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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour

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Tonight on
8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown,

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Jon Richardson,

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Rob Brydon,

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Katherine Parkinson,

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Babatunde Aleshe,

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Adam Buxton,

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Susie Dent,

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Rachel Riley

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and your host, Jimmy Carr!

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Hello, and welcome to
8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown,

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a show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.

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OK, let's meet tonight's players.

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First up, it's Team Captain Jon Richardson.

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APPLAUSE

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Jon says his comedy is
influenced by Lee Evans,

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although unfortunately Jon
wasn't influenced by

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the part where Lee Evans
packed in standup

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and hasn't been seen for a decade.

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And Jon's team-mate,
it's Babatunde Aleshe.

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APPLAUSE

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Babatunde says when he lived in
a rough part of Tottenham,

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a sex worker once managed
to get into his house,

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despite all the doors being locked.

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At least that's what he told
his wife.

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LAUGHTER

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Is that a true story?
Yeah, 100% true story.

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First of all, like, I was getting
ready for school and then... Ugh!

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I was getting ready for school
and then I turn around

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and in my living room is this
sex worker and I'm like,

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"Who the hell are you?
And you need to leave now

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"because if my mom see's you, it's,
everyone's going to die",

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right. And then my mum comes out

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and my mum you know she's Nigerian
and my mum was like,

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"Who the hell is this?"

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and you know, I had to like, like,
kind of just be like,

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"All right, go, go, go",
and just usher her out,

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which now I'm explaining it makes
it sound like I invited

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the person in,
which I didn't, but...

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Right.
Yeah, that's how it happened.

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But how did she get in if
the doors were locked?

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I don't know. If my sister was here,

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my sister would tell you
100% this happened.

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Cos it was your sister?

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LAUGHTER

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That's certainly how it sounded,
Rob, yeah.

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I think, you know, Babatunde,
that's really HER story

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to tell when SHE feels ready.

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Up against them this evening,
it's Guest Team Captain Rob Brydon.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Rob used to do voice over work
for Euro Trash,

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so if you're over the age of 35,

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the chances are you've knocked one
out to those dulcet tones.

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Jimmy, it's a pleasure
to see you in the flesh

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and it is still flesh isn't it, technically?

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Percentage wise,
it is still flesh, isn't it?

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And joining Rob tonight,
it's Katherine Parkinson.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Both Katherine and Rob have
acting backgrounds.

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Katherine has appeared on
the West End stage and won a BAFTA

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and Rob does a pretty decent
Ronnie Corbett.

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OK, Jon, what's your best feature?

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Well, I asked my wife, cos she's
best placed to answer this question,

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and she said, "Well, look, Jon,
you're not very handsome,

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"you're not very tall
and your voice is irritating,

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"and, you're, erm, quite tight."

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And then she left,
I haven't spoken to her since.

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I think he's a you're
a very handsome man.

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Rob, it's your... Er, what, sorry?

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I think he's a very handsome man.

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Cor, she's quite the actress,
isn't she?

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That really, like, felt like
she meant it.

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Rob, are you going to be better at
the letters or the numbers?

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I'd say this, I did,
at school I did further maths,

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I called it further maths,
they called them resits.

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And this is interesting,

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I've been doing some
of those online genealogy things

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and I discovered I'm Welsh. Now...

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We're very... we're very good
with words

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and nine-letter words, to us,
is nothing.

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Sometimes even with
a vowel in there.

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So, sometimes... So words are good.

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You know, at school,

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the words were so long, Adam,
they were so long...

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How long were they? ..we didn't.
Well, I'll tell you, Jimmy.

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They were so long,
we didn't have school books,

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we had rolls of wallpaper.

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That's how long...
that's how long...

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that's how long the words were.
That's the joke, Jimmy.

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OK.
LAUGHTER

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Katherine, are you easily
embarrassed?

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Erm, I'm not actually,
err, but I am often

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doing things that are embarrassing.

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I remember a few years ago...
I really like musicals. Mm...

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You must like musicals.
I love musicals, I love musicals.

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Cos you've got a lovely singing
voice. Thank you.

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I...
See how easy it is to be nice.

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I'm just blown away by
the acting.

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First he's handsome, now you can sing.

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She can do it all.

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I decided in a pub to
start singing ump-papa from Oliver

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and assumed everybody would join in

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because that's what happens in
the film and they didn't join in

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and I had to sing it through
to the end alone,

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and I don't even know the words.

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Give us the start,
we'll see if they join in.

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Do you know this one?
I don't know that one, no.

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You don't know the song?
I know that one.

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You know that one?
♪ Everyone... ♪

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♪ Ump-papa, ump-papa

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♪ Everyone knows... ♪

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Oh, Jesus.
I didn't know it went like that.

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No-one joined in with that?

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What happened to your voice when
you started singing?

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Yeah, you got, like,
briefly possessed.

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It took on the dialect, guys.

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Can I hear that again?

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Mm...

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♪ Ump-papa, ump-papa

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♪ Everyone knows... ♪

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I didn't know Dot Cotton was
in Oliver.

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OK, Babatunde,
when you did I'm a Celebrity,

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what was the... what was the hardest
thing about being in the Jungle?

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Matt Hancock.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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I was at Oxford with Matt.

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Why did no-one on the show
refer to him as Man Cock?

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You knew him, Katherine?

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I was at University with Matt.

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Did you know him when you were
at University? Yeah.

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And was he was he a dynamic kind of
sexy guy then as well?

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Really, really sexy, really dynamic.
Was he?

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Really good looking
and a great singer.

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What sort of person was he?

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Katherine, have you got a mascot?

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I've brought my, um...

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I've got two children
and I've brought their, erm, teeth.

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Their teeth?

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Err, just their baby teeth, which
are here still with blood on them.

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I'm not going to lie, that is mad
weird. KATHERINE: Thank you.

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Good lord, how many have you got?

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It's like something
from Pirates of the Caribbean.

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I don't want to touch it. No, no.

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And what's wrong with my children's
teeth? They... I feel like, erm...

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It looks like desiccated coconut.

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I'd like to make sort
of necklace or, erm...

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I think making a necklace is
an excellent idea, yeah.

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Yeah, that's the way forward.

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OK, err, Jon have you got a mascot?

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Sometimes I forget,

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obviously I'm known as a
cardigan-wearing anagram fan,

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but I'm also one of Britain's
leading erotic novelists...

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...as you'll know from my
sexual cleaning books,

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the deep clean trilogy, erm,

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volume one, Around the Rim:
Confessions of a Toilet Cleaner,

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and Hot White Loads: Tales from...
Tales from the Laundrette.

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Erm, so I went into
the erotic novel thing

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and then I realised that
everyone wants...

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It's all bloody murder
mysteries now, isn't it?

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So I've written a book about

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a killer who infects some
cleaning products.

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Err, it's called A Bad Case of Cif.

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And it's about a guy who
gets some Cif,

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and he puts poison in it,
so it kills people.

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And if I put some
product placement in there,

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I get money from the company.

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And I'm going to read you some now,
a little exert,

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and I have snuck
a few brands in there.

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I don't know if you can spot it.

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"'Get in that toilet, duck', she
said in her thick Nottingham accent,

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"by which I mean her accent
was strong,

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"not that all people from
Nottingham sound thick.

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"'Get them cords down,
this will be over in a Flash.'"

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Oh, and I should point out the lead
character is loosely based on me.

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"DCI Juan Rico lowered his pants
as far as his knees

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to prevent any of the fabric
touching the dirty cubicle floor.

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"'Aren't you going to rubber up?'

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"He raised both hands and wiggled
his yellow fingers?

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"'I already did it...'"

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Oh, no, he's Spanish sorry.

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"'I already did it.

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"'I put on my Marigolds
before I touched

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"'the toilet door handle'.

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"'Not your hands, that,'

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"she cried, pointing at
his perfectly normal

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"and bang on the average size penis.

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"'I don't understand,

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"'I would need five penis
to fill the glove.'

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"'I mean a
condom, you cloth-eared idiot.'

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"Juan measured his need to get laid
up against his hatred

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"of single-use plastics.

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"'Sorry, baby' he said,

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"'I just love the Oceans too much,'

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"at which point he emptied his
Jeyes Fluid into the bowl."

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LAUGHTER

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Oh, that is awful.

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It's actually an outdoor cleaner,
Jeyes Fluid, for patios,

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but I didn't think
the lay reader would know that.

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So, that'll be out, erm,
that's not going out, is it?

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Babatunde, you got a mascot?

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I do. When I started
my stand up, erm, journey,

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I started on
the black comedy circuit.

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Whenever, like, you know you're
in a black comedy show,

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we always have a DJ,
and we have a lot of sound effects.

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So, you know a lot of
the times if someone says like

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a really cool punch line,
you'll hear like a massive err,

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sound effect. So, I've brought a
beat machine with some sound effects

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to make and recreate the black
comedy circuit on this show,

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on Countdown. So, any time
someone says something funny,

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you'll just hear a...

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00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,120
KLAXON BLARES

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You get me?
If I get an answer right...

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EXPLOSION

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You get me? You like that, don't
you, bro? I know you like that, bro.

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EXPLOSION

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00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,720
You like that?
RAPID GUNFIRE, EXPLOSION

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00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,160
You get me, Jon? Come on, big me up.

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00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,280
KLAXON BLARES

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Yes, come on!
APPLAUSE

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Rob, have you got a mascot?

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00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,400
Yes, I've brought
a mascot tonight.

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00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:21,440
Um, we're in a precarious profession
and we're always open,

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00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,240
all of us as performers,

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to the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune,

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00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,320
not my words of course.

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00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,480
Um, it can be hard
to keep your spirits up.

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00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,840
What I do is I like to remind myself
of some of my best work.

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00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,000
As you know,

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00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,320
I've done a few voice overs
for products over the years.

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I carry this around with me.

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I call it my Wheel of Dignity

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and this... this is
to remind me of some of

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00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,360
the wonderful products that
I've endorsed

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00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,040
if I'm feeling a little low

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00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,240
and I know you've struggled
with feelings of self-worth.

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LAUGHTER

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00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,840
So, here, for example,
this top one,

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00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,840
"Bounty, taste the exotic."

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00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,120
That was me.

240
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,320
"You know when you've been Tangoed,"

241
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,840
that was me.
Was that you?

242
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,720
Yeah. "Ribena, with no added sugar".

243
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,400
That was me.

244
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,880
They don't need added sugar,

245
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,920
it's got fucking loads of
sugar in any way.

246
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,880
"Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes,
they are ludicrously tasty."

247
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,640
That, I think, might be the greatest.

248
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,040
That's the classic.

249
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,440
"Philadelphia with chives." Ooh.

250
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,760
That was me.
"Gaviscon cool. What a feeling."

251
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,520
Perhaps my best,
"New Toilet Duck Active Liquid,

252
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,160
"goes on cleaning flush after
flush."

253
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,880
EXPLOSION

254
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,520
That's a lot of voice overs.

255
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,000
See instore for details.

256
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,320
Well, you do a very good fast read
of the terms and conditions.

257
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,320
I certainly do, yeah.
"See in store for details.

258
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,200
"Your home may be at risk if
you don't keep up repayments."

259
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,320
And that's Ribena?

260
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,680
The way... Yeah.

261
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,520
LAUGHTER

262
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,720
What was your Euro Trash voice?
I can't remember,

263
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,320
but it was all... it wasn't a great
show, let's be honest.

264
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,560
It fucking was. I loved that.
Did you? I loved it.

265
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,960
It's the best thing you've ever
done, Rob. No.

266
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,320
My memory of it is it was on just
after school though. Was it on?

267
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,640
No, what time were you getting
home from school?

268
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,760
It was a hell of a commute,
Katherine. It was late, wasn't it?

269
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,840
Yeah, it was, it was like
11 o'clock on Channel 4.

270
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,320
It was always, it was kind
of dubbed films, wasn't it,

271
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,840
of Helmut and Yolanda,

272
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,080
say two German swingers showing
me around their dungeon.

273
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,200
But it would be in German,
so I'd be saying,

274
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,240
err, I don't know,

275
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,720
"Helmut and Helga enjoy time
"together at the weekend".

276
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,000
and they'd go...

277
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,800
SPEAKS IN MADE-UP GERMAN

278
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,880
OK, over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Adam Buxton.

279
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

280
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,640
Adam's been hosting his
own podcast since 2015.

281
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,280
I'd like to put Adam's podcast on
in the car,

282
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,400
then I go back in the house
and watch telly.

283
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,560
Adam, you're a father of three.
What is family life like?

284
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,000
It's all right.
My children are now teenagers,

285
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,960
and we can play word games together,
yes!

286
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,720
This is one of the word games
that we play,

287
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,120
and the challenge is to be

288
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,520
the first person, when you
randomise the lettered dice,

289
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,560
to make words of four letters
or more,

290
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,240
and my 19-year-old son is
getting quite good at it,

291
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,440
but his technique is to just sort of
try out made-up words

292
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,040
and hope that they exist.

293
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,400
Some of the words that he's come up
with recently have been err, Sherm,

294
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,760
that is not a real word,

295
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,560
but it is a bit of slang, which,
err, maybe, Jimmy,

296
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,560
you and I are familiar with from
the old days before vapes.

297
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:57,440
It means dipping
a cigarette in PCP. That's a sherm.

298
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,600
That's a sherm?

299
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,680
Let's all have a sherm after
the show.

300
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,160
Where's the sound effect?

301
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,000
Nah, man, that's not cool.
I'm not going to lie.

302
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,280
Another word that he tried

303
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,120
to play recently, which we did not
allow him, was "quank".

304
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,960
Mm...

305
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:15,240
Are you familiar with that one?
There is a quank. There is a quank?

306
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:16,560
A quank and a swank and...

307
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,440
Well, a quank, as far as I'm aware,

308
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,560
is a harsh croaking
or honking cry...

309
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,320
Ah. ..uttered by a bird or animal.

310
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,800
I just assumed that it was
a big of slang.

311
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,240
I would imagine that there is
a quank in the urban dictionary,

312
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,440
along the lines of, you know,
in between my gym

313
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,600
and therapy sessions I had just
enough time for a quank.

314
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,600
Adam Buxton, everyone. APPLAUSE

315
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,720
Yeah.

316
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,560
And with Adam, of course,
it's Susie Dent.

317
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

318
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,400
I got Susie's latest book,

319
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,560
and I couldn't put it down.
I took it to the vet,

320
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,040
I hit it with a shovel, I tried to
kill it in a bucket,

321
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,200
but sadly,
I just couldn't put it down.

322
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,400
Susie, do you have any traditions
on regular Countdown

323
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,200
that you don't bring
across to this show?

324
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,400
Well, we take the game seriously,
that's one tradition.

325
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,720
Sometimes it does go into
Cats territory.

326
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,960
So, erm, we had "nematode" for eight
last week,

327
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,600
which was one of Rachel's favourites
because it's a little worm

328
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,320
and I tried to explain that
it's good for gardening

329
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:23,120
and I explained it as,
"If you, like me, have a problem

330
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,360
"with moths in your box
hedge", erm, which I do.

331
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,560
And they won a teapot,
that's my favourite bit.

332
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,760
Do you not win a teapot on this
one? SUSIE: No.

333
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,760
You just get a cigarette
dipped in PCP.

334
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,440
And in charge of
the numbers is Rachel Riley.

335
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,280
APPLAUSE

336
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,680
Rachel, have you got any life hacks
you could share with us?

337
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,080
The number one life hack would be
don't have kids.

338
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,880
My second life hack,

339
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,080
if you've obviously already made
that mistake,

340
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,600
then you have to find out ways
to make things cheaper.

341
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,320
I found that, um,
last time we took them on holiday,

342
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,280
there was like a kids play area,

343
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,440
and you have to take your shoes off
before you go in,

344
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,160
and my kids absolutely loved it

345
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,160
because they like trying on
other kids' shoes.

346
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,320
So, instead of, you know,

347
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,760
paying and going on holiday we
just take them to TK Maxx,

348
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,400
it's the shoe isle,
just like hours of fun.

349
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,200
I'm not sure if that's a life hack,

350
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,120
or if we should call
Social Services.

351
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,240
OK, and the prize
the teams will be competing

352
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,720
for tonight is this,
the Countdown Butter Churn.

353
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,800
APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING

354
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,640
OK, lets Countdown, everyone.
Time for our first game.

355
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,960
Err, Jon and Babatunde, you get the
first pick of the letters.

356
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,000
Oh, sick, I get to do this?
Oh, sick this is dope.

357
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,200
All right. Let me get, er,
let me get a consonant.

358
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,320
We can indeed.

359
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,800
We can start with T.

360
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,480
Get a vowel.

361
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,520
E

362
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,920
Another vowel.

363
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,520
U

364
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,080
Consonant.

365
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,120
S

366
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,280
Consonant.

367
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,320
M

368
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,560
Let me get a vowel.

369
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,800
O

370
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,240
Er, get a consonant, please.

371
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,280
J

372
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,960
And a consonant.

373
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,000
K

374
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,040
And a consonant again.

375
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,400
And the last one...T.

376
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,800
Rachel, while they're doing that,
shall we work on our robots?

377
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,400
Yeah, why not?
Right, lovely.

378
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,160
OK? Yep. Oh, sorry,
your time starts now.

379
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,040
Oh, my God.

380
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,040
I finished mine, do you
wanna have a look?

381
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,520
{\an8}Mine... Hang on, I'll show you,
mine does a little dance, look.

382
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,520
Oh, that's quite cute.

383
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,560
It is cute, isn't it?
Have you finished yours, Rachel?

384
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,640
{\an8}Erm, yeah, hang on one sec,
I'm just gonna bring it on.

385
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,200
{\an8}LOUD WHOOSHING

386
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,120
APPLAUSE

387
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,120
Don't touch me, blud.

388
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,480
Just touch Jon.

389
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,360
If I piss, I could die.

390
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,880
Jon, you OK?

391
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,160
What do you think?!

392
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,680
This is what Jimmy's gonna look
like in about two more goes.

393
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,360
All right, go on, get it
to fuck off. All right.

394
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,760
That was super dignified, Babatunde,

395
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,120
when you ran away from the
pretend robot.

396
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,040
I don't give a flying toss, bruv!
Super dignified.

397
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,160
You ran around the studio.

398
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,120
Listen, I'm from Tottenham and
we run, you understand?

399
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,600
That was genuinely frightening.

400
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,400
I hadn't looked up through
the whole of the round,

401
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,880
so the first I saw of it
was when it was there

402
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,480
and do you know what?
I wasn't expecting it.

403
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,080
I was fine with it.
No, you were not! I weren't.

404
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,400
OK.

405
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,160
Jon, how many letters?
Er, six.

406
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,920
OK. Babatunde, how many? Five.
Rob, how many?

407
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,280
Seven... five-letter words.

408
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,400
I'll put five.
Katherine, how many?

409
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,720
I've got seven five-letter words.

410
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,080
Wahey! We've done well. Boom!

411
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,560
Babatunde, what's your five?

412
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,840
Mine is SMOKE. Rob?

413
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,160
STOKE

414
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,600
Katherine, your five?

415
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,720
MUTES, M-U-T-E-S.

416
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,760
Yeah.

417
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,400
Er, Jon, for the points, your six?

418
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,600
MUSKET

419
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,640
Yeah. Very good. Oh, great word!

420
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,440
Musket. A six for Jon. APPLAUSE

421
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,160
OK, Adam, Susie, could they have
done any better?

422
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,560
Six was the best.
So at the end of that,

423
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,560
Jon and Babatunde are in the lead
with six points.

424
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,840
OK, onto our first numbers round.

425
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,760
Rob, Katherine, you get the pick of
the numbers.

426
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,360
What are we gonna go with first?

427
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,600
Can we have one from the top
and five from the bottom, please?

428
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,760
You can. One large, five little.
OK, you make all the decisions.

429
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,480
I didn't think you knew what to say.

430
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,800
I've no idea. So, I stepped in.
And we'll have another one, please.

431
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,760
Another one. Right, little ones,

432
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,040
6, 7,

433
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,080
9, 5,

434
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,400
10, and the big one, 50.
Right, I'd better write these down.

435
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,920
Yeah. The target you need, 804.
Oh, God, I feel sick.

436
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,600
OK, and your time starts... Give us
a second, hang on a second,

437
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,040
wait a minute. I feel sick. ..now.

438
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,120
Oh, my God!

439
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:31,360
Just as the time was running out,
he went, "Do something!"

440
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,120
OK. So, the target was

441
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,240
804. Jon, did you get it? I did,
yeah. Did you do something?

442
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,160
WE'VE got it. Yeah, WE'VE got it.

443
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,960
We've got it.
We're a team over here.

444
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,040
OK. Rob, did you get it?

445
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,040
I'm close. How close, are you?

446
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,120
I'm 3,690.

447
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,520
Katherine, did you get it?

448
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:50,720
I got 782.

449
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,000
No. No. So, Jon, how did you get it?

450
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,080
10 + 6

451
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,680
x 50

452
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,720
= 800

453
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,920
And 9 - 5 = 4

454
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,160
Yeah.

455
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,280
Ten points to Jon!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

456
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:09,560
Do you want my, my one that's not as
close, or do you not need that now?

457
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,040
Sorry, do I want your wrong answer?

458
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,280
Yes.

459
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,520
Obviously, we don't want your
wrong answer. OK. Cool.

460
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,800
So, so far, Rob and Katherine have
no points,

461
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,080
they have yet to score.

462
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,040
Jon and Babatunde are in
the lead with 16.

463
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,200
APPLAUSE

464
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,640
And here is your teaser.

465
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,960
The words are BATHE ROB. The clue
is, works best if you're naked.

466
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,240
That's BATHE ROB - works best
if you're naked.

467
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,160
See you after the break.

468
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,880
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser -

469
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,160
the words were BATHE ROB,

470
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,160
the clue was, works best
if you're naked -

471
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,680
it was, of course, BATHROBE.

472
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,800
So, Jon and Babatunde
are in the lead.

473
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,880
They've been playing in teams
so far, but this game is

474
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,800
just for Rob and Babatunde.

475
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,480
So, Rob, your turn to choose.

476
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,280
Consonant, please, Rachel.

477
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,320
F

478
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,160
Rachel, a vowel, please.

479
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,560
Stop saying Rachel!
E.

480
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,560
I would like a consonant, please, Rachel.

481
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:15,600
Yeah.

482
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,000
Rachel, could I have a vowel?

483
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:23,720
And I'm just gonna ask Rachel
for a consonant, please, Rachel.

484
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:24,880
Yep.

485
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:25,960
S

486
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,400
Vowel, Rachel.

487
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,640
E

488
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,600
Rachel, I would like a consonant.
Hm-mm.

489
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,640
P

490
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,880
Another consonant, please, Rachel.

491
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:36,080
N

492
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,440
Rachel, a vowel, please. And...

493
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:39,600
lovely choosing,

494
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,040
a final I.

495
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,160
Jon, shall we play on the arcades
if you're not on this one? Yeah.

496
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,000
That's it. All right, your time
starts... now.

497
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,480
Still keeping all your gold in
your pockets.

498
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,600
Rob, what did you get?

499
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,080
All I could come up with
is a six-letter word. A six.

500
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,480
Which is, I think, quite good.

501
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,200
How many? Six. Six. Oh, wow.

502
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,480
What was your six, Rob?

503
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,560
It's something I like
to shower you with

504
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,480
on a regular basis,

505
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:48,800
PRAISE

506
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,640
Ooh!

507
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,240
Babatunde?

508
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,840
I got ERASER.

509
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,320
You need two Rs.

510
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,440
Oh!

511
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,640
Oh, that's a shame.

512
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,240
Six points to Rob.

513
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,720
OK, Adam, Susie, could they have
done any better?

514
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,080
You could have had REFINES.

515
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,400
Oh, wow.
For seven.

516
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,080
OK, time for Katherine and Jon
to go head-to-head.

517
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,640
Jon, your turn to pick the numbers.

518
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,080
How many big ones do you like?

519
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,960
I like the smallest number
of big ones.

520
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,240
OK. No big ones, please.

521
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,360
Oh, no! No, not that.

522
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,600
Can you have no big ones? Yeah.

523
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:29,880
Is that an option?

524
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:30,960
Don't you host this show?

525
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,680
Yeah. Fun fact, never seen it.

526
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,360
Let's go no big.

527
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,240
And then the next round,
no consonants.

528
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,680
All right, your six little ones,

529
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,040
2, 5,

530
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,800
1, 9,

531
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,560
6 and 7. The 2 and the 1
aren't great.

532
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,920
And the target...

533
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,360
748

534
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,440
Your time starts now.

535
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,160
Katherine, I can't help
with this, I'm sorry.

536
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,600
I'm not allowed to help you
with this.

537
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,280
Did you do it, Jon?

538
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,480
I got 742.

539
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:28,720
Katherine?

540
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,920
I can't, I can't remember
if I've used the 5,

541
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,480
so just give me a moment, please.

542
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,280
Sure, sure.

543
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,080
665

544
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,520
But I can't remember how I did
it, so you can't ask me.

545
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,400
665 but you can't remember how
you did it. Yeah.

546
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,040
Well, it doesn't fucking matter.

547
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,640
Jon, for five points,
how did you get 742?

548
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,560
5 x 2 = 10.
Yeah.

549
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,480
And then 9 + 1 = 10.
I could've done that. Yeah.

550
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,840
10 x 10 = 100

551
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,240
100 + 6

552
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,280
= 106

553
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,040
106 x 7
= 742

554
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,280
Blimey!

555
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,040
Five points to Jon.

556
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,000
Rachel, could it be done?

557
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,400
It could be done.

558
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,120
7 x 6 = 42

559
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:23,600
OK.
42 x 9 = 378

560
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,080
Well, I think we all know that!

561
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,480
5 - 1 = 4

562
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,480
378 - 4 = 374

563
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,600
374 x 2

564
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,600
So, whoa, whoa, whoa! Go back to
that, go back to the 378.

565
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,440
I was with you to that. So, it was
the - 4 that was hard.

566
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,600
OK. Rachel Riley, everyone. APPLAUSE

567
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,240
OK, time now to go across
to Dictionary Corner.

568
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,400
Adam Buxton, what do you have
for us?

569
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,560
One of my favourite things that
I watched in recent years

570
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,600
was the coronation of one
of my favourite influencers,

571
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,480
K Charles and...

572
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,960
Did you love that as much as I did?
Loved it.

573
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,880
Of course, you did!
What did you like more,

574
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,720
the pomp or the circumstance?

575
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,280
Personally, I love the pomp

576
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:17,360
and I should think K Charles did
too. In fact, I know he loves pomp.

577
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,360
♪ I love it
I love it

578
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,360
♪ Pomp it, pomp it, pomp it

579
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,320
♪ I love it
I love it

580
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:24,920
♪ Nice

581
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,200
♪ I love it
I love it

582
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,440
♪ Ooh, yes

583
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:29,920
♪ Gimme, gimme
I love it

584
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,720
♪ Nice
Pomp it, pomp it, pomp it. ♪

585
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,720
I've got hours more of that.

586
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,360
But what few people realise is that
there was another exciting

587
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,480
celebration going on elsewhere

588
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,080
for this man here on the right,

589
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,240
and I know he looks very similar
to the one on the left,

590
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,480
but it is Regnon, Galactic Ruler

591
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,640
of the 12 Dimensions of Zantiar,

592
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,600
as well as Kozok
and the outer lands,

593
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,160
and recently it was
Regnon's birthday

594
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,480
and Regnon had an amazing
celebration in the great hall

595
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,880
and I wanted to show you

596
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,800
a few highlights from that
exciting ceremony.

597
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,880
Now, on this special day,

598
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,320
it is time for Regnon

599
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,000
to receive his presents.

600
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,600
Someone has got him

601
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,960
a kill sphere with
a Bluetooth speaker.

602
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,040
Thank you, Squelch. There you go.

603
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,880
You got it there? Hold it nice
and steady while it pairs.

604
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,000
CHIMING

605
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,880
Your kill sphere is now ready
to vanquish your enemies

606
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:43,360
and stream your favourite jams.
It's a really nice gift.

607
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:44,840
Thank you, Squelch.

608
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:49,680
Now, General Zweink I think has got
you a glove.

609
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,720
MUMBLES

610
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,120
Glove...

611
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,560
glove... glove.

612
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,920
Glove...

613
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,480
Thank you, Zweink.
I think he really likes it.

614
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,400
So, a lucky galactic ruler
has been given

615
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,800
a staff of ultimate power,

616
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,600
just like the one that laid waste to
the shadow realms of Gorthrax

617
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,840
and it's got a Biro on
the end as well.

618
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,640
And, cheers,

619
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:25,800
that's the WiFi booster that you
asked for.

620
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,120
With any luck,
you will never again have

621
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,800
to torture your servants when
Ted Lasso starts buffering.

622
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:37,120
And now Regnon's friend
Graham has asked to sing

623
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:38,680
a special song,

624
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,680
although he is tired
and has been at the pub.

625
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:50,760
WARBLING

626
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,200
Hmm...
LICKS LIPS

627
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,920
LOUD YAWN

628
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,520
BURP!
Oh, excuse me.

629
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,840
GROANS

630
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,040
BURP!

631
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:13,960
BURPING CONTINUES

632
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:21,600
There's a good chance that
will spell death for Graham.

633
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,640
There's 14 more hours of that.

634
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:25,720
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

635
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,240
Great. Adam Buxton, everyone.

636
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:32,600
And here is your teaser.

637
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,760
The words are PURE TURD
and the clue is - what a mess.

638
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,640
That's PURE TURD - what a mess.
See you after the break.

639
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,360
APPLAUSE

640
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,120
APPLAUSE

641
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:54,840
Welcome back.

642
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,320
The answer to the teaser,
the words were PURE TURD,

643
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:58,760
the clue was - what a mess.

644
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,560
It was, of course, RUPTURED.
RUPTURED!

645
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:02,920
LAUGHTER

646
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,800
Sorry. She got it. She got it.

647
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,640
Before we go on, we have
a special treat for everyone.

648
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:14,880
It's the Countdown Magician,
the Great Alfonso!

649
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

650
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:39,720
Well, hello, the Great Alfonso.

651
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:40,760
Ah, God!

652
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,600
You all right? Hello.

653
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,120
All right, Jimmy? Oh, crap.

654
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,280
Why are you on a quad bike?

655
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:51,480
Argh!

656
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:53,880
Er... Oh, crap.

657
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,280
Oh, crap, crap, crap.

658
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,800
Argh!

659
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,360
Er, thing is, Jimmy,

660
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:04,000
there's a lot of magicians out there
and you have to stand out, and, er,

661
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,360
I was going to learn
a few tricks, but, er,

662
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:07,640
I couldn't be arsed so I just...

663
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,440
Argh!

664
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,520
I just thought I'd be the first, er,

665
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,600
first magician on a quad bike.

666
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:15,760
Argh!

667
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,680
CRASH!
Oh, shit.

668
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:22,120
But it's harder than it looks
so I've, er...

669
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,760
I'm absolutely exhausted.

670
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,400
Ah, God.

671
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,640
Do you want to come back on set?

672
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,360
I'll be honest, I'm not sure I can.

673
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,200
HORN HONKS
Oh, sorry.

674
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,440
I've got a horn.
HORN HONKS

675
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,200
Fine, do it there.

676
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,400
Er, all right. Well, I was going to
do a couple of quad bike tricks,

677
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,880
but I've lost confidence.

678
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,680
Er, Fabio, do you want to go on
and get the ball rolling?

679
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,440
Do your fuckin' dumb trick. Oh, God.

680
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,840
Hurry up!

681
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

682
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,320
I did tell you
you needed a new dove.

683
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:08,720
The idea was, Jimmy,

684
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,000
it was meant to fly
around the studio

685
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,680
and then land back on his arm,

686
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,880
but he's held that dove for a month.

687
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,480
He wouldn't put it down, so that's
what you're fucking left with.

688
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,200
Don't just stand there, get off!
Piss off.

689
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:24,560
No, get off!

690
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,280
APPLAUSE
Off!

691
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,320
You anus.

692
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,080
Right, I'll try a quad-based
card trick. Are you ready?

693
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:35,120
I guess so, yeah.

694
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,080
ENGINE REVS
Ah, fucking hell, here we go.

695
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:38,760
That was meant to go for...

696
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,480
Argh! Shit!

697
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,080
Shit, shit, shit...

698
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,360
...shit, shit, shit...

699
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:50,120
Do we know if he's coming back?

700
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,120
Let's just carry on with the game.

701
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,080
Jon, your turn to choose
the letters.

702
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:57,400
HORN HONKS

703
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,880
Oh! Here we go. Here we go.

704
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We got it sorted...

705
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:26,360
HORN HONKS

706
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:30,880
That's fucked that, then.

707
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,360
Let's play Countdown!

708
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:34,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

709
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,480
HORN HONKS

710
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,400
OK, on with the game.
Jon, your pick of the letters.

711
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:45,960
Could we have a consonant, please?

712
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,280
Yeah. Shall I do vowelies?

713
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:48,880
Sure, yeah. Here's a consonant.

714
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,200
G

715
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:54,800
And a consonant, please.
Bouncier chair than usual, sorry.

716
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:55,880
R

717
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,000
And another consonant, please.

718
00:36:58,000 --> 00:36:59,120
Are you not letting me have a go?

719
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,800
L

720
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:01,920
Are you pissed off at me, Jon?

721
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,440
I just feel like you
might fuck it up.

722
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:06,600
I bet I don't!

723
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,840
All right, big boy,
let's have a vowel.

724
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,600
It's a, er...

725
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,760
It's an A.

726
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:18,840
Whoa!

727
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:22,400
Another vowel, please.

728
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,640
It's an O.

729
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,560
And a consonant, please.

730
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:26,840
C

731
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,360
And another consonant, please.

732
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:30,720
F

733
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:32,320
And a vowel, please.

734
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:33,560
Ooh, COMB.

735
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,600
And a consonant, please.
And a final...

736
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:37,640
D

737
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:38,960
Your time starts now.

738
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,160
Are you going to clean that up?

739
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,200
No.

740
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:52,600
I'm not in the mood.

741
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,600
I've had a stressful day, Jimmy.

742
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,080
OK, Jon, how many?

743
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,960
Oh, only a six. Babatunde?

744
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,280
Six. Six. Katherine?

745
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:17,560
Six. Rob?

746
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,040
Six. Katherine, your six?

747
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:21,800
GRACED. GRACED, wonderful.

748
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,160
Babatunde, what have you got?

749
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,240
FORCED

750
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:25,680
OK. Rob, your six?

751
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,400
I went for... GRACED.

752
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:29,880
LAUGHTER

753
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:31,640
Quite similar to Katherine's.

754
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,200
Identical. Jon, your six.

755
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,320
I used the D twice.

756
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,520
Don't I always?

757
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,480
But I haven't got a six.

758
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,400
Well, six points to both teams.

759
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,520
APPLAUSE

760
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:44,560
Hey, we've got 12.

761
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,240
Adam, Susie, could they have done
any better?

762
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:51,440
Susie has written DOGFACE.

763
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,160
What, sorry? That's not a word. LAUGHTER

764
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,440
It's a US soldier, an infantryman.

765
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,920
A DOGFACE? A DOGFACE.

766
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:02,520
So, at the end of that,
Jon and Babatunde are in the lead

767
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,280
with 27 points.

768
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,760
APPLAUSE

769
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,040
OK, time to go, once again,
to Dictionary Corner.

770
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,600
Adam, what have you got
for us this time?

771
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,840
Well, I've got a special life hack
for anyone in

772
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,200
a long-term relationship.

773
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:20,240
I myself have been living with
the same woman for 25 years

774
00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:24,680
and there's bound to be a few
disagreements, especially if

775
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:28,040
the other person is someone who
thinks that proper cutlery drawer

776
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:31,600
segregation "feels racist". Er...

777
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:34,840
Now, I'm glad to say that me

778
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,200
and my wife argue a lot less than
we used to, and part of the reason

779
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,640
for that is that we're quite mature,

780
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,800
we talk through our disagreements
calmly and honestly,

781
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:47,280
but I think another important factor
has been my decision to keep a log

782
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,000
of all the arguments that we have.

783
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,480
These are some of the more recent
entries in the argument log.

784
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:59,080
Subject of argument: Being moody.

785
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,320
Main points - Buckles, that's me:

786
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,280
"I don't understand why you're
so moody," I say to wife.

787
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,120
Main points - wife:
"You're the one that's moody.

788
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,560
"It's like a toxic cloud.

789
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:13,640
"I don't think you realise
how moody you are?"

790
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,160
Rebuttal - Buckles:

791
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,320
"You were moody first.

792
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,720
"I'm moody because you're moody.

793
00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:22,200
"I'm normally fun,
like on my podcast.

794
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,960
"In fact, right now,
you're gaslighting me."

795
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,560
Winner of that argument: Buckles.

796
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,800
Subject of argument:
Whose family is more dysfunctional?

797
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,760
Main points - wife:

798
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,680
"Yours is."

799
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,240
Main points - Buckles:

800
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,720
"Yours is."

801
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,040
Buckles.

802
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,240
Subject of argument:

803
00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:50,440
Wife updating me on which friends
and family members have cancer

804
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,080
just before scheduled
marital relations.

805
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,200
Main points - Buckles:
"It's not exactly sexy."

806
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,480
Main points - wife:

807
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,720
"It's the only time we get
to discuss important things."

808
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,760
Buckles.

809
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,800
And finally, subject of argument:

810
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:14,320
Wife leaving dirty plates and coffee
mugs by the sink to clean later.

811
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,920
Main points - Buckles:

812
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,160
"I always think it's better
to clean as you go."

813
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,560
Main points - wife:

814
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,840
"I always think it's better
to fuck while you off."

815
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,360
LAUGHTER

816
00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:30,560
But on the whole,
it's a good system.

817
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,240
Adam Buxton.

818
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:33,280
APPLAUSE

819
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,160
And here is your final teaser.

820
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,760
The words are HE STRIPS.
The clue is - it's a hairy one.

821
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,920
That's HE STRIPS - it's a hairy one.

822
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:45,160
See you after the break.

823
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:46,640
APPLAUSE

824
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

825
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,920
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser, the words were HE STRIPS,

826
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,720
the clue was - it's a hairy one.
It was, of course...

827
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:08,920
HIPSTERS. Well done, Katherine.

828
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,720
LAUGHTER
I did just read that.

829
00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:12,400
Reading's good too. Well done.

830
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,280
OK, time for our final letters game.

831
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,360
Rob, Katherine, your turn to choose.

832
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,000
Ooh, I've found a pack of cards.

833
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,360
Can I have a consonant, please?
Of course. OK.

834
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,000
Do you want to see a card trick,
Rachel? T. Yeah, of course.

835
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,080
You can carry on, it's not
exactly hard. Pick a card.

836
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,720
Sorry, carry on. Can I have
another consonant, please?

837
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,640
Pick a card.
Don't show me, don't show me.

838
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,040
All right, OK. Y.

839
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:35,400
Can I have a vowel, please?

840
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:36,440
U

841
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:37,880
Can I have another
consonant, please?

842
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,000
R

843
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,000
There's no way I could have seen
your card, right? No.

844
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,360
So, how...

845
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,760
A vowel, please.

846
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:46,160
...how do you explain...

847
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:47,600
LAUGHTER

848
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:52,560
And another vowel, please.

849
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,480
How do you explain me doing this?

850
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,520
E

851
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

852
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,760
Was your card the three of diamonds?

853
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,000
No.

854
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,120
LAUGHTER

855
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,440
What is it?
It's the nine of spades. Shit.

856
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,200
Oh, yeah, I've just remembered,
it only works if I'm on a quad bike.

857
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,360
Another vowel, please.

858
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:23,720
An A.

859
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,800
Gutted. And a consonant, please.
And a final...

860
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,440
S
JOE SIGHS

861
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,880
OK, I'm going to throw on the audio
description for this clock.

862
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,200
So, your time starts now.

863
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:41,120
Countdown audio description enabled. Hmm.

864
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,920
A life-sized Barbie doll
stands next to some letters.

865
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,280
She is wasting her life.

866
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:51,440
A tiny, rat-faced man-boy
is thinking about kinky sex.

867
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,320
A national treasure stares
at some blank paper.

868
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,080
He's just here for the money.

869
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:58,800
He stinks.

870
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,320
{\an8}A comedy actress attempts
to solve a word puzzle.

871
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,440
{\an8}She's either very
confused or has gas.

872
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,960
A word witch sits
smugly in a corner.

873
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,800
She can't wait to tell people
how thick they are.

874
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,440
Babatunde, how many?

875
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:18,840
I didn't get any.

876
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:19,880
Nothing? Nothing.

877
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,320
None? None.

878
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,720
Bring the robot back!

879
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:25,080
No! Don't do that, don't do that.

880
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,520
OK, Jon?

881
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:28,720
Jon, how many?

882
00:44:28,720 --> 00:44:30,880
Er... Six...

883
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:32,760
OK. Katherine, how many?

884
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,480
I'm going to try for a seven.

885
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,120
Good Lord. OK, great. Ambitious.
Rob, how many?

886
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,160
Just a five. OK, what's your five?

887
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,600
PAYER. Someone who pays something.

888
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,480
PAYER? Someone who pays.

889
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,680
All right, perfect.
What's your six, Jon?

890
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:45,840
PASTRY

891
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,320
Katherine, your seven.

892
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:48,640
So, if my seven doesn't work,

893
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,000
I've got TEARS, I've got YEARS,

894
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,000
because I'm not sure that
this seven one is a word.

895
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,240
OK, give us the seven.

896
00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:55,640
SURPATE
SHE LAUGHS

897
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:57,080
What, sorry? Sorry.

898
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,120
What, sorry?
LAUGHTER

899
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:00,840
Sorry, what was that?

900
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,040
I've also got PUS.

901
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:03,400
What, sorry? What?

902
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:07,320
Well, you want to see someone about
that, but what... what's the word?

903
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,680
I don't know if this is a word.
I've gone for SURPATE.

904
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:10,960
Yeah, SURPATE.

905
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,760
Could you put it in a sentence?

906
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,360
Oh, definitely,

907
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,840
I'll give you the SURPATE
on that when I get in.

908
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:20,480
Susie, is that made-up word?

909
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,600
Yes.

910
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,280
Six points to Jon.

911
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,920
APPLAUSE

912
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:29,240
Oh, I was so sure I got at least

913
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:31,040
something for you. Sorry.

914
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:32,800
Adam, Susie, could they
have done any better?

915
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,240
A couple of sevens - PASTURE and...

916
00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:37,280
Oh, no! ..and ESTUARY.

917
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,960
OK, so, Rob and Katherine
have 12 points,

918
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,360
Jon and Babatunde have 33.

919
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

920
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:47,600
OK, fingers on buzzers.

921
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,640
Time for today's
Countdown Conundrum.

922
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,120
You time starts...
Countdown. Oh... now.

923
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:55,840
BUZZER

924
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,080
ROB EXCLAIMS Oh.

925
00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,920
Is it DERRINGER?

926
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:04,040
How old ARE you?

927
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,360
INDISTINCT

928
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:32,800
BELL
REWARDING!

929
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,160
REWARDING is the right answer. Yes!

930
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

931
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,600
So, the final scores are
Rob and Katherine have 22,

932
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,560
Jon and Babatunde have 33 -

933
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,320
they're the winners.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

934
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,520
Congratulations, you're now

935
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:51,080
the proud owner of this,
the Countdown butter churn.

936
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,120
Thanks to all of our panellists,
our wonderful studio audience

937
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:57,040
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Goodnight!

938
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:21,200
Subtitles by Red Bee Media