♪♪
Previously on The Fosters...
-Tess asked me for a separation.
-It's a mild sedative, for anxiety.
Stef: Honey, that necklace is not your mom.
Okay, we're leaving! Don't stay up too late.
See you in the morning.
Stef: Lena felt terrible telling Jesus
she couldn't be his para-professional anymore,
but, uh, you know, the teachers were up in arms
about her being in the classrooms,
which I'm sure Jesus wasn't thrilled about either.
Of course he's not thrilled about having a new para,
but if he wants to finish his junior year
and be a senior next year, then he-- he's got to have one.
Um, my friend Jenna, I told you about her.
She came by to make up, so to speak,
and, uh, let me know that nothing was going on between her and, uh, Tess,
which, uh, you know, I don't know if I exactly believe,
but whatever, that's Jenna.
Would it bother you if there was something going on between Jenna and Tess?
Oh, what bothers me is that Tess is keeping her husband in the dark.
You know, he has no idea what the hell is happening.
Was Mike in the dark? About your sexuality?
Uh, um, Mike has nothing to do with this.
Well, it just seems that your situation
was similar to Tess's.
You're married to a man, questioning your sexuality.
How did you feel about ending your marriage?
Uh, I felt badly.
For Mike, I certainly didn't mean to hurt him.
And, uh, for my son.
Uh, he was only five,
but it's, uh...
It's pretty hard...
to tell your son, your little boy, that...
you all won't be living together...
in the same house anymore.
Didn't have much support from my family.
I didn't have much support from my parents. Um...
When I came out, my father didn't speak to me for a year.
Uh, so...
uh, when you ask me how I felt, I...
I felt, uh...
Ashamed?
Unlike guilt,
which is the feeling of doing something wrong...
shame is the feeling of being something wrong.
And this assault on the self...
it can cause deep depression and severe anxiety.
♪ It's not where you come from ♪
♪ It's where you belong ♪
♪ Nothin' I would trade ♪
♪ I wouldn't have it any other way ♪
♪ You're surrounded ♪
♪ By love and you're wanted ♪
♪ So never feel alone ♪
♪ You are home with me ♪
♪ Right where you belong ♪
-Lena: She should be here any minute, Jesus. -Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna keep a close eye on this para, honey, I promise.
Yeah, you and everyone else, Mama.
I mean, you have no idea what it's like having everyone just staring at you,
wondering why some old fart's following you around.
Fartess, excuse me.
-Hi. -Sorry, I'm a bit early.
-No, no, please come on in.
Um, Priya, this is my son, Jesus.
Jesus, this is your new para.
-Hi. -Hi.
It's really nice to meet you, Jesus.
Hi, uh, me too.
Uh, you. Nice to meet you.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Are you sure you like it?
Yeah, it's...
really beautiful.
I just wanted to give you something special.
You know, for everything that you've done for me and my family.
I know it's not much, um...
No, it's-- No, it's really lovely.
-You didn't have to. -No, I wanted to.
Callie? Oh, sorry.
Oh, no, that's okay. I've got to get to derby practice.
I'll talk to you later.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
-Hey, thanks. -Yeah.
What's that?
A necklace.
Ximena gave it to me.
It's pretty.
Yeah, I know.
I just didn't have the heart to tell her
I only wear Mom's locket.
Um, why are you home early?
Eighth grade teacher conferences.
Speaking of Mom...
can we visit her grave on Mother's Day?
We're all making brunch for Moms and Sharon, so...
Well, couldn't we go like before or after?
No, I don't think we'll have time.
We can go another day.
What other day?
Jude, it's not, like, she's there.
You know, she doesn't know what day it is.
We need to be here for our Moms that do.
Okay?
Priya: Twenty-eight,
twenty-nine,
thirty.
-End time.
So, what does this do?
We're working on building up your ability to focus,
by starting with short periods of time and building on that.
Thirty seconds of complete focus
can be far more productive than 30 minutes of struggle.
That makes sense.
I'm gonna go ask Craig for tomorrow's assignment.
-That way we can plan ahead. -Okay. Thanks.
♪ ♪
-Hey.
-Oh, she went home for the day.
For real, Foster. I'd take a nail in the head to nail that any day.
But, like, how do you focus with her rack in your face all day?
Well, I... yeah.
I'd probably focus a little bit better if she sat on my face.
Uh, see you later, dude.
-Peace.
-You're disgusting.
Hey.
Hey, listen, I would...
I would really like it if we did not discuss
what's been going on with me in front of my mother.
She'll just poo-poo it as nonsense.
-Okay. -And speaking of the devil...
Um, where is she?
She's supposed to have gotten in a few hours ago.
Hello, hello!
-Lena: Hi.
Hi!
-That's a nice wig, Ma. -Oh, come on, hair!
It's the real me!
-Where's your, uh, where's your baggage?
Oh, um, oh!
I left it next door!
Next door? What are they doing next door?
Oh, as I was coming in from the taxi cab,
Tess was coming in in her big, ol' fancy Tesla.
-Tess in her Tesla.
Have you seen the way that the doors go up on that?
-It's like a crazy spaceship. -Yes. So...
You were-- Why were you at Tess's, Mom?
Oh, well, I didn't see your car in the driveway,
and Tess said, "Come on in and have a glass of wine," so...
Hey, why didn't you ever tell me before she's a lesbian?
Oh, boy.
She told you that?
You know, Stefanie, it might come as a surprise,
but some people actually like to confide in me.
And guess what? Tomorrow night, we're going to a gay bar.
-Do you need some help with your homework? -Uh, yeah.
Do you want to write this practice college essay?
What's the question?
"What event or experience
has had the greatest impact on your life?"
I'm gonna write about my TBI.
That's great.
You should have plenty to say about that.
Yeah, it's just how to say it, you know?
"Your para's got a nice pair-a tits."
Yeah, uh, some guy passed me that in class today.
Well, what did you say to him?
-Um... -He said that he wanted Priya to sit on his face.
-Mariana!
-You did, I heard you. -Jesus, why would you say something like that?
Mama, it's just, like, guy talk.
-Yeah, I mean, they started it. What do you want me to say?
That it's completely inappropriate.
-Yeah, right. I...
Fine, then get me another para.
One that's not mean or hot.
Look, I can barely handle school as it is,
I cannot deal with all this other stuff.
So, what should I wear to a lesbian bar?
Is there some kind of, you know, dress code or something?
-You know, Mother...
Well, I feel like dancing,
and I just don't want to get hit on all night.
-Well, what makes you think the ladies won't hit on you? -Oh, good point!
-Well, have fun. -Thanks!
Lena, would you like to go with us tonight?
Uh, no, thank you.
Okay, well.
Stef, finished? You don't have to come either.
I mean, Tess and I'll be fine on our own.
That's what I'm afraid of.
So, looks like I'll have to find Jesus
yet another para-professional.
Why, what happened? The new one's no good?
No, she's very good.
The problem is, she's too hot.
Hot?
Yeah, Jesus's friends are teasing him.
Which is why I didn't hire her to begin with
because I thought she might be a distraction for him.
Well, you're hot. Do you think you shouldn't be principal
simply because boys won't behave?
Yeah! I agree.
I mean, girls should be judged on their brains, not their bod.
That's why I raised her to be a feminist.
Well, we shouldn't just raise our daughters to be feminists.
We should raise our sons to be feminists too.
And you-- you really think you raised me to be a feminist, Ma?
Of course, I do.
Okay.
Erase that.
-Just do it.
"Erase that." Okay.
Oh, I can still see it.
-Here, try again. -Well, I can't make it go away completely.
Yeah, exactly.
Piece of paper is just like your virtue.
Once you make a mark on it, you can try and try to erase it,
but it's never gonna go away.
You had me do that when I was a girl, Ma, you remember that?
Well, I'm sure I was just trying to scare you a little or something,
so you wouldn't go out and get yourself pregnant.
Well, I never forgot it, Ma, and it certainly didn't make me feel like a feminist.
It made me feel like sex was shameful, especially for girls.
Boys and girls are raised with double standards.
And I don't think that we should give our sons a free pass.
If we're complicit in this behavior,
if just say "boys will be boys"
then, you know, we're-- we're misogynists, too.
-She's right. -She's also very wound up.
I mean, more than usual.
Is anything going on with her?
No, she's fine.
Your fever broke, and you're not having other side effects,
which is a good sign that the modified T-cells
aren't attacking your immune system,
and hopefully just the cancer cells.
I'll check back tomorrow.
-Actually, Doctor, do you have a sec? -Absolutely.
It's great how quick the treatment works.
If it works.
It will.
I made you my proxy.
What
The person who makes all of my medical decisions
on my behalf if I can't.
Shouldn't your mother be that person?
No, I-I don't want her being that person,
because I don't think she'll do what I want...
if things go bad.
Which is why I need you to be that person.
Everything was fine in Baltimore.
And then we moved here, and it's like, boom. My dad's moving out.
-Do you think the move had anything to do with it? -I don't know.
I don't want to talk about it.
I just wish I knew why. What happened?
You know, no one's telling me anything,
and my mom is acting so...
What are you doing tomorrow?
For Mother's Day?
I hadn't even thought about that.
I guess we won't be spending it with my dad.
Well...
why don't you spend it with us?
We're making brunch for my moms and grandma.
Are you sure it's okay?
I mean, she's out with my mom tonight.
She might get sick of her.
Wait. Your...
Your mom's out with them tonight?
-Yeah, I guess.
Sharon: Okay, now the first round is on me.
-Stef: I'll have some soda water, please.
-Stef: I'm driving, Mother.
Okay, fine. What would you like, honey?
Uh, margarita, rocks, no salt.
That's my girl!
So, it's official, huh? You're a lesbian?
I'm not-- I haven't--
I'm exploring.
Ah, well, my mom said that you told her you're a lesbian.
Would it bother you if I was gay?
Or is it just that I haven't told Dean?
Because I haven't even kissed a woman,
so I don't even know if there's anything to tell him yet.
Did you tell your husband before you really knew?
Hey. Hey, hey, Tess.
Check it out.
The girl at my...
Six o'clock, end of the bar.
What do you think?
Yeah, yeah. She's-- she's attractive.
And alone! Come on, let's go talk to her.
-No! What, no! -Oh, come on.
Somebody's gotta be the man here.
Nobody has to be the man, Mother.
You know what I'm talking about.
-I don't! -The aggressor.
I'm just sayin'.
You say a lot.
How's it going?
Um, it's slow.
So, uh...
I've been thinking about the Priya situation.
And I'm really sorry.
-It's okay. -No, it's not okay.
Because... I hired David
instead of Priya the first time around.
Even though I knew she was more qualified,
and I did that because I'm sexist.
And I thought that she might be a distraction for you.
-I mean, you're right. -No, I was wrong.
To assume that you couldn't rise above locker-room talk,
and be the man we raised you to be.
A man who-- who has the courage to...
to stand up to his friends and say,
"No, it's not okay to sexually harass women."
Physically or verbally.
To their faces or behind their backs.
But you're a man, who not only respects his moms,
and his sisters, and his girlfriend,
but all women.
That's who I believe you are.
That's who I hope you are.
So...
I'm gonna tell Priya that it's not working out.
And if you can't show her the respect she deserves,
you can tell her that yourself.
And you can tell her why.
She must really trust you.
I-I don't know if I could-- if I could do it, though.
You know?
Like...
pull the plug, or whatever.
Then you should tell her that.
Mariana: Is Tess gay?
Is that why she made Logan's dad move out?
Why are you asking this?
Because she's out with Sharon and Mom at a lesbian bar, right?
Honey, there are lots of reasons why a marriage breaks down.
Like if one person's gay?
Look, it all makes sense.
She moved back here, next to Mom,
and she realized she actually did have feelings for her back in high school,
-and boom. -Look.
We don't know anything for sure.
Tess is just exploring her options.
Well, I hope she's not exploring Mom.
-Hey! -I'm just saying.
I wouldn't let my wife
go to a gay bar with her first love
who's in an exploring kind of mood.
Listen, your mother and I are very married.
And look, I don't want you telling any of this to Logan.
-It's none our business. -Okay, fine.
I just wanted to thank you for the drink.
Oh, um...
You're welcome.
I'm Lara.
Would you like to dance?
She'd love to!
Um...
Sure.
Lara: Come on.
Stef, look, I'm really sorry about the whole,
uh, white paper/virtue thing.
If I'd known you were a lesbian,
I would never have done that.
Why didn't you
I don't know. I...
You wore dresses. I'm not omniscient.
Hey! So, you wanna dance?
No, thank you.
Um, not you.
Me?
Well, I'd love to.
You're not a lesbian, you know that, Mom?
-Oh, Stefanie.
I've had experiences.
♪ ♪
Good morning.
-Just 'cause.
Good morning.
How'd you sleep?
Good!
-Jude: Me!
Yes, I'll have some.
Thanks, Mom.
How's your portfolio coming along?
I turned it in,
so now I just have to wait and see.
I'm sure you'll get in.
Why are you wearing my necklace?
Sharon: Thank you so much!
My darling grandchildren!
Yes, very sweet, my darling children.
Where's, uh, Poppy and Ximena?
Uh, they went to visit their parents in detention.
Logan: That's gotta be tough.
Yeah, their lawyer's working on
getting them out before their hearing,
so hopefully they'll be home soon.
Well, we are especially grateful for the invitation.
So, thank you.
Of course. Not a problem.
So, Tess, did you have fun last night?
Uh, yes! I did.
-A little too much fun!
-Ow!
Sharon: Oh, nothing!
Just, you know, at my age,
every once in a while, you just get a sharp pain in your shin.
So, I think I know what's going on with my parents.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I think my dad is having an affair.
What makes you say that?
He's just been so cagey.
He keeps saying it's mutual,
but I can see how upset my mom is.
And this morning, I heard her on the phone
talking about some lady named Lara.
What if that's the woman that he's cheating with?
Hey, uh, can we do presents now?
Uh, sure.
-Grandma, this is from all of us. -Oh!
Oh, what could it be?
Oh, you-- you had a star named after me?
That is so great!
Thank you!
-Wow! -That's appropriate.
This is for you two.
-Oh, wow. -It's Pomegranate Noir.
Mama loves those!
-Oh my gosh! -Well played!
-Thank you so much! -She's very excited. You can tell!
This is from me.
Mm! Oh, that's so nice.
-Here you go. -Oh, thank you!
-Oh my God, Callie. -Callie!
-That's-- -It's so beautiful.
-Callie! -Beautiful!
-Great shot. -Stef: When'd you take this, sneak
When you weren't looking.
-Obviously. -Don't read the card in front of everyone.
And this is from me.
Two stems for my two lovely Mamas.
Oh, thank you! They're so beautiful.
And I got you these.
Lena: Oh, thanks!
-Stef: Oh! -With chocolate kisses.
Stef: This has gotta be mine, right?
'Cause that one says "Mama."
-Mariana: That's cute.
-Thank you! -Of course.
Well, I certainly can't top any of that.
But I got you a little something.
-Aw, thanks, Ma. -Oh.
"Harmony Soul Retreat."
It's a meditation retreat. Will and I did it.
It's fantastic.
We decreased our emotional avoidance quotient
from 8.5 to 1.3 in a single weekend.
There's no excuse for not going.
-It's great! -I can think of a hundred excuses not to go.
-Thank you so much, Sharon. -Thank you, Mother.
-Lena: Thank you. -So, I kinda screwed up.
Um, I thought that the brunch was our present.
Oh, is that why you helped out so much?
-Yeah, I cut the kiwi!
Anyway, sorry, but I did finish writing my essay.
And instead of writing about my TBI
as the greatest thing that impacted my life,
I wrote about my two moms.
So, I'm not gonna read the whole thing.
But I do wanna read the last paragraph.
"So my moms saved me and my sister
"from more nights of despair and terror.
"They gave us the one thing that we dreamed of,
"but didn't dare actually hope for:
"family.
"They made us feel safe,
"and for the first time in our young lives, loved.
"So loved.
"They made us feel like we were worth something, that we mattered.
"That someone in the world wanted us.
"And I know that there's nothing
"that I could ever give back to them
"that could equal what they've given to me.
"But I want my two strong,
"beautiful, brilliant moms to know
"that they don't have to hope
"I'll be the man that they've raised me to be
"because that's the man I want to be.
And I'll always do my best to never let them down."
-Lena: Well...
I want you all to know that...
the gift that you give to Mom and me...
...that it isn't the gift of loving us,
it's the gift of the love that you inspire in us.
And the way that you've opened our hearts
bigger than we ever thought possible.
And that feeling of loving someone so much,
loving you guys so much,
we can't ever repay you.
We love you.
Love you, Mama.
Stef: Is there more champagne for mimosas?
Hey, you wanna go to the cemetery later?
Yeah.
Hey, I'll be right back, okay?
Stef: Where's he going?
Hey, everything all right?
Who the hell do you think you are?
-I know Grace made you her proxy.
Whose idea was that
-No, of course not. It wasn't yours?
Is everything all right?
This is Grace's mom.
-Hi. -Hi.
Is she okay?
Somehow your son convinced my daughter
to put him in charge of all decisions regarding her health.
-I think she's afraid that...
you won't honor her wishes.
The only person whose choice it is here is-- is Grace.
And... if she trusts me to do what she wants, then maybe it's up to her.
Brandon, what you don't know is that Grace...
didn't want any more chemo the last time she got sick.
She just wanted to give up.
But she wasn't old enough to make her own decisions,
so I made her keep fighting.
That bought her six more years,
and because of those six years, there are new treatments.
Like the gene therapy she just did,
which could very well cure her.
So you see, what Grace wants may not be what's best for Grace.
Don't kid yourself, honey.
When it comes to whether my daughter lives or dies,
you are not capable...
of taking on a decision like that.
What was that all about?
Okay, so Logan thinks that his father is having an affair,
and if no one's gonna tell him the truth, I will.
Sharon: So, what is going on in here?
-It is very rude to just leave our guests out there all alone. -I cannot...
Sharon. Sharon, wait!
What are you taking?
It's medication.
Yeah, I can see that. What kinda medication?
It's none of your business, Mother.
Okay.
Don't talk to me.
But don't you dare blame me
for not knowing you were gay.
Okay, because you never talked to me.
You never cared what I thought.
I mean, you know, you wanted your father's approval.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You always went to him.
You used to just gang up against me, you know?
Just always the two of you. You thought I was silly.
What about when you did know I was gay, Mom, when I told you?
How you disapproved.
-I did not disapprove! -Yes you did!
You were upset because I was gonna
break up my marriage, and my home,
but, you know, you're fine with Tess breaking up her marriage.
Cheering her on, taking her out to gay bars and stuff.
Where was that support for me, huh?
-Your own damn daughter! -That was different!
Mike was my son-in-law, and I cared about his feelings.
You think I-- I didn't care about his feelings?
You think it didn't hurt when I saw him hurt?
You think I wanted Brandon, my son,
to be a kid from a broken family?
To have to be shuttled back and forth
between the two of us?
You think I wanted to disappoint you and Dad?
I tried so hard, Mom!
I tried!
I tried to be...
To what?
I tried to be straight, Mom.
I tried. I tried to be normal.
I tried to make Daddy proud.
I tried...
to not be ashamed of myself.
Hey.
Hey, what
What's happening? Are you-- are you having a panic attack?
-Okay, okay. No, no, I need you to breathe.
It's a stress response.
Just breathe. Breathe from your abdomen, not your chest.
-Just shh! -I need-- Please. All right.
Listen to me very carefully.
I need you to touch four things.
Just touch four things.
Touch four things.
-And you-- -Please!
I can't...
Chair! Pillow!
-Thank you.
Curtains! The wall!
Okay, now three things that you hear.
Just listen.
Three things you hear.
-Listen.
I-- I hear your voice.
Hear my breathing.
-I...
-Good, good.
I hear a really annoying bird.
Good. Okay, two things you smell.
-Your breath. -Okay, that's uncalled for.
I smell bacon.
-Bacon from brunch. -Good.
One thing you can taste.
Fear.
-Oh... -Stef: Fear.
Aw, shh shh.
Darling girl.
Sorry.
It's okay. Is everything all right?
Yeah, fine. Listen.
Mariana knows what's going on with you.
She knows you went to a lesbian bar last night,
and she's kind of put it together for herself.
So... she says she's gonna tell Logan if you don't.
You know what?
You're right.
She doesn't know we're here.
Or what day it is.
Cemeteries are like... for the living.
To come and... remember people they loved.
If we, like, you know, came every day,
that'd be weird.
Like a constant reminder that they're gone.
It's... kinda like wearing Mom's necklace every day.
Jude.
Jude: Hey, Dad.
Hi. It's good to see you.
Jude: It's good to see you, too, Dad.
Susan: I mean, that's not making any sense.
Grace: The reason...
The real reason why I can't let you be my proxy
isn't because I don't trust that you're gonna do what I want.
It's because I know if you do,
you'll never forgive yourself.
You won't see it as you respecting my wishes.
You'll see it as you... giving up on me.
And then you'll always question whether you should've
made me fight, and-- and you'll blame yourself,
and I-I could never leave you with that burden, Mom.
Susan : Oh, honey. No.
How do you know so much about panic attacks, Ma?
I used to have 'em.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
When I was in my early 40s,
around about the age you are now.
Do you think it, uh, it...
it might have something to do with being in--
in perimenopause?
Oh, I'm sure it does.
Back then, they just thought you were nuts.
Your dad...
Frank,
thought I could control it
if I would just think happy thoughts.
Exactly.
I mean, but you can't-- you can't...
You can't know what that experience is.
You just can't have any idea unless...
unless you know it.
But now you know.
If you ever, you know, need anybody
to talk to who...
understands.
I'm sorry that Dad and I ganged up on you sometimes.
It's okay.
Ganging up was the way you two bonded.
I knew it.
But...
it didn't feel good being on the outside.
It still doesn't.
I'll try not to do it anymore, okay?
Thank you for helping me.
I love you, Mom. I hope you know that.
And that is the very, very,
very best Mother's Day gift ever, ever!
Which is a good thing, because I noticed,
you didn't get me anything.
Callie: So, do you come here often?
No, not much.
How 'bout you?
We've only been a few times.
Yeah, it would depend on,
like, whatever foster home we were in, if they would bring us.
You're still wearing your mom's locket.
What?
Callie had a dream about Mom last night.
She asked her why she was wearing her necklace.
-Huh. -I didn't answer, I just,
like, went to feel for it around my neck,
and it was gone.
Hmm.
What do you think it meant?
I don't really think dreams mean anything.
No?
Yeah, I didn't used to.
But then, when I was in prison,
I was in this, um...
it was like a therapy, kind of, group,
and we talked about the dreams we had.
I think they're there
to try to help us work through things.
To...
tell ourself stuff.
So, what do you think I was trying to tell myself?
Well, I'm not sure,
but maybe just the fact that your mom asked you
why you were wearing it and then it was gone, that...
it could mean that you want permission to take it off.
You know?
-Oh, hey! -Sorry to interrupt.
-It's okay. -I was just getting worried.
So... Callie and Jude.
Of course. I recognize you guys from the photos.
You were younger.
It's really, really nice to meet you.
I'm Natalie.
I'm sorry, um...
Yeah, we should go.
-Um... -Well, I mean, would you guys like to come over for dinner?
Sometime at
Um...
-Sure. -Natalie: Great.
Hi!
-No.
No, I was just hoping that I could speak with you alone.
Oh, okay, sure.
Listen, I'm...
I'm sure you know Logan's very upset
about his father and me.
And we're trying to make this separation
as painless as possible on him,
and if you hurt him
by telling him something that you know nothing about...
I will make sure that he doesn't want anything to do with you.
-Hey!
I'm good.
Well, it seems like it.
-She just left to grab something to eat.
Uh, well, there's something I-I wanted to tell you,
about, uh, being your proxy person.
I, uh, I thought about it, and...
I'll do it.
If that's what you really want.
Thank you.
Stef: Hey, love.
That's very pretty.
Ximena gave it to me.
Jude said that you saw Donald.
Yeah.
He has a girlfriend.
How do you feel about that?
Fine.
I think we've all been sad long enough.
I can remember my mom
without literally wearing my grief around my neck.
Sharon : Hey, you guys! You gotta come out here!
We've having a dance party!
Good God, what is happening?
Sharon: We're having a family dance party!
Come on! This family needs to have some fun!
♪ ♪
♪ Don't care where we're going ♪
♪ Anywhere you are will do ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Don't need nothing else ♪
♪ As long as I'm here with you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Don't care where we're going ♪
♪ Anywhere you are will do ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Don't need nothing else ♪
♪ As long as I'm here with you ♪