I'm transmitting live from the construction site -
of the new railway In western Oslo.
Work has ceased and police and film crews have arrived.
They're here to check out an anonymous tip -
on the sensational recordings of the Dal Brothers -
on their time travel to the Viking age.
As we all know, these recordings disappeared after the expedition.
I can hear something now. Let's go see what's going on.
What have you found?
This is unbelievable. The tip was accurate.
These are the original recordings of the fourth Dal expedition.
They were lost over ten years ago. It's almost too good to be true.
And when it's unbelievable it often is true in case of the Dal brothers.
THE CURSE OF THE VIKING SWORD REEL1
Who was behind the disappearance -
and how the reels ended up here at this construction site -
is a huge mystery.
The police, the Culture Minister; film crews and Dal researchers -
will spend a lot of time mulling this oven
This is as big a mystery as the secret of professor Uvula -
which is still unsolved after 30 years.
I'm being told that we have to go to
Pardon? To... 7
Go to the universe.
CURSE OF THE VIKING SWORD
The universe: A never-ending vastness of stars and planets.
No one knows how old it is.
Earth:
A planet where life has existed for more than 3 million years.
Norway:
A country where life has existed since before the Viking age.
But for practical reasons let's stick to that era.
It's a normal night in the Viking age -
- on chief Lowtide Bath Earl's farm.
His daughter Kristin Lowtides daughter, -
- is having dinner with her siblings -
- Haakon Magnus and Martha Louise.
The two sturdy fellows on guard are Knockknee and Bandyleg Thrombus.
Present!
And the two industrious women are the thralls Chubby and Rut.
And the Viking ship at the waterfront is called Steve.
But don't be fooled by the nice names. These were times of unrest.
Hurry up and eat. We have to get inside. These are times of unrest.
Tell us the saga of Tyrfing. - Please.
Dear Odin, once again? - Please.
It's straight to bed afterwards. - We promise.
Many years ago, there was a brave warrior king called Svafrlami.
One day he came across two dwarves sifting by a rock.
They tried to jump into the rock, but the king stopped them.
He asked them their names. They were called Dulin and Dvalin.
They really pleaded for their lives.
"I will spare you, " said the king.
"But only if you make me an invincible sword. "
"The handle shall be made from solid gold. "
"The blade must be able to cut through iron like butter. "
The dwarves agreed to this and a delivery date was set.
When the day arrived, the king rode to the dwarf stone.
The two dwarves were ready to present the sword to him.
When he had taken the sword, Dvalin said:
"This sword shall know victory and power, -
but it shall also be cursed. "
"It will create strife throughout the country. "
"And one day the sword will be the bane of its master. "
Svafrlami thrust his sword at them. - What did they do?
They jumped in so fast that the sword cut through the rock.
Cool!
King Svafrlami called the new sword Tyrfing.
It shone like fire in the dark.
It was so sharp that no one wounded by it lived through the night.
Svafrlami used Tyrfing in many battles and was always victorious.
Until one day when the sword slipped from his hand.
An enemy caught it and killed the king with his own sword.
Why did he call the sword Tyrfing?
I don't know. Dad, why did Svafrlami call his sword Tyrfing?
I don't know, but I think it was named after a sports team.
What happened to the sword when the king was killed?
It was inherited from father to son until it became Bjartmar Bath Earl's.
Great-granddad? - Exactly.
So where's the sword now? - Only dad knows.
It's buried in a secret place. Remember it's cursed.
It brings about war and misery.
But as long as there's peace between me -
and the chief of the Sprucebarkbirchlegs Eirik Sheepshead.
Hey!
They're coming! - Dear Odin!
Protect the kids.
They're coming! The Sprucebarkbirchlegsl
Find the sword!
I'll hurt you bad!
Even if you are Shovelcut.
Stop it!
No, mother!
We can't find the sword.
Alright.
We'll leave then. - No!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
I'm certain that it's here. Search through every coffin and pot.
Look in the fridge. Did I say fridge?
Sometimes I'm so ahead of my time.
Continue the search. It has to be here somewhere. Find it!
Fimbul, you heard what Halvor said. They've searched everywhere.
They haven't been thorough enough. We don't give up that easily.
Flmbul, while my dad's ill - You're the chief.
You're just - The shaman.
And we've done our Viking duty. - Yes!
Did we fight? Did we plunder? - Yes!
Did we pillage? - Yes!
Did we smash up things? Did we tease someone?
No. - And why not?
Yes?
Because it's bad behaviour!
We've done our duty as berserkers. Come on. Let's go.
No, no, no.
I'm sure the sword's around here somewhere.
It has to be here. - It isn't here.
She's lying!
They're our enemies, but they're not liars.
Oh... 7
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
Children, you would never lie, right?
If it's not here, where is it? - What?
Don't be silly! Tyrfing of course!
King Svafrlami's mighty sword. It shall be mine, mine, mine
All mine.
You mean mine, right, Fimbul?
Okay, I mean yours.
You bastard.
Where is it? Out with it! - Let her go or I'll kill you!
Halt! - Stop!
No one knows where it is. It disappeared a long time ago.
You said father knew. - Who? Your father?
Where is Tyrfing? - I'll never tell you.
Not even if you kill me. - Why would we do that?
Then we'd never find the sword. We won't kill you.
We'll kill your children.
Don't do it. I give up! I'll tell you where the sword is.
It's in Bjartmar Bath Earl's burial mound.
See, children. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar
Or is it the truth? You are truthful, aren't you?
You have my word. - You'll show us the way.
Good work, Fimbul.
Take him away. - And burn down the farm.
No, wait! Stop! Burn down the farm? Is that necessary?
No, but it's a deterrent. Merciless. A demonstration of power
Kristin and her siblings will die. They won't survive without shelter
Remember these are times of unrest.
We've taken everything, -
and the forest is full of wild wolves and wild bears.
And wild lynx and wild flowers.
Just admit it. You don't have the guts to burn it down.
Me?
Have the guts?
I have the guts to burn down the farm.
It's just not necessary. It's ju... - Ju,ju,ju.
The chief's son Sigurd Hightidepants is a cowardly chicken.
He doesn't even dare burn down a lousy farm.
What's next? Flower arranging?
And ballet?
I'm not a coward! I'm not afraid to burn down the farm!
But it was me who was supposed to say it.
Say what?
"Burn down the farm. " - Pardon?
"Burn down the farm. " - You heard him. Get to it!
Sigurd! I would never have thought that about you.
I didn't mean to. It was just
Leif? Get over here.
When we're far enough away, so that Lowtide can't hear the screams, -
you kill the prisoners.
And another thing. Don't let the prisoners escape.
If they escape, your punishment will be cruel and unusual.
Sure, boss. Do I get a hint?
You will be forced to eat cold porridge for the rest of your life.
That's my favourite dish. - What do you hate the most?
Fish. - Cold fish it is, then.
We have to find the sword.
Oh no. They're gone!
Have you seen the prisoners? They've escaped.
They can't have gotten fan Help me look for them.
What's wrong? - I'm doomed.
Fimbul said, if the prisoners escape, I will be forced to eat cold fish.
No!
I'd rather emigrate to America.
America? It hasn't been discovered yet.
I don't care. I'll go anyway.
Have a safe trip, Leif Eriksson!
We'll never lose.
Come on. We have to put it out in a hurry.
Rut!
Are we going to die, Kristin?
They took all the food. It's looking a bit bleak.
Only a miracle can save us now. - What's a miracle?
A miracle?
A miracle can be a...
How do I explain this?
A miracle...
Look!
Jesus fellows.
Where in the world are we? - I don't know.
Brummund, come on out here and see!
He's not here. Brummund's not here.
What happened? - The time machine was at home
All of a sudden I was fiddling with the posttransscriptor.
You were on your way to the engine room and Brummund
Brummund was checking the heat shield. He's back home.
We must call him on the time phone. - I'll get the travel bag.
Did we bring it? - It's on the piano.
I'll look around a bit out here.
The travel bag. - It's not here.
Try the basement.
Damn. The light's gone out down here.
There's a lot of crap down here.
Here it is. - Bring me a soda.
Gaus? Weren't you supposed to get rid of the Christmas tree?
That was 18 months ago. - We have to conserve our forests.
You found the travel bag. - Here's your soda.
Where are you? It's not polite to take off without me.
It wasn't on purpose. What happened?
I was adjusting the heat shield -
when the time machine vanished.
Where are you? - We don't know.
There are some old huts here -
and a Viking ship.
But mostly there's trees. - Are we in the Viking age?
It's a time machine, not a bus. We travel in time, not space.
Obviously we would end up here. - No. It can't be.
The time control setting and molecular dissolver weren't on.
You're at the theme park Viking Land. They have a ship like that.
I saw it when I went there. - Maybe you're right.
What do we do, then?
Come home, before anything else goes wrong.
Before you know it, you'll be in Legoland.
I'll prepare dinner
Boiled popcorn, spinach and jam in white sauce.
Spinach? Let's stay here. - You can eat around it.
I'll stay here. - I'll start the machine.
Come on. It's a bit sluggish today.
Come on. More choke. No.
I'll use the crank. That's modern technology for you.
It won't start.
Come on.
No!
I told you so. Never buy a time machine on the home shopping network.
But we got the crank for free.
And we got a knife, another crank, a nut cracker and a knife.
And all that for 399,90!
Roms, the gauge shows that we just need some gas.
Gas? We'll have to get that. Do we have any in the travel bag?
That's the only thing we don't have in there.
Jesus
Excuse me. Do you know if there's a gas station nearby?
"Gas station"? - Maybe right by the theme park?
"Theme park"? - Yes. By the E18 road.
"E18"? - You don't know what that is?
It's a food additive. No, it's the E-road to Stockholm.
You know what that is Hello? Hello... 7
Has someone lost a contact lens? - They started it.
Why are they on their knees? - Are you not gods?
Gods? No, we're Gaus and Roms Dal.
And the one in the sky? - The one with the propeller.
Oh, you saw that? That's our brother Brummund.
So you're not gods? - "The Dal gods"?
No. We're probably just the brothers Dal.
We're sort of explorers.
Explorers? What's that? - Let us tell you.
Nansen went skiing across Greenland ice
Columbus found America which was very nice
Livingstone found his way and Heyerdahl
sailed on the Kon-Tiki even though it was small
Marco Polo went to China he went straight to the source
Amundsen found the South Pole never came off course
Magellan sailed around the globe by popular demand
Armstrong put a flag in some lunar sand
Oh Oh Oh that's what we wanted to be
Oh Oh Oh from the age of three
were the brothers Dal
we have stones Oh so spectral
we discovered Atlantis and Uvula's secret
and we have a time machine that is no secret
we've packed everything even some dentures
and we are off on another brilliant adventure
Oh Oh Oh what's up our sleeve?
Oh Oh Oh when we're ready to leave?
Were the brothers Dal
were the brothers Dal
one time we did catch a whale
were the brothers Dal
Now you know who we are. But who are you?
I'm Kristin Lowtidesdaughter - You're on Rob Lowe's side?
Then you must know Emilio Estevez.
No, I'm the daughter of Lowtide Bath Earl, the head of this farm.
These are my siblings Mértha Louise and Haakon Magnus.
Hello, Your Majesty.
This is our thralls Chubby and Rut. - Hello. Thralls?
What are you doing in a theme park in the middle of the night? It's
My watch has stopped. - So has mine.
Hang on.
It's 10.35 pm.
Yours is five minutes fast. - That's easy for you to say.
Why are you dressed so funny? Is it a costume party?
It's you that are dressed funny. - No, it's you.
You're dressed funny. - No, it's you.
Our dad can beat up your dad. - No, our dad is much... Dad!
He's been abducted. - Really? By who?
The Sprucebarkbirchlegs next doom - The Sprucebirchba...
Next door?
Yes. And they're led by that bastard Sigurd Hightidepants.
Sigurd who? - Hightidepants.
Yes. He's the son of Eirik Sheepshead.
Sheepshead? He must be related to the Rutabagas.
Yes. Halgrim Rutabagason is his cousin.
Sigurd and his men and the shaman Fimbul attacked us.
They took everything we had and abducted our dad.
Yellow, green or red?
Chew-man. A yellow, green or red chew-man?
Not "chew-man". Shaman.
Shaman Fimbul. Or sorcerer; if you will.
Why would they abduct your father?
To get the mighty sword Tyrfing. - Why did we not think of that?
So this is not a play at a theme park?
Of course not. Then you would be part of it.
That's true. - Everything I say is true.
But that would mean that we're in the Viking age.
Of course you are. And these are times of unrest.
Maybe she's right. - It's hard to get home without gas.
There are no buses here? - We're stuck here for a while.
I'll call Brummund and say we'll be 1,000 years late for dinner.
That's not Brummund. - It looks like Osama bin Laden.
The stone age, hello?
Where have we called?
The stone age. Which number did you want?
2010.
Before or after? - Before or after what?
Christ. - After.
Then you're really off. This is 2,000 before Christ.
Before Christ? How do you know who he is, then?
That's true.
Hello? I don't think they know what they're doing at the phone company.
2010, did you say?
I'll try to put you through, then.
One moment.
It's so typical of you to call when I'm making dinner.
It's going to be five minutes late. - Probably a bit more than that.
We're in the Viking age and we're out of gas.
We're having a crisis. - I'll look in the manual.
Look under "fuel". - Under the bath tub.
Here's the manual. Let's see.
F for... Here it is. Fuel.
"If the gas tank is empty, fill it up. "
Brummund...! There are no gas stations in the Viking age.
You know that. - Yes. I'm not stupid.
But somebody's bound to have some spare gas somewhere.
Brummund...! - The stove. Hang on a minute.
It's probably the spinach. - Brummund, come back.
Brummund! Hello!
I need to take care of this. I'm sure you'll work it out. Carry on!
We're counting on you!
He hung up. - I hope that was it.
I'm hungry. - I know. So are we all.
But they stole all our food.
They stole your food? You don't have anything to eat?
Maybe we can help. We've got some reserve provisions.
Roms, what do we have here?
We've got pizza. - We've got pizza.
There's something under the skis. - We brought skis?
Water skis. And water ski poles. - And there's more.
Here's some tinned mackerel.
And cola!
And crisps. - Here. Catch.
Ouch, my tooth. - You have to open the tin.
It's boiling in my mouth! - That's cola for you.
Don't you have any regular food? - What do you mean?
Regular Viking food? - Whats that?
Boiled bear or roasted elk.
Raw wolf. - Raw wolf, raw wolf!
Try this. It's much better than raw wolf. Food from the future.
This tastes great! - What is it?
It's crisps. Viking crisps.
Quick. We have to get inside. Come on.
These really are times of unrest.
I'm interrupting this, because you're probably wondering why -
the narrator's here and not in the movie itself.
During the recording of this, I had Swine Flu.
I couldn't narrate anything.
So I'm traveling around the country narrating from the projection room -
instead of being in the film. But I'm doing quite alright.
And now I can tell you that the scene's changed -
to the burial mound where Tyrfing is buried.
The only one who knows where that is, is Lowtide Bath Earl.
Here he is. He is higtoed.
Higto... Hogtied. Hogtied?
I know what tied is, but why is there a hog in there? Are you hogs? No.
What a note to the teacher:
"Per couldn't come to school yesterday. He was a hog. "
But let's see. We're in the forest now.
Here's Sigurd Hightidepants and Fimbul the shaman.
They're trying to Oh my god. They want to persuade -
Lowtide Bath Earl to reveal where Tyrfing is buried.
Watch closely. Watch closely now.
So you're trying to fool us, Lowtide?
If you don't get us Tyrfing, you know what happens to the children.
I'm doing my best. It's hard to remember.
Wait!
Now I remember where the burial mound is.
It's not here. It's there!
Are you sure this time?
This is your last chance!
Yes! I'm quite sure!
This is granddad Bjartmar Bath Earl's burial mound.
Okay! - Okay!
Sverre Shovelcut, start digging.
No, wait. Fimbul, what about the curse?
Are you superstitious? - No, it's just that
Okay! Start digging!
Thor with his hammer is furious because we're desecraters.
Nonsense. Keep digging!
Keep digging, I said.
Why do I have to do everything myself in this Viking age?
Stop before you bring death and Twilight of the Gods on us all!
Remember the curse! - Screw the curse!
Hurrah for me! This is the point of no return!
Finally Tyrfing is mine!
You mean mine, right?
No, you jerk. I mean mine!
Mine! Mine! All mine!
My body is teeming with Tyrfing's power
touching it is like a lightning shower
hush can you hear a magical sound?
This sword I found in a burial mound
even though the dwarves in the rock cursed this blade
I shall be ruler a king I'll be made
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
honor and glory
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
with magical power
no one will treat me with horrible disdain
when Tyrfing is mine all shall be slain
every enemy will flee or be downed
for now it is me who's king of the mound
Tyrfing. - the Viking sword Tyrfing
honor and glory
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
with magical power
the time has come for me to hold sway
everybody will do as I say
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
honor and glory
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
with magical power
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
Tyrfing
the Viking sword Tyrfing
with magical power
That Fimbul guy would have been great in X-Factor or Idol. Great guy.
I'm interrupting to tell you that the brothers spent four days at the farm.
I'm saying this, because otherwise you wouldn't have known it.
Let's go to the Bath Earl farm four days later
Just bring it out here, Kristin. - Then what do I do?
Put it all in there. - In the bag?
Haakon's shirt is very dirty. - Just put it in there.
We'll just close it up.
And now I'll just press this button.
Dear Odin!
Let's see now. What do you say to this?
It's so clean!
But a little stiff maybe.
I forgot the fabric softener I'll give it another whirl.
Kristin, I was wondering You said your dad was the chief.
And Sigurd's dad is the chief at their farm.
But who's the king of the country? - No one.
What year is this? - The year 921.
Harald Fairhair rules the country. - I haven't read a rune about that.
Harald Fairhair, you said? That doesn't ring a bell.
Maybe you know his father Halfdan the Black? Why did they call him that?
Was he an immigrant from Africa? - I don't know him at all.
That's not so strange. We've had a lot of unknown kings.
Like Halbein Hangover. - Halbein Hangover?
He ruled from 1066 to 1093 - No, that was Olaf III..
Halbein covered for Olaf when Olaf was hung oven
So it was Olaf Hangover and Halbein Olaf III's Replacement.
That's true. - And there was Magnus Bucketknob.
He made the knobs for the buckets for Magnus Makesbuckets.
They're all unknown to me. - Yes. They were after your time.
They're after your time.
Who's the king in your time? - Another Harald.
Is he fair haired? - Well
Dear Odin, is it really that late? - Brummund should have called.
Really? Let's call him up, then.
Where have you been? We're stranded in the Viking age.
Can you get us some gas? We won't get anywhere without it.
Listen. Relax, guys. I'm not here.
You're not there? - This is my time voice mail.
I'm not in, but leave your name and number after the beep.
I know who you are, so never mind the name. Here's the beep.
It was voice mail.
The Barkbirchlegs are back! By Freya, let's hide!
Kristin... 7 Kristin!
That smells like food.
What's this?
Was that me?
What is this?
Damn.
I have to be careful.
It's empty.
Morning. Two sausages, please. And some bread, please.
Mustard and ketchup for both and raw onions for one.
And if you have some relish and shrimp salad, that's good.
Do you have onion sausage? - Stop!
What are you talking about? - Who are you?
Just a regular customer who wants sausages and bread.
And I want mustard, ketchup, onions, relish and shrimp salad.
And also if you have it Do you have onion sausages?
Stop it or I'll cut you in half, you lazy mushroom.
Is this what you're looking for?
Who are you? - were the brothers Dal.
They're my friends, Sigurd Hightidepants.
What are you doing here and where's the rest of your gang?
I'm here by myself. The others are out plundering with Fimbul.
And why aren't you plundering?
I thought you might be hungry so I brought food. And maybe you and I
Sorry. - That doesn't atone for anything.
And you, Sigurd, who I thought of as a friend.
More than a friend, I hope. - Well, maybe.
But you are so callous! - Let me explain.
It just happened. Ba
We've all been fooled by Flmbul! - Are you blaming others, coward?
Let me explain.
Father's very ill. - So?
Fimbul says it's your father's fault.
He says your father uses Tyrfing to cast spells.
And if we don't get hold of the sword and break the spell
then my dad will die.
But when you saw my dad didn't have Tyrfing, you knew he was lying?
No. Not until the sword had been dug up.
Then I understood that Fimbul wanted the sword for himself.
Now he'll use the sword to conquer all of Norway -
all 16 square kilometres of it.
Has your father recovered? - No. On the contrary.
What's wrong with him? - He's burning up inside.
But I can't forgive you, because you've taken my dad as a prisoner.
It's not me. That's Fimbul's work.
I'll do anything to free your father.
Why should I believe you? - You know I care for you.
I guess that's why you set our farm on fire?
Who do you think brought the water buckets to put out the fire?
That was you? - Yes, it was.
I've always liked you and I hope, you like me too.
I do. But you're not making this easy for me.
You came to plunder you came to fight
you came to kill my dad
you came to rob in spite of our friendship
did it make you sad?
But if you still care for me I swear on my father's name
I dreamt about you every night
my love for you is the same
I came to see you fairest of all came to sing a duet
I promise you Kristin I'll fight for your life
I'll thwart every single threat
but if you still care for me I swear on your father's name
I dreamt about you every night
my love for you is the same
- do you love me? - yes I want you
do you love me? I will never tire of you
- do you love me? - yes I want you
do you love me? I will give my self to you
so lovely to see you my dearest friend lovely to see you again
but if you still care for me I swear on my father's name
I dreamt about you every night
my love for you is the same
- do you love me? - yes I want you
- do you love me? - come and get me
- do you love me? - yes I want you
- do you love me? - come and get me
you're my dearest friend
Such drama! Now the action has moved to the neighbouring farm.
To the house hut... to shaman Fimbul's place.
That's where the bark birch chief...
Eirik is ill with Swine Flu.
Or is it the plague or cholera? What's wrong with this man?
With this sword I'll conquer not only Norway but the whole world.
Everyone will learn to fear Fimbul -
and his mighty sword Tyrfing.
Tyrfing! Tyrfing! Tyrfing!
It sounds a bit weak. It sounds a bit like "surfing".
Surfing! Surfing! Surfing! It sounds weak.
They should have called it
No.
Yes. I have it.
Lethal Weapon III.
Lethal Weapon. They should use that for a film title in the future.
Did I say film? I don't know where I get it from.
Tyrfing is the name people know and fear; -
and have come to like. In a way.
I know I have.
Mirror; mirror in my hand
the mightiest of them all?
Kristin, I shall go free your father.
Oh, Sigurd!
Are you looking for this? - Thanks, guys.
I'll go free your father! - Oh, Sigurd.
It won't be easy. In fact, it'll be impossible.
As long as Fimbul has Tyrfing, no one will dare fight him.
Except for my Sigurd! - Well, kind of... but
Maybe you don't have to fight him with swords.
No? - What do you mean?
Sigurd, go to Fimbul and say that Kristin has two shamans.
Their magic is mightier than his.
Tell him that the shamans will challenge him here.
Where are those shamans? - It's us.
You and Kristin? - You and me.
Are you two shamans? - Yes.
They appeared out of thin air in a glowing orb.
And they have a magic bag that holds everything.
And they have a brother in the sky. - You must be kidding.
No.
No, this is an April Fool's joke.
Sigurd, trust me. It's true.
Okay, I'll go then. - Oh, Sigurd.
Sigurd, one moment.
Give your father these pills and tell him to phone me in the morning.
Pardon "phone"? - Just give him the pills.
The Sprucebarkbirchlegs chief Eirik Sheepshead -
will soon be an ex-chief.
I'm burning up inside and my head hurts.
That's completely normal, mr. Sheepshead.
I'll give you some medicine. - I think it's getting worse.
That's also normal. It gets worse before it gets better.
Otherwise you wouldn't know that you were getting better.
You have to take your medicine. I didn't give you enough before.
I have to whip up a new batch. Let's see now.
Where the hell is the Book of Black Magic?
Yellow pages, green pages, white pages, polka dot pages
Where the hell is the Book of Black Magic? There it is.
Yes...
"How to turn a prince into a frog. "
"How to turn a beautiful maiden into a carpenter"
"How to get rich. " I know that one already.
"How to become poor" How do you do that?
"Toss your money out of the window. "
Let's see. Here it is.
Spider web
Ground dragon's teeth. Eggs from a fly.
Harelip from a hare.
Goosebumps from a duck.
An old dog's bad breath.
Three picked noses that have been buried -
for three moonlit nights by a crossroad.
Yes. And a bit of dew.
A bit of this, a bit of that and a bit more of this.
There we are, I think.
Maybe this one.
Eirik, drink this.
Will it make me better?
This batch is so strong that it will solve all problems. Drink up.
When will it work? - Not until you drink. Drink up.
Have you heard from my son?
Sure. He's fine. Down the hatch.
Could you send for him? - No, he's delivering a package.
Delivering? - Yes, delivering a package.
Where? - Down south. Drink up!
You're here. - How are you doing, father?
Alright, thank you. I can't complain.
It's just that I'm burning up inside and I have a headache.
What are you doing here? Your father needs his medicine.
I was at the Bath Earl farm. - It's burned down. They're dead.
No. Kristin and her siblings are alive and well -
because of the magic of the two Dal shamans.
Dal shamans. - Greater shamans than you.
And they're challenging you to a duel!
Me? To a duel? There are two opinions about that.
Or three, as there's two of them.
Greater than Fimbul?
Tell Kristin and the shamans that their challenge is accepted.
Greater than Fimbul?
Nonsense.
Father? Have you seen Kristin's father?
I guess he's chained to the cellar wall. I have to take my medicine.
Don't take it, father: I don't trust Fimbul.
Look. Take these instead.
It's medicine from the Dal shamans. They are great sorcerers.
What the hell? - Great.
No!
Luckily, Gaus and Roms are at the Bath Earl Farm.
That's good. Roll the film.
What am I saying? It's been rolling the whole time.
I hope it doesn't get a speeding ticket.
But this is not a high speed film.
We have to move on. Let's go to the Bath Earl farm.
Let's see: Stoltenberg.
And Rokke. - "Rokke".
But who's in charge, then? - That's Rokke.
Ship Viking Viking ship ship ship!
This is so great. What is this?
Pop music in a box. - Eh?
Pop music in a box. - Pop music in a box.
You truly are great shamans. - These are great. What are they?
It's a Chew-man.
There are edible shamans? - Not shaman, chew-man.
Chew-man? What are they?
I'll explain it to you, but I need your help.
Roms, you take this.
Rut, you take the bongos.
Chubby, you take the maracas. And a microphone.
What the hell?
Chew-man chew-man chew-man a very soft and true man
you'll never be blue man chew-man
sour and sweet /ove/y to eat
little bits of tempting fun
but the bliss is fleeting you have started eating
and suddenly they are all gone
eat a yellow one red one green one, orange too
I'll take one more because I have to eat another one that's blue
chew-man chew-man chew-man rather three than two man.
Get them while they're new man chew-man
he hasn't got a nose but his smile it glows
his taste I recommend
lives inside a plastic bag I don't mean to brag
I have got a chew-man for a friend
eat a yellow one red one green one orange too
I'll take one more because I have to eat another one that's blue
I have to interrupt to tell you that the time
has stopped.
Chew-man chew-man chew-man
Roms, would you like a chew-man? · No, we need gas more.
I know, but how are we going to make that?
Sun lotion. Can we make gas out of that?
I don't think so. - It's very high SPF.
I don't think so.
Sardines in oil? - No.
We'll take away the sardines. - No.
We'll take away the oil, then? - No.
Don't be so negative. We have to try everything.
Did someone here forget to turn off their mobile phone?
Is it you? It has to be. This can bring down the plane.
Gaus, it's our phone. - Sorry. It's ours.
It's probably Brummund. - I hope so.
You've got 1,000 years to call, and you call when I'm in the shower.
You called us. - Oh, I forgot.
I've tried to figure out how you can get hold of some gas.
First I called the homeshopplng network to buy another time machine.
But they were sold out. Then I tried to find a way for you to make gas.
I went to the university, the energy council, gas stations...
And then I went to the cinema. - The cinema?
I can't work all the time.
Then I went to the Institute of Geophysics and the Defence Academy.
I finally have an answer for you. - What is it then?
It's impossible. - It can't be done?
There's no way of making gasoline in the Viking age.
So we have to stay here forever? You can't be serious.
There there. Look on the bright side.
You've got fresh air undisturbed nature and no bad tv shows.
And there's two of you. You can perform as the Dal brothers.
Think about me. I have to go it alone.
If I do another tv series, what am I going to call it?
"One of the brothers Dal"?
But believe me. I won't give up.
If I find a way, I'll call you. Bye. Don't lose hope.
You can't just leave us here in the Viking age forever.
I don't know. Maybe we have to look on the bright side of things.
The Viking age won't last forever: - We won't either.
We have to be practical now.
Any flats available for rent here in the Viking age?
Flats?
Do you accept credit cards?
I'm strapped for cash, and the banks aren't open yet.
It's Fimbull
No, this is Fimbul.
No, Fimbul is here!
So, Kristin, these two idiots are greater shamans than me?
We'll fight until one two of us are lying dead on the ground.
And I won't be one of those two.
The other way.
Don't try anything funny. No one gets away.
Let's talk about this. - Talk? Are you cowards?
Are you trying to weasel out of this? You challenged me to a duel!
Don't challenge me if you can't handle it.
But we're colleagues. We're all shamans.
We shouldn't fight with swords but with magic.
Alright, -
but the losers must die no matter what.
English, too. Unbelievable.
This calls for a blow. - Are you going to hit him?
Freya Chocolates! Anyone for Freya Chocolates?
Freya Chocolates!
Hot skins! Get your hot skins.
Two skins, please. - Mustard and ketchup?
Let's begin!
Since I'm invincible, I'll let you go first.
Go ahead.
Countryman, Vikings and berserkers, ladies and gentlemen!
We are sorcerers with great magic from the future.
The future! - Observe.
Hocus Pocus Filiocus, Abracadabra, Sim Salabim!
What's that? - A mobile phone.
Mobile phone.
Whats that for? - What's your number?
42. - We'll press 4 and 2.
And then - And then... 7
Sometimes it takes a while.
There.
Hello? Hello? Yes? - Hello? Hello? Yes?
Oh, you've got size 42 shoes.
But you can hear me? - Loud and clean
Through the shoe? - No, through the air.
Boo! - So that's your magic?
There's probably bad reception here in the Viking age.
I think he's got NMT shoes. - You need a GSM shoe.
Nonsense! Now it's my turn.
Ranty-slanty hurly-burly!
Fimbul winter; road to Helheim!
If I'm not fantastic, then I don't know.
And the jury's verdict? - Fimbul! Fimbul!
Yes, yes. You can hear who's won.
And you will feel Tyrflng's blade!
En garde! And in French and me who doesn't speak a word of
Et en garde!
By the ravens of Odin, what is this? Sword and shield in one?
It's even cooler than Tyrfing!
Want to trade? - Tyrfing for... 7
Yes!
Okay.
Maybe you're greater shamans but you're much thicken
Now I have both Tyrfing and the new sword-shield.
I'll call it a para-shield.
No, a parabol. No, a parasol.
With these mighty weapons in hand, I'll never give up my power
Not if Christmas lasted until Easter; and Easter until Constitution Day!
Did I say Constitution Day?
Yes. Hurrah!
Take them away and roast them. - No, listen
No, wait.
Take them away and boil them.
Let's talk about this like adults. - Give me one good reason.
Because were friends of Odin. - Yes.
Friends of Odin? Who isn't?
Yes, but we're in direct contact with him.
Direct contact?
What's his shoe size, then?
Take them away! - Wait! We can prove it.
The Odin thing. The time phone. - Can I...?
Sure. Prove to me that you're good friends with Odin.
I hope Brummund Odin doesn't let it go to voice mail.
Hi, fellows.
Hi, Odin. - Odin?
You're Odin.
If you're not, bloodthirsty Vikings will kill us.
If you're not Odin - Of course I'm
Of course I'm Odin.
No one may harm my brothers
The Dal brothers, I mean.
I'm a bit impressed, I must admit.
Great Odin, give me a sign that you really are Odin.
Listen.
Do you think anybody else than Odin -
can do this?
Finnmark will get the most of this downpour Thank you.
Odin! Odin! - Easy now. Thank you.
Thank you. Anything else before I go?
No, that'll do, Brummund, -
I mean Odin.
Good. I'm renovating Valhal and I need to borrow some nails from Thom
Bye. - Bye, great Odin.
I've seen Odin. I've spoken to Odin himself.
I didn't know he had a propellar.
Maybe you are greater sorcerers than me, -
but then it's your magic -
that killed our dear chief Eirik Sheepshead.
Kill them! They will pay with their lives for their crimes!
Look! - Crush them! Pummel them until
You're alive! - Hello, father:
Don't take them. Take Fimbul!
It was he, and no one else, who tried to poison me.
And he failed because of their magical medicine.
How did you recover? It was strong enough to kill a bean
It was pungent and I threw it up. - And our pills?
You took them at the same time. - They tasted better; so they stayed.
What did you give him? - Two aspirin.
But they expired a long time ago.
No. "Use before 1996". They're good for another 1,000 years.
What are you waiting for? Grab Fimbul and the sword!
Go ahead and try.
As long as I have Tyrfing and the sword-shield, -
I'm in charge!
I'd be an idiot if I gave up these babies.
Your fly is open. - Hold these for a second.
I fell for it! And I don't even have a fly!
Sigurd, check if he has any more weapons.
No! - What's this, then?
Don't take it. It's my secret, private potion.
It smells. - We know this, don't we, father?
It was the poison he gave me. - What is it?
I can't tell you.
The shaman's union forbids members -
from revealing any secrets. But I can give you a hint.
Dragon's teeth. And it's unleaded. - I thought I smelled gasoline.
We can go home! - Do you have any more?
Afraid not. - No!
Fimbul's lying. He's got a whole pot full at home.
I'll get it. - Take this.
I'll show you the way.
No! - You stay here.
Does everybody agree that Fimbul must be punished?
Yes! - What would be a fitting punishment?
May I suggest something? - Sure.
Give me so much money and gold that I don't have to lift a finger
That's not harsh enough. - Okay, that didn't work.
I've got it! Can I borrow this for a second?
Now I'm ready for a tactical retreat!
And if you follow me, -
you know what will happen to this little runt.
For now I'll leave the country-
and travel all the way across the fiord.
And you won't be able to find me!
But I shall return one day.
And then.. then
The curse of the sword has struck. Tyrfing was its owner's bane.
A fitting punishment! - Yes!
And with the sword buried, -
our families can be at peace with each other
Hurrah!
And all this thanks to Gaus, Roms and Brummund.
Odin! - Oh,Odin
Tyrfing is gone gone for ever
Fimbul fell in a grave however
the dead man's anger will never cease
the curse smote him because he transgressed
these are no longer times of unrest
finally we have peace
never give up never give up
it 13 not far from the bottom to the top
it may take some time you might go through hell
but all's well that ends well
all's well that ends well
I know what I did was wrong I agree
yet I ask you if you will have me
please darling don't say no
- do you love me? - yes I want you
do you love me? I will never tire of you
- do you love me? - yes I want you
- do you love me? - come and take me
a journey back we now have to take
to Brummund who's waiting with pizza and cake
and maybe some ice cream for dessert
I hope the time machine works really well
and Fimbul's gasoline works only time will tell
or else we have to stay here
never give up never give up
it 13 not far from the bottom to the top
it may take some time you may go through hell
but all's well that ends well
all's well that ends well
I wish I could be a time traveling Viking
the world of tomorrow is Oh so exciting
There you are!
Is the pizza ready? - Yes, and it's a good one.
Thanks. We made it. - We're back!
Oh, thank God.
My boys were fine in the end. That's good.
I'm a bit moved. I hate unhappy endings.
What's this? - No, it's for the time phone.
THE END
Stop the credits immediately.
I've been to the theme park where it all happened 1,000 years ago.
And what did I find underneath the root of a tree?
The Dal Brothers} time phone. The one they used.
Let's see if it works.
Yes!
No! Time has taken its toll on it.
Roll the credits!
Translation: Jesper Buhl Scandinavian Text Service 2010
THANK YOU AND GOODBYE