[ eric screaming ]
[ jazz music playing ]
Get over here!
[ groaning ]
[ grunting ]
[ eric screaming ]
[ clattering ]
[ screaming continues ]
[ objects shattering, clattering ]
[ dramatic music plays ]
Aah! Ugh!
Ohh!
That was close.
♪♪
[ gunfire ]
[ screaming ]
♪♪
[ object shattering ]
Ugh!
[ objects squeaking, rumbling ]
Yo! The wrong furniture. What the fuck is this?
[ objects squeaking, rattling ]
[ record scratching ]
[ cheers and applause ]
Hey, it's me -- kraft punk.
Hey, kraft punk.
Is everybody having a cheesy day?
♪♪
[ both shouting, grunting ]
Kraft punk, no! Don't hurt me!
-[ laughing ] ohh! -Ahh!
Kraft punk: That's the last we'll ever see of eric andre.
He's gone, and he will never be right back.
[ elevator music plays ]
♪♪
[ whistling ]
[ bell dings ]
A fish.
Huh?
I'm trying to fish.
It's a fish store, right?
I-I can't fish on the ocean. It's too dangerous.
I have a whole family to feed. I need to fish here.
That's illegal. Get the fuck out.
Are you upset about the fishing,
Or are you upset about the tap shoes?
[ tapping ]
♪♪
If my wife comes in here, you two should get familiar.
She's high testosterone.
[ bell dings ] oh, here she is.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish,
That guy can fuck my wife.
-Hi! -Hey, brother.
I'm gonna give you all the privacy you need.
My wife and I got an understanding.
Oh, my gosh. Your hand is so strong.
Hey! You trying to fuck my wife
Is like fishing with dynamite, man.
Put that down.
♪♪
[ dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
Get out!
Ladies and gentlemen, lil yachty!
[ cheers and applause ]
-What's up, man? -Welcome!
Thank you for coming!
How you doing, dude? Aah!
Come on. Ugh!
-Enjoy the show! -Hello.
Ah, this thing fucking sucks. Nice to meet you.
You looking good, man. You plumpin' up.
You on the fucking skittles and twizzler diet.
Yeah. I'm older now.
Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah.
Congrats, man. That's what's up.
Hell yeah. [ chuckles ]
I knew a fucking player when I saw one.
You squirted in some girls?
What?
You squirted your juicy fucking twizzler juice in them?
What?
You ever been on a private jet?
Yeah. That's what's up.
[ laughs ] my man.
We gotta fucking collaborate. There you go.
We gotta link up. We just did.
What?
I got piranhas in the desk. What the fuck?
You've got to feed these motherfuckers chum.
That's what they eat. Toxic.
They eat everything you give 'em. Why do you have that?
They're the pigs of the sea.
Why do you have that?
Kraft punk: Everyone knows that piranhas are considered
To be the pigs of the sea.
Are they? Yes.
Is that, like -- is that, like, confirmed?
It is confirmed.
Hand to god. Do you believe in god?
No. That's why it's so easy to lie.
Oh, you want some cheetos?
These are condoleezza rice's hands.
What y'all got going on in here?
Cheetos. I know you like cheetos.
Okay! Why does it have cheese --
Oh, no. It has cheese on it.
It's got easy cheese on it. I don't want one.
Why? Okay, I'll have one.
You want some chum with it?
No, no, I don't want any of the chum.
[ applause ] lil yachty.
You committed credit card fraud in florida?
Ha-ha! How do you come up with this shit?
Mamma mia! You're the first person to ever ask me that.
How do you get away with it?
I didn't. Oh, you went to jail?
Yeah. Oh, so you a real g. That's what's up.
[ laughs ] my man.
[ cheers and applause ]
I like your music.
Why do you have an extra set of hands?
I have many hands. I always had four hands.
What is he doing? What are you doing over there?
I'm like goro from mortal kombat.
What you gonna do with that?
Who, me?
Yachty, are you even paying attention
To the interview anymore? I don't know who to pay attention to!
You are acting so weird right now.
Whether you're big or little,
This yachty's a hottie, and he's here to have fun.
[ cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ applause ]
Watch this.
-Ohh! -[ speaking foreign language ]
[ whoosh! ]
[ slurping ]
Ahh!
What do you think of that shit? That was cool, right?
Yeah. Yeah, that was neat.
You gonna get married, finally?
Mm, I don't...
Put this fucking whole shit aside
And just get married already?
I'm too -- I'm kinda -- I'm 24.
Pssh! No time.
There's no time left for you.
What?
[ applause ]
What the fuck is this?
It's time to play lights out!
Yo, what?
Oh, hell nah. [ laughing ]
The fuck, y'all?!
Aah!
[ elevator music plays ]
Oh, god.
Hey, lady! Help! Excuse me!
Help! What happened?
I got in the bus accident. Oh, god.
Oh, lord. Hold on!
My son's right there. Look.
It's take your kid to work day, and I let him drive.
I thought he could handle it. He's only 11 years old.
Well, let's get him out! [ coughs ]
No, no, don't touch him. Let's get him out!
What happened was, I had him do a bunch of bus routes,
And I think he got tuckered out.
And I took a little nap in the back.
Just, somebody told me naps help with alzheimer's.
Oh, so you were resting?
I was resting and he was driving and he was trying to show off.
And there was a bunch of kids that got off the bus
And they ran everywhere.
I put those braces on his legs
So his feet could reach the pedals.
Woman: Well, you need to get him out of there.
This bus could catch on fire! Did I do the bus trick okay?
Bus trick? Is it daytime or nighttime?
It's daytime, kiddo.
He got hit in the eye.
Who was in here?!
This guy looked like hunter biden.
-Oh, my god! This is terrible! -He ran that way.
Could you just hold this for a second?
Unh-unh! What is that?! It's fentanyl.
Oh, hell no! Unh-unh! It helps me go through the day.
I just had knee surgery. No, no!
I can't have the cops find it. People are dying over that.
No, it helps me get through my --
Unh-unh! Back up, back up.
Where is the police at?!
Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on over here?
Is this fentanyl? Hey, talk to him.
Him and his son. Unh-unh! Don't come near me with that!
Hey! Hey! Aaaaah!
Ohhhh! Ma'am! Ma'am!
Ma'am, stop running! Stop running, ma'am!
Whew, lord. Who is this guy in the blue shirt?
Are you two together?
No! Yeah, we're friends.
Oh, hell no! We're good friends.
No, we not. No, we not.
-[ screaming ] -hey! Ma'am! Ma'am!
Where'd you get your start?
Ugh! Ugh!
Where the fuck did that come from?
Looks like you logged out of the conversation.
[ cheers and applause ] we're back with lil yachty.
We -- we left?
[ gunshots ]
Hey, hey! Stop!
What're you doing? That could've hurt somebody.
I don't know why I have this.
Yachty, did you ever get a cvs receipt?
Ever go to cvs and get a receipt?
Nah. What?
Fucking long. What?
Your lyrics are like the dr. Bronner's soap
At whole foods. [ laughs ]
I never heard that before.
'cause you just go on a first draft
And you just fucking print 'em up.
[ dramatic music plays ]
♪♪
[ applause ]
[ air hisses ]
[deep voice] can you help me out with a little money?
What?
Could you let me hold like 4,000 bucks,
Just to let -- just to get me to next month?
I just need something to let me float to next month.
[ sucks teeth ]
How old are you?
[ thwap! ]
No, don't touch me. Not with that.
[deep voice] hey, hey, hey. Be cool, man.
You digged in your butt with that hand.
Hug? We gotta hug each other.
Alright.
You are so warm.
Did those braids used to be red?
[ grunting ] hold on a second.
Alright.
Can you hoist him up, sir?
[ lift whirs ]
Alright, give me one second. I'm gonna grab your bag.
Could you just watch him real quick?
I just got to grab something inside. Okay.
Man: Is this good? Is this good?
-You say I could go? -I mean, it's flat.
[ engine revs ]
-[ all shouting ] -stop, stop, stop!
No, no, no!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
[ shouting continues ]
What's going on? What's going on? Hey!
What happened?! Yo!
What are you doing?!
[ indistinct shouting ]
-What are you doing?! -Stop! Stop!
[ shouting continues ]
Eric: Yo, that's my dad!
-Oh, no. -Shit!
He's right there! Hey!
Sorry about that. I got turned around.
Turned around what?
You got to help me reattach his catheter, man.
What are you... Hey, don't be...
Please. It came out. That's his piss.
Yeah. Dude, don't you -- don't you even take it off.
-Don't. You stay away from me. -Help me reattach his catheter.
Stay away from me, friend.
You gotta reconnect his catheter.
I'm not gonna touch that guy's junk, dude.
That's pretty fucked up, man.
That guy's not even my dad.
He just has the dankest piss.
Mmm.
♪ mmm, yeah ♪
♪ oh, it's the best ♪
You want some piss?
Ladies and gentlemen, rico nasty!
♪ I don't have no ass but I'mma shake it ♪
Rico nastier!
[ squelches ] oh, my god.
Bro, this shit is wet as [bleep]
[ screams ]
[ saxophone plays ]
Rico nastierer!
Who the [bleep] are you?
I'm making you a special drink.
-Aaaaaaah! -Stop!
[ retching ]
It's like dog food.
Rico nastiest!
It's not a bug, right? Kraft punk: Don't worry.
No! No!
Do not worry. No. [ screams ]
[ screaming ]
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Ow. Ow. Are you serious?!
These are real [bleep] bugs!
[ shouting indistinctly ]
Don't do that to me!