1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,200
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

2
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

3
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,000
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats
Does Countdown...

4
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,240
Tom Allen.

5
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,000
Sarah Millican.

6
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,760
Roisin Conaty.

7
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,720
Phil Wang.

8
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,960
Sam Campbell.

9
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,720
Susie Dent.

10
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,640
Rachel Riley.

11
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:54,200
And your host... Jimmy Carr!

12
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

13
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,360
Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown,

14
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,000
a show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.

15
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,440
OK, let's meet tonight's players.

16
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,000
First up, it's guest team captain
Sarah Millican.

17
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,120
APPLAUSE

18
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,520
Sarah freely admits she farts
whilst performing on stage.

19
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,320
Is that your opening line for me?

20
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,880
Sarah freely admits she farts
whilst performing on stage.

21
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,520
I went to see her show recently
and I was blown away.

22
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,200
And joining Sarah tonight,
it's Phil Wang!

23
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,960
APPLAUSE

24
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,400
Phil Wang sounds like a bit
of a rude name

25
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,720
but it's even worse when you find
out his middle names are

26
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,320
Me Up With.

27
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,960
Up against them this evening,
it's guest team captain Tom Allen.

28
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,760
APPLAUSE

29
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,120
I'm very excited about what
you're going to say about me.

30
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,960
Is it about that I look like
an egg?

31
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,880
No. Me? Why would I...?
Well, I don't know.

32
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,560
Like an egg that fell on a barber's
floor? Something like that?

33
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:02,760
With a beard?

34
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,120
Tom looks like something
out of Downtown Abbey,

35
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,920
specifically the scene
where Lady Edith Crawley

36
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,040
has a delicious boiled egg
for breakfast.

37
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,720
We try and work it round.

38
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,600
And I put too many soldiers in me!

39
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,440
APPLAUSE
Perfect.

40
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,240
And Tom's team-mate, Roisin Conaty!

41
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,040
APPLAUSE

42
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,000
I'm not saying Roisin
is bad at maths,

43
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,400
but if she were any worse
with numbers, I'd hire her

44
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,120
as my accountant.

45
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,880
Tom, does anything annoy you?

46
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,240
Well, I don't like kids.

47
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,800
But also, I don't like...

48
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,080
I don't like spa days. Oh!

49
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,960
What, you don't like a massage?
You don't like being pampered?

50
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,560
I quite like a massage, actually,
but I find the whole experience...

51
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,760
Do you know what I mean?
Like sitting in the corner

52
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,000
of some sort of open, brick area
while you have afternoon tea

53
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,040
with other people
who are having afternoon tea,

54
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,040
and everyone's trying to have
a nice time,

55
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,960
but it's sort of looks like
a hospital?

56
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,880
I don't want a sandwich at
the corner of a swimming pool.

57
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,880
I once had a massage, and you know
you put your head through the hole

58
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,840
when you lie down?
And I fell asleep,

59
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:19,000
and I drooled so much through
that hole that the masseuse skidded.

60
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,360
Have you ever had...? When you said
about when you put your face in,

61
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,880
have you had it where you put your
face in and they come in the room

62
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,080
and there's just a big sigh?

63
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,760
I've had that. And they've come in
and they're like, "Oh..."

64
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,960
Phil, do you like a massage?
Sure, a bit of contact.

65
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,880
They're legally obliged
to touch me.

66
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,320
That's not the line
you open with, is it?

67
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,800
"You are legally obliged
to touch me."

68
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,480
Yeah, I like a massage, sure -
tenderise the old body,

69
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,080
get me tasty.

70
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,160
Hang on, you have a collection of
things that you cannot say in a spa?

71
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,360
Yeah. Er, Sarah, what's the best bit
of advice you've ever been given?

72
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,720
Well, people often say,
"Trust your gut,"

73
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:13,120
and I have to - because it doesn't
always behave itself.

74
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,640
Have you got a lactose...?
Yeah, I'm lactose intolerant,

75
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,920
but I just deal with it.

76
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,760
I just... Lactose is delicious!

77
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:25,120
The pub that I go to regularly,
had... got a new pizza oven.

78
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,480
Ooh! So, we're like,
"Let's get pizzas."

79
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,640
Cos I'm also gluten intolerant, and...

80
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,640
I ate a full pizza, and I shat it
out before the bill came!

81
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,320
APPLAUSE

82
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,720
Well, I didn't think I should have
to pay a full price,

83
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,720
cos I hadn't taken any of it home.

84
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,880
Roisin, what's your favourite thing
about appearing on Countdown?

85
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,360
Oh, I love coming on Countdown,
I get to see lots of old friends.

86
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,360
Er, I get to see you. I get to
hang out with Rachel and Susie

87
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,000
and the audience

88
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,800
and all the sweet puss
when it goes out.

89
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,800
Fabulous answer.

90
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,160
Roisin, have you got a mascot?
What have you brought along?

91
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,080
I have got a mascot. I've brought...

92
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,840
Actually, it's a teddy I've had
since I was a child,

93
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,240
and so it's my favourite teddy

94
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:31,000
and I actually practised kissing on
it. That's how I learned to kiss.

95
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,080
Is this the one?

96
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,240
Oh, my goodness.

97
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,240
It looks like he's bitten
his own dick off.

98
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,320
Tom, have you brought a mascot?

99
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,040
I have, actually, Jimmy, yes. I...

100
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,360
My mum keeps saying to me,
"Oh, Tom, why do you keep buying

101
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,000
"all these lamps all the time?
You keep buying lamps all the time.

102
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,200
"Why? Do you think
you're bloody Blackpool?"

103
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,200
And I say, "Well, maybe I do,
you know.

104
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,400
"Blackpool
is the Paris of the North."

105
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,760
So, I've got them here to...

106
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,240
You know, just cos... I just think
good lighting is so important,

107
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,120
because I have to be very careful
with bright overhead lighting.

108
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,000
If it's too bright,
it bounces off my head

109
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,680
and I look like a billiard ball.

110
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:21,160
So, the thing about lighting
is it's really important for me,

111
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,000
I think, to have dimmer lights

112
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,400
so that it doesn't show
my wrinkles so much.

113
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400
I mean, not everybody can afford
to be like Jimmy

114
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,640
and have their wrinkles
ironed out of their face.

115
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,880
And I've got this one over here,
erm, as well, so...

116
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,200
It's just nice...

117
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,960
Just nice... You know,
got a nice cosy ambience.

118
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,720
And sometimes when I'm at home,
what I like to do with my lamps

119
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,840
is I flick them off and on
very quickly

120
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,640
so it's like I'm having
a disco in my house

121
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,360
so people think I'm having
a party when they go past.

122
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,440
They don't realise that I'm at
the foot of the stairs crying.

123
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,920
OK. It's a bit like working
in John Lewis.

124
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,160
Which is sort of
where you sort of belong.

125
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,400
I'd like to be in
a department store, actually -

126
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,880
a floor walker. Oh! Yeah.

127
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,600
You'd frighten me
if you worked in a...

128
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,360
I think you'd be thinking,
"She's got no money."

129
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,120
"Are you sure you're in the right
place, madam?" Yeah.

130
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,560
"See the revolving door?
It revolves outwards as well."

131
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,200
I had that once when I was walking
round Saks in New York. Oh, yeah?

132
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,720
And they looked at me like I was
just looking for the toilet,

133
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,440
and, to be fair, I was!

134
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,880
I'm... I'm deciding whether
to say this or not.

135
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,680
The other day... It's a bit similar
to what you were talking about,

136
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,400
I went into Oliver Bonas.
Oh, I love Oliver Bonas.

137
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,400
What the hell is that shop?
I don't know.

138
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,440
Well, I went in there the other day
and, well, the thing is,

139
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,160
I farted, but it was loud.

140
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,280
It was... I'm definitely
going to want this out, I think.

141
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,360
Yeah, go on, say it.

142
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,120
I farted and I was sort of stunned.
I was like, "Oh, I heard that,

143
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,880
"I definitely heard that."
And then...

144
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,160
I don't go farting loudly in shops,
you know.

145
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,040
Hmm. And then I look over...

146
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,280
I look over, and I swear to God
on everyone's life,

147
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,840
the lady says to the other lady -
ooh -

148
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,360
"I'll go and get the spray."

149
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,440
I swear to God!

150
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,920
APPLAUSE

151
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,360
You're lucky, though,

152
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,760
because they've got a lot of
scented candles in there -

153
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,720
the whole thing
could have exploded.

154
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,080
I was once walking round...
If we're doing fart stories...

155
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,680
Yeah, sure, why not?
Why wouldn't we?

156
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,440
I was walking around London
with my friend,

157
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,360
and I did, like, a nasty fart,
like a hot one...

158
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,320
...and my friend genuinely said,
"Are we near a zoo?" Genuinely.

159
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,440
Wow!
APPLAUSE

160
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,480
Wow.

161
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,480
That is... That's quite something.

162
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,000
Sarah, have you got a mascot?
Yes, I have.

163
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,840
I love stationery. Stationery is...
You know, you don't need friends

164
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,400
if you've got stationary, and...

165
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,640
LAUGHTER
Shut up.

166
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,960
A good few years ago,
I had my own pen out.

167
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,360
Not everybody knows this.
And this is genuine.

168
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,680
It's one of those...

169
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,080
You know the nudie pens?
Do you remember the nudie pens?

170
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,240
Love a nudie pen, yeah. Well, I got
one made with my own image in it,

171
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,200
and when you tip it upside down,

172
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,880
the cardigan comes off.

173
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,720
And that's it.

174
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,480
Ooh, look! Cardigan back on.

175
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,200
And I thought it was time
I expanded my range.

176
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,240
I've got another pen.

177
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,520
This is... It looks like
a fairly standard pen,

178
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,120
but whenever you put it down...

179
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,640
SOBBING

180
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,560
...it cries,

181
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,920
because it just wants to be held
all of the time.

182
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,080
I don't have pencils,
because pencils are for losers,

183
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:47,080
I think pencils are for people
who won't commit to things!

184
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,760
I do have a rubber... When people
say, "Have you got a rubber?",

185
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,360
people always think you just need a
condom, don't they? Yeah, I do.

186
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,040
So, we've got both.

187
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,160
It's...

188
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,680
...a rubber in a rubber,
so it prevents mistakes

189
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,600
rather than erases them.

190
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,040
And then the last thing is a ruler.

191
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,560
It's good to have a ruler, I think.

192
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:07,920
But it's got...

193
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,240
I'm calling it "winky" measurements
on it

194
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,920
rather than, like, standard numbers.

195
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,800
That's smart.
Because when you're an adult,

196
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,200
what else do you use a ruler for?

197
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,040
Just winkies, isn't it?
Only winkies.

198
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,080
Like at 12 inches

199
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,040
it just says, "Wowser!"

200
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,920
And then at six inches
it says, "Decent."

201
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,400
And then three inches it says...
..."Aaaah."

202
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,240
It's my stationary range.

203
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,120
Fabulous. Sarah Millican, everyone.

204
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:34,440
APPLAUSE

205
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,120
Phil, have you got a mascot?
I do have a mascot.

206
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,640
I find the letters round
in this show quite difficult,

207
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,920
which is a shame,
because that's a lot of the show.

208
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,200
I used my engineering degree
and I went and built something

209
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,680
to help me find nine-letter words.

210
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,920
And I built it in
the style of something

211
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,320
to remind me of my childhood,
make me feel that comfort,

212
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,480
something to remind me
of the culture I grew up in.

213
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:59,640
This is Dimmy
the dim sum steamer...

214
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,200
And I built it myself
to help me find nine-letter words.

215
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,480
There's still some kinks
to work out, so bear with me.

216
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,240
I can see some of your engineering
degree's hair behind the desk.

217
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,720
If your engineering degree
could duck down a little bit,

218
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,760
this might be more convincing.

219
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,360
Dimmy, you're going to help me
spot some nine-letter words today?

220
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,000
Er, maybe. No, you are.

221
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,480
That's what you're made to do.

222
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,280
Well, that and make dim sum.

223
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,920
Ahh! Dim sum! Yeah.

224
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,560
I want to make dim sum.

225
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,400
Yeah, not now, not now. OK.

226
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,320
Now, let's give this a go.

227
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:41,120
OK, Dimmy, can you find here
a nine-letter word for me?

228
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,160
Er... Yeah?

229
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,680
Come on. Pork?

230
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:45,840
No. Well...

231
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,600
Well, yeah, I mean, that's in there,
definitely in there,

232
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,320
but it's a bit short.

233
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:52,880
Prawn.

234
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,760
You're right, yeah.
That's one letter longer.

235
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,400
I like pork and prawn.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.

236
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,840
And I see where this is going.

237
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,520
But I need you to find one word
that uses all nine letters.

238
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,720
Can you do that? Um... Well...

239
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,040
3 x 100 = 300

240
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,240
5

241
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,000
No, that's the numbers round.

242
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,360
Sorry, he's fucking useless,
absolutely useless.

243
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,480
I'll kill you. What?

244
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,480
I'll kill all of you, I'll eat
your flesh and chew your bones

245
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,160
and turn you into dim sum.

246
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,000
Sorry, sorry. I'll turn Tom
into an egg dumpling.

247
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000
Hey, I'm sorry. I'll turn Jimmy
into a plastic dumpling.

248
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,800
Sorry, Jimmy. I'll turn you
into a virgin dumpling!

249
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,280
Hey, I do all right. I do OK.
I do fine.

250
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,520
I'll kill you all!

251
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,000
CACKLING
I'm going to kill you all!

252
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,040
THUD

253
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,320
CRUNCH

254
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,520
Phil Wang, everyone.

255
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,720
APPLAUSE

256
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,160
Over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Sam Campbell. Hooray!

257
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,800
APPLAUSE

258
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,840
There he is, there he is.
Hi, Sam.

259
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,600
Sam Campbell looks very young.
I think his catchphrase is,

260
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,800
"Mum, don't come in.
I'm just cleaning it".

261
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,160
Sam, it's your first time
on the show.

262
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,760
Thank you so much for having me.

263
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,320
I've got a lot riding on this gig.
Thank for this op...

264
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,840
I'm not going to waste this
opportunity. Thank you, Jimmy.

265
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,120
Thanks for taking the chance on me.

266
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,520
I'm not the booker
on the show, yeah?

267
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,280
It's such a beautiful thing
that you have just said to me.

268
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,640
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate this.

269
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,520
I would love to dedicate
my appearance to my family.

270
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,880
This is my family.

271
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,800
This is my extended family.

272
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,120
They're longer, Jimmy!

273
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,680
APPLAUSE

274
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,160
Sam Campbell, everyone!

275
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,320
And with Sam of course,
it's Susie Dent.

276
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,080
APPLAUSE

277
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,520
Susie is a very talented lexicographer.

278
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,240
Give her any word and she'll tell
you the meaning and how to spell it.

279
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,000
I can't tell you exactly how
she does it,

280
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,640
but I can tell you
it involves a dictionary.

281
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:07,240
You've released a top-ten list of
words to describe co-workers.

282
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,640
What words would you use
to describe us?

283
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,520
Well, I used to think of Tom
that he was a gigglemug,

284
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,120
who is someone who is perpetually
smiling and always happy

285
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,320
and is therefore really annoying.

286
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,400
But...

287
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,600
Susie!
Sorry, Tom.

288
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,400
But now I think you a smell-fungus
after your spa-day rant.

289
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,160
So, a smell-fungus is somebody

290
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,440
who just goes around finding fault
in things.

291
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,520
Oh, fuck you! Yeah.

292
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,520
And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley!

293
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,440
APPLAUSE

294
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,040
Rachel has done over 3,000 episodes
of Countdown,

295
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,640
which if you add them all up equates
to around half a day's actual work.

296
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,760
Has working on this show changed
anything about how you do

297
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,000
regular Countdown?

298
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,080
I think you've ruined it, really.

299
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,680
My work here is done.

300
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,080
I used to be able to do normal
Countdown and, you know,

301
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,520
it's like, "Hi, Doris."

302
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,480
"Hi, Rachel. Can I have a
consonant, please?"

303
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360
"Great. We'll start the day
with a D."

304
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,240
And now all I'm thinking is...
Sure, like pussy...

305
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,880
LAUGHTER
Do it, Rachel. Oh.

306
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,400
And it's all thanks to you, Jimmy.

307
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,200
OK, the prize the teams will be
competing for tonight is this -

308
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,200
the Countdown afternoon tea set.

309
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,440
Oh!

310
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,880
Oh, look at this.

311
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,200
CLASSICAL MUSIC

312
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,360
Very sophisticated, these boys.

313
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,000
APPLAUSE

314
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,920
You're scalding his penis!

315
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,320
APPLAUSE

316
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,960
Well done.

317
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,560
I think my engineering degree needs
to get out from under the table.

318
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,800
Is your engineering degree
still down there?

319
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,160
Yeah.

320
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,200
I'd forgotten about
your engineering degree.

321
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,200
APPLAUSE

322
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,840
All right, let's Countdown,
everyone. Time for our first game.

323
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,400
Tom, Roisin, you're the first
to choose the letters.

324
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,880
Oh, Roisin, what shall we have?

325
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,600
I think you should choose.

326
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,920
Really? Mmm. OK, good. Um...

327
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,240
LAUGHTER

328
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,280
Please may I have a consonant?

329
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,520
You may, thank you, Tom.

330
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,680
S

331
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,600
Thank you. And a vowel, please.

332
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,960
E

333
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,000
Oh, and a consonant, please.

334
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,200
M

335
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,280
Ah. Er... And...

336
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,680
Come on, I. Come on, I.

337
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,360
And a vowel, please.

338
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:44,920
Yeah!

339
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,680
APPLAUSE

340
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,360
Rachel, Rachel?

341
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,680
I've, er...

342
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,880
I've got a SEMI, Rachel.

343
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,240
It's only a four, though,
isn't it, Jimmy?

344
00:16:58,480 --> 00:16:59,480
Jimmy!

345
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,920
A four is, "Aaaah."

346
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,960
Um, sorry, have we had enough
of this?

347
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,600
Please may I have
a consonant, please?

348
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,920
H

349
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,920
Vowel, yeah, vowel,
Let's see if it's an A.

350
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,360
CHEERING

351
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,480
Consonant.

352
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,040
Come on, you beauty.

353
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,280
Is that what you have to shout
at it to get to that stage?

354
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,720
Ah.

355
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,920
We'll have another consonant.
It might look a bit like a D.

356
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,760
No, it's gone, everyone.
It's gone. The moment's gone.

357
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,560
And I think a vowel as well.

358
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,160
And lastly...

359
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,400
On.
OK, while you're doing that,

360
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:42,960
I'm going to dance the tango

361
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,120
and my partner is no less
than a world tango champion.

362
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,600
APPLAUSE

363
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,600
I don't want to be rude

364
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,080
but what year were you
national champion?

365
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:07,520
I was the national tango champion
in 1957.

366
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,400
How do we start?

367
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,560
Like this?

368
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,720
OK, OK, all right.

369
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,160
Your time starts now.

370
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,520
TANGO MUSIC

371
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,720
APPLAUSE

372
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,720
Thank you.

373
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,760
SARAH WHOOPS

374
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,200
OK, Tom, how many letters? five.

375
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,640
Roisin, how many? Maybe six.

376
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:12,120
Ooh. Sarah? Well, I've got a six
but I've also got a dodgy eight.

377
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,880
Ooh. Go for the eight.

378
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,440
Yeah, OK. Go for the eight.

379
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,920
Phil, what do you think?
Six, non-dodgy.

380
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,680
Non-dodgy.

381
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,280
Well, if we're going for dodgy ones,
can I have a six?

382
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,200
OK, what's your dodgy six?

383
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,640
I can't just say PENIS.

384
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,120
You can just say PENIS.

385
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,920
I can't. After we've had semihard,

386
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,960
and you just nearly stuck it in
an 80-year-old.

387
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,720
I was going to say PANIEM.
I felt like that was a word.

388
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,320
But I'll go with PENIS.

389
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,320
You're going with PENIS?
I usually do.

390
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,120
Oh, what is it? O HAM PENIS.

391
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:48,040
Like a song. Like, "O, ham penis!"

392
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,440
Oh... Like a musical.
Like Oklahoma?

393
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,640
Yeah.

394
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,880
♪ O, ham penis, when the wind
comes rushing down... ♪

395
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,920
What's your six, Roisin?

396
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,600
PHOSEM. PHOSEM.

397
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,040
With a P-H.

398
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,800
P-H-O...

399
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,280
O-S-E-M

400
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,640
E-M? Oh, E-M of course!

401
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,600
When you say risky...

402
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,960
It has all the hallmarks
of a word, that has.

403
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,400
It sounds Australian as well,
doesn't it, Sam? A PHOSEM? Yeah.

404
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,160
Oh, no, I got bitten on the head
by a PHOSEM.

405
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,640
There you go.

406
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,840
Do you write Home & Away?
That sounds like...

407
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,760
That sounds like one
of their storylines.

408
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,720
I was writing Neighbours but...
I don't want to talk about it.

409
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,000
Susie Dent, Roisin's rolling
the dice on that being a word.

410
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,640
Is she wrong?

411
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,800
Yes. Oh!

412
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,360
Phil, your six?

413
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,160
Also, PHOSEM, unfortunately.

414
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,840
I've got MISHAP.

415
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,480
OK. And your eight?
Drum roll, please.

416
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,640
MISHAPEN. Oh, you need two Ss.

417
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,280
No! Check it. Shit!

418
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,200
Sorry.

419
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,240
Six points to Phil.

420
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,400
APPLAUSE

421
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,640
I looked at it
and it didn't look right.

422
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,880
Sam, Susie, could they have done
any better?

423
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,440
Yeah, so we had PHONIES for seven

424
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,040
and SHOPMAN, male shop attendant.
A SHOPMAN.

425
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,720
No, no, I don't accept that.
SHOPMAN?

426
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,840
SHOPMAN?
My favourite superhero - SHOPMAN.

427
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,400
OK, on to our first numbers round.

428
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,360
OK, Sarah, Phil,
your turn to pick the numbers.

429
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,640
I quite like it
when it's two big ones

430
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,640
and then the rest are small ones.
Yeah, let's do that, then.

431
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,120
2, 4,

432
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,560
1, 6.

433
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,080
And the big ones, 100 and 75.

434
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,200
Ah, too easy.
And the target...

435
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,400
Oh!

436
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,600
Oh. Oh.

437
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,480
982. Your time starts now.

438
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,600
So, the target was 982.

439
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,920
Roisin, did you get it?

440
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,760
No, leave me be.

441
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,640
I got close to it. Tom?

442
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,560
Nowhere near.

443
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,160
79 off.

444
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,120
79 off?

445
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,680
Do you want me to tell you how I did
it? No, no, no. That's really...

446
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,840
That is dog shit. I can tell you
how I did it if you want.

447
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:30,920
6 x...

448
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,120
No, don't tell us how you got it
that wrong. It's a waste of time.

449
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,280
I'm 32 off.

450
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,680
You're 32 off?

451
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,840
No, I'm 28 off. I just saw a 4.

452
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,560
Sarah, did you get it?

453
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,080
No. 979 is as close as I could get
in the time.

454
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,720
OK, and, Phil?
I got 979 as well.

455
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,800
How did you do that?

456
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,760
6 + 1 + 2 = 9

457
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,480
x 100 = 900

458
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,800
Then add the rest. 75 + 4.

459
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,600
It's not pretty.

460
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,600
And it actually hasn't
got the job done either.

461
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,080
Seven points to Phil

462
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,480
APPLAUSE

463
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,640
Don't you think, Rachel, it's always
like adding a bit at the beginning?

464
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,560
I always forget that,
I always just try

465
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,080
and get as big as possible
as quickly as possible.

466
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,760
You can hear yourself, yeah? Well,
no, but do you know what I mean?

467
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,480
I'm talking about numbers,
not dicks.

468
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,240
That's the trailer! "I'm talking
about numbers, not dicks."

469
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,400
"I'm talking about numbers,
not dicks."

470
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,080
That is actually
this show summed up.

471
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,120
OK. Rachel?

472
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,440
Well, you could have said...

473
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,720
75 x 2 = 150

474
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,720
4 + 1

475
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,760
That's it. 147, yeah.

476
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,280
x 6 = 882

477
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,600
Oh, come on...

478
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,720
+ 100

479
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,640
APPLAUSE

480
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,400
Incredible.

481
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,600
OK, so Tom and Roisin
have no points,

482
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,520
Sarah and Phil have 13 points.

483
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:54,760
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

484
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,880
Do you know what I've noticed,
Jimmy?

485
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,200
You really lean into, "NO points,"

486
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,840
and then you go, "13 points."

487
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,240
And, "NO points!" Like this.

488
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,720
Leave me alone!
I was using that voice.

489
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,080
OK, and here is your teaser.

490
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,800
The words are IT'S A NOSH.

491
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,400
The clue is - wow, that's amazing.

492
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,640
That's IT'S A NOSH.
The clue is - wow, that's amazing.

493
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,960
See you after the break.

494
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,560
APPLAUSE

495
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,200
APPLAUSE

496
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,400
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser...

497
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,880
The words were IT'S A NOSH.
The clue was - wow, that's amazing.

498
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,280
It was, of course, ASTONISH.

499
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,080
OK, they've been playing in teams
so far,

500
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,320
but this game's just for Sarah and
Tom. So, Sarah, your turn to choose.

501
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,680
Um, a consonant, please, Rachel.

502
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:45,760
Thanks, Sarah.

503
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:46,880
L

504
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,480
Uh, another consonant, please.

505
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:49,560
T

506
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,840
And a vowel, please.

507
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,280
I

508
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,520
And another vowel, please.

509
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,400
And a consonant, please.

510
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,680
S

511
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,080
And another consonant, please.

512
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,120
G

513
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,480
And another consonant, please.

514
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,840
R

515
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,600
And a vowel, please.

516
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:05,840
E

517
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,640
And you choose.

518
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,080
S

519
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,560
OK, and your time starts now.

520
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,040
Oh, that's not good.

521
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,280
Oh...

522
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,920
LION GROWLS

523
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,600
GROWLING CONTINUES

524
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,160
Aww!

525
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,520
I found a lion. Oh, baby!

526
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,040
{\an8}They're not as big as they look
in wildlife documentaries, are they?

527
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,720
Hello.

528
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,640
Shh-shh-shh.

529
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,480
Awww!

530
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,240
Sorry, I've just spotted the cat!

531
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,040
Next time there's a lovely kitten
on, can you let me know

532
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,960
and I won't bother doing
the stupid anagram?

533
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,680
I'm going to give it Sarah.
Sarah loves a cat. Oh, bless.

534
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,120
Thanks very much. She's adorable.

535
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:18,120
Is she a kitten, then? What is...?
What was your question?

536
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,120
"Is she a kitten?" I don't know
much about cats.

537
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,040
"Is she a kitten?" Hello, darling.
I thought she was a small cat.

538
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,120
Tom, how many?
Um, I think I've got seven

539
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:28,000
but... Ooh. ..taking a risk.

540
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,760
OK. Sarah, how many?

541
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:34,040
Um... Six, but who cares?
I've got a kitten!

542
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,360
What's your six? TIGERS.

543
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,880
TIGERS is... There should really
be double points for that,

544
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,400
because that's so appropriate.
What was your, seven, Tom?

545
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,680
I've got SERATES
and I don't think it's a word,

546
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,520
is it? Go on. Yes, it is.

547
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,240
It is, but you need two Rs.

548
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,480
Oh... And that is the sound
that everybody made

549
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,160
when that fucking cat came out!

550
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:56,640
Er, six points to Sarah.

551
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,520
APPLAUSE
You're lovely.

552
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,520
Sam, Susie,
could they have done any better?

553
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,720
Did you come up
with anything better than that, Sam?

554
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,800
We have got really
incredible ones.

555
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,400
REGALISTS. Yeah. I'm going to need
a definition from you, Sam.

556
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,120
Oh, my God!

557
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:18,920
I couldn't... There's just
too many REGALISTS here.

558
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,320
REGALISTS. Lock it in, Eddie.

559
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,880
I'm going to be locking it in.
I'm now going to be called Eddie.

560
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,080
Sorry, I just realised.

561
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,600
In the Australian
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?,

562
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,680
the host is this guy Eddie.

563
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:36,000
Sorry, Jimmy. Sorry.

564
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,680
OK, a nine-letter word.
Susie Dent, everyone.

565
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:40,080
APPLAUSE

566
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,920
OK, so at the end of that,
Tom and Roisin have NO points!

567
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,560
Oh...
And Sarah and Phil have 19 points.

568
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,080
APPLAUSE

569
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,840
Now time for Phil and Roisin
to go head to head.

570
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,840
Is this a joke? What, sorry?
I'm going up against Phil?

571
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,240
Yeah, you're going head to head
with Phil...

572
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,400
Oh, OK.
...who has an engineering degree.

573
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,200
So, Roisin, your turn to pick
the numbers

574
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,720
with which Phil will beat you.

575
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,560
That's too much pressure.

576
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,920
Rachel, please may I have...

577
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,440
...a two from the top...?

578
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,880
It does feel quiet seance-y.
"I'd like..."

579
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,240
I was trying to visualise a 4.

580
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,800
I like it when there's a 4 up there.

581
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,800
And the rest from wherever you like.

582
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,160
All right, the little ones...

583
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,120
4! Roisin!

584
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,400
4, 9,

585
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:27,880
5, 2.

586
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,880
And the big ones, 50 and 75.

587
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,360
And the target...

588
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,800
532

589
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,760
OK, your time starts now.

590
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,120
Phil, did you get it?

591
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,320
I think so. Excellent news.

592
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,600
OK, Roisin, did you get it?

593
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:10,720
I'm two away.

594
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,080
You're two away? Hmm.

595
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,320
Well, this is exciting.

596
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:14,360
Phil, how did you do it?

597
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,120
9 x 50 = 450

598
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:18,360
Yep.

599
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,200
+ 75 + 5 + 2

600
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,880
Yeah. 532. Well done.

601
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,880
Ten points to Phil. Well done.

602
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,680
APPLAUSE

603
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,400
The scores at the moment -

604
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,760
Sarah and Phil have 29 points

605
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,200
and Tom and Roisin have...

606
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,160
Lube your tongue up
for this.

607
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:39,960
NO points!

608
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,360
can tell you that
Phil and Sarah have 29 points.

609
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,600
Tom and Roisin have NO points.

610
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,160
APPLAUSE

611
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,280
OK, time to go across now
to Dictionary Corner.

612
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,000
Sam, what have you got for us?

613
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:57,200
Big Jim, the West is collapsing,
society is falling.

614
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:01,280
Have you noticed they've changed
the font on the Weetabix pack,

615
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,840
the family pack?

616
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,080
They've changed the font!
What's going on?

617
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,760
This is the classic. We know this. Yes.

618
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,280
We love this.

619
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:10,960
Suddenly they've got a new...

620
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,080
It's like this cool distorted font!

621
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,360
What, are they trying to appeal
to the teens?

622
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,520
"Man, have you seen
the new Weetabix font?"

623
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,320
"Whoa! Whoa, that is cool."

624
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,040
It's got little holes in it.

625
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,560
Which letter do you reckon
has the most holes?

626
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,520
M.
M, yeah.

627
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,120
W.
Same.

628
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,320
The W? Yeah, W.

629
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:33,680
H. H?

630
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,360
I've counted all of them.

631
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,720
W. 99!

632
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,760
Ooh!

633
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:49,280
Is it a coincidence?

634
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:53,280
Not really when you look
at the Board of Directors.

635
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,880
Wake up, Jimmy, wake up!

636
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:03,400
And let's go to the void.

637
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,440
I'm here to talk
about the Bratz dolls.

638
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:11,840
What's going on with the name?

639
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,760
Who came up with this name?
Bratz? Bratz?

640
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,280
Why would you call them Bratz?

641
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,760
They're not brats.
Do these look like brats to you?

642
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,200
I find them really stylish.

643
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,040
I think they're kind
of sophisticated.

644
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,440
I think they look great.

645
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,560
Does that look like a brat to you?

646
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,840
Look at these accessories.

647
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,360
That's not fast fashion, Jimmy.

648
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,320
That's good-quality stuff.

649
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,800
I'm not buying any more
Bratz dolls.

650
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,000
I'm boycotting the Bratz dolls

651
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,720
and that's not an empty threat.

652
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:44,280
I've got the biggest collection
in the Commonwealth -

653
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,760
hidden in the bath.

654
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,640
I'm not buying any more until
there's a complete rebrand.

655
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,520
They shouldn't be called the Bratz.

656
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,800
They should be called The Dynasty
of the Elegant Sisters.

657
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,080
Am I wrong?

658
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,520
And I go online...
I love the Google Doodles.

659
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,360
You know, Google don't change
their logo?

660
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,120
The Google logo is so ubiquitous,

661
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,200
they'll throw up like
a special design

662
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,000
if it's a special day.

663
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:10,680
This is one for Halloween.

664
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,280
It's got bats,

665
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,000
a little pumpkin instead of the O
and even a castle.

666
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,800
Pretty creepy!

667
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,680
I design my own, seriously.

668
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,480
Every day I wake up -
"What's the theme?"

669
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,800
I'm designing, I submit. They've
never once used one of mine.

670
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,320
And mine are good. Mine are
all right. What's going on?

671
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,440
This is the one they used
for Mother's Day.

672
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,720
What?! It doesn't even make sense.

673
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,320
It's just some shoes on
a doormat. It looks shit.

674
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,240
It'd be handy for
National Shoe Day,

675
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,520
but this is Mother's Day
we're talking about, people.

676
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,160
Mine was way better.

677
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,000
Thank you for this opportunity.

678
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,600
Sam Campbell, everyone!

679
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,880
APPLAUSE

680
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,760
And here is your teaser.
The words are SORT LUBE.

681
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,480
And the clue is - I've got problems.

682
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,120
That's SORT LUBE. I've got problems.

683
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,280
See you after the break.

684
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,160
APPLAUSE

685
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,240
APPLAUSE

686
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,440
Welcome back. The answer
to the teaser...

687
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,000
The words were SORT LUBE.
The clue was - I've got problems.

688
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,400
It was of course TROUBLES.

689
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,400
Before we go on, he's not on the
show, but he's turned up anyway.

690
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,520
It's Joe Wilkinson.

691
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,440
APPLAUSE

692
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,320
CHEERING

693
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,200
It's so good.
It has hairs on it.

694
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:44,760
Joe, what's...

695
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,200
All right? What's going on, Joe?

696
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,680
Checking out me yo-yoing.

697
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,160
No, I mean,

698
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:58,240
you've got a massive left arm
and left leg.

699
00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:59,560
Well spotted.

700
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,800
I...

701
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,080
TOM CHUCKLES

702
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,120
Yeah, cos you haven't had me on
the show for a bit,

703
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,200
I've started a new hobby,
started body-building.

704
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,600
Um...

705
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,320
Did the left-hand side.
Happy with that.

706
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,080
Um, but I got bored of it.

707
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:19,320
Couldn't be arsed to do any more,
so, yeah.

708
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,360
Sort of, uh, just look like this
now, but it's all right.

709
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,920
I can't help but notice
you've got quite a big hand.

710
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,800
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm...

711
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,280
I'm also allergic to almonds.

712
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,920
Yeah. But, yeah, it's quite good
having a...

713
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,880
...having...

714
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,960
I've genuinely pulled something.

715
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,160
But... what's great about
having a massive fist,

716
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,080
big arm and leg - it also helps
with my other hobby,

717
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,160
which is, you know,
smashing stuff up.

718
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,920
I like smashing stuff up.
So, it's good for that,

719
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,600
you know, kind of...

720
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:25,840
Whoa!

721
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,720
There you go. So, you know,
that that's keeping me busy,

722
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,080
you know, kind of...

723
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:41,480
It's...

724
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,000
It's...

725
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,400
So, yeah, so...

726
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,600
Have you got any other hobbies
other than kicking holes in the set?

727
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,960
Uh, no, no, no.

728
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,600
JOE SIGHS

729
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,040
Piss off.

730
00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:10,360
What's going on, Joe?

731
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,840
Ah, well, as you can see,

732
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,040
Fabio's new hobby is hanging from
a trapeze.

733
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,000
Cos he's a fucking idiot.

734
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,000
Go on, piss off.

735
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,280
Can't do the show with you
just hanging there, can we?

736
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,000
This show is shit enough
without you being here.

737
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,400
Piss off. Piss off!

738
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,680
We're not doing anything
till you piss off.

739
00:36:35,720 --> 00:36:37,600
Piss off.

740
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,960
Piss... off.

741
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,280
Erm...

742
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,840
...how about if you piss off,
I'll take you swimming later?

743
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,640
Here we go!

744
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,480
I probably should have tried
that earlier. Never mind.

745
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,880
Let's play Countdown!

746
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

747
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:00,960
That's really fabulous.

748
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:09,600
OK, on with the game. Uh, Tom,
Roisin, your turn to choose letters.

749
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,360
Rachel, can we have some letters
that spell things, please?

750
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,280
OK. We'll just...

751
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,280
B

752
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:17,600
O

753
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,320
P.
P.

754
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,840
What do you want, an I or an E?

755
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,840
E, please.

756
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,560
Oh, if you get an N,
you've got an ING.

757
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:25,800
And then some consonants.

758
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,160
T. T's good.

759
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,120
You've got a T and an N.
N!

760
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,560
More consonants, love.
All right.

761
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,320
OK, and your time starts now.

762
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,800
What's the last letter?

763
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,280
L. L? Oh, right.

764
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,920
OK. Phil, what have you got?

765
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,680
A seven. Seven letters.

766
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,480
OK, all right. Sarah, how many?
Seven.

767
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,560
Tom, what have you got? Oh, four.

768
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:18,080
Roisin, how many? I got six
but I can feel a seven near me.

769
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,040
What are you thinking, Rois?
What have you got there?

770
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,920
I've got POLITE,
but I can feel there's more.

771
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,040
That's good.

772
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,400
Tom, what is your four? POLE.

773
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,240
Uh, Phil, your seven? PELTING.

774
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:31,120
Uh, Sarah, your seven? ELOPING.

775
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:32,680
Well, seven points to
Sarah and Phil.

776
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,320
This is embarrassing, right?

777
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,640
APPLAUSE

778
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:37,840
I think we did quite well.

779
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,240
Sam, Susie, could they have done any
better? We got BILTONG on seven.

780
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:43,800
Yeah.
It's a South African cured meat.

781
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,040
So, at the end of that,
I can tell you that,

782
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,160
Sarah and Phil have 36 points.

783
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,800
Just behind them,
Tom and Roisin have NOTHING.

784
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,320
APPLAUSE

785
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,800
Time to go to Dictionary Corner
once again.

786
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,280
Sam Campbell, what have you got?

787
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,520
I know what you're thinking.
You think I'm sick.

788
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,800
You think I'm a sicko.
You think I'm warped.

789
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,280
You're thinking Sigmund Freud
would have a field day

790
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:08,920
with this guy.

791
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,760
And you're not wrong. We went to
the London Eye.

792
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,800
Yeah, yeah, I haven't had that
much fun since I went to Go Ape

793
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,240
with Karl Jung.

794
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,000
My mum wrote that joke.

795
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,080
My bitch mum with her long tits!

796
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,200
You guys like this guy Paddington?

797
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,440
They found him down
on the Underground.

798
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,160
That's why he's called Paddington.
The family, they found him

799
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:40,040
at Paddington Station.
That's why he's called that.

800
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,440
It's lucky they didn't find him
on the DLR.

801
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,080
And a lot of actors...

802
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,640
I mean, a lot of actors are
doing their own stunts.

803
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,600
Can you believe it?
Doesn't it just drive you crazy?

804
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,800
It's got to be frustrating
for the stunt department.

805
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,560
Imagine that. You'd be like, "I was
looking forward to this stunt.

806
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,800
"I've been practising heaps
for the big stunt."

807
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,080
And it's always stunts.
You never hear,

808
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,280
"Oh, I can't wait for the big movie.
Apparently, Jason Statham

809
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,480
"did all the catering."

810
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,840
WHISTLE BLOWS

811
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,440
Apparently, Jason Statham
did all the catering.

812
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,080
Apparently, Jason Statham did
all the catering.

813
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,400
IN SLOW-MO: Jason Statham
did all the catering.

814
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,520
DRAMATIC MUSIC

815
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,480
Believe
by Cher

816
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,640
Sam Campbell, everyone. Come on.

817
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,720
APPLAUSE

818
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:06,680
And here is you final teaser.
The words are ARSE ICON.

819
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,080
The clue is - picture this.

820
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,720
That's ARSE ICON. Picture this.

821
00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:11,080
See you after the break.

822
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:12,640
APPLAUSE

823
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,760
APPLAUSE

824
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,040
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser...

825
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,480
The words were ARSE ICON.
The clue was - picture this.

826
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:31,640
It was of course SCENARIO.

827
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,800
OK, we've played over 150 games
of Cats Does Countdown.

828
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:39,120
Only once before
have a team scored no points.

829
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:40,320
Oh, really?

830
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,520
I can let you into a little secret
about a person who was on that team.

831
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,760
I wasn't on it. I wasn't there.

832
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,400
She's blanked it out

833
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,240
for her own mental wellbeing.

834
00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:52,600
I wasn't there.

835
00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,120
Think of it this way, Roisin.

836
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,720
If you were goalkeeper,
you'd be doing fantastically.

837
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,160
Time for our final letters game.
Sarah, Phil you get the pick.

838
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,640
Consonant, please.

839
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:05,800
Q

840
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,840
Oh! Jesus, Phil!

841
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,920
Forget it!

842
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,520
That one's good. I like it. Consonant.

843
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:15,560
R

844
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:16,760
Vowel.

845
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,040
I

846
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:19,160
Consonant.

847
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,280
N

848
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,760
I'll take you in a bit, mate.

849
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:33,840
Um, a vowel.

850
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,640
O.
Ooh.

851
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,720
Um, and another vowel.

852
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:39,520
A.
Huh?

853
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:40,760
And a consonant.

854
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,000
Oh, it is lovely.

855
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,040
S

856
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,160
Consonant.

857
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:45,320
T

858
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,320
And a vowel.

859
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,760
E.
Ah, the best belters there.

860
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:50,920
I love this show,

861
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,560
but I never... I never really,
because of the commitment,

862
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,960
the time commitment doing this,

863
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,720
I never get to practise my laser harp.

864
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,840
Sure. I'll just...

865
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,200
You look like you need a guide dog.

866
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,720
All right.

867
00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:08,280
Can we put the lights down, please,

868
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,960
so I can play my laser harp?

869
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,640
LASER HARP PLAYS

870
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,960
And your time starts now.

871
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,320
ESOTERIC MUSIC

872
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

873
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:55,800
Yeah.

874
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:00,800
Tom, how many? Six.

875
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,560
Roisin, how many? Seven.

876
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,040
Yes!

877
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,600
Seven, OK, she's got a seven.
OK, all right. JOE: Sorry, Sarah.

878
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:08,640
Sarah? Seven.

879
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,800
Yes! Thanks.

880
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:13,160
OK, Phil? Seven. Boo!

881
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,880
Aw... OK, all right,
so, Tom, your six?

882
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,120
STRAIN. S-T-R-A-I-N.

883
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,240
- Is that a word?
- Yes, it is.

884
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:23,640
STRAIN. Phil, your seven?

885
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,080
It's how Joe's arm
makes me feel. MOISTER.

886
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:29,920
Sarah, your seven?

887
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:31,040
REMAINS

888
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,160
Roisin?
Just say it. It doesn't matter.

889
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,000
Here's your chance for points.
Susie?

890
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,160
Yeah.

891
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,800
You might want to close that book.

892
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,200
STARMEN

893
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,000
- Like SEMINAR, you mean?
- Yes.

894
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:48,720
SEMINAR. Very good.

895
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:51,920
STARMEN is what she said.
She said STARMEN.

896
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,120
OK, so it's seven points to Phil.
Of course it is.

897
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,840
APPLAUSE

898
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,440
Sam, Susie, could they have done
any better?

899
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,880
There was a nine there,
wasn't there? What was the nine?

900
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:07,520
This one is going to rock
your world. MATRONISE.

901
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,040
It's the female version
of patronise.

902
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,120
APPLAUSE

903
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,840
OK, Sarah and Phil have 43 points.

904
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,040
Tom and Roisin have... Let me check.

905
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,920
Can we add that up?
Instead of saying how many points,

906
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,280
could you just say
we've got all the points?

907
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,880
Oh, do you know what,
that's a lovely time-saving idea.

908
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,880
So, I can tell you that
Tom and Roisin have NO points,

909
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,640
Phil and Sarah have
ALL the points.

910
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,880
APPLAUSE

911
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,600
OK, you're playing for pride
and pride alone.

912
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,040
As if! I've been on a Pride parade,

913
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,520
and I would leave it if this was it!

914
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,760
OK, fingers on buzzers.

915
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:44,360
Time for today's

916
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:48,200
not so crucial conundrum.
Your time starts now.

917
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,040
Oh...

918
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,760
Oh, we should get this. Nice.

919
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,880
THEY TALK QUIETLY

920
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,360
BUZZER
Oh, my God, Tom.

921
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,720
Is it WANDERING?

922
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:15,360
Let's have a look.

923
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

924
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:23,000
So, congratulations to Sarah and
Phil. You're now the proud owners

925
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,560
of this,
the Countdown afternoon tea set!

926
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,160
Thanks to all our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience

927
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,560
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Goodnight!

928
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

929
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,240
Subtitles by Red Bee Media