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Welcome to
Sparkhill, Birmingham,

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the capital of British Pakistan.

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They all know me.
Do you like my suit?

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Number one. Citizen Khan.

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# She's getting married
in the morning

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# Tum te tum te tum te tum te
tuuummm! #

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Salaam alaikum, Mr Khan!

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Hello, Keith! Why are
you dressed like that?

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It's my outfit for the wedding!
What do you think?

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A bit "Imran Khan"?

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Imran Khan's old,
white neighbour, maybe.

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Big day today. Someone
must be very excited.

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I am. And I got to make a speech!

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I meant Shazia.
Oh, right, yeah.

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So, is this OK?

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Cos I know it's supposed to
be a fusion wedding -

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a mix of the English
and Pakistani traditions.

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Pakistani tradition is to make
sure it's bloomin' cheap!

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The proudest moment
in any Pakistani man's life

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is seeing his daughter getting
married for under £3.50 a head.

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So, how's your speech coming along?

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Great. It's going to be
a real showstopper!

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I've got a brilliant joke to kick
it off. Listen to this.

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A Muslim, a Christian and a Hindu
walk into a mosque, you see...

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Which mosque?

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What?

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Is it the mosque in Sparkhill
or the one in Garretts Green?

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Does it matter?

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Ooh, yes, because the one in
Garretts Green has closed down.

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It's a Nando's now.

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Right... Look, just forget it.

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Why don't you go and get the
flowers for the reception

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from Mrs Quereshi across the road?
Oh, is she selling flowers now?

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No, they're growing in her garden.

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Alia, I've got a joke for my speech.

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I want you to listen to it
and tell me what you think,

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OK? OK.

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A Muslim, a Christian and a
Hindu walk into a mosque...

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Oh, that's great, Papaji,
you're so funny and that!

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I haven't finished yet.

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Oh, I can't believe
how much there is to do...

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When are you going to change
into your wedding outfit?

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I'm wearing my wedding outfit.

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Er, that's not what I chose.

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Er, that's not happening.

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Do you want to hear my joke?
No.

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Go and put it on. No way!

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Just do it! Papaji!?

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Ohhh! Come on, sweeties,

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let's not argue on such a
special day.

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It doesn't matter about
the style of your outfits.

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All that matters is,
how much did they cost?

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They're designer! Yeah, Primani.

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What kind of a loser dresses
up like a Greggs lemon puff?

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Hi!

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Hello, Debbaaaaay.

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Is everything OK?

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She's refusing to wear the outfit.

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What? This is great!
I've been a bridesmaid loads -

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always the bridesmaid,
never the bride.

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Not surprised if you keep
dressing like that.

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You know, when we're done with them,
we can sell them on to the council -

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hi-vis, isn't it?!

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There's nothing wrong
with anybody's outfit!

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I don't like my outfit.

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What?! It makes me look short.

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Sweetie, what do you expect?
It's a dress,

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not Harry Potter's
invisibility cloak.

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I'm going to wear my
Pakistani outfit.

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Mum, we've been through this.
I want a fusion wedding.

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A mix of East and West.
But, Shazia, I'm not...

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And Mrs Malik's wearing a
sari. I know...

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I don't have time to think about
this right now, I've too much to do.

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Well, let me help.
You don't need to help.

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But I want to help.
But you don't need to help.

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Why don't you go and sit down
and have a nice cup of tea, yeah?

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Can you believe that?

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Nobody is listening
to a word I'm saying.

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Quarter past 11.

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Have you done all your jobs?

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Yes. Really?

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Shazia, it's not hard. You've
just got to be organised.

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So you've done it all?

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I delegated it.

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To who?

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Salaam alaikum, Mr Khan.

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Walaikum assalam, Riaz. Are you
wearing that to the wedding?

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No, I had two funerals today.

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Did you do all the things I
asked? Yes. No problem.

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You see?

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Oh, except there's a problem
with your car.

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What kind of problem?

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I was getting it from
that guy you said,

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you know,
Mohammed in Small Heath?

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No, not THAT Mohammed!

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I meant the other Mohammed.
You know, big Mohammed.

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Father of little Mohammed. Lives
next door to Mohammed Mohammed.

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I mean, how difficult can it be?

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What, so there's no car?

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How can this be happening?

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The whole day will be ruined
if I don't have a car!

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I know. I'm furious.

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Dad!

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What about the ice?
Did you get the ice?

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Yeah, I got it. Don't worry,
it's in the boot of my car.

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How long's it been there?

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Since, er...

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..Tuesday.

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You left it in the car?

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I didn't want to forget it.
Oh, my God!

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Sweetie...

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Ohh!

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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

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There's a Muslim, a Christian
and a Hindu...

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Heard it.

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Beti.

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Oh, you look great.
What about the hat?

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Er, it's a bit big.
It goes with the dress.

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OK, fine. Beti, I wanted to talk
to you about something...

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Is it quick? Only we're a bit
behind. It won't take long.

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Should I...?
Oh, no, it's fine.

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I wanted to give you this.

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It's my grandmother's gold necklace.

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She wore it on her wedding,
and I wore it on mine.

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So I thought, perhaps...

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I mean, it's really nice...
You don't like it.

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No, it's not that, it's just...

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It's OK. Forget it.
It's just...

129
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me and Debbie spent ages
choosing all my accessories.

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Of course. I understand.

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Oh...let me see you
with the hat on.

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Perfect.

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No, the Muslim guy says that!

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I thought he
wasn't there any more.

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Where, in the church?
There is no church!

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Salaam alaikum, sir!
Amjad! Perfect. Listen to this.

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There's a Muslim, a Christian
and a Hindu...

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I need my headdress, sir. What?

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You said you'd sort my
headdress for the ceremony.

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Oh, yes. I got a job lot
for the wedding season.

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They're selling like hot cakes!
What's Amjad doing here?

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Shazia mustn't see him.
It's bad luck.

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She's marrying him, isn't she?
How much worse can it get?

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But seriously, Mr Khan,
he's right about that.

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My Auntie Doreen saw her
husband-to-be before the wedding

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and he was knocked over by
a charabanc.

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Killed him stone dead.
On their wedding day?

148
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No, it was about
15 years later.

149
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But still,
you can't be too careful.

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Fine. You keep a lookout, huh?

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Here you go - good, eh?

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It's great.

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Don't say your father-in-law
never does anything for you.

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Thanks. Don't mention it.

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That'll be £25.

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Oh.

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And £5 postage and packing.

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Go on, try it on.

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It's a bit tight.

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It's all right, just press it down.

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There you are.

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I can't see very well.

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Well, we can't see you,
so it's ideal.

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All right, take it off now.

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I can't. I think it's stuck.

166
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Oh, for God's sake! Come here.

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What the hell?!

168
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Budhoo?
Ladhoo?

169
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Shazia's here.

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What's going on? You're not supposed
to see me before the wedding.

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But I... Don't look at me!

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Don't look, Amjad! He's not
looking. I'm not looking!

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Hai hai! Bad omen!

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Don't look at her, either!

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But that's not unlucky.

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Best not take any chances.

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Why is everyone trying
to ruin my special day?!

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Wait! Ladhoo!

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Perfect!

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He's not dead.

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Well, that's something.

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Ow, my head!

183
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Get up, you idiot.

184
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It's all gone dark.
I think I'm blind!

185
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Oh, right.

186
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:15,043
You just get that thing
off your head.

187
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You go and get the car
and I'll sort out Shazia.

188
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Oh, er....
Oh. I forgot about you.

189
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Perhaps I should go.
I can see you're busy.

190
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Just one thing though,
I haven't got the address

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for the reception. I know.

192
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Hello, beti.

193
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Everything OK? No!

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We've got no car, no ice,
no-one's ready

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and now I've seen Amjad
before the wedding!

196
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Count yourself lucky -

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in some Pakistani marriages,
you wouldn't even have met
him before the wedding.

198
00:09:47,763 --> 00:09:50,363
It's a disaster. This is
the worst day of my life.

199
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Right.

200
00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:55,283
I wanted everything to run smoothly
today, I wanted it to be perfect!

201
00:09:55,283 --> 00:09:57,403
It will be perfect. How?

202
00:09:58,403 --> 00:09:59,683
Your father will sort it.

203
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,723
Really? Of course.

204
00:10:01,723 --> 00:10:04,203
I'll make sure Amjad's OK.

205
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,923
Debbaaay is dealing
with your sister

206
00:10:06,923 --> 00:10:08,883
and Riaz is getting a car.

207
00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:10,883
But what about the ice
and the... Shazia...

208
00:10:10,883 --> 00:10:13,243
what did you want from me
on your tenth birthday party?

209
00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:16,803
To go to the theatre with my
friends to see The Lion King.

210
00:10:16,803 --> 00:10:19,363
Haan. And I said you couldn't go

211
00:10:19,363 --> 00:10:22,203
because there was no way
I was paying those prices.

212
00:10:22,203 --> 00:10:23,843
You said it was sold out.

213
00:10:27,803 --> 00:10:28,963
Oh, yes.

214
00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:35,443
So, instead, your mother and I
acted out the whole show
in the front room.

215
00:10:35,443 --> 00:10:37,843
You made masks and everything.

216
00:10:37,843 --> 00:10:39,763
The stampede was a challenge.

217
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:44,403
But I thought Naani was
perfect as the warthog.

218
00:10:45,763 --> 00:10:47,363
Hakuna matata!

219
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,443
Aw, that was a brilliant party.

220
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:53,683
You see, beti, you can always
rely on me.

221
00:10:53,683 --> 00:10:56,483
I'll make sure you get what
you want.

222
00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:58,163
Thanks, Dad.

223
00:10:58,163 --> 00:10:59,563
That's OK.

224
00:11:00,683 --> 00:11:04,963
I know I don't always say this,
but you know you are very
special to me

225
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:07,883
and I love you very much.

226
00:11:09,243 --> 00:11:10,403
I know.

227
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:13,243
And you're sure you don't
mind it's a smaller wedding

228
00:11:13,243 --> 00:11:14,723
than maybe you and Mum wanted?

229
00:11:14,723 --> 00:11:18,043
It's not a smaller wedding
than I wanted, sweetie.

230
00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:22,603
No wedding could be smaller
than I wanted.

231
00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:26,923
Couldn't you just try it on,
at least?

232
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:29,403
No way.
Anyway, it's not Islamic.

233
00:11:29,403 --> 00:11:31,443
In what way?
It's too yellow.

234
00:11:33,043 --> 00:11:37,603
Is that a thing? Yeah.
Our religion's really strict.

235
00:11:37,603 --> 00:11:40,883
Is Mum OK? I get the feeling
she's a bit upset.

236
00:11:40,883 --> 00:11:43,243
Shazia, no-one knows your
mother better than me,

237
00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:45,483
and I'm telling you
she's absolutely fine.

238
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:51,883
Sweetie, what are you doing?

239
00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:53,283
What does it look like I'm doing?

240
00:11:53,283 --> 00:11:54,843
I'm going to work. What?!

241
00:11:54,843 --> 00:11:58,203
Mum, don't be ridiculous.
It's my wedding day.

242
00:11:58,203 --> 00:12:00,203
I know it's your wedding day,
Shazia!

243
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:04,243
Everything about it is yours. It's
in your venue, with your friends,

244
00:12:04,243 --> 00:12:06,883
we're wearing your clothes
and your everything else.

245
00:12:06,883 --> 00:12:08,603
No-one cares what I think

246
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,723
and the whole thing
has nothing to do with me.

247
00:12:10,723 --> 00:12:12,523
So I'm going to work.

248
00:12:14,243 --> 00:12:16,243
She'll be back in a minute.

249
00:12:16,243 --> 00:12:18,363
DOOR SLAMS
Maybe not.

250
00:12:19,603 --> 00:12:22,243
You said she was fine!

251
00:12:22,243 --> 00:12:24,563
I may have misjudged
the situation.

252
00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:27,363
Oh, my God! My mum's
not coming to my wedding.

253
00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:30,523
On the up side, that's one
less mini chicken leg.

254
00:12:31,763 --> 00:12:34,843
Idiot! I can't
get married without Mum there!

255
00:12:34,843 --> 00:12:36,963
Look, I'm sure it will all be
fine.

256
00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:39,363
Does this mean
I don't have to wear that?

257
00:12:39,363 --> 00:12:41,243
No!

258
00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:43,883
You just get your hair done
and get to the wedding.

259
00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:47,723
I'll bring your mother and make sure
everything is how you want it.

260
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:49,243
You, come with me.

261
00:12:49,243 --> 00:12:51,363
And you,
put the horrible dress on!

262
00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:01,563
Ah!

263
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:04,523
Hello, sweetie!

264
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,283
What are you doing? My job.

265
00:13:08,283 --> 00:13:11,163
I've got to finish here and then
re-stock the frozen party food.

266
00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:12,963
I mean, why aren't you
coming to Shazia's wedding?

267
00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:15,123
You know why.
Salaam alaikum, Mrs Khan.

268
00:13:15,123 --> 00:13:16,203
Are you coming, then?

269
00:13:16,203 --> 00:13:17,643
In a minute!

270
00:13:17,643 --> 00:13:19,523
It's only, we're getting late
and we need to...

271
00:13:19,523 --> 00:13:21,483
Give me a minute!
But, sir, we need to go to...

272
00:13:21,483 --> 00:13:23,443
Why don't you go and get the ice?

273
00:13:23,443 --> 00:13:25,403
I'll come and get you
when we're ready, huh?

274
00:13:29,763 --> 00:13:32,283
Sweetie!
The ceremony starts in an hour.

275
00:13:32,283 --> 00:13:34,763
Fine. Go.

276
00:13:34,763 --> 00:13:38,883
Go to our daughter's tiny wedding,
in the small function room,

277
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:42,083
with the limited guest list
and only one chicken leg

278
00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:43,883
and half a samosa per person!

279
00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:47,003
You make that sound like a
bad thing.

280
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:49,403
Oh, of course. That's it, isn't it?

281
00:13:49,403 --> 00:13:53,163
All you care about is money. No-one
is interested in my feelings.

282
00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:56,043
Don't be ridiculous, of course
I'm interested in your feelings.

283
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,003
Are these on special offer?

284
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:01,163
She wouldn't even wear
my grandmother's necklace.

285
00:14:01,163 --> 00:14:04,363
So let them have their small
wedding.
But I don't have to be there.

286
00:14:04,363 --> 00:14:08,323
Fine. If you're not going,
then I won't go either.

287
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:09,403
What?

288
00:14:09,403 --> 00:14:11,523
Well, you're my wife,
and I will stay here with you.

289
00:14:11,523 --> 00:14:13,123
We can both miss the
wedding together.

290
00:14:14,323 --> 00:14:15,363
OK.

291
00:14:16,483 --> 00:14:17,563
OK, what?

292
00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:19,243
OK, we'll both stay here.

293
00:14:19,243 --> 00:14:21,403
You can help me with the
frozen pasties.

294
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:25,283
Are you crazy?! Frozen pasties!

295
00:14:25,283 --> 00:14:28,763
I'm not missing my own daughter's
wedding, even if it is only Shazia.

296
00:14:30,763 --> 00:14:32,883
Careful!
They're buy one, get one free.

297
00:14:32,883 --> 00:14:35,923
Well, Shazia's wedding is
a one-off special offer,

298
00:14:35,923 --> 00:14:37,563
today only, take it or leave it,

299
00:14:37,563 --> 00:14:40,483
never, ever to be repeated...
God willing.

300
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:47,083
Sweetie, don't you remember
our wedding?

301
00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:49,883
We didn't have a big do,
did we?

302
00:14:49,883 --> 00:14:53,003
Just you and me and my
cousin Mohsin

303
00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:54,643
and your friend Valerie.

304
00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:59,643
And Bert and Tina from the chip
shop, they were our witnesses.

305
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:05,403
You looked so beautiful in your
wedding outfit/chip shop uniform.

306
00:15:07,163 --> 00:15:09,283
And I wore my best suit.

307
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,283
Haan. It's worn well, hasn't it?

308
00:15:14,963 --> 00:15:18,483
Quality, you see?
Never goes out of fashion.

309
00:15:18,483 --> 00:15:20,563
It was a lovely day.

310
00:15:20,563 --> 00:15:22,083
It was a lovely day.

311
00:15:22,083 --> 00:15:25,043
And although there were only
six of us there,

312
00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:27,763
I was the happiest man in the world.

313
00:15:27,763 --> 00:15:30,803
And you know, maybe,
if they're lucky,

314
00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:33,443
Shazia and Amjad will be
as happy as we have been.

315
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,883
Oh, my God!
What have I done?

316
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:40,123
It's Shazia's wedding!

317
00:15:42,843 --> 00:15:44,163
Oh, hang on!

318
00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:53,563
Where are they? The guests
will start arriving in a minute.

319
00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:54,803
It will all be fine.

320
00:15:54,803 --> 00:15:56,763
Stop saying it'll be fine!
It won't be fine.

321
00:15:56,763 --> 00:15:59,203
My mum's not here. My dad's not
here. And Amjad's not here!

322
00:15:59,203 --> 00:16:00,283
They'll be here.

323
00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:02,003
But they're not here!
They should be here.

324
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,483
Why aren't they here?! What?

325
00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:04,723
Say something helpful.

326
00:16:04,723 --> 00:16:08,123
If you kept the receipts, we can
return these minging dresses.

327
00:16:08,123 --> 00:16:11,603
How has this happened? I planned
everything, I did a timetable!

328
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:14,683
Honestly, it will all be...fine.

329
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,443
We'll have to cancel. Tell everyone
to come back next week.

330
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,683
There's plenty of time.

331
00:16:18,683 --> 00:16:20,963
The imam's not even here
yet. The imam's here!

332
00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:23,963
Salaam alaikum.

333
00:16:23,963 --> 00:16:26,003
ALL: Walaikum assalam.

334
00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:27,523
How are we all today?

335
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:29,523
This is the worst day of my life!

336
00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:30,963
She's a bit stressed.

337
00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:32,523
Well, of course.
This is only natural.

338
00:16:32,523 --> 00:16:34,083
I want to go home.

339
00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:37,523
Look, calm down, my dear,
these things always turn out
all right in the end.

340
00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:42,243
And God, he won't mind if you
get married a little bit later
than advertised.

341
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:46,083
I, on the other hand,
have got another wedding
upstairs at three,

342
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,123
so if they haven't turned up by
then, I'm out of here.

343
00:16:48,123 --> 00:16:51,883
SHE CRIES

344
00:16:52,923 --> 00:16:56,443
Our little girl's getting
married! I'm so excited!

345
00:16:56,443 --> 00:16:59,443
Me too! You must
be excited too, Amjad.

346
00:17:00,683 --> 00:17:01,923
Amjad?

347
00:17:01,923 --> 00:17:03,243
The freezer!

348
00:17:03,243 --> 00:17:05,723
TYRES SCREECH

349
00:17:07,523 --> 00:17:09,723
Amjad!

350
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:11,083
Quick, get him out of there!

351
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:12,563
OK, OK!

352
00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:15,883
PHONE: # Bismillah, no!
We will not let you go... #

353
00:17:15,883 --> 00:17:18,883
Hello, Mr Khan speaking!

354
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:20,563
Hello, sweetie.

355
00:17:20,563 --> 00:17:22,203
Yes, I've got your mother.

356
00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:24,203
We're on our way.

357
00:17:24,203 --> 00:17:25,923
It's Shazia.

358
00:17:26,923 --> 00:17:30,123
Oh, Amjad?
Oh, he's right here too.

359
00:17:37,003 --> 00:17:38,683
How is he?

360
00:17:42,363 --> 00:17:44,723
Oh, he's cool.

361
00:17:46,803 --> 00:17:48,563
I'm sorry, my dear.

362
00:17:48,563 --> 00:17:51,163
Please! They'll be here,
I know they will.

363
00:17:51,163 --> 00:17:52,843
But I really have to go.

364
00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:55,123
Just a few more minutes.
As a favour to my dad?

365
00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:56,923
He's a community leader,
they all know him.

366
00:17:56,923 --> 00:17:59,683
I don't.
You must. He's Mr Khan!

367
00:17:59,683 --> 00:18:02,363
Well, there are
a lot of Khans around.

368
00:18:02,363 --> 00:18:05,283
He's got the beard, the hat...

369
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:07,963
drives a yellow Mercedes...
Oh, him!

370
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,843
So you can give us a few
more minutes. No.

371
00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,283
But, Imam sir,

372
00:18:13,283 --> 00:18:17,043
I'm sure such a wise and honoured
man like you would want to help.

373
00:18:17,043 --> 00:18:20,283
And doesn't our religion teach
us that when it gets tough,

374
00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:21,843
we've got to fight some more?

375
00:18:21,843 --> 00:18:25,043
We've got to fight, fight,
fight for this love?

376
00:18:26,323 --> 00:18:27,923
I think that's Cheryl Cole.

377
00:18:29,123 --> 00:18:33,603
But fine, five more minutes,
then that's it.

378
00:18:33,603 --> 00:18:35,243
Thank you, Alia, thank you!

379
00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:37,243
That's all right, you're my
sister, innit?

380
00:18:43,683 --> 00:18:47,203
Look, there's
Mrs Malik in her stupid sari.

381
00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:48,363
Come on, hurry up!

382
00:18:48,363 --> 00:18:50,963
He needs a few more minutes
in front of the heater.

383
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,083
His feet aren't thawed out yet!

384
00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:56,843
Come on!

385
00:18:58,443 --> 00:18:59,603
Hurry!

386
00:18:59,603 --> 00:19:01,443
I'm coming!

387
00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:05,163
Hurry, hurry!

388
00:19:09,763 --> 00:19:11,163
Come on!

389
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,563
All right, all right!

390
00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:14,843
Oh, God, my flower!

391
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:42,003
INAUDIBLE

392
00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:50,723
Beti! Mum!

393
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,483
Beti! I'm so sorry!

394
00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:57,483
No, I'm sorry.

395
00:19:57,483 --> 00:20:00,563
It's your special day, not
mine, I was being selfish.

396
00:20:00,563 --> 00:20:03,083
No, I was being selfish.

397
00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,883
And look...

398
00:20:04,883 --> 00:20:07,163
Oh! It's beautiful.

399
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:10,283
And you don't have to wear
that stupid hat.

400
00:20:10,283 --> 00:20:12,883
Oh, thank God!

401
00:20:17,723 --> 00:20:20,603
Come on, Amjad. Let's not
keep them waiting, eh?

402
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:22,603
Here he is!

403
00:20:23,883 --> 00:20:26,683
Get in there. Right, we got groom.

404
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:29,883
We got bride. We got bride's mother.

405
00:20:29,883 --> 00:20:33,443
Everything is tickety-boo.
Imam, do your thing.

406
00:20:33,443 --> 00:20:37,043
FEEDBACK
Two, two. One, two, one,
two, hello.

407
00:20:37,043 --> 00:20:39,603
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are gathered here today...

408
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:41,923
Hold on. Now what?!

409
00:20:41,923 --> 00:20:43,363
That's not Amjad!

410
00:20:43,363 --> 00:20:45,043
GASPS

411
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:47,043
Of course it is Amjad,
what are you talking about?

412
00:20:47,043 --> 00:20:49,163
She's right. It's not Amjad.

413
00:20:50,163 --> 00:20:52,443
It is Amjad!

414
00:20:52,443 --> 00:20:54,843
Look!
GASPS

415
00:20:54,843 --> 00:20:57,043
Oh, twadi. No, it isn't!

416
00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:58,603
Brilliant!

417
00:20:58,603 --> 00:21:01,443
You idiot, you got the wrong groom!
Heh!

418
00:21:01,443 --> 00:21:03,803
Well, let's not be hasty.

419
00:21:03,803 --> 00:21:05,803
What does your father do,
young man?

420
00:21:05,803 --> 00:21:08,803
And I thought this was going
to be really boring!

421
00:21:08,803 --> 00:21:10,763
Where's my Amjad? What have
you done with him?

422
00:21:10,763 --> 00:21:13,763
Why didn't you say
something? Well...

423
00:21:13,763 --> 00:21:14,963
AMJAD: Shazia!

424
00:21:16,083 --> 00:21:18,523
Shazia!

425
00:21:19,603 --> 00:21:20,963
Shazia!

426
00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:27,003
Oh, thank you for saving me, sir.

427
00:21:27,003 --> 00:21:32,043
Right, Amjad, the time has come for
you to take your place

428
00:21:32,043 --> 00:21:35,563
in the finest family in
Sparkhill - the Khans.

429
00:21:35,563 --> 00:21:37,803
That's us. OK.

430
00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:43,203
And I just want to say,
I couldn't be prouder
to have you as a son-in-law.

431
00:21:43,203 --> 00:21:46,003
Aw, you're the best, Mr Khan.
Thank you, sir.

432
00:21:50,963 --> 00:21:52,603
Ameen.

433
00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:56,683
You know, I don't know why people
get so emotional at weddings.

434
00:21:56,683 --> 00:22:00,203
It's just two people getting
married. Happens every day.

435
00:22:00,203 --> 00:22:03,443
So, we've reached that part
of the ceremony

436
00:22:03,443 --> 00:22:08,003
where I ask Amjad and Shazia to
both give their consent to marry.

437
00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:13,443
Shazia Khan, do you accept Amjad
Malik as your husband?

438
00:22:13,443 --> 00:22:14,723
I accept.

439
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:20,163
Amjad Malik, do you accept
Shazia Khan as your wife?

440
00:22:21,243 --> 00:22:22,523
I accept.

441
00:22:22,523 --> 00:22:27,283
So, Shazia and Amjad have both
given their agreement to marry.

442
00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:29,563
Subhan Allah.

443
00:22:29,563 --> 00:22:32,483
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

444
00:22:54,683 --> 00:22:57,283
HE SOBS

445
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:02,563
This is the happiest day of my life!

446
00:23:10,443 --> 00:23:13,083
Are you OK now? Yes.

447
00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:15,123
It all worked out
all right in the end.

448
00:23:15,123 --> 00:23:17,323
Yes, but it's not finished yet.

449
00:23:18,603 --> 00:23:22,003
Oh, yes, your speech.
I'd almost forgotten about it.

450
00:23:24,763 --> 00:23:26,523
FEEDBACK

451
00:23:26,523 --> 00:23:27,963
Two, two. One, two. Hello.

452
00:23:27,963 --> 00:23:31,523
Ladies and gentlemen,
there's one more person we
are going to hear from -

453
00:23:31,523 --> 00:23:34,003
a man who needs no
introduction,

454
00:23:34,003 --> 00:23:35,963
although he gave me one anyway.

455
00:23:35,963 --> 00:23:39,843
So, in a moment I'm going to call on

456
00:23:39,843 --> 00:23:42,243
the most respected,

457
00:23:42,243 --> 00:23:46,763
admired and loved community leader
in Sparkhill, Mr Khan,

458
00:23:46,763 --> 00:23:48,643
they all know him.

459
00:23:50,283 --> 00:23:52,723
HAWKS NOISILY

460
00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,283
But before I do,
a funny story for you.

461
00:23:55,283 --> 00:23:59,523
Now, a Muslim, a Christian and a
Hindu walk into a mosque.

462
00:23:59,523 --> 00:24:03,883
The Muslim comes up to the Christian
and he says, "Why the long face...?"

463
00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:32,843
Don't they both look lovely?

464
00:24:32,843 --> 00:24:34,043
They do.

465
00:24:34,043 --> 00:24:36,283
Well done. What for?

466
00:24:36,283 --> 00:24:37,323
Everything.

467
00:24:37,323 --> 00:24:41,123
Oh, did you sort out
the wedding car?

468
00:24:41,123 --> 00:24:42,203
Yes...

469
00:24:48,963 --> 00:24:51,083
Here you go.

470
00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:53,083
Ah, thank you, sweetie.

471
00:24:54,443 --> 00:24:57,003
It was a nice wedding,
wasn't it? Haan.

472
00:24:57,003 --> 00:24:58,443
What was your favourite bit?

473
00:24:58,443 --> 00:25:00,163
When Naani went home early.

474
00:25:01,563 --> 00:25:03,323
No, seriously!

475
00:25:03,323 --> 00:25:05,763
When the Maliks went home early.

476
00:25:06,843 --> 00:25:08,443
No.

477
00:25:08,443 --> 00:25:10,883
When Amjad danced with Shazia.

478
00:25:10,883 --> 00:25:13,443
She looked so happy.

479
00:25:13,443 --> 00:25:17,643
It reminded me of
the beautiful young girl
I danced with at my wedding.

480
00:25:17,643 --> 00:25:18,963
You do mean me?

481
00:25:21,003 --> 00:25:22,323
Of course!

482
00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:24,243
That's all right, then.

483
00:25:24,243 --> 00:25:26,563
Are you happy, my darling?

484
00:25:26,563 --> 00:25:28,683
Haan. I was just being silly.

485
00:25:28,683 --> 00:25:33,683
Or maybe, secretly, deep down, you
were just a bit frightened...

486
00:25:33,683 --> 00:25:35,443
of losing Shazia.

487
00:25:35,443 --> 00:25:36,523
Maybe.

488
00:25:36,523 --> 00:25:40,243
Frightened that the house would
feel all empty without her.

489
00:25:40,243 --> 00:25:44,443
That you wouldn't see her any more
and she would forget about us?

490
00:25:45,443 --> 00:25:48,803
But you're not afraid any
more, no? Nahin.

491
00:25:48,803 --> 00:25:51,363
Because she'll always be our
little girl.

492
00:25:51,363 --> 00:25:52,923
Haan.

493
00:25:52,923 --> 00:25:56,003
And because you forgot to book the
airline tickets for their honeymoon.

494
00:26:00,803 --> 00:26:01,883
Shall we leave them?

495
00:26:01,883 --> 00:26:03,683
Why?

496
00:26:03,683 --> 00:26:06,563
Remember what we got up to
on our wedding night?

497
00:26:08,323 --> 00:26:10,083
Oh, yes!

498
00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:15,683
Here...

499
00:26:20,083 --> 00:26:21,963
..and don't stay up too late, eh?