♪ MTV
RuPaul: Previously onAll Stars...
For this week's maxi-challenge, you need to create
your own signature social media dance challenge.
I would love another star!
I want another star.
Bitch, shut up with your two-star-having ass.
Well, I would be the next to be blocked, wouldn't I be?
Because I've never been.
I'd like to think I am.
I wanna know what's going on when you get that plunger,
because those bitches know something.
♪ And your sister on the corner ♪
♪ Sister on the corner selling ♪
♪ P-nah, p-nah, p-nah, p-nah
♪ P-nah, p-nah, p-nah, p-p-p-p-p ♪
♪ Money, money, money, money
Jinkx Monsoon.
Everything you did was funnier than the next.
Monét X Change.
I think it's a really viral, marketable idea
to have a dance online when people get paid.
The top two All Stars of the week
are Jinkx Monsoon and Monét X Change.
[applause]
You've both earned a legendary Legend Star.
This is your chance to win $10,000
and block one of your fellow queens.
Monét X Change, con-drag-ulations.
[applause]
With great power comes great responsibility.
Shwah, shwah, shwah.
Oh, no!
No more cocktails?
[laughs]
-Whoo! -Whoo!
Oh, Monét.
My water broke.
Whoo, I got a star.
Thank you, Lord!
Oh, I have finally joined the multiple star club.
I'm not gonna say two-star club
because I'm not gonna diminish my successes.
Oh, my God, congratulations!
[cheers and applause]
Girl, finally.
I'm gonna be the bitch out here with the most stars.
I'm not playing.
Everybody gonna be like, oh, damn,
Monét was just waiting for the end.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I was doing,
I was waiting till the end to really get crazy.
Thank you guys.
It was really great
to be in the top this week and get a star,
and, bitch, that $10,000, though.
Bitch, you had slayed the lip sync.
I will say congratulations, girls,
the first ever spoken word lip sync.
Tea, yeah.
-Yes. -Yes.
I hope there's more of them.
I wanted to do that so bad.
Really, Trin?
You don't look like you're dressed for it at all.
I mean... [all laugh]
[laughs]
What do you all think Raja's going to say
when she finds out there is no secret
to this motherfucking plunger?
[all laugh]
We have all kept that secret so well.
I have not told her at all.
-She's gonna be so pissed. -She's gonna be so mad.
-Oh. -[laughs]
She said, I am not fucking with you children.
I ain't fucking with you!
I am a scorned woman.
[sighs] I've been humiliated in public.
[all laugh]
Oh, my God, y'all, she's pissed.
Shame on them.
Shame on all of them.
Cunts.
[all laugh]
Y'all fucking lied to me!
There was nothing!
This entire time and a complete belief
that there was some sort of Illuminati, like, secret.
I'm so mad at you guys.
[all laugh]
Shea started it.
Shea did start it.
Who, me?
And I'm the last to find out, and I'm, like, so gagged.
This is my reaction.
There are two people with three stars:
Jaida and Jinkx, and Jinkx has won four fucking challenges.
But who's really counting?
[all laugh]
Also, there's, like, only two more challenges
until the Lalaparuza.
Oh! Me and my singular star.
It's lonely here at the bottom.
Ugh.
Well, by the looks of it,
-Jaida and Jinkx... -For sure.
-...are in the top four. -The top four.
And everybody else besides me has two.
Yeah, two the fuck weeks left.
It all comes down to these last two weeks
to secure a spot in the finale.
Like, that's wild.
If anyone could win two weeks in a row
and make it at the very last minute,
my money is on Shea Couleé.
And that doesn't mean you couldn't win another one, and--
Oh, so now you're just handing out compliments to everybody.
I just--I don't even know what to say,
besides I got some work to do.
There's only, like, a few weeks left.
Okay, so then how would you feel
if I fucking snatched your wig right now, bitch?
Snatch my wig. Wait, carefully, though.
I mean, what is a girl gotta do
to get a legendary Legend Star up in this place?
Because whatever that is, I'll do it.
-You better run. -No!
No, no, no, no!
Not my fantasy!
Can the next challenge be a hot dog eating contest?
Good God, chaos.
♪ RuPaul's Drag Race
RuPaul: The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars
receives a one-year supply
of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,
a cash prize of $200,000,
and will be crowned queen of all queens.
With extra-special guest judge Ronan Farrow.
♪ RuPaul's Drag Race
♪ May the best drag queen win
♪ Best drag queen win
Morning, ladies.
Girl, it's a new day in the werkroom.
What is happening next?
I don't know what she's gonna try to have us do.
Arm wrestle? Jell-O wrestle?
Whatever it is, I have to be the best.
Good gay God, please let me get to the top four.
Girl!
I just hope whatever is next I can do.
So it shouldn't be a walking and chewing gum challenge.
[all laugh]
[alarm]
RuPaul: Ooh, girl.
She done already done had herses.
Hello, listeners.
Hey!
Today's episode is--
Breaking news: The Kennedy Davenport Center Honors
are about to announce this year's inductees
in their prestigious Hall of Shade.
We'll have more as this story develops.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
♪ Ooh-ooh
Shut up.
And be sure to use promo code "back rolls."
What? [all laugh]
The Kennedy Davenport Center Honors. [laughs]
Back rolls?!
Hello, hello, hello!
-Hi! -Hey!
-Nice shoes. -That is such a cute look.
-Ladykins. -Hi.
Multiple con-drag-ulations are in order.
It's official. Each of you has been chosen to be inducted
into the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors Hall of Shade.
[all laugh]
And I couldn't be prouder.
Now, the ceremony will take place
tomorrow night on the main stage,
where you'll take turns roasting each other to a crisp.
[all laugh]
Yes. My fave.
Oh, my God.
#AllStars7.
Now, later today you'll get a chance
to workshop your roast material with Ross Mathews
and stand-up comedian Solomon Georgio.
Oh, my God!
Tomorrow we'll be joined by our extra-special guest judge,
a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist,
who's not afraid of a hot topic.
Ronan Farrow will be here.
-Wow! -Werk!
Dang!
Oh, my God.
We have to tell jokes in front of Ronan Farrow?
[all laugh]
Now, to decide the performing order for the roast,
you'll be putting your trust and your thrust
in the hands of the drag gods.
♪ Oh, Pit Crew
Oh! [applause]
-Oh! -[laughs]
Oh, my goodness.
Are those Snag Tights? Wow.
Oh, my goodness.
Snag Tights never looked so good.
Okay, here's how it works.
You pick a balloon, place it between your body
and the backside of a Pit Crew member,
and then pop it like it's hot.
[all laugh]
Okay.
Now, the color of the confetti inside each balloon
corresponds to a number
on the Kennedy Davenport Center seal
and will determine your place in the lineup.
Are you all ready to pound some asses?
-Yeah! -Yes!
All right, now, we're gonna go left to right,
starting with Jaida Essence Hall.
Come on over here. Pick a balloon.
-Yes, girl. -Yes.
-Who you gonna pick? -[laughs]
Yay! This is the tea about the world of topping.
You should be able to enjoy yourself,
but you have to be a pleaser.
Assume the position.
Okay. And that's exactly what I do.
Whatever you want from behind
is what you're gonna get, baby.
Yeah.
Whoo! [cheering]
[all laugh]
Damn.
Jaida, you ain't playin', is you?
But sometimes a quickie is all you need,
and that's apparently what I needed today.
Now, Jaida, you got purple confetti,
so you will appear as seventh in the roast.
Yay! [applause]
Are you ready, Trinity?
-I'm ready. -Okay.
[laughter and applause]
So you popped green.
That means you will be the fifth queen to roast.
Up next, it's Jinkx Monsoon.
Could I actually ask you to turn around?
Is that allowed?
No, we're only going from behind.
-Okay. -I know.
This is so new for me.
It's a family show. [all laugh]
Whoo! Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
I really wish the Pit Crew
were the ones doing the thrusting.
Aah!
-Oh, my gosh. -I think it's obvious
what position I normally play in the outfield.
[laughs]
Now, Jinkx, you've gotta want it.
Girl, go harder!
Also, I'm a married woman. How dare you!
Aah!
Are you all right?
It's just shockwaves through my body.
Now, Jinkx, you popped yellow,
which makes you the fourth queen to roast there.
[applause]
Monét X Change is next.
Ooh, right there.
Oh!
I got a little in my mouth.
You got some in your mouth?
So, now, you are blue, which makes you sixth.
Yvie Oddly, now, you don't have any keys in your pocket, do you?
That's not keys, Ru.
That's not keys. [all laugh]
Oh! Oh, my God.
It's a girl!
You got the pink. You're the second to roast.
-Shea Couleé. -Sorry if my hands are cold.
Oh, you're being so delicate.
-Oh! -Aah!
You busted it orange-style.
You are the third queen to roast.
Yes.
The only positions left are first and last.
All right, Raja, come on down.
Oh! [all laugh]
Listen, I haven't seen a naked man
or thrust myself into one in weeks and weeks and weeks,
so, you know, why not just let your hair down
and hope I don't get first.
-Aah! -Oh, wow.
-It's red! -Oh, man!
[laughter and applause]
Raja! Raja! Raja!
Raja! Raja!
Wow, you popped it,
and you are the first one in the roast.
Do I still get to pop my balloon?
Well, Vivienne, we already know what position you'll be in,
but I think we owe it to you to pop it like it's hot.
-Yeah! -Just to make sure.
Spread your legs a little more.
A little wider. [all laugh]
Oh!
It's gold!
That's right, Vivienne, you will be closing the roast.
Ladies, give the fellas a big round of applause.
[applause] Y'all are so amazing.
Monét is so bald...
How bald is she?
She doesn't have any hair.
-[laughs] -Zinger!
This week's maxi-challenge
is the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors Hall of Shade roast.
And roasting is something I do.
It's in my wheelhouse.
Is there anything off limits for anyone?
Like, go ham.
You make fun of plastic surgery, where I come from, all of it.
Noted. [laughs]
Three stars, four wins under my belt,
and now we are headed into Monsoon territory.
[laughs]
I'm feeling pretty damn good.
I think you're kind of the hardest one
for me to write for because--
I've corrected all the typical English jokes.
I got my teeth fixed, I got my hair fixed.
I know.
Gotcha, girl!
Every challenge, Raja pulls out a dictionary and a thesaurus.
The dance challenge,
she was like,
what's a synonym for happy?
[laughs]
Do you use the word "vag" in America?
Mm-hmm.
[laughs]
These lovely questions.
I do consider myself a comedy queen,
but my humor is very British,
which doesn't always translate to America,
and, you know, there's some funny bitches here.
I feel like I've definitely got my work cut out for me.
I've just got a good Vivienne addict joke, so...
Do it. I wanna laugh that hard I relapse.
Oh, no! [laughs]
[laughs]
How you doing?
I'm struggling.
Don't say it.
We're getting towards the end here.
Yeah.
I'm losing opportunities
to still be in the running to be in the final four,
so the pressure is definitely on.
But I'm trying to not let it, like, get to me,
so that I could still have fun.
But I'm also, like, oh, my gosh,
it's, like, make it or break it time.
So I just gotta really, you know, go in.
I've never done a roast in my life.
Me neither.
So I have no idea.
Wait, is this funny?
Trinity is my pageant sis from the South.
Oh, she's listening. Okay, wait.
See, I don't care. Okay, sis.
Trinity is my pageant sis from the South.
In fact, her accent is so Southern
that it sounds like hot grits and pork chops.
Is that funny? [laughs]
That's not funny?
Girl.
Well...
I'm not that funny standing up on the stage.
I'm just funny sitting down talking shit.
I'm really excited for this challenge, actually.
I didn't get to do a roast.
Oh, you've never done one?
Or any sort of, like, stand-up on my season.
We'll see if you feel really excited afterwards.
I mean, I also feel set up
really well by the universe, though.
I'm like, I just have to vibe
off of the energy that Raja puts down.
Oh, you've got a great position.
Monét, you got a even better position after me.
I feel good about this roast.
[all laugh]
I did well in the All Stars 4one.
-You won. Yeah. -Yeah, I won that one.
Look at that big, bloated bitch in that box.
Or as they know her down at the clinic, patient zero.
[all laugh]
This is literally my kryptonite.
The last two were a disaster.
Girl, we already know, bitch,
I am not good at a fucking roast.
Michelle, you have this pungent look on your face,
kind of like you gotta shit.
[scattered laughter]
Bunny does have that special kind of face.
Doctors use a picture of her to solve Viagra users--
to solve Viagra users
with erections lasting longer than four hours.
Trinity, you're funny,
and you can tell jokes.
It's not about being--
It's hitting punchlines and timing
is different than being off the cuff funny.
This, to me, is the hardest challenge to do.
Trinity, like, the more you tell yourself "I'm not good at this,"
the less good you're gonna be at it,
because you're building it up in your mind
that you couldn't possibly do well at this.
Bitch, I am after you.
You really built me up and came through for me
when we were doing the first design challenge,
so please lean on me,
and if you need to run anything by me,
I'd love to repay the favor.
Well, being this close to you
and seeing all of your pores, I'm very inspired.
She's started already, everybody.
-[laughs] -I'm very inspired.
These three, these are my trouble pores right here.
-Well, I have a prediction. -What?
Jinkx and Monét are gonna win again.
Could you imagine? There's no way Jinkx and I
could be in the top two weeks in a row together.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, predicted, Trinity.
See, remember, prediction Trinity
always makes sure that it's not who it is.
[all laugh]
[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]
[RuPaul laughs]
Hi!
It's time to rehearse my roast
with Ross Mathews and Solomon Georgio.
Solomon is a really great comedian.
I love his Twitter.
And he has some really sharp and biting humor,
so I feel like he is the perfect person
to get advice from on how to roast.
It's so good to see you.
Likewise. You look like Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho.
What'd you call me?
-He called me the ho. -Oh, okay.
[all laugh]
Hey, Solomon, how are you?
I'm very good. How are you, Jaida?
I'm pretty good. You look good today, too, by the way.
Yeah, well, you look great, too. I love that suit.
Thank you!
Are you ready to roast?
We're gonna find out.
[all laugh]
I have a very specific mantra I always tell myself.
Take your time, be in the moment,
enunciate, radiate.
I'm gay.
[all laugh]
I don't have anything, like, connected yet.
I just wrote down a bunch of just random stuff.
Great.
I go right after Trinity,
and she's probably gonna be pretty terrible.
[both laugh]
I'm excited to bounce some of these jokes off of them
to see what they think.
Because if I get no laughs, girl, start over.
But I'm hoping that's not the case,
because I don't have the time or the Ritalin to do it.
I have some for Jinkx
that talk about, like, her glow-up,
and Ru has been complimenting her makeup a lot,
which has been shocking to the rest of us in the werkroom.
You could say "Shocking to us in the werkroom
or anyone else with eyes."
[laughs] Ooh!
Even some Black people are surprised.
[both laugh]
Jinkx is so ugly she tried to Photoshop a picture,
and the app said, "Nice try, bitch."
[both laugh]
Trinity's accent is so Southern
that even Jim Crow would fuck it.
[both laugh]
Jaida's so endearing.
I'm just so glad
that I got to spend the 25 cents a day
to keep her alive.
Oh. [both laugh]
My stand-up, it can be very vicious,
but also quite sweet, you know?
I like to slap 'em hard and then rub it out.
This morning I rolled a big fattie.
That's how we get Jinkx into the building.
[both laugh]
And then RuPaul. Hi. Thanks, RuPaul, for coming.
I know you haven't in a while.
[both laugh]
Jaida talks about eating her ass
like it's a two-for-one deal at the Sizzler.
All you can eat butt-fey?
Butt-fey. That's what I've been missing.
My goal is to never write an unfunny joke.
Okay, so I feel like I'm doing this wrong now.
I have to start all over.
Jinkx Monsoon once said that trauma lives in the body.
And for Yvie, it also lives in her drag.
I like the idea of you being, like, sweet as pie,
but saying these cruel things.
Just give 'em that good Shea Couleé smile,
and I believe they'll eat it up.
Okay, great, because I paid a lot of money for it.
[both laugh]
I think that I am funny, like, off the cuff.
-Yes. -The thing with this is, though,
is, like, you have to hit a punchline.
You can live in both worlds.
The jokes that you have written down,
and then the stuff you can say in the moment.
I am a little scared.
There's a lot riding on this for me.
I need to redeem myself
for all those horrible jokes I told before.
It's either make it or break it time.
I cannot wait to see what you do.
Thank you, Ross.
You know, and to quote--
I forgot who said it, but, um...
Don't fuck it up.
[laughs]
-Jesus. -[laughs]
Pew, pew, pew!
Jinkx, would you say I kilt it?
-You kilt it. -[laughs]
Today is the day of the Hall of Shade roast,
and I am ready to get roasted.
I just don't think these girls
are gonna have anything funny to say.
-Aah! -Ooh!
Oh.
[both laugh]
They can't call me ugly anymore.
I've had way too much plastic surgery for that.
I got the legal limit of Botox
you're allowed to put in your forehead,
and look how it works for me.
[laughs]
I literally can't wait to hear
what shady, mean jokes people say about me.
I love it.
-I fucking love it. -Right.
I mean, I would love
to hopefully be in the top again this week, but who knows?
I mean, girl, top, shmop.
Who's really...
I feel like right now it's trending to just not.
[laughs]
I am really nervous,
because if I don't win this challenge tonight,
I just don't see a clear path to the finale.
Damn.
I'm just gonna go out there, I'm gonna have fun.
And la-augh.
La-augh, ho.
You know?
So I'm hoping that I can deliver a sickening roast.
Who's hungry? [chuckles]
Oh, I love those.
-Yeah? -I do love those.
Yeah, this is gorgeous.
-It is beautiful. -Thank you, thank you.
You know, can I show you--
Do you think you have any jewelry to match this black?
I have black. I actually do have some earrings.
-Do you need earrings? -Earrings would be cute.
You know, I have to check in with my twinner
to strategize, realize, analyze,
all these things-ize.
I don't know.
-It's so hard. -Girl.
I don't know.
[whispering]
-Peas and carrots. -[laughs]
Oh, Monét's whispering again. [laughs]
I think they think they're being sly about it.
The trouble is, Monét's a bass,
so when Monét's talking low, it's even easier to tell,
'cause I feel the rumbling coming up through my feet.
You think you're being really sneaky,
-but everyone hears brrrr. -[laughs]
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
[mumbling with deep voice]
-Oh, my God, I do. Damn. -[laughs]
So, Raja, we're both at two stars.
Ooh!
Yeah.
-Cool! -Cool!
[laughs]
Right now, the people who have the most stars
are only one more than us.
Yeah, which means that, like,
it's a chance to jump right back up to first place.
But I'm blocked!
I know, but if you win, you might not get the star,
but you're also robbing everybody else
who could have gotten that spot of a star.
Ooh, I love these words.
Whoever gets blocked tonight, that's it.
We have one more challenge after this.
Oh, my God.
So wherever gets blocked tonight--
Well, you and Jaida are fine.
If y'all are blocked, y'all are fine.
Not if, like, over the next two challenges
four other people get to three stars,
and then there's six of us with three stars.
What would the tie breaker be?
After tonight, there's one more challenge on the horizon.
So whoever gets blocked tonight,
that could be the determining factor
in making it to the finale.
It would be so much fun to do the finale together.
Oh, it would.
It would just hurt to--
I have to beat my best friend in this competition.
-Ooh! -[laughs]
Oh, come on.
Oh, in the book of shade,
that was a two on the Richter scale.
[RuPaul laughs]
♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪
♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪
♪ Cover girl
And what?
Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, All Winners.
She's an American institution.
Michelle Visage.
Oh, yes, I'm right up there with the Franklin Mint,
as in "Franklin, your ass is mint."
[all laugh]
America's brunch laureate, the hilarious Ross Mathews.
What's the most delicious thing you've ever had at a brunch?
I can't remember his name.
[all laugh]
Fearless author and journalist,
let's give a big Drag Race welcome to Ronan Farrow.
It is an honor to be here. You know what a fan I am.
I have literally lobbied you at the grocery store.
I have interrupted you in your personal life
to say, "Let me on!" [all laugh]
I'm so glad you could finally make it.
This week, we challenged our All Stars
to honor each other in the Hall of Shade roast.
And tonight on the runway, category is All Glowed Up.
Racers, start your engines,
and may the best Legend win.
Please welcome to the stage
the president of the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors,
Wintergreen.
[applause]
What?
Oh, my.
Shut up!
[all laugh]
Ah, Wintergreen is here!
Oh, my God!
Not only is she the fierce drag daughter
of Season 9's Peppermint,
but also one of the camera guys known as Sarge.
Peppermint and Wintergreen, gorgeous.
I know.
[all laugh]
Yes, Wintergreen!
[cheers and applause]
Good evening, and thank you.
Please bow your heads as I share these words of wisdom
from Kennedy Davenport herself.
After a long night of hookin'...
[all laugh]
Trade didn't like the session,
so he had gutted me and set me on fire.
But, you know, I didn't die.
-No. -No.
I had crystallized.
-Oh! -Yes!
And now I'm a Glamazon bitch ready for the runway.
Can I get an "amen?"
-Amen! -Amen!
And now it's time for television's proudest moment.
Please welcome our first honoree, Raja.
[cheers and applause]
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Raja, an honoree
of the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors Hall of Shade.
[chuckles]
I've made it. I've really, really made it.
Ru and I, you know, we go way back.
The first time I met Ru, I asked her for an autograph.
That handprint still remains on that cave wall today.
[all laugh]
Oh, hey, Monét.
I heard Monét lives in Hollywood now,
but her hairline lives in Reseda.
[all laugh]
I Ubered here today,
and my driver was an over-sharing alcoholic
with rancid BO.
That motherfucker still had more stars than Shea Couleé.
[all laugh]
The Vivienne has joined us from Liverpool,
which is ironic,
'cause her liver is drowned in a pool of booze.
[all laugh]
Viv has done so much ketamine,
people are betting on her at the Kentucky Derby.
[all laugh]
Before I exit, a few words
about our next esteemed speaker, Yvie Oddly.
You know, Yvie's got such amazing, quirky, eclectic style,
and by "style," I mean she has a massive donkey dick.
Please welcome to the stage Yvie Oddly!
[laughter and applause]
Thank you, Raja, for that inspiring glimpse
into what my future holds
if I just keep saying "yes" to drugs.
[all laugh]
You know, Monét, you look so stunning.
You really are my favorite winner of All Stars 4.
[all laugh]
Oh, you bitch! You shady bitch!
Trinity the Tuck is here tonight.
[applause]
Trin is known by so many as a pageant queen, a performer.
But to me, Trin will always just be a prostitute.
[all laugh]
I actually do have so much respect for Trin.
I'm not even gonna joke about her surgical enhancements
because honestly, even Jinkx has had some plastic surgery done.
I'll give you time to look for it.
[all laugh]
No, really, she got her hairline done,
which means that she thought to herself,
yeah, that's the problem.
[all laugh]
The next speaker tonight,
she puts the "star" in "one-star."
Shea Couleé.
[laughter and applause]
Thank you so much, Yvie.
I can't think of enough words to describe you.
Well, nice ones, anyway.
[all laugh]
Jaida Essence Hall is here.
I love that skinny little bitch.
Jaida Essence Hall is such a skinny little bitch
that she wears earring backs as bracelets.
[all laugh]
Jaida Essence Hall is such a skinny little bitch
that she uses a tampon as a flotation device.
[all laugh]
Jaida Essence Hall is such a skinny little bitch
that when she stands in front of a funhouse mirror,
she looks like Monét X Change.
[all laugh]
Monét X Change.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
I don't want to objectify you,
but truly, your ass does give new meaning
to the term "dark side of the moon."
[all laugh]
Trinity the Tuck.
I'm not going to stand here like all these other girls
calling you a slut.
You're also dumb.
[all laugh]
And as I wrap up,
I realize that I've actually forgotten about Raja,
which I'm sure most of you already have as well.
Hide your sons and hide your keys.
It's Jinkx Monsoon.
[applause]
I am so honored to be honored here tonight
at this imaginary event.
[all laugh]
First of all, RuPaul,
the Rosetta Stone of drag,
you are such a kinky bitch.
You've been edging Shangela for, like, 11 years now,
and we all just sat and watched, so I guess we're complicit.
And then Ross Mathews, you look great.
I'll have whatever intestinal parasite she's having.
[all laugh]
And Yvie Oddly.
Now, Yvie Oddly has been objectified a lot this season,
and I don't want to contribute to that.
Anyway, here's some dick jokes.
[all laugh]
Yvie Oddly's dick is so big, when she tucks,
she has to tape it between her shoulder blades.
Yvie Oddly's dick is so big, it has its own heartbeat.
Yvie Oddly's dick is so big,
when I was doing a line of coke off of it,
I had time to stop and reflect
and realized I'd become my mother.
[all laugh]
Then there's Trinity.
Trinity, my goodness, so kind and compassionate and caring.
She even let her last boyfriend down easy.
She said, "Let's just be cousins."
[all laugh]
Now, before Trinity comes up here
and gives it her best shot,
just remember,
she was raised by snake handlers in Appalachia.
Thank you!
[laughter and applause]
[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]
[RuPaul laughs]
Welcome back to the Kennedy Davenport Center Honors.
[applause]
Well, hi, I'm Trinity the Tuck.
I'm super excited to be here
at the John F. Kennedy Davenport Center of Disease Control.
[all laugh]
The first queen I would like to celebrate tonight
is Jinkx Monsoon.
Jinkx was such an ugly baby,
her birth certificate came with an apology letter
from a condom factory.
[all laugh]
But have you seen her husband?
He's actually really cute.
He actually likes to dress her up
like a piñata before sex,
because he likes to be blindfold before he hits it.
[all laugh]
Speaking of the beautifully challenged,
Yvie, all joking aside, I just wanna let you know,
don't let anyone ever tell you you're not pretty.
You're not, but don't let them tell you.
[all laugh]
When I think of pretty people, Monét comes to mind.
She's also a classically trained musician.
She plays a great second fiddle to Bob the Drag Queen.
[all laugh]
Comedy runs in Monét's family.
Her mother delivered at least one joke.
[all laugh]
Oh!
Oh, my goodness.
You know, I tried to look up Raja,
but Wikipedia doesn't go back that far.
[all laugh]
She's statuesque, a tall drink of water,
if that water was from Flint, Michigan.
[all laugh]
Our next speaker is the reason I'm only half a winner.
I wish her mother would have swallowed.
Give it up for Monét X Change!
[laughter and applause]
Oh.
Oh, my God, this is unprecedented.
Trinity the Tuck has garnered laughter and applause
at a Drag Raceroast.
My God, I never thought I would see the day.
You know, truthfully, I don't really know Jinkx that well.
I've only ever seen her at her one-person show. Wait.
Sorry. There was one person at Jinkx's show.
Yeah, that was it.
And interestingly enough, at Jinkx's show,
that's when I discovered I was narcoleptic.
[all laugh]
Viv, it's been an absolute pleasure
watching you grow as a person throughout this competition.
You're living proof that it gets butter.
[all laugh]
And eggs
and sugar
and flour,
and it makes a sheet cake,
and it eats the sheet cake alone,
and then it gets better.
[all laugh]
Thinner than you, bitch.
[all laugh]
And now I wanna talk to a true artifact of drag, Miss Raja.
Every single day,
we hear Raja going off about her sauvignon blanc.
Clap once if you need help.
[laughs]
Yeah, I'm talking to your liver.
[all laugh]
Jaida, Jaida, Jaida,
the Essence of beauty, and the teeth of a baby.
Jaida--
[laughs]
Bitch!
Shea Couleé. You know, Shea is everywhere.
She's in magazines, she was on The Bachelorette,
she's been in so many movie, you know, it's fierce.
[all laugh]
Next up is a queen who's gonna come here and cool things down.
She is the messence of beauty.
Make some noise for Jaida Essence Hall.
[laughter and applause]
"The messence of beauty!"
You got something comin', bitch.
[all laugh]
Thanks, Monét, for that lovely introduction.
Now, twinners Trinity and Monét
have the biggest asses of any winners of RuPaul's Drag Race.
The only difference is Trinity has a fake ass, bitch,
and Monét is just a fake-ass bitch.
[all laugh]
Jinkx Monsoon!
Happy shark week!
[all laugh]
The only thing sharper than Jinkx's pearly--
than Jinkx's wits are her pearly whites...
and yellows and beiges and grays.
[all laugh]
-Yvie. -Oh, shit.
If you lay down with her
and have a go with that beast that she's mes-mes--
aah, I'm sorry.
If you lay down with her
with that beast that she's hiding as a--
that's she's passing off as a penis,
there's sure to be a mess,
which is pretty much what's happening right now
for this motherfucking roast right now.
[all laugh]
So that's okay.
It's all right.
And the joke after that was that she's a hot mess,
but, baby, it won't land right now at this moment.
[all laugh]
This leads us
right into our next very special guest, The Viv.
The last time she had plastic surgery done,
the doctor asked her for her nose job.
Would she like it to stay cut?
Yeah, that was not the way that joke was supposed to go.
[all laugh]
So she is The Viv.
[applause]
It's so hard going after such a strong roast.
[all laugh]
Well, what an honor it is
to be able to close this celebration
of horrible, horrible men.
It really is the who's who of who was available.
Thank you girls for acknowledging my K addiction.
After sitting through this shit for an hour,
I think I'll take it back up.
But on to our honorees.
After Drag Race, Monét's career path was simple:
do everything Bob the Drag Queen did, but shitter.
[all laugh]
Monét had her own talk show-- well, on the Internet--
called the X Change Rate, which is Latin for "canceled."
[all laugh]
The show was meant to be an exploration and reflection
of Monét's talent and personality,
and sadly it was.
[all laugh]
Trinity's catchphrase this season has been "I live!"
And she does, until that back street B-grade silicone
migrates into a vital artery, and then, girl, you die!
[all laugh]
Shea Couleé!
Calm down, Jinkx. That's not a dessert.
Jinkx had a Zoom wedding, not because of the pandemic,
just because her husband
couldn't bear to be in the same room as her.
[all laugh]
But I just wanna thank each and every one of you
for coming here tonight.
I hope you've had a fun time,
and if you ever need a friend to pee in a cup, don't ask me.
Thank you! Good night.
[laughter and applause]
Category is All Glowed Up.
First up, Raja.
Michelle: You betta chrysalis that walk.
[all laugh]
Raja: I just brought a little something
I'd wear to the supermarket
to buy some quinoa, perhaps.
Just 200 lasers and Swarovski crystals
on a 3D-printed butterfly cage.
Ronan: Ow. I think I just accidentally got Lasik.
[all laugh]
The reason why I do drag is to shock, to titillate,
to ultimately, you know, create a vignette
that is something that I consider beautiful.
Ronan: Call her, Brian Dennehy,
because she's doing great things after coming out of her cocoon.
[all laugh]
RuPaul: Yvie Oddly.
You know, Yvie Oddly is a fun-gi.
[Ross laughs]
Yvie: For this runway, I am the most regal,
elegant pile of mushrooms to ever see the sun.
I am glowing so elegantly.
Ross: She's just one of those queens
with a thousand-watt smile.
Ronan: That dental dam comes with an electricity rinse.
[all laugh]
I want people to take a trip with me on this look.
We are gonna go some places.
Ronan: She's a glower and a shower.
[all laugh]
RuPaul: Shea Couleé. Ooh!
Michelle: Build me up, buttercup.
[all laugh]
Shea: I'm serving you sunflower fairy goddess.
Sunflowers are just joyful, they're bright.
I am glowing like the sun.
Talk about all glowed up, baby.
RuPaul: All sun, no shade.
Jinkx Monsoon.
Ronan: Are you being persecuted for your religious beliefs?
[all laugh]
Jinkx: I want to rewrite the story
of witches being burned at the stake.
Men in power want to stay in power,
so they squash anyone who threatens that.
So while I am a witch being burned alive,
I'm going to show that flames don't hurt me
and do not diminish my power.
Well done.
[all laugh]
RuPaul: Balenciaga!
Trinity the Tuck.
Michelle: This dress is such a turn-on.
RuPaul: Well, she just blew out half the lights in Los Angeles.
Michelle: I'm sorry. Watt?
[all laugh]
Trinity: This runway makes me so nervous.
I have a whole Las Vegas Strip on my back.
She is flashing more than the paparazzi,
and, bitch, I hope somebody
doesn't go into an epileptic shock.
I don't even know if I said that word right.
Ross: Blinker? I hardly know her!
[all laugh]
RuPaul: Monét X Change.
Michelle: Monét, now with Celestial Seasonings.
[all laugh]
Ross: Her hips don't lie, but they do light up.
Monét: I wanted to give a beautiful gown silhouette,
and we have nailed it.
You can see the lights are twinkling,
then you see the galaxies and the Milky Way.
Add the stars aligning under the fabric,
and it really brings out how celestial this garment is.
Ross: I wish I had a telescope so I could see Uranus.
-[laughs] -You can see it without it.
[all laugh]
RuPaul: Jaida Essence Hall.
Ross: Is this the blue wave
that Chuck Todd was expecting in 2020?
Jaida: I'm serving you nothing
but the brightest, most sickening mermaid fantasy.
I'm glowing like I were working in Vegas,
selling you on Treasure Island,
and I am loving that my body
looks like I'm sitting on this wave,
even though I have my cute little legs under here,
walking and propelling me.
Ronan: This is my favorite episode of Planet Earth.
[all laugh]
RuPaul: The Vivienne.
Ronan: Now, that's what I call winging it.
Vivienne: The lights have gone down,
I am lit from head to toe.
My shoes are rhinestoned,
and I'm wearing my little Single White Female bob,
so don't come near me if you have a new puppy.
RuPaul: Teacher says every time a bell rings,
a drag queen gets her wings!
[all laugh]
Michelle: Her milkshake brings all the boys to her nest.
[all laugh]
Any chance I get to be an angel, I'll take it,
because I will certainly not be going to heaven.
[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]
[RuPaul laughs]
Welcome, ladies.
All Stars, All Winnersrules
are about to be revised.
[all laugh] Wow.
Tonight, as usual,
I will name the top two All Stars of the week
and award each of them a legendary Legend Star,
unless she's been blocked.
Then the top two will lip sync
for their chance to win $10,000.
But the winner of this week's lip sync
will not, I repeat, will not have the power
to block one of their fellow competitors
from receiving a legendary Legend Star next week.
That's right.
We're hanging up the Platinum Plunger
for the rest of this competition.
[cheers and applause]
-Finally! -The Platinum Plunger
will return from whence it came:
Michelle Visage's rectum.
[giggles]
Rec room. I meant rec room.
Same thing.
Now it's time for the judges' critiques,
starting with Raja.
Raja, in the roast, I thought you were really funny.
I think you had some really strong moments.
You were probably the meanest out of everybody.
Viv has done so much ketamine,
people are betting on her at the Kentucky Derby.
[all laugh]
I just enjoyed every second of your roast.
Not only were you funny,
but when you weren't funny, you were hilarious.
Thank you.
This tonight on the runway, wow.
It's so Raja.
I would say we've never seen it
on the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race,
but I'm not sure I've ever seen that anywhere.
It was incredible. It felt risky.
I'm glad you're still with us and didn't sprain an ankle.
-[laughs] -Appreciate it.
All right, up next, Yvie Oddly.
You were lower key, and I kind of dug that.
So once I got into your vibe,
you had some really funny things.
Even Jinkx has had some plastic surgery done.
I'll give you time to look for it.
[all laugh]
This look, so beautiful.
The movement was stunning. I was sold.
I mean, it's kitschy in the best way possible.
It's campy, it's fun, and it's really stunning.
-Thank you, Yvie. -Thank you.
Up next, Shea Couleé, now with sunflower oil.
Mmm!
I loved that sort of green Lurex suit
that you were wearing.
It was like a power suit.
Ooh, it was so cute, right?
And the way you kind of boss-bitched your roast
was awesome.
You didn't just wear the power suit,
you carried yourself like someone in a power suit,
and you were a power player in that moment.
It was cool to see.
When she stands in front of a funhouse mirror,
she looks like Monét X Change.
[all laugh]
Not only was this look breathtaking
when the lights were out,
but on stage now, I think I might even love it more.
Because I'm seeing the details in it.
I'm seeing your makeup.
It was beautiful with the lights on,
it's beautiful with the lights off.
Just gorgeous. Thank you, Shea.
Thank you, Ru.
Up next, it is Jinkx Monsoon.
You had some funny, funny jokes.
We were laughing so hard you had to hold.
We expected a slayage, and you did not disappoint.
When I was doing a line of coke off of it,
I had time to stop and reflect
and realized I'd become my mother.
[all laugh]
You were so funny, Jinkx.
You had a lot riding on this week,
and I think you knocked it outta the park.
You're an incredibly accomplished stand-up.
It was really, really funny and smart.
And then this outfit told such a story,
and from a technical standpoint, it was dazzling.
This is the most gorgeous pizza oven I've ever seen.
[all laugh]
Oh, my goodness, hilarious.
-Thank you so much. -Thank you.
Up next, it's Trinity the Tuck.
Let's start with this look,
because you came around the corner
and it was just a carnivale.
It's just so glowy and fun.
But I wanna take a minute and talk about your roast.
It was freakin' hilarious.
Incredible jokes. Great, great material.
Don't let anyone ever tell you you're not pretty.
You're not, but don't let them tell you.
[all laugh]
You had the jokes down,
but you had to get out of your own way, and it's not easy.
But Trinity, you did it.
You are in your element.
You got it on lock.
Thank you, thank you.
All right, up next, Monét X Change.
-Hi, Ru. -Hi, honey.
I love watching you perform,
and it's because you are so confident onstage.
The material was great, but also you just--you know your stuff.
The joke about "it gets butter..."
It gets butter.
[all laugh] And eggs,
and it makes a sheet cake.
It just built and built and built
and we were laughing the whole time.
Thank you, Ross.
I think this is beautiful.
It's very classy.
You know, that's what you're known as: classy.
-Thank you. -That's a lie.
[all laugh]
But I think it's really, really pretty,
and I like the kind of fiber optic moment
that you're giving us.
Thank you, Michelle.
All right, up next, Jaida Essence Hall.
Wow, this mermaid look is stun-ning.
It was beautiful with the lights off,
but lights on, look at this color, look at it flickering.
I just can't imagine the logistics
that went into making this,
let alone wearing this and moving in this.
It is dazzling.
Thank you.
You looked beautiful in the roast.
Your makeup was stunning.
And here's the thing.
You struggled a little bit, but I wanna give you credit,
because the moment you went off your book
is when you came to life.
There's sure to be a mess,
which is pretty much what's happening right now
for this motherfucking roast right now.
[all laugh]
And that was funny,
and that's what a professional would do.
You have it. You are funny.
But it's all in your head.
You let that go, and you will just fly.
Thank you.
All right, up next, The Vivienne.
I didn't write a single thing down
because I just enjoyed the show.
Thank you girls for acknowledging my K addiction.
After sitting through this shit for an hour,
I think I'll take it back up.
[all laugh]
I always feel confidence
and supported with you at the helm,
and that's important.
The thing that I wrote so many notes about
were the wings.
It's interesting to me that this outfit works so well
both with and without the wings,
the pageboy haircut,
and the kind of warrior thing you have going on.
I'm getting sort of Icaru-sissy.
I just heard "sissy," and I'll take it.
[laughs]
Well, well done. Very, very funny.
Thank you.
Thank you, ladies. I think we've heard enough.
While you untuck in the werkroom,
the judges and I will deliberate.
You may leave the stage.
Phenomenal night tonight.
So funny. So many jokes.
It was brilliant.
All right, now, just between us squirrel friends,
whaddaya think?
We are looking for the two top All Stars of the week.
Okay, truth.
Jinkx is as good as anybody at the Friars Club.
Yes.
Trinity let her last boyfriend down easy.
She said, "Let's just be cousins."
[all laugh]
And then she comes out
with what I think is the most innovative runway look.
It was funny and campy, but also kind of dark and weird.
That may be the strongest thing I've seen today.
But I've marked Monét as one of the standouts in my mind.
Sometimes she was working with long setups
on the way to a punchline,
and then sort of playing it
like the punchline was improvisational.
The "it gets butter" joke felt like it was in that category.
That was funny.
She's another one of those comfortable performers
that we all love.
We sit here and we're like, "Yeah, what's next?
Tell us another one."
For the runway look,
I really appreciated the commitment
to something that was understated and classy.
I really loved how Monét presented tonight.
Trinity on that runway,
when she walked around that corner
in that whorescent lighting, it was such a moment.
It was thrilling.
But really where she shone tonight
was in that roast,
because none of us really expected her to do that.
Comedy runs in Monét's family.
Her mother delivered at least one joke.
Oh! [all laugh]
There were so many funny jokes.
It was one after the other, it was rapid fire,
and I thought she was a star.
I loved The Vivienne tonight, because that queen was so funny.
Jinkx had a Zoom wedding.
Not because of the pandemic, just because her husband
couldn't bear to be in the same room as her.
[all laugh]
She wasn't just telling the jokes
and going through the existing material.
It really felt like she was playing
and doing improv around the margins.
And then the look on the runway was distinctive and unusual,
but also sort of very classically beautiful.
We've seen wings a few times,
but these were softer and bendier,
and you kind of felt emotions when she was presenting it.
I love the way she looked.
I thought she had a very strong night.
All right, silence!
I've made my decision.
Bring back my Legends.
Welcome back, ladies.
Based on your Hall of Shade roast performances
and your All Glowed Up runway presentations,
I've made some decisions.
The top two All Stars of the week are...
-Trinity the Tuck... -What?
And Jinkx Monsoon.
Oh, my God!
[applause]
Con-drag-ulations.
You've each earned a legendary Legend Star.
And you're both one step closer to our grand finale
Lip Sync Lalaparuza Smackdown for the crown.
Ladies, the rest of you may take a seat.
Congrats, bitch!
Two legends stand before me.
Ladies, this is your chance to impress me
and win a cash tip of $10,000.
The time has come... [thunder]
for you to lip sync...
[echoing] for your legacy!
Good luck, and don't fuck it up.
♪ If all of the kings had their queens on the throne ♪
♪ We would pop champagne and raise a toast ♪
♪ To all of the queens who are fighting alone ♪
♪ Baby, you're not dancing on your own ♪
♪ Can't live without me
♪ You wanna, but you can't, no, no, no ♪
♪ Think it's funny, but honey ♪
♪ Can't run this show on your own ♪
♪ I can feel my body shake
♪ There's only so much I can take ♪
♪ I'll show you how a real queen behaves ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh
♪ No damsel in distress
♪ Don't need to save me
♪ Once I start breathing fire, you can't tame me ♪
♪ And you might think I'm weak without a sword ♪
♪ But I'm stronger than I ever was before ♪
♪ If all of the kings had their queens on the throne ♪
♪ We would pop champagne and raise a toast ♪
♪ To all of the queens who are fighting alone ♪
♪ Baby, you're not dancing on your own ♪
Whoo!
Yes!
Oh, my God, she did it!
♪ In chess, the king can move one space at a time ♪
♪ But queens are free to go wherever they like ♪
♪ You get too close, you'll get a royalty high ♪
♪ So breathe it in to feel alive ♪
♪ If all of the kings had their queens on the throne ♪
♪ We would pop champagne and raise a toast ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh
♪ Oh-oh-oh
♪ Oh, oh, oh
♪ Oh-oh-oh
[laughter and applause]
Why did I think I could do a cartwheel in a corset?
[Yvie laughs]
Ladies, I've made my decision.
Jinkx Monsoon, con-drag-ulations.
You're a winner, baby.
[applause]
You've won a cash tip of $10,000.
Thank you!
Trinity the Tuck, you are free to slay another day.
Queens, please join Jinkx and Trinity
on the main stage.
Con-drag-ulations, All Stars.
Next week will be your final maxi-challenge
and your last chance to earn legendary Legend Stars.
Remember, no queen is blocked.
Where there's a will, there is a way.
Now, if you can't love yourself,
how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?
Can I get an "amen" up in here?
-Amen! -Amen!
All right. Now let the music play!
[music plays]
♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪
♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪
[laughs]
♪ Cover girl
RuPaul: Next time onAll Stars...
All Starsrules have been suspended,
and now no one's blocked anymore.
All right.
I'm coming for you and your three stars, too!
I'm coming for you and your three stars.
For your final maxi-challenge, you'll star
in the Drag Race Gives Back variety extravaganza.
Ooh! [applause]
So Jinkx right now
is the only person who has a guaranteed spot.
-I'm singing opera. -Okay, hit a note.
-E. -Oh. Oh, wow.
If I mess this up,
I'm really gonna look like Boo-Boo the Fool.
Whoo-hoo!
[distorted voice]
♪ Oh-oh
[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]
♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪
♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪
♪ Cover girl