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Sub By Black Hawk
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MAN: I don't know
what the fuck is going on
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in this country, man!
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Every day I turn on the TV,
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and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!
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(PEOPLE MURMURING)
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What about our rights?
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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This is our time
to show the world
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that we are not
just an online movement!
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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We're growing physically!
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This is our time
to assert ourselves
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as the true voice of America!
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MEN: (SHOUTING) Yeah!
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Yes, let's do that!
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MAN: Now, you may have noticed
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that our friend Aryan Grande
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has brought in a new recruit.
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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!
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ALL: Yeah!
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Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.
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White power. Obviously.
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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.
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Since World War II, really.
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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.
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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...
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Fuck the Jews!
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ALL: (SHOUT) Yeah!
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Welcome!
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(ALL GRUNT)
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Let's fucking party!
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(ALL YELLING AND CHEERING)
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(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
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So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?
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MEN: Yeah.
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How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?
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Hey, FTJ!
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FRED: Yo!
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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.
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Now's your chance.
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Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.
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Come on, man.
We all got 'em!
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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?
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MEN: Yeah!
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I will get a swastika tattoo.
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Um...
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Yeah.
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Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.
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(TATTOO MACHINE BUZZING)
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Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.
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This is really exciting.
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All right, here we go!
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(CHUCKLES)
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Ooh, right! Yeah!
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(GRUNTS)
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That hurt?
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On many levels. Yes.
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(SOFTLY) Fuck!
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Hey! This you?
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You're a journalist?
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Yeah!
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We all got to be
fucking journalists
in this day and age,
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mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!
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His name is Fred Flarsky.
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He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.
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He's a fucking Jew!
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What?
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Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!
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What are you doing here?
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You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?
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Who sent you?
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(STAMMERS) No one sent me!
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It's okay. I'm... I'm...
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He's been recording us
the whole time!
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Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!
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You're gonna fucking die!
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How do you
turn this thing off?
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The fucking red button,
right there, man!
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(MEN CLAMORING)
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(GLASS SHATTERS)
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(GRUNTING)
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Holy shit!
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(GROANING LOUDLY)
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Yeah! (LAUGHS)
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(GROANS)
Not only did I escape...
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I held onto my phone!
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Yes! Ow!
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(GROANS)
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I trusted you, man!
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Yeah, well...
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Jews win this round,
motherfucker!
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Peace! Ow.
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NEWSCASTER:
Tonight on Wembley News,
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we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,
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a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,
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and protege
of President Chambers,
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who tapped Field two years ago
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to be the youngest
secretary of state
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in the history of this nation.
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And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.
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Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,
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but, she's just hot!
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NEWSCASTER 2: You know,
when we talk about women
in this way,
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it is because
we respect them so much,
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and we start with their body.
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(ALL LAUGH ON TV)
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You two are terrible.
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Good night, Steven.
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Good night, Madam Secretary.
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Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.
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Long day.
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Three bilaterals. (SIGHS)
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Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.
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There's just not enough
traction around this thing.
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I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.
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I don't have
the American people's support.
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I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,
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but you know who likes it?
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88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.
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Likely voters.
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That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.
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(WATER SPLASHING)
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(SIGHS)
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(ALARM BLARING)
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(GASPS)
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(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
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Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.
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I mean,
he did play a president
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on a very popular television
show for over a decade.
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You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations
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without being
pretty convincing.
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Um, I do think I'm funny.
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I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about
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promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.
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All right, next one's BBC.
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Would you be asking
a male cabinet member
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what products they use
in their hair?
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I'm just kidding.
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No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.
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I know. So cheap.
So much shine.
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(EXHALING)
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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(QUIETLY) Good morning,
Mr. President.
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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Good morning,
Mr. President.
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(TV PLAYING)
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Oh, hey, Charlotte.
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You caught me
watching my show. (LAUGHS)
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Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.
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I am not nuking a tsunami!
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Oh, here it is.
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(SPEAKING ALONG TO TV)
Not now...
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Not today.
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Not in my house.
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Yes! (LAUGHING) I love that!
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(LAUGHS) Oh, me too.
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Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.
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(EXHALING)
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(SIGHS) Charlotte.
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Yes, sir?
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(CLICKS TONGUE) I will not be
seeking reelection.
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Really?
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Look, I know it's crazy,
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because I'm only halfway
through my first term.
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And you're incredibly
popular, sir.
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And I want to use
that popularity
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to transition into something
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more prestigious
than the presidency.
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I wanna make it in the movies.
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You're going to leave
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the Presidency
to go be in movies?
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I know. It's gonna be tough.
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Ah...
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Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump
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from TV to film.
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Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...
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Might be... Might be just two.
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I... Mr. President, have you
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given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?
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I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol
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or Crowly. Strong choices.
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So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.
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And I've been vetted.
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So that's all done.
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And I can't stop thinking
about what...
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What it would do
for your legacy
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to endorse the first
female president.
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I mean... Wow.
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That's a legacy.
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Charlotte?
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Hmm?
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I would like to endorse you
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to be the next president
of the United States.
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I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.
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I'd... I'd be honored.
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I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?
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Because you've been
a great secretary.
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...of state.
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Whatever. It's a cool job.
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And, um, you've done it well.
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Thank you, sir.
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So stay focused.
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Don't make
any major screw-ups.
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Don't kill any hookers.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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Probably not a problem for you.
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I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.
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And before you know it...
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(HUMMING)
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I like the sound of that.
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♪ Hey, here she comes
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♪ It's the first lady president
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♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman
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Thank you, sir.
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♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪
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TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, and here we see
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Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.
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Good morning.
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(TOUR GUIDE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
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(QUIETLY) Yes!
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So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."
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Ninety-two,
that's good.
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00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:52,024
Really good.
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00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:54,024
Yeah.
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00:09:53,024 --> 00:09:54,726
KATHERINE: And now,
keep in mind
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that these are numbers
for a female candidate.
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If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.
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00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,666
Well, that seems about right.
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00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,833
Yeah.
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00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:04,936
'Cause the man... Okay.
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00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:07,972
Um, your sense of humor is 82,
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00:10:07,972 --> 00:10:10,241
which is solid. It's solid.
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00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:12,344
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers
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00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,712
go up a few points, or more.
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00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,914
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from
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some funny speech writers.
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Great.
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00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:21,787
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel
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about my accomplishments.
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Yeah.
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Right. You know, so we don't
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00:10:25,356 --> 00:10:29,360
drill down
on specific policies.
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And that's only because
people don't seem to care.
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That's interesting.
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With that said, if you could
broker some deal
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that gets you
out there talking
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about a thing that you feel
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really strongly about,
that would be great.
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CHARLOTTE:
Well, that's perfect.
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I mean, we've been
looking for an opening
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to start a conversation
about the environment.
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(CHUCKLES) All right.
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Romantically, if I may...
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Remember the stir online
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when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you
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were seated next to each other
258
00:11:00,991 --> 00:11:02,494
at The Global Business Forum?
259
00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:03,894
Mmm-hmm.
260
00:11:03,894 --> 00:11:05,030
A relationship like that
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00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:08,234
would push you
into the high 90s.
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High 90s? Wow.
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00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,942
KATHERINE:
That brings us to...
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00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,876
CHARLOTTE: What's wrong
with my wave?
265
00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:20,879
Um, I think people feel that
266
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:23,914
that level of elbow movement
is, um...
267
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:25,417
It stresses people out.
268
00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:28,419
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.
269
00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:30,187
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.
270
00:11:30,187 --> 00:11:32,426
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
271
00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,426
Hey.
272
00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,061
BOSS: Hey, Fred.
273
00:11:36,061 --> 00:11:38,197
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.
274
00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:40,798
You got a second?
275
00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,798
Yeah.
276
00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,467
Come on.
277
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,971
I actually have
some really great news.
278
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:48,971
Really? Cool.
279
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:48,139
Yes. (CHUCKLES)
280
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:50,475
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.
281
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,475
What?
282
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,443
Yeah.
283
00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:53,345
Are you fucking kidding me?
284
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,812
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...
285
00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:55,980
A harsh reaction?
286
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,980
Fred, this is a good thing.
287
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,414
How?
288
00:11:57,414 --> 00:11:58,017
The fucker
represents everything
289
00:11:59,017 --> 00:12:00,485
that we've been fighting
against since day one!
290
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:03,388
The whole point of this paper
is to fight
giant media conglomerates.
291
00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:05,190
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.
292
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,190
I do see the irony.
293
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,458
Irony?
294
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,128
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.
295
00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:11,996
Not the good kind,
that's right!
296
00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,996
(STAMMERS)
297
00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,798
The bad kind, that's wrong!
298
00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:15,167
Well, we're out of options.
299
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,902
We've been running
as long as we can
300
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,303
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.
301
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,405
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.
302
00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:22,874
No one likes their dick.
303
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,874
Come on, Fred.
304
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,842
This Wembley guy,
305
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:27,379
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.
306
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:28,346
No, they couldn't prove that.
307
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:30,548
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!
308
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,548
You published them!
309
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,450
I did.
310
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:35,153
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...
311
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:37,855
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.
312
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:39,456
I don't even get
how that fucking works.
313
00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:41,058
I don't even get
the math on that one.
314
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,058
Fred, it's done, all right?
315
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,128
It's done?
316
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:46,597
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now. (SIGHS)
317
00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:49,366
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.
318
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,366
Two-thirds?
319
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,403
Yeah.
320
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,839
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.
321
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,240
It's just...
322
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,142
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.
323
00:12:57,142 --> 00:12:58,610
I don't know how I can
tone things down
324
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,278
any more than
I'm toning them down.
325
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:02,279
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.
326
00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,279
Thank you.
327
00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,447
All right, you're funny,
328
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:05,149
you take risks,
you connect with people.
329
00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:06,418
I'm sensing a twist in this.
330
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,553
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...
331
00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:11,423
Sometimes you're
a little too much.
332
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:12,457
I don't think I am too much!
333
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:14,960
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.
334
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,461
Look, you have your job.
335
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,297
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.
336
00:13:19,297 --> 00:13:20,899
You know what? I quit.
337
00:13:20,899 --> 00:13:22,033
Oh, come on, Fred.
338
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:24,034
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.
339
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,971
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.
340
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,072
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!
341
00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:29,474
But I can't work for that guy.
342
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,876
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.
343
00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,945
No fucking way!
344
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,081
I want him to know
that I quit.
345
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,416
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.
346
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:40,985
You're gonna destroy your life
to spite a guy
who's never heard of you?
347
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:42,553
Yes! You said it best!
348
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:43,721
That's exactly
what I'm doing.
349
00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:46,524
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.
350
00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:47,993
Well, that makes
two of us.
351
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,562
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.
352
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:54,532
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.
353
00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,467
Um... I, uh,
354
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,035
was just calling to say
that I was forced
355
00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,303
to quit my job recently,
356
00:13:59,303 --> 00:14:00,005
making me
something of a free agent.
357
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,573
And I know in the past, uh,
358
00:14:02,573 --> 00:14:05,277
you said I'm not exactly what
The Times was looking for,
359
00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,946
but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.
360
00:14:07,946 --> 00:14:10,081
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.
361
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,019
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...
362
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,320
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.
363
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,922
Can I come by?
364
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,259
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
365
00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:23,528
LANCE: We need to
schedule a meeting
366
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,529
and see what they have to say.
367
00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:27,232
Excuse me.
368
00:14:28,232 --> 00:14:31,035
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.
369
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:32,671
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
370
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,605
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.
371
00:14:34,605 --> 00:14:36,307
You can leave work right now?
372
00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:38,375
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?
373
00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:39,644
That's a
"I can leave this bitch
374
00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,613
"whenever I want"
corner office.
375
00:14:41,613 --> 00:14:43,316
Come on, man. Everybody!
376
00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,051
This is my best friend,
377
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,585
and he just
lost his job today.
378
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,453
All right?
He's at rock bottom.
379
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,453
It's not that bad.
380
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,655
He feels like shit.
381
00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:53,325
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.
382
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,025
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,
383
00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:56,394
when one of us feels sad,
384
00:14:56,394 --> 00:14:58,129
the other one
has to get him fucked up.
385
00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:02,299
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,
386
00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:04,568
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.
387
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:06,671
No judgement. No judgement.
388
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,039
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.
389
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,140
I don't want to do shit.
390
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,376
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.
391
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:13,546
Matter of fact...
392
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:16,546
Everybody's got the day off.
393
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:16,480
(ALL CHEER)
394
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,984
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.
395
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,085
Everybody, go home.
396
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,754
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.
397
00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:24,489
I love
every single one of you.
398
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:25,557
Except you, Ted!
399
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,659
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!
400
00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,761
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?
401
00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:32,130
WOMAN: Yeah, Ted, not cool.
402
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,130
Zander.
403
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,065
ZANDER: Yeah?
404
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,299
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
405
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,299
ZANDER: Uh-huh.
406
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,533
I need that filled
407
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:39,070
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.
408
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,605
Do you want one?
409
00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,274
FRED: I got fucked, man.
410
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:45,010
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.
411
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,178
Well, it happens to everybody.
412
00:15:47,178 --> 00:15:49,114
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.
413
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,381
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.
414
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:53,183
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.
415
00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,619
Where are we going right now?
416
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,421
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.
417
00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:58,590
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.
418
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,392
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.
419
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,360
Play at the park.
420
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,394
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,
421
00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:04,562
get you a nice fat steak,
422
00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:07,264
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
423
00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:08,633
I don't know
if I want to
go to some
424
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,201
fancy rich person party.
425
00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:11,535
What... Oh, come on, man,
426
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,138
don't be so judgmental,
all right?
427
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,539
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.
428
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,539
People love pandas and shit.
429
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,076
I don't know.
430
00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:19,309
All right, fine, Fred.
431
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:20,711
Then just do nothing.
All right?
432
00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:22,647
Go home, do nothing.
433
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,351
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.
434
00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:27,585
Say what?
435
00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:29,320
Oh, yeah.
436
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,788
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend
437
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:34,058
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.
438
00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:36,061
I thought you would
like to be there.
439
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,761
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?
440
00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,831
♪ Motownphilly's back again ♪
441
00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:41,932
(VOCALIZING)
442
00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:42,833
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.
443
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,803
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.
444
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,803
(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
445
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,770
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
446
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:50,408
CHARLOTTE: I am so hungry,
it's insane.
447
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:51,643
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?
448
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,144
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.
449
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:54,312
Oh.
450
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,315
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.
451
00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:58,716
I look like
a fucking caveman.
452
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,485
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.
453
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,320
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.
454
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,791
That's my best score.
455
00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,727
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.
456
00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,395
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.
457
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,395
Take it off...
458
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,330
Quickly. Quickly.
459
00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:15,299
Why do they make this
so difficult...
460
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,634
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.
461
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,634
Jesus fucking Christ.
462
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,204
Can't do things...
463
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:22,173
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.
464
00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,173
Yup. Yes.
465
00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,211
CHARLOTTE: Do you have it?
466
00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:28,813
Good. Good, good,
good, good.
467
00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:30,250
(MUFFLED) Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.
468
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:33,817
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.
469
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:34,885
What?
470
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,654
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.
471
00:17:36,654 --> 00:17:38,690
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.
472
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,690
(WHISPERS) Maggie!
473
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,458
MAGGIE: Six feet away.
474
00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:42,694
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
475
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,694
James!
476
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,730
Bonsoir.
477
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,730
Hi.
478
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,565
Good evening.
479
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,233
(IN ACCENTED ENGLISH)
I am so sorry I missed you
480
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:50,902
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.
481
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,837
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?
482
00:17:53,837 --> 00:17:55,373
(LAUGHS) You're never gonna
483
00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:56,708
stop making that joke,
are you?
484
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,708
No. I'm not.
485
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,843
(LAUGHS)
486
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,843
(MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
487
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,310
Well, I... Oh, hello.
488
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,310
Hi.
489
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,613
Oh, yes.
490
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,613
PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you.
491
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,781
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
492
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,781
One more. One more.
493
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,919
One more.
494
00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,288
Merci. Thank you.
495
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:11,824
What do you say
we get out of here?
496
00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:15,593
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.
497
00:18:15,593 --> 00:18:17,729
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)
498
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,729
Yes...
499
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,930
Yeah?
500
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,930
(ALL CHEERING)
501
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,199
Oh, my God!
502
00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:22,933
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!
503
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,236
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
504
00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,372
One question,
what's the name of the group?
505
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,640
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
506
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,507
What's the name
of the group, y'all?
507
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:30,842
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
508
00:18:30,842 --> 00:18:32,730
(SINGING)
509
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,798
Yeah...
510
00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:54,833
I told you this
would be dope.
511
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,902
Yeah, uh...
This is really
cheering me up.
512
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,902
(LAUGHS)
513
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,336
Wow.
514
00:18:59,336 --> 00:19:00,946
(CONTINUE SINGING)
515
00:19:08,946 --> 00:19:10,381
I'm super underdressed.
516
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:11,682
Stop complaining,
all right?
517
00:19:11,682 --> 00:19:13,617
You think
you feel outta place?
518
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:14,786
This is one of
the brightest rooms
519
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,820
I've ever been in,
in my life.
520
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,223
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?
521
00:19:19,223 --> 00:19:20,458
Like white.
522
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,458
Oh, "bright" is white?
523
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,527
Yeah, man.
524
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,596
It's only me,
the waiters
and Boyz II Men.
525
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,463
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.
526
00:19:26,463 --> 00:19:28,403
(CONTINUE SINGING)
527
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,637
Duty calls.
528
00:19:33,637 --> 00:19:35,007
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.
529
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,007
Canadian for "rain check."
530
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,609
Okay. (LAUGHS)
531
00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:40,609
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
532
00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:40,380
Okay.
533
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:43,618
(CONTINUE SINGING)
534
00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,753
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?
535
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,823
I got fired today, man.
536
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,592
You told me you quit.
537
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:56,693
I was forced to quit
because of...
538
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:57,828
Yeah, okay, man.
539
00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:59,031
Lie to me some more.
540
00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:02,571
You good?
541
00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,675
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?
542
00:20:11,675 --> 00:20:12,878
Oh, she's looking at you?
543
00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,384
Fred.
544
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,553
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?
545
00:20:22,553 --> 00:20:24,690
Damn. Hey, what was that?
546
00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:27,291
I...
547
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:28,692
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?
548
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,692
You kinda know her?
549
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,627
Yeah.
550
00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:32,363
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?
551
00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:33,765
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.
552
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,898
You tell people that shit.
553
00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,898
That's exceptional.
554
00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,567
Okay.
555
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:37,868
I'll tell you a story.
556
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:41,605
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.
557
00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:42,512
She's my babysitter.
558
00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:51,048
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,
559
00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,583
which goes a long way with me.
560
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:53,018
So, we're at her house...
561
00:20:54,018 --> 00:20:55,952
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.
562
00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,922
She's running for
Student Council president.
563
00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,223
Did you know
that every year,
564
00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:02,059
the school throws away
over 500 tons
of recyclable garbage?
565
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,059
And no one cares.
566
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,895
I know, it's total bullshit.
567
00:21:04,895 --> 00:21:06,497
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit
568
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,497
they don't care about?
569
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,599
They'll just care
570
00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:11,635
because it's the right thing
to care about.
571
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:14,638
You're more inspiring
than George Bush
and Dan Quayle combined.
572
00:21:14,638 --> 00:21:16,406
Well, that's not too hard.
573
00:21:16,406 --> 00:21:17,842
(BOTH LAUGH)
574
00:21:17,842 --> 00:21:19,577
FRED: Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,
575
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:20,912
and she seemed to
kinda like me,
576
00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:22,680
and I felt like
we were having a moment.
577
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,848
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.
578
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:25,916
Oh, shit.
579
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,518
FRED: So I did something,
580
00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,619
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.
581
00:21:29,619 --> 00:21:30,588
I kissed her.
582
00:21:31,588 --> 00:21:32,923
I looked down...
583
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:35,093
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!
584
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,093
Oh!
585
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,929
Hard... But not big.
586
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,731
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."
587
00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:41,732
Sorry.
588
00:21:41,732 --> 00:21:43,469
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...
589
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:45,536
It's okay.
590
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,536
(GROANS)
591
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,038
And then,
592
00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:48,905
her boyfriend comes
into the room,
593
00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:50,607
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!
594
00:21:50,607 --> 00:21:51,675
Hey, babe.
595
00:21:51,675 --> 00:21:53,544
Points out my fucking
little boner.
596
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,544
He makes a joke!
597
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,946
Whoa!
598
00:21:55,946 --> 00:21:57,115
FRED: And they left.
599
00:21:58,115 --> 00:21:59,685
(MOUTHING) I'm sorry.
600
00:22:01,685 --> 00:22:04,589
And I'm left
standing there alone...
601
00:22:05,589 --> 00:22:06,557
...in the kitchen,
602
00:22:06,557 --> 00:22:09,559
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.
603
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,559
Hard as a rock.
604
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,729
And on top of that,
605
00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,397
she didn't win
the fucking election.
606
00:22:13,397 --> 00:22:16,099
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.
607
00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,099
Two-prom!
608
00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,136
Two-proms! Back-to-back!
609
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:21,506
(SCOFFS) She didn't stand
a fucking chance.
610
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:22,641
No, man.
611
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:24,674
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.
612
00:22:24,674 --> 00:22:26,411
What's the best part
of that story?
613
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,179
She says your boner was okay.
614
00:22:28,179 --> 00:22:29,980
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying
615
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,816
to not make me
fucking feel bad.
616
00:22:31,816 --> 00:22:33,817
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,
617
00:22:33,817 --> 00:22:37,555
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,
618
00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:40,691
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.
619
00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:42,759
You need
to talk to her tonight.
620
00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:43,028
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,
621
00:22:44,028 --> 00:22:45,730
and if she does remember
who I am,
622
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:46,897
the last thing she wants is
623
00:22:46,897 --> 00:22:48,000
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.
624
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Look...
625
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,067
AGENT M: Excuse me.
626
00:22:50,067 --> 00:22:51,102
Whoa.
627
00:22:51,102 --> 00:22:52,769
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.
628
00:22:52,769 --> 00:22:53,005
With me?
629
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,440
With him, right?
630
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,440
Yeah.
631
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,208
FRED: Right now?
632
00:22:57,208 --> 00:22:58,809
Uh, do you know why?
633
00:22:58,809 --> 00:22:59,011
This way.
634
00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:02,180
(SOFTLY) This is good.
635
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,614
What are you
nervous about?
636
00:23:03,614 --> 00:23:05,883
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!
637
00:23:05,883 --> 00:23:07,526
(SINGING SLOW R&B SONG)
638
00:23:15,526 --> 00:23:17,494
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.
639
00:23:17,494 --> 00:23:19,037
(BOYZ II MEN VOCALIZING)
640
00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,872
What are you gonna
say to her?
641
00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:29,473
I don't know.
642
00:23:29,473 --> 00:23:30,842
Should open with a neg.
643
00:23:30,842 --> 00:23:32,143
Tell her she's too tall.
644
00:23:32,143 --> 00:23:34,045
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.
645
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,045
It was so nice to see you.
646
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,115
WOMAN: You as well.
647
00:23:38,115 --> 00:23:40,917
Give me the signal
when you need me.
648
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,917
Hi.
649
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,054
Hi.
650
00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:44,489
A man brought me here.
651
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:45,022
Yes, sorry about that.
652
00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,022
Um...
653
00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,057
No, not at all.
654
00:23:47,057 --> 00:23:49,926
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.
655
00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,926
We do. Yeah.
656
00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,561
We do?
657
00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,561
We do know each other.
658
00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,963
Okay, so I'm not crazy.
659
00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,963
Uh, I'm Fred.
660
00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,266
Fred...
661
00:23:55,266 --> 00:23:56,567
I was shorter,
662
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,567
but other than that...
663
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,001
Flarsky?
664
00:23:58,001 --> 00:23:59,069
Yeah! Holy fuck!
665
00:23:59,069 --> 00:24:00,770
I can't believe it.
You remember.
666
00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:03,039
Oh, my God,
look at you!
667
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,241
Look at me, yes.
668
00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,509
What are you doing here?
669
00:24:05,509 --> 00:24:07,011
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.
670
00:24:08,011 --> 00:24:09,047
Hey, how you doing?
671
00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:11,715
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.
672
00:24:11,715 --> 00:24:12,849
I just met them.
673
00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,849
You met the Men?
674
00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,684
Yeah.
675
00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,684
What was it like?
676
00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,287
Don't tell anybody,
677
00:24:16,287 --> 00:24:17,788
but it was
the highlight of my life.
678
00:24:17,788 --> 00:24:18,923
Oh, I totally get that.
679
00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:19,923
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.
680
00:24:19,923 --> 00:24:22,593
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.
681
00:24:22,593 --> 00:24:24,593
(BOTH LAUGH)
682
00:24:22,593 --> 00:24:24,529
Don't actually fuck him.
683
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,529
He's a wonderful man.
684
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,663
Yeah.
685
00:24:25,663 --> 00:24:27,097
What are you doing
these days?
686
00:24:27,097 --> 00:24:28,701
I bet it's
something amazing.
687
00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,701
It's pretty amazing.
688
00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,969
Yeah.
689
00:24:31,969 --> 00:24:33,037
Uh, yeah,
690
00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:35,640
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.
691
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,807
I don't need to get into it.
692
00:24:36,807 --> 00:24:37,875
What about you,
what have you been up to?
693
00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,044
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.
694
00:24:40,044 --> 00:24:41,178
I know what
you've been up to.
695
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,178
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
696
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,378
You're very, um...
697
00:24:42,378 --> 00:24:44,749
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing
698
00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:45,816
to see what you've done
with your life.
699
00:24:45,816 --> 00:24:46,916
A lot of people say
they're gonna do
700
00:24:46,916 --> 00:24:49,053
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,
701
00:24:49,053 --> 00:24:51,057
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.
702
00:24:53,057 --> 00:24:54,026
Well, I'm trying.
703
00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:56,229
I think you've done it.
(CHUCKLES)
704
00:24:58,229 --> 00:24:59,698
PARKER: Oh!
705
00:25:00,698 --> 00:25:01,999
CHARLOTTE: Parker Wembley.
706
00:25:01,999 --> 00:25:03,267
I hate this guy.
707
00:25:03,267 --> 00:25:05,903
FRED: Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers
708
00:25:05,903 --> 00:25:07,005
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?
709
00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:09,073
You know him?
710
00:25:09,073 --> 00:25:10,273
He's coming over here.
711
00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,273
Is he behind me?
712
00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,042
Yeah.
713
00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,042
Finally. Secretary Field.
714
00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,645
Parker, how are you?
715
00:25:15,645 --> 00:25:17,815
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.
716
00:25:17,815 --> 00:25:19,115
Thank you.
717
00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:21,285
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you
718
00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:23,887
for some months now,
and, uh...
719
00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:25,655
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?
720
00:25:25,655 --> 00:25:28,659
No! No.
721
00:25:28,659 --> 00:25:30,659
Not successfully.
722
00:25:28,659 --> 00:25:30,262
(BOTH LAUGH)
723
00:25:32,262 --> 00:25:34,262
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
724
00:25:32,262 --> 00:25:34,832
Who's your friend?
725
00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,832
Fred.
726
00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,701
Hey, Fred!
727
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,701
Yes, hi.
728
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,768
How are you?
729
00:25:37,768 --> 00:25:39,737
And, uh, what is it
that you do?
730
00:25:39,737 --> 00:25:41,771
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.
731
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,771
Ooh, a journalist.
732
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,607
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
733
00:25:43,607 --> 00:25:45,009
Will I have read
anything that you've written?
734
00:25:46,009 --> 00:25:48,813
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.
735
00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:50,714
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.
736
00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:51,982
Not your fault.
737
00:25:51,982 --> 00:25:53,917
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.
738
00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,917
Oh, okay.
739
00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,987
So we will have that meeting.
740
00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,987
Right?
741
00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,054
Yes.
742
00:25:57,054 --> 00:25:58,788
Okay, good. Fred.
743
00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,788
Yes?
744
00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,957
Best of luck.
745
00:25:59,957 --> 00:26:00,025
Oh, why, thanks.
746
00:26:01,025 --> 00:26:02,093
Things will turn around
for you.
747
00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:02,093
So nice of you.
748
00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:04,329
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.
749
00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,329
I actually... I do have to...
750
00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,798
Yeah.
751
00:26:08,798 --> 00:26:10,166
You probably have a lot
of things to do.
752
00:26:10,166 --> 00:26:11,234
Better than this.
753
00:26:11,234 --> 00:26:12,369
It's really nice
to see you again.
754
00:26:12,369 --> 00:26:15,369
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
755
00:26:12,369 --> 00:26:15,905
(LAUGHS)
756
00:26:15,905 --> 00:26:18,942
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.
757
00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,942
Have fun at the party.
758
00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,810
You too.
759
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:21,016
Great to see you.
760
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,984
I see you. I see you. Yeah.
761
00:26:27,984 --> 00:26:30,421
(LAUGHING)
762
00:26:30,421 --> 00:26:32,357
PARKER: So I said,
"You want..."
763
00:26:34,357 --> 00:26:35,759
Hey. Hey.
What's that look
in your eye?
764
00:26:35,759 --> 00:26:36,827
What are you
about to go do?
765
00:26:36,827 --> 00:26:38,663
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.
766
00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:40,664
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.
767
00:26:40,664 --> 00:26:42,365
Too late
for the fucking animals.
768
00:26:42,365 --> 00:26:44,201
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
769
00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:45,869
Hey!
770
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,869
PARKER: Oh, Fred?
771
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,371
Yeah, look.
772
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,371
What's the problem?
773
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,707
I'll tell you the problem.
774
00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,707
What?
775
00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,241
You're the problem, man!
776
00:26:51,241 --> 00:26:53,810
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.
777
00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:57,048
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit
778
00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:59,784
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!
779
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,784
Enough.
780
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,719
I'm done anyway.
781
00:27:01,719 --> 00:27:03,386
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,
782
00:27:03,386 --> 00:27:04,021
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.
783
00:27:05,021 --> 00:27:06,691
Whoa, shit! (YELLING)
784
00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:07,825
(GRUNTS)
785
00:27:07,825 --> 00:27:09,125
(CROWD GASPS)
786
00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,361
God!
787
00:27:10,361 --> 00:27:11,895
(FRED GRUNTS)
788
00:27:11,895 --> 00:27:13,064
Cracker down!
789
00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:14,464
Oh, my God.
790
00:27:14,464 --> 00:27:15,433
GUEST: Looks like it hurt.
791
00:27:16,433 --> 00:27:18,301
Boyz II Men, back up.
792
00:27:18,301 --> 00:27:19,769
You all right? You good?
793
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,769
You all right?
794
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,938
I'm okay!
795
00:27:20,938 --> 00:27:21,006
He's okay!
796
00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:23,974
How is he standing?
797
00:27:24,974 --> 00:27:26,279
(HIP-HIP SONG PLAYING)
798
00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:29,747
(SONG PLAYING ON PHONE)
799
00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,747
ALL: Oh!
800
00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,884
Ouch!
801
00:27:33,884 --> 00:27:37,721
♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...
802
00:27:37,721 --> 00:27:38,788
This is so creative.
803
00:27:38,788 --> 00:27:40,125
(ALL LAUGH)
804
00:27:41,125 --> 00:27:42,358
Ha-ha!
805
00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,358
CHARLOTTE: What was that?
806
00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,428
Thank you, Tom.
807
00:27:44,428 --> 00:27:46,763
God, that was crazy.
808
00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:48,132
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,
809
00:27:48,132 --> 00:27:50,800
it was all so hilarious.
810
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,404
And so what is
the relationship exactly?
811
00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,404
Was he your super?
812
00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,038
No,
813
00:27:55,038 --> 00:27:56,973
we grew up
next door to each other.
814
00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,973
(MAGGIE GASPS)
815
00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,241
Yeah.
816
00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:01,112
(CHUCKLES) Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.
817
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,112
You babysat for him?
818
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,346
I did.
819
00:28:03,346 --> 00:28:05,016
Wow. Time has not been kind.
820
00:28:06,016 --> 00:28:06,017
He was
such a strange little kid.
821
00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:10,221
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.
822
00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:12,288
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.
823
00:28:12,288 --> 00:28:14,325
He's actually
not a bad writer.
824
00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:15,759
Wait, you've read
his stuff?
825
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:16,961
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
826
00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:19,262
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.
827
00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:20,030
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?
828
00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:22,398
Wembley Media
just bought them.
829
00:28:22,398 --> 00:28:24,969
Oh, that makes total sense.
830
00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:27,171
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.
831
00:28:27,171 --> 00:28:31,179
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.
832
00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:36,983
(CHUCKLING)
833
00:28:39,983 --> 00:28:41,484
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
834
00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,484
Hi.
835
00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,819
Hey.
836
00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:45,522
Did you like
any of those writing samples?
837
00:28:45,522 --> 00:28:48,392
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.
838
00:28:48,392 --> 00:28:52,930
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
839
00:28:52,930 --> 00:28:54,898
Wait, not the...
840
00:28:54,898 --> 00:28:57,367
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?
841
00:28:57,367 --> 00:28:59,970
Yeah. He has a real voice.
842
00:28:59,970 --> 00:29:02,573
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.
843
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:04,240
And that's probably
a good thing
844
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,144
if he's going to be
writing for me.
845
00:29:07,144 --> 00:29:09,180
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,
846
00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:11,882
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.
847
00:29:11,882 --> 00:29:15,352
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.
848
00:29:15,352 --> 00:29:17,387
I think he can
get that number
up by a few points.
849
00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:19,957
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.
850
00:29:19,957 --> 00:29:20,025
Okay.
851
00:29:21,025 --> 00:29:22,559
Okay.
852
00:29:22,559 --> 00:29:24,461
Fred Flarsky it is.
853
00:29:24,461 --> 00:29:25,932
Thanks.
854
00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:29,000
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
855
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,503
All right, bye.
856
00:29:33,503 --> 00:29:35,503
(PHONE RINGING)
857
00:29:33,503 --> 00:29:35,307
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
858
00:29:36,307 --> 00:29:37,442
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
859
00:29:38,442 --> 00:29:40,076
Unknown!
860
00:29:40,076 --> 00:29:41,878
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.
861
00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,878
What?
862
00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,247
Answer it!
863
00:29:43,247 --> 00:29:44,882
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?
864
00:29:44,882 --> 00:29:46,584
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.
865
00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:47,852
Really?
866
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,852
Gang.
867
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,319
Gang.
868
00:29:49,319 --> 00:29:51,087
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.
869
00:29:51,087 --> 00:29:52,623
All right. Hello. Gang.
870
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,623
Mr. Flarsky?
871
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,458
What?
872
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:55,992
Wait, slow down. What?
873
00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,992
You're unknown. Pardon?
874
00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,894
Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
875
00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,894
Hello?
876
00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,997
Go on.
877
00:29:59,997 --> 00:30:03,601
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.
878
00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:05,903
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.
879
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,903
Whoo!
880
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,570
Hello?
881
00:30:07,570 --> 00:30:08,873
(WHISPERS) That's good!
Talk to her.
882
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,873
Hello?
883
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,541
How can I help you?
884
00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:13,509
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.
885
00:30:13,509 --> 00:30:14,878
We will send a car over.
886
00:30:14,878 --> 00:30:16,579
Can you give me
the most convenient address?
887
00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,579
What is she saying?
888
00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,414
Secretary would like
889
00:30:18,414 --> 00:30:19,516
to meet with me immediately
890
00:30:19,516 --> 00:30:20,952
and they're going
to send a car?
891
00:30:22,952 --> 00:30:25,623
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
892
00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,623
I'm sure you can find it.
893
00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,057
I will google it.
894
00:30:28,057 --> 00:30:30,094
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.
895
00:30:30,094 --> 00:30:31,161
Okay.
896
00:30:31,161 --> 00:30:33,329
Uh, I'll see you soon.
897
00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,400
(GROANING) Oh,
I feel so scared.
898
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,534
Do I look okay?
899
00:30:37,534 --> 00:30:38,002
Do I look funny?
900
00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,002
Why are these pockets here?
901
00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,237
LANCE: It's okay.
902
00:30:40,237 --> 00:30:41,505
God fucking damn it!
903
00:30:41,505 --> 00:30:43,374
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?
904
00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:44,608
They're too tapered!
905
00:30:44,608 --> 00:30:47,044
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants
906
00:30:47,044 --> 00:30:49,179
and see the fucking
secretary of state?
907
00:30:49,179 --> 00:30:50,681
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.
908
00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,681
Mr. Flarsky?
909
00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,182
FRED: Oh, shit.
910
00:30:52,182 --> 00:30:53,920
Mr. Flarsky.
911
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,020
Wish me luck, man.
912
00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,555
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.
913
00:30:58,555 --> 00:30:59,623
Luck is for losers.
914
00:30:59,623 --> 00:31:01,625
You've got destiny
on your side.
915
00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,428
You're good. Fred.
916
00:31:04,428 --> 00:31:05,596
You buy the body.
917
00:31:06,596 --> 00:31:07,499
That doesn't mean anything.
918
00:31:08,499 --> 00:31:10,300
(ENGINE STARTS)
919
00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,969
LANCE: Fred, put your
seat belt on.
920
00:31:11,969 --> 00:31:14,506
Take care of my friend.
All right?
921
00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,506
I look normal?
922
00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,708
You look cool.
923
00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,676
I love you, Fred!
924
00:31:19,676 --> 00:31:21,627
Nut boys for life!
925
00:31:37,627 --> 00:31:40,596
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.
926
00:31:40,596 --> 00:31:41,101
Empty my pockets?
927
00:31:44,101 --> 00:31:45,603
All right. That's...
928
00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,141
Let's see how this goes.
929
00:31:51,141 --> 00:31:53,176
Not a regular cop, I assume.
930
00:31:53,176 --> 00:31:56,547
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?
931
00:31:56,547 --> 00:31:58,182
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
932
00:31:59,182 --> 00:32:00,351
(EXHALES)
933
00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:04,087
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...
934
00:32:04,087 --> 00:32:07,657
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.
935
00:32:07,657 --> 00:32:10,327
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.
936
00:32:10,327 --> 00:32:11,595
That's energy powder.
937
00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:15,066
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in
938
00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:19,135
when inhaling it medicinally.
939
00:32:19,135 --> 00:32:21,605
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,
940
00:32:21,605 --> 00:32:23,273
which I have
a prescription for.
941
00:32:24,273 --> 00:32:25,045
And that's a blunt.
942
00:32:28,045 --> 00:32:30,647
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
943
00:32:31,647 --> 00:32:32,651
Ooh.
944
00:32:34,651 --> 00:32:35,690
Hi.
945
00:32:39,690 --> 00:32:41,392
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
946
00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:42,627
MAGGIE: Wow.
947
00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,096
Will you sign this, please?
948
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,096
What is it?
949
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,298
It's an NDA.
950
00:32:48,298 --> 00:32:49,365
A non-disclosure agreement?
951
00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,365
That's right.
952
00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,667
Okay.
953
00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,667
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
954
00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,336
CHARLOTTE: Fred.
955
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,336
Yeah.
956
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,138
Hey, nice to see you again.
957
00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,138
Hi, you too.
958
00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,472
Come on in.
959
00:32:56,472 --> 00:32:57,473
Take a seat.
960
00:32:57,473 --> 00:32:59,675
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.
961
00:32:59,675 --> 00:33:01,511
Oh, yeah, you know what?
962
00:33:01,511 --> 00:33:03,113
I actually think
the brim of my hat
963
00:33:03,113 --> 00:33:04,681
kind of protected
my face ultimately.
964
00:33:04,681 --> 00:33:07,084
So, thank God
I was underdressed
in the end, right?
965
00:33:07,084 --> 00:33:09,053
Well, as long as you're good.
966
00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,053
I'm okay.
967
00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,453
Yeah. Great.
968
00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:11,323
FRED: Uh...
969
00:33:13,323 --> 00:33:14,758
Why am I here?
970
00:33:14,758 --> 00:33:16,359
What I'm about to
share with you
971
00:33:16,359 --> 00:33:18,494
is, obviously,
highly confidential.
972
00:33:18,494 --> 00:33:19,596
Oh, yeah.
973
00:33:19,596 --> 00:33:21,532
Keep it
on the down low.
974
00:33:22,532 --> 00:33:25,501
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.
975
00:33:25,501 --> 00:33:26,569
Really?
976
00:33:26,569 --> 00:33:28,238
(SOFTLY) Yes.
977
00:33:28,238 --> 00:33:32,241
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.
978
00:33:32,241 --> 00:33:35,345
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?
979
00:33:35,345 --> 00:33:36,413
I mean, but seriously.
980
00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:37,580
Did he just realize
he sucks at it
981
00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:39,316
and decide
not to do it anymore?
982
00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:43,252
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.
983
00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,252
Really?
984
00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,721
Yeah.
985
00:33:44,721 --> 00:33:46,623
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.
986
00:33:46,623 --> 00:33:49,460
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.
987
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,194
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...
988
00:33:51,194 --> 00:33:52,261
Jennifer Aniston.
989
00:33:52,261 --> 00:33:53,864
Mmm, did she though?
990
00:33:53,864 --> 00:33:55,566
You don't think
Jennifer Aniston's
a movie star?
991
00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:56,633
Just 'cause
you star in movies
992
00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:57,701
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.
993
00:33:57,701 --> 00:33:59,836
The point is...
994
00:33:59,836 --> 00:34:02,140
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.
995
00:34:03,140 --> 00:34:04,208
Wow.
996
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,208
I know.
997
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,541
Mazel tov.
998
00:34:05,541 --> 00:34:06,676
(CHUCKLES) So.
999
00:34:06,676 --> 00:34:08,744
We're headed to
an environmental summit
1000
00:34:08,744 --> 00:34:10,179
hosted by King Gustav
1001
00:34:10,179 --> 00:34:11,815
and the Swedish Royal Family.
1002
00:34:11,815 --> 00:34:14,117
At the summit,
I'll be announcing
1003
00:34:14,117 --> 00:34:16,219
that the world's
three largest polluters
1004
00:34:16,219 --> 00:34:17,588
have signed on
to the most comprehensive
1005
00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,590
and exciting
environmental deal ever.
1006
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:20,858
You know,
after I have some dairy,
1007
00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:22,726
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.
1008
00:34:22,726 --> 00:34:23,893
Excuse me?
1009
00:34:23,893 --> 00:34:26,295
We'll address
rising sea levels,
1010
00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:27,898
combat deforestation
1011
00:34:27,898 --> 00:34:30,233
and protect
the world's pollinators.
1012
00:34:30,233 --> 00:34:33,336
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.
1013
00:34:33,336 --> 00:34:34,605
Internally,
we're referring to it
1014
00:34:34,605 --> 00:34:35,905
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
1015
00:34:35,905 --> 00:34:37,440
CHARLOTTE: Soon after that,
1016
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,775
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.
1017
00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,775
Wow.
1018
00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,279
At which point...
1019
00:34:42,279 --> 00:34:44,648
I will resign
as secretary of state.
1020
00:34:44,648 --> 00:34:47,650
Using this initiative
as a springboard,
1021
00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:49,853
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.
1022
00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,853
Cool.
1023
00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,356
So...
1024
00:34:53,356 --> 00:34:55,925
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.
1025
00:34:55,925 --> 00:34:58,262
I read your work
and I really like it.
1026
00:34:58,262 --> 00:34:59,463
That's... Wow.
1027
00:34:59,463 --> 00:35:01,164
You mentioned
you were between jobs.
1028
00:35:01,164 --> 00:35:02,132
So it's a really good fit.
1029
00:35:02,132 --> 00:35:04,701
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,
1030
00:35:04,701 --> 00:35:07,204
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.
1031
00:35:07,204 --> 00:35:08,505
I look forward
to working with you.
1032
00:35:08,505 --> 00:35:09,641
Thank you.
1033
00:35:11,641 --> 00:35:14,779
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?
1034
00:35:15,779 --> 00:35:17,914
(CHUCKLING) What?
I don't understand.
1035
00:35:17,914 --> 00:35:19,949
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,
1036
00:35:19,949 --> 00:35:21,920
your punch-up job?
1037
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,387
Right now.
1038
00:35:24,387 --> 00:35:26,956
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,
1039
00:35:26,956 --> 00:35:29,659
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?
1040
00:35:29,659 --> 00:35:31,929
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!
1041
00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:32,030
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1042
00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:34,965
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.
1043
00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:37,739
So I can give you
some writing samples...
1044
00:35:42,739 --> 00:35:44,740
What don't you know?
1045
00:35:44,740 --> 00:35:47,277
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.
1046
00:35:47,277 --> 00:35:48,911
Is it actually
going to do something?
1047
00:35:48,911 --> 00:35:50,581
Or is it going to be
one of those things
1048
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,615
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,
1049
00:35:52,615 --> 00:35:54,351
but doesn't
actually do something?
1050
00:35:54,351 --> 00:35:56,887
I only wanna come work for you
1051
00:35:56,887 --> 00:35:58,454
if it's actually
gonna do something.
1052
00:35:58,454 --> 00:35:59,755
It will do something.
1053
00:35:59,755 --> 00:36:01,625
This is a perfect document.
1054
00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:03,927
They all start out that way
and then
they get watered down.
1055
00:36:03,927 --> 00:36:04,862
Fred.
1056
00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:07,331
Not only does
this initiative
sound good,
1057
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:08,199
it's going to do good.
1058
00:36:08,199 --> 00:36:10,567
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.
1059
00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:12,735
Not to mention,
pay your rent.
1060
00:36:12,735 --> 00:36:13,003
So, are you in?
1061
00:36:14,003 --> 00:36:16,641
Or do you have something
more important to do?
1062
00:36:17,641 --> 00:36:19,010
Than save the planet with you?
1063
00:36:21,010 --> 00:36:23,646
No, I don't. (CHUCKLES)
I'm in.
1064
00:36:23,646 --> 00:36:25,481
Phew! (CHUCKLES)
1065
00:36:25,481 --> 00:36:26,416
Let's save the planet.
1066
00:36:27,416 --> 00:36:28,351
That was...
1067
00:36:28,351 --> 00:36:30,978
What just happened?
She's good. (LAUGHS)
1068
00:36:54,978 --> 00:36:56,045
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
1069
00:36:56,045 --> 00:36:57,949
FRED: Uh, hey.
1070
00:36:58,949 --> 00:37:00,951
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,
1071
00:37:00,951 --> 00:37:02,688
maybe, if you have a second.
1072
00:37:05,688 --> 00:37:08,494
What are you...
What are you looking at?
1073
00:37:11,494 --> 00:37:12,494
(GASPS)
1074
00:37:11,494 --> 00:37:12,695
(YELPS)
1075
00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,695
Jesus!
1076
00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,764
Oh, my God!
1077
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,998
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?
1078
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,998
You were sleeping?
1079
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,534
Yes!
1080
00:37:17,534 --> 00:37:19,302
I was micro napping.
1081
00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,302
That's what you call that?
1082
00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,070
Yes.
1083
00:37:21,070 --> 00:37:22,739
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.
1084
00:37:22,739 --> 00:37:24,307
You were standing
and your eyes were open.
1085
00:37:24,307 --> 00:37:25,375
Do you need something?
1086
00:37:25,375 --> 00:37:26,476
I have some jokes
that I wrote
1087
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:28,478
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.
1088
00:37:28,478 --> 00:37:29,945
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.
1089
00:37:29,945 --> 00:37:31,981
Great. Seemed very restful.
1090
00:37:31,981 --> 00:37:32,885
(SIGHS) Okay.
1091
00:37:35,885 --> 00:37:36,820
Whoa.
1092
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:40,423
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.
1093
00:37:40,423 --> 00:37:42,726
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?
1094
00:37:42,726 --> 00:37:44,628
"With every
fracking drill thrust,
1095
00:37:44,628 --> 00:37:47,463
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?
1096
00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:48,632
It can be normal fucking.
1097
00:37:48,632 --> 00:37:49,000
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.
1098
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,068
I can take that part out.
1099
00:37:51,068 --> 00:37:52,635
Yeah, listen, Fred.
1100
00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:54,036
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.
1101
00:37:54,036 --> 00:37:55,639
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.
1102
00:37:55,639 --> 00:37:57,373
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
1103
00:37:57,373 --> 00:37:58,641
My job's hard.
1104
00:37:58,641 --> 00:38:00,610
Not as hard as mine.
1105
00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:02,411
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem
1106
00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,681
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,
1107
00:38:04,681 --> 00:38:06,817
like, personal experiences.
1108
00:38:06,817 --> 00:38:07,717
I was thinking, you know,
1109
00:38:07,717 --> 00:38:09,686
you cared a lot
about the environment
1110
00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,686
since high school.
1111
00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,853
Mmm-hmm.
1112
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:14,590
So maybe include
some stories about that.
1113
00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,590
High school?
1114
00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,527
Yeah.
1115
00:38:17,527 --> 00:38:18,795
You think that's funny?
1116
00:38:18,795 --> 00:38:19,896
I think it's a good area.
1117
00:38:19,896 --> 00:38:21,965
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.
1118
00:38:21,965 --> 00:38:23,065
People love that.
1119
00:38:23,065 --> 00:38:24,900
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.
1120
00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:27,070
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.
1121
00:38:27,070 --> 00:38:28,672
No, you did
so much more than that.
1122
00:38:28,672 --> 00:38:31,375
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point
1123
00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,708
when you were running
for Student Council.
1124
00:38:32,708 --> 00:38:35,545
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school
1125
00:38:35,545 --> 00:38:37,748
"pretends to care
about the underdog,
1126
00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:38,914
"but the planet Earth is
1127
00:38:38,914 --> 00:38:40,117
"the biggest underdog
of them all."
1128
00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,418
Something like that.
1129
00:38:41,418 --> 00:38:42,518
I said that?
1130
00:38:42,518 --> 00:38:43,920
Yeah, you did say that.
1131
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,822
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.
1132
00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:48,625
We were making signs
for your election.
1133
00:38:48,625 --> 00:38:50,860
And you were
wearing that shirt.
1134
00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:52,829
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,
1135
00:38:52,829 --> 00:38:54,597
it always confused me.
1136
00:38:54,597 --> 00:38:55,664
It was both.
1137
00:38:55,664 --> 00:38:57,601
Oh, there you go.
1138
00:38:57,601 --> 00:38:59,436
That's all I remember
about that night, though.
1139
00:38:59,436 --> 00:39:00,971
Uh, that's where my memories
1140
00:39:00,971 --> 00:39:04,474
concerning that evening
expire.
1141
00:39:04,474 --> 00:39:06,943
I learned a lot
from that election.
1142
00:39:06,943 --> 00:39:08,512
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely
1143
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:09,913
to vote for two proms
1144
00:39:09,913 --> 00:39:12,416
than a very elaborate
recycling program.
1145
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:13,416
(CHUCKLES)
1146
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:13,016
Not only kids.
1147
00:39:14,016 --> 00:39:16,952
Yeah, that's true.
1148
00:39:16,952 --> 00:39:20,791
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?
1149
00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,791
Bill Sterling?
1150
00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,958
Yeah.
1151
00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,126
After he beat you?
1152
00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,126
Yup.
1153
00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,797
Prom one or prom two?
1154
00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:27,797
Oh!
1155
00:39:27,797 --> 00:39:30,634
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.
1156
00:39:30,634 --> 00:39:31,735
(SIGHS AND LAUGHS)
1157
00:39:31,735 --> 00:39:34,438
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.
1158
00:39:34,438 --> 00:39:36,539
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.
1159
00:39:36,539 --> 00:39:38,641
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.
1160
00:39:38,641 --> 00:39:41,014
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...
1161
00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:46,949
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.
1162
00:39:46,949 --> 00:39:47,485
Great.
1163
00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:49,552
Hey, Fred.
1164
00:39:49,552 --> 00:39:51,521
Yeah.
1165
00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,824
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,
1166
00:39:53,824 --> 00:39:54,759
just go ahead.
1167
00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:57,760
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?
1168
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,996
Yeah. Just write.
1169
00:40:00,996 --> 00:40:02,233
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
1170
00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:04,400
If you take another nap,
1171
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,802
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.
1172
00:40:06,802 --> 00:40:08,704
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.
1173
00:40:08,704 --> 00:40:10,474
That's actually
a really good idea.
1174
00:40:10,474 --> 00:40:11,608
It is. I want you
to be careful.
1175
00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,608
Yeah.
1176
00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,742
We need you.
1177
00:40:12,742 --> 00:40:13,679
(CHUCKLES)
1178
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:17,679
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1179
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:17,248
(BAND PLAYING)
1180
00:40:19,248 --> 00:40:21,092
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1181
00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,092
Ambassador.
1182
00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,659
Welcome to Sweden.
1183
00:40:30,659 --> 00:40:31,961
Nice to see you again.
1184
00:40:31,961 --> 00:40:32,097
Yeah, you too.
1185
00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:36,666
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.
1186
00:40:36,666 --> 00:40:37,766
Yes.
1187
00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:39,135
Uh, Madam Secretary,
1188
00:40:39,135 --> 00:40:40,503
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.
1189
00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,704
Yeah, soon, Fred.
1190
00:40:41,704 --> 00:40:42,938
Tom, do you have the schedule?
1191
00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,938
TOM: Yes, of course, ma'am.
1192
00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,710
(SIGHS) All right.
1193
00:40:47,710 --> 00:40:48,579
MAGGIE: In the back, Flarsky!
1194
00:40:50,579 --> 00:40:51,981
TOM: Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.
1195
00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:54,918
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
1196
00:40:54,918 --> 00:40:56,987
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer
1197
00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:58,155
about deforestation issues.
1198
00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:01,557
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
1199
00:41:01,557 --> 00:41:03,760
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.
1200
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,929
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times
1201
00:41:05,929 --> 00:41:08,164
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack
1202
00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:10,534
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.
1203
00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:11,601
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head
1204
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:12,668
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,
1205
00:41:12,668 --> 00:41:15,605
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.
1206
00:41:15,605 --> 00:41:16,907
Okay. And then after that?
1207
00:41:16,907 --> 00:41:18,208
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get
1208
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,208
some face time with you.
1209
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,708
Oh, God.
1210
00:41:19,708 --> 00:41:21,945
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.
1211
00:41:21,945 --> 00:41:23,914
Yeah, sure. Um...
1212
00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,048
So, uh, you know,
1213
00:41:26,048 --> 00:41:27,884
based on what we were
talking about last night,
1214
00:41:27,884 --> 00:41:30,753
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.
1215
00:41:30,753 --> 00:41:32,688
(CLICKS TONGUE)
That's good.
1216
00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,688
Thank you.
1217
00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,257
This part isn't.
1218
00:41:35,257 --> 00:41:37,827
Okay, well, you said
you didn't want to sound
too angry.
1219
00:41:37,827 --> 00:41:40,262
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.
1220
00:41:40,262 --> 00:41:41,965
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.
1221
00:41:41,965 --> 00:41:43,333
Great. Thanks.
1222
00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:45,568
Okay, here we go.
1223
00:41:45,568 --> 00:41:46,568
(SIGHS)
1224
00:41:45,568 --> 00:41:46,969
So...
1225
00:41:46,969 --> 00:41:48,639
All right.
1226
00:41:49,639 --> 00:41:50,739
Fred.
1227
00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:52,175
Yeah?
1228
00:41:52,175 --> 00:41:54,815
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?
1229
00:41:58,815 --> 00:41:59,815
I was gonna...
I was thinking
1230
00:41:59,815 --> 00:42:02,085
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.
1231
00:42:02,085 --> 00:42:02,085
That's kind of
a little more...
1232
00:42:02,985 --> 00:42:04,654
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.
1233
00:42:04,654 --> 00:42:05,688
MAGGIE: You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1234
00:42:05,688 --> 00:42:09,726
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.
1235
00:42:09,726 --> 00:42:10,994
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled
1236
00:42:10,994 --> 00:42:13,228
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.
1237
00:42:13,228 --> 00:42:14,329
What a fun adventure.
1238
00:42:14,329 --> 00:42:16,666
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.
1239
00:42:16,666 --> 00:42:17,867
Thank you, Fred.
1240
00:42:17,867 --> 00:42:18,768
FRED: Why, thank you.
1241
00:42:18,768 --> 00:42:20,070
MAGGIE: ...and then
it's saying hello,
1242
00:42:20,070 --> 00:42:21,204
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,
1243
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,204
I'll pull you up...
1244
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,606
Where's Flarsky?
1245
00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:23,706
Why are we waiting?
1246
00:42:23,706 --> 00:42:25,307
What, is he doing his hair?
1247
00:42:25,307 --> 00:42:26,307
(SIGHS)
1248
00:42:25,307 --> 00:42:26,309
Um...
1249
00:42:27,309 --> 00:42:29,079
Oh.
1250
00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:31,079
TOM: What the...
1251
00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:31,885
(CHARLOTTE LAUGHING)
1252
00:42:35,885 --> 00:42:37,186
What the fuck
are you wearing?
1253
00:42:37,186 --> 00:42:39,222
She bought me
this shit. Okay?
1254
00:42:39,222 --> 00:42:40,023
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.
1255
00:42:41,023 --> 00:42:43,827
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here
1256
00:42:43,827 --> 00:42:45,128
dressed like this.
1257
00:42:45,128 --> 00:42:47,329
It's all I could do
on such short notice.
1258
00:42:47,329 --> 00:42:49,000
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.
1259
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,172
It's just...
Make it look...
Oh, my God.
1260
00:42:56,172 --> 00:42:57,007
Better with
the jacket on? Great.
1261
00:42:58,007 --> 00:42:59,010
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.
1262
00:43:00,010 --> 00:43:01,143
Calm the Smurf down.
1263
00:43:01,143 --> 00:43:02,983
Bring a fucking suit
next time.
1264
00:43:06,983 --> 00:43:08,217
(CLEARS THROAT)
1265
00:43:08,217 --> 00:43:09,284
Do you like the speech?
1266
00:43:09,284 --> 00:43:10,452
Yes, the speech is good.
1267
00:43:10,452 --> 00:43:12,956
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.
1268
00:43:12,956 --> 00:43:14,724
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.
1269
00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:15,791
On what?
1270
00:43:15,791 --> 00:43:16,992
Getting India and China
to agree
1271
00:43:16,992 --> 00:43:18,061
to be a part
of this initiative.
1272
00:43:18,061 --> 00:43:20,396
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?
1273
00:43:20,396 --> 00:43:22,831
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.
1274
00:43:22,831 --> 00:43:23,932
We just wrote
a whole speech
1275
00:43:23,932 --> 00:43:25,101
about how
they're on-board already.
1276
00:43:25,101 --> 00:43:26,302
Don't worry, Fred.
1277
00:43:27,302 --> 00:43:29,072
You just stay here
and make sure
1278
00:43:29,072 --> 00:43:32,275
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?
1279
00:43:32,275 --> 00:43:33,677
I don't know
why you needed a writer.
1280
00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:34,844
Those are sick burns.
1281
00:43:34,844 --> 00:43:36,246
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1282
00:43:36,246 --> 00:43:38,748
CRIER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1283
00:43:38,748 --> 00:43:40,152
of the United States
of America.
1284
00:43:43,152 --> 00:43:44,021
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.
1285
00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,021
Your Highness.
1286
00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,327
Pleasure.
1287
00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:53,327
(CLEARS THROAT)
1288
00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:53,032
Oh.
1289
00:43:56,032 --> 00:43:58,400
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.
1290
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,438
And you know you are, too.
1291
00:44:01,438 --> 00:44:02,572
I do know that.
1292
00:44:02,572 --> 00:44:04,974
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1293
00:44:04,974 --> 00:44:07,277
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.
1294
00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:09,313
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.
1295
00:44:11,313 --> 00:44:12,882
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1296
00:44:12,882 --> 00:44:14,317
FRED: Oh no, fuck me.
1297
00:44:14,317 --> 00:44:16,820
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1298
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,820
Yes.
1299
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,454
(CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
1300
00:44:18,454 --> 00:44:22,057
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.
1301
00:44:22,057 --> 00:44:24,057
(CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
1302
00:44:22,057 --> 00:44:24,460
Yes, you look great.
1303
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,460
Congratulations.
1304
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,829
Skal.
1305
00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,396
Skal. Skal to you, too.
1306
00:44:27,396 --> 00:44:30,396
(SPEAKS SWEDISH)
1307
00:44:27,396 --> 00:44:30,402
Yes. (SPEAKS SWEDISH)
1308
00:44:32,402 --> 00:44:33,005
Jesus.
1309
00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:38,007
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.
1310
00:44:39,007 --> 00:44:39,009
What?
1311
00:44:40,009 --> 00:44:42,177
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,
1312
00:44:42,177 --> 00:44:44,146
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines
1313
00:44:44,146 --> 00:44:45,248
for the "Trees" section, okay?
1314
00:44:45,248 --> 00:44:46,483
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1315
00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:49,152
Losing the Seas part, why?
1316
00:44:49,152 --> 00:44:50,519
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.
1317
00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:53,322
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of
the whole fucking shit.
1318
00:44:53,322 --> 00:44:55,791
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?
1319
00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:56,893
Yeah, it's gone.
1320
00:44:56,893 --> 00:44:57,860
And there's nothing
we can do?
1321
00:44:57,860 --> 00:44:58,961
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.
1322
00:44:58,961 --> 00:45:02,998
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.
1323
00:45:02,998 --> 00:45:04,001
Well, no.
1324
00:45:05,001 --> 00:45:06,503
I'm not gonna do that.
1325
00:45:06,503 --> 00:45:08,404
So you quit,
resignation accepted.
1326
00:45:08,404 --> 00:45:09,972
I will rewrite the speech.
1327
00:45:09,972 --> 00:45:11,074
Oh, the fuck you will!
1328
00:45:11,074 --> 00:45:12,275
What the fuck?
1329
00:45:13,275 --> 00:45:15,244
(ALL GASP)
1330
00:45:15,244 --> 00:45:17,985
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1331
00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,985
MAGGIE: You don't...
1332
00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,157
FRED: Let go!
1333
00:45:28,157 --> 00:45:29,494
(GUEST GASPING)
1334
00:45:31,494 --> 00:45:32,594
FRED: Look out. Excuse me!
1335
00:45:32,594 --> 00:45:34,297
MAGGIE: Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!
1336
00:45:34,297 --> 00:45:35,398
Fred, stop running!
1337
00:45:35,398 --> 00:45:37,067
(GUEST MURMURING)
1338
00:45:38,067 --> 00:45:39,902
Fred...
1339
00:45:39,902 --> 00:45:41,139
(EXCLAIMS)
1340
00:45:44,139 --> 00:45:45,208
Why did you do that?
1341
00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:47,143
Because I will not
have you damage
1342
00:45:47,143 --> 00:45:48,478
the integrity of my writing!
1343
00:45:48,478 --> 00:45:50,480
The integrity of your writing?
1344
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,016
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!
1345
00:45:53,016 --> 00:45:54,516
What is going on?
1346
00:45:54,516 --> 00:45:56,219
What's going on
with you, bruh?
1347
00:45:56,219 --> 00:45:57,253
Did you just
call me "bruh"?
1348
00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,253
She's the secretary
of state.
1349
00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,023
Is he high?
1350
00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:02,224
MAGGIE: He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.
1351
00:46:02,224 --> 00:46:03,596
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.
1352
00:46:06,596 --> 00:46:08,130
What's the deal, Fred?
1353
00:46:08,130 --> 00:46:10,934
What's the deal?
What's the deal?
What are...
1354
00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:12,902
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me
1355
00:46:12,902 --> 00:46:14,204
you cared about this shit,
1356
00:46:14,204 --> 00:46:16,472
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,
1357
00:46:16,472 --> 00:46:19,309
you fucking got rid of
a massive element
of the whole thing.
1358
00:46:19,309 --> 00:46:22,612
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.
1359
00:46:22,612 --> 00:46:25,849
That one was the seas.
1360
00:46:25,849 --> 00:46:28,284
It covers 75% of the planet!
1361
00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,284
It's a pretty big one!
1362
00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,219
Bring down your voice.
1363
00:46:30,219 --> 00:46:31,320
You know why I'm upset?
1364
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,422
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.
1365
00:46:33,422 --> 00:46:35,557
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.
1366
00:46:35,557 --> 00:46:38,327
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.
1367
00:46:38,327 --> 00:46:39,596
I wanted to write for you.
1368
00:46:39,596 --> 00:46:41,331
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.
1369
00:46:41,331 --> 00:46:44,132
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.
1370
00:46:44,132 --> 00:46:46,068
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,
1371
00:46:46,068 --> 00:46:49,204
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,
1372
00:46:49,204 --> 00:46:51,074
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs
1373
00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:52,541
in whose fucking end zones!
1374
00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,541
What are you talking about?
1375
00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,110
I don't know sports.
1376
00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:55,344
Let me try it with food.
1377
00:46:55,344 --> 00:46:57,614
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.
1378
00:46:57,614 --> 00:47:00,315
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?
1379
00:47:00,315 --> 00:47:02,018
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.
1380
00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,018
I don't give a shit.
1381
00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,887
Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1382
00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,887
No, I don't.
1383
00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,922
You used to fucking
give a shit,
1384
00:47:05,922 --> 00:47:08,157
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.
1385
00:47:08,157 --> 00:47:09,893
You cared more
about recycling
in high school
1386
00:47:09,893 --> 00:47:11,195
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.
1387
00:47:13,195 --> 00:47:15,498
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.
1388
00:47:15,498 --> 00:47:16,666
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,
1389
00:47:16,666 --> 00:47:17,001
it's on my computer
in the snow.
1390
00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,501
I have copies, you idiot.
1391
00:47:19,501 --> 00:47:21,972
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.
1392
00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:25,409
Oh, no! Shit!
1393
00:47:26,409 --> 00:47:28,478
Oh, God damn it!
1394
00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:31,213
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!
1395
00:47:31,213 --> 00:47:32,284
I need a big bowl of rice!
1396
00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:37,519
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?
1397
00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:39,431
All my shit's on here.
1398
00:47:49,431 --> 00:47:50,637
CHARLOTTE: Fred. Look.
1399
00:47:54,637 --> 00:47:55,708
Wow.
1400
00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:01,246
I've never seen
anything like that.
1401
00:48:04,246 --> 00:48:05,182
No, I...
1402
00:48:06,182 --> 00:48:08,418
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...
1403
00:48:09,418 --> 00:48:10,355
...actually...
1404
00:48:12,355 --> 00:48:14,425
I never saw it. (SNIFFLES)
1405
00:48:15,425 --> 00:48:17,994
Are you crying right now?
1406
00:48:17,994 --> 00:48:18,498
It's pretty.
1407
00:48:23,498 --> 00:48:24,070
Yeah.
1408
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,503
Fred?
1409
00:48:28,503 --> 00:48:29,007
(SNIFFLES) Yeah?
1410
00:48:31,007 --> 00:48:33,242
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,
1411
00:48:33,242 --> 00:48:34,079
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1412
00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:38,682
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.
1413
00:48:40,682 --> 00:48:43,989
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.
1414
00:48:45,989 --> 00:48:50,193
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.
1415
00:48:50,193 --> 00:48:54,630
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.
1416
00:48:54,630 --> 00:48:57,235
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.
1417
00:48:59,235 --> 00:49:02,038
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,
1418
00:49:02,038 --> 00:49:05,510
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.
1419
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:11,079
Which makes you
extremely popular,
1420
00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:13,583
especially when everybody
would rather be watching
1421
00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:15,650
Beverly Hills, 90210.
1422
00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:17,688
(ALL LAUGH)
1423
00:49:19,688 --> 00:49:22,358
But that is why I am happy
to announce
1424
00:49:22,358 --> 00:49:25,628
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.
1425
00:49:25,628 --> 00:49:28,130
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"
1426
00:49:28,130 --> 00:49:30,400
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood
1427
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,701
and passion
for the environment
1428
00:49:31,701 --> 00:49:34,302
by announcing
a bold new initiative...
1429
00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:37,407
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman
1430
00:49:37,407 --> 00:49:39,443
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1431
00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,443
Hey.
1432
00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,414
Hi.
1433
00:49:44,414 --> 00:49:46,114
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.
1434
00:49:46,114 --> 00:49:47,382
I did. I cleaned it up.
1435
00:49:47,382 --> 00:49:49,585
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.
1436
00:49:49,585 --> 00:49:50,719
Looks good.
1437
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,588
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...
1438
00:49:52,588 --> 00:49:54,657
I, uh...
1439
00:49:54,657 --> 00:49:58,161
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,
1440
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,496
for acting a little crazy,
you know.
1441
00:50:01,496 --> 00:50:03,166
I'm gonna...
1442
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:04,400
I'm going to really try
to tone it down
1443
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:08,438
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.
1444
00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:09,172
Good. Great.
1445
00:50:10,172 --> 00:50:11,306
Also.
1446
00:50:11,306 --> 00:50:12,842
I googled speech writing
1447
00:50:12,842 --> 00:50:14,643
and it was
actually very informative.
1448
00:50:14,643 --> 00:50:15,612
What I learned
1449
00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:16,913
was that in order to write
better for you,
1450
00:50:16,913 --> 00:50:20,349
I should kinda
get to know you better
and get in your head,
1451
00:50:20,349 --> 00:50:21,483
and everything
I already know about you,
1452
00:50:21,483 --> 00:50:22,684
I kinda used
on the first speech.
1453
00:50:22,684 --> 00:50:24,152
So, what I did
1454
00:50:24,152 --> 00:50:25,554
was I wrote a ton of questions
1455
00:50:25,554 --> 00:50:27,322
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,
1456
00:50:27,322 --> 00:50:28,623
if you have a minute.
1457
00:50:28,623 --> 00:50:30,492
I actually have seven.
1458
00:50:30,492 --> 00:50:32,661
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.
1459
00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,661
All right.
1460
00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,163
Seven minutes in heaven.
1461
00:50:34,163 --> 00:50:35,498
(CHUCKLES) Um...
1462
00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,498
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
1463
00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,467
So. Ah... I guess...
1464
00:50:37,467 --> 00:50:38,634
Just like...
What are you into?
1465
00:50:38,634 --> 00:50:39,835
What kind of shit you into?
1466
00:50:39,835 --> 00:50:41,704
Well, this is
pretty much it.
1467
00:50:41,704 --> 00:50:43,505
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.
1468
00:50:43,505 --> 00:50:45,807
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?
1469
00:50:45,807 --> 00:50:47,443
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?
1470
00:50:47,443 --> 00:50:49,144
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened
1471
00:50:49,144 --> 00:50:50,646
in every season
of Game of Thrones.
1472
00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:52,481
Because you watch it?
1473
00:50:52,481 --> 00:50:54,617
Because I read synopses
on every episode.
1474
00:50:54,617 --> 00:50:56,284
That can't actually work.
1475
00:50:56,284 --> 00:50:58,186
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon
1476
00:50:58,186 --> 00:50:59,222
(WHISPERS)
came back as a White Walker.
1477
00:51:00,222 --> 00:51:01,523
(WHISPERS) Whoa!
1478
00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,523
See?
1479
00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,625
What about movies?
1480
00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:03,893
Do you watch movies?
1481
00:51:03,893 --> 00:51:06,161
Synopses of all
the award contenders.
1482
00:51:06,161 --> 00:51:07,496
You used to love movies!
1483
00:51:07,496 --> 00:51:09,599
You made me watch
Encino Man 30 times.
1484
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:12,235
"Wheeze a little juice!"
1485
00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:14,302
(LAUGHING) You still do
the worst Pauly Shore
impression
1486
00:51:14,302 --> 00:51:16,139
in the history of mankind.
1487
00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,574
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"
1488
00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:20,208
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.
1489
00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:23,746
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.
1490
00:51:23,746 --> 00:51:25,414
I am Encino Man.
1491
00:51:25,414 --> 00:51:26,414
(FRED SCOFFS)
1492
00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:29,251
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?
1493
00:51:29,251 --> 00:51:31,286
The Velveteen Rabbit. You?
1494
00:51:31,286 --> 00:51:32,621
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.
1495
00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,621
Oh, that explains a lot.
1496
00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,789
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.
1497
00:51:34,789 --> 00:51:36,692
(GREETS IN VIETNAMESE)
1498
00:51:36,692 --> 00:51:39,195
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.
1499
00:51:39,195 --> 00:51:40,762
Best drug experience?
1500
00:51:40,762 --> 00:51:42,697
I could get summoned
at any moment
1501
00:51:42,697 --> 00:51:44,199
to deal with
an international crisis,
1502
00:51:44,199 --> 00:51:45,534
I can't do that on acid.
1503
00:51:45,534 --> 00:51:46,802
What about Molly?
1504
00:51:46,802 --> 00:51:47,936
Who's Molly?
1505
00:51:47,936 --> 00:51:49,539
(SIGHS)
1506
00:51:49,539 --> 00:51:51,239
REPORTER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1507
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,342
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour
1508
00:51:54,342 --> 00:51:55,744
to garner more support
1509
00:51:55,744 --> 00:51:57,480
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.
1510
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,315
And all in a private jet,
no less.
1511
00:51:59,315 --> 00:52:00,815
You know what would
save the environment?
1512
00:52:00,815 --> 00:52:02,617
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.
1513
00:52:02,617 --> 00:52:04,219
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.
1514
00:52:04,219 --> 00:52:06,556
(LAUGHS) Oh, I walked
right into that one.
1515
00:52:06,556 --> 00:52:08,757
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.
1516
00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,757
Oh! That's just fucking hot.
1517
00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,293
Right?
1518
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,293
I got a new one.
1519
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,762
(MUFFLED) What?
1520
00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,197
I got to change
my favorite song.
1521
00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,197
You have too many.
1522
00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,831
I've done it a few times.
1523
00:52:15,831 --> 00:52:18,867
Broccoli by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.
1524
00:52:18,867 --> 00:52:20,436
All those words
1525
00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,436
are the name of a song?
1526
00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,338
Yeah.
1527
00:52:22,338 --> 00:52:23,338
CHARLOTTE: I don't
really think I have one.
1528
00:52:23,338 --> 00:52:25,608
FRED: You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.
1529
00:52:25,608 --> 00:52:27,577
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.
1530
00:52:27,577 --> 00:52:29,478
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.
1531
00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,478
Yes, you do.
1532
00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,581
No, I don't!
1533
00:52:31,581 --> 00:52:34,516
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God. Okay.
1534
00:52:34,516 --> 00:52:36,420
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1535
00:52:38,420 --> 00:52:40,590
I mean, you know, front.
1536
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,590
Normal. Front facing normal.
1537
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,291
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God.
1538
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,291
What kinda question is that?
1539
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,858
That's all it took.
1540
00:52:43,858 --> 00:52:44,827
Look at you.
1541
00:52:44,827 --> 00:52:46,929
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?
1542
00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,929
Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
1543
00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,965
Yeah, see?
1544
00:52:48,965 --> 00:52:51,867
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1545
00:52:51,867 --> 00:52:53,836
It's too complicated
to explain.
1546
00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,836
Really?
1547
00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,306
I told you mine.
1548
00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,307
Oh, God, okay. (SIGHS)
1549
00:52:59,307 --> 00:53:01,777
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.
1550
00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,777
Yeah?
1551
00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,746
I got called into a meeting
1552
00:53:03,746 --> 00:53:06,349
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.
1553
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,349
Yeah.
1554
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,483
Yeah.
1555
00:53:08,483 --> 00:53:12,521
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.
1556
00:53:12,521 --> 00:53:13,289
Oh, no.
1557
00:53:14,289 --> 00:53:15,525
Delhi belly.
1558
00:53:17,525 --> 00:53:21,496
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.
1559
00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,496
Oh, no.
1560
00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,632
Mmm-hmm.
1561
00:53:23,632 --> 00:53:24,900
God...
1562
00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:28,904
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1563
00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,904
You puked in it?
1564
00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,340
Nope.
1565
00:53:31,340 --> 00:53:34,543
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?
1566
00:53:34,543 --> 00:53:37,380
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN ON TV)
1567
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:39,614
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?
1568
00:53:39,614 --> 00:53:41,018
Yes, I speak Russian.
1569
00:53:42,018 --> 00:53:44,487
FRED: The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1570
00:53:44,487 --> 00:53:46,690
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!
1571
00:53:47,690 --> 00:53:49,690
(GASPS)
1572
00:53:47,690 --> 00:53:49,360
(GUNFIRE ON TV)
1573
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,695
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!
1574
00:53:53,695 --> 00:53:54,929
But he's keeping
the team together.
1575
00:53:54,929 --> 00:53:55,998
I know.
1576
00:53:55,998 --> 00:53:57,400
I don't think
I can handle that.
1577
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,400
Oh, it's okay.
1578
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,467
No,
1579
00:53:58,467 --> 00:54:00,603
I really liked him
in the movie.
1580
00:54:00,603 --> 00:54:01,871
Don't worry,
just keep watching.
1581
00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:04,606
FRED: You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1582
00:54:04,606 --> 00:54:06,442
Because it's pretty nice here.
1583
00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:08,844
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.
1584
00:54:08,844 --> 00:54:10,313
This is good.
1585
00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,313
Oh, yeah?
1586
00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,480
Yeah.
1587
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:16,518
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?
1588
00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:17,786
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech
1589
00:54:17,786 --> 00:54:19,387
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss
1590
00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,856
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.
1591
00:54:21,856 --> 00:54:23,856
"I quit."
1592
00:54:21,856 --> 00:54:23,059
(LAUGHING)
1593
00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,059
That's not bad.
1594
00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,494
I love that.
1595
00:54:25,494 --> 00:54:27,463
This is really fucking good.
1596
00:54:27,463 --> 00:54:29,632
Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1597
00:54:29,632 --> 00:54:31,833
I totally get you.
1598
00:54:31,833 --> 00:54:33,668
♪ All I want for my birthday
1599
00:54:33,668 --> 00:54:35,503
♪ Is a big booty ho
1600
00:54:35,503 --> 00:54:36,972
♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪
1601
00:54:36,972 --> 00:54:38,708
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit
1602
00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,509
I played you
from the last decade,
1603
00:54:40,509 --> 00:54:42,077
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.
1604
00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,077
It's catchy.
1605
00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,480
It's awesome.
1606
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:45,085
(CHUCKLES)
1607
00:54:49,085 --> 00:54:51,456
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?
1608
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,456
No. No.
1609
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,990
No.
1610
00:54:55,990 --> 00:54:57,793
I feel like I read...
Did I read that
1611
00:54:57,793 --> 00:54:59,762
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?
1612
00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,762
Maybe it's not true.
1613
00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,597
No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1614
00:55:02,597 --> 00:55:05,434
They like to write about it,
but no. I...
1615
00:55:05,434 --> 00:55:08,436
We're not, we... We flirt.
1616
00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,436
Yeah. Okay.
1617
00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,838
Kind of.
1618
00:55:09,838 --> 00:55:12,409
It's weird.
We made out once.
1619
00:55:13,409 --> 00:55:14,809
Dope.
1620
00:55:14,809 --> 00:55:15,010
You asked.
1621
00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,079
No, hey! I've hooked up with
1622
00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:20,516
my fair share
of world leaders, too.
1623
00:55:20,516 --> 00:55:22,518
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1624
00:55:23,518 --> 00:55:24,521
You thought
his beard was big.
1625
00:55:25,521 --> 00:55:26,588
Um...
1626
00:55:26,588 --> 00:55:29,625
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...
1627
00:55:29,625 --> 00:55:31,559
Do you, like, date?
1628
00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:35,065
Uh... Yeah. I date.
1629
00:55:36,065 --> 00:55:37,000
Generally, you know,
1630
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,536
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.
1631
00:55:40,536 --> 00:55:42,972
People who travel a lot.
1632
00:55:43,972 --> 00:55:47,978
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...
1633
00:55:48,978 --> 00:55:51,414
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world
1634
00:55:51,414 --> 00:55:53,650
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?
1635
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,650
Yeah.
1636
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,018
And honestly,
1637
00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:57,786
guys don't really
want to date women
1638
00:55:57,786 --> 00:55:59,088
who are more powerful
than them.
1639
00:55:59,088 --> 00:56:00,956
They think they do, but...
1640
00:56:01,956 --> 00:56:03,793
It's a dick shriveller.
1641
00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,793
Uff.
1642
00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,894
Mmm-hmm.
1643
00:56:05,894 --> 00:56:08,130
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.
1644
00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:09,130
So...
1645
00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:09,534
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1646
00:56:11,534 --> 00:56:13,469
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?
1647
00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,469
No, I get it.
1648
00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,971
(LAUGHING)
1649
00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,971
It makes sense.
1650
00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,945
Yeah. It adds up.
1651
00:56:23,945 --> 00:56:25,945
(WHOOSHING)
1652
00:56:23,945 --> 00:56:25,815
(GASPS)
1653
00:56:25,815 --> 00:56:27,815
(EXPLOSION)
1654
00:56:25,815 --> 00:56:27,817
(FRED GRUNTING)
1655
00:56:27,817 --> 00:56:28,951
We're right in front
of the window.
1656
00:56:28,951 --> 00:56:30,951
(GUNFIRE)
1657
00:56:28,951 --> 00:56:30,952
(EXPLOSION)
1658
00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:32,554
What the fuck is happening?
1659
00:56:32,554 --> 00:56:34,190
Insurgents are fighting
the army.
1660
00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,190
Are we in danger?
1661
00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,090
Yes! Yes!
1662
00:56:36,090 --> 00:56:37,760
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!
1663
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,760
(GUNFIRE)
1664
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,094
FRED: Fuck!
1665
00:56:39,094 --> 00:56:40,831
AGENT: This way!
1666
00:56:41,831 --> 00:56:43,833
All right, guys, come with me.
1667
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,833
Come on.
1668
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,791
(ALL SCREAM)
1669
00:57:09,791 --> 00:57:10,925
Secretary Field, this way!
1670
00:57:10,925 --> 00:57:12,925
I got her, secure them!
1671
00:57:10,925 --> 00:57:12,896
(FRED GRUNTS)
1672
00:57:13,896 --> 00:57:14,501
This way.
1673
00:57:18,501 --> 00:57:19,969
You'll be safe in here.
1674
00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:22,005
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
1675
00:57:23,005 --> 00:57:23,005
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1676
00:57:24,005 --> 00:57:25,007
I'm okay. Yeah. (STAMMERS)
We're okay. Okay.
1677
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,007
Okay.
1678
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,012
Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1679
00:57:30,012 --> 00:57:33,248
(EXCLAIMS) Oh,
we could have just died.
1680
00:57:33,248 --> 00:57:36,050
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.
1681
00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:37,119
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm having a hard time
1682
00:57:37,119 --> 00:57:38,219
catching my breath
a little bit.
1683
00:57:38,219 --> 00:57:39,288
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.
1684
00:57:39,288 --> 00:57:42,657
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1685
00:57:42,657 --> 00:57:43,925
for dealing with panicking.
1686
00:57:43,925 --> 00:57:46,161
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.
1687
00:57:46,161 --> 00:57:49,130
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!
1688
00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:50,865
I need 90 fucking years!
1689
00:57:50,865 --> 00:57:53,568
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!
1690
00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:56,304
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!
1691
00:57:56,304 --> 00:57:59,742
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.
1692
00:57:59,742 --> 00:58:02,911
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!
1693
00:58:02,911 --> 00:58:03,978
It was just pointless.
1694
00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,978
(EXPLOSION)
1695
00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,748
What the fuck?
1696
00:58:05,748 --> 00:58:07,918
Holy shit! Fuck!
1697
00:58:08,918 --> 00:58:11,119
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?
1698
00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,119
Fred.
1699
00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,320
Is there more?
1700
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,722
You're gonna
have to calm down.
1701
00:58:13,722 --> 00:58:14,956
I don't think I can.
1702
00:58:14,956 --> 00:58:16,759
Sit down with me.
1703
00:58:16,759 --> 00:58:17,893
And breathe.
1704
00:58:17,893 --> 00:58:20,893
Four seconds in.
1705
00:58:17,893 --> 00:58:20,262
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1706
00:58:20,262 --> 00:58:21,329
Four seconds out.
1707
00:58:21,329 --> 00:58:23,164
Four seconds in.
1708
00:58:23,164 --> 00:58:24,833
(GASPING)
One, two, three, four...
1709
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,833
Four seconds out.
1710
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,702
One, two...
1711
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,702
Four seconds in.
1712
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,572
One, two, three, four...
1713
00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:32,074
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.
1714
00:58:32,074 --> 00:58:33,208
...four. It helps me.
1715
00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,208
(WHEEZING) One, two,
three, four...
1716
00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,911
There you go.
1717
00:58:36,911 --> 00:58:39,248
One, two, three, four.
1718
00:58:39,248 --> 00:58:41,248
One, two, three, four.
1719
00:58:39,248 --> 00:58:41,016
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1720
00:58:42,016 --> 00:58:43,019
One, two, three, four.
1721
00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,019
You got it.
1722
00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,090
(SIGHS) That actually works.
1723
00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:49,327
Those guys are good.
1724
00:58:51,327 --> 00:58:52,195
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1725
00:58:54,195 --> 00:58:55,898
We did almost just die,
though.
1726
00:58:55,898 --> 00:58:56,965
We actually did almost die.
1727
00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,965
Yeah.
1728
00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,634
Oh, thank God.
1729
00:58:58,634 --> 00:58:59,768
That actually
makes me feel better.
1730
00:58:59,768 --> 00:59:00,902
Means I didn't overreact.
1731
00:59:00,902 --> 00:59:03,706
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted. (LAUGHING)
1732
00:59:04,706 --> 00:59:05,376
Yeah, maybe.
1733
00:59:08,376 --> 00:59:10,246
I can think of worse ways
to go
1734
00:59:11,246 --> 00:59:12,248
than here with you. (CHUCKLES)
1735
00:59:14,248 --> 00:59:16,150
Honestly, this has been like,
1736
00:59:16,150 --> 00:59:18,324
the best few weeks
of my entire life.
1737
00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,659
You don't have to say it
back to me.
1738
00:59:23,659 --> 00:59:24,927
I know it's not true for you.
1739
00:59:24,927 --> 00:59:26,961
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,
1740
00:59:26,961 --> 00:59:28,329
at that benefit concert.
That was probably
1741
00:59:28,329 --> 00:59:29,797
a way better week.
1742
00:59:29,797 --> 00:59:32,635
Just as an example. (CHUCKLES)
1743
00:59:32,635 --> 00:59:35,070
Well, this is
a pretty close second.
1744
00:59:35,070 --> 00:59:37,172
Really? To The Boss?
1745
00:59:37,172 --> 00:59:38,239
Yeah.
1746
00:59:38,239 --> 00:59:40,215
Wow. That's nice.
1747
00:59:47,215 --> 00:59:48,255
Uh...
1748
00:59:54,255 --> 00:59:57,326
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,
1749
00:59:57,326 --> 00:59:59,293
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake
1750
00:59:59,293 --> 00:00:00,728
I made 25 years ago.
1751
01:00:00,728 --> 01:00:02,297
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1752
01:00:03,297 --> 01:00:04,440
Wait... Really?
1753
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,041
We've secured the location.
1754
01:00:13,041 --> 01:00:15,012
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.
1755
01:00:17,012 --> 01:00:18,284
Thank you, Agent M.
1756
01:00:23,284 --> 01:00:24,686
FRED: Holy shit.
1757
01:00:24,686 --> 01:00:25,753
That helicopter was way louder
1758
01:00:25,753 --> 01:00:27,155
than I thought
it was gonna be.
1759
01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,155
MAGGIE: Fred, enough. Enough.
1760
01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,992
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1761
01:00:29,992 --> 01:00:31,092
We're safe here though?
1762
01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,092
MAGGIE: Yes!
1763
01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,760
TOM: Oh, my God, Fred!
1764
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:33,829
AGENT: This way.
1765
01:00:33,829 --> 01:00:35,001
FRED: This place
looks really nice.
1766
01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:40,469
Fred, I need you
to come work
1767
01:00:40,469 --> 01:00:42,304
on that speech with me,
right now.
1768
01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,304
Right now?
1769
01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,239
Yeah. Right now.
1770
01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:46,445
Okay.
1771
01:00:50,445 --> 01:00:52,715
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
1772
01:00:52,715 --> 01:00:53,882
Hang on, get my pants off.
1773
01:00:53,882 --> 01:00:55,719
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1774
01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,719
CHARLOTTE: We're doing it?
1775
01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,119
Yeah!
1776
01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,119
CHARLOTTE: Do it faster.
1777
01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,188
Let's do it.
1778
01:00:59,188 --> 01:01:00,157
They're coming off!
1779
01:01:02,157 --> 01:01:04,494
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1780
01:01:05,494 --> 01:01:06,197
Fuck!
1781
01:01:08,197 --> 01:01:09,864
CHARLOTTE: Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1782
01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,864
FRED: Okay.
1783
01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,333
Okay. Yeah.
1784
01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:12,400
Should I go in, then?
1785
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,068
Yeah, enter.
1786
01:01:14,068 --> 01:01:17,338
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1787
01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,338
I'm gonna come really soon.
1788
01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,474
Me too.
1789
01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,474
Really?
1790
01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,943
Yeah!
1791
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,943
Oh, God!
1792
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,010
Oh!
1793
01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:23,411
BOTH: Oh, boy!
1794
01:01:23,411 --> 01:01:26,248
(BOTH MOANING LOUDLY)
1795
01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,248
Oh, God! Okay.
1796
01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,184
Oh, my God!
1797
01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,184
I'm coming out.
1798
01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,085
Okay, come on.
1799
01:01:31,085 --> 01:01:36,891
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1800
01:01:36,891 --> 01:01:40,028
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.
1801
01:01:41,028 --> 01:01:42,231
I don't know
what happened.
1802
01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:44,432
I usually last
way longer than that.
1803
01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,432
You know?
1804
01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,869
Not me.
1805
01:01:46,869 --> 01:01:47,804
That was weird.
1806
01:01:47,804 --> 01:01:48,005
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...
1807
01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,005
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking.
1808
01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,972
...at the same time.
1809
01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,972
That's never happened before.
1810
01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,507
I've never said that.
1811
01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,507
Yeah.
1812
01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,777
Super strange.
1813
01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,777
Oh!
1814
01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,478
Should we do that again?
1815
01:01:57,478 --> 01:01:59,148
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.
1816
01:01:59,148 --> 01:02:00,851
(EXHALES)
1817
01:02:03,851 --> 01:02:05,487
Hmm.
1818
01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:08,487
Who's this little guy?
1819
01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:08,422
(LAUGHING)
1820
01:02:08,422 --> 01:02:10,324
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis
1821
01:02:10,324 --> 01:02:12,059
and I had to get a bottom half
1822
01:02:12,059 --> 01:02:13,494
of a swastika
tattooed on me...
1823
01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,494
Oh, my God.
1824
01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,329
...so they wouldn't kill me
1825
01:02:15,329 --> 01:02:17,331
and I didn't want that,
1826
01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:20,469
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man
1827
01:02:20,469 --> 01:02:23,938
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.
1828
01:02:23,938 --> 01:02:25,007
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.
1829
01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,007
No.
1830
01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,476
He's so happy about it.
1831
01:02:27,476 --> 01:02:28,543
I know, they just
look like pants.
1832
01:02:28,543 --> 01:02:31,179
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.
1833
01:02:31,179 --> 01:02:32,583
(LAUGHING)
1834
01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,021
Man, I am hungry.
1835
01:02:39,021 --> 01:02:40,521
What time is it?
1836
01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,326
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.
1837
01:02:44,326 --> 01:02:47,295
And where...
Where are we right now?
1838
01:02:47,295 --> 01:02:48,597
I don't have a clue.
1839
01:02:48,597 --> 01:02:49,864
You don't know?
1840
01:02:49,864 --> 01:02:51,065
No. They just
dropped us here.
1841
01:02:51,065 --> 01:02:53,423
They just took us here
on the helicopter.
1842
01:03:15,423 --> 01:03:16,490
AGENT M: Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.
1843
01:03:16,490 --> 01:03:17,927
Jesus!
1844
01:03:19,927 --> 01:03:21,001
You scared me, man.
1845
01:03:27,001 --> 01:03:29,605
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?
1846
01:03:29,605 --> 01:03:31,041
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.
1847
01:03:33,041 --> 01:03:34,177
Fair enough.
1848
01:03:35,177 --> 01:03:36,480
Good luck, man.
1849
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:39,556
Thank you.
1850
01:03:48,556 --> 01:03:50,958
(ON RADIO)
These helicopters are scary.
1851
01:03:50,958 --> 01:03:54,963
It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.
1852
01:03:55,963 --> 01:03:57,099
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
1853
01:03:57,099 --> 01:03:59,568
FRED: One, two, three, four.
1854
01:03:59,568 --> 01:04:01,681
One, two, three, four.
1855
01:04:13,681 --> 01:04:15,583
I feel so happy right now!
1856
01:04:15,583 --> 01:04:17,318
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,
1857
01:04:17,318 --> 01:04:19,054
I may have never been happy.
1858
01:04:19,054 --> 01:04:21,556
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.
1859
01:04:21,556 --> 01:04:22,025
And it feels good.
1860
01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:25,027
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.
1861
01:04:26,027 --> 01:04:27,963
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,
1862
01:04:27,963 --> 01:04:29,563
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.
1863
01:04:29,563 --> 01:04:30,632
And it's not like a date,
1864
01:04:30,632 --> 01:04:32,233
but it kinda
feels like a date.
1865
01:04:32,233 --> 01:04:34,936
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.
1866
01:04:34,936 --> 01:04:37,172
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.
1867
01:04:37,172 --> 01:04:38,974
You need to... (STAMMERS)
1868
01:04:38,974 --> 01:04:41,010
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.
1869
01:04:42,010 --> 01:04:43,311
I am worthy of love.
1870
01:04:43,311 --> 01:04:44,980
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000
1871
01:04:44,980 --> 01:04:46,481
more times,
until you believe it.
1872
01:04:46,481 --> 01:04:47,949
Okay, look, I gotta go.
1873
01:04:47,949 --> 01:04:50,284
I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.
1874
01:04:50,284 --> 01:04:51,954
All right, man. Hey!
1875
01:04:51,954 --> 01:04:52,161
Be bold!
1876
01:05:00,161 --> 01:05:01,371
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1877
01:05:09,371 --> 01:05:10,706
Hi.
1878
01:05:10,706 --> 01:05:13,375
You look really pretty.
(CHUCKLES)
1879
01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:14,510
Thank you.
1880
01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:18,579
You look really pretty, too.
1881
01:05:18,579 --> 01:05:19,648
Thank you.
1882
01:05:19,648 --> 01:05:21,083
Thanks for the suit.
1883
01:05:21,083 --> 01:05:22,217
We should probably head in.
1884
01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,217
Shall we?
1885
01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,755
FRED: Yeah.
1886
01:05:26,755 --> 01:05:29,523
Wow. This is awesome.
1887
01:05:29,523 --> 01:05:31,193
It's cool being
in Argentina.
1888
01:05:31,193 --> 01:05:32,594
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents
1889
01:05:32,594 --> 01:05:34,130
are hiding here somewhere.
(CHUCKLES)
1890
01:05:35,130 --> 01:05:36,233
Shit, they got a band.
1891
01:05:38,233 --> 01:05:41,670
Do you wanna,
uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?
1892
01:05:41,670 --> 01:05:43,204
So there are representatives
1893
01:05:43,204 --> 01:05:45,072
from over 75 countries
here tonight.
1894
01:05:45,072 --> 01:05:46,608
She has three hours
to get out there,
1895
01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,608
shake her money maker...
1896
01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,643
Yeah.
1897
01:05:47,643 --> 01:05:49,378
...and get
as many commitments
as possible.
1898
01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,378
This is a work event.
1899
01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,045
Of course, yeah. I get it.
1900
01:05:51,045 --> 01:05:54,315
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.
1901
01:05:54,315 --> 01:05:56,451
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.
1902
01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,451
We'll see.
1903
01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,519
Yeah.
1904
01:05:58,519 --> 01:06:00,326
All right. Okay.
1905
01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:05,030
I know what's going on.
1906
01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,030
What do you mean?
1907
01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,465
You know what I mean.
1908
01:06:11,465 --> 01:06:12,534
There's nothing going on.
1909
01:06:12,534 --> 01:06:14,702
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.
1910
01:06:14,702 --> 01:06:17,405
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.
1911
01:06:17,405 --> 01:06:20,474
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics
1912
01:06:20,474 --> 01:06:21,443
like you wouldn't believe.
1913
01:06:21,443 --> 01:06:24,378
The two of you are having sex
with each other.
1914
01:06:24,378 --> 01:06:26,213
There's no way you could
discern something like that.
1915
01:06:26,213 --> 01:06:27,215
Charlotte told me.
1916
01:06:28,215 --> 01:06:29,150
Really?
1917
01:06:29,150 --> 01:06:31,219
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.
1918
01:06:31,219 --> 01:06:34,222
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking
very clever.
1919
01:06:34,222 --> 01:06:35,389
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.
1920
01:06:35,389 --> 01:06:37,425
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.
1921
01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,425
So?
1922
01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,327
Ew.
1923
01:06:38,327 --> 01:06:39,693
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me
1924
01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,693
than it is to you.
1925
01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,829
Look,
1926
01:06:40,829 --> 01:06:41,996
I can't believe
I have to say this,
1927
01:06:41,996 --> 01:06:45,434
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.
1928
01:06:46,434 --> 01:06:48,170
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.
1929
01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:50,237
The public will never accept
the two of you together,
1930
01:06:50,237 --> 01:06:51,606
so neither will she.
1931
01:06:51,606 --> 01:06:53,208
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter
1932
01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:54,175
if you get it or you don't,
1933
01:06:54,175 --> 01:06:55,844
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it
1934
01:06:55,844 --> 01:06:57,112
for the both of you,
1935
01:06:57,112 --> 01:06:59,213
then you'll have
your heart broken.
1936
01:06:59,213 --> 01:07:00,548
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.
1937
01:07:00,548 --> 01:07:02,400
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1938
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:20,735
PARKER: Madam Secretary!
1939
01:07:21,735 --> 01:07:23,271
Excuse me.
1940
01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,271
Ah!
1941
01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,405
Parker.
1942
01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:26,405
Nope. Nope. Uh...
1943
01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:26,474
(KISSING)
1944
01:07:26,474 --> 01:07:28,342
(PARKER LAUGHING)
1945
01:07:28,342 --> 01:07:31,713
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.
1946
01:07:31,713 --> 01:07:32,880
You know,
it's not gonna happen.
1947
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,516
I'm not gonna find time.
1948
01:07:34,516 --> 01:07:37,119
I will get my way on this.
1949
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,452
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"
1950
01:07:38,452 --> 01:07:40,889
but please have at it.
It's all yours.
1951
01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,889
May I have a word?
1952
01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,324
Can you excuse me?
1953
01:07:42,324 --> 01:07:43,557
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.
1954
01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,557
Of course. Yes.
1955
01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,228
Oh, my God. You are a...
1956
01:07:46,228 --> 01:07:48,730
You look
absolutely wonderful.
1957
01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:50,730
CHARLOTTE: Oh.
1958
01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:50,632
(JAMES SPEAKS FRENCH)
1959
01:07:50,632 --> 01:07:51,867
(CHARLOTTE CHUCKLES)
1960
01:07:51,867 --> 01:07:53,367
(IN ENGLISH) I have to say,
I have been
1961
01:07:53,367 --> 01:07:55,603
so impressed
by your initiative.
1962
01:07:55,603 --> 01:07:57,371
Does this mean
I can add Canada
1963
01:07:57,371 --> 01:07:59,373
to the list of countries
taking part?
1964
01:07:59,373 --> 01:08:01,543
(CLICKS TONGUE)
On one condition.
1965
01:08:01,543 --> 01:08:02,443
Let me guess.
1966
01:08:02,443 --> 01:08:05,179
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.
1967
01:08:05,179 --> 01:08:06,815
I don't care about lumber.
1968
01:08:07,815 --> 01:08:09,619
I just want to dance.
1969
01:08:10,619 --> 01:08:11,786
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
1970
01:08:12,786 --> 01:08:13,855
Sure.
1971
01:08:13,855 --> 01:08:15,923
(SLOW TANGO MUSIC PLAYING)
1972
01:08:15,923 --> 01:08:17,511
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
1973
01:08:37,511 --> 01:08:38,780
Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
1974
01:08:39,780 --> 01:08:41,650
Wow.
1975
01:08:42,650 --> 01:08:43,885
You know
when you see something,
1976
01:08:43,885 --> 01:08:47,221
and it just looks right.
1977
01:08:47,221 --> 01:08:49,291
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.
1978
01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:50,659
MAGGIE: Mmm-hmm.
1979
01:08:51,659 --> 01:08:53,935
(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)
1980
01:08:59,935 --> 01:09:01,337
(WHISPERING)
I'm worthy of love.
1981
01:09:03,337 --> 01:09:04,309
I'm worthy of love.
1982
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:08,511
What the fuck
are you saying?
1983
01:09:09,511 --> 01:09:10,819
Nothing.
1984
01:09:18,819 --> 01:09:20,430
(MUSIC STOPS)
1985
01:09:29,430 --> 01:09:30,270
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1986
01:09:36,270 --> 01:09:37,712
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1987
01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:44,532
Bonjour, ma'am.
1988
01:10:04,532 --> 01:10:05,746
(LAUGHING)
1989
01:10:17,746 --> 01:10:18,814
Excuse me.
1990
01:10:20,814 --> 01:10:22,931
Agent E, look alive.
1991
01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,931
Hi.
1992
01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,068
Hey.
1993
01:10:40,068 --> 01:10:41,070
I hear you have
a crush on me.
1994
01:10:43,070 --> 01:10:44,006
I do. (CHUCKLES)
1995
01:10:46,006 --> 01:10:47,511
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.
1996
01:10:49,511 --> 01:10:50,948
Well, that's cool.
1997
01:10:53,948 --> 01:10:56,051
Hey, I know I asked earlier.
1998
01:10:56,051 --> 01:10:57,618
But, uh...
1999
01:10:57,618 --> 01:10:59,323
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2000
01:11:01,323 --> 01:11:02,493
Do you want to dance with me?
2001
01:11:05,493 --> 01:11:06,662
It's a dope song.
2002
01:11:07,662 --> 01:11:08,896
Really fucking good song.
2003
01:11:08,896 --> 01:11:09,030
Maybe the best song
ever written.
2004
01:11:10,030 --> 01:11:11,541
Yeah.
2005
01:11:19,541 --> 01:11:22,449
(SINGING ALONG)
2006
01:11:28,449 --> 01:11:30,150
(BOTH SINGING ALONG)
2007
01:12:03,150 --> 01:12:04,993
(SONG CONTINUES)
2008
01:12:45,993 --> 01:12:47,173
(GASPS)
2009
01:12:59,173 --> 01:13:00,809
I want you to
fuck me from behind
2010
01:13:00,809 --> 01:13:01,645
and slap my ass really hard.
2011
01:13:04,645 --> 01:13:05,846
What?
2012
01:13:05,846 --> 01:13:07,181
What?
2013
01:13:07,181 --> 01:13:09,451
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?
2014
01:13:09,451 --> 01:13:10,752
Am I being too bossy?
2015
01:13:10,752 --> 01:13:13,520
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.
2016
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,055
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,
2017
01:13:15,055 --> 01:13:15,055
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.
2018
01:13:15,923 --> 01:13:17,458
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
2019
01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:18,659
No. Not at all.
2020
01:13:18,659 --> 01:13:20,528
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...
2021
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:21,662
Yeah, but you hesitated.
2022
01:13:21,662 --> 01:13:24,698
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.
2023
01:13:24,698 --> 01:13:27,801
You know what?
We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.
2024
01:13:27,801 --> 01:13:29,804
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass
2025
01:13:29,804 --> 01:13:31,805
and then choke me
a little bit.
2026
01:13:31,805 --> 01:13:32,479
Oh, my God.
2027
01:13:37,479 --> 01:13:38,547
(EXHALES)
2028
01:13:40,547 --> 01:13:41,626
Whoa.
2029
01:13:51,626 --> 01:13:52,228
Frederick.
2030
01:13:53,228 --> 01:13:54,234
Margaret.
2031
01:13:59,234 --> 01:14:01,034
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!
2032
01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,034
Gross!
2033
01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,804
Um...
2034
01:14:02,804 --> 01:14:04,137
I thought you guys
hated each other.
2035
01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,137
We do hate each other.
2036
01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,240
We do. Big time.
2037
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,240
We are also fucking.
2038
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,176
Ugh.
2039
01:14:08,176 --> 01:14:09,277
How long
have you been fucking?
2040
01:14:09,277 --> 01:14:10,612
That was probably 20 minutes.
2041
01:14:10,612 --> 01:14:11,679
Not right now!
2042
01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,679
Oh.
2043
01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,881
A lot of questions. Um, I...
2044
01:14:13,881 --> 01:14:15,048
I would say
anywhere between
2045
01:14:15,048 --> 01:14:16,917
two and five...
Three and a half times.
2046
01:14:16,917 --> 01:14:18,752
I would say on my end, five.
2047
01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:20,220
Three and a half sounds right.
2048
01:14:20,220 --> 01:14:22,590
I don't know how
you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.
2049
01:14:22,590 --> 01:14:24,025
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.
2050
01:14:25,025 --> 01:14:26,661
There's a woman
in there, too?
2051
01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,661
Excuse me.
2052
01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,563
Easy.
2053
01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,563
And I got it.
2054
01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,764
Sorry.
2055
01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,764
Again.
2056
01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,131
Sorry, I'm...
2057
01:14:31,131 --> 01:14:32,001
A woman is present
and that woman is me.
2058
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,001
You?
2059
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,601
TOM: We're talking about her.
2060
01:14:34,601 --> 01:14:36,537
Trust me, I know, Fred.
2061
01:14:36,537 --> 01:14:37,604
Tom, I got this.
2062
01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,604
Ugh!
2063
01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,039
I'm gonna say goodnight.
2064
01:14:39,039 --> 01:14:40,240
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.
2065
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,109
And I will take my leave.
2066
01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:44,145
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.
2067
01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,145
It's not the worst instinct.
2068
01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,613
Guys, just...
2069
01:14:46,613 --> 01:14:47,681
Those hands
have been places.
2070
01:14:47,681 --> 01:14:49,182
MAGGIE: Goodnight.
2071
01:14:49,182 --> 01:14:51,685
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State
2072
01:14:51,685 --> 01:14:55,055
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative
2073
01:14:55,055 --> 01:14:57,091
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
2074
01:14:57,091 --> 01:14:59,091
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
2075
01:14:57,091 --> 01:14:59,193
(GASPS)
2076
01:14:59,193 --> 01:15:00,461
The president
wants to talk to you.
2077
01:15:00,461 --> 01:15:03,597
We've set up the tent
in the next room,
Madam Secretary.
2078
01:15:03,597 --> 01:15:04,304
Tell him hi.
2079
01:15:09,304 --> 01:15:11,939
Mr. President. Bonjour.
2080
01:15:11,939 --> 01:15:13,140
CHAMBERS: (ON VIDEO)
Charlie, bonjour.
2081
01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:16,778
Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?
2082
01:15:16,778 --> 01:15:18,579
Oh, it's the Global
2083
01:15:18,579 --> 01:15:20,681
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.
2084
01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:23,184
It's been on your desk
for the last three weeks.
(CHUCKLES)
2085
01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:25,286
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole
2086
01:15:25,286 --> 01:15:27,721
and it's ruffling
some feathers.
2087
01:15:27,721 --> 01:15:29,856
Sir, you are the flagpole.
2088
01:15:29,856 --> 01:15:33,293
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.
2089
01:15:33,293 --> 01:15:35,063
We need you to revise it.
2090
01:15:35,063 --> 01:15:36,965
Sir?
2091
01:15:36,965 --> 01:15:39,070
We need you to kill the trees.
2092
01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:44,305
Why would he do that?
2093
01:15:44,305 --> 01:15:47,341
Because he's funded
by a bunch
of fucking rich assholes
2094
01:15:47,341 --> 01:15:48,976
and I probably pissed
one of them off.
2095
01:15:48,976 --> 01:15:50,677
Can I just say
the optics of this
2096
01:15:50,677 --> 01:15:52,380
are actually
not that different?
2097
01:15:52,380 --> 01:15:54,181
The initiative still has
the same name.
2098
01:15:54,181 --> 01:15:55,949
It sounds
very impressive,
2099
01:15:55,949 --> 01:15:58,086
which is ultimately
all that matters.
2100
01:15:58,086 --> 01:16:00,787
I actually cared about this.
2101
01:16:00,787 --> 01:16:02,356
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?
2102
01:16:02,356 --> 01:16:03,690
I don't even like bees.
2103
01:16:03,690 --> 01:16:04,958
Do you have to
listen to him?
2104
01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:08,128
Yes. I have to listen to him.
2105
01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:10,965
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.
2106
01:16:10,965 --> 01:16:13,900
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.
2107
01:16:13,900 --> 01:16:15,970
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.
2108
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:17,337
You know?
People are digging your shit.
2109
01:16:17,337 --> 01:16:18,006
And your numbers are good.
2110
01:16:19,006 --> 01:16:21,208
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.
2111
01:16:21,208 --> 01:16:22,743
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.
2112
01:16:22,743 --> 01:16:23,810
MAGGIE: Time to go, buddy.
2113
01:16:23,810 --> 01:16:25,680
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
2114
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,055
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.
2115
01:16:35,055 --> 01:16:36,126
(DOOR OPENS)
2116
01:16:38,126 --> 01:16:39,130
(DOOR CLOSES)
2117
01:16:42,130 --> 01:16:43,765
(CHARLOTTE SIGHS)
2118
01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:46,167
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.
2119
01:16:46,167 --> 01:16:47,136
I fuckin' hate it.
2120
01:16:48,136 --> 01:16:50,304
I mean, what's the point?
2121
01:16:50,304 --> 01:16:53,175
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.
2122
01:16:54,175 --> 01:16:55,409
I'm sorry.
2123
01:16:55,409 --> 01:16:57,211
I just wanna be
a normal person
2124
01:16:57,211 --> 01:16:58,979
and not give a fuck
about anything
2125
01:16:58,979 --> 01:17:00,015
just like
the rest of the world.
2126
01:17:01,015 --> 01:17:03,083
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.
2127
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,953
I bet it's really nice.
2128
01:17:05,953 --> 01:17:07,788
That's what I want.
2129
01:17:07,788 --> 01:17:09,327
I don't know
how to give that to you.
2130
01:17:13,327 --> 01:17:14,296
Let's get fucked up.
2131
01:17:15,296 --> 01:17:16,363
Fucked up?
2132
01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,363
Yeah.
2133
01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,832
Like a few beers fucked up
2134
01:17:18,832 --> 01:17:21,101
or more than that fucked up?
2135
01:17:21,101 --> 01:17:23,909
Like super fucked up.
2136
01:17:28,909 --> 01:17:31,378
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.
2137
01:17:31,378 --> 01:17:32,814
(SNORTS)
2138
01:17:32,814 --> 01:17:33,748
What?
2139
01:17:34,748 --> 01:17:36,484
That's not, um...
2140
01:17:36,484 --> 01:17:38,152
That's not
how you take it, but...
2141
01:17:38,152 --> 01:17:39,052
How do you take it?
2142
01:17:39,052 --> 01:17:40,921
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.
2143
01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:42,457
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.
2144
01:17:42,457 --> 01:17:43,791
Why not?
2145
01:17:43,791 --> 01:17:45,726
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.
2146
01:17:45,726 --> 01:17:49,030
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.
2147
01:17:50,030 --> 01:17:51,229
Oh, man.
2148
01:18:21,229 --> 01:18:22,395
You good?
2149
01:18:22,395 --> 01:18:24,364
(ECHOING)
I don't feel anything.
2150
01:18:24,364 --> 01:18:26,367
You don't feel it?
2151
01:18:26,367 --> 01:18:28,168
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.
2152
01:18:28,168 --> 01:18:30,439
Ooh! Wow.
2153
01:18:31,439 --> 01:18:33,975
... Was right.
2154
01:18:33,975 --> 01:18:37,878
Holy fuck...
2155
01:18:37,878 --> 01:18:39,212
(GRUNTING) No!
2156
01:18:39,212 --> 01:18:41,548
My jaw feels
really weird.
2157
01:18:41,548 --> 01:18:42,884
Yeah, that's the drugs.
2158
01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:44,484
Drugs love a jaw.
2159
01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,484
I want more.
2160
01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,921
No, no, no, no.
2161
01:18:46,921 --> 01:18:48,322
Maybe in like an hour.
2162
01:18:48,322 --> 01:18:50,961
We should do it now.
2163
01:18:53,961 --> 01:18:55,314
(FIREWORKS BURSTING)
2164
01:19:13,314 --> 01:19:15,886
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
2165
01:19:18,886 --> 01:19:21,087
Yes, motherfuckers!
2166
01:19:21,087 --> 01:19:22,024
I could do this forever!
2167
01:19:23,024 --> 01:19:24,425
We're gonna.
2168
01:19:24,425 --> 01:19:26,927
I know I've been like...
2169
01:19:26,927 --> 01:19:29,162
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.
2170
01:19:29,162 --> 01:19:31,164
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,
2171
01:19:31,164 --> 01:19:32,833
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,
2172
01:19:32,833 --> 01:19:34,502
maybe like I don't
care that much.
2173
01:19:34,502 --> 01:19:37,939
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.
2174
01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:40,240
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.
2175
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:42,909
You just followed me
into the bathroom.
2176
01:19:42,909 --> 01:19:44,145
Yeah, to talk.
2177
01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,145
I really like you, too!
2178
01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,279
Really?
2179
01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,279
Yeah!
2180
01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,914
Yeah!
2181
01:19:47,914 --> 01:19:49,884
(BOTH YELLING)
2182
01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,884
Madam Secretary!
2183
01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,552
Yeah! Whoa!
2184
01:19:52,552 --> 01:19:54,387
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!
2185
01:19:54,387 --> 01:19:56,524
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!
2186
01:19:56,524 --> 01:19:57,625
We have a situation.
2187
01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:58,625
Huh?
2188
01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:58,335
(SPEAKING INAUDIBLY)
2189
01:20:07,335 --> 01:20:09,335
(STAMMERS)
2190
01:20:07,335 --> 01:20:09,203
FRED: Yo.
2191
01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:12,239
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?
2192
01:20:12,239 --> 01:20:13,007
We just re-upped.
2193
01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,210
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.
2194
01:20:16,210 --> 01:20:19,448
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.
2195
01:20:20,448 --> 01:20:22,582
Yeah. Why?
2196
01:20:22,582 --> 01:20:24,417
I'm in so much trouble.
2197
01:20:24,417 --> 01:20:25,485
FRED: What's happening?
2198
01:20:25,485 --> 01:20:27,087
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
2199
01:20:27,087 --> 01:20:29,157
What's happening?
Are they outta water?
2200
01:20:30,157 --> 01:20:31,324
One of our U2s went down
2201
01:20:31,324 --> 01:20:34,228
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.
2202
01:20:34,228 --> 01:20:35,328
The pilot was able to eject,
2203
01:20:35,328 --> 01:20:38,332
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.
2204
01:20:38,332 --> 01:20:40,033
Thank you, General.
2205
01:20:40,033 --> 01:20:41,534
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing
2206
01:20:41,534 --> 01:20:44,037
to return the pilot
to United States custody.
2207
01:20:44,037 --> 01:20:45,006
He's personally hurt
by the many insults
2208
01:20:46,006 --> 01:20:47,507
hurled at him by POTUS.
2209
01:20:47,507 --> 01:20:49,409
Good job. All right.
2210
01:20:49,409 --> 01:20:50,179
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
2211
01:20:52,179 --> 01:20:53,448
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?
2212
01:20:54,448 --> 01:20:55,118
That's up to you, ma'am.
2213
01:20:57,118 --> 01:20:59,667
(EXHALES) Oh, God.
You got this.
2214
01:21:12,667 --> 01:21:14,469
(CLEARING THROAT)
2215
01:21:15,469 --> 01:21:16,604
(CLEARS THROAT)
2216
01:21:16,604 --> 01:21:19,140
I can hold onto
your sunglasses for you,
if you'd like.
2217
01:21:19,140 --> 01:21:24,279
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.
2218
01:21:25,279 --> 01:21:27,315
(CLEARING THROAT LOUDLY)
2219
01:21:28,315 --> 01:21:29,551
(PHONE BEEPS)
2220
01:21:30,551 --> 01:21:31,019
Hello.
2221
01:21:32,019 --> 01:21:32,019
BHARATH: (LOUDLY ON PHONE)
Secretary Field!
2222
01:21:32,987 --> 01:21:34,087
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God!
2223
01:21:34,087 --> 01:21:36,957
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
2224
01:21:36,957 --> 01:21:40,328
I hear we have
a situation here?
2225
01:21:40,328 --> 01:21:43,265
One that we both
probably want resolved.
2226
01:21:45,265 --> 01:21:47,702
Very quickly...
2227
01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:50,304
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.
2228
01:21:50,304 --> 01:21:51,006
Your man will stay here
2229
01:21:52,006 --> 01:21:54,975
until your president
personally apologizes to me.
2230
01:21:54,975 --> 01:21:55,177
Over Instagram.
2231
01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,177
He won't do that.
2232
01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,247
Yeah, no. Yes...
2233
01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,247
(WHISPERS) Yo.
2234
01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,451
Yes?
2235
01:22:03,451 --> 01:22:04,019
Can I level with you?
2236
01:22:05,019 --> 01:22:06,554
Can I fill you in
on something?
2237
01:22:06,554 --> 01:22:07,555
Go ahead.
2238
01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:09,256
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.
2239
01:22:09,256 --> 01:22:10,190
We're on drugs.
2240
01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:11,725
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.
2241
01:22:11,725 --> 01:22:13,426
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.
2242
01:22:13,426 --> 01:22:14,761
Do you know
we're on drugs?
2243
01:22:14,761 --> 01:22:17,498
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.
2244
01:22:18,498 --> 01:22:19,498
What's happening?
2245
01:22:18,498 --> 01:22:19,135
(MOUTHING)
2246
01:22:21,135 --> 01:22:22,203
We're on drugs
right now.
2247
01:22:22,203 --> 01:22:24,270
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
2248
01:22:24,270 --> 01:22:26,039
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!
2249
01:22:26,039 --> 01:22:27,009
FRED: What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...
2250
01:22:28,009 --> 01:22:29,243
(MOUTHING)
2251
01:22:29,243 --> 01:22:30,377
Are we going somewhere?
2252
01:22:30,377 --> 01:22:31,212
(MOUTHING)
2253
01:22:32,212 --> 01:22:34,114
What is that?
2254
01:22:34,114 --> 01:22:36,384
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.
2255
01:22:36,384 --> 01:22:39,086
So you're admitting that
the United States government
2256
01:22:39,086 --> 01:22:41,322
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?
2257
01:22:41,322 --> 01:22:42,390
No.
2258
01:22:42,390 --> 01:22:43,556
(MOUTHS)
2259
01:22:43,556 --> 01:22:46,659
No! No! Of course not!
2260
01:22:46,659 --> 01:22:48,762
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.
2261
01:22:48,762 --> 01:22:49,997
You have no leverage here.
2262
01:22:49,997 --> 01:22:53,266
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.
2263
01:22:53,266 --> 01:22:55,735
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.
2264
01:22:55,735 --> 01:22:57,238
Get more fucking pissed.
2265
01:22:57,238 --> 01:22:58,440
Let him know
who's really in charge.
2266
01:23:00,440 --> 01:23:01,440
(GRUNTS)
2267
01:23:00,440 --> 01:23:01,543
(BANGS)
2268
01:23:03,543 --> 01:23:05,479
(SOFTLY) Oh, my God,
that really hurt.
2269
01:23:06,479 --> 01:23:08,248
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...
2270
01:23:08,248 --> 01:23:11,452
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.
2271
01:23:11,452 --> 01:23:15,122
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.
2272
01:23:15,122 --> 01:23:17,692
You know, just feeling...
2273
01:23:18,692 --> 01:23:20,628
God, are those Gauloises?
2274
01:23:21,628 --> 01:23:23,532
Just, I'm so...
2275
01:23:24,532 --> 01:23:27,103
I'm just gonna bum one.
2276
01:23:29,103 --> 01:23:30,404
Just give me one sec.
2277
01:23:30,404 --> 01:23:31,646
Don't worry.
2278
01:23:39,646 --> 01:23:40,713
Bharath.
2279
01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,713
Hello?
2280
01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,716
Listen.
2281
01:23:43,716 --> 01:23:45,354
Mmm. Mmm.
2282
01:23:47,354 --> 01:23:52,725
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.
2283
01:23:52,725 --> 01:23:54,395
How is that the case?
2284
01:23:54,395 --> 01:23:55,796
We both have to
deal with my boss
2285
01:23:55,796 --> 01:23:59,199
and we both think
he is an asshole.
2286
01:23:59,199 --> 01:24:01,268
You also think
he's an asshole?
2287
01:24:01,268 --> 01:24:02,770
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.
2288
01:24:02,770 --> 01:24:04,637
His stupid fucking TV show
2289
01:24:04,637 --> 01:24:06,573
was like,
good for three episodes
2290
01:24:06,573 --> 01:24:08,442
and then it just didn't make
any sense.
2291
01:24:08,442 --> 01:24:10,613
(SIGHS) Fuck,
it feels good to say that.
2292
01:24:13,613 --> 01:24:14,783
Listen.
2293
01:24:16,783 --> 01:24:20,854
You need to keep this
on the real DL.
2294
01:24:20,854 --> 01:24:24,291
We both know
that the U.S. does not
2295
01:24:24,291 --> 01:24:27,427
negotiate with terrorists.
2296
01:24:27,427 --> 01:24:32,832
But, we do negotiate
with homies.
2297
01:24:32,832 --> 01:24:35,469
So if you give us
our guy back,
2298
01:24:35,469 --> 01:24:39,606
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.
2299
01:24:39,606 --> 01:24:42,643
So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,
2300
01:24:42,643 --> 01:24:46,412
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.
2301
01:24:46,412 --> 01:24:48,215
I mean, I've done it myself.
2302
01:24:48,215 --> 01:24:50,284
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.
2303
01:24:51,284 --> 01:24:52,886
It sucks, I hate it.
2304
01:24:52,886 --> 01:24:58,192
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead
2305
01:24:58,192 --> 01:25:01,862
save a ton of lives?
2306
01:25:01,862 --> 01:25:05,265
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?
2307
01:25:05,265 --> 01:25:06,337
I think this is
a really good idea.
2308
01:25:10,337 --> 01:25:11,240
What do you say?
2309
01:25:14,240 --> 01:25:15,547
Ma'am.
2310
01:25:20,547 --> 01:25:22,750
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
2311
01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:25,750
Yeah, yeah!
2312
01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:25,485
(BOTH CHEERING)
2313
01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,485
She did it! She did it!
2314
01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,454
She did it!
2315
01:25:28,454 --> 01:25:31,192
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.
2316
01:25:31,192 --> 01:25:33,627
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation
2317
01:25:33,627 --> 01:25:35,563
with Kashtar,
has secured the release
2318
01:25:35,563 --> 01:25:38,599
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down
2319
01:25:38,599 --> 01:25:40,734
over Kashtari airspace.
2320
01:25:40,734 --> 01:25:42,802
I know, right.
(SOFTLY) Crazy.
2321
01:25:42,802 --> 01:25:43,871
REPORTER: And this is all
in the midst
2322
01:25:43,871 --> 01:25:46,472
of the success of
your environmental initiative,
2323
01:25:46,472 --> 01:25:49,909
which I understand
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
2324
01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,909
CHARLOTTE: Yes, um...
2325
01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,478
Ooh, sore subject.
2326
01:25:51,478 --> 01:25:53,213
I'm very happy
to announce that
2327
01:25:53,213 --> 01:25:55,949
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,
2328
01:25:55,949 --> 01:25:58,652
but the president himself
called me personally
2329
01:25:58,652 --> 01:26:00,753
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...
2330
01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,753
Did he call? Did he call?
2331
01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,724
That didn't happen.
2332
01:26:03,724 --> 01:26:04,958
...don't change a word,
2333
01:26:04,958 --> 01:26:07,895
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.
2334
01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,895
That's a lie.
2335
01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,529
CHARLOTTE: So, all in all,
2336
01:26:09,529 --> 01:26:10,631
I'm just... Well,
2337
01:26:10,631 --> 01:26:13,567
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.
2338
01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,567
Thank you so much. So...
2339
01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,569
Thank you.
2340
01:26:16,569 --> 01:26:17,637
Thank you.
2341
01:26:17,637 --> 01:26:19,974
The incredible
Charlotte Field.
2342
01:26:19,974 --> 01:26:22,309
Who clearly still feels
the effects
2343
01:26:22,309 --> 01:26:25,613
of the intense all-night
hostage situation. (CHUCKLES)
2344
01:26:25,613 --> 01:26:27,925
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS)
2345
01:26:37,925 --> 01:26:40,793
After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
2346
01:26:40,793 --> 01:26:42,729
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...
2347
01:26:42,729 --> 01:26:44,465
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...
2348
01:26:44,465 --> 01:26:47,768
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?
2349
01:26:47,768 --> 01:26:49,603
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,
2350
01:26:49,603 --> 01:26:51,971
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.
2351
01:26:51,971 --> 01:26:54,774
In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,
2352
01:26:54,774 --> 01:26:56,976
Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.
2353
01:26:56,976 --> 01:26:58,345
MALE REPORTER:
I'd like to apologize
2354
01:26:58,345 --> 01:26:59,512
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there
2355
01:26:59,512 --> 01:27:02,618
who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.
2356
01:27:04,618 --> 01:27:05,686
Give me
the president's office.
2357
01:27:06,686 --> 01:27:08,686
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
2358
01:27:06,686 --> 01:27:08,756
Yep?
2359
01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:10,390
MAGGIE: Can I talk to you
for a second?
2360
01:27:10,390 --> 01:27:11,891
Of course.
2361
01:27:11,891 --> 01:27:13,860
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.
2362
01:27:13,860 --> 01:27:14,994
All right.
2363
01:27:14,994 --> 01:27:16,563
MAGGIE: It feels like
everything
2364
01:27:16,563 --> 01:27:17,797
is kinda falling into place
for us.
2365
01:27:17,797 --> 01:27:19,432
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper
2366
01:27:19,432 --> 01:27:20,833
and make sure
there are no surprises.
2367
01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,833
Why are you acting so weird?
2368
01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,569
It's good.
2369
01:27:22,569 --> 01:27:24,706
We got some really
helpful feedback.
2370
01:27:25,706 --> 01:27:27,440
From the public.
2371
01:27:27,440 --> 01:27:30,711
So we asked
a thousand constituents
2372
01:27:30,711 --> 01:27:32,445
how they would feel
2373
01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,445
if, say, Princess Di...
2374
01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,515
CHARLOTTE: Hmm.
2375
01:27:35,515 --> 01:27:36,784
...if she were to
start dating
2376
01:27:37,784 --> 01:27:38,487
Guy Fieri.
2377
01:27:40,487 --> 01:27:42,389
I don't even know
who that is.
2378
01:27:42,389 --> 01:27:43,890
MAGGIE: They
don't like that.
2379
01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,890
CHARLOTTE: Yeah.
2380
01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,493
MAGGIE: Or Kate Middleton
2381
01:27:46,493 --> 01:27:48,695
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.
2382
01:27:48,695 --> 01:27:49,796
I see where you're
going with this.
2383
01:27:49,796 --> 01:27:51,097
Pretty negative reaction.
2384
01:27:51,097 --> 01:27:53,766
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
2385
01:27:53,766 --> 01:27:56,005
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.
2386
01:27:58,005 --> 01:27:59,907
They would be very upset.
2387
01:27:59,907 --> 01:28:01,408
You did a lot of work,
2388
01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,408
and I...
2389
01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,377
Well, but, can I just finish?
2390
01:28:03,377 --> 01:28:05,612
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.
2391
01:28:05,612 --> 01:28:07,514
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire
2392
01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,514
to limit your romantic life.
2393
01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,550
Good.
2394
01:28:09,550 --> 01:28:12,386
But the optics of you and Fred
2395
01:28:12,386 --> 01:28:14,854
will make a presidential run
very challenging.
2396
01:28:14,854 --> 01:28:16,090
Fred is a journalist.
2397
01:28:16,090 --> 01:28:18,425
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.
2398
01:28:18,425 --> 01:28:21,563
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.
2399
01:28:22,563 --> 01:28:24,797
And I just want to know
for myself,
2400
01:28:24,797 --> 01:28:27,801
you're comfortable with
putting everything on the line
for a hookup?
2401
01:28:27,801 --> 01:28:29,536
Oh, my God. (CHUCKLING)
2402
01:28:29,536 --> 01:28:30,703
Why are we having
this conversation?
2403
01:28:30,703 --> 01:28:32,038
This is insane.
2404
01:28:32,038 --> 01:28:34,942
I don't have to explain myself
to you.
2405
01:28:34,942 --> 01:28:36,676
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.
2406
01:28:36,676 --> 01:28:38,078
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.
2407
01:28:38,078 --> 01:28:39,078
I want you to be happy.
2408
01:28:39,078 --> 01:28:40,680
But more than that,
I want you
to be in charge.
2409
01:28:40,680 --> 01:28:42,615
And I want you
to be president.
2410
01:28:42,615 --> 01:28:44,756
For the sake of the future
of our country.
2411
01:28:48,756 --> 01:28:50,792
Look, there's another option.
2412
01:28:51,792 --> 01:28:53,092
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service
2413
01:28:53,092 --> 01:28:57,163
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...
2414
01:28:57,163 --> 01:28:58,731
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.
2415
01:28:58,731 --> 01:29:00,967
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House
2416
01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,967
that Woodrow Wilson...
2417
01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,837
That's enough.
2418
01:29:04,837 --> 01:29:06,573
Fred is not an idea
2419
01:29:06,573 --> 01:29:08,009
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.
2420
01:29:09,009 --> 01:29:11,783
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.
2421
01:29:16,783 --> 01:29:18,085
Okay. Got it.
2422
01:29:18,085 --> 01:29:19,988
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2423
01:29:20,988 --> 01:29:22,458
(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)
2424
01:29:25,458 --> 01:29:27,560
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.
2425
01:29:27,560 --> 01:29:28,929
Because she's smart and pretty
2426
01:29:28,929 --> 01:29:30,564
and she's going to be
president.
2427
01:29:30,564 --> 01:29:32,867
(SIGHS)
2428
01:29:33,867 --> 01:29:35,805
(BUZZER BUZZES)
2429
01:29:38,805 --> 01:29:41,641
I will be that
little girl's president.
2430
01:29:41,641 --> 01:29:44,877
Thank you,
and God bless America.
2431
01:29:44,877 --> 01:29:48,047
MAGGIE: Massive applause.
Massive cheering.
2432
01:29:48,047 --> 01:29:50,184
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,
2433
01:29:50,184 --> 01:29:53,987
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX
2434
01:29:53,987 --> 01:29:56,457
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2435
01:29:56,457 --> 01:29:58,125
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.
2436
01:29:58,125 --> 01:29:59,027
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
2437
01:30:00,027 --> 01:30:01,561
Uh, Madam Secretary,
2438
01:30:01,561 --> 01:30:02,663
the president would like to
see you right now.
2439
01:30:03,663 --> 01:30:04,832
Shit.
2440
01:30:05,832 --> 01:30:06,899
Damn it!
2441
01:30:06,899 --> 01:30:08,069
The nation is at war!
2442
01:30:09,069 --> 01:30:10,270
I find myself torn.
2443
01:30:10,270 --> 01:30:14,875
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...
2444
01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:16,542
Sir, is this a good time?
2445
01:30:16,542 --> 01:30:19,579
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.
2446
01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,579
Oh.
2447
01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,614
CHAMBERS: All right.
2448
01:30:20,614 --> 01:30:22,817
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.
2449
01:30:23,817 --> 01:30:25,853
(INAUDIBLE)
2450
01:30:25,853 --> 01:30:26,720
Thanks.
2451
01:30:27,720 --> 01:30:28,157
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)
2452
01:30:30,157 --> 01:30:31,859
Is everything okay, sir?
2453
01:30:32,859 --> 01:30:35,796
PARKER: Oh, look who it is.
2454
01:30:35,796 --> 01:30:38,599
She's here at last.
2455
01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:41,033
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.
2456
01:30:41,033 --> 01:30:42,970
(DOOR CLOSES)
2457
01:30:43,970 --> 01:30:45,506
(SIGHS)
2458
01:30:45,506 --> 01:30:46,006
This feels like an ambush.
2459
01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,042
Well, in the
entertainment world,
2460
01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:51,211
we call this a surprise
walk-on.
2461
01:30:51,211 --> 01:30:52,645
You see, Charlotte,
2462
01:30:52,645 --> 01:30:55,215
we have a number of
business interests
2463
01:30:55,215 --> 01:30:58,085
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected
2464
01:30:58,085 --> 01:31:00,052
by this agreement of yours.
2465
01:31:00,052 --> 01:31:02,555
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,
2466
01:31:02,555 --> 01:31:05,192
I'm looking to use
my connections as president
2467
01:31:05,192 --> 01:31:07,226
to expand
my investment portfolio.
2468
01:31:07,226 --> 01:31:09,896
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.
2469
01:31:09,896 --> 01:31:12,832
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...
2470
01:31:12,832 --> 01:31:15,668
I think what the president
is trying to say,
2471
01:31:15,668 --> 01:31:18,572
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska
2472
01:31:18,572 --> 01:31:21,009
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be
2473
01:31:22,009 --> 01:31:23,711
protected by your initiative.
2474
01:31:24,711 --> 01:31:25,979
Move your server farm.
2475
01:31:25,979 --> 01:31:27,847
PARKER: We want to
build it in Alaska.
2476
01:31:27,847 --> 01:31:29,615
There's plenty of room
for expansion.
2477
01:31:29,615 --> 01:31:32,586
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.
2478
01:31:32,586 --> 01:31:34,287
You're usually so agreeable.
2479
01:31:34,287 --> 01:31:36,722
But I watched you
undermine me
2480
01:31:36,722 --> 01:31:38,759
on TV the other day.
2481
01:31:38,759 --> 01:31:40,827
TV of all places.
2482
01:31:40,827 --> 01:31:42,863
That's my medium. All right?
2483
01:31:42,863 --> 01:31:46,567
You used TV against me!
2484
01:31:46,567 --> 01:31:49,036
That was your first mistake.
2485
01:31:49,036 --> 01:31:51,971
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum
2486
01:31:51,971 --> 01:31:54,841
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.
2487
01:31:55,841 --> 01:31:57,578
Drop the tree thing.
2488
01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,578
Or?
2489
01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,012
PARKER: Or...
2490
01:32:00,012 --> 01:32:05,019
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.
2491
01:32:06,019 --> 01:32:08,755
We found
a lot of interesting stuff
2492
01:32:08,755 --> 01:32:10,356
when we hacked
into his webcam.
2493
01:32:10,356 --> 01:32:12,828
Now here is a little taster.
2494
01:32:15,828 --> 01:32:18,931
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.
2495
01:32:18,931 --> 01:32:20,766
Uh, you want
to come to my room
2496
01:32:20,766 --> 01:32:22,935
and have sex with me
really fast?
2497
01:32:22,935 --> 01:32:26,038
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.
2498
01:32:26,038 --> 01:32:27,841
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.
2499
01:32:27,841 --> 01:32:28,042
Great.
2500
01:32:30,042 --> 01:32:31,243
(HANGS UP PHONE)
2501
01:32:31,243 --> 01:32:33,313
(FORWARDING)
2502
01:32:33,313 --> 01:32:35,082
CHARLOTTE: (ON VIDEO)
...important to me.
2503
01:32:35,082 --> 01:32:37,717
That's a good speech.
2504
01:32:37,717 --> 01:32:39,720
CHARLOTTE: The band of misfits
fight back...
2505
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,720
Nice dress.
2506
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,956
...against the bullies.
2507
01:32:42,956 --> 01:32:44,157
Never giving up.
2508
01:32:44,157 --> 01:32:45,292
Never laying down.
2509
01:32:45,292 --> 01:32:46,362
(FORWARDING)
2510
01:32:48,362 --> 01:32:49,863
CHARLOTTE: In high school,
2511
01:32:49,863 --> 01:32:51,399
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.
2512
01:32:53,399 --> 01:32:56,136
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox
2513
01:32:56,136 --> 01:32:58,872
rambling on and on
about the injustices
2514
01:32:58,872 --> 01:33:00,208
of the world.
2515
01:33:02,208 --> 01:33:03,944
Which makes you
extremely popular...
2516
01:33:03,944 --> 01:33:05,679
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2517
01:33:05,679 --> 01:33:07,247
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching
2518
01:33:07,247 --> 01:33:08,015
Beverly Hills, 90210.
2519
01:33:09,015 --> 01:33:10,984
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
2520
01:33:10,984 --> 01:33:12,856
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2521
01:33:16,856 --> 01:33:18,859
Oh, wow.
2522
01:33:18,859 --> 01:33:20,863
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2523
01:33:23,863 --> 01:33:25,702
Oh, boy!
2524
01:33:28,702 --> 01:33:31,304
Oh, no...
2525
01:33:31,304 --> 01:33:32,773
Yucky.
2526
01:33:32,773 --> 01:33:35,074
(CHARLOTTE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON VIDEO)
2527
01:33:35,074 --> 01:33:36,143
FRED: (ON VIDEO) Oh, boy!
2528
01:33:36,143 --> 01:33:37,179
What the fuck?
2529
01:33:39,179 --> 01:33:44,150
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.
2530
01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,150
You don't have to be sorry.
2531
01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,886
What do we do?
2532
01:33:45,886 --> 01:33:47,887
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,
2533
01:33:47,887 --> 01:33:48,954
because of me.
2534
01:33:48,954 --> 01:33:50,390
And now it's happening
because of me.
2535
01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,390
Do I get a publicist?
2536
01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,692
No.
2537
01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,692
Do I do a publicity tour?
2538
01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,926
Stop.
2539
01:33:52,926 --> 01:33:54,094
Do we have
a press conference?
2540
01:33:54,094 --> 01:33:57,698
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.
2541
01:33:58,698 --> 01:33:59,765
What?
2542
01:33:59,765 --> 01:34:01,100
We scratched the tree thing
2543
01:34:01,100 --> 01:34:03,703
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.
2544
01:34:03,703 --> 01:34:08,809
And some billionaire
motherfucker
2545
01:34:08,809 --> 01:34:12,746
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?
2546
01:34:12,746 --> 01:34:14,015
Doing something
that everybody does?
2547
01:34:15,015 --> 01:34:16,016
Out of a policy
that you cared about,
2548
01:34:17,016 --> 01:34:18,484
since you were
in middle school.
2549
01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:20,220
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.
2550
01:34:20,220 --> 01:34:21,822
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?
2551
01:34:21,822 --> 01:34:25,025
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.
2552
01:34:26,025 --> 01:34:27,159
Well, I don't think
you should right now.
2553
01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:28,261
Oh, my God!
2554
01:34:28,261 --> 01:34:29,863
Of course
you don't think I should.
2555
01:34:29,863 --> 01:34:31,864
You never compromise
for anything in your life,
2556
01:34:31,864 --> 01:34:33,500
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.
2557
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:36,403
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards
2558
01:34:36,403 --> 01:34:37,871
for anyone who asked,
2559
01:34:37,871 --> 01:34:39,305
to the point that
you don't even know
2560
01:34:39,305 --> 01:34:40,907
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!
2561
01:34:40,907 --> 01:34:42,509
In my world,
in order to achieve
2562
01:34:42,509 --> 01:34:44,444
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.
2563
01:34:44,444 --> 01:34:45,511
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?
2564
01:34:45,511 --> 01:34:46,912
Yeah, motherfucker.
2565
01:34:46,912 --> 01:34:48,148
Okay, that makes sense.
2566
01:34:48,148 --> 01:34:50,751
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted
2567
01:34:50,751 --> 01:34:53,052
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.
2568
01:34:53,052 --> 01:34:55,322
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.
2569
01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,322
Oh, my God, Fred.
2570
01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,356
I'll be okay.
2571
01:34:57,356 --> 01:34:59,261
You don't have to
do this for me.
2572
01:35:01,261 --> 01:35:03,331
You're not doing this for me.
2573
01:35:04,331 --> 01:35:05,865
(SCOFFS) Obviously.
2574
01:35:05,865 --> 01:35:09,802
Look, you and I both know
2575
01:35:09,802 --> 01:35:11,771
the woman who stands
beside the guy
2576
01:35:11,771 --> 01:35:14,106
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny
2577
01:35:14,106 --> 01:35:17,109
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.
2578
01:35:17,109 --> 01:35:18,878
Don't know if that's
happened enough
2579
01:35:18,878 --> 01:35:20,447
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.
2580
01:35:20,447 --> 01:35:23,149
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.
2581
01:35:23,149 --> 01:35:24,951
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.
2582
01:35:24,951 --> 01:35:26,485
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.
2583
01:35:26,485 --> 01:35:28,121
You don't know how people
are gonna react.
2584
01:35:28,121 --> 01:35:30,291
I'm not taking that risk.
2585
01:35:31,291 --> 01:35:32,094
(SIGHS)
2586
01:35:34,094 --> 01:35:35,563
I can't do it.
2587
01:35:36,563 --> 01:35:38,104
Okay.
2588
01:35:44,104 --> 01:35:47,313
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?
2589
01:35:53,313 --> 01:35:57,484
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows
2590
01:35:57,484 --> 01:35:59,953
this consultant who could
scrub your history.
2591
01:35:59,953 --> 01:36:01,488
We could make sure
nothing else like this
2592
01:36:01,488 --> 01:36:03,390
pops up and surprises us.
2593
01:36:04,390 --> 01:36:05,559
And then we just...
2594
01:36:05,559 --> 01:36:06,993
We work on your image,
2595
01:36:06,993 --> 01:36:08,929
and we figure out
how we want to
2596
01:36:08,929 --> 01:36:11,398
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.
2597
01:36:11,398 --> 01:36:12,837
That's all.
2598
01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,837
Okay.
2599
01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,972
Okay.
2600
01:36:19,972 --> 01:36:21,140
How long...
How long will it take,
2601
01:36:21,140 --> 01:36:24,109
do you think, to create
2602
01:36:24,109 --> 01:36:26,012
an image of me that we can
present to the public?
2603
01:36:27,012 --> 01:36:30,583
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.
2604
01:36:30,583 --> 01:36:33,153
You think? But you don't
know that, right?
2605
01:36:33,153 --> 01:36:34,454
It could take longer
than that.
2606
01:36:34,454 --> 01:36:36,856
In a couple of months,
you could find
that it's not a good moment
2607
01:36:36,856 --> 01:36:39,391
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?
2608
01:36:39,391 --> 01:36:41,595
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.
2609
01:36:41,595 --> 01:36:44,064
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.
2610
01:36:45,064 --> 01:36:47,333
And then meanwhile,
2611
01:36:47,333 --> 01:36:49,403
you're pretending
not to date me.
2612
01:36:50,403 --> 01:36:53,273
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?
2613
01:36:53,273 --> 01:36:55,041
So my articles are gone.
2614
01:36:55,041 --> 01:36:56,976
And you, like, sneak me around
2615
01:36:56,976 --> 01:36:58,944
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?
2616
01:36:58,944 --> 01:37:00,113
Is that what
we're talking about?
2617
01:37:00,113 --> 01:37:03,250
I just want to be clear,
that's what
we're talking about.
2618
01:37:03,250 --> 01:37:05,119
And we have to do that
because I'm...
2619
01:37:07,119 --> 01:37:08,122
...not right.
2620
01:37:10,122 --> 01:37:12,893
And then once we present us
to the world,
2621
01:37:12,893 --> 01:37:17,134
we present a version of me
that isn't...actually me?
2622
01:37:21,134 --> 01:37:22,537
Yeah.
2623
01:37:25,537 --> 01:37:26,578
(FRED SIGHS)
2624
01:37:31,578 --> 01:37:33,148
I can't do it.
2625
01:37:35,148 --> 01:37:37,250
I wish
2626
01:37:37,250 --> 01:37:40,529
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.
2627
01:37:49,529 --> 01:37:51,252
You don't have to do it.
2628
01:38:12,252 --> 01:38:14,253
FRED: Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.
2629
01:38:14,253 --> 01:38:18,190
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her
2630
01:38:18,190 --> 01:38:19,025
and someone like me
could work?
2631
01:38:20,025 --> 01:38:23,162
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.
2632
01:38:23,162 --> 01:38:25,731
Like, I don't know who she is.
2633
01:38:25,731 --> 01:38:28,702
She has no moral compass.
2634
01:38:28,702 --> 01:38:31,371
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,
2635
01:38:31,371 --> 01:38:32,006
Republicans the next
fucking day.
2636
01:38:33,006 --> 01:38:34,073
I mean, what's wrong
with working
2637
01:38:34,073 --> 01:38:35,442
with Democrats
and Republicans?
2638
01:38:35,442 --> 01:38:37,176
That's...
That's the whole country.
2639
01:38:37,176 --> 01:38:40,380
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,
2640
01:38:40,380 --> 01:38:42,047
I guess is the problem
with that.
2641
01:38:42,047 --> 01:38:45,452
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?
2642
01:38:45,452 --> 01:38:48,253
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.
2643
01:38:48,253 --> 01:38:50,253
(SCOFFS)
2644
01:38:48,253 --> 01:38:50,756
What's the problem here?
2645
01:38:50,756 --> 01:38:52,425
I'm a Republican.
2646
01:38:52,425 --> 01:38:54,194
You're fucking joking
right now.
2647
01:38:54,194 --> 01:38:57,396
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.
2648
01:38:57,396 --> 01:38:58,731
You're a Republican.
2649
01:38:58,731 --> 01:38:59,632
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2650
01:38:59,632 --> 01:39:02,101
The shit has worked out
so far for me.
2651
01:39:02,101 --> 01:39:03,670
What the fuck, man?
2652
01:39:03,670 --> 01:39:05,204
All that shit
you're always saying to me!
2653
01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,204
Yeah.
2654
01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,405
Pull yourself up
2655
01:39:06,405 --> 01:39:09,074
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.
2656
01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,074
Republican shit.
2657
01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,310
Oh, and it worked on me.
2658
01:39:11,310 --> 01:39:13,046
And it works
on a lot of people.
2659
01:39:13,046 --> 01:39:14,213
Oh, that's fucking sick.
2660
01:39:14,213 --> 01:39:15,314
That's right.
2661
01:39:15,314 --> 01:39:16,682
Ugh! That's gross!
2662
01:39:16,682 --> 01:39:18,618
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain
2663
01:39:18,618 --> 01:39:20,720
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!
2664
01:39:20,720 --> 01:39:22,188
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,
2665
01:39:22,188 --> 01:39:23,288
your negative way of thinking.
2666
01:39:23,288 --> 01:39:24,556
I don't even know you!
2667
01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,556
What do you mean?
2668
01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,425
Ugh!
2669
01:39:25,425 --> 01:39:26,027
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.
2670
01:39:27,027 --> 01:39:28,094
Your best friend.
2671
01:39:28,094 --> 01:39:29,328
Why'd you never tell me this?
2672
01:39:29,328 --> 01:39:31,463
'Cause I knew you'd act
exactly how you're acting
right now.
2673
01:39:31,463 --> 01:39:33,132
Wait a minute.
2674
01:39:33,132 --> 01:39:35,635
You're always talking
about how, like, the universe
has a plan for all of us...
2675
01:39:35,635 --> 01:39:36,603
Take it easy.
2676
01:39:36,603 --> 01:39:38,537
There's someone watching
over us at all times.
2677
01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,537
Yeah.
2678
01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,506
Does that mean...
2679
01:39:40,506 --> 01:39:41,242
I'm a man of Christian faith.
2680
01:39:42,242 --> 01:39:44,277
What the fuck!
2681
01:39:44,277 --> 01:39:45,779
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!
2682
01:39:45,779 --> 01:39:47,279
Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2683
01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,279
Lord.
2684
01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,349
Oh, stop it.
Ignore him, God!
2685
01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,349
He doesn't mean that.
2686
01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,317
Don't pray for me!
2687
01:39:51,317 --> 01:39:52,484
You are trippin' right now.
2688
01:39:52,484 --> 01:39:53,552
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?
2689
01:39:53,552 --> 01:39:58,257
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!
2690
01:39:58,257 --> 01:39:59,426
What did you think it was for?
2691
01:39:59,426 --> 01:40:01,828
I thought it was... (SIGHS)
2692
01:40:01,828 --> 01:40:03,395
...a cultural thing.
2693
01:40:03,395 --> 01:40:05,466
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?
2694
01:40:06,466 --> 01:40:07,268
That's what
I thought, yeah.
2695
01:40:08,268 --> 01:40:09,336
That might be.
2696
01:40:09,336 --> 01:40:11,570
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.
2697
01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,570
You're right.
2698
01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,640
Yeah, I know I'm right!
2699
01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,640
Fuck.
2700
01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,307
That's racist as shit!
2701
01:40:15,307 --> 01:40:16,542
All right, dude...
2702
01:40:16,542 --> 01:40:18,411
I love you, man.
2703
01:40:18,411 --> 01:40:21,413
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics
2704
01:40:21,413 --> 01:40:23,550
to get into this,
because you've never really
2705
01:40:23,550 --> 01:40:25,350
been good at looking at shit
2706
01:40:25,350 --> 01:40:27,220
from other people's
perspective, Fred.
2707
01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,220
I know.
2708
01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,654
It might explain
2709
01:40:28,654 --> 01:40:31,390
why you haven't been able to
look at this
through Charlotte's eyes.
2710
01:40:31,390 --> 01:40:32,458
I'm sorry.
2711
01:40:32,458 --> 01:40:34,394
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,
2712
01:40:34,394 --> 01:40:36,796
and you had to
hide your true self.
2713
01:40:36,796 --> 01:40:38,131
That's really fucked up.
2714
01:40:38,131 --> 01:40:39,198
That's all right, man.
2715
01:40:39,198 --> 01:40:43,136
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D
2716
01:40:43,136 --> 01:40:44,871
has nothing to do with us.
2717
01:40:44,871 --> 01:40:46,805
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.
2718
01:40:46,805 --> 01:40:49,242
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.
2719
01:40:49,242 --> 01:40:50,242
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
2720
01:40:49,242 --> 01:40:50,609
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2721
01:40:50,609 --> 01:40:52,779
JAMES: Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,
2722
01:40:52,779 --> 01:40:54,480
which I did and it turns out,
2723
01:40:54,480 --> 01:40:55,782
I don't really like yoga.
2724
01:40:55,782 --> 01:40:59,252
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,
2725
01:40:59,252 --> 01:41:00,453
"Fuck the polls"?
2726
01:41:00,453 --> 01:41:05,757
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.
2727
01:41:05,757 --> 01:41:07,560
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.
2728
01:41:07,560 --> 01:41:08,694
That was a bit of a bummer,
2729
01:41:08,694 --> 01:41:11,197
because I really,
I like to laugh.
2730
01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,197
A lot.
2731
01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,631
Hmm.
2732
01:41:12,631 --> 01:41:14,766
Um, but we came up
with another laugh
2733
01:41:14,766 --> 01:41:16,502
that was better.
That's more, uh...
2734
01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,502
Presidential, I guess.
2735
01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,337
Hmm.
2736
01:41:18,337 --> 01:41:19,872
(LAUGHING)
2737
01:41:19,872 --> 01:41:20,873
That's good.
2738
01:41:20,873 --> 01:41:22,509
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.
2739
01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,509
Yeah.
2740
01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,177
(SLURPS) Mmm.
2741
01:41:25,177 --> 01:41:27,346
So, um, after dinner,
2742
01:41:27,346 --> 01:41:28,914
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?
2743
01:41:28,914 --> 01:41:30,182
Ooh.
2744
01:41:30,182 --> 01:41:33,353
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.
2745
01:41:33,353 --> 01:41:35,688
It's called Mini Bar.
2746
01:41:35,688 --> 01:41:39,893
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.
2747
01:41:39,893 --> 01:41:44,197
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.
2748
01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,197
Hmm.
2749
01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,797
It's actually more of
2750
01:41:45,797 --> 01:41:47,533
a small fridge than a bar.
2751
01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,533
And it's in my room...
2752
01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,402
No, I get it.
2753
01:41:49,402 --> 01:41:50,837
I'm inviting you
back to my room.
2754
01:41:50,837 --> 01:41:53,837
I...
2755
01:41:50,837 --> 01:41:53,507
(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)
2756
01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,507
That was my real laugh.
2757
01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,577
Mmm!
2758
01:41:57,577 --> 01:41:58,577
(CHUCKLING)
2759
01:41:57,577 --> 01:41:58,711
I don't know why
2760
01:41:58,711 --> 01:42:01,515
they told you
not to use that laugh.
2761
01:42:02,515 --> 01:42:03,515
It's...
2762
01:42:02,515 --> 01:42:03,456
(SLURPS LOUDLY)
2763
01:42:10,456 --> 01:42:12,358
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.
2764
01:42:12,358 --> 01:42:14,726
(CAR RADIO
PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
2765
01:42:14,726 --> 01:42:16,381
Yeah. Big day.
2766
01:42:35,381 --> 01:42:36,615
(SIGHS)
2767
01:42:36,615 --> 01:42:38,926
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2768
01:42:47,926 --> 01:42:49,341
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2769
01:43:02,341 --> 01:43:03,011
Hello?
2770
01:43:05,011 --> 01:43:06,613
Beep.
2771
01:43:06,613 --> 01:43:08,782
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.
2772
01:43:09,782 --> 01:43:11,018
It's Fred.
2773
01:43:12,018 --> 01:43:15,488
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.
2774
01:43:15,488 --> 01:43:17,590
You were right
about everything
2775
01:43:17,590 --> 01:43:19,394
and I was wrong
about everything.
2776
01:43:21,394 --> 01:43:25,765
And we should go along
with the plan.
2777
01:43:25,765 --> 01:43:29,369
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.
2778
01:43:30,369 --> 01:43:31,871
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,
2779
01:43:31,871 --> 01:43:35,975
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2780
01:43:35,975 --> 01:43:37,409
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
2781
01:43:37,409 --> 01:43:40,813
But I would do anything
to continue,
2782
01:43:40,813 --> 01:43:42,351
to be able to be with you.
2783
01:43:46,351 --> 01:43:47,399
Okay, bye.
2784
01:43:59,399 --> 01:44:00,868
(KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS)
2785
01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:03,603
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?
2786
01:44:03,603 --> 01:44:06,538
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.
2787
01:44:06,538 --> 01:44:08,807
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2788
01:44:08,807 --> 01:44:10,676
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.
2789
01:44:10,676 --> 01:44:12,078
We need his endorsement.
2790
01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,078
Yep.
2791
01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,082
Yep.
2792
01:44:17,082 --> 01:44:19,654
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.
2793
01:44:22,654 --> 01:44:25,824
You know,
he called last night.
2794
01:44:25,824 --> 01:44:27,960
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.
2795
01:44:27,960 --> 01:44:31,363
(EXHALES) Really? Wow.
2796
01:44:31,363 --> 01:44:33,900
That's a shock.
2797
01:44:34,900 --> 01:44:38,637
Um... Okay.
2798
01:44:38,637 --> 01:44:40,038
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.
2799
01:44:40,038 --> 01:44:41,908
No, Maggie.
2800
01:44:41,908 --> 01:44:43,509
There's nothing to do.
2801
01:44:43,509 --> 01:44:45,381
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.
2802
01:44:48,381 --> 01:44:51,551
Well, today is
such a good day,
2803
01:44:51,551 --> 01:44:53,519
and I am so excited.
2804
01:44:53,519 --> 01:44:54,987
We should be psyched.
2805
01:44:54,987 --> 01:44:57,590
So psyched. (CHUCKLES)
2806
01:44:57,590 --> 01:44:59,725
All right,
I will see you out there.
2807
01:44:59,725 --> 01:45:00,979
All right.
2808
01:45:19,979 --> 01:45:21,014
LANCE: Hey, man.
2809
01:45:22,014 --> 01:45:23,684
Can I get a beer?
2810
01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,684
Thanks for coming.
2811
01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,854
No problem, bro.
2812
01:45:27,854 --> 01:45:30,489
How you feelin' though?
2813
01:45:30,489 --> 01:45:32,524
(EXHALES) Okay, you know,
you were right.
2814
01:45:32,524 --> 01:45:33,725
I called her.
2815
01:45:33,725 --> 01:45:35,560
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.
2816
01:45:35,560 --> 01:45:37,596
So... Whatever.
2817
01:45:37,596 --> 01:45:38,899
Sure you wanna watch this?
2818
01:45:39,899 --> 01:45:41,603
Yeah, I have to.
2819
01:45:43,603 --> 01:45:46,171
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you
2820
01:45:46,171 --> 01:45:47,106
to Lil Yachty.
2821
01:45:47,106 --> 01:45:48,007
He's going to be
performing after the speech.
2822
01:45:49,007 --> 01:45:50,542
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.
2823
01:45:50,542 --> 01:45:52,878
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.
2824
01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,878
I'm sorry, it's game time.
2825
01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,417
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay.
2826
01:45:57,417 --> 01:45:59,417
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
2827
01:45:57,417 --> 01:45:59,025
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
2828
01:46:07,025 --> 01:46:08,998
(CHEERING CONTINUES ON TV)
2829
01:46:12,998 --> 01:46:14,699
Good morning!
2830
01:46:14,699 --> 01:46:17,938
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.
2831
01:46:18,938 --> 01:46:20,539
Let me start
by saying something
2832
01:46:20,539 --> 01:46:22,908
I haven't said since I was 16
2833
01:46:22,908 --> 01:46:24,976
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.
2834
01:46:24,976 --> 01:46:26,212
(LAUGHTER)
2835
01:46:27,212 --> 01:46:28,514
I quit...
2836
01:46:28,514 --> 01:46:30,514
(CHUCKLES)
2837
01:46:28,514 --> 01:46:30,649
I helped write that joke.
2838
01:46:30,649 --> 01:46:31,850
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.
2839
01:46:31,850 --> 01:46:33,953
...as secretary of state,
2840
01:46:33,953 --> 01:46:35,587
in order to run
2841
01:46:35,587 --> 01:46:38,757
for president of
the United States of America.
2842
01:46:38,757 --> 01:46:40,961
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
2843
01:46:41,961 --> 01:46:43,731
(CHUCKLING) God bless.
2844
01:46:46,731 --> 01:46:49,234
And I'm honored
2845
01:46:49,234 --> 01:46:52,971
to have the full support
of President Chambers,
2846
01:46:52,971 --> 01:46:55,675
a man I greatly admire.
2847
01:46:55,675 --> 01:46:59,045
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.
2848
01:46:59,045 --> 01:47:00,113
Man, you know
who you should date?
2849
01:47:02,113 --> 01:47:03,817
Taylor Swift.
2850
01:47:04,817 --> 01:47:06,819
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.
2851
01:47:06,819 --> 01:47:10,756
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?
2852
01:47:10,756 --> 01:47:12,557
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.
2853
01:47:12,557 --> 01:47:14,060
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!
2854
01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,595
Oh, I get it.
2855
01:47:15,595 --> 01:47:17,930
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.
2856
01:47:18,930 --> 01:47:22,868
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.
2857
01:47:22,868 --> 01:47:24,103
That's true.
2858
01:47:24,103 --> 01:47:26,771
But this campaign
is not about me.
2859
01:47:26,771 --> 01:47:28,608
It's about you.
2860
01:47:28,608 --> 01:47:29,841
It's about us.
2861
01:47:29,841 --> 01:47:31,042
(WOMAN WHOOPS)
2862
01:47:31,042 --> 01:47:32,645
It's about how together,
2863
01:47:32,645 --> 01:47:36,716
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.
2864
01:47:36,716 --> 01:47:38,819
(ALL CHEERING)
2865
01:47:39,819 --> 01:47:42,787
I have dreamt
about this moment
2866
01:47:42,787 --> 01:47:44,024
(EXHALES) ever since
I was a little girl
2867
01:47:45,024 --> 01:47:47,761
growing up
in the nation's capital.
2868
01:47:49,761 --> 01:47:53,298
And I know
that if that young girl
2869
01:47:53,298 --> 01:47:56,604
could see me
standing up here right now...
2870
01:47:59,604 --> 01:48:00,073
(SIGHS)
2871
01:48:02,073 --> 01:48:04,845
She would be so...
2872
01:48:06,845 --> 01:48:07,979
(CLICKS TONGUE)
2873
01:48:07,979 --> 01:48:09,122
She would be...
2874
01:48:16,122 --> 01:48:17,858
What's happening?
2875
01:48:18,858 --> 01:48:22,195
She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.
2876
01:48:24,195 --> 01:48:27,733
Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2877
01:48:27,733 --> 01:48:28,935
would want me to be honest
2878
01:48:28,935 --> 01:48:31,604
and have integrity and not be
2879
01:48:31,604 --> 01:48:35,243
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.
2880
01:48:37,243 --> 01:48:39,078
So instead, I'm just gonna...
2881
01:48:39,078 --> 01:48:42,213
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.
2882
01:48:42,213 --> 01:48:44,213
So here we go.
2883
01:48:42,213 --> 01:48:44,182
(FEEDBACK ON MIC)
2884
01:48:44,182 --> 01:48:47,853
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...
2885
01:48:47,853 --> 01:48:49,154
Whoo!
2886
01:48:49,154 --> 01:48:50,355
...are doing some
evil shit together.
2887
01:48:50,355 --> 01:48:52,091
And because
I just told you now,
2888
01:48:52,091 --> 01:48:55,694
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated
2889
01:48:55,694 --> 01:48:57,029
jerking off all over himself.
2890
01:48:58,029 --> 01:48:58,030
Release the video.
2891
01:48:59,030 --> 01:49:01,100
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!
2892
01:49:01,100 --> 01:49:03,904
But don't slut shame me. I...
2893
01:49:04,904 --> 01:49:05,706
I like him.
2894
01:49:06,706 --> 01:49:08,274
I like him a lot.
2895
01:49:08,274 --> 01:49:10,377
Fred, you gotta go to her.
2896
01:49:12,377 --> 01:49:14,646
Go get her ass, man.
2897
01:49:14,646 --> 01:49:15,317
And he jerks off.
2898
01:49:18,317 --> 01:49:20,386
And so do all of you.
2899
01:49:20,386 --> 01:49:21,654
Hell, yeah!
2900
01:49:21,654 --> 01:49:23,855
So deal with it.
2901
01:49:23,855 --> 01:49:25,029
Deal with it, America.
2902
01:49:31,029 --> 01:49:32,029
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
2903
01:49:31,029 --> 01:49:32,265
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2904
01:49:34,265 --> 01:49:36,301
Hey! I'm Fred!
2905
01:49:36,301 --> 01:49:37,970
Is that an XL?
2906
01:49:37,970 --> 01:49:39,238
I've got five stars in it,
2907
01:49:39,238 --> 01:49:40,739
if you could speed
this shit up, man!
2908
01:49:40,739 --> 01:49:42,073
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.
2909
01:49:42,073 --> 01:49:43,408
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2910
01:49:43,408 --> 01:49:45,408
(ALL CLAMORING)
2911
01:49:43,408 --> 01:49:45,847
AGENT M: Get back! Get back!
2912
01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,847
Where are we going?
2913
01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,150
I don't know.
2914
01:49:52,150 --> 01:49:53,886
(ALL CLAMORING)
2915
01:49:54,886 --> 01:49:56,154
MAGGIE: She's leaving?
Where is she going?
2916
01:49:56,154 --> 01:49:57,957
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.
2917
01:49:57,957 --> 01:50:00,126
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!
2918
01:50:00,126 --> 01:50:01,060
I can't.
2919
01:50:01,060 --> 01:50:02,895
LANCE: Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert
2920
01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,895
with your name on it.
2921
01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,096
FRED: Don't open it!
2922
01:50:05,096 --> 01:50:07,800
FRED: (ON VIDEO)
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2923
01:50:07,800 --> 01:50:09,201
(LAUGHING) Oh, Fred!
2924
01:50:09,201 --> 01:50:12,203
Oh, no. Oh, no.
2925
01:50:12,203 --> 01:50:13,405
Hey, it's all right, man.
2926
01:50:13,405 --> 01:50:15,073
You know,
we all got our things.
2927
01:50:15,073 --> 01:50:16,775
I don't bust a nut
on my face.
2928
01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,775
But, like...
2929
01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,978
It's not like
a thing I do!
2930
01:50:18,978 --> 01:50:20,145
(GUFFAWS)
2931
01:50:20,145 --> 01:50:21,980
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?
2932
01:50:21,980 --> 01:50:24,417
(SCOFFS) This is the news!
2933
01:50:25,417 --> 01:50:27,027
(LAUGHING) Oh, shit.
2934
01:50:35,027 --> 01:50:38,264
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.
2935
01:50:38,264 --> 01:50:40,131
Secretary Field
just drove away,
2936
01:50:40,131 --> 01:50:42,201
no comment
as to her destination.
2937
01:50:42,201 --> 01:50:44,336
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...
2938
01:50:44,336 --> 01:50:46,171
CAMERAMAN: Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!
2939
01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,171
MAN: Yeah, that's him!
2940
01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,872
REPORTER: Oh, sir,
2941
01:50:47,872 --> 01:50:49,074
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.
2942
01:50:49,074 --> 01:50:52,211
No! I'm come-guy?
2943
01:50:52,211 --> 01:50:53,912
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!
2944
01:50:53,912 --> 01:50:55,046
Thank you!
2945
01:50:55,046 --> 01:50:57,896
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!
2946
01:51:11,896 --> 01:51:12,966
Hi.
2947
01:51:13,966 --> 01:51:15,235
Holy shit.
2948
01:51:17,235 --> 01:51:18,005
Did you see my speech?
2949
01:51:20,005 --> 01:51:22,208
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.
2950
01:51:23,208 --> 01:51:24,011
Yeah.
2951
01:51:27,011 --> 01:51:28,849
You know,
your video's out there.
2952
01:51:29,849 --> 01:51:31,356
Yeah, I caught that.
(CHUCKLES)
2953
01:51:38,356 --> 01:51:40,094
Here's the deal.
I love you.
2954
01:51:42,094 --> 01:51:44,195
I know I do.
2955
01:51:44,195 --> 01:51:47,136
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.
2956
01:51:50,136 --> 01:51:54,175
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.
2957
01:51:56,175 --> 01:51:58,412
Just me and Saddam.
2958
01:52:01,412 --> 01:52:03,217
And this is way scarier.
2959
01:52:06,217 --> 01:52:07,890
I love you.
2960
01:52:10,890 --> 01:52:13,359
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.
2961
01:52:13,359 --> 01:52:14,829
'Cause I'm freaking out.
2962
01:52:17,829 --> 01:52:20,568
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.
2963
01:52:22,568 --> 01:52:24,435
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
2964
01:52:24,435 --> 01:52:25,443
(CHUCKLES)
2965
01:52:31,443 --> 01:52:33,220
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
2966
01:52:41,220 --> 01:52:42,922
Oh.
2967
01:52:43,922 --> 01:52:44,990
Hello?
2968
01:52:44,990 --> 01:52:48,060
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here
2969
01:52:48,060 --> 01:52:50,462
and they want to talk
to the candidate
and the come-guy.
2970
01:52:50,462 --> 01:52:52,009
So, I figured they'd hit you.
2971
01:53:04,009 --> 01:53:05,185
(ALL CHEERING)
2972
01:53:13,185 --> 01:53:14,487
LANCE: Fred!
2973
01:53:15,487 --> 01:53:17,328
Fred!
2974
01:53:22,328 --> 01:53:25,264
A crazy day.
2975
01:53:25,264 --> 01:53:27,498
But I'm really glad
you're all here.
2976
01:53:27,498 --> 01:53:29,935
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.
2977
01:53:30,935 --> 01:53:32,637
This is Fred.
2978
01:53:32,637 --> 01:53:33,506
Hi, there.
2979
01:53:35,506 --> 01:53:37,506
My boyfriend.
2980
01:53:35,506 --> 01:53:37,509
(ALL CHEERING)
2981
01:53:37,509 --> 01:53:38,180
Whoo!
2982
01:53:42,180 --> 01:53:44,115
You kind of
know him already,
2983
01:53:44,115 --> 01:53:46,217
but you'll get
to know him
a lot more
2984
01:53:46,217 --> 01:53:47,720
in the next few months...
2985
01:53:48,720 --> 01:53:51,356
'Cause he's gonna be
right by my side
on my campaign trail.
2986
01:53:51,356 --> 01:53:53,261
(ALL CHEERING)
2987
01:53:56,261 --> 01:53:57,001
(CHEERING LOUDER)
2988
01:54:02,001 --> 01:54:03,077
Wakanda Forever!
2989
01:54:12,077 --> 01:54:14,345
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2990
01:54:14,345 --> 01:54:16,117
ALL: (CHANTING)
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2991
01:54:18,117 --> 01:54:19,585
LANCE: I started the chant!
2992
01:54:19,585 --> 01:54:21,256
I started that chant!
2993
01:54:25,256 --> 01:54:26,958
...that I will
faithfully execute
2994
01:54:26,958 --> 01:54:30,194
the office of the president
of the United States.
2995
01:54:30,194 --> 01:54:31,563
REPORTER:
What a momentous day,
2996
01:54:31,563 --> 01:54:33,064
our first female president.
2997
01:54:33,064 --> 01:54:34,000
I never thought I'd see it.
2998
01:54:35,000 --> 01:54:36,702
Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say
2999
01:54:36,702 --> 01:54:38,703
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,
3000
01:54:38,703 --> 01:54:40,972
but do we really want
her finger on the button
3001
01:54:40,972 --> 01:54:42,307
when it's that time
of the month?
3002
01:54:42,307 --> 01:54:44,176
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision
3003
01:54:44,176 --> 01:54:45,511
during that time
of the month.
3004
01:54:45,511 --> 01:54:47,345
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.
3005
01:54:47,345 --> 01:54:48,948
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.
3006
01:54:48,948 --> 01:54:50,481
(LAUGHS) Oh!
Looks like Aunt Flow
3007
01:54:50,481 --> 01:54:52,350
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!
3008
01:54:52,350 --> 01:54:53,586
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!
3009
01:54:53,586 --> 01:54:57,957
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.
3010
01:54:57,957 --> 01:54:59,425
My name is Fred Field.
3011
01:54:59,425 --> 01:55:00,592
I took my wife's last name.
3012
01:55:00,592 --> 01:55:04,662
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.
3013
01:55:04,662 --> 01:55:07,632
We're starting
with the portraits
of the first spouses.
3014
01:55:07,632 --> 01:55:09,501
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.
3015
01:55:09,501 --> 01:55:10,569
Jackie Kennedy.
3016
01:55:10,569 --> 01:55:13,404
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
3017
01:55:13,404 --> 01:55:16,140
And that leads us
into my portrait.
3018
01:55:16,140 --> 01:55:18,409
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,
3019
01:55:18,409 --> 01:55:20,979
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.
3020
01:55:20,979 --> 01:55:22,382
The first versions
were a little over the top.
3021
01:55:24,382 --> 01:55:26,452
Hi, guys.
3022
01:55:26,452 --> 01:55:28,319
FRED: I used to think
the best way
for me to change the world,
3023
01:55:28,319 --> 01:55:30,221
to make it a better place
was through journalism.
3024
01:55:30,221 --> 01:55:31,689
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.
3025
01:55:31,689 --> 01:55:35,293
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world
3026
01:55:35,293 --> 01:55:38,296
is just supporting
this amazing person
3027
01:55:38,296 --> 01:55:40,099
and just trying to
learn from her
3028
01:55:40,099 --> 01:55:41,632
and kinda just trying to be
3029
01:55:41,632 --> 01:55:44,168
the best first mister
I can be.
3030
01:55:44,168 --> 01:55:46,738
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.
3031
01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,738
He did.
3032
01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,541
There we are.
3033
01:55:49,541 --> 01:55:50,708
CHARLOTTE:
You're wearing mittens.
3034
01:55:50,708 --> 01:55:52,110
FRED: Got little mittens on.
3035
01:55:52,110 --> 01:55:54,613
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.
3036
01:55:54,613 --> 01:55:56,547
It really has
an amazing arc to it.
3037
01:55:56,547 --> 01:55:59,484
INTERVIEWER: What are some of
the perks of your new roles?
3038
01:55:59,484 --> 01:56:02,787
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.
3039
01:56:02,787 --> 01:56:04,024
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.
3040
01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,024
Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
3041
01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,257
I won't say.
3042
01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,257
Don't.
3043
01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,426
I won't say.
3044
01:56:07,426 --> 01:56:08,527
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.
3045
01:56:08,527 --> 01:56:09,595
It's not who you think!
3046
01:56:09,595 --> 01:56:11,130
Don't do it.
3047
01:56:11,130 --> 01:56:12,131
It's pretty surprising.
3048
01:56:13,131 --> 01:56:14,632
He's my Mister.
3049
01:56:14,632 --> 01:56:17,000
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.
3050
01:56:50,000 --> 01:57:00,000
Sub By Black Hawk