Justin: I'VE GIVEN UP THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE
TO ADDICTION AND ILLNESS.
AT THIS POINT, I'M KILLING MYSELF.
Woman: HE CAN'T STOP.
HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW.
Woman #2: IT'S TERRIFYING TO THINK THAT AT ANY MOMENT
YOUR HEART COULD EXPLODE.
Woman #3: I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO LIVE YET.
WHY ARE YOU JUMPING ON MY CASE?
YOU'RE OVEREATING AND YOU ACT LIKE IT IS OUR FAULT.
I KNOW THAT I'M DYING.
I KNOW THAT I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
I WOULD NEVER HAVE JUST UP AND LEFT, JUSTIN.
BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE.
--Captions by VITAC-- www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
Justin: WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,
I'M IN DISBELIEF AT HOW BAD I'VE LET THINGS GET
BECAUSE OF HOW OUT OF CONTROL MY WEIGHT'S GOTTEN.
I'VE GOTTEN SO BIG NOW,
DOING JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING IS DIFFICULT.
EVERY DAY IT GETS HARDER TO MOVE, HARDER TO STAND,
HARDER TO WALK, AND HARDER TO BREATHE.
SO IT TAKES JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING IN ME
TO FINALLY CONVINCE MYSELF TO GET UP
BECAUSE I KNOW HOW BAD IT'S GOING TO BE.
BUT IT'S A STRUGGLE, AND I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY.
SO WHEN THAT FIRST WAVE OF PAIN HITS ME,
I START TO PANIC A LITTLE BECAUSE MY MIND STARTS RACING
WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG.
SO MY LIFE JUST FEELS LIKE A CONSTANT BATTLE
TO DO EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS NOW.
AND IT MAKES ME FEEL A LOT OF SHAME BECAUSE I KNOW
I'M THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME FOR THAT.
SO WHEN I GO IN THE BATHROOM,
I DO EVERYTHING I CAN NOT TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR
BECAUSE WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I SEE A MISTAKE,
AND SOMEONE WHO'S DESTROYED HIS LIFE FOR FOOD
BY BECOMING ONE OF THE LARGEST PEOPLE ALIVE.
SO SEEING IT IS EVEN WORSE THAN FEELING IT AT TIMES.
AND ONE OF THE HARDEST AND SCARIEST PARTS OF MY DAY
IS SHOWERING BECAUSE I LIVE ALONE
AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO CHECKS ON ME IS MY MOM.
SO IF SOMETHING HAPPENS AND I FALL,
I KNOW THAT IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY BAD.
AND AT MY SIZE,
FALLING WOULD CAUSE SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE TO MY BODY.
I KNOW I'M ONE MISSTEP FROM NOT ONLY BEING TRAPPED IN MY BODY,
BUT BEING TRAPPED IN MY BED RELYING ON SOMEBODY ELSE.
I DON'T WANT TO LET MYSELF GET TO THE POINT
WHERE I STOP KEEPING UP WITH MY BASIC HYGIENE.
BUT I KNOW I'M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE SOON,
ALL THIS WILL BE TOO MUCH FOR ME,
AND I'LL BE TOO BIG TO GET UP AND DO ANYTHING
ALL BECAUSE I WON'T STOP EATING.
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I DO ALL DAY LONG NOW.
I HAVE MY FOOD SET UP FOR DELIVERY
AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF THE DAY,
SO I ALWAYS HAVE WHAT I NEED, AND I NEVER HAVE TO GO OUT
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO EVER GO OUT.
AND WHAT I DO IS STAY HERE AND EAT.
HOW YOU DOING? -I'M ALL RIGHT.
HOW ARE YOU? YOU GOT IT?
YES.
AND A LOT OF DAYS, THE ONLY PEOPLE I'LL SEE
OR TALK TO ARE THE DELIVERY PEOPLE.
BUT THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO,
AND DOING NORMAL THINGS AND HAVING A NORMAL DAY
IS JUST NOT SOMETHING THAT'S POSSIBLE FOR ME ANYMORE.
SO I JUST EAT BECAUSE FOOD ALWAYS MAKES ME HAPPY.
IT HELPS ME FORGET ABOUT ALL THE DISGUST
AND FEAR AND PAIN IN MY LIFE,
AND IT'S LIKE IT TRANSPORTS ME TO THIS BETTER PLACE
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
BUT IT'S ONLY AS LONG AS I'M EATING,
SO I DON'T REALLY EVER WANT TO STOP, BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
I KNOW FOOD IS WHY MY LIFE IS LIKE THIS.
AND THE MORE I EAT, THE WORSE IT GETS,
AND I KNOW THAT.
AS I'M EATING, THERE'S LIKE THIS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE OF,
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
YOU DON'T NEED THIS.
THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU.
PUT IT DOWN. STOP."
BUT EVEN THOUGH I'M THINKING ALL THOSE THINGS
AND I KNOW THOSE THINGS,
IT'S LIKE IT'S A SEPARATE PART OF ME THAT'S SAYING THAT.
AND THE PART OF ME THAT WANTS TO ESCAPE ALWAYS WINS OUT,
AND IT HAS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
MY ISSUE WITH FOOD STARTED REALLY YOUNG
BECAUSE MY EARLY CHILDHOOD WAS HARD.
I DIDN'T FULLY REALIZE IT AT THE TIME,
BUT MY MOM DEVELOPED A DRUG PROBLEM.
SHE HURT HER BACK AND WITH THAT GOT ADDICTED TO PAINKILLERS.
AND WHEN THEY STOPPED HER PRESCRIPTION,
SHE EVENTUALLY STARTED GOING TO HARDER STUFF LIKE HEROIN.
BUT AS A CHILD, ALL I KNEW
WAS THAT MY MOM STARTED TO BECOME UNRELIABLE,
AND SHE WOULD EVEN JUST VANISH FOR PERIODS OF TIME.
SO I REMEMBER EVERYTHING FELT UNCERTAIN,
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HER,
OR WHETHER SHE'D EVEN BE AROUND.
AND THAT AFFECTED MY FATHER, TOO,
BECAUSE HE HAD TO WORK AND TAKE CARE OF ME.
SO WHEN I WAS AROUND 4, HE DECIDED TO LEAVE HER,
AND HE GOT FULL CUSTODY OF ME.
I WAS DRIVING TRUCKS OVER THE ROAD,
AND I WAS AWARDED CUSTODY.
AND HIS MOTHER WOULD SAY,
"WELL, I'LL BE THERE TO PICK YOU UP THIS WEEKEND,"
AND THE POOR KID WOULD GET READY TWO DAYS IN ADVANCE,
AND SHE WOULD NOT SHOW.
Justin: SO FOR A WHILE IT WAS JUST ME AND MY DAD,
BUT HE GOT REMARRIED WHEN I WAS 5,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, MY WHOLE WORLD CHANGED
AND I HAD THIS NEW FAMILY
I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE I FIT IN.
I HAD A STEPSISTER AND A HALF SISTER,
AND MY STEPMOM WAS GENERALLY THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD
WHILE MY DAD WAS WORKING A LOT.
IT SORT OF MADE ME LIKE THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION
OF THE "RED-HEADED STEPCHILD."
I ALWAYS KNEW THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO WASN'T WANTED.
SO I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME IN MY ROOM ALONE.
BUT WHEN I WAS AROUND 10,
MY MOM STARTED TO COME BACK INTO MY LIFE.
SHE WAS TRYING TO GET CLEAN, SO FOR A WHILE,
SHE BECAME RELIABLE.
AND SHE STARTED TO COME TO VISIT ME
AND TAKE ME FOR WEEKENDS,
AND THAT WAS A REALLY HAPPY TIME FOR ME.
AND MY MOM HAD A COUPLE OF SORT OF ROUTINES WITH ME.
SHE WOULD PICK ME UP ON THE WEEKEND
AND WE'D ALWAYS PICK UP A PIZZA,
AND THEN GO PICK UP A MOVIE FROM THE LOCAL MOVIE RENTAL PLACE.
AND WE'D HAVE PIZZA THAT NIGHT, AND WE'D WATCH THAT MOVIE,
AND IT FELT LIKE SOMETHING THAT I COULD COUNT ON.
SO ALL WEEK, I WOULD LOOK FORWARD TO MY WEEKENDS WITH HER
WHERE I FELT WANTED AND LOVED.
AND WHEN I WAS WITH HER, MY MOM ALWAYS FED ME SOMETHING GOOD.
TO THIS DAY, JUSTIN STILL LOVES MY SAUSAGE GRAVY.
AND WHEN I VISIT, HE WANTS -- HE WANTS ME TO MAKE IT FOR HIM.
THAT'S ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS HE WANTS ME TO MAKE.
Justin: MY MOM WOULD JUST CONSTANTLY FEED ME,
SO THAT'S WHEN FOOD BECAME SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE
BECAUSE IT STARTED TO BECOME ASSOCIATED WITH BEING WITH HER.
AND THE TIME THAT I GAINED THE MOST
WAS WHEN I STAYED WITH HER FOR A WHILE DURING THE SUMMER.
FIRST TIME THAT JUSTIN'S WEIGHT GAIN WAS THAT BLATANT TO ME,
HE WAS WITH HIS MOTHER FOR LIKE FOUR WEEKS.
AND THEN WHEN HE CAME IN THE DOOR, I WAS STARTLED.
IT WAS LIKE HE PUT ON 30 POUNDS IN FOUR WEEKS.
Justin: I KNEW MY WEIGHT GAIN WAS GETTING BAD EVEN THEN,
BUT I DIDN'T CARE.
ALL THAT I CARED ABOUT WAS THAT I WAS WITH MY MOM
AND I FELT LOVED.
SO IT NOT ONLY CONTINUED, BUT IT GOT WORSE THE FOLLOWING YEAR
BECAUSE AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF OF BEING STABLE IN MY LIFE,
MY MOM STARTED TO STRUGGLE WITH FALLING BACK INTO OLD HABITS
AND DOING DRUGS AGAIN.
BECAUSE I STRUGGLED WITH MY ADDICTIONS FOR A LONG TIME
AND I FELL BACK AND I MOVED FORWARD
AND I FELL BACK AND I MOVED FORWARD,
AND JUSTIN NEVER KNEW WHETHER HE COULD COUNT ON ME,
WHETHER HE COULD TRUST ME BECAUSE I WAS GONNA DISAPPEAR
AND LET HIM DOWN AGAIN LIKE I HAD DONE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
Justin: WHEN MY MOM VANISHED AGAIN, I WAS DEVASTATED,
AND I FELT SO ALONE.
MY DAD WAS STILL ON THE ROAD ALMOST ALL THE TIME STILL,
SO THE ONLY TIME THAT I REALLY FELT SAFE WAS WHEN I WAS EATING.
AND I GOT UP TO AROUND 200 POUNDS WHEN I WAS 14.
SO I WAS PUTTING ON A LOT IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
AND I FEEL LIKE MY STEPMOM ONLY MADE IT WORSE
BECAUSE WHEN SHE NOTICED I WAS GETTING A LOT BIGGER,
SHE TRIED TO CUT OFF MY FOOD TO STOP ME.
AND THAT MADE ME ONLY WANT TO EAT EVEN MORE.
SO MY WEIGHT GAIN DIDN'T SLOW THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL
AND INTO COLLEGE.
AND WHEN I WAS 18, I WAS AROUND 320 TO 330 POUNDS.
WHEN I WENT OFF TO COLLEGE,
MY WEIGHT CONTINUED TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL
BECAUSE AT THAT POINT, I WAS AWAY FROM MY STEPMOM
SO THERE WAS NO ONE EVEN TRYING TO STOP ME FROM EATING.
SO I STARTED GAINING ABOUT 50 POUNDS EVERY YEAR,
AND I KNEW THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG,
AND I STARTED GETTING WORRIED
I WASN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO GRADUATE COLLEGE.
THANKFULLY, I WAS ABLE TO, JUST BARELY,
BUT I WAS CLOSE TO AROUND 550 WHEN I DID.
BUT BEING THAT BIG AT 22, I WASN'T ABLE TO GO OUT
AND GET A TRADITIONAL JOB IN AN OFFICE
BECAUSE I WAS TOO BIG FOR THAT.
BUT THANKFULLY, I WAS ABLE TO START A CAREER
THAT LET ME WORK FROM HOME.
I BECAME A WEB DESIGNER AND DID A LOT OF FREELANCE WORK.
AND I WAS GOOD AT IT SO I MADE GOOD MONEY FOR A WHILE.
I WAS ABLE TO BUY THE HOUSE I LIVE IN NOW
AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FOR A WHILE,
BUT I STARTED TO LIVE A RECLUSIVE LIFESTYLE
BEING AT HOME MOST OF THE TIME.
AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, I WAS STILL GAINING THROUGH ALL THIS,
AND IT WAS GETTING EVEN HARD TO DO SIMPLE THINGS
AND GO OUT AT ALL.
AND I STARTED TO HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY,
AND I GOT REALLY DEPRESSED.
AND WHEN IT GOT REALLY BAD WAS WHEN I WAS 26.
I WAS 600 POUNDS, AND I WASN'T LEAVING THE HOME
UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
I ORDERED EVERYTHING I NEEDED ONLINE.
I WAS STARTING TO COME UP WITH EXCUSES
TO NOT SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS.
BUT ONE DAY, I HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE AND GO OUT FOR WORK,
AND I STARTED TO FEEL MY CHEST TIGHTENING,
AND I COULDN'T BREATHE, SO I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL
FOR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A HEART ATTACK.
IT TURNED OUT TO JUST BE A PANIC ATTACK
THAT WAS ASSOCIATED WITH MY ANXIETY,
BUT IT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO SHOW ME WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
BUT THEY GOT MY WEIGHT WHEN I WAS THERE IN THE HOSPITAL,
AND I WAS OVER 600 POUNDS, AND I DIDN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT.
I THOUGHT THAT THE SCALE MUST HAVE BEEN WRONG.
I HAD JUST HAD A HARD TIME ACCEPTING
THAT I HAD LET IT ALL GET THIS BAD
AND THAT I WAS AT A POINT NOW
WHERE I WAS NOT ONLY HAVING TROUBLE FUNCTIONING
AND DOING WHAT I NEEDED,
BUT I WAS ALSO HAVING DEBILITATING ANXIETY ABOUT IT.
AND MY FEARS OF LEAVING THE HOUSE ALL REVOLVE
AROUND WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT
AND THEY COULDN'T GET ME OUT OF THE CAR,
OR IF I DIDN'T FIT IN THE PLACE THAT I EVENTUALLY WENT,
OR IF THERE WASN'T A PARKING SPACE CLOSE ENOUGH.
SO I HAD THIS FEAR OF GOING ANYWHERE,
AND MY ANXIETY ABOUT ALL OF THAT CONTINUED TO GET WORSE.
BUT A FEW YEARS BACK, I FOUND A THERAPIST WHO WOULD TRY
AND HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON.
AND SHE DIAGNOSED ME WITH AGORAPHOBIA.
AGORAPHOBIA IS THIS REALLY POWERFUL DREAD
THAT SOMETHING IS GOING TO GO WRONG
AND I'M GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HELPLESS.
AND THAT COMBINED WITH MY WEIGHT
HAS ALMOST MADE ME A COMPLETE SHUT IN NOW.
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY THINKS THEIR LIFE
IS GONNA END UP LIKE THIS.
THIS IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I HAD PLANNED.
I'VE GIVEN UP THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE
TO ADDICTION AND ILLNESS,
AND I'M ASHAMED OF THAT.
I'VE HAD TO COMPLETELY QUIT WORK AND GO ON DISABILITY.
AND THE DAY I HAD TO STOP WORKING, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME
I REALLY FELT LIKE I WAS WASTING MY LIFE.
AND SINCE THEN, IT'S FELT LIKE
I'M COMPLETELY WORTHLESS AND USELESS.
I'M 28 NOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY WEIGHT'S AT.
I JUST KNOW IT'S GETTING WORSE THAN EVER.
AND THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T BECOME A COMPLETE SHUT IN
IS THAT MY MOM HAS RECENTLY COME BACK INTO MY LIFE.
SE'S BEEN WORKING HARD TO TRY AND STAY CLEAN AGAIN.
AND NOW SHE COMES OVER EVERY OTHER DAY OR SO TO CHECK ON ME
AND SPEND TIME WITH ME AND FEED ME.
WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?
WHO'S HERE?
HEY, MOM. -HEY, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
-PRETTY GOOD. -GOOD.
HI, FINN. I BROUGHT SOME STUFF.
I FIGURED WE'D MAKE SOME SAUSAGE GRAVY, HOW'S THAT SOUND?
YEAH, I'M CLEANING UP RIGHT NOW.
OKAY.
MY FAVORITE MEAL IS STILL HER SAUSAGE GRAVY,
AND SO SHE MAKES THAT FOR ME A LOT.
Tara: WHEN I SAW JUSTIN AGAIN, I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE HAD GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT.
AND WHEN I SAW HIM AND HOW LARGE HE WAS,
IT WAS LIKE MY HEART BROKE FOR HIM.
IT JUST ABSOLUTELY BROKE.
Justin: I'M REALLY GLAD TO HAVE MY MOM BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN.
I STILL TALK TO MY DAD REGULARLY,
BUT HIM AND MY STEPMOM GOT DIVORCED
WHILE I WAS IN COLLEGE AND HE MOVED TO MYRTLE BEACH,
WHICH IS ABOUT THREE TO FOUR HOURS AWAY,
SO HE'S NOT AROUND, AND I HARDLY EVER SEE HIM.
AND OUTSIDE MY PARENTS, THERE'S NO ONE
I TALK TO OR SEE REGULARLY ANYMORE.
SO IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY MOM NOW, I'D PRETTY MUCH BE ALONE.
AND AT THIS POINT, SHE'S THE ONLY THING HOLDING ME BACK
AND SAVING ME FROM A COMPLETELY RECLUSIVE LIFE.
-YOU ABOUT READY FOR YOURS? -YEAH.
COULD I GET TWO WAFFLES WITH THAT?
-YEAH, SURE. -THANK YOU.
I LOOK FORWARD TO HER VISITS JUST LIKE I DID
WHEN I WAS YOUNG BECAUSE WHEN SHE'S HERE,
I FEEL LOVED AND WANTED JUST LIKE I DID THEN.
AND OUR ROUTINE IS THE SAME AS IT'S ALWAYS BEEN,
SO FOOD IS A BIG PART OF OUR TIME TOGETHER,
AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF THE WAYS
MY MOM SHOWS ME SHE CARES.
AND WHENEVER SHE MAKES ME SOMETHING,
IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY OUT THERE IS WILLING
TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY FOR ME AND THAT THEY CARE.
YOU WANT SALT AND PEPPER?
-NO, I'M GOOD. -YOU SURE?
-YEAH. -YOU HAVEN'T TASTED IT YET.
I SHOULD BE GOOD. THANK YOU.
SO I NEVER WANT THAT TIME AND THAT MEAL TO END.
AND I TRY TO SAVOR IT,
BUT IT'S HARD BECAUSE AT THE SAME TIME,
ALL I WANT IS THAT NEXT BITE.
AND I CAN'T GET ENOUGH.
AND AS LONG AS I HAVE MY MOM AND FOOD,
EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
YEAH, GOOD BOY.
BUT WHEN I'M DONE AND MY MOM HAS TO LEAVE,
IT'S LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE COMES CRASHING BACK DOWN ON ME
AND THE DEPRESSION AND FEAR SETS BACK IN.
IT WAS GOOD.
I KNOW IT WAS.
FINN, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR LITTLE BIT, TOO.
I'M SURE HE DID.
I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO HEAD OUT.
-DRIVE SAFE. -I WILL.
ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS NOW IS THAT SHE'LL LEAVE ME AGAIN
BECAUSE IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD,
I KNOW THERE'S ALWAYS THAT CHANCE IT COULD END UP
LIKE IN THE PAST WHERE SHE STARTS TO STRUGGLE
WITH OLD HABITS AND VANISHES AGAIN,
AND I'M REALLY SCARED OF THAT
BECAUSE IF THAT HAPPENS, I'D HAVE NO ONE.
SO WHAT I DO TO DEAL WITH THAT AND MAKE ALL THAT GO AWAY
IS I KEEP EATING.
FOOD KEEPS ALL THE PAIN AND MISERY AWAY,
SO I NEVER REALLY STOP.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN DEAL WITH IT ALL.
BUT AT THIS POINT, I KNOW I'M KILLING MYSELF WITH FOOD,
AND EVERY BITE I TAKE GETS ME CLOSER TO ENDING MY LIFE.
AND WHAT I FEEL IN MY BODY NOW,
THAT TYPE OF PAIN IS LIKE NOTHING
I'VE FELT BEFORE.
IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE,
BUT IT'S LIKE EVEN MY BONES HURT AT TIMES.
AND I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE MY BODY IS STARTING TO BREAK DOWN
BECAUSE OF ALL THE WEIGHT I'VE HAD ON IT FOR SO LONG.
I KNOW I'M NOT GONNA LIVE FOR MUCH LONGER
IF I KEEP DOING THIS.
SO I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE I KNOW THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
I COULD GO TO SLEEP ONE NIGHT AND JUST NOT WAKE UP.
BUT WHAT'S EVEN SCARIER TO ME IS THAT THERE ARE DAYS
WHERE I'M STARTING NOT TO CARE IF I DIE BECAUSE IT MEANS
I WON'T HAVE TO FIGHT ANYMORE.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP.
I WANT TO LIVE, BUT I KNOW MY BODY'S GONNA BREAK DOWN SOON,
AND I KNOW I'M GONNA DIE.
I KNOW I'M AT A POINT NOW WHERE I'VE LET MY WEIGHT
GET SO OUT OF CONTROL
THAT I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE,
SO I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO HOUSTON TO TRY AND SEE DR. NOW
BECAUSE I NEED SOMETHING LIKE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY HELPS PEOPLE MY SIZE.
BUT I'M JUST REALLY SCARED BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I'VE LEFT MY HOUSE
OR TRIED TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
SO I'M REALLY ANXIOUS AND NERVOUS RIGHT NOW
TO THE POINT WHERE IT'S MAKING PHYSICALLY ILL.
BUT I'M VERY THANKFUL THAT WHEN I TOLD MY MOM
I NEEDED TO DO THIS
THAT SHE SAID SHE'D GO WITH ME AND HELP ME.
-HEY, HON. -HEY.
-YOU ALL PACKED UP? -I THINK SO.
I DON'T KNOW, I HAVEN'T TAKEN A TRIP LIKE THIS IN A LONG TIME,
SO I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE OF EVERYTHING THAT I NEED,
BUT I THINK I HAVE IT ALL.
AT LEAST IT'S ONLY FOR A COUPLE DAYS.
IT WON'T BE THAT BAD.
JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.
KIND OF WANT TO JUST GET IT DONE.
YOU NERVOUS ABOUT BEING ON THE PLANE?
NOT SO MUCH FLYING JUST THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANE.
YEAH.
WELL, WHAT THEY SAY, WHAT THEY DO,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YEAH.
IT'S JUST A LONG TRIP,
SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME.
YEAH.
LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT. LET ME GRAB MY BAGS AND GET THEM OUT.
Tara: FOR JUSTIN TO TAKE THIS STEP,
IT MEANS EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO ME.
I'M HERE TO KEEP HIS SPIRITS UP.
I'M HERE TO BE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT I CAN BE
BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS THE ONLY WAY
THAT HE'S GOING TO BE ABLE TO FIND HELP.
Justin: FLYING OUT TO MEET DR. NOW
IS JUST GUT WRENCHING AT THIS POINT.
I'M SO NOT USED TO BEING OUT IN A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE AN AIRPORT.
BUT THE WAY I'M TRYING TO LOOK AT THIS IS
I'M ON A MISSION TO SAVE MY LIFE,
AND I NEED TO DO AND FACE WHATEVER IT TAKES,
NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS
IF I WANT TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE AROUND MUCH LONGER.
YEAH.
OKAY.
I'M TAKING DEEP BREATHS AND DOING ALL THE EXERCISES
I LEARNED IN THERAPY TO STAY CALM.
I JUST NEED TO HOLD IT TOGETHER FOR A LITTLE BIT.
SO I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE PLANE AS SOON AS I CAN
BECAUSE THIS IS ALREADY REALLY HARD FOR ME,
AND I'M GETTING A LITTLE SCARED.
AND I HAVEN'T EVER REALLY PUSHED MYSELF LIKE THIS,
SO I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M GONNA HIT A WALL
AND GET TO MY LIMIT.
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT WHERE THERE'S GOING TO BE CHAIRS
AND PLACES TO EVEN REST.
I'M MANAGING, BUT THE QUICKER WE CAN GET ON THE PLANE,
THE BETTER.
BEING FORCED TO STAND AND BE AROUND A LOT OF PEOPLE
WAS PRETTY MUCH THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO I DIDN'T WANT.
BUT I'M TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER,
AND I'M FREAKING OUT A LITTLE BIT.
Woman: WE WILL NOW BEGIN THE PRE-BOARD PROCESS
FOR FLIGHT 624 WITH SERVICES TO HOUSTON.
Justin: I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED BECAUSE MY LEGS
ARE REALLY HURTING, AND I NEED TO SIT DOWN.
SO I'M HOPING TO FIT IN THESE SEATS AND THERE'S NO ISSUES,
BUT IF I DON'T, I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
I'M REALLY HAPPY I MADE IT
AND THAT I'M FINALLY ON THE PLANE,
BUT BEING AT THE FRONT WITH EVERYONE PASSING ME BY
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M THIS FREAK ON DISPLAY.
AND I HAVEN'T EATEN IN A WHILE,
AND I KNOW THAT'S NOT HELPING MY EMOTIONAL STATE EITHER,
SO HOPEFULLY I'LL HAVE A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN
ONCE WE'RE IN THE AIR.
I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.
I'M STARTING TO GET FRUSTRATED.
AND JUST BEING IN AN ENCLOSED SPACE, IT'S NERVE WRACKING,
BUT I'M HOPING THE HARDEST PART OF THIS WHOLE TRIP
IS BEHIND ME NOW.
I'M REALLY GLAD WE'RE FINALLY HERE,
BUT I'M NOT REALLY GONNA BE ABLE TO WALK FAR
BECAUSE MY LEGS ARE DONE,
SO I HAVE TO GET SOME ASSISTANCE.
I JUST HOPE THEY HAVE A WHEELCHAIR
THAT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR ME
BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA FIT IN A REGULAR ONE.
AND IF THEY DON'T, I'M GONNA BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.
I'M TIRED, I'M HUNGRY, AND I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN,
BUT WE JUST NEED TO GET OUR BAGS AND THE RENTAL CAR,
AND THEN I CAN EAT AND REST.
-OKAY. -WE GOOD?
Tara: WE TAKE THIS SHUTTLE OVER TO THEIR STATION.
I MEAN, IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO FAR. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WALK IT?
-YEAH. -OKAY.
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS CHAIR THOUGH.
THERE'S WHEELCHAIRS OVER THERE. WE'LL JUST --
I'LL GO RUN IT OVER THERE.
OKAY.
I THINK JUSTIN IS KIND OF STRESSED RIGHT NOW.
I THINK THE FLIGHT WAS ROUGH ON HIM.
ONCE WE LEAVE THE AIRPORT,
I THINK JUSTIN AND I ARE GONNA GO AHEAD
AND GET THE RENTAL CAR, WE'RE GONNA HEAD TO THE HOTEL,
AND WE'RE DEFINITELY GONNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT
BECAUSE BOTH OF US ARE REALLY HUNGRY.
AND THEN I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA SHUT IT DOWN
FOR THE NIGHT AND GO TO BED.
ALL RIGHT. THANKS, MAN.
Justin: I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS TRIP TO BE OVER WITH,
BUT I HAVE TO EAT SOON, SO HOPEFULLY
WE CAN GET OUR RENTAL QUICKLY AND GET GOING.
THE ONLY THING I WISH I COULD AVOID IS DRIVING,
BUT MY MOM DOESN'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD,
SO I HAVE TO RENT THE CAR.
SO AS WIPED OUT AS I AM,
I THINK I'M THE ONE THAT HAS TO DRIVE US TO THE HOTEL.
ALL RIGHT. I GUESS...
-THROUGH THERE. -...WE GO UP THAT WAY.
BUT SO FAR, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A LONG TRIP,
AND I'M REALLY CLOSE TO MY LIMIT.
HI. WE HAVE A RESERVATION
FOR A LARGE S.U.V. THAT WE NEED TO GET.
AS LONG AS IT'S A BIG CAR, THAT SHOULD WORK
BECAUSE I DON'T DO WELL IN SMALL CARS.
I'M A LITTLE BIT WORRIED RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HOW BIG THIS VEHICLE'S GONNA BE.
BUT IF IT'S TOO SMALL, THEN I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FIT,
AND THAT'S OBVIOUSLY GONNA BE AN ISSUE.
THERE IT IS.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S TIGHT.
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK?
WELL, YOU CAN'T EVEN FIT IN THERE, CAN YOU?
-NOT REALLY. -OKAY.
WILL YOU GO AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING BIGGER?
AND ASK ABOUT MAKING YOU A DRIVER.
OKAY.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
THIS IS THE LAST THING I NEED.
I'M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO SPIRAL AND HAVE A PANIC ATTACK.
BUT I'M BEYOND MY LIMIT AT THIS POINT,
AND IF WE DON'T FIND A SOLUTION QUICKLY,
IT'S GONNA GET REALLY BAD,
AND I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
Justin: MY MOM AND I HAVE BEEN TRAVELING ALL DAY,
AND WE'RE FINALLY IN HOUSTON.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET SOMETHING TO EAT
AND GET TO OUR HOTEL AND REST,
BUT THE CAR RENTAL PLACE MESSED UP OUR RESERVATION.
BUT IF WE DON'T FIGURE THIS OUT SOON,
I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO LAST MUCH LONGER.
IS THIS IT? THE LIGHTS JUST TURNED ON.
TRY IT.
IF YOU DRIVE.
IT'S $13 A DAY.
IT.
I MEAN, HE SAID HE CAN PUT US IN THE TRUCK.
DO YOU WANT TO TRY THE TRUCK?
PROBABLY.
YEAH.
AS WIPED OUT AS I AM, I DON'T WANT MY MOM TO HAVE TO DRIVE
BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY DONE A LOT FOR ME.
THIS LOOKS BETTER.
NOPE.
SHE HAS TO DRIVE.
OKAY.
SO WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?
I THINK THIS IS THE BIGGEST.
IF WE CAN.
OKAY, WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO ADD ME AS A DRIVER.
I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED WE DIDN'T FIND A VEHICLE
I CAN DRIVE.
BUT AT THIS POINT, WE JUST NEED TO GET THIS DONE
AND GET TO WHERE I CAN REST.
I'M SO WIPED OUT, BUT THIS IS ALMOST OVER.
I JUST HAVE A LITTLE BIT FURTHER TO GO.
IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
OH, I THINK I'M GONNA LIKE THIS.
WE HAVE TO STOP SO I CAN EAT.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?
SWEET AND SPICY BACON BURGER COMBO.
OKAY.
WE'LL TAKE A BACON AND CHEESEBURGER.
Man: Will that complete your order?
NO, CAN I GET A PATTY MELT WITH BACON?
$17.62.
-THANK YOU. -Thank you.
THANK YOU.
Justin: I'VE NEVER PUSHED MYSELF ANYWHERE NEAR LIKE I HAVE TODAY,
SO THIS HAS BEEN REALLY HARD,
AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER GONE THIS LONG WITHOUT EATING.
I'LL GO AHEAD AND GRAB EVERYTHING OUT OF THE BACK.
SO THIS HAS ALL BEEN A LOT,
AND I'M JUST HOPING IT'S GONNA TURN OUT TO BE WORTH IT.
LET'S HAVE DINNER AND GO TO BED.
I HAVE MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW IN THE MORNING,
AND IF HE DOESN'T LET ME DO HIS PROGRAM
AND GIVE ME A CHANCE TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
IT'S NOT ABOUT TONIGHT, IT'S ABOUT TOMORROW.
YEP.
I AM REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT TOMORROW.
ARE YOU?
JUST BECAUSE IT'S GETTING CLOSER TO THAT
EITHER MAKE OR BREAK TIME.
MY MOM AND I ARE HEADED TO DR. NOW'S CLINIC
FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH HIM.
I'M FEELING A LOT BETTER AFTER RESTING SOME,
BUT MY ANXIETY IS STILL REALLY HIGH
BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE TO SEE WHERE MY WEIGHT'S AT,
AND I'M HOPING IT'S IN THE UPPER 500s
OR LOW 600s AT LEAST.
JUSTIN McSWAIN?
Justin: BUT I'M ALSO REALLY NERVOUS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
IF THERE'S GONNA BE SOME REASON THAT MAKES DR. NOW THINK
HE CAN'T HELP ME,
SO I'M HOPING IT GOES WELL AND THAT'S NOT THE CASE.
THAT NUMBER IS SHOCKING TO SEE
BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS LIKELY IN THE 600s,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS THE LOW 600s,
SO GETTING HELP IS EVEN MORE URGENT THAN I THOUGHT.
AND IT MAKES ME WORRY THAT THERE'S A GREATER CHANCE
HE MAY SAY HE CAN'T HELP ME SINCE I'M SO BIG.
-HELLO. -HI.
-HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?
ALL RIGHT. YOURSELF?
I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.
-JUSTIN. -NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M TARA.
AND YOU ARE...
-HIS MOTHER. -HIS MOTHER.
OKAY. WHERE ARE Y'ALL COMING FROM?
SOUTH CAROLINA.
GREAT.
HOW WAS YOUR TRIP DOWN TO HOUSTON?
IT WAS THE LONGEST TRIP I'VE TAKEN IN A WHILE.
YOU FEELING OKAY?
-YEAH. -ALL RIGHT.
SO I TAKE IT YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT.
YEAH.
AND YOU ARE 27 YEARS OLD.
-YES, SIR. -AND 687 POUNDS.
THAT'S A LOT OF WEIGHT GAIN IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I HAD A LOT OF ISSUES WITH FOOD GROWING UP
JUST WITH HOW MUCH IT WAS CONTROLLED.
AND WHEN I GOT TO COLLEGE, I LET IT GET OUT OF HAND.
IS THAT FROM PROBABLY BEING IN A DORM?
WERE YOU ON YOUR OWN DURING THAT TIME?
-YEAH. -SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE AN ENABLER,
WHICH MEANS YOUR PATHOLOGICAL EATING
IS MOSTLY THE RESULT OF SOME SEVERE EMOTIONAL ISSUES
THAT ARE GOING TO RUN REALLY DEEP WITH YOU.
I'VE HAD A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY
THAT I DIDN'T DEAL WITH FOR A LONG TIME.
WHAT TRIGGERED THE DEPRESSION?
A LOT OF THAT CAME FROM JUST CHILDHOOD
AND THE WAY THAT I WAS RAISED.
THERE WERE A LOT OF ISSUES THAT I'VE ONLY JUST STARTED
SORT OF REALLY GETTING INTO WITH MY PSYCHIATRIST.
OKAY, WELL, IT'S GOOD YOU'VE BEEN GOING TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST
BECAUSE DEALING WITH THOSE EMOTIONAL ISSUES
IS GONNA BE VERY IMPORTANT.
BUT I'M CONCERNED IT HASN'T LED YOU TO ANY WEIGHT LOSS,
SO LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR EATING HABITS NOW.
DO YOU EAT AT HOME OR YOU EAT OUT?
I EAT AT HOME.
SO WHO COOKS?
I'LL COOK FOR MYSELF.
I HAVE GROCERIES DELIVERED.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GROCERIES DELIVERED?
YOU CAN'T GO AND BUY YOUR OWN GROCERIES?
I'M NOT ABLE TO WALK AROUND LONG ENOUGH
TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE.
A FEW MINUTES TOPS.
WHO ELSE LIVES IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD?
I LIVE ALONE.
BUT MY MOM COMES OVER TO HELP ME OUT.
DOES YOUR MOM BRING YOU FOOD NOW?
-YEAH. -SO SHE'S YOUR ENABLER NOW.
AND THAT COMBINED WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL ISSUES
DRIVING YOU TO EAT CREATE THE POTENTIAL
FOR YOU TO GAIN MORE THAN YOU EVER HAVE,
AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD SCENARIO AT ALL
BECAUSE YOU ALREADY ARE ALMOST 700 POUNDS.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SOLUTION
WILL BE TO YOUR PROBLEM?
I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY THAT I HANDLE FOOD.
I WOULD AGREE, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW
IF YOU GAIN ANOTHER 50 TO 70 POUNDS,
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE BEDRIDDEN.
YEAH.
AND IF YOU LET THAT HAPPEN, IF YOU LIVE ALONE,
WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU?
I DON'T HAVE ANYONE IN THAT CASE.
YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER, BUT I KNOW
YOU DON'T WANT THINGS TO BE THAT WAY.
NO.
SO YOU REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO MAKE
THE CHANGES YOU NEED NOW?
-I DO. -BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE 27,
IF YOU KEEP THIS UP AND THE WAY YOU'RE GOING,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT TO 30, OKAY?
YEAH.
SO YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT AND MAKE THE CHANGES RIGHT NOW.
BUT WHAT I NEED TO SEE FROM YOU BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING ELSE
IS A WILLINGNESS TO WORK HARD AT MAKING THOSE CHANGES.
AND TO DO THAT, I'M GONNA PUT YOU ON A 1,200 CALORIE,
HIGH-PROTEIN, LOW-CARB DIET THAT YOU NEED TO COMPLETELY STICK TO.
AND IF YOU DO THAT, WHEN YOU ARE 600 POUNDS,
YOU CAN EASILY LOSE 50 POUNDS IN ONE MONTH.
BUT I'M GIVING YOU TWO MONTHS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
TRAVELLING BACK AND FORTH TOO MUCH
TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T PUT TOO MUCH STRAIN ON YOUR BODY
RIGHT NOW. -OKAY.
SO I WANT TO SEE 100-POUNDS WEIGHT LOSS IN THAT TIME,
AND I WANT YOU TO START EXERCISING
FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES A DAY.
-OKAY. -YOU'RE RELATIVELY YOUNG,
SO YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE ACTIVE WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM.
GOT IT? -YEAH.
IF YOU DO THAT AND HIT YOUR GOAL BY YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT,
I'LL APPROVE YOU FOR WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY, OKAY?
OKAY.
BUT IF WE DO THEN YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO MOVE DOWN HERE
TO HOUSTON,
AND YOU WILL NEED SOMEONE TO MOVE WITH YOU
BECAUSE YOU WILL NEED HELP
UNTIL YOU START LOSING A LOT OF WEIGHT.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THAT?
AT THIS POINT, I'M COMMITTED TO GETTING HEALTHY
AND LOSING THE WEIGHT NO MATTER WHAT.
THAT'S MY PRIORITY, SO IF IT MEANS MOVING TO HOUSTON,
THEN YES, I'M ABSOLUTELY WILLING AND READY TO DO THAT.
RIGHT.
AND THE LAST THING THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY IMPORTANT
FOR A SURGERY ARE YOUR EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
OKAY.
IF WE APPROVE YOU AND YOU JOIN THE PROGRAM,
WE WILL NEED TO SET YOU UP WITH A THERAPIST DOWN HERE
BECAUSE I NEED TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY DEALING WITH WHAT YOU NEED.
I'D LIKE THAT.
THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUE WILL COME TO SURFACE SOONER OR LATER
AND GONNA DERAIL ALL THE PROGRESS YOU MAKE
WITH THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY. -YEAH.
AND THAT'S GONNA BE VERY IMPORTANT,
BUT WE'LL GET YOU THE HELP YOU NEED
AS LONG AS YOU DO YOUR PART.
-OKAY. -ALL RIGHT.
WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU. -THANK YOU.
YOU, TOO. -ALL RIGHT.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH. -ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU ALL.
-THANK YOU. -THANK YOU.
OKAY.
Dr. Nowzaradan: WITH WHAT I ALREADY SEE FROM JUSTIN,
THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT
BECAUSE IT'S CLEAR HE HAS SIGNIFICANT EMOTIONAL ISSUES
THAT ARE BEHIND HIS PATHOLOGY TO OVEREAT
AND USE FOOD AS A WAY OF COPING WITH HIS LIFE,
AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY TO CHANGE THAT.
ON TOP OF THAT, IT REMAINS TO BE SEEN BY ME
IF HIS MOM IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE INFLUENCE IN HIS LIFE,
SO WE HAVE A LOT OF OBSTACLES TO OVERCOME WITH JUSTIN
TO GET HIM TO WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE.
BUT IT'S UP TO HIM TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP
TO TURN HIS LIFE AROUND.
Justin: I'M FEELING A LITTLE RELIEVED THAT DR. NOW IS GONNA HELP ME.
BUT I KNOW IF I DON'T DO THIS AND HIT DR. NOW'S GOAL,
IT WILL NOT ONLY MEAN I'M NOT GETTING WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
BUT I COULD ALSO LOSE THIS CHANCE TO GET HELP.
AND IF THAT HAPPENS, IT WILL BE DEVASTATING
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS DEFINITELY IN THE BALANCE.
DR. NOW IS MY BEST HOPE,
SO IT'S DEFINITELY NOW OR NEVER.
Justin: SINCE SEEING DR. NOW,
I'VE BEEN HITTING MY DIET AND EXERCISE HARD.
I'VE STARTED WORKING OUT AT A NEARBY GYM,
AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
AND NORMALLY, I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN CONSIDERED IT
BECAUSE OF MY ANXIETY, BUT MY MOM FOUND ME A GYM NEARBY
THAT HAS A MORE PRIVATE ROOM TO WORK OUT,
AND I'VE REALLY STARTED TO ENJOY THAT TIME.
THE FIRST FEW TIMES WERE REALLY HARD,
BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M ABLE TO DO MORE AND I'M MAKING PROGRESS.
AND WHEN PEOPLE COME IN, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT TOO MANY,
I CAN HANDLE IT.
TAKING THAT TRIP TO HOUSTON HELPED ME
GET A LITTLE MORE USED TO BEING IN PUBLIC
BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE THEN.
AND I GOT TO SEE HOW MUCH I COULD HANDLE
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS JUST AVOIDED GOING OUT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE,
AND IF I HAD TO, I MADE IT QUICK.
BUT I'M TRYING TO WORK ON THAT FEAR AND ANXIETY OF BEING OUT
BECAUSE I KNOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO IT MORE
ESPECIALLY FOR MY NEXT TRIP TO HOUSTON
BECAUSE MY MOM ISN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
SHE'S TRAVELING FOR A FEW WEEKS,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO MISS MY APPOINTMENT.
SO I PLAN TO MAKE THE TRIP ON MY OWN,
NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.
AND IF I GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
MY MOM IS EVEN GONNA PUT HER WHOLE LIFE ON HOLD
TO MOVE DOWN TO HOUSTON WITH ME,
AND I'M THANKFUL AND EXCITED ABOUT THAT POSSIBILITY.
WHEN I RUN OUT OF GROCERIES AT THE HOUSE,
THERE'S ONLY REALLY ONE PLACE
I CAN GO TO GET SOMETHING THAT'S DECENT,
SO I'M ON MY WAY THERE NOW TO JUST GET SOME GRILLED CHICKEN.
Woman: Hi, what can I get for you today?
CAN I GET TWO 12-COUNTS OF THE GRILLED NUGGETS,
JUST THE ENTREE, AND A LARGE ICE WATER?
NOPE, THAT'S IT.
-HERE YOU GO, SIR. -THANKS, MAN.
-MY PLEASURE. -YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE.
IT FEELS LIKE I'VE REVAMPED MY WHOLE LIFE FROM THE GROUND UP.
AND INSTEAD OF JUST EATING ALL DAY,
I'M STICKING TO EATING ONLY THREE TIMES A DAY
WITH FOOD THAT'S ON DR. NOW'S DIET PLAN,
SO THAT'S A HUGE CHANGE FOR ME.
HEY, FINN. HEY, BUDDY.
I JUST HAVE TO KEEP WORKING HARD AND MAKE SURE
I HIT MY GOAL BEFORE I SEE DR. NOW AGAIN.
I HAVE A LITTLE OVER A MONTH BEFORE THAT,
AND I DON'T PLAN TO LET UP EVEN FOR A MOMENT UNTIL THEN.
I'M STICKING TO THE DIET AND PUSHING MYSELF TO WORK
AS HARD AS I CAN
SO THAT WHEN I GO BACK DOWN AND STEP ON THAT SCALE,
I KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT THAT NUMBER IS,
I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET WHERE I NEED.
I JUST REALLY HOPE IT'S ENOUGH.
I'M CURRENTLY BACK IN HOUSTON AND ON MY WAY TO SEE DR. NOW
FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT,
AND I'M REALLY NERVOUS BECAUSE A LOT IS RIDING ON TODAY.
THE PAST TWO MONTHS HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD.
BUT KNOWING HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS,
I'VE WORKED AS HARD AS I COULD TO STICK WITH IT,
AND I KNOW I'VE MADE PROGRESS
BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH EASIER IT IS TO GET AROUND.
I JUST NEED IT TO BE ENOUGH.
JUSTIN McSWAIN?
Justin: WHEN I WAS HERE LAST, I WAS UP TO 687,
AND DR. NOW TOLD ME I HAD TO LOSE
AT LEAST 100 POUNDS OVER THE PAST TWO MONTHS.
THAT MEANS IF I HIT MY GOAL,
I'LL BE DOWN TO 587 TODAY,
WHICH I'M REALLY HOPING I DID.
595.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S AMAZING.
I KNOW I'M NOT QUITE TO THE GOAL DR. NOW GAVE ME,
BUT THIS IS A LOT OF WEIGHT LOSS,
AND I'M HOPING IT SHOW'S DR. NOW
I'M READY FOR SURGERY AND HE APPROVES ME TODAY.
HI, JUSTIN. HOW ARE YOU?
PRETTY GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M GREAT, ESPECIALLY SEEING YOUR WEIGHT LOSS.
YOU LOST 92 POUNDS IN TWO MONTHS.
NOT QUITE 100, BUT THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH,
SO I'M APPROVING YOU FOR WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT?
AWESOME.
BUT BEFORE WE MOVE AHEAD,
YOU NEED TO MOVE DOWN HERE TO HOUSTON,
SO YOU READY FOR THAT?
OKAY. YEAH.
GREAT.
BUT REMEMBER, YOU NEED SOMEONE TO MOVE WITH YOU
BECAUSE, AT YOUR SIZE,
IT CAN BE DANGEROUS TO LIVE ON YOUR OWN LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN.
SO IF YOU MAKE THE MOVE DOWN TO HOUSTON,
WHO'S GONNA LIVE WITH YOU?
MOST LIKELY MY MOTHER. OKAY.
THAT SOUNDS FINE, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T LET HER ENABLE YOU.
BUT WITH YOUR CURRENT PROGRESS, IT SEEMS THAT YOU ALREADY MADE
SOME CHANGES IN YOUR DYNAMIC WITH HER.
SO AS LONG AS IT STAYS THAT WAY, IT SHOULD BE FINE, OKAY?
OKAY.
SO AS SOON AS YOU'RE FULLY DOWN HERE,
LET ME KNOW AND WE'LL GET YOU ON THE SCHEDULE
AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO LOSE AND STAY ON TRACK, OKAY?
OKAY. BUT IF YOU DON'T,
WE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY,
AND WE'LL NEED TO START THIS PROCESS AGAIN, GOT IT?
YES, SIR.
BUT RIGHT NOW YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
I'M VERY PROUD OF JUSTIN AND THE PROGRESS HE HAS MADE.
HE'S MADE AN EFFORT TO START TO CHANGE
THE DYSFUNCTIONAL DYNAMIC BETWEEN HIM AND HIS MOM,
AND I KNOW ALL THAT WASN'T EASY.
BUT ULTIMATELY TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN THE LONG TERM,
JUSTIN IS GONNA NEED TO WORK
THROUGH A LOT OF HIS EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
BUT RIGHT NOW, THE NEXT STEP FOR HIM
WILL BE TO GET WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.
AND AS SOON AS HE AND HIS MOM HAVE MOVED DOWN HERE,
WE WILL MOVE AHEAD WITH THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
KEEP LOSING LIKE YOU ARE AND STAY ON TRACK.
AND I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO GET DOWN TO HOUSTON
AND WE'LL SEE YOU THEN, OKAY?
-THANK YOU, SIR. -ALL RIGHT.
Justin: I'M EXTREMELY HAPPY RIGHT NOW
ABOUT HOW THIS APPOINTMENT WENT
AND THAT I'M APPROVED FOR SURGERY.
I WISH MY MOM WAS HERE TO FIND OUT WITH ME,
BUT I'M EXCITED AND I KNOW MY MOM'S EXCITED FOR ME, TOO.
SHE'S PUTTING A LOT OF THINGS ON HOLD FOR ME
TO HELP ME DO THIS, AND I'M REALLY THANKFUL.
I'VE WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT
AND HAVE MY MOM IN MY LIFE AGAIN,
AND I'M GETTING BOTH,
SO I'M VERY EXCITED AND I CAN'T WAIT.
SINCE I GOT BACK HOME A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO,
I'VE BEEN GETTING READY TO MOVE TO HOUSTON.
MY MOM IS STILL TRAVELING FOR ANOTHER WEEK,
AND MY GOAL HAS BEEN TO GET AS MUCH DONE BEFORE SHE GETS BACK.
BUT I'M EXCITED BECAUSE I'M TALKING TO HER IN A LITTLE BIT,
AND I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO TELL HER I'VE ALREADY GOT A LOT DONE.
I EVEN FOUND SOME RENTERS TO LEASE MY HOUSE.
I ALSO FOUND AN APARTMENT ONLINE FOR ME AND MY MOM.
IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING'S FALLING INTO PLACE,
SO ONCE MY MOM GETS BACK INTO TOWN,
ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS PACK WHAT SHE WANTS,
AND THEN WE CAN GO AND I CAN GET MY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.
THIS COULD DEFINITELY BE AN OPPORTUNITY
TO REBUILD THE RELATIONSHIP THAT I HAVE WITH MY MOM.
THIS IS A REAL GOOD TIME FOR HER
TO BE A SOLID PRESENCE IN MY LIFE,
SO RIGHT NOW I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD.
HEY, MOM, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
All right.
YEAH. THAT'S GOOD.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO WHEN YOU GET BACK
SO THAT WE CAN HEAD DOWN TO HOUSTON.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING
BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS A BIG MOVE
FOR YOU ALL THE WAY OUT TO TEXAS IS KIND OF...
It's a long way to go.
YEAH. IT'S A REALLY LONG WAY TO GO.
SO, DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE READY WHEN YOU GET BACK?
Mm.
Not really.
It's kind of a struggle.
Everything has turned into a struggle right now.
I thought I had a lot of -- well, not a lot,
but I thought I had a couple good prospects
anyway with a job, but that didn't work out,
and it's been a struggle keeping bills paid.
It's been a struggle keeping everything together
and it's just not working, it's falling apart,
which kind of brings me to the whole point of,
I'm not gonna be able to move with you, honey.
I want to. I want to really bad.
I hope you know that, but it's just financially,
there's no way I can do it.
I can't afford things down there,
and it's just not possible.
YEAH.
You know, I hope you realize that I really --
from the beginning, I wanted to do this with you so bad.
I UNDERSTAND.
I'LL FIND A SOLUTION.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO FIND A SOLUTION.
I feel really bad for letting you down again.
I KNOW IT'S NOT WHAT EITHER OF US WANTED, BUT...
I do. I wanted to be there.
I'll just have to do it a little bit from a distance.
I mean, I still support you 100%.
You okay?
YEAH.
I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY HANDLE EMOTIONS VERY WELL.
I know, sweetheart.
I'M FEELING A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.
REAL THOUGHT RIGHT NOW IS JUST FINDING A SOLUTION.
-Yeah. -THIS IS JUST REALLY BAD TIMING.
IT WOULD JUST BE NICE IF LIFE WORKED OUT THE WAY
THAT WE WANTED IT TO A BIT MORE OFTEN.
Yeah.
You can say that again.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE JOURNEY AS LONG AS YOU HAVE WITH ME.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
Okay. ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
Justin: FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, MY MOM WAS SAYING
THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE THERE BY MY SIDE
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING.
BUT THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME THAT MY MOM
HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME THROUGH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO,
OR IF I'M EVEN ABLE TO MOVE TO HOUSTON,
BUT IF I DON'T, THEN IT'S GONNA COST ME THE LAST CHANCE
I HAVE TO SAVE MY LIFE.
Justin: THIS PAST MONTH HAS BEEN HARD,
AND IT HAS NOT GONE ANYWHERE NEAR HOW I HOPED
BECAUSE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO,
I WAS ABOUT READY TO MOVE DOWN TO HOUSTON,
BUT MY MOM DECIDED THAT SHE'S NOT GONNA BE ABLE
TO MOVE DOWN WITH ME.
SO I CALLED MY DAD TO COME UP AND SEE ME
AND TO HELP ME FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION.
BUT WHAT HE DOESN'T REALIZE IS THAT
I'M HOPING HE'LL CONSIDER MOVING TO HOUSTON WITH ME
SO I CAN DO THIS.
BECAUSE MY WHOLE LIFE IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE.
HEY. -WHAT'S UP?
NOTHING. COME ON IN.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, FINN?
YOU BEEN GOOD, BUDDY.
THANKS FOR COMING OVER.
MM-HMM.
I HAD A TALK WITH MOM,
AND SHE'S NOT GONNA BE MAKING IT TO HOUSTON WITH ME.
SEE, I WASN'T REALLY SHOCKED ABOUT THAT.
YEAH. I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
IT'S DISAPPOINTING BECAUSE I REALLY DID WANT...
IT'S TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTING, I'M SURE.
I WANTED IT TO WORK, BUT...
WHAT DO YOU DO NOW? WHO DO YOU TAKE?
I WAS KIND OF HOPING YOU'D BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
NOW I'M SHOCKED.
I KNOW IT'S A LOT TO ASK, AND ON PRETTY SHORT NOTICE.
YOU GOT TO GO TO HOUSTON?
HOUSTON, TEXAS.
WE GOT DOCTORS HERE, DON'T WE?
YEAH, BUT WE DON'T HAVE DR. NOW.
SO IF IT COULD WORK OUT, WHEN WOULD WE HAVE TO BE THERE?
HE WANTS ME THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER I WAS LOOKING FOR.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS HE WANTS ME THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
BECAUSE OF THE PROGRESS THAT I'VE MADE.
ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT LOGIC, THEN,
I'M GOOD WITH THAT, TOO, THEN.
DAMN.
AND IT'S FOR 12 MONTHS?
-YEAH. -ALL 12 OF THEM?
YEAH.
I'M NOT TRYING TO PUSH IT ON YOU.
WELL, IF I HADN'T WITNESSED HOW HARD YOU BEEN WORKING,
I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERING IT.
AND I'M GRATEFUL THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
AND I'M AFRAID IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
YOU'RE GONNA WIND UP DEAD.
YOU'RE NOT WRONG.
WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
THANK YOU.
IF IT'S GOT YOU LOSING THE WEIGHT,
WE'RE GONNA KEEP IT THAT WAY.
YEAH. ALL RIGHT, DUDE.
I'M GONNA HEAD TO THE HOUSE.
Justin: AFTER MY MOM BACKED OUT,
I WAS FEELING SO EMPTY AND HOPELESS
FOR THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS,
SO I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR MY DAD.
ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES.
THANK YOU.
I KNOW HE CARES ABOUT ME AND WANTS ME TO BE ALL RIGHT,
SO HIM BEING HERE FOR ME NOW MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME.
TWO MONTHS HAS PASSED SINCE I TALKED TO MY DAD,
AND HE SAID HE'D MOVE TO HOUSTON WITH ME.
IT'S TAKEN A LOT LONGER THAN I EVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED
TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO MAKE THIS MOVE,
BUT I'M JUST REALLY GLAD MY DAD IS READY AND WE'RE DOING THIS.
HE ALREADY HAS HIS STUFF PACKED UP,
SO ONCE WE GET ALL MINE LOADED IN THE TRAILER,
WE'RE HEADED DOWN.
BUT THIS IS A LOT MORE WORK THAN I EXPECTED.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH STUFF I HAD,
SO THIS IS A LOT OF ACTIVITY AND LIFTING.
I STACKED SOME MORE BOXES AS SOON AS YOU GO IN THE DOOR.
OKAY.
WOULD YOU MIND CLEARING OUT SOME MORE SPACE ON THE LEFT?
YEAH.
I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HOW I'M GONNA HANDLE
BEING ON THE ROAD AND IN A CAR FOR SO LONG.
BUT THANKFULLY, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO WORK OUT
THE SAME APARTMENT OPTION I ORIGINALLY HAD.
SO IT ALL WORKED OUT, AND IT'S A RELIEF TO KNOW
WE HAVE A PLACE READY TO MOVE INTO ONCE WE GET DOWN THERE,
BUT I STILL REALLY WOULD HAVE PREFERRED
MOVING DOWN TO HOUSTON EARLIER BECAUSE IT'S BEEN REALLY HARD
TRYING TO STICK TO WHAT I NEED FOR SO LONG,
ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S BEEN REALLY STRESSFUL AT TIMES.
SO I'M JUST HOPING I'M PAST THE WORST OF THIS NOW,
AND ONCE WE GET DOWN THERE, I'LL GET SURGERY,
AND THINGS WILL START TO GET EASIER.
BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF PROGRESS I'VE BEEN MAKING.
DR. NOW TOLD ME HE'S REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT
HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE I'VE BEEN BACK TO SEE HIM
AND WHAT THAT COULD MEAN ABOUT MY WEIGHT.
Johnny: JUSTIN HASN'T LIVED WITH ME SINCE HE WENT TO COLLEGE,
SO WE'RE BOTH GONNA HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
AND LEARN OURSELVES OVER AGAIN.
BUT I'M FEELING GOOD ABOUT IT.
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
BECAUSE HE'S MY SON
AND I'D DO WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR HIM, YOU KNOW.
HEY, BUDDY.
HI, ROCKSTAR, YOU READY TO GO?
HE TOLD ME ONCE I GOT HERE THAT HE'S GONNA BRING HIS DOG,
AND I TOLD HIM THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I WAS GONNA WAIT
UNTIL I GOT HERE TO BREAK IT TO HIM
THAT I WAS BRINGING MY BIRD,
SO I GUESS WE BOTH WENT DOWN THAT ROAD.
GIVE ME KISSES.
ON THREE. ON THREE.
ONE, TWO, THREE.
GOOD GIRL.
Justin: DR. NOW SAID THAT IF I HAVEN'T
CONTINUED TO MAKE PROGRESS
THAT WE WON'T BE MOVING AHEAD WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY,
AND IF THAT HAPPENS, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
ALL RIGHT, DUDE, LET'S GO.
BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE COME THIS FAR AND WORKED THIS HARD
JUST TO END UP LOSING IT ALL IN THE END.
Justin: AFTER TWO DAYS ON THE ROAD, WE'VE MADE IT TO HOUSTON.
IT WAS A HARD DRIVE, AND I'M EXTREMELY SORE.
BEING IN A CAR FOR TWO DAYS HAS TAKEN A BIT OF A TOLL ON ME.
COME ON, FINN.
I'M SORRY, BUDDY.
SO I'M JUST WORN OUT RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE HERE.
THE ONLY THING IS NOW, WE HAVE TO GET EVERYTHING MOVED IN
AND THE TRAILER RETURNED TODAY.
Johnny: I FEEL EXHAUSTED.
GOT A LOT MORE KINKS IN MY BODY THAN I USED TO,
SO JUSTIN, HE'S GONNA UNLOAD IT, BUT HE'S EXHAUSTED, TOO.
I'VE ALREADY SEEN A CHANGE IN HIM, BUT YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH HE CAN DO BY HIMSELF.
Justin: THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT
ESPECIALLY AFTER SUCH A LONG TRIP.
MY DAD'S HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN MOVING AROUND
BECAUSE HE HAS A BAD BACK INJURY,
SO HE'S IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW,
AND HE'S NOT IN ANY STATE TO HELP.
SO THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH.
DAD. YEAH.
I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS TODAY.
I CAN GET YOUR BED AND STUFF OUT,
BUT I CAN'T FINISH THIS TODAY.
I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA PUKE.
I'LL PAY WHATEVER EXTRA IT COSTS FOR THE LATE FEE.
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YEAH, IT'S FINE.
GO INSIDE AND CHILL OUT IN THE A/C.
I'LL GET THE REST OF THIS.
Justin: I'VE COME A LONG WAY, BUT I'M AT MY LIMIT,
BUT WE HAVE TO GET EVERYTHING IN TOMORROW
BECAUSE I CALLED DR. NOW ON THE WAY DOWN AND TOLD HIM
THAT I'M FINALLY GONNA BE HERE IN HOUSTON
AND THAT I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD
AND MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS AGAIN.
AND HE SCHEDULED MY SURGERY FOR A FEW DAYS FROM NOW.
BUT HE TOLD ME IF I WAS WRONG
AND I SHOW UP AND HAVEN'T MADE THAT PROGRESS
THEN WE WON'T MOVE AHEAD WITH MY SURGERY.
SO AS HAPPY AS I AM TO FINALLY BE HERE
AND TO HAVE A DATE FOR SURGERY,
I'M EXTREMELY NERVOUS ABOUT THAT.
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR THREE MONTHS,
BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GONNA HAPPEN,
SO I'M JUST TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER.
I'M FIDGETY AND NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS.
I JUST WANT THIS DONE.
HEY, JUSTIN.
AT MY LAST WEIGH IN, I WAS DOWN TO 595,
AND DR. NOW TOLD ME I NEED TO MAKE SURE
I KEPT LOSING A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT,
SO I'M HOPING I MADE ENOUGH PROGRESS TO DO THAT.
I WAS HOPING I'D BE IN THE 400s,
BUT THAT'S ALMOST 90 POUNDS OF WEIGHT LOSS IN THREE MONTHS.
BUT I GUESS WHAT ULTIMATELY MATTERS IS WHETHER OR NOT
DR. NOW THINKS IT'S ENOUGH TO MOVE AHEAD WITH MY SURGERY.
HI, JUSTIN.
HEY, DR. NOWZARADAN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
ANXIOUS. WELL, THAT'S NORMAL.
YOU'RE GOING TO SURGERY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PICNIC.
SO SURGERY GONNA TAKE ABOUT AN HOUR,
AND THEN LATER ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE UP
AND WALKING AND TAKING SOME LIQUID, OKAY?
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL GET YOU FIXED UP SHORTLY.
-ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. -ALL RIGHT. TAKE CARE.
Justin: I GUESS DR. NOW THINKS I'M READY
SO I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS AND WHAT IT MEANS.
I'M READY FOR MY LIFE TO CHANGE.
I'VE BEEN READY FOR MY LIFE TO CHANGE.
ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S RISKS INVOLVED IN SURGERY,
BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY DOUBTS OR REGRETS ABOUT THIS.
THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE.
SO NO MATTER WHAT, I KNOW I'M MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION
BECAUSE THIS SURGERY IS GONNA GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK.
Dr. Nowzaradan: TODAY WE ARE ATTEMPTING TO DO
A GASTRIC SLEEVE PROCEDURE ON JUSTIN.
HE STAYED DETERMINED AND ON TRACK WITH HIS WEIGHT LOSS,
SO I FEEL LIKE HE'S MORE THAN READY FOR THIS OPERATION.
BUT EVEN WITH ALL HIS WEIGHT LOSS,
HE'S STILL OVER 500 POUNDS,
AND ANY OPERATION ON A PATIENT THAT SIZE IS VERY HIGH RISK
BECAUSE THEIR BODY IS ALREADY UNDER SO MUCH STRAIN
FROM THEIR WEIGHT THAT ANY ADDITIONAL STRESS ON THEIR BODY
CAN BE ENOUGH TO PUSH IT OVER THE LIMIT
TO WHERE A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION CAN DEVELOP AGAIN.
SO AS ALWAYS, WE'RE GONNA KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON JUSTIN
AND MAKE SURE THAT THERE IS NOTHING
THAT HAPPENS THAT CONCERNS US.
AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING,
WE WILL HAVE TO END THE OPERATION EARLY,
BUT HOPEFULLY WE'LL BE ABLE TO COMPLETE
JUSTIN'S OPERATION TODAY
BECAUSE THIS WILL BE AN IMPORTANT TOOL FOR JUSTIN
TO BE ABLE TO STAY ON TRACK AND CONTINUE LOSING WEIGHT.
BECAUSE GASTRIC SLEEVE IS AN OPERATION
THAT REDUCES THE STOMACH BY 90%,
LEAVING A SMALL, NARROW TUBE THAT LOOKS SIMILAR TO A SLEEVE.
SO THIS OPERATION WILL GIVE THEM
AN OPPORTUNITY TO LOSE EVEN MORE WEIGHT.
Johnny: I'M JUST KIND OF NERVOUS.
IT'S REALLY HARD TO SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR THAT DOCTOR TO COME BACK
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO JUSTIN.
HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME,
AND I'D BE DEVASTATED IF I LOST HIM.
Dr. Nowzaradan: ALL RIGHT, CAN TURN THE ROOM LIGHT ON.
OKAY. ALL FINISHED.
JUSTIN'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.
WE WERE ABLE TO DO THE DISCECTOMY
AND THERE WERE NO ISSUES OR COMPLICATIONS,
SO NOW WE TAKE HIM TO RECOVERY,
AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO HOME IN A FEW DAYS.
HE WILL BE ON A LIQUID DIET FOR THE FIRST MONTH,
SO HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE ANOTHER 40 POUNDS IN THAT TIME.
AND AFTER THAT, HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE AT LEAST
25 POUNDS A MONTH UNTIL HE GETS CLOSE TO HIS TARGET WEIGHT.
UP TO THIS POINT, JUSTIN HAS STAYED VERY DETERMINED
AND FOCUSED AND HAS DONE WELL.
BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD HE'S WILLING TO WORK, AT SOME POINT,
JUSTIN'S SEVERE EMOTIONAL ISSUES THAT HAVE BEEN DRIVING HIM
TO EAT FOR YEARS WILL START TO OVERWHELM HIM.
SO AS SOON AS HE'S RECOVERED ENOUGH FROM HIS SURGERY,
HE'S GONNA NEED TO START WORKING WITH A PSYCHOTHERAPIST.
AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT HE DOES THAT
BEFORE THOSE ISSUES COME BACK TO THE SURFACE
AND START TO DRIVE HIM TO OVEREATING.
AND IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THAT HAPPENS
IF WE DON'T DO THIS.
Justin: SINCE MY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY,
I'VE HAD A CHECKUP WITH DR. NOW
AND I WAS REALLY EXCITED TO SEE MY WEIGHT
AND FIND OUT I WAS IN THE 400s.
SO THE SURGERY'S WORKING, AND I FEEL GOOD AND LIKE,
THINGS ARE GOING WELL.
BUT DR. NOW TOLD ME IT'S TIME
I START THE PROCESS OF ADDRESSING
THE OTHER ISSUES THAT HAVE LED TO ALL MY WEIGHT GAIN,
SO I'M HEADED TO MY FIRST APPOINTMENT
WITH A THERAPIST TODAY.
AND OVERALL, I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT IT,
BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT
I HAVE TO DO, SO I'M WILLING TO DO IT.
HI, I'M DR. PARADISE.
JUSTIN. GOOD TO MEET YOU.
-YOU TOO. -COME ON IN.
YEAH.
SO I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
THANK YOU.TELL ME ABOUT GROWING UP.
WHO WAS IN YOUR HOUSE GROWING UP?
I GREW UP WITH MY DAD, MY STEPMOM, A STEPSISTER,
AND A HALF SISTER.
OKAY. SO YOU GREW UP IN THAT HOUSE.
WHERE WAS YOUR BIOLOGICAL MOM?
MY ACTUAL MOM CAME IN AND OUT A LOT.
SHE HAD SOME ISSUES WITH DRUGS AND SHE'D SORT OF DROP OFF
THE FACE OF THE EARTH FOR, YOU KNOW, A MONTH...
WOW. YEAH. ...OR YEARS.
DO YOU REMEMBER HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR MOM
BEING SO INCONSISTENT?
YEAH.
I REMEMBER FEELING LIKE LIFE WAS UNFAIR,
AND LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW,
I FEEL LIKE I ACTED OUT A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE OF THAT.
A LOT OF IT WAS TURNING TO FOOD.
HAVE YOU EVER EXPRESSED ANY DISAPPOINTMENT TO HER?
HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO HER ABOUT NOT BEING AROUND?
NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S THE OPPOSITE WITH MY MOM,
ESPECIALLY GROWING UP, I DID NOT STAND UP FOR MYSELF.
I WONDER WHAT AFFECT THAT'S HAD ON YOU.
PROBABLY NOT A GOOD ONE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE HOLDING A LOT BACK.
-YEAH. -OKAY.
I WONDER IF THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES
TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF WITH YOUR MOM
IN WAYS THAT INCREASE YOUR SELF-WORTH MOVING FORWARD.
HAVE YOU FORGIVEN HER?
I FORGIVE HER, BUT THAT -- I MEAN, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN FORGIVING AND FORGETTING.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO TOLD ME IF I DON'T GET MY HOPES UP,
I CAN'T BE DISAPPOINTED.
OH, SHE TOLD YOU THAT?YEAH.
LET'S BRING IT UP TO THE PRESENT.
WHAT ARE THE BIG OBSTACLES FOR YOU RIGHT NOW?
ANXIETY IS MY BIGGEST ISSUE.OKAY.
THE BIGGEST TRIGGERS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LEAVING THE HOUSE
AND GOING OUT.
ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR ANXIETY
IS TO DO THE DYSFUNCTIONAL THING THAT MAKES IT GO AWAY.
SO IF YOU'RE FEELING ANXIOUS ABOUT STAYING IN THE HOUSE
AND THEN YOU DON'T GO OUT,
IT INCREASES YOUR ANXIETY THE NEXT TIME.
IT BUILDS THE ANXIETY.
SO WHEN YOU'RE FEELING ANXIOUS ABOUT GOING OUT,
THAT'S EVEN MORE REASON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
BECAUSE THAT WILL, OVER TIME, DESENSITIZE YOU TO THAT FEELING.
SORT OF LIKE JUST FACING YOUR FEARS HEAD ON?
-YEAH. -OKAY.
I WANT TO BE HOPEFUL FOR YOU.
YEAH.
I HOPE YOU KEEP ON LOSING WEIGHT.
THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE YOUR COMING IN.
YEAH, THANK YOU.GREAT TO MEET YOU.
YOU TOO.
TAKE CARE.
Justin: I FEEL LIKE HE GAVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE,
BUT I KNOW THE BIG THING IS STARTING THAT PROCESS
OF ADDRESSING ALL THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES THAT I NEED.
AND I KNOW MY MOM IS A BIG PART OF THAT
BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF PAIN AND REJECTION
FROM THE THINGS SHE DID
AND HOW SHE TREATED ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.
AND EVEN NOW, BECAUSE SHE'S STILL KIND OF
DOING THE SAME THINGS TO ME.
SO I HAVE NO QUESTION THAT THIS IS SOMETHING IMPORTANT
FOR ME TO DO.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S SCARY AND I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M GONNA HAVE THE NERVE TO DO IT,
SO I JUST NEED TO TRY AND WORK MYSELF UP
TO A PLACE WHERE I'M READY FOR THAT.
THIS PAST MONTH OVERALL HAS BEEN GOOD
BECAUSE I'M STAYING FOCUSED RIGHT NOW.
IT'S JUST MY EMOTIONS THAT FEEL LIKE THEY'VE ALL COME
TO THE SURFACE RIGHT NOW.
AND I KNOW IT'S STUFF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH,
SO I'VE PLANNED A TRIP BACK TO SOUTH CAROLINA
AND I'M LEAVING TODAY TO GO BACK.
AND I'M HOPING TO SEE SOME FAMILY
AND MAYBE CHECK ON MY HOUSE IF I'M ABLE.
BUT THE BIG REASON IS TO SEE MY MOM
AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER
ABOUT SOME THINGS THAT SHE'S DONE THAT HURT ME
AND STILL HURT ME TODAY.
EVER SINCE DR. PARADISE BROUGHT UP DOING THIS,
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME SO NERVOUS
THAT I START TO GET NAUSEOUS.
SO I KNOW DOING THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY.
AND WHEN I SIT DOWN WITH HER,
I'M GONNA BE JUST ABOUT TERRIFIED.
SO I HOPE I DON'T COMPLETELY LOSE MY NERVE
BECAUSE I KNOW DOING THIS IS VITAL.
I'D LIKE TO HOPEFULLY MOVE FORWARD
WITH A FEW OF THE ISSUES THAT WE'VE YET TO RESOLVE.
MY PHYSICAL DRIVE TO EAT IS GONE,
SO IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE ANYMORE.
AND WITH ALL THE EMOTIONS AND STUFF,
I KNOW I CAN'T RUN ANYMORE.
I KNOW I HAVE TO START TO DEAL WITH THEM,
OR IT WILL BE JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE I START GOING BACK TO MY OLD HABITS
AND USING FOOD TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.
YOU'RE CHECKING ONE BAG?
YEP.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
SO I CAN EITHER TAKE THIS CHANCE AND DO WHAT I HAVE TO,
OR I CAN TRY TO BURY IT ALL AND IGNORE IT.
BUT IF I DO THAT, I KNOW I'LL JUST END UP
GAINING ALL THE WEIGHT BACK.
AND ONCE THAT HAPPENS,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO WHERE I WAS BEFORE I STARTED ALL THIS.
ONLY THIS TIME, I WON'T HAVE ANY OPTIONS OR HOPE LEFT,
SO I HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH AND DO THIS
BECAUSE IF I LET FEAR
AND MY EMOTIONS CONTINUE TO CONTROL ME,
THEN IT'S GONNA COST ME MY LIFE.
Justin: I'M BACK IN SOUTH CAROLINA RIGHT NOW.
I GOT BACK IN LAST NIGHT,
AND THE TRIP HERE WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING
BECAUSE I COULD FIT IN MY SEAT ON THE PLANE A LOT BETTER,
AND I DIDN'T GET NEARLY AS WINDED WITH ALL THE ACTIVITY.
SO I CAN SEE WAYS I'M MAKING A LOT OF PROGRESS.
AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I KEEP DOING THAT
AND HEADING IN THE POSITIVE DIRECTION I AM NOW.
AND ONE BIG STEP IN DOING THAT IS TALKING TO MY MOM
ABOUT SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE THAT HAVE HURT ME
ESPECIALLY MOST RECENTLY WITH HER BACKING OUT
OF HER COMMITMENT TO COME TO HOUSTON WITH ME
AND BEING THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED HER THE MOST.
MY FEAR IS THAT WORST CASE, SHE COULD JUST LEAVE AND VANISH
FROM MY LIFE LIKE SHE HAS BEFORE,
AND THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I SEE HER.
HI. HEY.
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK AMAZING.
THANK YOU.
WOW.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M ALL RIGHT. YOU?
PRETTY GOOD.
OH, MY GOSH. I'M GONNA CRY.
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
I'M GOOD.
YEAH. I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
I BET. THAT'S GOOD.
STILL GOT A WAYS TO GO, BUT IT'S...
YOU'RE HALF... YEAH.
...THE PERSON THAT YOU WERE.
-YEAH. -IT'S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
-ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. -THANK YOU.
-YOU'RE WELCOME. -THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. THANK Y'ALL VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.YOU'RE WELCOME.
SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE GETTING ALONG REALLY WELL.
I'M TRYING.
EVERY DAY IS WORK, BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
OKAY.
COMING TO HOUSTON, WHENEVER I WOULD ASK YOU QUESTIONS
OR TRY TO PLAN,
YOU WOULD EITHER CHANGE THE SUBJECT OR GET FRUSTRATED,
AND THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN A RED FLAG TO ME
THAT IT WASN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
IN MY HEART, I WANTED TO BE THERE.
THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY...
I REALLY DID WANT FOR US TO HAVE THAT CHANCE
TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIP
THAT WE NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY FOR.
SO DID I.
AND WHEN THINGS DIDN'T HAPPEN, I ACTUALLY FELT GUILTY
BECAUSE I WAS A LITTLE RELIEVED WHEN IT WAS DAD
WHO ENDED UP COMING OUT THERE WITH ME INSTEAD
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THAT FEAR YOU WERE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE,
AND I WAS GONNA BE STUCK OUT THERE ALONE, ESPECIALLY...
I WOULD NEVER HAVE JUST UP AND LEFT, JUSTIN.
BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IS YOU JUST UP AND LEAVE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE.
AND ALL I CAN EVER DO IS SAY THAT I'M SORRY
FOR NOT BEING THE MOTHER THAT YOU DESERVE.
I JUST KIND OF FEEL LIKE AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND EVERYTHING...
I DON'T KNOW IF WORDS ARE ENOUGH.
I JUST HAVE TO SEE A CHANGE.
WHAT KIND OF CHANGE ARE YOU WANTING TO SEE?
BECAUSE I'M WILLING TO DO WHAT I NEED TO DO.
I JUST NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON YOU.
I NEED TO SEE THE STABILITY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I THINK
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN MISSING FROM YOU IS STABILITY.
I THINK THAT'S A FAIR ASSESSMENT.
I REALLY DO BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN STABLE FOR YOU.
I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
CAN I HAVE A HUG?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
YOU GONNA BE OKAY?
YEAH. YOU?
YEAH, AS SOON AS I CAN PUT SOME ICE PACKS ON MY EYEBALLS.
ALL RIGHT. CALL ME, PLEASE.
-I WILL. -OKAY.
Justin: I THINK THE TALK WITH MY MOM WENT VERY WELL,
AND I'M GLAD THAT I DID IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP IS MAGICALLY HEALED,
BUT I FEEL LIKE I STOOD UP FOR MYSELF,
AND LIKE WE HAVE SOMETHING TO BUILD ON
TO ACTUALLY HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE.
BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA LET THINGS SETTLE DOWN
AND SEE HOW THE NEXT MONTH OR TWO GOES BETWEEN US,
AND THEN FIGURE IT OUT FROM THERE.
BUT I FELT THIS WAS VERY POSITIVE
AND A BIG STEP FOR BOTH OF US,
AND I'M HOPING THAT'S REFLECTED IN MY WEIGHT LOSS.
SO I HOPE WHEN I STEP ON THAT SCALE,
I'M BACK MAKING THE PROGRESS I SHOULD.
IF NOT, THEN I'M NOT SURE WHAT ELSE I NEED TO DO.
Justin: ME AND MY DAD ARE AT DR. NOW'S
FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE SOME PROGRESS.
I JUST HOPE IT'S ENOUGH.
JUSTIN?
AT MY LAST WEIGH IN TWO MONTHS AGO,
I WAS DOWN TO 446.
AND DR. NOW SAID I SHOULD BE LOSING AT LEAST
20 POUNDS A MONTH AT THIS POINT.
SO IF I'M BACK ON TRACK, THAT WILL MEAN
I'LL AT LEAST BE BELOW 406 TODAY.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE. -THAT'S KILLING IT, MAN.
-THAT'S A REALLY GOOD ONE. -IT'S KILLING IT.
THAT'S A LOT LOWER THAN WHAT IT'S BEEN IN A LONG TIME.
THAT'S CRAZY.
SUCH A LONG TIME.
THANK YOU. SORRY.
Justin: I'M REALLY EXCITED RIGHT NOW
BECAUSE I'M MORE THAN BACK ON TRACK.
AND TO SEE A 3 COME UP BEFORE MY WEIGHT IS AMAZING,
SO I HOPE DR. NOW'S HAPPY WITH WHERE I'M AT
BECAUSE I AM AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW.
-HELLO. -HEY.
HOW Y'ALL DOING?
GOOD. HOW ARE YOU, DOCTOR?
SO, JUSTIN, YOU ARE DOWN TO 395 TODAY.
YES, SIR.
AND YOU HAVE LOST 292 POUNDS FROM DAY 1 I SAW YOU.
YEAH.
SO THAT'S ALMOST LOSS OF 300 POUNDS IN A YEAR.
THAT'S EXCELLENT. YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
HOW YOU FEEL LOSING ALL THAT WEIGHT?
INCREDIBLE. IT JUST MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT.
WELL, I'M PROUD OF YOU.
AND AT THIS RATE, YOU'RE GONNA NEED EXTRA SKIN REMOVAL SOON.
ANY EXTRA SKIN IS ANY PROBLEM WITH YOU?
YEAH, THERE'S DEFINITELY SOME EXTRA SKIN...
EVERYWHERE? YEAH.
MOSTLY UNDER MY ARMS AND LIKE MY THIGHS,
BUT IT HASN'T REALLY CAUSED ANY PROBLEMS YET.
THAT'S GOOD, BUT I THINK THE AREA AROUND YOUR ABDOMEN
IS GOING TO BE WHERE YOU START TO FEEL THE MOST DISCOMFORT SOON
BECAUSE I CAN ALREADY SEE A LOT HANGING OFF OF YOU THERE.
YEAH.
SO ONCE YOU GET UNDER 300 HERE SOON,
WE WILL CONSIDER YOU FOR THAT.
ALL RIGHT. THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
THANK YOU.ALL RIGHT?
I'M PROUD OF YOUR PROGRESS.
-THANK YOU. -AND I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
THANK YOU.ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU AGAIN, SIR.
ALL RIGHT. TAKE CARE.
LET'S GO LOSE SOME MORE WEIGHT.
YEAH.
I'M VERY PROUD OF JUSTIN AND ALL THE PROGRESS
HE HAS MADE OVER THE PAST YEAR.
HE'S DONE GREAT, AND HE HAS BEEN ONE OF THE MOST DETERMINED
AND HARD-WORKING WEIGHT-LOSS PATIENT I HAVE EVER HAD.
AND AS LONG AS HE CONTINUES GOING TO THERAPY
AND WORKING THROUGH HIS EMOTIONAL ISSUES,
I'M VERY CONFIDENT
HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT TO HIS TARGET WEIGHT SOON,
AND THEN BE ABLE TO DO THIS FOR THE LONG-TERM.
Justin: IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO BE AT THIS POINT
AFTER WORKING AS HARD AS I HAVE FOR SO LONG.
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO KEEP GOING AND MAKE EVEN MORE PROGRESS.
TODAY I'M TAKING AN INTRODUCTORY FLIGHT SCHOOL COURSE.
WITH THE SKIN SURGERIES I'M PROBABLY GONNA START TO HAVE
IN A FEW MONTHS AND THE RATE I'M LOSING,
I'LL BE DONE WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY IN LESS THAN A YEAR.
SO I STARTED THINKING MORE SERIOUSLY ABOUT A CAREER
AND DOING SOMETHING I TRULY LOVE.
HEY. -YOU MUST BE JUSTIN.
YES, SIR.
OUTSTANDING. NICE TO MEET YOU.
-DAVID BOND. -NICE TO MEET YOU.
IT'S A PLEASURE. WE'RE GONNA GO UP TO THE SIM
AND START PLAYING IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
YEAH, SOUNDS GREAT.
Justin: WHEN I WAS YOUNG, BEING A PILOT WAS A DREAM OF MINE,
BUT I HAD GIVEN UP ON IT BEFORE I WAS EVEN IN HIGH SCHOOL
BECAUSE I WEIGHED MORE THEN THAN I DO NOW,
BUT NOW I'M GETTING TO A PLACE
WHERE MY DREAMS ARE POSSIBLE AGAIN.
THERE IT IS. OKAY.
COOL.
SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA APPLY POWER NICE AND EASY.
THERE YOU GO. BEAUTIFUL.
A LITTLE BIT MORE RUDDER.
AND FULL POWER.
NOW PUT YOUR HAND ON THE YOKE.
START PULLING BACK VERY NICELY, AND SHE'S IN THE AIR.
NOW JUST HOLD HER RIGHT THERE.
BEAUTIFUL.
SO I'M NOT HOLDING BACK AND MAKING SURE I DREAM BIG AGAIN.
AND IF THIS GOES WELL TODAY,
THEN I'M GONNA WORK TO GET MY PILOT'S LICENSE
AND LEARN TO FLY AND SEE WHERE THINGS TAKE ME FROM THERE.
BEAUTIFUL.
NOW YOU CAN SEE YOUR RUNWAY RIGHT HERE AT THE LIGHTS.
SO NOW WE CAN CONTINUE THE TURN.
JUST VERY SLOWLY PULL THE NOSE.
OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT MORE.
OKAY.
I LIKED THAT A LOT.
A LITTLE DISORIENTING GETTING OUT.
IT DIDN'T HAVE THE THRILL OF BEING IN THE AIR,
BUT IT WAS CLOSE,
AND I WAS GLAD JUST TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN THE SIMULATOR.
SO I LIKED IT A WHOLE LOT.
AND I'M GONNA GO FOR IT AND TRY TO GET MY PILOT'S LICENSE.
SO THIS WON'T BE THE LAST TIME I DO THIS.
AND HOPEFULLY, AS I GET DOWN IN THE 200s,
I'LL BE ABLE TO OFFICIALLY START FLYING AND GET UP INTO THE AIR.
SO THIS HAS BEEN REALLY EXCITING.
AND I WOULD SAY WITH THE FUTURE I HAVE NOW,
I WOULD SAY THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.
BUT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT,
I WOULD GO BEYOND IT.
AS I PREPARE TO OFFICIALLY CROSS
THE ONE-YEAR MARK OF MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY,
I'VE STARTED REFLECTING ON HOW FAR I'VE COME,
AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING TO GIVE ME
A PERMANENT REMINDER OF MY JOURNEY
SO FAR BY GETTING A TATTOO.
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET HERE WITHOUT MY DAD
AND EVERYTHING HE'S DONE AND SACRIFICED FOR ME.
SO I ASKED HIM TO DO THIS WITH ME.
HE SAID YES.
WHAT'S UP, MAN? -HOW'S IT GOING?
-PRETTY GOOD. -HOW CAN I HELP Y'ALL?
WE'RE HERE FOR A TATTOO.
Joseph: I THINK WE CAN DO THAT.
COME ON BACK.
THIS LAST YEAR HAS SAVED MY LIFE.
A YEAR AGO, I WASN'T HAPPY VERY OFTEN.
IT WAS JUST A CHALLENGE BECAUSE
I WAS IN A REALLY BAD SPOT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.
THE DESIGN THAT I'M GETTING HAS A PHOENIX
AND THE STATE OF TEXAS IN IT.
AND THE PHOENIX IS A PRETTY COMMON SYMBOL FOR REBIRTH
AND STARTING YOUR LIFE OVER.
AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN ABOUT
IS MY SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE.
THIS HAS BEEN A SECOND CHANCE FOR A LOT OF THINGS,
BOTH MY HEALTH AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD.
HURT?
IT'S A LITTLE TENDER.
SO HAVING THE PHOENIX, IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.
-ALL RIGHTY. -ALL GOOD?
-THAT LOOKS GOOD. -YOU LIKE IT?
YEAH. I LIKE IT.
I DO, TOO.
Justin: AND MY DAD'S GETTING THE SAME EXACT TATTOO
BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME.
SO THIS IS A REALLY SPECIAL MOMENT,
AND I'M REALLY HAPPY WE'RE AT THIS POINT AND BOTH CAN DO THIS.
YOUR TURN.
BECAUSE HE'S BEEN WITH ME THROUGH IT ALL.
AND I KNOW HE'S GONNA CONTINUE TO BE THERE
FOR ME UNTIL THE END.
Johnny: THESE TATTOOS WILL REPRESENT THE JOURNEY THAT HE
AND I WENT THROUGH OUT HERE, WHICH WAS ONE HELL OF A JOURNEY,
WHICH I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD.
A YEAR AGO, I WOULD NEVER HAVE BELIEVED WHERE WE ARE NOW.
I'M DEFINITELY GETTING MY SON BACK.
I MEAN, IT JUST -- HE'S JUST A DIFFERENT PERSON.
GOD KNOWS I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS.
EVERY DAY.
Justin: I'VE DONE THIS WITH THE HELP AND SACRIFICE
AND LOVE OF MY FATHER,
SO I'M GONNA MAKE SURE I CONTINUE TO DO EVERYTHING
I CAN TO MAKE HIM PROUD AND GET TO WHERE I NEED.
AND THIS JOURNEY TO GET THERE HAS NOT ONLY
GIVEN ME MY LIFE BACK,
IT'S GIVEN ME A CHANCE TO GET SOMETHING I MISSED GROWING UP.
SO I FEEL LIKE, IN A WAY,
IT'S GIVEN ME A PAST ALONG WITH A NEW FUTURE.
SO THE ONLY WAY I CAN PUT IT IS THAT I FEEL REBORN
BECAUSE I HAVE A WHOLE NEW LIFE NOW.
THAT'S MORE THAN I COULD HAVE EVER DREAMED
WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME.
YOU FLEXING?THERE YOU GO.
OF COURSE HE IS.