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00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,569
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show"!
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00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,138
[ Screaming ]
[ Buzzer sounds ]
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00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:12,511
♪♪
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[ Screaming ]
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[ High-pitched screaming ]
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[ Bell dings ]
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Aah!
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[ Screaming ]
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00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:31,129
♪♪
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[ Chainsaws buzzing ]
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[ Screaming ]
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I don't know who did
this to me,
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but I can't stop killing!
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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[ Screaming ]
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What the [bleep]?
Stop, man.
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What the hell
is wrong with you?
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Oh!
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[ Breathing heavily ]
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[ Audience cheers ]
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[ Grunting ]
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Yes.
[ Noisemaker sounds ]
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Ahh. Okay.
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I was thinking the other day,
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"Don't you wish
Bono got killed by a tree skiing
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instead of Sonny 'Bon-o'?"
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Then the streets
would have no name.
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[ Light applause and laughter ]
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Oh, man.
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Ha.
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[ Light laughter and booing ]
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Sorry, I'm getting political
on y'all, okay?
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Brexit.
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♪♪
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Hello!
Oh, my God!
36
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I'm the Bench Mensch!
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♪♪
38
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Aah!
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00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,910
Don't take the stairs.
Take the bench.
40
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Today's goal --
helping a friend move.
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[ Giggles ]
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I can help you
move these boxes.
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I didn't mean
to startle you.
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[ Glass breaks ]
Oh!
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Sorry!
Butterfingers!
46
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,320
I'm the bench --
Oh, sorry.
47
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:05,524
This is fragile.
I'm the Bench Mensch!
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I'm a bit of a klutz.
49
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:07,626
I think we're all good.
50
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,894
I just need --
You want a Reuben?
51
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,195
I am all good on a Reuben
right now.
52
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What's wrong?
You vegan?
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[ Glass breaks ]
Oh, geez.
54
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Sorry,
we just got to watch this stuff.
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00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,367
Sorry.
This is super fragile.
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[ Glass breaking ]
No, no, no, no, no.
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[ Theme music plays ]
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Hello!
Oh, shit.
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[ Theme music plays ]
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He keeps saying, "I can
help you. I'm the Bench Mensch."
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Dude, kick me,
not the boxes.
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[ Theme music playing ]
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Uh, the next guest is Omarion.
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Please come out, Omarion.
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♪ We can tell ♪
Yeah!
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♪ We used to date ♪
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♪ We can try, we can try ♪
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♪ We can try to forget ♪
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[ Speaking indistinctly ]
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00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,934
You look like you can defuse
a bomb.
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Omarion, you are great.
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00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,771
What's happening?
How you doing, man?
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Thank you for your
"You Got Serviced," my friend.
Okay.
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00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,508
Ha ha!
At ease.
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Well appreciated.
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[ Both laugh ]
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God bless you.
When is the last time
you got served?
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[ Groaning ]
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00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,585
You good?
80
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My G.
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She dead?
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Whew! Who?
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She dead?
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What?
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I know.
Yeah, I know.
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I didn't see nothing.
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00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,799
Who are
we talking about?
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Unh.
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Omarion, so you are
so appreciated.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,109
And you were the bad guy
in the Fat Albert movie.
92
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,277
Yes.
I was.
93
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How did Bill Cosby
get the pills
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in the drinks
with that fat suit on?
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00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,283
Was his fingers like,
"Oh, Theo, you know,"
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just mumbling around?
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[ Chuckling ]
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How did he do it?
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00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:53,632
I'm not sure.
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Man: Yeah!
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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I'm not sure.
103
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You want some sushi?
104
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Can we have some sushi
for our guest, please?
105
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,545
I can get --
You want sushi?
106
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,880
I actually want...
Or you want some chili?
107
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,148
I want to see...
Can we have some chili?
108
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,616
[ Cheering ]
109
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,551
What the [bleep] is that?
110
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,655
My G. My G...
111
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,523
It's George Clooney
from "Ocean's Eleven."
112
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,759
Oh, hell no, bro.
113
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You got to chill out
with this.
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My own tequila.
115
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,498
Oh, you wildin', fam!
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Oh, my man!
What are you...
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♪♪
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[ Up-tempo music plays ]
119
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Dude, what are you up to?
You surveying the land?
120
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[ Laughs ]
121
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,252
Survey says,
"It's time for cerveza."
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00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,622
♪ Time to hang
with a land surveyor ♪
123
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♪ Time to bro out
with a land surveyor ♪
124
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,659
Bro, I'm just another
god in the quad
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looking for a warm bod
to watch Chuck Todd.
126
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You got to "Meet the Press,"
127
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then you got to
press the meat, baby boy.
128
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,233
What does that button do?
No, no, no, no!
129
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,501
What the [bleep]
you doing, bro?
130
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:04,836
Don't be touching
the shit, man.
131
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:05,870
Need a ranch hand?
132
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,807
Hey, cowboy.
Need a ranch hand?
133
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:12,177
[ Heavy metal music plays ]
134
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I got it.
Are we good right there?
135
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,482
You want the Wi-Fi password?
Would that help?
136
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:18,717
I think we got off
on the wrong foot, man.
137
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,951
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't touch it, man.
Oh, shit.
138
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,486
Come on, man!
I'm sorry, dude.
139
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,088
Gonna call the [bleep] cops!
Leave me alone!
140
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:23,855
Dude, I'm -- No, look.
141
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,157
You want to hit
this lava lamp?
142
00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,326
[ Siren wails ]
143
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,728
Dude!
Right dude here!
144
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:33,131
♪ Praise the Lord
with a beautiful song ♪
145
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,966
Dude.
Let me calibrate it.
Stop!
146
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,935
Stop!
Listen, stop, bro!
147
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,804
He's wearing
just a G-string.
148
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,943
♪♪
149
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,010
And we're back
with Omarion.
150
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,413
What's this?
The Cup Man?
151
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,248
Wow.
152
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,853
Oh, man.
153
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,921
You got
an album out called...
154
00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,192
You got a much
long-awaited album called...
155
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,160
[ Grunting ]
156
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,762
Aah!
Get off me!
157
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,397
[ Laughing ]
158
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,037
[Bleep] you, bitch!
159
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,640
I mean,
that was [bleep] powerful.
160
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,009
I don't even hang out
under these circumstances, man.
161
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,444
Everybody has a penis.
162
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,813
♪♪
163
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,283
[ Man screaming ]
164
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,452
[ Thud ]
[ People gasp ]
165
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[ Groans ]
Help me. Help.
166
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,123
Are you okay?
167
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,258
I fell down.
168
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,761
And I got to finish,
or my boss will kill me.
169
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,264
Yo, yo.
170
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,632
Have a seat.
Don't touch me.
171
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,000
Nothing gives you
that right.
172
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,001
[ Explosion ]
173
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,136
I got to
get in my hours.
174
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,872
I have to keep working.
175
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,777
My friend got sleepy.
176
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,248
He's cold.
177
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,249
You can
leave him alone.
178
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,250
He's just sleepy.
179
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,086
I hate that guy.
180
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,288
Can you hear me?
181
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,757
We'll shower.
182
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,326
He tried to sleep my wife.
183
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,795
♪♪
184
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:15,700
♪ Ohhhh ♪
185
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,236
Ladies and gentlemen,
celebrity psychic Tyler Henry.
186
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,505
[ Applause ]
187
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,440
♪♪
188
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,576
[ Woman screams ]
189
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,781
Oh, God, man.
I'm really worn down.
190
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:30,915
I feel you.
191
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,017
♪ Where the streets
have no name ♪
192
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:36,521
That dickhead forced his crappy
album onto my iPod.
193
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:39,290
Did he?
Can you predict him
to die soon?
194
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,525
[ Laughs ]
195
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,228
[ Cheers and applause ]
196
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,971
What do you do for, uh...
197
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,175
...you know, fun?
198
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,277
I don't know.
Paint?
199
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,145
You want to help us workshop
some new characters?
200
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,480
Sure.
Let's bring them out.
201
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,616
Hey, this is
Mohammed Otter.
202
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,918
[ Ululating ]
203
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,887
[ Blade plunges ]
A sea-animal hijacker.
204
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:12,357
Oh, this is Jewbacca.
205
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,692
[ Growling softly ]
206
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,561
[ Light applause ]
207
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:19,597
Jackson Polyps next.
208
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,698
Hey, Jackson.
209
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,335
[ Farting ]
[ Jazz music playing ]
210
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,909
And then we have
N-Word Scissorhands.
211
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,512
Hey, hey, hey. What's up?
Y'all niggas want a fade?
212
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:35,914
And I have no comment.
213
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,216
Okay.
Thank you, guys.
214
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,385
Hey,
can you talk to the dead?
215
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,620
I can.
Can you make me a believer?
216
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,022
I can't make you
a believer.
217
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,623
No, not in two minutes.
[ Grunting ]
218
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:47,825
What do you mean?
I'm not a skeptic.
219
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,193
Well,
then you're a believer.
220
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,261
[ Both laugh ]
221
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,496
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit!
222
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,231
All right.
That's coffee for you.
223
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,100
[ Band laughing ]
224
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,275
Paper straws
are behind us.
225
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,377
There you go, right?
Who needs them?
226
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:09,013
I'm, like, consistently...
227
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,615
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
228
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,584
Do people think
you're Macaulay Culkin?
They do.
229
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,652
I feel like I'm better looking
than Macaulay Culkin.
230
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,322
Ohhh!
I will
put that out there.
231
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,490
Shots fired.
232
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:21,860
[ Chainsaw buzzing ]
[ Surf rock music playing ]
233
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:25,463
♪♪
234
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,632
[ Gunfire ]
235
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:30,735
[ Siren wailing ]
236
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,339
Hey,
how you doing, man?
237
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,974
Um...
Repair?
238
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,911
I-I need you to erase
the footage on this body cam.
239
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,212
I'm in kind of, like,
a bad situation.
240
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,614
I don't even know
how to do that.
241
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,583
Really? Maybe these magnets will
help me futz with it or...
242
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:46,551
Oh, shit.
243
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,188
Woman on radio: Shots fired.
Officer down.
Shit.
244
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,489
Second officer
has fled the scene.
245
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,191
Officer Andre,
prime suspect.
Shit.
246
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,125
He is considered armed...
247
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,193
Whatever you have to do...
248
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,394
We're both in this now, man.
249
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,196
Look, I know you can help me.
Look, look, look.
250
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,764
Take this money, man.
It's all yours.
251
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,869
It's liquid. You can invest it
in a high-interest CD
252
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:05,837
and watch
your money grow.
253
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,538
I don't even know
how to do that.
254
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,573
Trade clothes
with me, man.
255
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,274
I can't do that, boss.
256
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,010
Nelson,
you're the cop now, okay?
No. I can't do it.
257
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,678
You're the cop.
I'm Nelson, huh?
258
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,115
You're Officer --
Can we trade clothes?
259
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:17,882
No.
260
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,584
My chief, she's hot, man.
261
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,985
And if she sees
this death footage,
262
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,120
she's going to
withhold sex from me.
263
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,721
Do you understand?
264
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,723
♪♪
265
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,792
Freeze!
What the [bleep]?
266
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:32,030
I smell a crime cooking,
and you're the chef.
267
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,898
What are
y'all doing here?
268
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,100
[ Farts ]
269
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,002
Yeah.
You're on "Fart 'Splosion."
270
00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,304
It's a show about, like --
Have you ever farted before?
271
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,440
Of course I've farted.
Who the [bleep] don't fart?
272
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,208
My man.
[ Fart ]
273
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,012
Ladies and gentlemen,
Machine Gun Kelly.
274
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:49,847
Oh, hell no.
275
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:51,683
Andre: Now it's time
for Machine Bug Kelly.
276
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,518
What the f... [ Rapping ]
♪ I don't like flies ♪
277
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,219
♪ I don't like bugs ♪
278
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:58,056
Now it's time
for Stun Gun Kelly.
279
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:58,956
[ Zapping ]
280
00:10:58,991 --> 00:10:59,857
Do it. Do it.
281
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:00,692
Ooh.
♪ Keep rapping ♪
282
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:01,826
[ Zapping ]
Aah!
283
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,361
[ Laughs ]
284
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,963
Machine Gun Kellyanne Conway.
285
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,131
♪ What are you waiting for? ♪
286
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,700
[ Zapping ]
[Bleep]
287
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,537
Omarion:
Oh, you wildin', fam!