1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,120 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,200 Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown... 4 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,200 Jon Richardson. 5 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,320 Richard Ayoade. 6 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,240 Dan Tiernan. 7 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,160 Katherine Ryan. 8 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,920 John Kearns. 9 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,800 Susie Dent. 10 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,960 Rachel Riley. 11 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,680 And your host, Jimmy Carr! 12 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,280 APPLAUSE 13 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,600 Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 14 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,000 a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums. 15 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,720 OK, let's meet tonight's players. 16 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,080 First up, it's team captain Jon Richardson. 17 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,480 APPLAUSE 18 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,920 How to describe Jon Richardson... 19 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,800 He's the kind of guy who irons his receipts, 20 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,760 takes his own cereal on holiday 21 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,480 and washes out his condoms. 22 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,800 Condom. No point buying two if you're going to wash it out, 23 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,680 is there? 24 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,920 And Jon's team-mate, Dan Tiernan! 25 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:30,960 APPLAUSE 26 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,560 Dan Tiernan - finally, an answer to the question, 27 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,240 "What would it look like if Adrian Chiles' parents 28 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,240 "were brother and sister?" 29 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,160 Up against them this evening 30 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,800 it's guest team captain Richard Ayoade! 31 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:50,840 APPLAUSE 32 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,440 Richard often does voiceover 33 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,880 and he recently did the voice of a nerdy robot. 34 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,600 In fact, he's still doing it. 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,240 DEEP VOICE: How dare you! 36 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,440 And joining Richard tonight, it's Katherine Ryan! 37 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,080 APPLAUSE 38 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,920 As a 40-year-old woman, Katherine worries she's invisible 39 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,680 to high-powered TV bosses. 40 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,240 But Katherine's not invisible. 41 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,560 And I'll tell her that just as SHOON as she gets here. 42 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,440 As shoon as she gets here... 43 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,880 I'll try and do everything more like Sean Connery. 44 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,000 Happy birthday. Thank you. 45 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,400 Did you get anything nice? 46 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,920 Uh, nope. 47 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,600 I have two babies under two. 48 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,520 You know, what are my kids gonna get me? 49 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,880 No, I didn't get anything nice. 50 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,040 You know you've got a husband? 51 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,160 Yep. 52 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,200 But, uh... 53 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,640 Well, my husband and I went to a hotel in London 54 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,440 to escape our children, and I slept while I was there. 55 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,920 And then I went back. 56 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,560 And we didn't even bang. 57 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,320 So I'm not going to be pregnant again this year. 58 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,280 I had a very similar night on my 20th birthday. 59 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,720 Richard, what have you been up to since we last saw you? 60 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,640 Well, you're kind to feign interest. 61 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,120 I... Um... 62 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:16,280 I've been working on a reissue of a playwright 63 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,600 called Harauld Hughes. 64 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,360 H-A-R-A-U-L-D 65 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,080 But a lot of people don't know he was a poet, Harauld Hughes. 66 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,600 And I've got one of his poems here. 67 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,800 Um, it's a serious work. 68 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,240 He's very... He's a dramatist. 69 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,080 And I'm just very excited to be bringing this, um, 70 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,720 to the public's attention - 71 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,000 I mean, I call it the public - whoever you are - 72 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,400 um, and just get the word out. 73 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,720 Harauld Hughes. 74 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,280 This one's called The Breakdown. 75 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,840 Have you broken down? 76 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,160 DEEP VOICE: I have broken down. 77 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,040 Oh. JON: Does voices. 78 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,680 NORMAL VOICE: Where did the event take place? 79 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,080 DEEP VOICE: It took place near my home. 80 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,280 NORMAL VOICE: Was the breakdown sudden or were there warnings? 81 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,080 DEEP VOICE: No-one warned me. 82 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,880 NORMAL VOICE: Was anyone else involved? 83 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,640 DEEP VOICE: No-one else is involved. 84 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,640 NORMAL VOICE: Would you like to stay where you are until we arrive? 85 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,480 DEEP VOICE: I would like to be home. 86 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,360 NORMAL VOICE: We are quite busy. Are you OK to wait? 87 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,720 DEEP VOICE: I have time, but I'm not OK. 88 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,920 NORMAL VOICE: What kind of model is your car? 89 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,360 DEEP VOICE: I am not in a car. 90 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,360 NORMAL VOICE: You do realise this is the AA? 91 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,280 DEEP VOICE: I know who you are. 92 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,040 NORMAL VOICE: We help people who have broken down. 93 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,520 DEEP VOICE: I HAVE broken down. 94 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,560 NORMAL VOICE: People who have broken down in their cars. 95 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,880 DEEP VOICE: And what about those who haven't? 96 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,960 Oh. 97 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,160 So... 98 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,200 Yeah. 99 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,080 OK. We haven't got time for that long a poem. 100 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,920 Dan, first time on the show. How did you do at school? 101 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,400 Did you do well? This is my experience at school. 102 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,360 HE MUTTERS 103 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,720 It was like that sort of thing. 104 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,080 Um, I went to, like, a specialist school. 105 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,400 Uh, you can tell... 106 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,200 It's called the University of Salford, and.... 107 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,880 I went to, like a specialist school for kids with dyspraxia or dyslexia, 108 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,280 um, called Hulme Hall. 109 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,960 Any Hulme Hallers in, by any chance? 110 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,360 Give me a, "Ugh!" 111 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,040 When I was 11, I had to go for, like, an interview there 112 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,280 to see if I was appropriate, and I was nervous about it, 113 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,640 but, um... but they took one look at me, 114 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,400 they were like, boom! "Yes! 115 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,680 That is her there. 116 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,400 "Get in here now. 117 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,400 "Here's your helmet." Um... 118 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,360 But it was a good school. It was a good school. 119 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,840 We had our own dance troupe. 120 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,120 Ooh. 121 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,560 Uh, yeah, they were called Neuro Diversity. 122 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,200 I'm just... I'm slightly worried you haven't stabbed a bit of paper 123 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,200 with a pen enough times. 124 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,760 That's the only thing that's bothering me so far. 125 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,040 There you go. 126 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,680 Dan? Yes. 127 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,560 Don't ask him another one. I'm fucking terrified here! 128 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,080 I wonder if we HAVE got time for another poem! 129 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,960 Richard, have you got a mascot? Yes. Show business is tough. 130 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,480 We know this. 131 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:42,800 It's hard to remember the joy you used to have. 132 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,680 For me to recall that important... 133 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,560 So very kindly the art department 134 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,800 helped me remember the kind of passion 135 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,840 and the love I had for the show 136 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,680 in previous incarnations. 137 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,800 And just also to remember 138 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,480 the kind of journey I've been on. 139 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,560 So this is a previous show, 140 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,440 and I just look at that guy and go, 141 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,720 "Wow, can I get back to that kind of enthusiasm?" 142 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:13,640 And here, again, look how much I've changed. 143 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,320 It's just, uh... 144 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,400 Cos it's not just about having fun. 145 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,200 It's about growth. 146 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,880 And also here. Aw... 147 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,240 I've just got... I've just got to get back to this guy. 148 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:29,040 It's just... In a way, if you can be your own hero, 149 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,600 that's not bad. 150 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,680 It's an extraordinary collection of outfits. 151 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,000 Thank you. It's colours I've not seen anywhere else. 152 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,320 Yes, some of them you can find in "lich-en". 153 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,240 Um, but, uh... Or "like-en". 154 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,880 Some people call it "like-en". 155 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,480 I call it "lich-en". 156 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,000 Katherine, have you got a mascot? 157 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,120 Yes. 158 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,400 Wow, I was right in the middle of a sentence. 159 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,840 It's hard to tell. This is not even a lie. 160 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,360 When I speak to my wife, I have to say, "Comma." 161 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,240 Katherine, have you got a mascot? 162 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,720 Did you want to finish what you were saying about "lich-en"? Full stop. 163 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,680 Yes, Jimmy. I don't know if you've noticed, but over the years, 164 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,840 I have reluctantly taken measures 165 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,120 to fight against the effects of ageing. 166 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,560 Stop it! 167 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:29,200 But now that I've had my 40th birthday, I feel like now's the time 168 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,000 for me to lean into the eccentric older woman 169 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,000 that I'm destined to become. 170 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,080 And so my mascot 171 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,200 is me in my new persona, 172 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,520 Kathy Koots. 173 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,880 So that's me now. 174 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,560 Um... I'm rebranding. 175 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,080 And you've all got, um, similar hairstyles 176 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,280 if you feel like putting them on. You don't have to. 177 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,600 I brought enough wigs for everyone. 178 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:58,400 You see, everyone looks more liberated already. 179 00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,560 I feel liberated. 180 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,320 We just look like a council on a very bad sci-fi show. 181 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,520 Kathy Kootstra - you know, she likes to take her bra off. 182 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,640 She really likes to let loose. 183 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,800 If you're sitting in the front three rows, you're in the splash zone. 184 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,280 The Council of Xena Four forbids this! 185 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,480 They haven't moved! 186 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,080 I hear what you're saying, Jimmy, and it doesn't bother me any more. 187 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,080 That's right. Kathy Kootstra - she's given up. 188 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,880 Kathy Koots is down for a good time. 189 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,560 It's minor Tennessee Williams, but it's good. 190 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,520 Yeah. Well, I don't think it's Tennessee Williams. 191 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,200 I've met Katherine's mum, 192 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,600 and this is it. 193 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,000 Kathy Koots, everyone. 194 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,400 This is... 195 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,320 Why did Jon just become a Bee Gee? 196 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,440 I like this. 197 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,560 Yes. I love it. I love it, I love it. 198 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,080 Do you feel good about yourself, Jon? 199 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,920 Do you feel liberated? Do you want to drink? 200 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,920 # I feel alive! # 201 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,240 Dan, have you got a mascot? 202 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,560 Uh, yeah, Jimmy. 203 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,280 I can't count or read, 204 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,480 so this is quite scary for me, I won't lie. 205 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,320 What I thought was to sort of calm me down 206 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,920 and feel like this isn't that scary, this is fucking nothing, 207 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,360 is I bought the thing that I'm most terrified of in the world here, 208 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,080 I got some beans... 209 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,680 ..um, here. 210 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,760 So, basically, you know at school, 211 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,560 that kid who always had beans on his shirt? 212 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,240 That was me, right? 213 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,000 No-one's surprised. Yeah. 214 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,680 Well, you should be surprised, 215 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,000 because I've never eaten beans in my life. 216 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,240 Because I look like I like beans, right? 217 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,320 We're on the same page. You do. 218 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,080 I mean, not only do I look like I like beans, 219 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,160 I look like all I eat is beans. 220 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,440 First time I ever seen a bean, right, I was five, right? 221 00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,960 I was playing with my sister. 222 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,640 Mum opens the fridge and a half a can of beans falls on her head. 223 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,720 Right? And I thought her head had exploded. 224 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,120 And I thought every... beans were in your head. 225 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,640 Maybe... Maybe so that's why I can't eat them, 226 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,440 because...cos they're what's in me. So... 227 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,880 I have another poem! 228 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,520 Jon, have you... Have you got a mascot? 229 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,880 It's rare to be the Everyman. 230 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,400 I've never been in this situation before where I'm the relatable one. 231 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,400 It's very odd for me. 232 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,920 Oh, John Kearns is coming up. 233 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,520 How the fuck's he gonna out-weird that? 234 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,920 I've never found wigs very funny. 235 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,880 Um, I've invented a sort of new holiday. 236 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,000 I call it CHRISHMAS. 237 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,320 Chrishmas? 238 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,040 Chr... Chrishmas with an "ish". 239 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:03,480 Ooh. Yeah. So here we've got a classic Chrishmas tree. 240 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,840 Um, and I'm going to whip the top off there. 241 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,760 Wheee! There we go. 242 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,480 AUDIENCE: Whoo! 243 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,680 We all feel better already, don't we? 244 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,400 And it's got a little plug here... 245 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,120 ..right next to my water. 246 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,600 Oh! AUDIENCE MEMBER: Wahey! 247 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:23,720 Who doesn't feel happier? 248 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,080 A genuine "wahey" from the audience. 249 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,120 Uh, you got to have an angel on your Christmas tree, haven't you? 250 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,200 Because it's not Christmas, you can pick who you like. 251 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,760 So I've gone with, uh, a little Jimmy Carr angel. 252 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,640 It's my little Jimmy angel there. 253 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,440 That's adorable. I picked you 254 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,080 cos I wanted to know what you look like with a tree up your arse. 255 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,800 And because it's Chrishmas, not Christmas, 256 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,480 so you've got snacks on your tree. 257 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,160 So what I've done is I've put little vegan falafels, 258 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:54,000 so if you get hungry, you just help yourself off the tree. 259 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,080 There's no moisture in it. 260 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,680 I got you, Jon. 261 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,240 Urgh! 262 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,160 They're so fucking dry. 263 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,760 The gag was that I'll eat it and it's dry, 264 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,960 but, my God, it's dry! 265 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,120 I was also dry before I discovered porn star martini. 266 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,080 Kathy Koots. 267 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,760 Whoo! 268 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,640 So if you need a drink, 269 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,840 in the base of the Chrishmas tree.... 270 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,320 ..that's veg-nog, that. 271 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,120 Veg-nog? Yeah. 272 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,600 What is veg-nog? 273 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,960 It's, uh, eggnog without the egg. 274 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,400 Well, what's it got in it, then? Don't ask. 275 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,520 Did you make that yourself? 276 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,800 Overtime. 277 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,320 OK, And over in Dictionary Corner, it's John Kearns! 278 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,960 APPLAUSE 279 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,480 Great to have you back on the show. 280 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,880 Uh, welcome back. 281 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,000 It's been, uh, six years since I've been on the show. 282 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,120 KATHERINE: Wow. 283 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,800 Over 2,000 days now. 284 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,440 Six long, cold years. 285 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,960 The phone ain't ringing for 2,000 days. 286 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,560 Gets in your head. 287 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,880 You can't help but take it personally, Jimmy. 288 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,040 It's around year five that you think, 289 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,520 "Did I do something wrong?" 290 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,560 You do something I swore I'd never do. 291 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,080 You watch it back. 292 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,280 "Was I TOO funny?" 293 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,240 No, that wasn't the problem. 294 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:56,320 Sat here watching, uh, today's show... 295 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,520 ..that I've really thought, "Wow. 296 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,560 "For six years they've thought... 297 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,360 .."'Nah, he's too weird. 298 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,000 "'People won't get his stuff.'" 299 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,880 HE CHUCKLES 300 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,600 But I must say, today, Jimmy, 301 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,960 I feel very at home. 302 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,840 John Kearns, everyone! 303 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,000 And with John, of course, it's Susie Dent. 304 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,000 APPLAUSE 305 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,200 Susie. 306 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,640 Leading lexicographer Susie Dent has been working with Amazon 307 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,720 to develop the Alexa vocabulary. 308 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,160 It's been slow going, though, 309 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,200 because Alexa keeps going into sleep mode. 310 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,080 Susie, pardon my French, 311 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,240 What is the origin of the F word? 312 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,200 Ah. The story is that during the Great Plague, 313 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,120 the population had been wiped out. 314 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,800 And so the monarch said to all fertile couples, 315 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,320 "Go forth, 316 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,240 "hang F-U-C-K on your door. 317 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,400 "You're Fornicating Under Command of the King. 318 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,880 "You are not to be disturbed." 319 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,480 Um, it is literally fucking nonsense. 320 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,120 But it's a lovely story. 321 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,640 This is my Countdown moment - 322 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:18,600 it goes back to the Latin pugnare, meaning to fight, 323 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,360 because all the first references in the dictionary are to hitting. 324 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,680 So there was a man who lived in the 14th century 325 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,480 who was unfortunately called Roger. 326 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,160 Roger Fuckbeggar. 327 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,360 Roger what? Sorry. 328 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,920 Roger Fuckbeggar. 329 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,480 We think he just went around hitting homeless people. 330 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,520 So he was just very violent. 331 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,800 Well, it could have been worse, given the name! 332 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,800 So, anyway, a much darker history 333 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,160 than Fornicating Under Command of the King. But... 334 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,600 OK. And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 335 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,720 APPLAUSE Hey. 336 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:55,320 Rachel, you were recently awarded an MBE. Congratulations. 337 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,440 Thank you. It's a big deal. That's a big, big deal. Huge. 338 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,200 Now, looking around at us here, 339 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,320 who do you think is the most likely to receive an honour from the King? 340 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,680 Ooh. Tough one. 341 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:11,720 Um, I was going to suggest the person who's written, you know, 342 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,400 15-odd books and has guarded the dictionary for 30 years. 343 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,080 I think the problem is, if Susie were made a dame, 344 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,960 then she'd be Lady Dent and she would sound like a vagina. 345 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,840 If you got leggings on too tight, "I can see your Lady Dent!" 346 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,120 OK. The prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this. 347 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,040 The Countdown Irish dancing shoes. 348 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,480 APPLAUSE 349 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,040 IRISH MUSIC 350 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,320 AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 351 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,200 Time for the first game. Jon, Dan, 352 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,480 you get the first pick of the letters. 353 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,360 Vowel, please. Thanks, Dan. 354 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,440 A 355 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,120 You're welcome. Vowel. Vowel. 356 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,240 U 357 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,280 Vowel! 358 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,400 A 359 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,080 Consonant, please. 360 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,280 T 361 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,640 Consonant, please. 362 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:10,880 R 363 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,360 Vowel. 364 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,240 O 365 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,200 Uh... Vowel. 366 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,600 Consonant, consonant! Oh, is it too late? 367 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,800 I mean... Yeah. 368 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,280 Twi... Stick or twist? 369 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,560 All right, we'll fucking take it. Take it? 370 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,720 Take the I. 371 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,520 Consonant, consonant! Consonant. 372 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,560 Well... 373 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,960 P and M. 374 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,720 Cool. While you're getting on with that, 375 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:35,640 I'm gonna go online, check out OnlyFans. 376 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,480 And your time starts now. 377 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,680 Oh, shit. 378 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,680 APPLAUSE 379 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,720 That was lovely. It's nice to know what I could achieve 380 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:16,920 with a bit of effort. 381 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,000 How many letters, Jon? 382 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,800 Uh, six. 383 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,000 How did you do? I got three. 384 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,720 Richard, how many? Five. 385 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,000 Katherine? Six. 386 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,480 Dan, your three? 387 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:29,880 I got RAT. 388 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,640 RAT. Or TAR. 389 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,800 Richard, your five? PURIM. 390 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,040 What, sorry? PURIM. 391 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:40,400 The Jewish holiday. 392 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,800 Susie? Sorry, I was miles away. 393 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,000 What was that? 394 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,120 You've only got one job! 395 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,600 I know. Um... 396 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,200 It's capital P. That is the problem. 397 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,200 I think that's the least of our worries at this stage. 398 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,120 I'm sorry. 399 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,240 And, Jon, your six? Uh, IMPART. 400 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,520 Katherine, what's your word? It's ATRIUM. 401 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,800 Great word. 402 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,320 Well, six points to both teams. 403 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,400 Susie, John, could they have done any better? 404 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,680 Yeah. Six was the best we could do. 405 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,080 OK, on to our first numbers round. 406 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,560 Uh, Richard, Katherine, your turn to choose the numbers. 407 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,440 OK, Kathy, what would Kathy do? 408 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,840 DEEP VOICE: Goddamn it, Katherine, just pick the numbers. 409 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,240 Two big, Rachel, and the rest small. 410 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,160 Sure, Kath. Here we go. Your four little ones are... 411 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,640 3, 9, 412 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,200 7 and 2. 413 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,600 And the big ones, 50 and 100. 414 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,240 And the target... 415 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,840 514 416 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,920 Yes! Time starts now. 417 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,600 Oh, no. That's wrong. 418 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,120 I don't know. 419 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,160 So, the target was 514. Richard, did you get it? 420 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,200 DEEP VOICE: No. 421 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,320 Kathy, did you get it? No. 422 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,720 Jon, did you get it? 518. 423 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,800 Dan? Well, no, I didn't. 424 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,440 And then I thought I got it then, but I didn't. 425 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,160 I've got it now if that counts. Go on. 426 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,760 Yeah, I think that would count if you get it now. What have you got? 427 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,840 100 x 3 428 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,280 Yes! 100 x 3 = 300. 429 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,440 Wow. 430 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:37,560 - 50 431 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,640 250 432 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,720 + 7 433 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:40,760 257 434 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,800 x 2 435 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,320 Well done. 436 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,800 OK, so ten points for Jon! 437 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,720 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 438 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,040 I've also now got it. 439 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,840 How did you do it? Exactly the same way. 440 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,280 OK. Richard and Katherine have six points, 441 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,120 Jon and Dan are on 16. 442 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,120 APPLAUSE Whoa. 443 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,440 And here is your teaser. 444 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,360 The words are IF HE RUBS, 445 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,480 and the clue is - there'll be sparks. 446 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,440 That's IF HE RUBS, there'll be sparks. See you after the break. 447 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,920 APPLAUSE 448 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,720 APPLAUSE 449 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,520 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser... 450 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,520 The words were IF HE RUBS, and the clue was - there'll be sparks. 451 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,080 It was, of course, BUSHFIRE. 452 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,200 So, Jon and Dan are in the lead. 453 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,120 They've been playing in teams so far, 454 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,840 but this game is just for Jon and Richard. 455 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,680 So, Richard, your turn to choose. 456 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,960 A vowel. OK. 457 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,600 A bit more enthusiasm, please, Richard. 458 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,800 SAME VOICE: A vowel. 459 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,000 E 460 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,280 Consonant 461 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,440 T 462 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:51,560 Um, a vowel. 463 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,640 A 464 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,000 Sorry if I'm being aggressive. 465 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,320 Um... Another vowel, please. Thank you. 466 00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,400 I 467 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,560 A CONTINENT. 468 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:01,600 S 469 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:02,640 Continent. 470 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:03,680 H 471 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,120 Um, a vowel. 472 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,680 A. JON: These are really good. Thank you for your support. 473 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,480 Uh, and then two more consonants 474 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,040 just to speed it up. 475 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,360 And then N and... 476 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,440 An N. R. 477 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,640 OK. And your time starts now. 478 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,440 VOCALISING-STYLE FOLK MUSIC FOR COUNTDOWN CLOCK THEME 479 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,200 APPLAUSE 480 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,800 Can I just check? Did everyone else see that? 481 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,840 OK. Uh, Richard, how many? Um, a six. Yeah. 482 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,720 Jon, how many? Uh, I'm going to... 483 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,960 FOLK SINGING Fuck! 484 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,880 OK. Wow. 485 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,880 I knew that... FOLK SINGING 486 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,440 How many, Jon? Eight. 487 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,680 FOLK SINGING 488 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,200 Eight. 489 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,560 I have an eight, Jimmy. FOLK SINGING 490 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,240 Richard, your six? TRAINS. 491 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,440 TRAINS. There are... They exist. 492 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:33,720 Yeah. 493 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:34,880 Jon, what's your... 494 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,400 What's your word? 495 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,920 FOLK SINGING 496 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,320 By the way, thank you for respecting MY personal space. 497 00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:46,680 I'm so aware I'm going bald from the back. 498 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,720 I don't know if I've been influenced by what's happening, Jimmy, 499 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,160 cos I thought that was a lovely shanty, but I thought 500 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,280 what I'm getting here was a little bit SHANTIER. SHANTIER? 501 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,120 Susie, do you want to break his heart? 502 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,720 Yeah. It's not there as an adjective, Jon. 503 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,760 You win. That's right, that's right. TRAINS. 504 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,600 TRAIN me! 505 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,200 Ladies and gentlemen, the girls from The Shining. 506 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,120 LAUGHTER 507 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,720 Thank you very much. 508 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,120 Oh. 509 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,800 I don't know, I just felt like it was BEAN time. 510 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,040 Susie, John, could they have done any better? 511 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,560 I'm gonna leave it to the genius of Susie Dent 512 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,360 to give you a sweet nine. 513 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,000 Whoa! Yeah, it's a bit obscure. 514 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,160 RHATANIES 515 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,840 And they're extracts of the roots of a South American shrub. 516 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:39,960 Woohoo! 517 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,520 Susie Dent! 518 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,120 John Kearns - I don't know if the audience have noticed, 519 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,560 but he's wearing one of those Jon Richardson wigs you can buy. 520 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,840 If you lean forward there, Jon, 521 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,920 you can see they've modelled it on... It's the... 522 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,960 That's the Jon Richardson wig. 523 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,400 Well, if Jimmy leans forward, 524 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,720 you can see what hair used to be on his back. 525 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,200 Well, this should be good. Time for Katherine and Dan to go head to head 526 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,680 in the numbers round. 527 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,480 Dan, you're to pick the numbers. 528 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,200 One big, and then I guess that means the rest small. 529 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,240 We have... 530 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,640 3, 10, 531 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,720 2, 8, 1... 532 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,000 Oh, wait. 8... 2... 25. 533 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,120 And the target... 534 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,440 25... I mean. 535 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:32,720 OK, your 30 seconds starts now. 536 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,440 I can't see it. 176. She's old! 537 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:37,920 So... Fuck me. 538 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,680 Fucking life. 539 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,560 I'm sorry, Jon. 540 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,840 You don't have to apologise to me. 541 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,240 I don't know how to do that. 542 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,240 Come on, channel Kathy. 543 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:49,720 Kathy knows. 544 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,760 Kathy knows her 25 times table. 545 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,560 I need to get to 70-fucking-6. 546 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:57,880 RACHEL: You can still do it with 8. 547 00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,680 DAN: 16... Oh, fucking hell. 548 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,520 It's what? 7 x 25 = 125. 549 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,720 And your second 30 seconds starts... 550 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,960 Reset the clock. They need a little bit more time on this. 551 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,360 Come on. Go. 552 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,800 APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH 553 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:16,920 OK. 554 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,200 BELL 555 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,040 He's uptight. He's fucking helped her! 556 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,760 That is a God... You... 557 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,200 DEEP VOICE: You're a liar. 558 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,440 You're a goddamn liar, sir. 559 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,120 Dan, do you want some more time? Uh, yeah. 560 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,880 Could I get a bib whilst I'm here? Cos I'm sort of dribbling. 561 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,720 Um, I don't think I'm going to get there, 562 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:34,760 even if we have an hour. 563 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,240 I think one of the bigger problems you've got is that piece of paper 564 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,080 that you just tried to eat is the one I wrote the answer on. 565 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,920 Oh, this... 566 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,000 Wait, what? 567 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,720 Have the beans. OK. 568 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,480 Katherine, did you get it? 569 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,600 I did eventually get it. You did eventually get it. OK. 570 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:53,760 Uh, Dan, did you get it? 571 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,080 But they cheated. 572 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,280 You shut up and eat your beans! 573 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:03,840 This is the furthest we've ever been from the real Countdown. 574 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:07,720 No. Thank you. 575 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,120 If you do want one, I got to say you've got to go in there 576 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,240 and get the spoon, cos that's gone in there. 577 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,600 Yeah... We've not met before, but that's not really my thing. 578 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,560 Katherine, how did you do it? Yes. 579 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,040 All I knew... Yes, ..is that... 580 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,720 25 x 7 = 175 581 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,200 And how did you make your 7? 582 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,440 10 - 3 583 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,240 Yes. And then... 584 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,000 x 25 = 175 585 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,680 Luckily, there's a 1 586 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,040 There is. And I added that. Smashed it. 587 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,280 Well done. Ten points to Katherine! 588 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,960 OK, so Jon and Dan have 16 points, 589 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,440 Richard and Katherine are in the lead 590 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,000 with 22 points. 591 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:45,040 APPLAUSE 592 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,560 All right. Time now to go across to Dictionary Corner 593 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:49,760 for a bit of sanity. 594 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,520 John, what have you got for us? Thank you, Jimmy. 595 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,840 The great thing about technology 596 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,200 is that you can be in two places at the same time. 597 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,640 Uh, when I was asked to do this show, I checked the diary, 598 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,560 and I was busy. 599 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,880 Uh, my part-time job, 600 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:14,200 job on the side, Susie, is that. I'm an auctioneer. 601 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:19,040 Mm-hm. But, uh, with the help of this VR headset, 602 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,960 uh, I can leave Countdown for a second, and, uh... 603 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,320 ..go straight to the auction house. 604 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:33,280 OK. Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? 605 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,280 OK. Hello there. Good afternoon. 606 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,800 Never mind where I am. 607 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,400 Never mind where I am! 608 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,000 OK, let's get on with this thing. 609 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:43,240 First lot here. What do we have? 610 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,760 OK. It's a phone case 611 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,480 signed by Mother Teresa. 612 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,600 Do I hear... 613 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,320 Do I hear 70? Do I hear 70? 614 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:53,560 70? 80. 615 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,480 HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY 616 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,360 Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. 617 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,640 HE MUTTERS 618 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,080 Do I hear...? 619 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,360 Going once, going twice. Sold! 620 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,080 Sold to chap there. 621 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,680 OK, let's go to the next item. 622 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,720 What have we got? We've got a door. 623 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:17,680 A door that was leant against by, uh, Vernon Kay... 624 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,400 ..circa...circa 2000, 625 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,520 when he, uh...he was around, uh, presenting T4. 626 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,360 Do I hear 15 in the room? 627 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:28,760 Do I hear 15 in the room? 628 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,200 HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY 629 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,040 20. Thank you, sir. 630 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:34,320 Thank you! 631 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,040 Do I have 30? 632 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:38,520 I have 30 on the phones. 633 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,680 I have got 30 on the phone. Do I have anything higher? 634 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,880 Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. 635 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,160 Thank you. 40. 636 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,760 40. Do I hear 50? 637 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,040 50. Thank you very much! 638 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,760 Do I have better than 50? Do I have better... 639 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,800 Sold, sold, sold, sold, sold! 640 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:53,880 Sold! 50! 641 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,360 Thank you so much, sir. 642 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,720 You have a lot of money, my brother. 643 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,000 Right, let's wrap this up. 644 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,520 Ah, last... Uh, last item on the bill 645 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,960 is a full England strip 646 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,160 that was worn by David Beckham in the World Cup in 1998. 647 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,960 It is a sock short 648 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,360 because the previous owner one night ran out of toilet roll 649 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,800 and kitchen roll. 650 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,800 Um, so do I hear... 651 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,720 Do I hear... 652 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,960 £100,000 in the room! 653 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,320 £100,000 in the room! Thank you. 654 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,240 Do I hear anything more than 100? 655 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,200 Thank you very much, sir. 100, 200. 656 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,600 Is there anything...? 657 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,880 HE MUTTERS RAPIDLY 658 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:38,200 300! 659 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:39,520 HE MUTTERS 660 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:41,240 300 in the room! 661 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:42,960 Going once, going twice. 662 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,760 Sold! Sold to the prick in the middle. 663 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,000 Thank you very much, sir. 664 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:50,280 Well, that's the end of the, uh, auction. Thank you very much. 665 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,320 Jimmy, you really got to come down. 666 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,680 It's a lot of fun down there. It really is. 667 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,800 John Cairns, everyone. 668 00:31:57,840 --> 00:31:59,160 APPLAUSE 669 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,000 If you've been affected by any of the issues raised 670 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,120 in tonight's show, please do get in touch. 671 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:09,680 OK, here is your teaser. 672 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,360 The words are GO ON, SHIT. 673 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,800 And the clue is - does that feel better? 674 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,960 That's GO ON, SHIT. Does that feel better? 675 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,440 See you after the break. 676 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:19,680 APPLAUSE 677 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,320 APPLAUSE 678 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,960 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser... 679 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,080 The words were GO ON, SHIT. 680 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,840 The clue was - does that feel better? 681 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,160 It was, of course, SOOTHING. 682 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,840 OK, before we go on, time for a quick bonus round. 683 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,440 Now, some of our guests on the show 684 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,400 can barely read and write, so it's time 685 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,960 to improve their spelling. Jon, Katherine, 686 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,480 join me in the centre for the Countdown Spelling Bee. 687 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,080 DRAMATIC MUSIC 688 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,600 Wow. Oh, yeah. 689 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,600 OK, so this is the Countdown Spelling Bee. 690 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,640 During the break, you were both fitted with electric shock pads. 691 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,480 Every time you make a mistake, you will get an electric shock 692 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,320 equivalent to a bee sting. 693 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:10,360 What?! 694 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,000 Do you understand what's going to happen here? 695 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,240 Yeah, you're a prick. 696 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,520 We're going to check they're their working. 697 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:17,880 Katherine, I'll test yours first. 698 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,360 You're a fucker. He does this gag every time. 699 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,720 It's going to be me, isn't it, you little scamp? 700 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,880 It fucking says, "Jimmy zaps," on the autocue. 701 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,160 You can't even... 702 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,360 You can't even make it up! 703 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,920 I think I'm just used to, like, Botox and everything. 704 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,800 There's like... Are you pressing it. 705 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,120 There's like a tingle. I like it. 706 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,600 Argh! 707 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,360 You can't piss in these trousers and get away with it. 708 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,400 OK. Katherine, you're up first. 709 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,080 Nice, easy one to start with. 710 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,200 Your word is gobbledygook. Spell gobbledygook. 711 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,120 I'll use it in a sentence if you like. OK. 712 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,520 Oh, no. I'm covered in gobbledygook. 713 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:07,440 Oh. 714 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,680 Yeah, I love that. 715 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,080 I can tell you it is actually spelt... 716 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,640 Y. I got it wrong. 717 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:18,760 Shock me again. 718 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:21,440 Yeah. It's nice. 719 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,400 OK, Jon. Easy one for you to start with. 720 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,440 Yeah. Son of a bitch. 721 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,080 It's where. Spell where. 722 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:28,920 Yeah... 723 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,760 I'm doing QI next. 724 00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,760 No. Argh! 725 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,840 W-H. I feel like the next time I get electrocuted, 726 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,960 my right leg is going to really kick out as far as... 727 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,240 Argh! 728 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:57,960 Oh! 729 00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,400 That was amazing. 730 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,760 OK, Katherine, your word is pterodactyl. 731 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,200 OK. 732 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,320 There's no E on the end! 733 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,720 I like getting shocked. Yeah. 734 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,240 There was no E on the end, but otherwise you did very well. 735 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,080 There. They just should have stopped. 736 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,240 Jon, your word is gonorrhoea. 737 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,600 Argh! 738 00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:59,640 Wondered if that...was wrong! 739 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,840 Well, I like it as well. I like it. 740 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,600 I like it. 741 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:07,920 Do you wanna have another go at gonorrhoea? 742 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,240 No, just zap me, mate. I like it. 743 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,560 I like it, I like it. 744 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,680 I like it, I like it. 745 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,600 I fucking got A levels! 746 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,680 Go on. Have another go at gonorrhoea. 747 00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:23,880 Come on. Gonorrhoea. 748 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:27,440 Did you zap me at O? 749 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,080 Yeah. So... 750 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:31,920 Tsss! 751 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,280 It's like a horse that can count. 752 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,600 What did I say? H? 753 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:38,800 Yeah, H, yeah. 754 00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:42,360 Yeah. 755 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,120 Correct. Yeah! 756 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,200 Well, Jon's the winner. Five points to your team. 757 00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,760 Wait, Jon won?! 758 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,160 All right, back to your seats. After you, Jimmy. 759 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,320 Can I have that for the rest of the show? Thank you. 760 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:00,840 Ah. 761 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,320 This is the icing on Kathy Koot's evening cake. 762 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,120 OK, time for our next letters game. 763 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,000 Richard, Katherine, your turn to choose. 764 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,560 Consonant. Thank you. 765 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:12,680 M 766 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:14,280 M. And a vowel. 767 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,600 E 768 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,320 E. And a vowel, please. 769 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:19,520 I 770 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,560 Oh, great. And also a consonant.. 771 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,600 Y 772 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,760 Yeah, OK. And a consonant. 773 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:26,880 N 774 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,040 OK, and a consonant. 775 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,160 G 776 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,400 Oh, wow. OK. 777 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,720 And also maybe a vowel. 778 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:34,880 Why not? 779 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:35,920 A 780 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,080 Ooh. Er... 781 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,120 Ooh. Consonant, I think. 782 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:41,320 T 783 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,400 Shut up! 784 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,080 And then a vowel, please. 785 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,040 And last one for you, Richard... 786 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:48,560 O 787 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,520 Oh... And your time starts now. 788 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,640 Jon, how many? Six. 789 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:24,760 RICHARD: Ooh. 790 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,160 Dan? Five. Excellent. 791 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,000 Richard? Risky seven. 792 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,560 Oh! JON: Ooh. Yeah. 793 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:31,040 Katherine? Six. 794 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,680 Dan? Your five? 795 00:38:32,720 --> 00:38:33,960 Uh, GOATY. 796 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,560 RICHARD: That's also what Hitler called his pet goat. 797 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:46,480 Susie, is GOATY in there? 798 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,320 Yeah. It's an adjective. Yes. To be GOATY. Yeah. 799 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,720 Jon, your six? TOYING. 800 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,200 Katherine, your six? 801 00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:59,880 Well, mine was also TOYING, but I also have TAMING. 802 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:02,400 Your risky seven, Richard? Well, there are two. 803 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,920 So one is MEATING. Not there. 804 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,040 OK. Wow, that was so quick. 805 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,600 What about MOATING? Yeah. 806 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,200 MOATING, as in building a moat? 807 00:39:12,240 --> 00:39:17,480 As in, I'm on a moat and I'm just enjoying myself. 808 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,560 MOATING 809 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,080 MOATING is in! 810 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:22,920 HE EXCLAIMS INDISTINCTLY 811 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,360 In your face. That's right. 812 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,680 What does it mean? What does it mean? 813 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:30,120 To surround with a moat. 814 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,000 John, Susie, could they have done any better? 815 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,600 Seven was the best, actually. KATHERINE: Wow. 816 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:34,800 Seven points for Richard! 817 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,720 Yay! 818 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,160 RICHARD: That's right. 819 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,880 OK, time to go once again to Dictionary Corner. 820 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,280 John, what have you got for us? Thank you, Jimmy. 821 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,440 Um, if I may, I'd like to pay respects... 822 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,040 KATHERINE GASPS ..to, uh, my neighbour, 823 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,520 uh, Deborah, who passed away now. 824 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:51,800 Dead Deborah. 825 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,400 Deadorah, as I call her. 826 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,600 She died of natural causes, of course, Susie. 827 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,600 Her last message to me was, um. 828 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,680 "I'm in an electrical storm holding my trumpet. 829 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,240 "Is it all right if I point it up?" 830 00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,120 And I replied, "Yes, lol." 831 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,240 And I've regretted it ever since. 832 00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,840 If I'm honest with you, Jimmy, 833 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,200 she never got over the death of her husband. 834 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:16,440 George. 835 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,040 5'3". 836 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,440 Cypriot. 837 00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,240 Gemini. 838 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:22,600 He passed away. 839 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,520 And part of her culture is that you bury someone with cash. 840 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,880 So she put 500 quid in his breast pocket. 841 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:34,280 A year later, well, she was going through a rough time. 842 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,400 So they had to go and, uh, you know... 843 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,280 ..dig him up. 844 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,200 They cracked open the coffin. 845 00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:47,840 It was 20 quid short. 846 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,280 He was wearing a new hat. 847 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:50,720 No-one could explain it. 848 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,080 But her last dying wish... 849 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,920 Her last...last dying wish. Her last dying wish? 850 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,120 Her last dying wish... Not the first? The last one? 851 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,760 She had a lot of dying wishes. 852 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,400 But the last one I listen to... 853 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,280 She said she'd love to have her ashes in an egg timer. 854 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,000 So I thought, 855 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,080 "Do you know what, she's always wanted to be on the show." 856 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,800 And you're looking good, girl. 857 00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,240 You're looking good. 858 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,720 And this is perfectly 30 seconds. 859 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,800 So the next time we play a round of Countdown, 860 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,280 I thought I'd use this so she could be involved, you know. 861 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,080 I mean, it might... It might not be exactly 30 seconds. 862 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,360 It might be a minute or two out, but, um, 863 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,960 in great respects of Deborah... 864 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,840 Deborah, your time to rest in peace 865 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,720 starts now. 866 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,040 APPLAUSE 867 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,600 John Kearns, everyone. 868 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:55,360 And here is your teaser. The words are MINGE DIP. 869 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,920 The clue is - get out of the way. 870 00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,360 That's MINGE DIP. Get out of the way! 871 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:01,840 See you after the break. 872 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,280 APPLAUSE 873 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,960 APPLAUSE 874 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:17,480 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser.... 875 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,240 The words were MINGE DIP. 876 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,320 The clue was - get out of the way. 877 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,520 It was, of course, IMPEDING. OK. 878 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,160 All right, time for our final letters game. 879 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,840 Richard, Katherine, your turn to choose. 880 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,880 OK, Rachel, can we have three consonants, 881 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,600 and then I'll decide again? OK. 882 00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,000 N, S 883 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,320 and V. 884 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:34,880 And two vowels, please. 885 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,880 I and U. 886 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,960 Consonant. This is going badly, I feel. 887 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,000 R 888 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,200 Vowel, please. Yeah, sure. Why not? 889 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:43,880 A. Ugh! 890 00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:45,200 Consonant, vowel. 891 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,920 And...B and... 892 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,720 O. Ugh! 893 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,960 OK. And your 30 seconds starts now. 894 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:10,680 RICHARD: Right. 895 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:24,520 Great. And that's, yeah, 50% off. 896 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,040 OK. 897 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,320 LAUGHTER 898 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,280 Richard, how many? 899 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:40,880 HE SIGHS Six. 900 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:42,160 Six. Katherine? 901 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:43,920 INVUSABO 902 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,120 I-N-V-U-S-A-B-O... 903 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,560 And that's an eight. 904 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,480 Women over 40, like me, we become INVUSABO! 905 00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:58,280 Rachel! Get up! 906 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,600 You are a pretty girl. But fuck's sake! 907 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,360 I'm going to say none. 908 00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,000 That was bad. Dan, how many? 909 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:13,320 I have got a word that 910 00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:15,200 encapsulates... How many? 911 00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:17,680 Seven. So fuck you. Um... 912 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,920 And I actually wasn't finished there. 913 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,240 Seven. 914 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:27,360 This encapsulates not only the city we're in, my city, Manchester, 915 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,880 but also the gay community. 916 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,640 Huge. OK. Jon, how many? A seven that doesn't do any of that. 917 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,640 So, Richard, your six? BRAINS. 918 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,840 And, Dan, your seven? RAINBOS. 919 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,520 Um, just need a W. 920 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:42,880 RICHARD: Yeah. That's... 921 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,760 What? Traditionally, yeah. 922 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,480 Someone fucking get me 923 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:47,680 a double W, then. 924 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:51,080 Jon, your seven? VARIOUS. 925 00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,520 Yeah. Very good. Yeah. 926 00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,000 KATHERINE: Well done. 927 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,920 John, Susie, could they have done any better? 928 00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,360 No. Seven was what we got. 929 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,480 Uh, Susie also got SAVIOUR. 930 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,240 What was it? SAVIOUR. 931 00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:05,440 RICHARD: SAVIOUR. 932 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:06,800 One more time. 933 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,760 SAVIOUR, brother! 934 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,040 Oh! SAVIOUR. 935 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,520 SAVIOUR! 936 00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:15,080 SAVIOUR... 937 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:16,760 As in "save ya breath"! 938 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:20,920 Real "save ya breath"! 939 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,640 OK, so Jon and Dan have 28 points. 940 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,040 Richard and Katherine are just ahead with 29. 941 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,080 KATHERINE: Ooh. Oh. 942 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,440 APPLAUSE 943 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,560 OK. All right, fingers on buzzers. 944 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,760 Here's today's crucial Countdown conundrum. 945 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:39,280 KATHERINE PANTS 946 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:50,880 Oh, oh, I think I know what it is! 947 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:51,960 BELL 948 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,280 READINGS 949 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,280 Why isn't it? 950 00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,520 BELL Is it READINGS? 951 00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,200 No. Rea... 952 00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:00,520 BELL Oh. 953 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,040 No. It's not. Restart the clock. DAN: Someone's at the door. 954 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:13,880 Oh, no. 955 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:17,640 BELL Yes, Katherine Ryan. 956 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,440 It is GARNISHED. 957 00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:20,640 Let's have a look. 958 00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:21,880 It's GARNISHED. 959 00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 960 00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,240 So, the final scores are... 961 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,280 Jon and Dan have 28 points. 962 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,400 Richard and Katherine are the winners with 39. 963 00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,160 Yeah! CHEERING 964 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,720 Congratulations. You're now the proud owners of these, 965 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,720 the Countdown Irish dancing shoes. 966 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,160 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience, 967 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,960 and to all of you for watching at home. That's it from us. Goodnight! 968 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:47,480 CHEERING 969 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,560 Subtitles by Red Bee Media