1
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,955
<i>ADULT RALPH: There it is,
our house on good old Cleveland Street.</i>

2
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:48,024
<i>A few winters had passed, and yet
another one had come screaming...</i>

3
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,092
<i>...over Lake Michigan
in the middle of the night.</i>

4
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:54,357
<i>It had been years since the old man's lamp
stood proudly in our front window.</i>

5
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:58,025
<i>The legendary battle of the lamp
that locked my parents in mortal combat...</i>

6
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,432
<i>...would forever be etched into my psyche.</i>

7
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:04,038
This is X-5. I've located the plans
for the moan base.

8
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,235
<i>For my kid brother,
it was all but a distant memory.</i>

9
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,902
I'm going in.

10
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,016
<i>Randy was a fledgling Buck Rogers fanatic...</i>

11
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,244
<i>...who had his own way of braving
life's little conflicts...</i>

12
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,319
<i>...in this world or any other.</i>

13
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,320
Take that, you Neptunian swine.

14
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:20,514
[IMITATES GUN FIRING]

15
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,125
[GROANS THEN LAUGHS]

16
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,692
RALPH:
Randy, get inside, you lunkhead.

17
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,663
It's freezing cut.

18
00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:33,527
<i>And there I am.</i>

19
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,832
<i>With that same dumb, round face...</i>

20
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:39,238
<i>...and the same penetrating
20-90 vision.</i>

21
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,572
I had, however, discovered the wonders...

22
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:45,773
<i>...of a miracle elixir called Vitalis.</i>

23
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:55,615
- Another close call.
- Space is like that, sweetheart.

24
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,523
New go get dressed for school.

25
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:01,188
Careful with those,
Zurg's minions are everywhere.

26
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:04,358
- Oh.
- You just can't trust that sun of a bitch.

27
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,060
Excuse me?

28
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,729
Keep it up, young man,
and you're gonna bite the bar.

29
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:12,233
Oh, yes, don't test me. I mean it.

30
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,640
Oh!

31
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,842
I will not have that in my house.

32
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,315
Did you hear what your brother said?

33
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,387
Where an earth do you bays
pick up language like that?

34
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,685
MAN:
San of a bitch!

35
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,417
[MAN GRUMBLING]

36
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,993
[CLANGING AND THUDDING]

37
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,899
Gotcha, you bugger! Huzzah!

38
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,729
<i>Oh, I knew that cry.
The most feared furnace fighter...</i>

39
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:43,238
<i>...in northern Indiana had once again
sampled the sweet nectar of triumph.</i>

40
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,205
[SIGHS]

41
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,211
We may new begin our day.

42
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:53,511
MOTHER:
Ralphie.

43
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,813
<i>Aside from my sudden
and profound interest in hair...</i>

44
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:59,047
<i>...things hadn't changed that much.</i>

45
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:02,216
<i>The old man maintained
his well-deserved status...</i>

46
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,760
<i>...as the White Sox's number-one fan.</i>

47
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,329
Morons.

48
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:08,523
Another utility infielder.

49
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,931
What about a pitcher who can
make it to the second inning?

50
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,698
I'm telling you, boys, if I owned that team,
things would be a whole lot different.

51
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,368
Yes, sirree, Bob.

52
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,935
Utility infielder.

53
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,135
[SIGHS]

54
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:25,749
<i>My mother still hoarded bacon fat
like it was gold dust.</i>

55
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:28,977
Oh, that's good.

56
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,486
<i>And my brother still left the house...</i>

57
00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:35,023
<i>...wrapped for transport
like he was a Ming vase.</i>

58
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,286
For Pete's sake, Ma.

59
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,191
- I heard you sniffle.
- I can't breathe.

60
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,958
You wanna be sick
when Santa comes?

61
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,930
<i>Oh, how right she was.</i>

62
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,593
<i>For in two weeks, it would be Christmas</i>

63
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,636
<i>Most guys my age wouldn't admit it...</i>

64
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:53,039
<i>...but when it came to Christmas,
I still felt like a little kid.</i>

65
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:55,338
[GRUMBLING]

66
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,639
San of a bitch.

67
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,544
You are pulling my chain.

68
00:03:58,705 --> 00:03:59,877
Rita Hayworth'?

69
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,144
See for yourself,
it's playing at the Majestic.

70
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:04,345
I sat through it three times.

71
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,683
- Haw naked?
- Thirty percent.

72
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,189
[BOTH LAUGH]

73
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:11,192
- She pulls off her gloves.
- Na.

74
00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:14,855
And then she takes off her necklace.

75
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,729
And then she turns around
and she says, uh:

76
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,599
"I'm not very good with zippers,
but maybe if I had some help."

77
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,365
[BOTH LAUGHING]

78
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,338
Oh, my Gad.

79
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,240
Holy moly.

80
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,642
She's beautiful.

81
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,214
Eh.

82
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:38,945
[FLICK WHISTLES]

83
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,149
FLICK: Is that a 6'?
- Fireball Straight 8.

84
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:44,693
Overhead valves.
Two-speed Hyd ra-Matic.

85
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,457
Yeah, so what?
There are a tan of Buicks around.

86
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,794
Show some respect. This is a Raadmaster.

87
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,564
<i>Flick, Schwartz and I
were months away from turning 16.</i>

88
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,764
<i>The sacred moment in each boy's life...</i>

89
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,205
<i>...when he crosses the Rubicon
into manhood...</i>

90
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:01,675
<i>...and receives that most
cherished of documents...</i>

91
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,974
<i>...known as a driver's license.</i>

92
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,744
Now you're just gonna give it
a little gas, gonna pop that--

93
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:11,684
<i>Few rites of passage were marked
with such fevered anticipation.</i>

94
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,881
<i>Preparations had been ongoing for months.</i>

95
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,324
[TIRES SCREECH]

96
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,234
THE OLD MAN:
Hey, ease up.

97
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,963
You wanna drive the 500,
lndy's right dawn Route 5.

98
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:31,301
Don't take the corner in third.
Who's gonna pay for a new transmission?

99
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,068
[CAR GRINDING]

100
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,376
You're letting this joker cut in?

101
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,378
It's dag-eat-dag out here. Stake your claim.

102
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:38,607
[HORN HONKING]

103
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,273
San of a bitch!

104
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,649
<i>But through it all,
the old man remained positive...</i>

105
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,290
<i>...and steadfast in his encouragement.</i>

106
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,550
Stop sign!

107
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,126
[TIRES SCREECH]

108
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,655
Stop sign.

109
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,266
<i>Formal education had to wait.</i>

110
00:05:57,423 --> 00:06:00,131
<i>Being not quite 16
meant that every discussion...</i>

111
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,830
<i>...revolved around only one of two topics</i>

112
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:04,599
<i>There were cars, of course.</i>

113
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:08,837
And then... Oh, yes,
and then there were them.

114
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,378
<i>Drucilla Gootrad.</i>

115
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,813
<i>My sweet Drucilla. Beauty incarnate.</i>

116
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:16,078
<i>The hands-down heartthrob
of Hohman High.</i>

117
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:20,018
<i>I didn't stand a chance with her.
No one did.</i>

118
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:23,353
<i>Unless you were a quarterback
by the name of Todd Chapin...</i>

119
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:27,225
<i>...a feat which would require developing
strikingly chiseled features...</i>

120
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,301
<i>...and then beating Elkhart Lutheran
on the final play with a 60-yard bomb.</i>

121
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:34,370
The rest of us, those wretched souls...

122
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,973
<i>...who couldn't throw or catch
or leap or shoot...</i>

123
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:41,101
<i>...would have to settle for
being with her in our dreams.</i>

124
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,482
[IN GERMAN ACCENT]
Now, then, you will share with us...

125
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,948
...the location of the resistance fighters?

126
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:53,724
Perhaps I could help
to refresh your memory.

127
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,928
[LAUGHING]

128
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,826
Ga ahead, fréulein. Kick and scream.

129
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:04,332
But your American boyfriends
aren't going to rescue you today.

130
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,466
I ain't her boyfriend.

131
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:09,896
[SPITS]

132
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:11,632
Not yet, anyway

133
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,140
Don't try anything fancy, soldier bay.

134
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,644
Oh, yeah? How's this?

135
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:19,210
[SCREAMS]

136
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:25,413
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

137
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,524
[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
You saved me from a fate worse than death.

138
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,954
<i>Just doing my job, ma'am</i>

139
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,061
Oh, Private Ralphie Parker.

140
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:34,755
You will forever have
my undying lave and affection.

141
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,730
Ditto.

142
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,232
[GROANS]

143
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,337
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

144
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,494
[GRUNTS]

145
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,579
<i>My father picked me up from school
that afternoon.</i>

146
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,147
<i>The tired pistons on his beloved Olds...</i>

147
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,683
<i>...were slowly sputtering
into that good night...</i>

148
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,821
<i>...and the time had come for a change.</i>

149
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,820
Any pea-brain can go out
and buy a new car.

150
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:03,153
But landing a good used one?
You gotta be an your toes.

151
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,268
- That's it. Yeah.
- Okay?

152
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,237
Just remember, treat the gas like your wife.

153
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:19,842
Treat the clutch like your mother-in-law.

154
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,034
Huh? Baum!

155
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,770
[THE OLD MAN LAUGHING]

156
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,541
<i>The old man lived for the thrill of the hunt.</i>

157
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:30,313
<i>And there was no one he loved having
in his sights more than Hank Catenhauser.</i>

158
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,082
<i>I had been going with him
to Hank's World of Wheels...</i>

159
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,385
<i>...for as long as I could remember.</i>

160
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,960
<i>Hank drove an ambulance in World War I.</i>

161
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,358
<i>Legend had it he backed over a land mine...</i>

162
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,058
<i>...and still had a piece of shrapnel
the size of a walnut lodged in his brain.</i>

163
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,258
HANK:
Goad to see you!

164
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:49,031
<i>Hank liked to tell his customers
it was the part of the brain that made deals.</i>

165
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,471
I like you, Parker.
You're an Oldsmobile man.

166
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:54,805
- Guilty as charged.
- Well, it's a fine automobile.

167
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,969
But you can't drive a great car
till you drive...

168
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,513
-...a great bargain.
- That's true.

169
00:08:58,671 --> 00:08:59,706
[LAUGHS]

170
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:03,911
I gut two wards for you.
Just two: Olds 88.

171
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:08,024
- Actually, that's a ward and a number.
- Ha! You slay me.

172
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:11,161
- He's a card. Let's take a sneak peek.
- All right.

173
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:15,231
<i>Unbeknownst to Hank, my father
and I had perfected a routine...</i>

174
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,665
<i>...carefully orchestrated,
to augment our bargaining power.</i>

175
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:21,464
Push button radio, white wall tires.

176
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,766
Automatic choke.

177
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,843
Well, why don't you
hop in the back there, sunny?

178
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,809
Just wanna see if that seat's roomy enough
for you and your brother.

179
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,779
Sure thing, Dad.

180
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,316
Hm.

181
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,849
Sc haw is it back there?

182
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:41,548
Uh, it's okay. I mean...

183
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:44,558
Ah. A little tight.

184
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,796
Ah, tight. He says it's tight back there.

185
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:50,093
These kids, they grow like weeds.

186
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,463
Heh. It's certainly a factor.

187
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,605
Well, I guess I'm gonna have to give you...

188
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,833
-...a heck of a price an it, won't I?
- Well, haw about that?

189
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,795
Oh, there she was.

190
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,465
<i>In all her gleaming, second-hand glory.</i>

191
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:36,409
<i>A 1939 Mercury Model-Eight Convertible.</i>

192
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,743
<i>The top was frayed,
the tires were almost shot.</i>

193
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:41,680
<i>As if any of this mattered.</i>

194
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:44,412
<i>For I was in the presence
of the greatest machine...</i>

195
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,682
<i>...ever to glide off an assembly fine</i>

196
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,087
<i>The apex of automobilia.</i>

197
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,694
Holy jeez.

198
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,552
<i>Phase two of the old mans scheme
was always the same.</i>

199
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,519
<i>He'd tell Hank it was time
to go home and think it over...</i>

200
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,955
<i>..Jet him sweat for a week or two</i>

201
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:25,652
<i>And then, like jaguars
circling their hapless prey...</i>

202
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:28,389
<i>...we'd close in for the kill.</i>

203
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:32,001
He's over-barrel this time, Ralphie bay.
We gut him good.

204
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,229
Oh, you bet, Dad.
The Parker bays strike again.

205
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,066
Hey, you know what they say:

206
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,708
The acorn doesn't fall
far from the tree. Huh?

207
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,865
Huh?

208
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,570
<i>Oh, the old man
was a veritable cliché repository...</i>

209
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,979
<i>...never hesitating to haul out
one of life's tired truisms...</i>

210
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,447
<i>...for our edification.</i>

211
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:50,747
You know what they say:

212
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,890
If you don't ask, you don't dance.

213
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,116
You know what they say:

214
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,283
Every dag has his day.

215
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,396
You know what they say:

216
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:03,796
If anything can go wrung, it will.

217
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,596
<i>And one that I begged to differ with</i>

218
00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:09,933
<i>Lightning never strikes
the same place twice.</i>

219
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:13,134
<i>Fortunately, I had
the advantage of experience.</i>

220
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:16,576
<i>I already knew that planting seeds
into one's subconscious...</i>

221
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,273
<i>...was a delicate operation indeed.</i>

222
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,442
You know, I heard that 31 percent
of American households...

223
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,645
...had second cars.

224
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,187
<i>Careful. Don't tip your hand.</i>

225
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,020
Nat that we need one.

226
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,684
I just thought it was interesting.

227
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,796
Well, we are living
in prosperous times, I guess.

228
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,560
Oh, yeah, country's an a roll.

229
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,294
You know what they say:
Sky's the limit. Ha-ha-ha.

230
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:43,167
Coach caught Mikey Witlin
eating his bangers in gym.

231
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:48,943
Still, when Dad's got a road game in bowling
league or Aunt Clara and Uncle Bill are in town--

232
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:52,776
Randy, mouth closed when you chew.

233
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:54,442
Ga an.

234
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,645
Heh. Nothing.

235
00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,290
I just think it might be nice
to have some extra wheels around.

236
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,757
And maybe you could even get
your driver's license.

237
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,897
<i>Oh, well done.</i>

238
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:09,032
You know,
that is something to consider.

239
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,161
- What's that?
- Well, what Ralphie just said.

240
00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:17,170
I mean, he is almost 16, right'?
And we could--

241
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,036
THE OLD MAN:
Wait.

242
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:21,238
Wait.

243
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,380
Listen.

244
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,571
[FURNACE CREAKING]

245
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:28,412
<i>No. Not now. Anytime but now.</i>

246
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,150
Aah!

247
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,483
It's a clinker!

248
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,093
Aha!

249
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:42,758
You are mine!

250
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:45,835
I guess we'll talk about it
some other time.

251
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:51,270
<i>As the old man would say,
close, but no cigar.</i>

252
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:54,707
[BAND PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS"]

253
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,177
<i>Oh, how I loved band practice.</i>

254
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,880
<i>For 45 minutes, Mice a week...</i>

255
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,315
<i>...Drucilla and I could be together.</i>

256
00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,080
<i>Not face-to-face, but still close enough...</i>

257
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,383
<i>...to smell her
lavender-scented shampoo.</i>

258
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,355
[SIGHS]

259
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,235
<i>Someday, my beauty,
there'll be a veil upon that hair.</i>

260
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,271
<i>And I'll lift it, so our lips can meet...</i>

261
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,499
<i>...as they pronounce us man and wife.</i>

262
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:32,580
A little less holiday spirit, Mr. Parker.

263
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,718
[ALL LAUGH]

264
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,682
From the tap, people.

265
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,618
One, two, one, two.

266
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:42,987
[BAND PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS"]

267
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:46,027
<i>At least there was one beauty
I had a chance of winning.</i>

268
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:47,823
<i>One look at my magnificent Merc...</i>

269
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:51,264
<i>...and the guys would surely be able
to fathom my pangs of longing.</i>

270
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:52,766
RALPH:
And here's the beauty part.

271
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,496
It's the mast gorgeous ride
an the lat, and nobody cares.

272
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:56,867
Nobody?

273
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,100
No one's paying attention
She's gathering dust.

274
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:02,303
I could pick it up for a sang, I know it.

275
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,539
Uh, green, right?

276
00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:09,083
Yes. I'm calling her Emerald Express.

277
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:16,259
Yeah, who wouldn't want that beauty?

278
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,419
But it was in the garage. It was dirty.

279
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:22,623
Uh, guess he washed it.
Must have a hose somewhere.

280
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,790
Uh, maybe you can barrow it
to hang yourself.

281
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,369
<i>There it was. Taunting me.</i>

282
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,802
<i>Deal of the day
could only mean one thing.</i>

283
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:33,910
<i>At any moment, hundreds of buyers
would stampede down Hohman Avenue...</i>

284
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:37,013
<i>...begging to be the first one
to hurl a checkbook at Hank.</i>

285
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,308
<i>Pay to the order of "ruin my life."</i>

286
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,950
Hate to break it to you, chief...

287
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:45,077
...but wanting and awning
are two different things.

288
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:49,488
I'd say he had got
a better chance with Drucilla.

289
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:52,151
- You think it's open?
- Why?

290
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,457
I wanna see what it's like
behind the wheel. Just once.

291
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,793
You kidding? The guy's inside,
you'll get in trouble.

292
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,903
Hey, my dad's like royalty here.
He just sent us a calendar.

293
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,164
Take them. Came an, Schwartz,
take them.

294
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,932
Oh, fine.

295
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,644
<i>Split-bench leather seat...</i>

296
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:14,808
<i>Quadra-Coil suspension,
hydraulic brakes.</i>

297
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,545
<i>No. No sense torturing myself.</i>

298
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,486
<i>It was time to say my goodbyes.</i>

299
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,648
Sc lung, old girl.

300
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:24,851
Gut something here, just came in.

301
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,826
Ralph. Ralph.

302
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,762
HANK:
Absolute mint condition.

303
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,731
Oh. Uh...

304
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,736
HANK: Hal, this Merc's
got your name written all aver it.

305
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,499
[HANK LAUGHS]

306
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,474
Sweet jeepers,
just took it in an the tray.

307
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,705
Hi, kids. How's it going?
Great, take it somewhere else.

308
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,009
Crass my heart.
A grandmother from Muncie.

309
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,947
I guarantee she never tank it aver 20.

310
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,610
[RALPH GRUNTS]

311
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,019
[GRUNTING]

312
00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:58,691
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, my God!
HAL: Unh. Unh!

313
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,926
[HORNS HONKING]

314
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,294
Oh!

315
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,263
Whoa! Move cut!

316
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:08,598
[PANTING]

317
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,701
[HORNS HONKING]

318
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,435
[TIRES SCREECHING]

319
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,136
[SIGHS]

320
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:19,748
[YELLS]

321
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,577
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

322
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,214
[RALPH PANTING]

323
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,984
WOMAN:
Oh!

324
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,060
Is he all right?

325
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:38,334
My first test drive.

326
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,467
How'd I do'?

327
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,803
Oh...

328
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:58,244
"fudge!

329
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,188
[CHUCKLES]

330
00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:10,492
Yeah, actually it's been
a pretty good year.

331
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,102
Well, until the Three Stooges turned up.

332
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,239
Yeah, ha-ha-ha. You tan.

333
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:20,769
It's only because I go back with your father
I'm not bringing the caps into this.

334
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:25,040
I could help you close a deal with him
an that Olds. I mean, he really wants it.

335
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,013
We were just trying
to soften you up a little.

336
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,413
<i>Oh, the people you'll stab in the back...</i>

337
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,851
<i>...when you're trying to save
your own skin.</i>

338
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,455
What, you don't think I know that?

339
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,683
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Back seat's a little tight, Dad

340
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,385
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You two have been
trying to pull that since you could walk.

341
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,461
[LAUGHS]

342
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:42,397
Eighty-five bucks. Cash.

343
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,556
BOTH: What?
- That's what a new tap casts.

344
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:48,500
- They can have it here next week.
- I can't get $85 by then.

345
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:52,631
- Well, when do you think you can get it?
- Well, 1970 seems realistic.

346
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,039
- Okay, that's it, I'm calling.
- Na!

347
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,409
I Will have it. All of it.

348
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,709
Na, you won't. You'll never get that much.

349
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,983
[WHISPERS]
You don't say that in front of him.

350
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:07,487
[IN NORMAL VOICE] My friends underestimate
the depth of my resolve and my resourcefulness.

351
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,684
I like this kid.

352
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:14,891
Determination.
That's what gets things dune.

353
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:17,033
Sc you get this done by Christmas Eve...

354
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:22,263
...or the only thing coming down
your chimney this year will be the cops.

355
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:26,432
<i>It was times like this when you found out
who your friends were.</i>

356
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:29,875
<i>The treaty that formed NATO
hadn't even been thought of yet.</i>

357
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,948
<i>But on that day,
three young men from Indiana...</i>

358
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,018
<i>...had already formulated
its founding principle:</i>

359
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,213
<i>An attack on one is an attack on all.</i>

360
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,592
This is X-5 to base.

361
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:51,792
I'm initiating reconnaissance
of General Katar's evil lair.

362
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,903
Over and cut.

363
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,373
Nineteen dollars and six cents.

364
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:00,942
Well, that's peachy.

365
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:04,672
- I put in 10, Schwartz. Haw about you?
- An entire roll of nickels.

366
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,474
That's two bucks, Rockefeller.

367
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:09,244
SCHWARTZ: Why you barking at me?
I'm not the one that wrecked a car.

368
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,479
RALPH: Only part of it.
And I wasn't even driving.

369
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:14,351
Sc what? You still awe the guy, don't you?

370
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:21,187
What's mast important, Ralph,
is that we--

371
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:22,423
We are all--

372
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,761
- And came an in, Randy.
RANDY: Oh!

373
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,265
Ralphie wrecked a car? Neat-o!

374
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:32,307
I swear, you rat him out, I will show you
what you look like on the inside.

375
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,375
I swear, if you tell Mam and Dad, I will--

376
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,605
Uh, nobody's ratting out nobody.

377
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,305
But he's right.

378
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:42,247
Someone's gotta pay Hank.

379
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,251
Oh, nu. Uh-uh.
I know where this is going.

380
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,514
You gotta tell him.

381
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:48,214
- Na, I don't.
- What, tell who?

382
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:49,415
His old man.

383
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,755
Give me two minutes,
I want a running start. Ha-ha-ha.

384
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,797
Forget it, Flick. Last week,
I dropped a battle of Dr. Pepper...

385
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,230
...and he almost tank my head off
for blowing the deposit.

386
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,996
- You want me to ask him for 85 bucks?
- Why not?

387
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,502
<i>THE OLD MAN [SINGING]:
Jingle bells</i>

388
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,197
Listen to him. He's all jingly.

389
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:07,173
<i>Jingle all the way</i>

390
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,405
- Ha!
- Yeah, chin up, buddy.

391
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:11,775
We're right here with you.

392
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,917
Yeah, great.
He'll take your heads off tan.

393
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:15,710
Uh, maybe we shouldn't
get involved.

394
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:19,583
- You know, it's a family matter and all.
- There's no choice, Ralph.

395
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,190
There's tans of choices.

396
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,552
I could, uh--

397
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,819
I could lay low at your house
for a couple of months.

398
00:21:24,983 --> 00:21:28,328
Or I can, uh-- Hey, we'll join the Navy.
I could join the Navy.

399
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,434
Or I can-- I can change my name
and grow a beard.

400
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:33,331
Maybe not now, but scan.

401
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,597
Or I can, uh-- I can--

402
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:38,537
- I can't feel my legs.
- Whoa.

403
00:21:38,697 --> 00:21:39,732
That's it. Easy.

404
00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:46,477
INMATE 1:
Sc lung, kid.

405
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,479
Are you sorry for your sins in your life...

406
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,588
and do you wish for absolution, my son'?

407
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:55,588
Dead kid walking.

408
00:21:55,747 --> 00:21:57,954
INMATE 2:
Ga out like a man!

409
00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:02,322
Na.

410
00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:03,795
Na.

411
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,730
Na! Na, please!

412
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,234
Please, please!

413
00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:09,838
Na!

414
00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:15,373
[THE OLD MAN SCATTING]

415
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:19,175
<i>THE OLD MAN [SINGING]: Over the fields we go
Ha, ha, ha, laughing all the way</i>

416
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,784
Hey, how's it going?

417
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:25,478
Okay, I guess.
Won't know till we plug them in.

418
00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:28,784
If one of these bulbs is bad,
it makes the whale strand worthless.

419
00:22:28,947 --> 00:22:30,927
Heh. Well, you know what they say:

420
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,562
One bad apple, right?

421
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:33,719
[CHUCKLES]

422
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,024
Yeah, that's a good one, Dad.
A perennial.

423
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,361
[SIGHS]

424
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,096
I was thinking
maybe we could sort of talk.

425
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:45,873
You can always talk to me,
Ralph, you know that.

426
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:48,536
Goad.

427
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:54,540
Could I help you with anything?
Hold the ladder? Maw the lawn?

428
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,118
Uh-ah. I know what that means.

429
00:22:57,843 --> 00:22:59,413
- You do?
- Sure.

430
00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:02,252
It means you need a little extra dough
for Christmas, right?

431
00:23:03,615 --> 00:23:04,787
Sure do.

432
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,554
Well, you're lucky.

433
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,459
I'm feeling extravagant tonight.

434
00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:11,260
Yeah. Why don't you get
something nice for your mother?

435
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:13,334
Huh? Like perfume or a scarf.

436
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:16,166
From you and Randy.
I'll give you a buck.

437
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:18,433
I'll give you 2! Huh? Heh, heh.

438
00:23:18,597 --> 00:23:22,374
Thanks, Dad. That's swell.

439
00:23:23,602 --> 00:23:25,172
Could I have 83 mare?

440
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:29,477
Why?

441
00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:31,744
What?

442
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:33,981
[THE OLD MAN GRUMBLING]

443
00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,156
Na way.

444
00:23:40,318 --> 00:23:42,457
Na way an God's green earth.

445
00:23:42,621 --> 00:23:44,623
But, Dad, he wants to put me in jail.

446
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:46,463
Please, I will pay you back double.

447
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:48,229
Well, you're not gonna have ta.

448
00:23:49,628 --> 00:23:52,040
Because there's no way
you're getting it from me!

449
00:23:56,735 --> 00:24:00,615
I could give you the money,
but what would that teach you?

450
00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:03,252
- Haw generous you are.
- Na, nu, nu.

451
00:24:03,408 --> 00:24:05,183
Na kid of mine is growing up thinking...

452
00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:08,722
...that he can get somebody else
to buy his way out of a scrape.

453
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,257
You need some money?

454
00:24:10,415 --> 00:24:12,918
You figure out a way
to came up with same.

455
00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:15,030
Hey, you know what they say:

456
00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:18,498
You give a man a fish
and he'll eat for a day.

457
00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:21,797
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat...

458
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,740
...forever.

459
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,667
Well, just so you know...

460
00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:30,473
...I'm pretty sure any prison stretch
would be minimal.

461
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,205
And if you gut an a chain gang...

462
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:35,783
...you wouldn't have to sit
in your cell all day. Heh-heh-heh.

463
00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:38,146
Wouldn't hurt to ask.

464
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,188
Wait a second.

465
00:24:50,689 --> 00:24:51,827
It's Christmas, right?

466
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:54,468
Higbee's will hire anybody on Christmas.

467
00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:56,401
We'll go tomorrow.

468
00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:58,563
That's the ticket, guys. Getting jabs.

469
00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:00,539
We'll work our butts off,
12 hours a day.

470
00:25:00,699 --> 00:25:02,736
- Twelve hours a day? I can't wait!
RALPH: Yes!

471
00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:07,043
<i>ADULT RALPH: Hank was right.
Determination got things done.</i>

472
00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:10,743
<i>I'd be the kind of part-time holiday help
that legends are made of.</i>

473
00:25:10,909 --> 00:25:12,820
My fellow Americans...

474
00:25:12,978 --> 00:25:16,755
...we are here today to honor
an exceptional young man.

475
00:25:16,915 --> 00:25:20,453
Ralph Parker, once again,
you have set the gold standard...

476
00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:22,963
...far your thousands
of fellow workers to fallow.

477
00:25:23,121 --> 00:25:25,727
Please accept this taken
of your country's esteem...

478
00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:29,395
...and my personal congratulations.

479
00:25:30,228 --> 00:25:31,263
Thank you, Mr. President.

480
00:25:31,429 --> 00:25:33,466
[CROWD CHATTERING AND APPLAUDING]

481
00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:44,050
Drucilla.

482
00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:54,791
CROWD:
Oh!

483
00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,598
MAN:
Bravo!

484
00:26:02,527 --> 00:26:03,562
[FURNACE CLATTERING]

485
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:06,072
[THE OLD MAN GRUMBLING]

486
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:09,734
[CONTINUES GRUMBLING]

487
00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:39,933
Na! Don't you dare.

488
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:41,543
[PANTS]

489
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:44,436
Is everything all right, dear?

490
00:26:44,836 --> 00:26:46,509
[SIGHS]

491
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,523
<i>In the words of boxing great
Jack Dempsey...</i>

492
00:26:54,679 --> 00:26:56,852
<i>...a champion is someone who gets up...</i>

493
00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:59,154
...even when he can't.

494
00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:06,095
Oh, honey.

495
00:27:06,257 --> 00:27:09,136
What am I doing lacking for another car?

496
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:11,865
When what really needs
to be tossed onto the junk heap...

497
00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:15,671
...is that worthless hunk of iron
in the basement!

498
00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:23,775
[FURNACE CLANGS]
[GRUNTS]

499
00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:26,244
[CLANGS]

500
00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:27,412
Friggin'--

501
00:27:28,980 --> 00:27:29,981
[CLANGS]

502
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:31,525
[GRUMBLES]

503
00:27:33,151 --> 00:27:35,028
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

504
00:27:37,722 --> 00:27:38,826
[MAN LAUGHS]

505
00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:43,200
Yep. Thing's pretty much an its last legs.
Lacks like it came with the house.

506
00:27:43,361 --> 00:27:45,739
It was here when dinosaurs
roamed the Earth.

507
00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:48,503
- The house came later.
- Ha-ha-ha.

508
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,839
Sn, what'd you have in mind?

509
00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:52,504
We gut a sale
an the new forced-air models.

510
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:55,709
- Och.
- Same pretty good prices.

511
00:27:57,308 --> 00:28:01,051
All right. I'm listening.

512
00:28:01,212 --> 00:28:02,748
[YELLS]

513
00:28:02,914 --> 00:28:05,019
And good day to you, sir.

514
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,798
If you change your mind, sir,
we're in the bank.

515
00:28:09,954 --> 00:28:11,365
Ow!

516
00:28:22,834 --> 00:28:25,212
[THE OLD MAN GRUMBLING]

517
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:28,476
Would you forget about the furnace?

518
00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:35,654
Hiya, Mrs. Parker.
That time of year again, huh?

519
00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:37,657
MOTHER:
I know someone who's pretty excited.

520
00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,854
Ha, ha. Been tasting it since October,
has he? Ha, ha.

521
00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:43,625
Well, I saved a special one for you,
nice and plump.

522
00:28:43,788 --> 00:28:44,960
Hang an.

523
00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:47,763
Three-hundred ninety dollars
for a furnace.

524
00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:50,998
What kind of mutton-headed chump
does he take me far?

525
00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:54,371
- He seemed pretty honest to me.
- He's a quacksalver.

526
00:28:54,532 --> 00:28:57,274
Telling me about furnaces.
He doesn't think I know about furnaces?

527
00:28:57,435 --> 00:29:00,006
- I know about furnaces.
- You know haw to swear at them.

528
00:29:00,171 --> 00:29:02,412
Yeah, and I know haw to
buy them tan, okay?

529
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:05,453
Here's your Christmas turkey, Mr. Parker.
Ha, ha.

530
00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:07,590
- You folks enjoy now.
- Thank you.

531
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:11,057
If I can pick up a good used car,
I can certainly pick up a good used furnace...

532
00:29:11,216 --> 00:29:12,923
...and you can take that to the--

533
00:29:15,353 --> 00:29:18,129
I'm sorry, what is this?
A serial number or something?

534
00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:19,768
Na, nu. That's the price.

535
00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:21,801
Na, that's a mistake. It has to be.

536
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,440
Uh, nu, sir, 40 cents a pound.

537
00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:26,598
[THE OLD MAN SCOFFS]

538
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:29,735
We can go now, dear.

539
00:29:29,901 --> 00:29:31,403
- Oh, but-- But that's curs.
- Na.

540
00:29:31,569 --> 00:29:33,571
That was ours.
New that's somebody else's.

541
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:36,048
- We're not paying for that.
- But you lave turkey.

542
00:29:36,207 --> 00:29:37,447
You dream about turkey.

543
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:41,113
Forty cents a pound? Hell, why not 50?

544
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:42,952
Why not a whale dollar?

545
00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:47,460
Huh? Why not I just open up my wallet
and dump it out an the flour?

546
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,292
Haw about a nice pat roast?

547
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:53,527
Yeah? What's that gonna set me back?
A couple of house payments? No, thank you.

548
00:29:53,691 --> 00:29:55,227
Sorry, George.

549
00:29:55,393 --> 00:29:57,066
Cheapskate.

550
00:29:57,228 --> 00:29:59,139
Wait-- Listen to me.

551
00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:01,504
We do this once a year. Once.

552
00:30:01,666 --> 00:30:04,203
- The drumsticks, the giblets.
- Forty.

553
00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:07,543
- Four, zero.
- We use it in sandwiches.

554
00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:11,380
We make turkey salad, chili, soup.

555
00:30:11,543 --> 00:30:13,318
It never stops giving.

556
00:30:14,045 --> 00:30:16,525
Oh, honey, it's Christmas. Let it go.

557
00:30:16,681 --> 00:30:17,682
I can't. Na.

558
00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:22,195
There is no way this family is getting suckered
by this meat packer!

559
00:30:22,353 --> 00:30:25,994
All right, then. What are we supposed to
eat an Christmas Eve? Tell me that.

560
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:35,944
- Ice fishing? Ice fishing?
- It's gonna save us a fortune.

561
00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:37,579
- Fish for Christmas.
- Well, why not?

562
00:30:37,735 --> 00:30:39,715
The folks up the street
have fish every year.

563
00:30:39,871 --> 00:30:43,648
- The Ragos are Italian.
- Hahman Lake is crawling with perch.

564
00:30:43,808 --> 00:30:47,119
Christ, they're practically gonna
leap through the hale all an their awn...

565
00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:48,757
...and drive you home to boat. Heh.

566
00:30:48,913 --> 00:30:51,223
Hey, little buddy. What do you say
this year, we go cut...

567
00:30:51,382 --> 00:30:53,521
...and we catch us
our Christmas dinner, huh?

568
00:30:54,152 --> 00:30:57,497
Haw about that for some holiday fun?

569
00:30:57,655 --> 00:31:00,261
This couldn't possibly end well.

570
00:31:01,893 --> 00:31:04,840
<i>Every Christmas,
downtown Hohman was transformed...</i>

571
00:31:04,996 --> 00:31:06,805
<i>...into a sea of humanity.</i>

572
00:31:06,965 --> 00:31:09,536
<i>Motley hordes of blue-jowled
foundry workers...</i>

573
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:11,476
<i>...and gray-faced refinery men...</i>

574
00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:14,378
<i>...trudging through wildly
pulsing department stores...</i>

575
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:18,248
<i>...trailed by millions of leatherette-jacketed,
high-topped, mufilered kids...</i>

576
00:31:18,409 --> 00:31:21,618
<i>...each with a gnawing hunger
to get it all.</i>

577
00:31:21,779 --> 00:31:25,886
<i>And there we were,
in the heart of the action.</i>

578
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:30,996
<i>We landed on the beachhead
known as the Personnel Department.</i>

579
00:31:31,155 --> 00:31:33,396
<i>And there were three bowties
with our names on them.</i>

580
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,401
- Now, fallow me.
- We were drafted...

581
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,564
<i>...and consigned uniforms
without benefit of a physical.</i>

582
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:41,973
<i>Fresh reinforcements
in the trenches of retaildom...</i>

583
00:31:42,133 --> 00:31:45,114
...doing our part to grease
the wheels of commerce.

584
00:31:45,270 --> 00:31:48,251
<i>It was an honor to serve.</i>

585
00:31:48,406 --> 00:31:50,784
Sc you pull it cut, like so.

586
00:31:50,942 --> 00:31:54,651
You take the width, you double it, add half.

587
00:31:54,812 --> 00:31:56,985
-Got it?
-Um--

588
00:31:57,148 --> 00:32:00,288
Of course you do. Ha, ha!
You're a natural.

589
00:32:00,451 --> 00:32:01,828
All together now.

590
00:32:01,986 --> 00:32:06,196
ALL:
Take the width, double it, and add half.

591
00:32:06,357 --> 00:32:09,065
Yes. Ha, ha. Bingo.

592
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,764
Well, good luck. Heh.

593
00:32:17,735 --> 00:32:19,737
Did she just leave us'?

594
00:32:20,838 --> 00:32:22,681
She left us.

595
00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:33,287
MOTHER:
I thought we were going shopping.

596
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:35,863
Just one quick stop.

597
00:32:36,020 --> 00:32:38,398
I went through those old newspapers
out in the garage.

598
00:32:38,556 --> 00:32:40,365
- Mm-hm.
- Old real estate listings.

599
00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:43,233
A lat of people remodel after they buy.

600
00:32:43,394 --> 00:32:45,897
Soup to nuts.

601
00:32:46,064 --> 00:32:48,271
Wanna know who the future belongs ta?

602
00:32:48,433 --> 00:32:51,312
People with information.

603
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:54,575
You just missed out. Yeah, they
hauled the old one away last week.

604
00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:56,719
See? You hear that? What'd I tell you?

605
00:32:56,874 --> 00:32:58,148
Aw, she was a beaut tan.

606
00:32:58,309 --> 00:33:00,186
A vintage Jackman-Henderson.

607
00:33:00,545 --> 00:33:02,650
Yeah, they put in one of those
new central systems.

608
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,259
Heats and coals.

609
00:33:04,415 --> 00:33:07,692
Don't we have a Jackman-Henderson?
He can't stand curs.

610
00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:11,322
-[WHISPERS] He throws his tools at it.
- It's still a reliable brand, dear.

611
00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:13,491
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I don't see why we can't get a new one.

612
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:17,333
You were so frustrated yesterday.
But he thinks he can fix anything.

613
00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:20,942
Last year, he thought
he could fix the fuse box.

614
00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:24,512
- We didn't have electricity for three days.
- That's enough, dear.

615
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:27,377
We had to throw out everything
in the fridge.

616
00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:29,779
If you came across another,
maybe you can give a holler.

617
00:33:29,941 --> 00:33:32,217
- I'll keep you in mind, okay?
- Thanks.

618
00:33:32,377 --> 00:33:34,516
We can go now, dear.

619
00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:37,691
Did I say something wrung?

620
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:41,160
You didn't have to tell him every detail.

621
00:33:44,389 --> 00:33:48,201
By the way, you didn't have to
throw everything cut.

622
00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:51,363
The condiments kept fine.

623
00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:54,772
<i>He dragged her to two more
houses that afternoon.</i>

624
00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:56,912
And five the next.

625
00:33:57,068 --> 00:33:59,070
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

626
00:34:03,441 --> 00:34:04,545
Please?

627
00:34:06,444 --> 00:34:08,549
Wait, Schwartz, double it twice, right?

628
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:11,717
Na, you idiot. Double it then add half.

629
00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:15,126
All right, next.

630
00:34:17,655 --> 00:34:19,999
I want to know where my tea set is.

631
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,160
Uh, ma'am, please, be patient.

632
00:34:22,326 --> 00:34:25,569
You try being patient with a 10-week-old.
Mommy's here, pumpkin.

633
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:26,902
[CRYING]

634
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:30,745
[GRUNTING]

635
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:33,746
- I've been waiting for 10 minutes.
- Yes.

636
00:34:34,305 --> 00:34:35,579
Haw could she just ditch us?

637
00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:37,014
Where the heck is she?

638
00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:39,883
Heh, heh. Peace an Earth.

639
00:34:41,612 --> 00:34:43,489
[COUGHING]

640
00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:45,650
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

641
00:34:48,686 --> 00:34:51,098
- Where are my--?
- It's the wrung package.

642
00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:53,292
Please, everyone, we are doing our best.

643
00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:54,801
[SCREAMS]

644
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:57,200
My baby! Where's my baby?

645
00:34:58,096 --> 00:34:59,632
[BABY CRYING]

646
00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:01,334
Oh...

647
00:35:02,700 --> 00:35:03,701
[SIGHS]

648
00:35:03,868 --> 00:35:05,279
[THUDS]

649
00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:08,614
You wrapped her daughter?

650
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:11,151
I put a pink bow an it.

651
00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:20,390
Fallow me.

652
00:35:22,086 --> 00:35:23,759
Observe.

653
00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:26,701
Excuse me, miss.
Care to sample our new fragrance?

654
00:35:26,858 --> 00:35:30,067
WOMAN 1:
Mm-hm. Mm.

655
00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:34,102
You think you can manage that?

656
00:35:46,878 --> 00:35:48,186
WOMAN 2:
Och.

657
00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:54,261
Miss, would you care to sample
our new fragrance?

658
00:35:54,652 --> 00:35:57,030
- Mm.
- Oh!

659
00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:26,761
[FLICK GRUNTS]

660
00:36:39,430 --> 00:36:40,431
[BARKING]

661
00:36:40,598 --> 00:36:42,236
[SCREAMING]

662
00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:47,606
[GRUNTS]

663
00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:48,807
[SIGHS]

664
00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:53,044
Definitely nut.

665
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,781
Oh...

666
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,090
- Sample, ma'am?
- Yes, please. Thank you.

667
00:36:59,850 --> 00:37:00,885
One second.

668
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:03,931
- Sure.
-dammed.

669
00:37:04,922 --> 00:37:05,992
SCHWARTZ: Och!
-om

670
00:37:06,157 --> 00:37:07,659
[GRUNTING]

671
00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:08,996
[GROANS]

672
00:37:13,664 --> 00:37:15,075
[BOTH GRUNTING]

673
00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:19,737
Aah!

674
00:37:22,139 --> 00:37:24,176
Oh, I'm so sorry. Here, here.

675
00:37:24,342 --> 00:37:25,480
Here we go.

676
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:28,823
<i>Um-- Hmm.</i>

677
00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:30,352
[NAVY OFFICER CLEARS THROAT]

678
00:37:35,953 --> 00:37:38,524
[WHIMPERING]

679
00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:42,101
You better run!

680
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,740
[LAUGHING]

681
00:37:44,895 --> 00:37:47,341
[CROWD LAUGHING]

682
00:37:51,636 --> 00:37:54,913
Sc you awe us for the mannequin...

683
00:37:55,072 --> 00:37:57,951
...a refund for that baby's mother,
of course.

684
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,782
Oh, the broken stemware upstairs.

685
00:37:59,944 --> 00:38:03,221
You really hit the jackpot an that one.

686
00:38:03,381 --> 00:38:05,224
What you've earned is in this column...

687
00:38:05,383 --> 00:38:08,489
...what you awe is aver here.

688
00:38:10,554 --> 00:38:12,625
Well, at least we didn't get canned.

689
00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:15,896
You're not kidding. Talk about a break.

690
00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:18,836
Because he felt sorry for us.
If you ask me, being pitied...

691
00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:21,533
...is a pretty good way to go through life.

692
00:38:22,466 --> 00:38:26,004
Hey! Parker!

693
00:38:26,170 --> 00:38:27,410
Hey, you'll get your money.

694
00:38:27,571 --> 00:38:29,710
We all gut jabs,
and our first day was today.

695
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:34,017
Sc far we're at minus $12.

696
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,560
FLICK:
What are you blabbing your mouth for'?

697
00:38:50,728 --> 00:38:54,266
Now, just stamp bath copies...

698
00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:57,712
...file the yellow one in the tray...

699
00:38:57,868 --> 00:39:02,112
...and send the pink one off to shipping.

700
00:39:05,409 --> 00:39:07,082
You think you can handle that?

701
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:12,891
Nat inspiring confidence.

702
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:17,996
<i>Oh, the old man prepared for ice fishing...</i>

703
00:39:18,155 --> 00:39:21,728
<i>...the same way Attila the Hun
got ready to plunder the Balkans.</i>

704
00:39:21,892 --> 00:39:25,738
<i>There would be no prisoners
on Hohman Lake this Christmas.</i>

705
00:39:27,298 --> 00:39:29,300
[SQUAWKING]

706
00:39:34,305 --> 00:39:35,943
[THE OLD MAN GRUNTING]

707
00:39:38,275 --> 00:39:41,085
Six inches, not a whit mare.

708
00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:43,589
Don't wanna tip them off
they gut company, right?

709
00:39:43,748 --> 00:39:46,592
These walleye are crafty bastards.

710
00:39:46,751 --> 00:39:48,628
Haw came we're the only ones
out here?

711
00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:51,562
Well, maybe because
everybody else is a sucker...

712
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:56,262
...wha doesn't mind spending 40 cents
a pound for a bird that can't even fly.

713
00:39:56,427 --> 00:39:58,805
- But not us, right, pal?
- Sure, Dad.

714
00:39:58,963 --> 00:40:00,067
[LAUGHS]

715
00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:05,112
All right, new let's catch us a big fish. Hm?

716
00:40:05,269 --> 00:40:06,339
[LAUGHS]

717
00:40:11,642 --> 00:40:14,179
Can we go now?

718
00:40:14,345 --> 00:40:16,086
We just started.

719
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:19,592
- It's so cold.
- It's not cold.

720
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:21,525
It's crisp.

721
00:40:21,685 --> 00:40:23,722
Fishing is all about patience, sun.

722
00:40:23,888 --> 00:40:25,799
Buck up.

723
00:40:25,956 --> 00:40:28,027
The sun's coming cut, huh?

724
00:40:28,192 --> 00:40:30,502
Gonna be a great day.

725
00:40:30,661 --> 00:40:32,106
[RANDY SIGHS]

726
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:34,573
[WIND WHISTLING]

727
00:40:34,732 --> 00:40:39,374
<i>This is why my brother Randy
still lives in Fort Lauderdale.</i>

728
00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:42,276
THE OLD MAN:
I knew it.

729
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,647
It's my jigging.

730
00:40:44,809 --> 00:40:46,220
Technique's all wrung.

731
00:40:46,377 --> 00:40:49,051
Gotta move the pale mare. Right?

732
00:40:49,213 --> 00:40:50,453
Raise and drop...

733
00:40:51,015 --> 00:40:52,289
...raise and drop...

734
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,656
...raise and drop.

735
00:40:53,818 --> 00:40:55,661
That's haw you get them
to came up to the tap.

736
00:40:56,687 --> 00:40:57,722
[PHONE RINGING]

737
00:40:57,888 --> 00:41:02,030
Tomorrow is the day, little angler.
We'll get out there bright and early, huh?

738
00:41:02,193 --> 00:41:03,570
<i>[MOUTHING]
Help me.</i>

739
00:41:03,727 --> 00:41:05,866
THE OLD MAN:
Parkers. It's your dime.

740
00:41:06,530 --> 00:41:08,441
Why, yes.

741
00:41:08,599 --> 00:41:11,079
I am indeed. Let me get a pen.

742
00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:14,682
Sweetheart, you should be honored
your father lets you go with him.

743
00:41:14,839 --> 00:41:18,013
Ralphie didn't get to go fishing
till he was well past puberty.

744
00:41:18,175 --> 00:41:20,485
Ralphie has all the luck.

745
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:22,521
Absolutely.

746
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,354
I certainly will. Yes, and thank you.

747
00:41:25,516 --> 00:41:27,826
Ha-ha-ha. What'd I tell you?

748
00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:30,659
That was the contractor we met.
I told him to call me...

749
00:41:30,821 --> 00:41:34,268
...if he came across any decent furnaces.
Well, is this decent enough for you?

750
00:41:34,425 --> 00:41:37,338
He's gut a 9-year-old Oil-O-Matic.

751
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,805
Mint condition, 180 bucks.

752
00:41:39,964 --> 00:41:43,707
He'll even throw in free installation,
and he'll bring it by in the morning.

753
00:41:43,868 --> 00:41:45,939
Doesn't 9 years old mean used?

754
00:41:46,103 --> 00:41:50,210
What difference does it make?
It's an Oil-O-Matic.

755
00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:53,116
The kind Gene Autry sings about
an the ads.

756
00:41:53,644 --> 00:41:54,850
[SINGING]
Oi!-O-Matic

757
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:56,719
<i>My, oh, MY</i>

758
00:41:56,881 --> 00:42:00,021
<i>Kiss furnace-nursing
Bye, goodbye</i>

759
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,164
[FURNACE CLATTERING AND GROANING]

760
00:42:07,691 --> 00:42:09,432
Excuse me.

761
00:42:13,664 --> 00:42:16,736
Ga ahead, live it up!

762
00:42:16,901 --> 00:42:19,040
It's your last night an Earth!

763
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:20,841
[GRUMBLING]

764
00:42:28,579 --> 00:42:31,651
MAN:
Okay, Mike. Fire it up.

765
00:42:31,815 --> 00:42:33,817
[CLATTERING]

766
00:42:38,422 --> 00:42:40,424
[FURNACE HUMMING]

767
00:42:43,294 --> 00:42:45,934
My Gad.

768
00:42:46,096 --> 00:42:48,542
Listen to that.

769
00:42:48,699 --> 00:42:51,145
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

770
00:42:51,869 --> 00:42:53,746
Please don't make me go back there.

771
00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:55,212
I'm begging you.

772
00:42:55,372 --> 00:42:58,512
Oh, honey, a good space cadet
follows orders.

773
00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:02,123
Play your cards right,
he might let you hold the pole today.

774
00:43:02,279 --> 00:43:05,351
Who cares?
He's never gonna catch a fish.

775
00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:07,291
[WHIMPERING]

776
00:43:07,451 --> 00:43:09,124
What's with him?

777
00:43:09,286 --> 00:43:11,323
Oh, he's just excited.

778
00:43:11,488 --> 00:43:13,024
Sc have they finished?

779
00:43:13,190 --> 00:43:16,137
Listen. Huh? It hums.

780
00:43:16,293 --> 00:43:17,533
I don't hear anything.

781
00:43:17,695 --> 00:43:19,174
It's there. Trust me.

782
00:43:19,330 --> 00:43:22,675
You don't hear it
because you don't hear it.

783
00:43:22,833 --> 00:43:24,335
[BOTH LAUGH]

784
00:43:24,501 --> 00:43:26,412
<i>ADULT RALPH:
Six months later...</i>

785
00:43:26,570 --> 00:43:28,846
<i>...he'd have these two in small claims court.</i>

786
00:43:29,006 --> 00:43:32,215
<i>But no matter.
It was time to savor the moment.</i>

787
00:43:35,779 --> 00:43:37,622
You're right. I can hear it.

788
00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:40,625
- Na, nu, nu. Don't patronize me.
- I can.

789
00:43:40,784 --> 00:43:43,856
- There's a hum.
- You're darn right there is.

790
00:43:44,021 --> 00:43:45,625
It's the hum of success.

791
00:43:45,789 --> 00:43:47,996
Heh, heh. Let's roll, Randy bay.

792
00:43:48,692 --> 00:43:50,103
Time to hit the hale.

793
00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:57,335
[TOOTH CRACKING]

794
00:43:57,501 --> 00:43:59,242
[SCREAMING]

795
00:43:59,970 --> 00:44:02,576
- What is it? What did you do?
-[MUMBLING] My tooth.

796
00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:04,014
Ow!

797
00:44:04,174 --> 00:44:06,916
- Uh-ah, you brake a filling.
- My tooth.

798
00:44:07,077 --> 00:44:09,250
Haney, can you go it alone today?

799
00:44:09,413 --> 00:44:11,484
I don't think there's a choice, I guess.

800
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:13,492
I'm sorry. I'll bring you some soup later.

801
00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:16,029
But right new I need to get
Randy to Dr. Strassen.

802
00:44:16,186 --> 00:44:18,063
Dr. Strassen? No, no, no.

803
00:44:18,989 --> 00:44:20,229
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm fine. I'm great.

804
00:44:20,391 --> 00:44:23,099
- Let's go fishing.
- All right. Let's go fishing.

805
00:44:23,260 --> 00:44:26,264
- Came here.
- Na! Na, I don't wanna go.

806
00:44:26,430 --> 00:44:27,602
Dad needs me.

807
00:44:27,765 --> 00:44:29,642
I don't wanna go with you.

808
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,906
- Fishing is a rite of manhood. Na!
MOTHER: Na!

809
00:44:33,070 --> 00:44:35,209
RANDY:
No, not Dr. Strassen!

810
00:44:35,372 --> 00:44:37,579
MOTHER: Randy!
- The bay wants to go fishing!

811
00:44:54,024 --> 00:44:57,403
This is green. We don't do green.

812
00:44:57,561 --> 00:45:00,201
- Wait, what's the problem?
- Yellow tray, pink ship.

813
00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:02,401
He never said nothing about green.

814
00:45:02,566 --> 00:45:05,445
You know what this means, right?
We gotta close the stare.

815
00:45:05,602 --> 00:45:07,673
Say it ain't so, Schwartzie, not the green!

816
00:45:07,838 --> 00:45:10,478
All right, calm dawn.

817
00:45:10,641 --> 00:45:12,314
We'll go find cut.

818
00:45:21,385 --> 00:45:23,592
<i>Well, you know what they say:</i>

819
00:45:23,754 --> 00:45:28,635
<i>Those who cannot remember the past
are condemned to repeat it.</i>

820
00:45:31,762 --> 00:45:32,763
[GASPS]

821
00:45:32,930 --> 00:45:34,932
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]

822
00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:43,441
Nat again.

823
00:45:49,713 --> 00:45:50,953
You three, came with me.

824
00:45:51,115 --> 00:45:52,458
- Quickly.
- Huh?

825
00:45:52,616 --> 00:45:55,290
There's been a bit of an incident
at the North Pale.

826
00:45:55,452 --> 00:45:57,989
- We've last the elves.
- But our tubes.

827
00:45:58,155 --> 00:46:00,999
Nuts to your tubes. Came an.

828
00:46:03,861 --> 00:46:05,499
<i>Ha, ha, ha!</i>

829
00:46:05,662 --> 00:46:08,165
And what do you want under the tree
this Christmas morning?

830
00:46:08,332 --> 00:46:09,367
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

831
00:46:09,533 --> 00:46:11,444
Bobby wants a new swing set?

832
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:14,606
Well, isn't that nice.
You know what Santa wants?

833
00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:18,584
A wife who doesn't hike up her skirt
every time a salesman comes calling.

834
00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:20,619
And neither of us
are getting what we want.

835
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,849
Ga an, get out of here. Next.

836
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,550
<i>Ha, ha, ha! Came an up.</i>

837
00:46:26,316 --> 00:46:29,388
Now, just get them an his lap
and get them off.

838
00:46:29,553 --> 00:46:31,055
What happened to the real elves?

839
00:46:31,221 --> 00:46:33,223
They tried to start a union.

840
00:46:33,390 --> 00:46:34,835
New go an, keep that line moving.

841
00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:38,303
Ga, go, go!

842
00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:41,399
[SIGHS]

843
00:46:41,565 --> 00:46:43,044
PAPERBOY:
Extra! Extra!

844
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:44,679
RANDY:
I don't wanna go!

845
00:46:45,969 --> 00:46:47,880
Na! Stop, he's evil!

846
00:46:48,038 --> 00:46:49,517
He's a wonderful dentist.

847
00:46:49,673 --> 00:46:51,619
- Randy!
- Na!

848
00:46:51,775 --> 00:46:54,187
<i>Gunter Strassen, DDS.</i>

849
00:46:54,344 --> 00:46:56,620
<i>The most feared name in Lake County...</i>

850
00:46:56,780 --> 00:47:00,455
<i>...known to every kid in Hohman
as the Butcher of Benvyn Avenue.</i>

851
00:47:00,617 --> 00:47:03,496
- Somebody help! Na!
- Oh, Randy!

852
00:47:03,654 --> 00:47:06,999
<i>The Butcher had a drill
he pedaled with his foot.</i>

853
00:47:07,157 --> 00:47:11,731
<i>The Butcher had little use
for such newfangled novelties as Novocain.</i>

854
00:47:11,895 --> 00:47:14,068
Ah.

855
00:47:14,231 --> 00:47:16,507
[DRILL WHIRRING]

856
00:47:17,701 --> 00:47:19,203
[RAN DY SCREAMING]

857
00:47:19,369 --> 00:47:20,507
[LAUGHING]

858
00:47:22,272 --> 00:47:24,843
[RANDY CONTINUES SCREAMING]

859
00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:27,985
[STRASSEN LAUGHING]

860
00:47:28,145 --> 00:47:29,624
[DRILL WHIRRING]

861
00:47:29,780 --> 00:47:31,453
Ah.

862
00:47:32,216 --> 00:47:33,251
RECEPTIONIST:
Sweet, isn't it?

863
00:47:37,187 --> 00:47:39,064
<i>Ha, ha, ha.</i>

864
00:47:39,223 --> 00:47:42,227
All right. Lack aver there, genius.
That's the ticket.

865
00:47:43,393 --> 00:47:44,929
What's your story?
What do you want?

866
00:47:45,095 --> 00:47:46,301
Can I get a Slinky?

867
00:47:46,463 --> 00:47:48,272
- A Slinky?
- Mm-hm.

868
00:47:48,432 --> 00:47:51,902
You mean to say you waited two hours
in line to ask for a bed spring?

869
00:47:52,069 --> 00:47:53,605
That's it?

870
00:47:53,770 --> 00:47:55,750
Ha! Came an, kid, dream big.

871
00:47:55,906 --> 00:47:57,476
Next.

872
00:47:57,641 --> 00:47:58,779
[RAN DY GROANING]

873
00:47:58,942 --> 00:48:02,219
There now. It wasn't so bad, was it?

874
00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:04,518
Okay, yeah, it was a nightmare.

875
00:48:04,681 --> 00:48:07,218
I don't know haw you did it.

876
00:48:07,384 --> 00:48:10,456
Very brave. My little soldier.

877
00:48:10,954 --> 00:48:12,058
Oh!

878
00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:13,758
A little further.

879
00:48:13,924 --> 00:48:17,428
<i>Ha, ha, ha.</i>

880
00:48:17,594 --> 00:48:19,938
SANTA:
Up here. Unh.

881
00:48:21,298 --> 00:48:23,141
Come on, Eisenstaedt. Do your thing.

882
00:48:25,936 --> 00:48:28,075
All right, what can Santa
get for you, spurt?

883
00:48:34,378 --> 00:48:36,085
[SANTA SIGHS]

884
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:39,591
Welcome to the wax museum.
Came an, spill it.

885
00:48:41,218 --> 00:48:44,495
It's okay, buddy.
Just tell Santa what you want.

886
00:48:49,259 --> 00:48:50,966
Could you bring me a tire?

887
00:48:51,128 --> 00:48:52,630
A tire?

888
00:48:52,796 --> 00:48:54,332
You mean like a bicycle tire?

889
00:48:55,198 --> 00:48:56,541
A car tire.

890
00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:58,179
SANTA:
A car tire?

891
00:48:58,635 --> 00:49:00,637
What the heck are you gonna do
with a car tire?

892
00:49:00,804 --> 00:49:02,340
That's just weird. Get him out of here.

893
00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:11,087
Hey, knack-knees, came here.

894
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:13,887
What was that all about?

895
00:49:14,551 --> 00:49:18,465
I just think you could go
a little easier anthem, that's all.

896
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:19,999
Excuse me.

897
00:49:20,157 --> 00:49:24,037
I've been delighting children for 19 years.
Don't you step an my turf.

898
00:49:24,194 --> 00:49:27,004
Na. We should hold Santa
to a higher standard.

899
00:49:27,164 --> 00:49:30,270
- I mean, you're taking the spirit out of it.
- You want dispirited?

900
00:49:30,434 --> 00:49:32,038
Came spend the day at my house.

901
00:49:32,202 --> 00:49:34,739
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"Get off your lard ass and make some money."

902
00:49:34,905 --> 00:49:38,011
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yeah, so she can spend it
an punchbaards and cheap gin.

903
00:49:38,175 --> 00:49:39,313
That's dispirited.

904
00:49:39,476 --> 00:49:42,548
- I wanna see him now!
- Me tan, fat stuff!

905
00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:44,454
Came an, Ralph, this guy's hopeless.

906
00:49:44,614 --> 00:49:45,854
Uh, let's keep it moving.

907
00:49:46,016 --> 00:49:47,552
Ralphie's entitled to his opinion.

908
00:49:47,718 --> 00:49:49,720
He has more Christmas spirit than this bum.

909
00:49:49,886 --> 00:49:52,389
- I'm sitting right here.
- And you shouldn't be.

910
00:49:52,556 --> 00:49:55,537
You're a disgrace to that uniform.
And you know what?

911
00:49:55,692 --> 00:49:57,831
- Na more kids for you.
- What?

912
00:49:57,995 --> 00:50:00,942
Everyone, you can all go home.

913
00:50:01,098 --> 00:50:02,907
ALL: What?
RALPH: Na more Santa for you.

914
00:50:03,066 --> 00:50:05,068
He is not worth it.

915
00:50:05,235 --> 00:50:07,442
Na Santa? What?

916
00:50:07,604 --> 00:50:08,776
Oh, you tell them, chief.

917
00:50:10,207 --> 00:50:11,845
Are you crazy? You see this line?

918
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:13,920
It keeps going with the curve of the Earth.

919
00:50:14,077 --> 00:50:19,322
Now, be a good elf
and get some more kids.

920
00:50:19,483 --> 00:50:21,326
Did you just hit me?

921
00:50:21,485 --> 00:50:24,557
Na, I pushed you. There's a difference.

922
00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,132
Uh, guys.

923
00:50:26,289 --> 00:50:29,133
You mean like this versus this?

924
00:50:30,594 --> 00:50:32,699
Oh-ha! Here we go, elf fight.

925
00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:34,701
Oh, yeah.

926
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:37,072
GUY" Uh. guys, guys. Na, nu, nu.

927
00:50:37,801 --> 00:50:39,246
SANTA:
Ah, bringing out the weapons.

928
00:50:39,403 --> 00:50:40,404
[BOTH GRUNTING]

929
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:42,208
Swing! Oh, yeah!

930
00:50:42,372 --> 00:50:43,476
Guys, are you crazy?

931
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:44,641
[CHATTERING]

932
00:50:44,808 --> 00:50:47,618
- You're gonna get us fired, man. Aah!
SANTA: Oh!

933
00:50:47,778 --> 00:50:49,314
You see that, bays and girls?

934
00:50:49,479 --> 00:50:54,087
That's me and Mrs. Claus every single night.
Ha, ha!

935
00:50:54,251 --> 00:50:56,492
Time to slide dawn through the chimney...

936
00:50:56,653 --> 00:50:58,826
of Mickey's Tavern and tie one on.

937
00:50:58,989 --> 00:51:01,663
Ha, ha, ha! I quit!

938
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,899
- That'll learn you
FLICK: Aah!

939
00:51:08,765 --> 00:51:09,835
You-hon!

940
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,809
Hey there.

941
00:51:11,968 --> 00:51:15,506
Brought you a little something. Oh.

942
00:51:15,672 --> 00:51:16,673
[MOTHER SIGHS]

943
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,081
Made you some soup.

944
00:51:19,242 --> 00:51:21,449
Och. Randy needed a new filling.

945
00:51:21,611 --> 00:51:24,455
- He's lying dawn for a bit.
- I don't get it.

946
00:51:24,614 --> 00:51:26,753
I'm jigging my keister off here.

947
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,124
Here, have some of this, it's still warm.

948
00:51:29,286 --> 00:51:32,927
I'm raising, I'm dropping, I'm raising,
I'm dropping. What the heck do they want?

949
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:34,626
Why don't I give it a try?

950
00:51:35,959 --> 00:51:38,496
- Well, your arm must be aching.
- Heh.

951
00:51:38,662 --> 00:51:42,166
Why not? Ga to town.

952
00:51:44,367 --> 00:51:47,348
Na, nu, nu. They go for the bright ones.

953
00:51:47,504 --> 00:51:49,814
They don't seem to go for
much of anything, actually.

954
00:51:49,973 --> 00:51:51,008
Excuse me?

955
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:54,051
I'm just saying
maybe you need a prettier one.

956
00:51:54,211 --> 00:51:56,418
[CHUCKLING]

957
00:51:56,580 --> 00:51:58,719
They don't think like that, dear.

958
00:52:04,855 --> 00:52:09,065
That's it. Now, just remember,
raise and drop, raise and drop.

959
00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:10,796
That's it.

960
00:52:10,961 --> 00:52:13,100
Oh, this is good.

961
00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:19,572
- Oh!
- Whoa!

962
00:52:19,736 --> 00:52:20,840
Hey, whoa! I gut it!

963
00:52:21,004 --> 00:52:22,847
- Hang an! I gut it.
- I'm trying.

964
00:52:23,006 --> 00:52:25,316
Whoa! That's a monster.

965
00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:28,115
Oh! It's prehistoric. Get the net.

966
00:52:28,278 --> 00:52:31,350
Get the net. Get it, get everything. Oh!

967
00:52:31,515 --> 00:52:33,995
- Is this the net?
- Yes.

968
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,927
Oh, Lard!
This thing has gut to be--

969
00:52:37,087 --> 00:52:38,430
[THE OLD MAN GRUNTING]

970
00:52:39,422 --> 00:52:41,959
Whoa!

971
00:52:44,227 --> 00:52:47,731
- It looks like your hole may be a little too--
- I know what it looks like. Hold this.

972
00:52:50,367 --> 00:52:51,437
Came here, you.

973
00:52:51,601 --> 00:52:53,581
Came here. Came an!

974
00:52:58,041 --> 00:52:59,645
Came an!

975
00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:03,549
Two days I've been out here.

976
00:53:03,713 --> 00:53:06,284
Now give in, you stupid, big fat--

977
00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:07,484
[THE OLD MAN GRUMBLES]

978
00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:08,959
[MOTHER GRUNTS]

979
00:53:09,119 --> 00:53:10,291
[GASPS]

980
00:53:22,766 --> 00:53:24,871
I'm fine.

981
00:53:26,803 --> 00:53:30,341
Give me that. I'm not finished.

982
00:53:30,507 --> 00:53:32,145
Sorry. Just trying to help.

983
00:53:32,309 --> 00:53:34,949
Heh-heh-heh. Haven't you done
enough of that already?

984
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:38,315
You know, I'm not quite sure
what you mean.

985
00:53:38,481 --> 00:53:41,655
That means that you jinxed it!
That's what it means.

986
00:53:41,818 --> 00:53:44,094
Means that everything was going great
till you showed up.

987
00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:46,427
Really? Well, good.

988
00:53:46,590 --> 00:53:48,831
Because I never wanna set fact
out here again.

989
00:53:48,992 --> 00:53:51,165
- Goad.
- Trying to get Christmas dinner...

990
00:53:51,328 --> 00:53:52,773
through a little hole in the ice.

991
00:53:52,929 --> 00:53:55,102
This has to be the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

992
00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:56,471
And for what?

993
00:53:56,633 --> 00:53:59,443
Sc you wouldn't have to
part with another $3.

994
00:53:59,603 --> 00:54:02,174
Oh, so new it's a crime
to wanna save a little money.

995
00:54:02,339 --> 00:54:03,545
A little?

996
00:54:03,707 --> 00:54:05,914
All you dais skimp.

997
00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:08,647
You skimp an the furnace
and skimp an the turkey...

998
00:54:08,812 --> 00:54:10,416
...and skimp an the car.

999
00:54:10,580 --> 00:54:13,493
You wouldn't even help out
your awn sun when he needed it.

1000
00:54:13,650 --> 00:54:17,291
You talking about Ralph?
You ever hear of setting an example?

1001
00:54:17,454 --> 00:54:19,331
Oh, yes, jab well done there.

1002
00:54:19,489 --> 00:54:20,934
I was being a good parent.

1003
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:23,435
You were being a cheap sun of a bit--!

1004
00:54:23,593 --> 00:54:27,336
<i>My mother had not uttered
an obscenity in 30 years.</i>

1005
00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:31,172
<i>Ever since she was a teenager,
and lost her job at Kreski's Market...</i>

1006
00:54:31,334 --> 00:54:34,213
<i>...for telling a hostile customer
to "go to heck. "</i>

1007
00:54:34,371 --> 00:54:36,214
Jig all you want.

1008
00:54:36,373 --> 00:54:39,650
- I'm going caroling
- Fine with me.

1009
00:54:39,809 --> 00:54:41,720
And thanks for the delicious snack!

1010
00:54:41,878 --> 00:54:43,289
Oh!

1011
00:54:50,687 --> 00:54:54,533
<i>Our own employment picture
grew dimmer that evening...</i>

1012
00:54:54,691 --> 00:54:58,730
<i>...when I lost the first and only job
I'd ever had.</i>

1013
00:55:05,135 --> 00:55:08,742
<i>CAROLERS [SINGING]: Deck the halls
With boughs of holly</i>

1014
00:55:08,905 --> 00:55:12,352
<i>Fa Ia Ia Ia Ia
La Ia Ia Ia</i>

1015
00:55:12,509 --> 00:55:16,047
<i>ADULT RALPH: By now, I knew I'd probably
never experience a Christmas...</i>

1016
00:55:16,212 --> 00:55:17,623
<i>...quite like this one.</i>

1017
00:55:17,781 --> 00:55:19,692
<i>And I wasn't alone.</i>

1018
00:55:20,417 --> 00:55:22,693
<i>My mother realized that in a sense,
she too...</i>

1019
00:55:22,852 --> 00:55:25,230
<i>...was about to be relieved of a job.</i>

1020
00:55:25,388 --> 00:55:28,995
<i>That one day soon,
it would be time to let go of a son.</i>

1021
00:55:29,159 --> 00:55:31,605
<i>CAROLERS [SINGING]:
Ancient yuletide carol</i>

1022
00:55:31,761 --> 00:55:38,269
<i>Fa Ia Ia Ia Ia
La Ia Ia Ia</i>

1023
00:55:38,968 --> 00:55:41,881
<i>ADULT RALPH:
I would be on my own, out in the world.</i>

1024
00:55:42,038 --> 00:55:44,211
<i>Into it, I would bring all that I had learned...</i>

1025
00:55:44,374 --> 00:55:48,914
<i>...from her and the old man,
forging my own tentative path.</i>

1026
00:55:54,217 --> 00:55:58,188
<i>And coming to terms with the fact
that it can be a lonely place...</i>

1027
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:01,632
...even during the most joyful of seasons.

1028
00:56:18,108 --> 00:56:20,247
<i>Mam?</i>

1029
00:56:20,410 --> 00:56:22,720
- Mam?
MOTHER: Downstairs.

1030
00:56:22,879 --> 00:56:25,257
I was trying to find
our Christmas stockings.

1031
00:56:25,415 --> 00:56:27,417
Sc many little things this time of year.

1032
00:56:27,584 --> 00:56:29,427
- Here, I could help you.
- Oh, it's okay.

1033
00:56:29,586 --> 00:56:33,056
I have to get used to doing this
without you boys sooner or later, right?

1034
00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:35,134
- Mam...
- It's fine.

1035
00:56:35,291 --> 00:56:36,998
Ga an. Shun.

1036
00:56:38,962 --> 00:56:40,339
Hey, that's it.

1037
00:56:40,497 --> 00:56:42,477
An Oil-O-Matic.

1038
00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:46,079
BOTH:
My, ah, my. Ha, ha.

1039
00:56:46,236 --> 00:56:47,510
Hey, where is Dad?

1040
00:56:47,670 --> 00:56:49,741
Oh, he's still out an the lake.

1041
00:56:49,906 --> 00:56:53,615
Hopefully shivering
and unable to feel his toes.

1042
00:56:53,777 --> 00:56:56,815
- I think I'm gonna go out there.
- Well, do not bring him a blanket.

1043
00:56:56,980 --> 00:56:59,290
Apparently he doesn't
appreciate anything nice...

1044
00:56:59,449 --> 00:57:00,757
people try to do for him.

1045
00:57:04,654 --> 00:57:06,292
Ralphie?

1046
00:57:06,456 --> 00:57:08,094
That you?

1047
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,572
Hey, Dad. Haw you doing?

1048
00:57:12,729 --> 00:57:15,266
Heh. Hey.

1049
00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:18,572
- Came an aver, pull up a chair.
- Heh.

1050
00:57:18,735 --> 00:57:22,547
I thought I'd take a ride
and stretch my legs.

1051
00:57:22,705 --> 00:57:25,584
Seems like a pretty nice night.

1052
00:57:25,742 --> 00:57:27,949
It's 10 degrees cut.

1053
00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:29,784
[CHUCKLES]

1054
00:57:29,946 --> 00:57:31,948
- Yeah, okay.
- Ha, ha.

1055
00:57:32,115 --> 00:57:36,393
Uh, I actually
kind of wanted to talk.

1056
00:57:37,487 --> 00:57:40,468
Well, sure, let's talk.

1057
00:57:40,623 --> 00:57:41,863
How's it going at work?

1058
00:57:43,092 --> 00:57:44,127
[THE OLD MAN LAUGHS]

1059
00:57:44,994 --> 00:57:48,441
God, it seems like only yesterday, I was
watching your mother change your diapers.

1060
00:57:48,598 --> 00:57:51,704
And here I am asking you,
"How's it going at work?"

1061
00:57:51,868 --> 00:57:53,370
[BOTH LAUGH]

1062
00:57:53,536 --> 00:57:55,709
Uh, that's sort of what I wanted ta, uh--

1063
00:57:55,872 --> 00:57:57,374
Lack at you, huh?

1064
00:57:57,540 --> 00:58:01,511
Getting that jab downtown, not giving in.

1065
00:58:02,512 --> 00:58:05,789
You and me, kid, we are two of a kind.

1066
00:58:05,949 --> 00:58:08,725
A couple of stubborn sans of bitches,
plain and simple.

1067
00:58:08,885 --> 00:58:10,489
[LAUGHS]

1068
00:58:10,653 --> 00:58:14,032
We're finishers. We hang tough.

1069
00:58:15,325 --> 00:58:20,172
MacArthur. He didn't pull out of Bataan
till they held a gun to his head.

1070
00:58:20,763 --> 00:58:23,175
Dugout Doug, they called him.

1071
00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:26,274
You know what they say:

1072
00:58:26,436 --> 00:58:29,883
Sometimes it's the last key in the bunch...

1073
00:58:30,039 --> 00:58:32,451
...that opens the lack.

1074
00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:38,652
Ta tell you the truth...

1075
00:58:38,815 --> 00:58:41,694
...I'm not even sure
if I know what that one means.

1076
00:58:41,851 --> 00:58:43,353
[CHUCKLES]

1077
00:58:44,254 --> 00:58:46,325
I do.

1078
00:58:46,489 --> 00:58:48,196
I know just what that means.

1079
00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:50,761
Well, good.

1080
00:58:51,461 --> 00:58:52,804
That makes one of us.

1081
00:58:52,962 --> 00:58:56,535
Here, hold this.
I have gut to get some soup.

1082
00:58:56,699 --> 00:59:00,579
<i>We sat there shivering
and telling tall tales to each other.</i>

1083
00:59:00,737 --> 00:59:03,479
<i>After I left,
he stayed three more hours...</i>

1084
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,142
<i>...and never caught a thing.</i>

1085
00:59:05,308 --> 00:59:08,482
<i>I didn't find that out
until many years later, of course...</i>

1086
00:59:08,645 --> 00:59:12,593
<i>...and it was a secret that I'm glad was kept.</i>

1087
00:59:25,628 --> 00:59:27,403
[SIGHS]

1088
00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,570
[GRUNTING]

1089
00:59:59,629 --> 01:00:01,870
Sir, may I have a ward with you?

1090
01:00:03,733 --> 01:00:06,043
Uh... Sir, please, wait!

1091
01:00:06,202 --> 01:00:07,977
Don't came any closer.

1092
01:00:08,137 --> 01:00:09,275
I want another chance.

1093
01:00:09,439 --> 01:00:11,646
I distinctly remember
telling you and your friends...

1094
01:00:11,808 --> 01:00:13,879
...that you would be physically removed...

1095
01:00:14,043 --> 01:00:16,023
...if you ever entered
this establishment again.

1096
01:00:16,179 --> 01:00:18,785
I hardly knew those guys.
It is just me now.

1097
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:21,189
I'll do whatever you want, no slip-ups.

1098
01:00:21,351 --> 01:00:25,356
Please. It's Christmas.

1099
01:00:25,521 --> 01:00:27,125
- Security!
- Na!

1100
01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:29,065
I am not going anywhere.

1101
01:00:29,225 --> 01:00:33,139
I'm a stubborn sun of a bitch,
just like he is.

1102
01:00:33,296 --> 01:00:34,969
Like who?

1103
01:00:36,032 --> 01:00:39,445
Never mind. Um...

1104
01:00:39,602 --> 01:00:43,778
Sir, if you give me one more shat...

1105
01:00:43,940 --> 01:00:45,317
you will not regret it.

1106
01:00:46,075 --> 01:00:47,349
[SIGHS]

1107
01:00:47,510 --> 01:00:49,012
Very well.

1108
01:00:49,178 --> 01:00:52,352
Oh, I wish I wasn't such a softie.

1109
01:00:53,349 --> 01:00:57,195
- Thank you.
- You don't mind working outside, do you?

1110
01:00:57,353 --> 01:01:00,061
Na. Na, nu, anywhere. Nat at all.

1111
01:01:13,903 --> 01:01:15,905
[BELLS JINGLING]

1112
01:01:18,775 --> 01:01:20,777
[BELL RINGING]

1113
01:01:51,607 --> 01:01:52,950
[LAUGHS]

1114
01:01:54,177 --> 01:01:57,647
Ding, ding, ding.

1115
01:01:58,347 --> 01:02:01,328
Ding, ding.

1116
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:04,956
<i>Not her. Anyone but her.</i>

1117
01:02:05,121 --> 01:02:08,330
<i>If she sees me dressed like this,
I might as well move to the North Pole</i>

1118
01:02:09,692 --> 01:02:13,435
<i>I'll die alone on some ice floe,
the world's only virgin reindeer.</i>

1119
01:02:14,063 --> 01:02:15,770
Please. No.

1120
01:02:15,932 --> 01:02:19,243
<i>One glimpse of me and I'll go right from
"she doesn't know I'm alive"...</i>

1121
01:02:19,402 --> 01:02:21,609
<i>...to "stay away from me, you."</i>

1122
01:02:21,771 --> 01:02:24,809
Oh, you again, eh?

1123
01:02:24,974 --> 01:02:26,510
Get out of here!

1124
01:02:26,676 --> 01:02:28,155
RALPH:
Whoa!

1125
01:02:28,311 --> 01:02:30,951
You lousy cotton-tailed klutz.

1126
01:02:31,114 --> 01:02:32,991
I spent all day getting that.

1127
01:02:33,149 --> 01:02:34,594
Sorry. I'll pick it up.

1128
01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:37,357
You bet your butt you will,
every dime.

1129
01:02:38,087 --> 01:02:39,327
Yes, sir.

1130
01:02:41,691 --> 01:02:42,999
<i>- I'll get it.
MAN: Hey!</i>

1131
01:02:43,159 --> 01:02:44,661
Hey, get back here.

1132
01:02:48,498 --> 01:02:49,533
RALPH:
Sir?

1133
01:02:49,699 --> 01:02:52,111
Sir, uh, that 5, um, it's not yours.

1134
01:02:52,268 --> 01:02:53,941
Guy on the corner's collecting money.

1135
01:02:54,103 --> 01:02:57,050
Oh, yeah? Well, you tell him
I said jab well dune.

1136
01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:59,686
- Came an, sir. It's for charity.
- Take a hike, Bambi.

1137
01:02:59,842 --> 01:03:03,949
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Actually, you do.

1138
01:03:08,951 --> 01:03:11,022
Well, that would make me
a liar then, wouldn't it?

1139
01:03:14,991 --> 01:03:16,800
Yes?

1140
01:03:16,959 --> 01:03:18,597
[GROANS THEN COUGHING]

1141
01:03:21,731 --> 01:03:24,371
[RALPH GASPING]

1142
01:03:28,337 --> 01:03:30,715
[GRUNTS AND GROANS]

1143
01:03:30,873 --> 01:03:33,410
[CHATTERING]

1144
01:03:33,576 --> 01:03:36,250
<i>All those faces floating over me...</i>

1145
01:03:36,412 --> 01:03:39,154
<i>...and the only one I could see was hers.</i>

1146
01:03:39,315 --> 01:03:42,057
<i>It was over. Why bother getting up?</i>

1147
01:03:42,218 --> 01:03:44,664
<i>Why bother going back home...</i>

1148
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:48,325
<i>...or back to school or back to anything?</i>

1149
01:03:51,761 --> 01:03:55,140
<i>Why bother having dreams at all?</i>

1150
01:04:06,876 --> 01:04:08,878
Eighty-four dollars and twelve cents.

1151
01:04:09,045 --> 01:04:10,456
That's it.

1152
01:04:10,613 --> 01:04:14,959
Oh, that's so close.
But you're still going to prison, pal.

1153
01:04:15,117 --> 01:04:19,361
Hey, uh, we can send you some
girly magazines to bribe the screws with.

1154
01:04:19,522 --> 01:04:22,093
I'm not going to jail.

1155
01:04:22,258 --> 01:04:24,260
Did you ever get that 5 bucks
your sister owes you?

1156
01:04:24,427 --> 01:04:28,705
Um, nu, she used it
to buy a winter coat for my grandma.

1157
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:30,469
Well, that was stupid.

1158
01:04:30,633 --> 01:04:33,239
Yeah? You want my grandma to freeze?

1159
01:04:34,570 --> 01:04:36,208
Did you just push me?

1160
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:39,046
Um, nu. This is a push, Nancy Drew.

1161
01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:41,654
- Dc it again, I double-dag dare you.
- Wait, I gut it!

1162
01:04:41,811 --> 01:04:43,518
I'll put some of my things in hack.

1163
01:04:43,679 --> 01:04:46,057
Lack around. I gut all kinds
of valuable stuff.

1164
01:04:46,215 --> 01:04:48,286
Yeah, because what pawnshop
wouldn't want...

1165
01:04:48,451 --> 01:04:51,125
...an old Augie Galan mitt
or an Orphan Annie decoder?

1166
01:04:51,287 --> 01:04:52,994
I just need a dollar.

1167
01:04:53,155 --> 01:04:55,066
One lousy dollar.

1168
01:04:55,224 --> 01:04:58,398
We're tapped cut, pal. All of us.
We've been picked clean.

1169
01:04:58,561 --> 01:05:02,270
We've lifted every sofa cushion,
raided every sack drawer we could find.

1170
01:05:02,431 --> 01:05:06,038
And every cent we gut
is right there an that bed.

1171
01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:11,209
[JINGLING]

1172
01:05:11,374 --> 01:05:13,581
What's in the packet, Schwartz?

1173
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:16,053
Nothing.

1174
01:05:16,212 --> 01:05:17,452
Schwartzie.

1175
01:05:17,613 --> 01:05:19,058
You can't have my lucky buck.

1176
01:05:19,215 --> 01:05:21,923
- Your what?
- My lucky buck.

1177
01:05:22,084 --> 01:05:24,257
I gut it from Grandpa Maury.

1178
01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:27,026
And I still remember the lack an his face
when he gave it to me.

1179
01:05:27,189 --> 01:05:29,965
Who cares? Your best friend
is gonna do time.

1180
01:05:30,126 --> 01:05:33,403
You don't understand.
This buck turned everything around for me.

1181
01:05:33,562 --> 01:05:35,633
That first time that I held it in my hand...

1182
01:05:35,798 --> 01:05:38,608
...I knew that I'd always came out an tap.

1183
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:41,112
If I lose it...

1184
01:05:41,270 --> 01:05:42,840
...my whale world would fall apart.

1185
01:05:44,206 --> 01:05:46,516
You're right. Forget it.

1186
01:05:46,676 --> 01:05:48,314
It's not worth it.

1187
01:05:48,477 --> 01:05:50,218
Nat if it means that much to him.

1188
01:05:52,181 --> 01:05:53,922
Wait a minute.

1189
01:05:54,083 --> 01:05:55,494
I've never seen it before.

1190
01:05:55,651 --> 01:05:58,655
Uh, when exactly did you get it?

1191
01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:01,200
The second night of Hanukkah.

1192
01:06:01,357 --> 01:06:02,631
What year?

1193
01:06:04,427 --> 01:06:07,704
Last Tuesday. I gut this tie tan.

1194
01:06:09,131 --> 01:06:10,804
[SCHWARTZ SHRIEKS]

1195
01:06:10,967 --> 01:06:12,446
SCHWARTZ:
Guys, stop. Guys.

1196
01:06:12,601 --> 01:06:14,706
- Guys, guys, that tickles.
FLICK: Let go, Schwartz!

1197
01:06:14,870 --> 01:06:16,872
SCHWARTZ:
Na, nu! Nat my lucky buck!

1198
01:06:17,039 --> 01:06:19,019
FLICK:
Say uncle! Say uncle!

1199
01:06:19,175 --> 01:06:22,019
SCHWARTZ:
Aah, aah.

1200
01:06:22,178 --> 01:06:25,955
- Eighty-five!
SCHWARTZ: Uncle!

1201
01:06:26,782 --> 01:06:28,955
<i>Eighty-five indeed.</i>

1202
01:06:29,118 --> 01:06:31,860
<i>I had pulled it off, against all odds</i>

1203
01:06:32,021 --> 01:06:34,331
<i>Stop the presses, sound the trumpets.</i>

1204
01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:36,527
<i>Victory was mine.</i>

1205
01:06:36,692 --> 01:06:38,763
<i>This time, I had beaten the furnace.</i>

1206
01:06:38,928 --> 01:06:41,204
<i>I changed the tire in four minutes flat.</i>

1207
01:06:41,364 --> 01:06:43,776
<i>I bowled the 271.</i>

1208
01:06:43,933 --> 01:06:46,777
<i>That's another way we were the same,
the old man and I.</i>

1209
01:06:46,936 --> 01:06:48,074
<i>I knew how it felt...</i>

1210
01:06:48,237 --> 01:06:51,980
<i>...to sample the sweet nectar of triumph.</i>

1211
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,446
<i>Lesson learned, all right.</i>

1212
01:06:54,610 --> 01:06:57,454
<i>Determination was the key.</i>

1213
01:06:57,613 --> 01:07:00,856
<i>No matter what,
stay the course, never falter.</i>

1214
01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:04,965
<i>Always keep your eyes on the prize.</i>

1215
01:07:05,121 --> 01:07:06,759
Really coming dawn, isn't it?

1216
01:07:06,922 --> 01:07:09,459
Looks like a white Christmas tomorrow.

1217
01:07:09,625 --> 01:07:11,901
Well, that's the way it should be, right?

1218
01:07:12,395 --> 01:07:14,671
Yes, sir, it is.

1219
01:07:14,830 --> 01:07:15,865
Merry Christmas.

1220
01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:24,480
<i>Being teenagers meant
that we were often capable...</i>

1221
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,678
<i>...of perpetrating reckless irrational acts.</i>

1222
01:07:27,843 --> 01:07:29,686
<i>Such deeds tended to involve items...</i>

1223
01:07:29,845 --> 01:07:33,486
<i>...like raw eggs or rolls of toilet paper.</i>

1224
01:07:36,585 --> 01:07:39,657
<i>There were usually simple
and understandable explanations...</i>

1225
01:07:39,822 --> 01:07:41,927
<i>...for such behavior.</i>

1226
01:07:42,091 --> 01:07:45,129
<i>We were either young
or careless or stupid.</i>

1227
01:07:45,294 --> 01:07:47,831
<i>Or in my case, all three.</i>

1228
01:07:47,997 --> 01:07:51,740
<i>And then there were times,
every once in a blue moon...</i>

1229
01:07:51,901 --> 01:07:54,438
<i>...when we did things
we couldn't explain at all.</i>

1230
01:07:54,603 --> 01:07:57,516
Ha-ha-ha! That's it.

1231
01:08:17,326 --> 01:08:19,101
[noon OPENS]

1232
01:08:19,261 --> 01:08:21,263
[RALPH SIGHS]

1233
01:08:21,430 --> 01:08:25,640
Sorry. Long day.

1234
01:08:25,801 --> 01:08:27,144
He's here.

1235
01:08:27,303 --> 01:08:29,840
MOTHER:
Oh, good. Let's eat.

1236
01:08:30,005 --> 01:08:32,508
Eat what? What are we having?

1237
01:08:34,444 --> 01:08:35,479
Right.

1238
01:08:37,013 --> 01:08:39,289
Well, as you know, I-- I thought...

1239
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:43,693
...we would try something a little different
for Christmas dinner this year.

1240
01:08:43,853 --> 01:08:46,459
Yeah, that was a laugh riot.

1241
01:08:46,622 --> 01:08:49,364
Well, I was trying to be frugal.

1242
01:08:50,159 --> 01:08:54,403
But as it turns cut,
what I was really being was-

1243
01:08:54,564 --> 01:08:56,271
Okay, everyone...

1244
01:08:56,432 --> 01:08:59,311
...look at the dinner
your father caught just for us.

1245
01:09:00,870 --> 01:09:02,372
Shazam.

1246
01:09:02,538 --> 01:09:05,246
<i>My brother never heard
what really happened...</i>

1247
01:09:05,408 --> 01:09:07,581
<i>-...and hasn't to this day.
RALPH: You're amazing.</i>

1248
01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:11,658
<i>Some acts of glaring deceit
are best kept hidden away forever.</i>

1249
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:13,760
[PHONE RINGING]

1250
01:09:13,916 --> 01:09:15,554
MOTHER:
Who's calling an Christmas Eve?

1251
01:09:15,718 --> 01:09:17,755
These bill collectors
will not leave you alone.

1252
01:09:19,522 --> 01:09:20,967
I think that's for me.

1253
01:09:25,128 --> 01:09:27,335
Eat your vegetable.

1254
01:09:29,632 --> 01:09:32,078
Parker residence. Ralph speaking.

1255
01:09:42,311 --> 01:09:45,884
There he is. My test driver.

1256
01:09:46,049 --> 01:09:49,428
I was starting to think
you'd forgotten about me.

1257
01:09:49,585 --> 01:09:50,996
I know.

1258
01:09:51,154 --> 01:09:52,895
I'm very sorry, sir.

1259
01:09:53,056 --> 01:09:55,127
You don't have it, do you?

1260
01:09:57,326 --> 01:10:00,330
- No, sir. Not all of it
- I should've known.

1261
01:10:00,496 --> 01:10:02,976
But I tried, I really did.

1262
01:10:03,132 --> 01:10:06,477
And we all gut jabs, and I earned
mast of the money, but--

1263
01:10:08,404 --> 01:10:10,611
Those people needed the tire...

1264
01:10:10,773 --> 01:10:14,220
...and I tried to get them to order the family
special, but they all wanted a la carte.

1265
01:10:14,377 --> 01:10:17,381
- You know how that adds up--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1266
01:10:17,547 --> 01:10:20,585
You are one weird kid.

1267
01:10:22,285 --> 01:10:24,265
I've heard that, sir.

1268
01:10:25,321 --> 01:10:29,326
Ninety, 91, 92...

1269
01:10:29,492 --> 01:10:33,531
...s:s, 94.

1270
01:10:33,696 --> 01:10:35,676
Thirty-nine dollars and ninety-four cents.

1271
01:10:35,832 --> 01:10:38,176
- Is that it?
- I'll have the rest next month.

1272
01:10:38,334 --> 01:10:41,076
And if nut, you can break my legs.
Or maybe one leg.

1273
01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:42,272
Skip it. You're dune.

1274
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:46,411
- I am?
- Yeah, merry "ha, ha," and all that.

1275
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:47,987
You know? Spirit of the season.

1276
01:10:48,144 --> 01:10:50,818
- Thank you.
- I just sold that Merc, anyway.

1277
01:10:50,980 --> 01:10:53,790
Made out like a bandit.
The sucker never knew what hit him.

1278
01:10:53,950 --> 01:10:56,624
[LAUGHS]

1279
01:10:56,786 --> 01:10:59,767
The thing is, you never let up.

1280
01:10:59,922 --> 01:11:02,334
And what did I tell you
about determination, huh?

1281
01:11:02,492 --> 01:11:03,937
It gets things dune.

1282
01:11:04,093 --> 01:11:06,266
And it'll pay off big
for you one day, you'll see.

1283
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:07,806
New go an home, sun.

1284
01:11:08,364 --> 01:11:09,934
And enjoy your family tomorrow.

1285
01:11:10,099 --> 01:11:12,670
Thank you, Mr. Catenhauser.
And merry Christmas.

1286
01:11:12,835 --> 01:11:14,940
Merry Christmas.

1287
01:11:16,706 --> 01:11:18,185
Made out like a bandit!

1288
01:11:18,341 --> 01:11:19,979
[LAUGHS]

1289
01:11:22,178 --> 01:11:23,987
<i>My car was gone.</i>

1290
01:11:24,147 --> 01:11:26,650
<i>I had nothing in my pocket but a hole.</i>

1291
01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:31,526
<i>And somehow, as I walked home
on that bone-chilling silent night...</i>

1292
01:11:31,687 --> 01:11:34,463
...all was right with the world.

1293
01:11:36,893 --> 01:11:38,804
[CHATTERING]

1294
01:11:41,364 --> 01:11:43,071
[RANDY & RALPH GIGGLING]

1295
01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:53,310
RAN DY:
Yes!

1296
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:55,012
Yes. A Martian police ship...

1297
01:11:55,178 --> 01:11:57,988
...farm the Buck Rogers
interplanetary Space Fleet!

1298
01:11:58,147 --> 01:11:59,649
Thank you, thank you!

1299
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:01,522
I told you he'd like it.

1300
01:12:01,684 --> 01:12:03,721
And you wanted to get him sacks.

1301
01:12:03,886 --> 01:12:06,662
Oh, bays, bays. Let's wait.
Let's do this right.

1302
01:12:06,822 --> 01:12:09,098
Who wants to play Santa?
RANDY: Me! Me! Ida! Ida!

1303
01:12:09,258 --> 01:12:11,295
RALPH:
Na. You did it last time and you stank at it.

1304
01:12:11,460 --> 01:12:12,803
- Did nut!
RALPH: Did tan.

1305
01:12:12,962 --> 01:12:14,532
- Did nut!
- Okay, okay, bays. Stop.

1306
01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,199
I'll play Santa. Shun!

1307
01:12:16,365 --> 01:12:19,073
Ga. Okay. Who goes first?

1308
01:12:19,569 --> 01:12:23,483
- Came an, Mam.
MOTHER: Uh... Oh.

1309
01:12:23,639 --> 01:12:26,552
- Here, honey, this is for you.
- Me? Oh.

1310
01:12:34,884 --> 01:12:37,057
Oh-ha!

1311
01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:39,555
Oh.

1312
01:12:39,722 --> 01:12:41,531
MOTHER:
I thought we could go back cut.

1313
01:12:41,691 --> 01:12:42,795
You know what they say:

1314
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:45,371
Lightning always strikes twice
in the same place.

1315
01:12:45,528 --> 01:12:46,973
They say that, do they?

1316
01:12:47,129 --> 01:12:48,267
[CHUCKLES]

1317
01:12:48,965 --> 01:12:52,105
- Thank you. Ha, ha.
- Let's see. Who's next? Oh.

1318
01:12:52,268 --> 01:12:54,305
[IMITATING AIRCRAFT ENGINE DRONING]

1319
01:12:56,138 --> 01:13:00,587
Ralph, this is for you from Aunt Clara.

1320
01:13:00,743 --> 01:13:02,188
Oh, nu.

1321
01:13:02,345 --> 01:13:04,188
<i>"Oh, no" was right.</i>

1322
01:13:04,347 --> 01:13:07,920
<i>It was time for the annual
Aunt Clara humiliation fest.</i>

1323
01:13:08,084 --> 01:13:11,429
<i>Lord knows what sort
of degrading polyester nightmare...</i>

1324
01:13:11,587 --> 01:13:13,157
<i>...was in store for me this year.</i>

1325
01:13:13,322 --> 01:13:16,599
Well, go an, open it.
She always gets you the nicest things.

1326
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:19,437
[GIGGLING]

1327
01:13:19,595 --> 01:13:22,542
- It's not funny, Randy.
- Yes, it is.

1328
01:13:25,668 --> 01:13:27,113
MOTHER:
Oh, it's a sailor suit.

1329
01:13:27,270 --> 01:13:29,113
Is that just the cutest thing?

1330
01:13:29,272 --> 01:13:30,649
Goad Lard.

1331
01:13:30,806 --> 01:13:32,183
[LAUGHING]

1332
01:13:32,341 --> 01:13:34,321
Sweet Jesus.

1333
01:13:34,477 --> 01:13:35,820
Forget it, Mam.

1334
01:13:35,978 --> 01:13:38,015
I am not kidding,
I will join the foreign legion.

1335
01:13:38,180 --> 01:13:40,854
He's almost 15. Is she that deranged?

1336
01:13:41,884 --> 01:13:43,557
Oh, wait a minute.

1337
01:13:43,719 --> 01:13:45,164
This isn't for Ralphie.

1338
01:13:45,821 --> 01:13:49,359
Randy, she sent this to you.

1339
01:13:52,495 --> 01:13:53,530
[CHUCKLES]

1340
01:13:54,830 --> 01:13:56,468
RANDY:
Na! Na! Na!

1341
01:13:56,632 --> 01:13:58,168
RALPH: Sailor bay!
- Na! Na.

1342
01:13:58,334 --> 01:13:59,870
Na. Na!

1343
01:14:00,036 --> 01:14:01,982
Boys. Boys.

1344
01:14:02,138 --> 01:14:05,278
- Ha-ha-ha.
RALPH: You're gonna lack so good.

1345
01:14:05,441 --> 01:14:07,284
RAN DY:
Na.

1346
01:14:11,013 --> 01:14:13,823
That is tan adorable for wards.

1347
01:14:13,983 --> 01:14:15,621
I can think of a few.

1348
01:14:15,785 --> 01:14:16,786
[CHUCKLES]

1349
01:14:17,420 --> 01:14:20,094
- Where's the camera, honey?
- Na. Na!

1350
01:14:20,256 --> 01:14:23,203
- Wait'll these get around school.
- Ralphie, no!

1351
01:14:23,359 --> 01:14:25,032
Big smile.

1352
01:14:25,194 --> 01:14:27,196
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

1353
01:14:42,111 --> 01:14:45,115
Ah, another one came and gone, huh?
Nat tan shabby.

1354
01:14:45,281 --> 01:14:47,488
Nope. You guys get
everything you wanted?

1355
01:14:48,351 --> 01:14:49,921
<i>I'd say so.</i>

1356
01:14:50,086 --> 01:14:51,497
Pretty good haul, huh?

1357
01:14:53,255 --> 01:14:56,168
Hey, I think I just saw a rat
in the kitchen.

1358
01:14:56,826 --> 01:15:00,239
Okay, I'll call the exterminator.

1359
01:15:00,396 --> 01:15:01,636
Are you insane?

1360
01:15:01,797 --> 01:15:04,277
Dc you know what they charge
an a holiday?

1361
01:15:23,319 --> 01:15:26,163
I smell a rat, all right.

1362
01:15:36,832 --> 01:15:39,972
[CHUCKLING]

1363
01:15:43,272 --> 01:15:44,979
[GASPS]

1364
01:15:46,208 --> 01:15:48,654
Whoa.

1365
01:15:48,811 --> 01:15:50,950
- This is a Martian police ship.
- Oh.

1366
01:15:51,113 --> 01:15:54,185
Which holds an entire battalion
of tiger--

1367
01:15:58,921 --> 01:16:02,164
My Gad. It's risen from the grave.

1368
01:16:02,324 --> 01:16:04,270
Isn't it beautiful?

1369
01:16:05,494 --> 01:16:06,871
It's beautiful.

1370
01:16:08,497 --> 01:16:14,345
[VOICE BREAKING]
This is the greatest Christmas in history.

1371
01:16:18,407 --> 01:16:20,409
You see what Santa gave me?

1372
01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:22,988
Yeah, I'd like to thank him personally.

1373
01:16:23,145 --> 01:16:24,852
Lack at her face.

1374
01:16:25,014 --> 01:16:26,493
Somebody take a photo.

1375
01:16:26,649 --> 01:16:29,630
Yeah, you know what, that's a good idea.

1376
01:16:29,785 --> 01:16:32,925
Why don't we all take a picture, huh?

1377
01:16:33,088 --> 01:16:35,159
Yeah. Everybody,
the three of you by the tree.

1378
01:16:35,324 --> 01:16:36,997
- Uh, Dad...
- Haney, I'm not dressed.

1379
01:16:37,159 --> 01:16:38,934
You lack fine. One for the scrapbook.

1380
01:16:39,995 --> 01:16:43,033
Line up. Mam, you in the middle.
Came an, get in there.

1381
01:16:43,199 --> 01:16:46,510
That's it. Now, Ralphie,
move in a little bit.

1382
01:16:48,771 --> 01:16:51,081
A little mare.

1383
01:16:51,240 --> 01:16:53,015
[CHUCKLES]

1384
01:16:53,175 --> 01:16:54,483
A little mare.

1385
01:17:12,361 --> 01:17:13,396
Yes!

1386
01:17:17,833 --> 01:17:21,440
Thank you! Thank you!

1387
01:17:24,073 --> 01:17:26,781
That's the last we'll be seeing
of him for a while.

1388
01:17:26,942 --> 01:17:30,116
But, hey, you'll always
have me to bark at.

1389
01:17:30,279 --> 01:17:32,782
Na fair, Ralphie got a car.

1390
01:17:32,948 --> 01:17:34,450
I want a real racket ship.

1391
01:17:34,617 --> 01:17:36,187
Well, learn from this, Randy.

1392
01:17:36,352 --> 01:17:40,562
If you're as determined as Ralphie,
maybe one day you'll get one.

1393
01:17:40,723 --> 01:17:42,703
I guess that means nu.

1394
01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:44,599
- That's right.
RALPH: Polish your leather...

1395
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:47,240
...and polish your interior! Oh, my Gad!

1396
01:17:47,396 --> 01:17:50,741
This is the best Christmas ever!

1397
01:18:05,848 --> 01:18:09,295
<i>The odometer read 132,000 miles.</i>

1398
01:18:09,451 --> 01:18:12,193
<i>OH burned and valves leaked at will</i>

1399
01:18:12,354 --> 01:18:15,460
<i>There were more rattles
than an Irish nursery.</i>

1400
01:18:15,624 --> 01:18:19,094
<i>It was the best car I ever owned.</i>

1401
01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:22,708
<i>In 43 days, I would tum 16 and be liberated.</i>

1402
01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:26,108
<i>No longer bound by gravity, but free, fluid...</i>

1403
01:18:26,268 --> 01:18:28,475
<i>...at one with the wind and the sun.</i>

1404
01:18:28,637 --> 01:18:31,243
<i>Preceding that joyous emancipation...</i>

1405
01:18:31,407 --> 01:18:35,480
<i>...I would fail the driver's test four times.</i>

1406
01:18:38,514 --> 01:18:39,857
Uh...

1407
01:18:40,883 --> 01:18:42,191
[GRUNTING]

1408
01:18:46,922 --> 01:18:48,595
[SIGHS]

1409
01:18:48,757 --> 01:18:49,929
GIRL:
I'll hold it.

1410
01:18:50,559 --> 01:18:52,004
You go set the brake.

1411
01:18:52,161 --> 01:18:53,196
Ga!

1412
01:18:57,466 --> 01:18:58,877
[GEAR CLICKS]

1413
01:19:03,939 --> 01:19:06,385
You should really leave the car in gear
when it's parked.

1414
01:19:06,542 --> 01:19:07,987
My dad says that.

1415
01:19:09,578 --> 01:19:11,421
Goad advice.

1416
01:19:14,850 --> 01:19:17,888
<i>Well, are you gonna say anything?</i>

1417
01:19:18,053 --> 01:19:22,468
Sc you just out lacking for runaway cars?
Ha, ha.

1418
01:19:22,625 --> 01:19:25,128
Actually, I came to see you.

1419
01:19:25,928 --> 01:19:27,430
I gut your address from the Flicks.

1420
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:29,803
His mam and my mam volunteer
at the hospital.

1421
01:19:31,400 --> 01:19:34,244
Do you remember the other day,
in front of Higbee's?

1422
01:19:34,403 --> 01:19:35,939
Antlers, sleigh bells?

1423
01:19:36,639 --> 01:19:38,550
Uh, yeah.

1424
01:19:39,575 --> 01:19:42,579
- Lack, I can explain.
- You don't have ta.

1425
01:19:42,745 --> 01:19:44,588
I saw what you did.

1426
01:19:44,747 --> 01:19:47,523
It takes a lat of guts
to stand up to a jerk like that.

1427
01:19:47,683 --> 01:19:49,993
You don't see that very often.

1428
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:55,532
I guess I just wanted you to know that.

1429
01:19:58,360 --> 01:19:59,498
Here.

1430
01:19:59,662 --> 01:20:02,040
We're big an fruitcake at the Gaatrad house.

1431
01:20:02,197 --> 01:20:03,699
Eat them, use them as paperweight.

1432
01:20:03,866 --> 01:20:06,574
Ha, ha. Up to you.

1433
01:20:06,735 --> 01:20:08,305
Thanks.

1434
01:20:11,774 --> 01:20:13,082
Should you be...?

1435
01:20:14,176 --> 01:20:16,520
I mean, are you and, um...?

1436
01:20:18,113 --> 01:20:19,148
- Ha-ha-ha.
- You know.

1437
01:20:19,314 --> 01:20:21,590
- Todd?
- Yeah.

1438
01:20:21,750 --> 01:20:24,856
We talked the other day and sort of decided
to go our separate ways.

1439
01:20:25,854 --> 01:20:28,767
Well, I decided.

1440
01:20:28,924 --> 01:20:32,098
Oh. I didn't know that.

1441
01:20:32,261 --> 01:20:34,263
Haw could you?
We've been out of school.

1442
01:20:34,430 --> 01:20:36,933
And I've just been puttering
around the kitchen all week.

1443
01:20:37,099 --> 01:20:39,136
- Baking paperweights.
- Thousands of them.

1444
01:20:39,301 --> 01:20:41,713
You have no idea how good
it feels to be outdoors.

1445
01:20:41,870 --> 01:20:44,043
Well, I'm glad.

1446
01:20:45,174 --> 01:20:47,211
I mean, I'm--
I'm glad that you picked here...

1447
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:48,411
...to be outdoors at.

1448
01:20:51,513 --> 01:20:54,050
Oh. Oh, bay, that came out stupid.

1449
01:20:55,784 --> 01:20:58,025
Na.

1450
01:20:58,187 --> 01:21:00,599
It came out great.

1451
01:21:05,060 --> 01:21:08,872
- Sn is this your car?
- Yeah.

1452
01:21:09,031 --> 01:21:10,374
'39 Mercury Eight.

1453
01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:12,603
DRUCILLA:
Wow, what a wonderful Christmas present.

1454
01:21:19,308 --> 01:21:21,310
[MOUTHING]

1455
01:21:21,477 --> 01:21:24,287
<i>Please? Please?</i>

1456
01:21:24,446 --> 01:21:26,221
Once.

1457
01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:28,588
Once around the black.

1458
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:41,772
<i>ADULT RALPH:
When I was 9...</i>

1459
01:21:41,930 --> 01:21:44,604
<i>...I pulled the wrapping
off the present of my dreams...</i>

1460
01:21:44,767 --> 01:21:49,045
<i>...and knew, right then and there,
no Christmas would ever be the same.</i>

1461
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:50,945
<i>And none were.</i>

1462
01:21:51,106 --> 01:21:52,449
<i>Until today.</i>

1463
01:21:52,608 --> 01:21:55,612
[SNIFFS THEN SIGHS]

1464
01:25:21,183 --> 01:25:23,185
[English - US - SDH]