Wonderful. Thank you.
Goodbye.
That was Ms Clement on the telephone.
What, the headmistress? Well, what did she want?
Rather exciting news, actually...
Kembleford's getting a royal visit!
All right, hang on a second,
Father Brown was just about to announce some exciting news.
Go on, Father.
That was the exciting news.
Do you think we'll get to meet her?
As a matter of fact, we will.
In recognition of our contribution to the fundraising,
we will be joining Ms Clement at the grand opening.
I was hoping for Elizabeth Taylor.
They're here.
Places, everybody.
We don't have to salute or anything do we?
They're royal aides, not royalty, you don't have to...
My goodness.
He's rather dapper, isn't he?
Good morning. Allow me to introduce Inspector Beckett,
liaison for palace security,
and Ms Barnes, Her Royal Highness's personal assistant.
Mayor Wood. A pleasure.
I trust your accommodation was satisfactory?
Adequate, thank you.
Pleased to meet you. I'm Ms Clement, the headmistress.
And this is Father Brown and his associates,
Brenda Palmer and Mrs Devine -
they've been instrumental in raising the funds for the library.
Ms Clement is too modest.
We merely leant a hand.
Father Brown. Brenda.
Er, sorry, I didn't quite catch...?
Um, Mrs Devine.
Isabel.
Charmed.
Right. Yes, well, we should probably make a start, I think?
Absolutely, I assume you'll want to see the new library first,
so if you'd care to follow me.
Problem, Ms Clement?
No, no problem,
Ray was supposed to...?
It's possible Ray has overslept.
He overdid it on the ale last night
and I was called to the pub to drive him home.
Dear, how embarrassing.
I can only apologise.
Ms Clement, I think you better go and wake him up, don't you think?
I'll come with you.
Are you all right? Of course I'm not all right.
He's loving this, isn't he, our esteemed Mayor?
You do know he never contributed a penny to any of this!
I take it you'll be standing against him at the next election?
Too right I will.
Kembleford needs a mayor who cares about this community,
not just himself!
Typical!
Raymond!!
Father? What are you...?
What's going on?!
I'm afraid you've slightly overslept.
"Slightly"? The Royal aides are already here!
Royal what?
The representatives from the palace who are attending the school today
in advance of the royal visit.
That.
Yes, "that"!
Did you at least finish tidying up the library?
Yeah, course.
What's this doing here?
Looks old.
It is.
Must have dug it out last night.
Obviously feeling sentimental.
How nice for you.
Where are the keys?
For heaven's sake. Find them!
That's your caretaker?
He was at the Inn we were staying at last night.
Made quite the spectacle of himself.
He was blind drunk, boorish and loud.
We retired early just to get away from him.
Yes, well, he will not be here the day of the visit,
that I can promise you.
Watch what you're doing, man!
Not the best of starts, Ms Clement.
So your caretaker lives in the school?
It's a temporary arrangement.
The opening ceremony will take place at the front of the school.
There will be a brass band.
Lovely!
I should like to run through a quick rehearsal with you all.
This way, please.
That's a dapper-looking suit. Do you think it hides a concealed weapon?
Thank you, Mrs Devine. And, er...
...yes, as a matter of fact, it does.
The library is just through here.
I think you'll be very...
You didn't lock up?
I-I thought I did.
Thought you did?
Your tools are still here.
Did you even come in here last night?
I...
The second I was gone, you went straight to the pub, didn't you?!
Look, I-I was going to come back later to finish off, but I...
But you could barely walk by then, could you?!
Have you any idea what you've done?!
You've ruined everything!
Ms Clement!
Er, I think she just needs a moment.
Poor woman. All that hard work.
I presume the visit will have to be cancelled?
Cancelled? I've got half the constabulary prepped for this visit.
This was supposed to be my... Kembleford's chance to shine.
Why would someone vandalise a library, anyway?
Anarchists.
Don't be ridiculous, Sergeant.
There are no anarchists in Kembleford.
This is clearly the work of kids.
Whoever it was made quite the mess,
but the damage is surprisingly minimal.
And, I believe, salvageable.
Absolutely, especially if we all pull together.
There's still two days before the visit,
do we really need to be talking about cancelling it?
Your confidence is admirable, Mrs Devine.
So, no, we do not.
For now.
Why don't we all give Ms Clement ten minutes or so
and then reconvene for the rehearsal?
If you'll excuse me, I need to use the little boy's room.
Are you all right, Ms Barnes?
No, no, no, I'm not. I've lost my lighter.
I'm sorry, I...
Blimey, must be a pretty important lighter.
Well, if you'll all excuse me, too,
I might as well take this opportunity to inspect the grounds.
Right. Staffroom, kettle, cuppa?
You do not speak until Her Royal Highness has spoken first.
You do not ask questions of her unless invited to do so.
Mrs Devine, perhaps you could stand in for the princess?
It's the role I was born to play!
And, er, Brenda, isn't it?
Perhaps you could be the flower-girl?
The what?
It's my understanding one of the pupils here will come up
from the crowd to present Her Royal Highness with a bouquet.
Is that correct, Ms Clement?
Yes! Sorry, yes.
So what I'll need you to do is come up at the end, curtsey...
Sorry... Sorry, what?
Yeah, I don't know how to curtsey.
It's really very simple.
Yeah, sorry, do you know what?
I don't really think I'm flower-girl material.
I think I'm probably better giving Ray a hand clearing up.
Honestly, Miss Palmer, there's nothing to it.
You just simply backfoot bob.
Right.
Yeah... No, sorry, Father.
Right, then.
Line, please.
Places, everyone.
Cars arrive, crowd cheers,
band begins to play and...
Your Royal Highness, if you'd care to step this way.
We start on the left here.
Your Royal Highness, Father Brown.
Delighted to meet you.
Father!
Inspector...
Everyone stay out there, no-one leave the premises.
Excuse me, didn't you hear what I just said?
What do you think you're doing?
My job, Chief Inspector. I suggest you do yours.
No, not you as well.
Chief Inspector, I must be permitted to perform the last rites.
Ego facultate...
Sergeant, we were barely ten yards away.
Have you any idea how this is going to look?
...indulgentiam plenariam et remissionem omnium peccatorum
tibi condedo, et benedico te.
In nominee Patris, et Fili, et Spiritus Sancti.
Amen.
This door's locked.
If that door was locked and Raymond has the keys in his pocket...
That means his attacker came through the main doors,
right by the staffroom, so why didn't we see them?
Perhaps we did.
What do you mean, Father? I haven't seen anyone here other than...?
Other than us.
Where is Ms Clement?
What are you doing, Ms Clement?
I-I never...
I just...
I just found it there...
I...
We could all see how angry she was, but this?
It's unconscionable.
I take it we're free to leave, Chief Inspector?
For the time being, yes.
Inspector Beckett...
...perhaps Mrs Devine will be kind enough
to drive you back to the Red Lion,
but I shall have to ask you to remain there until...
Actually, Chief Inspector, I shall be coming with you.
You'll be doing what?
The security of Her Royal Highness is my priority here,
Chief Inspector.
If the visit's to go ahead, then I need to establish
that this murder was in no way connected to it.
And that means I WILL be part of the investigation.
Now, if any of that needs clarifying,
I suggest you take it up with Scotland Yard.
You don't really think...?
I see no guilt in her face.
I see confusion...
...and grief.
Chief Inspector?
Don't ask.
I've been kicked out of my own office -
his Royal Tallness in there has completely commandeered it
to make a private call to the Yard.
What I need now is a full confession.
Right, Sergeant. Tell me, what have you got?
The only other thing on his possession,
around his neck, anyway.
Here, what do you make of it?
Daughter? Granddaughter?
It's funny, mind, I don't remember Ray ever mentioning family.
He probably stole it.
Tell me, Chief Inspector, is this village in the habit
of employing known felons as school caretakers?
Raymond Harrison had quite the criminal record.
Fraud, burglary, theft -
all culminating in an eight-year stint at HMP Gloucester.
Ray often alluded to a chequered past in our conversations,
but I had no idea of the extent.
This is troubling news.
Might I be permitted a visitation with Ms Clement?
I'm sure she'd appreciate your counsel, Father.
In the meantime, the Chief Inspector and I
will need to discuss how best to proceed.
Shall we?
Please, after you..
Two inspectors...
It's going to be a long day, Father.
Come on, then.
A locket?
Silver.
Containing a picture of a young girl.
A girl I recognise...
...from the photograph on your desk.
My old class photo.
We'd just moved here that summer, me and my mum.
Clement was her maiden name.
And Raymond Harrison was your father.
He was in prison for most of my childhood...
...and, then, by the time I'd left home,
he'd vanished completely.
It was ten years ago he tracked me down again.
He talked about regret and making amends...
...but really he was just a homeless, desperate, alcoholic
with nowhere else to go.
So you gave him a job
and somewhere to stay on the school grounds.
We agreed to keep it a secret.
A headmistress employing a felon - I would have lost my job.
I know how it must look,
but I swear to you, I didn't do it.
You do believe me, don't you?
I do, or at least I want to, so you must tell me everything.
What exactly were you doing
during the ten minutes you took to collect yourself
after we discovered the vandalised library?
My office...
...and then out front, looking for you all.
Mayor Wood saw me, I think.
He was... he was actually talking with Ray at the time,
having... having some kind of argument.
Argument?
Something about money. It all sounded a bit heated.
You don't think...?
It's no secret that Ms Clement and I weren't on the best of terms,
but even I couldn't have predicted this,
I'm just as shocked about it as the rest of you.
How well did you know Raymond Harrison?
Me? Barely at all.
He was something of a hermit, as you well know.
In a manner of speaking, yes.
I only ask because I've been led to believe
that you had some sort of disagreement prior to our rehearsal?
Who told you that?
Her. I didn't think she'd...
He owed me some money, that's all. It hardly matters now.
How could a school caretaker end up owing money to a mayor?
He was meant to do some handywork for me.
Never completed the job. Like I say, hardly matters.
If memory serves, when we discovered the vandalism in the library,
you were the first person to suggest that the royal visit be cancelled.
Was vandalism the odd job you had paid him for?
What?
What are you saying? Why on earth would I do that?
To prevent the royal visit,
and the subsequent publicity it would afforded your mayoral rival.
That's ridiculous.
The visit was still going ahead, the damage was minimal -
you said so yourself.
Perhaps that was why you demanded your money back?
Truth is your friend here, Mayor Wood.
Because you are guilty of one crime
does not necessarily mean you are guilty of another.
What other?
Dear God, you can't possibly think that I could...?
It's politics, Father, different rules.
Ms Clement herself would have done exactly the same.
I think she's more than demonstrated what she's capable of.
I see. Father, please...
...I may not be a saint,
but there are some lines that I even could never cross.
Never.
Well, I knew the mayor was crooked, but this takes the biscuit.
Do you think he knew that Ray was her father?
No.
And if things hadn't played out the way they did,
none of us would ever have known.
What did the Chief Inspector say?
Not a great deal.
He was mostly celebrating the departure
of his palace counter-part,
thus enabling him to return to the school and "investigate properly".
As enthusiastic and well-intentioned as our Chief Inspector is,
I fear that the looming deadline of the visit itself
is somewhat colouring his judgment.
Course it is.
This whole visit's made everybody go nuts.
I don't get it. It's not like it's the Queen, it's just her sister.
You're not much of a royalist, are you, Brenda?
No, I'm just not as obsessed with it as everybody else.
They're just people at the end of the day.
I'm going to cycle down there
and see if I can offer my assistance to the Chief Inspector.
I'm sure he'll love that. What would you like us to do?
Only I was thinking, that perhaps Brenda and I
should head down to the Red Lion and check on Ms Barnes?
And her tall, handsome bodyguard?
Yes. I suppose he'll be there, too, won't he?
Knock-knock.
Fabulous. I've just got rid of one interfering detective
and up pops another.
Came to offer my services, Chief Inspector.
I'm painfully aware of the pressure you are under.
We have matters quite in hand, thank you.
Yes, Father, we just keep finding more and more.
Looks like old Ray really didn't leave his criminal past behind.
The spoils of a pickpocket.
I rather hoped we wouldn't find something like this.
Where is the newspaper?
What newspaper?
Ray had an old newspaper this morning.
Ms Clement tossed it on to the chair there, seems to have vanished.
How should I know? He probably threw it out.
How would he have done that?
Well, I very much doubt he did it after the murder.
I hardly think a missing newspaper should be our priority right now.
Just seems odd that it's vanished, that's all.
He really was quite the magpie.
So it would seem.
Well, as you say, you seem to have matters in hand.
Perhaps I should leave you to it.
What a novel idea.
Right, tear this place apart. Find that newspaper.
Do you mind?
I was starting to feel a bit of a gooseberry.
Yes, they do seem to have taken something of a shine to each other,
don't they? Just a bit.
So, how do you become a royal aide, anyway?
Do you have to go to a posh school or something?
Well, I certainly didn't.
How come you talk like that, then?
Because it's part of the training.
Without it I'd be talking like this
all the bleedin' time.
Believe it or not,
the only person who does ever hear me talk like that
is Princess Margaret herself.
She has the same thoughts on airs and graces as you seem to.
She prefers people to be themselves.
She does? Yes.
And you should 'ear what 'appens
when you get her on the old Joanna after a few sherries an' all!
Wow! She sounds sort of...
Well, you know. For royalty.
Miss Palmer, Ms Barnes.
I'm glad to find you here.
Miss Palmer, would you give us a moment, please?
Do I have to? It's all getting a bit Mills & Boon in there.
Never mind.
Forgive me for asking, but your lighter - it's gold, isn't it?
Only that is catnip for a pickpocket.
And Raymond Harrison had form.
He had quite the collection of similarly valuable items
hoarded in his room.
And I couldn't help notice that he bumped into you rather clumsily
outside the school. Is that when he stole it?
I didn't realise at the time. When did you?
And why didn't you inform anyone?
I...
May I?
Margaret Rose Windsor.
That's Princess Margaret's lighter, isn't it?
Ray saw you using it on the school steps.
He must have found it irresistible.
How did you get it back?
I... She didn't.
I did.
You did?
In my line of work,
you develop something of a sixth sense when it comes to people.
As soon as Ms Barnes realised the lighter was missing,
and... I realised what it was...
...I knew exactly who had it.
You confronted him?
I found him locking up during my inspection of the grounds.
I demanded it back, he didn't even argue.
You do realise that that makes you the last person
to have seen him alive?
Second last, I think you'll find, Father.
I'm so sorry, Neil, I should never have...
None of this is what you think, Father.
I swear, I'm not a thief.
I just borrowed it, that's all.
I do find some people have a rather cavalier use of that word.
It's true, I was going to put it back, I always do.
You've done it before?
I have nothing but love and respect for the royal family,
but when you spend as much time with them as I do,
sometimes the lines begin to blur.
It never felt like stealing, more like borrowing from a friend.
Unfortunately, the palace wouldn't quite see it that way.
Had I not retrieved it, she would have lost her job, her home.
Everything.
I'm going to return it first chance I get -
and I'll never do it again, I swear.
I'll make sure of it.
I, er... trust this little matter can remain between ourselves?
Ooh, hello, what are you all doing here?
Enjoying anecdotes about life at the palace.
Will you be having a drink, Sergeant?
Er, no, thank you, Father.
The Chief Inspector wanted me to tell you
the visit can go ahead, sir.
That's assuming we can return the library
to its former glory, of course.
Ms Clement has been formally charged.
Don't look at me like that, Father.
Look, whether you like it or not, the evidence fits,
up to and including the fact we have her fingerprints on the hammer.
We already knew that - she picked it up in the library.
We all saw her do it.
Yes, and we also saw her threaten him, didn't we?
A criminal she'd been harbouring,
a man who, to her mind, had completely destroyed her legacy.
What more do we need? More time.
We don't have more time!
I received a telephone call earlier from the Yard,
informing me in no uncertain terms that,
if we don't charge someone for this crime,
the visit will be cancelled.
Then perhaps it should be.
I see.
Father, believe me, with all she has done for this community,
I'm just as saddened by this as you are,
but my hands are tied here, I'm merely...
...following orders?
...respecting my superiors.
Did you find the newspaper?
There are no newspapers in Ray's room, Father.
I'm sorry, but you're clutching at straws now.
Sadly, it appears that I am the only person still prepared to do so.
Good day, Inspector.
Is that my magazine?
No.
Maybe. I dunno. I was just flicking through it.
There you are, Father.
I've managed to secure a number of volunteers
for the big tidy-up tomorrow.
It's going to be tight, time-wise, but I still believe we can do it.
Excellent. Tea, Father? Please.
I hate to ask,
but is the Mayor actually going to show his face at this thing?
Almost certainly. I'm sure, in his mind,
his misdemeanours pale into insignificance
compared with those of his incarcerated rival.
Yeah, things certainly worked out for him there, didn't they?
She didn't get the visit removed from her, like he wanted -
instead, she's been removed from the visit.
Allowing him to take centre-stage.
It's quite the motive, isn't it?
Not one we can prove, no more than we can prove Ms Barnes'.
Ms Barnes'? Well, you heard her -
if that lighter had wound up in the hands of a local pawnbroker,
it wouldn't take much to trace it back.
Her entire life would be over.
But it was Inspector Beckett who got it back, not her.
So he says.
Rather quickly, I thought.
Gallantry is underrated these days.
I'm sure he doesn't believe her to be guilty,
but I'm equally sure he'd want to protect her
from the finger of suspicion, regardless.
Or...
...he did confront Ray about the lighter,
but maybe Ray wasn't as willing to hand it over
as he's led us to believe.
It's just as good an explanation as yours.
What do you think, Father?
I think you both make excellent points,
as indeed did the Chief Inspector,
regardless of where his priorities may be lying.
I think we can attribute a motive to all four of them
if we stare hard enough.
And yet not one of them sits right with you, does it, Father?
No.
I can't shake the feeling the motive is much bigger than any of those...
...and is very, very well hidden.
What are you doing, Father?
Clutching at straws, Miss Palmer.
Clutching at straws.
Good Lord.
It's barely...? I told you we could do it.
Are you here to lend a hand?
Regrettably not, I have some telephone calls to make.
Though much more pleasant ones than I'd feared.
I think it's safe to say that Her Royal Highness
will most certainly be in attendance tomorrow.
I'm very impressed, Mrs Devine.
Well, I can't take all the credit.
No, you certainly can't!
All of which means this will be my last night here at Kembleford,
so... I was wondering if I might convince you to join me for dinner?
Wait, so you're driving him?
You're not paying for t'meal too, are you?
Very funny. There's only so gallant you can be
when you've arrived by train.
Now... how do I look?
Very nice, Mrs Devine.
Right, so two hours to get my hair done,
pick him up at six, reservation's at seven.
Ciao for now!
I don't know what she's worrying about,
she can't help but look glamorous.
She'd look glamorous in a bobble-hat and a football scarf.
Football.
You what?
Football, Chief Inspector.
You want to talk about football?!
In a sense, I've just...
What are these?
Well, exactly what they look like.
Thanks to you, I've spent the entire morning
rifling through every bin in the vicinity of the school.
You're no more convinced of Ms Clement's guilt than I am.
Well, I don't think I'd go that far,
but, despite what you might think, I do like to keep an open mind.
Unless your phantom paper is amongst these,
we really are left with nothing but the evidence we do have,
and that only points one way.
These are all from this week.
The newspaper I saw was much, much older, yellowed with aged.
Yes, and for all we know, completely irrelevant.
You don't even seem to know which newspaper it was.
It was local, or regional.
That's what I came to tell you about,
I remembered the headline, something to do with a football match,
Gloucester City versus Bristol...?
4-0 to Bristol.
You don't need to tell me about it.
First round of the FA Cup.
Yes, that was it.
You don't happen to remember the year, do you?
Yeah, of course I do - 1937.
Every defeat burned into my brain.
What?
It's been nearly two decades.
You do realise they may not even archive them that long?
I think we're about to find out.
Chief. Thank you, Constable.
Yes! That's it, I'm sure of it.
Better be worth it, Father.
There. That's Ray.
Terrific, so he kept hold of a 17-year-old newspaper,
because it had a photo of him in it.
Not just Ray.
What?
Wait, is that Inspector Beckett?
Not according to the caption underneath.
"Neville Kerswell"? I knew it!
I knew that man was too good to be true!
We must hurry! I fear Mrs Devine may be in serious danger.
Mrs Devine?
Hello there.
Hello!
Good evening.
I am in your hands, Mrs Devine.
Who's this? Mrs Devine, might we have a word, please?
Father, he'll be armed.
What, now?
I don't know whether I mentioned this, but I'm on a date.
It is quite important.
Well, what is it?
It's a secret.
What?
What?! What on earth is...? Get in!
Hercules!
What's going on?! Just hold on, Mrs Devine.
Where is he going?
Hercules can really go!
Will one of you please tell me what's going on?
Your date is a con-man, Mrs Devine.
An impostor and a killer.
But he's so handsome!
Inspector!
Stay here and stay down.
Neville Kerswell,
I'm arresting you for the murder of Raymond Harrison.
You are not obliged to say anything,
but anything you do say may be taken down and given in evidence.
Why? Why would he...?
To protect his true identity.
He's spent years living under a false one.
A fraud that could have continued indefinitely,
had cruel fate not landed him here.
I know how he feels.
He left his prison years far behind
for a life of status, luxury and travel -
all under false documentation, I assume?
I preferred to think of it as "going straight".
Believe it or not, I took my job seriously.
But it wasn't your job, was it?
As your old cellmate, Raymond Harrison,
would have told us.
You must have thought your luck was in your first night in the pub,
when he was so blind drunk...
...you doubted he even noticed you.
Even the next day,
when you discovered that he worked at the very school
you had come to visit,
it seemed as if he still not had made the connection.
Watch what you're doing, man.
But then he stole Ms Barnes' lighter.
It wasn't a sixth sense that tipped you off,
it was knowing him.
And you didn't confront him as you told us -
that would have been too risky.
No, you hoped against hope that the old pickpocket you had known
would have squirrelled it away in his room.
But he left something else, didn't he?
An old newspaper...
...which proved that, despite his drunken stupor in the Red Lion,
he'd still put two and two together.
And you realised it was only a matter of time
before he did it again.
I had no choice.
You had a choice, Mr Kerswell.
You chose self-preservation,
murder,
an impromptu framing of an innocent woman.
You chose to pick up the very hammer
that Ms Clement had handled moments ago.
You chose to attack Ray from behind.
Argh!
You chose to hide the murder weapon in her office,
knowing the conclusion that that would lead us to.
And, now, Neville...
...your only choice is to confess your sins
and save your mortal soul.
A choice sadly denied to Mr Harrison.
Father, where exactly did I fit into all of this?
For what it's worth, Mrs Devine, I just think he was...
...genuinely fond of you.
Great.
I can really pick them, can't I?
I think your knight in shining armour's still out there.
Don't even think about driving Hercules home, Mrs Devine.
I'll send a few constables to retrieve it.
Him.
Yes.
Yes, I rather think he is.
Mayor Wood has decided to step down
and give his full support to Ms Clement's campaign.
I doubt she'll need it.
She's certainly got my vote.
Yours too, I'd imagine.
I couldn't possibly say, Mrs Devine.
No, of course not.
She's here!
My legs have turned to jelly.
She's beautiful.
You've certainly changed your tune.
Father Brown.
Your Royal Highness.
Hello. How do you do?
Mrs Devine. How do you do?
Chief Inspector Sullivan.
Hello. Your Royal Highness.
Mayor Wood. Hello. How do you do?
And the headmistress of Saint Arilda's, Ms Clement.
Hello. How do you do?
Go on, sweetheart.
Um... come on, I'll go with you.
It is my honour and privilege
to officially declare Saint Arilda's library open.
God Save The Queen