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Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham.
The capital of British Pakistan.

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HE SPEAKS URDU

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They all know me. Like my suit.

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Number one, Citizen Khan.

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I thought Dad was going to turn the
heating on for a couple of hours?

6
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He did. When?
1998.

7
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Come on, get ready.
We got to go to mosque.

8
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Oh, what? Why do we have to come?

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To pray, of course.
And I want you to meet the new

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President of The Sparkhill Pakistani
Business Association, Mr Javed.

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I want him to see what a nice,
normal Muslim family we are.

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You see,
your mother's all ready to go.

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No, I'm not. I'm freezing.
Why is it so cold in here?

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Cold? It's not cold.
You're wearing your long johns.

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How do you know?
I can see them.

16
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Please, Dad, turn the heating on.

17
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I'm not cold, Papaji.

18
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I love this girl.
I tell you, proper Muslim daughter.

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Wearing hijab not only preserves her
modesty, keeps her bloody ears warm!

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Just turn it on.

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No! I pay the bills
and I say it stays off.

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Fine, then I'll do it myself!

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Very well,
I'll allow it just this once.

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Since it is special day.

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Why is it special?
Today is wedding anniversary.

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I forgot it's your anniversary!

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Congratulations, sir!
How long have you been married?

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24 years.

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Wow!

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Yes. Silver one next year.

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Right. How long is that?

32
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25 years.

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Amazing. That is ages.

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It's a real achievement, not many
people could survive 25 years.

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Thank you, Shazia.
I was talking about Mum.

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You should take her away, somewhere
romantic, like The Caribbean,

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or The Maldives...
..or Pakistan.

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Did you know Pakistan
is now the 112th most popular
tourist destination in Asia?

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Good, huh?!

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What about tonight?
Are you doing anything?

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Yes. Course he's not.
I just said, "yes."

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He never does.
Do you remember that...

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Hello! Is nobody listening?
Have I got invisible voice?

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I said I got something planned,
OK? Very special evening.

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Just don't spoil the surprise.

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I can't do this,
someone give me a hand.

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I'll do it. I'll ask your mother.

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Sweetie, can you help me?

49
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Oh, no, what a shame.

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What is? From the Guptas.
They can't come to Shazia's wedding.

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Oh, well.
They don't even give a reason.

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Indians, you see, no manners.

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Now, come on,
we'll be late for mosque.

54
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But now there'll be an empty table.

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Good, less people sponging off me.

56
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This wedding's already costing me
a fortune.

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But we've already agreed
the numbers with the caterers.

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We'll have to invite someone else.

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Oh, if we're inviting extra people,

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I'd like some
more of my friends to come.

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No, no, no!

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We can't go on feeding
every Tom, Dick and Mohammed.

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Who do you think I am?
Sir Bob bleeding Geldof!

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Matt and Debbie from work
would love to come.

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No, no, no bloody way.

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This is Pakistani wedding,

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Matt and Debbie
don't sound very Pakistani to me!

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Please don't tell me you're refusing
to have white people at our wedding!

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Bob Geldof only feeds brown people.
Everybody knows that!

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No, if we have to have someone,

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we'll invite Mr Javed
and his family.

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But I don't even know him!

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We don't want to make our Nikah
in front of complete strangers.

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This wedding's not all about you,
you know.

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Mr Javed is a very important man.

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You can't use my wedding to
suck up to your business mates.

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Why not? Might as well get
something good out of it.

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I know. We'll invite the Parvezes.
Who?

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Sameena Parvez?
One of my oldest friends?

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Used to live next door to us
before they moved to Woking?

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Had a little boy, Imran,
used to play with Shazia...

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The one with the funny eye?

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That's him.
You can send the invitation today.

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But sweetie,
I want to invite Mr Javed.

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I have to have
Sameena at the wedding.

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We were like sisters.

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You don't like your sister.
Cousins, then.

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No, look, I'm the man of the house,
I'm paying for this wedding.

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I should get to invite who I want.

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Here, you'll need to buy a stamp.

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No, I won't.
I'll send it from the mosque.

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Chalo.

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Come on, old disabled lady.

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See, every time
I go into this, it just freezes.

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Oh, yeah.

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Have you tried to
turn it off and on again?

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Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan.

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Waleikum Asalaam, boys.

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Asalaam Alaikum. Hello, Dave.

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Come for prayers?

101
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Yes, of course,
but I'm also here to see
the new president of the SPBA,

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Mr Javed -
I want to make a good impression.

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Do you know anything about him?

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Like what?

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Does he like cricket?
What's his star sign?

106
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Does he have a serious
medical condition?

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These are things to know
to have a business edge.

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Dunno. Dave?

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I'm a bit busy at the moment,
Mr Khan...

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What's the problem?
The computer's not working.

111
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Oooh, calm down Dave.

112
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This is the problem with you,
gingers, very little patience.

113
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It's this new spreadsheet programme.

114
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I thought I might streamline
the mosque's booking system,

115
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but it keeps crashing.

116
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Maybe it has a virus.

117
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Like my uncle.
He caught it from a goat.

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Not like that,
they were just good friends.

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Right, come on, get out of the way,
let me take a look.

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Right.

121
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So, every time I open up
the spreadsheet thingy,

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it starts out OK and then the whole
lot just seems to freeze

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and nothing seems to...

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work. And...

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What are you doing?

126
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Googling Mr Javed.

127
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I don't see how that's
going to solve the problem.

128
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I didn't say
I could solve the problem.

129
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You know this computer
should really only

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be used for mosque
business, Mr Khan.

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Well, I go to the mosque,
and this is my business.

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Good one.
That's not what I meant.

133
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And I need you to post this
for me too. What is it?

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Wedding invitation.

135
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Mrs Khan has suddenly remembered
another "best friend."

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The Parvez family? Yes,
they used to live next door to us.

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Had the boy with the funny eye?

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That's it.
There's no stamp on it.

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So? Again, it's not really mosque
business, is it, Mr Khan?

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You know, Dave,
all this penny pinching,

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it's a very unattractive trait.

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Mr Javed! Oh, Mr Javed.

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Asalaam Alaikum.
Waleikum Asalaam.

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Waleikum Asalaam.

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I'm not interrupting, am I?

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Not at all. I'm all yours!

147
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Actually, it's Dave
I wanted to speak to.

148
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Got some post. SPBA business.

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Of course, Mr Javed.
No stamps, I'm afraid.

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Not a problem.

151
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Mr Javed, sir. Yes?

152
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I wanted to invite you
to my daughter's wedding.

153
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Erm...

154
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Yes, you and the family.

155
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I've got an invitation right here.

156
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I was going to put it in the post,
but now that you're here...

157
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Erm, thank you.
We'd be delighted.

158
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Really? Brilliant!

159
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THEY SPEAK IN URDU

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Let me get the door.

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Goodbye. What a man.

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I thought that invitation
was for the man

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with the cross eyed children.

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Mr Javed is a very important man.

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It'll be a great honour to have him
at my daughter's wedding.

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Do you think Mrs Khan
will see it that way?

167
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Of course. But don't tell her.

168
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Why not?

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Dave, what you have to understand
is that in Pakistani marriage,

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husband is in charge.

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He's the boss
and he can do whatever he wants.

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But sometimes it's best not to tell
the wife what he has done

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because she would never understand
and only worry and fuss

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and make him
sleep on the downstairs sofa.

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This is prayers, show some respect.

176
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If you think about it,

177
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anybody could just come in and take
them, couldn't they? I suppose.

178
00:09:08,723 --> 00:09:11,523
So I thought, if I keep hold of one,
then that's not going to happen!

179
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Amjad... Nobody's going to
steal one, are they?

180
00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:16,803
They're going to want both - you
can't really use one on its own.

181
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Amjad. Yes, sir?

182
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Give it to me.

183
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Lucky I put my name in them!

184
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Everyone will know they're mine.

185
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Unless there's
somebody else called Amjad.

186
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Oh, no!

187
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Did you post the Parvezes'
invitation?

188
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You know, I've never realised
just how big this place is...

189
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Hello? The invitation?

190
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Still shouldn't be surprised -

191
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Islam is the fastest growing
religion in the world.

192
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Do you know Tesco
now serves halal meat?

193
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"Every little helps!" Hey na'?

194
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Did you post it or didn't you?

195
00:09:48,643 --> 00:09:51,643
I said I'd post it and I posted it.
OK, done, enough.

196
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Oh, my God.

197
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OH, MY GOD.

198
00:09:58,803 --> 00:10:01,683
She's just getting ready for
prayers, limbering up!

199
00:10:01,683 --> 00:10:03,203
Very religious woman!

200
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,603
I don't believe it.
How could you do this?

201
00:10:05,603 --> 00:10:08,363
My own husband lying to me and in
the House of God of all places!

202
00:10:08,363 --> 00:10:09,763
The shame of it!

203
00:10:09,763 --> 00:10:13,683
What, it's only an invitation.
We never see the Parvezes anyway...

204
00:10:13,683 --> 00:10:15,163
I asked you to do one thing....

205
00:10:15,163 --> 00:10:18,723
All right, all right,
if you must know,

206
00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:22,083
there's a reason why I didn't
send out the Parvez's invitation.

207
00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:23,163
Reason? What reason?

208
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:27,123
I wasn't going to tell you this,
but you remember their son,

209
00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:28,523
Imran, was his name?

210
00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:30,003
With the funny eye, huh.

211
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:33,243
Well, he had a thing for Shazia.

212
00:10:33,243 --> 00:10:36,563
Thing? Like naughtiness?

213
00:10:36,563 --> 00:10:39,163
Not naughtiness. He liked her.

214
00:10:39,163 --> 00:10:40,243
So?

215
00:10:40,243 --> 00:10:43,523
So, what if he never got over her?
Did you think of that?

216
00:10:43,523 --> 00:10:46,643
What if we invited them to the
wedding and he caused a huge scene?

217
00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:49,003
Standing up in the middle
of the ceremony,

218
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:51,603
"Oh, Shazia, I still love you!

219
00:10:51,603 --> 00:10:53,803
"Don't marry Amjad, he's an idiot.

220
00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:56,763
"Come away with me,
I can get my eye fixed,

221
00:10:56,763 --> 00:10:58,963
"it's amazing what
they can do these days".

222
00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:01,203
That would be awful.
Exactly.

223
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:03,723
Thank God you didn't post
that invitation.

224
00:11:03,723 --> 00:11:07,363
You see? You think I don't know
what I'm doing, but I do.

225
00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:10,323
Mrs Khan, head for thinking,
feet for dancing.

226
00:11:10,323 --> 00:11:12,843
Move along now.

227
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,763
Mr Javed! Psst!

228
00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:29,963
Psst!

229
00:11:29,963 --> 00:11:31,603
Oi, Javed!

230
00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,323
Everything all right?
Never been better, Amjad!

231
00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,363
Did you get into trouble
with Mrs Khan?

232
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,963
I'm never in trouble with Mrs Khan.

233
00:11:40,163 --> 00:11:42,883
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY RINGTONE

234
00:11:42,883 --> 00:11:47,523
Hello, Mr Khan speaking!
Hello, Mrs Khan!

235
00:11:49,483 --> 00:11:52,123
You saw me earlier darling,

236
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,563
yes, but I'm just about to
start praying.

237
00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:57,323
I know but...

238
00:11:57,323 --> 00:12:00,123
Yes, I know but...

239
00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:02,243
It's not my fault that Shazia

240
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,203
did the naughtiness with
Imran Parvez, is it?

241
00:12:06,443 --> 00:12:09,443
OK, sweetie, OK, OK,
Bye. Goodbye.

242
00:12:09,443 --> 00:12:11,043
Oh, my God, Shazia!

243
00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:15,363
Amjad! People are praying.
Try not to make a scene.

244
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:27,003
Oh, my God! Shazia!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

245
00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:28,403
Oh, my God!

246
00:12:28,403 --> 00:12:30,803
Careful Amjad, it's a mosque,
he can hear you.

247
00:12:30,803 --> 00:12:33,003
How could she do this to me? How?!

248
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:36,523
Amjad, you're over-reacting,
it's no big deal.

249
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,963
But Imran Parvez!
I told him everything.

250
00:12:39,963 --> 00:12:41,443
How much I liked Shazia,

251
00:12:41,443 --> 00:12:44,923
how I wished she would notice me
and all the time they were...

252
00:12:44,923 --> 00:12:46,323
doing it!

253
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:50,003
Don't torture yourself. Trust me,
there's really no need.

254
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,363
And he's got a funny eye!

255
00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:54,563
All right, he's got
a terrible squint.

256
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:57,803
He probably just winked at her
a few times by accident.

257
00:12:59,523 --> 00:13:02,643
These things happen all the time
to squinty peoples.

258
00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:05,443
That's it then, it's all over.

259
00:13:05,443 --> 00:13:06,843
What's all over?

260
00:13:06,843 --> 00:13:09,163
We can't get married now, can we?

261
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,283
What? Of course you can.

262
00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:12,723
But Shazia's got somebody else.

263
00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:15,243
She hasn't got somebody else.
But what about..?

264
00:13:15,243 --> 00:13:19,123
He's not her boyfriend, you need to
just forget about Imran Parvez.

265
00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:20,403
IMRAN PARVEZ!

266
00:13:20,403 --> 00:13:24,443
Tell me honestly.
Did anything happen between them?

267
00:13:24,443 --> 00:13:26,163
Of course not.

268
00:13:26,163 --> 00:13:29,643
You would say that, you're her dad.
I'm going to see Shazia!

269
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,643
Tell her we're finished.

270
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:34,083
Amjad, that's not a good idea.
You're too upset.

271
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,443
I'll phone her then.

272
00:13:35,443 --> 00:13:37,563
Amjad, you need to calm down first.

273
00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:39,883
She won't want to speak to you
when you're like this.

274
00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:49,123
Amjad!

275
00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:51,163
Oh, God.

276
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,483
Hey, hey, what's going on in here?

277
00:13:55,483 --> 00:13:57,603
People are trying to pray
out there, you know.

278
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,723
Do you mind? This is private.

279
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:02,963
It is MY office.

280
00:14:02,963 --> 00:14:06,203
Dave, we are Muslims.
This is a mosque.

281
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:09,483
It's not about "my this" or
"my that," it's open to everyone.

282
00:14:09,483 --> 00:14:11,043
Now get out.

283
00:14:12,923 --> 00:14:15,403
Shazia's cheated on me!
What?!

284
00:14:15,403 --> 00:14:18,123
He thinks that Shazia had a thing
with another boy...

285
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:20,323
Ah. Oh.

286
00:14:20,323 --> 00:14:22,563
I keep telling him
it's not true about Imran Parvez.

287
00:14:22,563 --> 00:14:24,563
IMRAN PARVEZ!

288
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:27,163
OK. What you have to remember,

289
00:14:27,163 --> 00:14:31,163
Amjad, is that these days,
this sort of thing is not uncommon.

290
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:35,043
Lots of young people experiment
a bit before they get married.

291
00:14:35,043 --> 00:14:36,963
But it's forbidden.

292
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,163
Yeah, sure,
technically it's forbidden.

293
00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:41,683
But doing things
that some deem inappropriate

294
00:14:41,683 --> 00:14:43,283
doesn't make you a bad person.

295
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:48,803
Certainly before I found the faith,
I had a few "liaisons" myself!

296
00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:51,803
I find that hard to believe.

297
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,123
And I'm sure Mr Khan did too.

298
00:14:54,123 --> 00:14:55,963
What? How dare you!

299
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,563
Mind you, there was that time
at my Uncle's wedding

300
00:14:59,563 --> 00:15:02,283
with the girl
that was handing out samosas.

301
00:15:02,283 --> 00:15:04,803
The Rawalpindi Express,
we used to call her.

302
00:15:08,243 --> 00:15:10,683
You see. We've all done it.

303
00:15:10,683 --> 00:15:12,723
I haven't.

304
00:15:12,723 --> 00:15:15,243
And neither has Imran Parvez.

305
00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:17,923
IMRAN PARVEZ!

306
00:15:17,923 --> 00:15:21,363
I'm going to kill myself!
And then him!

307
00:15:21,363 --> 00:15:23,203
Let's not do anything hasty.

308
00:15:23,203 --> 00:15:24,563
Mr Javed!

309
00:15:24,563 --> 00:15:26,203
My life is over!

310
00:15:26,203 --> 00:15:28,243
All right, Amjad?
How about a nice cup of tea?

311
00:15:28,243 --> 00:15:32,003
Well, it looks like you've
got this all under control.

312
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:35,403
Just don't mention Imran Parvez.

313
00:15:35,403 --> 00:15:37,483
IMRAN PARVEZ!

314
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:46,283
Mr Javed.

315
00:15:49,843 --> 00:15:54,323
Mr Javed was very flattered to
be invited to Shazia's wedding.

316
00:15:54,323 --> 00:15:57,443
You see, Beti, this is the secret
of business relationships,

317
00:15:57,443 --> 00:15:59,283
being relaxed in
each other's company.

318
00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:02,443
Is that why you've
taken out your safety pin?

319
00:16:03,803 --> 00:16:06,243
Where's Shazia? Upstairs, why?

320
00:16:06,243 --> 00:16:07,723
Everyone's talking about her

321
00:16:07,723 --> 00:16:09,843
and Imran Parvez,
it's all over Sparkhill!

322
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,163
What are you talking about?

323
00:16:11,163 --> 00:16:14,203
Mrs Ramiz told Mrs Shafiq,
who told Mrs Jalil -

324
00:16:14,203 --> 00:16:16,003
apparently it
came out of the mosque.

325
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:19,083
You know, I've got a very special
evening planned for you later.

326
00:16:19,083 --> 00:16:20,723
I'm sure you're going to like it.

327
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:23,763
Maybe there's more to this Imran
Parvez business then we thought.

328
00:16:23,763 --> 00:16:25,243
There's no smoke without fire.

329
00:16:25,243 --> 00:16:27,923
Rubbish.
It's just a schoolboy crush.

330
00:16:27,923 --> 00:16:31,563
He used to help her
with her homework.
You see, perfectly innocent.

331
00:16:31,563 --> 00:16:33,483
Up in her room. Yes.

332
00:16:33,483 --> 00:16:36,483
English, Maths... Biology.

333
00:16:36,483 --> 00:16:39,203
Oh, my God. You don't think...
What?

334
00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:41,323
You know we were down here
and they were up there,

335
00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:42,563
and we thought they were...

336
00:16:42,563 --> 00:16:44,483
when all the time
they were actually...

337
00:16:44,483 --> 00:16:48,083
What? Of course, that's why
they had to move away so suddenly.

338
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:50,043
Sameena said it was
because of Rafiq's work,

339
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,363
but I knew there was more to it.

340
00:16:51,363 --> 00:16:52,643
Hold on a minute...

341
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:55,763
But now I think about it, he did
have a strange look about him.

342
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:57,043
You know that funny eye...

343
00:16:57,043 --> 00:17:00,283
Let's not get carried away.
You're as bad as Amjad.

344
00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:02,723
Amjad knows? Yes.

345
00:17:04,843 --> 00:17:06,963
How? Um...

346
00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:08,443
DOORBELL
Alia, see who it is.

347
00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:10,883
I don't want to miss anything.
Fine.

348
00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:13,163
How did Amjad take it?

349
00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:14,443
Very well.

350
00:17:14,443 --> 00:17:16,043
But what if he tells Mrs Malik?

351
00:17:16,043 --> 00:17:18,123
She'll call off the wedding
like that!

352
00:17:18,123 --> 00:17:21,763
Chillax, sweetie!
He's not going to tell Mrs Malik.

353
00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:24,683
I've dealt with it,
it's all under control.

354
00:17:24,683 --> 00:17:26,763
Who was that? It's Mrs Malik.

355
00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:29,523
No! Did you let her in?
You just said see who it is.

356
00:17:29,523 --> 00:17:31,563
Go out and stall her!

357
00:17:31,563 --> 00:17:33,883
But I can't. Why not?

358
00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:36,163
Coz I've lost my safety pin!

359
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:42,883
Mrs Malik, what a lovely surprise!

360
00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:45,563
Mr Khan, I must speak with you
and Mrs Khan

361
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,403
as a matter of some urgency!

362
00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,123
Well, that could be
a bit tricky, you see,

363
00:17:49,123 --> 00:17:50,563
we're just about to have dinner.

364
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:52,923
I'd ask you to join us,
but I don't think there's enough.

365
00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:57,163
Especially for someone
with your healthy appetite, eh?

366
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,763
Mr Khan...

367
00:17:58,763 --> 00:18:00,123
Goodbye Mrs Malik.

368
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,363
You're shutting the door on my foot.

369
00:18:02,363 --> 00:18:04,803
Well, you'd better get it
out of the way, then! Hey.

370
00:18:04,803 --> 00:18:08,283
I need to talk about
Amjad and Shazia...

371
00:18:08,283 --> 00:18:11,683
Well, why don't you
come into the living room.

372
00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:16,043
I have to tell you that I've heard
some things about Shazia

373
00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:18,403
that have disturbed me greatly.

374
00:18:18,403 --> 00:18:21,203
Have you seen this
article in the Herald?

375
00:18:21,203 --> 00:18:24,283
Interesting piece on drop kerbs
and off-street parking
on the Ivor Road.

376
00:18:24,283 --> 00:18:26,843
Mr Khan!
I'm listening.

377
00:18:26,843 --> 00:18:30,283
These rumours are most alarming
and now Amjad has gone missing.

378
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,803
He's not missing.
You know where he is? No.

379
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:37,123
He hasn't replied to my calls, and
Amjad always replies to my calls.

380
00:18:37,123 --> 00:18:39,723
I'm worried that he might have
done something stupid.

381
00:18:41,923 --> 00:18:44,203
If he's heard what
people are saying about Shazia!

382
00:18:44,203 --> 00:18:45,603
Oh, right.

383
00:18:45,603 --> 00:18:49,043
Well? What have you got to say?

384
00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:51,483
I'll just get Mrs Khan.

385
00:18:54,763 --> 00:18:56,003
Well?

386
00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:59,123
She wants to talk to you. That's it!
She wants to call off the wedding.

387
00:18:59,123 --> 00:19:01,923
Maybe she just wants to borrow
some chapatti flour?

388
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:04,523
Do you know what it means to have
a daughter who has been with

389
00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:06,083
other boys before she's married?

390
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,163
She'll be ruined! She'll be shunned!

391
00:19:09,163 --> 00:19:13,243
We'll all be finished here,
finished, over, dead and buried!

392
00:19:13,243 --> 00:19:14,963
We got other daughter.

393
00:19:16,483 --> 00:19:18,203
What's going on?

394
00:19:18,203 --> 00:19:20,683
Nothing, Beti,
I'm just full of happiness

395
00:19:20,683 --> 00:19:23,123
because it's our anniversary.

396
00:19:23,123 --> 00:19:25,803
Oh, my God, don't let her suffer.

397
00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:28,163
Please, God, don't let her suffer!

398
00:19:28,163 --> 00:19:30,763
Good job it's only once a year.

399
00:19:30,763 --> 00:19:35,283
What are you talking about?
Someone tell me what's going on?
We know about you and Imran Parvez!

400
00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:37,243
What?

401
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:40,483
Your mother thinks that you
and Imran Parvez, you know...

402
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,043
No, I don't know.

403
00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:44,803
You know. The thing.

404
00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:46,083
What thing?

405
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:48,083
The thing! The thing!

406
00:19:48,083 --> 00:19:49,763
You mean sex?

407
00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:50,963
Shhh!

408
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:55,163
You think that me
and Imran Parvez...?

409
00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:57,483
Sis, that is rank.

410
00:19:57,483 --> 00:20:00,643
Hey, did his eye follow
you round the room?

411
00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:02,083
DOORBELL

412
00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:03,883
Oh, now what?!

413
00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:07,723
All right, all right!
Keep your bloody hair on.

414
00:20:11,123 --> 00:20:13,603
Mr Javed. Mr Khan.

415
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,683
Can I come in?

416
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,523
Of course.

417
00:20:22,643 --> 00:20:24,763
I wanted to thank you
and Mrs Khan personally

418
00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:27,083
for the invitation
to your daughter's wedding.

419
00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,243
There's really no need.

420
00:20:29,243 --> 00:20:30,683
Is Mrs Khan here?

421
00:20:30,683 --> 00:20:32,883
Why don't we
go into the living room?

422
00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:36,643
Ah, actually, why don't
we go into the dining room?

423
00:20:37,963 --> 00:20:39,443
Have you seen this carpet?

424
00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:41,603
It comes with a very thick underlay.

425
00:20:44,683 --> 00:20:47,203
DOORBELL

426
00:20:47,203 --> 00:20:48,683
Oh! Now what?

427
00:20:51,123 --> 00:20:53,243
Hello, Dave. Hello, sir.

428
00:20:53,243 --> 00:20:54,323
Amjad.

429
00:20:54,323 --> 00:20:55,803
I decided not to kill myself.

430
00:20:55,803 --> 00:20:58,443
Oh, good.

431
00:20:58,443 --> 00:21:00,843
I persuaded Amjad that violence
is no solution.

432
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:03,923
The way to settle any dispute is
to engage in a dialogue.

433
00:21:03,923 --> 00:21:06,923
Jaw, jaw, not war, war.

434
00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:08,963
You know,
you're wasted in Sparkhill, Dave.

435
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,003
You should work at the bloody UN.

436
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,563
Which is why I decided to bring
the two sides together.

437
00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:22,483
This is Imran Parvez's Uncle.

438
00:21:22,483 --> 00:21:23,883
I thought it might be.

439
00:21:25,203 --> 00:21:26,923
Asalaam Alaikum. Waleikum Asalaam.

440
00:21:26,923 --> 00:21:30,123
The Parvez's are a little bit
upset about the suggestion

441
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:32,963
that their son and your daughter,

442
00:21:32,963 --> 00:21:35,723
you know? However, I have managed
to persuade them

443
00:21:35,723 --> 00:21:37,883
that's it better to get everything
out in the open.

444
00:21:37,883 --> 00:21:41,483
You gingers think of everything,
don't you?

445
00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:46,763
And what are you doing here?

446
00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:47,923
We just want to watch.

447
00:21:49,963 --> 00:21:52,483
I've got the Sparkhill Women's
Day Group coffee morning

448
00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:54,083
next Tuesday.
How am I supposed to...

449
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:57,683
Maybe if you spent more time
listening to your daughter
instead of your mates...

450
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,963
Who was that?

451
00:21:59,963 --> 00:22:03,963
Just Dave,
Amjad and Imran Parvez's uncle.

452
00:22:03,963 --> 00:22:05,523
Oh, my God.

453
00:22:05,523 --> 00:22:07,083
Why is this happening to me?

454
00:22:07,083 --> 00:22:09,803
Because you and Imran-wonky-eye
were up in your room

455
00:22:09,803 --> 00:22:12,043
doing biology practicals.

456
00:22:12,043 --> 00:22:14,363
But we weren't. I keep telling you.

457
00:22:14,363 --> 00:22:16,483
That's not what we've heard.

458
00:22:16,483 --> 00:22:18,243
From who?!
Where's all this come from?

459
00:22:18,243 --> 00:22:21,243
What kind of an idiot would
start a rumour like that?

460
00:22:23,883 --> 00:22:26,563
A very nice idiot,
who loves you very much?

461
00:22:26,563 --> 00:22:28,323
Dad!

462
00:22:28,323 --> 00:22:31,043
But it's OK, Beti,
I didn't believe it for a moment.

463
00:22:31,043 --> 00:22:33,483
Because you made it all up.

464
00:22:33,483 --> 00:22:34,563
Oh, yes.

465
00:22:37,003 --> 00:22:38,843
You made it up!

466
00:22:38,843 --> 00:22:40,003
Haan. Why?

467
00:22:40,003 --> 00:22:44,843
Well, I was going to invite
the Parvez's, like you wanted,

468
00:22:44,843 --> 00:22:48,323
but then I bumped into
Mr Javed, you see, and...

469
00:22:48,323 --> 00:22:49,883
Are you telling me
that you invented

470
00:22:49,883 --> 00:22:52,563
an imaginary love affair
for your own daughter

471
00:22:52,563 --> 00:22:54,723
just so you could invite
some business contact,

472
00:22:54,723 --> 00:22:56,723
who we don't even know,
to her wedding?

473
00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:02,763
Let's not get bogged down with
who said what to who.

474
00:23:02,763 --> 00:23:05,323
The good news is, I was lying.

475
00:23:08,963 --> 00:23:11,923
Yes, and now you're
going to tell the truth.

476
00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:15,643
You are going to go in there
and tell everyone what you've done,

477
00:23:15,643 --> 00:23:18,483
and clear Shazia's name and then
I'll be able to show my face

478
00:23:18,483 --> 00:23:21,643
at the Sparkhill Womens' Day Group
Coffee Morning next Tuesday.

479
00:23:21,643 --> 00:23:23,123
But... Go. OK.

480
00:23:23,123 --> 00:23:26,323
Oh what,
so I didn't snog Imran Parvez

481
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:29,403
so now there's no scandal,
and everything's OK again?

482
00:23:29,403 --> 00:23:32,403
Is that it? Erm...
Yes! Yes!

483
00:23:32,403 --> 00:23:35,323
What if I did go out
with Imran Parvez?

484
00:23:35,323 --> 00:23:38,643
What if I went out with Imran Parvez
and then I moved on to his brothers?

485
00:23:38,643 --> 00:23:40,723
Oh right, because of his funny eye?

486
00:23:40,723 --> 00:23:43,003
What if I went out
with half of Sparkhill?

487
00:23:43,003 --> 00:23:44,443
Would that matter to you?

488
00:23:44,443 --> 00:23:47,003
Which half are we talking about?

489
00:23:47,003 --> 00:23:49,763
That's not the point! Don't you see?

490
00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:52,923
My body is my own,
it doesn't belong to anyone else,

491
00:23:52,923 --> 00:23:54,283
I can do what I want with it.

492
00:23:55,443 --> 00:23:58,003
It shouldn't matter to Amjad
what I've done in the past,

493
00:23:58,003 --> 00:23:59,763
and it shouldn't matter
to you either.

494
00:23:59,763 --> 00:24:01,643
She's right.

495
00:24:01,643 --> 00:24:03,403
Is she?

496
00:24:04,923 --> 00:24:09,643
Of course, we're her parents, we
should support her, no matter what.

497
00:24:09,643 --> 00:24:10,923
I'm so sorry, Beti!

498
00:24:10,923 --> 00:24:13,683
I don't deserve to have
such a wonderful daughter.

499
00:24:13,683 --> 00:24:15,443
Aw, Mum.

500
00:24:15,443 --> 00:24:18,563
You're so smart, and pretty, and
kind, and I'm a silly old woman,

501
00:24:18,563 --> 00:24:20,523
and a terrible mother and...

502
00:24:22,523 --> 00:24:24,363
Mum, you're not a terrible mother.

503
00:24:24,363 --> 00:24:26,043
Don't interrupt her, sweetie.

504
00:24:29,803 --> 00:24:32,123
Where's Mr Javed?

505
00:24:32,123 --> 00:24:33,763
He had to go to his SPBA meeting.

506
00:24:33,763 --> 00:24:36,643
Mrs Khan, I think
we need to talk.

507
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,043
I think we do.

508
00:24:38,043 --> 00:24:39,723
Shazia!

509
00:24:39,723 --> 00:24:41,283
Be quiet, Amjad. Leave this to me.

510
00:24:41,283 --> 00:24:45,203
Hey, maybe we should just let the
kids sort this out for themselves?

511
00:24:45,203 --> 00:24:47,283
Or not. Please, Mrs Malik...

512
00:24:47,283 --> 00:24:49,723
It's all right, Shazia,
I'll deal with this.

513
00:24:50,883 --> 00:24:54,923
Mrs Malik, I don't care what went
on between Shazia and Imran Parvez.

514
00:24:54,923 --> 00:24:56,403
So, you admit it? No!

515
00:24:56,403 --> 00:24:58,083
Please, Beti.

516
00:24:58,083 --> 00:25:01,603
In fact, I don't care if she's
been with half of Birmingham...

517
00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:07,163
Dad, that's not what... Don't worry,
darling, I know what I'm doing.

518
00:25:07,163 --> 00:25:10,603
So, my daughter has had other
relationships. You know what?

519
00:25:10,603 --> 00:25:12,043
That's absolutely fine with me.

520
00:25:12,043 --> 00:25:14,163
Now he tells us.

521
00:25:14,163 --> 00:25:16,763
What you have to remember,
Mrs Malik,

522
00:25:16,763 --> 00:25:20,083
is that this is the modern world,
21st century.

523
00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:22,443
Women are as independent as men.

524
00:25:22,443 --> 00:25:25,003
I believe women should
make their own decisions.

525
00:25:25,003 --> 00:25:27,483
They are in charge
of their own lives

526
00:25:27,483 --> 00:25:30,043
and they can do whatever they want.

527
00:25:30,043 --> 00:25:35,363
I see. Then I say, this wedding
will never take place.

528
00:25:35,363 --> 00:25:38,243
OK.
But what does Mr Malik say about it?

529
00:25:40,603 --> 00:25:42,563
We're leaving. Come on, Amjad.

530
00:25:42,563 --> 00:25:46,163
No! I don't care what she's done!

531
00:25:46,163 --> 00:25:47,923
I still love you, Shazia!

532
00:25:47,923 --> 00:25:49,843
Amjad!

533
00:25:49,843 --> 00:25:51,723
I don't care how
many men she's been with!

534
00:25:51,723 --> 00:25:53,763
As long as it's not more than ten!

535
00:25:53,763 --> 00:25:57,243
Amjad! OK, Five then!

536
00:25:58,843 --> 00:25:59,843
Oh, budoo!

537
00:25:59,843 --> 00:26:01,523
Oh, ladoo!

538
00:26:01,523 --> 00:26:03,443
So, are there any other boys?

539
00:26:03,443 --> 00:26:04,803
Of course not.

540
00:26:04,803 --> 00:26:07,203
I said this family would be
trouble from the start,

541
00:26:07,203 --> 00:26:09,443
but nobody ever listens to me.

542
00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:11,363
Mum, shut up!

543
00:26:12,443 --> 00:26:14,243
Tu menu shut up, kehna.

544
00:26:16,563 --> 00:26:19,043
I don't think conflict's
going to resolve anything!

545
00:26:20,563 --> 00:26:23,483
Are there any nibbles?

546
00:26:31,003 --> 00:26:33,123
Fish and Chips?

547
00:26:33,123 --> 00:26:35,243
Anniversary supper.

548
00:26:35,243 --> 00:26:36,643
Oh.

549
00:26:36,643 --> 00:26:39,963
Remember? Like we had on our
first wedding anniversary.

550
00:26:39,963 --> 00:26:43,003
Of course.
From Bert and Tina's downstairs.

551
00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:47,763
You went back there.

552
00:26:47,763 --> 00:26:49,323
Their daughter runs it now.

553
00:26:49,323 --> 00:26:51,363
Oh...

554
00:26:51,363 --> 00:26:53,123
And look...

555
00:26:58,043 --> 00:27:00,483
Pickled eggs! Your favourite.

556
00:27:03,963 --> 00:27:08,963
You know, when we were young we used
to dream about growing old together.

557
00:27:08,963 --> 00:27:10,963
And now you are old...

558
00:27:13,683 --> 00:27:16,043
..so your dreams have come true.

559
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,883
Happy anniversary.

560
00:27:49,763 --> 00:27:54,123
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