RADIO PLAYS UPBEAT SWING MUSIC
WATER SLOSHES
Hello?
Father?
That's right, but, uh, probably not the one you were expecting.
Oh, it's you.
Father? Mrs Sullivan?
RADIO VOLUME IS TURNED DOWN
How nice to see you again, Miss Palmer.
Mm-hm...
Father Lindsey!
What a lovely surprise.
It is indeed.
But I come bearing this electrifying invitation.
Oh.
Lord Silk is throwing a surprise soiree for my uncle
to welcome him back from Rome.
Just the ticket to celebrate before his consecration.
I'm quite sure my uncle wouldn't want any of you to miss it.
Not exactly something to celebrate, though, is it?
BELL TOLLS
I'm sorry?
Oh, what Brenda means is, we'll be there! Splendid.
Also, I must confess to be in need of a favour.
Preparations for the Mass of Consecration
are frightfully behind. I don't suppose...
Father Lindsey, I'm at your complete disposal.
As is Brenda. You what?
Marvellous.
Chance to show off your new secretarial skills, Miss Palmer.
Jolly good.
And regarding the party, mum's the word.
Toodle-pip.
Oh, dear.
A party with Canon Fox and Father Lindsey.
What could possibly go wrong?
What, indeed?
Well, isn't this just spectacular?
It must cost a fortune to heat.
Why is this party in Hambleston anyway?
Lowly Father Fox used to be parish priest here,
long before Father Lindsey.
Thank you all so much for coming.
Mrs Nettles, fancy seeing you here!
As my parish secretary,
Mrs Nettles is in charge of the consecration committee. Oh!
Tell me these aren't the reinforcements you promised me.
Well, yes.
Mrs Sullivan couldn't organise the opening of an envelope
and I wouldn't trust that Palmer girl to run a bath.
We can hear you, you know.
It's just that St Mary's really hasn't been the same
since Mrs McCarthy left.
This is going to be a disaster, thanks to you.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
What a delightful woman.
Mrs Nettles is aptly named.
CAR HORN BLARES
Oh! It must be him.
Everyone round the back, quickly!
Bishop-elect Fox.
Osmond.
How was Rome? Unbearably hot.
But His Holiness and I saw eye-to-eye on
a great many things.
To say I'm bursting with pride is an understatement.
I'm sure I've seen that contraption somewhere before.
Shall we join Lord Silk in the garden?
I have a number of stipulations concerning my Consecration Mass,
the first of which is that Father Brown
must not be allowed within a mile of it.
Oh, really?
Ah, trouble follows him around like a foul smell,
although not for much longer, I'm pleased to say.
You know, I really couldn't think of a better place to write
the most important speech of my life.
Absolute serenity is a must.
ALL: Hooray!
Ah...
Surprise!
Oh, how...nice.
Damian! Welcome back to our humble abode.
Such an honour to host you before your big day.
The honour is all mine, Lord Silk.
Lady Martha, it is good to see you.
It's been far too long, Bishop-elect.
Father, I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
This his Father Brown of Kembleford fame.
Pleased to meet you, Lord Silk. Lady Martha.
Your reputation precedes you.
I'm a chum of Lady F's, you see.
Oh. A bit of a sleuth, I hear.
Quite simply, the best.
Canon Fox, may I offer my warmest wishes
in advance of your consecration
and extend an invitation to St Mary's
at your earliest opportunity.
Great minds, Father.
Paying you a visit was at the top of my agenda.
Bishop-elect. Mrs Nettles. It's been such a long time.
Perhaps I could trouble you for a word.
Actually, I could do with settling in.
Oh, well, let me show you to your room.
The rest of you, enjoy the party.
The bishop-elect will join us in due course.
This place is incredible.
You're very lucky.
Strictly between us, Brenda, I find it stultifying.
Stulti-what?
It comes with certain...expectations.
With any luck, I'll be leaving soon. Why's that, then?
To fulfil my dream of reading English at Cambridge.
Oh, wow!
My dream is to be a parish secretary,
but I don't think that'll actually happen.
Why ever not?
Sometimes you just have to take a leap.
Your tasks for Sunday.
No mistakes or you'll have to answer to me.
Charm really isn't her forte.
She just tried to enlist me!
It's Father Lindsey I feel sorry for.
GLASS IS TAPPED
LORD SILK: Well, here he is, the man of the moment!
APPLAUSE
Bishop-elect,
I can't tell you how proud I am to know you,
to have supported your charitable endeavours and ambitions,
all of which shows my appreciation for your unwavering support.
For being there when I lost my dear wife, Grace,
and for making my son Bertie see sense.
His sacrifice makes me so proud to this day.
Not to mention your guidance of Martha,
who valiantly keeps her mother's spirit alive.
So, without further ado, a toast to Bishop-elect Fox.
ALL: To Bishop-elect Fox.
Thank you, Lord Silk.
I'm indebted to my most honourable of friends
and to you all for coming.
Especially Father Brown,
as it enables me to make a very exciting announcement.
You, Father, will be my guinea pig, so to speak,
for a new endeavour for our diocese.
A sort of pastoral exchange.
You'll take over a parish in the Highlands of Scotland
while we welcome Father MacDougall to St Mary's.
He can't do that.
This is merely temporary, of course. Just for a year or two.
Thank you, everyone.
Shall we resume the music?
Let us celebrate!
Canon Fox, may I have a word, please?
This is my home.
My flock.
My family.
Father, think how much better a priest you'll be without
the distraction of your extracurricular activities.
Canon, I dispute... Besides which,
your endeavours with Flambeau and Father Lazarus
have made you ignominious in the Vatican,
which doesn't reflect at all well on me.
I see. No, Kembleford needs a fresh start,
and you can't cause nearly as much trouble amongst the sheep, can you?
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
That private word, Canon?
Yes, indeed, Mrs Nettles. No time like the present.
I'll make that visit to St Mary's first thing, Father.
We can go over the finer details of your departure then.
What's taking so long?
Ah, there you are, Father.
I'm afraid Canon Fox has made up his mind.
Heavens above. To add insult to injury,
Father MacDougall will be bringing his own parish secretary.
I'm sorry, Mrs Sullivan.
Although you may stay on as housekeeper, Miss Palmer.
Oh, whoop-de-doo (!)
I don't believe this is happening.
Well, let's try and look on the bright side, shall we?
Perhaps it's for the best. The best?
Yes, well, I mean, I will be able to do my job properly.
No offence, Father. Edgar!
None taken. Please stop talking.
Don't forget, I was demoted because of him.
This could be a fresh start for both of us. Oh!
Well, you made a pig's ear of that,
just like you do with your investigations.
You'd be lost without Father Brown.
And so would I.
Excuse me. Oh, dear.
After all I've done for you!
You will regret this.
Mrs Nettles, I think it's time you left.
With pleasure.
I'm afraid I feel a migraine coming on.
Thank you everyone so much for coming,
but now I think we should let the Bishop-elect recover
from his journey from Rome.
CHURCH BELLS TOLL
I want to wring his neck.
Perhaps you should make yourself scarce
when Canon Fox arrives, Miss Palmer.
Hello!
Just what we need.
I am sorry, Father, about this awful business.
I don't suppose you've seen my uncle, have you?
I was supposed to meet him nearby for breakfast an hour ago.
Perhaps he got waylaid at Salt Manor?
Indeed. I'll pop my head in.
I'll accompany you, if I may.
I would like to appeal one more time to his better nature.
Father, I can think of nothing I'd like more.
We didn't want to bother him.
I just assumed he needed a good night's sleep.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Canon Fox?
Damian?
It's locked.
If I may.
What on earth are you doing?
Well done, Father. I thought you'd approve.
Oh, my word!
Oh, dear...
Head between your knees.
Looks like this was used as a weapon.
The word of God himself.
Given the bloody assault,
the broken glass on the inside of the opened door,
and the absence of the bishop-elect,
I surmise that he's been abducted.
You mean kidnapped?
But why?
Yes, thank you, Father.
When did you last see Canon Fox?
Oh, we had a nightcap just after 10.00pm,
then he retired here.
I've telephoned quite literally everywhere.
He's nowhere to be found.
Goodfellow, let's get this place dusted for prints.
Right you are, sir.
Curious. What happened here?
Intriguing.
Fathers, please. Not again.
Oh, yes. Sorry.
A thousand apologies.
Inspector, important guests are arriving from all over the globe.
It would be a disaster if the bishop-elect
does not attend tomorrow.
I will use all resources at my disposal.
We'll find him.
May I ask who else stayed in the house last night?
Well, just Martha and myself. The staff had all gone home.
Then as soon as we're done here, I'll start with the woman
who threatened Canon Fox yesterday.
Inspector, I think it best
if Father Lindsey and I leave you to it.
Oh, really?
Oh, yes.
Toodle-pip.
Are you really accusing me of kidnap, Fathers?
The thought hadn't entered our minds, Mrs Nettles.
We are merely trying to understand what happened yesterday.
You said to Canon Fox, "After all I've done for you."
What did you mean by that?
What we talked about is strictly confidential.
But let's just say I know where the bodies are buried,
or indeed where they are not.
Are you trying to use confidential information for personal gain?
To what end, Father?
Perhaps you believe you should share in Canon Fox's elevation.
Canon Fox should have taken me with him in the first place,
not left me here to fester with this hapless co...
Comedian.
I think that your attitude is incompatible
with the post of a parish secretary.
I think you're puerile investigations
are incompatible with the vocation of a priest.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a consecration to prepare for.
Mrs Nettles, this is actually... Yes? My study.
Goodbye, Fathers.
Oh, you can expect the police at any moment.
I gather they're very keen to interrogate you.
Ah, there you are, Father.
Something I thought you should know.
The butler heard raised voices last night at about ten o'clock,
Canon Fox and Lord Silk.
Then I will return and follow that up.
I feel duty-bound to retrieve my future bishop.
Even though he wants to banish you to the other end of the country?
Brenda, it could be a way to stop this ridiculous exchange.
I best get on. Good luck, Father.
Likewise, Sergeant.
Father Lindsey is on his way to the procathedral.
Are you still able to lend him a hand?
I'm not sure what the point is without the star of the show.
Well, I'll do anything to get away from Edgar at the moment.
And I'm taking these to charity.
Do you think anyone will want them? Um, no.
I wholeheartedly agree, Father.
Shall we?
BELL RINGS
Hmm.
I've had a letter from Cambridge. Oh, yes?
They've offered me a place.
I'm so proud of you, Martha.
Just a shame about the timing. The timing?
Well, as I retire from your mother's charitable work,
you'll be expected to step into the breach.
But, Father, It's all I've ever wanted.
Well, you wouldn't want to let your mother down, would you, Martha?
Of course not.
KNOCK ON DOOR
My Lord, Father Brown.
Lady Martha.
Lord Silk, may I have a word? I'll leave you both to it.
Take a seat, Father.
Scotch? Uh, no, thank you.
Now, I gather there were raised voices in this very room
last night between you and Canon Fox. Oh. Ha-ha!
The notorious detective at work!
Yes. We, uh...
We had a debate about charitable endeavours.
I'm a major donor to the diocese, Father,
furthering the interests of my dear late wife.
Which are? She was abandoned as a child by an unmarried mother.
Her work at the Good Refuge meant everything to her.
Ah. Recently closed down.
Mm.
Yet, uh, Damian, Canon Fox,
didn't feel it was a priority to establish a new residence.
But where are these women to go now, Father?
I implored him to think again.
What was his response?
He said he would.
So, Father, now I need you to find him
so he can make good on that promise.
TELEPHONE RINGS
St Mary's presbytery. Father, it's me.
Canon Fox. Call off the search.
I assure you, I'm fine.
Where are you?
Indulging in a period of contemplation
before my consecration.
Somewhere private.
I see.
And for what it's worth, I regret what I said yesterday
about you not making trouble amongst the Highland cattle.
I understand.
Thank you, Father. May God be with you.
He's sending me a message.
On Friday, he said that I wouldn't be able to cause trouble
amongst the sheep, not Highland cattle.
He's telling me something's wrong.
So he really has been kidnapped.
Yes, but...why?
And by whom?
We had no luck identifying the source of the telephone call,
I'm afraid,
and found nothing of interest at Mrs Nettles' house or Silk Manor.
Can you imagine the embarrassment
when he doesn't turn up to his own consecration? Oh.
Which is exactly why I have my superiors breathing down my neck.
And we have...two hours left.
It's time we collected Mrs Nettles.
Actually, would you mind if I had a quick word with Isabel first?
Oh!
I'm so sorry. Finally!
Thank you, Edgar.
See, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm so sorry that this is difficult to see now,
but I honestly believe that you will come to see
this as a positive change.
And why is that?
Spending time in our new home,
and to visit Eddie, and for holidays.
I mean, I... I earn enough for both of us.
I... I can keep you now. You deserve that.
But can't you see I don't want to be kept?
And I detest...these!
BRENDA: Mrs Sullivan, calm down!
TYRES SCREECH
From now on, call me Mrs Devine.
Oh, dear. Father, just in time.
You won't believe what has happened.
Look at the state of the place!
Has there anything of value been taken?
Not as far as we can see.
I think we can assume that information was the target
and given that this was once Canon Fox's study,
pertinent to his kidnapping.
CLOCK BELLS CHIME
Bravo, Father.
That's all very well but, Mrs Sullivan,
I needed to be at the procathedral an hour ago.
We'll meet you there later. Good luck, Fathers.
Miss Palmer, given your burgeoning secretarial skills,
perhaps you could ascertain whether anything is obviously missing.
I'll do my best.
I keep returning to what Mrs Nettles said in here yesterday.
That she "knew where the bodies were buried."
Did she mean literally?
What if she meant Bertie?
My uncle's diary.
19th of May, 1944. "Breakthrough with Bertie Silk.
"He signed up as per my advice."
Making him see sense.
That would explain why Lord Silk was so grateful
to Canon Fox in his speech.
I recall that Lady Martha didn't look too happy to hear that.
What if she blamed Canon Fox for her brother's death?
Mrs Sullivan?
Mrs Sullivan!
We need to get to Silk Manor.
I can see if I can borrow that van.
Your investigative skills are needed here, Miss Palmer.
Father, I have a rather novel idea.
We could take Tindall,
but it would require some expert coordination.
Bravo, Father Lindsey.
I do seem to be getting the hang of it.
Argh, no!
A thousand apologies. Accepted.
We must hurry.
Time is not on our side.
Of course.
Come along, Tindall. The race is not yet won.
One hour, Chief Superintendent. You better find him!
I have no choice but to get ready.
Perhaps all of you should do the same.
I'll see you there.
How can I help you, Fathers?
Your brother, I presume.
Our glorious Bertie, taken far too soon.
We used to love this place.
Tearing down the corridors,
getting lost in the hidey-holes.
Now it feels like a prison.
You must miss him terribly.
I think about him all the time,
but I can't pretend he was happy here either.
He never quite got along with my father.
What happened to your mother?
She died, giving birth to me.
I'm so sorry.
It seems it is my destiny to carry on her good work.
I am to turn down my place at Cambridge.
My father's wish.
Perhaps your mother's wishes would have been quite different.
Perhaps she would have preferred you live your own life
rather than one prescribed by her absence.
My father doesn't think so.
I couldn't help noticing how you reacted to his speech on Friday.
Bertie was exempted with a nervous disposition,
yet it transpires that, thanks the Canon Fox's intervention,
he signed up and was a lamb to the slaughter in Normandy.
Lady Martha, I must ask, are you responsible
for what has happened to Cannon Fox?
I am not going to dignify that with an answer.
Now, Fathers, if you'll excuse me, I really must get ready.
Of course. We will see ourselves out.
What do you think, Father?
I think Lady Martha has the most compelling motive.
So what do we do now?
We must go to the procathedral and tell them
that the consecration must be postponed.
Think you can face another spin?
CAR APPROACHES, HORN TOOTS
Miss Palmer!
Mr Trotter said I could have it until four,
as long as I clean it out after.
Your ingenuity knows no bounds, Miss Palmer.
Thank you, Father.
But pooh-ee! It's quite the fishy whiff. Yeah, sorry.
Well done, Miss Palmer. Did you find anything?
Um, just this.
Misfiled.
Looks like Mrs Nettles isn't that good at her job after all.
Heavens, no.
She's appalling at anything actually secretarial.
It's from the War Office.
11 years ago.
"The favour has been granted and must never be spoken of again."
Mrs Nettles said she knew where the bodies were buried, or not.
Perhaps, on this occasion, Canon Fox was doing a good deed.
Of course!
The hidey-holes.
The what?
You two, go, hold them off as long as you can.
I will get in there.
Good luck, Father!
Godspeed!
DOOR CREAKS OPEN
GRATE SCRAPES
Canon Fox, are you all right?
What took you so long?!
Well, your whereabouts were not immediately apparent.
I know who did this and why.
Yes, yes, just get me out of here!
We will get you to your consecration on time.
I'm afraid not.
I really wish you hadn't interfered, Father.
MRS NETTLES: Just along here. Thank you.
Oh!
Well?
He'll be here any minute.
45 minutes. If they're not here by then,
we'll all have egg on our faces.
They'll be here.
I assure you, Father Brown will keep his word.
He'd better, or you are going to have to get
up there and give everyone the bad news yourself.
Oh, dear.
What is that awful smell?
Oh!
For goodness' sake, Rufus, put the gun down!
If I leave now, I can still make it.
You lied to me.
I know what happened. You know nothing, Father!
You learned something truly shocking at the party.
The Bishop's Palace is where I belong,
at your right hand.
Frankly, I can think of nothing worse.
I'm sorry?!
Mrs Nettles, you are undoubtedly the worst secretary I've ever had.
The notion that I'd employ you again is quite ludicrous.
And what if I let slip about what you've done?
How do you think Lord Silk would react
to knowing his son is still alive?
You were supposed to be my friend. He is.
You said yourself that he supported your family.
Bertie went to him for help.
Faced with intolerable pressure to sign up,
but of a painfully nervous disposition,
in need of a way out, which Canon Fox provided.
There might be another way, Bertie.
He betrayed me.
Understandably, you wanted to know the truth...
Put your hand on this and swear to me,
is my son really dead?!
Please, Rufus, let it go. No!
Even if I did know anything, I wouldn't be able to tell you.
Oh, I think you will!
..but you lost control.
You attempted to misdirect.
You staged a break-in.
The marks from the priest hole door gave you away.
And your search of Canon Fox's previous study proved fruitless.
I must know what happened.
Canon Fox will never break the seal of the confessional.
He is bound by it, as am I.
You didn't take his confession,
so you will tell me.
Where is Bertie?
I don't know.
Then we're back where we started.
Rufus, I believe you are a good man,
but I think you know why this happened.
Would you do me the courtesy of telling me?
Bertie was full of fear. Of course he was.
The boy was emotionally incontinent.
He could never have fought in the war,
but you desperately clung to the fiction
that he signed up and died a hero's death,
which blinded you to the real truth.
The thing he was most afraid of...
..was you.
Poppycock.
Listen to Father Brown.
I'm so sorry, Rufus.
No...
No.
It's lies.
You leave me no choice.
Please, God, forgive me.
Lord Silk, if you do this, you will surely face the gallows.
But if you confess and repent...
..you may see your son again.
A gift denied to so many parents.
How could he do this to me?
Now that the truth is out, I hope one day
you will be able to ask him that question yourself.
That's it, I won't wait any longer.
There is still a minute.
Go inside and tell them it's all off.
Now!
Mrs Nettles, has it escaped your notice
that you work for Father Lindsey, not the other way around?
I have complete faith in Father Brown,
who has never let me down. Hear, hear!
And as if on cue...
Tindall saves the day!
Praise be! Tindall? Tindall the tandem.
Apologies for cutting it a bit fine.
Where is Lord Silk?
I'm afraid he will not be in attendance.
My vestments, now!
At once, Uncle.
Mrs Nettles, please announce there will be a short delay.
Me?!
Chop, chop, Mrs Nettles.
You need to put that away.
ORGAN PLAYS
SHE HITS DUFF NOTE
Most Reverend Father...
..our Holy Mother, the Catholic Church...
..demands of me
to promote the priest here present
to the heavy office of a bishop.
CHOIR SINGS
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
CONGREGATION: Henceforth, now and forever.
May the Almighty God, the Father
and the Son and the Holy Ghost, bless you.
Amen.
CONGREGATION: Amen.
Suffice to say, it has been an eventful few days,
which have served to highlight that I am only as effective
as those who work tirelessly in my diocese.
Those priests who go beyond the call of duty
and without whom I would not be standing before you today.
CHOIR SINGS
BELLS RING
Isabel?
All's well that ends well.
Sir, Lord Silk is now safely held in custody.
Thanks to Father Brown as opposed to you.
Thank you for Bertie.
I'll write to him.
I'm sure he'll be in touch.
But your father will need you now.
I'll go and see him,
and Bertie, of course,
from Cambridge.
I've been offered a place, which I'm going to accept.
And what of your mother's charitable interests?
My father can pay someone to look after them.
I've come to realise they're not my burden to bear.
Goodbye, Bishop Fox.
Thank you, Lady Martha.
Congratulations, my lord.
I was hoping, my lord, after what has happened,
you might reconsider the clerical exchange.
Father Brown, you have been truly indispensable these last few days.
But Father MacDougall is on his way here.
A priest must be sent to take his place.
You must send him back.
Father Brown saved your life.
Will you show the bishop some respect?!
Oh, put a sock in it, Mrs Nettles!
Bishop Fox, I've had my own clashes with Father Brown,
but his contributions to Kembleford far outweigh his duties as a priest.
He has helped me... Erm, no...
In fact, he has solved many a case,
ably assisted by my beautiful wife.
And me!
Yes.
Please, I implore you, do everything in your power
to keep Father Brown in his rightful place.
The Inspector's right. We need Father Brown.
Please, don't send him away.
These are moving tributes,
but wheels have been set in motion that I cannot stop.
I'm sorry.
Uncle.
Bishop. My lord.
If it is essential that a priest be sent in return...
..then I will send myself.
Osmond, no. In fact, it will be the greatest honour of my life
to do this for the greatest man I've ever met.
I refuse. And I refuse your refusal.
I've always wanted to visit the Highlands of Scotland.
I hear they have very strange cattle.
Well, I am not going there with you.
I must confess to feeling relieved.
And as Father MacDougall is bringing his own parish secretary...
Looks like you're out of a job.
Urgh!
On your own head be it.
I don't know what to say.
Say you'll write.
We all will, won't we, Edgar? Yes.
From now on, I will do just as I'm told.
ISABEL CHUCKLES
You're all right, you know?
Sorry I thought you were a murderer when we first met.
And I think you are positively teeming with promise, Miss Palmer.
What a fine parish secretary you'll make one day.
Oh, good,
because I've got an idea.
Lady Martha and Lord Bertie have been reunited.
Turns out he was working as a librarian in Largs.
Oh, how wonderful.
Father, I will never forget what you did.
I'm just glad I could help.
What an adventure this is going to be. I can't wait.
Where's Brenda? You'd think she would...
Oh.
I thought I best make this quick.
There's a parish secretary job going and I think I can do it.
I know you can.
Is this really goodbye?
It's goodbye to the girl who couldn't read
and was only good at mopping floors.
She's gone, thanks to you two.
No...
..that was because of you, Brenda Palmer.
We couldn't be more proud.
Besides, someone needs to look after that one over there.
And I know Father Brown is in the best hands.
Goodbye, Father.
You know what you mean to me.
I'll write every week. You'll be sick of my letters.
I doubt that.
Will we ever see you again? Course you will.
I best, erm... We've got a train to catch.
I hope it all goes well up there. I'm quite sure it will.
I hear the English are spectacularly popular in Scotland.
What can possibly go wrong?
SCOTTISH ACCENT: And away we go!
Godspeed.
Father, Mrs Sullivan...
Yes? I just wanted to say...
..I will miss you so much.
The feeling is entirely mutual.
ENGINE STARTS
End of an era, Father.
And now we have an empty nest.
Because she's flying.
Yes...
..she is.