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This program me contains
strong language and adult humour.
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Tonight on Eight Out Of
Ten Cats Does Countdown,
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Richard Ayoade,
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Jonathan Ross,
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Kemah Bob,
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Maisie Adam,
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Sarah Keyworth,
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Susie Dent,
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Doctor Anne-Marie lmafidon,
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and your host, jimmy Carr.
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Hello, and welcome to Eight Out
Of Ten Cats Does Countdown,
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a show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
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It's the quiz that if it's anything
as fun to watch as it is to host,
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my advice is turn off now.
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OK, let's meet tonight's players.
First up, it's guest team captain,
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Richard Ayoade.
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Richard Ayoade is an actor
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and is probably best known for
his role playing Richard Ayoade
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in literally everything he's
ever been cast in.
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Richard says his favourite movies
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are all black-and-white
French New Wave films from the '60s,
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and that's because he's never
seen Paddington 2.
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I was in Paddington 2.
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But I haven't seen it. I'm in it.
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Right, I am having to IMDB that.
Is he in it?
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What do you mean? Why would I lie
about something so banal?
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Who did you play?
I was in the court scene.
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Has anyone seen this film?
I've seen it. I was in it.
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I don't remember you in it.
I was in it!
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I'm the person who sends
Paddington to prison.
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Oh, no. You've blocked it out
because it was very traumatic.
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OK, no, come on,
all right, I'm getting up IMDB.
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Are you in both?
No, I'm in the second one.
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Well, that...
Hence the box office lift.
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Forensic investigator,
Richard Ayoade. Thank you.
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I am in it.
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That's unbelievable.
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I can't believe it.
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And Richard's team-mate, Kemah Bob.
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Kemah is a gay Black
woman from Texas.
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She moved to the UK in 2018
because, well,
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she was a gay Black woman
living in Texas.
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I just want to say,
I'm only half gay.
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Half gay? I'll put half gay.
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I think it's important.
Yeah. Representation matters,
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and I don't want anyone full gay
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to say "Hey, she's appropriating
our culture."
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So half gay?
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It's not like a mermaid,
like the top half is gay
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and the bottom half isn't?
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Well, do you know what,
I kind of feel like a bit is,
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because my brain loves women
and my...anyway.
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Up against them this evening is
guest team captain Jonathan Ross.
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Hello.
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I was not in Paddington 2 or 1.
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I wasn't asked to be in any
of the Paddingtons.
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Jonathan Ross. He looks like if
a Disney Princess kissed a frog,
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but then changed her mind
halfway through.
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Don't take that. Don't take that.
You know what, I've had worse.
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And joining Jonathan tonight,
it's Maisie Adam.
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Maisie Adam gets annoyed when people
mispronounce her surname
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by adding an S. I'd never do that.
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Maisie Saddam, everyone.
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OK, Jonathan,
here's my question to you.
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I hope you don't mind me
saying this,
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you're in your sixties, you're
looking great, what's your secret?
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Oh, you're asking me what
my secret is,
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when your hair miraculously
grew back?
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But that didn't grow, did it?
It grafted.
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You think it grafted?
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You mean like in Love Island when
they have to graft?
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No, I mean down the pits.
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Yeah. What is my secret?
Well, thank you,
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that's a very nice thing
for you to say.
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Hydration is the key, I believe.
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The problem, though, is that goes
hand-in-hand with
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as you get older,
you do need to wee more,
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so it's a trade-off. You know what
I do? What do you do?
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just get relaxed about pissing when
I am sitting down like this.
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Oh, no.
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I have been twice since
the show started,
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and you know what?
No-one's the wiser.
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No. How is your prostate?
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My prostate is fine,
I've had it tickled quite recently.
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A doctor tickles it for you.
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He puts a camera up there
and has a good look at it.
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Do you get to keep
the footage afterwards?
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You know when your parents buy,
you know when you...
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I think technically it belongs
to ITV2. What?
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Part of that footage was
used in Paddington 2.
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That's the title sequence.
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No, I did actually, when I went in,
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the first time I had it clone,
I did ask the guy,
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because we used to
show weird clips,
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and I said I might put this on the
TV show as a jokey story thing.
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So, I said to the gentleman
who had the camera,
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I said, "Can I have
the footage afterwards?"
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Ancl then I was there for quite
a while, he was poking around,
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and after a while I began
to feel faint
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and I said "Surely you must
be clone now?"
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He said, "I was just giving you
extra footage."
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I said, "I don't need 20 fucking
minutes, I need like 30 seconds."
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I am not sure that guy was
a doctor.
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No.
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It wasn't even a camera, he said
it was on the end of his finger,
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I didn't see the camera.
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Kemah, you're from America.
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Have you learnt any interesting
words since you've been here?
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Definitely.
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I feel like you guys use really
big words
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and we tend to keep it
like short and sweet.
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Ancl so, when I moved here there was
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so many big words that
I'd never heard before
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and that kind of blew my mind.
Like austerity.
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So, what would you call that in
the States?
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Erm, life.
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But when I initially
heard austerity,
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I thought to myself,
this word sounds expensive.
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It sounds bougee, you know,
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like it sounds like something
people do
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on a night out in Bridgerton,
you know?
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Like "Join me at my manor for
an evening of austerity."
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Good times. Another big word
for me, huge,
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that I never heard before was
like referendum.
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Yeah. Right.
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Yeah, like because I had never
heard referendum before,
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I had no idea what
a referendum could do,
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and it really feels like
you guys didn't either.
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OK, Richard if you could be
anywhere in
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the world right now,
where would you choose?
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It's tempting to say anywhere else.
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And not just because it's
true, but...
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No, it's untrue.
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I'm very happy here amongst,
well, whoever you are.
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I'm very looking forward
to...what is...why are we here?
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I presume some sort of mix-up
at your management company.
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Yes, look.
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I'm just here to remind people
of what desserts used to look like.
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I've done my job.
Yeah, well done you.
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I was in Paddington 2,
goddamn it.
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Richard have you got a mascot?
I do.
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How many of this....
Have there been?
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Yeah. Over 150.
Oh, there's been a lot,
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and you know what started off
as maybe an idea
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of something to bring people luck,
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and a nice talking point,
has become a burden.
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It's become a burden
to produce these mascots,
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and I know, I understand that
it creates some comedic business.
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So, I've created this,
it's an IOU,
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for a mascot for comic purposes.
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I don't have a mascot
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because I reject
the conformism of it,
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I don't believe in luck.
I've got this.
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Why is it done like a ransom note?
So that you won't know I did it.
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And also, possibly...
Maisie, have you got a mascot?
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Yeah, I actually...
This bit's not done.
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And also, by having an IOU
it opens up
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the possibility
of me being rebooked.
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That is actually quite clever.
I agree to disagree.
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Hang on, let me try that again.
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Maisie, could you be arsed
to bring a mascot?
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I've got a mascot,
would you like to see it?
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Yes. OK, great.
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So, previously when I've been
on this show, Jimmy,
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I think I've struggled
to work under pressure.
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So I've brought something,
it is Whack-A-Countdown.
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It's just that the good people
at Whack-A-Mole have got no...?
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I mean this is very different.
It's very different
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cos with Whack-A-Mole, which
I don't think we're allowed to say,
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with the other one,
you whack...a mole.
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You got round that nicely.
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This one you will whack little
figures of people on the show.
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So this is to make you better at
dealing with the clock?
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Yeah, I'll have 30 seconds on
the clock
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so I can get used to dealing
with that.
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All right.
Wait, I have to plug it in first.
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Can we plug it in, please?
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Can we act like I paid you in
advance? Thank you.
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Ready.
Here we go, your time starts now.
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One, two, three.
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Hit them harder, Maisie,
hit them harder.
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Oh, it's broke!
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That was actually really stressful
and I didn't enjoy it
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and you went slower in
the rehearsals.
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I love it. Maisie Adam, everyone.
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Jonathan, do you have a mascot?
Well, I feel bad as well
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because I sort of forgot
to bring one in,
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and I had planned it, and
then when I came here I said,
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"Oh, I've forgot to bring my mascot.
Can I have a look around here,
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"can I have a look in the offices,
in the studio, in the dressing room,
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"can I find something
to be a mascot?"
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Was there anything? So they
let me have a look around.
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I found something.
What did you find?
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I found jimmy Carr's contract,
ladies and gentlemen.
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Ooh.
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The employment contract.
Oh, wow.
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Ancl you know what? It's not
that surprising in some ways,
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some of the things you'd expect are
pretty standard. Yeah?
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For show business contracts,
when you get to this level,
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00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,175
you'll know this, point one,
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rose petals have to be scattered
in front of jimmy
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on the way to the studio.
That's pretty standard.
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Number two here,
production staff may only
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00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,135
refer to jimmy as your excellency.
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This one surprised me,
one packet of Haribo,
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each sweet must be pre-sucked by
Susie Dent in his dressing room.
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00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,655
Ancl this is my favourite point,
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it says when Jonathan Ross
is on the show,
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a one-inch hole must be drilled
between Jimmy's dressing room
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and Jonathan's bathroom
at waist height.
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00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,015
Oh, that's my contract,
sorry, that's in my contract.
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00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,655
OK, over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Sarah Keyworth.
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00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,815
Sarah is a nonbinary comedian
which means that sometimes
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00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,655
she likes to get up on
stage and dick about,
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00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,255
and other times she prefers
to get up on stage
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00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,175
and fanny about, it's all valid.
It goes better when I fanny about.
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00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,095
First time on the show,
tell us a little bit about yourself.
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Yes, hello. Hello,
Jimmy, hello everyone.
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Yes, my name's Sarah.
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Apparently I don't look
like a Sarah.
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00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,935
I think it's the hair.
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00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,495
I get my hair cut by
a very nice French man called Ian,
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00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,415
and when he's finished he goes,
"Ooh, what do you think?"
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00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,335
Ancl I think, "you've made me
look like an Ian.
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00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,535
"That's what you've clone."
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00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,855
It's an Ian cut, isn't it?
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00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,175
I mean, you look beautiful,
obviously, but if we... Stop it!
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00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,735
If we were gonna... Well, I can see
why you've sat me over here.
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00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,055
I think if we were gonna
pick someone to play
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Jonathan Ross in a biopic, I think
the young Jonathan Ross is the...
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00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,255
OK, with Sarah of course,
it's Susie Dent.
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00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:56,575
Yeah.
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00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,415
I'm not saying Susie Dent's
books are dog shit,
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00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,855
but the council recommend
picking them up
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00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,575
with a special little plastic bag
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00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,375
and putting them in
a special bin in the park.
237
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,495
Jimmy! That is so mean.
What is happening?
238
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,055
So mean.
239
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,095
Don't you take that, Susie.
240
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,295
Yeah, how many have
you written, jimmy?
241
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,055
Two. No, how many have you written,
242
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,295
not how many have you sold?
243
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,455
There you are, got your back,
Suze. I've got your back.
244
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,295
That's defence, yeah. just pop
that on the edit floor.
245
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,055
Susie, which old words would you
like to see make a comeback?
246
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,935
Well, there's always the
stiff rump from the 16th century.
247
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,455
A stiff rump?
A stiff rump, and that's...
248
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,815
Oh, it's a good phrase,
before we even know what it means.
249
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:44,735
What does it mean?
It's a brilliant one.
250
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,615
It's somebody who refuses
to budge from an unfounded,
251
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,055
unfair judgment of someone
else. Looking at you, jimmy.
252
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,695
Oh, that felt loaded.
253
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,895
Do you need somebody
to get you away from him?
254
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,055
Give us a signal.
255
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,415
- Yeah, we can get you out of here.
- Can you?
256
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,775
Yeah. Ask for Angela
and we'll get you out.
257
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,415
OK. And in charge of the numbers,
standing in for Rachel Riley,
258
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,975
it's Doctor Anne-Marie lmafidon.
It's very good to have you here.
259
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,375
Doctor Anne-Marie is a computing
and mathematics genius
260
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,855
who speaks five languages
261
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,495
and is the President of
the British Science Association.
262
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,935
Getting her to do this show
263
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,255
is like using the Large Hadron
Collider to heat up your Pot Noodle.
264
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,015
You're obviously super-smart,
265
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,575
is there anything you're really
bad at?
266
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:34,375
I'm really bad at trains. Once,
I was going from Chester to London
267
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,695
and got on the wrong train
twice in the same journey
268
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,255
and ended up in Wales.
269
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,895
Did you only clock it
when you got to Wales?
270
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,535
Yeah, the sign was
obviously different.
271
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,495
Well, it's very good
to have you here. We're lucky.
272
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:50,895
I also got the wrong train here,
273
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,295
but we'll cover that
another time.
274
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,015
Did you? Genuinely, yeah.
275
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,775
Then where are you?
We missed the train.
276
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,535
What show are you supposed to be on?
Who knows?
277
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,815
I knew I should have taken
the wrong train.
278
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,735
OK, and the prize
the teams are competing
279
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,415
for tonight is this.
The Countdown piano!
280
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,215
He's been practising all week,
please. Ssh.
281
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,135
PLAYS INDIVIDUAL
NOTES HALTINGLY
282
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,455
Let's Countdown, everyone.
Time for the first game.
283
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,375
Jonathan, Maisie, you get to
pick the letters. Ooh.
284
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,015
Would you like to go first?
You're good at this. Oh, OK.
285
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,815
Thank you. Could we have
a vowel please, Anne-Marie?
286
00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:00,615
Consonant.
287
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,855
S-
288
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,375
Another consonant.
289
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,735
A vowel.
290
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,135
A vowel.
291
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,175
Oh, a different vowel.
292
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,335
No, not the right vowel.
293
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,375
A consonant.
294
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,575
Z?
295
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,655
Oh, come on, Anne-Marie!
Who wants a Z?!
296
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,375
We are trying to make
the fun version of this show,
297
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,895
not the dog shit version
in the afternoon.
298
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,815
So do you want to change...
What?
299
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,255
LAUGHTER
300
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,615
I'm getting ready, look the 30
seconds is coming up,
301
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,935
I've got to do a bit
of scoot-scooting.
302
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,655
You look like you're on your way
303
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,935
to your first clay at
boarding school.
304
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,335
It's hard to tell, at first
glance I didn't know
305
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,815
if that was a helmet or you'd
had another hair transplant.
306
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,495
Could we have a
different consonant?
307
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,815
Oh, lovely. Oh, delightful.
308
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,575
One more consonant. Thank you.
309
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,975
Your final letter is a K.
OK, your time starts now.
310
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,735
Oh, scoot, scoot, scoot.
311
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:34,855
Thank you.
312
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:39,255
Scoot, scoot. I did scooting.
I did some scooting.
313
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,815
It was really good scooting, wasn't
it? The fear in your eyes!
314
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,255
You're so good at scooting.
I'm so good at scootin'.
315
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:45,495
Jonathan, how many?
316
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,375
I've got some sixes. Two sixes.
Some sixes. Maisie, how many?
317
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,895
Yeah, got some sixes as well.
318
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,575
OK Richard, how many?
319
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,615
Six. Six. Kemah?
320
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,295
Six as well. Oh.
321
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,255
All right, what's your six?
322
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,255
My one? Yeah.
323
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,575
OK, great. I'm sorry,
I've very distracted,
324
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,175
you have a nice butt, jimmy.
325
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,535
That's kind of...people
don't talk about it.
326
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,935
I told you, I told you I had man junk
in the trunk, but you didn't listen.
327
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,495
Your bottom is rounder
than expected.
328
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,055
I feel like I might as well be
a lap dancer.
329
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,895
People are just staring at
my arse.
330
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,495
Although that had my word on
it so I've forgotten it now.
331
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,935
All right, so what are your words?
332
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:36,015
I will tell you,
I will tell you my six. Speeclo.
333
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,895
ls Speedo allowed
because it's a brand name
334
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,255
and sometime they don't allow
brand names?
335
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,615
Speeclo is also a shortened version
of speedometer,
336
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:43,695
do you mean it that way?
337
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:44,975
Yeah.
338
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,575
Suzie, is speedo in there?
339
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,015
Yes, so Speedos are trademarks
and capital S,
340
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,975
but speeclo, as Jonathan said,
is short for speedometer.
341
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,895
It actually is?
Oh, perfect. Yeah.
342
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,295
Which is what I meant.
343
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,495
Richard, your six? Soaked.
344
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,095
Jonathan, your six.
345
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,855
I had pokers, or,
346
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,175
I don't know whether I
would get this one, spoked.
347
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,815
Yeah. And Maisie, your six?
348
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,815
I've got erodes and pseudo.
349
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,775
Six points to both teams.
350
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,255
Sarah, Susie, could they have
done any better?
351
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,815
Susie has presoaked.
ALL: Ooh.
352
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,015
Stop it!
353
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,055
It's a nine-letter word.
That's...come on.
354
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,375
All hail. I got soaked
but lacked the energy
355
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,055
and intelligence to rearrange
356
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,175
the three remaining
letters into pre.
357
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,535
That's why I had
a small part in Paddington,
358
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,575
they didn't trust me with
anything bigger.
359
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,535
You would have been a good
choice for the voice of the bear.
360
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,495
If you were Paddington what would
say, as Paddington?
361
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:48,975
NASAL: More marmalade, please.
362
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,855
I mean it's in the same...
363
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,775
I mean done.
That's good, that's good.
364
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,255
So at the end of that,
both teams have six points.
365
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,055
OK, onto our first numbers
round. Richard,
366
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,655
Kemah, you get to choose
the numbers.
367
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,415
Wow, this is a big
responsibility. Please. Me?
368
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:07,975
Please do choose.
My God.
369
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,975
But I wasn't in any Paddingtons.
370
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,655
No. OK... I think there is
a bit of Paddington in all of us.
371
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,015
Ew.
372
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,935
May I have three big
ones, please?
373
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,735
Oh, radical. Nice.
Yeah, I do what I want.
374
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,375
Three big ones, three small ones.
375
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,175
We have... Thank you so much.
376
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,895
...and a target of 881.
377
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,175
Good luck, everyone,
your time starts now.
378
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,535
Oh, I hate this game so much.
379
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,175
Ah, shit.
380
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,975
Yeah, this is an absolute nightmare.
381
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,135
So the target was 881. Get it?
382
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,575
Sh. Whoa.
383
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,495
Whoa there, hold on.
Jonathan, did you get it?
384
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,375
No.
OK. But, Maisie, did you get it?
385
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,495
No.
386
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,775
Richard, did you get it? No.
387
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,855
Kemah?
388
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,135
Not really.
389
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,655
I got 875. Go on, tell us.
390
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,695
Two plus five.
391
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,775
Two plus five is seven. Ah!
392
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,095
Plus one. Clever.
Plus one is eight.
393
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,495
Times by the 100.
394
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,695
Times by the 100.
395
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,535
And then, now... Now, watch closely.
This is what I just did, OK.
396
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:45,575
Hold on, hold on.
397
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,855
I added 50.
398
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,255
Then I added 25.
399
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,775
Wow. This guy's insane!
400
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,695
Five points. Five big points
for Richard Ayoade. OK.
401
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,975
This bit is so hard.
402
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,455
Anne-Marie, could it be done?
No.
403
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,815
What?
That's why I couldn't do it, jimmy.
404
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,855
The sum was impossible, was it?
Yeah.
405
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,695
I'll just give Rachel a call, shall
I? Go on, go on, then. Ah.
406
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,295
What? Sure. OK,
407
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,295
so Jonathan and Maisie have
six points,
408
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,695
Richard and Kemah have 11 points.
409
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:14,695
Early lead.
410
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,175
And here is your teaser.
The words are IHOGNUTS,
411
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,295
the clue is keep your mouth closed.
That's IHOGNUTS,
412
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:23,975
keep your mouth closed.
See you after the break.
413
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,255
Welcome back. The answer the teaser
414
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,975
the words were IHOGNUTS,
415
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,695
the clue was keep your mouth closed,
416
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,095
it was of course SHOUTING.
417
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:49,575
So, Richard and Kemah are in the lead
418
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,935
and they've been playing in
teams so far,
419
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,255
but this game is just
for Richard and Jonathan.
420
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,935
So, Richard, your turn to choose.
421
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,215
Consonant.
422
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,295
X-
423
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,015
Really? That's how we're starting?
424
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,615
We can work with that.
Oh, no.
425
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,135
Another consonant, please.
426
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,015
Another X.
427
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,095
T. Vowel, please.
428
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,935
O.
Another vowel please.
429
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,295
I. Maybe another vowel.
430
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,055
What? Yes. E.
431
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,135
Consonant. Q.
432
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,095
Holy Moly.
Are you serious, Anne-Marie?
433
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,415
Are you, I mean what?
434
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,295
Another vowel.
435
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,695
A.
Another consonant.
436
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,655
Go on, vowel, vowel, vowel.
L.
437
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,815
Vowel, vowel, vowel.
438
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,175
That's what we're looking for.
And then another vowel.
439
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,815
Come on, come on, come on.
A strong desire for a U.
440
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,815
CHEERING
441
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,655
OK, I'm gonna play the clock music
442
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,055
on some wine bottles.
443
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,655
OK, all right.
444
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,255
You ready? Your time starts now.
445
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,215
It's so off-putting.
446
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,615
It's horrible, isn't it?
447
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,935
Now, I've got cheese
and wine for everyone
448
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,175
to sort of lift the spirits.
449
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,535
Kemah, in your honour,
as you're American,
450
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,815
I've got some American squeezy
cheese for you.
451
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,175
Thank you so much.
452
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,495
Maisie Adam, we got you
Maisie Edam.
453
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,015
Oh, great.
454
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,815
Richard Ayo...Wensleydale,
455
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,935
That's very much a work in progress.
No, that's good.
456
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,415
And, Jonathan, we got you...
old blue veiny cheese.
457
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,335
As per my rider.
458
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,775
This is, I mean it's a little bit
of class, isn't it,
459
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,975
cheese and wine on the show.
460
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,415
It's so exciting.
461
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:50,495
Thank you very much.
462
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,175
Why have I got like just
a big wedge with a...
463
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,695
Maisie Edam.
464
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,655
Oh, you looked like a
psychotic clown for a moment there.
465
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,815
I liked it.
466
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,255
Oh, Jesus Christ,
what happened there?
467
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,575
I don't like this cheese.
Bad cheese.
468
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:08,935
Which cheese?
469
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,295
The blue one. The blue one?
The Jonathan Ross one.
470
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,655
I can't swallow it,
I don't want it in my body.
471
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,975
It's only for the
sophisticated palette.
472
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,495
Hmm. Fuck off.
473
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,215
What's crazy about this is, like,
474
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,895
I'm severely lactose
intolerant and so...
475
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,055
I just feel so bad for Richard
476
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,535
cos it's about to get crazy
in about five to ten.
477
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,615
That's OK. This just wipes clean.
478
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,895
Richard, how many?
479
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:37,975
Errn, just the one.
480
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,615
Well, I've got a definite five,
481
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,295
and but for a D I'd have an eight.
482
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,295
Why has your wine got a head on it?
483
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,135
Jonathan, how many have you got?
484
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,455
I have got one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
485
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,335
Richard, your five. I've put quiet.
486
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,615
Jonathan, your seven.
487
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,135
Exotica.
Oh, that might be all right.
488
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,935
Very good. A popular form of
music in the 1950s.
489
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,935
- That's amazing.
- Do you have a U after Q?
490
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,295
You don't...no, no.
Exotica, like that.
491
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,615
No, no, CA.
I don't think we've got a C, mate.
492
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,895
Oh, I haven't got it.
493
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,295
Oh!
494
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,055
I apologise, however,
I'm still happy
495
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,615
cos I've got the cheese.
496
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,935
No, wait a second, wait a second,
497
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,495
can I just check in
with Susie Dent?
498
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,935
You had one job, Susie.
I'm so sorry!
499
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,935
She thought there was a C as
well, didn't you, Susie? I did.
500
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,975
KEMAH: It's so exciting.
Yeah, such a good word.
501
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,815
Try that one.
Well, you try it, it's your word.
502
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,135
Oh. Toxique.
503
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:36,495
I like that one. The lounge version
of the Britney Spears song. Yeah.
504
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,135
Five points to Richard.
505
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,655
Sarah, Susie,
could they have done any better?
506
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,375
Er, I dunno, we're just
getting pissed.
507
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,655
Liquate.
508
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,975
Oh, yeah, I had that.
Seven, that's a sevener.
509
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,295
Liquate? What is that?
510
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:53,535
Purifying metals.
511
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,175
That's like jimmy on the phone.
"Liquate everything, liquate it."
512
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,255
"The tax man's coming round,
liquate all the files."
513
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,775
"Liquate. Liquate it and
then shred it. Shred it."
514
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,855
So at the end of that,
Jonathan and Maisie have six points,
515
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,655
Richard and Kemah have 16.
516
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,095
Well played, well played.
517
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,295
OK. Right, now it's time for Maisie
and Kemah to go head-to-head
518
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,655
with the maths.
Maisie, you pick the numbers.
519
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:24,455
I've nothing but confidence in you.
OK, two big ones please, Anne-Marie.
520
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,815
Another one.
Oh, Jesus.
521
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,215
100 and 75.
522
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,575
With a target of 197.
523
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,095
OK, and your time starts now.
524
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,935
So the target was 197.
525
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,655
Maisie, did you get it?
526
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:16,735
No.
527
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,655
I got 190.
528
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,455
Seven away.
OK, Kemah, did you get it?
529
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,935
I think we have 196. Oh!
530
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,895
196, OK, that'll be worth something,
531
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,135
how did you do it?
532
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,055
So one plus one is two,
533
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,055
and then two times 100...
534
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,855
Times 100 for 200.
535
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:37,215
"will get you 200, and then you
wanna take four away from it.
536
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,295
JONATHAN: Oh, masterful.
537
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,815
Seven points for Kemah.
538
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,575
Nicely clone. Nicely clone.
539
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,335
Anne-Marie, could it be done?
540
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:48,655
Yes, it can be clone.
541
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,375
One plus one, two. I'm fine so far.
Good start, yeah. I'm all good.
542
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,695
Nine times this two is 18.
543
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,615
Add the 75 on... Shut it.
544
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,335
Whoa. ..for 93,
and then 100 for 193...
545
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:03,095
Oh, mate.
546
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:05,055
Yeah. Whoa. ..and then add on four.
547
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,735
That's a beautiful piece of maths.
548
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,295
That feels like very lucky that that
worked out, but brilliant.
549
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,375
That's so clever.
550
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:16,975
Pretty great. OK,
sojonathan and Maisie have six,
551
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,255
Richard and Kemah have 23.
552
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,775
Time now to go across
to Dictionary Corner,
553
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,455
Sarah Keyworth,
what have you got for us?
554
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,775
I've made a short presentation,
just to put everybody at ease,
555
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,455
and it's to explain why
I frighten women
556
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,775
brackets, and men.
557
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,535
Ancl I think we call all agree
I am very frightening, there I am.
558
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,135
Ancl the reason for that is that
I represent
559
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,975
the most frightening thing
the world,
560
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,215
which is ambiguous genitals.
561
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:52,295
"What have you got down there,
Keyworth?" I can hear you all crying.
562
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:53,935
Ancl I'll never tell.
563
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,815
I'm not gonna tell, I won't even
write it down cos I can't spell it.
564
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,135
I think I confuse people
for a lot of reasons,
565
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,855
my youthful looks,
mentioned it before,
566
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,415
it confuses people
everywhere I go.
567
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,775
Last summer, I was walking
my friend's dog down the road,
568
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,055
there was a man on
the other side of the street,
569
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,935
and he shouted,
"No school today?"
570
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:14,895
I said to him,
571
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,495
I said, "Oh, no, I'm 28 years old,"
and he went,
572
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,255
"Oh, that's weird.
I thought you were a young boy."
573
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,455
Ancl I was like, "|'m weird?
574
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,015
"Why are you starting
a conversation with a young boy?"
575
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,255
I tweeted about that.
I love tweeting about gender.
576
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,135
I did a tweet recently,
you know the film Notting Hill?
577
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:35,735
I did a parody of the famous quote
578
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,535
from Notting Hill,
the one that's like,
579
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:41,295
"|'m just a girl standing in front
of a boy asking him to love her,"
580
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,895
but instead of that I Tweeted
581
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,415
"|'m just a girl standing in
front of a boy,
582
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,615
"realising it's a mirror and that
gender is a social construct."
583
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,815
But I got quite
a modest Twitter following,
584
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,175
very few followers
and mostly queer people.
585
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,535
So, I thought, my plan was I'd
tweet that and get like two likes
586
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,575
and then feel smug for the rest of
the clay, but the problem is
587
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:04,215
I'm also followed by comedian
and professional quizzer
588
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,775
Paul Sinha from The Chase.
589
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,175
Yeah. The Chase, very popular
daytime quiz show, isn't it, Susie?
590
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,935
It's probably the most popular,
I'd say.
591
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,615
Yeah. It's definitely the best.
592
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,535
It's my favourite, I'll say that,
593
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,335
and he, Paul, retweeted my Tweet,
594
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,815
which essentially means that
he clipped me in rainbows
595
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,055
and threw me to the bigots.
596
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,375
Cos then a lot of people started
responding to that.
597
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:30,655
I got a lot of angry tweets.
598
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,415
One person tweeted me,
very, very cross...
599
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,175
Fantastic.
600
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,015
Then immediately replied
to themselves...
601
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,655
Ancl this is my favourite one.
Somebody tweeted me saying...
602
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,695
Then immediately straight away
tweeted themselves back...
603
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,175
Sarah Keyworth, everyone.
604
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,535
And here is your teaser.
605
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,735
The words are ASSBLEND,
the clue is not a hair in sight.
606
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,455
That's ASSBLEND, not a hair in sight.
See you after the break.
607
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,175
Welcome back,
the answer to the teaser,
608
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,295
the words were ASSBLEND,
609
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,015
the clue was not a hair in sight,
it was of course baldness.
610
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,535
BOTH: Oh!
611
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,895
OK, before we go on, time
for a quick bonus round.
612
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,215
Tonight we have movie director,
Richard Ayoade,
613
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,735
and movie buff, Jonathan Ross,
614
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,415
so let's test their knowledge in
615
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,415
the Cats Does Countdown movie quiz,
Pulp Fact Or Pulp Fiction?
616
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,015
SHOWBIZ MUSIC PLAYS
617
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:50,215
The person with the most
correct answers get ten bonus points.
618
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,575
Here is your first question.
We need this.
619
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,895
Can you tell me the real tag line of
620
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,255
the 1973 double Oscar-nominated
thriller, The Day Of The Dolphin?
621
00:31:58,280 --> 00:31:59,855
The Day Of The Dolphin?
622
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,135
I literally could tell you
that now.
623
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,055
I bet you could. OK.
These are multiple choice anyway,
624
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,695
but I bet you could. OK...
625
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:09,055
Could be that.
626
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:12,895
No.
627
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,335
Oh, that's a good one.
628
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:21,975
ls itCor D?
629
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,295
It can't be that last one, surely.
630
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:28,695
I literally wrote a section on this
in my book, The Grip Of Film.
631
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,695
That's the second time you've failed
to do your research, mister.
632
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,255
The first time was Paddington 2,
the second time in my oeuvre.
633
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,695
OK, Jonathan, what have you gone for?
634
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,175
C. You've gone for C.
We've gone for C.
635
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,935
Richard, what correct answer
have you gone for?
636
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,295
It is D.
The answer is D.
637
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,135
Here's the beautifully designed
poster. Let's have a look.
638
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,455
And it's a double
Oscar-nominated film.
639
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,615
For an extra point for us,
640
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,615
can you do a good
dolphin impersonation?
641
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:50,535
HE DOES
642
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,135
You just gave them a point!
643
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,855
Yeah, that is true, that is true.
644
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,015
Question number two in
the Pulp Fact or Pulp Fiction quiz.
645
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,415
OK for this one, you need
to complete a tag line
646
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:05,095
for thejason Statham classic
action film Crank, High Voltage.
647
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,175
Love that film. Yeah.
648
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,815
Here's the first part,
"He was dead, but he got..." what?
649
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,055
No! No?
I would love it if it was though.
650
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,055
I think that would be really good.
OK, Jonathan, what have you gone for?
651
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,935
I'm very tempted to go
with Maisie's suggestion.
652
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,535
Maisie, tell him your suggestion.
653
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,015
How does it start again?
654
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,495
He was dead but he got...
655
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,335
Pussy. I mean...
656
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,415
Its Jason Statham, so, I mean...
I think he still would get it.
657
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,335
Richard Ayoade?
658
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,015
I'd like to say "over it",
659
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,415
but that isn't the answer.
660
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,735
The real answer is "better."
I know this.
661
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:38,615
He was dead but he got better.
662
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,495
It's basically a re-telling of
the story of Christ.
663
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,535
You know your terrible cinema.
Thank you.
664
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,415
Let's take a look at the poster.
665
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,775
Here'sjason Statham looking
double hard.
666
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:55,175
Jesus. I do remember being
a young American person
667
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,135
watching this film,
thinking to myself,
668
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:03,175
"This Jason Statham, he must be
what all men in the UK are like."
669
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,695
Ancl I've come here...
670
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,535
And now sitting between
Richard Ayoade and me,
671
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,135
I imagine dreams come true.
Yeah. Yeah.
672
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,735
AS STATHAM: "What we've gotta do
is we've gotta take the motor out."
673
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,095
He does voices!
674
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,095
That's what Paddington should
sound like.
675
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,415
0h, yeah!
676
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,535
This next question,
677
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,095
we're gonna show you
a very scary clip.
678
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,655
Take a look at this frightening
trailer for a horror movie,
679
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:28,855
The Lift.
680
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,815
VOICE OVER: Modern technology gave
birth to the lift,
681
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,815
But the lift has made itself smarter,
682
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,415
...stronger...
683
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,535
...and deadlier.
684
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,215
MAN SCREAMS
685
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,295
Oh, it's a good film.
I know about this film.
686
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,855
OK, all right, let's see.
That's a real film?
687
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,095
Yes, it's a good film.
688
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,455
Jonathan, you say you know about
this film, you say it's a good film,
689
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,055
but the question is what is
the tag line for The Lift?
690
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,135
Richard?
691
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:00,615
I'm ashamed to say I don't know
this one, jimmy.
692
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,175
If I were doing this I'd say
"What goes up must come down."
693
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,615
I'd say "This one's out of order."
694
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:07,935
Yeah. You're not far off.
695
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,335
"After this, you'll only be
taking the stairs,
696
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,695
"on account of lifts feeling
frightening."
697
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,615
No, I think it actually is,
it says,
698
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,495
"We've told you before,
take the stairs,
699
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,775
"take the stairs, take the stairs."
700
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:19,735
Come on. I'm gonna give you that.
701
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,695
Let's have a look at the truly
inspirational tag line which is...
702
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:26,375
VOICE OVER: Take the stairs.
703
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,655
Take the stairs.
704
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,935
For God's sake, take the stairs.
705
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:37,655
It's a good film. That's so bad.
It's a good film.
706
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,255
Now it's time to test your knowledge
of classic movie scenes.
707
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,815
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome our acting expert, Fabio.
708
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,295
Oh, Fabio.
709
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,775
Fingers on buzzers.
710
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,055
Buzz in when you know what
film he is acting from.
711
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,575
Fabio, action.
712
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:56,695
Oh, my word!
713
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,135
Buzz in when you think you
know the answer. BUZZER
714
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:01,895
Dances With Wolves.
715
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,415
Incorrect, keep going, keep going.
716
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:05,775
Mrs Doubtfire.
717
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,095
BUZZER
Dirty Dancing.
718
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:09,615
Dirty Dancing is the right answer.
719
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:13,615
When they dance together. Oh, yeah,
when they're going like that.
720
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,535
Fabio, more acting please.
Action.
721
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,375
Come on, he's acting, look at him.
Look at his acting.
722
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:19,735
BUZZER
What is it?
723
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,175
Pulp Fiction.
Pulp Fiction.
724
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,495
Bastard.
ls the correct answer. Yeah.
725
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:24,775
KEMAHI WOW.
726
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,695
I love how Richard has suddenly
got really fiercely competitive.
727
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,175
I'm so...
I couldn't find the button then.
728
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,255
Fiercely competitive.
729
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,615
Fabio, action.
730
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,535
BUZZER
Basic Instincts.
731
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,295
It is not Basic Instincts.
BOTH BUZZERS
732
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,735
Ghost.
Ghost is the right answer.
733
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,375
Hold on, she doesn't sit in
a chair
734
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,335
stroking a big fucking
penis in Ghost!
735
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,335
It's in front her, she's making a
bowl there, she's not going...
736
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,695
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dirty Dancing doesn't involve
737
00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,455
someone dry humping air
for 30 seconds.
738
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:57,775
A round of applause for Fabio.
739
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,335
Yes.
740
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,335
That's the end of that round.
741
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:04,615
That's ten points to Jonathan.
742
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:09,695
OK, on with the game.
743
00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:12,335
Jonathan and Maisie,
your turn to choose the letters.
744
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,015
A vowel, please.
Yeah, good choice.
745
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:15,855
We'll start with a vowel.
You can indeed, E.
746
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,215
Ancl let's have another vowel.
Come on, let's be crazy on vowels.
747
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:20,895
Now I'd like a consonant please.
748
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,615
Ancl now I'd like another
consonant, please.
749
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,135
Oh, I don't like that
one, particularly,
750
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,615
but I'll go for
a vowel now.
751
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,415
Oh.
Yeah, good.
752
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,695
Shall we have another consonant?
Do it. Let's do it.
753
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,855
Let's have another vowel
and two more consonants.
754
00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:39,735
Yes, please.
755
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:41,775
Gorgeous, thank you.
756
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,535
Your time starts now.
757
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:15,655
Jonathan, how many?
758
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,575
Four. Four, OK. Maisie?
759
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,255
Yeah, I got four.
760
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:20,855
Richard.
761
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,135
I'm looking at four.
762
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,335
Kemah?
763
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,055
- I got five.
- Wow!
764
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,575
Yes, that's right!
Oh, go on, Kemah!
765
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,015
OK, five for the win.
Maisie, your four?
766
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,095
Moan.
767
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:31,535
There's no A.
768
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,775
Jonathan, your four?
769
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,255
10in. join.
770
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,535
Richard, your four?
771
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,295
Now, I wonder, could you be join?
772
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,135
Be join. I've got join.
773
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,615
Maybe in the 16th century,
I don't think now.
774
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,535
I wish it was the 16th century.
Kemah, for the points,
775
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,175
a five-letter word... job in.
776
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,495
Oh, Kemah!
777
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,095
When you're doing a job.
You're job in.
778
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,415
You're job in.
You're job in nine to five.
779
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,095
Yeah. It's not there.
780
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,415
Not there, OK. It's four points
to both teams.
781
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,215
Wow. It's something.
782
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,735
Was there anything?
783
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,935
Sarah, Susie could they have
done any better?
784
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,695
Yeah, I got one, Susie didn't.
I got one.
785
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:16,095
A bio me.
786
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,215
ALL: Oh, bio me.
787
00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:19,575
Of course. Home's up there, yeah.
Yeah. Home.
788
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,575
So at the end of that, Richard
and Kemah are in the lead
789
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,975
with 27 points.
790
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,935
Time to go across once again
to Dictionary Corner.
791
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:32,055
Sarah, what have you got for us?
792
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,295
Well, I just love this show.
793
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,375
I like that it does words,
as I love words.
794
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:40,095
I get very frustrated when people
mispronounce words
795
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,095
to the extent that they're saying
a completely different word.
796
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,775
The one that upsets me most,
797
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:49,175
instead of saying specific
people say Pacific.
798
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,495
I find it incredibly frustrating.
799
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,855
People tell me to be more Pacific,
and I'm like,
800
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:56,375
"What do you want me to do,
wet myself?"
801
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,575
Another one, instead of
part and parcel...
802
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:04,895
The phrase is part and parcel.
803
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,335
Part and partial is the same thing,
804
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,215
that's like saying I'm gonna kick
your butt and your buttocks.
805
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,775
This is a good one.
806
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,575
My clad had to have a meeting
with his boss
807
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,935
to ask him to stop praising
him at work
808
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,255
because his boss was going around
telling everyone that my father
809
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,135
had a really good work ethnic.
810
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,295
Oh, no! Yeah.
811
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,735
He had to be like,
"Please, don't spread that around."
812
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,375
The problem is as well,
the worst part is
813
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,735
I live with one of these people
who can't speak properly,
814
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,335
or as I like to call them,
cucking funts.
815
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,695
My girlfriend has absolutely
no grasp on common idioms
816
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:41,015
and phrases, but she
knows that they exist,
817
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:41,975
so she just makes them up.
818
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,375
Like the other clay, she was
talking about work,
819
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,815
and she said that she
definitely thinks
820
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,295
that she's closed the most
deals at work,
821
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,455
but her colleague John
is coming up her rear.
822
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,095
John, if you're watching,
stop it.
823
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,135
Another one she said,
I heard her in a work meeting,
824
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,855
she was on Zoom and she said,
"|f we want to meet this deadline,
825
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,215
"we really need to get this
boat on the road."
826
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,775
Boat on the road.
827
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,735
Ancl I asked her, what she thought
that that was in reference to,
828
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,535
and she said she thought it was
when, you know when you see
829
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,935
a boat on the back of a truck.
830
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,775
Ancl I said to her, "Well, how
many times have you seen that?"
831
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,055
And she said she didn't think
she ever had.
832
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:22,215
A few more of her classic phrases...
833
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,055
I think that's a Snoop album,
isn't it?
834
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,735
Like a bulldozer in a China shop.
835
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,095
Ancl then finally, in
an argument she said to me,
836
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,255
she said, "|f you can't handle
me at my worst,
837
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,535
"then you can't handle
the truth."
838
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,935
Which roughly translates
to "|'m the worst."
839
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,375
Sarah Keyworth, everyone.
840
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,375
And here is the final teaser.
841
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,775
The words are MOISTPIE,
the clue is make the most of it.
842
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,055
That's MOISTPIE, make the most of it.
843
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:00,095
See you after the break.
844
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,175
Welcome back. The answer to
the teaser
845
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:18,455
the words were MOISTPIE,
846
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,255
the clue was make the most of it.
847
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,015
It was of course OPTIMISE.
848
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,575
OK, our final letters game.
Richard, Kemah, your turn to choose.
849
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,095
It's all to play for.
850
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:31,455
OK, may I please have
a vowel, madam?
851
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:32,655
An A.
852
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,095
May I have a consonant, please?
853
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,615
Oh, come on.
So far, so good. Yeah.
854
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,575
Ancl may I have another
consonant, please?
855
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,295
Yes.
Ancl may I have a vowel, please?
856
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,655
May I have another vowel, please?
857
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,895
Ancl may I have a consonant, please?
858
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:54,575
And another consonant, phase.
859
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,095
And another consonant, phase.
860
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,935
May I have another vowel, please?
861
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:03,855
- Your last letter is an O.
- Oh, it wasn't what we wanted.
862
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:05,735
And your time starts now.
863
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,175
Sorry about that, Susie,
it's just they're shit.
864
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,695
Richard, how many? Five.
865
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:54,495
Kemah? Six.
866
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:55,575
Jonathan?
867
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:59,095
Six, but I very nearly got an
eight because I nearly
868
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,095
found clitoris in there,
869
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,495
but not for the first time
it has eluded me.
870
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,415
How many? Six you're going
for, OK. Maisie?
871
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:08,295
Six. OK.
872
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:10,975
Sorry, seven. Oh!
Can I change mine to a seven?
873
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,695
It's a seven, it's a seven,
874
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:15,575
I'm sorry, it is a seven,
It hadn't been called.
875
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,535
Get your stinking eyes off mine.
I have seven as well.
876
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,295
Seven, I've got a seven.
You don't.
877
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,575
Kemah, your six.
878
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,095
Inspired by the stars, it's astral.
879
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,375
Astral. Jonathan, your six?
880
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,015
Trials. Trials.
881
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,895
I mean, not as good as astral
but it's something.
882
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,415
Maisie, your six.
883
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:31,455
Tiaras.
884
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:32,575
Richard, your seven.
885
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:33,615
coastal
886
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:34,855
Oh, nicely clone. Oh!
887
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,015
Coastal. Coastal.
888
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,055
Richard Ayoade there.
Yes, you stop it.
889
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,375
- Wow.
- Yeah, that's good.
890
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:42,735
Right.
891
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,255
That was seven points to Richard.
892
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,975
That's good, that's good.
893
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,375
You earned that.
894
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,335
Sarah, Susie,
could they have done any better?
895
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:50,655
Cora lit as?
896
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,335
What sorry?
I dunno.
897
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:58,215
Pink flowered climbing vines
native to Mexico and the Caribbean.
898
00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:00,095
ALL: Cora lit as.
899
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,335
Oh, Coralitas. Sure.
900
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:08,175
So, Jonathan and Maisie have 21,
Richard and Kemah have 34.
901
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,215
Yes! Wow.
Fingers on buzzers.
902
00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:11,295
Hold it, can we still win?
How many points are at stake here?
903
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,215
I'll tell you what I'll do to make things
interesting... Mate, I've never won.
904
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:17,535
It's ten points for
the Conundrum if you get it right.
905
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,655
If you get it in the first 15 seconds
I'll double that to 20 points.
906
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,375
Why is it so far away?
Don't take this away from me!
907
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,255
Jonathan, we've gotta get this.
Your time starts
908
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,015
for the crucial Countdown
Conundrum, now.
909
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,455
BUZZER
Jonathan.
910
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,295
Wa llpa per.
911
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:36,015
After three seconds,
let's see if he's right.
912
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:37,335
Oh, stop it.
Jonathan, I think you've done it.
913
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,095
- Who is this man?
- Come on!
914
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:42,055
CHEERING
915
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:44,895
Brutal.
916
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,695
Congratulations to Jonathan
and Maisie.
917
00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:49,495
You're now
the proud owner of this,
918
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:51,215
the Countdown piano.
919
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,375
Thanks to all our finalists,
920
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,295
our wonderful studio audience
and all of you watching at home.
921
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,815
A Vic Reeves painting
has come to life!
922
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,615
That's it from us. Goodnight!
923
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,095
Subtitles by Red Bee Media