Previously on Masters of Sex...
Because I wasn't sure when I'd be starting at Memorial,
I haven't yet told Lillian.
Greathouse feels it may not be possible for you to come to Memorial.
Great to see you, Bill.
I hope you're treating him right, Barbara.
Because this one, he's got a bigger following than Gunsmoke.
You, my dear, are not married to a saint.
You are to keep 100 miles away from that study.
Unofficially, I'm very interested
in what happens behind closed doors.
Very, very interested.
Metastasis was always a possibility.
I know what to research now.
I'm going to have to hand the work off
to someone who can fight the fight.
You're sterile, yet engaging in fertility treatments?
It's not my problem.
Last I looked, your job came with all the zeroes
on that cheque my husband wrote.
Attention all hospital staff.
Dr Austin Langham
has spent the last two months
fornicating with his sister-in-law.
Thought he would do the trick. Having our son.
I know my husband was reticent about children.
Who ever heard of a grown man being afraid of his child?
I think you've misunderstood what happened between us.
Of course we're not having an affair, Virginia.
We never were. I'm a happily married man.
Continuing the work's a good idea,
but only if you understand the terms.
I agree.
If sex is merely a vehicle for procreation,
then the end of fertility
marks the end of sexual desire.
Yet Freud believed that menopause
led to an increase in female libido.
As usual, Dr Freud presents no empirical evidence
to substantiate his claim.
He wasn't all wrong, though. The data does show
certain physiological changes in women over 50.
A longer period of foreplay needed for lubrication,
fewer vaginal contractions in the orgasm phase.
When did you see all these participants?
Those are only a small sampling.
So you've resumed the study.
-Yes, of course. -Without me.
I did everything I could, Virginia.
The board just wasn't impressed by your application.
I don't understand.
Try to see it from their perspective.
Limited experience, no higher education...
I tried to go back to school...
You tried, but didn't see it through. You chose me instead.
I chose the work.
Virginia, you thought it was about the work.
I always knew the truth.
That became apparent on the application, so...
I'm sorry, but you really only have yourself to blame.
Because?
For starters?
Under "current occupation," you wrote
"mistress."
You're up.
How long was I...
-An hour maybe. -An hour?
Why didn't you wake me?
You looked like you needed the sleep.
Did you know you sleep with your mouth open,
like a baby bird?
We don't sleep here. Or read.
This isn't a vacation.
I told the sitter I'd be home by 10:00.
It's only 9:15. We...
Please get dressed.
You need to get the study files out of my trunk.
Goodbye, Silky.
And don't wait for me to write another story about you.
Drop in any time.
Goodbye, Mr Thompson.
Ain't you going to escort me to the door?
Mr Thompson, my wife didn't mean anything.
We've been married for 25 years.
You're not going to shoot me.
Why should I?
If you want to get out of it, shoot yourself.
It's a mess, but it's all there.
Intake forms, instrument readings, sexual histories.
I could've used these the other day.
Barbara tried to make fliers for the study. Riddled with typos.
Any response yet?
The phone hasn't stopped ringing.
I have seven interviews with prospective participants tomorrow,
six the next day...
I meant any response from Greathouse
about my position in the study.
Why, he can't authorise me to hire you until the board signs off.
Has he brought it up to them?
I'm going to make sure he does.
Pull your car around so we can start loading these.
Maybe you should hold on to them.
Someone has to put them back into some kind of order.
I was under the impression that someone was called your secretary.
Barbara can barely alphabetise.
Besides, you know better than anyone how all the pieces fit together.
I want you to stay connected to the work.
So I'm not qualified as a researcher,
but it's fine for me to play secretary in my free time?
Virginia, I'm as unhappy with the situation as you are.
Are you taking diet pills?
I'm selling them.
Holding on to them for a friend?
No. I am selling them.
Without the extra money from the study,
I can barely afford to pay my rent.
I need to make a living, Bill.
This morning, we're driving in,
and the parking attendant says,
"'Morning, Mrs Moretti,"
and it takes me a solid minute to realise he meant me.
Your whole life you're walking around as Betty DiMello,
and the next day, you're married,
and someone's calling you some other lady's name.
It's like if, all of a sudden,
I started calling you Dr Lipschitz.
Mrs Moretti.
It makes me feel like I'm pretending to be somebody I'm not.
Know what I mean?
They had a free subscription offer, so I figured, why not?
Then I stumbled upon this article.
Turns out a new baby is traumatic for a man.
Like his home has been transformed into an oversized playpen.
It's messy, it's noisy, there are smells.
Which explains why the moment Bill walks in through the door,
the first thing he does is take out the diaper pail.
It also explains why Bill needs to feel things are calm at home.
Orderly.
Unchanged.
No bottles on the counters. No pacifiers stuck between cushions.
It's also why today is important.
I mean, I know, it seems like a silly luncheon,
but they're the wives of Bill's new colleagues.
If things go well here,
they report as much back to their husbands,
and that helps Bill at work, as well as at home.
Is that a Dixie Cup on his...
It's a trick I learnt changing my brothers' diapers.
You lose your eyes if you aren't careful with boys.
Maybe I should've aksed before I put it on.
"Asked" me before you put it on.
We talked about this before, remember?
Don't worry. You'll get it.
We should have a sample Pap smear kit
for Dr Papanicolaou to bring to Florida with him.
I put one together last week.
Several sample kits.
At least three or four even, to be safe.
Four seems reasonable, don't you think?
He's only in St Louis once a year for the conference.
Does he prefer coffee or tea?
Tea.
With cream and a little... With the little...
The little squares of sugar.
Sugar cubes.
You're just nervous about tomorrow.
They did name the Pap smear after Dr Papanicolaou after all.
It makes sense you'd want to impress him.
I'm not trying to impress anyone.
Dr Papanicolaou happens to be a respected
figure in the field, that's all.
His support for our programme would be enormously useful.
Especially to you. As you continue with our work.
DePaul?
Lillian?
Save my seat.
How long have you worked here?
Three years in March.
I'm over at Maternity.
My girlfriend Peg used to worked there. How do you like it?
Truthfully, the stress of working in a hospital?
Some days, I want to curl up with a piece of chocolate cake.
I know what you mean.
We're supposed to give these to patients for nausea.
I can imagine it's tough.
Being surrounded by so much suffering every day.
Especially when everyone's so skinny.
I did try the Grapefruit Diet.
All it did was give me cavities.
That is the problem with fad diets.
They promise the moon and the stars,
but you end up feeling hungry all the time.
That's why I started using Cal-O-Metric.
We'll be following the exact same protocol
as in the study at Washington University.
What would I tell my husband?
What did you tell him before?
That there were two doctors, and one of them was a lady.
That's the only reason he let me do it, Dr Masters.
I'm sorry, but if it's just going to be you here, alone,
watching... I'm sorry.
-Part of the study? -Not any more.
-Shame. -Yes.
Without Mrs Johnson, we can look forward
to more qualified volunteers declining to participate.
Mrs Johnson is instrumental in this part of the process.
No one else puts people at their ease...
Bill, I get it.
You and I have been at this a long time.
You reach a point in your career,
same routine day in and day out,
if you never see another torn perineum again,
it'll be too soon.
So you start a sex study, get a research assistant.
Mrs Johnson is indispensable to this study...
She may seem indispensable to you, but to the board?
She's an overpriced secretary.
Things aren't always what they seem.
For instance, Barbara doesn't seem to know
the first thing about secretarial work.
And yet, apparently, she's essential.
To you.
I'm simply asking Mrs Johnson be brought onto this study
because she is essential.
To the work.
I'll float the idea at tomorrow's board meeting,
see what they think.
What?
They're out of ambrosia?
You know, last year when you left the study,
I thought to myself, "Why?
"Why would Virginia leave the work she loves
"to go back to typing memos?"
And not to mention, "Why would Bill let her go?"
What are you talking about, Austin?
Now I'm thinking, "What complicates every relationship?
"What splits two people up?"
Elise is now staying at her mother's across the river. In Alton.
When it's my turn with the kids, I drive to Alton,
where I pick them up, then take them
to the Chancery Park Plaza Hotel.
I saw you there last night.
With Bill.
You should have said something.
We could have all gotten a drink.
Bill and I have decided to go ahead and publish the study.
Now, it's still in the early stages.
Compiling the data, drafting the text.
Bill's not welcome here, obviously.
I'm not welcome at his hospital.
We can't work late hours at his house with the new baby,
and we can't discuss sex research
at my house, with my kids there.
So we work out of the hotel.
Then why did you two stop working together?
Bill thought we were ready to present to the faculty.
And I said we had not done enough
to prepare them for what they were about to hear,
let alone the sight of a pulsating vagina on a projection screen.
We had a terrible fight, and in the end, I quit.
And after the debacle of the presentation,
Bill admitted that he was wrong,
and he apologised, and he asked me to come back.
So that's it?
Yes, that's it.
And we took the children to see
The Music Man with Robert Preston.
I hear that is fabulous.
It's fabulous.
I couldn't drag Bill to a Broadway musical.
He'd probably bring a journal on uterine fibroids
to read during the slow parts.
How does he like the new hospital?
He couldn't be happier.
And that study of his? Is that still happening, too?
I bet you know all the secrets.
Libby, do tell us the most delicious thing
you've learnt from all his experiments.
I actually worked on the study
myself for a bit, in his office.
Where I got to see, first-hand, just how boring it all is.
The charts and the graphs, and the incomprehensible diagram.
Someone had a nice, long nap.
My goodness, has that adorable creature been here this whole time?
He is gorgeous, Libby.
And she is so wonderful with him.
Can I hold?
Where did you learn to be so great with children?
You're so young.
My momma passed when I was 10.
I had to bring up my brothers and sisters.
But even before that, I had baby cousins in Joplin...
She doesn't want your family history. She was being polite.
She aksed.
Either I'm losing my mind or his hair...
Is there something crawling in it?
All my sales reports are there.
I sold over $40 worth of products this week.
Which is almost double what I did the week before.
Be still, my heart.
I did all of that without using your sales script, by the way.
No wonder your numbers stink.
I don't...
I don't feel comfortable reading from a script
that deliberately makes women feel bad about themselves.
Yet women who feel great about themselves
don't buy diet products.
Which leaves us with a conundrum.
Listen, if you really want to get good at this...
I don't. I don't want to get good at this.
Selling diet pills may be enough for most housewives
that walk through your door, but I already have a career.
You're following your dreams.
Yes. At the moment, I need something to supplement my income.
Have you ever heard of William Elvis Sloan?
He invented Cal-O-Metric?
He came up with how to make a toilet flush.
Was that his calling?
Did he wake up every morning, tickled pink and skipping off to work?
Probably not. But he died a very rich man.
So, sure. "Follow your dreams."
It's a lovely slogan for a life
most people can't afford to live.
But who knows?
Maybe you're special.
I asked for the check. I assumed you weren't coming.
I had to turn in my sales report.
Of course. Wouldn't want our work to interfere with your diet pills.
Austin saw us last night leaving our room together.
Apparently, his wife is staying with her mother in Alton,
so when he takes the kids he stays at this hotel.
Jesus.
It's not a problem. I handled it.
Says who?
If someone like Austin can walk through here, that means anyone can.
Luckily, there's nothing strange about two colleagues
having a drink in a hotel lobby.
Virginia, I am a married man.
You do understand what it would mean if this were to get out?
I do.
Which means it'd probably be imprudent
for us to head upstairs.
Wouldn't it?
It's a mess, I know.
I wasn't expecting you home until late.
I hope you ate something. I haven't made a thing for dinner.
Everything's fine.
We found lice in Johnny's hair.
But I got a book from the library.
And we just need to wash everything, all the fabric in the house.
It shouldn't be a problem.
Baby's crying.
I know the baby's crying.
The baby's been crying all day.
I can't get the baby to stop crying.
I'm sorry.
You have enough to worry about,
now the girl brings in lice.
-Coral? -Who else?
I've never had lice.
You've never had lice. No one that we know has ever had lice.
You don't have to wash everything, Libby.
Just the baby's clothes and his blankets.
Tomorrow, scrub his hair with medicated shampoo they sell at the supermarket.
These are just a few harmless insects.
They'll be gone in a day or two.
See?
It's so much nicer when we can sort these things out together.
I'll take out the diaper pail.
The initial aim of the programme
is to expand access to early screening
through a systematic outreach effort to physicians and to...
-To... -Hospitals.
And eventually, we hope to establish
a research facility at Washington University
to develop new methods of detection,
treatment of cervical cancer.
But that's still years in the future.
I am creating a research centre of my own at the University of Miami.
Are you really? How very interesting.
This is the prototype for the testing kit we'll be sending out.
We've included a skort frim slip.
-Pardon? -A skort frim slip.
There's a short film strip.
Yes. It is short.
Do you have any questions?
Doc.
Do you time it so we arrive at the same time every morning,
or is it just the heavens conspiring against me?
Actually, we wait till we see your car pull in.
'Morning.
Gene came to give a donation.
You've been more than generous already.
Not that kind of donation.
Poor Gene's getting antsy with all this testing we're doing.
He's been asking when we're gonna move on.
Move on to...
Betts says you're good on her end.
You just need a sample of my swimmers, pardon my French.
-Ready, Moretti? -Yeah.
Good morning, Dr Masters.
Betty, I think it best if you wait...
Don't worry, I can take care of this.
If I could have a...
You know your way around.
I'm very observant.
I really must insist...
All right, reading material. Here.
You always had a thing for Ava Gardner.
Dr Masters, could I...
Don't have too much fun.
Could I just...
Barbara, what is it?
Dr Greathouse wants to know what time tonight's study is starting.
He would like to be there.
7:00.
But make sure he knows this evening's area of focus, please.
Yes.
We'll be looking at men with enlarged prostates.
Primarily elderly men.
Engaged in auto-manipulation.
Auto... I'm sorry.
Old men masturbating.
-You're gonna say... -In my office.
I'm almost done here.
Maybe I can take the baby now?
Actually, there's something I'd like to speak to you about.
I need you to use this tonight.
What is it?
It's a special shampoo.
It gets rid of anything that's...
The eggs or...
Everyone that you live with, your family, should use it too.
I don't have lice, Mrs Masters. They didn't come from me.
I never said that they did.
All you have to do is look in there
and tell him he's got bum sperm.
This I would divine by somehow staring into a cup?
Put it under a magnifying glass.
Shame you didn't pursue medicine, you have the head for it.
He won't know the difference.
I know.
I will not tell a patient he's sterile
when I know that the only reason he can't have children
is because his wife underwent a tubal ligation...
You want to get all high and mighty? Fine.
Let's end it now.
You tell him I'm infertile. Tell him the truth.
You tell him.
Sorry to interrupt. I...
I crossed the finish line.
It's all just...
It's cruel.
You're out there in the john making baby batter,
while in here, the Doc gets the results
from my very last test, and it turns out I'm the culprit.
I don't even know what to say.
Nobody does.
Only Betty knows.
You know, your whole life you think,
"All you gotta do is find the right fella.
"Getting knocked up, that's the easy part."
But then to find out your body's just not cut out for it...
Doc.
Is there anything we can do?
I'm afraid not.
Nothing at all?
It's a real blow.
Thank you for trying.
I didn't do anything. Really.
I think it's only right that
you dispose of this, Betty.
You okay? 'Cause I'm not sure I am.
I'm, you know...
Devastated.
But at least we still got each other.
Hell, the cashier. We need to settle the bill.
No. Dr Masters isn't gonna charge us for this morning.
We gotta pay for the fertility tests, treatments.
No, Gene, honey.
Let's just go home and start the healing process.
Betts, we're here. Let's just get it over with now.
Your taxi should be here any minute.
Dr Papanicolaou, if I may speak frankly.
You chair the committee for the Williams Prize, correct?
I do.
Dr DePaul would never say this.
But that kind of endorsement,
it would be invaluable to our programme.
Not to mention what it would mean to Dr DePaul on a personal level.
Coming from you.
Nobody has stood behind this programme.
The administration was strong-armed
into offering even a modicum of support.
Everything Dr DePaul's accomplished here,
she's done on her own.
With no help, no guidance.
I did not expect to be impressed this morning.
To be honest, I did not even remember Dr DePaul.
But I am always pleased, years later,
to hear that a student considered me their mentor.
I didn't say "mentor."
And neither did Dr DePaul.
She says she never had a mentor.
Mentors were reserved for male students.
You may not have remembered her.
But I guarantee you, you will remember her now.
Because what she has done here,
this programme, all on her own,
it is remarkable.
Yes. You are right about that.
Then I hope you will take that into consideration
as you make your selections for the Williams Prize.
Now, you control the device yourself.
Speed, intensity, depth...
It's freezing.
My partner usually warms it with a hot towel.
I'd completely forgotten.
The friction between the device and the vaginal walls should
gradually increase the temperature.
I thought we were doing prostates.
Last-minute scheduling change.
I see you opted for old and fat instead.
Post-menopausal, actually.
Pretend I'm not here.
I'll be invisible. A fly on the wall.
Thar she blows.
Sorry. No comments from the peanut gallery, I know.
Have you asked the board about my assistant?
Yes, I did.
Actually, I spoke to them at length about Mrs Johnson
just this morning.
They haven't made a decision yet, obviously,
but they seemed open to it.
I'm happy to speak to them, answer any questions...
Steady on, pal.
It's a process. It takes time.
But trust me, we'll get there.
Knock, knock.
Noticed you're burning the midnight oil. Thought I'd say hello.
Hello.
You know what the worst part of this divorce is?
It's not fighting with lawyers
or driving half-an-hour to see your kids.
Or watching your wife of 12 years turn into some kind of a she-wolf.
It's eating potato chips for dinner.
I keep fantasizing about Elise's cooking.
Beef stroganoff.
Tuna noodle casserole.
Jiffy corn casserole, cheeseburger casserole.
Are you just going to sit there? Talking?
Because if so,
I need a drink.
I didn't even know that water polo was a sport,
let alone that it was my favourite sport.
I have a stack of exams to grade.
Give Virginia the answer sheet. Let her do it.
One more.
To Virginia.
Virginia.
It's funny.
The second I met Virginia, I thought I had her pegged.
Just another woman unwilling to do the hard work,
ready to latch on to the first man
that can take her to the next rung on the ladder.
Then, that proves you're a good judge of character.
She's closer to you than anyone.
How long have you known?
So long.
Very long.
I saw them last night leaving a hotel.
Virginia, God bless her, tried to give me some baloney story about how
they're publishing the study, working out of the hotel.
She used to do this thing every once in a while, in the lab.
She'd lean in and fix Bill's bowtie,
just sort of straighten it out, you know?
There is a fence around Bill Masters.
Chain link with barbed wire.
Nobody gets past that. Nobody gets close.
But Virginia would just waltz right through.
I think back now, how could I miss something so obvious?
How could I not have known they were
sleeping together the entire time?
Tatti Greathouse gave me a recipe for osso buco.
She says it's better than the one at Bella Rosa.
I may not be home until after 9:00.
We could have a late supper.
Close our eyes, pretend we're in Florence.
I'll take that.
Good morning, Mrs Masters. Good morning, Dr Masters.
Good morning.
Hello, Coral.
I see...
I see your hair is the same as it was yesterday.
Yes, Mrs Masters. I feel like it suits me.
I'm referring to the shampoo that I gave you.
Did you use it?
My brother checked. He didn't find nothing.
"Anything." He didn't find anything.
It costs me $4 to get my hair done every week.
I can't afford to mess it up.
So you didn't use the shampoo.
Even though you told me, you promised me, that you would.
Dr Masters, I don't have lice. I swear I don't.
My brother said negroes can't even get it.
Coral, this is between you and me.
Her brother is right.
Negroes do have tightly coiled, low-density hair,
which makes it very inhospitable for lice.
I read about it in the Wellford Journal of Medicine.
So it is unlikely she would have them.
Unlikely is not impossible.
I don't see why we need to involve Dr Masters in this discussion at all.
I'll go get him.
Is everything all right?
I cheated in college.
Calculus.
I could never get my head around calculus.
No matter how many hours I studied, I couldn't crack a B plus.
And I was a straight-A student.
I figured medical schools couldn't turn away a straight-A student,
even if she were a woman.
So I bought the final exam from previous year
from a rather unscrupulous graduate student named Marvin for $10.
I am impressed.
Lillian DePaul breaks the rules.
It was a shortcut. That's all.
Does it negate the work I've done since?
Does one shortcut diminish everything that comes after?
-So... -So...
That's my secret. What's yours?
My secret?
I don't have any secrets.
I don't believe you.
Virginia,
you've seen me at my worst.
Lying naked on a hospital sheet,
limping to the car after radiation.
I've shared nearly everything with you.
Too much, even.
It seems only right that you should share with me.
Honestly, Lillian,
I'm not that interesting.
Coral, could you come here, please?
This relationship is about trust.
I leave you in my house every day with my child and if I can't...
Mrs Masters...
What if something, God forbid, happened to Johnny?
How do I know you'd tell me the truth?
How can I trust anything you say to me any more?
I'm sorry.
I need you to sit down now, please.
Mrs Masters, I'll use the shampoo.
No, Coral, that's the point.
I can't trust you any more to do it yourself.
If you don't sit down, Coral, you'll have to leave.
And you won't be welcome back.
Put your head back, please.
Is the water warm enough?
We need to be on the same side.
If you have a problem with something, you come to me.
Dr Masters is a busy man, and we don't need to involve him.
He's not a part of this.
You and I,
we need to stick together, okay?
I hope you can understand that.
Please. To get your hair re-done. It's my treat.
I appreciate you meeting me on such short notice, Dr Papanicolaou.
I don't have much time. My plane leaves in one hour.
This won't take long.
I called because I would like to ask
you to take my programme with you.
To Miami, to your new research centre.
I'm sorry if there's been a misunderstanding, Lillian.
But my staff is already in place...
No, I'm not asking you for a job.
After some consideration,
I've come to the conclusion that this university simply
doesn't have the proper personnel
to fully realise the programme.
You understand, if I were to oversee this,
I would keep you informed of any major decisions, of course,
but in terms of the day-to-day management...
Once I give you the programme,
my role in it will be finished.
I understand.
Bill. So?
So what?
So what's on the menu tonight?
Actually, I was looking for you, Doug.
Since I haven't had a chance to apologise yet for last night.
I realised afterward I'd completely forgotten to warn you.
About the transference effect.
Does transference involve attractive women?
Yes, it can. But not necessarily.
Observation of sexual activity
can produce a kind of tension in the observers.
The researchers can find themselves experiencing certain
uninvited erotic sensations.
Now, this can happen between a man and a woman.
It can also happen between a man and another man.
I'm not quite sure I understand.
I've been doing this a long time,
so I'm immune to the transference effect myself.
But I have seen other men in that small, confined space.
The danger is high.
And for those male observers that do get drawn in,
they often don't come out the other side.
At least, not the same way they went in.
You mean like in wrestling?
Something like that.
You're nervous.
How can you tell?
Slight generalised vasocongestion in your face and chest.
Mild fasciculation in the hands, feet.
You're flushed. And trembling.
Is that bad?
Honest to God, Bill, this is better than my bachelor party.
Step outside, Doug.
Sure.
Yes?
This is a scientific study, not a stag film in a frat house.
Your colleagues are very interested in your work.
I think you should appreciate that.
Get them out of here.
I know that Bart Scully treated you like the Second Coming.
But here, in this hospital, you are my employee.
You have grossly misjudged me
if you think I would allow those baboons
to sit in my exam room, slurping chop suey, mocking my work.
The terms of my employment,
the terms between you and me are changing now.
You will clear my exam room,
and you will never get near it again.
You will authorise Mrs Johnson's hiring
starting tomorrow morning.
Let me tell you how it works with secretaries.
You don't promote them to lofty positions above their pay grade
or give them titles like "research assistant."
I didn't even mention your assistant to the board,
and you should thank me for that.
I'm keeping you from being perceived
as a man that only thinks with his cock,
and not with his head.
As far as your study goes,
your colleagues are on your side.
So relax.
Care for one, Bill? They are delicious. Not that spicy.
Take it easy.
By the time I'm off the phone tomorrow morning,
there's not going to be a single hospital in the Midwest
that's going to let you so much as step through their doors.
These need to be mimeographed
and sent to Dr Papanicolaou's office at Cornell
as soon as possible.
He requested the files for our programme?
Maybe he wants to share them with
the committee for the Williams Prize.
Actually, Dr Papanicolaou will be bringing the programme with him
to his new Miami research centre.
What do you mean?
You'll need to speak to someone in the audio-visual department
to make duplicates of the film strip.
You gave him the programme?
Why didn't you tell me about this?
I'm telling you right now.
After you made your decision?
I don't need to consult you about the course of my research.
Your research? We are partners.
I worked like a dog to get this programme off the ground.
I recommended you for the Williams Prize.
I didn't ask you to do that.
I did it anyway. For you.
Papanicolaou will put his name on your work.
You won't even be a footnote.
I didn't go into medicine to see my name on a study, Virginia.
Loraine?
Virginia Johnson. We met last summer at the block party.
Of course.
-Are you still at Maternity? -I am.
Although, I've recently transitioned to a new line of work.
I'm the new neighbourhood ambassador for Cal-O-Metric.
This isn't one of those fad diets, is it?
My sister tried the cabbage soup one.
She ended up so bloated we called her the Hindenburg.
I can assure you, Cal-O-Metric is not a fad at all.
Our trademarked nutritional formula
is based on the most cutting-edge science.
Good luck with it.
Let me ask you something, Loraine.
When you see yourself in the mirror, how do you feel?
How do you feel?
I feel great.
You're lucky then. I don't know many women that do.
I'll tell you who does.
A woman who's confident in her figure, she feels great.
In fact, a woman like that feels fantastic.
But a woman who's not so sure,
who's maybe put on a pound or two over the years,
who notices the slightest sag here and there,
wonders why her husband doesn't
look at her quite the way he used to,
or even the checkout boy,
who used to stare openly,
but now just looks past her like she's not even there.
A woman like that, she doesn't feel fantastic at all.
This could be the start of a brand new you.
I know it was for me.
Bill.
I need to talk to you.
I hate to tell you guys this,
but your kid's got a bad case of the cutes.
Dr Langham decided to drop by.
Isn't that nice?
I'm in major need of advice, Bill.
I've got this new patient.
Real head-scratcher. Right up your alley.
The skeletal system is not exactly my area...
Libby also invited me to dinner.
She said the two magic words. Veal and shanks.
How could I resist?
Plus, I picked up a few Montecristos this weekend.
Care to join me outside?
I don't smoke.
Why don't you join me, Bill?
You wanna go see Mommy? I know.
I did try to make the Heavenly Ham Loaf first.
It was a Betty Crocker recipe and everything.
Who, by the way, is a phoney. Did you know that?
Betty Crocker is some advertising idea,
dreamed up by some suit sitting in a fancy boardroom,
not a real person at all.
It was a woman.
A woman came up with Betty Crocker.
You would know, being in the food business.
And I guess you would be the expert on phoney Bettys.
Okay.
I deserve that.
But just so you know, I'm not going anywhere.
So when you're done extracting your pound of flesh, I'll be here.
You knew you couldn't have kids.
You knew.
Before we married. Before we met.
Why didn't you just tell me?
You never would have married me if you knew the truth.
You know that?
I know what you saw when you first met me,
a good Christian girl at church,
who'd have good Christian babies.
-I didn't meet you at church. -Of course you did.
Remember? It was the Palm Sunday potluck.
And I bumped into you, and your coleslaw fell into my pocket book...
It was before that.
I've always been shy with girls.
Always had trouble talking to them.
So, I thought, you know,
I'd go to a...
Go to a brothel,
maybe there I could learn.
You know?
I'd never met a girl who was nice to me like that.
And I didn't want to leave.
I was so scared that I'd never see you again.
When I walked into church that morning,
and you were standing right there,
I knew we were meant to be.
I never thought you were a good Christian girl.
I just thought you were the love of my life.
I will admit. It's an acquired taste.
I've always liked the way it looks.
Gives me sort of a Hemingway air, I think.
So what advice can I give you?
Actually, there's some advice I'd like to give you.
Do you know why I married Elise?
I thought it would cure me.
No more wandering eye or chasing ass like a teenager.
It would be like magic.
As soon as I put the ring on my finger, abracadabra,
all that stuff would disappear,
it would just be me and her.
I screwed a dental hygienist named Gerty three months later.
Hated myself for it, too.
Then, I spent the next 12 years
hating myself over and over again.
Most people get burnt and don't touch the stove again.
So what the hell's wrong with me that I can't stop touching it?
You don't know how many times I've asked myself,
"Why can't you just be more like Bill?"
And then the other night
at the hotel, I realised that I've been punishing myself for no reason.
You and me, we're the same.
Two men trying our best.
I'm no better or worse than Bill Masters.
I thought Virginia explained, we're starting up the study again.
Come on, Bill. Look who you're talking to here.
I don't know what you mean by that.
Just don't do it the way I did.
You've got to keep this thing under wraps.
I'm not the only one who knows.
Lillian DePaul has been wise to it from the beginning.
And take it from me,
this bachelor life isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Don't get me wrong.
There are some days when it feels like,
literally, I've died and gone to heaven.
Literally.
But I can't walk by the nursery any more.
Because when I do see those little bundles,
all I can think is how much I want to see my kids.
All I'm saying is,
whatever this is you have with Virginia,
you've got to weigh it against all of this.
Is it worth it?
Tatti Greathouse just called.
She told me the most outlandish story.
She said that you were fired,
that you assaulted her husband.
I did lose my temper, Libby.
But you would've, too. The man is an utter philistine.
Why do I have to hear everything about my husband thirdhand?
I was going to tell you last night, but Austin was here.
This is the second job in two months, Bill.
Soon there won't be a hospital left for you to storm out of.
-Lib... -Why are you doing this to me?
Is this our life now?
You going from one job to another,
always finding some reason why it's not good enough?
It's not about good enough. It's about...
Your study?
They didn't understand your study?
They didn't understand it at Maternity either.
That doesn't mean things won't work out.
They will. Everything will be fine.
When, Bill? When, exactly, will everything be fine?
How many more opportunities do you have to squander
before you make this work?
You have a wife and a child who depend on you.
Doesn't that mean anything?
Yes. Yes, of course.
That's all I think about.
How to do right by you,
the baby.
You just have to trust me right now.
Okay.
I am going to take care of you. Whatever happens.
I will always take care of you.
You just have to believe that.
Please, Libby. I just...
-I need... -All right. All right.
You'll find the right job.
We'll be okay.
Everything will be okay.
What's six plus four equal?
Ten.
What's six plus 12?
Your brother can't do your homework for you.
He does it better, though.
And what happens when he isn't there?
When the teacher calls on you in class?
What are you going to do then?
You can't count on anybody else to do your work for you.
You can only count on yourself.
Everything that's worth doing, you have to do on your own.
Did you do everything on your own?
No, I didn't.
But I do now.
From now on.
We're so very pleased
that you've decided to join us, Dr Masters.
The pleasure is all mine.
And I feel comfortable
in speaking for my partner when I say
how pleased we both are
to be bringing our work here, together.