1 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,680 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040 Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 3 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,280 Jon Richardson, 4 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,200 Lee Mack, 5 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,160 Harriet Kemsley, 6 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,960 Munya Chawawa, 7 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,920 David O'Doherty, 8 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,920 Susie Dent, 9 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Rachel Riley, 10 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:54,440 and your host, Jimmy Carr. 11 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,960 Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 12 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,920 a show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 13 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,760 If you've never seen the show before, 14 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,080 it's a bit like your mum, it couldn't be easier. 15 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,720 OK, let's meet tonight's players, 16 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,040 first up, it's team captain, Jon Richardson. 17 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,600 I'm not saying Jon is freak, 19 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,760 but when his parents walked into his teenage bedroom 20 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,120 and caught him with a hoover on maximum suck mode, 21 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,280 it was actually because he was doing the hoovering. 22 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,040 My parents divorced when I was young, but I'll take it. 23 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,080 Yeah... It was your fault. 24 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,240 And Jon's team mate, Harriet Kemsley. 25 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,960 Harriet once performed at the UK Vegan Festival Veg Fest, 27 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,320 and you thought the toilets at Glastonbury sounded bad. 28 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,520 Up against them this evening is guest team captain Lee Mack. 29 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 30 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,680 Lee used to work as a bingo caller, 31 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,960 shouting numbers at old people all afternoon, 32 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,440 it's pretty much what Rachel does now. 33 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,240 And joining Lee tonight, it's Munya Chawawa. 34 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,000 Munya Chawawa's full name is Munyaradzi Oliver Chawawa. 36 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,200 It's an interesting... 37 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,440 Am I saying that right, is it "Oliver"? T... 38 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,720 I mean, ugh, to be honest, 39 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,160 I'm actually just... pleased you've said it correctly, 40 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,640 because I've been called everything under the sun. 41 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:26,280 What have you been called? I've been called Mumbi, Munwar, Daddy... 42 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:29,640 You know, two weeks ago I was in a bar, 43 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,400 I met a friend of a friend and he said, 44 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,040 "What's your name?" I said, "Munya", he said, "William?" 45 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,600 He said "William" - he colonised me on the spot. 46 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,320 "'Munya?' You mean 'William'." 47 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,880 It frustrates me cos, in Britain, you come up with words like 48 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,120 "antidisestablishmentarianism"... 49 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,760 I asked someone to say "Munya", and it's like I've asked them 50 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,560 to sing the Botswana national anthem in Swahili. 51 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,200 Would... Would you like me to? 52 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,400 Only if you do the accent and you get cancelled. 53 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,800 Munya, what's the coolest thing you've ever done? 54 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,160 Err, the time that I had to... walk across 55 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,080 a pit of crocodiles to become head boy. What? 56 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,400 Now, I actually grew up in Zimbabwe, OK, where you've got crocodiles. 57 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,760 Now, in Zimbabwe the way they wanna select the head student 58 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,360 is they put you in this initiation camp. 59 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,120 In England, they'll make you head boy if you can get through 60 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,600 Shine, Jesus, Shine without wetting yourself in Year 4, right... 61 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,440 So, I remember... We walked to this crocodile farm 62 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,760 and the guy showing us around only had one arm, for a start. 63 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,680 So, half the kids ran off, that's 50% eliminated. 64 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,600 It's like, basically, Zimbabwe invented Squid Game, innit? OK... 65 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,320 Then the rest of us had to walk a plank... 66 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,800 ...across this crocodile pit 67 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,640 and as the crocodiles got bigger, the planks got thinner, 68 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,160 until only the bravest kid would walk across... 69 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,280 ...and it was me. Well, I'm gonna say... 70 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,760 I'm gonna say, you think you're on a different show with Lee 71 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,920 and that's a lie. 72 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:55,960 The thing is... 73 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,920 But if you ask Lee right now, cos Lee knows me, 74 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,040 Lee, do you believe this could have possibly happened in my life? 75 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,880 I'll be honest, I wasn't listening. 76 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,280 Jon, have you got any hidden talents? Have you got any talent? 77 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,560 I've hope I've got hidden talents, yeah, cos this can't be it. 78 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,960 There's going to be something one day, I'm gonna just do it 79 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,000 and then I'm gonna be brilliant at it. 80 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,200 Well, you're good at Countdown, you now play Countdown for a living. 81 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,840 I'm sort of all right. I'm better than, you know, this lot. 82 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,280 I watch real Countdown. 83 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,520 There was one this week, it was mad, wasn't it, 84 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,080 the guy was on for his octochamp, 85 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,160 he scored 100 points and lost on regular... 86 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,720 I know you guys don't engage with the real game. 87 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,760 I didn't even know it was still on! 88 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,960 Did you say "octochamp"? Octochamp. 89 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,160 You're only allowed to win eight on the real show. 90 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,360 And then what? You get killed? 91 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,200 Well, this guy had... He won... He didn't win his octochamp, did he, 92 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,480 he was like, "I think I've still got a good chance of..." 93 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,720 He'd kept his collated score to that point 94 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,200 and he knew what his odds were of getting into 95 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,080 the end of series championships. Are you still talking about THIS? 96 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,520 I know I speak on behalf of the nation when I say, 97 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,720 you've won eight, so why don't you fuck off? 98 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,160 Lee, what's your biggest regret in life? Well, I don't know, 99 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,560 probably either killing that man in a car park fight, 100 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,600 or watching the Emoji Movie. Probably that. 101 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,600 Trusting that that proctologist was a real one. 102 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,160 Was he in a park? He was in a van at Threshers. 103 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,240 Harriet, have you got a mascot? OK, so I have brought... 104 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,520 ...my cat. Ooh... 105 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:37,920 Uh... 106 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,320 Well, let him out, he's going to suffocate! 107 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,960 So, your cat... has passed over? 108 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,160 Oh, yes, was that not clear? Yeah, no, that was... 109 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,200 Well, she... Well, she just got very sick, 110 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,640 and I brought her because I loved her so much, 111 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,040 I don't know if you've ever loved before, Jimmy, but I really... 112 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,320 What is love? 113 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,760 I really loved that cat, like, I loved her 114 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,600 more than certain family members. 115 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,760 Like, not my husband, but like my uncle. 116 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,040 When I cried, that cat licked tears from my face, 117 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,880 my uncle has never done that. 118 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,760 And to explain how much I loved that cat, like... 119 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,720 Well, like, I've just had a baby 120 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,520 and people have asked me when I knew that I wanted to have a baby, 121 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,920 and the truth is, like, it was the night that my cat died. 122 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:28,400 But I got back from the vets and I was so sad 123 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,360 and I looked down at my phone and I'd been tracking my periods, 124 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,080 and I knew that I could get pregnant that night... 125 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,520 ...and then the soul of my cat could get reincarnated into my baby. 126 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,600 Damn! 127 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,760 And I told my husband that 128 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,920 and he refused to have sex with me... 129 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,880 Erm, so I now... So whose baby is it? 130 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,800 Erm, we'll talk about that later, Jimmy. 131 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,840 Fuck. 132 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,680 Harriet and her dead cat, everyone. 133 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:58,960 LEE LAUGHS, APPLAUSE 134 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,680 Jon, did you bring a mascot? You normally bring a mascot. 135 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,120 Not a lot of people know this about me cos I think people see me 136 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,920 as sort of quite a traditional bloke, erm... 137 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,920 ...but I'm actually a big fan of musical theatre. Oh! 138 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,920 And I've actually quite a powerful voice myself. Ooh. 139 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,400 I was recently in a production of Les Mis. 140 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,680 Who were you in Les Mis? Um... There's not a mouse in Les Mis. 141 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,520 Just in the audience, but... 142 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,160 ...but you can't have a show without an audience, right? 143 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaking of which, I am on tour at the moment. 144 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,120 So I've written a musical about this, 145 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,400 I've written a musical about our show, so we can... 146 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,520 Are you about to sing? You don't need to sound so worried. 147 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,560 I think what you mean is... "Are you about to sing?" 148 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,960 Not... SCEPTICALLY: "Are you about to sing?" 149 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,400 Like... Yeah, no. "Are you about to get your cock out?" 150 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:50,960 You sing with your cock? 151 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,760 I've written a musical about this show, 152 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,960 it's called Cats... Does Countdown. 153 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,400 I've had quite an angry letter from Andrew Lloyd Webber. 154 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,880 I don't know what he's talking about - 155 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,560 they're clearly completely different. 156 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,120 So, it's very exciting. 157 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,160 The only problem is I'm not really very musical, 158 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,720 so what I've done is, for the songs, 159 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,120 I just ripped off a load of songs from other musicals. 160 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,080 So, from Mamma Mia, I've got, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. 161 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,720 How does Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy go? Er, right... 162 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,240 Just sing us a little bit of it. Just sing us a little bit. 163 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,760 So Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy goes... 164 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,240 TO THE TUNE OF GIMME, GIMME, GIMME: ♪ Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Your hair so shiny, 165 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,840 ♪ Just one squeezy bottle keeps the grey hairs away 166 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,800 ♪ Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy Your teeth are so shiny 167 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,120 ♪ Let's meet for a coffee at the M6 Tebay. ♪ 168 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,840 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 169 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,160 I think ABBA are shit. Is that controversial? They're boring songs. 170 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,000 Sure, I mean compared to this, they're shit. Yeah! 171 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,880 Compared to this, Abba are nothing. 172 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,000 I mean, you've clearly... You've got a talent here. 173 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,400 From the, from the line... This is actually a Susie song, 174 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,920 so Susie stands up and sings 175 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,080 Hakuna Matata, What A Wonderful Phrase, 176 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,480 Unfortunately It's Not In The Oxford English Dictionary 177 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,880 So You Don't Get The Points. 178 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:13,000 Then your plastic surgeon comes on and sings, from Wicked, 179 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,120 Defying Gravity. 180 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,920 Then obviously I...lose the episode and go home 181 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,240 and talk to my wife at length, and she sings, 182 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:23,960 from Frozen, Let It Go. 183 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,040 And then we end with Grease Is The Word, 184 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,960 Unfortunately You Could've Added The D And The Other Team Got GREASED, 185 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,320 So The Points Go To Them. 186 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,520 And that's Cats Does Countdown, The Musical. 187 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,160 Jon Richardson, everyone. APPLAUSE 188 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,520 That's a very good mascot. 189 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,200 Munya, have you got a mascot? 190 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,800 Ugh, boy, do I. We talk for a living, yeah? 191 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,480 Do you ever get to the end of the day 192 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,200 and you're just... utterly exhausted, you know what I'm saying? 193 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,400 Like, I haven't spoken to my girlfriend in two years. 194 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,040 She says to me, "Munya, you never talk to me", and I say... 195 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:58,680 ...so she's got a point. 196 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,720 Mustering the energy to even say a simple phrase like "Yes" 197 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,200 is too much, until now. 198 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,360 Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Mun-Yeah. 199 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,000 Now, you just give it a squeeze 200 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,320 and it emits a range of affirmative noises, 201 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,800 So, I'll give you some examples. 202 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,520 So, my missus comes up to me and she goes, 203 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,400 "Hey, Munya, would you like lasagne for tea?" 204 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,280 "Yea-a-a-a-ah... Boi!" 205 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,280 The lads come up to me, "We're going to the pub, 206 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,640 "Munya, you wanna roll?" "Abso-bumbaclart-lutely." 207 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,680 Maybe there's the offer of a bit of friskiness later on, 208 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,480 "Babe, you fancy getting frisky later?" 209 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,920 "Sure thing, Daddy." 210 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,840 As you can see this is designed based on me, 211 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,960 it comes with my signature face shrubbery, 212 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,920 which is locally sourced from my own eyebrows - 213 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,360 they are made to scale, as is the bulge, actually, 214 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,280 so I don't know if you can see that... 215 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,800 That also serves as a speaker, 216 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,280 and as a reminder that once you go brown, 217 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,160 you will spend the entire next day 218 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,960 walking round in your dressing gown, OK. 219 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,040 Now, each doll also comes with an in-built passport 220 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,120 because, you know, as they say, "Once you go brown, 221 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,680 "the immigration officer will constantly be round." 222 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,880 But apart from that, it's a perfect doll. 223 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,080 Should everyone here have a Mun-Yeah? 224 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,240 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ 225 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,200 There we go. 226 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,120 Munya Chawawa. APPLAUSE 227 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,240 Lee. What? Did you bring a ma... What? 228 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,360 Sorry. Yes, James. Did you bring a mascot? 229 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,680 Oh, yeah I'm contractually obliged to. Yeah. 230 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,600 This, Jimmy, 231 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,520 is a carriage clock. 232 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,080 But not any carriage clock, 233 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,920 this was my grandfather's carriage clock 234 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,920 which I inherited in his will. I did when I changed it, and... 235 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,600 Back in the day, my grandaddy used to work in a factory in Leeds, 236 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,440 and in the whole time he was there, he never missed a single day's work, 237 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,120 not in the whole three and a half weeks he was there. 238 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:03,880 And when he left, they gave him this clock. 239 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,840 Well, he, you know, he took the clock. 240 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,400 But, for me, it's a lesson to the kids out there that there's no limit 241 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,760 to what you can achieve in life with a strong work ethic and... 242 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,560 ...trousers with massive pockets. 243 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,360 But it's also a reminder about how time is short. 244 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,560 We're not on this planet Earth for very long 245 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:26,440 and the clock face is not like your face, you can't reverse it. 246 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,400 And also, a clock is a good reminder as well, Jimmy, 247 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,920 if I keep that there tonight, that, after the show tonight, 248 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,480 I've gotta get the last train home 249 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,000 so can you stop asking stupid fucking questions? 250 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,080 JIMMY GUFFAWS 251 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,440 OK. Over in Dictionary Corner, it's David O'Doherty. 252 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,240 APPLAUSE Yeah! 253 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,840 David O'Doherty, finally, an answer to the question, 254 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,640 what would it look like if David O'Doherty let himself go? 255 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,840 JON LAUGHS HEARTILY 256 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,760 Here's a question for you, 257 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:59,000 what's the best thing you've ever found? Oh, like... 258 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,640 I'm not suggesting you're a Womble, but there is a similarity. 259 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,520 I found I found a Fleshlight, so... 260 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,040 Do you know, it's like... 261 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:11,160 So it's not a sex aid, it's more like sort of sexy Pringles? 262 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,400 It was in the first lockdown, 263 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,400 and I was living on an island with my parents 264 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,000 and I felt a bit like Tom Hanks waiting 265 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,280 for my volleyball best friend to arrive on the island. 266 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:27,360 And then one day, it washed up and... 267 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,680 It was... 268 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:30,520 Yeah, I didn't know what it was initially, 269 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,400 I thought it might be a telescope or a lightsaber, 270 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,120 and because I was on the island for another three months 271 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,000 with Jim and Ann, I did spend a lot of time trying to imagine 272 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,200 the scenario in which... Cos it had fallen off a ship, 273 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,920 but I want to know... like, 274 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,800 So it's a sailor who gets addicted, you know... 275 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,320 And the Captain's like, 276 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,520 "Yar, why is no-one swabbing me decks?" Or whatever it is... 277 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,360 It's either that or the Captain got addicted to it 278 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,520 and he attached it to the bottom of the ship's steering wheel. 279 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,920 So, when he's like, "Yar!", you know... 280 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,040 "..I loves the choppy waves," and... 281 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,920 He was doing it so much his vision started to go, 282 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,720 and he didn't see the iceberg. 283 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,720 It's the retelling of Titanic, but... with my Fleshlight. 284 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,720 Am I the only one that's not heard of this thing? What, a Fleshlight? 285 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,680 It looks like a torch, it has a synthetic vagina in it. 286 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,400 No way. Yeah, it's modern technology. 287 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,440 What are we even doing here? Come on. Come on, everyone! 288 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,680 I don't really... 289 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,400 Like, someone asked me how I'd feel if my husband got a Fleshlight 290 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,400 and I wouldn't like it, but it's because 291 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,120 I've never seen him wipe down a kitchen surface. Ohh...! 292 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,440 I still... 293 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,240 Harriet, I still don't understand with them whether you have to 294 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,960 provide the proportions, or... Why are you asking me? I don't know! 295 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,160 Well, it depends which one you buy. Obviously... there's grades, 296 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,760 there's the... Oh, you've got the best one, haven't you, Jimmy? 297 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,320 Expert...! Vroom! 298 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,040 HE MIMES LARGE MACHINE STARTING UP 299 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,560 It has diamonds encrusted...! 300 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,200 Is any of this broadcastable? 301 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,400 And with David, of course, it's Susie Dent! 302 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 303 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,680 I've gotta make a public safety announcement, please... 304 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,760 ...don't listen to Susie's podcast in the bath, 305 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,600 that's how we lost Whitney Houston. 306 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,240 AUDIENCE GROANS 307 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,480 Wow. 308 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,840 Incredible. 309 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,680 I'd say 30 seconds of this is usable so far. 310 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,000 They're upstairs in the gallery going, 311 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,480 "We're gonna have to keep the Fleshlight story." 312 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,480 OK... Susie you recently started a new podcast. How's that been going? 313 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,200 Well, I know what you're thinking, but it's actually been really fun. 314 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,920 I had a good chat with Jon. 315 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,760 We've talked about some great stuff. 316 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,960 We've talked about the fear of balding, fear of death, 317 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,520 we talked about his nan's electric can opener. 318 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,880 We talked about how white goods are going to outlive us... 319 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,560 What were you trying to do? Sedate an elephant? 320 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,920 What else did we talk about? We talked about swearing, didn't we? 321 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,840 We did talk about swearing, yeah... Favourite swear, Susie? 322 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,480 Well, David and I share the same - "bollocks". 323 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,200 You share the same bollocks? 324 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,000 Susie! 325 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,560 You're giving him ammo! 326 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,160 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 327 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 328 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,400 I'm not saying we could replace Rachel 329 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,880 with a robot arm made of Lego, 330 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,280 but is it worth getting some Lego just to check? 331 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,880 Rachel, you've got two kids now. Yeah. 332 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,560 Have you learnt anything about yourself since becoming a parent? 333 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,080 I have recently learnt that I am definitely not into golden showers. 334 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,400 Did I have a blackout then and a different question was asked? 335 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,640 He said, "What's it like having kids?" And you said, 336 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,480 "I don't like people pissing on me." 337 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,400 No, I get the connection there, that's one... of the kids. Yeah! 338 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,800 Well, you get to the point where you have to potty train them 339 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,480 and then you've got this potty that you carry around and you have to 340 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,080 make the decision of whether you wanna try and get rid of the wee 341 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,720 or carry around a bowl of wee. 342 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,840 And sometimes, you make the wrong decision, 343 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,760 like, by the side of one of those gardens with the gates 344 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,240 and it doesn't fit through, so you think to yourself, 345 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,760 "Well, I'll just, like, chuck it over the top", 346 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,000 and then it folds back on itself, and then you make... 347 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,520 You learn a lesson. 348 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,680 Wow, and... OK... 349 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,880 OK, none of this is usable. 350 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,760 We have to play the game now. 351 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,440 Ah, they're going to keep in my story about the good episode. 352 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:36,080 The prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this, the Countdown Rug. 353 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,600 APPLAUSE 354 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,440 Does he... Does he ever say, "No, I'm not doing it"? 355 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,640 OK, let's Countdown, everyone, time for the first game. 356 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,000 Jon, Harriet, you get to pick the letters. 357 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,680 OK. Shall we... have...? Erm... Oh, fuck, I never... 358 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,080 I'm gonna intervene. Yeah. 359 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,720 Go on. No, OK, 360 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:12,240 so, could we have... two vowels and two consonants, please? 361 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,560 I, A, T... I, A, T... 362 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:19,760 N. N. Another two vowels, another two consonants, please. 363 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,040 E. Is that good? A. 364 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,240 It is, except we've got to pick nine... P... 365 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,240 ...so, this game can't go on forever. Nine? OK. Then it's C... 366 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,920 And consonant, please. And K. 367 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,720 And for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock. 368 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,280 Hmm, hmm... 369 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,640 Hi-yah! 370 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,040 APPLAUSE 371 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,360 Ooh, those things are dangerous! 372 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,800 Um, Munya, how many? Five for me, Jimbob. 373 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,240 "Jimbob"? Like, I can give you a hood name if you want. 374 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,880 What's my hood name? I mean, I grew up in Norwich so... 375 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,160 Farmer Jimmy. 376 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,600 Lee, how many? Five. Five. Five. Jon? 377 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,640 Seven. Ugh... Harriet? 378 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,280 F... Four. A four? 379 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,080 You got a four-letter word? Let's hear it. 380 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:35,840 Go for... the six, just in case. 381 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,280 One, two... Oh, no...! 382 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,560 Go on, try the six. 383 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,320 It's OK, thank... 384 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,320 PICNAK. What?! 385 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,760 Pic... PICNAK? 386 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,680 Is there a sadder moment on television than this moment 387 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,840 when Susie has to check it in the dictionary? 388 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,520 What if it is there though? What do you mean, "What if it's there?" 389 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,720 Munya? Err, PANIC. 390 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,520 Sorry, was PICNAK in there? 391 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,120 No, so, do you know what, we never did clarify that, did we? 392 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,640 I'm so sorry, I imagine people watching at home are thinking, 393 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,720 "Oh, is PICNAK a word? We never got a definition." 394 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,600 No, it fucking isn't! But you don't know - Susie didn't say anything! 395 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,080 What do you mean, "No, I don't know"? You don't know for sure! 396 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,120 I'll check in my dictionary. Hmm! Ah! 397 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,520 Is it a word? No, it's not Harriet, I'm so sorry. 398 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,760 Thank you, Susie, 399 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,800 I just wanted to hear it from Susie, not from you, no offence. 400 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,600 Well, that's me stuffed then, I guess NATPICK's not in. 401 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,840 Lee, your five? PAINT. 402 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,360 PAINT? Yes. 403 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,320 What you do on your hair every morning. 404 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,800 Jon, your seven, for the points. 405 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,960 CAPTAIN... CAPTAIN, of course. Very good. 406 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,680 Captain, my captain. 407 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:47,720 APPLAUSE 408 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,000 David, Susie, could they have done any better? 409 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,560 No better, no better. PANCAKE is there... HARRIET: Ugh! 410 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,360 ...for another seven and PICANTE... Ooh, lovely. ..is there as well. 411 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,480 So, at the end of that, Jon and Harriet are in the lead 412 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,800 with seven points. 413 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,080 APPLAUSE 414 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,280 On to our first numbers round. 415 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,480 OK, Lee, Munya, your turn to pick the numbers. 416 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,880 Rachel, please could we have two big, four small. Yes. 417 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,120 Right, four little ones. 418 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,320 1, 7, 419 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,000 9, 3, 420 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,560 and the big ones, 50 and 100. 421 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,800 OK... 823. The target is 823, 422 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,200 your time starts now. 423 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,640 OK, so the target was 823. 424 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,240 Munya, did you get it? Yeah. 425 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,400 Lee, did you get it? Damn right, brother. 426 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,840 Wow. Jon, did you get it? 427 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,960 No, I didn't, no. You didn't get it? No, I didn't... 428 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,440 Slightly makes me think... Wow. ...the other two are lying. 429 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,920 Harriet...? 430 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,920 Did you get it? Not yet. 431 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,120 What did you get? How close did you get? Well, I'm not there yet! 432 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,080 I'm still working on it. 433 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,320 If you just give me a minute. 434 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,760 Famously, this game takes place over 30 seconds. Right, OK, yeah. 435 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,200 It's kind of the whole thing. 436 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,840 I found... I find the Countdown very off-putting. Mm-hm... 437 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,320 Well, don't come on the show! 438 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,000 Munya, how did you get it? All right, let me tell you what, Jimmy, 439 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,480 all right? I'm gonna give you 821, 440 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,800 but I'm going to throw in a 50, just on the side. 441 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,400 That's a no then. No, you didn't get it. 442 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,240 Lee, did you get it? I got it. All right, how did you get it? 443 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,200 You get the 7 and the 1 444 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,800 and you times it by the hundred, that gives you 800. 445 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,440 You stick on the 50, that's 850. 446 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,120 You get the 9, you times it by the 3, which is 27, 447 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:55,360 you knock it off the 50, you've got 923. Boom. 823, 823! 448 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,640 APPLAUSE 449 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,680 Skills. 450 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,880 I've got 828. I'm sorry? 451 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,280 LAUGHTER 452 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:05,320 APPLAUSE 453 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,560 Wow, well, like, within the 30 seconds there, well done. 454 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,920 OK, so Jon and Harriet have seven points, 455 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,480 Lee and Munya have 10. 456 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,760 And here is your Teaser - 457 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,240 the words are STRIPLEE, the clue is, "Looks a bit scaly". 458 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,880 That's STRIPLEE, "Looks a bit scaly". See you after the break. 459 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,000 APPLAUSE 460 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,920 Welcome back. And the answer to the Teaser, 461 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,600 the words were STRIPLEE, the clue was "Looks a bit scaly". 462 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,040 It was, of course, REPTILES. 463 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,760 OK, they've been playing in teams so far, 464 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,600 but this game is just for Lee and Jon. 465 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,560 Lee, your turn to choose the letters. 466 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,240 Er, three from the t...? Which is it? Consonant? Yes. 467 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,320 Consonant. Consonant, T. 468 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,440 And a vowel, please. I. 469 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,440 Aah, I've got to go for the consonant. D. Aww. 470 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,640 A vowel, please, Rachel. A. 471 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,280 Consonant. T. T. Argh! 472 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,200 Put that with the D, just for a laugh. Go on, put it in there. 473 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,680 Aww... 474 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,000 Oh, actually, the A next to the D and I'll try and pull out an H, 475 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,040 we'll get TITHEAD. 476 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,240 You'll have to move it up one, I'll need an H and an E. All right. 477 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,160 So, let's get the consonant next to the T, we know that that's an H. 478 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,480 MUNYA CHUCKLES, LEE GROANS 479 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:26,760 TITNADS. That'll do. 480 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,120 TITNAD. 481 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,520 I'll have a consonant, so I hope we get a plural... 482 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:32,560 Aw, TIDNADR. 483 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,680 Nah, he's all right, he's a bit of a TITNADR. 484 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,840 Vowel. Vowel, put that between the T and the N... Oh, TITINADR! 485 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,480 TITINADR, the lowest part of the tit. 486 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,680 That was my grandmother's name, Titinadr. She'd got very low boobs. 487 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,000 How dare you, that was my grandmother! 488 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,880 And finally, we'll take a consonant, please... No, we won't! 489 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,520 We'll take a... vowel. 490 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,840 Aw, I don't like that. Turn it into a C, put it sideways. 491 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,840 I don't want another I. O, not another O... 492 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,880 E! get it up there. Stick it in... 493 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,760 Can you put the E and the R in the right order? 494 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,040 It'll help me in a minute. 495 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,080 OK, and your time starts now. I've finished. 496 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,080 Rachel, do you fancy tossing the pigskin? Yeah, yeah. 497 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,520 Can you catch this? Yeah, we can give it a go. 498 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,240 If this bites you in the face... 499 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,280 Hang on... 500 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,040 That's something. 501 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,640 That got a bit aggressive! All right. Jesus! 502 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,240 Get him, boys! Hngh, hngh...! 503 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,040 THEY GRUNT 504 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:44,640 APPLAUSE 505 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,040 Lee, how many? 506 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,320 Er, oh, my God! 507 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,760 Seven. Are you all right, Jimmy? 508 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,880 I'm sorry, did you...? 509 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,160 S'cuse the voice, I'm pretending to give a fuck. 510 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,520 I wish I hadn't had an erection when we started this. 511 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,320 You've just killed two American footballers with it. Yeah... 512 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,600 Yeah, they're actually impaled... 513 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,600 Jon, how many? Eight. 514 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:19,840 Everyone, up. 515 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,680 OK, guys, help me up. Come on, come on. 516 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,560 Oh, oh, they're so strong! 517 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,200 Thank you. 518 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,800 APPLAUSE 519 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,680 Lee, your seven. 520 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,640 TAINTED. Oh, as in someone's taint? 521 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,520 What? 522 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,200 The bit between your... testicles and your arsehole, the taint. 523 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,400 Is that what the song Tainted Love's about? 524 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,960 Jon, your eight. DAINTIER. 525 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,160 Yeah, very, very good. DAINTIER? Wow! 526 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,200 APPLAUSE Lovely! 527 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,960 David, Susie, could they have done any better? 528 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,280 Susie got one that was as good as, but not better, 529 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,680 and that's NITRATED. Yeah. 530 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,640 At the end of that, Lee and Munya have ten points, 531 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,760 Jon and Harriet have 15. 532 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,400 APPLAUSE 533 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,600 Right, now it's time for Harriet and Munya to go head-to-head. 534 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,360 Harriet, your turn to pick the numbers. Well, well, well. 535 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,320 What's, "Well, well, well..."? I don't know! It's just like... 536 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,920 What does that mean? How the tables have turned. 537 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,320 But there's no context for you saying that. 538 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,960 You're terrible at this game. 539 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,920 In my head, it's like everyone's against me, 540 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,520 and then now you need me. 541 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,960 I feel like, Harriet, your cat's ashes 542 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,040 have turned you into an evil Mastermind. 543 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,240 HARRIET GIGGLES Yes... 544 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,320 Well, well, well. 545 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,640 Harriet, pick the numbers... OK. ...and then fail to get the maths. 546 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,400 Can I have, like, 547 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,440 the hundred, a couple of the hundreds, a couple of the... 548 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,920 A couple of the smaller ones, and then... 549 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,800 Less with the five, more with the zeros. 550 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,280 Do you know what I mean? 551 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:03,760 Yes! Like that, yes. 552 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,480 And erm, another one with a zero on the end. 553 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,680 Harriet's got her fingers crossed for 105, hasn't she? RACHEL: Yeah... 554 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,200 OK, well, let's roll the dice, Rachel. 555 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,000 Right, well, you've accidentally chosen 556 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,120 one of the most difficult ones, but you've got 5, 5, 557 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,960 50, 100, 25, 75, and the target... Aw, please, be a three. 558 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,200 Wow. All the best with that. 559 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,640 And your time starts now. No! 560 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,800 Oh, my God! 561 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,200 JIMMY LAUGHS 562 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,480 Oh, it's so hard. 563 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,200 Oh... 564 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,200 So, the target was 877. 565 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,040 Munya, did you get it? You know what, Jimbob - 566 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,400 yeah. Ooh! Harriet, did you get it? 567 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,640 Well, well, well...! 568 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,520 Sorry, Harriet, did you...? Did you get it? Absolutely not. 569 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,000 How close did you get? 570 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,440 What was the last thing you wrote down? PICNAK. 571 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:15,960 SHE SNIGGERS, LAUGHS 572 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,040 OK. Munya, how did you do it? 573 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,160 OK, 75... Yes. 574 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,160 Then you've got 5 plus 5 is ten. 575 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,120 So 75 times ten is 750. 750?! You're going to do it... That's it. 576 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,200 No, you're not. Well, you've done the hard bit, 577 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,720 see if you... can get the easy bit done. Now, OK... 578 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,800 You might've used something twice. Now you add 100. 579 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,160 850. I'm going to add 25. Yeah. 580 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,880 Which gives me... 875. That'll do. 581 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,880 And you know what, we'll leave it there. 582 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,440 SHE LAUGHS Two away. 583 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,480 No, hang on, I think Harriet might have it. 584 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,960 You think Harriet might have it? Yeah, so if we... 585 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,920 Hey, hey, come on... 586 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,600 I would imagine even this explanation is going to be tricky. 587 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,560 All that says is, "How come I got you?" 588 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,880 OK, so why...? 589 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,320 Why is there brackets? 590 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,600 "Why is there brackets?" 591 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,000 This is madness. This is not gonna... 592 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,560 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 593 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,400 OK, so if we have bracket... Yeah. 594 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,440 Um, 100. Yeah... Add 75. 595 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,360 Yeah. Close bracket. Mm. 596 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,760 Beneath that, you write times five. 597 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:20,840 RACHEL GIGGLES 598 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,320 And then you put a line, and then a plus... H-How?! 599 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,920 ...and then you put 50 and then you put a like a sideways dash... 600 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,400 LAUGHTER 601 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,960 And then you put... No, sideways, it's not flat. 602 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,640 Harriet, your dead cat's ashes are actually moving away from you. 603 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:39,720 LAUGHTER 604 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,200 And then...25. 605 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,040 And can you finish it off, Harriet? 606 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:46,920 877. 607 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:50,160 LAUGHTER 608 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,480 Oh! Oh, yeah. 609 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,960 Seven points to Munya. Oh. 610 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,920 APPLAUSE 611 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,120 OK, so Jon and Harriet have 15 points, 612 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,760 Lee and Munya have 17, just in the lead. 613 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,400 APPLAUSE 614 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,200 OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner. David O'Doherty, 615 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,000 what have you got in store for us? Well, Jimmy, as you know 616 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:16,560 I'm usually... I'm usually pretty low-key. 617 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:20,040 But sometimes, Susie, I like to drop bombs, 618 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,000 and I do it through a comedy song, 619 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,240 song, song, song, song. 620 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,840 I'm talking about my beefs! 621 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:33,640 2023, things that have been infuriating me constantly, 622 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,120 my beefs, 2023, get ready, 623 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,040 fury bombs happening right now. 624 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,600 People who vape outside pubs. 625 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:45,160 Don't make me walk through your weird plumes of fruit smoke. 626 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:50,520 Also, you look ridiculous with a robot's wanger in your mouth. 627 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,880 I get it, vaping has reduced a lot of the cancer from smoking. 628 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,480 Do you know what it's also got rid of? The dignity. Come on! 629 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,160 LAUGHTER 630 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,360 Supervet! Yeah, the TV vet. 631 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,520 Stop putting wheels on cats. 632 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:11,720 That's all he does! Regardless of what's wrong with the poor cat. 633 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:15,120 "She has a few sniffles. We'll pop some wheels on her and see..." 634 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,080 LAUGHTER 635 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,440 My mum. You're going to have to get over the fact at some point 636 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:25,640 that I was a 10-pound baby. I know it was uncomfortable, 637 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:31,040 but, Jesus Christ, it was a long time ago. Also, it wasn't my fault. 638 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,800 I wasn't even born yet. If anything, it was her fault. 639 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,680 I think pasta had just come to Ireland and Anne and Jim 640 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,080 were shovelling it in the whole time. 641 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,600 I was taking it down the tube... 642 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:47,200 Spuds and pasta, are you joking me? 643 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,760 Finally... 644 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,000 ...people who say laughter is the best medicine. 645 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,920 Do you remember the fricken pandemic? Do you remember that? 646 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,960 Laughter wasn't medicine at all. 647 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,520 It was a death cloud of doom smoke, if I'm honest. 648 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,440 Also, it was difficult when your business 649 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:10,640 is trying to make people laugh. These skills are nontransferable. 650 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,360 I've been doing comedy for 20 years, 651 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,440 I basically have one joke and it's this, what does this button do? 652 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,960 JAUNTY THEME PLAYS 653 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,520 Sort it out, world. 654 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,720 If you if you mess with me any more 655 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:25,920 you risk being part of my beefs 2024. 656 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:32,080 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 657 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,600 David O'Doherty there. 658 00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,680 And here is your teaser. The words are TITCARDS, 659 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,480 and the clue is I can't stop looking at them. That's TITCARDS, 660 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,160 I can't stop looking at them. See you after the break. 661 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 662 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,560 APPLAUSE 663 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,240 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were TITCARDS, 664 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,320 the clue was, I can't stop looking at them, it was of course DISTRACT. 665 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,720 OK, onto another letters game. Let's ramp up the tension, 666 00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:12,880 it's time for... the Tension Round. 667 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,360 TENSE MUSIC 668 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,160 In this game we're playing for double points. The pressure's on. 669 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,200 Jon, you love the Tension Round, right? 670 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,960 TENSE MUSIC 671 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,960 Do you think you're going to be OK? 672 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:26,200 Fuck you. SMALL EXPLOSION 673 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,920 LAUGHTER 674 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,760 You can't be doing that around me. You just give me flashbacks, man. 675 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,280 What, to the crocodiles? To Norwich? Yeah, to Norwich. 676 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:39,400 Shoot-out between farmers. "That's my pheasant." You know. 677 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,720 How do you think you're gonna cope, Jon, pretty good? 678 00:34:41,720 --> 00:34:43,960 I eat a lot of vegan food 679 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,600 and this round is a real problem for me. 680 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,480 What about you, Harriet? How do you cope...? 681 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,240 I don't like sudden, unexpected things. 682 00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:52,720 SMALL EXPLOSION 683 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:54,200 LAUGHTER 684 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,280 Jimmy... You need to stop. ...of all the time I've known you 685 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,720 and doubted you're a real human being, 686 00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:02,960 never has it been more relevant now. You aren't even flickering. 687 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,640 There's noises going off, there's nothing happening at all. 688 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:07,440 We're all going like that and you're like, 689 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,800 "What is this thing called fear?" 690 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,120 It's horrible, this. I've never done this before. 691 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,680 Have you not done this round before? Is this a regular feature? 692 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:20,120 Do you think you will cope well? No, not at my age with my heart. 693 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,080 What are the things that are going off? 694 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,520 What are the things that are going off? Yeah, where is this, 695 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,920 what do they look like? If you really want to scare Harriet 696 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:31,000 you should just have a sound effect of "meow." 697 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,200 So Jon, Harriet, you get to pick the letters. Just pick the letters. 698 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,560 Why are you saying it like that? You said it like as if... 699 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,840 Just pick them quickly. I'll just get this out, 700 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,120 I'm sure everything will be fine. No, no. Don't press it, 701 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,760 don't press it. What does that do? Don't press it. 702 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,320 How is you standing up going to help? 703 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,480 Consonant, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel. 704 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,200 Can I ask one favour? Yeah. When we're doing this, 705 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,800 can you just hold one of my ears and I'll hold the other one? 706 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,440 Just like this. Yeah, but what about me? Your hearing's gone. 707 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,960 Well, I'll tell you what, do me a favour, then, I'll do that, 708 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,160 but I'm going to be short now, can you put that finger in that ear? 709 00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,920 It's not my ears that get affected. It's actually my penis. 710 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,280 I'm going to have to hold my penis. You know like, 711 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,080 that security blanket of having to hold it? "Your Honour." 712 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,680 In fact, I'll do that, and you hold my penis. 713 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,600 LAUGHTER 714 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,760 "In court, the comedian Lee Mack's defence was that he has to 715 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,160 "clutch his penis when he's scared." 716 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,040 LAUGHTER 717 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:27,280 Vowel, consonant, vowel. 718 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,000 O, P, U 719 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,600 Hold my ear, please. Consonant. 720 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,080 R Vowel. 721 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,920 O Consonant. 722 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,160 There's too many O's. 723 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,320 B Vowel. 724 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,120 E OK, time for the Tension Round. 725 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,520 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold my ear. Hold my ear. 726 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,160 I'm not holding your ear. 727 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,800 Double points for anything you get in this round. Your time starts now. 728 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,640 LOUD TENSE MUSIC Argh! I don't like it! 729 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,160 KLAXON BLARES 730 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:14,000 Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! 731 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:19,040 Five! Four! Three! Two! One! 732 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,280 LAUGHTER 733 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,320 APPLAUSE 734 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,240 That wasn't too bad, was it, Lee? 735 00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,200 What? 736 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,080 Does it stop eventually, the ringing? 737 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:34,560 How did you do? How many letters? 738 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,240 Well, I've got a very appropriate one, actually. Five letters. 739 00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:39,640 Five letters. POOER. 740 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:41,640 Is that a word, Susie? 741 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,360 Er... Course it is. Is poo a word? Poo is in. 742 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,840 Well, who's doing all the pooing? 743 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,120 LAUGHTER 744 00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,600 There's no POOER. Course there's a POOER. 745 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,760 To poo, it's a verb, right? 746 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,480 Tell me who's doing the pooing and we can move on. 747 00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:01,000 The pooist. The pooist? The pooist? 748 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,440 OK, Munya, how many? I got six. 749 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,680 You got six, OK. Jon, how many? 750 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,120 Yeah, six. Harriet? Six. 751 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:10,320 Harriet, what's your six? 752 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,600 BOOGER. BOOGER? 753 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,360 You get up your nose. A BOOGER. 754 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:20,040 And just so you know, Susie, if it's not in, I want to know 755 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,680 who's been doing all the booging. 756 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,360 Yes, it's in. 757 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,000 BOOGER. Oh. 758 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,680 APPLAUSE 759 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,440 Jon, your six? 760 00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,960 I had BOOGER also. 761 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,760 And, Munya, your six? 762 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,520 I got PROBED, which is how I got the BOOGER. 763 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,600 I mean there was an even better one there which is GOPROBED, 764 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:46,400 which is where they put a GoPro into... 765 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,880 Those are double points because it's the Tension Round. 766 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,840 TENSE MUSIC 767 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:53,720 So that's 12 points to both teams. 768 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:59,000 APPLAUSE 769 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,200 David, Susie, could they have done any better? Yeah. 770 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,160 Susie found a good seven-letter word. Which was? 771 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:07,120 Well, just GROUPED. So at the end of that, 772 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,720 Lee and Munya are in the lead with 29 points. 773 00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,840 APPLAUSE 774 00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,760 OK, time to go across to Dictionary Corner. What have you got for us, 775 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,720 David O'Doherty? I think what I might have here, 776 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:19,560 I think it's fair to say, Susie, 777 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,000 it could be the greatest tale ever told, 778 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,160 and like many of the great tales it takes place in Norwich. 779 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,080 I did a gig there and the guy in the front row, 780 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,600 he works in the zoo, I just had one question for him, 781 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,960 "What's the best thing that's ever happened in your zoo?" 782 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,240 And he doesn't even pause to think, he just says, 783 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:43,120 "A capuchin monkey escaped on the back of a goose." 784 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,440 So in the zoo outside Norwich the monkeys live on Monkey Island 785 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,880 and there's a sort of a Shawshank Redemption monkey 786 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,800 with a taste for freedom, and he befriends a goose 787 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:55,600 that lives in the waters off Monkey Island and on this particular day 788 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,880 the wind must be blowing in the right direction 789 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,520 cos the monkey beckons the goose onto the island, 790 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,000 and suddenly he sprints towards the goose 791 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,080 and jumps on his back and screams in his ear, 792 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,760 "Fly, you flappy prick." I don't know what he said, 793 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,280 it was something like that. And get this, 794 00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,840 the goose starts to flap, and five flaps in, 795 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,960 they actually take off. 796 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,600 There's a school group watching from the mainland of the zoo 797 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,360 and they can't bel... They get the zookeeper over and they're like, 798 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:27,200 "Sorry, see that? Is that common?" And the zookeeper says, 799 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,760 "No, that's the best thing that's ever happened 800 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,960 "in the history of nature and aviation." 801 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,720 But 15 flaps in, physics starts to kick in 802 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:40,240 and the goose starts to list to the side, 803 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:43,760 and the monkey holds on as long as he can till he can't, 804 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,760 and then he just falls and lands, slams against the ground, 805 00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,200 and the zookeeper rushes over and lovingly picks him up and says, 806 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,440 "He's actually fine, they have thick skulls from falling out of trees, 807 00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:57,440 "he'll be grand in an hour," and just puts him in a boat 808 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,880 and rows him back to Monkey Island. 809 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:05,840 An hour later the monkey wakes up and he's like, "Freedom! 810 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,840 "Tsk! Ah, shit." 811 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,000 And that's the best metaphor for Brexit I've ever heard. 812 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:19,320 Wow. David O'Doherty, everyone. And here is your final teaser. 813 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,200 The words are FINALTUG, the clue is, this isn't working. 814 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,400 That's FINALTUG, this isn't working. See you after the break. 815 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:26,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 816 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,200 APPLAUSE 817 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:43,360 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, the words were FINALTUG, 818 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,560 the clue was, this isn't working, it was, of course, FAULTING. OK, 819 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:50,240 time for our final letters game. Lee, Munya, your turn to choose. 820 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:55,200 What do you want, Munya? I would love at least two vowels. 821 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,640 A, and U 822 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,240 Can I have a consonant, please? 823 00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:02,960 Z Oh, good, a Z to go with the U. 824 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,600 Stick another consonant in, there might be a Q sneaking in there. 825 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,120 S I'll have a consonant. 826 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:12,120 T Let's have another vowel. 827 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,600 E Let me get a D. 828 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,840 B, that'll do. I'll give you B I'll take that. I can give you B 829 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,600 And then another one of them. T 830 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,880 You've got to get a vowel in there now. 831 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,040 If you could give me an O right now 832 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,840 I will add you on LinkedIn. 833 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,880 LAUGHTER 834 00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,000 Oh, it's an O Oi. There we go. 835 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,800 OK, and while you're doing that I'm going to listen to my voicemails. 836 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,280 Your time starts now. 837 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:39,320 You have two new messages. 838 00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,560 Hi, Jimmy. Rachel Riley here. 839 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,600 Um, I just wanted to say sorry for calling you a disgusting pervert 840 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,800 who wears cheap suits. 841 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:51,760 I've thought about it and, well, they're not that cheap, are they? 842 00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,320 LAUGHTER 843 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:57,960 Hi, Jimmy, it's Joe Wilkinson here. I'm just doing a skydive, 844 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:02,080 but I've got a horrible feeling I've left my parachute in your hallway, 845 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,080 so can you check for me? 846 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:07,200 If you're there, pick up cos it's pretty urgent. 847 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,520 SPLAT! 848 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,760 LAUGHTER Delete. 849 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:15,280 - Lee, how many? - Talk to someone else, - I'm busy. - Munya, how many? 850 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,040 It's a five for me, Jimbob. Harriet? Five. 851 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,280 Five, OK. Jon. 852 00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:24,080 A six. OK, Harriet, let's go to your five. 853 00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,440 Er, BEAUT. BEAUT? 854 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,800 As in, AUSTRALIAN ACCENT: "Ah, yeah, what a beaut"? Yeah. 855 00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:33,520 Er, wait, BEAUTS. If you're going to start doing Australian words 856 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,840 I'm going to start doing Zimbabwean words, and trust me, 857 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,280 there's a lot of letters that go in Zimbabwean words. 858 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:43,000 ZOTBEAUTS I imagine is... That's my cousin. Yeah, yeah. 859 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,800 I haven't declared yet. Oh, go on, how many? 860 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,880 Six. What a fucking surprise. Have a guess what it is, Jimmy. 861 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,120 LAUGHTER 862 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:55,680 BEAUTS. I can't believe you used my word against me. 863 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:57,440 Well, it's your word against mine. 864 00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,120 LAUGHTER 865 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:01,920 APPLAUSE 866 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,960 Don't clap. 867 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:08,960 Munya, what's your five? I got BOAST. BOAST? Hm-mm. 868 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:10,960 Jon, your six? ASTUTE. 869 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,880 Yeah. Six points to both teams. 870 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,440 APPLAUSE 871 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,640 David, Susie, could they have done any better? 872 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,760 Susie's found a seven-letter word, 873 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,120 I'm imagining it's of French extraction, BATTUES. 874 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:28,080 It's all about the beaters driving the game towards the hunters. 875 00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:32,680 So, Jon and Harriet have 33, Lee and Munya have 35. 876 00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,680 High points, actually. 877 00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,280 So, fingers on buzzers. 878 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:41,480 Time for our Crucial Countdown Conundrum. Your time starts now. 879 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,000 BELL Oh, sorry... 880 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:44,480 I thought the answer was COUNTDOWN. 881 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:45,840 LAUGHTER 882 00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:59,880 BELL 883 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:01,680 Is it PENDULUM? 884 00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:02,800 No. 885 00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,160 LAUGHTER 886 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,600 What do you mean is it PENDULUM? I'm... 887 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,840 How are you spelling PENDULUM? Bro, I never said, it was this guy. 888 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:14,320 Restart the clock. 889 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,960 BUZZER AND BELL 890 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,720 Well, well, well. 891 00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,920 LAUGHTER 892 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,480 Who buzzed in? I did. I did. Jon? Jon? 893 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,000 PLUMMETED. I think I'm right. 894 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,240 Jon, you're saying PLUMMETED. Let's take a look. 895 00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:41,520 APPLAUSE 896 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,640 The scores are Munya and Lee have a very respectable 35 897 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,240 and Jon and Harriet have 43. Congratulations, Jon and Harriet, 898 00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:53,240 you're now the proud owner of this, the Countdown Rug. 899 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:55,760 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience 900 00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,520 and to all of you for watching at home, that's it from us, goodnight. 901 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,560 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 902 00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,600 Subtitles by Red Bee Media