Everything that happens in this film...
is fiction and fantasy...
and bears no relation to reality.
I'M SO EXCITED!
Oh, God, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?
Are you two OK? What happened?
The cases fell off when I was trying to avoid him.
Shit! Where's my phone?
Who looks at their phone in the middle of the runway?
Are you crazy?
Here, clean yourself up.
-Are you all right, Jessi? -I feel really queasy.
-You don't look well. -Recently I get queasy over nothing.
You do? Why didn't you say anything?
Maybe you're pregnant.
Jessi... Is that true?
It's very early, Leon. I'm only two months.
Two months? Why didn't you tell me?
-It's the doctor's fault. -What doctor?
-He asked if the baby was wanted. -Very wanted.
That's what I told him. I said: "We've been trying for years".
He said: "Don't tell him yet, it's too soon".
I said: "My husband will notice". Didn't you notice anything?
I noticed that your tits were bigger, but...
And all the eggs I eat every morning? When did I ever eat so many eggs?
It's true, you're eating lots of eggs.
Do you mind if I go to the infirmary before I bleed to death?
Yes, let's get you to the infirmary.
You, keep on tweeting! And put the cases back on the truck.
I... am...
bleeding...
to death!!!!
-Request taxi. -Peninsula 2549, ready to taxi.
Peninsula 2549, permission to taxi.
Peninsula 2549, permitted to taxi to holding position.
-Right clear. -Left clear. OK, let's go.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Joserra...
Chief Steward on Peninsula Flight 2549 to Mexico City.
Please, pay attention.
We are about to demonstrate the safety features on this aircraft.
Observe that there are eight exit doors...
four on each side of the plane.
Each one is marked with the word "Exit".
In front of your seats and along the aisle floor...
there are lights which will go on in case of emergency...
showing the evacuation route.
All the emergency exits, including the windows over the wings...
GUADIANA BANK: INTERVENTION IMMINENT
THE YEAR'S TOP TEN FINANCIAL SCANDALS
...under your seats...
but should not be taken out unless they are required.
Each life vest is in a pouch.
To remove it, tug on the protruding red tape...
and to open the pouch pull firmly on it, as indicated on the pouch.
Once the pouch is open, pull out the life vest and shake it.
To put on the life vest, slip it over your head...
pass the strap behind your waist...
and attach it to the buckle...
pulling tightly to adjust it.
To inflate it, tug firmly on the red plastic toggle.
You can also inflate it by blowing through the tube.
The life vest should never be inflated inside the aircraft.
AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER
Ulloa!
-Take it easy! -I wasn't thinking. Habit.
Norma keeps looking this way.
-Ulloa, go and distract her. -She doesn't like me, you go.
Me? I can't.
-I have to pray. -It hasn't helped you much.
It's helped me a lot, and you too.
Me? How?
Where would you be now without my prayers?
What did you pray for?
That you'd give up drink, drugs and dark rooms, that's what.
The only pleasures in life! Why not pray for a husband for me?
I did, but with your temper it isn't easy.
Didn't you pray for me, Fajas?
You haven't got any problems.
You think not?
Of course, you've given up drink and you've got a husband who loves you.
Hello.
You smell of tequila!
-I only had a drop. -Joserra, not today!
I'm trying, Alex.
-What about the passengers? -Norma keeps looking at us.
She's furious because she can't watch movies or use the phone.
You should explain the technical problem better.
-I don't know how to. -What about me?
I'm trying to avoid them!
-If they ask, make something up. -I can't!
You know I can't lie.
-Shall I go back to...? -No!
Don't go into detail.
-Tell them some technical stuff. -For me, technical stuff is a kind of lie.
-Give me a break! -Please, let's not start!
Shall I go back to the Pact?
Right.
They have to be kept entertained and distracted.
And you do that better than anyone, without any technical stuff.
Just entertain them the way you know.
Today, I don't know.
-Well, what do you want to drink? -Wine.
-Tea. And you're not to drink. -Shut up!
Have you spoken to Control again?
Yes.
-Any news? -Yes.
-And? -It's best if you don't know.
And the runway?
Still no news.
Well, wine and tea.
-And don't drink! -Shut up!
-Hello! -Miss, you can't come in here.
-Is anything wrong? -No, but please leave.
Everyone in Economy Class is asleep.
The stewardesses gave them a muscle relaxant...
because of Economy Class Syndrome.
That knocked them out.
-The stewardesses are out cold too. -The poor things are exhausted.
If you need anything, my colleagues will be happy to serve you.
I'm sensitive. I've got powers.
What... do you mean?
I sense things that other people don't.
And I feel this is going to be a very special day for everyone.
What do you feel exactly?
Last night I dreamed my life was going to change...
and this morning I knew it.
Don't ask me how, but I knew it.
You knew what?
Something very big is going to happen on this flight...
and it will affect all of us.
Why didn't you say something before you boarded?
Because sometimes people think I'm mad!
Unless the thing is very clear and I'm very sure...
I never say anything.
Would you mind telling us exactly what you felt?
As soon as I got up...
I felt that today...
I'd stop being a virgin.
-You're still a virgin? -Yes.
When men find out I've got powers, they back off.
And I am a really easy catch, but it's no use!
Yes, but apart from that, did you feel anything else?
Yes.
I'm visualizing...
I'm looking for sensations...
Yes, I'm feeling...
I feel...
that we were arriving at a place that was...
white!
Like a cloud.
A place where we were all better and lies didn't exist.
That's really corny!
-I saw human blood too. -Blood?
Is someone going to die?
No. I didn't say that.
But there will be blood.
I'll get your drinks. I'd forgotten about them.
Joserra, bring tequila instead of wine.
Good idea, tequila.
Fajas, one tea.
Norma wants to make an official complaint.
-She has to do it in writing. -She wants an official form.
She says with plain paper we'll just wipe our asses with it.
And she's right!
There's something else. The Groom...
-Every time he sees me, he winks. -Isn't he asleep?
Yes, the rest of the time...
but when I appear in the aisle it's like he detects me...
he opens one eye and he winks.
No, no, it's really extraordinary.
What's extraordinary is what I have in the cockpit.
A crazy woman came in and said she's a psychic.
Then she contacted the beyond through Alex and Benito's crotches...
and she says that something very big will happen on this trip...
and affect all of us.
She was talking about me.
Something very big that'll affect all of us.
Mine will be something very big that'll affect all of us.
Boiling over.
-Really? That much? -Bitch, not the Groom!
The water!
-Since when can you predict things? -Since I was a child.
I see things, I feel things, ever since I was little.
-Do you make money with it? -Yes. I can't complain.
I work in my town, and abroad.
I'm going to Mexico to work.
-What are you going to do there? -I specialize in the dead.
-The dead! -Yes.
I smell death. I feel it.
-Do you feel it here? -In the cockpit?
No. I'd be retching if I did.
-For sure? -Yes. Not here.
We have to celebrate that!
-Stop drinking, Joserra! -Right now, really.
Why are you going to Mexico?
Some Spaniards have disappeared.
Their families think they've been murdered...
and they've hired me to find them.
How?
I've got addresses of where they were last seen alive.
-So, you're going as a private detective. -Not exactly a detective.
To give you an idea, I'm a kind of water diviner...
except instead of finding water...
I find dead bodies.
Oh, God!
-Joserra! -I'll try to find the bodies.
-On your own? -Yes.
Well, some drug lords who were friends of the victims are going to help me.
Do you know what you're getting into?
I'm slightly scared shitless.
I've heard there's a lot of violence in Mexico...
but they're paying me a fortune.
And I've spoken on the phone with the Spaniards' friends.
-With the drug lords? -Yes.
They made a good impression over the phone.
I'm meeting them in Guadalajara, which I believe is a lovely place...
and they swore blind they'll come with me everywhere...
they'll never leave me on my own.
-I think I can trust them. -The door...
Wait and see if they go away.
They're not going away.
They'll get tired.
They're not getting tired.
I'll open the door. Act normal.
-And you, hide the tequila. -Give it to me.
Is there a problem?
What's going on? I think you're hiding something.
I'm sorry you can't see any movies or use the armrest phones.
The Chief Steward will have told you...
that in case of emergency you can use the public telephone...
Breathe through your nose, faggot!
-Yes, I am a faggot. -And?
-And the other two stewards. -And?
-Isn't that what you wanted to know? -No. Just breathe.
-And the pilots? -What about the pilots?
Are they faggots too?
This one is bisexual, and he and I are lovers.
-Shut up! Have you lost your mind? -Excuse me.
This is confidential information, obviously.
Captain Alex Acero is married with two children, aged 11 and 13.
Very difficult ages, as you can understand, for their father to be outed.
-And the other one? -Benito?
No, I'm hetero, and unhappily married.
I've been trying to leave my wife for years, but it's impossible.
I've even thought of pretending to have an affair with a man...
because that's the only thing she wouldn't stand for.
But I don't like men.
-How do you know? Have you tried them? -No.
Well, also off the record...
I did try sucking a dick once, so as not to rule out the possibility.
I'm not prejudiced, I've got lots of gay friends.
I started retching!
Like when you shoot up heroin!
Haven't you thought about killing her?
-Who? -Your wife.
You South Americans always think killing is the solution.
Only in extreme situations.
And I'm not South American, I'm Mexican.
-Even worse! Life has no value there! -You're wrong.
Some people will pay millions for their lives.
-That's enough chitchat. -I want to know...
Yes, we all want to know...
but we have to clear the cockpit.
Passengers aren't allowed in here, and much less en masse.
And stewards aren't allowed to get blind drunk.
You're absolutely right.
Mind that hand!
I don't like being touched. Move, you useless cows!
-Aren't you eating any more? -No.
Sorry! I wanted to distract them, like you said.
And so you talked about my private life?
It was the first thing I thought of, and it worked.
-You're outrageous! -I said I was sorry!
I warned you not to drink!
Alex, I'm desolate.
As the French say, je suis désolé
I don't know... if you understand me.
Speaking of the French, or rather... "French culture"!
-Have you nothing to tell me? -Me?
-About what? -About madame!
-I'm not female! -Shut up, experimental cock sucker!
Sucking a colleague's boyfriend's dick!
I was drunk, it was just to try.
Better to do it with someone healthy that you know.
-And with a big dick! -That's enough!
-Come in! -Jesus, not another one!
I'm sorry, you can't come in here.
I have a pilot's license. I can lend a hand, if necessary.
-Thank you, I don't think it will be. -We've got a problem.
With the Guadiana Bank?
No.
I'm talking about the landing gear.
I didn't want to ask earlier, so as not to alarm anyone.
-Have you spoken to the Control Tower? -Yes.
COMPLAINTS FORM
I would like to register a most severe complaint...
about the dreadful service provided in Business Class...
You don't have to slam it down...
but it does taste much better.
It sure does.
I need a booster to face those savages.
When you act the heroine, you scare me.
Want some?
Can you sign here, please?
I'll sign, but I don't think it'll do any good.
Thank you. I'll take care of that.
-Do we know each other? -No.
Well, I know who you are, but, we've never met, ma'am.
You needn't call me ma'am.
-In Marbella, perhaps? -I've never been to Marbella.
Well, your face looks familiar.
I must have an average face, I'm often told that.
Alba?
Alba!
-What is it? -An official complaint.
-What about? -I'll explain later. Sign, please.
Thank you.
Sign, if you don't mind.
When we get to Mexico, we're going to report the Peninsula Company and all of you...
including the stewardesses in Economy Class!
I tried to get them to serve us and they're all fast asleep!
So are the passengers. They've been drugged.
The pilot told me they took a muscle relaxant.
That's why they're asleep.
You're obviously retarded.
When we get to Mexico, you're in for it!
Maybe we'll never land in Mexico.
Right now, we're flying in circles around Toledo.
Toledo, Ohio?
No, Toledo, Castile-La Mancha.
-Are you kidding me? -No.
What do you mean?
Part of the landing gear isn't working, so...
we have to do an emergency landing and that's very dangerous.
The runway has to be prepared in a special way... A whole fuss.
Why don't they prepare it now? What are they waiting for?
To find a free airport. We still don't have a runway.
-And Barajas? -That's no use.
The air space is blocked because of the UN Security Summit in Madrid.
And we need the opposite, a completely empty runway.
-What are we going to do? -For the time being, keep flying in circles.
Why isn't the landing gear working?
The pilots didn't want to tell me because I... spill the beans.
One of the struts won't drop down.
-The pilots have confirmed that. -Why won't it drop?
They forgot to remove the chocks at the airport, or they did it badly.
We swallowed them, that's why the landing gear doesn't work.
Now I understand.
But don't worry, our captain is an expert in emergencies.
With a wife, two kids, a boyfriend and a male lover, he should be!
Benito isn't his lover!
They both swore to me it was just a blow job.
Has it happened before? Do you know of other similar cases?
I don't know, with a bisexual you can never be sure.
I mean, other cases where the landing gear hasn't worked.
-Oh, that... -Yes. It's happened before.
-In Gerona, in fact... -And how did it end?
The plane broke in three when it landed, but only two people were killed.
This is a murder attempt!
They want to kill me! They want to take me out!
-Calm down! -Maybe nothing will happen.
They had the same problem in Andorra and nothing happened.
They're after me! They want to take me out!
You don't understand...
Sorry.
The National Security Agency is behind this! They want me out of the way!
It's not the NSA.
How do you know? You know everything!
I wish I did. But I know how the NSA works.
And I know how I work! They want to get rid of me!
Calm down, please.
Don't look at me like that! I'm not crazy!
Fajas, clean that up.
We have to stay calm!
Several years ago, a passenger had a terrible panic attack...
and he wanted to go into the cockpit.
Business Class was full of executives who immediately became paranoid...
they thought he was a terrorist.
The three of us tried to persuade the man to sit down.
I went in there and prepared an injection to sedate him.
But...
when I came back out here it was too late.
The executives had immobilized him and...
suffocated him with a pillow.
Was it on this same plane?
Yes, an Airbus 340.
-But was it exactly this one? -How would I know that?
What happened afterwards?
We said that he'd died of natural causes.
It was decided by a majority vote to make a Pact of Silence...
a Pact I'm betraying right now, but I don't care...
because I didn't mean it.
The papers said that he'd died of heart failure.
I was so traumatized by it all, as you can understand...
that since then I'm incapable of lying.
That's why the pilots won't tell me anything. Loose lips.
I read about that and I didn't believe it.
-It sounded very odd. -I'll say!
We have to stay calm.
My colleagues and I will try to make this flight as pleasant as possible.
Don't ask me how.
I promise that I won't drink another drop of alcohol.
Between the three of us we have a repertoire of musical numbers...
that, if you wish, we can sing for you.
He always gets like this, poor thing!
I'll pass around the list of songs now.
It may not be the best time but otherwise I'll forget.
I'm going to pray for you all.
Well, I imagine you'd like something to drink.
-What can I get you? -Whiskey.
-Two.
Two.
I need a phone.
-Need to be blown? -A phone.
The phones in the armrests aren't working.
-And the public phone? -It's only for urgent calls.
Mine is urgent.
I was to pick up some things from a friend's house in Madrid this evening.
In Madrid? But we're supposed to be flying to Mexico.
How could you go to Madrid this evening if we were in Mexico?
-Ulloa, mind your own business! -I lied to her.
But, given the circumstances, I'd feel better if I called her.
Everyone will hear what's said on the other end.
I suppose you don't mind.
The speaker broke ages ago but, apart from that, it works fine.
-May I have a gin and tonic? -Of course.
Yes?
Hello. It's me, Ricardo.
Ricardo!
Hang on a minute!
-Is this a bad time? -God, not at all!
It's just that... Wait.
Are you OK? You sound agitated...
No, I'm... Ricardo!
You sound really far away!
Alba?
Alba!
What are you doing?
Don't do anything stupid!
What? I'm not Alba.
-What's going on? -I don't know.
I was passing under the Viaduct and this phone fell into my basket.
Did anything else fall?
No... like what?
-A woman's body. -What are you talking about?
-Who are you? -My name is Ricardo Galán.
Ricardo, is that you?
-I didn't recognize your voice! -Ruthie! Same here!
It's this telephone!
Look, I'm on a trip. I'm on a plane...
It's great to hear you!
-Did you throw me the phone? -No, I couldn't!
I'm inside a plane.
Listen to me...
I listened to you for three years!
This time it's different. I'm in a desperate situation.
You're always in desperate situations, and I always believed you.
But that's over. Remember?
It's been over for 247 days.
I remember, Ruth.
The phone you're talking on is Alba's.
I was talking to her a minute ago, it must have slipped out of her hand.
And why did it slip out of that slut's hand and just happen to fall on me?
Maybe she was about to jump off the Viaduct when you passed underneath.
I know I'm in no position to ask you for anything...
but could you please go back and make sure nothing's happened?
Alba is mentally ill.
I'll go back, don't hang up.
I'm under the Viaduct and I don't see anything odd...
so you needn't worry.
And now I'm going to leave the phone on the ground...
as if I hadn't passed under the Viaduct.
Goodbye.
Call her back!
If I were Ruth, I'd be waiting for you to call me.
I'm not going to pick you up.
You're not part of my life, Ricardo.
The Ruth that you knew doesn't exist anymore.
She disappeared with you.
Wait, let me see that Cartier...
She's not allowed sharp objects in the hospital, is she?
What does that loony want?
Get in, please, miss.
I'll call you later for news.
Aren't you coming with us?
-Do I have to? -Yes, it's better.
I've got a cocktail now, I have no time for this.
It's best if you come with us.
What a pity!
You've got a cut!
The dove! She threw it out the window.
I was picking his things and it landed on my head.
-Look, I must have a really deep cut. -You do.
Give me the sweater.
Come on.
It isn't the first time she's had an attack.
I don't know how her mother lets her live on her own.
She's run away several times from the psychiatric hospital!
But you saw the mother.
She's more worried about what's happening to Dior...
than about her daughter.
Mr. Galán didn't want to leave her on her own, but...
Mr. Galán!
Yes, the actor, Ricardo Galán.
He was her boyfriend.
They broke up months ago. He didn't come here anymore.
Well, he did.
He came to get the personal stuff she'd stolen from him.
She wouldn't give it back.
All that stuff in the street is his.
This cashmere sweater, really good... Slashed!
The bird, probably a gift from some one-night stand.
He'd come here and there'd be a scene...
-How do you know all this? -He told me himself.
As he knows I don't gossip and I'm a big fan of his...
he was always honest with me.
Have you seen how he looks now?
He's skin and bone, from the scenes, not from excesses...
like I've read in some magazines.
I'm not surprised he headed off to Mexico.
He's probably in the air now. He got work in a Mexican soap.
By the way, who are you?
I'm an old friend of Ricardo.
He asked me to come and get his things.
There's more upstairs. Will you come up or shall I bring them down?
-I'll go with you. -That's better.
She's a painter. Well, you can see that!
Half an hour ago, she came running in here, like a lunatic.
She didn't even recognize me!
She started throwing his things out the window.
I had to call the hospital and her mother.
She said it was inconvenient.
I don't understand her.
You can't have a daughter living on her own in these conditions!
I remember the day I showed her the apartment.
Miss Alba was just where you are now, next to the window.
She told me that she'd take it, that she liked living close to the abyss.
At the time I didn't understand what she meant.
-So you've come for the case? -Yes.
I'll help you.
Have you really got nothing to tell me?
No.
It's no shame to have had an affair with Mr. Galán.
You weren't the only one.
-Yes? -Ruthie, is that you?
-Yes. -I'm glad to hear you again.
-Any word about Alba? -An ambulance came and took her away.
They've committed her again? That's best.
-Thank you. -Are you drinking?
Yes... Well, we're all drinking.
Alba was about to jump off the Viaduct and you're celebrating?
No! How could I celebrate that!
It's just...
I didn't want to tell you...
-Don't tell her! -Tell me!
They're telling me not to say anything.
But I'm going to tell you.
You're a stewardess, you'll understand better than I do.
Ex-stewardess.
Well, ex-stewardess...
Part of the landing gear isn't working.
We're flying around aimlessly...
and we still don't know where or how we're going to land.
We swallowed the chocks.
How can you joke about these things?
I'm not joking, I've got no idea what chocks are.
It's the first time I've ever heard of them.
-That's enough! -I'm not lying to you.
Believe me, even if it's just this once.
This might be my last call.
Everything OK?
The one time I tell her the truth, she doesn't believe me.
You lied to her a lot, didn't you?
A lot.
I'm going to take a tranquilizer, an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill.
-With or without alcohol? -No, I'll just finish this.
-Please don't wake me until we've arrived. -Don't worry.
The Chief Steward is the most outrageous
and he usually only has one catharsis per flight.
-He's had two already! -Two.
-I feel awful! -Have more chamomile tea.
-It doesn't agree with me. -That's good.
Take this, it'll make you feel better.
-What is it? -Peppermint and star anise.
They're very carminative. I make them at home.
Here.
Take it.
Fighting with your boyfriend on a day like this!
-Did he ask about me? -Not yet. He's afraid of you.
-Go and see him. -Me? No!
Not after that business with Benito. He humiliated me in front of everyone.
It was only a blow job, and they were drunk.
When men get drunk, that's normal, girl.
They learn it during military service.
In the army I had more blow jobs than an air bed.
What?
-Hello? -This is Tere.
-Hi, love... -Listen, gather up the clothes.
-The clothes... -Yes, the clothes.
Put them away, the sweaters, this season's stuff, the vintage, everything!
I can hardly hear you, Tere.
Put everything away! You know where.
-Is anything wrong? -Don't shout!
-A murder attempt, I think... -I can't hear you. Don't mutter.
-I can't speak any louder. -Did you say murder attempt?
-Against who? -Me, of course! Who do you think!
Oh, my God!
Could you please stop listening?
I'm listening to you. What's going on? Tere!
-This is a private conversation. -Of course. We're alone.
They listened to me, and I didn't mind!
-And mine was a lot more humiliating! -Did I hear humiliating?
Call the Minister!
I can barely hear you...
-I call the Minister, and what do I do? -Threaten him!
I can't hear you... You never pronounce the last two syllables.
Speak louder, she can't hear you.
Threaten him!
-With you know what! -With I know what...
What do I know?
Tere, don't...
What's that noise?
Peninsula 2549, we are processing your request for an alternative runway.
We still haven't found anything.
-How's that possible? -We're following procedure.
-Give me an estimated time. -I don't know.
But sooner or later we'll find a free runway.
-What's the situation at La Mancha airport? -There's general indignation.
Apparently the financing was a massive fraud.
It's all people are talking about.
-But is the airport operating? -I'll find out, and I'll call you.
Mr. Mas is president of Guadiana Bank, they financed the project.
I think he's clearing out.
She's my daughter.
What do you think?
Very cute.
-Do you know her? -Me?
Why would I know her?
-She's an artiste too. -I see...
She left us two years ago.
Since then we've heard nothing from her.
I managed to find out that she's working as...
a dominatrix.
I didn't tell her mother. She's ultra-Catholic, just imagine.
Don't believe what people say.
We gave her the best education...
but we must have done something wrong.
For sure.
-Where did we fail? -You're asking me?
Not a single call since she left two years ago.
-Are you ultra-Catholic too? -I'm not ultra-anything.
I'm just a businessman...
who'd like to be able to tell his daughter that her mother has changed...
and is dying, literally, to talk to her.
Hello!
I was out cold!
A lot of people on this flight are asleep!
-Where are we now? -Near Toledo!
We're flying in circles.
When we land, the plane might split apart, or it's possible we'll explode.
-Excuse me! -Yes, yes...
The Groom is awake and he wants to know! Tell him something.
-Will I go? -Not you, silly girl!
-We're making Valencia cocktail. -What a good idea!
Hello.
What's going on?
I've just heard we're still in Toledo and we might explode when we land.
What an exaggeration!
We have a few little problems.
Very serious ones, to be honest. We're drinking to forget.
I'm not! I've given up alcohol.
We're making Valencia cocktail for the passengers.
-And for us! -For them too, I'm afraid.
Too bad we don't have some mescaline to mix in.
I thought about it. In the end I only brought heroin, coke and pills.
What a scatterbrain!
But mescs were withdrawn in '86.
They're making them in Valencia again.
A friend of mine is selling them in Madrid.
Just a minute.
Oh! What a pity...
What a pity you didn't think of buying some!
-But you're totally anti-drugs! -Mescs are different.
People become talkative and affectionate.
They'd be great for those guys.
Well, and for these guys too.
We have to entertain them, so that they don't think.
-Have they asked for any songs? -No! Go figure!
Musicals killed true cabaret!
I've got some mescs.
-It was for our honeymoon. -This is your honeymoon!
I need scissors.
Wait till I unwrap them.
I have to do it properly.
They smell a bit, don't they?
I washed them as best I could, but I was carrying them in my ass.
-I don't mind. -Neither do I.
And I'm not going to drink. Why did I make that promise?
But the pills themselves shouldn't smell.
I wrapped them up really well before I shoved them in.
I've been a "mule" for years.
Your ass is the safest way to get across a border.
I believe in the ass too!
It's true, they hardly smell.
They stink!
Thank you so much. We'll all chip in and pay him.
-Money couldn't pay for this. -But we'll still pay him, miser!
Whatever you want, but I'd like you to tell me...
As soon as I finish this I'll tell you everything.
More or less, when will we get to Mexico?
Just a moment.
I'm starting to realize, and right away I'm regretting it.
-Then don't think! -Exactly.
Of course! You're amoral, you've got no problem.
I'm warning you. They'll ask me and I'll have to tell them.
You really like a mea culpa.
-What about the pilots? -The pilots shouldn't take anything.
-It would do them good to relax a little. -The girl's right.
OK, warn them about the mescaline.
And tell Alex I haven't taken anything and I feel terrible!
More or less, when will we get to Mexico?
We're not landing in Mexico.
Don't tell me we were so drunk we got on the wrong plane!
-No, look... -We just got married.
We partied for three days and came straight to the plane.
You didn't get on the wrong plane.
This one "was" going to Mexico.
-And now it isn't? -No.
Have a drink and I'll explain.
A few years ago, a passenger had a panic attack.
-Any news? -Not an empty runway in the whole country!
Don't freak out.
-How's Joserra? -Fine.
He threw everything up and now he's great.
Giving orders like always.
This Valencia cocktail is really good.
Won't you try it, Alex? It's nearly all juice.
Someone has to stay sober.
-Joserra's sober. -All the more reason.
-You gay couples are so hetero. -I'm not a gay couple!
-Have some, and cut loose. -Get off!
I'm not going to cut loose with you!
-What are you laughing at? -Me? Nothing.
What is it?
I'm sorry, captain, it's funny to see two strong men like you...
talking about cutting loose, Valencia cocktail...
-May I? -Of course.
Thank you.
To sum up, I'll always tell you the truth.
-What's going on? -Nothing.
Come on.
Take this. Open your mouth.
Drink.
Go to sleep.
I slept already.
-More. -More?
Go to sleep.
Come on, go to sleep.
A glass of Valencia cocktail, Mr. Mas?
What makes you suppose all this is funny?
It's always worked for us.
Maybe we chose the wrong song.
Is that how this company deals with emergencies?
We wanted to distract you.
Let this be the last time that you step on me and sit on my briefcase!
A really good briefcase.
-Norma, I suppose you don't... -Yes, I do.
-Just as well... -I loved Valencia cocktail in the 80s.
-Great! -Let's see.
Sweet, but with a hint of bitterness.
Delicious!
-I want one too. -Of course.
And I'm having another one.
-And me. -And me.
Me too.
I don't want to seem ungrateful, or eccentric.
Here.
You're quite right, Mr. Mas. We're grotesque.
Norma, I'd like to make it up with you.
I was very rude in the cockpit.
We were all very upset. There's nothing to forgive.
I'm glad you've made it up because...
you're one of our idols.
Didn't you start at the time of the nudie movies?
At the end.
I arrived in Spain at the start of the 80s...
with barely a shirt on my back.
And that's how I posed on the cover of Interviú.
An historic issue, according to the magazine.
I can vouch for that.
It sold throughout the world.
And how did you get into bondage?
-Ulloa! -If you don't mind talking about it...
God, no! At this stage!
I was very young, I was very confused.
At times like that, a girl should only listen to her own heart.
And after failing as an actress and a singer...
my heart was overflowing with hatred.
Only natural.
That was when I discovered that I had a natural gift for something.
A gift for dominating!
I took the artistic name of Miss Take.
Thank you.
Error made Woman!
And very soon I had a faithful clientele of slaves.
Unbelievable!
In a few years I reached the highest level, or the lowest, of human nature.
And that gave me power. A lot of power.
I've got erotic videos of the 600 most important men in this country...
from number one to number 600, of every stripe and tendency.
I'm very eclectic in that!
600 men, on your own and at the same time?
Lord, no!
I and a group of escorts who work for me in my own agency.
So you've got erotic videos of number 1?
Yes. I've got several of number 1, with yours truly.
Who's number 1?
The most important... Work it out.
The Prime Minister?
Love, think a bit.
A little bit higher.
The King.
Was that with bondage too?
No. He has more traditional tastes.
So you have been royally screwed...
Yes. But I haven't said anything!
But, of course, there's a security team that sees, hears, and talks.
And we screw them too...
and tape them too, obviously...
which gives us great security!
Given the times we live in, if those documents exist...
sooner or later they'll come to light because...
-You've got a price. -My life is the price!
I think you're over-valuing that material.
Why?
The spy service over-values it too!
They've broken into my house several times, looking for my files.
-Like Watergate. -Exactly.
But as you'll understand they won't find them there.
They're stored in a safe-deposit box under another name.
You're also well connected with the Opus Dei.
Yes, very well connected. And with the Legionnaires too.
In fact, I'm going to Mexico to visit one of them...
a very important man.
I'm sure you know him.
But don't ask me for names.
I'm talking too much.
Not at all!
What did you put in this cocktail?
-Well... -No!
-Small bottles of champagne... -No!
-A carton of orange juice... -No!
-A splash of gin... -No!
All mixed with an overdose of mescaline.
Mescaline?
Ass-packed...
Did you get me drunk and drug me so I'd talk?
Absolutely not!
How could I have trusted you!
We gave you mescaline so that you'd feel better.
Don't you notice that you're less prickly, that you like people?
Or that you're horny? That's another effect.
-Ow, shit! -I'm horny!
Hello.
How are you?
Watching Norma's monologue.
May I sit down?
If you promise not to hit me.
I promise.
I wanted to tell you that the only thing my father left me...
was your cover on Interviú.
-I still have it. -Really?
I saw very little of my father.
But I went to see him when he was dying.
He was living in a filthy room, there was nothing on the walls...
except your cover on Interviú.
Thank you.
It all fits in!
How does she do it?
Is she asleep?
She's a sleepwalker. It's best not to wake her.
Oh, darling, darling, darling...
You're killing me, darling.
Giddy up, pony!
Oh... Yes, yes, yes.
Slowly, darling, please!
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
What?
-The last question, I swear. -What is it?
Are you doing it from in front or behind?
In front!
Darling, don't hit me, please!
I can't stand you.
The only devout one and the only one not screwing.
What do you do?
I'm a security adviser.
I need someone to advise me...
and to give me security.
-Would you like to work for me? -You don't know me.
I know when I can trust a man.
By the way...
aren't you going to call your wife?
What will I tell her?
That you love her...
and the kids.
Go on.
-Are we there yet? -No, but you go to sleep.
Take this.
Go to sleep, baby...
Take this.
This was our wedding night.
-Hello? -Hi, love.
-How are you? -Fine, and you?
-Have you landed already? -No.
I'm calling from the plane. Are the kids there?
Yes, fighting over the PlayStation and driving me crazy.
Carmiña is taking them to the movies later.
Let me speak to them.
-Are you all right? -Yes. I want to hear them.
Kids, dad wants to hear you. Here.
Hi, dad, mom says you want to hear us.
I wanted to tell you that I love you and don't hit your brother.
He's bigger and some day he'll flatten you.
He hasn't got the balls. I'm fed up!
I'll put him on. He's here beside me, the dickhead!
Hello.
Hey! Give me the phone.
Don't listen to them.
Carmiña will take them to the movies and give me some peace.
I love you all very much.
-Alex, are you sure there's nothing wrong? -No.
I love you too, Concha.
I'm glad. Call when you arrive.
Kisses.
-The ice bucket! At last! -You won't believe what happened.
Do this.
Cum!
I know what happened. Pig! Slut!
Things are getting lively!
You let your hair down. You look prettier.
-I'm not a virgin anymore! -Just like that?
-With someone in "Economic" Class. -My saints have gone crazy!
-I'm going in... -No...
-I haven't cleaned it yet. -That doesn't matter.
I'll clean it, and clean myself.
Listen! Bruna!
You have to tell me about it, in detail.
-What's wrong with you? -You're talking to a heretic, so there.
I like having a believer in the crew.
And even more so now.
Norma...
I have someone for you.
-Yes? -Who is this?
Piedad? It's me!
-Dad? -How are you, love?
-Fine. -This is wonderful!
-I was thinking about you, dad. -You were?
I've just read online that the police have gone into the Guadiana Bank...
and confiscated everything.
Yeah.
And that the La Mancha airport is a complete swindle.
And they're blaming you directly.
Yes, I knew it was about to blow up.
That's why I had to clear out. I'm talking to you from a plane.
-I'm sorry, dad. -Don't worry.
I'm so delighted to hear you!
Please forget what your mother and I said when you left home.
We just want to see you.
I won't be able to, but your mother...
She'll be thrilled if you call her. She's changed a lot.
I don't know, dad. If you were there, it would be easier.
But mom... She's impossible.
I'm going to be away for several months.
I'm not asking you to promise me anything, but call your mother.
Just give her a chance. She's really changed!
-I haven't. -We love you as you are.
-Let me think about it. -Thank you.
Goodbye, my love.
'Bye, dad.
Take care.
You too.
Thank you, Norma.
Peninsula 2549.
-Request for La Mancha airport approved. -Acknowledged.
Change to La Mancha frequency.
Acknowledged.
Tell me the truth. Are they going to put me in jail?
Yes.
That's a good sign. It means I'm going to survive.
Forgive me for asking this...
but have you killed a lot of people?
No.
I've swindled a lot in my lifetime but I haven't killed anyone.
-Why do you ask? -Excuse me.
-I've behaved very badly. -Yes, terribly.
Can you make this infusion for me?
-Do you feel ill? -I want to retch.
You drank gallons of Valencia cocktail!
So what?
We've got a runway!
Prepare the briefing. I'll be right back.
-Piluca... -What can I get you?
-Nothing. Wake up. -I'm awake.
-I'm Joserra, your colleague. -Hello, Joserra.
Listen, we're going to land. Wake the passengers.
-Where are we landing? -In La Mancha, in an hour.
See to these girls.
-They'll want an explanation. -Give it to them.
-What do I tell them? -The truth, you drugged them.
OK.
Good news!
We've got a runway.
We'll land in about an hour because we need time to jettison fuel...
and learn how to do the evacuation.
It's very easy.
-What's wrong, Bruna? -Nothing.
Well, then? Why that expression?
You should be happy. You've just lost your virginity.
It's that...
What? Hurry up!
It stinks of death.
That's enough!
We're all scared shitless, but we're trying to hide it.
So make an effort, please. Or at least be quiet!
Let her talk, it'll just take a minute.
Go on, Bruna.
I've been smelling death for hours.
It began at the start of the trip, but...
I thought it was the farts.
I don't smell it everywhere.
In the cockpit, for example, no.
Not beside the phone.
Not beside the newlyweds.
Not beside you, Ricardo.
Not where the stewards are...
That only leaves Mr. Infante, Norma and me.
It's me.
-What about you? -I'm the one who stinks of death.
Yes!
I'm a hit man.
But aren't you a security adviser?
-That too... -They go together.
-Have you killed a lot of people? -Quite a few.
But the next job was going to be my last.
Well, I'm trying to get out of my last job.
-How do you do that? -By accepting the consequences.
I'll have to disappear for a while, have my face operated on...
I know a surgeon!
I don't want to be a nuisance but we're landing in 40 minutes.
-Am I your target? -No.
Who hired you for the last job?
Mrs. Patricia Velázquez Vargas.
Is she the wife of the owner of Unimexa?
-The Mexican cell phone company? -Yes.
What a coincidence! Her husband is a client of mine.
I've got an appointment with him now in Mexico City.
I'll tell him that his wife shouldn't count on you.
And how will you tell him?
I'll phone him right now and you can stop worrying.
Let me get past, darling. I'm going to call him.
What's wrong with you?
Why are you looking at me like that?
What's wrong?
You're the target, Norma.
Patricia is obsessed with having you killed.
Me?
But what have I done to that woman? I don't even know her!
Maybe she doesn't approve of your sadomasochistic practices with her husband.
The bitch! Where were you thinking of doing it?
She wanted me to kill you in Marbella, but I persuaded her it was safer in Mexico.
I wanted to gain time, stop her hiring someone else.
I had a plan to help you escape in Mexico.
To help me escape? Why?
You're a professional killer.
Why would you risk your life for someone like me?
Excuse me, I'll take this.
I don't kill women.
That's very good.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is your Chief Steward speaking...
We're fully established on final approach...
but we still have 40 tons of fuel to jettison.
Acknowledged. Safety measures activated and ready.
Let's practice the safety position again.
Put your knees together...
separate your feet...
and lean forward.
In Business Class you can hold your arms behind your legs.
We'll go over the safety position. Pay attention, please!
Great.
We put our knees together...
separate our feet, cross our arms...
lean forward and rest our heads on our arms.
You put your arms behind your legs.
That's it.
Ma'am... Wake up.
Cross your arms...
-No breakfast? -You'd throw it up when we land!
Alex, you're bisexual.
Is it true guys suck your dick better than girls do?
Why bring that up now, Benito? Hold ECAM.
While you were out, I let Ulloa...
And it was...!
Activate approach stage.
Stage activated and confirmed.
The truth is we ended up doing a 69. I sucked him off as well.
He's skinny but he's got one hell of a dick!
Do you think this is the time to talk about Ulloa's dick?
Speed managed.
For me, it is important. Am I becoming bisexual, like you?
No!
-You're a natural-born fag! -Cut it out!
And your wife knows.
That's why she's obsessed with you not doing it with guys.
Continue with ECAM!
-Crossfeed Selector on? -Yes, Crossfeed open.
I think you're exaggerating.
It happened with Ulloa today because I'd been drinking.
Pumps on unaffected side off.
Like when it happened with us.
That's why you threw up, not because my dick made you retch.
You loved my dick!
But with the excuse of alcohol...
-Turn off the left side. -I don't know what you're getting at.
-Oxygen crew supply off. -Hold ECAM.
After you threw up, you went at it again and asked me to screw you.
I told you I'd had enough playing around...
and I had to practically pull my dick out of your mouth!
Does that answer your question?
Because we have to land without full landing gear...
and I think we should try to concentrate!
Hold ECAM.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
This is your captain, Alex Acero.
Due to a technical failure...
we are forced to make an emergency landing in approximately ten minutes.
We are heading for La Mancha airport where all the rescue teams are prepared.
I would ask you not to worry and to follow the cabin staff's instructions.
Once we have landed...
the Peninsula Company will take care of all your needs.
Thank you.
La Mancha Control Tower.
Peninsula 2549, 20 miles north.
Requesting clearance.
Peninsula 2549, you are cleared for ILS approach to runway one zero.
QNH one zero one zero. Notify final approach.
Fully established on final approach.
Acknowledged.
Cleared for landing on runway one zero.
Wind three zero zero zero eight.
Safety measures activated and prepared.
Peninsula 2549 acknowledging.
Cleared for landing on runway one zero.
Safety measures activated and prepared.
I'm missing one leg. Let's see if it holds.
-Good luck. -Ready for impact!
Come on!
Come on, baby! Jump!
Has it snowed?
-Where are we? -I don't know, but we've arrived.
I've got a terrible hangover...
But why? I didn't drink anything...
-May I speak to my wife? -It's me, dad.
-Piti? You're at home! -Yes, I'm with mom.
You've argued already.
Don't go, wait for me. I'll be there soon.
We haven't argued. The street is full of police.
Don't come, dad.
I'm on my way. I want to see you.
I have to see you.
The first thing is surgery and change of hair color. Both of us!
I'll miss my nose.
-Norma... -Yes?
I think I might be interested in some of your videos.
I'm willing to pay a considerable amount.
That's too bad, those videos don't exist.
It's true I've slept with whom I've slept with...
but I never taped anything.
I just spread the rumor, that was enough.
And was the conversation with your assistant a farce too?
No, she thinks they're real, and with time I ended up believing it.
I understand.
Well, good luck to both of you!
Likewise, Mr. Mas.
How did you know we were landing here?
After I spoke to you, I rang a friend in air traffic control.
In the end she told me everything.
This time I wasn't lying.
No, not this time.
This is Alba's phone.
This is your case. It's all battered.
I packed what I could but everything's ruined...
especially my presents.
Thank you.
I saw her.
Alba?
She was getting into the ambulance.
She was wearing a shirt and pants of yours.
It terrified me to think I could end up like her.
Goodbye, Ricardo.
Ruth...
You'll never end up like Alba.
But I have to be careful.
This is Nasser.
I met him in the foam...
but we both feel we've met before, don't we?
-Don't we? -Yeah.
Where do I get my case?
That's the last time I give the passengers sleeping pills.
I had nightmares because I wasn't relaxed.
Don't tell me. It was Benito who convinced you.
You're totally unscrupulous.
At least you knew about it, we didn't!
Talking of Benito...
it turns out he sucked off Ulloa and Ulloa sucked him.
-What! -Benito likes me!
-And me! -And me!
Did Ulloa tell you?
-Was he drugged? -To the eyeballs.
I know when a man wants the woman in me or the transvestite...
and he wanted the woman!
You've made me doubt, bitch!
-Where are we going? -Where do you want to go?
To your place.
I swore that if we got out of this I'd go and live with you.
Things are fine as they are.
I'm not being fair to you or to my wife.
Concha agrees with me that things are fine as they are.
Concha?
-You two have talked about this? -Of course!
Concha and I tell each other everything!
How else do you think you and I could have lasted so long?
And she doesn't mind that we...?
With that temper she has!
I never thought she was so generous, and so open!
She's very open.
She and Carmiña have adapted very well to the situation.
-Carmiña? -Yes.
She's adapted perfectly to the situation too.
Concha and Carmiña?
What do you mean?
-You mean they're together? -Isn't it perfect?
-Behind my back! -It was to make your life easier.
You could have said something. I feel ridiculous.
You never asked.
If you'd ever asked, I'd have told you everything.
I've got no secrets from you. Well, from you or from anyone!
Oh, captain!
Benito!
-Has anyone seen Benito? -What do you want, Piluca?
-Have you seen Benito? -The copilot is always first out.
I can't believe you don't know that.