing a little bit.
"a personal friend..."
A personal friend of mine --
I think we should work. [ q and murr laugh ]
Sorry, but let's get the list done.
Is she billing you, too? [ both laugh ]
Well, this is what I want to do. A friend of mine...
Q: "...Is on the board of admissions
Of ohio truck maintenance college."
...Uh, is on the board of admissions
Of ohio truck maintenance college.
You know? -Yeah, so? And?
[ q and murr laugh ]
"I've written a letter
Expressedly not recommending dan's daughter."
And I've written a letter expressly
Not recommending dan's daughter.
"should she apply to this ohio truck maintenance college,
She's going to have a blemish on her record."
Should she apply to this ohio truck maintenance college --
What's our -- what's our -- what's our next last name?
Well, you didn't let me finish.
[ both laugh ]
She's going to have a blemish on her record, so --
This sounds awful. I'd rather work.
That sounds terrible. [ q and murr laugh ]
-Alright, uh... -'cause we're on briggs.
...You do not think that's a good idea?
You know -- -who comes after shane delanta?
[ both laugh ]
I think it's a horrible idea.
Q: That's thumbs down, bro. [ buzzer ]
[ q and murr laugh ]
Alright. Have a seat, bud.
Murr: Ah, here you go, buddy.
I'm going to tell you the truth, man.
I already finished the work. -You did?
Yeah, I got a little bored, so I was just --
So I just started doing it. You know what I mean?
And, like -- -okay.
So now all we got to do is look busy when they come in...
Got you. ...And we're -- we're doing fine.
[ laughs ] the polar opposite of my lady.
Dude, talk about it. How's your weekend, man?
[ both chuckle ] dude, it was pretty good.
Enough of this chitchat, q.
Let's send in the cast brothers.
It's literally from here to here.
[bleep] -that's -- oh, uh, hey, guys.
-Hey. -Hey, what's going on?
Yeah.
Yeah. Alright. Oh. [ snaps fingers ]
No, no.
Sal: Mike cast -- he's standing there like he's the muscle.
Murr: Uh-oh. Oh, no.
Yeah, okay.
[ laughing ] yeah.
Oh, my god. So emasculating.
What is the, uh...?
He was laughing, but now he's not.
Look, look. Now he's picked up on q's energy.
35-6. Yep.
36 street. Okay.
Alright, cool. Yeah, I should be able to make it.
Alright, cool.
This yours? -Well, it's -- it's in --
It's in -- it's in -- it's in order.
[ q laughs ]
Damn.
Pyew!
-"cast brothers." -what is this?
Cast brothers.
[ sal and murr laugh ]
-Um... -That's crazy, though, man.
I know. The cast brothers. It's just immature.
They're just immature dickheads. -Yeah. Man --
Let me ask you something. Alright, let me ask you.
Let me get your opinion on something. Talk to me.
'cause, like, I do think about getting them back,
The dickheads, you know? -Yeah, I believe that.
You know, so I kind of -- I kind of hatched a plan.
Let me run it by you and see what you think.
"so we go to the same church."
We go to the same church. St. Clare's, right?
Murr: "and their wives always make a big point
To wear white, to be pure for the lord."
And their wives... -Mm.
...Always make a big point to wear white, to be pure.
Murr: "well, methinks a satan I shall play..."
Well, methinks a satan I shall play...
"...Because I'm working toward
Becoming a eucharistic minister..."
...Because I'm working towards
Becoming a eucharistic minister...
Murr: "...So I can spill the lord's blood
All over her puritanical white ruffles and frills."
So I could spill the lord's blood
All over her pure white ruffles and frills.
-Oh, that's beautiful. -You like that one?
Yeah. -That one's good.
Look at the energy in there compared to me and alice.
And you just hit it with the, "oh, no."
Yeah, "oh, methinks a satan I play."
[ laughter ]
I got you, bro. I got you.
Dude, are you peeping this?
[ both laugh ] yes.
Let's go smoke some weed!
Let's go!
We're going to smoke some weed!
[ ding! ]
Buddy, have a seat. Have a seat. Come on in.
Alright, murr, you ready, baby?
Your bully's coming in. Your bully dan...Finnerty.
Our boy danny from the dan band.
You may know him from movies
Like "old school" and "the hangover."
Hi, dan. How are you, buddy?
Hey, what's up? Is this a new guy?
Could you hand me those blue scissors right there?
-Blue scissors? -Oh, yeah. Oh, they're gray.
Oh, sorry. I'm colorblind.
I was going to cut your hair,
But somebody got me first. -Oh, yeah?
Alright, um, yeah, there's a message from your mom.
Cortney -- c-o-r-t-- her freaking underwear back, dude.
She wants her underwear back.
Come on, man. Wedgie. Wedgie boy.
Finnerty: Yeah, there's a message from your mom.
She wants her underwear back.
Come on, man. [ q and sal laugh ]
Wedgie. Wedgie, boy.
-Kidding me? Are you kidding me? -Come on.
[ q and sal laugh ]
Stand up! I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding, man. -[ laughing ] oh, my god.
I'll see you next Tuesday, jimbo.
[ q and sal laugh ]
-Dude. Damn. Holy [bleep] -oh, my god. Balls are wrecked.
Cortney.
[ q and sal laugh ]
I'm sorry, I hate to --
I know we got to get this done,
But he just gave me a full wedgie, man.
That's crazy.
I have to stand up for myself. -Yes, you do.
So hear me out.
"a little birdie told me he's planning on getting a tv
For his three-season room."
A little birdie told me that he's planning on
Buying a tv for his three-season room.
"my devious trick is two-pronged."
My devious trick is two-pronged.
-"firstly..." -firstly...
"...I'll be sure to have him overhear me whispering
About qled screens
And how they have deeper blacks than oled."
I'll be sure to have him overhear me whispering
About qled screens,
And how they have deeper blacks than oled screens, right?
-Okay. -Now, that's a straight-up lie.
They have worse blacks.
"when the mouse takes my cheese..."
When the mouse takes my cheese...
"...And buys a qled..."
...And buys a qled tv...
"...I'll lay on the coup de grace
And gift him with a standard hdmi cable."
I will lay on the coup de grace
And gift him with a standard hdmi cable,
As opposed to a high-speed hdmi, right?
[ q and sal laugh ]
Perhaps I'll be able to get a restful night's sleep
Knowing that his tv-viewing experience is, at best, subpar.
[ laughter ]
It's the perfect payback, isn't it?
Forgive me, james,
'cause I know you really want to give it to him
'cause the man's got it coming,
But, um, no, I don't, man.
[ q and sal laugh ]
No, no, you -- you don't understand.
The tv -- you don't get -- what's wrong?
Um, I tell you, if it was me, I would let the man know,
"don't ever put your hands on me again,
Or I will [bleep] up your shit."
Okay.
I mean, we got to send dan back in, right? I know. I should go back in.
Don't think about it as revenge, man.
Don't get back at him. Make him stop.
Make him stop!
Oh, man. This is amazing.
[bleep] you. -[ chuckling ] yeah.
I'm not going back down there.
And make him understand
You will not suffer this shit again.
"do not put your hands on me."
Yeah, it's much better than my idea.
I get that approach. I get that'll work.
So, but -- just to clarify, though,
None of the things that I --
None of the things I said --
You -- would -- would -- don't do that.
[ q and sal laugh ]
Get in there, dan.
Murr, let him get out the full apology
And then you just go nuts on him.
-That's where we were. -Hey, dan.
Uh, I feel really bad. I shouldn't have done this,
Especially in front of the new guy, and, uh --
That wasn't cool, man.
No, it wasn't. -Well, I'm sorry.
I'm going through a lot of stuff with my mom.
Do not ever put your [bleep] hands on me again.
-What the...? -Okay?
[ both laugh ]
Hey, don't touch me with your [bleep] hands, okay? I told you I'm sorry.
-I'm going through a lot. -Qled sucks, bro.
I'll [bleep] kill you. -What are you talking --
I will [bleep] kill you.
I'll [bleep] kill you. -James.
-Qled sucks. -James, need you to --
Qled sucks, and you're going to buy it. I said I was sorry.
I'm sorry, though. I will [bleep] your wife, then [bleep] your wife.
[ both laugh ]
How was that? Not bad, right? Not bad?
Did I do it okay? -No.
[ buzzer ] [ q and sal laugh ]
Narrator: Murr and sal were looking for payback,
But found themselves on the loser board.
Today we're at murr's choo-choo house
That he bought to scam the irs,
And we're all working different jobs.
I'm the painter.
I'm the homeowner.
And I'm the demo guy, busting through walls.
As you work alongside a subcontractor,
We'll have to do and say what the other guys tell us.
And to add to the fun, at any moment,
We could swap into the scene to take over the interaction.
Whoever refuses the most loses.
Or if he gets audited, that's bad, too.
-[ laughs ] -it's a nonprofit.
Murr: Alright, buddy, gets to work.
Q: Alright, here we go.
-Eddie. -Steve.
Alright, so we hired this guy.
He thinks he's just coming in to help do construction work
On a regular house in jersey. -Yeah.
You want to do me a favor, steve?
Can you just throw the drop cloths,
Cover any tile you see? -Yeah, yep.
Write something inappropriate on the wall.
[ chuckles ] -yeah.
Oh. [ chuckling ]
Did you meet the owner yet, by the way?
No.
He's kind of a weird guy.
It sounds -- it sounds like the owner should come in and --
-Stop it. -And before you cover up
All those naughty words, he should see them.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Come on. I'm heading in. [ ding, ding ]
Since you're the snobby homeowner
And he's your painter,
You don't think he speaks english.
-Hi, guys. -Oh, sí. Hello.
-Hola. -Hola. How are you?
Buenos tardes.
-I'm james. How are you? -Steve.
Steve. Pleasure to meet you, buddy.
What is, um...
No inglés.
Q: You think the mark did it, murray,
Because he speaks english.
[ laughing ]
Q: Uh-oh. The owner's here.
No inglés.
You think the mark did it, murray,
Because he speaks english.
Uh, forgive me.
What was your name again, bud? -Steve.
Did you -- you wrote that?
Uh, edward speaks no english.
[ q laughs ]
It's bueno? It's -- no?
Can we -- no bueno.
Sí. This is a roller.
-Yeah, yes. I understand. -This is --
I used -- I used roller.
Bad word. Cover.
All white. Yes, edward.
Q: Hey, mur, ask him if he's into choo-choos.
Uh, do you, uh -- you know,
Are you into choo-choos?
You are? -Yeah.
-For real? -Yeah.
Q: Murr, you can't say "choo-choo" enough, buddy.
So those are good choo-choos.
You're really into choo-choos? -Yeah.
-Lionel makes great choo-choos. -Yeah.
Uh, so, yeah, uh, downstairs -- I'll take you guys later.
Well, not him, you know, but I'll take you later
If you want to see the choo-choos. Yeah, okay.
Unbelievable. You got to see the choo-choos, right?
I didn't know you -- that you were so into --
Choo-choo?
-Sí. Choo-- -trains.
-Trains, yeah, choo-choos. -Yeah.
"in this house, they're choo-choos."
Then walk away.
In this house, they're called choo-choos.
Steve: Okay. [ q laughs ]
Murray, tell them, like, "you haven't seen my wife, have you?"
You haven't seen my wife come through, have you?
Has she been in yet?
Okay.
"alright, well, if you see her,
Would you tell her to wait in the tub for me?"
Do me a favor, steve.
If you see my wife, tell her to wait in the tub for me.
[ chuckles ] hey, johnna,
You want to go in and look for your husband?
Oh. [ speaking spanish ]
Hi. Where's my husband?
He went out the front door? Okay.
He wanted you to wait for him in the tub, he said?
Q: "you speak english?"
You speak english?
-I'm learning. -Okay.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Johnna, ask steve if he's sleeping over tonight.
And...
...Are you sleeping over tonight?
-Sí. Oh. -No, miss.
[ both laugh ]
"so could you sleep over tonight?"
S-s-so...
Could you sleep over tonight?
Sí.
No, miss. [ q and murr laugh ]
"'cause I like trains, too."
[ q and murr laugh ]
Going to go play with the choo-choos.
[ both laugh ]
Did you meet the demo guy yet?
[ q and murr laugh ]
Hey, it's your house I'm about to go to town on.
Alright, sal, I'm on my way.
[ ding, ding ]
Demo guy in the hou-ou-ou-se!
Demo guy in the hizzy house!
Where's my boy eddie at? Hey, bud.
When you start demoing, swing that hammer
Like you've never used one in your entire life.
Yeah, buddy.
Oh, you want to bust down a wall with me?
Yeah, I do restoration. I know how to do the wall.
Yeah, man, check this out,
Because when I swing this hammer, brother,
I swing -- I swing like thor.
-Okay. -I swing hard.
Unh.
Um... [ sal and murr laugh ]
Unh. Uh...
[ murr laughs ]
Sal: There it is. There it is.
-Unh. -Start smashing [bleep]
-My family, uh... -Unh.
[ sal and murr laugh ]
I'm sending you in. [ ding, ding ]
-You're sending me in? -He's breaking the wrong wall.
Ah! Ah!
[ laughing ] you look insane.
[ grunts ]
Now, q, take one swipe as hard as you can.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is the wrong wall.
-[ laughs ] -what are you doing?
What wall was I supposed to?
Sal: "the choo-choo wall."
You were supposed to do the back wall over here,
Do the choo-choo wall,
The one connected to the choo-choo trains.
-[ chuckles ] -I'm sorry, man.
Hey, steve, you want to give me a hand, buddy?
I'm sorry, man.
And, uh, do you think
You're going to want to sleep over tonight?
[ q and sal laugh ]
Oh, uh, and do you think that --
Do you think that you're going to want to
Sleep over tonight or...?
No, no. I live close. No.
So you're not going to be sleeping over?
-No. -Okay.
[ q and sal laugh ]
See that box behind you that says "paint supplies"?
A bell's in there.
That's the bell that you use to summon people,
And you've been missing it all day.
Oh, I found my bell.
Ring it like crazy, and then, sal, enter.
[ bell ringing ] qué?
Will you please get back to work?
Sí. Sí.
Open the door and ring the bell for dan cast
And then go out and leave sal alone with the guy.
[ bell ringing ] daniel, I found my bell.
[ chuckles ] [ q chuckles ]
"you know, he asked me to sleep over last week."
You know, he asked me to sleep over last week.
He asked you to sleep over? -Yeah.
Q: "it was the creepiest night of my life."
It was the -- it was -- [ chuckles ]
[ q laughs ]
That's it, buddy. [ laughs ]
[ buzzer ] dude, that's a flop.
Narrator: Sal couldn't construct a win, making him tonight's big loser.
-Yes. -Alright.
Alright, well, sal is our loser tonight,
And we're outside of cappy's warehouse wine & spirits
For his punishment. -Yeah.
Buddy, you know that thing when some douche
Parks his car right next to yours,
Boxes you in in the parking lot?
-Yeah, you did it before? -Yeah, I did.
Well, you're going to be doing that tonight
Over and over and over.
-Wow. -That's right.
And to help with your whole aura, buddy... Right here.
...Cloud 9 production service has lent us
This very humble, modest car for you.
Wow. That's -- yeah, that's totally me.
That's -- that's stock and unmodified.
That's good.
Be talking to yourself, bro. Self-affirmation.
You're hot, bro.
You're hot and you're rich, bro.
You're a 10, and your girl's a 9.5, bro.
Yeah. What up?
[ q and murr laugh ]
Boom, boom, boom.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Yeah.
When you walk in, people know you in the building.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Here I go.
Dude, this is straight up "tokyo drift."
Murr: Alright, you got to find someone to box in.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the guy. -Oh, boy.
Guy with the blue shirt.
Yeah, I mean, you got to box this guy in, buddy.
I don't feel comfortable with this at all.
[ car beeping ] ooh. [ chuckles ]
You hear the proximity alarm going off in the car? Yeah.
Alright, the trap's set.
Boys.
Oh, you noticed the chocolates? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What happened is, uh, casey has a fundraiser
At his kid's school, and they're selling chocolate.
So we figured it'd be helpful for you
To try and sell chocolates
To everybody that you interact with. [ laughs ]
Oh, did we not mention that in the intro?
Oops. -No.
Your punishment ends when you sell all the chocolate bars.
Am I -- am I -- am I, "bro," or am I, "bro"?
No, I think -- I'd like to see both, like, to be honest with you.
Get out, start buffing your hood a little bit.
Is there -- is there a cloth in that cooler?
Oh, here we go. -Here we go. Here we go.
Oh, boy.
He can hear you. Get in character. Get in character.
No. No, lady gaga,
You are the most interesting person I've ever dated.
[ both laugh ]
Okay, text me later.
Oh.
[ chuckling ] here he goes. Here we go.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Murr: Oh, boy.
Sal: Okay, text me later.
Oh.
[ chuckles ] yeah. Right.
Welcome to car of dreams, yeah?
[ q chuckles ]
Can you move it up so I can get in?
Oh.
You kind of blocked me in there.
Oh. You in -- you in ru-- rush?
Yeah, I got to go back to work.
Oh, oh.
[ both laugh ] blame it on him, sal. "you pulled it tight, bud."
"you blocked me in, bro." let's not pretend it's all my fault.
You could have parked better yourself.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. -Um, actually, no.
I'm right on the line. You're over the line.
Oh, actually, you're right about that one.
[ both laugh ]
Hey, hey, bro, whoa. Take it easy, bro.
"dodge car to dodge car. We're bros." [ chuckles ]
Dodge -- dodge car to dodge car.
We're bros.
[ laughs ]
Sell him chocolate. Chocolate. Sell chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate.
Hey, bro.
Here he goes. Here we go.
I'll let you go. I move out of the way. Thank you.
But I'm selling chocolates for my -- my daughter's school.
Okay, but it's to support the troops and the school and the --
And to get the jerseys and the guns.
[ q and murr laugh ] $2 a chocolate.
Alright then, bro.
Alright, sal, you can move the car.
Alright. Be well.
[ q and murr laugh ]
-Ooh, sal, that is a tight fit. -Wow.
-Oh, boy. -So, sal, we, uh --
We planted sushi in the car, okay?
This is a lot of sush'. Okay.
-Oh, here we go. -Here we go. Here we go.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, I just got the sushi. That's all.
You got sushi?
Yeah, but I need you to move your car a little bit.
Oh, this is you here?
Oh, you pulled in tight, bro.
[ q and murr laugh ]
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They did the lines wrong.
[ q and murr laugh ]
No, they didn't do it wrong.
You didn't -- you didn't pull in properly.
Me? Oh, I do most stuff proper.
[ both laugh ]
Let me -- I'm going to crush this sush'. [ chuckles ]
Sal, you got to sell him chocolate.
Murr: Yeah, the chocolate, buddy. The chocolate.
"I'll move the car, but first..."
Before you go.
My daughter, she drains hoops. -Yes.
She's also in the military. [ laughs ]
[ q and murr laugh ]
I'm selling chocolate bars for her school.
She plays basketball for st. Clare's of the --
Of the assisies.
[ both laugh ]
$2 -- $2 a bar.
Okay, a dollar? A dollar? A dollar?
No no, no. Don't worry. Let me go, please.
[ groans ]
Oh, my god, we're going to be here all day.
I just want to make sure you're clear.
Like, this doesn't end
Till the chocolate bars are gone, so -- yeah.
And you can't buy them, but you can eat them.
Dude, you want me to eat 336 grams of protein.
[ laughs ] murr: It's just the protein that worries you?
Alright, you got that juice box, sal?
-Yeah. -You're just going to finish it.
You're going to burp, and then you're going to try
And kick it across the parking lot
Before you address him.
He's walking out. He's walking out.
[ belches ]
[ q and murr laugh ]
Oh.
Hold on one second.
No, I was -- I thought that was a pail.
I missed it.
It's organic, though. It's biodegradable.
"oh, man. I always wanted to meet
The mayor of long island."
I always wanted to meet the mayor of long island.
How you doing? You want me to move it?
Alright. Listen, before you go --
Before you go -- hold on one second.
I'll call you back.
"buy a chocolate before you go."
My daughter is selling chocolates for her school.
I'm picking the garbage up
Buy one, and I pick it up.
You don't want to buy it? I don't want to pick up.
This is how we do it here.
[ both laugh ]
I-I was lining it up according to your car.
You're not in your spot, but it doesn't matter.
Here, we -- it's a stalemate on that.
I got these salted peanut butter flavored bar chocolates.
150 calories. 28 grams of protein.
They're for the troops and my daughter's uniforms.
-No chocolate, buddy, -buddy
You couldn't sell a single chocolate.
Sal: Damn it. Goddamn it.
Sal, it's up to you. We told you what --
How to end this punishment.
You better start eating. There he goes.
Ah, play him some music.
[ up-tempo music playing ]
♪ yeah ♪
Are you going -- are you leaving? [ laughs ]
He's not allowed to do that. [ laughs ]
-[ laughs ] -alright.
Sal: [ speaks indistinctly ]
[ laughs ]