1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,160 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,000 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,400 Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown - 4 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,560 Sarah Millican, 5 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,520 Joe Lycett, 6 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,320 Rhod Gilbert, 7 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,120 Judi Love, 8 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,920 Jazz Emu, 9 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,760 Susie Dent, 10 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,920 Rachel Riley 11 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,480 and your host - Jimmy... Carr! 12 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,320 Hey! 13 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,120 Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 14 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,600 a show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 15 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,640 OK, let's meet tonight's players. 16 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,040 First up, it's team captain Sarah Millican. 17 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,000 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,480 Sarah says she constantly needs to wee 19 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,360 because she has an old-lady bladder or, as I like to call it, 20 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,600 nanny fanny. 21 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,160 If the letters come up, can we have "nanny fanny" on this? 22 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,760 It's too many. Oh, it's too many letters. Too many letters. 23 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,560 Unless it's N-A-N-I. Oh, yeah. "Nan-eye fan-eye". 24 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,920 It's quite Brummie. It is quite Brummie! "Nan-eye fan-eye". 25 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,840 And Sarah's team-mate Rhod Gilbert. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,640 Thank you, thank you. 27 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,720 Here we go. Rhod used to be the voice of the Welsh Tourist Board 28 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,960 and the slogan, "You've got on the M4 the wrong way, 29 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,280 "never mind, welcome to Wales." 30 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,040 Up against them this evening it's team captain Joe Lycett. 31 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,160 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE Team captain. 32 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,200 Joe is originally from Birmingham. People belittle Birmingham, 33 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,720 but it's Britain's second shitty. 34 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,200 And joining Joe tonight, it's Judi Love. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,720 When Judi was little, she would perform in front of imaginary crowds, 36 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,440 which was a great practice for her last tour. 37 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,240 Ooh! 38 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,960 My last show, I was a supporting act for you, 39 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,160 so let's talk about your audience that wasn't there. 40 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,320 Yay! 41 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,640 Yes! Someone's finally got him! 42 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:42,000 Yeah... I think that this show is us against you. 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,600 It's not, it's all of us against Jimmy. Yeah. 44 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,840 Take that, you prick. 45 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,320 Well... I've really found my energy now. 46 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,480 Sarah, it says here you started your own YouTube channel. 47 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,160 Does that make you an influencer? No! It really doesn't. 48 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,920 It's, erm... You know those... Have you seen those Get Ready With Me videos that they do... 49 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,000 Oh, yes. ..when you watch somebody and they get ready? 50 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,680 I was going to do one of those, but the first 15 minutes 51 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,680 is just me having a shit and... 52 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,000 I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd watch it. Watch me have a... 53 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,160 I'd watch the first 15 minutes. 54 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,080 So you'd watch the concentration... 55 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,920 You wouldn't want the wiping, but you'd want the straining. 56 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:23,080 Oh, yeah, I'm not a pervert. Little bit of crying... 57 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,200 Sometimes I have to take me top off because I've got hot. 58 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,160 Oh, my gosh, I do... Yeah. Do you have to have slippers on? 59 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,480 No, why do you have to have slippers on? 60 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,160 I have to have slippers on, I can't have my bare feet... Why? 61 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,600 I need to have the slippers... Is it for purchase? 62 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,440 It just makes me... It just makes me feel grounded and connected. 63 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,600 Connected! Have you ever done a poo 64 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,000 when your feet weren't touching the ground? 65 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,680 Because I stayed in a hotel - in Wales, funnily enough - 66 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,280 where the toilet was on, like, a... a ledge. 67 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,680 That was a shelf. 68 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,920 I think you may have been in a B&Q, Joe. Yeah. 69 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,240 OK, uh, Rhod, what's... what's the one thing 70 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,600 guaranteed to cheer you up? I'm into wild swimming at the moment. 71 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,720 It just clears your head. Where do you do it? 72 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,800 Just in the house. 73 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,440 Just take a bit of LSD, hop in the bath. 74 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,560 Clears the head. 75 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,760 Yeah, completely. Er, anything else? 76 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,800 Just normal stuff we're all into. Bowling. 77 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,040 Where do you do the bowling? In the house. 78 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,200 I just cut off a friend's head... 79 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,240 ...buff it up a bit, stick my fingers in it 80 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,520 and lob it down the stairs. 81 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,560 Er, do you have any weird habits? 82 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,120 Not really. 83 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 I don't get out much. 84 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,800 Judi... Yeah. Life hacks - have you got any life hacks? 85 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,520 Do you know what, life hack - if you run out of toothpaste, 86 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,120 use salt? 87 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,480 Put salt on a toothbrush... Stay with me. 88 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,880 Back in the day, you'd use salt for everything, to preserve everything. 89 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,520 Just put some salt on the toothbrush... 90 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,280 Yeah. ..and brush your teeth, but don't talk to anyone. 91 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,120 Breath's going to smell like shit. 92 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,800 Just try it. If you run out of Fairy Liquid, 93 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,080 use shower gel to wash the plates - that's a life hack. 94 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,720 The life hack is just use any other shit that's in the house 95 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,600 and make it work. If you run out of champagne, try bleach. 96 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,560 No, no, no. 97 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,720 Oh, we don't run out of champagne, darling, no. 98 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,360 Joe, have you got a mascot? What have you brought for good luck? 99 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,480 I've been in show business for about 15 years, 100 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,440 but I still get imposter syndrome, I still feel like I'm not worthy, 101 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,000 that I shouldn't be here, that it's not good enough. 102 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,160 But that all changed after I started collecting 103 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,600 celebrity urine samples. 104 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,600 Celebrities are just humans, we're all just... 105 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,640 ...we're all the same, really, and no celebrity is better than another 106 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,480 and it reminded me that I'm actually fine and I've got all sorts here, 107 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,760 from a sort of... a rich Ross Kemp, that one is, 108 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,240 erm, down to a sort of, ooh, a lovely... 109 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:07,120 This is a delicious Carol Kirkwood, it smells so... 110 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,680 Some of them have been donated by the celebrities themselves 111 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:15,680 and some of them sourced from, let's call them unethical GPs. 112 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,160 Er, this was a donation - that's Eammon Holmes. 113 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,520 Still warm. Warm! 114 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,400 It's nice there. It's like he's here. Yes. 115 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,840 Some of the ones at the back here are a bit, erm, 116 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:32,000 a bit more eclectic. So that's Des Lynam's, that's just dust. 117 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,400 Des Lynam's. Erm, Gino D'Acampo there, 118 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,680 that's a vinaigrette. 119 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,240 Alan Sugar's, just broken glass. 120 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,280 Erm... Well, that explains why he's grumpy. 121 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,040 Yes, and the way he walks. That's mine, 122 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,440 that's a different sample actually, so... 123 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,040 And we've got one here, this is Jimmy Carr's. 124 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,120 Ooh! Just black ink. 125 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,800 That is... Captures your sort of soul, doesn't it? 126 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,640 And your hair. Whoever's hair that is. 127 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,920 And if you're wondering how much the collection is worth, 128 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,440 I've been told it's basically uninsurable. 129 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,200 OK. Sarah, have you got a mascot? Yes, I have. 130 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,200 I was quite a lonely kid, I didn't really have many friends at school, 131 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,680 erm, but I'll tell you somebody who was always my friend was the dinner lady. 132 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,000 Erm, I've got the new... 133 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,280 ...er, dinner-lady comfort doll. 134 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,320 Ooh. But it's just so really I can kind of hold her hand 135 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,520 like I did at school every now and again, just to feel sort of comforted 136 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,680 and less, you know, sort of nervous. 137 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,240 She says comforting things as well, should I... 138 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,800 Oh, go on. Would you like to hear? I'd love to. OK, she says a few. Er... 139 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,360 "More mash, love?" 140 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,760 That's to go with the, you know, with the mash scoop, obviously. 141 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,200 Aw... 142 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,520 "No, you can't come and live with me, 143 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,960 "I live in the school." 144 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,240 Who knew? I didn't know they lived in the school. 145 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,640 "Don't worry about not having any friends, 146 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,640 "it's chips today." 147 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,520 Words to live by. 148 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,520 Er, Judi, have you got a mascot? I have got a mascot 149 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,080 and, erm, what it is, you know, obviously, my surname is Love 150 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,200 and I'm all about the love and hooking up and getting peace. 151 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,360 So I thought my mascot is, like, you know, dating shows. 152 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,160 Are you pitching these shows? Yeah. 153 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,920 {\an8}So, look, "Love will", er, "keep you together." 154 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,920 Lovely, OK. "Love will tear us apart", OK? 155 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,200 {\an8}And if it tears you apart, find a shag from your neighbour - 156 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,600 {\an8}"Love thy neighbour." 157 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,880 {\an8}They get me. Right? 158 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,600 "Love finds a way." 159 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,840 {\an8}Like, find me or your love in the bush. 160 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,360 {\an8}Some of us have a bush anyway 161 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,880 and it's just hard enough finding it when you've got the bush. 162 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,960 But if there's a bush outside, you travel through that bush 163 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,040 to get to the bush. 164 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:07,200 Sorry, is that... Couples have got to find your vagina in a jungle? 165 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:12,280 I'd watch that. Not exactly, but it's a good show. It's a good show. 166 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,040 You could do a double bill with Millican's shit. 167 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,320 Can mine have a catchier name, do you think, than Millican's Shit? 168 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,040 OK. Rhod, have you got a mascot? What have you brought? 169 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,880 I have got a mascot, Jimmy. Funnily enough, his name is Jimmy. 170 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,760 JUDI GIGGLES 171 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,400 He's a rescue cock. 172 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,560 Like, I went to Battersea Cocks Home... 173 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,120 ...and he was in a little cage on the end, 174 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,560 and I fell in love with him. 175 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,280 I don't know what's going on. Are you on LSD again? 176 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,800 No, he's quite... he's quite shy... Jimmy? 177 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,760 Here he is. 178 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,800 Here he is. 179 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,760 He loves this show, he's a big fan... a big fan of this show. 180 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,200 You laugh, don't you, when you're watching this, Jimmy? 181 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,440 IT CACKLES LIKE JIMMY 182 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,880 Where was he? Was he just found abandoned at the side of the road? 183 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,680 I don't know. He was already in Battersea Cocks when I met him. 184 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,040 Would he like to give a sample? 185 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,920 IT CACKLES 186 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,400 Why would they rescue him and take him to the cock house? 187 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,800 Why wouldn't they take him home? Why would who take him home? 188 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,680 Why wouldn't they take him home? If I found a big fat cock 189 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:47,680 on the side of the road, I would not be taking it to Battersea Cock Home. 190 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,920 Is he still looking for a home though maybe, Judi? 191 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,920 Would you like to go home with Judi, Jimmy? 192 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,440 IT CACKLES 193 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,600 He's getting tired. 194 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,160 I'm not sure if there's room for two massive cocks 195 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,200 with weird laughs like that on this show. 196 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,760 Can we just keep him, then? Well, there's the door! 197 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,720 You can take him off. You can take him away if you want to. 198 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,800 Do you want me to... He's had a long day. 199 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,240 I'll pull him off. Yeah, you pull him off. 200 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,640 Bye-bye, massive penis. Come on. 201 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,320 IT CACKLES 202 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,120 Come on. Come on. 203 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,160 I'm enjoying watching it walk off. I like the little dance! 204 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,680 That was weird, wasn't it? 205 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,760 Over in Dictionary Corner, it's Jazz Emu. 206 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,880 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 207 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,720 Jazz, it's your first time on the show. Tell us about yourself. 208 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,080 Thank you, Jimothy, it's a pleasure to be here. 209 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:54,080 I am a musician by trade, but, er, I used to be a foley artist, 210 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,200 recording the sound effects for movies. 211 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,400 You're probably familiar with my work, 212 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,040 though you might not know it, er, like the leaking dungeon pipe 213 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,440 in Morgog's Revenge 2. 214 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,960 HE MAKES PLOPPING SOUND That was me. 215 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,160 Not a big deal. Everyone always thinks they know foley, don't they? 216 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,760 They really only know the main ones, like, er... 217 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,200 Like, er, knock two halves of a coconut together, 218 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,240 you get the sound of... Horse's hooves? 219 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,440 Horse hooves, that's exactly right. Yes. 220 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:26,800 If you do it the other way round - knock two halves of a horse together, 221 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,840 you get the sound of police sirens and a little girl saying, 222 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,360 "Oh, God, my horse, what have you done to my horse?" 223 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,480 It's a fascinating art form. 224 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:38,080 I'd like to show you some of my foley work, if that's all right. 225 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,040 Thought you were going to show us your horse. Oh, no, no, please. 226 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,440 Not right now, thank you! 227 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,720 I'll just show you some of my work here. CHIME 228 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,680 {\an8}Ooh. Oh. 229 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,960 {\an8}Oh, I hate these. Oh, so sorry about this. 230 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,720 "Select all the squares containing traffic lights." 231 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,720 CHIME 232 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,560 {\an8}"These are railway signals, these are not for traffic." 233 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:06,960 Seems a little pernickety. Let's try another one. 234 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,000 I really think they could have chosen slightly lower numbers, 235 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,760 Escape, escape. 236 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,880 "Select all the squares containing correctly clicked squares." 237 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,760 Can't even see the squares! 238 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,840 Jazz Emu, everyone. 239 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,480 Now... 240 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,960 And, of course, with Jazz, Susie Dent. 241 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,240 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 242 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,320 Susie Dent has written 14 books. I wish I knew the secret 243 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,720 to writing an engaging, entertaining, non-fiction book because if I did, 244 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,520 I'd tell Susie. 245 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,440 Susie, what have you been looking into recently? Er, well, er, 246 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,680 genuinely, I have been looking into glory holes, before you ask. 247 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,000 Yes! 248 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,920 But in the Oxford English Dictionary, 249 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,720 so I've been following what it meant over time. It started off meaning 250 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,560 just a corner where you would just heap everything together. 251 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,120 That was the first glory hole. Yeah, sounds about right. 252 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,400 Then it was a hall where the Salvation Army practised. 253 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,720 Sounds about right. Sounds about right. 254 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,720 Erm, and then it was a deep opening in a mine. 255 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,920 Sounds bang on! 256 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,120 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 257 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,080 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE Yeah, Rachel! 258 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,880 Rachel Riley or, as I like to think of her, Abacus Barbie. 259 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,920 Oh, I love it. You've described regular Countdown 260 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,920 as the side of yourself you'd show your grandparents 261 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,960 and Cats Countdown as the side you'd show your mates. Yeah. 262 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,120 Who's the real Rachel? I think... You get it, everyone's a bit of a mix. 263 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,760 I think, with most grandparents, you have to watch your words a bit, 264 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,440 but I didn't with my grandma because grew up in the war, 265 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,720 she's from Salford, she also was a dinner lady, 266 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,400 but she thought that she was the reincarnated spirit of Cleopatra. 267 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,960 Do you think Cleopatra would've been gutted to know she came back as a dinner lady? 268 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,120 OK, the prize the teams will be competing for tonight 269 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,640 is this - the Countdown melodica. 270 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,920 Little bit of quiet, please, this has been a month's rehearsal. Hit it. 271 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,120 HE PLAYS COUNTDOWN THEME 272 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,720 HE PLAYS FALTERINGLY 273 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,480 HE PLAYS WRONG NOTES 274 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,320 HE PLAYS BADLY 275 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,520 HE PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES 276 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,680 APPLAUSE 277 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,440 OK, let's count down, everyone. Time for the first game. Er, 278 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,760 Joe, Judi, you get the first pick of the letters. 279 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,320 We'll take a consonant, please. Thank you, Joe. 280 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,720 S 281 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,640 This must be the letters one, yeah? Yep. 282 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,480 Consonant, yes. A consonant, please. Yep. 283 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,160 F. Consonant. Another consonant? G. 284 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,000 G. Vowel? Vowel, yeah, let's have a vowel! 285 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,640 A. OK. I haven't been on this show for a few years, 286 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,920 I remember it being faster. 287 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,800 Vowel, vowel, consonant, vowel! 288 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,080 O, U, 289 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,600 C, E. Probably a consonant. 290 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,640 Yep, a final T. Right, so let me have... Wait, hold on, babes. 291 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,880 Hang on a minute. I'm trying to catch up. Start again. 292 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,160 S, F, G... I can't see. 293 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,680 A, O, U, C, E, T. 294 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,320 C, E, T. It's not an eye test! 295 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,760 And, for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock. 296 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,280 MONKISH CHANTS 297 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,160 THEY CHANT COUNTDOWN THEME 298 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:08,120 Ooooh. APPLAUSE 299 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,000 Right. 300 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,360 Come on, then, fellas. Thank you, I'll see you at the orgy. 301 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,560 How many? Seven. 302 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,840 Whoo. Sarah, what have you got? 303 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,280 I just got loads of fives. Uh, Joe, what you got? 304 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,480 I got a seven. Mm-hm. That's impressive. Judi? 305 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,080 Whoa, we're a team, so I've got a seven. 306 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,000 So, you've got a seven, what have YOU got? 307 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,240 Well, you know, I've got a... I've got a five. 308 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,160 What's your five? Erm, I have got SAUCE. 309 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,680 Your five, Sarah, your assorted fives? 310 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,680 I've got GUEST and I've got GOATS. 311 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,720 Rhod, your seven? Mine's, well, I'm hoping - FAUCETS. 312 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,280 Yes. I've got FAUCETS as well. 313 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,040 Whoa! FAUCETS, everyone. 314 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,920 That's an impressive word. Well done. Seven points to both teams. 315 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,120 Jazz, Susie, could they have done any better? 316 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,720 I don't mean to brag, Jimothy, but I actually got an eight. 317 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,640 Wow. Yes. 318 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,480 ATE - "ate". 319 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,120 Three letters. But, er, Susan? 320 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,440 Er, yeah, there is an eight there - OUTFACES, 321 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,680 which is to confront someone boldly and defeat them. 322 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,040 APPLAUSE 323 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,080 OK, on to our first numbers round. 324 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,160 OK, Sarah, Rhod, your turn to pick the numbers. 325 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,480 If you were not good at maths, for example, what would you do? 326 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,320 If you want to have a shot of getting it, I'd go two large, 327 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,520 but it you want to screw not just yourselves but the other team over, 328 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,160 then you could go four large. They don't need to be screwing anyone over. 329 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,640 No, it's too hard. If you want Judi not to get it, 330 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,840 just play the game. 331 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,880 Go for the easy one, I don't want that team to lose interest completely. 332 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,800 Right, four little ones. Glad we got there. 333 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,920 I thought it was... That ship may have sailed. 334 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,160 5, 7, 7, 335 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,760 5... What do we do? Just write them down. 75 and 100. 336 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,920 Look like you know what you're doing, flower. 337 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,400 And the target - 565. 338 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,480 What, that's the number we've got to get? Yeah. 339 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,480 And your time starts... Oh, shit. 340 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,480 ...now. 341 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,040 What was it? 565. 342 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,920 SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY 343 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,760 Arghh! 344 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,960 Rhod, did you... did you get it? 345 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,480 568, call it. 346 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,320 I've got 564, I think. Oh, well done. 564, pretty close. 347 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,960 No, it's still not right. Joe, did you get it? I got 566. 348 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,160 I got 565. 349 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,320 How did you get 565? I did 100 times 5, 350 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,880 right? Yeah. Add 75. 351 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,160 Yeah. Take away 5. 352 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,520 Which 5? Oh, you... There's two 5... Oh... There's two 5s. 353 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,720 No. I'm confused, right? Look... 354 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,080 You've got one 5 here. We've got to use those numbers. 355 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,320 Take away that... No. And one 5 here. No, no, no. 356 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,760 Well, you know what... 357 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,280 I was born in the '80s and the way we did maths 358 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,760 was a little bit different. 359 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:19,160 You were so close. Thank you. Sarah, how did you get, er, 564? 360 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,520 Written it down wrong, it's 566 is what I got. 566. 361 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,880 It's one the other way. OK, go on. Er, 5 multiplied by 100 362 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,800 plus 75, 363 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,040 minus both of the 7s plus the 5. Yeah. 364 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,600 Joe, did you get it the same way? Yeah, the same way. 365 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,480 I wasn't far. Yeah, you were. No, you were so close! 366 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,600 No, no, no, I'm listening to the don. She said I wasn't far. 367 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,280 All you needed to do was take off one more 5... Yeah. 368 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,800 So if you do 7 over 7 is 1... Yeah. 369 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,880 ...and then you do 100 minus the 1 - 99. Uh-huh. 370 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,720 Then you times it by 5... Yeah. 371 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,040 ...you get 495 and then you just, you can carry on. Yeah. 372 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:58,720 75 and the 5. I think my paper looks just like yours, if I'm honest. 373 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:03,520 Just one little one different. Seven points to both teams. Genius. 374 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:07,480 And here is your teaser. The words are RODBALLS, 375 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,840 the clue is - they're hard as concrete. That's RODBALLS, 376 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,080 they're hard as concrete. See you after the break. 377 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,960 APPLAUSE 378 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,400 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 379 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,200 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were RODBALLS, 380 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,200 the clue was - they're as hard as concrete. It was of course BOLLARDS. 381 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,480 Wow. My balls are not hard as concrete, I should point out. 382 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,040 Although they are as heavy. 383 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,320 I'm housebound some days. 384 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,160 It's that last little lip to get them out of the doorway, you know. Oh, yeah. 385 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,040 It's like taking a 14-year-old Alsatian for a walk. 386 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,000 Get them to the door and then... 387 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,440 ...then I can't get them over that last little lip. 388 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,080 OK, they've been playing in teams so far, but this game 389 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,640 is just for Sarah and Joe. Ooh! 390 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,560 So, Sarah, your turn to choose. Oh, no. 391 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,880 Erm, ooh, a vowel, please, Rachel. 392 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,840 Thank you, Sarah. Good choice. I. Thanks. Another vowel, please. 393 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,240 E. Erm, a couple of consonants, just chuck a couple up. 394 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,520 Thanks, flower. Y, N. 395 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,680 Oh, can I not have those? Why? They're all right. 396 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,320 No, let's have two more consonants, please. 397 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,760 T and P. Oh. 398 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,160 What? Let's have another vowel. A. 399 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,640 And then one more vowel and one more consonant, please. 400 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,000 And O. These are good. 401 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,080 Are they? You've nailed it. L. What if I'm still shit though? 402 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,920 I'm going to take a look at the old Countdown family photo album. 403 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,960 Your time starts now. 404 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,000 Aww. Oh, my God. 405 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,520 A very attractive 14-year-old Goth girl. Erm, Rhod? 406 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,280 Yeah. Were you Goose in Top Gun? 407 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,880 It looks like you've got four eyebrows 408 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,400 and two of them are trying to get away. 409 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,000 That young man there was a bit of a hit with the ladies. 410 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,320 Really? A lot of girlfriends. 411 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,400 Some were girls in my class. Some were older. 412 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,240 Some were, er, cereal boxes with a hole cut in the back. Oh, no. 413 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,920 One was a rubber glove filled with fairy liquid. 414 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,800 Does anyone remember their childhood in the 1950s? 415 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,400 Aww! 416 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,440 Look at that, it's Sarah Millican. 417 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,000 You look like you're playing darts. 418 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,040 You look like a bloke playing darts. 419 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,440 {\an8}That's the world's first game of "pull my finger", that is. 420 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,200 You got one of you there, Jimmy? Oh, yeah. There's one of me. 421 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,120 Can we see it? There you go, there's me. Is that you? Wow. 422 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,240 It's like someone painted a face on a thumb. 423 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,480 It's like an early prototype for Wallace and Gromit. 424 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,240 He looks like, you know when they show, like, murderers 425 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,280 and then they show, like, their baby pics? 426 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,080 You sort of look and you go, "Yeah, I can see it." 427 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,280 It looks like that. All right, er, Sarah, how many did you get? 428 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,680 Er, only six. Joe, how many? 429 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,120 Seven. Ah, God dammit. Oh! 430 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,440 OK, Sarah, what's your six? PLENTY. 431 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,520 Joe, what did you get? PENALTY. Yes, excellent. 432 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,840 So, er, seven points to Joe's team. Yes! 433 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,720 Could they have done any better? PONYTAIL, that was it. 434 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,920 OK, so at the end of that, Sarah and Rhod have 14 points, 435 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,200 Joe and Judi are in the lead with 21 points. 436 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,440 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 437 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,480 It's now time for Rhod and Judy to go head-to-head. 438 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,920 Er, Judi, your turn to pick the numbers. 439 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,160 At the top... You want all the top? We want... 440 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,000 ...three... 441 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,800 Oh, my God, oh, my God. Four. Four top, yeah. Oh, God. 442 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,440 One middle. Yeah. One middle! 443 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,400 One bottom. One bottom. 444 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,240 Confident? Four large. That's what I'm saying, four tops. 445 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,880 Right, we're going top heavy. Right, the... 446 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,520 ...little ones - 9 and 5. You're going top heavy. 447 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,800 And then we've got 75, 25, 448 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,400 50 and 100. 449 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,600 229. OK, and your time starts now. 450 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,640 Oh, it's all to play for. The noise, 451 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,760 the noise is making me nervous. 452 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,280 What have we got to get? 229. 453 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,920 JOE LAUGHS 454 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,760 OK, the target was 229. 455 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,400 Judi, did Joe get it? Erm... 456 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,600 I'm so nervous, I need Joe to explain it for me. 457 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,320 You got it! Wow! 458 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,680 So out of breath. That's amazing, well done. Rhod, did Sarah get it? 459 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,440 No. But, 230. 460 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,160 Well, for the sake of argument, Judi, how did you get it? 461 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,040 100, right? Yes. 462 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,200 Add...75. 463 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,800 Yes. Yeah. Right. Add 50. 464 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,920 Yes. And then I did, right, the 9. 465 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,400 Yes. Take away the 5, motherfos. 466 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,640 You've got it! 229. 467 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:48,680 Well done. Well done. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 468 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,640 I'm going to call it and say everyone was cheating - no points to anyone. 469 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,080 What?! You've made a mockery of the most boring bit of the show. 470 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,640 So Sarah and Rhod have 14 points, Joe and Judi have 21. 471 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,120 APPLAUSE 472 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:07,120 CONVERSATION DROWNED OUT 473 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:10,280 Time to go now to Dictionary Corner. Jazz, what have you got for us? 474 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,840 Jimothy, there's... there's so much pain in this world, 475 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,880 so much suffering like, er, like the little strip of paper 476 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,160 that holds a new roll of bin bags together - 477 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,680 how does it end its life? 478 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:27,000 Ripped in two and swallowed by the very thing it swore to protect. 479 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,240 And I've had enough, I'm standing up 480 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,960 against the evil and suffering in this world... FUNKY BASS LICK 481 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,960 ...and I'm not afraid to speak truth to power. 482 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:41,440 To speak out against the things that make life hard for people. 483 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,840 ♪ English language ♪ English language 484 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,440 ♪ We've all had enough of you making it tough for us all 485 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,680 ♪ To pronounce ya 486 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,280 ♪ You need to pick a frickin' lane with the sounds you're making 487 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:57,800 ♪ like O-U-G-H 488 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,160 ♪ It's said how it's spelt ♪ "Oog"? 489 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,840 ♪ Psych, it's... 490 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,440 ♪ What the fough is ough with that? ♪ I'm so confused 491 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,440 ♪ English lang-ua-gay ♪ English lang-ua-gay 492 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,640 ♪ We've all had "enoo" of you making it "too" for us 493 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,360 ♪ To "prono-wonkay" 494 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:21,680 ♪ It feels like you're just taking the P out of pterodactyl 495 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,240 ♪ To fough with us 496 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,480 ♪ Let's talk about queue, that sound's already the first letter 497 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,320 ♪ So what's with the extra "way-way"? 498 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,600 ♪ Are we just adding any old shit to the endings of words now? 499 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,600 ♪ In that case, I'll have the "fish and chips" 500 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,720 ♪ English lan-joo-ajay ♪ English lan-joo-ajay 501 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,120 ♪ We've all had "enow" of you making it "tow" for us 502 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,920 ♪ To pronoo-ouncay ♪ Pronoo-ouncay 503 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,440 ♪ Why is the plural of mouse mice 504 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,480 ♪ But we can't live in semi-detached hice? 505 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,400 ♪ If you keep on laughing at me, you're going to drive me 506 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,400 ♪ To commit mans-laughter 507 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,880 ♪ And don't even get me started on the place names 508 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,760 ♪ Chum-lee? 509 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,920 ♪ Hayz-brough? 510 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,480 ♪ Woolzery? You know what 511 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,000 ♪ Screw this, I'm moving to France... ♪ 512 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,840 Oh, sweet Jesus. 513 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,280 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Thank you. 514 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,200 Whoo! 515 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:26,440 Jazz Emu there, that was fantastic. I've never seen Susie have so much fun. 516 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,120 And here is your teaser. The words are SHITSFAR 517 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,880 and the clue is - it's a wet one. That's SHITSFAR, it's a wet one. 518 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,760 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 519 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,080 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 520 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,920 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were SHITSFAR, 521 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,840 the clue was - it's a wet one. 522 00:29:56,840 --> 00:30:00,720 It was of course, STARFISH. Oh! OK, time now for a quick bonus round. 523 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,520 So far, we have tested their maths and English skills. 524 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,560 But it's time now to test their general knowledge. 525 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,600 So let's play Didn't Go To University Challenge. 526 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,240 The team with the most correct answers at the end of this wins five bonus points. 527 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,760 Here's your first question, it's all about ancient history. 528 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:18,840 Ahh! Oh, God. 529 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,600 We all know Susie Dent has been on this show for a long time, 530 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,960 but which of these events happened before Susie's first appearance 531 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,080 on Countdown? 532 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,200 You may confer with your team-mate. 533 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,360 THEY CONVERSE QUIETLY 534 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,400 Oh, also, I didn't get an A in maths. 535 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,400 What did you get? What did you get? A star. 536 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:51,760 THEY GROAN Come on! 537 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,000 Such a dick. Oh, my God. 538 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,400 We don't say it enough, she is such a dick. 539 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,120 OK. Joe, Judi, we need an answer. 540 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,160 B. B. We think text message. 541 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,960 Rhod, Sarah? A, please. 542 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,720 The answer is, er, none of them. Incredibly, they've all happened 543 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,200 since Susie Dent has been on Countdown. Whoa. 544 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,120 We've actually got a picture of Susie's first appearance on Countdown - 545 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,240 take a look at this. 546 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,640 No, we've got... No, that's the wrong... that's from her second year. 547 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,080 Let's have a look at a picture of her, 548 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,720 this is her first appearance, take a look. 549 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:34,160 Oh, wow. OK, next up in Didn't Go To University Challenge, 550 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,360 we have a practical challenge for you. 551 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,000 The London accent was recently voted the sexiest in the UK. 552 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,040 Quite right. We're going to put that to the test. 553 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,880 I'm going to give you each something to read and I want to see 554 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:46,760 who has the sexiest accent. 555 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:50,080 Susie, you're our linguistic expert, so you'll be judging. OK. 556 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,240 Ooh. OK? Joe, you're up first. 557 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,320 This is how to prepare a roast turkey. 558 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,360 The Brummie accent came seventh, 559 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,960 so let's have it as sexy as possible, please. 560 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,120 Well, obviously, I don't have a Brummie accent because I went to a grammar school, 561 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:06,920 but... I will try and recreate what the people around me sound like. 562 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,520 Loosen the skin over the breast... 563 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,680 ...by slipping your fingers in at the neck end, 564 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:21,480 spread softened butter liberally over both breasts. 565 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,680 Handle the giblets gently 566 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,680 and thoroughly stuff the cavity. 567 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,320 Roast for at least 90 minutes until the juices run clear, 568 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,280 be sure to turn halfway through, you bastard. 569 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,960 APPLAUSE Sexy. Sexy. 570 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,320 That was nice. That was sexy. Yeah. 571 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,920 I like that because you know "joining giblets" 572 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,000 was once a euphemism for sex. 573 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,280 In what context would you say "joining..." 574 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,200 This was about 150 years ago, when I'd just started on Countdown. 575 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,880 Judi, you're up next. OK. Let's see if the London accent 576 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:06,760 is really the sexiest. Here's an aeroplane safety procedure. Take it away, Judi Love. 577 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:12,080 In the event of an unexpected landing, 578 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:16,920 the exits are located here and here. 579 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:24,600 Inflate your life jacket by firmly tugging the cord. 580 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:29,320 If necessary, use two... hands. 581 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,280 To further inflate... 582 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,160 ...blow... 583 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:42,960 ...strongly into the mouth piece. 584 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,880 Always blow... your own 585 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:53,640 before blowing... others around you. 586 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,440 APPLAUSE 587 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,920 OK. The Welsh accent, fourth sexiest, Rhod. 588 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,840 Fourth? Let's see if you can sex up 589 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,440 the Haynes repair manual for a 1961 Volvo. 590 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,360 HIGH-PITCHED WELSH ACCENT: Remove the nut from the camshaft... 591 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,200 Thought he was doing me! 592 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,040 Ohh, I'll tell you what, Rhod, 593 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,080 there's not a dry seat in the house. 594 00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:26,240 Remove the nut from the camshaft, now remove the thrust flange, 595 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:29,640 start it on its way by getting purchase under the two holes in the timing gear. 596 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,880 Be careful not to push the camshaft backwards, certainly do not hammer it... 597 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,120 ...because the hole is supposed to be sealed off for life 598 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,200 and it certainly won't be if the camshaft is hammered against it. 599 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,160 APPLAUSE Yeah, I mean... Really good. 600 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,240 I can tell you, the Geordie accent, Sarah, 601 00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:52,520 was voted the third sexiest in the country. 602 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,920 You've got the side effects of a well-known medicine. 603 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,960 OK. 604 00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,080 Headaches... 605 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,920 Ohh! ..nausea... 606 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,080 ...bloating... 607 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,160 ...tummy cramps... 608 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,040 ...fluid retention... 609 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,040 ...overproduction of saliva. 610 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,800 Unexpected swelling of the glands. 611 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,160 Constipation. 612 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,240 Diarrhoea... 613 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,280 Excessive... 614 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,880 ...diarrhoea... 615 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,560 ...and... SHE GASPS ORGASMICALLY 616 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,720 ...erectile dysfunction. 617 00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:51,480 APPLAUSE 618 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,280 CHEERING 619 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,720 Very impressive. That's really good. 620 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,000 Can you say "saliva" again? 621 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,360 Saliva. 622 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,520 I am as hard as an old Parmesan down there. 623 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,640 OK, Susie, who's got the sexiest voice? Oh, that's so hard. 624 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,400 Just because of the fluid retention and the saliva, 625 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,240 it's got to be Sarah. You get the five bonus points. 626 00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:20,960 Bonus points. There's points! 627 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,920 OK, all right, on with the game. 628 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,360 Joe, Judi, you get to pick the letters. 629 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,840 Continent. Con... 630 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,160 Continent! Consonant. A couple of continents. 631 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,480 R. Continent. Continent. R and L. 632 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,440 Vowel. A. 633 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,360 Vowel. E. 634 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,480 Er, consonant. 635 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:44,120 M. Consonant. 636 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,680 D. What do you fancy, a little vowel maybe? 637 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,240 Yeah, vowel, yeah, that's what I was thinking, a vowel. 638 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:51,920 Cheeky I. Erm, consonant. 639 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,720 T. Vowel. 640 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:57,840 This is good. guys. A final E. You always say that. 641 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,080 And your time starts... Wait, wait, wait, wait! 642 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,240 ...now. Wait... There's a screen in front of you, Judi. 643 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:06,920 Where? Oh, yeah. There is! 644 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,680 Judi, how many? I've got EL, I've got LATE, 645 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,000 I've got DATE, I've got REMI. 646 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,520 Can I take this opportunity to congratulate you on LATE? 647 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,560 I think that's really good. Thank you. 648 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,800 I was too busy looking for longer ones, I didn't see it. 649 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,480 OK, so you got a four-letter word. Er, Joe? 650 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,680 Seven. Seven. Yeah. Pretty great. OK, Sarah, how many? 651 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,880 Seven. Seven, oh. Rhod, how many? I'm going eight. 652 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,640 Eight, these are exciting times. Er, Sarah, your seven? 653 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,600 MEDIATE? MEDIATE. That's a good word. 654 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,680 Joe, your seven? TRAILER. You need two Rs. 655 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,400 Oh, I need two Rs. 656 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,760 Uh, Rhod, your eight? REMEDIAL. 657 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,280 - - Damn. - Wow. - He's only gone and bloody done it. APPLAUSE 658 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,360 Eight points to, er, Sarah and Rhod. 659 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,280 Let me tell you something, if this was a three-word... 660 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:22,840 Four... Not word. Three-letter word challenge, 661 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:24,880 I'd fuck this place up. 662 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,560 What would your word be? 663 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,200 CAR. 664 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,080 Oh, what, from these? There's no C! 665 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,120 Er, do you know, I just was in the moment. 666 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,480 You asked me for a three-letter word and I just... 667 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,120 ...I just said CAR. 668 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,160 But if it was that, I would go for ATE. 669 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,400 Out of interest, Judi, is it harder to come up with 670 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,680 a random three-letter word with the clock going behind you? 671 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:55,040 It is! And it's... it's really hard! 672 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,720 Ohh... Look, he's just looking at me... 673 00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,680 Ooh! CAT! 674 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,280 Just popped into my head. APPLAUSE 675 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,880 Just popped in my head then. 676 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:12,080 Wow. OK, Jazz Emu, Susie Dent, could they have done any better? 677 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,200 No better, we just got eights too. They couldn't. 678 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:18,760 I've only just realised you get the number of points the word... thing. 679 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,720 "We got eight!" Who's not getting the game now? 680 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,640 Wow. Wow. 681 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,200 That's another good three-letter word there. 682 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,920 She's on fire. She's on fire. 683 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,600 Roll through you! OK. 684 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,040 OK. Sarah and Rhod are in the lead with 27 points. 685 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,920 APPLAUSE Oh, wow. Amazing. 686 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,960 Time to go once again to Dictionary Corner. 687 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:50,720 Jazz Emu, what have you got for us? Er, I love forming close connections 688 00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:53,520 with other humans, you know. In fact, er, 689 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,520 the human connection that most inspired me over the last year 690 00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,520 was actually this, er, genuine email I received in my junk inbox. 691 00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,040 It was so lyrical in the way that it was written 692 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,600 that I was inspired to write a song with it. 693 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,280 JOLLY INTRO 694 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,800 ♪ Dear Henderson 695 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,760 ♪ I am contacting with urgent request 696 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:23,040 ♪ I am grieve to say your relation David Henderson 697 00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,640 ♪ Recently killed in a motor accident in my country 698 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:30,200 ♪ He leave some money total $1.3 million 699 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,480 ♪ In account that shares your name, Henderson 700 00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:38,640 ♪ And I like give it all to you 701 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,560 ♪ My brothe... 702 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:46,120 ♪ All I need is you can make a modest payment 703 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:50,600 ♪ And I send all funds to you 704 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,160 ♪ My brothe... 705 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,960 ♪ Just a $280 706 00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:02,040 ♪ Can allow me to transmit this funds to you 707 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:05,960 ♪ Well, well, well 708 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:11,760 ♪ Since you do not send the payment, I have bad news 709 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,560 ♪ I have many webcam picture 710 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,080 ♪ This is picture from the webcam of him looking at some 711 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,960 ♪ Well, just say some naughty picture 712 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,400 ♪ And police can be interested 713 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,240 ♪ You guessed 714 00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:32,520 ♪ This pictures are of you 715 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,720 ♪ My brothe... 716 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:40,440 ♪ And I promise to send to to your friends and family 717 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:44,600 ♪ If not receive payment soon 718 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,760 ♪ My brothe... 719 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:51,040 ♪ I don't think that you will like this 720 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:56,680 ♪ And, yes, your mother is every upset 721 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,560 ♪ Oh, she's upset 722 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,840 ♪ You upset your mother 723 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,840 ♪ Kind regards, 724 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,440 ♪ Doctor Johnstone Bennett 725 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:09,600 ♪ Legal Finance Assosciate ♪ 726 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,760 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 727 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,760 And your final teaser, er, the words are IBANGROD, 728 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:20,800 the clue is - everyone jump on. 729 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:22,880 That's IBANGROD, everyone jump on. 730 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,800 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 731 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,520 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 732 00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,280 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were IBANGROD, 733 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:46,680 the clue was - everyone jump on. It was, of course, BOARDING. 734 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:50,120 OK, time for our final letters game. Sarah and Rhod, your turn to choose. 735 00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,440 You want to choose? It's nice actually to have a chance. 736 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,600 Yeah, yeah, go for it, love. All consonants, please. 737 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,360 It's not Welsh Countdown. 738 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,360 What do you fancy? Consonant. Consonant. 739 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,800 Good start. Well done. W. Another consonant. 740 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,440 Oh, I love Ws. S. 741 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,160 Another consonant. I love an S... 742 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:13,280 M. Oh, thank God. Now put a vowel in there, Rachel. 743 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,640 O. Put another vowel in there, Rachel, please. 744 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,920 U. Put another vowel in there, Rachel, please. 745 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,000 E. There's MOUSE up there, Judi, if you're interested. 746 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,760 I saw it. 747 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,400 I've already written it down. 748 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,920 Consonant, please. D. Consonant. 749 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:31,680 X. A vowel, please. 750 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,800 And a final I. 751 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,680 Ooh. Right, I'm starving. Erm, Fabio, 752 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,280 can I... If the oysters are fresh, I'll get the oysters. 753 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,320 Oh, your time starts now. 754 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,040 Oh, lovely. Thank you. 755 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,000 And they're fresh, yes? 756 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,600 Oysters... 757 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,200 DEEP GURGLING 758 00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:04,960 Ohh... 759 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,040 GURGLING 760 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,400 Fabio, can you grab me the bucket? 761 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,560 Urghhh! 762 00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:18,760 Urghhh! 763 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,640 Oh, that is awful! 764 00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:23,640 HE BELCHES AND RETCHES 765 00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,840 APPLAUSE 766 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:30,000 I think that's it. Better out than in. Sorry about that, Fabio. 767 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,160 Does anyone... 768 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,640 Does anyone want an oyster? They're actually all right. 769 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:39,600 Judi, how many you got? Five. 770 00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,080 Joe, how many? Six. Six, OK. Sarah? 771 00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,200 Five. Sad. Rhod, how many? 772 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,760 I'll go a risky seven, shall I? Yeah, risky. Judi, your five? 773 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,120 I think I might know. MOUSE. 774 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,840 APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING 775 00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,120 Could you put MOUSED? No. Yeah! 776 00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:02,120 MOUSED, yeah. I've got actually this there. I've got that there - MOUSED. 777 00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,400 Sarah, your five? No, I said six. 778 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,520 No... You said five. 779 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,760 It's just my accent. It's strong. 780 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,480 MOUSED 781 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,160 I've got it written down! OK, MOUSE, MOUSE. OK, so really, 782 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:18,280 this is Joe versus Rhod here. Joe, your six? 783 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,280 MOUSED 784 00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:23,840 APPLAUSE 785 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:25,720 This is amazing! 786 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,800 This is the best round I've ever done! 787 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:34,960 Everyone talks about my five... five... letters... leh... 788 00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:37,640 Very well slurred. 789 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,080 OK, Rhod, your risky seven? 790 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,120 MEDIOUS? MEDIOUS. 791 00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:45,280 No. Go on. No. 792 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,480 Six points to Joe and Judi, it's neck and neck. 793 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,680 GASPING AND WHOOPING 794 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,880 Jazz, Susie, could they have done any better? No. 795 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,440 You could have EXODUS and WISDOM as well. 796 00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,560 This is a crucial Countdown conundrum, OK? 797 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,080 Winner takes all. Your time starts now. 798 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,040 BELL Joe Lycett for the win. 799 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:26,960 Is it MONEYBAGS? 800 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,800 Oh, it is! He's got it! 801 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 802 00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,400 Joe Lycett and Judi Love! 803 00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,840 it came down to the wire, but the final scores are - 804 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,320 Sarah and Rhod have 27, Judi and Joe have 37 points. 805 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:41,680 You're now the proud owners of this, the Countdown melodica. 806 00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:43,800 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 807 00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:47,640 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience 808 00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,840 and to all of you for watching at home. That's it from us. Good night! 809 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,200 Subtitles by Red Bee Media