LISA: Previously on Vanderpump Rules.
The future of SUR. There we go.
- [all cheering] - Look at you.
CHRIS:
MARCUS: Happy anniversary, guys.
You guys were telling people
the sh-- I've talked about them.
- Not true. - 100% went to everyone at SUR
and told them everything Venus has ever said about them.
You got your feelings hurt from my text.
I don't want to be friends with you anymore.
Okay, perfect. See you later, brother.
- Demy, I love you. - I'm not saying it back.
Kim doesn't get mad if you guys say "I love you"?
No, she doesn't.
KIM: Stop talking about me and Marcus' relationship.
Stop sending jabs.
You came over here where I'm working
to come and, like, be upset for no reason.
To tell you to shut the [bleep] up.
We are going to be co-hosting
the Women in Wine event in Paso Robles.
So it has to be your best foot forward.
[Chris laughs]
MARCUS: Welcome.
Oh, we scored, man.
I knew Lisa was gonna put in the work for us.
- This is ours. - [both grunting]
I really love the direction
everything is going in with me and Chris.
I'm waiting for the pin to drop of, like,
which way is it gonna go?
Israel showed me some things
that, like, completely grossed me out.
"Every inch of our throbbing [bleep] oiled up,
"saggy balls, all the way to our ass."
- Are you watching it? - DEMY: Oh, my God!
Audrey was very "cool girl"
when it came to these two having an OnlyFans.
But would she be the same cool girl
if it came to the oil, the lube, the-- No.
["Being Bad" by Sam Shrieve playing]
♪ I'm just a sucker for an attitude that's haunting me ♪
Okay, come on, babe. Aim for the hole.
That's the one. We're tied!
- DEMY: I need to go to church. - [Angelica laughs]
I only watched, like, 45 seconds of it too.
I can't even imagine all 13 minutes.
- Does Audrey know? - ANGELICA: I don't know.
AUDREY: No, you have to get it in the hole.
- To score? - AUDREY: Yeah.
We're not having dinner.
[all laughing]
- From the nuts. - [Jason grunts]
- Put it in the hole. - [Chris laughs]
How do I look at Chris? How do I look at either one?
- Both of them. - That's what I do. I don't.
Every time I look at Chris and Jason, I'm just gonna think,
"Ew." Like, they are literally related by blood.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Okay, I'm gonna change.
- Can you hurry up, Kimberly? - KIM: I'll hurry up.
So I can go take a shot.
CHRIS: Good game. I gotta play with you next time.
Kim, I can't wait. I need, like-- I need liquor.
I'm gonna put a straw in the bottle
and then just call it a day.
[snoring]
- Do you need, like, mushroom? - DEMY: Yes.
I'm just trying to figure out how much to make.
Oh, sh--. Chef Demy in the building.
Okay, wow. Are these things that you brought from home?
I bought this for Chris and Jason.
Always talking about their dick.
Oh.
Here, let me get a pic for you. Hold on.
Victory!
JASON: Marcus is lit.
Is it-- is it obvious all of a sudden?
Who wants a marg? One, two, three.
- Three? - I'll take a marg.
I don't really know what's going on with Kim right now.
It's a cautious friendliness.
I don't think that either of us
feel totally safe with each other.
One here so you can muddle it.
Maybe she figured out it's just easier to be nice to me.
- I knew you could do it! - Jason, just go halves with me.
I'm already feeling it. I don't wanna get to that level.
It could all be downhill from here.
Imagine being unaware.
- I miss being ignorant. - I don't deserve this.
I feel like I dodged a weird and incestuous bullet.
No! [laughs]
It's gonna be really hard not to look at these two
and not think...
I think I just missed my hand. [laughs]
How many ----ing mushrooms you cooking?
DEMY: I just did whatever was in the fridge.
You need some water or some ----ing oil.
I don't wanna think about Jason and oil.
I don't want him mentioning oil. I don't want him around any oil.
I'm not gonna lube up these mushrooms.
Mushrooms, when they cook, then they get watery,
and then you add the seasoning after.
- Also, go away. - You're right.
No, I wanna see how you cook.
- No, I don't-- No. Go. - What do you mean?
Somebody get this boy away from me.
What the [bleep]? You don't own the kitchen.
- We're watching. Calm down. - Telling me to calm down
- has never calmed me down. - JASON: You're not at work.
Now I'm gonna purposely be uncalmed.
Demy needs to relax. She still thinks we're at work.
I do want everyone to have fun, but tomorrow we are working.
So let's all just be on our best behavior and do our jobs
and make Lisa happy, and then we can have so much fun.
Yes. Do you know what time we have to be there, Demy?
- Early. - What's up with her face?
Like, she's always miserable.
If Demy's here, who's scaring the crows away from our crops?
JASON: Enjoy your mushrooms.
- Hey! Had a good nap? - Yeah.
- JASON: Big dog. - Oh, my guy.
I feel good.
No, I know. I'll try and come out my shell.
We gotta hit the hot tub.
- Okay, let's go. - You wanna go?
- Yeah, let's go. - Okay.
NATALIE: Are we ready?
If this is broken, I really can't.
- [blender whirring] - [all cheering]
- How are you? - I'm good.
I'm kind of coming out of my--
I know, I'm in my shell. My social battery's out.
I just get pretty grossed out around the cousins, and, like,
I haven't exactly warmed up to Audrey completely yet--
- [glass shattering] - Uh-oh.
- Oh! - NATALIE: Oh, are you okay?
- First glass broken. - DEMY: Already?
AUDREY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try again to warm up to them.
I just can't hide it. I-- Physically, I'm ill.
- Let's get in. - Okay.
SHAYNE: What is making you ill?
Okay...
Jason and Chris, naked, oiling each other up,
spreading their butts open.
- No. Stop. There's no-- - I'm not joking! [laughs]
I'm sorry, that's just not real.
- It's real. - That's just not real.
Angelica's making it sound like these two dudes
are splitting each other open, and I just don't believe that.
But either way, once I found out
how much money these guys were making, I was like,
"You can do whatever the hell you wanna do.
"Make your money."
I'm gonna tell you a story,
and it may make you disgusted with me.
[laughs] Are you stressed?
I was already stressed. Just say it.
When I was a teenager, my cousin...
- brought his girlfriend-- - Your cousin?
My cousin brought his girlfriend into the room to teach me
- how to make women-- - What?
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
What?
- Yeah. - What?
Did I really just dodge one incestuous man
just to lean into the arms of another?
- Get back here. - No! [laughs]
- No, get back here. - What?
Finally I found someone over six feet, attractive,
actual depth to him, then he's gonna tell me this?
What I'm saying is...
This is all sounding really bad.
There was nothing incestuous between me and my cousin.
You weren't lubing him up and spreading his ass.
I mean, that's really ----ed up.
Come on. There's no way they did that.
I'm gonna love my boys no matter what.
- Love your boys. - Okay.
Don't tell anybody else about this.
I don't think Angelica understands the consequences
of spreading rumors,
and how it is gonna backfire on her,
because they're pretty cool with everybody. So...
you're gonna make enemies.
SHAYNE: Sure.
I'm here for you. And you need anything, I'm right here.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
And I'll try not to traumatize you with any more--
Oh, my God, I almost forgot.
You're gonna need therapy just getting to know me.
I don't have health insurance. This is horrible.
- Oh, no! - [Angelica laughs]
KIM: Cheers to our-- Look at this!
Cheers, guys. We love each other, remember?
I love you all. Whether you love me back or not.
- Whatever. - We all do love you, Natalie.
I smell the tequila.
MARCUS: We're on vacay. That's how we do it.
- Mmm. - JASON: Do you like it?
- That is good. - MARCUS: Where's Shayne though?
- I'm gonna go change, okay? - All right, go do that.
♪♪♪
Wait, should we go in? Should we come in, big dog?
Time to sit down.
This is simmering my nuts.
- Does it feel good? - A little bit.
NATALIE: This is really hot.
- Hot as sh--. - No, it feels really good.
I mean, this view is ----ing amazing.
It really does, though. It looks like we're in Tuscany.
I'm very grateful right now. I feel grateful.
I'm so glad, I was so worried
it was gonna be ----ing like World War III.
- JASON: What, here? - I was gonna say, Natalie,
I feel like with you and the whole situation with the girls--
Yeah, I feel like it's not that hard to smooth it out,
- because-- - They don't want to.
CHRIS: But, like, you guys are civil, though.
I'm having a really great time.
Like, I'm having a really good time.
Contrary to popular belief, probably,
I also am as well.
They are the ones that said they don't want to move on.
Honestly, I gotta say something.
Just being, like, empathetic in a sense, I feel like--
Empathetic's when you feel somebody else's emotions, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
From how upset you were to now, I feel like
you focusing on yourself brought a better energy to you.
MARCUS: Oh, mother----ers!
You assholes got in the goddamn hot tub without me?
Yeah, yeah!
- Are you naked, Shayne? - These are pink shorts.
I was gonna say, your energy's better.
But do you understand that I'm having to put on a brave face?
I didn't really do anything to betray them.
Like, they both screamed at me. Their excuse is
- that I screamed at them. - MARCUS: Who?
Marcus, we're not allowed to speak.
- Not me. Not me. - No, you haven't screamed
at me, but you and I aren't allowed to talk.
MARCUS: I just want us to get past this dumbass bullsh--.
NATALIE: If you were treated the way I--
DEMY: Somebody's screaming outside.
Why aren't you telling the people
that don't wanna be friends
You want me to get my head taken off, girl?
That's on you, buddy!
That's why I don't care anymore.
SHAYNE: Why are we yelling in the hot tub of all places?
JASON: On the real, bro, I honestly think
that Natalie has been so good at actually, like, moving forward.
MARCUS: You're doing really great.
Yeah, and she really doesn't, like--
MARCUS: There's no point for blame.
Honestly, like, Venus and me could sit here
for an hour and blame each other.
This was my best friend.
That's what hurts me, is the mother----er,
and I'm not gonna even...
Oh, my gosh.
Marcus, come here, dude. Come on.
NATALIE: Come sit down. Come sit down.
I'm not allowed to talk to him, I'm sorry.
Someone else please handle this.
- Dude, I know he's your boy. - It's so ----ed up, dude.
- MARCUS: I know he does. - JASON: He does, dude.
MARCUS: I know. I don't wanna cry anymore.
JASON: Dude, who gives a [bleep], bro?
- MARCUS: Crying the whole time. - JASON: Who cares?
When I am not on good terms with Marcus, it eats him alive.
It's okay, dude. Come on. Let's go in the hot tub.
I do love this man, I care about him,
but I'm playing it safe,
observing his actions to rebuild our friendship.
If there's any hope for moving forward with him,
I'm just gonna need to see how he behaves on this trip.
We're all upset with each other
because we're all hurt by each other.
So why can't we just drop it and start fresh?
- Why? - MARCUS: I'm down.
Me too, but they're not.
♪ Feeling the push in the small of your back ♪
♪ Taking your chance ♪
AUDREY: Hey, everyone, dinner's ready.
We can serve ourselves in here.
Yeah, bring your plate.
What's happening?
Demy! Wow, it looks so nice.
DEMY: That's garlic bread, I guess.
That's a baked ziti, I guess.
- VENUS: I want some of that. - Why is it called baked ziti?
Because she baked it and it's a ziti noodle.
What the [bleep] is ziti?
Jason, thank you for standing up for me.
You're welcome.
That's a big deal for me. I'll never forget that.
Aside from Venus, I'm like
everyone's personal punching bag lately.
That gets really lonely and sad and depressing.
So thank God for Jason, who finally sees me,
understands me, validates me.
Like, couldn't be better.
- You are not drinking. - MARCUS: It's 9:30 and
- you're trying to cut me off? - How about just we stop now?
Yeah, babe, let's save it for mimosas
- before the event tomorrow. - We have to celebrate Demy.
We are not drinking tomorrow before the event. It's work.
AUDREY: We have the big Women in Wine event tomorrow.
A lot of different winery owners are gonna be there,
and they're all gonna have lunch.
KIM: We're gonna pour the wine,
set up the food, serve the food.
Lisa wants us on time and not ----ing off.
MARCUS: Let's hear a sommelier impersonation.
JASON: Marcus, go.
All right, well,
we got your Midpoint Cabernet for you here.
- Awesome. - Age, um, 1995.
SHAYNE: Not the silence! Not the silence!
Give it a little spin, though.
- Here you go. - JASON: Damn.
How's that sh-- smell, dog?
Yeah, he's in party zone.
KIM: You're cut off.
Exactly. Okay, my turn, my turn.
MARCUS: Who's going skinny dipping?
CHRIS: Oh, I charge for cock pics.
DEMY: I know Natalie will.
["Mini Skirt" by Dirk Steinberg playing]
Get fully naked.
♪ Cancel your plans, pencil me in ♪
♪ I'll wear your favorite mini skirt ♪
- [Natalie screams] - My nipples are extremely hard.
- [bleep]! - [Demy screams]
♪ Love on a whim, I'll wear your favorite mini skirt ♪
Can't see my wiener. It's not big right now, dog.
- MARCUS: Oh, sh--. Oh. - [Natalie screams]
LISA: Coming up...
CHRIS: Guess what just happened.
["Imma 4 Course Meal" by Ava Vice playing]
♪ I believe respect and love are a human right ♪
♪ So if you're gonna catcall me, then you best get it right ♪
♪ I'm a little bit salty and a lot a bit sweet ♪
I'm gonna make some steak and eggs and toast.
VENUS: I'll take some. I know Jason definitely wants some.
JASON: Oh, hell yeah.
[grunts] Pasta was fire last night,
but the only thing is I'm bloated, bro.
JASON: I barely ate pasta. I ate a little salad.
- Did you make the salad? - Yeah, I was gonna say,
- it was so good! - It was good.
You smell bangin'. What is that?
- Me? - Yeah. Perfume or something?
It's what I smell like in the morning.
- Smells good. Like an angel. - [laughing]
I tend to pick up on vibes immediately.
You just know. It's chemistry.
When I kiss a girl, I know right away
if the sex is gonna be good and everything.
It's the ----ing smell, bro.
- Like pheromones? - Yeah, dude,
I'm like a ----ing animal, bro.
Angelica's pheromones, they are silent.
Natalie's on the other hand, they are loud as [bleep].
You need to be around every morning.
I'm in such a good mood now.
MARCUS: Oh, my goodness.
All right, I'm taking it easy today.
Breakfast is ready. Y'all can eat up.
Steak and eggs kind of morning?
- AUDREY: Yeah. - Babe, you were up early.
MARCUS: Good morning, guys.
SHAYNE: Your hair's looking good, Marcus.
You even got the little Superman curl right now, dude.
- MARCUS: Okay. - So funny.
- Hi, cutie, how are you? - We gotta leave in,
- like, half hour? - Less than that.
I feel like I didn't get to talk to you so much yesterday.
I know, 'cause last time we spoke,
I think we were still on very separate pages.
Did they tell you about their OF?
OnlyFans?
I got in the shower, and there's like a penis pump.
A what?
WOMAN: Everybody say "penis pump" on three.
You didn't think about how it may have felt to me
by sharing something that I told you privately.
I was more upset and hurt that you took that information
and used it, 'cause I was seeing it
like I was saying it to my girls,
and that's why for me it kind of broke my trust a little.
I would never share a secret, your secret.
When I threw Jason and Chris under the bus,
I didn't realize you were so attached to it.
I feel like I've learned from the whole penis pump situation.
When it comes to Chris and Jason,
Audrey's protective about them,
and so I feel like now may not be the right time
to bring up the whole cousins touching each other situation.
- Sorry for hurting you. - I appreciate that.
And I think we both are probably a little
still confused about the situation.
I think it's not worth holding on to.
I don't think it's worth holding on to at all.
SHAYNE: You excited about work today?
- No. - I gotta do all my sh--.
I gotta go for a run. Gonna hit a 12-step meeting.
I had a little nightmare last night that I took
alcohol away from Marcus. I said, "You've had enough."
And then I hit the corner and started ----ing--
I just started chugging it.
How was your date with Shayne?
The date was really nice. He's just so honest.
Yeah, he is. He's really real.
How are you in your little situation?
She sleep in the bed last night?
No, no, no, no. She may let me go that route.
But I feel like she kind of needs a little more security.
And I've kind of told her I'm really not boyfriend material.
You were straight up about that?
I was straight up about that. But I do wanna do that.
Like, tremendous. Like, I badly want to do that.
[Shayne cackling]
This is where the ethics become difficult.
I know that she wants somebody to rely on emotionally.
And I know I don't have those tools.
But I wanna sleep with her.
And it's just like two worlds at war.
But it's also not like I just want that.
You know, I like...
It doesn't even seem like you just, like--
Even you guys, like, in the jacuzzi last night,
it feels like you guys were having,
like, a deep conversation about something.
Um...
We really get along.
But it does seem that things are mellowing out.
I've noticed her and Audrey are cool.
They seem to be getting along.
He also, I feel like in a way brought us closer together.
- 'Cause I know you-- - Me and you?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
Listen, I don't trust the girl.
But I don't wanna be a dick about it anymore.
It's like, white flag. It's almost like a truce.
- Love you. - You too.
I'm so glad we had this conversation.
Sometimes it's better to get your dickness out.
You know, nobody wants to be a dick.
- Put on some shoes, girl. - I know, I meant to.
I didn't realize there was some rocks out here.
MARCUS: Can I do a little shavey shave real quick, babe?
I only use Gucci bronzer.
I like it.
[phone ringing]
Hey, what's going on?
I need another spray tan and I need more Botox.
I think my mission right now is finding a man.
Maybe you'll find it in San Luis Obispo.
I'd rather find it here than the garbage options
I got in West Hollywood.
I don't get hit on by men.
In West Hollywood, there's only one standard of gay,
and it's big and muscular.
And if you're not that, then you are
on the low of the dating pool.
In Texas, everyone is looking for love.
In West Hollywood, you greet someone by eating their ass.
[laughs] Hold on, I'm sorry.
MARCUS: Do you know how long this thing is?
- I think it's three hours. - What?
I have never ran across a man that I felt
deserved my time and energy or my body.
They're whores out here in West Hollywood.
So guess what just happened?
What?
CHRIS: I have him on speaker.
We're talking about going to Bali.
He's like...
I'm like, "Bro."
- Yeah. - CHRIS: But, like...
MARCUS: She got a little pissed?
I mean, I don't--
CHRIS: I kind of just laughed it off, and then I was like,
"[bleep], she definitely heard that, so..."
AUDREY: It's making me question everything.
Well, how does he feel about me?
Does he think of me romantically?
Is he just trying to get in my pants?
Maybe Chris just acts like he would be
in a relationship with you, but really he's a [bleep] boy.
- NATALIE: Let's go, please. - I do not have the address.
Does anyone-- do you know the location, babe?
No, I don't. I don't know anything.
But let's just go.
- MARCUS: Who's got the keys? - I'll get it.
- SHAYNE: Bye. - What's good, Nat?
You're coming with us.
NATALIE: Everyone was sh---ing in my bathroom.
I'm blaming Natalie and Kim.
I didn't sh-- there.
All right, let's go [bleep] up some women and wines.
CHRIS: You make it look pretty cool.
The grapes are actually gonna taste different as you go up.
I learned all that in like my sommelier class.
You said "Somalians?"
- What'd you say? - I said sommelier.
- Sommelier. - Sommelier.
- AUDREY: Let's get it, guys. - NATALIE: Let's go.
Let's make mama proud.
♪ Hey, let me show you how I do it, do it ♪
- VENUS: Gorgeous. - CHRIS: It really is.
Hi.
- Are you ready to work? - Yes.
CHRIS: [bleep], we gotta work.
MARCUS: This sucks.
We're serving all rosés, so we have the Vanderpump wines,
and then our wines, but first we have to pull out some linens.
We need to get the wines chilled and out with an ice bucket.
This is some fancy sh-- I've never experienced before.
Obviously, I love working for Lisa Vanderpump.
She is the queen, absolute national icon
of the United States of America.
And I wanna prove to her that I can move up at SUR.
I am that bitch.
But, at the end of the day,
if someone who owns this estate
wants to come swoop me off my feet
and make me never have to work another day in my life,
I would be totally fine with that.
- How is everything going? - Everything's going great.
The staff has been hard at work.
- LISA: My staff? - [Marcus groans]
Feeling so lazy right now.
- Your staff? - LISA: Okay.
DEMY: So annoying.
I don't wanna get a farmer's tan.
I need them to be perfect.
MARCUS: I have a hangover today.
The last thing I want to do right now
is serve all these housewives rosé.
LISA: Hello.
Are you loving it here?
NATALIE: So beautiful.
MARCUS: I would much rather be drinking the rosé by myself.
Watch "Maury."
That just showed my age a little bit.
LISA: When we say everybody's tasting the wines,
- that is everybody but you. - LAUREN: But you.
Aw.
LISA: The Women in Wine event is an honor to be part of.
It's great for business.
Welcome. I love that dress.
- You all look lovely. - The Vanderpump one, I guess.
It's so good.
LISA: These women here today are the creme de la creme
of the wine world.
And to be successful in business can be challenging,
especially in male-dominated businesses.
- WOMAN: Did you bring the dogs? - No.
- NATALIE: Oh, God. Oh, [bleep]. - CHRIS: Oh.
I brought some wild animals with me,
- if that counts. - I didn't do it.
CHRIS: It was definitely in the way.
NATALIE: It wasn't me.
That is salmon, royal sturgeon caviar,
and creme fraiche.
This looks like a good spot for me. [clears throat]
Feels like you're over this already.
I know.
I know how hard this business is,
and to see successful female entrepreneurs,
it's something after my own heart.
So, thank you to all of you for coming, and--
CHRIS: Hello, ladies.
So, we're gonna start off with our Vanderpump Root Rosé.
- This is a Crémant. - Chris.
CHRIS: You all look wonderful, by the way.
[laughter]
CHRIS: Enjoy, ladies.
CHRIS: This is my cousin. You can see the resemblance.
Okay, Chris. We're good.
That's verging on the edge of inappropriateness,
but we are a naughty, sexy, young brand,
and got my very handsome group of men.
It's also nice for the ladies,
I mean, to a certain extent, isn't it?
Shall I join?
Good Lord.
Serving themselves up.
Need to serve the food and shut up.
We're gonna fill up the ladies that need a filling.
[laughter]
Oh, my gosh, what?
I'm shook.
Oh, my God.
Do you need to sleep in my bed?
You can go to the bunk bed.
There's one more bunk bed.
I'm surprised that Chris and Audrey are having
any issues at all right now,
because they've seemed actually adorable this whole trip.
They're cuddling in the car.
They're sharing the primary bedroom in the Airbnb.
So this seems like a Chris problem
and not an Audrey problem.
[ominous music]
WOMAN: We have salt cured zucchini, red peppers,
edamame, and then a mixed teriyaki.
Wait, is your girl mad at you or something?
I don't know. I have to talk to her.
JASON: She said she might sleep in the bunk beds, I heard.
CHRIS: Shut up.
Yeah, because I was like,
"Maybe she didn't want to sleep next to you."
CHRIS: Shut the [bleep] up.
I swear, I was like, "Chris is on the sh-- list."
Yeah, it's because your brother just said some crazy sh--.
This is delicious, and so is this sparkling rosé.
WOMAN: Thank you.
I had him on speaker, talking about our trip to Bali,
and he was just like, out of nowhere,
he was just like, "Dude, yeah,
"we'll probably be ----ing mad bitches."
- She heard it. - She was right there.
JASON: He's a single, horny guy right now.
That's what I'm saying, I know.
And she obviously doesn't understand that.
She doesn't know.
Yeah, what did you say to that?
What was your response? "[bleep] yeah."
No, I was like, "Dude, shut the [bleep] up."
Audrey's being super cold with me.
It really just puts into perspective
how much I do care about this woman.
She's definitely upset.
Can we please finish clearing that table,
and then there's nothing else to do.
Just tell her about it, that's not you.
Like, yeah, we're going to have hiccups,
but like, why is she not talking to me about this?
Right behind you.
CHRIS: What time is it, like 2:30?
Shayne's probably bored out of his mind.
Oh, I needed a moment to myself.
I am so grateful that I get to kick it solo-dolo.
I get to get some sunlight.
I get to do my breath work.
[loud exhales]
Wim Hof.
[exhales forcefully]
I had to protect my peace,
especially with this kind of drama
that was going on around me.
And then I realized I was kind of lonely.
I missed my friends.
VENUS: I'm just going to watch Lisa.
She's ----ing iconic over there.
This is what bitches do when they have nothing else to do.
Exactly. I like that.
Okay, I think let's go start clearing.
The Women in Wine event turned out to be everything
I hoped it would.
I am too.
- That's why I asked you. - My family is--
Well, I'm Jewish.
The ladies love the guys, that's for sure.
And they love the attention, clearly.
My staff were great.
It was relaxed.
It was everything the event should be.
Halle ----ing lujah.
Okay, listen, I'm going to leave now for World Dog Day.
So I know you're going to stay for a few days.
- Have fun. - NATALIE: Goodbye.
♪♪♪
DEMY: We need help carrying the boxes of wine.
Shayne Davis.
It's really heavy, the one in the back seat.
Yo, we got the whole set up.
Opa!
- MARCUS: Shayne, grill master. - Let's do it.
CHRIS: All right, I'm bringing some lettuce, some tomato.
SHAYNE: Perfect, perfect.
We're making burgers. Is everyone okay with cheese?
- DEMY: Yeah. - We got burgers.
NATALIE: I want a hot sausage.
I can't wait to eat.
[Demy screams] It looks so good.
ANGELICA: I think I'm gonna orgasm.
AUDREY: Look at you all wet and glistening.
I got a little spicy sausage here.
That looks ----ing good. I'll take a bite.
- You good? - You laughing at me?
Yeah.
I'm a mess.
How you doing?
I'm doing okay, how are you doing?
CHRIS: I'm good.
You were a little shy today, what happened?
I was a little off today.
CHRIS: Were you upset about the phone call?
It just kind of threw me off a bit.
I've told you my biggest fear in this would be, like,
- if it wasn't genuine for you. - CHRIS: Right.
And so in that moment, my brain was like,
"Okay, well I know what I'm feeling is real.
"And I'm letting my walls down and trying."
It definitely made me take a little step back
and kind of evaluate
if like, you were in the same headspace.
Now I think my question to you is,
how do you feel towards me?
I mean, I obviously ----ing like you.
Like other than that, has there ever been a moment
where you thought like, I wasn't into you...
- AUDREY: No. No. - ...other than that?
Which is why I was a little bit confused
because it was the first thing where I was like,
wait, this is going great.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I feel like I self-sabotage a lot of my relationships.
I look for the bad things, but I don't know.
In this situation, I wasn't looking for anything.
The red flag appeared in front of my face.
I wouldn't be here with you
if I didn't like you as much as I do.
Yeah. Okay. I just want to make sure.
If it was...
- If it's real, yeah. - Yeah.
- I'm sorry, babe. - [Audrey chuckles]
Justin was saying on the phone that when we go to Bali,
we're going to be ----ing mad bitches.
I won't be doing that.
I'll be "talking to bitches,"
but I won't just be ----king all of them, come on.
And that was not the point of, like, the trip at all.
DEMY: Venus is dying to play a game.
Okay, let's play a game.
Pick your poison.
The game's called squirt.
You get a squirt gun. I have a stack of questions.
And whenever you pull the card, whoever the answer is...
- [laughter] - ...you squirt them.
All right, the first one says
squirt the bitch who can't handle their alcohol.
Oh!
Kimberly, it's not your choice.
It's the person who's reading the card.
Honestly, I feel like if we all do it at the same time,
that actually sounds more fun.
MARCUS: I can handle my ---ing alcohol, you asshole.
I'm the drunk guy all of a sudden.
KIMBERLY: Don't say all of a sudden.
Hey, can you get out of the boys' bathroom?
This is the boys' room.
Kimberly just walked out on me.
She looks real good doing it.
SHAYNE: Squirt who you think has the most secrets.
- [men exclaiming] - [laughter]
VENUS: Uh-oh, got personal.
The most secrets, though.
[women screaming]
Everyone shoot the person that gets chosen.
Marcus, you are going to be so sorry.
I'm the one that has the most secrets?
Chris and Jason are sitting on the mother of all secrets.
The cousin of all secrets.
Squirt who you think is the funniest
and the hottest in the group.
[all exclaiming]
MARCUS: Oh, sh--. Oh, ooh!
ANGELICA: I feel like Shayne and I are actually,
like, growing something here.
More than just, like, flirtation.
[laughter]
I feel it in my ovaries. Right here. Beep, beep, beep.
They're, like, "Monogamy. Kids." Yay!
JASON: All right, well, I think that was a way to end it, yeah?
[Jason exclaims]
- LISA: Coming up... - MARCUS: Kiss!
No, I love Venus. I'll give him a hug.
All right, fine, just kiss me, then.
KIMBERLY: Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
[screaming]
SHAYNE: That was really fun, Venus, than you for that.
- What are you going to wear? - Jeans and a crop top.
- It's a dope shirt. - Shane gave it to me.
He's like, let me put you in this.
[laughter]
I got tan lines here.
MARCUS: Okay, who's ready to relive our college glory days?
Be, like, totally wasted, bro.
From what I know,
San Luis Obispo is some college town.
Okay, we'll see you guys there.
Thursday night, they have a farmer's market.
Yay!
Oh, my God, 32 minutes away? What the hell?
When all the girls were getting super excited to go,
I was like, I don't want to go look at fruits and vegetables.
I had no idea it was, like, a street party.
["Feeling Me" Patron Saints]
♪ There ain't no concealing it, I'm feeling it ♪
This place is huge.
MARCUS: Dance with me, Kimberly.
Let's go dance.
Are you guys trying to compete with us or something?
They could never.
Marcus and Kim are back together?
Who would have thunk?
The world's shortest breakup has come to an end.
Let me slap on my surprised face.
- Do you want something? - Maybe.
- Okay. Let's go check it out. - [Angelica chuckles]
You want baked beans? Baby back ribs?
SHAYNE: No, I can't do.
It feels really good to play house with Angelica.
It feels like I've got, like, a mini girlfriend for vacation.
- What are you feeling? - Follow your heart.
Even though I've told her
I don't want to do something serious,
it's really hard to say, "Hey, pump the brakes."
Hey, let me just get the pulled pork.
Thank you. That looks good.
Whoa! Is it good?
MARCUS: [bleep] it up, Shane. [bleep] it up, boy.
[Natalie exclaims]
There you go. Not bad.
- You want some? - Oh, God. No, no, no. I'm good.
- NATALIE: So good. - Mmm.
Shane can share his pulled pork sandwich
with whoever he wants to, but why does it have to be
the one girl that he took on a date?
That's good, huh?
He offered his sandwich to everybody.
I don't offer my sandwich to everybody.
No, he's offering his pulled pork sandwich to everybody.
I think Angelica could definitely be
a little obsessive when it comes to guys.
JASON: How was you guys' video shoot?
At the beach, we had to kiss.
AUDREY: ...shivering, and I'm over there...
- CHRIS: Oh, my God. - ...in a wet dress.
JASON: ...way stronger than me.
Jason might not be the brightest bulb,
but the one thing he did right was realize
that Angelica's a little too much right now.
ANGELICA: I want a beignet.
SHAYNE: Let's go get one.
- CHRIS: Mmm. - What the [bleep] is this?
You can't do that, babe.
[indistinct]
♪ You know I love the attention ♪
Please don't.
Oh, my God.
I didn't realize I was being invited to a couple's retreat.
- We're going to set you up. - Please don't.
I guess the only person I have left is Demy.
We could be a couple. Sorry, HR.
At least Demy has a fat ass.
Are you guys having a thing? Because I'll go away.
- No. No. - No.
I just don't want to be around for it.
It's going to gross me out. I'm sorry.
We're not a couple, but if we were,
we would be so cute.
It's like, so friends.
Natalie is a ----ing badass.
She wears a leather jacket. She has cool-ass long hair.
She just throws it back. She just doesn't give a [bleep].
You are so ----ing cool.
You have dark energy, but you're also like a fairy.
I definitely am bonding with you, you're cool as sh--.
And I'm thinking, "Damn, that was real sh--
that you said that, for real."
I feel like if we were just out
and somebody was talking sh--,
she would just beat them up for me or something.
I'd be like, "Oh, you're cool." [chuckles]
KIMBERLY: Can we go? I need to get a vodka.
No one's eating anything else until I get an alcohol.
[upbeat music playing]
♪♪♪
- [Kimberly exclaims] - Hey.
MARCUS: Made it in one piece.
AUDREY: That was a lot of people.
JASON: Tequila Tequiero.
Okay, I'll do the Tequila Tequiero,
and then I'll also do the virgin margarita.
I feel like you're not going to like this.
- Why? - Do you like mezcal?
- It's super strong. - I don't hate mezcal.
Okay, then you might not like the smokiness of it.
I think that's so good. I would get that.
- It's good, right? - Yeah, I really like it.
- What's going on? - I mean, this is hilarious.
They're really, really, really good.
- It's amazing. - Really good, yeah.
This says, smoke and honey is the best.
- Yeah. Jesus Christ. - DEMY: Yeah.
DEMY: Yeah, so good.
Do you want to taste his before you order it?
You can if you want. Here.
DEMY: Yeah, you can taste his.
- AUDREY: Yes, he is. - I am, I am.
What's your name?
Kevin, Audrey, nice to meet you. This is Venus.
I'm Venus.
VENUS: I would say I'm a pillow princess in the flirting game.
He is busy.
He's my type, but I'm intimidated by men like him.
And what if he isn't gay?
I have the worst gaydar.
I didn't even know I was gay until I was in the 9th grade
and I thought my teacher was hot.
Nice to meet you.
[laughter and indistinct chatter]
AUDREY: So he's gone forever?
I don't know.
All I know is I was blushing.
AUDREY: That was crazy.
Venus was like, "Ooh, that's my type."
And I'm like, "Girl, make a move."
We've waited seven years. It's his time to shine.
MARCUS: Found him.
- What is it? - Who's he with?
- He's with a girl. - [Audrey groans]
I was like, "You guys aren't on a date, are you?"
- The girl was like, no. - [Audrey screaming]
MARCUS: Me and Venus had a falling out,
but at the end of the day,
he didn't screw me over in some major way
that's just totally unforgivable.
He did seem a little nervous, though, I will say.
CHRIS: He seemed a little nervous?
I told them both to come join us.
Obviously, I still care about him,
so let me kind of wingman it for you.
Are you ready for this? This is what you've manifested.
This is what you've talked about into existence.
You are that girl.
- No, no, no, no. No, no, no. - Okay, okay, listen.
Listen to me. Listen to me.
- Slap me. - Look into my eyes.
- Slap me harder, bitch.
Okay.
- AUDREY: Lock in. - VENUS: Okay.
I slapped the sh-- out of you, so come on now.
- Yeah. - Don't let that be for nothing.
♪ Def' coming at the 3-1-0 ♪
MARCUS: Oh, yeah!
AUDREY: Go, let's go, let's go.
CHRIS: Let's go. Black Sheep it is.
MARCUS: Black Sheep, we go. Here we are.
[Audrey exclaiming]
Let's go to the back. You guys got a spot?
This is our spot.
CHRIS: Venus, I can't wait to see your man come.
- The mama sheep sounds so good. - The mama sheep?
I want a Manhattan.
JASON: Can we pepper spray somebody tonight?
Guys, let's be classy.
We're representing sexy unique restaurants.
Before we get our drinks, we're all going to breathalyze.
Blow, blow.
VENUS: I love her blow face.
ANGELICA: Can I go before Jason?
CHRIS: Big money, big money, big money, big money.
I have on my keys a little breathalyzer.
Obviously, for safety, I don't want anybody to,
you know, drive, and also, I just...
like to see who's the drunkest.
JASON: .07? Goddamn, dude. You're, like, sober.
You're at .14. I'm very proud.
MARCUS: How the [bleep] is Natalie twice me?
- [faint beep] - [all screaming]
I win! [screaming]
.15!
The highest it gets to is .27.
I think the highest was a .23.
That was me, actually. Don't judge me.
- AUDREY: Where's Kevin? - His energy made me,
like, whoa.
If you're interested, make that clear,
because he literally walked away,
- because you were, like... - AUDREY: Turning away.
"I'm Venus."
Chris just said I do the same thing.
KIMBERLY: When's the last time you kissed somebody, bro?
VENUS: When I was 20 years old.
- That's all right. - No, but...
Rome wasn't built in seven years.
I gotta get him ----ing laid.
Yo, Venus, let's pretend I'm the guy.
We're going to do a little role play
- to prepare Venus. - AUDREY: Okay.
He's a good-looking dude, too.
He's, like, tall, amazing jawline,
that ----ing mane,
looking like ----ing Spirit the horse.
- [horse neighs] - I got him.
["We Could Be Lovers" by Stuart Winters, Beatrice Blobb]
SHAYNE: Yo, damn. Who the [bleep] is that?
- Eyebrow game is strong. - Strong. Yeah.
Talk to him. Talk to him. Talk to him.
- JASON: I'm hard. - SHAYNE: Oh, sh--.
ANGELICA: Look at this. He's eating the cherry.
- Are you a top or bottom? - [laughter]
[laughing] Yo, stay in it. Answer that question.
You better answer that question.
Lately, I have been more into thinking about
being ----ed than actually doing the ----ing.
I just feel so sex-deprived
that I could rip a kitchen counter off the wall.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss!
I love Venus. I'll give him a hug.
All right, fine. Just kiss me, then.
KIMBERLY: Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
[women screaming]
SHAYNE: Why am I aroused?
- JASON: Get it in! - SHAYNE: Oh, sh--.
Yeah! Yeah!
- Oh, my, wow. - MARCUS: Wow.
Oh, my God. Okay, okay, okay.
SHAYNE: Slap her ass.
He's made out with more people
in the last five minutes than I have in, like, a week.
[all exclaiming]
If this was all some OnlyFans content,
we would all be ----ing rich.
- I know. - I've been thinking about
kissing you.
I wish Lisa were here to see
all of us actually getting along.
Maybe not the making out part.
I want more nights like this.
We've all gotten along,
and we've had a great night, I'm very happy.
I'm starting to think that, like, we should have
just all made out three weeks ago.
Was there tongue? Was there tongue?
- What? - When he kissed Venus, I just--
Oh, no. It was like this.
- [Demy laughs] - Okay, so, nothing.
[Natalie and Demy laughing]
That's it.
♪♪♪
I love it.
[scream]
♪ We're what they're talking 'bout ♪
VENUS: Everyone's horny.
There might even be an orgy or two.
♪♪♪
VENUS: How could we ever fight again
knowing damn well we've all had our tongues
down each other's throats.
Cheers to living our best ----ing lives!
[men, distorted] Ooh!
What the [bleep] was in the video?
I saw ass. I saw dicks.
It was incestuous.
The comment is character assassination.
What me and Chris did is not incestuous.
I don't give a [bleep] what are you think.
- It's ----ing weird. - I'm not going to be a part
of this conversation anymore.
She's not the one for you, my man.
♪♪♪