1
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:10,042
[ laughter ]
2
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,277
[ screaming ]
3
00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:15,079
Let's just get this started.
4
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,548
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
5
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:17,882
Who's a good cat?
6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,019
[ laughter ]
7
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,925
[ laughter ]
8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,296
Today, we are working
as managers at roll-n-roaster.
9
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,231
The goal is to throw
somebody out of the restaurant.
10
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,099
The catch is you don't know
who it is
11
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,568
And you don't know
why you're tossing 'em.
12
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,037
If the customers stop you
from throwing this person out,
13
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,139
You lose.
14
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,443
Alright, murr,
scan that room and see
15
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,245
If you can pick up
on what's going to go down.
16
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:49,648
Yeah. I'm looking.
I don't see anyone yet.
17
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,450
Uh-oh.
Q: Oh!
18
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:55,053
Is that a young woman
breastfeeding her newborn child?
19
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,923
Oh, no. No.
That just don't fly
around these parts.
20
00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,592
Shut it down.
21
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,060
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,129
Ma'am, you cannot be
breastfeeding your child
in here.
23
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,730
You have to --
you have to step out.
24
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,800
I'm sorry.
Q and sal: [ laugh ]
25
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:09,201
You cannot be doing that here.
26
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,803
Oh, yeah, baby.
What's that?
27
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,207
No, I know, but you cannot
breastfeed your child in the --
28
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,375
It's a restaurant.
29
00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:19,277
It's natural. Wow.
30
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,680
The people of brooklyn
are standing up for her.
Whoa!
31
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,016
"this isn't onlyfans, ma'am."
[ laughs ]
32
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,417
This is not onlyfans.
33
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,086
We do not want to see
your breasts in a restaurant.
34
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,022
Okay? So I am sorry.
35
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,756
Q and sal: [ laughing ]
36
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,291
Yeah.
Here comes this guy.
37
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,094
You have to leave right now.
38
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,096
I am absolutely going to throw
you out.
39
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,932
Yeah. I mean,
you guys agree with me, right?
40
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,169
What? How am I wrong here?
I don't get it.
41
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,206
You guys came for beef,
not bosom.
42
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,642
You see this, right?
43
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,644
There is no outside food
or drink.
44
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,047
Your baby's both eating
and drinking.
45
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:58,217
So, I'm just defending
the -- the restaurant policy.
46
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,753
I mean, you guys agree with me
on this, am I right?
47
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:06,991
I feel like they do.
48
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:08,126
No one? Sir.
49
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,262
Man: No one does.
50
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,531
[ laughter ]
51
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,266
Alright, fine.
52
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,768
Everyone line up
to see free bosom.
53
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,137
I guess.
54
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,405
[ laughter ]
55
00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,543
She's --
he'd give you a beating.
56
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,811
Whoa!
Do you think
your husband can take me?
57
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,047
Um...
Doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
58
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,884
Fine.
I guess I'm the jerk here.
59
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:33,418
"I'm a good man."
60
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:36,221
I'm a good man.
I'm a good man.
61
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,392
I'm a good man.
62
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,696
I'm a good man.
63
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,398
[ laughter ]
64
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,102
Aren't I?
[ ding! ]
65
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:53,772
Ready?
Q: Alright, buddy.
66
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,507
Who are you gonna throw out
on the streets of brooklyn now?
67
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,442
I'm looking around
right now to see.
68
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,511
Excuse me, everyone. Hi.
69
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,980
I just want to announce
that our church group
70
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,916
Just got $10,000
in donations.
71
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,452
[ cheers and applause ]
72
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,854
Whoo!
Praise jesus.
73
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,923
Our makeup artist, lilibeth,
74
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,124
Is the leader
of the church group.
75
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,925
One of the most beloved
crew members today
76
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,127
Here to torture sal.
77
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:18,797
And I would love for us
to sing for y'all
78
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,064
And rejoice of this.
79
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:20,933
Come on, now, come on.
80
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:22,400
Q: Alright, sal,
81
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,603
Throw out the singing
church group.
82
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:29,073
[ laughs ]
no singing allowed in the old
roll-n-roaster, baby.
83
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,310
[ clapping, singing ]
84
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,014
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
85
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,484
♪ oh, this little light
of mine ♪
86
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:42,354
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
good luck.
87
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,955
♪ this little light of mine ♪
no!
88
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,557
Oh, this little light, baby.
89
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,359
No!
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
90
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,628
No! No, no!
♪ let it shine ♪
91
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,164
Stop! No, no!
No, no, no, no.
92
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,166
Guys, please, I can't --
I'm the manager.
93
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:58,903
You can't sing like this.
It's a disruption, guys.
94
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,806
Guys,
we need to shut it down.
95
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:04,108
Enough, guys, please.
I can't have this in here.
96
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,111
I'm so sorry.
God bless you all. God bless.
97
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,513
[ laughter ]
98
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,649
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave. I'm sorry.
99
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,050
You gotta get out, guys.
100
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,252
Excuse me.
Nobody wants to hear this.
101
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,320
Nobody wants to hear this.
102
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,655
"get out!"
103
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,124
Get out of here!
104
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,528
Shine outside. Shine it outside.
105
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,797
[ singing continues ]
106
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,265
Sing your song walking, lady.
107
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,867
I'm sorry.
108
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,004
Woman: Jesus!
109
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,706
I'm so sorry.
110
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,878
Sorry. Sorry about that.
Praise be. Order 469.
111
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,880
Q and murr: [ laugh ]
112
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,681
No one stopped him.
113
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:44,949
Oh, wow.
Wow.
114
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,418
Let's just keep rollin'
and roastin', people.
115
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,019
Let's keep rollin' and roastin'.
116
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:49,855
[ ding! ]
117
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,824
Q: Alright, look around.
118
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,293
[ laughs ] I see johnna.
119
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,695
Is that mia? Is that mia?
120
00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:01,566
Sal: Mia cast.
Dan cast's daughter.
That's dan cast's daughter.
121
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,367
Where's dan?
122
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,702
What is this? Oh.
123
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,837
Wait, there's dan cast.
124
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,772
Is he returning home
from the military?
125
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,107
Oh, my god.
126
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,443
Oh, my god.
Is he surprising
his daughter?
127
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:16,714
It's a military reunion
with mom, daughter, and dad.
128
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,216
[ screams excitedly ]
129
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,120
Dan: Good to see you.
How are you?
130
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,989
[ applause ]
131
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,859
Wow.
Yeah!
132
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,261
Alright. Okay.
133
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,328
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
134
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,730
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
135
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,331
No videoing in here. No video.
136
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,999
Sorry. No videoing.
I'm going to need you to --
137
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,868
If you want to shoot, you're
gonna have to delete that video.
138
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,338
If you want to shoot stuff
like this, you -- you can't --
139
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:44,208
Oh! Oh!
Yeah!
140
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:45,944
Yeah, I go -- I come home
from work every night.
141
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,946
I don't take a video doing it,
like...
142
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,416
Yeah.
143
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,618
You're not allowed
to shoot videos in here.
144
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,957
Oh! This guy's like,
"I'm taking a video, too."
145
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,025
Let's go, daddy.
Let's go, poppa.
146
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,994
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
147
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,898
I'm on the front lines
of roll-n-roaster.
148
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,967
[ laughter ]
149
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,836
Are you -- go home. Go home.
150
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,171
I am home.
151
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,774
[ laughing ]
152
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,842
Get outta here!
No, no, you gotta
get outta here.
153
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,243
Get outta here!
No! You get out of here!
154
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,779
Back to the deserts.
Back to the deserts with him.
155
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,248
What are you,
some kind of asshole?
156
00:06:28,132 --> 00:06:30,399
Q: Get outta here!
Man: No, no, you gotta
get outta here.
157
00:06:30,401 --> 00:06:31,467
Get outta here!
You get outta here!
158
00:06:31,469 --> 00:06:32,601
Back to the deserts with him.
159
00:06:32,604 --> 00:06:33,669
What are you,
some kind of asshole?
160
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:34,937
If there wasn't a lot
of people here,
161
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:36,339
You'd be on the [bleep] floor
right now.
162
00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:37,740
Murr and sal: Oh!
163
00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:39,742
I think we all learned
something today is my point.
164
00:06:39,944 --> 00:06:42,878
About how brotherhood -- man --
165
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,148
[ laughs ]
166
00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:46,950
"round of applause,
if you agree."
167
00:06:47,152 --> 00:06:49,185
Round of applause,
if you agree with me.
168
00:06:52,624 --> 00:06:55,625
Oh, man. That was --
that was...
169
00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:56,892
Q's leaving.
170
00:06:57,094 --> 00:06:58,694
Oh, god.
171
00:06:58,696 --> 00:07:00,063
[ ding! ]
172
00:07:01,232 --> 00:07:02,431
Narrator: The customer
is always right.
173
00:07:02,633 --> 00:07:04,033
And murr is always wrong.
174
00:07:04,235 --> 00:07:06,635
So he's first up
on the loser board.
175
00:07:06,638 --> 00:07:08,237
Today, we're
at olly olly market,
176
00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:10,773
And we're having a little
disagreement with our spouse.
177
00:07:10,975 --> 00:07:12,642
The goal is to enlist
the help of a stranger
178
00:07:12,844 --> 00:07:14,710
To butt in and say,
"excuse me,
179
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,311
I couldn't help but overhear,"
180
00:07:16,314 --> 00:07:17,647
And then completely
take our side.
181
00:07:17,849 --> 00:07:19,114
Your side of the argument
182
00:07:19,116 --> 00:07:20,449
Will be given to you
by the other guys.
183
00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:22,251
If you can't get
the stranger to say
184
00:07:22,253 --> 00:07:24,520
Exactly what you told them,
you lose.
185
00:07:24,722 --> 00:07:25,588
[ blows raspberry ]
186
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,059
Q: Alright.
187
00:07:30,261 --> 00:07:32,461
Sal: Johnna will be playing
murray's wife today.
188
00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:34,263
It's a safety issue?
Yes.
189
00:07:34,265 --> 00:07:35,531
I don't even know
what that means.
190
00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:37,533
I just want to be safe.
It's a fair thing.
191
00:07:37,535 --> 00:07:40,069
Okay. It is completely safe.
I'm telling you.
You know?
192
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:41,937
Geez.
You riding my balls here.
193
00:07:42,139 --> 00:07:44,407
[ laughs ] okay. He's listening.
194
00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:46,275
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
195
00:07:46,277 --> 00:07:47,877
Okay.
196
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:50,213
The guy at the end
is also engaged.
197
00:07:50,215 --> 00:07:52,348
You got everybody engaged.
198
00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:55,150
Pick your choice, murray.
199
00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:56,151
You hear this?
200
00:07:56,353 --> 00:07:57,553
Here's what we're debating,
okay?
201
00:07:57,755 --> 00:07:59,288
"so every time
we go on the boat..."
202
00:07:59,290 --> 00:08:01,090
Every time
we go on the boat...
203
00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:03,358
"...She covers up with
this ridiculous life jacket."
204
00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:05,761
...She covers up with
this ridiculous life jacket.
205
00:08:05,763 --> 00:08:07,496
"instead of just being herself,
you know what I mean?
206
00:08:07,498 --> 00:08:08,964
Letting herself be."
207
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,366
Instead of just being herself.
You know what I mean?
208
00:08:11,369 --> 00:08:14,303
Like, just letting herself be
on the boat.
209
00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:15,638
Maybe you could help me out.
210
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,306
When she comes back,
could you say, uh,
211
00:08:17,308 --> 00:08:18,774
"excuse me,
I couldn't help but overhear."
212
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:20,375
"you saw on the news..."
213
00:08:20,378 --> 00:08:22,111
You saw on the news...
214
00:08:22,313 --> 00:08:24,713
"...That someone in a life
jacket fell in the water..."
215
00:08:24,716 --> 00:08:27,450
...That someone wearing
a life jacket fell in the
water...
216
00:08:27,652 --> 00:08:29,518
"...And the force
of the water..."
217
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,587
...And the force
of the water...
218
00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:32,988
"...Pushed the jacket up."
219
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,590
...Pushed the jacket up.
220
00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,459
"it popped her head off."
popped her head off.
221
00:08:36,661 --> 00:08:38,193
Gone. Decapitated.
222
00:08:38,395 --> 00:08:39,995
Q and sal: [ laughing ]
223
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:41,597
Make it deadly serious.
224
00:08:41,599 --> 00:08:43,466
I need your help.
225
00:08:43,468 --> 00:08:45,401
[ laughter ]
226
00:08:46,938 --> 00:08:48,871
Oh, geez. Well,
you know what to say, bud.
227
00:08:49,073 --> 00:08:50,740
I need you.
228
00:08:50,942 --> 00:08:53,008
Hi, love. Love...
229
00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:55,678
Sal: He's leaving.
He's just getting up.
230
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,813
Life jackets are not safe
to wear on a boat.
231
00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,415
Right, sir?
232
00:08:59,617 --> 00:09:01,216
No, no, no, no.
Byron! Byron!
233
00:09:01,418 --> 00:09:02,885
Byron. I was serious.
234
00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:05,621
Q: Dude, byron is leaving
a dust trail behind him
235
00:09:05,623 --> 00:09:08,157
On the way out the door.
[ laughs ]
236
00:09:08,359 --> 00:09:09,959
Alright, we'll give you
a second chance.
237
00:09:09,961 --> 00:09:12,427
Gonna give you a chance
with the other guy.
With the other guy.
238
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:13,963
I left my phone
in the bathroom.
239
00:09:13,965 --> 00:09:16,031
I'll be right back.
240
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,900
Did you hear this debate
I'm having with my wife?
241
00:09:17,902 --> 00:09:19,234
[ laughter ]
242
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:22,104
Do me a solid, 'cause byron
left me hanging out to dry.
243
00:09:22,107 --> 00:09:24,106
I need you to say that
you saw something on the news
244
00:09:24,109 --> 00:09:26,709
That somebody wearing
a life jacket fell off a boat,
245
00:09:26,711 --> 00:09:29,044
And the force of the water
hit them so hard
246
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,846
That the life jacket made
their head pop off.
247
00:09:30,848 --> 00:09:32,382
You got it? Hi, love.
248
00:09:33,384 --> 00:09:35,050
Enough of the debate.
249
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:37,853
I'm telling you, you don't need
a life jacket on our boat.
I do.
250
00:09:37,855 --> 00:09:39,588
It's the seatbelt
of the boat.
251
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,758
Q: "you don't even need
a life jacket on the boat."
252
00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:44,927
I don't know if you saw
that thing on the news.
253
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:46,529
What was on the news?
254
00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,199
You just said it when
my wife was in the bathroom.
255
00:09:50,401 --> 00:09:52,868
No, um...
It was the woman's head.
256
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:55,738
No, listen...
The head.
257
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:57,573
Don't byron me.
258
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,546
He was telling me
that he saw in the news
259
00:10:03,548 --> 00:10:06,415
A woman's head popped off
from wearing a life jacket.
260
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:08,017
That's fact.
Wow. Yeah.
261
00:10:08,219 --> 00:10:09,786
You're so full of shit.
262
00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:12,989
We had a whole thing.
263
00:10:14,225 --> 00:10:15,290
Let me tell you, man,
264
00:10:15,292 --> 00:10:16,492
If you were ever
in the same situation,
265
00:10:16,694 --> 00:10:18,494
I'll be your byron.
266
00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:20,629
[ laughter ]
267
00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:21,964
[ ding! ]
268
00:10:23,568 --> 00:10:24,767
Alright, babe.
Murr: Alright.
269
00:10:24,969 --> 00:10:26,902
Look, I don't want to,
like, belabor this too much.
270
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,904
I feel like it's, like,
just too mature.
271
00:10:28,906 --> 00:10:30,373
Do you know what I mean?
272
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:32,441
Q: In what way
is it too mature?
Sal: Oh, she's in.
273
00:10:32,443 --> 00:10:33,909
People gotta grow up sometime.
And --
274
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:35,378
Yeah, but, like, why t--
why today,
275
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:37,780
And why immediately with
such an intense subject matter?
276
00:10:37,982 --> 00:10:39,448
Oh, I wonder what
this could be about.
277
00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:41,316
Yeah.
I'm gonna run
to the bathroom.
278
00:10:41,518 --> 00:10:44,587
I'm telling you, q,
we're not taking it easy
on you on this one.
279
00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,255
Oh, boy.
280
00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:48,191
Let me get your opinion on this.
Like, if you don't mind.
281
00:10:48,393 --> 00:10:50,325
"I'm trying to teach the kid
about history."
282
00:10:50,527 --> 00:10:52,661
I'm trying to teach the kid
about history.
283
00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:54,863
"and I want to show him
some subject matter
284
00:10:54,866 --> 00:10:57,132
That she doesn't think
is appropriate just yet."
285
00:10:57,334 --> 00:10:59,869
And I want to show him
some subject matter
286
00:11:00,071 --> 00:11:03,272
That she doesn't think
is appropriate just yet.
287
00:11:03,474 --> 00:11:05,875
And, you know, if you
could do me a solid, actually,
288
00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:08,811
When she sits back down,
if you could be like,
289
00:11:08,813 --> 00:11:10,479
"oh, I'm sorry,
I couldn't help but overhear."
290
00:11:10,681 --> 00:11:11,747
"but I'm a teacher."
291
00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:12,948
But I'm a teacher.
292
00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:14,016
"and it is common..."
293
00:11:14,018 --> 00:11:15,550
And it is common...
294
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:17,753
"...To show the hanging
of hussein to a fifth grader."
295
00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:20,556
...To sh-- to --
296
00:11:20,758 --> 00:11:23,092
It is common to show
the hanging of hussein
297
00:11:23,094 --> 00:11:24,160
To a fifth grader.
298
00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:27,763
Do you remember who
saddam hussein was?
299
00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:30,233
He was the dictator
in the middle east.
300
00:11:30,435 --> 00:11:32,301
You're a teacher.
You should know this.
301
00:11:32,303 --> 00:11:33,636
No, no, no, no.
302
00:11:33,838 --> 00:11:37,172
Anyway, I feel like, hey, man,
fifth grade is a good time
303
00:11:37,374 --> 00:11:40,375
To teach the lesson
of if you do bad things,
304
00:11:40,377 --> 00:11:42,111
There are consequences.
305
00:11:42,113 --> 00:11:44,113
I thought you just wanted
to teach about history.
306
00:11:44,115 --> 00:11:46,515
Not that if you do something,
you can get hung.
307
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:50,453
So I need you, as a teacher,
to jump in and be like,
308
00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:52,521
Totally common
for a fifth grader
309
00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:54,723
To see saddam hussein
get hung.
310
00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:57,260
That would be great.
That'd be great.
311
00:11:57,462 --> 00:11:58,327
Oh. [ shushing ]
312
00:11:58,529 --> 00:11:59,795
Hey, babe.
Hey.
Hey.
313
00:11:59,797 --> 00:12:01,864
Babe. How you doing,
sweetheart?
314
00:12:02,066 --> 00:12:04,199
We, uh...
What were you just saying?
315
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,269
[ laughter ]
316
00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:08,937
Babe, it's just like,
he's never gonna learn.
317
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:11,674
What were you saying before?
She was saying something before.
318
00:12:11,676 --> 00:12:13,075
No, no,
I was not saying anything.
319
00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:14,743
You were a teacher and...
No.
320
00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:16,812
You're were teacher,
and it was totally common
321
00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:19,682
That you showed people getting
hung in your class constantly.
322
00:12:19,684 --> 00:12:21,750
[ laughter ]
323
00:12:21,952 --> 00:12:22,951
Nothing.
324
00:12:22,954 --> 00:12:24,753
She said that.
That's a teacher.
325
00:12:24,755 --> 00:12:26,022
[ ding! ]
326
00:12:27,358 --> 00:12:28,691
Sal, you're up,
and joining you
327
00:12:28,893 --> 00:12:30,759
Is our dear friend,
comedian adam ray.
328
00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:32,628
So, adam, when you sit, you're
going to be a little peeved
329
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,363
At sal, your husband, okay?
330
00:12:34,565 --> 00:12:36,165
I just don't know
why you would say that.
331
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:37,900
Q: Uh-oh.
Adam: It feels like a word
332
00:12:37,902 --> 00:12:40,435
That not everybody even knows
how to use.
333
00:12:40,637 --> 00:12:42,638
He's in.
Sal: That was a heat
of the moment thing, okay?
334
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,507
It really bothered me, baby.
Like...
335
00:12:44,509 --> 00:12:47,109
No, I know, but what
do you want me to say?
I don't know what to say.
336
00:12:47,111 --> 00:12:48,911
I want you to say
not that word to me ever again.
337
00:12:49,113 --> 00:12:50,979
Q: Uh-oh. Alright.
Get up. Go to the bathroom.
338
00:12:50,982 --> 00:12:52,447
I have to go to the bathroom.
339
00:12:52,449 --> 00:12:54,049
I heard they have a bidet here.
340
00:12:54,051 --> 00:12:55,250
I want to try it out.
"I don't even have to go."
341
00:12:55,452 --> 00:12:57,052
I just want to try it.
342
00:12:57,054 --> 00:12:58,721
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Q: This guy heard.
343
00:12:58,723 --> 00:13:01,190
Trust me, he heard everything.
344
00:13:01,392 --> 00:13:03,058
I don't know
if you heard that.
345
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:05,528
I try not to.
A little embarrassed,
but he's a little upset
346
00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:08,797
Because I, uh...
"he's mad I called him
a bastard, but I didn't."
347
00:13:08,799 --> 00:13:11,133
He's upset with me because
he said I called him a bastard.
348
00:13:11,135 --> 00:13:13,402
"I said, you're acting
like a bastard."
349
00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:15,604
I said he's acting
like a bastard.
350
00:13:15,606 --> 00:13:17,406
I hear that.
Yeah, yeah.
351
00:13:17,408 --> 00:13:18,874
When he comes back,
can you do me a favor?
352
00:13:19,076 --> 00:13:20,743
Maybe you could just say,
"I heard you guys.
353
00:13:20,745 --> 00:13:22,745
And I'd just like to say
there is a difference
354
00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:24,613
Between calling someone
a bastard
355
00:13:24,815 --> 00:13:26,549
Or saying someone is acting
like a bastard."
356
00:13:26,751 --> 00:13:28,417
You know,
I can't relate to that.
357
00:13:28,419 --> 00:13:30,285
But...
Two seconds.
358
00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:32,021
He's very sweet.
I mean, it's not like he's a...
359
00:13:32,223 --> 00:13:33,889
Yeah, also,
you're an architect.
360
00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:35,958
Maybe you --
maybe you could, uh...
361
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,293
His dad's an architect.
He respects architects.
362
00:13:38,495 --> 00:13:40,763
His father's an architect.
He really respects architects.
363
00:13:40,965 --> 00:13:42,965
Maybe you could just be like...
364
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,967
You're an architect as well.
365
00:13:45,169 --> 00:13:47,236
Nah, I can't go that far.
366
00:13:47,438 --> 00:13:50,072
Uh-oh.
Sal: I'll -- I'll -- I'll --
I'll -- hey.
367
00:13:52,109 --> 00:13:53,442
I'll ask -- yeah.
368
00:13:58,247 --> 00:14:00,315
Sal: He's upset with me because
he said I called him a bastard.
369
00:14:00,517 --> 00:14:01,983
I'll -- I'll -- I'll --
I'll -- hey.
370
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,719
I'll ask -- yeah.
371
00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,054
[ laughter ]
372
00:14:06,256 --> 00:14:08,256
I am s-- I just want to move
past it for tonight.
373
00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:10,992
Adam: You said I'm a bastard.
But I didn't say that, right?
374
00:14:10,994 --> 00:14:12,727
I said that you were acting
like that.
375
00:14:12,729 --> 00:14:15,464
Anybody -- anybody
would probably understand
376
00:14:15,666 --> 00:14:16,865
What I'm trying to say.
377
00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:21,402
That...It's a little less bad
than we feel.
378
00:14:21,404 --> 00:14:22,937
"any architect will say that."
379
00:14:23,139 --> 00:14:25,140
Anybody will say that --
an astronaut, architect,
380
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,141
Anybody would say it.
381
00:14:27,144 --> 00:14:28,877
He's laughing,
he shook his head.
382
00:14:29,079 --> 00:14:31,212
Oh, adam, you left something
in the bathroom, buddy.
383
00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:32,747
I left my phone
in the bathroom.
384
00:14:32,949 --> 00:14:34,516
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Alright, alright.
385
00:14:45,696 --> 00:14:47,428
Okay. Please.
Thank you so much. Okay.
386
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:50,398
Go, adam, go.
Introduce this guy
as an architect, sal.
387
00:14:51,902 --> 00:14:53,434
Hey.
Can I just say something?
Can't find my phone.
388
00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:57,038
What?
My friend, uh,
well, a new friend of mine.
389
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,707
This guy's an architect, and...
390
00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:00,641
Q and murr: [ laughing ]
391
00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:02,844
My dad's an architect.
Q: Adam, you love architects.
392
00:15:03,046 --> 00:15:04,445
I'm -- I love architects.
393
00:15:04,647 --> 00:15:06,180
Architects are awesome.
394
00:15:06,183 --> 00:15:08,116
What is -- what is your
favorite architecture book?
395
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:09,918
Frank lloyd wright,
he told me.
396
00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:13,722
I don't wanna get
too involved in this.
397
00:15:13,724 --> 00:15:17,592
Yeah.
If he's saying you're acting
like a bastard,
398
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:19,660
He's not calling you a bastard.
399
00:15:19,862 --> 00:15:20,862
That's it.
That's all I wanna say.
400
00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:22,463
Thank you so much.
That's all.
401
00:15:22,465 --> 00:15:23,998
Because this is
an innocent bystander architect.
402
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,266
No. I'm not an architect.
Yeah.
403
00:15:25,268 --> 00:15:26,534
No, I'm not.
404
00:15:26,537 --> 00:15:28,203
[ laughter ]
405
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:31,206
Well, I, sir,
do not trust you, then.
406
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,141
I have no time
for fake architects.
407
00:15:33,343 --> 00:15:34,743
Good day in bidet.
408
00:15:34,945 --> 00:15:37,078
Don't be so loud.
409
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,280
Q: Good day in bidet.
[ ding! ]
410
00:15:39,282 --> 00:15:41,416
Narrator: Murr and q
couldn't get any back up,
411
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:44,685
Making murr tonight's big loser.
412
00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:47,355
Okay.
Okay, so james s. Murray lost.
413
00:15:47,357 --> 00:15:49,890
And for his punishment, we're
here at the mysterious bookshop
414
00:15:49,893 --> 00:15:51,559
For a book reading by our buddy
415
00:15:51,562 --> 00:15:54,095
And multi-platinum bestselling
author, brad meltzer.
416
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,831
All you have to do is sit
amongst brad's biggest fans
417
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:58,900
During the event,
and that's it.
418
00:15:59,102 --> 00:16:01,102
Oh, we did make a snack
for you to eat.
419
00:16:01,104 --> 00:16:03,104
So that's all you gotta do,
you just sit down,
420
00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:05,440
You just open that bag up,
and you finish your supper.
421
00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:08,309
That's it.
Let's get cracking.
Mm-hmm.
422
00:16:08,511 --> 00:16:10,111
Suspicious.
423
00:16:10,313 --> 00:16:12,913
Let's give a nice warm
welcome to mr. Brad meltzer.
424
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:15,584
[ applause ]
425
00:16:15,786 --> 00:16:17,252
So first of all,
426
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,654
This is a really intimate event
we're doing.
427
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:22,991
So we are here
at brad meltzer's book event.
428
00:16:22,993 --> 00:16:25,860
Look around the room.
These are well-read people.
429
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:27,596
I don't think they have
any time
430
00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:30,398
For murray
finishing his supper tonight.
431
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,533
Well, let's get that odor
in the air.
432
00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:35,503
Why don't you open it, buddy,
and see what you'll be eating?
433
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,241
The zipper is loud.
434
00:16:42,545 --> 00:16:45,213
Yes, it is three loose lobsters
with drawn butter
435
00:16:45,415 --> 00:16:47,281
And the cracking utensils
you need.
436
00:16:47,284 --> 00:16:49,951
[ laughter ]
437
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:53,822
This is gonna be a feast
fit for a king.
438
00:16:53,824 --> 00:16:57,091
Does it just smell like cooked
crustacean in that room now?
439
00:16:57,293 --> 00:16:58,493
Also, murray,
just to let you know,
440
00:16:58,695 --> 00:17:00,629
I had them shut off the ac.
441
00:17:00,831 --> 00:17:03,031
[ laughter ]
442
00:17:03,033 --> 00:17:05,500
So it's a little warm in there
as well.
443
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,101
When I was 22 years old...
444
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:08,637
You should get to eating,
bro.
445
00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:10,372
I don't have to tell you.
446
00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:14,308
Oh, my god.
447
00:17:14,311 --> 00:17:16,044
Do you want to know
who the next hero is?
448
00:17:16,246 --> 00:17:18,513
Yes. Yes.
449
00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:24,953
That's 6 pounds of lobster.
450
00:17:29,059 --> 00:17:30,859
Oh. Oh, there she goes.
She just noticed.
451
00:17:30,861 --> 00:17:34,395
[ lobster shell cracking ]
she's like,
"is that a [bleep] lobster?"
452
00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:35,830
[ laughter ]
453
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,967
[ slurping ]
454
00:17:48,278 --> 00:17:49,678
So are you ready for some fun?
455
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,246
Murr: Yes.
456
00:17:52,683 --> 00:17:54,349
Get that tail meat, bro.
457
00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,021
[ shell cracking ]
458
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:03,424
Oh!
Ew, did you hear that?
459
00:18:03,426 --> 00:18:06,461
Yeah. All those lobster juices.
Oh!
460
00:18:08,098 --> 00:18:10,498
Brad, just do two quick sniffs
to the air
461
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,901
Like you smell something,
but don't mention it.
462
00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:14,302
[ sniffs ]
463
00:18:14,504 --> 00:18:17,505
Sal: [ laughing ]
this is great.
464
00:18:17,707 --> 00:18:20,608
And I know everybody's excited
to hear more about the viper.
465
00:18:22,312 --> 00:18:24,612
Alright. You got some lobster
juices on those books.
466
00:18:26,249 --> 00:18:27,716
Q and sal: She's wiping it off.
467
00:18:27,918 --> 00:18:30,318
She's wiping off
your drawn butter off the book.
468
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,921
It's like when you're
in college, right?
469
00:18:33,123 --> 00:18:35,323
Q and sal: [ laughing ]
470
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:39,661
Q: [ stammering ]
471
00:18:43,199 --> 00:18:45,166
[ laughing hysterically ]
472
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:49,804
Q: She just got hit
with lobster shrapnel.
473
00:18:49,806 --> 00:18:51,573
Sal: She's like,
this can't be happening.
474
00:18:53,075 --> 00:18:54,675
Get that claw meat.
Get that claw meat.
475
00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:58,479
Man: He sat there,
and I remember
there was this kid, morty...
476
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:01,482
Oh! Oh!
477
00:19:01,484 --> 00:19:03,284
[ laughter ]
478
00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:07,689
Murr, just give me a small,
very small, mm.
479
00:19:10,961 --> 00:19:13,761
Brad: No, yeah, so definitely
throw your children's toys away.
480
00:19:13,764 --> 00:19:15,230
Mm.
481
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,300
[ whispers ] what's that?
482
00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:31,913
Sal and q: [ laugh ]
483
00:19:35,918 --> 00:19:37,251
So president clinton...
484
00:19:37,253 --> 00:19:38,853
Q: Murray, hit it
with some citrus.
485
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:41,022
...And read my book,
"the first conspiracy"...
486
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,893
[ lobster shell cracking ]
487
00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:48,396
The crowd is whispering
about you.
488
00:19:48,398 --> 00:19:50,131
Sal: It's a game of telephone.
489
00:19:52,268 --> 00:19:54,135
[ slurps ] mm.
490
00:19:58,474 --> 00:20:01,209
You got some, uh, some
street corn in there as well.
491
00:20:07,884 --> 00:20:11,186
You got some, uh, some
street corn in there as well.
492
00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:15,056
Let's have at that
a little bit.
493
00:20:18,762 --> 00:20:20,294
[ laughs ] look --
look at this lady.
494
00:20:20,296 --> 00:20:22,263
She's like,
"he is not going for the cob."
495
00:20:23,366 --> 00:20:24,432
[ corn crunching ]
496
00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:26,768
Ew, you hear his stupid
lips smacking
497
00:20:26,970 --> 00:20:29,103
Like they always do?
[ lips smacking ]
498
00:20:29,305 --> 00:20:31,172
It's so gross.
499
00:20:31,174 --> 00:20:32,506
How do you think
they should begin that journey?
500
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,908
What is step one?
[ choking ]
501
00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,444
Sal: It's so loud.
502
00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:40,181
Q: Look at all that corn.
503
00:20:40,183 --> 00:20:42,150
You have corn all over
your chin.
504
00:20:44,854 --> 00:20:46,854
[ lip smacking ]
you don't do it on Tuesday,
and then Wednesday you're like,
505
00:20:46,856 --> 00:20:48,122
"I'm going to write three
on Wednesday."
506
00:20:48,124 --> 00:20:50,324
Q: Murr, gonna tell her
to be quiet.
507
00:20:50,526 --> 00:20:52,727
Sal: Oh!
Q: [ laughing hysterically ]
508
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,134
After you just ate a 2-pound
lobster and a cob of corn,
509
00:21:00,136 --> 00:21:01,869
You're telling him shush.
510
00:21:02,071 --> 00:21:04,005
Pass them corn.
There's an extra corn.
511
00:21:04,207 --> 00:21:05,940
This is an emotional night
for me.
512
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,880
Q: This is the worst thing that
has ever happened to this woman
513
00:21:13,082 --> 00:21:14,415
In her entire life.
514
00:21:20,756 --> 00:21:22,323
He's walking in the room.
515
00:21:23,893 --> 00:21:26,160
You could ask the almighty,
to be exact.
516
00:21:26,162 --> 00:21:28,429
This is --
oh, my god, dude.
517
00:21:28,431 --> 00:21:30,764
People are reassigning
their own seats.
518
00:21:30,766 --> 00:21:32,767
She just needs to get
some fresh air.
519
00:21:37,173 --> 00:21:40,441
You're like a raccoon rooting
through my garbage at night.
520
00:21:40,643 --> 00:21:42,910
God. There's another lobster.
521
00:21:43,112 --> 00:21:45,914
Sal and q:
[ laughing hysterically ]
522
00:21:49,653 --> 00:21:51,819
Look at the lobster
on his chinos.
523
00:21:55,124 --> 00:21:57,325
Murr, murr, murr,
slowly turn the lobster
524
00:21:57,527 --> 00:21:59,093
To look at the lady in blue.
525
00:22:02,131 --> 00:22:04,632
This lady I can't believe it.
526
00:22:06,936 --> 00:22:09,103
Q: Murr, gnaw
at that lobster tail.
527
00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:12,373
[ shell crunching ]
528
00:22:14,744 --> 00:22:17,278
Murr, just look at her go,
"I found this bag."
529
00:22:18,548 --> 00:22:21,049
[ whispers ] there were
four lobsters in here.
I found this bag.
530
00:22:24,019 --> 00:22:25,286
Q: Another sniff or two, brad.
531
00:22:25,488 --> 00:22:26,454
[ sniffs ]
532
00:22:28,157 --> 00:22:29,423
[ sniffs ]
533
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:30,958
Man: This is a question
we got from...
534
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,093
Yes. Don't give up.
535
00:22:32,295 --> 00:22:33,428
[ shell cracking ]
536
00:22:35,699 --> 00:22:37,965
Everyone's getting hit
with the juice.
537
00:22:38,167 --> 00:22:40,068
She's -- she's leaving.
538
00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:43,037
[ slurping loudly ]
539
00:22:47,643 --> 00:22:51,312
It has gotta smell
so god awful.
540
00:22:51,514 --> 00:22:52,647
Murr: Yeah.
541
00:22:53,917 --> 00:22:55,483
Another lobster?
542
00:23:04,193 --> 00:23:05,927
Lean to the lady
to your right and go,
543
00:23:05,929 --> 00:23:07,829
"I'm definitely getting
the seafood shits."
544
00:23:10,133 --> 00:23:12,166
I'm definitely getting
the seafood shits.
545
00:23:16,272 --> 00:23:18,205
Q: Brad, notice some cracking.
I'm sorry.
546
00:23:18,207 --> 00:23:20,808
Do I hear something here?
547
00:23:20,810 --> 00:23:22,610
She -- here we go.
548
00:23:22,812 --> 00:23:24,478
Is something going on
back there?
549
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,346
Don't worry about it, brad.
550
00:23:25,548 --> 00:23:26,948
Is that crackling back there?
551
00:23:28,151 --> 00:23:29,751
Do I actually have
a lobster there?
552
00:23:31,687 --> 00:23:33,087
Is it time
to get rid of this guy?
553
00:23:33,289 --> 00:23:34,688
Yes.
Yes?
554
00:23:34,890 --> 00:23:35,756
What are you talking about?
555
00:23:35,759 --> 00:23:37,291
We've dealt with you enough.
556
00:23:37,293 --> 00:23:39,693
Like, the chapter is done, baby.
It's time to go.
557
00:23:39,695 --> 00:23:41,295
Um, you know, skinny,
drunk, and stupid
558
00:23:41,497 --> 00:23:42,896
Is no way to go through life.
559
00:23:42,898 --> 00:23:45,299
[ laughter ]
560
00:23:45,501 --> 00:23:47,101
Should we get him out of here
now, everyone?
561
00:23:47,303 --> 00:23:49,604
Yeah.
All: [ clapping ]
562
00:23:52,776 --> 00:23:54,708
This guy's bouncing you.
563
00:23:54,710 --> 00:23:55,977
Sir, please leave!
564
00:23:56,179 --> 00:23:57,779
Okay, okay!
565
00:23:57,981 --> 00:24:00,381
[ applause ]
yeah!