1
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:59,637
[man] <i>I don't know what the fuck
is going on in this country, man!</i>

2
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,726
<i>Every day I turn on the TV,</i>

3
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,688
<i>and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!</i>

4
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,603
[people murmuring]

5
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,646
What about our rights?

6
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:10,936
[people shouting in agreement]

7
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:15,907
This is our time to show the world
that we are not just an online movement!

8
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,192
[people shouting in agreement]

9
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,989
<i>We're growing physically!</i>

10
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,620
This is our time to assert ourselves

11
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,660
as the true voice of America!

12
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,871
[men shouting] Yeah!

13
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,205
Yes, let's do that!

14
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,795
[man] Now, you may have noticed

15
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,048
that our friend Aryan Grande

16
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,424
has brought in a new recruit.

17
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,423
FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother!

18
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,053
[all] Yeah!

19
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,516
Hi. <i>Heil. Heil,</i> everybody.

20
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,426
White power. Obviously.

21
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,437
Been a big fan of you guys for a while.

22
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,892
Since World War Il, really.

23
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:51,776
That's when you made your big entrance
on the scene.

24
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,313
And, uh... Yeah. Just, um, in closing...

25
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,483
- Fuck the Jews!
- [all shout] Yeah!

26
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,527
- Welcome!
- [all grunt]

27
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,746
Let's fucking party!

28
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,577
[all yelling and cheering]

29
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,583
[hard rock music playing]

30
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,130
So you guys are, like,
pretty active on social media, right?

31
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,544
[men] Yeah.

32
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,532
How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?

33
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,923
- Hey, FTJ!
- [Fred] Yo!

34
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,262
You said you wanted a swastika tattoo.

35
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,597
Now's your chance.

36
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,222
Yeah, you know,
I've been thinking about it. I'm cool.

37
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,891
Come on, man. We all got 'em!

38
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,616
You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?

39
00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,110
[men] Yeah!

40
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,907
I will get a swastika tattoo.

41
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,997
Um...

42
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,248
Yeah.

43
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,961
Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.

44
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:53,879
[tattoo machine buzzing]

45
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,460
Super cool, guys. Thank you for this.

46
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,716
This is really exciting.

47
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,215
All right, here we go!

48
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,470
[chuckles]

49
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,802
Ooh, right! Yeah!

50
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,386
- [grunts]
- That hurt?

51
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,301
On many levels. Yes.

52
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:09,978
[softly] Fuck!

53
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,107
Hey! This you?

54
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,602
You a journalist?

55
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,066
Yeah!

56
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,857
We all got to be fucking journalists
in this day and age,

57
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,780
mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!

58
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,695
His name is Fred Flarsky.

59
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,534
He writes for the <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

60
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,124
- And he's a fucking Jew!
- What?

61
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,751
Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!

62
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,527
What are you doing here?
You're here to fucking embarrass us, huh?

63
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,463
- Who sent you?
- [stammers] No one sent me!

64
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,047
It's okay. I'm... I'm...

65
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,713
He's been recording us the whole time!

66
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,473
Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!

67
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,352
- You're gonna fucking die!
- How do you turn this thing off?

68
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,954
The fucking red button,
right there, man!

69
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,476
[men clamoring]

70
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,604
- [glass shatters]
- [grunting]

71
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,645
Holy shit!

72
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,069
[groaning loudly]

73
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,705
Yeah! [laughs]

74
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,992
[groans] Not only did I escape...

75
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,662
I held onto my phone!

76
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,797
Yes! Ow!

77
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,257
[groans]

78
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,964
I trusted you, man!

79
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,674
Yeah, well...

80
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,305
Jews win this round, motherfucker!

81
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,179
Peace! Ow.

82
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,643
[newscaster]
<i>Tonight on</i> Wembley News,

83
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,100
<i>we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,</i>

84
00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:35,856
<i>a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner,</i>

85
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,735
<i>and protégée of President Chambers,</i>

86
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,566
<i>who tapped Field two years ago</i>

87
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:44,403
<i>to be the youngest secretary of state
in the history of this nation.</i>

88
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,738
<i>And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.</i>

89
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,744
<i>Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,</i>

90
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,825
<i>but she's just hot!</i>

91
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,910
[newscaster 2] <i>You know,
when we talk about women in this way,</i>

92
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,285
<i>it is because we respect them so much,
and we start with their body.</i>

93
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,036
- [all laugh on TV]
<i>- You two are terrible.</i>

94
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,924
- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.

95
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,927
Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.

96
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:09,975
Long day.

97
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,722
Three bilaterals. [sighs]

98
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,433
Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.

99
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,723
There's just not enough
traction around this thing.

100
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,734
I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.

101
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,380
I don't have
the American people's support.

102
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,568
I know you and I don't like it, Chuck.
But you know who likes it?

103
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:28,318
Eighty-eight percent of college-educated
Americans over 45.

104
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,781
Likely voters.

105
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,155
That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.

106
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:42,669
[water splashing]

107
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,968
Oh, my God.

108
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,765
[sighs]

109
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,640
[alarm blaring]

110
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,896
[gasps]

111
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,982
[TV playing indistinctly]

112
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,610
Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.

113
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,073
I mean, he did play a president

114
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,206
on a very popular television show
for over a decade.

115
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:20,287
You don't get six Golden Globe nominations
without being pretty convincing.

116
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,751
Um, I do think I'm funny.

117
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,711
I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about

118
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,716
promoting democracy in Eastern Europe.

119
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,757
All right, next one's BBC.

120
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,967
<i>Would you be asking a male cabinet member
what products they use in their hair?</i>

121
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,178
I'm just kidding.

122
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,184
No, it's olive oil and mayonnaise.

123
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,063
I know. So cheap. So much shine.

124
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,564
[exhaling]

125
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,934
Good morning, Mr. President.

126
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,603
[quietly] Good morning, Mr. President.

127
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,860
Good morning, Mr. President.

128
00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,409
- Good morning, Mr. President.
- [TV playing]

129
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:52,910
Oh, hey, Charlotte.

130
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:56,038
You caught me watching my show. [laughs]

131
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,950
<i>Mr. President,
we still recommend Option C.</i>

132
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,915
<i>I am not nuking a tsunami!</i>

133
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,374
Oh, here it is.

134
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,710
[speaking along to TV] Not now...

135
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,966
Not today.

136
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,876
Not in my house.

137
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,262
Yes! [laughing] I love that!

138
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,013
[laughs] Oh, me too.

139
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,175
Anyway, that's not why I called you here.

140
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,558
[exhaling]

141
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,678
[sighs] Charlotte.

142
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,180
Yes, sir?

143
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,144
[clicks tongue]
I will not be seeking reelection.

144
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,434
Really?

145
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,693
Look, I know it's crazy,

146
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,195
because I'm only halfway
through my first term.

147
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,357
And you're incredibly popular, sir.

148
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:36,200
And I want to use that popularity
to transition into something...

149
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,456
more prestigious than the presidency.

150
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,827
I wanna make it in the movies.

151
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:49,091
You're going to leave the presidency
to go be in movies?

152
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,377
- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...

153
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:55,764
Only, like, ten guys have made that jump
from TV to film.

154
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,801
Woody Harrelson, George Clooney...

155
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,018
Might be... Might be just two.

156
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,806
I... Mr. President, have you...

157
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,609
given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?

158
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:12,403
I'm sure you're probably thinking
of McNichol or Crowly. Strong choices.

159
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:16,740
So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.

160
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,117
And I've been vetted.

161
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,657
So that's all done.

162
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,999
And I can't stop thinking about what...

163
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,289
What it would do for your legacy

164
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,175
to endorse the first female president.

165
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,970
I mean... Wow.

166
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,593
That's a legacy.

167
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,219
- Charlotte?
- Hmm?

168
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,513
I would like to endorse you

169
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,148
to be the next president
of the United States.

170
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:51,775
I mean, if you think
that's a good idea, sir, I trust you.

171
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:54,611
I'd... I'd be honored.

172
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:58,528
I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?

173
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,537
Because you've been a great secretary.

174
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,331
Of state.

175
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,708
Whatever. It's a cool job.

176
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,915
And, um, you've done it well.

177
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,546
- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.

178
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,833
Don't make any major screwups.
Don't kill any hookers.

179
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,696
- [both laugh]
- Probably not a problem for you.

180
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,009
I don't know what you're into. Whatever.
And before you know it...

181
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,344
[humming "Hail to the Chief"]

182
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,259
I like the sound of that.

183
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,893
<i>♪ Hey, here she comes ♪</i>

184
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,429
<i>♪ It's the first lady president ♪</i>

185
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,973
<i>♪ Who can believe ♪</i>

186
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,642
<i>- ♪ That she's actually a woman? ♪</i>
- Thank you, sir.

187
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:34,439
<i>♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪</i>

188
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,865
[tour guide] Oh, and here we see
Secretary of State Charlotte Field.

189
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,154
Good morning.

190
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,558
[tour guide continues
speaking indistinctly]

191
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,789
[quietly] Yes!

192
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,713
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."

193
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,295
- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.

194
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,945
- Yeah.
- [Katherine] And now, keep in mind

195
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,586
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.

196
00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,848
If you were a man,
you'd be in the 192nd percentile.

197
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,054
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.

198
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,186
'Cause men are... Okay.

199
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,223
Um, your sense of humor is 82,

200
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,561
which is solid. It's solid.

201
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,693
But, you know, we wouldn't mind
seeing those numbers

202
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,899
go up a few points, or more.

203
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,156
So, I'm going to get some writing samples

204
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,840
- from some funny speech writers.
- Great.

205
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,986
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel

206
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,904
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.

207
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:29,077
Right. You know, so we don't
drill down on specific policies.

208
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,838
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.

209
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,089
That's interesting.

210
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,548
But that said, if you could
broker some deal

211
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,678
that gets you out there talking
about a thing

212
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,590
that you feel really strongly about,
that would be great.

213
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,828
[Charlotte] Well, that's perfect.

214
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,639
I mean, we've been looking for an opening

215
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,679
to start a conversation
about the environment.

216
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,393
[chuckles] All right.

217
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,855
Romantically, if I may...

218
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,862
Remember the stir online

219
00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:01,196
when the Canadian prime minister and you
were seated next to each other

220
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,860
at the Global Business Forum?

221
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,119
Mmm-hmm.

222
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:09,125
A relationship like that
would push you into the high 90s.

223
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,578
High 90s? Wow.

224
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,621
[Katherine]
That brings us to...

225
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,754
[Charlotte] What's wrong with my wave?

226
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:24,223
Um, I think people feel that
that level of elbow movement is, um...

227
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,758
It stresses people out.

228
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,769
You know what?
It's just an area for improvement.

229
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,429
Okay, fine, I'll work on the wave.

230
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,347
[indistinct chatter]

231
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,310
- Hey.
- [man] Hey, Fred.

232
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,979
You're gonna love this. I almost died.

233
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,989
You got a second?

234
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,616
- Yeah.
- Come on.

235
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,283
I actually have some really great news.

236
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,118
- Really? Cool.
- Yes. [chuckles]

237
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,791
We were just bought by Wembley Media.

238
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,580
- What?
- Yeah.

239
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,857
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- I knew you'd have a harsh reaction.

240
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,042
A harsh reaction?

241
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,831
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?

242
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,250
The fucker represents everything

243
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,988
that we've been fighting
against since day one!

244
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,720
The whole point of this paper
is to fight giant media conglomerates.

245
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,618
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.

246
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,759
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?

247
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,518
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.

248
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,225
Not the good kind, that's right!

249
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,980
- [stammers]
- The bad kind, that's wrong!

250
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,436
Well, we're out of options.

251
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:19,445
We've been running as long as we can
on ads for weed doctors and escorts.

252
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,731
Let's get penis enlargement ads, too.

253
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,024
No one likes their dick.

254
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,988
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,

255
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,653
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.

256
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:28,849
No, they couldn't prove that.

257
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,865
We proved it!
I wrote three articles about it!

258
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,749
- You published them!
- I did.

259
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,377
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...

260
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,004
He said hurricanes
were caused by gay marriage.

261
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,756
I don't even get
how that fucking works.

262
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,278
I don't even get
the math on that one.

263
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,339
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?

264
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:46,677
They're upstairs
finalizing the deal right now. [sighs]

265
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,683
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.

266
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,719
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.

267
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,979
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.

268
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,139
It's just...

269
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,163
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.

270
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:00,566
I don't know how I can tone things down
any more than I'm toning them down.

271
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,525
Okay, Fred. You're a great writer.

272
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:03,759
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,

273
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,383
you take risks, you connect with people.

274
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,742
I'm sensing a twist in this.

275
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,278
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...

276
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,739
sometimes you're a little too much.

277
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,998
I don't think I am too much!

278
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,125
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.

279
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,751
Look, you have your job.

280
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,539
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.

281
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,081
You know what? I quit.

282
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,215
Oh, come on, Fred.

283
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,260
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.

284
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,170
No, I'm not gonna quit, I need my job.

285
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,259
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!

286
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,799
But I can't work for that guy.

287
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,059
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.

288
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,095
No fucking way!

289
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,264
I want him to know that I quit.

290
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,399
He's never gonna know it.
He's never heard of you.

291
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,213
You're gonna destroy your life
to spite a guy who's never heard of you?

292
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,853
Yes! You said it best!

293
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,237
That's exactly what I'm doing.

294
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,865
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.

295
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,195
Well, that makes two of us.

296
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,032
Fuck this. Journalism died today, people.

297
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,827
Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky.

298
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,742
Um... I, uh,

299
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,272
was just calling to say
that I was forced

300
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:01,164
<i>to quit myjob recently,
making me something of a free agent.</i>

301
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,922
<i>And I know in the past, uh,</i>

302
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,505
<i>you said I'm not exactly what</i>
The Times <i>was looking for,</i>

303
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,091
<i>but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.</i>

304
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,256
<i>Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.</i>

305
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,553
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...

306
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,390
I lost my job and I'm very sad.
Can I come by?

307
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:18,559
[indistinct chatter]

308
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,859
[Lance] We need to schedule a meeting
and see what they have to say.

309
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:26,988
Excuse me.

310
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:31,242
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.

311
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,028
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.

312
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,975
But you're gonna feel a lot better, man.
We're leaving.

313
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,581
You can leave work right now?

314
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,687
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?

315
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,954
That's a "I can leave this bitch
whenever I want" corner office.

316
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,463
Come on, man. Everybody!

317
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,923
This is my best friend,
and he just lost his job today.

318
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,757
All right? He's at rock bottom.

319
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,014
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.

320
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,452
And I'm gonna make him feel better.

321
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,245
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,

322
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,601
when one of us feels sad,

323
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,353
the other one
has to get him fucked up.

324
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:02,563
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,

325
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,897
almost-dropping-the-baby fucked up.

326
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:07,029
No judgment. No judgment.

327
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,362
I need my schedule cleared, Zander.
I don't want to do shit.

328
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,653
I'm going off-grid till tomorrow.

329
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:13,819
Matter of fact...

330
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,781
- everybody's got the day off.
- [all cheer]

331
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,166
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.

332
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,496
Everybody, go home.

333
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,128
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.

334
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,788
I love every single one of you.

335
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:25,877
Except you, Tad!

336
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,009
Bagel Friday is for everybody, Tad!

337
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,136
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?

338
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,341
[woman] Yeah, Tad, not cool.

339
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,426
- Zander.
- [Zander] Yeah?

340
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,557
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.

341
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,954
- [Zander] Uh-huh.
- I need that filled

342
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,265
with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil.

343
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,599
Do you want one?

344
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,519
[Fred] I got fucked, man.

345
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,185
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.

346
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:49,321
But it happens to everybody.
I've been unemployed before, it sucks.

347
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,676
But I didn't ask for any handouts.

348
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,408
I picked myself up
by my bootstraps and got to it.

349
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,944
Where are we going right now?

350
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,737
Best day ever, Fred. Don't worry about it.

351
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,906
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.

352
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,657
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousses.

353
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:01,875
Play at the park.

354
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,660
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,

355
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,128
get you a nice fat steak,

356
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,540
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.

357
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,426
I don't know if I want to go
to some fancy rich person party.

358
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,429
What... Oh, come on, man,
don't be so judgmental, all right?

359
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,840
It's free booze
and there'll be pandas and shit.

360
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,259
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.

361
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,552
All right, fine, Fred.

362
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,061
Then just do nothing. All right?

363
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,062
Go home, do nothing.

364
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,599
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.

365
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:27,980
Say what?

366
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,486
Oh, yeah.

367
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,317
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend

368
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,233
of R&B, hip-hop and new jack swing
to the party.

369
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,322
I thought you would like to be there.

370
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,202
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?

371
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,990
<i>♪ Motownphilly's back again ♪</i>

372
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,250
- [vocalizing]
- That's what I'm talking about, man.

373
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,230
- Let's do this shit.
- Let's have fun. What a fun day.

374
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,149
- [big band music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]

375
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,881
[Charlotte] I am so hungry, it's insane.

376
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,959
Why didn't you PowerBar me?

377
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,424
- I tried, you pushed my hand away.
- Oh.

378
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,552
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.

379
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,057
I look like a fucking caveman.

380
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,763
Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere.

381
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,598
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.

382
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:03,728
That's my best score.

383
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,060
Fuck! It's all skewered foods.

384
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,673
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.

385
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,563
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.

386
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,528
Why do they make this so difficult...

387
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,943
Oh. I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.

388
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,408
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...

389
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,413
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.

390
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,324
- Yup. Yes.
- [Charlotte] Do you have it?

391
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,829
Good. Good, good, good, good.

392
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,055
[muffled] Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.

393
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,877
- James Steward is approaching.
- What?

394
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,962
Okay, he's about nine feet away.

395
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,006
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.

396
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,744
- [whispers] Maggie!
- [Maggie] Six feet away.

397
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,680
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.

398
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,055
- James!
<i>- Bonsoir.</i>

399
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,848
- Hi.
- Good evening.

400
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,503
[in accented English]
I am so sorry I missed you

401
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,327
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.

402
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,196
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?

403
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,074
[laughs] You're never gonna
stop making that joke, are you?

404
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,905
- No. I'm not.
- [laughs]

405
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,597
- [man] Prime Minister.
- Well, I... Oh, hello.

406
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:01,987
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.

407
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,199
- [photographer] Thank you.
- [camera shutter clicking]

408
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,205
- One more. One more.
- One more.

409
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,585
<i>Merci</i>. Thank you.

410
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,073
What do you say we get out of here?

411
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,880
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.

412
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,045
[music starts playing]

413
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,383
- Yes...
- Yeah?

414
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,469
- [all cheering]
- Oh, my God!

415
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,383
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!

416
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,519
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!

417
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,680
One question,
what's the name of the group?

418
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,876
- [crowd] Boyz II Men!
- What's the name of the group, y'all?

419
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,266
[crowd] Boyz II Men!

420
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,311
[singing]

421
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,503
- [sighs]
- I told you this would be dope.

422
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,339
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.

423
00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,673
- [laughs]
- Wow.

424
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,759
[continues singing]

425
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,726
I'm super underdressed.

426
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,061
Stop complaining, all right?

427
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,975
You think you feel outta place?

428
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,816
This is one of the brightest rooms
I've ever been in in my life.

429
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,022
Bright? What do you mean, bright?

430
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:20,774
Like white.

431
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,863
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.

432
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,949
It's only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men.

433
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,892
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.

434
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,657
[continue singing]

435
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,999
Duty calls.

436
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,461
I'll take a snow check on that dance.

437
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,967
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay. [laughs]

438
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,048
- [speaks French]
- Okay.

439
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,218
[continue singing]

440
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,221
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?

441
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,604
I got fired today, man.

442
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,565
You told me you quit.

443
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:57,152
I was forced to quit because of...

444
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,312
Yeah, okay, man.

445
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,571
Lie to me some more.

446
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,698
You good?

447
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,324
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?

448
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,497
Oh, she's looking at you?

449
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,671
Fred.

450
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,010
Fred. What the hell? What was that?

451
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,887
Damn. Hey, what was that?

452
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,264
I...

453
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,184
I kinda... I kinda know her. Okay?

454
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,094
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.

455
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,791
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?

456
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:35,523
It's like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude.
You tell people that shit.

457
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,025
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.

458
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,401
I'll tell you a story.

459
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,610
So, I'm like 13, she's like 16.

460
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,573
She's my babysitter.

461
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,623
<i>She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,</i>

462
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,033
<i>which goes a long way with me.</i>

463
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,576
So, we're at her house.

464
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,540
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.

465
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,501
<i>She's running for
Student Council president.</i>

466
00:20:58,549 --> 00:20:59,790
Did you know that every year,

467
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:02,676
the school throws away
over 500 tons of recyclable garbage?

468
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,463
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.

469
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,868
But how do you get idiots to care
about shit they don't care about?

470
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,929
They'll just care

471
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,934
because it's the right thing
to care about.

472
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,847
You're more inspiring than George Bush
and Dan Quayle combined.

473
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,811
Well, that's not too hard.

474
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:17,895
[both laugh]

475
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,755
[Fred] <i>Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,</i>

476
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,361
<i>and she seemed to
kinda like me,</i>

477
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,192
<i>and I felt like
we were having a moment.</i>

478
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,106
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.

479
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,400
Oh, shit.

480
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:29,820
[Fred] <i>So I did something that,
in retrospect, was highly inappropriate.</i>

481
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,079
<i>I kissed her.</i>

482
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,327
I looked down...

483
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,287
<i>I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!</i>

484
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:38,211
- Oh!
- Hard... but not big.

485
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,998
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."

486
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,086
Sorry.

487
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,054
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...

488
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,756
It's okay.

489
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:47,387
- [groans]
- And then,

490
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,218
her boyfriend comes into the room,

491
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,827
who was in the other room
watching <i>Blossom!</i>

492
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:51,887
Hey, babe.

493
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,723
Points out my fucking little boner.

494
00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:55,888
<i>- He makes a joke!</i>
- Whoa!

495
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,522
[Fred] <i>And they left.</i>

496
00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:59,895
[mouthing] I'm sorry.

497
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,779
And I'm left standing there alone...

498
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:07,027
...in the kitchen,

499
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:09,784
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.

500
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,994
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,

501
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,575
she didn't win the fucking election.

502
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:16,458
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.

503
00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:19,495
- Two-prom!
- Two proms! Back-to-back!

504
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:21,709
[scoffs] She didn't stand
a fucking chance.

505
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:22,793
No, man.

506
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,945
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.

507
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,585
What's the best part of that story?

508
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,549
She says your boner was okay.

509
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:32,090
She said, "It's okay," like she was trying
to not make me fucking feel bad.

510
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:34,099
Fred, you see a fucked-up story,

511
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:37,752
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,

512
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,933
liking your boner in all of its okay-ness.

513
00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:43,022
You need to talk to her tonight.

514
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,381
She probably doesn't remember who I am,

515
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:46,863
and if she does remember who I am,
the last thing she wants

516
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,320
is my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.

517
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:50,904
- Look... Whoa.
- [Agent M] Excuse me.

518
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,035
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.

519
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,618
- With me?
- With him, right?

520
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,077
- Yeah.
- [Fred] Right now?

521
00:22:57,626 --> 00:22:59,083
Uh, do you know why?

522
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,244
This way.

523
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:02,545
[softly] This is good.

524
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:03,831
What you nervous about?

525
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,170
What the fuck? Everything I just said!

526
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,210
[singing slow R&B song]

527
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,681
Oh, my God, dude, there she is.

528
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,722
[Boyz II Men vocalizing]

529
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,146
What are you gonna say to her?

530
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:29,655
I don't know.

531
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:31,111
Should open with a neg.

532
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,492
Tell her she's too tall.

533
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,368
I'm not gonna neg the secretary of state.

534
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,450
- It was so nice to see you.
- [woman] You as well.

535
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,499
Give me the signal when you need me.

536
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:43,210
- Hi.
- Hi.

537
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,712
A man brought me here.

538
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,373
Yes, sorry about that.

539
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,461
- Um...
- No, not at all.

540
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:50,217
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.

541
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,798
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?

542
00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,325
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.

543
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,682
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...

544
00:23:55,726 --> 00:23:56,807
I was shorter,

545
00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:58,343
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?

546
00:23:58,395 --> 00:23:59,431
Yeah! Holy fuck!

547
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,062
I can't believe it.
You remember.

548
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:03,393
Oh, my God, look at you!

549
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:04,649
Look at me, yes.

550
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:05,729
What are you doing here?

551
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:08,361
My friend, Lance... That's Lance.

552
00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:09,612
Hey, how you doing?

553
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,990
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.

554
00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:13,150
I just met them.

555
00:24:13,202 --> 00:24:14,943
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.

556
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,702
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,

557
00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:18,141
but it was the highlight of my life.

558
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:20,373
- Oh, I totally get that.
- And I've met the Dalai Lama.

559
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,875
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.

560
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,786
- [both laugh]
- Don't actually fuck him.

561
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:25,982
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.

562
00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:27,497
What are you doing these days?

563
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,541
I bet it's something amazing.

564
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:32,339
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.

565
00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:35,756
Uh, yeah, but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.

566
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:38,637
I don't need to get into it.
What about you? What have you been up to?

567
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,748
You're the secretary... I'm joking.
I know what you've been up to.

568
00:24:41,772 --> 00:24:42,916
- Yeah. [laughs]
- You're very, um...

569
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:43,976
You know, I just, I...

570
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:46,169
I just wanna say it's, like, amazing
to see what you've done with your life.

571
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:47,545
A lot of people say they're gonna do

572
00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:49,339
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,

573
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:52,026
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.

574
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:54,733
Well, I'm trying.

575
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:56,780
I think you've done it. [chuckles]

576
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,787
[man] Oh!

577
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,290
[Charlotte] Parker Wembley.

578
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,791
I hate this guy.

579
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:06,249
[Fred] Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers

580
00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:08,316
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?

581
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,627
- You know him?
- He's coming over here.

582
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,338
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.

583
00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:15,845
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?

584
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,051
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.

585
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:19,432
Thank you.

586
00:25:19,476 --> 00:25:21,638
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you

587
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:24,145
for some months now, and, uh...

588
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:25,851
I mean, have you been avoiding me?

589
00:25:25,899 --> 00:25:28,016
No! No.

590
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:31,110
- Not successfully.
- [both laugh]

591
00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:35,069
- [laughs awkwardly]
- Who's your friend?

592
00:25:35,117 --> 00:25:36,904
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!

593
00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:37,988
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?

594
00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:39,949
And, uh, what is it that you do?

595
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:42,034
I'm a journalist, actually. Yeah.

596
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,789
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

597
00:25:43,834 --> 00:25:46,326
Will I have read
anything that you've written?

598
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:49,086
Probably not recently
'cause I'm unemployed at the moment.

599
00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:50,963
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.

600
00:25:51,008 --> 00:25:52,294
Not your fault.

601
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,208
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.

602
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:56,298
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.

603
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,382
- Right?
- Yes.

604
00:25:57,431 --> 00:25:59,013
Okay, good. Fred.

605
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:00,219
- Yes?
- Best of luck.

606
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,384
- Oh, why, thanks.
- Things will turn around for you.

607
00:26:02,436 --> 00:26:05,053
- So nice of you.
- Darkest before the dawn and all that.

608
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:09,019
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.

609
00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:11,087
You probably have a lot
of things to do. Better than this.

610
00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:12,647
It's really nice to see you again.

611
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:16,155
- Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
- [laughs]

612
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,193
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.

613
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,031
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.

614
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,241
Great to see you.

615
00:26:25,334 --> 00:26:28,247
I see you. I see you. Yeah.

616
00:26:28,295 --> 00:26:30,787
[laughing]

617
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,172
[Parker] So I said, "You want..."

618
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:37,030
Hey. Hey. What's that look in your eye?
What are you about to go do?

619
00:26:37,054 --> 00:26:38,841
Tonight is about the animals, dude.

620
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:40,846
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.

621
00:26:40,891 --> 00:26:42,723
Too late for the fucking animals.

622
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,509
[laughing]

623
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:46,097
Hey!

624
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:47,728
- [Parker] Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.

625
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,890
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.

626
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,558
- What?
- You're the problem, man!

627
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,023
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.

628
00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:57,314
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit

629
00:26:57,366 --> 00:27:00,484
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!

630
00:27:00,536 --> 00:27:01,902
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.

631
00:27:01,954 --> 00:27:03,765
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,

632
00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:05,325
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.

633
00:27:05,374 --> 00:27:06,910
Whoa, shit! [yelling]

634
00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:08,075
[grunts]

635
00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,413
[crowd gasps]

636
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,497
God!

637
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:11,790
[Fred grunts]

638
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:13,333
Cracker down!

639
00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:14,498
Oh, my God.

640
00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:16,795
[guest] Looks like it hurt.

641
00:27:16,844 --> 00:27:18,255
Boyz II Men, back up.

642
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:19,965
You all right? You good?

643
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:21,074
- You all right?
- I'm okay!

644
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,259
He's okay!

645
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,468
How is he standing?

646
00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:26,513
[hip-hop song playing]

647
00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:29,933
[song playing on phone]

648
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:32,269
- [all] Oh!
- Ouch!

649
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:37,897
<i>♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder... ♪</i>

650
00:27:37,948 --> 00:27:38,984
This is so creative.

651
00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:41,274
[all laughing]

652
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:42,692
Ha-ha!

653
00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,781
- [Charlotte] What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.

654
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,947
God, that was crazy.

655
00:27:46,957 --> 00:27:50,667
I mean, now that we know he's okay,
it was all so hilarious.

656
00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,787
And so what is the relationship exactly?

657
00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:55,330
- Was he your super?
- No.

658
00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:57,248
We grew up next door to each other.

659
00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:58,587
- [Maggie gasps]
- Yeah.

660
00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:01,423
[chuckles]
Fuck, I used to babysit for him.

661
00:28:01,471 --> 00:28:03,713
- You babysat for him?
- I did.

662
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:05,802
Wow. Time has not been kind.

663
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,391
He was such a strange little kid.

664
00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:10,554
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.

665
00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,643
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.

666
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,683
He's actually not a bad writer.

667
00:28:14,735 --> 00:28:15,976
Wait, you've read his stuff?

668
00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:17,235
Yeah, <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

669
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:19,612
Oh, God, of course, you read that, Tom.

670
00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:21,318
Didn't that paper just get sold off?

671
00:28:21,366 --> 00:28:22,777
Wembley Media just bought them.

672
00:28:23,243 --> 00:28:25,235
Oh, that makes total sense.

673
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:27,495
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.

674
00:28:27,539 --> 00:28:31,624
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.

675
00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:37,129
[chuckling]

676
00:28:40,344 --> 00:28:41,926
[knock on door]

677
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,086
- Hi.
- Hey.

678
00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:45,175
Did you like
any of those writing samples?

679
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:48,804
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.

680
00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:53,222
And, um, Fred's stuff isn't too bad.

681
00:28:53,273 --> 00:28:55,185
Wait, not the...

682
00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:57,772
the homeless person
that fell down the stairs?

683
00:28:57,819 --> 00:29:00,277
Yeah. He has a real voice.

684
00:29:00,322 --> 00:29:03,030
And he knows me. I mean, he knew me.

685
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:06,944
And that's probably a good thing
if he's going to be writing for me.

686
00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:09,403
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,

687
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:12,039
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.

688
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,623
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.

689
00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:17,663
I think he can
get that number up by a few points.

690
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,330
And if he doesn't, we fire him.

691
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:22,247
Okay.

692
00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:24,385
Fred Flarsky it is.

693
00:29:24,805 --> 00:29:26,046
Thanks.

694
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:30,137
[indistinct chatter]

695
00:29:31,228 --> 00:29:32,264
All right, bye.

696
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,596
- [phone ringing]
- [mumbles incoherently]

697
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:37,894
[speaks indistinctly]

698
00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:40,192
Unknown!

699
00:29:40,237 --> 00:29:42,024
I don't give a fuck. Answer that shit.

700
00:29:42,072 --> 00:29:43,483
- What?
- Answer it!

701
00:29:43,532 --> 00:29:45,051
What if it's The Man trying to get at me?

702
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:46,907
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.

703
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:47,988
Really?

704
00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:49,572
- Gang.
- Gang.

705
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,307
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.

706
00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:52,993
All right. Hello. Gang.

707
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:54,782
- Mr. Flarsky?
<i>- What?</i>

708
00:29:54,835 --> 00:29:56,121
Wait, slow down. What?

709
00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,582
<i>- You're unknown. Pardon?</i>
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.

710
00:29:58,630 --> 00:29:59,746
<i>- Hello?</i>
- Go on.

711
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:03,963
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.

712
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:06,256
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.

713
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:07,921
- Whoo!
<i>- Hello?</i>

714
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:09,242
[whispers] That's good! Talk to her.

715
00:30:09,266 --> 00:30:11,223
<i>- Hello?</i>
- How can I help you?

716
00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:13,806
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.

717
00:30:13,854 --> 00:30:15,015
We will send a car over.

718
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,929
Can you give me
the most convenient address?

719
00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:18,702
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like

720
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,094
to meet with me immediately
and they're going to send a car?

721
00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:25,946
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.

722
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:28,278
- I'm sure you can find it.
<i>- I will google it.</i>

723
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:31,411
- Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn. Stay right there.
<i>- Okay.</i>

724
00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:33,071
Uh, I'll see you soon.

725
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:35,956
[sighs] Oh, I feel so scared.

726
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,168
Do I look okay? Do I look funny?

727
00:30:39,212 --> 00:30:40,898
- Why are these pockets here?
- [Lance] It's okay.

728
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:41,958
God-fucking-damn it!

729
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:43,693
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?

730
00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:45,003
They're too tapered!

731
00:30:45,052 --> 00:30:47,280
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants

732
00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,421
and see the fucking secretary of state?

733
00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:51,075
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.

734
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:52,431
- Mr. Flarsky?
- [Fred] Oh, shit.

735
00:30:52,476 --> 00:30:53,637
Mr. Flarsky.

736
00:30:56,146 --> 00:30:57,262
Wish me luck, man.

737
00:30:57,314 --> 00:31:00,001
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay. Luck is for losers.

738
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:01,982
You've got destiny on your side.

739
00:31:02,027 --> 00:31:04,735
You're good. Fred.

740
00:31:04,780 --> 00:31:06,237
You buy the body.

741
00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:08,071
That doesn't mean anything.

742
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,574
[engine starts]

743
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:12,155
[Lance] Fred, put your seat belt on.

744
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,787
Take care of my friend. All right?

745
00:31:16,166 --> 00:31:18,123
- I look normal?
- You look cool.

746
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:19,375
I love you, Fred!

747
00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:21,915
Bad boys for life!

748
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:40,434
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.

749
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:42,440
Empty my pockets?

750
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:45,852
All right. That's...

751
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,316
Let's see how this goes.

752
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:53,402
Not a regular cop, I assume.

753
00:31:53,453 --> 00:31:56,867
Got bigger fish to fry
than just normal cop shit, right?

754
00:31:56,915 --> 00:31:58,998
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.

755
00:31:59,459 --> 00:32:00,620
[exhales]

756
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:03,753
That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh...

757
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,423
This is if you can't dance
for a long time and you want to.

758
00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:10,589
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.

759
00:32:10,637 --> 00:32:11,923
That's energy powder.

760
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:15,799
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in

761
00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:18,551
when inhaling it medicinally.

762
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:21,934
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,

763
00:32:21,982 --> 00:32:24,019
which I have
a prescription for.

764
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:25,975
And that's a blunt.

765
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,272
[indistinct chatter]

766
00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:33,320
Ooh.

767
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,156
Hi.

768
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:41,540
[sighs deeply]

769
00:32:41,585 --> 00:32:42,871
[Maggie] Wow.

770
00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:46,332
Will you sign this, please?

771
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,589
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.

772
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:49,694
A non-disclosure agreement?

773
00:32:49,718 --> 00:32:52,051
- That's right.
- Okay.

774
00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:53,655
[whispers] Oh, my God.
[Charlotte] Fred.

775
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,387
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.

776
00:32:55,432 --> 00:32:56,798
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.

777
00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:58,011
Take a seat.

778
00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:00,051
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.

779
00:33:00,604 --> 00:33:01,845
Oh, yeah, you know what?

780
00:33:01,897 --> 00:33:05,061
I actually think the brim of my hat
kind of protected my face ultimately.

781
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:07,316
So, thank God
I was underdressed in the end, right?

782
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,226
Well, as long as you're good.

783
00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:10,736
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.

784
00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:11,861
[Fred] Uh...

785
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:15,115
Why am I here?

786
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,779
What I'm about to share with you
is, obviously, highly confidential.

787
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:19,911
Oh, yeah.

788
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,242
Keep it on the down low.

789
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,535
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.

790
00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:28,163
- Really?
- [softly] Yes.

791
00:33:28,215 --> 00:33:32,505
That's fucking sick! That's awesome.

792
00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:35,636
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?

793
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,716
I mean, but seriously.

794
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,599
Did he just realize he sucks at it
and decide not to do it anymore?

795
00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:43,512
He just wants to move into film
and make movies.

796
00:33:44,064 --> 00:33:45,100
- Really?
- Yeah.

797
00:33:45,148 --> 00:33:46,988
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.

798
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:49,392
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.

799
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:51,436
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...

800
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:52,524
Jennifer Aniston.

801
00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:53,779
Mmm, did she though?

802
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:55,860
You don't think
Jennifer Aniston's a movie star?

803
00:33:55,909 --> 00:33:58,262
Just 'cause you star in movies
doesn't mean you're a movie star.

804
00:33:58,286 --> 00:33:59,322
The point is...

805
00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:03,081
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.

806
00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:04,411
Wow.

807
00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:05,825
- I know.
- Mazel tov.

808
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:06,993
[chuckles] So.

809
00:34:07,045 --> 00:34:10,379
We're headed to an environmental summit
hosted by King Gustaf

810
00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:12,164
and the Swedish royal family.

811
00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:16,427
At the summit, I'll be announcing
that the world's three largest polluters

812
00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:19,885
have signed on to the most comprehensive
and exciting environmental deal ever.

813
00:34:19,933 --> 00:34:21,244
You know, after I have some dairy,

814
00:34:21,268 --> 00:34:23,079
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.

815
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:24,264
Excuse me?

816
00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:26,520
We'll address rising sea levels,

817
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,272
combat deforestation

818
00:34:28,316 --> 00:34:30,433
and protect the world's pollinators.

819
00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,569
I'm calling it
the Global Rehabilitation Initiative.

820
00:34:33,613 --> 00:34:36,276
Internally, we're referring to it
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."

821
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:37,690
[Charlotte] Soon after that,

822
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,109
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.

823
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,494
- Wow.
- At which point...

824
00:34:42,539 --> 00:34:44,952
I will resign as secretary of state.

825
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,959
Using this initiative as a springboard,

826
00:34:48,003 --> 00:34:50,211
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.

827
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:51,788
- Cool.
- So...

828
00:34:53,633 --> 00:34:56,296
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.

829
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:58,461
I read your work and I really like it.

830
00:34:58,513 --> 00:34:59,720
That's... Wow.

831
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:02,552
You mentioned you were between jobs.
So it's a really good fit.

832
00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:05,014
It's so nice of you to think of me at all,

833
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:07,394
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.

834
00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:09,806
- I look forward to working with you.
- Thank you.

835
00:35:12,027 --> 00:35:14,861
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?

836
00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:18,273
[chuckling] What? I don't understand.

837
00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:20,344
When do you need to know
if I'm going to take your, uh,

838
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:21,825
your punch-up job?

839
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:24,366
Right now.

840
00:35:24,706 --> 00:35:27,323
Oh. Uh... Then I guess,

841
00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,958
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?

842
00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:32,290
Maybe no, I don't know. I don't know!

843
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:34,922
You know what, Madam Secretary,
he's not interested. We tried.

844
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:38,084
It didn't work out.
So I can give you some writing samples...

845
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,510
What don't you know?

846
00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:47,468
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.

847
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,261
Is it actually going to do something?

848
00:35:49,314 --> 00:35:50,875
Or is it going to be one of those things

849
00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:52,918
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,

850
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,558
but doesn't actually do something?

851
00:35:54,611 --> 00:35:58,696
I only wanna come work for you
if it's actually gonna do something.

852
00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:00,072
It will do something.

853
00:36:00,116 --> 00:36:01,903
This is a perfect document.

854
00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:04,284
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.

855
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:05,445
Fred.

856
00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:08,661
Not only does this initiative sound good,
it's going to do good.

857
00:36:08,708 --> 00:36:10,825
It's gonna save the fucking planet.

858
00:36:11,294 --> 00:36:13,035
Not to mention, pay your rent.

859
00:36:13,088 --> 00:36:14,374
So, are you in?

860
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:17,005
Or do you have something
more important to do?

861
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:19,583
Than save the planet with you?

862
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:23,591
No, I don't. [chuckles] I'm in.

863
00:36:23,973 --> 00:36:25,714
Whew! [chuckles]

864
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:27,099
Let's save the planet.

865
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:28,808
That was...

866
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,845
What just happened? She's good. [laughs]

867
00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:56,374
[knocks on door]

868
00:36:56,423 --> 00:36:57,630
[Fred] Uh, hey.

869
00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:01,296
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,

870
00:37:01,344 --> 00:37:02,676
maybe, if you have a second.

871
00:37:06,266 --> 00:37:08,553
What are you...
What are you looking at?

872
00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:12,978
- [gasps]
- [yelps]

873
00:37:13,022 --> 00:37:14,058
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!

874
00:37:14,107 --> 00:37:16,315
Why would you just barge in here
while I'm sleeping?

875
00:37:16,359 --> 00:37:17,725
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!

876
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:19,484
I was micro napping.

877
00:37:19,529 --> 00:37:21,441
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.

878
00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:23,050
Sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping.

879
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:24,736
You were standing
and your eyes were open.

880
00:37:24,784 --> 00:37:26,971
- Do you need something?
- I have some jokes that I wrote

881
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:28,723
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.

882
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:30,307
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.

883
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:32,323
Great. Seemed very restful.

884
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:33,870
[sighs] Okay.

885
00:37:36,504 --> 00:37:37,790
Whoa.

886
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:40,627
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.

887
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:43,008
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?

888
00:37:43,052 --> 00:37:44,884
"With every fracking drill thrust,

889
00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:47,672
we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?

890
00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:50,341
It can be normal fucking.
It doesn't have to be in the butt.

891
00:37:50,393 --> 00:37:51,429
I can take that part out.

892
00:37:51,478 --> 00:37:52,889
Yeah, listen, Fred.

893
00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:54,394
If I'm angry, I'm hysterical.

894
00:37:54,439 --> 00:37:55,896
If I'm emotional, I'm weak.

895
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:57,585
If I so much as raise my voice,
I'm a bitch.

896
00:37:57,609 --> 00:37:58,895
My job's hard.

897
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,229
Not as hard as mine.

898
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:02,611
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem

899
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:07,116
is that, like, a lot of humor is based
on, like, personal experiences.

900
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,241
I was thinking, you know,

901
00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:09,948
you cared a lot
about the environment

902
00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:11,182
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.

903
00:38:11,206 --> 00:38:14,825
So maybe include some stories about that.

904
00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:16,333
- High school?
- Yeah.

905
00:38:17,796 --> 00:38:20,209
- You think that's funny?
- I think it's a good area.

906
00:38:20,256 --> 00:38:23,215
Nostalgia, pop culture references.
People love that.

907
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,216
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.

908
00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:27,423
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.

909
00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:28,929
No, you did so much more than that.

910
00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:31,386
I think your whole 1991 platform
was pretty on-point

911
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:32,912
when you were running
for Student Council.

912
00:38:32,936 --> 00:38:35,770
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school

913
00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:38,022
pretends to care about the underdog,

914
00:38:38,066 --> 00:38:40,479
but the planet Earth
is the biggest underdog of them all."

915
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:42,734
- Something like that.
- I said that?

916
00:38:42,779 --> 00:38:44,236
Yeah, you did say that.

917
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,112
You were in the kitchen, making pizza.

918
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,865
We were making signs for your election.

919
00:38:48,910 --> 00:38:51,152
And you were wearing that shirt.

920
00:38:51,204 --> 00:38:53,116
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,

921
00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:54,826
it always confused me.

922
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:55,910
It was both.

923
00:38:55,959 --> 00:38:57,416
Oh, there you go.

924
00:38:57,877 --> 00:38:59,647
That's all I remember
about that night, though.

925
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:03,631
Uh, that's where my memories
concerning that evening expire.

926
00:39:04,717 --> 00:39:06,834
I learned a lot from that election.

927
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:10,220
Yeah, that kids are probably more likely
to vote for two proms

928
00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:12,598
than a very elaborate recycling program.

929
00:39:12,642 --> 00:39:14,349
- [chuckles]
- Not only kids.

930
00:39:14,394 --> 00:39:16,056
Yeah, that's true.

931
00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:21,057
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?

932
00:39:21,109 --> 00:39:22,270
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.

933
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:23,479
After he beat you?

934
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:25,690
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?

935
00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:28,231
Oh!

936
00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:30,866
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.

937
00:39:30,910 --> 00:39:32,026
[sighs and laughs]

938
00:39:32,078 --> 00:39:34,616
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.

939
00:39:34,664 --> 00:39:36,747
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.

940
00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:38,874
Yes, that's why I didn't go to prom.

941
00:39:38,918 --> 00:39:42,252
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...

942
00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:47,249
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.

943
00:39:47,302 --> 00:39:48,338
Great.

944
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:49,756
Hey, Fred.

945
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:50,840
Yeah.

946
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:54,097
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,

947
00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:55,178
just go ahead.

948
00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:58,014
Really? Like the main part of the speech?

949
00:39:58,062 --> 00:39:59,678
Yeah. Just write.

950
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:02,939
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.

951
00:40:03,651 --> 00:40:05,062
If you take another nap,

952
00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:07,089
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.

953
00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:08,966
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.

954
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,677
- That's actually a really good idea.
- It is. I want you to be careful.

955
00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:12,987
- Yeah.
- We need you.

956
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:14,152
[chuckles]

957
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:17,954
- [indistinct chatter]
- [band playing]

958
00:40:19,626 --> 00:40:21,663
[crowd applauding]

959
00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:30,880
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.

960
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,261
Nice to see you again.

961
00:40:32,305 --> 00:40:33,341
Yeah, you too.

962
00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:36,911
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.

963
00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:38,016
Yes.

964
00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:39,472
Uh, Madam Secretary,

965
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:40,789
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.

966
00:40:40,813 --> 00:40:41,894
Yeah, soon, Fred.

967
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:43,230
Tom, do you have the schedule?

968
00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:45,274
- [Tom] Yes, of course, ma'am.
- [sighs] All right.

969
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,603
[Maggie] In the back, Flarsky!

970
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,301
[Tom] Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.

971
00:40:52,325 --> 00:40:55,193
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,

972
00:40:55,244 --> 00:40:57,236
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer

973
00:40:57,246 --> 00:40:58,703
about deforestation issues.

974
00:40:58,748 --> 00:41:01,741
2:15, you have a call with
UK Foreign Secretary Green

975
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:04,001
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.

976
00:41:04,003 --> 00:41:06,211
2:25, then you have
a call with <i>New York Times</i>

977
00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:08,497
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack

978
00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:10,711
on Prime Minister Bharath of Kashtar.

979
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,155
At 5:45, we're meeting with the head
of Sweden's Diplomatic Protocol,

980
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:15,796
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.

981
00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:17,180
Okay. And then after that?

982
00:41:17,225 --> 00:41:18,786
Also, Parker Wembley keeps trying to get

983
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,037
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.

984
00:41:20,061 --> 00:41:22,223
Parker can wait. Okay, Fred. Go.

985
00:41:22,271 --> 00:41:23,682
Yeah, sure. Um...

986
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:26,349
So, uh, you know,

987
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:28,170
based on what we were
talking about last night,

988
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:30,982
I just took a stab
at the whole speech, basically.

989
00:41:31,030 --> 00:41:32,896
[clicks tongue] That's good.

990
00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:35,191
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.

991
00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:38,073
Okay, well, you said
you didn't want to sound too angry.

992
00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:40,613
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.

993
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,247
Okay. Uh, I'll go change it.

994
00:41:42,291 --> 00:41:43,702
Great. Thanks.

995
00:41:43,751 --> 00:41:45,743
Okay, here we go.

996
00:41:45,795 --> 00:41:47,252
- [sighs]
- So...

997
00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:48,787
All right.

998
00:41:49,882 --> 00:41:50,963
Fred.

999
00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:52,045
Yeah?

1000
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:55,006
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?

1001
00:41:59,100 --> 00:42:00,307
I was gonna... I was thinking

1002
00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:02,388
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.

1003
00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:04,873
That's kind of a little more...
It's, like, slightly more buttoned up.

1004
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:07,560
You know what, Madam Secretary,
I would be delighted

1005
00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:09,270
to dress Fred for tonight.

1006
00:42:09,986 --> 00:42:13,195
Thank you, Maggie. I'd be thrilled
to have you dress me for tonight's event.

1007
00:42:13,614 --> 00:42:14,946
What a fun adventure.

1008
00:42:14,991 --> 00:42:16,885
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.

1009
00:42:16,909 --> 00:42:18,116
Thank you, Fred.

1010
00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:19,197
[Fred] Why, thank you.

1011
00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:21,557
[Maggie]...and then it's saying hello,
you'll sit down, we'll have dinner,

1012
00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:22,808
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?

1013
00:42:22,832 --> 00:42:23,913
Why are we waiting?

1014
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:25,665
What, is he doing his hair?

1015
00:42:25,710 --> 00:42:27,201
[sighs] Um...

1016
00:42:27,712 --> 00:42:28,748
Oh.

1017
00:42:29,422 --> 00:42:32,085
- [Tom] What the...
- [Charlotte laughing]

1018
00:42:36,179 --> 00:42:37,511
What the fuck are you wearing?

1019
00:42:37,555 --> 00:42:39,512
She bought me this shit. Okay?

1020
00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:41,264
It's a traditional Swedish suit.

1021
00:42:41,309 --> 00:42:44,052
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here

1022
00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,389
dressed like this.

1023
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,646
It's all I could do
on such short notice.

1024
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:50,273
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.

1025
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:53,811
It's just... Make it look... Oh, my God.

1026
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:58,273
Better with the jacket on? Great.

1027
00:42:58,326 --> 00:43:00,283
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.

1028
00:43:00,328 --> 00:43:03,071
Calm the Smurf down.
Bring a fucking suit next time.

1029
00:43:07,293 --> 00:43:08,534
[clears throat]

1030
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:09,622
Did you like the speech?

1031
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:10,911
Yes, the speech is good.

1032
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:13,205
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.

1033
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:14,943
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.

1034
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:16,003
On what?

1035
00:43:16,052 --> 00:43:18,760
Getting India and China to agree
to be a part of this initiative.

1036
00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,755
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?

1037
00:43:20,807 --> 00:43:23,049
They will. We just have to
sort out a few details.

1038
00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:25,412
We just wrote a whole speech
about how they're on-board already.

1039
00:43:25,436 --> 00:43:26,677
Don't worry, Fred.

1040
00:43:27,688 --> 00:43:29,350
You just stay here and make sure

1041
00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:32,607
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?

1042
00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:35,190
I don't know why you needed a writer.
Those are sick burns.

1043
00:43:35,238 --> 00:43:36,570
[classical music playing]

1044
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:41,109
[crier] Secretary of State Charlotte Field
of the United States of America.

1045
00:43:43,496 --> 00:43:45,328
Your Majesty. Your Highness.

1046
00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:47,072
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.

1047
00:43:52,713 --> 00:43:54,045
- [clears throat]
- Oh.

1048
00:43:56,342 --> 00:43:58,208
No, thank you. I'm working right now.

1049
00:43:58,803 --> 00:44:00,339
And you know you are, too.

1050
00:44:01,848 --> 00:44:03,214
I do know that.

1051
00:44:03,266 --> 00:44:05,244
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,

1052
00:44:05,268 --> 00:44:07,601
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.

1053
00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:10,353
Honestly, Fred, your entire life
makes me uncomfortable.

1054
00:44:11,691 --> 00:44:13,102
[man speaking Swedish]

1055
00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:14,642
[Fred] Oh no, fuck me.

1056
00:44:14,694 --> 00:44:17,107
[man speaking Swedish]

1057
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,817
- Yes.
- [continues in Swedish]

1058
00:44:18,865 --> 00:44:22,324
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.

1059
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:24,906
- [continues in Swedish]
- Yes, you look great.

1060
00:44:24,954 --> 00:44:26,035
- Congratulations.
<i>- Skål.</i>

1061
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,742
<i>Skål. Skål</i> to you, too.

1062
00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:30,658
- [speaks Swedish]
- Yes. [speaks Swedish]

1063
00:44:32,879 --> 00:44:33,915
Jesus.

1064
00:44:36,424 --> 00:44:39,462
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.

1065
00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:41,502
- What?
- So we're losing the "Seas" part,

1066
00:44:41,554 --> 00:44:43,295
so go cut that, and then brainstorm

1067
00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:45,576
a couple of other funny lines
for the "Trees" section, okay?

1068
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:46,841
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1069
00:44:46,893 --> 00:44:49,431
Losing the "Seas" part, why?

1070
00:44:49,478 --> 00:44:51,123
Because India wouldn't go for it.
So we had to pivot.

1071
00:44:51,147 --> 00:44:53,639
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.

1072
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:56,274
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?

1073
00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:58,297
- Yeah, it's gone.
- And there's nothing we can do?

1074
00:44:58,321 --> 00:44:59,715
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.

1075
00:44:59,739 --> 00:45:03,278
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.

1076
00:45:03,326 --> 00:45:04,487
Well, no.

1077
00:45:05,286 --> 00:45:06,367
I'm not gonna do that.

1078
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:10,247
So you quit, resignation accepted.
I will rewrite the speech.

1079
00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,499
Oh, the fuck you will! What the fuck?

1080
00:45:13,628 --> 00:45:15,540
[all gasp]

1081
00:45:15,588 --> 00:45:17,500
[indistinct chatter]

1082
00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:23,797
[Maggie] You don't...
[Fred] Let go!

1083
00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:29,842
[guest gasping]

1084
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,228
[Fred] Look out. Excuse me!

1085
00:45:33,272 --> 00:45:35,764
[Maggie] Stop running! Stop running!
Fred, stop running!

1086
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:37,603
[guests murmuring]

1087
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:39,810
Fred...

1088
00:45:40,112 --> 00:45:41,319
[exclaims]

1089
00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:45,528
Why did you do that?

1090
00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:48,865
Because I will not have you damage
the integrity of my writing!

1091
00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:50,825
The integrity of your writing?

1092
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,286
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!

1093
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:54,916
What is going on?

1094
00:45:54,961 --> 00:45:56,497
What's going on with you, bruh?

1095
00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:57,786
Did you just call me "bruh"?

1096
00:45:57,838 --> 00:46:00,251
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?

1097
00:46:00,299 --> 00:46:02,256
[Maggie] He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.

1098
00:46:02,301 --> 00:46:04,293
Meet me in the conference room,
I'll handle this.

1099
00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:08,380
What's the deal, Fred?

1100
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:11,140
What's the deal? What's the deal?
What are...

1101
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:13,097
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me

1102
00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:14,477
you cared about this shit,

1103
00:46:14,522 --> 00:46:16,809
and in the time I come out here
to have a smoke,

1104
00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:19,645
you fucking got rid of a massive element
of the whole thing.

1105
00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:22,983
I got two out of three. I only lost one.

1106
00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:26,023
That one was the seas.

1107
00:46:26,075 --> 00:46:28,567
It covers 75% of the planet!

1108
00:46:28,619 --> 00:46:30,514
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.

1109
00:46:30,538 --> 00:46:31,699
You know why I'm upset?

1110
00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:33,830
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.

1111
00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:35,911
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.

1112
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,623
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.

1113
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:39,957
I wanted to write for you.

1114
00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:41,650
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.

1115
00:46:41,674 --> 00:46:44,382
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.

1116
00:46:44,427 --> 00:46:46,293
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,

1117
00:46:46,345 --> 00:46:49,463
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,

1118
00:46:49,515 --> 00:46:51,302
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs

1119
00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:52,886
in whose fucking end zones!

1120
00:46:52,935 --> 00:46:54,371
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.

1121
00:46:54,395 --> 00:46:55,556
Let me try it with food.

1122
00:46:55,604 --> 00:46:57,971
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.

1123
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,607
No! I don't have time for this, okay?

1124
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:03,234
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.

1125
00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:05,007
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.

1126
00:47:05,031 --> 00:47:06,425
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,

1127
00:47:06,449 --> 00:47:08,406
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.

1128
00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:10,095
You cared more about recycling
in high school

1129
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:12,702
than you do this shit
and it's very disappointing to me.

1130
00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:15,830
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.

1131
00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:18,270
Oh, yeah, good luck giving it.
It's on my computer in the snow.

1132
00:47:18,294 --> 00:47:19,830
I have copies, you idiot.

1133
00:47:19,879 --> 00:47:22,166
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.

1134
00:47:23,215 --> 00:47:25,548
Oh, no! Shit!

1135
00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:28,798
Oh, Goddamn it!

1136
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,463
It's soaked! I need a bowl of rice!

1137
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,177
I need a big bowl of rice!

1138
00:47:34,602 --> 00:47:37,845
Goddamn it!
Why didn't I back this thing up?

1139
00:47:37,897 --> 00:47:39,354
All my shit's on here.

1140
00:47:50,076 --> 00:47:51,157
[Charlotte] Fred. Look.

1141
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:56,280
Wow.

1142
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,084
I've never seen anything like that.

1143
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:06,007
No, I...

1144
00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,667
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...

1145
00:48:09,762 --> 00:48:10,798
actually...

1146
00:48:12,932 --> 00:48:14,798
I never saw it. [sniffles]

1147
00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:17,391
Are you crying right now?

1148
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:19,265
It's pretty.

1149
00:48:24,151 --> 00:48:25,187
Yeah.

1150
00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:28,482
Fred?

1151
00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:29,855
[sniffles] Yeah?

1152
00:48:31,492 --> 00:48:33,484
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,

1153
00:48:33,536 --> 00:48:34,947
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.

1154
00:48:37,331 --> 00:48:39,539
Yes, Madam Secretary. I'm sorry.

1155
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:43,452
You better hope this fucking speech
goes over well.

1156
00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:49,708
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.

1157
00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:54,759
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.

1158
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:57,845
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.

1159
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,308
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,

1160
00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:05,895
rambling on and on
about the injustices of the world.

1161
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:11,276
Which makes you
extremely popular,

1162
00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:13,906
especially when everybody
would rather be watching

1163
00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:15,988
<i>Beverly Hills, 90210.</i>

1164
00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:17,572
[all laugh]

1165
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,623
But that is why I am happy
to announce

1166
00:49:22,668 --> 00:49:25,957
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.

1167
00:49:26,005 --> 00:49:28,338
<i>In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"</i>

1168
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:30,669
<i>the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood</i>

1169
00:49:30,718 --> 00:49:32,334
<i>and passion for the environment</i>

1170
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,548
<i>by announcing a bold new initiative...</i>

1171
00:49:34,597 --> 00:49:37,681
<i>...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman</i>

1172
00:49:37,725 --> 00:49:40,012
<i>in the body of a Kelly Taylor.</i>

1173
00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:43,515
- Hey.
- Hi.

1174
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,306
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.

1175
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:47,644
I did. I cleaned it up.

1176
00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:49,901
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.

1177
00:49:49,945 --> 00:49:50,981
Looks good.

1178
00:49:51,030 --> 00:49:53,898
Trying to make a good impression, I guess.
Anyway... I, uh...

1179
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:58,364
I just wanted to apologize to you, again,

1180
00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:01,780
for acting a little crazy, you know.

1181
00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:04,540
I'm gonna...
I'm going to really try to tone it down

1182
00:50:04,585 --> 00:50:08,329
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.

1183
00:50:08,756 --> 00:50:09,872
Good. Great.

1184
00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:12,882
Also, I googled speech writing

1185
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:14,967
and it was actually very informative.

1186
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:17,800
What I learned
was that in order to write better for you,

1187
00:50:17,848 --> 00:50:20,181
I should kinda get to know you better
and get in your head,

1188
00:50:20,226 --> 00:50:21,661
and everything
I already know about you,

1189
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:23,017
I kinda used on the first speech.

1190
00:50:23,062 --> 00:50:24,348
So, what I did

1191
00:50:24,396 --> 00:50:25,853
was I wrote a ton of questions

1192
00:50:25,898 --> 00:50:27,578
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,

1193
00:50:27,608 --> 00:50:28,940
if you have a minute.

1194
00:50:28,984 --> 00:50:30,771
I actually have seven.

1195
00:50:30,819 --> 00:50:32,981
Seven. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll take it.

1196
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:34,382
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.

1197
00:50:34,406 --> 00:50:35,772
[chuckles] Um...

1198
00:50:35,824 --> 00:50:37,736
- Okay. [clears throat]
- So. Ah... I guess...

1199
00:50:37,785 --> 00:50:40,198
Just like... What are you into?
What kind of shit you into?

1200
00:50:40,246 --> 00:50:42,033
Well, this is pretty much it.

1201
00:50:42,081 --> 00:50:43,788
I mean, secretary of state stuff.

1202
00:50:43,832 --> 00:50:46,165
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?

1203
00:50:46,210 --> 00:50:47,729
Do you watch <i>Game of Thrones</i>
or anything like that?

1204
00:50:47,753 --> 00:50:50,962
Oh, I'm fully aware of what happened
in every season of <i>Game of Thrones.</i>

1205
00:50:51,006 --> 00:50:52,793
Because you watch it?

1206
00:50:52,841 --> 00:50:54,958
Because I read synopses on every episode.

1207
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:56,546
That can't actually work.

1208
00:50:56,595 --> 00:50:59,963
I couldn't believe when Khaleesi's dragon
[whispers] came back as a White Walker.

1209
00:51:00,474 --> 00:51:01,760
[whispers] Whoa!

1210
00:51:01,809 --> 00:51:02,890
- See?
- What about movies?

1211
00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:04,221
Do you watch movies?

1212
00:51:04,270 --> 00:51:06,307
Synopses of all the award contenders.

1213
00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:07,721
You used to love movies!

1214
00:51:07,773 --> 00:51:09,856
You made me watch <i>Encino Man</i> 30 times.

1215
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:12,392
"Wheeze a little juice!"

1216
00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:14,589
[laughing] You still do
the worst Pauly Shore impression

1217
00:51:14,613 --> 00:51:16,275
in the history of mankind.

1218
00:51:16,323 --> 00:51:18,815
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"

1219
00:51:18,867 --> 00:51:20,554
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.

1220
00:51:20,578 --> 00:51:23,366
Those movies are sick.
You're, like, frozen in time.

1221
00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:25,617
I am Encino Man.

1222
00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:26,873
[Fred scoffs]

1223
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,409
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?

1224
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,453
<i>The Velveteen Rabbit.</i> You?

1225
00:51:31,505 --> 00:51:32,871
<i>Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.</i>

1226
00:51:32,923 --> 00:51:35,085
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- [chuckling] Yeah.

1227
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:36,958
[greets in Vietnamese]

1228
00:51:37,011 --> 00:51:39,344
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.

1229
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:41,087
Best drug experience?

1230
00:51:41,140 --> 00:51:44,349
I could get summoned at any moment
to deal with an international crisis,

1231
00:51:44,393 --> 00:51:45,804
I can't do that on acid.

1232
00:51:45,853 --> 00:51:47,139
What about Molly?

1233
00:51:47,187 --> 00:51:48,303
Who's Molly?

1234
00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:49,391
[sighs]

1235
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,126
[reporter] <i>Secretary of State
Charlotte Field</i>

1236
00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:54,564
<i>continues on her impressive
20-country world tour</i>

1237
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:55,898
<i>to garner more support</i>

1238
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:57,733
<i>for her ambitious
environmental initiative.</i>

1239
00:51:57,781 --> 00:51:59,522
<i>And all in a private jet, no less.</i>

1240
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,175
<i>You know what would
save the environment?</i>

1241
00:52:01,201 --> 00:52:02,908
<i>Charlotte Field grounding her ass.</i>

1242
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:04,431
<i>I know where I'd like to ground her ass.</i>

1243
00:52:04,455 --> 00:52:06,822
[laughs] <i>Oh, I walked right into that one.</i>

1244
00:52:06,874 --> 00:52:09,082
"Must Have Been Love" by Roxette.

1245
00:52:09,126 --> 00:52:11,493
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?

1246
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:13,081
- I got a new one.
- [muffled] What?

1247
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:14,399
I got to change my favorite song.

1248
00:52:14,423 --> 00:52:16,192
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.

1249
00:52:16,216 --> 00:52:19,254
"Broccoli" by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.

1250
00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:20,669
All those words

1251
00:52:20,721 --> 00:52:22,337
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.

1252
00:52:22,389 --> 00:52:23,825
[Charlotte] I don't
really think I have one.

1253
00:52:23,849 --> 00:52:25,932
[Fred] You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.

1254
00:52:25,976 --> 00:52:27,842
Well, I don't embarrass that easily.

1255
00:52:27,895 --> 00:52:29,761
Yeah, I hear that. I don't either, really.

1256
00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:31,850
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!

1257
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:34,767
[laughing] Oh, my God. Okay.

1258
00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:36,810
What's your favorite sexual position?

1259
00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:40,609
I mean, you know, front.

1260
00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:42,510
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- [laughing] Oh, my God.

1261
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:44,220
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.

1262
00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:45,405
Look at you.

1263
00:52:45,454 --> 00:52:47,286
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?

1264
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:49,368
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?

1265
00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:51,373
What's your favorite sexual position?

1266
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,993
It's too complicated to explain.

1267
00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:56,921
- Really?
- I told you mine.

1268
00:52:57,549 --> 00:52:59,506
Oh, God, okay. [sighs]

1269
00:52:59,551 --> 00:53:02,089
I had just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.

1270
00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:04,049
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting

1271
00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:06,548
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.

1272
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:07,841
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1273
00:53:08,769 --> 00:53:12,763
And my stomach was a little weird
from all the curry.

1274
00:53:12,773 --> 00:53:13,889
Oh, no.

1275
00:53:14,525 --> 00:53:15,732
Delhi belly.

1276
00:53:17,778 --> 00:53:21,692
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.

1277
00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:23,190
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.

1278
00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:25,237
God...

1279
00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:29,245
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.

1280
00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:30,910
- You puked in it?
- Nope.

1281
00:53:31,542 --> 00:53:34,785
Oh, no! In a moving vehicle?

1282
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:37,583
[speaking Russian on TV]

1283
00:53:37,631 --> 00:53:39,873
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?

1284
00:53:39,925 --> 00:53:41,587
Yes, I speak Russian.

1285
00:53:42,428 --> 00:53:44,841
[Fred] The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.

1286
00:53:44,888 --> 00:53:47,221
<i>Do svidaniya,</i> motherfuckers!

1287
00:53:48,142 --> 00:53:50,054
- [gasps]
- [gunfire on tv]

1288
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:54,095
Oh, my God,
theyjust shot the pirate guy!

1289
00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:56,481
- But he's keeping the team together.
- I know.

1290
00:53:56,525 --> 00:53:58,562
- I don't think I can handle that.
- Oh, it's okay.

1291
00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:00,852
No, I really liked him in the movie.

1292
00:54:00,904 --> 00:54:02,190
Don't worry, just keep watching.

1293
00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,860
[Fred] You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.

1294
00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:06,774
Because it's pretty nice here.

1295
00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:09,160
You'd never know a civil war
was about to break out.

1296
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:10,490
This is good.

1297
00:54:10,539 --> 00:54:11,825
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1298
00:54:11,874 --> 00:54:16,414
Hey. What if we used
this line to start with?

1299
00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:19,607
Yeah, "I'm going to start this speech
by saying the same thing I said to my boss

1300
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:22,169
at Blockbuster Video when I was 16.

1301
00:54:22,217 --> 00:54:23,549
- I quit."
- [laughing]

1302
00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:25,256
- That's not bad.
- I love that.

1303
00:54:25,971 --> 00:54:27,837
This is really fucking good.

1304
00:54:27,890 --> 00:54:29,882
Look at you, you get me, Fred.

1305
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,720
I totally get you.

1306
00:54:32,352 --> 00:54:33,934
<i>♪ All I want for my birthday ♪</i>

1307
00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:35,720
<i>♪ Is a big booty ho ♪</i>

1308
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:37,355
<i>♪ All I want for my birthday... ♪</i>

1309
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:39,169
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit

1310
00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:40,729
I played you from the last decade,

1311
00:54:40,778 --> 00:54:42,610
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.

1312
00:54:42,654 --> 00:54:44,691
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.

1313
00:54:44,740 --> 00:54:46,151
[chuckles]

1314
00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:52,329
So, are you, like,
dating the prime minister of Canada?

1315
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:56,495
- No. No.
- No.

1316
00:54:56,543 --> 00:54:58,079
I feel like I read... Did I read that

1317
00:54:58,128 --> 00:55:00,290
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?

1318
00:55:00,339 --> 00:55:02,831
Maybe it's not true.
No, I'm sure you did. It's...

1319
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:05,626
They like to write about it,
but no. I...

1320
00:55:05,677 --> 00:55:08,636
We're not, we... We flirt.

1321
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,137
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.

1322
00:55:10,182 --> 00:55:12,799
It's weird. We made out once.

1323
00:55:14,019 --> 00:55:15,100
Dope.

1324
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,352
You asked.

1325
00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:20,731
No, hey! I've hooked up with
my fair share of world leaders, too.

1326
00:55:20,776 --> 00:55:22,859
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.

1327
00:55:23,779 --> 00:55:25,190
You thought his beard was big.

1328
00:55:25,781 --> 00:55:27,067
Um...

1329
00:55:27,115 --> 00:55:29,027
But how does that work with you?
Do you, like...

1330
00:55:30,077 --> 00:55:31,443
Do you, like, date?

1331
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:35,580
Uh... Yeah. I date.

1332
00:55:36,458 --> 00:55:38,324
Generally, you know,

1333
00:55:38,377 --> 00:55:40,744
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.

1334
00:55:40,796 --> 00:55:42,412
People who travel a lot.

1335
00:55:44,341 --> 00:55:47,925
It's hard to keep those things alive. I...

1336
00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:51,588
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world

1337
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:54,053
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?

1338
00:55:54,935 --> 00:55:56,346
- Yeah.
- And honestly,

1339
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:59,433
guys don't really want to date women
who are more powerful than them.

1340
00:55:59,481 --> 00:56:00,972
They think they do, but...

1341
00:56:02,317 --> 00:56:03,603
It's a dick shriveller.

1342
00:56:04,111 --> 00:56:06,194
- Oof.
- Mmm-hmm.

1343
00:56:06,238 --> 00:56:08,571
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.

1344
00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:10,151
- So...
- [chuckling softly]

1345
00:56:11,785 --> 00:56:13,276
You gonna ask why I'm still single?

1346
00:56:13,704 --> 00:56:16,287
- No, I get it.
- [laughing]

1347
00:56:16,331 --> 00:56:18,448
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.

1348
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,213
- [whooshing]
- [gasps]

1349
00:56:26,258 --> 00:56:27,874
- [explosion]
- [Fred grunting]

1350
00:56:28,135 --> 00:56:29,404
We're right in front of the window.

1351
00:56:29,428 --> 00:56:31,636
- [gunfire]
- [explosion]

1352
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:32,887
What the fuck is happening?

1353
00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:34,513
Insurgents are fighting the army.

1354
00:56:34,558 --> 00:56:36,550
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!

1355
00:56:36,602 --> 00:56:38,037
Madam Secretary, we need to leave now!

1356
00:56:38,061 --> 00:56:39,427
- [gunfire]
- [Fred] Fuck!

1357
00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:40,686
[agent] This way!

1358
00:56:42,274 --> 00:56:43,640
All right, guys, come with me.

1359
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:46,359
- Come on.
- [all scream]

1360
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,376
Secretary Field, this way!

1361
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:13,215
- I got her, secure them!
- [Fred grunts]

1362
00:57:14,556 --> 00:57:15,592
This way.

1363
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:19,721
You'll be safe in here.

1364
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:24,723
- Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?

1365
00:57:24,775 --> 00:57:26,767
- I'm okay. Yeah. [stammers]
- We're okay.

1366
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:30,186
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!

1367
00:57:30,238 --> 00:57:33,356
[exclaims] Oh, we could have just died.

1368
00:57:33,825 --> 00:57:36,533
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.

1369
00:57:36,578 --> 00:57:38,640
I'm having a hard time
catching my breath a little bit.

1370
00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:40,701
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.

1371
00:57:40,749 --> 00:57:42,866
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,

1372
00:57:42,918 --> 00:57:44,125
for dealing with panicking.

1373
00:57:44,169 --> 00:57:46,502
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.

1374
00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:49,459
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!

1375
00:57:49,508 --> 00:57:51,090
I need 90 fucking years!

1376
00:57:51,134 --> 00:57:53,467
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!

1377
00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:56,672
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!

1378
00:57:56,723 --> 00:57:59,966
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.

1379
00:58:00,018 --> 00:58:02,806
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!

1380
00:58:03,230 --> 00:58:04,266
It was just pointless.

1381
00:58:04,272 --> 00:58:05,979
- [explosion]
- What the fuck?

1382
00:58:06,024 --> 00:58:08,141
Holy shit! Fuck!

1383
00:58:09,236 --> 00:58:11,444
Is there more? Is there gonna be more?

1384
00:58:11,488 --> 00:58:12,695
- Fred.
- Is there more?

1385
00:58:12,739 --> 00:58:15,231
- You're gonna have to calm down.
- I don't think I can.

1386
00:58:15,283 --> 00:58:16,990
Sit down with me.

1387
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:18,151
And breathe.

1388
00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:20,616
- Four seconds in.
- [breathing heavily]

1389
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:21,700
Four seconds out.

1390
00:58:22,457 --> 00:58:23,493
Four seconds in.

1391
00:58:23,542 --> 00:58:25,078
- [gasping]
- One, two, three, four...

1392
00:58:25,127 --> 00:58:27,414
- Four seconds out.
- One, two, three, four...

1393
00:58:27,963 --> 00:58:30,751
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...

1394
00:58:30,799 --> 00:58:32,402
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.

1395
00:58:32,426 --> 00:58:33,667
It helps me.

1396
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:37,178
- [wheezing] One, two, three, four...
- There you go.

1397
00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:38,758
One, two, three, four.

1398
00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:41,507
- One, two, three, four.
- [exhaling deeply]

1399
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,093
One, two, three, four.

1400
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:47,392
- You got it.
- [sighs] That shit works.

1401
00:58:48,442 --> 00:58:49,933
Those guys are good.

1402
00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:53,228
[exhaling deeply]

1403
00:58:54,573 --> 00:58:57,236
- We did almost just die, though.
- We actually did almost die.

1404
00:58:57,284 --> 00:58:58,820
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.

1405
00:58:58,869 --> 00:59:01,139
That actually makes me feel better.
Means I didn't overreact.

1406
00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:03,871
Oh, God, no,
you completely overreacted. [laughing]

1407
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,207
Yeah, maybe.

1408
00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:10,540
I can think of worse ways to go

1409
00:59:11,631 --> 00:59:13,213
than here with you. [chuckles]

1410
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:16,466
Honestly, this has been like,

1411
00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:19,254
the best few weeks of my entire life.

1412
00:59:22,726 --> 00:59:25,204
You don't have to say it back to me.
I know it's not true for you.

1413
00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:27,957
I saw you sing with Bruce Springsteen
last year, at that benefit concert.

1414
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:30,018
That was probably a way better week.

1415
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:32,275
Just as an example. [chuckles]

1416
00:59:32,861 --> 00:59:34,773
Well, this is a pretty close second.

1417
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:37,480
Really? To The Boss?

1418
00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:40,775
- Yeah.
- Wow. That's nice.

1419
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:48,791
Uh...

1420
00:59:54,841 --> 00:59:57,675
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,

1421
00:59:57,719 --> 00:59:59,631
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake

1422
00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:00,920
I made 25 years ago.

1423
01:00:00,972 --> 01:00:02,804
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.

1424
01:00:03,683 --> 01:00:05,174
Wait... Really?

1425
01:00:11,858 --> 01:00:13,315
We've secured the location.

1426
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:16,319
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.

1427
01:00:17,322 --> 01:00:18,938
Thank you, Agent M.

1428
01:00:23,662 --> 01:00:24,869
[Fred] Holy shit.

1429
01:00:24,913 --> 01:00:27,451
That helicopter was way louder
than I thought it was gonna be.

1430
01:00:27,499 --> 01:00:29,707
- [Maggie] Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1431
01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:31,375
We're safe here though?

1432
01:00:31,419 --> 01:00:33,001
- [Maggie] Yes!
- [Tom] Oh, my God, Fred!

1433
01:00:33,004 --> 01:00:35,542
[agent] This way.
[Fred] This place looks really nice.

1434
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:42,636
Fred, I need you to come work
on that speech with me, right now.

1435
01:00:42,681 --> 01:00:44,764
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

1436
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:46,716
Okay.

1437
01:00:50,856 --> 01:00:52,893
[both breathing heavily]

1438
01:00:52,941 --> 01:00:54,102
Hang on, get my pants off.

1439
01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:55,562
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.

1440
01:00:56,945 --> 01:00:58,714
- [Charlotte] We're doing it? Do it faster.
- Yeah!

1441
01:00:58,738 --> 01:01:00,695
I'm done! They're coming off!

1442
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:04,484
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!

1443
01:01:05,912 --> 01:01:06,948
Fuck!

1444
01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:10,101
[Charlotte] Okay, just leave it!
Just leave it! Leave it!

1445
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,661
- [Fred] Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

1446
01:01:11,710 --> 01:01:12,746
Should I go in, then?

1447
01:01:12,794 --> 01:01:13,910
Yeah, enter.

1448
01:01:14,379 --> 01:01:17,213
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!

1449
01:01:17,716 --> 01:01:19,833
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.

1450
01:01:19,885 --> 01:01:21,171
- Really?
- Yeah!

1451
01:01:21,219 --> 01:01:22,255
- Oh, God!
- Oh!

1452
01:01:22,304 --> 01:01:23,761
[both] Oh, boy!

1453
01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:26,548
[both moaning loudly]

1454
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:28,967
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!

1455
01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:31,351
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.

1456
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:37,108
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!

1457
01:01:37,152 --> 01:01:40,441
Wow. Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

1458
01:01:41,323 --> 01:01:42,530
I don't know what happened.

1459
01:01:42,574 --> 01:01:44,782
I usually last way longer than that.

1460
01:01:45,076 --> 01:01:46,533
- You know?
- Not me.

1461
01:01:47,287 --> 01:01:49,599
- That was weird.
- We both said, "Oh, boy" when we came...

1462
01:01:49,623 --> 01:01:51,475
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.

1463
01:01:51,499 --> 01:01:53,661
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.

1464
01:01:53,710 --> 01:01:55,076
- Yeah.
- Super strange.

1465
01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:57,836
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?

1466
01:01:57,881 --> 01:01:59,525
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.

1467
01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:01,006
[exhales]

1468
01:02:04,095 --> 01:02:05,131
Hmm.

1469
01:02:06,264 --> 01:02:08,756
- Who's this little guy?
- [laughing]

1470
01:02:08,808 --> 01:02:12,301
I was a writing an article about neo-Nazis
and I had to get a bottom half

1471
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:13,845
of a swastika tattooed on me...

1472
01:02:13,897 --> 01:02:15,854
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me

1473
01:02:15,899 --> 01:02:17,640
and I didn't want that,

1474
01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:20,810
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man

1475
01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:23,570
and I named him Adolf Stickler.

1476
01:02:24,199 --> 01:02:26,236
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.

1477
01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:27,820
- No.
- He's so happy about it.

1478
01:02:27,869 --> 01:02:29,360
I know, they just look like pants.

1479
01:02:29,412 --> 01:02:31,529
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.

1480
01:02:31,581 --> 01:02:33,072
[laughing]

1481
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:36,742
Man, I am hungry.

1482
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:40,879
What time is it?

1483
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:43,507
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.

1484
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:47,591
And where... Where are we right now?

1485
01:02:47,639 --> 01:02:48,971
I don't have a clue.

1486
01:02:49,015 --> 01:02:50,051
You don't know?

1487
01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:51,307
No. They just dropped us here.

1488
01:02:51,351 --> 01:02:53,388
They just took us here
on the helicopter.

1489
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:18,121
- [Agent M] Good morning, Mr. Flarsky.
- Jesus!

1490
01:03:20,297 --> 01:03:21,708
You scared me, man.

1491
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,504
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?

1492
01:03:29,973 --> 01:03:31,760
They wouldn't believe me anyway.

1493
01:03:33,310 --> 01:03:34,391
Fair enough.

1494
01:03:35,478 --> 01:03:36,889
Good luck, man.

1495
01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:39,938
Thank you.

1496
01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:50,532
[on radio]
These helicopters are scary.

1497
01:03:51,202 --> 01:03:54,366
It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe.

1498
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:57,288
[exhales sharply]

1499
01:03:57,334 --> 01:03:59,371
[Fred] One, two, three, four.

1500
01:03:59,961 --> 01:04:01,953
One, two, three, four.

1501
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:15,932
I feel so happy right now!

1502
01:04:15,977 --> 01:04:17,593
Like, I'm beginning to realize,

1503
01:04:17,645 --> 01:04:19,261
I may have never been happy.

1504
01:04:19,314 --> 01:04:21,397
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.

1505
01:04:21,941 --> 01:04:23,227
And it feels good.

1506
01:04:23,276 --> 01:04:26,235
This is, like, the best shit
that's ever happened.

1507
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:28,174
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,

1508
01:04:28,198 --> 01:04:29,905
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.

1509
01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:30,989
And it's not like a date,

1510
01:04:31,034 --> 01:04:32,400
but it kinda feels like a date.

1511
01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:35,115
<i>How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.</i>

1512
01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:37,405
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.

1513
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:39,164
You need to... [stammers]

1514
01:04:39,209 --> 01:04:41,292
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.

1515
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:43,373
I am worthy of love.

1516
01:04:43,421 --> 01:04:46,789
All right, now you gotta say it
10,000 more times, until you believe it.

1517
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:48,127
<i>Okay, look, I gotta go.</i>

1518
01:04:48,176 --> 01:04:50,509
<i>I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.</i>

1519
01:04:50,553 --> 01:04:51,839
All right, man. Hey!

1520
01:04:52,180 --> 01:04:53,261
<i>Be bold!</i>

1521
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:01,687
[elevator bell dings]

1522
01:05:09,697 --> 01:05:11,063
Hi.

1523
01:05:11,116 --> 01:05:13,608
You look really pretty. [chuckles]

1524
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:14,946
Thank you.

1525
01:05:15,870 --> 01:05:18,908
You look really pretty, too.

1526
01:05:18,957 --> 01:05:20,073
Thank you.

1527
01:05:20,125 --> 01:05:21,366
Thanks for the suit.

1528
01:05:21,418 --> 01:05:22,534
We should probably head in.

1529
01:05:22,585 --> 01:05:23,746
- Shall we?
- [Fred] Yeah.

1530
01:05:27,257 --> 01:05:29,920
Wow. This is awesome.

1531
01:05:29,968 --> 01:05:31,504
It's cool being in Argentina.

1532
01:05:31,553 --> 01:05:33,030
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents

1533
01:05:33,054 --> 01:05:34,795
are hiding here somewhere. [chuckles]

1534
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:36,634
Shit, they got a band.

1535
01:05:38,601 --> 01:05:42,094
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?

1536
01:05:42,105 --> 01:05:45,348
So there are representatives
from over 75 countries here tonight.

1537
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:46,891
She has three hours to get out there,

1538
01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:48,170
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.

1539
01:05:48,194 --> 01:05:49,755
...and get
as many commitments as possible.

1540
01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:51,590
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.

1541
01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:54,652
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.

1542
01:05:54,701 --> 01:05:56,818
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.

1543
01:05:56,870 --> 01:05:58,281
- We'll see.
- Yeah.

1544
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,784
All right. Okay.

1545
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,122
I know what's going on.

1546
01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:11,206
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

1547
01:06:11,801 --> 01:06:15,135
- There's nothing going on.
- Don't fucking bullshit me, Fred.

1548
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:17,763
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.

1549
01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:20,845
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics

1550
01:06:20,894 --> 01:06:22,055
like you wouldn't believe.

1551
01:06:22,103 --> 01:06:23,969
The two of you are having sex
with each other.

1552
01:06:24,355 --> 01:06:26,517
There's no way you could
discern something like that.

1553
01:06:26,566 --> 01:06:27,807
Charlotte told me.

1554
01:06:28,860 --> 01:06:31,523
- Really?
- No, but you just did, you fucking idiot.

1555
01:06:31,571 --> 01:06:34,188
Fuck! Shit! That was fucking very clever.

1556
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:37,733
Jesus, well, you know what, yes.
Okay. We're sexing one another down.

1557
01:06:37,785 --> 01:06:38,821
- So?
- Ew.

1558
01:06:38,870 --> 01:06:40,723
Honestly, it's probably weirder to me
than it is to you.

1559
01:06:40,747 --> 01:06:42,454
Look, I can't believe
I have to say this,

1560
01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:45,537
but just so you know,
there's no way the two of you work.

1561
01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:48,452
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.

1562
01:06:48,505 --> 01:06:50,566
The public will never accept
the two of you together,

1563
01:06:50,590 --> 01:06:52,001
so neither will she.

1564
01:06:52,050 --> 01:06:54,445
Honestly, Fred, it doesn't matter
if you get it or you don't,

1565
01:06:54,469 --> 01:06:56,309
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it

1566
01:06:56,346 --> 01:06:59,089
for the both of you,
then you'll have your heart broken.

1567
01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:00,951
And that could be kinda fun to watch.

1568
01:07:00,975 --> 01:07:02,591
Ambassador Plenipotentiary!

1569
01:07:19,869 --> 01:07:21,155
[Parker] Madam Secretary!

1570
01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:23,571
Excuse me.

1571
01:07:23,623 --> 01:07:24,739
- Ah!
- Parker.

1572
01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:26,783
- Nope. Nope. Uh...
- [kissing]

1573
01:07:26,834 --> 01:07:28,621
[Parker laughing]

1574
01:07:28,670 --> 01:07:31,629
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.

1575
01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:34,836
You know, it's not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna find time.

1576
01:07:34,884 --> 01:07:37,217
I will get my way on this.

1577
01:07:37,262 --> 01:07:38,781
I don't even know
what you mean by "this."

1578
01:07:38,805 --> 01:07:40,967
- But please have at it. It's all yours.
- Pardon me.

1579
01:07:41,015 --> 01:07:42,451
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?

1580
01:07:42,475 --> 01:07:43,911
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.

1581
01:07:43,935 --> 01:07:46,473
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...

1582
01:07:46,521 --> 01:07:48,558
You look absolutely wonderful.

1583
01:07:49,148 --> 01:07:50,980
- [Charlotte] Oh.
- [James speaks French]

1584
01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:52,266
[Charlotte chuckles]

1585
01:07:52,318 --> 01:07:55,937
I have to say, I have been
so impressed by your initiative.

1586
01:07:55,989 --> 01:07:59,653
Does this mean I can add Canada
to the list of countries taking part?

1587
01:07:59,701 --> 01:08:01,567
[clicks tongue] On one condition.

1588
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:02,909
Let me guess.

1589
01:08:02,954 --> 01:08:05,162
You want fewer restrictions on lumber.

1590
01:08:05,456 --> 01:08:06,867
I don't care about lumber.

1591
01:08:08,251 --> 01:08:09,742
I just want a dance.

1592
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:12,211
[speaks French]

1593
01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:14,292
Sure.

1594
01:08:14,340 --> 01:08:16,332
[slow tango music playing]

1595
01:08:16,384 --> 01:08:18,216
[camera shutters clicking]

1596
01:08:37,947 --> 01:08:39,028
Whoa! [chuckles]

1597
01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:41,565
Wow.

1598
01:08:43,077 --> 01:08:44,363
You know when you see something,

1599
01:08:44,412 --> 01:08:46,745
and it just looks right.

1600
01:08:47,498 --> 01:08:50,707
- Like a Kangol hat on Samuel L. Jackson.
- [Maggie] Mmm-hmm.

1601
01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:53,960
[music increases in tempo]

1602
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:02,010
[whispering] I'm worthy of love.

1603
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:05,051
I'm worthy of love.

1604
01:09:07,602 --> 01:09:08,968
What the fuck are you saying?

1605
01:09:09,937 --> 01:09:10,973
Nothing.

1606
01:09:19,238 --> 01:09:21,230
[music stops]

1607
01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,456
[music continues]

1608
01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:37,959
[indistinct chatter]

1609
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:45,133
<i>Bonjour,</i> ma'am.

1610
01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:06,278
[laughing]

1611
01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:19,500
Excuse me.

1612
01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:22,628
Agent E, look alive.

1613
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,562
- Hi.
- Hey.

1614
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:42,147
I hear you have a crush on me.

1615
01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:44,738
I do. [chuckles]

1616
01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:48,358
Kinda have a crush on you, too.

1617
01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,032
Well, that's cool.

1618
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:56,412
Hey, I know I asked earlier.

1619
01:10:56,461 --> 01:10:57,747
But, uh...

1620
01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,787
[music playing]

1621
01:11:01,966 --> 01:11:03,207
Do you want to dance with me?

1622
01:11:05,887 --> 01:11:07,048
It's a dope song.

1623
01:11:08,139 --> 01:11:10,534
- Really fucking good song.
- Maybe the best song ever written.

1624
01:11:10,558 --> 01:11:11,594
Yeah.

1625
01:11:19,859 --> 01:11:22,693
[singing along]

1626
01:11:28,743 --> 01:11:30,951
[both singing along]

1627
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:05,022
[song continues]

1628
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:47,485
[gasps]

1629
01:12:59,959 --> 01:13:02,747
I want you to fuck me from behind
and slap my ass really hard.

1630
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:07,084
- What?
- What?

1631
01:13:07,967 --> 01:13:09,629
Nothing. What, did I say "what"?

1632
01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,963
Am I being too bossy?

1633
01:13:11,012 --> 01:13:13,720
No. No. No. No. Not at all. No. No.

1634
01:13:13,764 --> 01:13:16,507
I am. I am. I'm your boss all day,
and now I'm bossing you in bed.

1635
01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:18,745
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
- No. Not at all.

1636
01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:20,747
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...

1637
01:13:20,771 --> 01:13:22,228
Yeah, but you hesitated.

1638
01:13:22,273 --> 01:13:24,629
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.

1639
01:13:25,026 --> 01:13:28,110
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.

1640
01:13:28,154 --> 01:13:30,111
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass

1641
01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:31,442
and then choke me a little bit.

1642
01:13:32,158 --> 01:13:33,365
Oh, my God.

1643
01:13:37,705 --> 01:13:38,946
[exhales]

1644
01:13:40,708 --> 01:13:41,824
Whoa.

1645
01:13:51,928 --> 01:13:52,964
Frederick.

1646
01:13:53,679 --> 01:13:54,715
Margaret.

1647
01:13:59,685 --> 01:14:01,392
Hey, you forgot this... Oh, fuck!

1648
01:14:01,437 --> 01:14:03,099
- Gross!
- Um...

1649
01:14:03,147 --> 01:14:04,541
I thought you guys hated each other.

1650
01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:06,648
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.

1651
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:08,558
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.

1652
01:14:08,611 --> 01:14:09,713
How long have you been fucking?

1653
01:14:09,737 --> 01:14:10,881
That was probably 20 minutes.

1654
01:14:10,905 --> 01:14:11,941
Not right now!

1655
01:14:11,989 --> 01:14:14,197
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...

1656
01:14:14,241 --> 01:14:17,234
I would say anywhere between
two and five... Three and a half times.

1657
01:14:17,286 --> 01:14:19,027
I would say on my end, five.

1658
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:20,662
Three and a half sounds right.

1659
01:14:20,706 --> 01:14:22,893
I don't know how
you're tallying that shit. That's sick.

1660
01:14:22,917 --> 01:14:25,375
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.

1661
01:14:25,419 --> 01:14:26,876
There's a woman in there, too?

1662
01:14:26,921 --> 01:14:28,753
- Excuse me.
- Easy.

1663
01:14:28,798 --> 01:14:30,005
- And I got it.
- Sorry.

1664
01:14:30,049 --> 01:14:31,460
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...

1665
01:14:31,509 --> 01:14:33,296
A woman is present
and that woman is me.

1666
01:14:33,344 --> 01:14:34,821
- You?
- [Tom] We're talking about her.

1667
01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:36,711
Trust me, I know, Fred.

1668
01:14:36,764 --> 01:14:37,800
Tom, I got this.

1669
01:14:37,848 --> 01:14:39,339
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say good night.

1670
01:14:39,392 --> 01:14:41,703
- You tuck that in. Good night to you.
- And I will take my leave.

1671
01:14:41,727 --> 01:14:44,185
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.

1672
01:14:44,522 --> 01:14:46,809
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...

1673
01:14:46,857 --> 01:14:48,977
- Those hands have been places.
- [Maggie] Good night.

1674
01:14:49,026 --> 01:14:50,562
<i>With France's commitment,</i>

1675
01:14:50,611 --> 01:14:55,356
<i>US Secretary of State Charlotte Field's
Global Rehabilitation Initiative</i>

1676
01:14:55,408 --> 01:14:57,400
<i>has secured the support of 100 countries.</i>

1677
01:14:57,451 --> 01:14:59,238
- [cell phone chimes]
- [gasps]

1678
01:14:59,578 --> 01:15:01,114
The president wants to talk to you.

1679
01:15:01,163 --> 01:15:03,780
We've set up the tent
in the next room, Madam Secretary.

1680
01:15:03,833 --> 01:15:05,244
Tell him hi.

1681
01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:12,122
Mr. President. <i>Bonjour.</i>

1682
01:15:12,174 --> 01:15:13,652
[Chambers on video] <i>Charlie,</i> bonjour.

1683
01:15:13,676 --> 01:15:17,010
<i>Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?</i>

1684
01:15:17,054 --> 01:15:20,889
Oh, it's the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative, sir.

1685
01:15:20,891 --> 01:15:23,508
It's been on your desk
for the last three weeks. [chuckles]

1686
01:15:23,561 --> 01:15:25,644
Yeah, well, we ran it up the flagpole

1687
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:27,395
and it's ruffling some feathers.

1688
01:15:27,815 --> 01:15:30,102
Sir, you are the flagpole.

1689
01:15:30,151 --> 01:15:33,644
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.

1690
01:15:33,696 --> 01:15:35,358
<i>We need you to revise it.</i>

1691
01:15:35,406 --> 01:15:36,442
Sir?

1692
01:15:37,283 --> 01:15:39,400
<i>We need you to kill the trees.</i>

1693
01:15:43,414 --> 01:15:44,905
Why would he do that?

1694
01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:47,495
Because he's funded
by a bunch of fucking rich assholes

1695
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:49,250
and I probably pissed one of them off.

1696
01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:52,754
Can I just say the optics of this
are actually not that different?

1697
01:15:52,798 --> 01:15:54,505
The initiative still has the same name.

1698
01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:56,212
It sounds very impressive,

1699
01:15:56,260 --> 01:15:58,377
which is ultimately all that matters.

1700
01:15:58,429 --> 01:16:00,546
I actually cared about this.

1701
01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:02,719
Now what am I fucking left with? Bees?

1702
01:16:02,767 --> 01:16:03,883
I don't even like bees.

1703
01:16:03,934 --> 01:16:05,220
Do you have to listen to him?

1704
01:16:05,269 --> 01:16:07,977
Yes. I have to listen to him.

1705
01:16:08,481 --> 01:16:11,224
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.

1706
01:16:11,275 --> 01:16:14,143
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.

1707
01:16:14,195 --> 01:16:16,232
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.

1708
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:17,758
You know? People are digging your shit.

1709
01:16:17,782 --> 01:16:19,273
And your numbers are good.

1710
01:16:19,325 --> 01:16:21,362
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.

1711
01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:22,971
She probably just needs
a friend right now.

1712
01:16:22,995 --> 01:16:25,328
- [Maggie] Time to go, buddy.
- [Charlotte] Oh, my God.

1713
01:16:25,873 --> 01:16:29,207
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.

1714
01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:36,418
[door opens]

1715
01:16:38,427 --> 01:16:39,463
[door closes]

1716
01:16:42,473 --> 01:16:43,554
[Charlotte sighs]

1717
01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:45,887
I don't wanna do this job anymore.

1718
01:16:46,477 --> 01:16:47,593
I fuckin' hate it.

1719
01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:49,970
I mean, what's the point?

1720
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:53,815
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.

1721
01:16:54,527 --> 01:16:55,768
I'm sorry.

1722
01:16:55,820 --> 01:16:59,234
I just wanna be a normal person
and not give a fuck about anything

1723
01:16:59,281 --> 01:17:00,817
just like the rest of the world.

1724
01:17:01,325 --> 01:17:03,362
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.

1725
01:17:03,410 --> 01:17:05,026
I bet it's really nice.

1726
01:17:06,205 --> 01:17:07,992
That's what I want.

1727
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,157
I don't know how to give that to you.

1728
01:17:13,712 --> 01:17:15,203
Let's get fucked up.

1729
01:17:15,673 --> 01:17:16,709
Fucked up?

1730
01:17:16,757 --> 01:17:19,044
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up

1731
01:17:19,093 --> 01:17:21,130
or more than that fucked up?

1732
01:17:21,428 --> 01:17:23,420
Like super fucked up.

1733
01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:31,519
I want to smoke a Molly with you.

1734
01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:33,013
[snickers]

1735
01:17:33,065 --> 01:17:34,272
What?

1736
01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:36,475
That's not, um...

1737
01:17:36,902 --> 01:17:38,438
That's not how you take it, but...

1738
01:17:38,487 --> 01:17:39,568
How do you take it?

1739
01:17:39,613 --> 01:17:41,173
It's a pill. You take it in your mouth.

1740
01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:42,860
But I don't know if you wanna do it.

1741
01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:43,989
Why not?

1742
01:17:44,034 --> 01:17:45,866
I just don't know if it's a good idea.

1743
01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:49,450
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.

1744
01:17:50,332 --> 01:17:51,539
Oh, man.

1745
01:18:21,864 --> 01:18:24,698
- You good?
- [echoing] I don't feel anything.

1746
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:26,278
You don't feel it?

1747
01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:28,485
No, I don't feel a fucking thing.

1748
01:18:28,537 --> 01:18:31,621
Ooh! Wow.

1749
01:18:31,665 --> 01:18:34,248
- Whoa!
- "Whoa" is right.

1750
01:18:34,293 --> 01:18:38,128
Holy fuck...

1751
01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:39,538
[grunting] No!

1752
01:18:39,590 --> 01:18:41,923
My jaw feels really weird.

1753
01:18:41,926 --> 01:18:43,133
Yeah, that's the drugs.

1754
01:18:43,177 --> 01:18:44,884
Drugs love a jaw.

1755
01:18:44,929 --> 01:18:47,171
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.

1756
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:48,680
Maybe in like an hour.

1757
01:18:48,724 --> 01:18:50,306
We should do it now.

1758
01:18:54,230 --> 01:18:56,062
[fireworks bursting]

1759
01:19:13,666 --> 01:19:15,498
[all cheering loudly]

1760
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:21,337
Yes, motherfuckers!

1761
01:19:21,382 --> 01:19:23,214
I could do this forever!

1762
01:19:23,259 --> 01:19:24,295
We're gonna.

1763
01:19:24,510 --> 01:19:26,126
I know I've been like...

1764
01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:29,425
I've been, like, playing it pretty cool.

1765
01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:31,430
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,

1766
01:19:31,475 --> 01:19:34,889
and I've been acting kinda, like, aloof,
maybe like I don't care that much.

1767
01:19:35,229 --> 01:19:38,222
But I don't wanna do that anymore.
I really like you.

1768
01:19:38,274 --> 01:19:40,607
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.

1769
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:43,109
You just followed me into the bathroom.

1770
01:19:43,153 --> 01:19:44,394
Yeah, to talk.

1771
01:19:44,405 --> 01:19:46,567
- I really like you, too!
- Really?

1772
01:19:46,615 --> 01:19:48,026
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1773
01:19:48,075 --> 01:19:50,192
[both yelling]

1774
01:19:50,244 --> 01:19:52,907
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!

1775
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:54,696
Madam Secretary! Listen to me!

1776
01:19:54,748 --> 01:19:56,865
Dance with me, Steven! Dance!

1777
01:19:56,917 --> 01:19:58,124
We have a situation.

1778
01:19:58,168 --> 01:20:00,785
- Huh?
- [speaking inaudibly]

1779
01:20:07,928 --> 01:20:09,214
- [stammers]
- [Fred] Yo.

1780
01:20:09,763 --> 01:20:12,506
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?

1781
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:14,220
We just re-upped.

1782
01:20:14,268 --> 01:20:16,476
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.

1783
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:19,604
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.

1784
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,352
Yeah. Why?

1785
01:20:22,985 --> 01:20:24,726
I'm in so much trouble.

1786
01:20:24,778 --> 01:20:25,814
[Fred] What's happened?

1787
01:20:25,863 --> 01:20:28,526
- I'm gonna be in so much trouble.
- What's happening?

1788
01:20:28,574 --> 01:20:29,690
Are they out of water?

1789
01:20:30,451 --> 01:20:31,862
One of our U2s went down

1790
01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:34,493
while performing a standard
flyover in Kashtari airspace.

1791
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:35,870
The pilot was able to eject,

1792
01:20:35,914 --> 01:20:38,622
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.

1793
01:20:38,667 --> 01:20:40,283
Thank you, General.

1794
01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:44,250
Prime Minister Bharath is refusing to
return the pilot to United States custody,

1795
01:20:44,298 --> 01:20:47,507
personally hurt by the many insults
hurled at him by POTUS.

1796
01:20:47,551 --> 01:20:49,713
Good job. All right.

1797
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,253
[inhales, exhales]

1798
01:20:52,348 --> 01:20:53,930
It's gonna be okay in there, right?

1799
01:20:54,808 --> 01:20:56,174
That's up to you, ma'am.

1800
01:20:57,436 --> 01:20:59,974
[exhales] Oh, God. You got this.

1801
01:21:13,077 --> 01:21:14,909
[clears throat]

1802
01:21:15,829 --> 01:21:17,036
[clears throat]

1803
01:21:17,081 --> 01:21:19,539
I could hold on to your sunglasses
for you, if you'd like.

1804
01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:24,578
Oh, no. I have alopecia. In both eyes.

1805
01:21:25,589 --> 01:21:27,581
[clearing throat loudly]

1806
01:21:28,634 --> 01:21:29,715
[beeps]

1807
01:21:30,928 --> 01:21:32,044
Hello.

1808
01:21:32,096 --> 01:21:33,198
[Bharath shouting] <i>Secretary Field!</i>

1809
01:21:33,222 --> 01:21:34,383
[Charlotte] Oh, my God!

1810
01:21:34,431 --> 01:21:37,219
Hello, Bharath? Hey.

1811
01:21:37,267 --> 01:21:39,850
I hear we have a situation here?

1812
01:21:40,479 --> 01:21:44,143
One that we both probably want resolved...

1813
01:21:45,567 --> 01:21:46,933
very quickly.

1814
01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:50,524
You're not going to bully me this time,
Madam Secretary.

1815
01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:52,188
Your man will stay here

1816
01:21:52,241 --> 01:21:54,858
until your president
personally apologizes to me.

1817
01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,367
Over Instagram.

1818
01:21:57,329 --> 01:22:00,572
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...

1819
01:22:01,542 --> 01:22:03,750
- [whispers] Yo.
- Yes?

1820
01:22:03,794 --> 01:22:06,707
Can I level with you?
Can I fill you in on something?

1821
01:22:06,755 --> 01:22:07,996
Go ahead.

1822
01:22:08,048 --> 01:22:10,836
Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up
right now. We're on drugs.

1823
01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:12,404
First of all,
I don't wanna talk about that.

1824
01:22:12,428 --> 01:22:15,136
Why? We can't talk about the dr...
Do you know we're on drugs?

1825
01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:17,763
I don't wanna talk about that
in this room.

1826
01:22:18,767 --> 01:22:20,247
- [mouthing words]
- What's happening?

1827
01:22:21,395 --> 01:22:22,556
We're on drugs right now.

1828
01:22:22,604 --> 01:22:24,516
[laughing loudly]

1829
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:26,522
That's funny. That's a funny joke!

1830
01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:29,275
What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs.
She's negotiating while...

1831
01:22:29,319 --> 01:22:30,776
Are we going somewhere?

1832
01:22:30,821 --> 01:22:33,655
- [mouthing words]
- What is that?

1833
01:22:34,366 --> 01:22:36,824
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.

1834
01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:39,282
So you're admitting
that the United States government

1835
01:22:39,329 --> 01:22:41,537
ordered these planes to spy on my country?

1836
01:22:41,582 --> 01:22:43,494
- No.
- [mouths word]

1837
01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:46,285
No! No! Of course not!

1838
01:22:47,045 --> 01:22:50,629
That's what it sounded like.
Face it. You have no leverage here.

1839
01:22:50,674 --> 01:22:53,508
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.

1840
01:22:53,552 --> 01:22:56,090
I don't know.
He seems really fucking pissed off.

1841
01:22:56,138 --> 01:22:59,051
Well, get more fucking pissed.
Let him know who's really in charge.

1842
01:23:00,767 --> 01:23:02,178
[slams desk]

1843
01:23:03,896 --> 01:23:05,933
[whispers] Oh, my God, that really hurt.

1844
01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:11,731
I gotta be honest, I'm not...
I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff.

1845
01:23:11,778 --> 01:23:15,317
I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe.

1846
01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:18,233
You know, I'm just feeling...

1847
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:21,069
God, are those Gauloises?

1848
01:23:22,039 --> 01:23:24,827
Just, I'm so... Just...

1849
01:23:24,875 --> 01:23:27,208
I'm just gonna bum one.

1850
01:23:29,338 --> 01:23:31,796
Just give me one sec. Don't worry.

1851
01:23:40,015 --> 01:23:41,096
Bharath.

1852
01:23:41,141 --> 01:23:42,848
- Hello?
<i>- Listen.</i>

1853
01:23:44,102 --> 01:23:46,014
Mmm. Mmm.

1854
01:23:47,648 --> 01:23:52,734
You and I are in the same boat, my friend.

1855
01:23:52,778 --> 01:23:56,192
- How is that the case?
<i>- We both have to deal with my boss.</i>

1856
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:58,948
And we both think he's an asshole.

1857
01:23:58,992 --> 01:24:01,484
You also think he's an asshole?

1858
01:24:01,537 --> 01:24:03,119
Oh, my God, he's such an asshole.

1859
01:24:03,163 --> 01:24:06,452
His stupid fucking TV show
was, like, good for three episodes

1860
01:24:06,500 --> 01:24:08,708
<i>and then it just didn't make any sense.</i>

1861
01:24:08,752 --> 01:24:11,165
[sighs] Fuck, it feels good to say that.

1862
01:24:13,799 --> 01:24:14,960
[whispering] Listen.

1863
01:24:17,177 --> 01:24:20,887
You need to keep this on the real DL.

1864
01:24:20,931 --> 01:24:23,548
We both know that the US

1865
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:26,843
does not negotiate with terrorists.

1866
01:24:27,688 --> 01:24:28,895
But...

1867
01:24:29,606 --> 01:24:32,690
we do negotiate with homies.

1868
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:35,727
So if you give us our guy back,

1869
01:24:35,779 --> 01:24:39,898
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.

1870
01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:43,068
<i>So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,</i>

1871
01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:46,659
which is a pretty shitty thing to do.

1872
01:24:46,707 --> 01:24:48,414
I mean, I've done it myself.

1873
01:24:48,458 --> 01:24:50,700
Don't tell anybody. Super classified.

1874
01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:53,377
It sucks. I hate it.

1875
01:24:53,422 --> 01:24:55,209
Yeah. So...

1876
01:24:55,841 --> 01:24:58,458
why don't we instead...

1877
01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:01,548
save a ton of lives?

1878
01:25:02,264 --> 01:25:04,927
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?

1879
01:25:05,475 --> 01:25:07,432
I think this is a really good idea.

1880
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:12,063
What do you say?

1881
01:25:14,484 --> 01:25:15,520
Ma'am.

1882
01:25:20,866 --> 01:25:23,074
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!

1883
01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:25,735
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You did it!

1884
01:25:25,787 --> 01:25:28,655
She did it! She did it! She did it!

1885
01:25:28,707 --> 01:25:31,324
I'm here with
Secretary of State Charlotte Field

1886
01:25:31,376 --> 01:25:34,915
who, after a tense
and complicated negotiation with Kashtar,

1887
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:38,832
has secured the release of the pilot
of the US spy plane that went down

1888
01:25:38,884 --> 01:25:41,046
over Kashtari airspace.

1889
01:25:41,094 --> 01:25:43,086
I know, right? [whispers] So crazy.

1890
01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:46,722
This is all in the midst of the success
of your environmental initiative,

1891
01:25:46,767 --> 01:25:50,260
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.

1892
01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:51,723
- Yes, um...
- Ooh. Sore subject.

1893
01:25:51,772 --> 01:25:53,388
I'm very happy to announce that

1894
01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:56,308
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,

1895
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:58,943
but the president himself
called me personally

1896
01:25:58,987 --> 01:26:01,049
just to tell me how psyched he is
about this initiative.

1897
01:26:01,073 --> 01:26:04,032
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.

1898
01:26:04,076 --> 01:26:08,241
...don't change a word,
especially the part, uh, with the trees.

1899
01:26:08,288 --> 01:26:10,325
- That's a lie.
- So, all in all, I'm just...

1900
01:26:10,374 --> 01:26:13,833
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.

1901
01:26:13,877 --> 01:26:16,290
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

1902
01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:17,704
- So...
- Thank you.

1903
01:26:17,756 --> 01:26:19,622
The incredible Charlotte Field,

1904
01:26:20,300 --> 01:26:25,762
who clearly still feels the effects of
the intense all-night hostage situation.

1905
01:26:25,889 --> 01:26:28,222
[applause, cheering]

1906
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:41,103
<i>After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...</i>

1907
01:26:41,154 --> 01:26:43,049
<i>Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...</i>

1908
01:26:43,073 --> 01:26:44,814
<i>In the newest Gallup poll, 68%...</i>

1909
01:26:44,866 --> 01:26:48,075
<i>Are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?</i>

1910
01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:49,861
<i>Here to chat about it is Chris Brown,</i>

1911
01:26:49,913 --> 01:26:52,246
<i>Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner.</i>

1912
01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:54,782
<i>In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,</i>

1913
01:26:54,835 --> 01:26:57,327
<i>Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.</i>

1914
01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,982
[male reporter] <i>I'd like to apologize
to Charlotte and anyone out there</i>

1915
01:27:00,006 --> 01:27:03,215
<i>who was upset yesterday
when I called her Booby McBoobson.</i>

1916
01:27:03,260 --> 01:27:06,970
<i>- Uh, I meant that, obviously, as...</i>
- Give me the president's office.

1917
01:27:07,013 --> 01:27:09,050
- [knocking]
- Yep?

1918
01:27:09,099 --> 01:27:11,557
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Of course.

1919
01:27:12,185 --> 01:27:15,053
- We got new polling I thought I'd share.
- All right.

1920
01:27:15,105 --> 01:27:17,848
It feels like everything
is kinda falling into place for us.

1921
01:27:17,899 --> 01:27:20,733
So we thought we'd dig deeper
and make sure there's no surprises.

1922
01:27:20,777 --> 01:27:22,518
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.

1923
01:27:22,571 --> 01:27:24,733
We got some really helpful feedback.

1924
01:27:26,032 --> 01:27:27,648
From the public.

1925
01:27:27,701 --> 01:27:32,492
So we asked a thousand constituents
how they would feel

1926
01:27:32,539 --> 01:27:35,748
- if, say, Princess Di...
- [Charlotte] Hmm.

1927
01:27:35,792 --> 01:27:39,160
...if she were to start dating Guy Fieri.

1928
01:27:40,464 --> 01:27:42,205
I don't even know who that...

1929
01:27:42,257 --> 01:27:44,089
- [buzzes]
- [Maggie] They don't like that.

1930
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:46,717
- [Charlotte] Yeah.
- [Maggie] Or Kate Middleton...

1931
01:27:46,762 --> 01:27:49,095
were to start dating Danny DeVito.

1932
01:27:49,139 --> 01:27:51,200
- I see where you're going with this.
- Pretty negative reaction.

1933
01:27:51,224 --> 01:27:54,968
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
were to start dating

1934
01:27:55,020 --> 01:27:57,387
this potato in a teal windbreaker.

1935
01:27:57,439 --> 01:27:59,305
- [buzzes]
- They'd be very upset.

1936
01:28:00,192 --> 01:28:03,481
- He did a lot of work, and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?

1937
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:05,645
No, that's, like, a lot of... I get it.

1938
01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:08,861
Madam Secretary, I have no desire
to limit your romantic life.

1939
01:28:08,909 --> 01:28:09,945
Good.

1940
01:28:09,993 --> 01:28:15,113
But the optics of you and Fred will make
a presidential run very challenging.

1941
01:28:15,165 --> 01:28:16,406
Fred is a journalist.

1942
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:18,541
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.

1943
01:28:18,585 --> 01:28:21,669
No, that's exposed
some really fucked-up stuff.

1944
01:28:22,839 --> 01:28:25,081
And I just want to know for myself,

1945
01:28:25,133 --> 01:28:28,001
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?

1946
01:28:28,053 --> 01:28:31,171
Oh, my God. [chuckling]
Why are we having this conversation?

1947
01:28:31,223 --> 01:28:34,512
This is insane.
I don't have to explain myself to you.

1948
01:28:35,185 --> 01:28:36,865
I'm sorry. I really don't understand this.

1949
01:28:36,895 --> 01:28:39,137
I fucking love you, Charlotte.
I want you to be happy.

1950
01:28:39,189 --> 01:28:42,773
But more than that, I want you
to be in charge, to be president.

1951
01:28:42,818 --> 01:28:45,060
For the sake of the future of our country.

1952
01:28:49,908 --> 01:28:51,068
Look, there's another option.

1953
01:28:52,118 --> 01:28:55,111
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service whose job it is

1954
01:28:55,163 --> 01:28:57,496
to handle the mistresses...

1955
01:28:57,541 --> 01:28:59,123
Maggie, you're gonna have to stop.

1956
01:28:59,167 --> 01:29:01,771
There are a series of tunnels
in the White House that Woodrow Wilson...

1957
01:29:01,795 --> 01:29:02,956
That's enough.

1958
01:29:05,173 --> 01:29:08,507
Fred is not an idea that
I am floating by you for your approval.

1959
01:29:09,386 --> 01:29:11,548
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.

1960
01:29:17,102 --> 01:29:19,765
Okay. Got it. Good night, Madam Secretary.

1961
01:29:21,606 --> 01:29:25,520
[TV reporter]...<i>would have
a huge impact on young women.</i>

1962
01:29:25,569 --> 01:29:27,936
<i>When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field</i>

1963
01:29:27,988 --> 01:29:30,901
<i>because she's smart and pretty
and she's gonna be president.</i>

1964
01:29:30,949 --> 01:29:32,781
[sighs]

1965
01:29:34,411 --> 01:29:35,652
[buzzer buzzes]

1966
01:29:39,124 --> 01:29:41,867
I will be that little girl's president.

1967
01:29:41,918 --> 01:29:45,161
Thank you, and God bless America.

1968
01:29:45,213 --> 01:29:48,331
[Maggie] Massive applause.
Massive cheering.

1969
01:29:48,383 --> 01:29:50,875
At that point,
I think the stage would descend. Right?

1970
01:29:50,927 --> 01:29:56,798
And then Lil Uzi Vert or Charli XCX would
join hands with the Harlem Boys Choir...

1971
01:29:56,850 --> 01:29:59,888
- Well, I said we'll figure that out later.
- [phone buzzes]

1972
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:03,433
Uh, Madam Secretary, the president
would like to see you right now.

1973
01:30:04,149 --> 01:30:05,356
Shit.

1974
01:30:06,109 --> 01:30:08,817
Damn it! The nation is at war!

1975
01:30:09,446 --> 01:30:11,187
I find myself torn.

1976
01:30:11,239 --> 01:30:15,153
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...

1977
01:30:15,201 --> 01:30:16,737
Sir, is this a good time?

1978
01:30:16,786 --> 01:30:19,403
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.

1979
01:30:19,456 --> 01:30:21,448
- Oh.
- All right, clear the room.

1980
01:30:21,499 --> 01:30:24,270
- Everybody. Just Charlotte, please.
- [woman] Good job, Mr. President.

1981
01:30:24,294 --> 01:30:25,956
[inaudible]

1982
01:30:26,004 --> 01:30:27,165
Thanks.

1983
01:30:28,006 --> 01:30:29,292
[chuckles]

1984
01:30:30,258 --> 01:30:32,090
Is everything okay, sir?

1985
01:30:33,178 --> 01:30:36,046
- [door opens]
- [Parker] Oh, look who it is.

1986
01:30:36,097 --> 01:30:38,009
She's here at last.

1987
01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:41,308
You gotta love that secret door. Sit down.

1988
01:30:41,353 --> 01:30:42,639
[door closes]

1989
01:30:44,731 --> 01:30:47,565
- [sighs]
- This feels like an ambush.

1990
01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:51,853
Well, in the entertainment world
we call this a surprise walk-on.

1991
01:30:51,905 --> 01:30:56,070
You see, Charlotte,
we have a number of business interests

1992
01:30:56,117 --> 01:31:00,612
that, you know, may be gravely affected
by this agreement of yours.

1993
01:31:00,664 --> 01:31:02,951
Yeah, uh, aside from getting into film,

1994
01:31:02,999 --> 01:31:05,491
I'm looking to use my connections
as president

1995
01:31:05,543 --> 01:31:07,580
to expand my investment portfolio.

1996
01:31:07,629 --> 01:31:10,121
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.

1997
01:31:10,173 --> 01:31:13,337
I mean, that guy's killing it
with acting and investing...

1998
01:31:13,385 --> 01:31:16,128
I think what the president
is trying to say

1999
01:31:16,179 --> 01:31:19,013
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska

2000
01:31:19,057 --> 01:31:24,553
is sitting on ten miles of land which
will now be protected by your initiative.

2001
01:31:25,146 --> 01:31:26,557
Move your server farm.

2002
01:31:26,606 --> 01:31:30,099
We want to build it in Alaska.
There's plenty of room for expansion.

2003
01:31:30,151 --> 01:31:32,985
Charlotte,
I'm surprised that it's come to this.

2004
01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:34,440
You're usually so agreeable.

2005
01:31:34,489 --> 01:31:38,984
But I watched you undermine me
on TV the other day.

2006
01:31:39,035 --> 01:31:41,368
TV of all places.

2007
01:31:41,413 --> 01:31:43,496
That's my medium. All right?

2008
01:31:43,540 --> 01:31:46,374
You used TV against me!

2009
01:31:46,960 --> 01:31:48,542
That was your first mistake!

2010
01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:52,501
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum

2011
01:31:52,549 --> 01:31:54,882
that you're ever, ever gonna receive.

2012
01:31:56,553 --> 01:31:57,919
Drop the tree thing.

2013
01:31:57,971 --> 01:31:59,803
- Or?
- Or...

2014
01:32:00,682 --> 01:32:06,303
we will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.

2015
01:32:06,354 --> 01:32:11,065
We found a lot of interesting stuff
when we hacked into his webcam.

2016
01:32:11,109 --> 01:32:13,226
Now here is a little taster.

2017
01:32:16,489 --> 01:32:18,981
<i>Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.</i>

2018
01:32:19,659 --> 01:32:23,152
<i>Uh, you want to come to my room
and have sex with me really fast?</i>

2019
01:32:23,204 --> 01:32:26,743
<i>Oh, no, don't worry.
I'll find ways to kill time today.</i>

2020
01:32:26,791 --> 01:32:29,204
<i>It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back. Great.</i>

2021
01:32:30,295 --> 01:32:31,411
[hangs up phone]

2022
01:32:31,463 --> 01:32:33,625
[audio forwarding]

2023
01:32:33,673 --> 01:32:35,255
[Charlotte on video]...<i>important to me.</i>

2024
01:32:35,300 --> 01:32:37,917
<i>That's a good speech.</i>

2025
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:39,926
[Charlotte]
<i>The band of misfits fight back...</i>

2026
01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:41,963
<i>- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.</i>

2027
01:32:43,558 --> 01:32:45,800
<i>Never giving up. Never laying down.</i>

2028
01:32:45,852 --> 01:32:47,593
[audio forwarding]

2029
01:32:48,855 --> 01:32:51,939
[Charlotte] <i>In high school,
I would talk about the underdog a lot.</i>

2030
01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:56,727
<i>And I would often find myself on a soapbox</i>

2031
01:32:56,780 --> 01:33:00,364
<i>rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.</i>

2032
01:33:00,867 --> 01:33:02,483
[wine pouring]

2033
01:33:02,535 --> 01:33:05,278
<i>- Which makes you extremely popular,</i>
- [mellow music playing]

2034
01:33:05,330 --> 01:33:09,290
<i>especially when everybody would rather
be watching</i> Beverly Hills, 90210.

2035
01:33:09,334 --> 01:33:10,950
[audience laughing]

2036
01:33:11,002 --> 01:33:14,666
[Charlotte]
<i>Gustaf, you look like a Dylan guy.</i>

2037
01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:16,876
<i>- Is that right? Yeah, I see...</i>
- [audience laughs]

2038
01:33:16,925 --> 01:33:18,837
Oh, wow.

2039
01:33:18,885 --> 01:33:21,719
[Charlotte]
<i>The Global Rehabilitation Initiative...</i>

2040
01:33:21,763 --> 01:33:23,971
[Charlotte continues speaking, faint]

2041
01:33:24,516 --> 01:33:25,882
<i>Oh, boy!</i>

2042
01:33:29,395 --> 01:33:33,389
[groans] <i>Oh, no. Yucky.</i>

2043
01:33:33,525 --> 01:33:36,063
[Charlotte continues speaking, faint]

2044
01:33:36,111 --> 01:33:38,569
- [Fred on video] <i>Oh, boy!</i>
- What the fuck?

2045
01:33:39,614 --> 01:33:44,405
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.

2046
01:33:44,452 --> 01:33:46,409
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?

2047
01:33:46,454 --> 01:33:49,197
This is what everyone was afraid
was gonna happen because of me.

2048
01:33:49,249 --> 01:33:50,740
And now it's happening because of me.

2049
01:33:50,792 --> 01:33:51,852
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.

2050
01:33:51,876 --> 01:33:53,242
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.

2051
01:33:53,294 --> 01:33:55,456
- Do we have a press conference?
- Fred, listen to me.

2052
01:33:55,755 --> 01:33:57,417
I took the deal.

2053
01:33:58,883 --> 01:33:59,964
What?

2054
01:34:00,009 --> 01:34:03,878
We scratch the tree thing, and I have
a real shot at becoming president.

2055
01:34:03,930 --> 01:34:07,139
And some... billionaire...

2056
01:34:08,184 --> 01:34:12,224
motherfucker gets to blackmail you,
using me...

2057
01:34:12,981 --> 01:34:15,268
doing something that everybody does,

2058
01:34:15,316 --> 01:34:18,605
out of a policy that you cared about
since you were in middle school.

2059
01:34:18,653 --> 01:34:20,519
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.

2060
01:34:20,572 --> 01:34:22,007
And now you're just gonna get rid of it?

2061
01:34:22,031 --> 01:34:26,241
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.

2062
01:34:26,286 --> 01:34:28,514
- Well, I don't think you should right now.
- Oh, my God!

2063
01:34:28,538 --> 01:34:30,074
Of course you don't think I should.

2064
01:34:30,123 --> 01:34:32,080
You never compromise
for anything in your life,

2065
01:34:32,125 --> 01:34:33,727
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.

2066
01:34:33,751 --> 01:34:38,086
Well, it's better than maybe bending over
backwards for anyone who asks,

2067
01:34:38,131 --> 01:34:41,090
to the point that you don't even know
why you're doing this shit anymore!

2068
01:34:41,134 --> 01:34:43,592
In my world, in order to achieve
what I'm trying to achieve,

2069
01:34:43,636 --> 01:34:45,865
- I have to compromise.
- Oh, why? 'Cause you're a woman?

2070
01:34:45,889 --> 01:34:48,302
- Yeah, motherfucker.
- Okay, that makes sense.

2071
01:34:48,349 --> 01:34:50,932
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted

2072
01:34:50,977 --> 01:34:53,310
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.

2073
01:34:53,354 --> 01:34:55,641
I don't care if this tape comes out.
I really don't.

2074
01:34:55,690 --> 01:34:57,682
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.

2075
01:34:57,734 --> 01:34:59,817
You don't have to do this for me.

2076
01:35:01,613 --> 01:35:03,445
You're not doing this for me.

2077
01:35:04,699 --> 01:35:06,065
[scoffs] Obviously.

2078
01:35:06,117 --> 01:35:09,986
Look... you and I both know

2079
01:35:10,038 --> 01:35:13,156
the woman who stands beside the guy
who's coming on his face

2080
01:35:13,208 --> 01:35:16,622
gets way more scrutiny than the guy
who's actually coming on his face.

2081
01:35:17,420 --> 01:35:20,788
Don't know if that's happened enough
for there to be a precedent for it, but...

2082
01:35:20,840 --> 01:35:24,049
So, who knows? Maybe that won't be
the case this time. Who knows?

2083
01:35:24,093 --> 01:35:26,676
Maybe people will think it's romantic.
I'm jerking off to you.

2084
01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,401
You don't know how people are gonna react.

2085
01:35:28,431 --> 01:35:30,468
I'm not taking that risk.

2086
01:35:31,809 --> 01:35:33,300
[sighs]

2087
01:35:34,437 --> 01:35:36,429
I can't do it.

2088
01:35:37,065 --> 01:35:38,397
Okay.

2089
01:35:44,405 --> 01:35:48,319
So the video doesn't come out.
What happens to us?

2090
01:35:53,665 --> 01:35:56,032
I was talking to Maggie, and...

2091
01:35:56,960 --> 01:36:00,169
she knows this consultant
who could scrub your history.

2092
01:36:00,213 --> 01:36:04,082
We could make sure nothing else like this
pops up and surprises us.

2093
01:36:05,134 --> 01:36:07,217
And then we just... we work on your image,

2094
01:36:07,262 --> 01:36:11,757
and we figure out how we want to present
ourselves as a couple to the public.

2095
01:36:11,808 --> 01:36:12,924
That's all.

2096
01:36:18,064 --> 01:36:19,930
- Okay.
- Okay.

2097
01:36:19,983 --> 01:36:22,691
How long will it take, do you think,

2098
01:36:22,735 --> 01:36:26,900
to... to create an image of me
that we can present to the public?

2099
01:36:26,948 --> 01:36:31,033
Just through the first couple of months
of... of the campaign.

2100
01:36:31,077 --> 01:36:33,490
You think? But you don't know that, right?

2101
01:36:33,538 --> 01:36:35,029
It could take longer than that.

2102
01:36:35,081 --> 01:36:37,059
In a couple of months, you could find
that it's not a good moment

2103
01:36:37,083 --> 01:36:39,700
to introduce a new boyfriend, right?

2104
01:36:39,752 --> 01:36:41,960
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.

2105
01:36:42,005 --> 01:36:44,497
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.

2106
01:36:45,383 --> 01:36:47,625
And then meanwhile,

2107
01:36:47,677 --> 01:36:49,543
you're pretending not to date me.

2108
01:36:50,763 --> 01:36:55,383
And you're scrubbing my Internet history,
so all my articles are gone.

2109
01:36:55,435 --> 01:36:59,145
And you, like, sneak me around
like I'm Marilyn Monroe and you're JFK?

2110
01:36:59,188 --> 01:37:00,599
Is that what we're talking about?

2111
01:37:00,648 --> 01:37:03,641
I just want to be clear
that's what we're talking about.

2112
01:37:03,693 --> 01:37:06,106
And we have to do that because I'm...

2113
01:37:07,405 --> 01:37:08,816
not right.

2114
01:37:10,408 --> 01:37:13,071
And then once we present us to the world,

2115
01:37:13,119 --> 01:37:15,156
we present a version of me that isn't...

2116
01:37:16,706 --> 01:37:18,117
actually me?

2117
01:37:21,586 --> 01:37:22,667
Yeah.

2118
01:37:25,923 --> 01:37:27,164
[sighs]

2119
01:37:31,971 --> 01:37:33,428
I can't do it.

2120
01:37:35,516 --> 01:37:40,887
I wish... that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.

2121
01:37:50,239 --> 01:37:51,400
You don't have to do it.

2122
01:38:12,678 --> 01:38:14,670
[Fred] Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.

2123
01:38:14,722 --> 01:38:18,432
Don't know why the fuck
I thought someone like her

2124
01:38:18,476 --> 01:38:20,217
and someone like me could work.

2125
01:38:20,269 --> 01:38:23,353
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.

2126
01:38:23,398 --> 01:38:26,106
Like, I don't know who she is.

2127
01:38:26,150 --> 01:38:29,268
She has no moral compass.

2128
01:38:29,320 --> 01:38:33,405
She's working with Democrats one day,
Republicans the next fucking day.

2129
01:38:33,449 --> 01:38:35,736
What's wrong with working
with Democrats and Republicans?

2130
01:38:35,785 --> 01:38:37,617
That's the whole country.

2131
01:38:37,662 --> 01:38:42,202
Uh, yeah, except fuck Republicans,
I guess is the problem with that.

2132
01:38:42,250 --> 01:38:45,743
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?

2133
01:38:45,795 --> 01:38:48,458
Yeah. I see one side's fucking wrong.

2134
01:38:48,506 --> 01:38:50,668
- [scoffs]
- What's the problem here?

2135
01:38:51,175 --> 01:38:52,666
I'm a Republican.

2136
01:38:52,718 --> 01:38:54,380
You're fucking joking right now.

2137
01:38:54,429 --> 01:38:57,638
Member of the GOP. Yeah, you know me.

2138
01:38:57,682 --> 01:38:59,344
You're a Republican?

2139
01:38:59,392 --> 01:39:02,305
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
This shit has worked out so far for me.

2140
01:39:02,353 --> 01:39:05,437
What the fuck, man?
All that shit you're always saying to me!

2141
01:39:05,481 --> 01:39:09,270
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
And being in charge of your own destiny.

2142
01:39:09,318 --> 01:39:11,560
- Republican shit.
- And it worked on me!

2143
01:39:11,612 --> 01:39:13,228
And it works on a lot of people.

2144
01:39:13,281 --> 01:39:15,238
- Oh, that's fucking sick!
- That's right.

2145
01:39:15,283 --> 01:39:17,024
Ugh! That's gross!

2146
01:39:17,076 --> 01:39:18,942
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain

2147
01:39:18,995 --> 01:39:21,078
and it made me feel good...
that's fucked up, man!

2148
01:39:21,122 --> 01:39:23,559
Come on. This is what I'm talking about,
your negative way of thinking.

2149
01:39:23,583 --> 01:39:25,950
- I don't even know you!
- What do you mean?

2150
01:39:26,002 --> 01:39:28,289
I'm the same dude from two minutes ago.
Your best friend.

2151
01:39:28,337 --> 01:39:29,481
Why did you never tell me this?

2152
01:39:29,505 --> 01:39:31,817
'Cause I knew you'd act
exactly how you're acting right now.

2153
01:39:31,841 --> 01:39:33,207
Wait a minute.

2154
01:39:33,259 --> 01:39:35,988
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us.

2155
01:39:36,012 --> 01:39:37,128
Take it easy.

2156
01:39:37,180 --> 01:39:38,866
There's someone watching
over us at all times.

2157
01:39:38,890 --> 01:39:40,472
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...

2158
01:39:40,516 --> 01:39:42,098
I'm a man of Christian faith.

2159
01:39:42,143 --> 01:39:44,476
What the fuck!

2160
01:39:44,520 --> 01:39:47,479
- Come on now! We pray for you!
- Don't pray for me! Keep it!

2161
01:39:47,523 --> 01:39:49,560
- Lord...
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!

2162
01:39:49,609 --> 01:39:51,521
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!

2163
01:39:51,569 --> 01:39:54,687
- You are trippin' right now.
- I'm not! How could you be Christian?

2164
01:39:54,739 --> 01:39:58,483
I wear this cross every day
since you've known me!

2165
01:39:58,534 --> 01:40:01,197
- What did you think it was for?
- I thought it was a...

2166
01:40:02,246 --> 01:40:03,612
cultural thing.

2167
01:40:03,664 --> 01:40:05,371
You mean, like, 'cause I'm black?

2168
01:40:06,792 --> 01:40:07,953
That's what I thought, yeah.

2169
01:40:08,544 --> 01:40:11,833
That might be. But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.

2170
01:40:11,881 --> 01:40:13,873
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!

2171
01:40:13,925 --> 01:40:15,541
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!

2172
01:40:15,593 --> 01:40:18,176
All right, dude, I love you, man.

2173
01:40:18,721 --> 01:40:20,963
But you're very judgmental.

2174
01:40:21,015 --> 01:40:24,599
They don't want politics to get into this,
because you've never really been good

2175
01:40:24,644 --> 01:40:27,478
at looking at shit
from other people's perspective, Fred.

2176
01:40:27,522 --> 01:40:28,558
I know.

2177
01:40:28,606 --> 01:40:32,145
It might explain why you haven't been able
to look at this through Charlotte's eyes.

2178
01:40:32,193 --> 01:40:37,154
I'm sorry you couldn't be who you are
around me and had to hide your true self.

2179
01:40:37,198 --> 01:40:39,406
- That's really fucked up.
- It's all right, man.

2180
01:40:39,450 --> 01:40:43,319
But my love for the GOP and the G-O-D

2181
01:40:43,371 --> 01:40:45,237
has nothing to do with us.

2182
01:40:45,289 --> 01:40:49,374
I'm racist. You're a Republican.
I don't know what the fuck's going on.

2183
01:40:49,502 --> 01:40:51,021
- [chattering]
- [camera shutters clicking]

2184
01:40:51,045 --> 01:40:53,002
[James] Pollsters suggest
I should get into yoga.

2185
01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:56,131
Which I did and it turns out,
I don't really like yoga.

2186
01:40:56,175 --> 01:41:00,636
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say, "Fuck the polls"?

2187
01:41:00,680 --> 01:41:06,096
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.

2188
01:41:06,143 --> 01:41:07,850
So I shouldn't laugh in public.

2189
01:41:07,895 --> 01:41:11,388
That was a bit of a bummer,
'cause I really... I like to laugh.

2190
01:41:11,440 --> 01:41:12,931
- A lot.
- Hmm.

2191
01:41:12,942 --> 01:41:15,776
Um, but we came up with another laugh
that was better.

2192
01:41:15,820 --> 01:41:18,528
- That's more, uh... presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.

2193
01:41:18,573 --> 01:41:20,235
[laughing]

2194
01:41:20,283 --> 01:41:22,775
- That's good.
- A lot of teeth and not so much sound.

2195
01:41:22,827 --> 01:41:25,365
- Yeah.
- [slurps] Mmm.

2196
01:41:25,413 --> 01:41:29,282
So, um, after dinner,
how about we go for a drink somewhere?

2197
01:41:29,333 --> 01:41:30,824
Ooh.

2198
01:41:30,876 --> 01:41:33,584
I know this great little place
not too far from here.

2199
01:41:33,629 --> 01:41:35,086
It's called Mini Bar.

2200
01:41:36,048 --> 01:41:39,462
It's quite exclusive.
You need a little key to access it.

2201
01:41:40,303 --> 01:41:44,138
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.

2202
01:41:44,181 --> 01:41:45,672
Mmm.

2203
01:41:45,725 --> 01:41:48,684
It's actually more of a small fridge
than a bar, and it's in my room...

2204
01:41:48,728 --> 01:41:51,220
- No, I get it.
- I'm inviting you back to my room.

2205
01:41:51,272 --> 01:41:53,889
- I...
- [high-pitched laugh]

2206
01:41:55,610 --> 01:41:57,897
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!

2207
01:41:57,945 --> 01:42:01,404
I don't know why
they told you not to use that laugh.

2208
01:42:02,825 --> 01:42:05,158
- It's...
- [slurps loudly]

2209
01:42:10,750 --> 01:42:12,412
Big day tomorrow, Madam Secretary.

2210
01:42:12,460 --> 01:42:15,168
[woman on radio]...<i>amid rampant
speculation that tomorrow...</i>

2211
01:42:15,171 --> 01:42:17,333
Yeah. Big day.

2212
01:42:17,381 --> 01:42:19,247
<i>...will be a campaign announcement.</i>

2213
01:42:35,650 --> 01:42:36,891
[sighs]

2214
01:42:36,901 --> 01:42:39,439
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."

2215
01:42:48,329 --> 01:42:50,161
[phone ringing]

2216
01:43:02,593 --> 01:43:03,674
Hello?

2217
01:43:05,388 --> 01:43:06,720
Beep.

2218
01:43:06,722 --> 01:43:09,510
<i>Oh, uh, guess I got your voice mail.
Um, hi.</i>

2219
01:43:10,101 --> 01:43:11,387
It's Fred.

2220
01:43:12,436 --> 01:43:15,725
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.

2221
01:43:15,731 --> 01:43:19,725
You were right about everything
and I was wrong about everything.

2222
01:43:21,654 --> 01:43:26,069
And we should go along with the plan.

2223
01:43:26,117 --> 01:43:29,827
<i>I can be Marilyn. I can be your Marilyn.</i>

2224
01:43:30,579 --> 01:43:32,195
I'd rather be your Lady Bird,

2225
01:43:32,248 --> 01:43:35,958
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.

2226
01:43:36,001 --> 01:43:37,617
[chuckles softly]

2227
01:43:37,670 --> 01:43:42,790
But I would do anything to continue
to be able to be with you.

2228
01:43:46,595 --> 01:43:47,802
Okay, bye.

2229
01:43:59,650 --> 01:44:00,857
- [knocking]
- [door opens]

2230
01:44:02,194 --> 01:44:03,856
So, we're losing the trees, huh?

2231
01:44:03,904 --> 01:44:06,521
Yeah. POTUS talked me out of it.

2232
01:44:06,574 --> 01:44:09,032
I know that meant a lot to you.
I'm so sorry.

2233
01:44:09,034 --> 01:44:12,448
Mmm, nothing we can do about it.
We need his endorsement.

2234
01:44:12,496 --> 01:44:14,658
- Yep.
- Yep.

2235
01:44:17,501 --> 01:44:20,039
And I am sorry about you and Fred.

2236
01:44:23,340 --> 01:44:25,081
You know, he called last night.

2237
01:44:26,177 --> 01:44:28,510
He said he'd do it.
He'd go along with the plan.

2238
01:44:28,554 --> 01:44:31,547
[exhales] Really? Wow.

2239
01:44:31,599 --> 01:44:33,716
That's a shock.

2240
01:44:35,478 --> 01:44:38,892
Um... okay.

2241
01:44:38,939 --> 01:44:41,682
- I-I'll start to make arrangements.
- No, Maggie.

2242
01:44:42,276 --> 01:44:43,733
There's nothing to do.

2243
01:44:43,778 --> 01:44:45,986
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.

2244
01:44:48,908 --> 01:44:52,026
Well, today is such a good day,

2245
01:44:52,077 --> 01:44:54,069
and I am so excited.

2246
01:44:54,121 --> 01:44:55,532
We should be psyched.

2247
01:44:55,581 --> 01:44:58,039
So psyched. [chuckles] Yeah.

2248
01:44:58,083 --> 01:45:01,121
- All right, I will see you out there.
- All right.

2249
01:45:20,648 --> 01:45:21,684
[Lance] Hey, man.

2250
01:45:22,650 --> 01:45:23,731
Can I get a beer?

2251
01:45:25,402 --> 01:45:27,940
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.

2252
01:45:27,988 --> 01:45:30,696
How you feelin' though?

2253
01:45:30,741 --> 01:45:33,324
[exhales] Okay, you know, you were right.

2254
01:45:33,369 --> 01:45:35,782
I called her. I left a message.
She didn't call me back.

2255
01:45:35,830 --> 01:45:37,537
So... whatever.

2256
01:45:38,165 --> 01:45:39,701
You sure you wanna watch this?

2257
01:45:40,251 --> 01:45:41,867
Yeah, I have to.

2258
01:45:44,213 --> 01:45:47,706
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you to Lil Yachty.

2259
01:45:47,758 --> 01:45:49,361
He's going to be performing
after the speech.

2260
01:45:49,385 --> 01:45:51,047
Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yachty.

2261
01:45:51,095 --> 01:45:53,462
I'm a big-ass fan.
I'm so excited to vote for you.

2262
01:45:53,514 --> 01:45:55,597
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- [clears throat] Okay.

2263
01:45:57,518 --> 01:45:59,601
- [triumphant music playing]
- [audience cheering]

2264
01:46:07,695 --> 01:46:09,607
[cheering continues on TV]

2265
01:46:13,742 --> 01:46:14,778
Good morning!

2266
01:46:14,827 --> 01:46:18,286
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.

2267
01:46:19,540 --> 01:46:23,204
Let me start by saying something
I haven't said since I was 16

2268
01:46:23,252 --> 01:46:25,289
and worked at Blockbuster Video.

2269
01:46:25,337 --> 01:46:27,454
[laughter]

2270
01:46:27,506 --> 01:46:28,667
I quit...

2271
01:46:28,716 --> 01:46:30,457
- [chuckles]
- I helped write that joke.

2272
01:46:30,509 --> 01:46:31,875
That's a good joke.

2273
01:46:31,927 --> 01:46:34,010
<i>...as secretary of state,</i>

2274
01:46:34,054 --> 01:46:39,015
in order to run for president
of the United States of America.

2275
01:46:39,059 --> 01:46:40,766
[cheering]

2276
01:46:42,313 --> 01:46:44,270
[chuckling] God bless.

2277
01:46:46,775 --> 01:46:49,267
And I'm honored

2278
01:46:49,320 --> 01:46:53,109
to have the full support
of President Chambers,

2279
01:46:53,157 --> 01:46:55,023
a man I greatly admire,

2280
01:46:55,659 --> 01:46:58,527
<i>a man who is an extraordinary leader.</i>

2281
01:46:59,538 --> 01:47:01,154
Man, you know who you should date?

2282
01:47:02,499 --> 01:47:03,660
Taylor Swift.

2283
01:47:05,127 --> 01:47:07,084
Hell, yeah. I could see that.

2284
01:47:07,129 --> 01:47:10,873
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?

2285
01:47:10,925 --> 01:47:12,757
Fred, you were dating Charlotte Field.

2286
01:47:12,801 --> 01:47:15,259
- That's the most powerful woman on Earth.
- Oh, I get it.

2287
01:47:15,846 --> 01:47:18,463
I don't know what me and Taylor Swift
have in common.

2288
01:47:19,391 --> 01:47:23,135
Y'all white.
Ain't got a care in the world.

2289
01:47:23,187 --> 01:47:24,223
That's true.

2290
01:47:24,271 --> 01:47:28,811
But this campaign is not about me.
It's about you.

2291
01:47:28,859 --> 01:47:30,976
- It's about us.
- [woman whoops]

2292
01:47:31,028 --> 01:47:32,860
It's about how together

2293
01:47:32,905 --> 01:47:36,945
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.

2294
01:47:36,992 --> 01:47:38,699
[all cheering]

2295
01:47:40,120 --> 01:47:43,033
I have dreamt about this moment...

2296
01:47:43,082 --> 01:47:47,497
[exhales] ever since I was a little girl
growing up in the nation's capital.

2297
01:47:50,089 --> 01:47:53,673
And I know that if that young girl

2298
01:47:53,717 --> 01:47:57,051
could see me standing up here right now...

2299
01:47:59,848 --> 01:48:01,055
[sighs]

2300
01:48:02,309 --> 01:48:05,097
<i>she would be so...</i>

2301
01:48:07,147 --> 01:48:08,263
[clicks tongue]

2302
01:48:08,315 --> 01:48:09,931
she would be...

2303
01:48:16,573 --> 01:48:17,734
What's happening?

2304
01:48:19,243 --> 01:48:22,827
sh-she would be so
disappointed in me, actually.

2305
01:48:24,623 --> 01:48:26,740
Yeah, the truth is, that girl...

2306
01:48:28,002 --> 01:48:30,790
would want me to be honest
and have integrity

2307
01:48:30,838 --> 01:48:36,084
and not be blackmailed
by evil people with evil agendas.

2308
01:48:37,636 --> 01:48:39,377
So instead, I'm just gonna...

2309
01:48:39,430 --> 01:48:42,548
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.

2310
01:48:42,599 --> 01:48:44,261
<i>- So here we go.</i>
- [microphone feedback]

2311
01:48:44,309 --> 01:48:48,178
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...

2312
01:48:48,230 --> 01:48:49,311
Whoo!

2313
01:48:49,356 --> 01:48:52,394
<i>...are doing some evil shit together.
And because I just told you now,</i>

2314
01:48:52,443 --> 01:48:55,902
<i>they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated</i>

2315
01:48:55,946 --> 01:48:58,404
<i>jerking off all over himself.</i>

2316
01:48:58,449 --> 01:49:01,362
Release the video.
Get the fucking thing online!

2317
01:49:01,410 --> 01:49:03,823
But don't slut-shame me. I...

2318
01:49:05,205 --> 01:49:08,698
I like him. I like him a lot.

2319
01:49:08,751 --> 01:49:10,834
Fred, you gotta go to her.

2320
01:49:12,796 --> 01:49:14,458
Go get her ass, man.

2321
01:49:15,090 --> 01:49:16,581
And he jerks off.

2322
01:49:18,719 --> 01:49:20,881
And so do all of you.

2323
01:49:20,929 --> 01:49:23,387
- Hell, yeah.
- So deal with it.

2324
01:49:24,183 --> 01:49:25,719
Deal with it, America.

2325
01:49:34,651 --> 01:49:36,643
Hey! I'm Fred!

2326
01:49:36,653 --> 01:49:38,360
Is that an XL?

2327
01:49:38,405 --> 01:49:41,068
I've got five stars in it
if you could speed this shit up, man!

2328
01:49:41,116 --> 01:49:43,904
We'll give you extra tip, real tip.
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!

2329
01:49:43,952 --> 01:49:46,035
- [all clamoring]
- Get back! Get back!

2330
01:49:49,333 --> 01:49:51,245
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.

2331
01:49:54,922 --> 01:49:56,483
[Maggie] She's leaving?
Where is she going?

2332
01:49:56,507 --> 01:49:58,234
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.

2333
01:49:58,258 --> 01:50:01,672
- You have to think past the itinerary!
- I can't.

2334
01:50:01,720 --> 01:50:03,740
[Lance] I just got a Wembley news alert
with your name on it.

2335
01:50:03,764 --> 01:50:04,800
[Fred] Don't open it!

2336
01:50:04,848 --> 01:50:08,012
[Fred on video] <i>Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!</i>

2337
01:50:08,018 --> 01:50:09,509
[laughing] Oh, Fred!

2338
01:50:09,561 --> 01:50:12,679
Oh, no. Oh, no.

2339
01:50:12,731 --> 01:50:15,348
Hey, it's all right, man.
You know, we all got our things.

2340
01:50:15,400 --> 01:50:19,394
- I don't bust a nut on my face, but...
- It's not like a thing I do!

2341
01:50:19,446 --> 01:50:22,564
- [guffaws]
- Do you think that'll, like, go viral?

2342
01:50:23,617 --> 01:50:25,279
This is the news!

2343
01:50:25,786 --> 01:50:27,618
- [Fred] Fuck.
- [Lance] Oh, shit!

2344
01:50:35,337 --> 01:50:38,796
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.

2345
01:50:38,841 --> 01:50:42,505
<i>Secretary Field just drove away.
No comment as to her destination.</i>

2346
01:50:42,553 --> 01:50:44,670
<i>We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...</i>

2347
01:50:44,721 --> 01:50:46,491
[cameraman] <i>Yo, check it out.
It's the come guy!</i>

2348
01:50:46,515 --> 01:50:47,951
- [man] <i>Where? That's him?</i>
- [reporter] <i>Oh, sir.</i>

2349
01:50:47,975 --> 01:50:49,661
<i>Just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.</i>

2350
01:50:49,685 --> 01:50:51,642
<i>No! I'm "come guy"?</i>

2351
01:50:52,229 --> 01:50:55,313
No comments at this time, thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!

2352
01:50:55,357 --> 01:50:57,724
- Do not touch him!
- Where the fuck is she?

2353
01:51:12,416 --> 01:51:13,497
Hi.

2354
01:51:14,251 --> 01:51:15,458
Holy shit.

2355
01:51:17,963 --> 01:51:19,249
Did you see my speech?

2356
01:51:20,215 --> 01:51:22,958
Yeah. I think everyone saw it.

2357
01:51:23,552 --> 01:51:24,838
Yeah.

2358
01:51:27,514 --> 01:51:29,221
You know, your video's out there.

2359
01:51:30,100 --> 01:51:32,433
Yeah, I caught that. [chuckles]

2360
01:51:38,984 --> 01:51:40,691
Here's the deal. I love you.

2361
01:51:42,738 --> 01:51:43,979
I know I do.

2362
01:51:44,781 --> 01:51:47,819
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.

2363
01:51:50,454 --> 01:51:55,074
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.

2364
01:51:56,710 --> 01:51:58,702
Just me and Saddam.

2365
01:52:01,798 --> 01:52:03,630
And this is way scarier.

2366
01:52:06,720 --> 01:52:08,131
I love you.

2367
01:52:11,433 --> 01:52:15,677
You're really gonna have to say something
right now, because I'm freaking out.

2368
01:52:18,440 --> 01:52:20,898
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.

2369
01:52:23,028 --> 01:52:25,736
[breathing shakily, chuckles]

2370
01:52:32,412 --> 01:52:34,870
[doorbell buzzing]

2371
01:52:42,047 --> 01:52:43,083
Oh.

2372
01:52:44,424 --> 01:52:45,460
Hello?

2373
01:52:45,509 --> 01:52:48,297
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here

2374
01:52:48,345 --> 01:52:51,088
and they want to talk to the candidate
and the come guy.

2375
01:52:51,139 --> 01:52:53,005
So, I figured they'd hit you.

2376
01:53:04,278 --> 01:53:06,440
[all cheering]

2377
01:53:13,495 --> 01:53:14,906
[Lance] Fred!

2378
01:53:16,123 --> 01:53:17,534
Fred!

2379
01:53:22,796 --> 01:53:25,459
A crazy day.

2380
01:53:25,757 --> 01:53:27,840
But I'm really glad you're all here.

2381
01:53:27,884 --> 01:53:30,376
I'd like to introduce you to someone.

2382
01:53:31,513 --> 01:53:32,674
This is Fred.

2383
01:53:33,432 --> 01:53:34,468
Hi there.

2384
01:53:35,976 --> 01:53:38,218
- My boyfriend.
- [all cheering]

2385
01:53:38,270 --> 01:53:39,477
Whoo!

2386
01:53:42,858 --> 01:53:44,645
You kind of know him already,

2387
01:53:44,693 --> 01:53:48,312
but you'll get to know him a lot more
in the next few months...

2388
01:53:49,364 --> 01:53:51,777
'cause he's gonna be right by my side
on my campaign trail.

2389
01:53:51,825 --> 01:53:53,862
[all cheering, applauding]

2390
01:53:56,288 --> 01:53:58,975
[cheering louder]

2391
01:54:02,878 --> 01:54:04,790
Wakanda forever!

2392
01:54:12,763 --> 01:54:14,755
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2393
01:54:14,806 --> 01:54:18,425
[all chanting] Charlotte! Charlotte!
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2394
01:54:18,477 --> 01:54:20,343
[Lance] I started this chant!

2395
01:54:20,395 --> 01:54:22,387
I started that chant!

2396
01:54:25,984 --> 01:54:28,317
<i>...that I will faithfully
execute the office</i>

2397
01:54:28,362 --> 01:54:30,445
<i>of the president of the United States.</i>

2398
01:54:30,489 --> 01:54:33,402
[female reporter] <i>What a momentous day.
Our first female president.</i>

2399
01:54:33,450 --> 01:54:35,112
<i>I never thought I'd see it.</i>

2400
01:54:35,160 --> 01:54:37,072
<i>Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say</i>

2401
01:54:37,120 --> 01:54:39,032
<i>this is a historic moment
for women everywhere.</i>

2402
01:54:39,081 --> 01:54:42,370
<i>But do we want her finger on the button
when it's that time of the month?</i>

2403
01:54:42,417 --> 01:54:45,660
<i>I wouldn't want my wife making any
decision during that time of the month.</i>

2404
01:54:45,712 --> 01:54:47,624
<i>You know what? Fuck you guys. I quit.</i>

2405
01:54:47,672 --> 01:54:49,880
<i>Looks like it's someone's
time of the month</i>. [laughs]

2406
01:54:49,925 --> 01:54:52,570
<i>Looks like Aunt Flow is going to work
down at the Red River Casino... Oh!</i>

2407
01:54:52,594 --> 01:54:54,051
<i>Jesus Christ! Quick, quick, cut!</i>

2408
01:54:54,096 --> 01:54:58,136
Hi! I'm the First Mister
of the United States of America.

2409
01:54:58,183 --> 01:54:59,719
My name is Fred Field.

2410
01:54:59,768 --> 01:55:01,179
I took my wife's last name.

2411
01:55:01,228 --> 01:55:05,017
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.

2412
01:55:05,065 --> 01:55:07,933
We're starting with the portraits
of the first spouses.

2413
01:55:07,984 --> 01:55:09,771
Here we have Mamie Eisenhower.

2414
01:55:09,820 --> 01:55:10,901
Jackie Kennedy.

2415
01:55:10,946 --> 01:55:13,689
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.

2416
01:55:13,740 --> 01:55:16,357
And that leads us into my portrait.

2417
01:55:16,410 --> 01:55:20,825
It was painted by Todd McFarlane,
who created the <i>Spawn</i> comics, of course.

2418
01:55:20,872 --> 01:55:23,034
<i>The first versions
were a little over the top.</i>

2419
01:55:24,709 --> 01:55:25,745
Hi, guys.

2420
01:55:25,794 --> 01:55:28,582
[Fred] <i>I used to think the best way
for me to change the world,</i>

2421
01:55:28,630 --> 01:55:30,483
to make it a better place
was through journalism.

2422
01:55:30,507 --> 01:55:32,068
And I've realized
that's not at all the case.

2423
01:55:32,092 --> 01:55:35,551
Really, the best thing
I could be doing for the world

2424
01:55:35,595 --> 01:55:40,306
is just supporting this amazing person
and just trying to learn from her

2425
01:55:40,350 --> 01:55:44,390
and kinda just trying to be
the best First Mister I can be.

2426
01:55:44,438 --> 01:55:47,101
I actually got a tattoo
of the First Mister insignia.

2427
01:55:47,149 --> 01:55:49,106
- He did.
- There we are.

2428
01:55:49,901 --> 01:55:52,359
- You're wearing mittens.
- I got little mittens on.

2429
01:55:52,404 --> 01:55:54,942
If you think of where this tattoo started
to where it ended up,

2430
01:55:54,990 --> 01:55:56,856
it really has an amazing arc to it.

2431
01:55:56,908 --> 01:55:59,776
[interviewer] What are some of the perks
of your new roles?

2432
01:55:59,828 --> 01:56:02,616
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.

2433
01:56:03,206 --> 01:56:05,198
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.

2434
01:56:05,250 --> 01:56:06,970
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.

2435
01:56:07,002 --> 01:56:08,038
- Don't.
- I won't say.

2436
01:56:08,086 --> 01:56:09,939
- Fred, I'm not kidding around.
- It's not who you think!

2437
01:56:09,963 --> 01:56:12,546
- Don't do it.
- It's pretty surprising.

2438
01:56:13,383 --> 01:56:14,965
He's my Mister.

2439
01:56:15,010 --> 01:56:17,923
I'm her Mister. And she's my president.