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Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham -

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the capital of British Pakistan.

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They all know me.

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Do you like my suit?

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Number one - Citizen Khan.

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I don't see why
WE have to look after him.

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Oh, stop it, he won't be
any trouble.

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He'll need feeding and we'll have to
take him for walks in the park.

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Ah, choo-cooey!

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And I hope he's not making
a mess in my Mercedes!

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He won't be any trouble -
will you, shweetu?

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No, Auntie.

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There, see!

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Why couldn't your cousins take him
with them on holiday?

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I hope your parents are having
a nice time.

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I was thinking of going away
somewhere too.

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Good idea.

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Oh, you mean together?

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Of course together!
Maybe we could go cruising.

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Cruising? Why not?

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I'm not sure cruising is legal
in Sparkhill any more, sweetie.

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Oh, twaddi. Where are we? This isn't
the way back to Birmingham.

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What does the map say?

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I don't know. This map's no good.

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Why? What's wrong with it?

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It's from 1974.

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Everything's changed since then.

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No, it hasn't.
Just a few more mosques, that's all.

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I'll just go and ask someone.

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Salaam aleikum, excuse me!

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What?

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Hey. I hope you're wearing
two pairs of socks.

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In case you get
a hole in one. Ha-ha-ha!

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KHAN HAWKS

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Right. I wonder
if you could help me.

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We're a bit lost, can you point us
in the right direction?

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Where are you from?

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Birmingham. No. I mean,
where are you REALLY from?

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Sparkhill.

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You need the A45.
Birmingham's that way.

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That way? Are you sure? That way?

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OK. Thank you! Thank you!
Hole in one, eh!
HE HAWKS

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CAR DOOR SHUTS

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ENGINE STARTS

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HORN TOOTS

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What are you doing?

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You can't drive on a golf course,
are you mad?

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Just enjoy the view, look at that!

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We'll be home any minute.

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There's so much land here,
they could build a few apartments!

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Hi, Papaji! I'm just going out.

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Where are you going?

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I've got my Islamic tutor today,
remember?

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Vah! Such a good girl.
Well, you can see him later.

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First, you're going to help me
get my new business off the ground.

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I've got a revolutionary idea that's
going to transform the high street.

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What is it?

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A chicken shop!

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A new franchise has opened up.

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I'm going to be
a restaurant entrepreneur.

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I'll be Birmingham's very own
Marco Pierre Brown!

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You mean...I've got to do work?

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Work is fun, sweetie.
The whole family's going to chip in.

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"Chip" in!

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You see, we're having fun already,
aren't we?

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Yeah.

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Right, let's check the staff rota...

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Now, you'll help behind the counter

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and Naani is going
to be the waitress.

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A waitress?

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What's the problem?

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She's got bunions.
She can't stand up all day.

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I've already thought of that.

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Look at this.
A remote control wheelchair, you see?

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I've created the first ever
robo-waitress!

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Thank you.

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Now, squash for Faraz.

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Oh, not that way!

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Idiot!

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Obviously it's a prototype, there's
bound to be a few teething troubles.

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Argh!

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Stop! It's OK.

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Uncle! Ah, not the TV!

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It's OK, beti, I'll fix it later.

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You need to get ready.

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Go and get changed into something
more practical.

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Something more what?

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You know, some rough, old work
clothes, like your mother wears.

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Er, no, thanks.

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Has anyone seen my bag?

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Are you going out somewhere?

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I've got tango class today.

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That dress is very bright
and very red.

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Maybe try to avoid the Bull Ring.

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Hello, sir.

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Hello, Mrs Khan.

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Wow, Mum, you look fantastic.

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Oh, thanks, beti!

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Aren't you worried she'll run
off with her dashing tango partner?

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Mrs Siddiqi?

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Why does she have to dance
with Mrs Siddiqi?

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She can't dance with other men.
Because you get jealous?

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Because she's too short!

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Look, Shazia, it's women-only tango.

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I'm not letting some argie-bargie,
greasy, gaucho

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get his filthy hands on her!

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You know, you can't have a healthy
relationship if you're jealous, Dad.

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Me and Amjad trust each other
implicitly, don't we, budhoo?

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Implicitly means "a lot".

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Right, yes, we do, of course.

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All right, that's enough of that!

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Why don't you surprise her by doing
something romantic?

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Me and Amjad surprise each other
all the time.

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Take her to that French
restaurant in town.

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French restaurant? No, thank you!

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We've got plenty of French
food at home. Have you?

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Yes, of course. Or, as we Muslims
like to call it, ALLAH carte!

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You know, I was thinking,
maybe instead of going on a cruise,

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we could cash in some of our
pension money

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and go on a trip to Argentina!

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It's the home of the tango.

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Sweetie, we don't need to go to
Argentina for Tango,

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they've got loads of it down
the cash and carry!

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You should try it,
you might like it.

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And then that would be something
we could do together.

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We already got something
we do together.

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I mean something exciting.

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Come to one of our special
showcases, you might like it.

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OK, fine,
I'll come to the next one.

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Really? You promise?

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Haan. Fantastic!

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It's today. What?!
At the community centre.

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I'll see you there later,
I'm so excited! Thank you!

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Anything for you, my darling!

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Oh, twaddi!

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Well done, Dad.
You and Mum will have a great time.

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Yes, yes. But first I've got
a little business to attend to.

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Remember to spray the air freshener.

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I always get told off for that.

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Not that kind of business, Amjad.

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I'm going to be running
a chicken shop!

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Great! What will you be selling?

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Are you sure about this, Dad?

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Have you thought about Mum at all?

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Not yet. I want it to be a surprise.

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It'll be a surprise all right.
I'm going to work.

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See you later, budhoo!
See you later, ladoo.

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Right, let's get going.

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I've got to meet some guy
called Mr Williams.

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He's the boss of the chicken shop,
the big cock-a-doodle-do.

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Where are you getting
the money for the franchise, sir?

152
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Have you got a lot of investors?

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Yes, two. Me and Mrs Khan.

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I've used our pension fund.
HE HAWKS

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I'd like to welcome you to
the Khan family business.

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Now, remember, if I can make this
work, I'll be hanging out with

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Sir Richard Branstons, nibbling his
cheese and sipping on his Shloer.

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What if we can't make it work?

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Then Mrs Khan is going to be doing
the paso doble on my cha-cha-chas.

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Right, let's get to work, eh?

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Now, Alia, you're behind the counter,

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Naani, you're waiting on the tables,

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and, Amjad, you're head
of marketing and communications.

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Wow! What does that mean?

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It means you have to go
and pick up the T-shirts

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and fliers from the printers
next door.

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OK.

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Right,
where's this Mr Williams chappie?

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Hi, there.

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Salaam aleikum.

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Welcome to Chick 'N' Chips.

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You work here, do you? Yes.

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Excellent,
another member of Team Khan.

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No, you don't understand...

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Why don't you run along and fetch me
a cup of tea?

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I don't think so.

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Mr Williams is going to be
here in a minute, you don't want him

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to catch you slacking, do you?

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What?

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Mr Williams, the big cheese,
the top man!

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You need to look lively! It's me!

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I know it's YOU, sweetheart,

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but I'm here to see the boss,
Mr Williams.

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And don't forget the tea.

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I'm Mr Williams!

186
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What?

187
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I'm Mr Williams! Ms Williams!

188
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Sandra Williams.

189
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But you're a... Woman?

190
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That's it.

191
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I'm Mr Khan, community leader.

192
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And all round woman-lover!

193
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What?

194
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I mean,
I'm a big fan of working girls.

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Women's business. Businesswomen!

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HE HAWKS

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Right, where shall we start?

198
00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:34,283
Why don't you show us your equipment?

199
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The fryers!

200
00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:40,483
Right. Well, this is
the main work area over here.

201
00:09:40,483 --> 00:09:43,003
I'm sure you'll be familiar with
most of it already

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00:09:43,003 --> 00:09:45,443
if you have experience
working in the fast food industry?

203
00:09:45,443 --> 00:09:50,003
Of course, I spent six months
working in a branch of KFC.

204
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,243
Oh, which one?

205
00:09:51,243 --> 00:09:53,643
The one in Pakistan.
Karachi Fried Chicken.

206
00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:56,683
So you know how to fry?

207
00:09:56,683 --> 00:10:01,923
Oh, yes. We Muslims have got
a special religious day for it.

208
00:10:01,923 --> 00:10:03,363
What's that called?

209
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,083
Fry-day prayers.

210
00:10:08,723 --> 00:10:10,603
These are the fryers.

211
00:10:10,603 --> 00:10:13,843
It's very important you always
keep this full of oil.

212
00:10:13,843 --> 00:10:14,923
Do you know why?

213
00:10:14,923 --> 00:10:16,323
For good luck?

214
00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:19,203
No, otherwise it will explode.

215
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:23,243
You keep the fryers full up
via this control system.

216
00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:28,043
Everything is operated from
this panel - the fryers,

217
00:10:28,043 --> 00:10:30,043
the cellar hatch, the lights.

218
00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:31,843
Do you think you'll be able to
manage that?

219
00:10:31,843 --> 00:10:35,883
'Course, I'm very techno savvy!
I've even got a robo-waitress.

220
00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:37,523
Watch this.

221
00:10:40,283 --> 00:10:41,323
Oh, twaddi.

222
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ALARM RINGS

223
00:10:44,363 --> 00:10:45,403
Oh, God!

224
00:10:45,403 --> 00:10:46,683
Switch it off!

225
00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:51,723
Ah, there you are.

226
00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:53,483
They must be connected.

227
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:57,883
Mr Khan, I think we have to
reassess your application.

228
00:10:57,883 --> 00:11:00,843
But I've got lots of brilliant ideas
to get business booming!

229
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:02,043
Like what?

230
00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,643
Well, I've got a very clever
name for the place.

231
00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:05,963
What are you going to call it?

232
00:11:05,963 --> 00:11:08,283
Mr Khan's Chicken Shop.

233
00:11:08,283 --> 00:11:10,963
Can I hear any others?

234
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:12,083
That's it so far.

235
00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:14,923
Who's this?

236
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:17,283
That's just my communications
director.

237
00:11:17,283 --> 00:11:19,243
Hello, sir. I got the T-shirts.

238
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,283
Good.

239
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:25,203
Hi. I'm Sandra Williams.
But...you can call me Sandy.

240
00:11:25,203 --> 00:11:28,443
Hello, Mrs Sandy. My Name is Amjad.

241
00:11:28,443 --> 00:11:30,603
But you can call me...

242
00:11:30,603 --> 00:11:31,643
Amjad.

243
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,163
Have they got you carrying
these big, heavy boxes round

244
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,563
all by yourself?

245
00:11:39,563 --> 00:11:40,923
They're not too heavy.

246
00:11:40,923 --> 00:11:44,123
There's a stock room round the back,
I can show you if you like.

247
00:11:44,123 --> 00:11:47,563
Maybe you can show him
the stock room later.

248
00:11:47,563 --> 00:11:49,403
Yes, maybe later.

249
00:11:49,403 --> 00:11:54,443
On reflection, Mr Khan, I've
decided to give you another chance.

250
00:11:54,443 --> 00:11:56,923
Thank you, you won't regret it!

251
00:11:56,923 --> 00:11:59,443
Obviously, this will be
a trial run today.

252
00:11:59,443 --> 00:12:02,123
You have until 5pm
to get in some customers.

253
00:12:02,123 --> 00:12:04,963
Don't worry,
I'll fill it. Chicken FILLET!

254
00:12:06,163 --> 00:12:07,243
I see.

255
00:12:07,243 --> 00:12:13,003
Now, you heard the lady, Mr Khan's
Chicken Shop is open for business!

256
00:12:14,403 --> 00:12:16,683
Hey, Naani,
are you ready for meals on wheels?

257
00:12:19,483 --> 00:12:20,723
Idiot!

258
00:12:21,723 --> 00:12:24,083
ECHOING: Just checking the potatoes.

259
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,123
Yep, they're all fine.

260
00:12:33,163 --> 00:12:35,123
I need to do my homework, Uncle.

261
00:12:35,123 --> 00:12:37,203
Chup! Did you not hear what
that woman said?

262
00:12:37,203 --> 00:12:39,163
We need to keep this place busy!

263
00:12:39,163 --> 00:12:41,163
By selling one-legged chickens?

264
00:12:44,843 --> 00:12:46,363
Oh, twaddi.

265
00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:48,923
Don't worry, Uncle.
You've still got Amjad.

266
00:12:50,323 --> 00:12:52,243
Sir. I don't feel right.

267
00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,643
Maybe he's got bird flu.

268
00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:56,003
What?

269
00:12:56,003 --> 00:12:57,203
Or chickenpox?

270
00:12:57,203 --> 00:13:00,523
No, I've already had them.
It's Mrs Sandy, sir.

271
00:13:00,523 --> 00:13:03,003
She just accosted me
in the back room.

272
00:13:04,163 --> 00:13:07,203
Chillax, Amjad,
she's just being friendly.

273
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,563
This is how business works,
all the schmoozing and the floozing.

274
00:13:10,563 --> 00:13:13,203
I only want to schmooze with Shazia.

275
00:13:14,683 --> 00:13:16,883
See you later, gentlemen. Righto.

276
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,683
Save a piece for me,
my little chicken.

277
00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:24,683
Oh, no.

278
00:13:24,683 --> 00:13:26,083
Salaam aleikum, Mr Khan.

279
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,603
Waleikum assalam, Riaz.
What's going on?

280
00:13:28,603 --> 00:13:30,763
Have a guess.
You're buying some chicken?

281
00:13:30,763 --> 00:13:32,203
Try the whole shop.

282
00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:33,523
Wow. You fatty!

283
00:13:34,603 --> 00:13:37,283
No. It's the start
of my business empire.

284
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,883
What about you?
Just passing through?

285
00:13:39,883 --> 00:13:43,123
He's part of my crack promotions
and marketing team.

286
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,363
Where's the rest of them?

287
00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:52,483
Why are you selling
one-legged chickens?

288
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,243
Just try and find me some customers.

289
00:13:54,243 --> 00:13:55,523
OK, but it'll cost you.

290
00:13:55,523 --> 00:13:56,563
How much?

291
00:13:56,563 --> 00:13:57,803
A bucket of hot wings.

292
00:13:59,323 --> 00:14:01,523
Deal. Just get some chicken lovers.
OK.

293
00:14:03,523 --> 00:14:05,523
Chicken, fried chicken. Yum-yum.

294
00:14:05,523 --> 00:14:07,203
Chicken, fried chicken...

295
00:14:11,403 --> 00:14:13,723
Look at that,
a shop full of hungry young lads.

296
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:14,923
I told you it would work!

297
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:16,723
Mrs Sandy will be pleased!

298
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,003
Yes, she will!

299
00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:20,763
Now, go and open up another till,
speed up the service.

300
00:14:20,763 --> 00:14:22,923
I tried that,
they weren't interested.

301
00:14:22,923 --> 00:14:24,443
They'll get their chicken quicker!

302
00:14:24,443 --> 00:14:26,003
They're not after the chicken.

303
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,083
What are they after?

304
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,163
Alia's number.

305
00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:29,243
What!

306
00:14:31,323 --> 00:14:32,763
Oh, twaddi!

307
00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:34,403
Out, out, out!

308
00:14:34,403 --> 00:14:39,643
Get out, you dirty, filthy rascal!
And you. Get out!

309
00:14:39,643 --> 00:14:40,683
Get out of it!

310
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:45,363
Papaji! I was just telling them
what's on offer.

311
00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:47,883
Come on,
you're working in the back room now.

312
00:14:47,883 --> 00:14:50,883
Go get some oil for the fryers.
But why?

313
00:14:50,883 --> 00:14:53,483
Health and Safety -
my health and your safety!

314
00:14:59,323 --> 00:15:00,443
DOORBELL CHIMES

315
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,403
Ah, Riaz, just in time.

316
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,723
Good news, I got you some customers.

317
00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:06,883
Brilliant.

318
00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:08,963
You see, Amjad.
Who have you got coming?

319
00:15:08,963 --> 00:15:11,003
The mosque committee. What?

320
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:12,483
Lucky they were passing by.

321
00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:14,603
Everyone else I asked just told me
to shove off.

322
00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:16,723
Right. So, where are they?

323
00:15:16,723 --> 00:15:18,083
They'll be here any minute.

324
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,803
They're coming back from a protest.

325
00:15:19,803 --> 00:15:22,763
Another protest?
That's the problem with our lot.

326
00:15:22,763 --> 00:15:25,603
Always marching and moaning
about something or another.

327
00:15:25,603 --> 00:15:28,523
What trumped up travesty happening
a thousand bloomin' miles away

328
00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:29,963
are they whining about now?

329
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,203
The closure of the Wildlife Centre
in Kings Heath.

330
00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:34,803
It's a bird sanctuary.

331
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,643
Well, at least they'll
be in the mood for chicken.

332
00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:40,283
Remember our deal? My free food?

333
00:15:40,283 --> 00:15:44,203
Oh, yes. I'll have 25 free hot wings
That's FREE.

334
00:15:44,203 --> 00:15:45,723
No charge, on the house.

335
00:15:45,723 --> 00:15:49,443
I'll tell you what, you can have
24 free, and the last one is £5.99.

336
00:15:50,923 --> 00:15:52,563
Fair enough.

337
00:15:52,563 --> 00:15:53,763
PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS

338
00:15:56,083 --> 00:15:57,683
Hello, Mr Khan speaking.

339
00:15:58,803 --> 00:16:00,163
Oh, hello, sweetie.

340
00:16:00,163 --> 00:16:02,643
You haven't forgotten, have you?
You will be here?

341
00:16:02,643 --> 00:16:06,163
Of course I haven't forgotten.
Have I ever you let down?

342
00:16:07,243 --> 00:16:08,523
Apart from then.

343
00:16:09,563 --> 00:16:11,403
And then.

344
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:12,563
Look, sweetie,

345
00:16:12,563 --> 00:16:17,643
that was a long time ago and I had
no idea the sidecar wasn't attached.

346
00:16:19,403 --> 00:16:21,283
Yes, of course I'm coming.

347
00:16:21,283 --> 00:16:24,283
You know how I love Fanta! Tango!

348
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:27,763
OK, good, I'm so excited!
I'll see you later!

349
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,003
Don't be late!

350
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:30,403
Yes, yes, yes.

351
00:16:32,203 --> 00:16:33,243
Yes?

352
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,683
Hi, I'm looking for Alia?

353
00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:36,963
She's not here. Can I help you?

354
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,363
It's OK, honestly, I need Alia.

355
00:16:38,363 --> 00:16:39,763
Oh, you do, do you? Yeah.

356
00:16:39,763 --> 00:16:42,243
And what exactly do you
need her for?

357
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:44,923
Oh, I'm here to give her
a bit of one to one.

358
00:16:44,923 --> 00:16:46,963
One to what?!

359
00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:50,123
She's very keen, let me tell you.
Best I've ever had.

360
00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:52,163
How dare you!

361
00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:54,963
What are you doing?

362
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:58,483
Oh, I'm sorry,
perhaps you prefer some ketchup?

363
00:17:00,763 --> 00:17:02,483
What are you doing to the tutor?

364
00:17:02,483 --> 00:17:03,643
What?

365
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,923
This is brother Majid
from the mosque.

366
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:08,643
He's a scholar
and an expert on Islamic culture.

367
00:17:08,643 --> 00:17:10,083
You're Alia's tutor?

368
00:17:10,083 --> 00:17:11,403
Yes!

369
00:17:11,403 --> 00:17:12,443
Oh, twaddi!

370
00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:15,563
What happened to your trousers?

371
00:17:15,563 --> 00:17:17,283
I squirted mayonnaise on them.

372
00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:18,483
And ketchup!

373
00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:19,563
What a waste.

374
00:17:19,563 --> 00:17:22,403
I don't think you're supposed
to squirt any kind of sauce

375
00:17:22,403 --> 00:17:23,723
on Islamic scholars.

376
00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:25,363
The mosque committee won't be happy.

377
00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:26,643
What's it got to do with them?

378
00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:28,243
They're by the door.

379
00:17:28,243 --> 00:17:30,243
Wait! They can't see him like this.

380
00:17:32,563 --> 00:17:33,803
Hai!

381
00:17:37,483 --> 00:17:38,803
Salaam aleikum.

382
00:17:38,803 --> 00:17:41,643
Riaz will be out any minute with
some free chicken for you.

383
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,243
Oh, free chicken!

384
00:17:43,243 --> 00:17:45,043
I thought you'd like that!

385
00:17:45,043 --> 00:17:46,323
Aargh!

386
00:17:46,323 --> 00:17:47,443
What's that?

387
00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,403
Oh, that was just the call to prayer.

388
00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:52,003
Arrgh, Allahu akbar!

389
00:17:52,003 --> 00:17:55,723
Now, come on, get down to the mosque,
you don't want to miss the front row.

390
00:17:57,483 --> 00:17:59,123
Oh, God.

391
00:17:59,123 --> 00:18:01,523
Papaji? Have you seen my tutor?

392
00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:02,963
No! Definitely not!

393
00:18:02,963 --> 00:18:05,563
You're supposed to be getting
oil for the fryers.

394
00:18:05,563 --> 00:18:07,963
They're fine!
He should be here by now.

395
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,363
We had an appointment.

396
00:18:09,363 --> 00:18:11,083
Maybe he's "fallen through"?

397
00:18:13,363 --> 00:18:15,323
It's nearly five o'clock.

398
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:18,083
Sir! Mrs Sandy will be here soon.

399
00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:20,083
Oh, twaddi, how much have we taken?

400
00:18:21,243 --> 00:18:24,083
Including the £2.50 you made me
put in for my lunch?

401
00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:25,403
Haan.

402
00:18:25,403 --> 00:18:26,923
£2.50.

403
00:18:28,363 --> 00:18:31,283
I don't understand,
why haven't we had more customers?

404
00:18:31,283 --> 00:18:33,523
We had the T-shirts and the flyers.

405
00:18:33,523 --> 00:18:35,563
The group of Muslims
protesting outside?

406
00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:36,763
What?

407
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:38,963
Oh, twaddi!

408
00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:45,403
I don't think Sandra's going to be
very impressed, Papaji.

409
00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:50,683
What's going on outside?
Looks like some kind of protest.

410
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:54,363
It's the mosque committee.
Mr Khan arranged it.

411
00:18:54,363 --> 00:18:55,923
That's not entirely...

412
00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:58,643
I thought you were going to get
this place full of customers?

413
00:18:58,643 --> 00:18:59,683
Yes, but...

414
00:18:59,683 --> 00:19:01,403
How much money have you taken?

415
00:19:01,403 --> 00:19:02,683
Two fifty.

416
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:06,083
£250, is that all?

417
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:10,803
Not exactly.

418
00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:12,643
He means £2.50.

419
00:19:12,643 --> 00:19:15,403
What! That's pathetic!

420
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:18,043
You haven't even covered
the cost of your staff!

421
00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:20,443
Ah, I thought of that,
I'm not paying them!

422
00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:21,763
Eh?!

423
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:23,563
Well, you can forget the franchise.

424
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,043
I knew this was a bad idea.

425
00:19:25,043 --> 00:19:26,443
No, wait!

426
00:19:26,443 --> 00:19:28,803
I'm going to check my stock room to
make sure you haven't

427
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:32,523
cleaned me out, and when I get back
I want you out of here!

428
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:36,643
Oh, God. We're in trouble.

429
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,323
What are we going to do, sir?

430
00:19:38,323 --> 00:19:42,803
We have to prove to Mrs Sandy that
we're serious business contenders.

431
00:19:42,803 --> 00:19:45,483
We have to show her that we can
turn this place around.

432
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:47,283
Right.

433
00:19:47,283 --> 00:19:48,803
HE IMITATES A CHICKEN

434
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:52,283
They don't dance, they don't hop,
it's Mr Khan's Chicken Shop!

435
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:53,443
Mmm!

436
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,523
Not the jingle, Amjad.

437
00:19:58,523 --> 00:20:00,003
Oh, what then?

438
00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:01,283
I don't know.

439
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,083
I'm going to have to go in the
back room and schmooze her.

440
00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:05,803
That's how business works.

441
00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,003
Uh, Uncle,
I don't think she likes you.

442
00:20:08,003 --> 00:20:10,643
You're right,
we'll need someone else.

443
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:11,843
Who?

444
00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:16,243
Oh, no!

445
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:17,763
Amjad, she likes you!

446
00:20:17,763 --> 00:20:19,163
Why?

447
00:20:19,163 --> 00:20:20,203
It beats me.

448
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:25,963
But I've got our pension riding on
it. Now, come on, don't be chicken.

449
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:29,923
Get in there and show her that we're
Team Khan and not Team Can't!

450
00:20:29,923 --> 00:20:31,243
I'll do it!

451
00:20:32,923 --> 00:20:34,323
KNOCK ON DOOR

452
00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:35,523
Yes?

453
00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:38,643
Hello.

454
00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:40,083
Hello!

455
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,323
Hello.

456
00:20:45,403 --> 00:20:46,523
Hello!

457
00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:49,283
Was there something you wanted?

458
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:57,043
Um, Mr Khan said...that is, I was
wondering, if you needed any help?

459
00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:58,763
What sort of help?

460
00:20:58,763 --> 00:21:01,683
Um... I could
rearrange your condiments?

461
00:21:03,323 --> 00:21:05,803
I like the sound of that.

462
00:21:05,803 --> 00:21:07,403
Do you?

463
00:21:07,403 --> 00:21:10,763
Perhaps you could check
out my assets as well.

464
00:21:10,763 --> 00:21:12,123
OK.

465
00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:16,323
I might even let you
massage my figures...

466
00:21:18,643 --> 00:21:21,323
Or I could do a full inventory
of your perishables

467
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,043
and free up some shelf space.

468
00:21:24,963 --> 00:21:28,523
Right. I'm not sure that one really
works, but never mind.

469
00:21:40,203 --> 00:21:42,083
Right, you lot finish clearing up.

470
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:45,043
I'm off to see Mrs Khan do
the Last Tango in Sparkhill.

471
00:21:45,043 --> 00:21:47,123
Alia's not helping, Uncle.

472
00:21:47,123 --> 00:21:49,683
I'm in charge of the fryers.
Papaji said.

473
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,163
That's right, Faraz.
We've all got our jobs to do.

474
00:21:52,163 --> 00:21:54,403
Just be grateful you haven't
got Amjad's.

475
00:21:54,403 --> 00:21:55,603
Shazia!

476
00:21:55,603 --> 00:21:57,443
Hi. Shouldn't you be at Mum's show?

477
00:21:57,443 --> 00:21:59,523
I was just going. Where's Amjad?

478
00:21:59,523 --> 00:22:02,083
Oh, he had to go out...

479
00:22:02,083 --> 00:22:03,443
to buy some...

480
00:22:03,443 --> 00:22:04,483
ketchup.

481
00:22:06,603 --> 00:22:08,043
You've got loads of ketchup.

482
00:22:08,043 --> 00:22:10,443
Oh, yes. Silly Amjad, eh?

483
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:13,003
Now, you run along...

484
00:22:13,003 --> 00:22:14,163
AMJAD: Aa-ah!

485
00:22:14,163 --> 00:22:15,723
What was that?

486
00:22:15,723 --> 00:22:17,403
What? That noise.

487
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:18,803
I didn't hear anything.

488
00:22:18,803 --> 00:22:20,283
AMJAD: Aa-ah!

489
00:22:20,283 --> 00:22:21,403
There it was again.

490
00:22:21,403 --> 00:22:24,083
Oh, that's just the fridges.
Or the air conditioning.

491
00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:25,563
SHAZIA!

492
00:22:25,563 --> 00:22:27,043
Or Amjad.

493
00:22:27,043 --> 00:22:28,803
Where is he?

494
00:22:28,803 --> 00:22:31,763
He's in that stock cupboard with
another woman.

495
00:22:32,803 --> 00:22:33,963
What?!

496
00:22:38,403 --> 00:22:39,523
Ladoo!

497
00:22:39,523 --> 00:22:42,203
Do you mind?
We're in the middle of a stock take.

498
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:45,003
Oh, my God!

499
00:22:46,923 --> 00:22:48,603
I can't believe this.

500
00:22:48,603 --> 00:22:50,883
Ladoo, wait!
It's not what it looks like.

501
00:22:50,883 --> 00:22:51,963
Really?

502
00:22:51,963 --> 00:22:55,043
Because it looks like you were
canoodling with some floozy

503
00:22:55,043 --> 00:22:57,563
in a stock room whilst
wearing a chicken suit.

504
00:22:58,803 --> 00:23:00,403
OK, it is what it looks like.

505
00:23:01,643 --> 00:23:02,923
Oh, my God!

506
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:04,603
Who is this exactly?

507
00:23:04,603 --> 00:23:07,363
This is other daughter, Shazia.
Alia's sister.

508
00:23:07,363 --> 00:23:09,003
And Amjad's wife.

509
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:11,643
His wife!

510
00:23:11,643 --> 00:23:13,643
That's right. At least, I was.

511
00:23:13,643 --> 00:23:16,603
No! Ladoo! Please...
Get your wings off me.

512
00:23:17,963 --> 00:23:21,723
Look, Shazia, Amjad was
just schmoozing with the lady

513
00:23:21,723 --> 00:23:23,723
purely for professional reasons.

514
00:23:23,723 --> 00:23:25,203
What?

515
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:27,563
I definitely thought there was
something between us.

516
00:23:27,563 --> 00:23:29,483
No, that was my pickled gherkins.

517
00:23:32,483 --> 00:23:34,403
Did you put him up to this?

518
00:23:34,403 --> 00:23:35,443
Maybe.

519
00:23:35,443 --> 00:23:36,963
HE HAWKS

520
00:23:36,963 --> 00:23:40,403
Ladoo, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

521
00:23:40,403 --> 00:23:43,323
Oh, for goodness' sake, Amjad!
Be a man!

522
00:23:43,323 --> 00:23:45,763
You can't live your whole life
worrying about

523
00:23:45,763 --> 00:23:47,523
what your wife thinks!

524
00:23:48,883 --> 00:23:52,363
Oh, hello, sweetie. Everything OK?

525
00:23:53,803 --> 00:23:56,483
Where were you?
You promised me you'd come.

526
00:23:56,483 --> 00:23:57,843
You promised!

527
00:23:57,843 --> 00:24:00,123
Yes...but I can explain.

528
00:24:00,123 --> 00:24:02,283
Don't bother.
I've heard it all before.

529
00:24:02,283 --> 00:24:04,283
Trust me,
you haven't heard this one before.

530
00:24:04,283 --> 00:24:06,083
Go on, then.

531
00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:08,203
I was trying to win
a franchise for a chicken shop?

532
00:24:08,203 --> 00:24:09,963
He made me wait on tables.

533
00:24:09,963 --> 00:24:11,203
What?

534
00:24:11,203 --> 00:24:14,123
And he used Amjad as some kind
of kinky chicken escort service.

535
00:24:17,403 --> 00:24:19,363
Unbelievable!

536
00:24:19,363 --> 00:24:21,163
Please, my darling....

537
00:24:21,163 --> 00:24:22,643
Don't say another word.

538
00:24:22,643 --> 00:24:25,043
We're all going to leave here now,
we're all going home.

539
00:24:25,043 --> 00:24:27,363
I'm not, I'm going
to wait for my tutor outside.

540
00:24:27,363 --> 00:24:29,163
Why? Cos he's fit!

541
00:24:31,963 --> 00:24:35,003
So...what do you think?
Do I still get the franchise?

542
00:24:36,323 --> 00:24:37,803
Out, out of my shop!

543
00:24:40,523 --> 00:24:41,683
I can explain.

544
00:24:41,683 --> 00:24:43,843
You set me up with your son-in-law!

545
00:24:43,843 --> 00:24:44,963
That was an accident.

546
00:24:44,963 --> 00:24:47,123
That you set me up?
No, that he married my daughter.

547
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:50,483
And you organised
a protest in front of the shop!

548
00:24:50,483 --> 00:24:52,603
It's OK, they're not protesting!

549
00:24:52,603 --> 00:24:55,363
We like it. Free halal chicken.

550
00:24:55,363 --> 00:24:57,043
Oh, no, it's not halal.

551
00:24:57,043 --> 00:24:58,083
What?

552
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:01,603
Now they're protesting.

553
00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:05,803
Is there anything else
you'd like to confess?

554
00:25:06,803 --> 00:25:09,043
He fell down the cellar
of his own accord!

555
00:25:09,043 --> 00:25:11,043
What have you done, Papaji?

556
00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:13,203
ALARM RINGS AND BEEPS

557
00:25:15,563 --> 00:25:19,323
Look, Sandra, I'm sorry about all
this. How about a second chance?

558
00:25:19,323 --> 00:25:20,803
EXPLOSION

559
00:25:26,923 --> 00:25:29,683
OK. Maybe not.

560
00:25:40,003 --> 00:25:41,323
Here we are.

561
00:25:42,763 --> 00:25:47,163
So, Shazia and Amjad have made up,
everything is OK.

562
00:25:47,163 --> 00:25:50,203
Forgive and forget,
that's the important thing, he na?

563
00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:52,843
Sweetie, where are you going?

564
00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:54,603
I'm going to my sister's.

565
00:25:54,603 --> 00:25:57,683
What? I thought
we could spend some time together.

566
00:25:57,683 --> 00:26:00,843
If you wanted to spend time with me,
you wouldn't have spent

567
00:26:00,843 --> 00:26:04,123
our "time together" money
on some stupid chicken shop.

568
00:26:05,203 --> 00:26:08,763
You're right, I just wanted to
turn back the clock.

569
00:26:08,763 --> 00:26:10,203
But it was a stupid idea.

570
00:26:10,203 --> 00:26:12,203
What do you mean,
turn back the clock?

571
00:26:12,203 --> 00:26:17,323
Do you remember when we first got
married, and we lived in that flat?

572
00:26:19,363 --> 00:26:22,843
And we worked in the chip shop
downstairs?

573
00:26:22,843 --> 00:26:24,523
Bert and Tina's, yes, so?

574
00:26:24,523 --> 00:26:26,643
We worked so hard, didn't we?

575
00:26:26,643 --> 00:26:30,403
I worked hard, you spent your
entire time watching cricket.

576
00:26:31,443 --> 00:26:34,483
That's not true, sweetie,
we didn't have a telly then,

577
00:26:34,483 --> 00:26:36,403
I used to listen to it on the radio!

578
00:26:37,643 --> 00:26:41,723
I just wanted to go
back to the time before children,

579
00:26:41,723 --> 00:26:46,483
before community leader,
before everything.

580
00:26:46,483 --> 00:26:48,723
Just me and you together.

581
00:26:51,243 --> 00:26:56,003
We were so happy. Well, I was.

582
00:26:56,003 --> 00:26:57,483
So was I.

583
00:26:58,923 --> 00:27:02,163
I'm sorry we couldn't go to
Argentina to do the fandango.

584
00:27:04,403 --> 00:27:07,763
But we could still have a dance.

585
00:27:07,763 --> 00:27:10,483
You know, like we used to,
after closing time.

586
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:16,123
Remember this?

587
00:27:16,123 --> 00:27:17,843
MUSIC STARTS

588
00:27:21,403 --> 00:27:25,363
# There's a guy works down
the chip shop, swears he's Elvis

589
00:27:27,003 --> 00:27:30,803
# Just like you swore to me that
you'd be true... #