Hello, friends, and welcome
to a very special episode of "Impractical Jokers."
Alright. We've done this before.
The crew thinks they're showing up to a normal day at work,
but, really, it's gonna be anything but normal for them.
That's right. We're choosing the crew members
to play our favorite focus-group and waiting-room games.
Today, they're the Impractical Jokers.
We're just four assholes collecting a paycheck.
♪♪
[ Radio chatter ]
We're shooting in a focus-group room today.
The crew thinks that we're just setting up normally,
but this is actually our Crew Special,
and the crew's gonna be in the bit!
Ha!
Alright. Here we go. Here we go. Let's settle in. BTS.
Here we go.
Okay. Today, we're at New York Consumer Center,
and we're about to film a focus-group challenge.
Jokers: Well...
It's time for another Crew Special!
[ Laughter ]
Sal: We have done this in the past.
We have given the crew the opportunity
to take the whole day and play our favorite games.
We loved it. We wanted to do it again.
So, surprise! Today, you guys are
going to be contributing to the focus group, and not us.
-Nope! -We're sitting back.
You guys are gonna go today.
-That's right. -Surprise, [bleep]!
Q: And the best part of it will be for you guys.
Whoever, I guess, we deem to be the winner of all this
is gonna get a week paid off of work, yeah.
Murr: A week paid vacation!
So you guys got to play with some heart,
do what you're gonna do. Place your bets, people.
We're about to play some very fun games.
Alright. So let's get started.
This one is Text Interpreter, which we know.
This is when you're sitting in a quiet waiting room
and you get an odd text that's sent from us
and you need to get help from the person
sitting in the waiting room to write a response.
Sal, who do you think should play?
I'd like to see...
Nicole Salamak play this game.
-Yeah! -Yeah, baby!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
-Nicky is up! -Turn beet red...now.
[ Laughter ]
Joe: So Nicole's going. She's our production manager.
Good luck reading this stuff out loud.
[ Laughter ]
Nicole just made the sign of the cross,
like that's going to help her.
[ Laughter ]
Like, if there is a God and he's watching right now,
he's gonna allocate resources to Nicole's turn.
[ Laughter ]
Here we go.
This is your first time doing this?
Yeah. Me too.
Yeah. We'll see.
For Nicole, it's gonna be.
Send! [ Phone whistles ]
-Oh. -Oh, a text.
Murr: Oh, a new text. What does it say?
[ Sighs ] Oh, man. "Hey, roomie, please stop
powdering your underwear in my bathroom.
It's leaving a trail around the house."
[ Laughter ]
It's hot outside.
If I have a little powder, like, prevent chafing,
what am I gonna do?
"Granted, I do apply liberally."
Granted, I apply liberally, but...
How do I respond to this?
"Sorry. Better try next time"?
-Yeah. -Nicole moves in closer.
Nicole. Nice to meet you. What's your name? Kaemel?
Oh, that's a nice name.
-Ready? -Go ahead.
Send.
[ Phone whistles ] Murr: Uh-oh, uh-oh!
Oh, geez.
"This is the fourth time we've spoken about this.
It looks like your cocaine is all over the floor,
which is another convo we need to have."
[ Laughter ]
"Can I confide in you?"
Can I confide in you with something?
"I actually powder my underwear with the cocaine."
I actually powder my underwear with the cocaine.
Sal: "Then I sell the powder."
And then I sell the powder.
[ Laughter ]
Q: Ready? Don't say anything right now.
Let's just be all completely silent.
Joe: Look at his face!
Murr: He won't turn left.
[ Laughter ]
Look at him!
[ Laughter ]
He's focusing on molding in the corner.
[ Phone whistles ]
"Mets won."
[ Laughter ]
She is a killer. She's doing better than we thought she would.
-Oh, yeah. -We have to break her.
We have to break her.
[ Phone whistles ] Murr: Read it out loud.
"Fart."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Yeah!
-Look at... -Look at his face!
-She lost it.
Joe: And look at her!
[ Laughter ]
Oh!
Nicole, you have gotten through every text...
-Wow. -Good job.
...like a pro. What a professional.
-Good luck. -Well done.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Nicole! -Yeah!
I'm sweating. That is so hard.
[ Ding! ]
Murr: Oh, good turn.
Alright. We're about to play a game called Weakest Link,
one of our favorites. Here's how it works.
Two of our crew members are going to be in a focus group,
and they're reading off answers that we've written for them.
Competing this round is Terry versus Lillybeth.
-Yeah! -Yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Joe: And let's put James McCarthy up as a moderator.
Sal, freshen her up.
[ Laughter ]
We're doing research for a client,
and our client is interested in travel and leisure.
Lillybeth, what are some travel tips and tricks you've learned?
-[ Sighs ] -Look at Lillybeth.
You can keister a full plastic water bottle
without, you know, dumping it out at the TSA.
[ Laughter ] What's "keister"?
Well, I'm a woman, so, you know, we have different orifices
that you can --
Okay, moving on. We're gonna go to Gemma now.
[ Laughter ]
-Wow! -Geez!
Describe your best airline experience. Mitchell.
It was an Irish flight, and they gave you,
like, shepherd's pie and, like, a blanket.
And how about you, Terry?
There was a very well-endowed woman
next to me during a flight.
But there was turbulence, so let's just say
the in-flight entertainment was riveting!
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Oh, my -- He went for a dab?!
-Oh, nice! -Ah, he fist-bumped her!
Oh, my God!
James: Okay, Tiffany, do you have a comfort outfit?
Think leggings, T-shirts, and Nikes.
Lillybeth?
Well, I usually like to go commando --
you know, let all the goodies out.
[ Laughter ]
Terry?
I like to sleep in a hospital gown my mother passed in.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Mitchell, how would you deal with lost luggage
on an international trip? Well, I'd just be mad.
I would go talk to someone as soon as I got there.
Alright. Uh, Lillybeth?
I would calmly deal with the airline the best that I could.
But afterward, you know, I'd make them suck my butt.
[ Laughter ]
Gemma, you can kick us off.
What is a leisurely activity for you?
I typically just enjoy spending time outdoors,
so anything in nature, really.
That's great. How about you, Terry?
What is a leisurely activity for you?
That's easy. Straight [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Q: "Straight [bleep]"!
I love that he didn't know what it said
and he started with, "That's easy."
It sounded like it's his answer.
-I know. -He said it so well.
So, here's actually a little exercise
we like to do at the end of this.
I'm gonna pass out these cards.
The question is, who would you not bring with you on a trip?
Q: I got to be honest.
The first people I would go away with are Lillybeth and Terry.
-Yeah, I know. -They sound awesome.
I'm sorry, but not going with us on the vacation is...
Terry.
Jokers: Ohh!
Murr: Lillybeth for the win!
Good job, Lills.
♪♪
-Alright. That was fun. -That was a lot of fun.
Let's do it one more time. Round 2 of Weakest Link.
Well, we settled on Big Mike. Where you at, buddy?
-There he is! -Big Mike!
-Yeah! -And where's Stephanie?
-Where's Stephanie? -Yeah!
Joe: And to moderate, we're gonna pick Chase.
Chase, you're gonna be up there just being our moderator, buddy.
-It's nice to meet you all. -Big Mike, ready to go.
[ Laughter ]
We're gonna be going to get some feedback from people
about travel and leisure.
Alright, so, for this first question,
how would you deal with lost luggage
on an international trip?
I would go to the lost-and-found at the airport
and file a complaint.
Stephanie?
Just roll the dice and grab another bag off the carousel.
[ Laughter ]
Alright. And, um, you're up, there.
Um, I know how to cry on command,
and I find that acting like an upset woman
usually gets things going my way.
[ Laughter ]
If you want to vacation and you could bring any three people...
Crystal?
My boyfriend, my sister, and the third person --
my friends would have to fight for the third.
Mike, who would you bring?
Whichever three Spice Girls are the easiest.
[ Laughter ]
"Zig-a-zig-ah."
♪ Zig-a-zig-ah ♪
[ Laughter ]
Uh, moving on.
Has anyone here ever made a lifelong friend
while on vacation?
-Not yet. -I've met some cool people.
"Not yet." Okay.
Chase, "I've never made a lifelong friend, ever,"
and just let it sit.
I mean, I've never made a lifelong friend, ever.
So...
[ Laughter ]
What about you, Stephanie?
Yeah, a Brazilian stripper
I met at a bachelorette party in Iowa.
[ Laughter ]
And then we're just gonna end on this one.
What is your top safety concern while traveling, Mike?
Non-English-speaking ghosts, for sure.
[ Laughter ]
-That got Stephanie. -Yeah.
Judging from the answers that you just heard
from everybody else,
write the name of one person in the room
that you would not take on vacation with you.
Murr: Alright. Let's tally the votes.
The person that is not going on vacation
is going to be Mike.
Jokers: Ohh!
Joe: Stephanie for the win! Stephanie wins!
Eh, I don't want to go, anyway. ♪ Zig-a-zig-ah ♪
[ Laughter ]
Now we're about to play a game called Handing It Off.
So, in this game, one of our crew members will be in a waiting room,
and they will have an arm brace on,
so they will not have mobility to write.
However, they're gonna have to fill out a questionnaire
and ask someone else that's waiting in the room
with them to fill it out for them.
And we will be feeding them the answers to the questions.
That's where we're gonna get the answers from.
So that's bad news for Mike Keenan.
-Ohh! -Mike Keenan's gonna play!
[ Laughter ]
Mikey, you're up, baby! You're right behind this camera.
He's right here. Turn that around.
Turn that camera on yourself.
[ Laughter ]
-There he is. -There he goes.
-Oh. Fresh off the injury. -Oh, no!
Murr: Aw, his arm's all jacked up.
Oh, he's right-handed, too. That's a big issue right now.
-Oh, God. -If you can, just fill that out.
Oh, this is a written exam?
-Are you a righty? -Yeah.
You want me to write it, and you do your...?
Yeah, maybe you might have to help me with this.
Absolutely. Here.
-Aw. What a nice guy! -Very nice.
Alright, how would you describe your exercise routine?
How would I describe my exercise routine?
"I blast HGH into my ass cheeks and swole up."
I just blast a lot of music, and my ass cheeks swole up.
[ Laughter ]
Let it be that! Let it be that.
That's better than what you said.
Melodic trance, specifically.
Joe: Nice.
Human growth hormone. HGH.
Alright, what do you like to wear?
What do I like to wear while I'm exercising?
-Joe: "I always go... -I always go...
...with a flesh-colored bodysuit...
with, like, a flesh-colored bodysuit...
...and enough bling to establish dominance.
...and just enough bling to establish dominance.
[ Laughter ]
-Wow. He's a natural. -Keenan's great!
-Crazy good. -He's from Staten Island, buddy.
-It's in his blood. -You're right.
Um, what have you eaten so far today?
Swordfish Parm -- Parmesan.
Swordfish Parmesan.
That's the most unique answer I've ever heard in my life.
Never had swordfish Parmesan before?
-No. Is it good? -"There's nothing I love more
on a hot summer day than some swordfish Parm."
There's nothing I love more on a hot day than swordfish Parm.
-Swordfish Parm. -Yeah.
How is this normalized?
Swordfish Parm on a hot day. He's like, "I get that."
What do you look for on the label of a food product?
"I look for the race of the person who made it."
I just look for the race of the person who made it.
[ Laughter ]
He's not even hesitating!
Alright, what do you do
to increase your level of happiness?
Murr: Ohh. "I prank-call the elderly."
I prank-call the elderly.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm gonna write exactly that. -Good job!
-Good job, Mikey! -Well done!
-Good job! -Nice work.
It makes me proud to see yet another Staten Island boy...
Joe: Killing it.
...killing it on "Impractical Jokers."
♪♪
Okay, so, the next one we're playing is Product Jesters,
where we play inventors and we have to pitch
our crazy new products to people in the focus group.
And the crew members who will be playing this game are...
are Casey Jost versus John Szeluga.
Q: Oh, yeah!
Powerhouses!
Joe: Alright. Casey-Szeluga, huh?
These are two of our comedy producers going head-to-head.
John Szeluga took a break from being manager
at the supermarket.
[ Laughter ] Q: And Casey's Casey.
If you watch "Impractical Jokers," you know Casey.
[ Laughter ]
Joe: My money's on Szeluga. He looks like, more...
-Really? -Yeah.
He looks more like a geeky dork. Thank you.
I don't favor one over the other.
I think either has a chance to win.
I got Casey in this one.
Joe: My money's on John "The Horse Face" Szeluga.
I'll tell you right now, that dumb piece of shit's gonna win.
I'll tell you. I'll bet 100 bucks on it.
The nice thing about a Crew Special is the audience
gets to see how you talk to the crew.
[ Laughter ]
We're developers. We have new products
that we've each created, and we want to present them
to you today just to get some feedback.
-John? -Yeah, I'll start first.
Murr: Alright. What you got, buddy?
This is blue-P.
If you take this -- It's just one tablet, single use.
Changes your DNA frequency,
and this will give you permanent blue eyes.
"One of the main side effects...
One of the main side effects of this, I should mention...
...is you shouldn't have children
two years after taking it."
...you should not have children
for two years after taking the product.
Q: "Questions?" [ Laughter ]
You can have blue eyes with lenses,
but then you have the discomfort of contact lenses.
"But it's easier to reverse your DNA."
It's much easier to just -- to meddle with your DNA.
[ Laughter ]
Have you guys considered, I guess, like,
more of the social impact of this type of product?
Well, I can tell you, as someone with blue eyes,
everything's much better.
[ Laughter ]
Nothing against it, but this product
has always been a little fishy to me.
Like, you can't have kids for two years.
What will happen if you have kids in those two years?
-We... -"Smurf kids, we call them."
Right now, the term -- We don't have a technical term for it.
We're calling them Smurf kids right now.
[ Laughter ]
Alright. Well, I'm gonna show my product, alright?
This is something I'm, you know, really excited about.
Okay.
Joe: This is Needles the Clown.
This is Needles the Clown.
And this is to give shots to children.
-Murr: Oh, my God. -Joe: Look at the guy!
-That's a little scary. -It should be scary.
Because the thing is, I think nowadays,
we're seeing a lot of kids having fears.
So when you have a thing like this, you know,
[Laughing] the kid will often react better because...
Joe: He can't even keep it together!
[ Laughter ]
...react better because -- because it's...
It's not so easy not to laugh, is it?
No one here thinks this is horrific?
It reminds me of Chucky.
Well, they haven't heard the voice yet, Casey, so...
You guys are judging it now, but, like, you haven't heard the voice yet.
-Oh, no. -It talks?!
Well, I'll show you.
So, imagine it coming down the hallway.
[ Laughter ]
[ High-pitched voice ] Children!
[ Laughter ]
Children!
[ Normal voice ] Why do we watch scary movies?
You know, why do we deal with these things?
It's to get over some of, like,
the real fears that life throws at you.
Yeah, but I have a 2-year-old.
I wouldn't show him a scary movie now.
-What color is his eyes? -My son has blue eyes.
"But he wasn't born with them. He wasn't born with them."
He wasn't born with them.
So you tested it on your son?
He wasn't the first test subject.
But, yes, I permanently altered -- 'Cause he --
I mean, he looked like his mother.
[ Laughter ]
By a show of hands, how many of you think
that we should bring Needles to market?
-Oh-ho-ho! -Whoa!
Okay.
And how many think we should bring blue-P to market?
-Whoa! -Okay.
Joe: I told you!
I told you, you dummy, you were gonna win.
Blue eyes always win.
-My guy! -Wow!
Murr: Good job, Szeluga.
It's been a great day here at the office.
The only way to finish an office day is just to put everybody in.
-Ah! -And just throw in some people,
and they have to do and say whatever we tell them.
Oh, a classic! Do As You're Told.
Now, playing the role of the receptionist
is none other than Hopper!
Sal: Yeah, baby!
Nice. Alright, alright.
And sitting in one of the chairs
as a "Joe Schmo" average person on the street,
why don't we get Keana in there?
-Yeah! -Yeah!
[ Applause ]
There she is.
-Good luck, friends. -Wow.
Murr: Hey, Hopper, let's get this started off the right way, okay?
When the person comes in for the focus group,
ask them if they're here to pick up the medical waste.
Okay.
-Here we go. -[ Laughs ]
Hi. Are you here to pick up the medical waste?
[ Laughter ]
Okay, okay. What was your name?
-Kimberly. -Kimberly?
Okay, Kimberly, just take a seat.
Thank you.
Joe: Keana, look at her and say,
"Hi. My name's Keana, and I like dolphins."
Hi. My name's Keana, and I really like dolphins.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Sal: Just look at her again and say,
"Sorry. I'm trying to be more social."
Sorry. I'm really trying to be more social.
[ Laughter ]
Hopper, the next person comes in,
you know what to ask him, buddy.
-Here we go. -Hey. Finally.
You're here to pick up the medical waste?
No.
-Have a seat for me. -Thank you.
Murr: Keana, I want you to say, "Hi. My name is Keana.
Do you like dolphins?"
Hi. My name is Keana. Do you like dolphins?
[ Laughter ]
Joe: Look at this woman!
Uh-oh. Is there an emergency?
Has the firewall gone down?
Lucas, you're the tech guy!
Come storming in to check Hopper's computer, frantic.
-Everything okay? -I don't know.
I think something's wrong with the computer?
-"The firewall has gone down!" -Yeah, the firewall's down.
I don't know what to do.
"Somebody downloaded a picture of a dolphin with a virus on it,
and now the firewall is down."
There's a picture of a dolphin, and there's a virus.
The firewall's down.
Q: Keana, "It wasn't me."
It wasn't me.
[ Laughter ]
Joe: Disappear behind the desk, throwing your hands up with wires.
[ Laughter ]
Is this really necessary right now?
It's the firewall, man!!
Okay, okay.
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Lucas, get out.
Just walk out and be like, "I'm going on lunch."
I'll be back. I'm going on lunch.
[ Laughter ]
Joe: Hopper, get a phone call, send out Keana, alright?
Hey, Keana, they're ready for you.
Thank you.
Keana, do us a favor and hand that earpiece off to Esten.
-We're gonna send him in. -Esten!
Sal: Okay, here's what I want you to do, buddy.
Upon entering,
present your hand to Hopper, who will kiss it.
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Sit down, turn to your right,
and hiss at the guy that's sitting to your right.
[ Hisses ]
Joe: Okay, now leave. Now leave!
-Get up and walk out! -Wait. Have the hand kiss again.
-Hand kiss! -Hand kiss, hand kiss!
[ Laughter ]
Murr: Lucas, run through the hallway, past the door,
shouting, "Firewall!"
Firewall!
He must be back from lunch.
Oh, my God.
Where's Kevin Felix at? We got Kevin?
-Kevin Felix! -Yeah!
Q: Alright, Kevin. See the plant on the desk?
Sneak in, start chewing on that grass.
-Like a cow. -That's it.
♪♪
Q: Here he goes.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Where's Kevin Felix at? We got Kevin?
-Kevin Felix! -Yeah!
Q: Alright, Kevin. See the plant on the desk?
Sneak in, start chewing on that grass.
-Like a cow. -That's it.
Q: Here he goes.
[ Laughter ]
Joe: Look at this woman!
And then, Hop, I want you to turn around
and then just throw the water at him and be like,
"I told you to leave my grass alone!"
Hey, get out of here. Stop gnawing on my grass, man!
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Alright, Janet's headed in. She's on our audio team.
Just come in and just say your name.
-Hi. I'm checking in. Janet. -Have a seat.
Sal: "Should only be a few minutes."
It should only be a few minutes.
Great.
Sal: Okay, Janet, get back up and walk back up to the desk.
Say, "Actually, I don't have a few minutes."
Actually, I don't have a few minutes.
"Would you mind terribly
if my twin sister did this for me?"
Would you mind terribly if I had my twin sister
come do this for me instead?
I mean, we just need a body, so...
Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
Sal: Janet, walk out. In three seconds, walk back in
and introduce yourself as Janice.
-Janice. -Janice.
Hi. I'm Janice.
My sister said something about a focus group?
Wow. That was quick.
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Look at her. Look at her.
-Have a seat. -Thank you.
Joe: Look at Hopper!
[ Laughter ]
Q: The chicken-bone bandit, back!
Joe: There he is -- Matt Raines.
Murr: "I'm here for the research study on virgins."
Um, I'm here for the research study on virgins.
-"Right down the hall." -It's down the hall.
Down the hall.
Up your ass and to the left, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Bonus points. Hopper's killing it!
Murr: Hopper, make eye contact with the woman and say,
"Guys, I'm sorry if my voice is hoarse."
I'm sorry if my voice is a little hoarse.
"I drank candle wax last night."
I drank some candle wax last night, so...
Joe: Janet -- "Been there, done that."
Been there, done that.
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Okay, Janet, get back up and walk out.
And just announce that it'll be about 5, 10 more minutes.
It's be about 5 or 10 more minutes, okay?
-Lucy's up. -Lucy's up.
Q: Here we go, here we go.
Hey, I'm here just to check in.
Joe: Lucy works with our art department.
She's very talented and about to be very embarrassed.
Sal: "As long as we're just sitting here,
you guys want to do some Kegels with me?"
You want to do some Kegels with me
while we're sitting here, like a little workout session?
[ Laughter ]
"I got to keep it tight, you know,
in case I meet a sweet treat like that in a bar,"
and point to Hopper.
You do have to keep it tight in case you meet
a sweet treat like that in a bar.
"Lucy's gots to get some." Say it under your breath.
[ Laughter ]
Lucy's gots to get some. [ Sighs ]
[ Laughter ]
Murr: Hopper, take out the man bun.
Joe: Lucy, be disgusted that his hair is down and walk out.
Ugh! But he took his hair down.
I got to go.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, I can put it back up.
[ Laughter ]
And there we have it, everyone.
-Good job! -You're all winners.
-Well done! -Wow.
-Alright! -What a great job, guys.
-Great job, everyone. -Unbelievable.
It's a hard choice, fellas. It's a hard choice.
But someone has to be picked as the winner.
-Yes. -This is difficult.
Murr: Someone who wore their embarrassment on their face.
And someone who surprised us at how good they were.
-Yes. -Ladies and gentlemen,
Nicole's our winner.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-She was tough to get. -You said everything.
We didn't think you were gonna do that.
Yeah, I did.
[ Laughter ]
-Enjoy your week off. -Thank you.
-Great job, guys. -Thank you for watching.
We'll see you next time on... "The Crew Does Your Job"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Good job, guys.