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Hey, you know, you're not supposed to buy your own birthday breakfast.
- That's against the rules. - Well, I hate birthdays.
- But I love you though. - Yeah.
So you want some?
- Yeah, when I get out of the shower, babe. - I wasn't talking about that.
- Oh, no? That's not what you're talking about? - No.
- Happy birthday to me. - Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.
That's a hot outfit.
I need to look professional.
Relax, okay? Everyone there loves you.
I just... I don't know if I can do this.
Every manager at our company has a college degree.
Yeah, well, I'd argue that 15 years' experience
is worth, what, 10 degrees?
- Not to these people. - Oh.
But thank you.
I need you today, abuela.
Hey, just remember that they need you more than you need them, okay?
- I'm just trying to stay focused. - Yeah.
Keep my eye on the ball.
- Did you just sports metaphor me? - Oh, God.
Hey, you know, just take it one game at a time.
What if Weiskopf doesn't like me?
Well, it's a game of inches. You gotta give him 110%.
I'm ignoring you, okay?
Do you like, "It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Weiskopf"?
- Or is that... - Too ass-kissy.
Yeah, okay.
I have to get this, Trey.
Hey, look.
The only thing with a prayer of stopping you
is you.
- I'm gonna be late. - Okay.
- Knock 'em dead. - Okay.
Your ass looks great in those jeans, by the way.
Again? You know, I'm not a piece of meat...
Okay, fine, but we're gonna have to make this quick.
- Bye. - Okay. Bye.
It's a pleasure, Mr. Weiskopf, to show you what we've been doing at Value Shop 151.
The pleasure is ours. Take note, Arthur.
Ozone Park Value Shop outsells its nearest competition twice over.
Let me show you why.
Welcome to our online store.
My best friend, Joan Volpentesta, fellow employee,
sends her son Dilly into the store with his cell phone
to hold up every single cut of sirloin for her beef braciole.
And that's when it hit me.
- It's a live feed. Interesting. - Yes.
From home, our subscribers can pick a certain cut of salmon,
the third lemon from the back, anything they want.
They shop before noon, we deliver by 6:00, 20-mile radius.
Expands our community. Expands our volume.
And expands our profits nicely.
And this is where it all began.
- Monday Moms? - Yes. This was all Maya's idea.
Meet the aforementioned Joan.
- Hello. Hi. - Well, hello.
I am a...
I'm a mom of two kids, and I have a deadbeat ex,
and I was sharing my woes with some other moms,
when Maya smartly suggested that we start a weekly bitch fest...
- Social club. - A social club.
You know, cater to Monday Moms, or dads.
And it just grew from there.
Wait. Are you talking customers or staff?
Both. Hi.
Suzi da Vinci.
I call it Value Shop therapy. We're like shopping friends.
- We swap stories, coupons... - Husbands.
Uh-uh, not mine.
You know, I don't even know what to say,
except Arthur's gonna be extremely fortunate
to have you as a first lieutenant.
So, I'm gonna leave you alone to get to know each other better.
Mr. Weiskopf, can I have a minute?
- You can have two. - Thank you.
I prepared for this meeting for weeks.
And you did great.
Look, I've put 15 years of my life into this store.
And after becoming assistant manager six years ago,
sales have increased at a record pace.
Look, I mean no disrespect, but...
What do you know about this store or the people who shop here?
I specialize in team building.
Arthur got his MBA from Duke.
I think you'll find he's the best man for the job.
No, sir.
I am.
Where did you go to college, dear?
I have my GED.
I respect that. I do.
But we have minimum job requirements in place for a reason.
And what is that reason?
I want you to know how much we value you and your loyalty.
You would think management would want someone from sales in that position.
Okay, perspective.
You have a great boyfriend, Trey, who is ring-shopping as we speak.
Wait, he's what?
Shit!
- Why would you tell me that? - Okay.
I said "shit," so obviously I know...
Anyway, it shouldn't be a surprise.
You guys have been together for five years.
It's not about...
- He wants kids. - And that's a bad thing because...
You know what? I'm not having this conversation right now.
Okay, how do I say this nicely?
Okay, I can't. How about this?
Tonight, you get messed up. After the party, get knocked up.
You can use my guest bedroom.
- What party? - Shit!
- What party? - Okay, do me a favor.
Act surprised. Can you do that for me?
Don't be selfish. Nobody likes a selfish girl.
- Surprise! - Surprise!
Nah. Hey!
Hey.
Hey, everyone.
If you guys could all just pipe down.
Cut the music.
I want to, uh...
I want to say a couple things about the birthday girl.
- Aw. - Oh, my God.
So, back when I was coaching Babe Ruth League...
- Oh, no! No... - Yeah.
There was this Friday night game at Pezzicola Field.
And this kid goes down on a called third strike,
and outta nowhere,
there's this shrieking coming from the stands.
Some crazy lady is just all over the ump.
So I turn around to get a look at this wacko,
and, bam, there she is.
Beautiful, brazen, and completely on fire.
And anyone, any
corporate dickhead
who doesn't appreciate just how amazing this woman is...
Well, babe, as they say...
- "It ain't over until it's over." - Dilly.
- Come on, dance with me. - Oh, gosh. Now?
- No. Come on. Yeah, yeah. - Really?
- Yeah, yeah. - Right now?
Right now in front of everyone.
Mmm.
You look beautiful.
You're not so bad.
Oh. Okay.
I mean, cleaning up on my own birthday. Nice.
Well, that's what real friends do.
I'm gonna have my birthday here every year.
Shut up.
You okay?
- Screw 'em. - Yeah, screw 'em.
Who?
Them.
Oh, the educated people in their fancy houses
who name their kids after fruit and
climb Kilimanjaro.
Yes, screw them.
I mean, doesn't it make you crazy
that just because you didn't get a degree when you were 18, you...
You don't qualify for a job when you're freaking 40?
First of all, who said life is fair?
Right?
I mean, come on, your godson going to Stanford on a Google scholarship,
that kind of helps to even things out, don't you think?
Come on, Maya, it's a title. It doesn't define you.
Says the woman who can't say her son's name without mentioning
- that he's going to Stanford. - This is true. Okay. All right.
I mean, and you should. You should.
It's amazing.
But I...
I don't know.
I just thought by now, I...
I don't know.
Is this... Is this about Sarah?
Okay. When are you gonna forgive yourself for that?
Really.
Well, maybe I just need to stop banging my head up against a wall.
The world tells you enough times, "This is who you are,"
maybe it's time to start believing it.
There are tons of other jobs out there, Auntie M.
- Oh, my God! Would you stop eavesdropping? - I'm not eavesdropping.
Okay, and now he brought cake, so I can't be mad at him.
Okay.
One wish on your birthday.
Okay.
I wish...
I wish
that we lived in a world where street smarts equal book smarts.
I wish...
Hey, hey.
You gave it your best, right?
- That's right. - Yeah.
Come on.
Let's blow that out. We know you had a blow.
That's the word on the street, I don't...
- I'm not saying you had a blow. - Shut up. Please shut up.
Blow it out. We can't stay here all night.
I've always liked the idea of round tables.
You know, as a boy, my favorite stories were the ones where King...
Ms. Davilla, a minute.
Look, I'm aware that you wanted this position.
And what's more, I sincerely believe that you deserved it.
Your ideas, while rough, still have merit.
- I mean... - What's rough about them?
But when you roll your eyes, Ms. Davilla,
you trivialize a team-building exercise, and that divides us.
You're my right hand.
We're all at the same table. Yeah?
As I was saying, I'd like us to think of ourselves as knights,
each with our own wisdom and fiefdoms.
So, Sir Vondel Jones,
you will be our knight of legumes.
And, Sir Alex Gibbian, you are the marquis of meat.
What the hell is a legume?
And, Shaniqua Harris, you are the knight
of feminine hygiene.
I'm menopausal.
Apparently, I deserve this.
Hey, uh, some lady called for you.
Um, something about a job interview from F&C.
Franklin and Clarke? I don't know.
The ones who make half the stuff on aisle seven, eight, and 11.
Oh. Okay.
I didn't apply for a job there.
Uh, all right, you pulled it out of me. You remember your birthday wish?
What? Dilly?
He used your legal name, don't worry. He put you up for some jobs. He did.
- I didn't ask him to. - Okay, all right.
Well, you know what, you can either grow some balls
or spend the rest of your life with Lord Bag-o'- Dicks.
And if customer service comes in and they wanna fight. Here, let's fight.
I'll teach you some swordplay. The knight...
Maya Davilla.
Um, sorry, it's under Maria Vargas. I got a call from...
Your interview is on the 59th floor.
- Hi. I'm... - Ms. Vargas.
Yes, he's been expecting you.
He?
Ms. Vargas is here.
Hi.
I'm Anderson Clarke.
Clarke, as in Franklin & Clarke?
Oh, my grandfather wanted it to be Clarke & Franklin,
but he lost the coin toss.
Still steams my clams. Come on in. Come on in, Maria.
- Uh, please, call me Maya. - Oh.
Well, then call me Anderson.
Are... Are you, um...
I mean, you're the head of...
I just assumed that human resources...
Your résumé interests me.
You come from sales?
Fifteen years.
I'm sorry, what is this position for?
I've often thought that sales should have a greater voice in product development.
I couldn't agree more.
I mean, the market's only getting more competitive.
- And consumers are only getting smarter. - Oh, yes, they are.
You live here in the city?
I'm in between apartments.
Family?
Just me.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a meeting.
Uh, Maya, this is Zoe. One of our vice presidents.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Maya works for Sam Weiskopf. - Well, indirectly.
So, what are you guys talking about?
I was thinking of bringing Maya on for a consultancy.
You were?
Wow.
Uh, you must have a lot of experience in product development.
Oh, I'm sure she's well-versed in the efficacy of our products.
Maya?
Uh, you want me to...
Well, okay.
Uh, well, off the top of my head, um...
Your Rainforest Mountain Shampoo is excellent,
although I only stock the, uh, regular version.
Um, your men's shaving gel really moves.
But your skin care line is...
Yes?
A little behind the competition.
Can you be more specific?
Well, you launched your avocado jojoba line last spring,
and we only sold 1,353 units,
which is about 70% under the normal range.
- And that's just off the top of your head? - Can I talk to you in private?
Just a second. Why do you think they didn't sell, Maya?
Well...
Your organic line isn't really organic.
Are you kidding me?
Look, I don't wanna insult anyone. Okay? And I...
I realize that my credentials aren't typically what...
Oh, you are right about that.
Harvard undergrad, magna cum laude.
Then there's your philanthropy, all the work with the Peace Corps.
And of course, you have got to see her Facebook page.
- Her Facebook page? - My Facebook page?
I have been training for Kilimanjaro for months.
Is that right?
Well, Zoe? What do you think?
I think I've seen enough.
Thank you for coming in, Maya.
Yeah, okay. Thank you.
Shit.
Hey.
Uh-oh.
She doesn't look happy.
- She doesn't look happy. - I'm not happy.
They didn't like you?
No, they thought I was very accomplished,
given my MBA and my stint in the Peace Corps.
- Who can blame them? - Peace Corps?
Yeah, it's all right there
on my Facebook page.
But you're not on Facebook...
Dilly!
Do not move.
Did you create a Facebook page for Maya? And do not lie.
Yes.
Okay, that was easy.
But it wasn't just Facebook.
Okay, give me some credit.
This is a work of art.
I mean, I gave you a completely new identity.
You've got your own WIX site, and it's got social and corporate.
- What? - Why, Dill?
Well, for your birthday.
I mean, you said you wanted to be fancy, so I just, like, Cinderella'd your ass.
- Oh, all right. - I...
I was gonna use your porn name,
but you don't even use your legal name anymore, so...
My porn name?
- Yeah, first pet, first street. - First pet, first street.
Mine's Fluffy Valley.
Okay, so it's a whole new you,
but it's still you because it's your real name.
I've got everything. I've got your school records, employment history.
I mean, the FBI couldn't debunk this, so it's basically real.
Except it's bullshit.
Yeah, it's bullshit.
Out!
It doesn't matter, because I'm not getting the job anyway.
And, look, the next time I start making birthday wishes,
just hit me over the head.
- Bulbous Cockburn. - What?
- It's my porn name. - Don't say "Bulbous."
You're disgusting. Don't curse in front of your godmother.
Little asshole.
Okay, all those in favor of renaming to Morning Masticators,
raise your hand. Nice and high, so I can count.
- It just sounds like mast... - It means eating, okay?
Calling it "Moms" is sexist against men.
- Okay. - You're a little stupid, aren't you?
Remember, you're supposed to be my right hand.
I bet you he uses that right hand a lot.
Hello?
Tell me what "mastication" means. I know what "mastication" means.
Yes.
Oh, I...
Thank you.
No, absolutely, I will.
What?
That was F&C.
They wanna hire me.
Shut up. I thought that skinny bitch kicked you out of her office?
She did. I mean, I basically trashed their entire skin care line.
Maybe that was a test to see if you were a straight shooter.
The lie got you in the door,
but you got the job, baby.
I mean, come on. You could do this.
- You could do this. - Ms. Davilla.
A moment.
Hey, who's the champ?
- What? - You're the champ.
- Come on, who's the champ? - What?
- Who's the champ? Come on, wake up. - Huh?
Who's the champ? Let's go.
- Who's the champ? - I'm the champ?
You're the champ.
- Ow. Come on. All right, just go. - Stop!
Excuse me, Arthur.
I've been thinking about all the things you've said this week.
Good.
And I don't think I can be your right hand.
Are you quitting?
Best of luck to you.
It's not easy getting a job for a woman your age.
- Boop. - Uh-oh. Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm.
No, this is not gonna be good.
Oh, she about to fuck you up.
Watch me.
Attaboy, Lucas, nice turn.
Nice ass.
- Who you talking about? Hey. - You know who I'm talking about.
The team's looking great. You guys are going all the way this year.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll be happy if we make the tournament,
but a lot of good teams to beat.
They don't have the best assistant coach in the country.
I like your confidence.
I like your... Ass, I know.
I was gonna say smile.
Hey, I have some, uh, great news I wanna talk to you about.
- Yeah? - Full Moon?
Yeah, let me... Let me finish up here, and then I'll see you there at 8:00?
- Perfect. - Okay.
I just, I can't believe you said yes.
I know. I...
I know, my head is still spinning.
Yeah, but, you mean, you're gonna come clean, right?
Look, I admit that the way I got in was less than honest,
but what I did in that room...
Look, I can do this.
Okay, I'm... I'm happy for you, babe.
Hey, maybe you take this offer.
You tell 'em we need a couple weeks, and we can go away and start a family.
I mean, this could be a really good thing.
Trey, I can't.
It's just
not the right time.
Our timing never seems right,
does it?
I mean, we've been talking about this for three years.
I always thought we were heading to this.
You know? I want
a family, Maya.
I want kids, and I want that with you.
We can even adopt.
Oh, baby...
No.
It's obvious we want different things.
Trey...
We shouldn't do this anymore.
Oh. Oh, no, you look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
I'm trying to look respectable, not too slutty.
Oh, all right, well, no problem there.
That outfit's like dick repellent.
- What's dick repellent? - Okay, out.
What? You say bad shit all the time.
Okay, you know what? Go brush your
- fricking teeth. Good-bye. - That's not even a word.
Hey, go with plan anything-other-than-that.
And wipe that face off your face, missy thing, okay?
All right. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Come on, let's do this, girls.
- Yeah! - Yes!
- No. - Maya!
- No. - Maya, come down here.
- No! - Come on.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop
Yeah, you, come here, gimme a kiss
Better make it fast, or else I'm gonna get pissed
Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard
- Like I wish you would? - Get out of the way.
Now push it
Push it good
- That hurt my boob. - Did it?
- Push it real good. - Yes. Now move out of my way.
Where you going? No. Where you going? No.
- Come on. - Guys. It's not eighth grade. Come on.
Come on.
What?
- Oh, you remember that part? - That's right.
Uh-uh.
Where's she going?
Oh, my God. It doesn't work anymore.
Come on, Otto.
Boy, you really got me going
You got me so I don't know what I'm doing
- Come on, come on, come on. - That's right, hit it.
Drop it low.
Push it
Push, push, push, push it, push it Push it
Push, push, push, push it, push it
Ms. Vargas?
- Hello. - Hi.
Uh, Ariana Ng, your probationary assistant.
Oh. Okay, well, you can call me Maya.
Yes, Mayam, ma'am. Mmm.
Follow me, please.
There you are.
Hi. I'm Hildy Ostrander, your DE.
Oh, hi, nice to meet you, Hildy. Um, sorry, DE?
Development Executive.
Ms. Ostrander came to F&C from Vassar via Pfizer.
She also oversees the entire East Coast and is very single...
Oh. Say less.
Right this way.
- Wait, this is my office? - Mmm-hmm.
Wow.
- This is... - I know.
We'll have the decorators right up so you can fix it.
This is really great.
Cancel the decorators.
Uh, Mr. Clarke's office sent down keys
to one of our corporate apartments in the city.
- Ariana? - Yes?
I can't.
- She's afraid of heights. - Mmm-hmm.
- How long have you been working here? - Three months.
Mmm, she was talking to me. Six years.
Great.
Because I'm here to work my butt off, so any wisdom you can impart...
Great. We'll start with the morning meeting.
Development kicks off the new quarterly cycle today,
so your timing's perfect.
- Uh, what cycle? - It was men's grooming,
but they switched it to skin care at the last second.
You're kidding me.
I don't want this to sound like anything but constructive advice...
We've never had a consultant in Development before,
so they're gonna be looking for any excuse to tear you apart.
That's comforting.
That's Ron Ebsen, the other DE.
- He's cute. - He knows it.
He actually studied dance before he went to business school.
He'll come over as soon as he... Yep, brace for impact.
- You must be Maya. Ron Ebsen. - Hi.
You know, I've been lobbying for a consultant for a while now.
You went to Wharton, right?
Yes, I did. Wharton.
And you had Professor Gumpart?
Of course. I love him.
Her.
Yeah, not anymore.
Oh. Wow.
Hang on, are you sure? 'Cause she and I, we, um...
Oh, God.
Good morning, everyone.
Zoe, right?
Ah, yes. Vice President of Global Skin Care.
- Skin care? - Mmm-hmm.
Oh, boy.
Some of you have already heard our new mandate from on high
to replace our existing moisture line with an organic alternative.
It's already all natural.
Apparently, it needs to be more so.
By the end of the quarter? That's not possible.
We're not talking 100% green. Just greener.
This is ridiculous.
From the shrieks of wild enthusiasm, I take it Zoe's just broken the news.
Are you kidding me? He's old enough to be her...
Father.
- You wanna run this? - No, no.
I just wanted to drop by and formally introduce our new hire.
Maya Vargas is an extremely accomplished consultant,
and the new skin care direction was partially inspired by her feedback.
Maya?
Sir, I think it's a great idea.
End of quarter is aggressive, but, uh, I think we're up to the challenge.
Excellent. Thank you, Ron.
We'll start brainstorming.
Though it might be helpful to hear Maya's game plan.
Mmm.
- Sorry? - Yes.
Uh, Maya, please tell everyone where you think the existing skin care line falls short.
Okay.
Um...
Respectfully, uh...
F&C was skewered when they tried to convince people that Notralis
was some new hair growth product, when basically, it was repackaged shampoo.
They felt scammed. So to repeat that pattern...
It's not the same.
You can't say "all natural" on the front of a bottle,
and then have a whole list of chemicals on the back.
All comfortably within FDA guidelines.
People don't want to "probably not" get cancer from a skin cream.
That's ridiculous. Launching an entirely new product line
is almost triple the cost of evolving an existing one.
- I think people... - Guys, we're all on the same team here.
Okay? All right?
You know what? Maybe we shouldn't be.
How about this? Ron and I will thread the needle
at profitably organic-ifying the current line.
And Maya and Hildy can cook up something new.
All green, within our profit margins.
Oh, Christ.
You wanna compete?
Okay.
You've got three months.
And, uh...
May the best woman win.
The first and most imperative step is landing Felix.
Who's Felix? I-nventor of Vital Eyes.
- Oh, I love Vital Eyes. - He's F&C's chief chemist. The best.
He's got a vision for the market and the chemistry.
We cannot do this without Felix.
Great. Can we get him?
No.
Walt Benjamin is Felix's number two and an incredibly talented scientist.
I'm not going against Felix.
Alicia Zhou is our latest hire out of Cornell.
Yes.
- Oh, my God. - Great!
- Oh, my God. - Oh, thank you. This is gonna be so exciting.
No, it's not. That was sarcasm. Did you not pick up on that or...
What the hell?
This guy was on Hildy's list?
We've gone through her list. This is my idea.
Dinner's almost ready.
No. Come back here. Come here.
Stay!
So, you went from MIT to developing cat food?
Maybe I like cats.
Or maybe Felix exiled him.
Well, maybe Felix is an ass-panda.
Well, he teamed up with Zoe.
Yeah. Everyone's teamed up with Zoe.
Except you. Is that because of Felix?
Look, there are millions of words in the English language,
but there is no combination that accurately describes
the feeling I have of wanting to beat his ass with a chair.
So, here's your chance to beat that panda ass.
I'm in.
Yay.
Oh, my God! What the hell?
You know what? Screw the kid. I am moving in with you.
I mean, he can learn to hunt or something.
This is crazy. All of this is insane.
Look at this.
Oh, my God, you got cards here.
Bergdorf Goodman. Hello, lover.
Those are for product research and stuff. You know, the big companies,
they give you that so you can keep up with everything.
Oh, my God, look at this! 50,000 refrigerate...
Holy S-word!
- The refrigerator is stocked. - Holy what?
Oh. Yeah. Otto got kicked out of school because he called his teacher a dunt.
A what?
- A dumb... - Oh, wow.
Yeah. So I am endeavoring to set a better example.
Madame.
- Good luck with that. - Yeah. Well, I'll need it.
Here you go. Cheers.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my God, look at all these drawers even.
Have you heard from him?
Who?
Oh. Oh, Trey?
Um...
Uh, I don't really wanna... I don't...
You don't really, what?
You know how it is. People hear that you guys broke up,
and he's a wounded fish,
and, you know, the sharks start circling.
It's only been a week.
What do you mean? What do you expect? You never told him the truth.
What? Me telling him the truth was suddenly gonna make everything okay?
No, you're right. It's better to lug your past around like a cross.
Maya.
You were 17 years old when you gave the kid up.
You were a kid yourself.
You did the right thing.
Oh, come on.
Now did I bum you out about Trey? No, come on, I don't wanna do that.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
You don't know what you're doing here?
I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna...
You're gonna take these cards here. You're gonna...
You're gonna dress the part.
You're gonna buy yourself those fancy shoes with the red bottoms.
All right, you know what?
As your friend, I'm gonna take these off your hands. Thank you.
- Don't you dare. - No, I'm gonna take 'em,
'cause you don't seem to be appreciative of it.
- So, I'm gonna go. Okay. - No.
And then I'm gonna take this. Okay. It's a two-parter.
I'm gonna take these, and I'm gonna go. No. I'm gonna go.
- Oh, my God. - This is crazy.
Come on, let's show 'em what Queens can do.
Holding. One for you, two for me. And...
We can't spend all of it.
Okay. You know what? Gift cards aren't like horses.
They are meant to be ridden hard.
Now get your head in the game. Here you go.
And I'm gonna go ahead and try this on.
- Thank you. - You can't buy that.
I'm not buying it. You are, bitch. Thank you.
Okay. First thing we need to do, outline a goal for our product.
Has to be 100% organic.
It has to be profitable. It has to fill a hole in the marketplace.
Uh, it needs a wow factor.
Um, why are you smushed against the door?
Uh, no, none of your business.
What do people really want?
- To be young. - Ah, to be thin.
Uh, to work underground.
To be loved.
Well, great. All we need to do is invent a product
that makes people feel young, thin, lovable, and
subterranean.
We could do this.
Wow.
You should see the big room.
These are all the day creams, night creams.
La Mer, Valmont, Hauschka...
Dove, TRESemmé, Supergoop...
Ariana, say less.
Everything that is relevant.
Women like to be moist.
...turized. Moisturized.
Anyway, the first step is to have Research put together a data package
that shows us the top sellers in each sector.
Why?
It's standard procedure in launching any new line.
Well, I think we should be in the stores.
You know, talking to the managers.
Looking at the sell-throughs, the rates of return.
I mean, if we're gonna find a hole in the market,
then we have to find the hole in the market.
That's gonna eat up a lot of time, and we only have 10 weeks.
- Ah, there you are. - Mr. Clarke, what a surprise.
Hello, Hildy. Brushing up on the competition?
Yes. What can we do for you?
Well, these guys already know it,
but I like to torture my employees once in a while,
and I thought maybe you'd like to join us out at the yacht club?
Yacht club?
Yeah, well, since you coxed on the club team at Harvard,
I thought you could show us a thing or two.
Sure.
I suck at this.
Ah, it's better than that zip-lining shit he made us do in the woods.
I mean, I got into science so I wouldn't have to go outdoors.
Suck it up, ladies.
Now this is what I call team building.
Zoe rowed lightweight for Princeton.
Never could beat you Crimson when she was there.
Said you guys always had their number.
We'll see if we still have some of that old Crimson magic.
On the square.
Sit ready.
Shit's ready.
Damn right it is.
Hey, shall we Power 20 right from the start?
Yes, of course.
Attention.
- Go! - Power 20!
Five...
Row!
- Six... - Row!
Seven...
Row your boat!
Eight!
Yeah!
- Go, go, go! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- I lost my olive. - I'm so sorry.
No, don't get it.
They're pulling ahead of us.
- Damn it, Zoe! - I've got this.
I've got this!
I so did not have that.
Hey, it's okay. We've, uh... We've had worse.
That was epic.
Where to begin?
I can think of a couple places.
It's funny. I thought I heard "pull port" as something different.
Really?
Pull port!
Pulled pork!
"Pulled pork"?
- Runt! - Right?
Yes!
No! The other right! The other right!
Look out!
Look, I just wanna apologize...
I just wanna say one thing. All right?
That was
hilarious.
- But, Mr. Clarke that scull, it was... - It was a piece of crap.
Now... Now we have an excuse to upgrade.
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
I hope somebody videotaped that 'cause that was some crazy shit.
Well, that worked out.
- See you, Maya. - Okay.
First, we have to work for his daughter, now we get this one.
There's something bullshit about her.
Huh. Coxswain, my ass.
- What? - Hmm?
Your dad is unique.
He's competitive to the point of occasional insanity.
But it's made him who he is.
You worry about him.
I worry about some of his decisions.
Since my mother passed away.
I'm sorry.
Six years, and he hasn't been on a date or a single vacation.
Although I finally talked him into putting the apartment on Zillow.
You know, he is always on me about having more of a life outside of work,
and yet, he can't see the same about himself.
Well, he's a dad. That's what they do, right?
I mean, I lost both my parents when I was young,
so my grandmother raised me until she died,
and then I bounced around foster care, so I wouldn't know.
Oh, is that why you never married or had kids?
Something like that.
Well, now that we've analyzed each other...
...I've got a big day tomorrow.
First shot at initial prototypes.
How are you guys coming?
We're close.
Hmm.
Very close.
What the hell? Oh, my God! It smells awful!
Yeah, that's because it's 100% organic as ordered.
Excuse me, could I ask you some questions about your daily skin care routine?
All right. Good day.
Hi. Hi.
Um, what do you look for in a sunblock?
Excuse me. Do you have time...
Do you have the time?
As a woman who wears all the makeup,
do you have any particular favorites?
Hello. Hi.
Hi.
It's cold out here.
Glad you have all that makeup on to keep you warm.
The paraben chemicals are what make it smell better.
No! We can't do that, all right?
And... And what do we do to make it a nicer color than vomit green?
Methoxycinnamate...
Dumb it down for me, all right?
How do we get rid of the chemicals and still make it look and smell nice?
We have to find the ingredients in nature.
Well, good. All right then. Start searching.
Do you have a minute, sir?
Oh, come on.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
That dickhead just kept walking.
Do you have mirrors at home?
And do you look at them before you leave?
Wow.
You have really soft skin. What kind of moisturizer do you use?
- Really? - Yeah.
Office of the registrar.
Yes. Uh...
How do I verify
if someone who says they went to Harvard actually graduated from there?
Do you have the name of the person and the year of graduation?
Yes. Maria Vargas. Class of '96.
Vargas...
Oh, yes. She, uh, graduated with honors.
Wow.
Magna cum laude.
You dick!
Excuse me?
No, sorry.
Um, Admissions gets really excited
- when we ding a scholarship candidate. - Sorry.
Uh...
Okay. Uh, thank you very much.
No problem.
Look at that, dude! Oh, my God!
- Did you see that shit? - Damn it!
I'll say this as a friend, man.
You suck at this game.
Edward Taylor's office.
Yes, is Mr. Taylor in?
I have a quick question about a reference on a former employee.
Mr. Taylor is away until the 21st. I can have him return.
I'd appreciate that, thank you.
I'm really proud just to be here with them. Be a part of it, you know?
That was really cold!
Hello. What's this?
Research.
You did all this in the field?
God, no. We have wasted six weeks talking to whackadoos from store to store.
I ordered this from downstairs.
- That's not how we're doing this. - And yet, it's how it's done.
Wow. Uh, 120,000 responses, but no real consensus.
Which is exactly my point. People are idiots.
They don't know what they want. They want us to tell them what they want,
so they can pick the prettiest bottle and get on with their lives.
Maya, could I talk to you for a second?
Um, yeah.
So, we are looking at taking on a new Chinese distributor.
Their CEO is in town and wants to meet me and Ron for dinner this Thursday.
His English is sketchy at best.
Dad thought you could help us out.
Okay.
Our go-to translator is on his honeymoon,
and the only employee we have who speaks Mandarin is...
- Me? - Yeah.
- Okay. Great. - Great.
- Thursday. Okay. - Yep.
Oh, my God! You are so butt-fricked.
- It's not funny, Joan. - Oh, it is.
I almost killed people in a boat race.
Now I'm gonna murder Mandarin. I don't speak Chinese.
All right, so you do a lot of nodding. I mean, men don't listen to us anyway.
I'm serious.
I just got an idea.
Our cat's veterinarian.
He's the nicest guy in the world, and he speaks Mandarin.
And how does that help me?
Well, if this works, you owe me big time.
Okay, he's asking you if you have ever traveled extensively in China.
You say...
But I feel so bad
leaving everybody else out of the conversation.
I'm sure that your English is much better than my Mandarin.
I suspect it might be.
We would love to schedule a tour
for you and your colleagues to visit our facilities firsthand.
But, of course, we would have to wait for the deal to be closed
due to the proprietary nature of R&D.
As long as there is a signed nondisclosure agreement,
I feel perfectly comfortable allowing Mr. Jiang to tour.
You may not be aware, Zoe, but that directly contradicts company policy.
But I'm sure Mr. Jiang can understand that.
Oh...
I like her.
And thank you, Zoe.
I will gladly sign the NDA to tour your facilities.
Thank you. That actually worked out great.
Ron didn't seem too happy.
Well, Ron is one of the reasons I hate this job sometimes.
So, how is your project coming?
Honestly?
Slow. Should have kept my big mouth shut.
Yeah. 100% organic is tough.
I took a run at it a few years ago.
You know, I still have some research over at my dad's place.
If you don't mind helping me search for it,
it might save you a few headaches.
Thanks. I mean, that would be really helpful.
Yeah, well, it's the least I can do for you making Ron look like a dick.
I'll see you.
What's up, Pops? I'm heading out to meet Maya over at the apartment.
Actually, that's why I wanted to see you.
Uh-oh. Sounds serious.
Would you close the door, sweetheart?
Okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
Well, when's he moving?
Uh, next month.
My apartment's so tiny, he lets me keep a lot of my junk here.
This place is huge. You grew up here?
Most of my life.
Wow.
Dad likes to collect them.
Is that your mom?
Mmm-hmm.
Pretty.
- She was blonde? - Yeah.
I was adopted.
Let's get you that research.
Sorry about the mess.
Dad saved everything.
And I mean everything.
Oh, my goodness. Could you be any cuter?
This is all the early stuff.
Yeah, the first haircut.
First tooth.
It's my first blanket.
It was from my birth mother.
It came with this.
It says, "Wherever you go..."
"I will always love you."
Oh, my God.
- How? - My dad.
I'm completely pissed at him.
You know, for years, after my mom died, I tried to find you,
but it was just a series of dead ends.
So, I sort of gave up.
But apparently he didn't.
That was a good decision.
I used to always wonder what your voice sounded like.
Oh, my God.
Did you ever search for me?
You know, the adoption agency advised me not to.
They said that you were with a good family and that I shouldn't.
But every time I saw a little girl, I would think,
"Is that what Sarah looks like now?"
You called me Sarah?
So, I would have been
Sarah Rosalina de la Santa Cruz Davilla Vargas?
You see why I shortened it.
Oh...
Can I ask...
What about my father?
I met him at a party.
Does he know about me?
I never even knew his last name.
But he was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen.
He was?
And very sweet.
But I was 16 and basically on my own, and...
But I knew you had to be born.
Wasn't even a question.
I'd left school. You know, got two jobs. But I didn't have anybody to watch you.
They were gonna take you away. You know, put you back in the system.
And I just couldn't let that happen.
But knowing that I was given up for adoption...
You can't help but grow up with a sense of rejection.
"Am I good enough?"
"Is something wrong with me?"
Exactly.
I would have done anything to keep you.
You know, I know we haven't exactly gotten along,
but I really admire you.
Just everything you've accomplished.
You're kind of who I wanna be when I grow up.
I found my old research.
You okay?
Well, I took out the really good stuff 'cause I am still going to kick your ass.
By the way, I don't think we need to tell people at work about this.
- Agreed. - Cool.
Then let's go, because I am starving.
So that's where you've been?
Jiminy crickets.
Oh, for God's sakes, would you just please start cursing?
No. Whatever. Come on. So, what is she like?
You know, it's so bizarre.
Last week, she was North Korea.
And now when I think about her, I can't stop smiling.
Aw.
That's so nice.
She wants to get to know me.
Oh.
Shoes.
Yeah, says she wants to make up for lost time.
- Well, that's great. - Mmm-mmm.
Not great. She wants to meet my friends.
So? I'd be happy to.
No. My "friends" from Harvard and the Peace Corps.
- Who don't actually... - Yes!
Oh, F-word.
God, that's so annoying.
What's annoying? Your face?
Oh, God.
Thank you very much.
I want to explain myself to both of you.
- You don't have to, it's... - Oh, no, he does.
We used to say Zoe got her spirited streak from her mother,
but now we know that's only half true.
You know, when Zoe started looking for you,
I didn't know if it was healthy or not.
And, after a while, you gave up.
And something went out in you.
I know what your mother would've said. She would've said, "Fix it, Andy."
So, I kept the feelers out.
And then suddenly, miraculously, there you were online.
And impressively so.
I didn't know if you would want to connect with Zoe,
and I didn't wanna take the chance on her being rejected,
so I brought you in under the guise of a job interview to suss you out.
And you were terrific. You were fantastic.
I would've hired you without this connection.
And then Zoe walked in
and seeing the two of you butting heads together, I just...
You manipulated us.
Well, perhaps.
Although, I wasn't the one who suggested the competition.
Maya?
Is that Maria Maya Vargas?
What are the odds?
Hello.
Yes, we were just on our way to the alumni social for Norton.
- Wharton. - Norton. Wharton. Yep.
Um, Zoe, Anderson, these are my friends from...
Harvard.
We, uh, did some time in the Peace Corps together.
We save whales.
Yeah, so you're Maya's little girl, huh?
She has your eyes.
Aren't you guys gonna be late for your mixer?
- Okay. - Philanthropy never waits.
Always saving something.
I thought you said it was an alumni social.
Well, we wanted to give our men a reason to put their tuxes on, so...
Before we give our men a reason to take 'em off.
Oh, Jesus.
- What an image. - Okay, we're not...
Okay, all right. Nice to meet you, ladies.
- Thank you. - And you, too.
It really is so nice to finally meet some of Maya's friends.
Well, she seems nice.
- Yeah. Uh-huh. - Pretty, too.
Unlike the bug up your arse.
I mean, come on, Joan. Seriously?
"Save the whales"?
Well, she nailed it in rehearsal.
Anyway, we were helping.
Still coming to my birthday, right?
Of course.
I just wish you would've told me.
Well, she said she wanted to meet your friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. Suddenly, we don't exist?
Hey, don't confuse this new Facebook thing with who you really are, okay?
My daughter thinks I'm this amazing person.
- What am I supposed to do? - I don't know.
Try telling her the damn truth?
You don't understand.
All right, that would kill her. I...
Maybe, one day, when we get to know each other better.
One day when you get to know.
I remember you saying the same thing about Trey.
You know what, that's a shitty thing to say.
I'm sorry, well, if the shite fits.
You know what? You have no idea what it's been like.
You have no idea
how many times I still thought about her every day.
"Is she okay? Is she happy? Is she alive?"
And you're right. Now I've found her, and it's a mess.
I'm a mess. And you know what? I hate the lie.
But I have to be the person that she thinks I am,
or I could lose her again.
And I couldn't survive that.
You act like you don't have a choice.
I don't.
Wow.
You know, it's sad that she's not gonna meet the old Maya.
'Cause she was pretty amazing.
Thanks.
Hey, don't be a stranger, huh?
I was kind of a regular.
When?
We used to sit here.
Ah.
You used to sleep or nurse while I tried to figure out our next move.
Wait, we were homeless?
I mean, there was a while where we didn't have a place, but...
I mean, I tried. I mean...
But...
It's okay.
I said good-bye to you here.
Kissed you for the last time.
December 23rd.
Christmas is not exactly my favorite time of the year.
Maybe we should fix that.
Okay. We got it. We're good.
Ta-da!
Oh, it's perfect.
Hi, guys. What's going on?
We have some good news.
- Ooh. - And some of the other stuff.
First, the good news.
I have found the hole in the market.
- Fruit? - Not just any fruit.
- Tangerine. - No one has done it.
Our data shows a 37% increase in sales
on any cream with a featured citrus component.
But it comes with a price.
How much of a price?
- Oh, just give me that. - Thank you.
To make all three products entirely green from the tangerine extract,
it'll cost 13% more than Zoe and Ron's line.
Oh, my God. Can we bring that down?
Change often comes at a cost.
The game was to create a line that was more profitable, not less.
Well, maybe you could ask them for more time.
Oh, that would be admitting that we couldn't do what we said we could.
What you said we could.
Everything I touch gets ruined.
Oh.
Look who's back from the city.
What's wrong?
They fire you?
Not yet.
Nine weeks of work, and I...
So, you didn't come clean.
Well, everything happens for a reason, right?
- You're with your daughter again. - Who's drop-dead, by the way.
Thank you, guys, for what you did the other day.
I mean, it was a little pathetic, but it was sweet.
I just wish I didn't get so caught up with all this data and spreadsheets.
Just should've stuck with what got me there.
There's just so many products.
Oh, tell me about it.
You got your under-eye, your face cream, your hand cream,
which in my house is called my son's "don't ask" cream.
- Okay. All right, really? - Mine, too.
If only there was one thing to cut through all the noise, you know?
One thing...
Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!
- Oh, my God. - What?
You guys are amazing.
I love you. And I gotta go.
One product?
Yeah. That does the job of all three.
I mean, it definitely costs less.
We should run it by Hildy to check with Research.
No, that's what got us in this mess in the first place.
Look, I have a good feeling about this. We make one product that does everything.
Rejuvenates, blocks the sun, moisturizes the whole body.
Maya, SPF formulas that block the sun and stay on your skin
can be toxic if you leave them on overnight.
Isn't there a natural compound with sun protection that isn't toxic?
No.
- Shit! - What?
The Christmas party. Let's go. We can brainstorm later.
- Um, I can't. - Why not?
Not invited. Uh, execs only.
Give me a break. You're my date. Ariana, too. You guys meet me there.
It's on the top floor. She'll be thrilled.
You okay?
Oh, another reason why I don't mind banishment to cat food.
I'm not great at these things.
Why did Felix banish you?
The whole Notralis scandal was Felix's idea.
He wanted me to hide the fact that we were repackaging shampoo
as hair growth product.
I wouldn't do it.
So, he let you keep your job if you keep your mouth shut.
But he banned you to Siberia.
Why didn't you just quit?
That's what he wants.
- Well, Team Green's in the house. - Hey!
You look amazing.
Thank you. You look pretty damn fine yourself.
My God, I love that ring.
Oh, it's my grandmother's. The one thing she left me.
The only thing my grandmother left me was a plant.
Yeah. I'll keep my diamond.
- Well, I seem to have found the cool crowd. - Oh.
Two of the most beautiful people here.
Thank you.
Right. Just...
I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Would you like a dance? - Sure.
Another scotch.
Did you accidentally push the up button in the elevator?
'Cause I don't think you're supposed to be on this floor.
I'm here with Maya.
Oh, are you?
Well, you enjoy tonight.
I mean, you'll be back with your cat food before you know it.
You look awesome.
I'm surprised you made it off the elevator.
Yeah, I, um...
I barfed in my purse.
Ah, I see.
Do you... Do you trust me?
Yeah.
She really doesn't belong here, you know.
She left college to join me here at the company.
I probably shouldn't have let her, but we were both hurting and...
Anyway, it's time for her now to go and live her life.
Go back to art school. Forget about the old man for a while.
Wait, she went to art school?
Yeah, you saw the apartment.
Wait. Those portraits were hers?
Mmm-hmm.
Cynthia and I used to joke about which one of us she got her talent from.
You both did an incredible job with her.
Oh, my God. Are... Are we outside?
It's fine, okay? Everything's fine. I got you. All right.
- I'm gonna take off the blindfold... - Nope.
And when I do, I want you to look right at me.
Can I say something?
Yeah, of course.
You don't have to pull some Titanic bullshit just to get close to me.
Okay.
Good, 'cause I kind of hate that movie.
You know, the door that she's floating on at the end, it's...
- Big enough for both of them, yeah. - Yes. Exactly.
Can we please move this conversation inside?
100%. Absolutely. Okay.
- Okay. - We're going back inside. We're turning.
- Okay. Okay. - I got you.
There you go.
Hail to the chief.
Congratulations on China.
Apparently, that dinner went very well.
Jiang was so impressed with our facilities, he wants to make a deal.
Once I set him up with the tour, I was certain he'd be in.
- Wait a minute, that was... - Mind if we cut in?
Hey, Mr. Clarke.
I underestimated you.
- Did you? - Yeah.
You're a much bigger scumbag than I thought you were.
Really? Because I have an inkling you are, too.
Anyway, we completed our project this afternoon.
That's impossible.
Is it?
- Cheers! - Congratulations.
Sammy Weiskopf. Look what the cat dragged in.
If it isn't the second-worst poker player in the world.
I live in your shadow. How'd you get past security?
I own them.
I may have had a hand in it, sir. Thank you for coming, Sam.
And, of course, you remember Ms. Vargas from her years at Value Shop.
I don't know that I do.
I consulted locally.
You've built a great business, Mr. Weiskopf. You should be very proud.
- Mmm. - Does anyone else find it just a little strange that...
Oh, God. I love this song.
I know what you're doing, and it's not gonna work.
What's your story, Ron?
I can dance like that.
I tend to lean to the nurture side of the whole evolution thing.
- Meaning? - Assholes aren't born. They're made.
What made you an asshole, Ron?
I come from an extremely long line.
Really?
'Cause I get the feeling that there's something smaller than your brain,
- and it isn't your ego. - Hmm.
I really don't care how you got here, Maria Vargas.
'Cause once everyone realizes what a disaster
you and your nonexistent product are, I guarantee you,
you'll be a fast memory.
What did you say?
You're a disaster.
That's it.
No, no!
Hey, um...
Just to be clear.
I'm kind of kinky.
We should probably come up with a safe word.
Chase, we gotta go.
- What? Now? - Now.
Okay.
Where are we going?
I realized something at the party.
Even out of the biggest disaster, there can still be hope.
Which disaster are we talking about?
- Hiroshima. - Wait. What?
After we dropped the bomb, the military sent a team into Japan
to see if the radiation had depleted. The only thing left
that hadn't been destroyed was one single living tree.
The leaves had already started growing back.
The citizens, they built a shrine around this tree.
And the soldiers took clippings from it.
One of those soldiers was my grandpa.
What kind of a tree was it?
Silver ginkgo.
After my grandpa returned home,
he took his clippings and planted a tree for my grandma.
And it's resistant to radiation.
AKA the sun.
- Here. - What?
What? We're breaking in?
You know they have ginkgo trees in Central Park, right?
Not the same kind. Besides, that's my plant in there.
Oh, hey, buddy. Hi.
All right. Stop.
Thank you, abuela.
The next stop is Broadway.
Here's Maya. Look at her, five days out.
Five days out.
If you look carefully, you can almost see smoke
- coming off of her brain... - Stop it.
Maya, here. Tell us.
Tell us what's the first thing you're gonna do
- when you get the big promotion? - Fire my annoying boyfriend.
No way, I've got tenure, baby. I do.
My union would never allow it.
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, my God. Stop.
Wait. You're leaving us for Ron?
It's not because everyone thinks you're delusional
for trying to create a new product with just three weeks to go.
It's just, Ron and I are actually gonna be working together
- next cycle, and I... - Ah-ah.
Say less.
God, that felt good.
I can still hear you.
Look, how long could this take?
To be honest, it could take a lifetime.
Don't worry. We got this.
I mean, I like the smell, but no one else will.
Trying again.
Not me.
Nope.
Nada.
- Oh, you suck. - What?
It's glowing. It's glowing!
What's it mean?
Everything all right in here?
You need something?
No hard feelings with Hildy jumping ship.
Why? You didn't get my thank-you note?
See you in the morning.
- What? - Tell her.
- What? - Go!
Okay. What?
It works.
Oh, my God! Yes! Yes, yes!
Okay, we have our presentation tomorrow.
- We need a wow factor. - Yes.
And I have an idea.
We've tasked two teams with two different challenges.
Zoe's team set out to create a slightly more organic alternative
to an existing product line,
while Maya's task was to create a completely new one.
A totally green line. Zoe?
You asked us to repurpose one organic line.
Well, we made two.
Skin care.
And makeup.
- Are these numbers accurate? - Yes. With a minimal cost,
we made our products 6% more organic than our previous line.
We estimate we can raise our price per unit by 4%
and increase our annual skin care revenue by $23 million.
That's very impressive. Maya? Your ball.
Well, my team, Chase Horowitz, Ariana Ng, and I,
have challenged ourselves to think outside the box.
And in keeping with that theme, we'd like to move our presentation
outside.
- Everything's ready. - Okay.
- I still don't think that we need... - Please.
Wow factor.
Okay.
We're standing beneath this tree for a very special reason.
Consumers are always looking for something natural and real,
but they're often overwhelmed by the amount of choices that are out there.
Words like "paralyzed," "confused," and "lost" kept popping up in our research.
We use one bar of soap for our entire body.
Why do we subdivide our face?
Uh, so we can make more money?
I think F&C has an opportunity to double our market share
by giving people what they want and what they need.
One organic product that does it all.
And that product comes from a ginkgo tree
similar to this one.
All In One Ginkgo Cream.
We estimate we can raise our price per unit by 9%
and increase our annual skin care revenue by $63 million.
It's a revolutionary idea that we think is really gonna take off
and signify a new era in skin care.
A product that will naturally and delicately
make our beauty soar.
Wow.
Maybe they're just stunned.
Any questions?
Who? No, I'm getting her in trouble. It's not the... It's not the...
Oh.
Look who showed up.
You owe me five bucks.
Well, the presentation go good?
Uh...
- Define good. - Did they like it?
- Until PETA showed up. - Auntie M.
Dill! Oh, you're home!
Hi.
- How's Stanford? - Yes. How's Stanford? Tell her. I can't.
I mean, why waste four years on a piece of paper
that says I know how to do what I already know how to do?
Right.
Excuse me.
She's really pissed at me.
Yeah, she doesn't want you to wind up like me.
What are you talking about? You're killing it right now.
You're only allowed so many bad decisions, Dill.
Dropping out now handicaps your ability to make good ones.
Hey, look who's back.
- Hey! - Hey.
- I... I was hoping to see you. - Yeah.
Yeah. You look different.
Yeah.
What, is that bad?
Hey, everyone. I... I wanna thank you all for coming
to celebrate the only Christmas birthday that actually matters.
Earmuffs, Jesus, you know you're my boo.
Cheers to me.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah.
Look, um...
- There's something I never told you... - About your daughter.
Yeah. Joan, she told me.
I mean, all that talk about family and...
I thought it was me you were hesitant about.
No, I was ashamed. I just...
I thought I didn't deserve to...
Have...
- I should've told you. - You should've told me.
You let me fall in love with a version of you,
and no relationship built on a lie can ever survive.
You were always good enough.
Well, you...
You're the only one that ever doubted it.
Hello?
What?
Now?
I can't believe you're still here.
Is everything okay?
Well, it could've waited till Monday,
but then I wouldn't be able to say this to you personally.
And you wouldn't have the weekend to prepare your speech.
Speech?
The board has voted unanimously to endorse your product.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Even after the whole bird thing?
You know, I've never seen a dove explode before.
Congratulations.
Now, apart from the donation
we'll have to make to the National Bird Society,
you are going to help make this company a lot of money.
- And that is good for us all. - Mmm-hmm.
We want you to present at our Distributors Conference this Monday.
It is a big deal. It's streamed online.
Business Weekly, Forbes, Fortune, they all cover it.
Wow.
Yeah. And, um, there is one more thing.
Go ahead.
We don't want you to consult anymore.
We want you to join us at the company permanently.
- Excellent work today, Maya. - Thank you.
Welcome to the family.
Oh.
- You wanna celebrate? - Yes.
What is the matter? You should be ecstatic.
I am. I...
It's just been a crazy couple of weeks, that's all.
Yeah, for us both.
You're quite the photographer.
Why didn't you tell me that the photographs in the apartment were yours?
I haven't even touched a camera in, like, five years.
Do you miss it?
Sometimes, but my dad needs me.
Your dad needs you to be happy.
Have you thought about going back to school?
We just found each other.
- Yeah, but we can still... - It's in London.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Wow.
I still think you should go.
Why?
Because it's time, Zoe.
What you thinking about?
- Nothing. Just something my ex-boyfriend said earlier. - Mmm-hmm.
I saw him tonight.
Oh, wow.
I didn't know you had a...
You just never talked about him.
Why'd you guys split?
I wasn't completely honest with him.
Why not?
I guess I was afraid to be.
Everything happens for a reason, right?
Here's to us working together.
We're building a company with Dad.
Our company.
Zoe, look, this is an amazing opportunity, but just don't...
Look, I can tell there's something holding you back from taking the job.
But just know,
I am so grateful to have you back in my life.
I think this could be really good for us.
Please.
Don't leave me again.
I need you.
Yep.
Okay, put him through.
Mr. Taylor?
Yes, Mr. Ebsen. Sorry for the delayed response.
I've been traveling a lot the last few weeks.
That's quite all right.
I got your message. I must say, I'm a bit confused.
We never had a Maria Vargas work here.
Really?
I checked with personnel,
went through all our records, and, as far as Estée Lauder is concerned,
that person never existed.
Okay, thank you.
Hey. What did you mean?
What did I mean?
Uh, when...
When you said the other night... When you, um...
Yeah?
You know, when you said that you're, um...
You're kinky?
Oh, that. Oh, that's just something I say.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Or is it?
Oh, man.
Thank you.
Now, my father would normally be making this introduction,
but because of special circumstances,
he is, for once, allowing someone else to get a word in.
In a world of increasing competition and decreasing profits,
sometimes you need a fresh perspective.
- Isn't that what you always say, Dad? - When I can get a word in.
So, we hired a woman who has achieved her success
not by going by the book, but by trusting her gut.
Someone who is not afraid to tell the truth,
even if the truth hurts.
Ladies and gentlemen, Maya Vargas.
Thank you, Zoe.
Anderson.
Thank you for giving me a chance.
You know, some people never get a chance
because they can't afford the right education,
or they don't have the degree to get in the right doors.
And you're correct, Zoe.
Maybe I am where I am today because I wasn't afraid to tell the truth.
Even if it hurts.
And the truth is...
The truth is...
The truth is a lie.
For the past seven years,
I've been an assistant manager at the local Value Shop in Ozone Park.
Oh, my God! All right!
I invented my résumé.
I never went to Wharton.
I never even graduated from high school.
- What? - Holy cow.
Cool.
I thought it was what I had to do to get in those doors.
And there you are.
I thought none of you would even look at me if you knew the truth.
Because I thought I wasn't good enough.
So, I gave you a version of me.
But, for better or for worse,
I have to be who I really am.
And I'm Maya Davilla
from Queens, New York.
That's the real me.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have lied.
To any of you.
But this product...
Not a lie.
It's amazing.
Chase, Ariana.
It's all yours.
What?
Was it all a lie?
Zoe.
The stuff about the adoption agency.
Them telling you not to look for me.
Was that a lie, too?
No, of course not.
Well, how can I trust anything you say?
Listen, this is why I tried calling you last night.
I got my wish.
I got my girl back.
But I realized something.
Okay? No relationship built on a lie can...
Bullshit!
You know, after my mom died,
I put my entire life on hold to be there for my dad.
That's what families do.
I'm not leaving you.
I'm not going anywhere.
But I am.
Zoe!
DearZoe,
I know that many people believe in fate.
And trust me, there are times I wish I was one of them.
I believe we create our own fate,
that our lives are shaped by a series of choices.
One decision leading to another,
bringing us times of greatjoy or years of regret.
In the end, it's up to us. We get to write our own story.
I've made some spectacularly awful choices in my life.
And two good ones.
Alongside giving birth to you,
the best decision I evermade was to give you up.
Because you never would've become you if it weren't for your parents.
And because you're exactly the person I'd like to be
when I grow up.
You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I'm sorry I messed it up. Again.
- So you did all this in one year? - That's right.
We created a nationwide service
where consumers could shop for groceries locally from home.
And all you need to join is an e-mail address.
And 20 bucks.
You created an online store specifically designed for each member?
Yeah. And our clients can even use their phone
to pick out a specific cut of meat, or a prepared salad,
or the third lemon from the back.
My godson Dilly over there created the app in between finals.
He works here when he's not at Stanford.
He's a genius.
You basically said to Value Shop, "We're gonna build a better mousetrap."
And we said, "We'd like to partner."
He's our little angel investor.
We negotiated points on some convertible debt.
It's a cute deal.
We spend half our lives looking back, wishing.
If we'd only done it differently, chosen smarter.
Not made so many mistakes.
He eats it. If he didn't eat it, then I wouldn't...
Hi. Hi, can we talk for a second?
Yeah.
So, I got what you left on my doorstep.
You really mean all this?
Ask me anything.
Okay.
- Are you... - Yes.
You don't know what I was gonna ask.
Whatever the question is, the answer's yes.
Did you really lose your daughter again?
Yes.
Are you ever gonna lie to me again?
Yes.
But that was the last time.
Funny.
Are you ready to have a family?
You are my family.
So, yes.
Sorry.
This is broken and doesn't... Okay.
But the truth is, our mistakes don't limit us.
Only our fears do.
And as unpredictable as this journey has been,
I am so glad it finally led me back to you.
Congratulations.
Your dad told me you were back.
- Welcome home. - Thanks.
You got your degree.
Now what?
I don't know.
You think we could start over?
I was thinking of going for a run.
Okay.
Do you wanna come with me?
Yeah.
I'd like that.
A lot.
I'm about to cry.
You guys are fricking pussies.
Oh, my.
What? He said "fricking."
It's progress.
This time I'm not gonna be as easy on you.
- Oh, yeah? - Uh-huh.
All right. Bring it.
Every day you wake up and have a second chance
to do whatever you want,
to be whoever you want.
The only thing stopping you
is you.