1
00:00:03,563 --> 00:00:08,083
Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham.
The capital of British Pakistan.

2
00:00:14,363 --> 00:00:16,443
They all know me.
Do you like my suit?

3
00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:25,883
# We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year... #

4
00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:27,723
HE HAWKS

5
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:32,443
It's Christmas! And I'm going to
give you a special treat.

6
00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:36,723
One time only,
Grandpa changes your nappy!

7
00:00:36,723 --> 00:00:39,803
Easy-peasy, eh!

8
00:00:39,803 --> 00:00:43,523
You know, I used to change your
mummy's nappies and Auntie Alia's.

9
00:00:43,523 --> 00:00:48,203
Little girls, little boys,
it's the same thing, isn't it?

10
00:00:53,883 --> 00:00:55,803
Oh! Dirty!

11
00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:03,323
Alia, beti, maybe you should
change his nappy next time, huh?

12
00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:05,283
I'm helping Naani wrap her presents.

13
00:01:05,283 --> 00:01:08,083
Let me guess, old fruit
and nut, just like her.

14
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:10,483
Heh!

15
00:01:10,483 --> 00:01:13,203
Anyway, Christmas has come early
for me, this year.

16
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:16,043
Look at this, best present ever!

17
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,403
"Who got all the cheese?" I thought
you didn't like cheese?

18
00:01:19,403 --> 00:01:23,163
It's not about cheese, beti.
It's about business.

19
00:01:23,163 --> 00:01:25,923
Oh, right. Who gave it to you?

20
00:01:25,923 --> 00:01:27,523
You did.

21
00:01:27,523 --> 00:01:31,523
Since your mother's in Pakistan,
I decided to buy my own presents.

22
00:01:31,523 --> 00:01:35,123
I knew my favourite daughter would
get me exactly what I wanted.

23
00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:37,963
You're welcome.
You didn't get me anything.

24
00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:39,003
Correct.

25
00:01:40,603 --> 00:01:42,123
So, according to chapter one,

26
00:01:42,123 --> 00:01:45,443
the first thing you need to do in
business is find a gap in the market.

27
00:01:45,443 --> 00:01:46,923
And I've got mine.

28
00:01:46,923 --> 00:01:49,443
What is it?
Christmas for Muslims!

29
00:01:51,163 --> 00:01:54,963
What? Think about it, beti.
What is Christmas all about?

30
00:01:54,963 --> 00:01:57,003
Um... That's right. Spending money.

31
00:01:58,603 --> 00:02:02,923
Everyone's wasting money on all
kinds of rubbish, except us Muslims.

32
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,523
Why should we be left out?

33
00:02:05,523 --> 00:02:06,763
It's discrimination!

34
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:12,443
Exactly!
So, I've created a whole new product.

35
00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:15,643
I've got an interested party
coming round later.

36
00:02:15,643 --> 00:02:17,683
A well-known business Dragon!

37
00:02:17,683 --> 00:02:19,403
Wow! Which one?

38
00:02:19,403 --> 00:02:22,163
Mr Ali from Ali's Cash and Carry in
Stechford!

39
00:02:23,203 --> 00:02:24,723
Idiot!

40
00:02:24,723 --> 00:02:26,603
You should be in Pakistan.

41
00:02:26,603 --> 00:02:28,843
She twisted her ankle, Papaji!

42
00:02:28,843 --> 00:02:30,363
So she says.

43
00:02:30,363 --> 00:02:33,363
Let us know if you need anything,
Naanijaan. Huh.

44
00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:35,923
Like, if you want me
to get you anything to eat or drink.

45
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,923
Or Papaji to take you to the toilet.

46
00:02:40,683 --> 00:02:44,403
Mrs Khan is flying back tonight.
See if you can hold on till then.

47
00:02:45,443 --> 00:02:49,123
Right, let's get baby Mo back
to his mum and dad's.

48
00:02:49,123 --> 00:02:51,403
I'll just let them
know that we're on our way.

49
00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:55,403
We're on our way!

50
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,883
Here he is! Hello!

51
00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:07,323
This wheelchair's a bit rickety,
Naani.

52
00:03:07,323 --> 00:03:08,483
Because it's cheap.

53
00:03:09,643 --> 00:03:11,883
It's not cheap!
It's top of the range.

54
00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:13,963
Fell off back of lorry!

55
00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:16,243
I got it from one of my business
contacts.

56
00:03:16,243 --> 00:03:18,123
The brakes don't work properly,
though.

57
00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:22,163
Alia, beti, if the brakes worked it
wouldn't have fallen off the lorry.

58
00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:24,803
Have you seen this?

59
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,083
What a load of...
That's meant to be Dave!

60
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,603
What? The ginger man standing outside
a mosque wishing me

61
00:03:35,603 --> 00:03:38,643
a nondenominational happy
Christmas. Are you sure?

62
00:03:38,643 --> 00:03:41,243
I think so.
It does say Dave on his hat.

63
00:03:43,443 --> 00:03:46,683
The Winter Wonderland is to raise
money for a new soft play

64
00:03:46,683 --> 00:03:48,883
area at the mosque community centre.

65
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:50,683
Baby Mo loves it there.

66
00:03:50,683 --> 00:03:54,163
Whenever I go and pick him up,
he just cries and cries

67
00:03:54,163 --> 00:03:56,363
because he doesn't want to leave.

68
00:03:56,363 --> 00:03:57,883
That may not be the reason.

69
00:03:59,403 --> 00:04:03,203
Everyone's chipping in to help.
I promised we'd get a snow machine.

70
00:04:03,203 --> 00:04:06,963
It'll be fantastic.
Baby Mo's first white Christmas!

71
00:04:06,963 --> 00:04:09,203
Snow? How are we going to do that?

72
00:04:09,203 --> 00:04:12,243
You'll think of something, budhoo.

73
00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:14,603
OK. Well, I'm not going.

74
00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:17,483
I've got a meeting with my business
Dragon, then I've got to go to the

75
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,603
airport to pick up your mother,
and the rest of them.

76
00:04:19,603 --> 00:04:21,323
Not Chunky Uncle?

77
00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:22,563
And Halitosis Auntie.

78
00:04:24,443 --> 00:04:27,043
We'll put them up here.
Amjad can get out the sofa bed.

79
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:30,323
You know what, Shazia? I never
thought I'd say this,

80
00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:32,163
but I'm so glad you live next door.

81
00:04:32,163 --> 00:04:34,683
I know, we're
so lucky to have this place.

82
00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:37,283
It's just a shame we're going to
have to leave. Eh?

83
00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:39,283
Our landlord is selling the house.

84
00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:40,683
Why don't you just buy it, then?

85
00:04:40,683 --> 00:04:43,283
We want to, but we haven't got
enough for the deposit.

86
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,603
Unless we can get it by Friday,
he's going to accept another offer.

87
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,963
He's just maximising
the return on his assets.

88
00:04:48,963 --> 00:04:51,763
That's chapter two of my book.
Oh, right.

89
00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:55,043
He sounds like a good man,
your landlord. Is he Pakistani?

90
00:04:55,043 --> 00:04:58,003
Indian. The thieving,
money grabbing... Dad!

91
00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:03,203
We've been saving for months,
but we're still £2,000 short.

92
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,163
This will be our last
Christmas here!

93
00:05:06,163 --> 00:05:08,643
Just when I've got
the place how we want it.

94
00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:10,803
And Mo's settled at the daycare
centre, and...

95
00:05:10,803 --> 00:05:15,363
Shazia, no need to worry.
What? Your father will sort it.

96
00:05:15,363 --> 00:05:18,483
Can you lend us the money! No.

97
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:22,523
But I've got a new business idea
that's going to make me rich!

98
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,803
Very soon,
I'll be living in Harborne,

99
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:29,803
in a detached house with gold taps
and white neighbours!

100
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,163
How does that help us?
Our house will be empty.

101
00:05:35,163 --> 00:05:38,483
Oh, you mean...
Yes. You can rent it off me!

102
00:05:45,203 --> 00:05:51,283
Amjad! Shazia told me to get
the bedding for Auntie Poo-breath.

103
00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:53,683
Make sure you burn it afterwards.

104
00:05:53,683 --> 00:05:55,443
Right, I need your help with this.

105
00:05:55,443 --> 00:05:57,443
OK, is that a new shredder?

106
00:05:57,443 --> 00:06:00,483
Fully automatic. Latest model.

107
00:06:00,483 --> 00:06:03,243
£39.99. I got it for Christmas!

108
00:06:03,243 --> 00:06:07,803
Who from? You and Shazia.
You can pay me later.

109
00:06:07,803 --> 00:06:09,083
What are you doing, sir?

110
00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:11,523
I'm shredding all
the copies of my business plan.

111
00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:13,923
I can't have someone stealing my
idea.

112
00:06:13,923 --> 00:06:17,603
You see, Amjad, in business,
information is power.

113
00:06:17,603 --> 00:06:20,763
That's chapter three of my book.
It sounds like a good book!

114
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:24,283
It is! Now, I need you to help me
rehearse my pitch for the Dragon.

115
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,123
He's going to be here any minute.

116
00:06:26,123 --> 00:06:28,843
You want me to pretend to be
a Dragon? That's it!

117
00:06:28,843 --> 00:06:30,483
Grrr!

118
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:38,803
Sorry, sir.

119
00:06:38,803 --> 00:06:42,123
The secret to any business
negotiation is to get

120
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:44,043
the other party to trust you.

121
00:06:44,043 --> 00:06:45,963
Right! How?

122
00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:52,003
Well, let's say it's me and you,
and we're meeting for the first time.

123
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:54,523
Hello, Amjad.
How did you know my name?!

124
00:06:56,803 --> 00:06:59,163
Let's just say I already knew your
name.

125
00:06:59,163 --> 00:07:03,283
It's important to use their name
and make lots of eye contact.

126
00:07:03,283 --> 00:07:05,803
Hello, Amjad, so pleased to
meet you, Amjad.

127
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:09,283
You know, Amjad, Shazia's told me
great things about you, Amjad.

128
00:07:09,283 --> 00:07:10,403
I do trust you!

129
00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:15,723
It's been a pleasure doing
business with you.

130
00:07:15,723 --> 00:07:17,243
My tie!

131
00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:21,363
It's caught in the shredder, sir!
I know that, you idiot! Get it out!

132
00:07:21,363 --> 00:07:23,763
Not the beard! Not the beard!

133
00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:30,403
The snow. The paper.

134
00:07:30,403 --> 00:07:32,163
Sir! Sir!

135
00:07:32,163 --> 00:07:35,603
I think I actually have thought of
something! I've got to go!

136
00:07:37,363 --> 00:07:39,443
Amjad!

137
00:07:39,443 --> 00:07:41,323
Amjad! Wait!

138
00:07:41,323 --> 00:07:46,683
Tell Shazia I've gone to the
Winter Wonderland! Idiot!

139
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,883
I want you to take this to Shazia!

140
00:07:48,883 --> 00:07:51,243
What is it?
Surprise Christmas present.

141
00:07:51,243 --> 00:07:55,563
I'll do it later.
Nahin! I want you to do it now.

142
00:07:55,563 --> 00:07:58,643
In a minute.
I've got a business meeting.

143
00:07:58,643 --> 00:08:01,363
I'm going to pitch my idea like
they do on Dragons' Den, give him

144
00:08:01,363 --> 00:08:04,483
my figures and projections
so he can do some number crunching.

145
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,243
One day I might get to do
it in front of the real Dragons!

146
00:08:07,243 --> 00:08:09,923
Imagine, Deborah Meaden
crunching on my numbers!

147
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,003
Mr Khan? I'm here for our meeting.

148
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:19,203
Sorry, the front door was open,
so... You're not Mr Ali.

149
00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:21,043
No, he can't be here.

150
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:25,723
He's receiving a massive delivery
of beetroot chutney from Oman.

151
00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:27,563
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

152
00:08:27,563 --> 00:08:29,603
I'm his business partner, Mr Ghopal.

153
00:08:29,603 --> 00:08:33,523
Ghopal? Yes. But that's an Indian
name. Yes.

154
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:36,403
But that means... What?
You're an Indian!

155
00:08:36,403 --> 00:08:41,363
Is that a problem? No! Of course
not! Will you excuse me for a moment?

156
00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:50,323
Aaargh!

157
00:08:54,323 --> 00:08:57,123
Please, won't you come through to my
office?

158
00:08:57,123 --> 00:08:58,723
I'll be with you in a minute!

159
00:09:04,163 --> 00:09:05,883
MR KHAN HAWKS

160
00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:09,083
# A merry, merry Christmas
A happy, happy Christmas

161
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,563
# Muslim's spending their money
all the time

162
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:14,323
# A merry, merry Christmas
A happy, happy Christmas

163
00:09:14,323 --> 00:09:18,203
# Muslim's spending their money
all the time... #

164
00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:24,283
Have you ever wondered why
we Muslims are always left

165
00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:26,083
out of the Christmas activities?

166
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:28,483
Well, not any more, thanks to

167
00:09:28,483 --> 00:09:32,043
Mr Khan's Traditional
Halal Mince Pies!

168
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:35,963
I'm looking to use your cash and
carry in return

169
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:38,923
for a 1% equity stake in my company.

170
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:41,563
This Christmas,
the pie is the limit!

171
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:45,563
I'll be happy to answer any
questions you may have.

172
00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:47,843
In what way are they halal?

173
00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:50,323
It's the mince. What?

174
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,203
The mince is all halal lamb.

175
00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:59,003
I say lamb, it's actually
doner kebab meat and offal.

176
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:01,443
Much cheaper!

177
00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:04,523
Mince pies are only supposed to have
dried fruit in them.

178
00:10:04,523 --> 00:10:09,683
They've got that too! No brandy,
though. We Muslims don't drink.

179
00:10:09,683 --> 00:10:14,083
Not like you Hindus.
No-one drinks like you Hindus.

180
00:10:15,283 --> 00:10:18,123
I'm sorry?
I use Benilyn instead!

181
00:10:20,283 --> 00:10:25,563
It gives you a warm glow
and fixes the tickly throat!

182
00:10:25,563 --> 00:10:26,683
But that's...

183
00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:29,283
We can get Paul Hollywood to
do the adverts.

184
00:10:29,283 --> 00:10:31,563
He's so brown
he looks like a Pakistani!

185
00:10:33,803 --> 00:10:37,523
Look, I don't think... Try one.
No, thanks.

186
00:10:37,523 --> 00:10:39,603
I used last night's
keema in these ones.

187
00:10:39,603 --> 00:10:41,883
There might even be a few
peas in there, too!

188
00:10:43,563 --> 00:10:46,163
Sorry, I'm out. What?

189
00:10:46,163 --> 00:10:49,083
I'm not interested in going
into business with you.

190
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,923
Wait, there must be something I can
do? I don't think so.

191
00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:56,323
Let me show you my business plan.

192
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,243
Oi! Cup of tea!

193
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:02,163
Chup!
I'm dealing with the other Dragon!

194
00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:07,323
I'm sorry about that.
I should be going.

195
00:11:07,323 --> 00:11:08,683
No! Please, give me a minute.

196
00:11:08,683 --> 00:11:09,723
Cup of tea!

197
00:11:09,723 --> 00:11:12,683
I'm sure I can convince you.
Hurry up, you idiot.

198
00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:19,603
Shush, I'm in a meeting,
I'll get your tea in a minute.

199
00:11:19,603 --> 00:11:22,803
Now, stay here and be quiet.

200
00:11:22,803 --> 00:11:25,163
Now, where were we?

201
00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:29,643
You know what, maybe there is some
agreement we can come to after all.

202
00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:31,003
What?

203
00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:33,123
Now that you've sweetened the deal.

204
00:11:34,963 --> 00:11:36,603
Oh, you like chocolate, do you?

205
00:11:37,643 --> 00:11:39,123
I love chocolate!

206
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:42,123
Eat my cheese!

207
00:11:43,283 --> 00:11:45,683
I'll see myself out.

208
00:11:45,683 --> 00:11:48,403
I'm off to the Winter Wonderland at
the community centre.

209
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:49,803
Are you going?

210
00:11:49,803 --> 00:11:53,523
Some poxy fairy lights
and a load of stalls selling tat.

211
00:11:54,643 --> 00:11:59,243
I'm taking my six-year-old daughter.
And she'll have a lovely time! Bye.

212
00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:09,643
Eh! Have you given Shazia her
surprise Christmas present?

213
00:12:09,643 --> 00:12:11,803
I told you, I'll do it later!

214
00:12:11,803 --> 00:12:13,683
It's hardly a surprise, anyway!

215
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:16,843
You give them chocolate every year,
you give everyone chocolate,

216
00:12:16,843 --> 00:12:19,083
except me. It's not chocolate.

217
00:12:19,083 --> 00:12:22,083
What? I'm not giving them chocolate.

218
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:25,523
What are you giving them, then?
Money, for their house.

219
00:12:25,523 --> 00:12:28,643
How much money?
£2,000, cash.

220
00:12:28,643 --> 00:12:30,763
Oh, twadi!

221
00:12:30,763 --> 00:12:32,763
Where are you going?

222
00:12:32,763 --> 00:12:36,803
Winter bloomin' Wonderland!
What about me?

223
00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:40,163
Right, where did you get £2,000 from,
anyway? I've got money.

224
00:12:40,163 --> 00:12:41,683
First I've heard of it.

225
00:12:41,683 --> 00:12:45,163
As soon as this is sorted, you're
getting a backdated invoice!

226
00:12:53,323 --> 00:12:57,243
Look, Mo, there's a candyfloss
stall. And a merry-go-round.

227
00:12:59,883 --> 00:13:02,923
Isn't it great?! We're going to
have a brilliant time!

228
00:13:05,643 --> 00:13:10,323
It's weak, sis. It's cheap and nasty
and sad and depressing.

229
00:13:12,483 --> 00:13:15,723
I think they've captured the true
spirit of Christmas.

230
00:13:15,723 --> 00:13:18,483
Where are you going with that?
It's for the snow machine.

231
00:13:22,483 --> 00:13:26,283
Now, let's get you in the chair.
Right, come on.

232
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:29,283
No, don't touch me!
I've got to get you out!

233
00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:33,363
Don't touch me! I've got to touch
you, to get you out.

234
00:13:33,363 --> 00:13:35,683
And believe me,
I don't want to touch you.

235
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:41,683
Oh, twadi!

236
00:13:44,203 --> 00:13:45,963
All right, come on, come on, easy.

237
00:13:56,563 --> 00:13:59,603
Salaam aleikum, Mr Khan.
Waleikum assalam, Riaz!

238
00:13:59,603 --> 00:14:02,283
Hello, sir. Hello, Amjad.

239
00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:04,923
You do know Naani's on a donkey?

240
00:14:04,923 --> 00:14:07,603
Yes, thank you.
Dad! You came.

241
00:14:07,603 --> 00:14:09,803
Yes. Naani wanted to see
Winter Wonderland.

242
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:11,763
Where's her wheelchair?

243
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,243
She lost it. Hopeless.

244
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,483
Sir. Look at my snow machine!

245
00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:19,283
Brilliant.

246
00:14:19,283 --> 00:14:22,083
I have to collect as much
scrap paper as possible.

247
00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:25,163
Good luck! I've got more
important things to do. Like what?

248
00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:29,243
Like getting some candyfloss!

249
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:39,403
PHONE PLAYS BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

250
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,003
Hello, Mr Khan speaking.
Haan, it's me.

251
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:46,803
Oh, hello, sweetie.

252
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,283
We're at the airport. Yes.

253
00:14:49,283 --> 00:14:52,483
Where are you?
Yes, yes, I'll be there.

254
00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:56,803
I'll be there to pick you up.
OK, bye.

255
00:14:56,803 --> 00:14:59,603
What a surprise!
I told you I was coming.

256
00:14:59,603 --> 00:15:03,003
If you let me finish, what a surprise
to all the people

257
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,163
who didn't think you
were coming!

258
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:07,323
So, are you enjoying
the Winter Wonderland?

259
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,003
Not really, in fact, we're
thinking of leaving. No!

260
00:15:11,123 --> 00:15:13,283
I have a special meeting to
go to.

261
00:15:14,643 --> 00:15:16,443
There's lots still to see.

262
00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:19,283
There's a donkey
dressed as Red Nose the Reindeer!

263
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:22,283
No, thanks. Mr Khan, Shazia needs
you to help Dave.

264
00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:23,883
Not now, Riaz!

265
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,723
He's doing his performance,
with the princess and the reindeer

266
00:15:26,723 --> 00:15:27,963
and a talking snowman.

267
00:15:27,963 --> 00:15:29,563
I'm not interested!

268
00:15:29,563 --> 00:15:32,643
Oh, we love that film,
don't we, darling? Me too!

269
00:15:32,643 --> 00:15:35,563
It's our favourite.
That one and The Snowman.

270
00:15:35,563 --> 00:15:38,443
This is going to be the biggest
snowman show, ever.

271
00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:42,243
We got all the snowmen.
Talking ones, singing ones...

272
00:15:42,243 --> 00:15:46,643
Flying ones? Yep.
No, we haven't. Chup!

273
00:15:46,643 --> 00:15:48,723
We'll definitely
stick around for that!

274
00:15:48,723 --> 00:15:52,803
I can't wait to see how you're going
to do it. No, nor can I!

275
00:15:52,803 --> 00:15:55,003
HE HAWKS

276
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,843
Mr Khan! Salaam aleikum
and Merry Christmas!

277
00:15:57,843 --> 00:16:01,203
Hello, Dave.
What's happening with the show?

278
00:16:01,203 --> 00:16:03,363
It's a bit of a personal
project of mine.

279
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,523
It's the story of a sweet,
kind but lonely snowman

280
00:16:06,523 --> 00:16:10,003
who just wants to help people
and make the world a better place,

281
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,883
but no-one takes him seriously.

282
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:14,803
So, it's about you.
No, of course not.

283
00:16:14,803 --> 00:16:16,403
What's the snowman's name?

284
00:16:17,563 --> 00:16:19,363
Dave.

285
00:16:19,363 --> 00:16:23,523
You see, Dave, you're so selfish!
I'll be the snowman.

286
00:16:23,523 --> 00:16:25,763
But... Can I be the reindeer?
Sure.

287
00:16:25,763 --> 00:16:28,403
I wanted to be the reindeer.

288
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:32,043
It doesn't matter who plays what.
It's a team effort.

289
00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:33,243
There's no "I" in team

290
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,083
and there's no "I"
in Frozen Snowman Extravaganza,

291
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,123
either, is there?! Wait.

292
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,643
There isn't! Now, chalo!

293
00:16:40,643 --> 00:16:44,163
Riaz, I need your help with
something. OK.

294
00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:46,443
The Indian guy outside has
got an envelope

295
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,683
full of cash in his jacket that
belongs to me.

296
00:16:48,683 --> 00:16:50,083
How did it get in his jacket?

297
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:52,243
He took it by accident.
He thought it was a bribe.

298
00:16:52,243 --> 00:16:54,803
Why would he think it's a bribe?
Exactly!

299
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:58,363
When has a Pakistani businessman
ever offered anyone a bribe?

300
00:16:58,363 --> 00:16:59,843
Ask for it back.

301
00:16:59,843 --> 00:17:03,123
Riaz, he's Indian. Indians never give
money back.

302
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,363
If you don't believe me,
try returning three kilos

303
00:17:05,363 --> 00:17:07,443
of rotten galangal to
Mohan Lal's Mini Mart

304
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,003
on Ladyburn Road.

305
00:17:09,003 --> 00:17:10,723
How are we going to get it?

306
00:17:10,723 --> 00:17:13,523
We'll just get him up on stage
and I'll take the envelope

307
00:17:13,523 --> 00:17:16,323
when he's not looking.
Won't he notice it's gone?

308
00:17:16,323 --> 00:17:18,323
I'd notice if someone took
something from my jacket.

309
00:17:18,323 --> 00:17:20,683
What jacket?

310
00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:22,283
Where's my jacket?

311
00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:25,283
Look, it's fine. We're going to
replace the envelope with this one.

312
00:17:25,283 --> 00:17:28,563
All you have to do is get
the guy up on stage. OK.

313
00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:29,643
What guy?

314
00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:31,283
The Indian guy from outside!

315
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,923
I can't remember him.
What does he look like?

316
00:17:33,923 --> 00:17:36,123
Indian. Got you.

317
00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:52,363
Hello, everybody, and welcome to the

318
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:56,683
Sparkhill Christmas Snowman
Extrava...

319
00:17:56,683 --> 00:17:59,243
Actually, I can't really do
the voice. Sorry.

320
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:02,723
Where is my trusty reindeer?

321
00:18:07,363 --> 00:18:10,283
Salaam aleikum.
ALL: Waleikum assalam.

322
00:18:10,283 --> 00:18:13,723
I don't think the reindeer
can speak. Why not?

323
00:18:13,723 --> 00:18:16,123
It's a reindeer.
The snowman can speak.

324
00:18:16,123 --> 00:18:18,603
It's a magic snowman.
I'm a magic reindeer.

325
00:18:18,603 --> 00:18:19,643
Yes, but...

326
00:18:21,363 --> 00:18:23,203
Where is the princess?

327
00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,203
Unlucky.

328
00:18:34,203 --> 00:18:35,243
I quite like it.

329
00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:42,603
Looks like we're all here.
Who wants to build a snowman?

330
00:18:42,603 --> 00:18:44,323
ALL: Yes!

331
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,803
OK, then.

332
00:18:55,203 --> 00:19:00,243
He looks pretty good.
If only he could talk.

333
00:19:06,443 --> 00:19:08,483
Surprise!

334
00:19:11,523 --> 00:19:15,563
I'm a talking snowman.
I got no bones, only snow.

335
00:19:15,563 --> 00:19:17,243
And I got a carrot for a nose!

336
00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:19,803
And what's your name?

337
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,243
Mr Khan.

338
00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:29,363
OK. Who wants to come
and say hello to...

339
00:19:29,363 --> 00:19:31,843
Mr Khan the talking snowman?

340
00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:33,403
ALL: Me!

341
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,483
Hang on a minute, Dave.

342
00:19:37,483 --> 00:19:42,523
I'm so cold. Won't somebody give me
a jacket?

343
00:19:42,523 --> 00:19:44,763
You're a snowman.
Snowmen don't feel the cold.

344
00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:49,083
Pakistani ones do,
and I'm bloomin' freezing!

345
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:51,083
Come on, somebody give me their
jacket.

346
00:19:52,283 --> 00:19:54,083
Not you.

347
00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:57,363
The Indian!

348
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,283
Just you, not the kid.

349
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:08,643
Give me your jacket.

350
00:20:08,643 --> 00:20:10,683
I'd rather not.
You can have my scarf.

351
00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:13,163
I don't want your scarf.
When are you going to fly?

352
00:20:13,163 --> 00:20:15,803
Later. Give me your jacket.

353
00:20:15,803 --> 00:20:17,363
No.

354
00:20:18,563 --> 00:20:24,243
Nice scarf. Who wants sweeties?
What are you doing?

355
00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:27,043
Look, a flying snowman.

356
00:20:29,723 --> 00:20:32,403
Oh! Wrong one!

357
00:20:33,803 --> 00:20:35,363
Yes? Oh!

358
00:20:41,843 --> 00:20:43,803
Yes!

359
00:20:45,563 --> 00:20:47,243
Hai! Mera snowballs!

360
00:21:00,203 --> 00:21:02,203
This is great!

361
00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:06,203
We're going to make loads of money
for the daycare centre.

362
00:21:06,203 --> 00:21:12,323
And in a minute, you're going to see
your very first white Christmas!

363
00:21:12,323 --> 00:21:14,283
OK, budhoo?

364
00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:20,163
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow!

365
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,803
We're going to need more paper!

366
00:21:38,403 --> 00:21:42,003
PHONE PLAYS BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

367
00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:53,563
Hello, Mr Khan speaking.

368
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:57,123
It's me!
Oh, hello sweetie, merry Christmas!

369
00:21:57,123 --> 00:21:59,883
Don't you "merry Christmas, sweetie"
me! Where are you?

370
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,203
I'm on my way, sweetie!

371
00:22:02,203 --> 00:22:05,803
I just had to get Naani's
money back! What money?

372
00:22:05,803 --> 00:22:08,403
It's a long story, sweetie,
don't worry, it's all sorted now!

373
00:22:08,403 --> 00:22:11,883
Yes, I'm coming.
I'm just about to leave!

374
00:22:11,883 --> 00:22:14,643
I've just got to get out of this
snowman costume.

375
00:22:16,883 --> 00:22:18,803
OK. OK, bye.

376
00:22:20,603 --> 00:22:23,283
Honestly, stupid woman.

377
00:22:23,283 --> 00:22:26,763
The money! No, come back! The money!

378
00:22:28,483 --> 00:22:32,483
Riaz! Oh, no! Riaz!

379
00:22:32,483 --> 00:22:36,483
Not the money, not the money!

380
00:22:37,803 --> 00:22:41,003
Get out the way!

381
00:22:47,483 --> 00:22:50,243
Out the way!

382
00:22:56,683 --> 00:23:00,603
# We're walking in the air

383
00:23:00,603 --> 00:23:05,683
# We're floating
in the moonlit sky... #

384
00:23:07,923 --> 00:23:11,083
Riaz! No!

385
00:23:11,083 --> 00:23:13,483
Nooooo!

386
00:23:18,923 --> 00:23:21,443
HE GROANS

387
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,603
Oh, no!

388
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:27,323
That's my money! That's not snow!

389
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:31,203
That's my money! That's £2,000 worth
of snow.

390
00:23:36,283 --> 00:23:39,483
How much did we make? Nearly £500.

391
00:23:39,483 --> 00:23:43,203
Now the daycare centre will be able
to get their new soft play area.

392
00:23:43,203 --> 00:23:46,123
Yeah, but Baby Mo won't be
able to play in it.

393
00:23:46,123 --> 00:23:49,083
Why not?
We're going to have to move.

394
00:23:49,083 --> 00:23:51,883
No, you're not. What?

395
00:23:51,883 --> 00:23:54,003
Everyone open their
Christmas present.

396
00:23:58,963 --> 00:24:02,403
Oh, chocolates, same as last year!

397
00:24:03,683 --> 00:24:06,003
Thanks, Naanijaan!
I'll eat them later.

398
00:24:06,003 --> 00:24:08,003
Thank you! I'll eat mine later, too!

399
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:14,603
We haven't got one.
Yes, you have. A special one.

400
00:24:14,603 --> 00:24:16,203
Where is it? He's got it.

401
00:24:18,243 --> 00:24:21,203
Dad?
Naani says you've got our present.

402
00:24:24,323 --> 00:24:25,843
Here it is.

403
00:24:27,163 --> 00:24:31,523
Oh, my gosh! It's money!
There must be almost...

404
00:24:33,283 --> 00:24:35,083
..a lot of money in here.

405
00:24:36,683 --> 00:24:39,163
It's exactly £2,000.

406
00:24:39,163 --> 00:24:40,843
To buy your home.

407
00:24:40,843 --> 00:24:44,163
Now we can afford the deposit!
Oh, Naani!

408
00:24:44,163 --> 00:24:46,363
Thank you so much.

409
00:24:46,363 --> 00:24:48,963
I thought the money
went in the shredder? It did.

410
00:24:48,963 --> 00:24:50,203
What?

411
00:24:50,203 --> 00:24:54,603
It's just another Christmas story,
involving a sack,

412
00:24:54,603 --> 00:24:58,323
some chocolate and a fat man with
a beard flying through the air.

413
00:25:00,843 --> 00:25:04,763
But like all Christmas stories,
all's well that ends well.

414
00:25:04,763 --> 00:25:06,643
How did you get the money back?

415
00:25:12,963 --> 00:25:14,763
Here you are.

416
00:25:27,483 --> 00:25:28,923
Not my baby!

417
00:25:42,283 --> 00:25:44,123
Papaji! You can't sell your car!

418
00:25:44,123 --> 00:25:46,003
Alia's right.

419
00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:50,803
It's not important, Shazia,
it's just a car...

420
00:25:50,803 --> 00:25:54,123
with an engine and four wheels and...

421
00:25:54,123 --> 00:25:57,083
30 years of beautiful memories!

422
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:04,763
But the most important thing is that
I still have my family.

423
00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:11,363
My wonderful grandson,
my two beautiful daughters,

424
00:26:11,363 --> 00:26:14,283
and my ever-loving wife
by my side.

425
00:26:18,003 --> 00:26:20,523
Oh, twadi!

426
00:26:20,523 --> 00:26:22,563
What is it, sir?

427
00:26:22,563 --> 00:26:25,923
She's going to
stick my ding-dong merrily on high!

428
00:26:35,283 --> 00:26:37,323
Oi, Oi! Come back!

429
00:26:37,323 --> 00:26:38,923
I need a lift to the airport!