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BHANGRA MUSIC

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Welcome to Sparkhill Birmingham,
the capital of British Pakistan.

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Community leader!

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They all know me! You like my suit?

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Number one, Citizen Khan.

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Oh, Mrs Desai called about
the wedding. Said they can't come.

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I knew it! She hates us.

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She's punishing me for not sending
out the invitations.

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SHE GASPS

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SHE GASPS
Now she's going to unfriend
me on Facebook!

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No, they actually can't come?
Her husband died.

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Oh. Thank God.

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Open the door!

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Open the bloody door! Coming!

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Look at this!

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On special discount from Cash
and Carry. Good, huh?

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This is too many. It's not too many.

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We're always running out
because you lot use too much.

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What are you talking about? You only
ever need a little bit.

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Look. This, too much.
This, too much. This, just right.

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Nobody ever needs
to use more than that.

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Why do you have to make such a fuss
about toilet tissue?

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Because it costs money!

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And I'm paying for this bloody
wedding, don't forget.

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It is my big day, Dad.

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More like big four days.

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Why do our weddings have to take
so long?

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Maybe we should have
an English wedding.

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20 minutes in registry office,
cucumber sandwich, cup of tea,

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"Thank you for coming, bye bye."

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The shame! What will
the Maliks say?

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Chillax. I'm only joking.

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Luckily for you, you are married
to a Pakistani businessman, hey?

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Dad, you're such a cheapskate.
It's embarrassing. Chup!

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I want no backchat from anyone!

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She has to look pretty
for the wedding. I said chup!

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These dresses are so beautiful.
Chup!

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Not as beautiful as you, my darling!
Chup! Ah, thanks, Mum!

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Chup! Amjad is a very lucky...

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I said chup! Is this
not bloody working?!

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Why you always talking about
bloody expensive dresses?

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A man doesn't care what his bride
is wearing.

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He'll love you more
for saving money.

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You know, when I married your
mother,

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the first thing I thought when I saw
her was, "She looks bloody cheap."

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In a good way!

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Go on, be a good daughter for once,
help your mother.

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What about Alia? You never
have a go at her!

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Your little sister is good girl.
She'll be somewhere

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doing her homework or praying
or some such thing.

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Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie!

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Where are you, darling Alia?

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Ah.

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Look at that. Wonderful.
Reading the Koran, huh?

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Very good. Where are you up to
darling? Oh yes, that's a good bit.

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See? First the worst,
second the best, isn't it?

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Have you been watering down
the washing up liquid?

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Why are you sponging the sofa again?

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Three times already you
sponged it this week.

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I'm just freshening it up. Mrs Malik
is coming round with Amjad tomorrow.

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I don't want her saying things
about my plastic covers.

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As it is, she's always looking down
her nose at us,

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making out we're common.

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Rubbish. Why would she think that?

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CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY

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Anyway, she won't be thinking
that for much longer.

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You know the president
of the Sparkhill Pakistani
Business Association?

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He's asked me to accompany him
to the next meeting.

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Accompany him, like proper
businessman!

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More like drive him,
like proper driver.

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You know what this means?

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They're making me the next
president. President Khan!

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What do you think of that?
That'll go down well at the mosque.

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Oh, by the way, have you booked
the mosque for the wedding?

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Yes, of course I have.

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Good, because if you hadn't we
might've lost the slot. I know.

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And then there would be
cancellation. I know this!

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And shame.

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And I would have to kill myself.

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Look, who's in charge
of this family? Mum?

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I am!

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Look I've booked the mosque,
OK? I said I would do it,

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and I will do it... Er, I have done
it. It's booked, done.

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Baas.

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Baas.
CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY

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Don't stop reading, Alia.
It's a big book

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Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan. Waleikum
asalaam, Riaz. What are you up to?

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Burying dead people. Oh, of course.

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How's the car? The Mercedes, eh?

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Still looking like a brand new.

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This is Omar. He's new.
Excellent. Welcome.

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Mr Khan, community leader.

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Future President of the Sparkhill
Pakistani Business Association.

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Ask anybodys, they all know me.

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Ah! Asalaam Alaikum.

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I'm delighted to make
the acquaintance

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of such a prominent
member of the local community.

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What's wrong with him?
He's from Somalia. Oh...

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HE SIGHS

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HE SIGHS

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Yes. Mr Khan!

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Mrs Bilal! What are you doing
in the mosque office?

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I wanted to talk to you.

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I'm busy, talk to someone else.
Like who?

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Well, it's a mosque.
Have you tried God?

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Are you coming to the Women's Group
day trip? No!

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We're going to Alton Towers!

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Well...

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Have a wonderful time and try not
to fall out of any rides.

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But I might want someone
to hold my hand.

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Thank you, goodbye, Mrs Bilal.

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Mr Khan! Mr Khan!

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God, Mrs Bilal!

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President Khan. How do you do?

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Mr President Khan.
Pleased to meet ya.

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HE SIGHS

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Yes. Next President of SPBA.

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Testing, testing, one, two.

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This is President Khan speaking.

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My fellow business leaders.

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Ask not what your association
can do for you,

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but what have you done
for me lately?

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I have a dream, a song to sing.

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# I saw the light on the night
that I passed by her window.

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# Dum, dum, dum...

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# My, my, my, Delilah...

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# Tum-te-tum-te-tum-te-tum...

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# Why, why, why, Delilah? #

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Everything all right?
Yes, thank you.

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I was just looking
for the prayer mats.

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Right. So, er... You've got
everything you need, yeah?

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Yes. You know you can drop in
anytime

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and use the facilities here.

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Yes. This is the house of God,
open to everyone.

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Yes, that's very nice. Can I just
ask one thing?

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Shoot. Who the hell are you?

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Sorry, I'm Dave. I'm the new
mosque manager.

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What happened to Mr Qureshi?
He's tied up under the desk.

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No. Only kidding. Mr Qureshi
has taken early retirement.

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Oh, right. Well, congratulations
and welcome onboard.

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And you are?
Mr Khan, community leader.

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Mr Qureshi must have mentioned me.

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Ohhhh, yes. YOU'RE Mr Kahn.

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That's me.

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I need to talk to you about
booking the mosque

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for my daughter's wedding.

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Your daughter's getting married?
Congratulations!

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Thank you. You must be very proud!
Mmm... Eh.

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Now, I need to book it
on this date here.

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OK, I'll check the diary.
What for?

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To see if I have a window.

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I'm not asking you out for dinner.
You're a very nice man,

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but I... (LOWERS VOICE) ..play with
a straight bat, you know?

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Right. Oh, no. Oh, we're booked up
that day.

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You can't be. Check again.
No. Definitely booked.

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What?! Do know who I am?
Hello! Mr Khan, community leader!

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Next President of Sparkhill
Pakistani Business Association!

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I'm sorry.

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Right, that's it. I want to speak
to the proper manager.

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I am the proper manager.

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You know what I mean.
The proper manager.

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'Proper'? The brown one.

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Oh, I see what you're saying.

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It's OK I get this a lot.
I am a Muslim. I'm a convert.

166
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Right. I'm not
trying to be funny, mate,

167
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but you can't be a proper Muslim,
you see.

168
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Because I'm white?
Because you're ginger.

169
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What's that got to do with it?

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You gingers are very
different to the rest of us.

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Not so calm, frickley freckley
skin, Scottish.

172
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I'm not Scottish. You drink?

173
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I used to. You Scottish.

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I think you might be being a teeny
bit racist, Mr Khan.

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Me? I'm Asian.

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You are white, I'm racial.

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It is more racist you calling
me racist!

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And anyway, you can't go around
impersonating mosque managers.

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It's forbidden in the Koran.

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Is it? Well, if it isn't,
it should be.

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It's the sacred word
of God, never to be taken lightly.

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Look, I've made my declaration
of faith.

183
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I observe the five pillars. And any
way, doesn't the Koran teach us

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that everybody is born
a Muslim and so, in fact...

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All right, don't take it
SO seriously!

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Look. Just get me in there
and nobody needs to know.

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I'm really sorry, Mr Khan,
but the mosque is booked.

188
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Look, Dave, you put me in a very
difficult position.

189
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What am I supposed to say to my wife
and daughter?

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I'm sure they'll understand.

191
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You haven't met my wife
and daughter.

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Mrs Malik.

193
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Thank you.

194
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House looks nice.

195
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Thank you. The sofa's
a little squeaky.

196
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Thank you!

197
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So clever what you've done
in such a small space.

198
00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:50,443
Thank you.

199
00:10:51,523 --> 00:10:54,683
Are you texting someone? No.
I'm praying to Mecca.

200
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There's an app for it now, innit?

201
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Wow. Amazing.

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

203
00:11:06,363 --> 00:11:09,443
Ah, here is Mr Khan now.

204
00:11:09,443 --> 00:11:12,283
Darling, your favourite
gulab jamun is home!

205
00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:13,963
Mrs Malik and Amjad are here!

206
00:11:13,963 --> 00:11:16,963
Hello, Mrs Khan. How are you?

207
00:11:16,963 --> 00:11:20,283
What a wonderful surprise,
Mrs Malik.

208
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:23,243
I wasn't expecting you till
tomorrow. What delightful chance

209
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brings you here 24 hours
flipping early?

210
00:11:28,443 --> 00:11:31,363
Mrs Malik had some thoughts about
the wedding. What? Again?

211
00:11:31,363 --> 00:11:34,523
We're always talking about this
bloody wedding.

212
00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:36,243
Let's talk about something else.

213
00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:39,643
Did anyone watch News At Ten
last night?

214
00:11:39,643 --> 00:11:42,643
Seven times they mentioned
Pakistan, huh?!

215
00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,723
Twice in a good way!

216
00:11:48,563 --> 00:11:51,323
It's going to be a wonderful
occasion.

217
00:11:51,323 --> 00:11:53,443
The mosque is so lovely.

218
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Mosque, shmosque.

219
00:11:55,603 --> 00:11:57,883
Of course my husband
is on the Mosque Committee.

220
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,083
Stop it now, Mrs Khan.

221
00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:01,923
He's very close to
the management, very influential.

222
00:12:01,923 --> 00:12:04,883
I said stop it now, Mrs Khan!

223
00:12:04,883 --> 00:12:07,083
Wedding, wedding, wedding!

224
00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:09,403
I know. Let's play a game.

225
00:12:09,403 --> 00:12:12,443
Alia, go get Monopoly
for Mrs Malik, huh?

226
00:12:12,443 --> 00:12:15,643
Yes, Papaji. She's such a good girl.

227
00:12:15,643 --> 00:12:20,403
You know, whoever marries this one
will have a real jewel.

228
00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:22,443
This one is OK, too.

229
00:12:22,443 --> 00:12:24,083
Come on, Alia, choppity chop!

230
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:25,763
I don't think so.

231
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You can be the doggy.

232
00:12:27,683 --> 00:12:30,003
No, we should be going.

233
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:32,483
All right. Well, then, goodbye,
Mrs Malik.

234
00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:34,643
Won't you stay for something
to eat?

235
00:12:34,643 --> 00:12:37,443
She said she wants to go.
What's wrong with you, woman?

236
00:12:37,443 --> 00:12:39,083
But there's plenty of food.

237
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:41,323
Let go of Mrs Malik. No, really.

238
00:12:41,323 --> 00:12:47,003
Mr Malik is taking me out to an
Indian restaurant tonight.

239
00:12:47,003 --> 00:12:48,763
I want to look nice.

240
00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:53,003
You'll need to give yourself plenty
of time for that then, won't you?

241
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:57,923
So, we'll come round to see you
tomorrow to discuss the guest list.

242
00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:00,923
Yes. Goodbye, Mrs Malik.
Oh, hang on.

243
00:13:00,923 --> 00:13:03,123
There you go. I don't...

244
00:13:03,123 --> 00:13:05,923
Better take two, huh?
Indian restaurant.

245
00:13:09,123 --> 00:13:12,443
Bye, Shazia. Bye, Amjad.

246
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,803
Hey, I like your...hairclip.

247
00:13:14,803 --> 00:13:16,843
All right! Put her down, will you?

248
00:13:16,843 --> 00:13:20,123
Save that till after marriage.
Goodbye, Amjad.

249
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:25,403
HE HUMS "DELILAH"

250
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:32,603
CONTINUES HUMMING

251
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,363
What was that all about?

252
00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:37,683
What do you mean? You didn't forget
to book the mosque, did you?

253
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:38,883
HE SIPS LOUDLY

254
00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:43,083
Ahhh.

255
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,363
Hmm?

256
00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:47,163
The mosque. It's booked, isn't it?

257
00:13:47,163 --> 00:13:50,083
You know, when you think about it,

258
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:52,723
is the mosque really the right place
to have your wedding?

259
00:13:52,723 --> 00:13:54,883
What have you done?

260
00:13:54,883 --> 00:13:59,883
I just thought, wedding, mosque,
something didn't feel right.

261
00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:04,083
We're Muslim! Yes, but what you have
to remember is...

262
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:05,563
So we haven't got the mosque?

263
00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:08,643
No. Dad! How could
you do this to me?

264
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:11,323
I told you as soon as we had
the date for the wedding,

265
00:14:11,323 --> 00:14:13,723
book the mosque, but you, oh no...

266
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,043
Leave him alone. It's not his
fault! Is it, Papa?

267
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:17,643
No.

268
00:14:17,643 --> 00:14:19,883
Whose fault was it, then?

269
00:14:19,883 --> 00:14:21,683
It was Amjad's.

270
00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:25,163
What? Well, I told him
to book it and he forgot.

271
00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:27,003
I should've known.

272
00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:29,483
He has a very limited mental
capacity, that boy.

273
00:14:29,483 --> 00:14:33,283
Looks like a God,
thinks like a monkey.

274
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:36,803
Amjad forgot to book the mosque!
I don't believe it.

275
00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:38,363
It's probably for the best, Papa.

276
00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:40,643
Now you can hire somewhere
less expensive.

277
00:14:40,643 --> 00:14:43,283
Ah. I tell you. I love this girl.

278
00:14:44,443 --> 00:14:46,043
She's a bloody marvel.

279
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:47,603
Almost like a son, she is!

280
00:14:49,363 --> 00:14:51,723
We haven't got time
to find anywhere else now!

281
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:54,883
There's lots of places. Conference
centre,

282
00:14:54,883 --> 00:14:57,163
leisure centre, all the centres.

283
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,323
He only had to do one thing.

284
00:14:59,323 --> 00:15:01,403
Maybe he doesn't want to marry me.

285
00:15:01,403 --> 00:15:02,923
Maybe it's a sign or something!

286
00:15:02,923 --> 00:15:04,963
It's not a sign.

287
00:15:04,963 --> 00:15:07,323
Oh, I'm so confused. I need some
time to think.

288
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,963
You haven't got time to think!

289
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:12,443
The invitations will go out.
People will book flights.

290
00:15:12,443 --> 00:15:14,123
Oh, my God!

291
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:17,643
The wedding will be postponed
and the shame will destroy us all!

292
00:15:17,643 --> 00:15:19,683
Don't be ridiculous.

293
00:15:19,683 --> 00:15:23,323
I think my heart has stopped.
I'm dead! You've killed me!

294
00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:28,363
Alia, your mother is upset.
Bring fresh cup of tea.

295
00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:30,083
And bring one for her too.

296
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,443
What are we going to say
to the Maliks?

297
00:15:33,443 --> 00:15:35,323
Nothing.

298
00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,843
They don't need to know.
She doesn't really mean it.

299
00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:41,403
Soon she'll calm down and it will
all be back to normal.

300
00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:45,123
Your mother is always
panicking for no reason.

301
00:15:45,123 --> 00:15:47,123
Don't panic, Captain Mainwaring!

302
00:15:47,123 --> 00:15:49,883
Chillax! Everything will be OK!

303
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:53,003
Don't worry about letting
the Maliks know. See?

304
00:15:53,003 --> 00:15:55,403
I've texted Amjad. He'll tell them.

305
00:15:55,403 --> 00:15:57,403
Now you can panic.

306
00:16:06,603 --> 00:16:09,283
Right, Amjad, you're here.
Hello, sir.

307
00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:11,283
Now, I know what you're thinking...

308
00:16:11,283 --> 00:16:14,363
I've made a mosque out of Lego so I
can work out where everything goes.

309
00:16:14,363 --> 00:16:15,483
Right?

310
00:16:15,483 --> 00:16:17,203
This is me and this is Shazia.

311
00:16:17,203 --> 00:16:20,163
Obviously she's not as beautiful
as she is in real life.

312
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:22,283
And I couldn't find any little brown
people,

313
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:24,083
so I coloured her in
with the felt tips.

314
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,523
Right. I thought that
the buffet could go here,

315
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,803
and the dance area could go...

316
00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:31,723
Let's not worry about that now, eh?

317
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:34,603
The thing is, did you get
a text from Shazia or not?

318
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:36,163
I haven't received any texts.

319
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:40,723
I used up all my battery trying to
download the praying to Mecca app.

320
00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,323
Why, what did it say?

321
00:16:42,323 --> 00:16:43,723
Oh, nothing important.

322
00:16:43,723 --> 00:16:45,163
It's just that Shazia is having

323
00:16:45,163 --> 00:16:48,843
what we call in the Pakistani
community "a bit of a wobble".

324
00:16:48,843 --> 00:16:51,843
But I thought Shazia was as happy
about this as I am.

325
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:54,923
She's happy. That's probably why
she doesn't want to get married.

326
00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:56,083
She's so damned happy!

327
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,523
She doesn't want to get married?

328
00:16:58,523 --> 00:17:01,203
Not ever. Just not now.

329
00:17:01,203 --> 00:17:03,523
Well...is there somebody else?

330
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,123
Unfortunately not.

331
00:17:06,123 --> 00:17:08,123
Then maybe it's something I've done?

332
00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:10,883
Maybe. You never know with womens.

333
00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:13,603
Could be something you did,
something you didn't do,

334
00:17:13,603 --> 00:17:16,083
something you said, something you
didn't say.

335
00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:18,483
Best thing for you to do is just
apologise for everything

336
00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:21,123
and it'll all be tickity boo.

337
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,803
I know what's really happened here!

338
00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:24,403
You do? Who told you?

339
00:17:24,403 --> 00:17:26,483
I'm not good enough for her.

340
00:17:26,483 --> 00:17:28,723
Oh, thank God.

341
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:32,203
Why would a girl like really be
interested in someone like me?

342
00:17:32,203 --> 00:17:35,683
It's a good question, but now
is not the time to dwell on it.

343
00:17:35,683 --> 00:17:37,123
She's out of my league.

344
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:39,283
She's not. She's so beautiful.

345
00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:41,443
Not really...

346
00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:43,203
And she's clever and funny.

347
00:17:43,203 --> 00:17:46,123
I'm telling you,
she's not that great!

348
00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:48,803
I've been kidding myself.
She'll never want to marry me.

349
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:51,643
Of course she will. Now get up
and get over there.

350
00:17:51,643 --> 00:17:54,283
Come on! Come on!

351
00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,563
Come on! Come on!

352
00:18:00,283 --> 00:18:02,483
What are you doing here, Dave?
It's my office.

353
00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:05,803
Is everything all right?
He's suffering from low self-esteem.

354
00:18:05,803 --> 00:18:07,963
I'm not sure that's going to help.

355
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:10,963
You know, Mr Qureshi never used
to come barging in like this.

356
00:18:10,963 --> 00:18:13,483
I'm making a list of complaints
about you, you know.

357
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:14,843
AMJAD SOBS

358
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:18,043
He's a bit upset because my daughter
doesn't want to marry him any more.

359
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:20,203
Maybe I can help? No, thank you.

360
00:18:20,203 --> 00:18:22,283
This is all your fault
in the first place.

361
00:18:22,283 --> 00:18:25,243
If you'd let us book the mosque,
none of this would've happened.

362
00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:28,163
Is that why she's gone off me?
Because you didn't book the mosque?

363
00:18:28,163 --> 00:18:29,203
No!

364
00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:31,843
Look I'm very sorry, Mr Khan.

365
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,123
I did try speaking to Mrs Bilal
but she won't budge.

366
00:18:34,123 --> 00:18:35,323
What's she got to do with it?

367
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,323
She's got the mosque
on the day you want it.

368
00:18:37,323 --> 00:18:38,723
Did you tell her it was for me?

369
00:18:38,723 --> 00:18:40,923
Yeah, and that just made it worse.

370
00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:43,843
But I'm a qualified counsellor.
I've got a certificate!

371
00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:47,923
This is a family matter,
not Gingerholics Anonymous.

372
00:18:47,923 --> 00:18:49,643
AMJAD SOBS

373
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,803
Hey...

374
00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:55,723
Come on. You mustn't blame yourself.
You have to stay positive.

375
00:18:55,723 --> 00:18:57,483
Yes. Pull yourself together.

376
00:18:57,483 --> 00:19:01,043
If she doesn't want to get married,
you mustn't let it get you down.

377
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:03,563
Exactly. You need to just
carry on with your life.

378
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:04,603
Yes. Carry on.

379
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,963
There will be someone
else out there for you.

380
00:19:06,963 --> 00:19:09,803
Always someone...
What do you mean, "someone else"?!

381
00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:12,283
You're young. There's plenty more
fish in the sea.

382
00:19:12,283 --> 00:19:15,323
Dave! He's right. No, he's not!

383
00:19:15,323 --> 00:19:17,123
If Shazia has doubts about me,

384
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,323
maybe it's best if we never see each
other again.

385
00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:20,643
Let's talk just about this.

386
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:24,363
No, my mind's made up.
Tell Shazia I'm sorry.

387
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:26,923
I forbid you to walk out that door!

388
00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:28,763
I forbid you to walk out the other
door!

389
00:19:28,763 --> 00:19:30,163
DOOR SLAMS

390
00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:32,603
This is going on the list, Dave!

391
00:19:36,403 --> 00:19:38,643
Oh, my God!

392
00:19:38,643 --> 00:19:40,123
He'll come round!

393
00:19:40,123 --> 00:19:41,443
Oh, my God!

394
00:19:41,443 --> 00:19:43,883
It'll be OK. Oh, my God!

395
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,003
It's difficult
to have a conversation with you

396
00:19:46,003 --> 00:19:47,963
when you're talking to someone else.

397
00:19:47,963 --> 00:19:50,363
Shazia's locked herself
in her bedroom.

398
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,443
Go and talk to her.
Make her see sense.

399
00:19:52,443 --> 00:19:55,763
What, me? I've got to go to my
Association meeting.

400
00:19:55,763 --> 00:19:57,603
Which one looks more Presidential?

401
00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:00,323
The beigey brown one or the browny
beige one?

402
00:20:00,323 --> 00:20:03,363
Don't you want your daughter
to be happy?

403
00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:05,723
Don't you want her to have
what we have?

404
00:20:05,723 --> 00:20:07,763
Which is it?
She can't have both.

405
00:20:11,123 --> 00:20:13,643
But the Maliks are supposed to be
coming round tomorrow.

406
00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:17,363
They aren't coming round tomorrow,
cos I'm meant to be going out.

407
00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:20,083
Going out to do some
shopping for Mummy.

408
00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:22,843
So sweet.

409
00:20:22,843 --> 00:20:25,843
Do you really think the Maliks will
let Amjad call off the wedding?

410
00:20:25,843 --> 00:20:28,923
Mr Malik knows the value
of a good match.

411
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:31,203
We are a very important family
in the community.

412
00:20:31,203 --> 00:20:32,963
Don't ever forget that.

413
00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:34,563
"BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY" PLAYS

414
00:20:37,523 --> 00:20:39,443
Hello, Mr Malik!

415
00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:41,043
HE WHISPERS: This IS Mr Malik?

416
00:20:41,043 --> 00:20:42,563
Yes!

417
00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:44,403
Of course!

418
00:20:44,403 --> 00:20:46,323
I know.
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

419
00:20:48,763 --> 00:20:51,723
I know.

420
00:20:51,723 --> 00:20:53,323
Yes, no problem, Mr Malik.

421
00:20:54,803 --> 00:20:58,363
Thank you! OK. Goodbye, Mr Malik.

422
00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:01,723
That was Mr Malik.

423
00:21:01,723 --> 00:21:05,163
And? The wedding is off.

424
00:21:08,203 --> 00:21:09,603
KNOCK ON DOOR

425
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:10,803
Hello, sweetie!

426
00:21:12,163 --> 00:21:14,003
Can I come in?

427
00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:16,083
I want to talk to you, darling.

428
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:18,323
It's me.

429
00:21:18,323 --> 00:21:20,643
Your father.

430
00:21:20,643 --> 00:21:22,123
Mr Khan.

431
00:21:26,483 --> 00:21:29,643
I want to talk to you about
something very important.

432
00:21:29,643 --> 00:21:32,843
You. You are very important to me.

433
00:21:34,403 --> 00:21:39,483
Open the bloody door...
My sweetie darling.

434
00:21:39,483 --> 00:21:41,123
Oh.

435
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:46,643
This is very nice. Lovely room.

436
00:21:49,323 --> 00:21:53,003
I'm so glad we're having
this heart to heart talk.

437
00:21:53,003 --> 00:21:56,243
It feels very easy and not
uncomfortable at all, does it?

438
00:21:58,883 --> 00:22:03,763
Oh. I love these dresses
and shoes, etc...

439
00:22:04,803 --> 00:22:07,123
Why are you doing this?
Doing what, sweetie?

440
00:22:07,123 --> 00:22:10,563
Pretending to care.
I know Mum sent you up here.

441
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:13,403
No! Your mother didn't send me
up here.

442
00:22:13,403 --> 00:22:16,443
I didn't send him,
beti, he came of his own accord!

443
00:22:16,443 --> 00:22:20,003
See? Look, beti.

444
00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:22,643
I know you're hurting now,

445
00:22:22,643 --> 00:22:26,843
but you must look to the future,
and not think of the past.

446
00:22:26,843 --> 00:22:29,003
The future is where good things
happen,

447
00:22:29,003 --> 00:22:34,283
and the past is filled with shame
and sadness and failure.

448
00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:40,003
You know, when I first came to this
country... Just tell her!

449
00:22:40,003 --> 00:22:41,923
I am!

450
00:22:41,923 --> 00:22:46,363
If Amjad cared about me he wouldn't
have forgotten to book the mosque.

451
00:22:46,363 --> 00:22:50,283
Right, sweetie. About the mosque.

452
00:22:50,283 --> 00:22:52,923
It's not about the mosque.
That's not even important.

453
00:22:52,923 --> 00:22:55,043
Thank God for that!

454
00:22:55,043 --> 00:22:58,923
I just need to be sure he loves me
as much as I love him.

455
00:22:58,923 --> 00:23:03,363
You're getting married.
He's your fiancee.

456
00:23:03,363 --> 00:23:05,523
What's love got to do with it?

457
00:23:05,523 --> 00:23:09,163
You can't marry someone you're not
in love with.

458
00:23:09,163 --> 00:23:11,883
You fell in love with Mum,
didn't you?

459
00:23:11,883 --> 00:23:13,883
Eventually.

460
00:23:15,363 --> 00:23:16,843
But it was touch and go.

461
00:23:23,043 --> 00:23:25,443
Look, sweetie.

462
00:23:25,443 --> 00:23:31,843
You get married to Amjad, you settle
down, have some children.

463
00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:33,963
It's not a bad life, is it?

464
00:23:35,203 --> 00:23:37,243
But what if it's a mistake?

465
00:23:37,243 --> 00:23:40,483
What if I go ahead with it and we're
not right for each other?

466
00:23:40,483 --> 00:23:42,683
And I spend the rest of my life
regretting it

467
00:23:42,683 --> 00:23:47,843
and dreaming of what might've been.
You do understand don't you, Dad?

468
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:51,243
I can't force myself
to marry someone.

469
00:23:51,243 --> 00:23:53,283
I suppose.

470
00:23:53,283 --> 00:23:55,643
But we're Pakistani.
You can give it a go!

471
00:24:00,483 --> 00:24:02,003
Well?!

472
00:24:02,003 --> 00:24:05,723
The wedding is off.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

473
00:24:05,723 --> 00:24:06,883
Don't start that again.

474
00:24:06,883 --> 00:24:09,523
She doesn't want to marry Amjad
and I agree with her. Why?

475
00:24:09,523 --> 00:24:13,243
Well, there's no rush. She's young
and the boy's obviously an idiot.

476
00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:14,843
What's that got to do with it?

477
00:24:14,843 --> 00:24:16,923
What kind of woman wants
to marry an idiot?

478
00:24:21,603 --> 00:24:23,523
My life is over.

479
00:24:23,523 --> 00:24:25,203
I'll never be able to show my face

480
00:24:25,203 --> 00:24:27,403
at the Sparkhill Women's
Day Group again.

481
00:24:27,403 --> 00:24:30,323
Oh, well. I've got to go to my
meeting now.

482
00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:33,163
You don't want her to ever
get married.

483
00:24:33,163 --> 00:24:34,763
All you're interested in is money

484
00:24:34,763 --> 00:24:37,043
and being big shot in
the Business Association.

485
00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,683
That's not true!
I am also interested in the cricket!

486
00:24:41,923 --> 00:24:43,843
DOORBELL RINGS

487
00:24:43,843 --> 00:24:45,643
Hello, sir. Now listen to me, Amjad.

488
00:24:45,643 --> 00:24:47,203
I have to talk to Shazia.

489
00:24:47,203 --> 00:24:48,923
You can't. Just give me two minutes.

490
00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:51,603
She doesn't... What are you going
to do in two minutes?

491
00:24:52,763 --> 00:24:54,163
Three minutes then.

492
00:24:54,163 --> 00:24:56,323
I'm sorry. It's too late.
Her mind is made up.

493
00:24:56,323 --> 00:24:59,763
What do you mean? The wedding
is off, so now you know. Goodbye.

494
00:24:59,763 --> 00:25:02,083
Shazia! Oh, Shazia!

495
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:04,923
Amjad? Shazia?
You're wasting your time.

496
00:25:04,923 --> 00:25:08,443
Amjad! Oh, Shazia! I am so sorry.

497
00:25:08,443 --> 00:25:09,763
No, I'm sorry.

498
00:25:09,763 --> 00:25:11,443
No, I am sorry.

499
00:25:11,443 --> 00:25:15,563
No, I'm sorry. That's it, say your
last goodbyes.

500
00:25:15,563 --> 00:25:18,923
Oh, Ladoo. Oh, Budhoo.

501
00:25:18,923 --> 00:25:21,843
Oh, Ladoo. Oh, Budhoo.

502
00:25:21,843 --> 00:25:24,603
Now I'm confused.
Is the wedding on or off?

503
00:25:24,603 --> 00:25:27,003
On, of course.
But what about the mosque?

504
00:25:27,003 --> 00:25:28,283
Never mind about the mosque.

505
00:25:28,283 --> 00:25:30,123
Oh yeah. What about the mosque?

506
00:25:30,123 --> 00:25:32,683
I don't care about the mosque.
Neither do I.

507
00:25:32,683 --> 00:25:34,763
See, nobody cares about the mosque.

508
00:25:34,763 --> 00:25:36,723
I do.

509
00:25:36,723 --> 00:25:39,363
But don't worry, beti.

510
00:25:39,363 --> 00:25:43,483
Your father will sort it all out.
Won't you?

511
00:25:43,483 --> 00:25:44,843
Of course.

512
00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:47,003
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

513
00:25:49,843 --> 00:25:53,123
I knew you'd come back for me.
Could you feel me wishing it?

514
00:25:53,123 --> 00:25:57,043
A little bit. But it was mainly
the text from Alia.

515
00:25:57,043 --> 00:26:00,683
What? I just wanted
you to be happy, sis.

516
00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:05,083
Right, I'm going to do my
homework in my room. Khuda hafiz.

517
00:26:05,083 --> 00:26:07,123
Such a good girl.

518
00:26:15,803 --> 00:26:18,603
I'm so glad the wedding is back on.

519
00:26:18,603 --> 00:26:23,403
It was never off. These two are
destined for each other.

520
00:26:23,403 --> 00:26:27,083
And of course you worked
wonders to get the mosque booked.

521
00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:32,523
Oh I didn't do anything.
It was all down to my husband.

522
00:26:32,523 --> 00:26:34,723
However did you manage it?

523
00:26:34,723 --> 00:26:37,003
I don't want to talk about it.

524
00:26:37,003 --> 00:26:41,443
Don't worry, Mr Khan. You can drive
the president another day.

525
00:26:41,443 --> 00:26:42,803
DOORBELL RINGS

526
00:26:47,523 --> 00:26:50,123
Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan.
Hello, Dave.

527
00:26:50,123 --> 00:26:51,683
She's all yours.

528
00:26:53,643 --> 00:26:57,123
Right. Come on then, Mrs Bilal.
Let's get this over with.

529
00:26:57,123 --> 00:26:59,203
As we agreed, one trip to Alton
Towers,

530
00:26:59,203 --> 00:27:01,403
but I'm not getting
on any rides.

531
00:27:01,403 --> 00:27:02,883
But you promised!

532
00:27:02,883 --> 00:27:04,923
All right, maybe the log flume.

533
00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:06,923
Aw, what about the pirate ship?

534
00:27:06,923 --> 00:27:08,603
Shut up, Dave!

535
00:27:15,883 --> 00:27:17,243
BHANGRA MUSIC

536
00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:34,403
Bye, Dave!

537
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:37,603
Bye! Have a lovely time!

538
00:27:37,603 --> 00:27:40,283
Remember, no toilet stops.

539
00:27:54,603 --> 00:27:57,163
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