1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:06,415
This program me contains
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
3
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,295
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats
Does Countdown...
4
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,295
Jon Richardson.
5
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,575
Richard Ayoade.
6
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,335
Dan Tiernan.
7
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,255
Katherine Ryan.
8
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,015
john Kearns.
9
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,895
Susie Dent.
10
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,175
Rachel Riley.
11
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,775
And your host, jimmy Carr!
12
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,335
APPLAUSE
13
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,735
Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown,
14
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,095
a show all about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
15
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,855
OK, let's meet tonight's players.
16
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,175
First up, it's team captain
jon Richardson.
17
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,535
APPLAUSE
18
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,055
How to describejon Richardson...
19
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,895
He's the kind of guy who irons
his receipts,
20
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,855
takes his own cereal on holiday
21
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,535
and washes out his condoms.
22
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,895
Condom. No point buying two if
you're going to wash it out,
23
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,775
is there?
24
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,055
And Jon's team-mate, Dan Tiernan!
25
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,655
APPLAUSE
26
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,695
Dan Tiernan - finally,
an answer to the question,
27
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,335
"What would it look like
if Adrian Chiles' parents
28
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,295
"were brother and sister?"
29
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,295
Up against them this evening
30
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:49,895
it's guest team captain
Richard Ayoade!
31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,895
APPLAUSE
32
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,575
Richard often does voice over
33
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,975
and he recently did the voice
of a nerdy robot.
34
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,655
In fact, he's still doing it.
35
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,295
DEEP VOICE: How dare you!
36
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,535
And joining Richard tonight,
it's Katherine Ryan!
37
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,135
APPLAUSE
38
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,015
As a 40-year-old woman,
Katherine worries she's invisible
39
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,775
to high-powered TV bosses.
40
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,375
But Katherine's not invisible.
41
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,655
And I'll tell her that
just as SHOON as she gets here.
42
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,495
As shoon as she gets here...
43
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,055
I'll try and do everything
more like Sean Connery.
44
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,095
Happy birthday. Thank you.
45
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,495
Did you get anything nice?
46
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,975
Uh, nope.
47
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,735
I have two babies under two.
48
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,615
You know, what are my kids
gonna get me?
49
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,975
No, I didn't get anything nice.
50
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,135
You know you've got a husband?
51
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,255
Yep.
52
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,255
But, uh...
53
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,775
Well, my husband and I
went to a hotel in London
54
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,535
to escape our children,
and I slept while I was there.
55
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:52,975
And then I went back.
56
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,695
And we didn't even bang.
57
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,375
So I'm not going to be pregnant
again this year.
58
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,335
I had a very similar night
on my 20th birthday.
59
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,815
Richard, what have you been up
to since we last saw you?
60
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,735
Well, you're kind to feign interest.
61
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,175
I... Um...
62
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:16,375
I've been working on a reissue
of a playwright
63
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,695
called Harauld Hughes.
64
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,495
H-A-R-A-U-L-D
65
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,175
But a lot of people don't know
he was a poet, Harauld Hughes.
66
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,695
Ancl I've got one of his poems here.
67
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,975
Um, it's a serious work.
68
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,375
He's very... He's a dramatist.
69
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,175
Ancl I'm just very excited
to be bringing this, um,
70
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,855
to the public's attention -
71
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,175
I mean, I call it the public -
whoever you are -
72
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,495
um, and just get the word out.
73
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,815
Harauld Hughes.
74
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,375
This one's called The Breakdown.
75
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,895
Have you broken down?
76
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,255
DEEP VOICE: I have broken down.
77
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,175
Oh.jON: Does voices.
78
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,815
NORMAL VOICE:
Where did the event take place?
79
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,215
DEEP VOICE:
It took place near my home.
80
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,375
NORMAL VOICE: Was the breakdown
sudden or were there warnings?
81
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,135
DEEP VOICE: No-one warned me.
82
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,975
NORMAL VOICE:
Was anyone else involved?
83
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,695
DEEP VOICE: No-one else is involved.
84
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,735
NORMAL VOICE: Would you like to stay
where you are until we arrive?
85
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,535
DEEP VOICE: I would like to be home.
86
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,415
NORMAL VOICE: We are quite busy.
Are you OK to wait?
87
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,775
DEEP VOICE:
I have time, but I'm not OK.
88
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,015
NORMAL VOICE:
What kind of model is your car?
89
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,415
DEEP VOICE: I am not in a car.
90
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,575
NORMAL VOICE:
You do realise this is the AA?
91
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,335
DEEP VOICE: I know who you are.
92
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,135
NORMAL VOICE: We help people
who have broken down.
93
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,575
DEEP VOICE: I HAVE broken down.
94
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,695
NORMAL VOICE: People who have
broken down in their cars.
95
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,975
DEEP VOICE: And what about those
who haven't?
96
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,015
Oh.
97
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,215
So...
98
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:53,255
Yeah.
99
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:58,135
OK. We haven't got time
for that long a poem.
100
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,055
Dan, first time on the show.
How did you do at school?
101
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,455
Did you do well?
This is my experience at school.
102
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,455
HE MUTTERS
103
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,855
It was like that sort of thing.
104
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,175
Um, I went to, like,
a specialist school.
105
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,455
Uh, you can tell...
106
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,255
It's called the University
of Salford, and....
107
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,975
I went to, like a specialist school
for kids with dyspraxia or dyslexia,
108
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,375
um, called Hulme Hall.
109
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,055
Any Hulme Halters in, by any chance?
110
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,415
Give me a, "Ugh!"
111
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,175
When I was 11, I had to go for,
like, an interview there
112
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,415
to see if I was appropriate,
and I was nervous about it,
113
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,735
but, um...
but they took one look at me,
114
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,455
they were like, boom! "Yes!
115
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,775
That is her there.
116
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,455
"Get in here now.
117
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,455
"Here's your helmet." Um...
118
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,615
But it was a good school.
It was a good school.
119
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,935
We had our own dance troupe.
120
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,255
Ooh.
121
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,615
Uh, yeah, they were
called Neuro Diversity.
122
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,295
I'm just... I'm slightly worried
you haven't stabbed a bit of paper
123
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,335
with a pen enough times.
124
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,855
That's the only thing
that's bothering me so far.
125
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,135
There you go.
126
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,815
Dan? Yes.
127
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,615
Don't ask him another one.
I'm fucking terrified here!
128
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,135
I wonder if we HAVE
got time for another poem!
129
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:36,335
Richard, have you got a mascot?
Yes. Show business is tough.
130
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,615
We know this.
131
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:42,895
It's hard to remember the joy
you used to have.
132
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,775
For me to recall that important...
133
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,695
So very kindly the art department
134
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,895
helped me remember the kind
of passion
135
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,935
and the love I had for the show
136
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,775
in previous incarnations.
137
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,055
Ancl just also to remember
138
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,575
the kind of journey I've been on.
139
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,855
So this is a previous show,
140
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,575
and I just look at that guy and go,
141
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,855
"Wow, can I get back
to that kind of enthusiasm?"
142
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:13,735
And here, again,
look how much I've changed.
143
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,415
It's just, uh...
144
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,495
Cos it's not just about having fun.
145
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,295
It's about growth.
146
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,015
Ancl also here. Aw...
147
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,375
I've just got... I've just got
to get back to this guy.
148
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,135
It's just... In a way,
if you can be your own hero,
149
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,655
that's not bad.
150
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,815
It's an extraordinary collection
of outfits.
151
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,175
Thank you. It's colours I've not
seen anywhere else.
152
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:46,535
Yes, some of them
you can find in "lich-en".
153
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,335
Um, but, uh... Or "like-en".
154
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,975
Some people call it "like-en".
155
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,575
I call it "lich-en".
156
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,095
Katherine, have you got a mascot?
157
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:55,255
Yes.
158
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,535
Wow, I was right in the middle
of a sentence.
159
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,975
It's hard to tell.
This is not even a lie.
160
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,415
When I speak to my wife,
I have to say, "Comma."
161
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,375
Katherine, have you got a mascot?
162
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,855
Did you want to finish what you were
saying about "lich-en"? Full stop.
163
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,815
Yes, jimmy. I don't know if you've
noticed, but over the years,
164
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:20,215
I have reluctantly
taken measures
165
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,215
to fight against the effects
of ageing.
166
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,615
Stop it!
167
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,415
But now that I've had my 40th
birthday, I feel like now's the time
168
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,095
for me to lean into
the eccentric older woman
169
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,095
that I'm destined to become.
170
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,375
And so my mascot
171
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,295
is me in my new persona,
172
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,575
Kathy Kooks.
173
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,135
So that's me now.
174
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,695
Urn... I'm rebranding.
175
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,215
And you've all got, urn,
similar hairstyles
176
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,535
if you feel like putting
them on. You don't have to.
177
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,775
I brought enough wigs for everyone.
178
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,495
You see, everyone looks
more liberated already.
179
00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,695
I feel liberated.
180
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,375
We just look like a council
on a very bad sci-fi show.
181
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,615
Kathy Kootstra - you know,
she likes to take her bra off.
182
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,935
She really likes to let loose.
183
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,855
If you're sitting in the front three
rows, you're in the splash zone.
184
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,335
The Council of Xena Four
forbids this!
185
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,535
They haven't moved!
186
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,215
I hear what you're saying, jimmy,
and it doesn't bother me any more.
187
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,175
That's right.
Kathy Kootstra - she's given up.
188
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,935
Kathy Koots is down for a good time.
189
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,855
It's minor Tennessee Williams,
but it's good.
190
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,615
Yeah. Well, I don't think
it's Tennessee Williams.
191
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,295
I've met Katherine's mum,
192
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:44,655
and this is it.
193
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,095
Kathy Koots, everyone.
194
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,455
This is...
195
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,375
Why did Jon just become a Bee Gee?
196
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,495
I like this.
197
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,695
Yes. I love it.
I love it, I love it.
198
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,215
Do you feel good about yourself,
Jon?
199
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,015
Do you feel liberated?
Do you want to drink?
200
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:12,015
# I feel alive! #
201
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,335
Dan, have you got a mascot?
202
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,655
Uh, Yeah, jimmy-
203
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,415
I can't count or read,
204
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,615
so this is quite scary for me,
I won't lie.
205
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,455
What I thought was to sort
of calm me down
206
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,055
and feel like this isn't that scary,
this is fucking nothing,
207
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,455
is I bought the thing that I'm
most terrified of in the world here,
208
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,175
I got some beans...
209
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,775
...um, here.
210
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,095
So, basically, you know at school,
211
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,655
that kid who always had beans
on his shirt?
212
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,335
That was me, right?
213
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,095
No-one's surprised. Yeah.
214
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,815
Well, you should be surprised,
215
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,095
because I've never eaten beans
in my life.
216
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,295
Because I look like I like beans,
right?
217
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,455
We're on the same page. You do.
218
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,175
I mean, not only do I look
like I like beans,
219
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,415
I look like all I eat is beans.
220
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,535
First time I ever seen a bean,
right, I was five, right?
221
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,095
I was playing with my sister.
222
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,775
Mum opens the fridge and a half
a can of beans falls on her head.
223
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,775
Right? Ancl I thought
her head had exploded.
224
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,175
Ancl I thought every...
beans were in your head.
225
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,775
Maybe... Maybe so that's why
I can't eat them,
226
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,495
because...cos
they're what's in me. So...
227
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,935
I have another poem!
228
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,615
Jon, have you...
Have you got a mascot?
229
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,015
It's rare to be the Everyman.
230
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,455
I've never been in this situation
before where I'm the relatable one.
231
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,495
It's very odd for me.
232
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,055
Oh, john Kearns is coming up.
233
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,575
How the fuck's
he gonna out-weird that?
234
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,975
I've never found wigs very funny.
235
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,975
Um, I've invented
a sort of new holiday.
236
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,055
I call it CHRISHMAS.
237
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,415
Ch rishmas?
238
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,175
Chr... Chrishmas with an "ish".
239
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:03,535
Ooh. Yeah. So here we've got
a classic Chrishmas tree.
240
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,935
Um, and I'm going
to whip the top off there.
241
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,855
Wheee! There we go.
242
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,615
AUDIENCE: Wh00!
243
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,935
We all feel better already,
don't we?
244
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,495
Ancl it's got a little plug here...
245
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,175
...right next to my water.
246
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,695
Oh!
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Wahey!
247
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,855
Who doesn't feel happier?
248
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,215
A genuine "wahey"
from the audience.
249
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,255
Uh, you got to have an angel
on your Christmas tree, haven't you?
250
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,615
Because it's not Christmas,
you can pick who you like.
251
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,855
So I've gone with,
uh, a little jimmy Carr angel.
252
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,735
It's my little jimmy angel there.
253
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,575
That's adorable. I picked you
254
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,135
cos I wanted to know what you look
like with a tree up your arse.
255
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,975
Ancl because it's Chrishmas,
not Christmas,
256
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,615
so you've got snacks on your tree.
257
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,295
So what I've clone is I've put
little vegan falafels,
258
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,055
so if you get hungry, you just
help yourself off the tree.
259
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,135
There's no moisture in it.
260
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,735
| got you, JOH-
261
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,335
Urghg
262
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,215
They're so fucking dry.
263
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,895
The gag was that I'll eat it
and it's dry,
264
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,215
but, my God, it's dry!
265
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,175
I was also dry before I discovered
porn star martini.
266
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,175
Kathy Kooks.
267
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,815
Whoo!
268
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,775
So if you need a drink,
269
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,055
in the base of the Chrishmas
tree....
270
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,415
...that's veg-neg, that.
271
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,215
Veg-neg'? Yeah.
272
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,695
What is veg-nog?
273
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,015
It's, uh, eggnog without the egg.
274
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,535
Well, what's it got in it, then?
Don't ask.
275
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,615
Did you make that yourself?
276
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:52,855
Overtime.
277
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,415
OK, And over in Dictionary Corner,
it's john Kearns!
278
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,015
APPLAUSE
279
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,575
Great to have you back on the show.
280
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,015
Uh, welcome back.
281
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:11,375
It's been, uh, six years
since I've been on the show.
282
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,215
KATH ERIN E: WOW.
283
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,895
Over 2,000 days now.
284
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,495
Six long, cold years.
285
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,015
The phone ain't ringing
for 2,000 days.
286
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,615
Gets in your head.
287
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,935
You can't help but take it
personally, jimmy.
288
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,135
It's around year five
that you think,
289
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,575
"Did I do something wrong?"
290
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,655
You do something
I swore I'd never do.
291
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,175
You watch it back.
292
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,415
"Was I TOO funny?"
293
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,295
No, that wasn't the problem.
294
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:56,455
Sat here watching,
uh, today's show...
295
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,615
...that I've really thought,
"WOW.
296
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,655
"For six years they've thought...
297
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,415
.."'Nah, he's too weird.
298
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,175
“People won't get his stuff.“
299
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,935
HE CHUCKLES
300
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,735
But I must say, today, jimmy,
301
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,015
I feel very at home.
302
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,895
john Kearns, everyone!
303
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,095
And with john, of course,
it's Susie Dent.
304
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,095
APPLAUSE
305
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,255
Susie.
306
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,735
Leading lexicographer Susie Dent
has been working with Amazon
307
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,015
to develop the Alexa vocabulary.
308
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,295
It's been slow going, though,
309
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,255
because Alexa keeps going
into sleep mode.
310
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,175
Susie, pardon my French,
311
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,495
What is the origin of the F word?
312
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,335
Ah. The story is that during
the Great Plague,
313
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,255
the population
had been wiped out.
314
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,895
Ancl so the monarch said
to all fertile couples,
315
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,415
"Go forth,
316
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,375
"hang F-U-C-K on your door.
317
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,695
"You're Fornicating
Under Command of the King.
318
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,015
"You are not to be disturbed."
319
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,575
Um, it is literally
fucking nonsense.
320
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,215
But it's a lovely story.
321
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,775
This is my Countdown moment -
322
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,735
it goes back to the Latin
pugnare, meaning to fight,
323
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,495
because all the first references
in the dictionary are to hitting.
324
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,775
So there was a man
who lived in the 14th century
325
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,575
who was unfortunately called Roger.
326
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,255
Roger Fuckbeggar.
327
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,455
Roger what? Sorry.
328
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,055
Roger Fuckbeggar.
329
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,575
We think he just went around
hitting homeless people.
330
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,655
So he was just very violent.
331
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,935
Well, it could have been worse,
given the name!
332
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,935
So, anyway, a much darker history
333
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,295
than Fornicating Under Command
of the King. But...
334
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,735
OK. And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley.
335
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,015
APPLAUSE
Hey.
336
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,455
Rachel, you were recently
awarded an MBE. Congratulations.
337
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,495
Thank you. It's a big deal.
That's a big, big deal. Huge.
338
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,335
Now, looking around at us here,
339
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,415
who do you think is the most likely
to receive an honour from the King?
340
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,815
Ooh. Tough one.
341
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,855
Um, I was going to suggest
the person who's written, you know,
342
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,535
15-odd books and has guarded
the dictionary for 30 years.
343
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,215
I think the problem is,
if Susie were made a dame,
344
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,015
then she'd be Lady Dent
and she would sound like a vagina.
345
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,895
If you got leggings on too tight,
"I can see your Lady Dent!"
346
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,215
OK. The prize the teams will be
competing for tonight is this.
347
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,135
The Countdown Irish dancing shoes.
348
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,575
APPLAUSE
349
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,095
IRISH MUSIC
350
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,375
AU DI ENCE EXCLAI MS
351
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,335
“me for the first game. )on, Dan,
352
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,615
you get the first pick
of the letters.
353
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,455
Vowel, please.
Thanks, Dan.
354
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,535
A
355
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,215
You're welcome. Vowel. Vowel.
356
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,335
U
357
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:04,375
Vowel!
358
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,495
A
359
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,175
Consonant, please.
360
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,375
T
361
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,735
Consonant, please.
362
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:10,975
R
363
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,455
Vowel.
364
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,335
O
365
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,255
Uh... Vowel.
366
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,775
Consonant, consonant!
Oh, is it too late?
367
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:20,895
I mean... Yeah.
368
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,415
Twi... Stick or twist?
369
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,735
All right, we'll fucking take it.
Take it?
370
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:25,815
Take the I.
371
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,615
Consonant, consonant! Consonant.
372
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:28,655
Well...
373
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,095
P and M.
374
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,855
Cool. While you're getting on
with that,
375
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,735
I'm gonna go online,
check out OnlyFans.
376
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,575
And your time starts now.
377
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,735
Oh, shit.
378
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,935
APPLAUSE
379
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,815
That was lovely. It's nice to know
what I could achieve
380
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:16,975
with a bit of effort.
381
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,095
How many letters, Jon?
382
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,895
Uh, six.
383
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,175
How did you do? I got three.
384
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,815
Richard, how many? Five.
385
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,095
Katherine? Six.
386
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,575
Dan, your three?
387
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:29,975
I got RAT.
388
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,695
RAT. Or TAR.
389
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,895
Richard, your five? PURIM.
390
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,175
What, sorry? PURIM.
391
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,495
The Jewish holiday.
392
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,895
Susie? Sorry, I was miles away.
393
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,055
What was that?
394
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,215
You've only got one job!
395
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,735
I know. Um...
396
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,335
It's capital P.
That is the problem.
397
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,295
I think that's the least
of our worries at this stage.
398
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,215
I'm sorry.
399
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,535
And, Jon, your six? Uh, IMPART.
400
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,855
Katherine, what's your word?
It's ATRIUM.
401
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:03,855
Great word.
402
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,375
Well, six points to both teams.
403
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,495
Susie, john,
could they have done any better?
404
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:11,775
Yeah. Six was the best we could do.
405
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,215
OK, on to our first numbers round.
406
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,655
Uh, Richard, Katherine, your turn
to choose the numbers.
407
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,495
OK, Kathy, what would Kathy do?
408
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,895
DEEP VOICE: Goddamn it, Katherine,
just pick the numbers.
409
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,375
Two big, Rachel,
and the rest small.
410
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,255
Sure, Kath. Here we go.
Your four little ones are...
411
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:33,735
3, 9,
412
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,295
7 and 2.
413
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,695
Ancl the big ones, 50 and 100.
414
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,335
And the target...
415
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,935
514
416
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,215
Yes! Time starts now.
417
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,655
Oh, no. That's wrong.
418
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,175
I don't know.
419
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,255
So, the target was 514.
Richard, did you get it?
420
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,255
DEEP VOICE: No.
421
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,415
Kathy, did you get it? No.
422
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,815
Jon, did you get it? 518.
423
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,135
Dan? Well, no, I didn't.
424
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,575
Ancl then I thought I got it then,
but I didn't.
425
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,295
I've got it now if that counts.
Go on.
426
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,855
Yeah, I think that would count if
you get it now. What have you got?
427
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,935
100x3
428
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,375
Yes! 100 x 3 = 300.
429
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,535
Wow.
430
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,655
-50
431
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,735
250
432
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,815
+7
433
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,855
257
434
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:41,895
x2
435
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,415
Well clone.
436
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,895
OK, so ten points forjon!
437
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,775
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
438
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,095
I've also now got it.
439
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,055
How did you do it?
Exactly the same way.
440
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,375
OK. Richard and Katherine
have six points,
441
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,255
)on and Dan are on 16.
442
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,175
APPLAUSE
Whoa.
443
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,535
And here is your teaser.
444
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,495
The words are IF HE RUBS,
445
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,855
and the clue is -
there'll be sparks.
446
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,535
That's IF HE RUBS, there'll be
sparks. See you after the break.
447
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,975
APPLAUSE
448
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,815
APPLAUSE
449
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,695
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser...
450
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,655
The words were IF HE RUBS, and
the clue was - there'll be sparks.
451
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,215
It was, of course, BUSHFIRE.
452
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,535
So, jon and Dan are in the lead.
453
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,295
They've been playing in teams
so far,
454
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,015
but this game
is just forjon and Richard.
455
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,815
So, Richard, your turn
to choose.
456
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,135
A vowel. OK.
457
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,735
A bit more enthusiasm, please,
Richard.
458
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,015
SAME VOICE: A vowel.
459
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,135
E
460
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,415
Consonant
461
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:50,575
T
462
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,695
Um, a vowel.
463
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:52,775
A
464
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,175
Sorry if I'm being aggressive.
465
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,455
Um... Another vowel, please.
Thank you.
466
00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,535
I
467
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:00,695
A CONTINENT.
468
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:01,735
S
469
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:02,775
Continent.
470
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:03,815
H
471
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,295
Um, a vowel.
472
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,815
A. JON: These are really good.
Thank you for your support.
473
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,615
Uh, and then two more consonants
474
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,175
just to speed it up.
475
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,495
And then N and...
476
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:14,575
AnN.R.
477
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,815
OK. And your time starts now.
478
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,535
VOCALISING-STYLE FOLK MUSIC
FOR COUNTDOWN CLOCK THEME
479
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,295
APPLAUSE
480
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,055
Can I just check?
Did everyone else see that?
481
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,015
OK. Uh, Richard, how many?
Um, a six. Yeah.
482
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,895
Jon, how many?
Uh, I'm going to...
483
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,175
FOLK SINGING
Fuck!
484
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:14,975
OK. Wow.
485
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,975
I knew that...
FOLK SINGING
486
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,575
How many, Jon? Eight.
487
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:22,815
FOLK SINGING
488
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,375
Eight.
489
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,695
I have an eight, jimmy.
FOLK SINGING
490
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,375
Richard, your six? TRAINS.
491
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,575
TRAINS. There are... They exist.
492
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:33,855
Yeah.
493
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,015
Jon, what's your...
494
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,535
What's your word?
495
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,015
FOLK SINGING
496
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,415
By the way, thank you for
respecting MY personal space.
497
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,775
I'm so aware I'm going bald
from the back.
498
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,895
I don't know if I've been influenced
by what's happening, Jimmy,
499
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,335
cos I thought that was
a lovely shanty, but I thought
500
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,455
what I'm getting here was
a little bit SHANTIER. SHANTIER?
501
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,295
Susie, do you want to break
his heart?
502
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,895
Yeah. It's not there
as an adjective, Jon.
503
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,855
You win. That's right, that's right.
TRAINS.
504
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,775
TRAIN me!
505
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,335
Ladies and gentlemen,
the girls from The Shining.
506
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,255
LAUGHTER
507
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,815
Thank you very much.
508
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,215
Oh.
509
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,895
I don't know, I just felt
like it was BEAN time.
510
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,215
Susie, john, could they have done
any better?
511
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,695
I'm gonna leave it to the genius
of Susie Dent
512
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,535
to give you a sweet nine.
513
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,135
Whoa!
Yeah, it's a bit obscure.
514
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,335
RHATANIES
515
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:38,975
Ancl they're extracts of the roots
of a South American shrub.
516
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,055
Woohoo!
517
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,615
Susie Dent!
518
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,295
john Kearns - I don't know
if the audience have noticed,
519
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,655
but he's wearing one of those
jon Richardson wigs you can buy.
520
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,215
If you lean forward there, jon,
521
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,055
you can see they've model led it
on... It's the...
522
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,095
That's thejon Richardson wig.
523
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,575
Well, if J immy leans forward,
524
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,855
you can see what hair used to be
on his back.
525
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,335
Well, this should be good. Time for
Katherine and Dan to go head to head
526
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:15,815
in the numbers round.
527
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,655
Dan, you're to pick the numbers.
528
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,335
One big, and then I guess
that means the rest small.
529
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,375
We have...
530
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:23,775
3, 10,
531
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,095
2, 8, 1...
532
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:28,415
Oh, Wait. 8... 2...
25.
533
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,295
And the target...
534
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:31,575
25...
I mean.
535
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:32,855
OK, your 30 seconds starts now.
536
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,535
I can't see it. 176. She's old!
537
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,055
So... Fuck me.
538
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:39,815
Fucking life.
539
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,695
I'm sorry, )0“.
540
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,975
You don't have to apologise to me.
541
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,375
I don't know how to do that.
542
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,375
Come on, channel Kathy.
543
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,855
Kathy knows.
544
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,855
Kathy knows her 25 times table.
545
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,655
I need to get to 70-fucking-6.
546
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,015
RACHEL: You can still do it with 8.
547
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,815
DAN: 16... Oh, fucking hell.
548
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,615
It's what? 7 x 25 = 125.
549
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,815
And your second 30 seconds starts...
550
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,055
Reset the clock. They need
a little bit more time on this.
551
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,495
Come on. Go.
552
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:15,935
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
553
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,055
OK.
554
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:18,295
BELL
555
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,335
He's uptight.
He's fucking helped her!
556
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:23,895
That is a God... You...
557
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,335
DEEP VOICE: You're a liar.
558
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,655
You're a goddamn liar, sir.
559
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,295
Dan, do you want some more time?
Uh, yeah.
560
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,055
Could I get a bib whilst I'm here?
Cos I'm sort of dribbling.
561
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,855
Um, I don't think
I'm going to get there,
562
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:34,935
even if we have an hour.
563
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,415
I think one of the bigger problems
you've got is that piece of paper
564
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,175
that you just tried to eat
is the one I wrote the answer on.
565
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,055
Oh, this...
566
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,335
Wait, what?
567
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:48,855
Have the beans. OK.
568
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,655
Katherine, did you get it?
569
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,975
I did eventually get it.
You did eventually get it. OK.
570
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:53,895
Uh, Dan, did you get it?
571
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,175
But they cheated.
572
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,375
You shut up and eat your beans!
573
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,935
This is the furthest we've ever
been from the real Countdown.
574
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,895
No. Thank you.
575
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,295
If you do want one, I got to say
you've got to go in there
576
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,655
and get the spoon,
cos that's gone in there.
577
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,695
Yeah... We've not met before,
but that's not really my thing.
578
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,735
Katherine, how did you do it?
Yes.
579
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,175
All I knew... Yes,
..is that...
580
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,855
25X7=175
581
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,335
Ancl how did you make your 7?
582
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:26,615
10-3
583
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,375
Yes.
And then...
584
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,135
X25= 175
585
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:31,855
Luckily, there's a 1
586
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,215
There is.
And I added that. Smashed it.
587
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:36,495
Well clone.
Ten points to Katherine!
588
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,135
OK, sojon and Dan have 16 points,
589
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,575
Richard and Katherine are
in the lead
590
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,135
with 22 points.
591
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,135
APPLAUSE
592
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,695
All right. Time now to go across to
Dictionary Corner
593
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:49,855
for a bit of sanity.
594
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,655
john, what have you got for us?
Thank you, jimmy.
595
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,015
The great thing about technology
596
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,295
is that you can be in two places
at the same time.
597
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,775
Uh, when I was asked to do
this show, I checked the diary,
598
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,695
and I was busy.
599
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,055
Uh, my part-time job,
600
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,375
job on the side, Susie,
is that. I'm an auctioneer.
601
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,215
Mm-hm. But, uh, with the help
of this VR headset,
602
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,055
uh, I can leave Countdown
for a second, and, uh...
603
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,575
...go straight to the auction house.
604
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,455
OK. Hello? Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
605
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,415
OK. Hello there.
Good afternoon.
606
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,935
Never mind where I am.
607
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,495
Never mind where I am!
608
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,135
OK, let's get on
with this thing.
609
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,375
First lot here. What do we have?
610
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,895
OK. It's a phone case
611
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,615
signed by Mother Teresa.
612
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,895
Do I hear...
613
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,455
Do I hear 70? Do I hear 70?
614
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:53,695
70? 80.
615
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,575
HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY
616
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,575
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
617
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,855
HE MUTTERS
618
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,215
Do I hear...?
619
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,495
Going once, going twice. Sold!
620
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,215
Sold to chap there.
621
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,855
OK, let's go to the next item.
622
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,895
What have we got?
We've got a door.
623
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:17,775
A door that was leant against by,
uh, Vernon Kay...
624
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,615
...circa...circa 2000,
625
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,655
when he, uh...he was around,
uh, presenting T4.
626
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,895
Do I hear 15 in the room?
627
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,335
HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY
628
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,175
20. Thank you, sir.
629
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:34,415
Thank you!
630
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,175
Do I have 30?
631
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,695
I have 30 on the phones.
632
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,815
I have got 30 on the phone.
Do I have anything higher?
633
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,095
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
634
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,295
Thank you. 40.
635
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,895
40. Do I hear 50?
636
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:48,215
50. Thank you very much!
637
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,895
Do I have better than 50?
Do I have better...
638
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,935
Sold, sold, sold, sold, sold!
639
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,015
Sold! 50!
640
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:55,495
Thank you so much, sir.
641
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,815
You have a lot of money, my brother.
642
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,175
Right, let's wrap this up.
643
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,655
Ah, last... Uh, last item on
the bill
644
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:09,135
is a full England strip
645
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,495
that was worn by David Beckham
in the World Cup in 1998.
646
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,135
It is a sock short
647
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,495
because the previous owner
one night ran out of toilet roll
648
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,935
and kitchen roll.
649
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,935
Um, so do I hear...
650
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,855
Do I hear...
651
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,095
£100,000 in the room!
652
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,455
Thank you.
653
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,415
Do I hear anything more than 100?
654
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,335
Thank you very much, sir.
100, ZOO.
655
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,735
ls there anything...?
656
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,015
HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY
657
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,335
300!
658
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,655
HE MUTTERS
659
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,375
300 in the room!
660
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,135
Going once, going twice.
661
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,895
Sold!
Sold to the prick in the middle.
662
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,175
Thank you very much, sir.
663
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,415
Well, that's the end of the, uh,
auction. Thank you very much.
664
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,495
Jimmy, you really got to come down.
665
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,775
It's a lot of fun down there.
It really is.
666
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,935
john Cairns, everyone.
667
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,255
APPLAUSE
668
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,175
If you've been affected
by any of the issues raised
669
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,495
in tonight's show,
please do get in touch.
670
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,815
OK, here is your teaser.
671
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,535
The words are GO ON, SHIT.
672
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,975
And the clue is -
does that feel better?
673
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,295
That's GO ON, SHIT.
Does that feel better?
674
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:18,575
See you after the break.
675
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,775
APPLAUSE
676
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,455
APPLAUSE
677
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,135
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser...
678
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:36,295
The words were GO ON, SHIT.
679
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,015
The clue was -
does that feel better?
680
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,375
It was, of course, SOOTHING.
681
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,015
OK, before we go on,
time for a quick bonus round.
682
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,655
Now, some of our guests on the show
683
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,615
can barely read and write,
so it's time
684
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,175
to improve their spelling.
Jon, Katherine,
685
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,655
join me in the centre
for the Countdown Spelling Bee.
686
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,215
DRAMATIC MUSIC
687
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,735
Wow. Oh, yeah.
688
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,815
OK, so this is
the Countdown Spelling Bee.
689
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,855
During the break, you were both
fitted with electric shock pads.
690
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,655
Every time you make a mistake,
you will get an electric shock
691
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,495
equivalent to a bee sting.
692
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:10,495
What?!
693
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,175
Do you understand
what's going to happen here?
694
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,375
Yeah, you're a prick.
695
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,695
We're going to check
they're their working.
696
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,095
Katherine, I'll test yours first.
697
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,575
You're a fucker.
He does this gag every time.
698
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,855
It's going to be me,
isn't it, you little scamp?
699
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,055
It fucking says, "jimmy zaps,"
on the autocue.
700
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,295
You can't even...
701
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,495
You can't even make it up!
702
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,175
I think I'm just used to,
like, Botox and everything.
703
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,975
There's like...
Are you pressing it.
704
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,295
There's like a tingle. I like it.
705
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:42,735
Arghg
706
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,535
You can't piss in these trousers
and get away with it.
707
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,575
OK. Katherine, you're up first.
708
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,295
Nice, easy one to start with.
709
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,415
Your word is gobbledygook.
Spell gobbledygook.
710
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,335
I'll use it in a sentence
if you like. OK.
711
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,655
Oh, no.
I'm covered in gobbledygook.
712
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:07,615
Oh.
713
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:08,815
Yeah, I love that.
714
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,215
I can tell you
it is actually spelt...
715
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,815
Y. I got it wrong.
716
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:18,895
Shock me again.
717
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,655
Yeah. It's nice.
718
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,575
OK, Jon.
Easy one for you to start with.
719
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,615
Yeah. Son of a bitch.
720
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,255
It's where. Spell where.
721
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,095
Yeah...
722
00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:30,895
I'm doing Ql next.
723
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,895
No. Argh!
724
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,055
W-H. I feel like the next time
I get electrocuted,
725
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,095
my right leg is going to really
kick out as far as...
726
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,375
Arghg
727
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,135
Oh!
728
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,535
That was amazing.
729
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,935
OK, Katherine,
your word is pterodactyl.
730
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,335
OK.
731
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,495
There's no E on the end!
732
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,855
I like getting shocked. Yeah.
733
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,455
There was no E on the end,
but otherwise you did very well.
734
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:29,215
There. They just should have
stopped.
735
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,375
Jon, your word is gonorrhoea.
736
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,775
Arghg
737
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,815
Wondered if that...was wrong!
738
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,055
Well, I like it as well. I like it.
739
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,855
I like it.
740
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,095
Do you wanna have
another go at gonorrhoea?
741
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,375
No, just zap me, mate. I like it.
742
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,695
I like it, I like it.
743
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,855
I like it, I like it.
744
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,815
I fucking got A levels!
745
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,135
Go on. Have another go
at gonorrhoea.
746
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,295
Come on. Gonorrhoea.
747
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,615
Did you zap me at O?
748
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,215
Yeah. So...
749
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,095
Tsss!
750
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,415
It's like a horse that can count.
751
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,775
What did I say? H?
752
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:38,935
Yeah, H, yeah.
753
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,495
Yeah.
754
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,255
Correct. Yeah!
755
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,375
Well, Jon's the winner.
Five points to your team.
756
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:52,895
Wait, Jon won?!
757
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,535
All right, back to your seats.
After you, jimmy.
758
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,495
Can I have that for
the rest of the show? Thank you.
759
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,055
Ah.
760
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,455
This is the icing on Kathy Koot's
evening cake.
761
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,535
OK, time for our next
letters game.
762
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,175
Richard, Katherine, your turn
to choose.
763
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,735
Consonant. Thank you.
764
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:12,855
IV!
765
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,455
M. And a vowel.
766
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:15,775
E
767
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,455
E. And a vowel phase.
768
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:19,695
I
769
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:22,735
Oh, great. Ancl also a consonant.
770
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:23,775
Y
771
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,055
Yeah, OK. And a consonant.
772
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:27,055
N
773
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,335
OK, and a consonant.
774
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:30,335
G
775
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:31,575
Oh, wow. OK.
776
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,895
Ancl also maybe a vowel.
777
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,055
Why not?
778
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,095
A
779
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,375
Ooh. Er...
780
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,295
Ooh. Consonant, I think.
781
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:41,495
T
782
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,775
Shut up!
783
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,255
And then a vowel phase.
784
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,215
Ancl last one for you, Richard...
785
00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:48,735
O
786
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,655
Oh... And your time starts now.
787
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,815
Jon, how many? Six.
788
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:24,935
RICHARD: Ooh.
789
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,335
Dan? Five. Excellent.
790
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,175
Richard? Risky seven.
791
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,735
Oh: )ON: Ooh. Yeah.
792
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,215
Katherine? Six.
793
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,855
Dan? Your five?
794
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,095
Uh, GOATY.
795
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,695
RICHARD: That's also what Hitler
called his pet goat.
796
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,695
Susie, is GOATY in there?
797
00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:50,455
Yeah. It's an adjective. Yes.
To be GOATY. Yeah.
798
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,095
Jon, your six? TOYING.
799
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:57,415
Katherine, your six?
800
00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,095
Well, mine was also TOYING,
but I also have TAMING.
801
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,575
Your risky seven, Richard?
Well, there are two.
802
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,095
So one is MEATING. Not there.
803
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,335
OK. Wow, that was so quick.
804
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,775
What about MOATING? Yeah.
805
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,415
MOATING, as in building a moat?
806
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:17,655
As in, I'm on a moat
and I'm just enjoying myself.
807
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,935
MOATING
808
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,255
MOATING is in!
809
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,095
HE EXCLAIMS INDISTINCTLY
810
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,575
In your face. That's right.
811
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,895
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
812
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,335
To surround with a moat.
813
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,215
john, Susie,
could they have done any better?
814
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:33,775
Seven was the best, actually.
KATHERINE: Wow.
815
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:34,975
Seven points for Richard!
816
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,895
Yay!
817
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,375
RICHARD: That's right.
818
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,095
OK, time to go once again
to Dictionary Corner.
819
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,495
john, what have you got for us?
Thank you, jimmy.
820
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:45,655
Um, if I may, I'd like to pay
respects...
821
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,215
KATHERINE GASPS
..to, uh, my neighbour,
822
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:50,695
uh, Deborah, who passed away now.
823
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:51,975
Dead Deborah.
824
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,615
Deadorah, as I call her.
825
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,775
She died of natural causes,
of course, Susie.
826
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,815
Her last message to me was, um.
827
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,815
"|'m in an electrical storm
holding my trumpet.
828
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,575
"ls it all right if I point it up?"
829
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,295
And I replied, "Yes, lol."
830
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,535
And I've regretted it ever since.
831
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,055
If I'm honest with you, jimmy,
832
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,375
she never got over the death
of her husband.
833
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:16,615
George.
834
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,215
5'5".
835
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:19,615
CB/Priot.
836
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,415
Gemini.
837
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:22,815
He passed away.
838
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,735
And part of her culture is that
you bury someone with cash.
839
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,015
So she put 500 quid
in his breast pocket.
840
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,415
A year later, well, she was
going through a rough time.
841
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,535
So they had to go and, uh,
you know...
842
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,455
...dig him UP-
843
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,375
They cracked open the coffin.
844
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,015
It was 20 quid short.
845
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,455
He was wearing a new hat.
846
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:50,855
No-one could explain it.
847
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,215
But her last dying wish...
848
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,135
Her last...last dying wish.
Her last dying wish?
849
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,455
Her last dying wish...
Not the first? The last one?
850
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,935
She had a lot of dying wishes.
851
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,615
But the last one I listen to...
852
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,415
She said she'd love
to have her ashes in an egg timer.
853
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,215
So I thought,
854
00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:20,255
"Do you know what, she's always
wanted to be on the show."
855
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:21,975
And you're looking good, girl.
856
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,375
You're looking good.
857
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,935
And this is perfectly 50 seconds.
858
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,015
So the next time we play
a round of Countdown,
859
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,495
I thought I'd use this
so she could be involved, you know.
860
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,295
I mean, it might...
It might not be exactly 30 seconds.
861
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,535
It might be a minute
or two out, but, urn,
862
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,175
in great respects of Deborah...
863
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,015
Deborah, your time
to rest in peace
864
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:45,895
starts now.
865
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,175
APPLAUSE
866
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:50,735
john Kearns, everyone.
867
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:55,535
And here is your teaser.
The words are MINGE DIP.
868
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,135
The clue is - get out of the way.
869
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,535
That's MINGE DIP.
Get out of the way!
870
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,015
See you after the break.
871
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,415
APPLAUSE
872
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,135
APPLAUSE
873
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:17,695
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser....
874
00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,455
The words were MINGE DIP.
875
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,735
The clue was - get out of the way.
876
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,775
It was, of course, IMPEDING. OK.
877
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,415
All right, time for our
final letters game.
878
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,095
Richard, Katherine,
your turn to choose.
879
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,095
OK, Rachel, can we have
three consonants,
880
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:30,815
and then I'll decide again? OK.
881
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,215
N,S
882
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:33,535
and V.
883
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:35,095
And two vowels, please.
884
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,135
I and U.
885
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,455
Consonant.
This is going badly, I feel.
886
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:40,255
R
887
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,615
Vowel, please.
Yeah, sure. Why not?
888
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,095
A.
Ugh!
889
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,415
Consonant, vowel.
890
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,175
And...B and...
891
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,935
Ugh!
892
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,175
OK. And your 30 seconds starts now.
893
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:10,855
RICHARD: Right.
894
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:24,735
Great. And that's, yeah, 50% off.
895
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,215
OK.
896
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,495
LAUGHTER
897
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,535
Richard, how many?
898
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,095
HE SIGHS
Six.
899
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,375
Six. Katherine?
900
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,135
INVUSABO
901
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,375
I-N-V-U-S-A-B-O...
902
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,735
And that's an eight.
903
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,655
Women over 40, like me,
we become INVUSABO!
904
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,455
Rachel! Get up!
905
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,855
You are a pretty girl.
But fuck's sake!
906
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:08,575
I'm going to say none.
907
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,215
That was bad. Dan, how many?
908
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,535
I have got a word that
909
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,415
encapsulates... How many?
910
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,855
Seven. So fuck you. Um...
911
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,135
Ancl I actually wasn't
finished there.
912
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:22,415
Seven.
913
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,575
This encapsulates not only the city
we're in, my city, Manchester,
914
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,135
but also the gay community.
915
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,815
Huge. OK. ton, how many'?
A seven that doesn't do any of that.
916
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,855
So, Richard, your six?
BRAINS.
917
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:40,055
And, Dan, your seven? RAINBOS.
918
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,735
Um, just need a W.
919
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,095
RICHARD: Yeah. That's...
920
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,975
What? Traditionally, yeah.
921
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,695
Someone fucking get me
922
00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:47,895
a double W, then.
923
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,295
Jon, your seven? VARIOUS.
924
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:52,735
Yeah. Very good. Yeah.
925
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,175
KATHERINE: Well done.
926
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,135
john, Susie, could they have done
any better?
927
00:44:58,160 --> 00:44:59,575
No. Seven was what we got.
928
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,695
Uh, Susie also got SAVIOUR.
929
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,455
What was it? SAVIOUR.
930
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:05,655
RICHARD: SAVIOUR.
931
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,015
One more time.
932
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,935
SAVIOUR, brother!
933
00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:12,255
Oh! SAVIOUR.
934
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,735
SAVIOUR!
935
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,295
SAVIOUR...
936
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,935
As in "save ya breath"!
937
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,095
Real "save ya breath"!
938
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,895
OK, sojon and Dan
have 28 points.
939
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,255
Richard and Katherine
are just ahead with 29.
940
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,295
KATHERINE: Ooh. Oh.
941
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,655
APPLAUSE
942
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,975
OK. All right, fingers on buzzers.
943
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,975
Here's today's
crucial Countdown conundrum.
944
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,455
KATH ERIN E PANTS
945
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:51,095
Oh, oh, I think I know what it is!
946
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,175
BELL
947
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:53,455
READINGS
948
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:56,535
Why isn't it?
949
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:57,735
BELL
IS it READINGS?
950
00:45:57,760 --> 00:45:59,455
No. Rea...
951
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:00,775
BELL
Oh.
952
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,215
No. It's not. Restart the clock.
DAN: Someone's at the door.
953
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:14,055
Oh, no.
954
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:17,855
BELL
Yes, Katherine Ryan.
955
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,655
It is GARNISHED.
956
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:20,855
Let's have a look.
957
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:22,095
It's GARNISHED.
958
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,615
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
959
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:28,455
So, the final scores are...
960
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,535
jon and Dan have 28 points.
961
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,655
Richard and Katherine
are the winners with 39.
962
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,415
Yeah!
CHEERING
963
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,935
Congratulations. You're now
the proud owners of these,
964
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,975
the Countdown Irish dancing shoes.
965
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,415
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience,
966
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,175
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Goodnight!
967
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:47,655
CHEERING
968
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:11,735
Subtitles by Red Bee Media