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Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

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[ Screams ]

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♪♪

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[ Screaming ]

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♪♪

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[ Screaming ]

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♪♪

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[ Screaming ]

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♪♪

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[ Men grunting ]

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♪♪

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[ Breathing heavily ]

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[ Breathing heavily ]

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[ Twinkling ]

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[ Light applause ]

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[ Ding! ]

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[ Light applause ]

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♪♪

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♪♪

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[ Laughs ]

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[ Screaming ]

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Welcome to the fifth season
of "The Eric Andre Show"!

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We got a new band!

24
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Yes!

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We got a new guy!

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Hannibal Buress
is back, baby!

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I'm so disappointed
in you right now.

28
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What? Why?

29
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-What is all this?
-It's decadence.

30
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Why are some of them black?

31
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-I needed to see the vibe.
-Where's your hair?

32
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It's gone, baby.
I don't need it anymore.

33
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I do not like it
as a bald.

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[Deep voice] What about like
a Vin Diesel kind of thing?

35
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No.
You don't think
I could be a bouncer?

36
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For what?
The Grease Shop?

37
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There's no such think
as a grease shop.

38
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There<i> is</i> a grease shop!

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There's no grease shop,
Hannibal!

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They will create one because
you'd be perfect for the job!

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♪♪

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Power to the ranch.

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♪♪

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[ Fart ]

45
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Unh!
Dude, I like what I see.

46
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,489
Can you burn this CD
for me?

47
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,591
It's the secret recipe
for Crystal Pepsi.

48
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[ Beeping ]

49
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,095
I like your style, dude.
Are you hardened?

50
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,830
Do you want to blaze
this synthetic weed?

51
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[ Siren chirps ]
It gave Demi Moore a seizure.

52
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You seem mellow.
You mind if I dance?

53
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[ Club music playing ]

54
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<i>Dance for me, baby!</i>

55
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-Wow, dude!
-Why? What's --

56
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I<i> knew</i> I recognized you.

57
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,314
Dude, we docked dicks
at the Lollapalooza Cruise.

58
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You're Benedick Popcorn,
right?

59
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,184
<i>What's up, Benedick?</i>

60
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,953
Dude, I took this reiki class
with Dave Navarro.

61
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He left this one heckler
speechless.

62
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[ Beeping ]

63
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Whoa! You're Woke Wendy!

64
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You're the CEO of Game Gear.

65
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Do you got steroid rage
or something, dude?

66
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You wanna burn some
Jared Kush Nerd?

67
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<i>What's up, Jared Kush Nerd?</i>

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♪♪

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Let me hear your British accent.
Give me a sentence.

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[British accent]
Quid. Two quid. Mate.

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Ladies and gentlemen,
one of my favorite actresses,

72
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Judy Greer!

73
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Judy!

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♪♪

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Sit your beautiful
black ass down, Judy.

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This is low.

77
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-Are you from Detroit?
-Yes.

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I can tell by your...
eight smile.

79
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-Ohh!
-Booooooo!

80
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What do you mean "boo"?
That was good!

81
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:26,204
What are you talking about?
Boo!

82
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-Hey. Ohh!
-Oh, my God! That was so loud.

83
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Did you want a hot dog?

84
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I don't eat hot dogs.

85
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-Oh, really?
-I mean, not those.

86
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Well, you got to eat
some [bleep] dogs, baby!

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-[ Coughs ]
-You seem on edge.

88
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Aah!

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Thank [bleep] God.
I am starving.

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[ Chuckles ]

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[ Crunching ]

92
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-You want a hot dog?
-I don't.

93
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You want any food?

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No.

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[ Applause ]

96
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[ Hydraulics hissing ]

97
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Oh. Oh! The coffee!

98
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Oh. Yeah.

99
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Aah!

100
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Oh. [Bleep] Christ.

101
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,711
Let's switch this whole
interview up, Johnny Depp style.

102
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You know what I mean?
Oh. Okay.

103
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Ohh!

104
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[As Depp]
You have to claim everything

105
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when you go through
Australian customs.

106
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♪♪

107
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I save every rat
I find out there.

108
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I don't have the heart
to see 'em die.

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♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat, rat ♪

110
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-I found this rat on the train.
-[ Gasps ] What?!

111
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I rescued it.
A rat from the subway.

112
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Isn't it cute?
Come on, man!

113
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He was dying, and I pushed on
his chest to resuscitate him.

114
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How you got it on you
and shit?

115
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I'm trying to find
the original owner.

116
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He's pissin' and shittin'
all down my collar.

117
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[ Fart ]
He's big, and he's clawing.

118
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-I'm vegan.
-♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat ♪

119
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Look at these frat guys.
They always pass our drunk.

120
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[ Zipping ]

121
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[ Laughing ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

122
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-What the [bleep]?!
-It's my last day.

123
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,629
It's gonna be your last meal
if you don't stop that shit!

124
00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,397
Hey, what if a pregnant
woman comes on?

125
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,766
Well, she don't want to see that
little shit you got, either!

126
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,301
When you just leave
"Catcher in the Rye"

127
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,670
next to 'em, cops think they're
cuckoo when they wake up.

128
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:06,938
The [bleep]
wrong with you?!

129
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,340
-You got a husband?
-You say something about --

130
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,708
Okay, alright, alright.
Hey, hey, hey.

131
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,076
You want a problem,
you gonna get one.

132
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Sorry. I think you're beautiful.
I have a crush on you.

133
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Secret's out.
Okay.

134
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:20,652
♪ Touch my body,
tease me like you ♪

135
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:24,122
Are you one of the most
emotionally stable actors?

136
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,058
'Cause most actors are like,
"Blblb! Where's my medicine?!"

137
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:30,662
Ohh.
They're like, "Right
this way, Mr. del Toro."

138
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:35,500
Would you like to,
in the future, if you're...

139
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,335
Yeah.
You'll be okay.

140
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,571
Everything okay.
Don't worry.

141
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:40,805
Don't worry right now.

142
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,175
It's -- Your future is okay.

143
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,379
[ Applause ]
Hey, you ever see
that movie "Bird Box"?

144
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:50,682
Yeah.

145
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:51,683
Neither have I.

146
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,017
[ Laughing ]

147
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:55,887
[ Laughs ]

148
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,589
And we're back
with Judy Greer.

149
00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,258
[ Applause ]
[ Sniffle ]

150
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,060
I've been secretly
videotaping

151
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,863
my nanny in my bathroom
and I've been like

152
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,031
catching her
sweet drippin's

153
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,166
in a secret jar

154
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,968
-Eww.
-I built into my toilet.

155
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,669
Let's look at a clip
of my nanny going

156
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:12,670
-Oh!
-to the restroom.

157
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,805
You don't have that.

158
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:19,844
[ Urinating ]

159
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,347
[ Plopping ]
[ Phone bloops ]

160
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:29,087
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Blowing horn ]

161
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,123
That's definitely illegal.

162
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,258
Check it out.
[ Chuckle ]

163
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,026
It's my nanny's
natural bobas.

164
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,661
Ugh.

165
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,763
[ Grunts ]

166
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:39,931
[ Exhales ]

167
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,002
You ever
punish yourself?

168
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,638
[ Exhales ]

169
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:54,112
♪♪

170
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,413
Uhh...

171
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,949
♪♪

172
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,551
Okay, let me just check
the receipt real quick.
-Sure, go ahead.

173
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,252
Go for it.

174
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:02,554
Okay.

175
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,956
Let me just put
some lo mein
on these clothes.

176
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,124
Full disclosure...
-Ah!

177
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,492
...I made too much.

178
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,493
What are you doing?!

179
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:09,761
I gotta get rid
of this lo mein.

180
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,596
-What are you doing?!
-This is the store policy.

181
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:12,664
What are you
talking about?

182
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,699
♪♪

183
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,367
Why are you destroying
the merchandise?

184
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,536
That's my grandmama's
recipe, and it came

185
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:19,971
all the way from Sicily.
-Are you kidding me?

186
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,306
Stop it!
-Dude, don't blame me.

187
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,640
Blame social media.
-No! Stop it!

188
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,108
♪♪

189
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,510
Here, you want
some cigarettes?

190
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:26,811
Get away from me!
I don't want that!

191
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,079
-They're mentholated.
-I don't smoke.

192
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,315
This guy is standing here
with [bleep] lo mein,

193
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,683
and he put lo mein
in the bag

194
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,318
and, all of a sudden,
he put lo mein in the bag.

195
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,320
It tastes great.

196
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,321
[ Slurp ]

197
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:37,555
Ladies and gentlemen,

198
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:38,723
Olympic figure skater

199
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,960
Adam Rippon!

200
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,163
[ Playing mariachi "We Wish You
A Merry Christmas" ]
♪ Yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah ♪

201
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,598
-[ Bleep ]
-Rippon.

202
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:47,599
Yeah.

203
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,300
What's up, Adam?
You look great!

204
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,568
Thank you.
I mean, you look great.

205
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,537
-Did you see "I, Tonya"?
-I loved it.

206
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:53,872
What's your diet?

207
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,139
Did something fall?

208
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:56,407
Little bits of carpet.

209
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:57,909
Why was the carpet
up there?

210
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,077
It's hard to say.

211
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,179
-What are you up to?
-I just wrote a book.

212
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,547
How many pages?

213
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,950
Like 270.

214
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:06,951
[ Audience ohhs ]
Should it --

215
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,620
Hey, whether you're
Eve or Steve,

216
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,722
this Adam is
one juicy apple,

217
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,957
and I wouldn't mind
to take a bite.

218
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,293
Man: Yeah!
[ Cheering and applause ]

219
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,228
[ Chuckle ]

220
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,997
That was really good.
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

221
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,465
Oh! Holy [bleep]!
-Oh, my --

222
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,768
Shit. There's some shit
underneath the couch.

223
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,137
-It's broken.
-No.
-You have spiked boots.

224
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,639
You're supposed
to be fearless.

225
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,940
-You're a strange cat
with spiked boots.
-No. I can --

226
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,542
Spiked boots.

227
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,310
You're supposed
to be fearless.

228
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,711
♪♪

229
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:34,979
-You're supposed to be fearless.
-Wait.

230
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,614
Oof.
This coffee is

231
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:37,615
[bleep] --
[ Audience gasps ]

232
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,717
What the [bleep]?
[ Cheering ]

233
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:41,619
How long does this
coffee go for?
[ Laughter ]

234
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:42,720
What's wrong
with this thing?

235
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:43,988
I told you to stop
drinking that shit.

236
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,323
I'm still afraid to like
sit in this chair.

237
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,225
It's all good. You're
conquerin' your fears.

238
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,494
You livin' up to those
spiked boots.

239
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,597
I heard they --
No, no, no, no, no.

240
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,098
-Look. Spiked boots.
-Spiked boots!

241
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,567
-Spiked boots.
-Spiked boots steppin' it up!

242
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:56,834
[ Applause ]
[ Laughing ]

243
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,770
I almost made
this chair dirtier.

244
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,673
[ Audience ohhs ]

245
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,841
-Damn.
-Oh, my God. I can't sit.

246
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,143
I can't --
-Let's have Hannibal Buress

247
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,111
play some tubular bells
for us, huh?

248
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:09,147
[ Applause ]

249
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:17,255
♪♪

250
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,723
Aaah!

251
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,925
Aaaaaaah!

252
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,027
-Argh!
-Ohhhhh!

253
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,362
[ Cheering and applause ]

254
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,965
And we are back
with Adam Rippon.

255
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,066
Man: Yeah!
[ Applause ]

256
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,668
What? Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

257
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,537
♪♪

258
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,639
Okay, I'm Spriked up.

259
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,474
Sprite building's right
across the street.

260
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,942
Voice: [ Whispering ]
<i>Sprite.</i>

261
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,844
Outta the way!

262
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:40,945
Yaah!

263
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:42,080
[ Thump, glass breaks ]

264
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,149
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

265
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,151
I tried to do a trick
on a Citi Bike.

266
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:48,419
I-I'm gonna fall.
-Oh, my God.

267
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:49,988
No, no, no, no, no.
His leg is broken.

268
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,155
Help me! Help!

269
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,291
I tried to do a trick
to get on Instagram,

270
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,194
to get a Sprite sponsorship
to impress my son.

271
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,864
No, don't call the cops.

272
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,034
[ Ring ]
My son's calling me.

273
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,203
Can you just grab it?
That's my son calling.

274
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,838
Okay. Hello?

275
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:12,610
I'm just trying to coparent
in a difficult situation

276
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,412
right now
with the stepdad, Dennis,

277
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,514
and it got in my head
before the jump.

278
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,548
Don't move!

279
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,083
[ Farts ]
Aaaah!

280
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,885
Oh! Is he peeing
on himself?

281
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,687
I shit blood.
[ Farts ]

282
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,858
[ Thud ]
Oh, thank God I got a Sprite.

283
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:29,027
You know, Sprite's
a natural stringent.

284
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,395
Oh, dammit.

285
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,463
Help!

286
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:34,832
<i>Sprite.</i>

287
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,835
Ladies and gentlemen,
Anderson Six Paak!

288
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:38,903
[ Applause ]

289
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:43,541
♪♪

290
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,542
Hey, bruv.

291
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,843
Hey. Oh.

292
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,413
Bruv, is that
my cantaloupe? Bruv?

293
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,448
What are you doing
with my cantaloupe, bruv?

294
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,317
What the [bleep] did you
get into in England?

295
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:54,952
♪♪

296
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,121
[ Belches ]
[ Cheering ]

297
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,291
Ladies and gentlemen,
Anderson Paakquiao!

298
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,392
[ Sings indistinctly ]

299
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:02,994
♪♪

300
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,563
[ Sings indistinctly ]

301
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,698
I don't know.

302
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,568
Adam: I almost made
this chair dirtier.
[ Audience gasps ]

303
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,637
♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat, rat ♪

304
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,240
[ Clang, drumroll ]