Woman: BEING OVER 600 POUNDS,
I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THE THINGS THAT I DREAM ABOUT.
--Captions by VITAC-- www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
Man: AT THIS POINT, I'M KILLING MYSELF.
Woman: IT'S TERRIFYING TO THINK THAT AT ANY MOMENT
YOUR HEART COULD EXPLODE.
♪♪
Woman: I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO LIVE YET.
♪♪
WHY ARE YOU JUMPING ON MY CASE?
YOU'RE OVEREATING, AND YOU ACT LIKE IT'S OUR FAULT.
Woman: I KNOW THAT I'M DYING.
I KNOW THAT I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
♪♪
YOU CAN DO THIS. OKAY.
YOU GOT TO GET HEALTHY.
I KNOW.OKAY.
♪♪
Holly: I DREAD HAVING TO START MY DAY
BECAUSE I'VE GOTTEN SO BIG NOW
I CONSTANTLY HURT,
AND IT'S GETTING TO A POINT
WHERE I'M HAVING TROUBLE GETTING UP.
♪♪
SO THINGS LIKE WALKING ARE GETTING A LOT HARDER FOR ME.
♪♪
AND I'M SCARED BECAUSE NOW I CAN BARELY DO ANYTHING.
♪♪
I CAN'T MOVE CERTAIN WAYS.
I CAN'T FIT CERTAIN PLACES.
I CAN BARELY FIT IN MY BATHROOM.
I HAVE TO TURN SIDEWAYS TO FIT THROUGH THE DOOR.
♪♪
SO MY FIANCé, RAY, HAS TO HELP ME
WHEN I USE THE TOILET AND TAKE A BATH.
IT'S TOTALLY EMBARRASSING AND DEGRADING
TO HAVE TO ASK SOMEBODY TO HELP ME WITH THAT.
BUT I HAVE TO HAVE HELP,
BECAUSE EVEN WHEN I'M ABLE TO DO SOMETHING ON MY OWN,
IT COMPLETELY WEARS ME OUT TO THE POINT
WHERE I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA PASS OUT.
SO THERE THAN TO GET FOOD OR EAT,
I ONLY GET UP TO TRY TO SHOWER.
BUT RIGHT NOW I'M ONLY ABLE TO SHOWER A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK
AT THE MOST BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO LIFT PARTS OF MY BODY,
AND CERTAIN JOINTS JUST DON'T MOVE THE WAY I NEED THEM TO.
AND I'M WORRIED RAY IS GONNA HAVE TO START WASHING ME IN BED,
BUT THIS IS ONE OF THE LAST THINGS
I TRY TO DO ON MY OWN.
SO I KIND OF SMUSH MYSELF IN AND DO THE BEST I CAN,
BECAUSE AFTER MY SHOWER, I'M TOTALLY EXHAUSTED
AND I HURT FROM HEAD TO TOE AND MY HEAD IS POUNDING.
AND I'M AT MY LIMIT, PHYSICALLY.
SO I CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING ANYMORE.
I'M JUST CONSTANTLY IN PAIN, AND I FEEL MISERABLE.
YOU OKAY?
JUST GOT DIZZY FOR A MINUTE.
♪♪
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO FIX YOU A PLATE OF FOOD.
OKAY.
THE ONLY THING THAT BRINGS ME ANY JOY AND HAPPINESS
AND MAKES ME FEEL BETTER IS FOOD,
AND IT'S MY ONLY MOTIVATION TO GET OUT OF BED AGAIN.
♪♪
SO ONCE I'VE HAD A CHANCE TO CATCH MY BREATH,
I TRY TO MAKE IT TO MY WHEELCHAIR,
AND I WAIT FOR RAY TO BRING ME BREAKFAST.
[ LABORED BREATHING ]
Ray: ON ANY GIVEN DAY,
HOLLY PROBABLY EATS ENOUGH
FOR THREE TO FOUR PEOPLE.
SHE KIND OF HAS A NEVER-ENDING HUNGER.
AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I AM ACTUALLY FEEDING THE PROBLEM,
I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE HER, AND I JUST CAN'T SAY NO TO HER.
♪♪
Holly: THERE'S NEVER A MOMENT I DON'T WANT TO EAT,
AND I THINK I'M ADDICTED TO FOOD.
THAT'S VERY HARD TO ADMIT TO MYSELF.
BUT I ALWAYS WANT TO EAT ANYTHING
THAT I COULD GET MY HANDS ON.
AND WHAT RAY MAKES ME FOR BREAKFAST IS A GOOD START,
BUT IT DOESN'T FILL ME UP.
♪♪
READY?YEP.
SO AFTER I'M DONE, IF THERE'S TIME
BEFORE RAY HAS TO GO TO WORK,
HE TAKES ME TO GET SOMETHING ELSE.
HE USED TO GO AND GET ME LUNCH TO LEAVE ME WHILE HE'S GONE,
BUT NO I'M STILL SO HUNGRY WE JUST GO AND EAT A BRUNCH
RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST.
SO I TRY TO MAKE IT TO THE CAR, BUT IT'S HARD
BECAUSE I'M HURTING A LOT AT THIS POINT.
BUT I PUSH MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW IT MEANS I GET TO EAT,
AND I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE.
♪♪
HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
CAN WE GET A CHICKEN BASKET WITH GRAVY
AND TWO SOFT PRETZEL STICKS WITH QUESO?
AND AN ORDER OF ONION RINGS.
AND AN ORDER OF ONION RINGS?
OKAY.
HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY.
YOU, TOO.
I THINK THIS ONE HAS YOURS IN IT,
AND I'LL GET STARTED WITH THIS.
♪♪
EATING IS THE ONLY PLEASURE I HAVE LEFT IN MY LIFE,
AND WITHOUT IT, I HAVE NOTHING.
♪♪
I LOVE THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL
AND THE HAPPINESS I FEEL WITH EVERY BITE.
BUT THE MOMENT MY MEAL IS OVER
AND I'VE EATEN EVERYTHING I HAVE,
ALL THE SADNESS COMES BACK,
SO ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS WHEN I CAN EAT AGAIN.
♪♪
SO AFTER RAY TAKES ME HOME AND LEAVES,
IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE, I'M GONNA EAT IT.
I'LL FIND IT AND EAT IT,
EVEN WHEN HE'S TRIED TO HIDE FOOD FROM ME.
I JUST NEVER WANT TO STOP.
I LIVE TO EAT.
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW MY ADDICTION TO FOOD
IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL, I CAN'T STOP,
AND I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD ALL GET THIS BAD
AND THAT THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE WOULD BECOME.
SWEETIE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET READY FOR WORK.
OKAY, GO AHEAD.
BUT AS ASHAMED AS I AM ABOUT IT AND AS MUCH AS I WANT TO CHANGE,
FOOD IS THE ONLY THING THAT'S THERE FOR ME,
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS BEEN FOR MY WHOLE LIFE.
♪♪
EVEN FROM WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG, I'VE LOVED FOOD.
SO I'VE ALWAYS STRUGGLED WITH MY WEIGHT.
Woman: WHEN HOLLY WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
I COULDN'T BELIEVE HER APPETITE.
I SEEMED TO BE FEEDING HER CONSTANTLY
'CAUSE SHE WAS CONSTANTLY CRYING
AND WANTING TO BE FED RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.
Holly: BUT WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG,
I DIDN'T WORRY ABOUT MY WEIGHT OR HOW MUCH I ATE.
IT WAS MADE ME FEEL SAFE,
BECAUSE MY PARENTS WERE REALLY STRICT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.
AND ON TOP OF THAT, MY PARENTS FOUGHT A LOT,
AND IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WASN'T IN A SAFE PLACE.
BUT FOOD MADE ME FEEL GOOD AND FORGET ABOUT THE FEAR,
SO I WAS ALWAYS EATING.
AND SO I JUST KEPT GETTING BIGGER.
THE FIRST TIME I REALIZED IT WAS BECOMING A PROBLEM
WAS WHEN I WAS 6, THOUGH.
THAT'S WHEN THE BULLYING STARTED.
I WAS ALREADY GETTING CLOSE TO BEING OVER 100 POUNDS BY THEN,
SO MY WEIGHT STARTED TO REALLY STAND OUT.
BUT AS I GOT BIGGER AND THE BULLYING GOT WORSE,
I FINALLY WORKED UP THE COURAGE TO TELL MY PARENTS.
I WAS TOLD TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I COULD GO TO MY PARENTS WITH ANYTHING.
SO I FELT EVEN MORE LIKE I WAS ON MY OWN,
AND THE ONLY FRIEND I HAD TO GO TO WAS FOOD.
IF I WAS SCARED ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WAS GOING ON
WITH MY PARENTS OR IF I WAS SCARED
ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL THAT DAY,
I WOULD GO FIND SOMETHING TO EAT.
AND OVER THE NEXT COUPLE OF YEARS,
I GAINED ANOTHER 100 POUNDS,
AND I WAS OVER 200 BY THE TIME I WAS 10 YEARS OLD.
AND THAT'S WHEN MY MOM DECIDED MY WEIGHT GAIN
WAS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL
AND THAT SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
SO MY MOM PUT ME ON FEN-PHEN, WHICH WAS HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL
AND ENDED UP BEING BANNED.
BUT IT WAS A DRUG THAT STOPPED YOU FROM BEING HUNGRY.
BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP BEING HUNGRY,
BECAUSE I WANTED TO EAT NO MATTER WHAT.
♪♪
SO, OVER THE NEXT FEW YEARS,
I WAS UP TO 350 POUNDS BY THE TIME I WAS 14
AND STARTED HIGH SCHOOL.
SO I GOT EXTREMELY DEPRESSED.
I STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION FROM MY TEEN YEARS ON,
NOT JUST BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING AT HOME
BUT BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS 16.
I WAS OVER 400 POUNDS BY THEN, AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE AT HOME,
SO I DECIDED TO GET A JOB AT A DEPARTMENT STORE
AS A FLOOR CLERK.
AND AN OLDER GUY, WHO WAS A REGULAR CUSTOMER,
WHO WAS 22, APPROACHED ME AND SHOWED AN INTEREST,
AND HE ASKED IF I WANTED TO MEET HIM
AFTER WORK IN HIS TRUCK TO TALK AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
I WAS CURIOUS, SO I MET HIM OUTSIDE AFTER WORK,
BUT WHEN I GOT IN HIS TRUCK, HE ATTACKED ME.
AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, HE PHYSICALLY OVERPOWERED ME,
AND HE RAPED ME.
IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE,
BUT AT THE TIME, I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.
I WAS AFRAID TO GO TO MY PARENTS
AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
I WAS AFRAID OF LETTING THEM DOWN.
AND THE ONLY THING I HAD TO HELP ME DEAL WITH IT ALL WAS FOOD,
SO I JUST KEPT EATING.
AND BY THE TIME I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS OVER 500 POUNDS.
AT THAT POINT, MY WEIGHT HAD GOTTEN SO BAD
THAT I STARTED TO HAVE TROUBLE GETTING AROUND LIKE I NEEDED.
SO I HAD TO DROP OUT OF COLLEGE MY FRESHMAN YEAR.
♪♪
AND AS MUCH AS I DIDN'T WANT TO,
I HAD TO MOVE BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS.
SO IT FELT LIKE MY LIFE WAS JUST GETTING WORSE AND WORSE,
BUT WHEN I WAS 20, I MET MY FIRST HUSBAND.
AND I WAS HAPPY THEN,
AND I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS TURNING AROUND.
I WAS EVEN ABLE TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING,
BUT NOT A WHOLE LOT BECAUSE I WAS STILL AROUND 450 POUNDS.
BUT SOON AFTER WE GOT MARRIED AND I MOVED IN WITH HIM,
THINGS STARTED TO GET HARDER.
HE WAS IN THE MILITARY, AND IT TOOK A TOLL ON HIM.
HE CAME BACK FROM THE WAR IN IRAQ WITH UNDIAGNOSED PTSD,
SO HE STARTED TO SUFFER THESE EPISODES
WHERE HE THOUGHT HE WAS BACK THERE.
I WAS WAKING UP TO GUNS IN MY FACE AT HOME
BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING NIGHTMARES.
AND THAT WENT ON FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE.
BEING IN ANOTHER SITUATION WHERE I DIDN'T FEEL SAFE,
FOOD WAS, YET AGAIN, ANOTHER COMFORT TO ME,
AND MY WEIGHT GOT UP TO AROUND 600 BY THE TIME I WAS 30.
AT THAT POINT, I FINALLY DECIDED THAT MY LIFE WAS GETTING SO BAD
THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING,
OR I JUST WASN'T GONNA LAST MUCH LONGER.
MY FIRST HUSBAND, HE WAS THE FIRST GUY I HAD TRUSTED,
AND I FELT LIKE HE HAD BETRAYED THAT TRUST
WITH HOW HE TREATED ME FOR 10 YEARS.
SO I LEFT HIM AND GOT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
I WANTED TO TAKE MY LIFE BACK AND FINALLY LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT,
SO I HAD MY STOMACH STAPLED.
AND FOR THE YEAR AFTER THAT,
I STARTED TO REALLY LOSE WEIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.
AND AT FIRST THE SURGERY WORKED AND I GOT DOWN TO 398 POUNDS.
AND I WAS REALLY EXCITED, BECAUSE I WAS DOING WELL.
I WAS 32 THEN,
SO IT WAS ALMOST 20 YEARS SINCE I WAS DOWN THAT LOW.
BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS MY WEIGHT LOSS WENT,
BECAUSE AFTER, I STARTED STRUGGLING
WITH WANTING TO EAT AGAIN.
SO I STARTED EATING MORE, EVEN WHEN I WAS FULL.
AND I ENDED UP BUSTING MY STAPLES
AND WAS BACK IN THE 500s AGAIN BY THE TIME I WAS 33.
AND I WAS REALLY DEPRESSED ABOUT THAT,
AND I STARTED TO GIVE UP.
BUT, THANKFULLY, THAT'S WHEN I MET RAY.
I HAD NO FRIENDS OR ANYONE,
SO I JOINED SOME ONLINE CHAT ROOMS
JUST TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE AND I MET RAY IN ONE OF THEM
AND I REALLY LIKED CHATTING WITH HIM,
SO WE STARTED TALKING OFFLINE.
RAY CAME INTO MY LIFE KIND OF AS A RAY OF SUNSHINE
AND REALLY SHOWED ME WHAT LIFE COULD BE.
AND THREE MONTHS AFTER WE MET,
HE OFFERED TO LET ME MOVE IN WITH HIM, AND I DID.
AND WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SINCE.
WHEN RAY AND ME WERE FIRST TOGETHER,
EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HARD, I WAS STILL ABLE TO GO OUT,
AND WE COULD DO THINGS TOGETHER.
BUT EVEN THOUGH I HAD RAY IN MY LIFE AND THINGS WERE BETTER,
AT THAT POINT, MY FOOD ADDICTION WAS ALREADY OUT OF CONTROL,
AND I JUST KEPT EATING.
AND IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE I GOT BACK OVER 600 POUNDS.
I CROSSED THAT MARK A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS 35,
AND IT WAS A TOTAL SHOCK TO SEE THAT NUMBER ON THE SCALE.
♪♪
I WISH I COULD CHANGE IT ALL, BUT I CAN'T STOP EATING.
AND NOW IT'S AFFECTING MY PARENTS' LIVES, TOO,
BECAUSE THIS PAST YEAR,
WE HAD TO MOVE IN WITH MY MOM AND DAD
SO THAT RAY COULD WORK DURING THE DAY.
BUT I CAN'T BE ALONE, AND I HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME
AT ALL TIMES TO MAKE SURE I HAVE THE HELP I NEED
AND THAT SOMETHING DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ME.
SO I FEEL LIKE A BURDEN, ESPECIALLY TO MY MOM,
BECAUSE, ASIDE FROM RAY, SHE DOES THE MOST FOR ME.
BUT GETTING TO THAT POINT
WHERE WE HAD TO GO TO MY PARENTS WAS TOUGH,
BECAUSE UP UNTIL THEN I HADN'T TOLD THEM ABOUT RAY
BECAUSE I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T APPROVE OF OUR SITUATION.
Kim: SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TELL HER DAD AND I THAT
SHE WAS LIVING WITH SOMEONE
BECAUSE WE'RE RELIGIOUS PEOPLE,
AND WE FEEL THAT IF SOMEBODY'S GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER,
THEY NEED TO BE MARRIED.
SO WE'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THE SITUATION,
BUT THEY HAVE NO PLACE TO GO, SO WE'VE ACCEPTED IT.
YOU WANT ME TO MAKE FOUR PATTIES?
CAN YOU DO SIX?
YEAH, I GOT ENOUGH TO DO EIGHT.
HOW MANY YOU WANT?WELL, THEN, TO DO EIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
Holly: IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY MOM'S HELP,
I KNOW I'D BE ON MY OWN DURING THE DAY
AND WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
SO I'M THANKFUL FOR HER HELP.
BUT THE ONE CHANGE I'M HAPPY ABOUT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS THAT MY MOM IS NO LONGER TRYING TO GET ME
TO LOSE WEIGHT OR EAT BETTER.
I THINK A PART OF HER LIKES SOME OF THE FOOD I EAT,
AND I FEEL LIKE EATING IS A TIME WHERE WE BOND,
AND IT'S THE ONE THING THAT WE CAN DO TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
♪♪
Kim: HOLLY AND I HAVE HAD CONVERSATIONS
ABOUT EATING, DIETING, AND I KNOW AN ACCOMMODATER,
BUT SHE IS HUNGRY ALL THE TIME,
AND THE IDEA OF HER BEING HUNGRY JUST EATS ME UP.
SO TO KEEP HER HAPPY, I SPOIL HER ROTTEN.
Brent: HOLLY HAS A BIG APPETITE.
IT'S LIKE SHE CAN'T GET THE FOOD INTO HER MOUTH FAST ENOUGH,
AND I WORRY ABOUT HOLLY
'CAUSE IT'S JUST NOT HEALTHY BEING THAT BIG.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER.
NOBODY'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO BURY THEIR CHILDREN.
Holly: MY PARENTS AND ME HAVE DINNER,
BUT THAT MEAL IS JUST THE START OF MY DINNER.
BECAUSE RAY HAS TO WORK LATE,
HE COMES HOME AFTER WE'RE FINISHED,
AND HE GETS FAST FOOD ON THE WAY HOME FOR BOTH OF US.
SO ONCE I'VE FINISHED EATING WITH MY FAMILY,
I GO AND GET READY FOR BED.
AND THEN ME AND RAY WILL EAT TOGETHER BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.
♪♪
I GOT THE FOOD, SWEETIE.
♪♪
Holly: BY THE END OF THE DAY, I KNOW I'VE EATEN A LOT.
I'VE HAD PROBABLY FOUR OR FIVE MEALS
AND A WHOLE LOT OF SNACKS.
AND I'D KEEP EATING IF I COULD,
BECAUSE I'M NEVER FULL AND I ALWAYS WANT TO EAT.
AND I KNOW MY EATING'S MORE OUT OF CONTROL THAN IT'S EVER BEEN
AND THAT I'M GETTING TO A BREAKING POINT,
BUT I'VE TRIED TO STOP, AND I CAN'T.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AND I'M SCARED BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN'T KEEP GOING MUCH LONGER,
AND I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK
OR SOMETHING IN MY BODY WILL JUST HIT THIS WALL,
AND I'M GONNA DIE.
I'M VERY CLOSE TO THE END OF MY ROPE.
I KNOW IT, AND MY WHOLE FAMILY KNOWS IT.
Ray: IF HOLLY DOESN'T GET THE HELP THAT SHE NEEDS,
IT'S VERY POSSIBLE THAT I MIGHT WAKE UP
AND HOLLY MIGHT BE DEAD.
AND I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO WATCH SOMEBODY
THAT I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART DIE.
♪♪
BEING OVER 600 POUNDS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
I'M NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING,
THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO FULFILL ANY OF MY DREAMS,
I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE A FAMILY.
I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THE THINGS
THAT I LAY IN BED AT NIGHT AND DREAM ABOUT.
[ SNIFFLES ]
I DON'T THINK I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER...
BUT I'M SCARED THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
AND THAT I'M TOO FAR GONE TO GET HELP.
AND AT THIS POINT, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE I GO TO BED AND I JUST DON'T WAKE UP.
♪♪
Holly: TODAY, ME AND RAY ARE PACKING UP
TO HEAD TO HOUSTON AND SEE DR. NOW
AND HOPEFULLY GET THE HELP I NEED.
BUT I'M REALLY NERVOUS,
BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE A REALLY HARD TRIP.
I DON'T USUALLY SPEND MORE THAN 10 TO 15 MINUTES
AT A TIME IN THE CAR,
AND EVEN AFTER THAT, IT STARTS TO GET REALLY PAINFUL FOR ME.
AND THIS DRIVE IS AT LEAST A 12-TO-13-HOUR DRIVE,
SO I KNOW I'M GONNA BE IN PAIN ON THE TRIP.
SWEETHEART, CAN YOU COME HERE FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?
WHAT DO YOU NEED, SWEETIE?
WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE BAGS IN THE CAR
AND THEN COME BACK AND HELP ME?
OKAY.
AND WHEN I GET THERE,
I'M SCARED TO FIND OUT HOW HIGH MY WEIGHT IS NOW
AND WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA TELL ME.
SO JUST HOPE THIS DOESN'T TURN OUT TO BE A BIG MISTAKE.
HI.HI.
ALL PACKED?I THINK WE'RE ALL PACKED.
GOOD.
♪♪
Kim: I CAN TELL HOLLY IS ANXIOUS,
AND I KNOW SHE'S KIND OF WORRIED ABOUT
WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA SAY ABOUT IT.
I THINK SHE'S ANXIOUS ABOUT HOW SHE'S GONNA DO ON THE TRIP,
BUT IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR HOLLY TO GO TO HOUSTON TODAY.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR HER TO GET HELP.
SO YOU'RE READY TO GO?YEP.
BYE.
BE SAFE.
BE CAREFUL DRIVING.
WE'VE GOT A PRECIOUS CARGO, REMEMBER.
OH, I KNOW.
GOOD LUCK.LOVE YOU.
LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU STOP FOR TONIGHT.
OKAY.
BE SAFE.
I WILL.
LET US KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
OKAY.
Ray: I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE HARD,
BUT IF WE DON'T DO THIS,
I KNOW THE END RESULT IS DEATH.
Holly: AS SCARED AS I AM, I KNOW MY LIFE IS RIDING ON THIS TRIP.
I CAN FEEL THE END COMING,
BECAUSE IT'S GETTING TOO HARD TO KEEP GOING,
AND THAT TERRIFIES ME.
[ LABORED BREATHING ]
YEAH.
SO THIS IS IT.
THIS IS MY LAST OPTION.
EITHER HOPE IS WAITING FOR ME IN HOUSTON,
OR IT'S NOT GONNA BE LONG BEFORE I CAN'T GO ON.
♪♪
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,
START LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO STOP.
I NEED SOMETHING TO CALM MY NERVES.
OKAY.
WHEN WE STOP, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT A PILLOW
OR SOMETHING UNDER MY TAILBONE.
IT'S REALLY GETTING SORE.
OKAY.
I TAKE IT WE'RE EATING IN THE CAR?
YEAH.
CAN I GET TWO ASIAGO RANCH CHICKEN CLUB SANDWICHES
AND TWO SINGLES?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADD ANYTHING ELSE?
NOPE. THAT'LL BE ALL.
PULL AROUND TO YOUR FIRST WINDOW.
Holly: FOR MY WHOLE LIFE,
THE ONLY THING I'VE HAD TO RELY ON
TO HELP ME SURVIVE IS FOOD.
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT IF I DON'T CHANGE
IT'S GONNA BE WHAT KILLS ME,
I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STOP.
AND THE FACT THAT I ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ONCE
AND IT FAILED SCARES ME,
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA MAKE IT DIFFERENT THIS TIME
AND HOW I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO STOP RUNNING TO FOOD.
IT FEELS LIKE GIVING UP MY BEST FRIEND
AND THE ONLY JOY AND HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE.
SO THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW
IF THAT'S GONNA EVEN BE POSSIBLE.
♪♪
I HAVE TO GET OUT.
OKAY.
I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T TAKE IT, SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO STOP.
I WAS REALLY HOPING WE COULD MAKE IT FURTHER, BUT I CAN'T.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR AND REST
BECAUSE I'M DONE FOR THE DAY.
♪♪
MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW IS TOMORROW,
AND WE STILL HAVE AROUND 10 HOURS TO GO TO GET THERE,
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA MAKE IT.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO REST MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
OKAY.
SO WE'LL HAVE TO CALL HIM TO RESCHEDULE TO GIVE ME MORE TIME,
AND I HOPE DR. NOW IS OKAY WITH THAT.
THIS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE,
AND I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.
WE CAN TRY AGAIN TO MAKE IT FURTHER TOMORROW,
BUT RIGHT NOW I HURT WAY TOO MUCH, AND I'M DONE.
♪♪
GETTING CLOSER TO THE APPOINTMENT.
GOT 1.2 MILES TO GO.
I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT WE'RE FINALLY IN HOUSTON,
BUT THIS TRIP HAS TAKEN A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD.
IT'S BEEN SO PAINFUL AND HARD TO DO THIS,
SO ALL MY HOPES AND EVERYTHING IS RIDING ON
WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN AT THIS APPOINTMENT.
SO I'M REALLY NERVOUS, BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW THIS IS GONNA GO OR WHAT DR. NOW WILL TELL ME,
AND I'M REALLY SCARED TO FIND OUT WHAT I WEIGH
AND IF I'VE GAINED A LOT
SINCE THE LAST TIME I WAS WEIGHED.
HOLLY HAGER.
Holly: I'M SCARED THAT DR. NOW WILL SAY
BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ONCE,
THAT A SECOND TIME WON'T WORK EITHER.
AND IF THAT HAPPENS,
NOT ONLY WILL THIS WHOLE MISERABLE TRIP BE A WASTE,
BUT I'LL HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN FOR HELP.
♪♪
Holly: I'M AT DR. NOW'S FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT,
AND I'M REALLY HOPING HE CAN HELP ME FIND A WAY
TO GET MY WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL.
I WAS AROUND 600 POUNDS THE LAST TIME I WAS ON A SCALE,
AND I'M SCARED IF I'VE GAINED EVEN MORE SINCE THEN,
THE DOCTOR'S GONNA THINK I CAN'T BE HELPED
BECAUSE I ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
AND THAT I'M JUST A LOST CAUSE.
SO I'M HOPING I'M STILL AT LEAST AROUND 600 POUNDS.
♪♪
THAT'S REALLY DISCOURAGING.
I'M SCARED THAT THE NUMBER IS THAT HIGH,
AND I'M ASHAMED THAT I LET MYSELF GET SO BIG.
IF DR. NOWZARADAN DOESN'T TAKE ME AS A PATIENT,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
♪♪
[ KNOCKING AT DOOR ]
COME IN.
HELLO.
HI, DR. NOWZARADAN.
YOU ALL FINALLY MADE IT.MM-HMM.
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, SO, HOW YOU FEELING?
LITTLE SORE.
I CAN IMAGINE.
YOU'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FOUR DAYS.
YEP. LONG TRIP.
YES, IT WAS, BUT IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN.
SO IT'S CONCERNING THAT YOU COULD
BARELY HANDLE TRIP DOWN HERE,
BUT I'M GLAD YOU MADE IT TO HOUSTON OKAY.
RIGHT.AND IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU BOTH.
THANK YOU.
I ASSUME THIS IS YOUR FIANCé RAY.
YES, THIS IS MY BETTER HALF.
THIS IS MY FIANCé.
ALL RIGHT, AND YOU TWO ARE HERE
BECAUSE YOUR WEIGHT IS AT 658 TODAY.
SO WALK ME THROUGH WHAT YOU EAT
WHEN YOU WAKE UP TILL YOU GO TO BED.
I'LL EAT BREAKFAST AND LUNCH AT HOME AND --
AND WHAT DO YOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST?
I EAST A COUPLE BOWLS OF CEREAL AND SOME TOAST
WITH SUGAR-FREE JAM,
AND THEN FOR LUNCH ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER,
I'LL HAVE THREE OR FOUR SANDWICHES,
LIKE BOLOGNA SANDWICHES OR FRIED-CHICKEN-PATTY SANDWICHES.
AND THEN HE'LL USUALLY STOP
AND GET A COUPLE OF FAST-FOOD SANDWICHES
AND SOME FRIES ON HIS WAY HOME FROM WORK AROUND MIDNIGHT.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT, BUT IT DOES NOT EXPLAIN
HOW YOU'RE STARTING TO APPROACH BEING 700 POUNDS.
SO EITHER YOU'RE LYING AND NOT TELLING ME EVERYTHING,
OR YOU AREN'T REALIZING HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY EAT.
SO THAT'S SOMETHING THAT WE NEED TO ADDRESS.
OKAY.
BUT ACCORDING TO YOUR MEDICAL HISTORY,
ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO YOU TRIED TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABIT
BY GETTING WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
SO YOU HAD GASTRIC BYPASS.
I DID, IN 2008.
AND AT THAT TIME, HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH?
WHEN I STARTED THE PROCESS OF SURGERY,
I WEIGHED ABOUT 600 POUNDS.
AND AFTER YOU HAD THE BYPASS, HOW MUCH DID YOU LOSE?
I GOT DOWN TO 398 POUNDS
BEFORE I STARTED REGAINING NINE MONTHS POST-OP.
SO YOU MADE SOME PROGRESS,
BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT?
I THINK THAT'S WHEN MY STAPLING CAME APART,
BUT I DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL THREE YEARS AGO
THAT MY STAPLE LINE IN MY STOMACH CAME APART.
AND I WAS ABLE TO EAT MORE AT THAT POINT,
AND I REGAINED ALL OF THE WEIGHT PLUS SOME.
OKAY, SO YOU NEVER DEALT WITH THE ISSUES DRIVING YOU TO EAT.
AND THE ODDS OF LONG-TERM FAILURE
ARE HIGH FOR SOMEONE AT YOUR WEIGHT.
OKAY.
BUT IT'S EVEN HIGHER FOR SOMEONE AT YOUR WEIGHT
WHO ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY BEFORE.
SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO THIS TIME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO LAST TIME
THAT IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR LONG-TERM RESULT ANY DIFFERENT?
WE CAN EAT BETTER...OKAY.
AND WE CAN MAKE CHANGES
AND THEN, HOPEFULLY, GET THE GASTRIC BYPASS FIXED
SO THAT I'M ABLE TO MAKE THOSE CHANGES MORE PERMANENT.
OKAY, WELL, WHAT I'M SEEING SO FAR,
WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO
BEFORE YOU'RE READY FOR ME TO CONSIDER YOU FOR THAT.
BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR ENABLERS.
IS RAY YOUR ENABLER?
PRETTY MUCH.
I SEE THAT HE ALSO HAS A LITTLE BIT WEIGHT PROBLEM...
YEAH.
AND LIKELY USES YOU FOR AN EXCUSE TO OVEREAT WITH YOU.
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
OKAY, SO WHO ELSE IS IN THE HOUSE
THAT BRINGS YOU FOOD AND ENABLES YOU?
MY MOM. SHE HELPS ME SHOP FOR FOOD.
IS SHE OVERWEIGHT, TOO?YES.
ALL RIGHT, SO YOU HAVE A TEAM OF ENABLERS
WORKING TOGETHER TO FEED YOU ALL DAY
AND USE YOU AS AN EXCUSE TO OVEREAT WITH YOU.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THE FACTORS I'M SEEING AROUND HOLLY
ARE GOING TO BE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO ADDRESS.
THE FACT THAT SHE COULDN'T BE IN THE CAR
FOR MORE THAN FEW HOURS AT A TIME
IS NOT JUST BECAUSE HER PHYSICAL STAMINA IS HORRIBLE RIGHT NOW,
BUT SHOWS HER COMPLETE INABILITY AND UNWILLINGNESS
TO TOLERATE ANYTHING THAT IS HARD OR UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER.
AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT,
SHE ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ONCE,
AND IT FAILED, SHOWING THAT SHE REFUSED
TO GIVE UP HER COMFORT AND SECURITY BLANKET
EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS STARTING
TO GET TO A BREAKING POINT WITH HER WEIGHT.
HOLLY, YOU'RE 38 YEARS OLD
AND ON YOUR WAY TO BEING 700 POUNDS SOON.
OKAY.
SO THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO SHOW ME
THAT YOU'RE READY TO FINALLY MAKE THE CHANGES YOU NEED.
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A 1,200-CALORIE-A-DAY,
HIGH-PROTEIN, LOW-CARB DIET, AND I WANT YOU TO START ON THAT
AND LOSE 50 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT 2 MONTHS, OKAY?
OKAY.
AND YOU NEED TO ALSO START TO CHANGE YOUR DYNAMIC AT HOME
AND START DOING THINGS FOR YOURSELF
INSTEAD OF RELYING ON YOUR ENABLERS.
AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS AS A FAMILY.
SO, RAY AND YOUR MOM NEED TO GET ON BOARD.
I ALSO WANT YOU TO START WALKING IN THE MORNING
AND IN THE EVENING FOR A TOTAL OF AN HOUR A DAY,
BECAUSE YOUR STAMINA IS HORRIBLE
IF IT TOOK YOU FOUR DAYS TO GET TO HOUSTON FROM GEORGIA.
NORMALLY, I WOULD CONSIDER THE DISTANCE
ON THE EDGE OF JUST CLOSE ENOUGH
THAT YOU WOULDN'T NEED TO MOVE TO HOUSTON TO DO THE PROGRAM,
BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET HERE IN A DAY.
SO YOU NEED TO BUILD UP YOUR STAMINA.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR SITUATION.
YOU'RE NO LONGER A CHILD,
SO STOP ACTING LIKE ONE.
YOU'RE ALMOST 40 AND HAVING YOUR MOM TAKING CARE OF YOU.
AND USING RAY JUST LIKE ANOTHER PARENT
IS GOING TO BE A DYNAMIC THAT LEADS TO YOUR EARLY DEATH.
SO THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE,
AND IT'S UP TO YOU IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS.
ANY QUESTIONS?
I THINK YOU'VE ANSWERED EVERYTHING.
THANK YOU, DR. NOW.
OKAY, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, GIVE US A CALL,
AND I WILL SEE YOU IN TWO MONTHS.
NICE TO MEET YOU, DR. NOWZARADAN.
ALL RIGHT, AND NICE TO MEET YOU.
ALL RIGHT.THANK YOU.
YOU CAN DO THIS, AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.
OKAY, SOUNDS GOOD.
OKAY.
THERE IS A LOT THAT HOLLY'S GOING TO HAVE TO FACE
AND START TO CHANGE IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE ANY CHANCE
TO BE ABLE TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
BUT RIGHT NOW, I NEED HER TO START BY SHOWING ME
THAT SHE'S WILLING TO WORK HARD
AND START MAKING SOME OF THE CHANGES
SHE NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS.
BECAUSE IF SHE'S NOT, THEN NOTHING WE DO
WILL TURN HER SITUATION AROUND ENOUGH TO SAVE HER LIFE.
♪♪
Holly: I THINK I'M ACTUALLY EVEN MORE SCARED NOW
THAN I WAS BEFORE MY APPOINTMENT,
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO WHAT DR. NOW WANTS ME TO DO.
I WAS WORRIED HE WAS GONNA TELL ME HE CAN'T HELP ME,
BUT HAVING TO DO ALL THIS FEELS PRETTY MUCH LIKE THE SAME THING.
SO I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO GIVE UP
ALL THE FOOD THAT I LIKE.
AND IF I DON'T, I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE BAD
BECAUSE I'LL LOSE THIS CHANCE TO GET HELP.
DR. NOW IS THE LAST PERSON I HAVE TO TURN TO,
AND I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO LAST MUCH LONGER.
SO I'M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW.
♪♪
IT'S BEEN ABOUT A MONTH SINCE MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW.
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MAKING THE CHANGES
I NEED TO DO HIS DIET AND EXERCISE
TO GET MY STAMINA UP LIKE I NEED,
AND I'M TRYING TO RELY LESS ON THE WHEELCHAIR
AND MOVE AROUND MORE.
AND I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING PROGRESS
AND THAT I'M LOOKING A LITTLE SMALLER.
I JUST REALLY HOPE IT'S ENOUGH, BECAUSE I'M SACRIFICING A LOT
AND WORKING REALLY HARD TO DO THIS.
♪♪
HEY.YOU WANT TO CUT THIS UP?
YEP, I'LL START CHOPPING THE LETTUCE.
ARE YOU GONNA HAVE SALAD, TOO, OR IS IT JUST ME?
JUST YOU.
I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE A SANDWICH.
OKAY.
THE HARDEST PART OF ALL THIS IS THE DIET.
IT'S BEEN DIFFICULT GIVING UP THE FOOD
I LOVE AND CRAVE AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD,
AND I'M REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THAT.
FOOD HAS BEEN WHAT'S THERE FOR ME,
AND IT'S BEEN WHAT'S COMFORTED ME MY WHOLE LIFE.
SO COMPLETELY CHANGING THAT INSTANTLY
JUST ISN'T EASY AT ALL.
AND WHAT MAKES IT EVEN HARDER IS THAT MY FAMILY DECIDED
THEY WEREN'T GONNA DO THE DIET WITH ME.
RAY AND MY MOM ARE STILL EATING WHAT THEY WANT,
AND HAVING SOME OF THAT TEMPTATION AROUND ME
MAKES IT EVEN HARDER.
SO I FEEL REALLY LONELY, AND SOME DAYS EVEN DEPRESSED.
BUT I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR ME TO DO THIS.
SO I'M TRYING TO JUST TAKE IT A DAY AT A TIME
AND FOCUS ON WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
♪♪
BOY, THAT SANDWICH LOOKS A LOT BETTER THAN THIS SALAD DOES.
I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE.
[ LAUGHS ]
I HAVE ONE MONTH BEFORE MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT
WITH DR. NOW,
AN I KNOW IF I DON'T GET TO WHERE I NEED BY THEN AND I FAIL,
THEN I'M NOT GONNA GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
AND THE HELP I NEED.
AND I KNOW THAT'S MY ONLY CHANCE TO TURN MY LIFE AROUND.
♪♪
ME AND RAY MADE IT BACK TO HOUSTON
TO SEE DR. NOW FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT
AND FIND OUT IF I'M GETTING APPROVED
FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT WITH HIM,
AND I'M HOPING THAT I HIT MY GOALS
AND THAT I'M GONNA GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TODAY.
IT'S BEEN EXTREMELY HARD DEALING WITH MY CRAVINGS,
BUT I WORKED HARD AND STUCK TO THE DIET.
THE ONLY THING THAT HAS ME REALLY WORRIED
IS THAT WE'RE A FEW DAYS LATE AGAIN,
BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T GO FOR TOO LONG IN THE CAR,
AND I HAD TO STOP TO LAY DOWN AND TAKE BREAKS AGAIN
LIKE I DID THE FIRST TIME.
AND ONE OF THE GOALS DR. NOW GAVE ME WAS TO GET MY STAMINA UP
TO BE ABLE TO MAKE THE TRIP IN A DAY.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S GONNA SAY ABOUT THAT.
HOLLY HAGER.
BUT I'M HOPING IF I LOST WHAT I NEEDED
THAT DR. NOW WILL SEE THAT
AND THINK THAT'S ENOUGH TO APPROVE ME,
BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN'T KEEP GOING LIKE THIS.
♪♪
Holly: I'M AT DR. NOW'S FOR MY SECOND APPOINTMENT,
AND I'M REALLY HOPING TO SEE IF I MADE IT
TO MY WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL OF LOSING 50 POUNDS
OVER THE LAST 2 MONTHS.
BUT I'M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS RIDING ON THIS.
I WAS AT 658, SO THAT MEANS I NEED TO BE
AT LEAST BELOW 608 TODAY.
SO I HOPE I DID THAT, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD
TO DO THIS AND GET APPROVED TODAY.
♪♪
I'M DISAPPOINTED ABOUT THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE.
I REALLY HAD THOUGHT THAT I LOST MORE.
SO I'M REALLY UPSET AND DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.
AND I NOT ONLY MISSED MY GOAL,
BUT MY STAMINA ISN'T UP LIKE DR. NOW WANTED.
SO I DON'T THINK THIS APPOINTMENT IS GONNA GO WELL.
HELLO. HOW YOU ALL DOING?
HI. DOING OKAY.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU TWO AGAIN,
BUT YOU'RE A FEW DAYS LATE, JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME.
SO I'M GUESSING THE SAME THING HAPPENED,
WHICH MEANS YOUR STAMINA IS JUST AS BAD AS IT WAS TWO MONTHS AGO.
MM-HMM.SO THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, YOU'RE ONLY DOWN TO 629 POUNDS.
MM-HMM.
SO YOU ONLY LOST A LITTLE OVER HALF
OF WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FOR YOUR GOAL.
YEAH... NOT TOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
SO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?
AND DON'T TRY TO LIE TO ME.
I WAS JUST EYEBALLING MY PORTIONS
INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY MEASURING THEM OUT,
SO I THINK I WAS JUST EATING BIGGER PORTIONS
THAN I THOUGHT I WAS.
WELL, AT YOUR WEIGHT, TO ONLY LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH
MEANS THAT YOU WERE STILL TAKING IN
BETWEEN 5,000 TO 6,000 CALORIES A DAY.
SO IT IS NOT POSSIBLE THAT IS ONLY
BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT WATCHING THE PORTION SIZES.
OKAY.
SO TELL ME WHAT ELSE COULD HAVE CONTRIBUTED
TO YOUR LACK OF PROGRESS.
IT'S JUST BEEN REALLY HARD, BECAUSE --
BECAUSE LAST WEEK I HAD A LOT OF CRAVINGS.
SO I KNOW THERE WAS A COUPLE OF TIMES
THAT I DIDN'T STICK TO THE PLAN.
NO ONE SAID THIS WILL BE EASY.
IT'S NOT.
BUT IT IS ULTIMATELY A CHOICE.
SO LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU YOUR SITUATION.
OKAY.
SOMEONE OVER 600 POUNDS HAS LESS THAN 5% SUCCESS RATE
LONG-TERM TO LOSE THE WEIGHT AND KEEP IT OFF.
IF THAT PERSON ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
THEN THE CHANCES DROP TO 1%.
SO ALL THE ODDS AT THIS POINT ARE STACKED AGAINST YOU,
AND THE ONLY CHANCE YOU HAVE IS TO MAKE THE CHOICE RIGHT NOW
TO SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU NEED.
BUT WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE IS UP TO YOU, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY.
Dr. Now: NOT ONLY IS HOLLY'S LACK OF WEIGHT LOSS
DISAPPOINTING, BUT SHE CLEARLY DIDN'T EXERCISE MUCH, EITHER.
SO WHAT SHE'S SHOWN ME SO FAR IS THAT
IF SOMETHING IS UNPLEASANT OR UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER,
THEN SHE SEES THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO GIVE IN,
AND EAT AND DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
AND HER CONFUSION IS PART OF THE GAME SHE PLAYS.
OKAY, HOLLY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
THESE THREE-TO-FOUR-DAY TRIPS
WHERE YOUR BODY IS HAVING
A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF STRAIN ON IT
CANNOT CONTINUE BECAUSE IT'S NOT SAFE.
OKAY.
YOUR BODY IS GOING TO HIT ITS LIMIT,
AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING LIKE A HEART ATTACK ON THE ROAD,
THEN IT WILL BE HIGHLY UNLIKELY ANYTHING
CAN BE DONE TO SAVE YOU.
SO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS,
THEN YOU NEED TO BE IN HOUSTON TO AVOID THAT.
YOU UNDERSTAND?OKAY.
AND THEN YOU NEED TO LOSE 50 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT 2 MONTHS
LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THE FIRST TIME, OKAY?
I UNDERSTAND.
BUT IT'S ALL YOUR CHOICE.
IT MAY BE HARD, BUT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE
IF THIS IS WORTH YOUR LIFE OR NOT.
UNDERSTAND.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU BOTH IN A COUPLE MONTHS.
SEE YOU SOON.
Dr. Now: HOLLY NEEDS TO SHOW ME
THAT SHE'S AT LEAST WILLING TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES
AND START MAKING THE HARD CHOICES TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND.
BUT IF SHE'S NOT, THEN NOTHING WE DO WILL BE ABLE TO HELP HER,
AND WE'LL JUST BE WASTING OUR TIME.
SO RIGHT NOW IT ALL COMES DOWN TO HER CHOICE.
Holly: I'M REALLY UPSET RIGHT NOW, MOSTLY IN MYSELF,
BECAUSE THAT WAS HARD.
BUT I KNOW DR. NOW IS JUST TRYING TO HELP ME
WITH EVERYTHING HE SAID,
AND I KNOW HE'S RIGHT.
MY LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT.
IT'S JUST SO HARD TO GIVE UP THE ONLY THING
THAT'S MADE ME HAPPY IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
BUT WHATEVER IT TAKES, I HAVE TO DO IT,
BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING IS RIDING ON THIS.
♪♪
IT'S BEEN A REALLY HARD MONTH
WHERE RAY AND I HAD TO MAKE SOME HARD DECISIONS
ABOUT WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP,
SO EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
OR HOW I'M GONNA MAKE IT TO THE GOAL I NEED,
I WANT TO KEEP TRYING.
AND RIGHT NOW, WE'RE PACKING TO STAY DOWN
IN HOUSTON FOR A WHILE.
AND WE'RE HOPING TO LEAVE TODAY.
I MADE THE BIG DECISION TO LEAVE MY WHEELCHAIR HERE
TO FORCE ME TO HAVE TO GET UP AND DO MORE
AND WORK ON GETTING MY STAMINA UP,
AND THAT'S REALLY SCARY.
SO I'M TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT AND GET OVERWHELMED.
I'M FEELING EXCITED AND NERVOUS ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
EXCITEMENT TO BE HEADING OUT ON A NEW ADVENTURE,
BUT ALSO SOME SADNESS,
AND I'M TAKING A BIT OF A GAMBLE DOING THIS,
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHETHER DR. NOWZARADAN
FOR SURE IS GONNA DO THE SURGERY OR NOT,
BUT ALL I KNOW IS I HAVE TO TRY.
BUT THIS IS LITERALLY THE HARDEST AND SCARIEST THING
I'VE EVER HAD TO DO IN MY LIFE.
AND IT'S EXHAUSTING, PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY,
BECAUSE MY MOM ISN'T GONNA BE WITH US
BECAUSE SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO STAY HERE
AND TAKE CARE OF MY DAD.
BUT IT'S A LOT HARDER TO LEAVE HER THAN I THOUGHT...
I LOVE YOU.
...BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HOW LONG I'LL BE GONE
OR WHEN I'M GONNA SEE HER AGAIN.
IT'S GONNA BE FINE. IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
OKAY.
YOU'RE NOT GOING AWAY.
YOU'RE JUST TAKING A LONG TRIP.
YOU GOT TO GET HEALTHY.
I KNOW.OKAY.
AND YOU'VE GOT TO STAY AWAY FROM THE TEMPTATIONS.
I HATE TO SEE HER LEAVE BECAUSE I'M GONNA REALLY MISS HER,
BUT THIS IS HOLLY'S LAST CHANCE.
IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN NOW, IT NEVER WILL.
AND I KNOW IT'S NOT A PERMANENT GOODBYE.
SHE'S GONNA GET BETTER, AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
OKAY?YEAH.
OKAY, GOOD.
Holly: NO MATTER HOW HARD THIS IS,
I'M COMMITTED TO DOING WHAT I NEED...
BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S AN ALL-OR-NOTHING DEAL,
AND IF I DON'T DO WHAT I NEED, THEN I'M GONNA LOSE EVERYTHING.
♪♪
Holly: ME AND RAY HAVE BEEN IN HOUSTON FOR ABOUT A WEEK.
IT WAS A REALLY HARD TRIP COMING DOWN HERE AND GETTING MOVED IN,
SO I'M REALLY GLAD TO HAVE ALL THAT BEHIND US NOW.
YEAH.
BUT SO FAR IT'S BEEN TOUGH.
IT FEELS REALLY LONELY WITH JUST ME AND RAY DOWN HERE,
AND I'M STRUGGLING WITH THAT,
BECAUSE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH RAY IS NOT THE MOST AFFECTIONATE.
SO I FEEL LIKE I'M DOWN HERE WITH A ROOMMATE OR A CARETAKER,
AND I'M JUST ON THIS ISLAND ALONE.
AND I GUESS I JUST IGNORED HOW DISTANT WE'VE BECOME.
BUT MY MOM LET US BRING OUR FAMILY DOG, ZACH,
AND HE'S KEEPING ME COMPANY SOME.
BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME.
HELLO.
HI. HERE.
BYE.
Holly: SO, THIS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE,
BUT I'M TRYING TO DO WHAT I NEED.
GOT MORE WHITE RICE.
SINCE WE JUST MOVED IN, WE'RE NOT REALLY SET UP TO COOK,
SO WE'RE ORDERING DELIVERY FROM PLACES AROUND HERE A LOT
UNTIL WE CAN GET SOME POTS AND PANS AND STUFF TO COOK WITH.
BUT RAY SAID HE'S GONNA LOOK FOR A JOB TOMORROW
AND HE'LL GET ALL THAT WHILE HE'S OUT
AND WE CAN START PREPPING HEALTHY MEALS.
SO, NOW THAT WE'RE DOWN HERE...
YOU READY FOR THE CHALLENGE AHEAD OF US?
YES.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THIS IS OUR LAST MEAL OUT.
GOOD.
TONIGHT, WE HAD CHINESE FOR DINNER.
I HAD CASHEW CHICKEN AND A COUPLE OF EGG ROLLS,
WHICH ISN'T THE HEALTHIEST,
BUT I HADN'T EATEN SINCE BREAKFAST,
AND RAY HADN'T EATEN ALL DAY.
AND I TRIED TO PICK SOMETHING THAT AT LEAST HAD VEGGIES IN IT
SO THAT I WASN'T TOTALLY EATING WRONG.
I CAN'T SIT ANYMORE.
I THINK I'M GONNA GO LAY DOWN.
WOULD YOU MIND CLEANING UP?
I DON'T MIND.
OKAY. I NEED A HAND UP.
MY FOOT'S ASLEEP.
SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
OKAY, I THINK I CAN HOBBLE.
I HAVE ONE MONTH TO LOSE THE WEIGHT
I'M SUPPOSED TO AND MAKE IT TO MY GOAL,
AND I PLAN TO GIVE IT MY ALL AND WORK AS HARD AS I CAN
AND GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS CHANCE.
♪♪
ME AND RAY ARE HEADED BACK
FOR MY SECOND FOLLOW-UP WITH DR. NOW,
AND I THINK I DID WELL THIS TIME
EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DIDN'T MAKE THE BEST CHOICES EVERY TIME.
BUT I'VE MOSTLY STUCK TO THE DIET,
AND I JUST HOPE MY PROGRESS IS ENOUGH
TO GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
♪♪
HOLLY HAGER.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M OKAY.
♪♪
AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT, I WAS DOWN TO 629 POUNDS,
AND DR. NOW TOLD ME I NEEDED TO TRY AND LOSE 50 POUNDS AGAIN
TO BE AT OR UNDER 579 POUNDS TODAY.
♪♪
I'M REALLY UPSET, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY MY PROGRESS ISN'T THAT GOOD.
SO I'M SHOCKED AND CONFUSED
AND NERVOUS TO HEAR WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA SAY.
AND I'M HOPING THIS ISN'T IT
AND DR. NOW ISN'T GONNA TELL ME I'M DONE.
♪♪
HELLO.HI, DR. NOW.
HOW YOU ALL DOING?
I'M STRUGGLING A BIT, I GUESS.
WELL, YES, YOU ARE.
SO LAST TIME YOU ONLY LOST 29 POUNDS IN 2 MONTHS
INSTEAD OF 50.
AND I GAVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE, BUT NOW THIS TIME
YOU HAD EVEN LESS PROGRESS
WITH ONLY AN 18-POUND LOSS IN 2 MONTHS.
SO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHY THAT IS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD TILL I SAW THE SCALE.
HOLLY, STOP PLAYING GAMES AND LYING TO ME.
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING
WHEN YOU'RE MAKING THE CHOICES YOU DO.
I'M NOT GONNA PLAY ALONG WITH THIS ACT.
YOU HAVE THIS DYNAMIC WHERE YOU ACT LIKE
A CHILD WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
SO EVERYONE GIVES UP ON
TRYING TO GET YOU TO DO WHAT YOU SHOULD.
THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK ON ME.
YOU GOT THAT?
ALL RIGHT, SO TELL ME WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.
I'VE HAD SOME TROUBLE WITH CRAVINGS STILL,
AND IT'S JUST A REPEATING RECORD IN MY HEAD
THAT PLAYS OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL I GIVE IN.
NOTHING IS WORKING TO GET PAST THAT RECORD PLAYING IN MY HEAD.
WHAT IS RECORD PLAYING SAYING?
"I WANT CHOCOLATE. I WANT CHOCOLATE.
I WANT CHOCOLATE."
SO CHOCOLATE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN LIVING, APPARENTLY.
ALL RIGHT, HOLLY, IF YOU AREN'T EVEN WILLING TO DO THIS
AND SHOW ME YOU'RE READY TO WORK HARD EVEN FOR THE SHORT TERM,
THEN THERE IS NO POINT IN US
DOING ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY OR REVISION ON YOU.
HOLLY HAS CREATED A DYNAMIC WITH RAY
AND PROBABLY WHOLE FAMILY
TO WHERE SHE PRETENDS TO BE CONFUSED,
LIKE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO DO IT.
BUT IT'S ALL A GAME TO GET HER ENABLERS
TO EXCUSE HER BEHAVIOR AND CHOICES
WHEN SHE DOES WHAT SHE WANTS.
HER COMFORT AND WHAT SHE WANTS IS MORE IMPORTANT TO HER
THAN TURNING HER LIFE AROUND
AND PREVENTING HERSELF FROM DYING EARLY.
SHE'S ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ONCE,
AND IT FAILED BECAUSE OF THAT VERY REASON.
ALL RIGHT, SO, HERE'S WHAT WE NEED TO DO.
WE'RE GONNA TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH YOU,
AND WE'RE GONNA FLIP THE PROCESS, OKAY?
OKAY.
MOST OF THE TIME, A PATIENT ISN'T WILLING TO EVEN CONSIDER
THAT A SIGNIFICANT FACTOR DRIVING THEM TO EAT IS EMOTIONAL
UNTIL AFTER WE REMOVE THE PHYSICAL DRIVE TO EAT
WITH SURGERY.
BUT WITH YOU, YOU ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
AND IT FAILED.
SO I'M GONNA GO AHEAD,
START YOU GOING TO PSYCHOTHERAPY BECAUSE OF THAT.
AND YOU'RE GONNA START TO WORK
ON WHAT WE CALL CORE ISSUES THAT DRIVE YOU TO EAT.
AND, HOPEFULLY, THAT WILL START TO HELP YOU
TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO IGNORE YOUR CRAVING FOR CHOCOLATE,
BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT A DEATH BY CHOCOLATE
TO BECOME REALITY FOR YOU.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS STILL ALL UP TO YOU,
BUT THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
YOU GOT IT?YEP.
SO I WANT YOU TO HIT YOUR GOAL OF LOSING 50 POUNDS
IN 2 MONTHS THIS TIME.
GOT IT?SOUNDS GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU IN TWO MONTHS.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING BEFORE THEN, LET ME KNOW.
THANK YOU.
IF HOLLY DOESN'T START TO PUT IN SOME EFFORT,
THEN NOTHING WE DO WILL HELP HER OR PREVENT HER
FROM GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE HER BODY JUST GIVES UP.
SO THIS IS HER LAST CHANCE.
Holly: I'M VERY THANKFUL DR. NOW IS GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE,
BUT I'M TERRIFIED THAT I'M STILL NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS
AND LOSE THE WEIGHT I NEED THIS TIME.
BECAUSE WHEN THE CRAVINGS COME, I JUST CAN'T RESIST THEM.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE OR STOP THAT.
BUT I KNOW IF I CAN'T,
ALL I'LL HAVE LEFT IS TO GO BACK HOME AND WAIT TO DIE.
♪♪
Holly: RIGHT NOW, RAY IS TAKING ME TO MY FIRST APPOINTMENT
WITH THE THERAPIST DR. NOW IS SENDING ME TO,
AND I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
THIS WILL ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO HELP,
AND I'M SCARED ABOUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN IF IT DOESN'T.
AND I'M REALLY WORRIED THAT FOOD HAS BECOME
SUCH AN IMPORTANT NEED OF MINE
THAT IT'S THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE,
AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS.
BUT I'M DOING THIS, AND I'M TRYING,
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS HANGING IN THE BALANCE.
AND IF I DON'T FIGURE THIS OUT,
I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE REALLY BAD FOR ME.
YOU WANT TO GO WAIT IN THE CAR?
YEAH. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE.
OKAY.
LOVE YOU.LOVE YOU, TOO.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.YEP.
GOOD MORNING, HOLLY.GOOD MORNING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
I'M LOLA.
WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW ME?
WE'RE GONNA GO IN AND GET YOU SITUATED.
PLEASE COME IN AND HAVE A SEAT
ANYWHERE WHERE YOU'RE MOST COMFORTABLE.
OKAY.
SO, HOLLY, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR LIFE GROWING UP.
LIFE GROWING UP WAS STRESSFUL.
I WAS BULLIED FROM KINDERGARTEN ON,
VERY SEVERELY AT SCHOOL.
HOME WAS A LITTLE ROUGH, TOO.
AND THEN HAVING IT ROUGH AT SCHOOL,
I KIND OF FELT STUCK AND NOT REALLY HAVING ANYWHERE TO GO.
SO THERE WAS REALLY NO SAFE HAVEN FOR YOU.
NOT REALLY, NO.
OKAY.
AND YOU HAVE A FIANCé.
MM-HMM.HOW'S THAT GOING?
THERE IS SOME AFFECTION, I GUESS.
I SHOULDN'T SAY TOTALLY NONEXISTENT.
BUT I USUALLY HAVE TO ASK FOR IT.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?
SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
WE'RE MORE JUST FRIENDS THAN...
FIANCéS.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S JUST A PHASE
WE'RE GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW
OR IF IT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE FROM NOW ON OR WHAT.
AND SO, HOLLY, IT'S GONNA BE REALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU
TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK UP AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASSERT YOURSELF
WITH THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO YOU.
IF YOU HAVE THE EXPECTATION OF PEOPLE
TREATING YOU THE WAY YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED,
YOU HAVE TO WORK ON PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
SO WHAT DOES YOUR SELF-TALK LOOK LIKE?
BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.
IS IT NEGATIVE?
I'M GOOD AT THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.
YOU'VE MASTERED THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK?
I HAVE.
OKAY, I'M NOT HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
NO, I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE MASTERED IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE MASTERED IT, BUT I'M GOOD AT IT.
IT'S EASY TO GO TO.
IT JUST POPS UP NATURALLY FOR ME.
IT'S HABITUAL, BECAUSE IT'S WHAT YOU'RE USED TO DOING.
AND SO NOW YOU'RE AT A POINT IN TIME
WHERE YOU HAVE TO REPROGRAM YOURSELF
TO WHERE EVERYTHING IS IN ALIGNMENT
AND YOU'RE ABLE TO PUSH THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ASIDE
FOR YOURSELF AND SPEAK LOVINGLY AND TENDERLY TOWARDS YOURSELF,
BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO OVERCOME STRESS EATING.
AND YOU SHOULD START BY TELLING YOURSELF,
"I AM IMPORTANT. I CAN DO IT."
YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS PROCESS.
USE THOSE LESSONS FROM THE PAST
TO HELP PAVE A BETTER FUTURE FOR YOURSELF.
DRAW STRENGTH FROM OVERCOMING SO MANY THINGS.
AND ALL OF YOUR LIFE RELATIONSHIPS WILL IMPROVE
BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF WILL HAVE IMPROVED.
MM-HMM.
TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW.
I'M EXCITED.
YOU'RE EXCITED?
YEAH, I'M EXCITED TO DO --
PUT IN PLACE SOME OF THE SUGGESTIONS
YOU'VE MADE AND DO THIS.
OKAY.
IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU.
THANK YOU.THANK YOU.
♪♪
Holly: I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.
IT'S A LOT TO PROCESS.
I'M STILL JUST TAKING IT ALL IN.
BUT I DO FEEL LIKE LOLA HELPED ME
TO START TO SEE SOME THINGS AND HELPED ME WITH WAYS
I CAN START TO WORK TO TRY AND DEAL WITH MY CRAVINGS.
I'M NOT SURE HOW WELL THEY'LL WORK,
BUT AT LEAST I HAVE SOMETHING I CAN TRY.
BUT THE BIGGEST THING THAT I'M TAKING AWAY FROM THIS
WAS LOLA TELLING ME
THAT I NEED TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF
AND THE THINGS THAT I NEED.
SO I KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT.
BUT I KNOW LOLA'S AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT THERE BEING ROOM
FOR IMPROVEMENT WITH MY CHOICES
AND THAT I HAVE NO EXCUSE, SO I KNOW I CAN WORK HARDER.
AND FROM NOW ON, I INTEND TO.
♪♪
SINCE MY APPOINTMENT WITH LOLA,
I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE THINGS SHE SAID,
ESPECIALLY WHAT SHE TOLD ME ABOUT STANDING UP FOR MYSELF
AND THE THINGS THAT I NEED.
AND WHAT I REALLY NEED MOST RIGHT NOW
IS TO KNOW RAY CARES ABOUT ME
AND THAT HE STILL WANTS MORE FROM ME THAN JUST A ROOMMATE,
BECAUSE I'M SO LONELY RIGHT NOW.
AND I FEEL LIKE HE SOMETIMES GETS SO CARRIED AWAY
IN THE CAREGIVER ROLE
THAT HE NEGLECTS TO COME OVER AND GIVE ME A HUG OR A KISS
OR JUST LET ME KNOW THAT HE'S THINKING ABOUT ME.
SO IT'S FRUSTRATING.
IT FEELS LIKE HE LIKES THE DOG BETTER THAN ME SOMETIMES.
BUT IT'S HARD TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THOSE THINGS, TOO.
AND THAT'S ALL MAKING IT SO MUCH HARDER FOR ME TO TRY AND DO THIS
AND DEAL WITH MY CRAVINGS WHEN I FEEL SO ALONE.
SO I WANT TO KNOW IF HE EVEN WANTS MORE FROM ME ANYMORE
AND IF HE EVEN SEES A FUTURE WITH ME LIKE WE PLANNED,
AND IF HE STILL WANTS TO GET MARRIED.
SO I'VE BEEN WORKING UP THE COURAGE TO TALK TO HIM,
BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO
EVEN THOUGH IT'S REALLY SCARY FOR ME.
SO I TALKED WITH THE COUNSELOR, LOLA,
AND WE TALKED ABOUT HOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU WAS.
AND I TOLD HER THAT SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER,
I STILL FEEL LONELY.
CAN YOU KIND OF EXPLAIN THAT?
IT SEEMS LIKE WHENEVER I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU,
YOU'RE OFF DOING STUFF AND NOT INTERESTED.
AND IT'S KIND OF NOT JUST FEELING LONELY
BUT FEELING NOT WANTED, TOO.
I'M SORRY I MAKE YOU FEEL LONELY AND UNWANTED.
I DON'T INTEND TO.
I THINK, LATELY, PART OF IT IS JUST,
YOU KNOW, OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION
HAS REALLY BEEN STRESSFUL
AND, YOU KNOW, FRUSTRATED THAT I'M NOT WORKING YET,
AND THERE'S TIMES WHERE YOU'RE BUSY
AND I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, TOO.
INTERRUPT ME.
THAT KIND OF INTERRUPTION WOULD BE A WELCOME INTERRUPTION.
I GUESS THAT'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO WORK ON.
OKAY.
SO, DO YOU THINK THAT, AFTER I LOSE WEIGHT,
YOU WOULD BE CLOSER TO GETTING READY FOR A WEDDING?
ABSOLUTELY.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOU,
AND I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU.
CAN I HAVE A HUG?MM-HMM.
I FEEL REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW,
AND I FEEL LIKE RAY LISTENED AND HE HEARD ME.
AND SEEING HOW RAY REACTED
AND HEARING THAT HE DOES CARE FOR ME
AND WANTS TO BE THERE FOR ME
FELT REALLY GOOD.
SO I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR WORKING UP THE COURAGE
TO DO THIS AND NOT CHICKENING OUT,
BECAUSE IF I CAN START TO CONFRONT THINGS AND DEAL
WITH THEM NO MATTER HOW HARD OR SCARY IT IS,
MAYBE THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR ME.
BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.
♪♪
ME AND RAY ARE HEADED BACK TO SEE DR. NOW AGAIN,
AND I'M MORE NERVOUS THAN I THINK
I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE
BECAUSE DR. NOW TOLD ME THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE.
SO I KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT WEIGH-IN SO FAR.
♪♪
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT,
AND I FEEL LIKE I WASTED THE FIRST MONTH
BECAUSE I WAS SO AFRAID TO GO TO THERAPY.
BUT THIS LAST MONTH,
I'VE BEEN REALLY MOTIVATED TO WORK AS HARD AS I CAN.
HOLLY HAGER.
STARTING TO DEAL WITH SOME OF MY EMOTIONS REALLY ENCOURAGED ME,
AND I'VE TRIED REALLY HARD TO JUST STICK TO THE DIET
AND EXERCISE LIKE I NEED.
SO I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS DURING THAT TIME,
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GONNA BE ENOUGH TO GET TO MY GOAL.
AND WITH EVERYTHING RIDING ON THIS,
I MAY BE ABOUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING.
♪♪
Holly: I'M BACK TO SEE DR. NOW FOR ANOTHER APPOINTMENT
AND TO FIND OUT IF I GOT TO MY GOAL.
AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT TWO MONTHS AGO,
I WAS DOWN TO 611 POUNDS,
AND DR. NOW TOLD ME I HAD TO FINALLY LOSE 50 POUNDS
BY THIS APPOINTMENT.
SO THAT MEANS I HAVE TO BE BELOW 561 POUNDS TODAY,
AND I'M PRAYING THAT I DID THAT.
♪♪
I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE IT'S MORE WEIGHT LOSS THAN I DID THE FIRST TWO TIMES,
SO I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT,
BUT ANOTHER PART OF ME IS STILL SCARED AND NERVOUS
BECAUSE IT'S STILL A LITTLE SHY OF THE 50-POUND GOAL
I WAS SUPPOSED TO HIT.
SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DR. NOW IS THINK OR SAY TO ME.
HELLO.HELLO.
HOW YOU ALL DOING?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, SO, HOLLY, YOU'RE DOWN TO 564 TODAY.
I AM.
THAT'S A WEIGHT LOSS OF 47 POUNDS OVER THE LAST 2 MONTHS
BUT PROBABLY MOSTLY IN THE LAST MONTH
SINE YOU AVOIDED THERAPY AND PLAYED GAMES FOR A WHILE
AFTER YOUR LAST APPOINTMENT.
BUT NOW YOU'RE MAKING ADJUSTMENTS
IN YOUR EATING HABIT?
I AM.HOW'S YOUR ACTIVITY?
GETTING BETTER.OKAY.
YEP, I WALKED OVER 1,300 STEPS ON THURSDAY, SO...
OKAY, WELL, EVEN THOUGH ARE A FEW POUNDS SHORT OF YOUR GOAL,
YOU MADE SOME GOOD IMPROVEMENT AND YOU'RE CLOSE,
WHICH SHOWS ME YOU'RE TAKING SOME RESPONSIBILITY
FOR YOUR CHOICES AND STARTING TO DEAL WITH WHAT YOU NEED.
SO I THINK YOU'RE READY, AND WE'LL GO AHEAD
AND APPROVE YOU FOR SURGERY.
HOLY COW. OKAY.
BUT I'M GONNA SET IT FOR A MONTH FROM NOW,
BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE YOU KEEP AT IT FOR A LITTLE LONGER.
AND WHEN YOU SHOW UP FOR YOUR OPERATION,
I EXPECT YOU TO BE 25 POUNDS LOWER TO STAY ON TRACK.
OKAY.OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.AND IF NOT,
THEN I'LL CANCEL SURGERY.
YOU GOT THAT?
GOT IT. OKAY.
OKAY, BUT THE OTHER ISSUE IS,
BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
OVER A DECADE AGO, THERE MAY BE SCAR TISSUE
THAT WILL PREVENT US FROM PURSUING CERTAIN OPTIONS.
OKAY.
SO WE WILL DO AN ENDOSCOPY BEFORE YOUR OPERATION
SO I CAN SEE WHAT'S POSSIBLE, AND THEN WE'LL GO FROM THERE.
OKAY.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND PROGRESS,
AND I'LL SEE YOU BOTH SOON.
GREAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THANK YOU.BYE.
I WAS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HOLLY AFTER SHE SHOWED
VERY LITTLE PROGRESS AT HER LAST TWO FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENTS,
AND THEN SHE WAS AVOIDING THERAPY THIS LAST TIME.
SO HER OUTCOME WAS STARTING TO LOOK VERY BLEAK.
BUT I'M VERY HAPPY TO SEE THAT SHE'S TAKEN A POSITIVE TURN,
BECAUSE SHE'S STARTING TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
SO I FEEL CONFIDENT RIGHT NOW THAT SHE'S READY
FOR THE NEXT STEP OF WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
BUT THE FACT THAT SHE HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
MANY YEARS AGO AND BLEW HER STAPLES OUT
MAY HAVE LED TO A NUMBER OF THINGS
SUCH AS EXCESSIVE SCAR TISSUE OR IMPROPER HEALING INTERNALLY
THAT COULD LIMIT WHAT WE ARE ABLE TO DO SURGICALLY WITH HER.
SO WE NEED TO SEE WHAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE TO DO,
BUT, HOPEFULLY, WE'LL BE ABLE TO DO GASTRIC BYPASS FOR HER.
Holly: I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE DR. NOW SAID I WAS APPROVED.
BUT I'M REALLY HOPING THAT I DIDN'T DO
ANY SORT OF IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE
BY POPPING MY STAPLES WITH THE PREVIOUS SURGERY,
BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE
TO START TO GET MY WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL.
SO I REALLY NEED THE SURGERY TO WORK.
♪♪
Holly: TODAY, I AM GETTING MY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.
DR. NOW'S CONSIDERING THE FACT
THAT I'VE HAD WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY BEFORE
AND THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF SCAR TISSUE.
AND IT'S A LITTLE UNNERVING AND CONCERNING,
BUT HE THINKS WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY IS STILL POSSIBLE.
♪♪
MY WORST FEAR IS THAT I DON'T WAKE UP,
BUT I'M PLANNING ON DOING WHATEVER I NEED
AND WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN IN ORDER
TO GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT.
AND I KNOW DR. NOW IS RIGHT.
THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE FIRST BIG STEPS FOR ME
ON A LONG ROAD TO GET TO WHERE I NEED.
♪♪
BETTER BELIEVE IT.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, TOO.
BEING ABLE TO GET HEALTHY IS EVERYTHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED,
AND I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR IT.
AND THIS TIME I'M NOT GONNA WASTE THIS CHANCE
TO MAKE SURE I HAVE THE LIFE AND THE FUTURE
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
I CAME HERE TO TAKE THE RISK, AND IT'S A HUGE RISK,
BUT EVERYTHING'S RIDING ON IT, AND THE REST OF MY LIFE
DEPENDS ON THE SURGERY BEING SUCCESSFUL.
♪♪
Dr. Now: TODAY WE ARE HOPEFULLY GOING TO BE ABLE
TO PERFORM BYPASS SURGERY ON HOLLY.
BUT BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY HAD A PREVIOUS SURGERY
WHERE SHE BLEW HER STAPLES OUT,
THERE IS A LOT OF SCAR TISSUE AND ISSUES
WE HAVE TO TRY TO WORK AROUND TO SEE WHAT'S POSSIBLE.
I DID AN ENDOSCOPY ON HER A FEW DAYS AGO,
WHERE WE PUT A CAMERA DOWN INTO HER STOMACH
AND CHECKED TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY SEVERE ISSUES
THAT WOULD PREVENT SURGERY.
WE CAN TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF.
THERE WERE NO SIGNIFICANT ISSUES INSIDE HER STOMACH CAVITY,
BUT THE REAL PROBLEM WOULD BE CAUSED BY SCAR TISSUE
AROUND HER STOMACH MUSCLES AND INCISIONS.
SO THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW HOW SEVERE THE ISSUES ARE
UNTIL WE SEE HOW IT ALL LOOKS INSIDE THOSE AREAS.
BUT MY GOAL IS TO REPAIR ALL THE DAMAGE I FIND
AND PERFORM THE GASTRIC BYPASS ON HER
BECAUSE SHE NEEDS AS AGGRESSIVE A PROCEDURE AS POSSIBLE.
AND GASTRIC BYPASS IS AN OPERATION
THAT REDUCES SIZE OF STOMACH BY 90%
AND BYPASS THE UPPER PART OF SMALL INTESTINE.
SO IT IMPEDES THE ABSORPTION OF FOOD INTO THE BODY.
AND THIS ALSO LIMITS THE AMOUNT OF FOOD
THAT THE PATIENT CAN EAT AT ONE TIME.
SO THIS WILL HELP THEM TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT OVER THE LONG TERM.
IT LOOKS LIKE HOLLY HAS A HERNIA AROUND HER BELLY BUTTON,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS WRAPPING AROUND SOME OF HER INTESTINES
AND THE STOMACH.
AND THIS HERNIA WILL CAUSE SEVERE COMPLICATIONS
AND COULD EVEN BE LIFE-THREATENING FOR HER.
SO THIS IS AN EXTREMELY UNFORTUNATE SITUATION
WITH HOLLY RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE AS LONG AS THIS HERNIA IS HERE,
THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN SAFELY COMPLETE
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON HER.
♪♪
Dr. Now: RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO PERFORM
GASTRIC BYPASS ON HOLLY,
BUT WE HAVE ENCOUNTERED A SIGNIFICANT PROBLEM
THAT IS A RESULT OF HER PREVIOUS SURGERY.
ON TOP OF ALL THE SCAR TISSUE WE ARE HAVING TO WORK AROUND,
SHE HAS A SEVERE HERNIA AROUND HER BELLY BUTTON
THAT IS EXTENDED AND WRAPPED AROUND HER INTESTINE
AND HER ABDOMINAL CAVITY.
AND IF THAT'S NOT FIXED,
THEN COMPLETING ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY ON HER WON'T BE POSSIBLE
BECAUSE IT COULD RESULT IN SEVERE COMPLICATION FOR HER
THAT COULD BE LIFE-THREATENING.
SO I AM ATTEMPTING TO FIX HER HERNIA,
BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY CHANCE
HOLLY HAS TO HAVE THIS OPERATION.
ROOM LIGHT ON.
I'M ALMOST FINISHED REPAIRING HER HERNIA,
AND ONCE I DO THAT,
I WILL NEED TO REPAIR SOME OF THE DAMAGE AROUND HER STOMACH
FROM HER PREVIOUS WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
AND THEN I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT TO COMPLETE A FULL GASTRIC BYPASS.
BUT I STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO.
♪♪
IT'S NERVE-WRACKING WHEN YOU'RE WAITING FOR NEWS,
AND I'M NERVOUS FOR HOLLY.
THERE'S ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY
THAT HOLLY'S NOT GONNA COME OUT OF THE SURGERY ALIVE,
BUT I ALSO KNOW SHE'S A STRONG PERSON
AND THAT SHE'S GONNA DO WELL.
♪♪
ROOM LIGHT ON.
LET'S CLOSE IT UP.
OKAY, ALL FINISHED.
OKAY, HOLLY'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.
IT WAS VERY CHALLENGING BECAUSE OF HER PREVIOUS SURGERY.
THERE WERE A FEW MOMENTS WHERE I WAS UNCERTAIN
IF WE WERE GOING TO BE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE OPERATION.
WE HAD TO MAKE AN INCISION AND FIX THAT HERNIA
THAT SHE HAD IN BELLY BUTTON
SO THE BOWEL WOULD NOT GET INTO IT
AND HAVE COMPLICATION AFTER SURGERY.
SO, OVERALL, SURGERY WAS COMPLICATED BUT WENT VERY WELL,
AND WE WERE ABLE TO DO GASTRIC BYPASS ON HER.
AND THIS IS GONNA GIVE HER THE HELP SHE NEEDS
TO STAY ON TRACK AND KEEP LOSING WEIGHT
WHILE SHE WORKS ON HER DEEPER EMOTIONAL ISSUES.
THAT WILL BE VITAL FOR LONG-TERM SUCCESS.
AND WITH THIS SURGERY, HOLLY SHOULD LOSE 40 POUNDS
THIS FIRST MONTH,
AND THEN 25 POUNDS EACH MONTH
UNTIL SHE GETS IN THE LOWER 300s.
BUT IF HOLLY WANTS TO SEE THAT PROGRESS CONTINUE,
THEN SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE SURE SHE DEALS
WITH THE ISSUES THAT HAVE BEEN DRIVING HER TO EAT.
SO WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT HOLLY WILL FOLLOW
WITH THE THERAPIST AND CONTINUE WITH THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE VERY EASY FOR HER
TO FALL BACK INTO USING FOOD TO DEAL WITH HER EMOTIONS.
AND IF THAT HAPPENS AND SHE FAILS
AFTER A SECOND WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,
THEN THERE WON'T BE ANYTHING MORE WE CAN DO FOR HER.
♪♪
Holly: IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE MY SURGERY,
AND I'M FEELING REALLY GOOD
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.
MY CRAVINGS HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN THAT BAD
BECAUSE I'M DEALING WITH MY EMOTIONS,
AND THAT'S MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
READY?YEP.
Holly: I HAD ANOTHER APPOINTMENT WITH LOLA,
AND WE TALKED ABOUT THE NEXT BIG STEP FOR ME.
SO I'M GOING BACK HOME AND TALKING TO MY MOM.
I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT IT,
BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO KEEP DEALING WITH MY EMOTIONS
IF I WANT TO CHANGE HOW I END UP.
IT'S BEEN OVER 15 YEARS
SINCE I'VE BEEN SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT BEHIND THE WHEEL,
BUT RAY'S GONNA LET ME DRIVE SOME,
AND I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
♪♪
READY?YEP.
♪♪
Holly: LAST TIME, THIS TRIP TOOK ME ABOUT FOUR DAYS.
SO I'M HOPING WITH ALL THE WEIGHT I'VE LOST
I'M ABLE TO DO THE DRIVE IN HALF THE TIME.
AND MAYBE THAT'LL MEAN THAT SOON
I'LL BE ABLE TO DO THE DRIVE IN JUST A DAY.
BUT I JUST HAVE TO SEE HOW I DO ON THE ROAD.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M NOT IN ANY PAIN
OR EXHAUSTED WHEN I GET THERE, BECAUSE I KNOW IF I AM,
I WON'T BE IN A GOOD ENOUGH PLACE
TO WORK UP THE COURAGE TO TALK TO MY MOM LIKE I NEED,
AND THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON WE'RE DOING THIS.
♪♪
Holly: ME AND RAY ARE IN GEORGIA,
AND I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF,
BECAUSE WE'VE DRIVEN STRAIGHT THROUGH
TO GET HERE.
I HAVEN'T NEEDED TO STOP AND REST.
AND ON TOP OF THAT, I'VE DRIVEN MOST OF THE WAY.
SO THIS HAS BEEN A BIG STEP FOR ME
BECAUSE IT SHOWS ME HOW FAR I'VE COME.
BUT NOW THAT I'M GETTING CLOSE TO BEING BACK HOME,
I'M GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT TALKING WITH MY MOM.
I JUST HOPE IT GOES WELL AND SHE UNDERSTANDS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS
FOR ME TO TALK TO HER ABOUT SOME OF THESE THINGS,
BECAUSE, WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
I NEVER FELT LIKE I COULD GO TO EITHER MY PARENTS.
SO I THINK TALKING TO MY MOM
AND GETTING THIS OUT IN THE OPEN IS IMPORTANT
SO THAT I DON'T KEEP STUFFING THESE EMOTIONS
AND EATING BECAUSE OF THEM.
BUT ALL I'M REALLY EXPECTING FROM MY MOM
IS TO BE ABLE TO SHARE THINGS WITH HER
THAT I WASN'T ABLE TO WHEN I WAS A KID.
SO I'M JUST HOPING SHE'S WILLING TO LISTEN.
HI. YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD!
DID YOU DRIVE ALL NIGHT?
YEAH, WE SWITCHED OFF. IT WASN'T ALL ME.
OH, YOU'RE BEHIND THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
YES. HI.
HI.LOOK AT YOU.
I KNOW. REMEMBER THIS SHIRT?
YEAH.
COOL.
WELL, IT'S COLD OUT HERE.
YEAH.COME ON IN THE HOUSE.
♪♪
COME IN AND SIT DOWN.
HAVE A SEAT.
OKAY.
♪♪
SO, YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN GOING TO COUNSELING.
UH-HUH.
IT'S BROUGHT UP SOME THINGS THAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
OKAY.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT
IS HOW, IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED.
I HAD NO IDEA.
I KNOW.
WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK YOU COULD COME AND TALK TO ME?
BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN TROUBLE.
BUT, AT THE TIME, I WAS SCARED AND...
I BET.
...FELT ALONE.
I WASN'T THERE FOR YOU?
I JUST FELT LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO SOMETIMES.
HOPEFULLY, GETTING THIS OUT IN THE OPEN NOW WILL HELP YOU HEAL.
I THINK IT WILL.
YOU COULD TALK TO ME FROM NOW ON.
I WILL LISTEN BETTER.
I WILL TRY TO TALK MORE.
OKAY.
♪♪
I LOVE YOU.I LOVE YOU, TOO.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I FEEL LIKE THE CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM WENT WELL,
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHE LISTENED TO ME AND HEARD ME.
AND I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ACTUALLY A LITTLE CLOSER AFTER THIS TALK.
I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE JUST BURYING EVERYTHING
WHEN PEOPLE HURT ME,
AND I NEVER TELL THEM OR TALK ABOUT IT,
BUT THAT'S WHAT LED ME TO BEING OVER 600 POUNDS.
SO I'M PROUD OF MYSELF FOR FACING MY FEARS.
I'M STARTING TO GET MY LIFE BACK NOW,
AND I'M GONNA KEEP DOING EVERYTHING I NEED TO MAKE SURE
I DON'T LET ANYTHING EVER TAKE IT FROM ME AGAIN.
♪♪
Holly: THIS PAST MONTH HAS BEEN REALLY GOOD.
AFTER MY TALK WITH MY MOM,
I WAS ABLE TO TALK A LITTLE BIT WITH MY DAD, TOO.
IT WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING,
AND I'M STARTING TO FEEL REALLY GOOD
ABOUT THE DIRECTION MY LIFE IS GOING RIGHT NOW,
AND THAT'S BEEN THE MOST INCREDIBLE FEELING.
SO I'M STARTING TO DO THINGS I'VE NEVER DONE.
MY FAVORITE THING IS THIS AEROBIC DANCE CLASS
I'VE SIGNED UP FOR THAT HELPS ME GET MORE EXERCISE.
IT'S JUST A TON OF FUN,
AND I FIGURE IF I GET GOOD ENOUGH,
I CAN TAKE RAY OUT, AND WE CAN GO DANCING TOGETHER.
Woman: COME ON IN.
SO, THIS CLASS IS VERY BEGINNER-LEVEL.
EVERYONE'S GONNA KIND OF BE FOLLOWING ALONG.
WE'RE GONNA DO A COUPLE STEPS AND THEN REPEAT IT.
WHEW! OKAY, HERE WE GO.
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT. ONE, TWO...
Holly: I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT HOW MY LIFE IS GOING NOW
AND HOW MUCH IS CHANGING FOR THE BETTER.
AND I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT MORE I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO.
I WOULD HAVE NEVER BELIEVED THAT
THIS WOULD'VE BEEN POSSIBLE A YEAR AGO,
BECAUSE I'M DOING MORE THAN I THINK I'VE DONE MY WHOLE LIFE.
IT'S JUST UNBELIEVABLE IN SOME WAYS
AND I'M EXCITED TO KEEP DOING MORE AND MORE
AND I HAVE NO PLANS TO SLOW DOWN AT ALL ANY TIME SOON.
♪♪
I'M REALLY EXCITED, BECAUSE TONIGHT
I'M TAKING RAY ON A DATE.
NOW THAT I'VE LOST A WHOLE LOT OF WEIGHT,
I DECIDED I WANTED TO GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING FUN.
SO RAY FOUND A PLACE NEARBY THAT HAS LIVE MUSIC ON THE WEEKENDS,
AND I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
A YEAR AGO, NOT ONLY WOULD THIS HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE
FOR ME TO EVEN CONSIDER DOING,
BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE SPOKEN UP AND TOLD RAY WHAT I WANTED.
♪♪
IF YOU TOLD ME THAT MY LIFE
WOULD CHANGE THIS MUCH IN A YEAR,
I WOULD'VE THOUGHT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE,
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT.
BUT THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF MY NEW LIFE.
[ MUSIC, INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
LESS NERVE-RACKING.
THANK YOU.
LOVE YOU.
ME AND RAY ARE EVEN TALKING ABOUT FINALLY GETTING MARRIED,
BECAUSE I CAN ACTUALLY WALK DOWN THE AISLE NOW.
SO OUR FUTURE IS LOOKING REALLY BRIGHT.
I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LOT OF HARD WORK AHEAD,
BUT KNOWING WHAT'S WAITING FOR ME
IS MOTIVATING ME TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THE LIFE I WANT.
AND I KNOW WITH ALL I'VE ALREADY DONE
AND WHAT I'VE SEEN I'M CAPABLE OF,
I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO DO IT.