1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,760 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,920 Tonight on Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown, 3 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,720 Richard Ayoade, 4 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,720 Jonathan Ross, 5 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,520 Kemah Bob, 6 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,360 Maisie Adam, 7 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,560 Sarah Keyworth, 8 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,440 Susie Dent, 9 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,520 Doctor Anne-Marie Imafidon, 10 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:55,640 and your host, Jimmy Carr. 11 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,720 Hello, and welcome to Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown, 12 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,080 a show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 13 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,360 It's the quiz that if it's anything as fun to watch as it is to host, 14 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,120 my advice is turn off now. 15 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,480 OK, let's meet tonight's players. First up, it's guest team captain, 16 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,800 Richard Ayoade. 17 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,680 Richard Ayoade is an actor 18 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,720 and is probably best known for his role playing Richard Ayoade 19 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,080 in literally everything he's ever been cast in. 20 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,600 Richard says his favourite movies 21 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,520 are all black-and-white French New Wave films from the '60s, 22 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,600 and that's because he's never seen Paddington 2. 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,400 I was in Paddington 2. 24 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,200 But I haven't seen it. I'm in it. 25 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,320 Right, I am having to IMDB that. Is he in it? 26 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,400 What do you mean? Why would I lie about something so banal? 27 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,880 Who did you play? I was in the court scene. 28 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,320 Has anyone seen this film? I've seen it. I was in it. 29 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,680 I don't remember you in it. I was in it! 30 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,200 I'm the person who sends Paddington to prison. 31 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,400 Oh, no. You've blocked it out because it was very traumatic. 32 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,880 OK, no, come on, all right, I'm getting up IMDB. 33 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,640 Are you in both? No, I'm in the second one. 34 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,720 Well, that... Hence the box office lift. 35 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,600 Forensic investigator, Richard Ayoade. Thank you. 36 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:13,000 I am in it. 37 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,600 That's unbelievable. 38 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:17,840 I can't believe it. 39 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,080 And Richard's team-mate, Kemah Bob. 40 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,360 Kemah is a gay Black woman from Texas. 41 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,880 She moved to the UK in 2018 because, well, 42 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,800 she was a gay Black woman living in Texas. 43 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,280 I just want to say, I'm only half gay. 44 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,920 Half gay? I'll put half gay. 45 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,160 I think it's important. Yeah. Representation matters, 46 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,800 and I don't want anyone full gay 47 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,920 to say "Hey, she's appropriating our culture." 48 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,600 So half gay? 49 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,400 It's not like a mermaid, like the top half is gay 50 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,160 and the bottom half isn't? 51 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,280 Well, do you know what, I kind of feel like a bit is, 52 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:03,440 because my brain loves women and my...anyway. 53 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,200 Up against them this evening is guest team captain Jonathan Ross. 54 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,640 Hello. 55 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,280 I was not in Paddington 2 or 1. 56 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,520 I wasn't asked to be in any of the Paddingtons. 57 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,520 Jonathan Ross. He looks like if a Disney Princess kissed a frog, 58 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,680 but then changed her mind halfway through. 59 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,880 Don't take that. Don't take that. You know what, I've had worse. 60 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,080 And joining Jonathan tonight, it's Maisie Adam. 61 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,880 Maisie Adam gets annoyed when people mispronounce her surname 62 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,280 by adding an S. I'd never do that. 63 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,720 Maisie Saddam, everyone. 64 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,280 OK, Jonathan, here's my question to you. 65 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,400 I hope you don't mind me saying this, 66 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,880 you're in your sixties, you're looking great, what's your secret? 67 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,000 Oh, you're asking me what my secret is, 68 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,200 when your hair miraculously grew back? 69 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,560 But that didn't grow, did it? It grafted. 70 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,320 You think it grafted? 71 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,280 You mean like in Love Island when they have to graft? 72 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,080 No, I mean down the pits. 73 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,080 Yeah. What is my secret? Well, thank you, 74 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,480 that's a very nice thing for you to say. 75 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,120 Hydration is the key, I believe. 76 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,880 The problem, though, is that goes hand-in-hand with 77 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,000 as you get older, you do need to wee more, 78 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,160 so it's a trade-off. You know what I do? What do you do? 79 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,560 Just get relaxed about pissing when I am sitting down like this. 80 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,360 Oh, no. 81 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,960 I have been twice since the show started, 82 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,680 and you know what? No-one's the wiser. 83 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,480 No. How is your prostate? 84 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,480 My prostate is fine, I've had it tickled quite recently. 85 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,560 A doctor tickles it for you. 86 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,200 He puts a camera up there and has a good look at it. 87 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,840 Do you get to keep the footage afterwards? 88 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,960 You know when your parents buy, you know when you... 89 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,440 I think technically it belongs to ITV2. What? 90 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,320 Part of that footage was used in Paddington 2. 91 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,640 That's the title sequence. 92 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,080 No, I did actually, when I went in, 93 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,720 the first time I had it done, I did ask the guy, 94 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,840 because we used to show weird clips, 95 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,080 and I said I might put this on the TV show as a jokey story thing. 96 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,240 So, I said to the gentleman who had the camera, 97 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,360 I said, "Can I have the footage afterwards?" 98 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,400 And then I was there for quite a while, he was poking around, 99 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,600 and after a while I began to feel faint 100 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,120 and I said "Surely you must be done now?" 101 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,920 He said, "I was just giving you extra footage." 102 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,920 I said, "I don't need 20 fucking minutes, I need like 30 seconds." 103 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,520 I am not sure that guy was a doctor. 104 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,920 No. 105 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,920 It wasn't even a camera, he said it was on the end of his finger, 106 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,400 I didn't see the camera. 107 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,600 Kemah, you're from America. 108 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,400 Have you learnt any interesting words since you've been here? 109 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,560 Definitely. 110 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,840 I feel like you guys use really big words 111 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,920 and we tend to keep it like short and sweet. 112 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,480 And so, when I moved here there was 113 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,160 so many big words that I'd never heard before 114 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,520 and that kind of blew my mind. Like austerity. 115 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,800 So, what would you call that in the States? 116 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,800 Erm, life. 117 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,200 But when I initially heard austerity, 118 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,080 I thought to myself, this word sounds expensive. 119 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,840 It sounds bougee, you know, 120 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,040 like it sounds like something people do 121 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,400 on a night out in Bridgerton, you know? 122 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:02,240 Like "Join me at my manor for an evening of austerity." 123 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,600 Good times. Another big word for me, huge, 124 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,040 that I never heard before was like referendum. 125 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,520 Yeah. Right. 126 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:14,560 Yeah, like because I had never heard referendum before, 127 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,240 I had no idea what a referendum could do, 128 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,680 and it really feels like you guys didn't either. 129 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,600 OK, Richard if you could be anywhere in 130 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,880 the world right now, where would you choose? 131 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,840 It's tempting to say anywhere else. 132 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,960 And not just because it's true, but... 133 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,520 No, it's untrue. 134 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:41,440 I'm very happy here amongst, well, whoever you are. 135 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:48,480 I'm very looking forward to...what is...why are we here? 136 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,760 I presume some sort of mix-up at your management company. 137 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:53,920 Yes, look. 138 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,600 I'm just here to remind people of what desserts used to look like. 139 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,520 I've done my job. Yeah, well done you. 140 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,800 I was in Paddington 2, goddamn it. 141 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,840 Richard have you got a mascot? I do. 142 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,040 How many of this.... Have there been? 143 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,040 Yeah. Over 150. Oh, there's been a lot, 144 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,080 and you know what started off as maybe an idea 145 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,760 of something to bring people luck, 146 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,240 and a nice talking point, has become a burden. 147 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,600 It's become a burden to produce these mascots, 148 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,840 and I know, I understand that it creates some comedic business. 149 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,400 So, I've created this, it's an IOU, 150 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,560 for a mascot for comic purposes. 151 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,040 I don't have a mascot 152 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,200 because I reject the conformism of it, 153 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,680 I don't believe in luck. I've got this. 154 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,640 Why is it done like a ransom note? So that you won't know I did it. 155 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,320 And also, possibly... Maisie, have you got a mascot? 156 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,000 Yeah, I actually... This bit's not done. 157 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,760 And also, by having an IOU it opens up 158 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,920 the possibility of me being rebooked. 159 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,720 That is actually quite clever. I agree to disagree. 160 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,560 Hang on, let me try that again. 161 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,120 Maisie, could you be arsed to bring a mascot? 162 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,000 I've got a mascot, would you like to see it? 163 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,480 Yes. OK, great. 164 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,160 So, previously when I've been on this show, Jimmy, 165 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,520 I think I've struggled to work under pressure. 166 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:27,600 So I've brought something, it is Whack-A-Countdown. 167 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,560 It's just that the good people at Whack-A-Mole have got no...? 168 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,360 I mean this is very different. It's very different 169 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,200 cos with Whack-A-Mole, which I don't think we're allowed to say, 170 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,640 with the other one, you whack...a mole. 171 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,160 You got round that nicely. 172 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,880 This one you will whack little figures of people on the show. 173 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,760 So this is to make you better at dealing with the clock? 174 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,760 Yeah, I'll have 30 seconds on the clock 175 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,320 so I can get used to dealing with that. 176 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,480 All right. Wait, I have to plug it in first. 177 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,280 Can we plug it in, please? 178 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,400 Can we act like I paid you in advance? Thank you. 179 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,000 Ready. Here we go, your time starts now. 180 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,600 One, two, three. 181 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,800 Hit them harder, Maisie, hit them harder. 182 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,000 Oh, it's broke! 183 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,880 That was actually really stressful and I didn't enjoy it 184 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,240 and you went slower in the rehearsals. 185 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,680 I love it. Maisie Adam, everyone. 186 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,680 Jonathan, do you have a mascot? Well, I feel bad as well 187 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,640 because I sort of forgot to bring one in, 188 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,480 and I had planned it, and then when I came here I said, 189 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:00,280 "Oh, I've forgot to bring my mascot. Can I have a look around here, 190 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,080 "can I have a look in the offices, in the studio, in the dressing room, 191 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,520 "can I find something to be a mascot?" 192 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,160 Was there anything? So they let me have a look around. 193 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,440 I found something. What did you find? 194 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,320 I found Jimmy Carr's contract, ladies and gentlemen. 195 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,680 Ooh. 196 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,480 The employment contract. Oh, wow. 197 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,720 And you know what? It's not that surprising in some ways, 198 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,160 some of the things you'd expect are pretty standard. Yeah? 199 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,440 For show business contracts, when you get to this level, 200 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,040 you'll know this, point one, 201 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,360 rose petals have to be scattered in front of Jimmy 202 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,080 on the way to the studio. That's pretty standard. 203 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,400 Number two here, production staff may only 204 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,000 refer to Jimmy as your excellency. 205 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,600 This one surprised me, one packet of Haribo, 206 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,680 each sweet must be pre-sucked by Susie Dent in his dressing room. 207 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,520 And this is my favourite point, 208 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,320 it says when Jonathan Ross is on the show, 209 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,240 a one-inch hole must be drilled between Jimmy's dressing room 210 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,120 and Jonathan's bathroom at waist height. 211 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,880 Oh, that's my contract, sorry, that's in my contract. 212 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,600 OK, over in Dictionary Corner, it's Sarah Keyworth. 213 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,680 Sarah is a nonbinary comedian which means that sometimes 214 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,520 she likes to get up on stage and dick about, 215 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,120 and other times she prefers to get up on stage 216 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,120 and fanny about, it's all valid. It goes better when I fanny about. 217 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,960 First time on the show, tell us a little bit about yourself. 218 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,480 Yes, hello. Hello, Jimmy, hello everyone. 219 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,000 Yes, my name's Sarah. 220 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,800 Apparently I don't look like a Sarah. 221 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,800 I think it's the hair. 222 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,360 I get my hair cut by a very nice French man called Ian, 223 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,280 and when he's finished he goes, "Ooh, what do you think?" 224 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,240 And I think, "you've made me look like an Ian. 225 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,440 "That's what you've done." 226 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,640 It's an Ian cut, isn't it? 227 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:38,040 I mean, you look beautiful, obviously, but if we... Stop it! 228 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,680 If we were gonna... Well, I can see why you've sat me over here. 229 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,640 I think if we were gonna pick someone to play 230 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:51,000 Jonathan Ross in a biopic, I think the young Jonathan Ross is the... 231 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,160 OK, with Sarah of course, it's Susie Dent. 232 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,520 Yeah. 233 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,280 I'm not saying Susie Dent's books are dog shit, 234 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,760 but the council recommend picking them up 235 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,440 with a special little plastic bag 236 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,240 and putting them in a special bin in the park. 237 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,400 Jimmy! That is so mean. What is happening? 238 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,960 So mean. 239 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,960 Don't you take that, Susie. 240 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,200 Yeah, how many have you written, Jimmy? 241 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,960 Two. No, how many have you written, 242 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,080 not how many have you sold? 243 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,320 There you are, got your back, Suze. I've got your back. 244 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,240 That's defence, yeah. Just pop that on the edit floor. 245 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,920 Susie, which old words would you like to see make a comeback? 246 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,800 Well, there's always the stiffrump from the 16th century. 247 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,320 A stiffrump? A stiffrump, and that's... 248 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,400 Oh, it's a good phrase, before we even know what it means. 249 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,600 What does it mean? It's a brilliant one. 250 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,480 It's somebody who refuses to budge from an unfounded, 251 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,960 unfair judgment of someone else. Looking at you, Jimmy. 252 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,640 Oh, that felt loaded. 253 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,800 Do you need somebody to get you away from him? 254 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:57,920 Give us a signal. 255 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,280 - Yeah, we can get you out of here. - Can you? 256 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,720 Yeah. Ask for Angela and we'll get you out. 257 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,280 OK. And in charge of the numbers, standing in for Rachel Riley, 258 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,920 it's Doctor Anne-Marie Imafidon. It's very good to have you here. 259 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,280 Doctor Anne-Marie is a computing and mathematics genius 260 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,720 who speaks five languages 261 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,400 and is the President of the British Science Association. 262 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,800 Getting her to do this show 263 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,200 is like using the Large Hadron Collider to heat up your Pot Noodle. 264 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,880 You're obviously super-smart, 265 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,440 is there anything you're really bad at? 266 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,240 I'm really bad at trains. Once, I was going from Chester to London 267 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,560 and got on the wrong train twice in the same journey 268 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,200 and ended up in Wales. 269 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,680 Did you only clock it when you got to Wales? 270 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,480 Yeah, the sign was obviously different. 271 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,400 Well, it's very good to have you here. We're lucky. 272 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,760 I also got the wrong train here, 273 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,200 but we'll cover that another time. 274 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,880 Did you? Genuinely, yeah. 275 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,640 Then where are you? We missed the train. 276 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:01,400 What show are you supposed to be on? Who knows? 277 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,720 I knew I should have taken the wrong train. 278 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,600 OK, and the prize the teams are competing 279 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,360 for tonight is this. The Countdown piano! 280 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,160 He's been practising all week, please. Ssh. 281 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,080 PLAYS INDIVIDUAL NOTES HALTINGLY 282 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,280 Let's Countdown, everyone. Time for the first game. 283 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,240 Jonathan, Maisie, you get to pick the letters. Ooh. 284 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,880 Would you like to go first? You're good at this. Oh, OK. 285 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,720 Thank you. Could we have a vowel please, Anne-Marie? 286 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,760 Consonant. 287 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,520 Consonant. 288 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,760 S. 289 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,280 Another consonant. 290 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,680 A vowel. 291 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,040 A vowel. 292 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,080 Oh, a different vowel. 293 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,240 No, not the right vowel. 294 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,280 A consonant. 295 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,440 Z? 296 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,520 Oh, come on, Anne-Marie! Who wants a Z?! 297 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,240 We are trying to make the fun version of this show, 298 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,760 not the dog shit version in the afternoon. 299 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,720 So do you want to change... What? 300 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,120 LAUGHTER 301 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,200 I'm getting ready, look the 30 seconds is coming up, 302 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,800 I've got to do a bit of scoot-scooting. 303 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,520 You look like you're on your way 304 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,840 to your first day at boarding school. 305 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,960 It's hard to tell, at first glance I didn't know 306 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,760 if that was a helmet or you'd had another hair transplant. 307 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,280 Could we have a different consonant? 308 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,720 Oh, lovely. Oh, delightful. 309 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,440 One more consonant. Thank you. 310 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,880 Your final letter is a K. OK, your time starts now. 311 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,680 Oh, scoot, scoot, scoot. 312 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,720 Thank you. 313 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,920 Scoot, scoot. I did scooting. I did some scooting. 314 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,680 It was really good scooting, wasn't it? The fear in your eyes! 315 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,160 You're so good at scooting. I'm so good at scootin'. 316 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,360 Jonathan, how many? 317 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,280 I've got some sixes. Two sixes. Some sixes. Maisie, how many? 318 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,800 Yeah, got some sixes as well. 319 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,480 OK Richard, how many? 320 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,520 Six. Six. Kemah? 321 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,200 Six as well. Oh. 322 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,160 All right, what's your six? 323 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,120 My one? Yeah. 324 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,480 OK, great. I'm sorry, I've very distracted, 325 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,040 you have a nice butt, Jimmy. 326 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,200 That's kind of...people don't talk about it. 327 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,800 I told you, I told you I had man junk in the trunk, but you didn't listen. 328 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,360 Your bottom is rounder than expected. 329 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,920 I feel like I might as well be a lap dancer. 330 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,840 People are just staring at my arse. 331 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,400 Although that had my word on it so I've forgotten it now. 332 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,800 All right, so what are your words? 333 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,880 I will tell you, I will tell you my six. Speedo. 334 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,760 Is Speedo allowed because it's a brand name 335 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,960 and sometime they don't allow brand names? 336 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,520 Speedo is also a shortened version of speedometer, 337 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,600 do you mean it that way? 338 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:44,880 Yeah. 339 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,440 Suzie, is speedo in there? 340 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,880 Yes, so Speedos are trademarks and capital S, 341 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,840 but speedo, as Jonathan said, is short for speedometer. 342 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,800 It actually is? Oh, perfect. Yeah. 343 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,240 Which is what I meant. 344 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,400 Richard, your six? Soaked. 345 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,000 Jonathan, your six. 346 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,720 I had pokers, or, 347 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,800 I don't know whether I would get this one, spoked. 348 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,720 Yeah. And Maisie, your six? 349 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:12,720 I've got erodes and pseudo. 350 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,720 Six points to both teams. 351 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,120 Sarah, Susie, could they have done any better? 352 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,720 Susie has presoaked. ALL: Ooh. 353 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:25,880 Stop it! 354 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,000 It's a nine-letter word. That's...come on. 355 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,280 All hail. I got soaked but lacked the energy 356 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,920 and intelligence to rearrange 357 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,040 the three remaining letters into pre. 358 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,160 That's why I had a small part in Paddington, 359 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,440 they didn't trust me with anything bigger. 360 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,400 You would have been a good choice for the voice of the bear. 361 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,400 If you were Paddington what would say, as Paddington? 362 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,880 NASAL: More marmalade, please. 363 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,720 I mean it's in the same... 364 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,640 I mean done. That's good, that's good. 365 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,200 So at the end of that, both teams have six points. 366 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,920 OK, onto our first numbers round. Richard, 367 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,520 Kemah, you get to choose the numbers. 368 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,280 Wow, this is a big responsibility. Please. Me? 369 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,880 Please do choose. My God. 370 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,840 But I wasn't in any Paddingtons. 371 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,560 No. OK... I think there is a bit of Paddington in all of us. 372 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,960 Ew. 373 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,640 May I have three big ones, please? 374 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,640 Oh, radical. Nice. Yeah, I do what I want. 375 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,280 Three big ones, three small ones. 376 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,120 We have... Thank you so much. 377 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,760 ..and a target of 881. 378 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,840 Good luck, everyone, your time starts now. 379 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,480 Oh, I hate this game so much. 380 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,120 Ah, shit. 381 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,920 Yeah, this is an absolute nightmare. 382 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,920 So the target was 881. Get it? 383 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,440 Sh. Whoa. 384 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,360 Whoa there, hold on. Jonathan, did you get it? 385 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,280 No. OK. But, Maisie, did you get it? 386 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,400 No. 387 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,520 Richard, did you get it? No. 388 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,760 Kemah? 389 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,920 Not really. 390 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,560 I got 875. Go on, tell us. 391 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,600 Two plus five. 392 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,640 Two plus five is seven. Ah! 393 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840 Plus one. Clever. Plus one is eight. 394 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,400 Times by the 100. 395 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,560 Times by the 100. 396 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,440 And then, now... Now, watch closely. This is what I just did, OK. 397 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,480 Hold on, hold on. 398 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,600 I added 50. 399 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,160 Then I added 25. 400 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,640 Wow. This guy's insane! 401 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,640 Five points. Five big points for Richard Ayoade. OK. 402 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,840 This bit is so hard. 403 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,320 Anne-Marie, could it be done? No. 404 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,480 What? That's why I couldn't do it, Jimmy. 405 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,720 The sum was impossible, was it? Yeah. 406 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,600 I'll just give Rachel a call, shall I? Go on, go on, then. Ah. 407 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,160 What? Sure. OK, 408 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,200 so Jonathan and Maisie have six points, 409 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,600 Richard and Kemah have 11 points. 410 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,640 Early lead. 411 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,040 And here is your teaser. The words are IHOGNUTS, 412 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,160 the clue is keep your mouth closed. That's IHOGNUTS, 413 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,920 keep your mouth closed. See you after the break. 414 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,120 Welcome back. The answer the teaser 415 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,840 the words were IHOGNUTS, 416 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,560 the clue was keep your mouth closed, 417 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:45,960 it was of course SHOUTING. 418 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,400 So, Richard and Kemah are in the lead 419 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,760 and they've been playing in teams so far, 420 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,960 but this game is just for Richard and Jonathan. 421 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,800 So, Richard, your turn to choose. 422 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,080 Consonant. 423 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,160 X. 424 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,840 Really? That's how we're starting? 425 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,480 We can work with that. Oh, no. 426 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,000 Another consonant, please. 427 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,880 Another X. 428 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,920 T. Vowel, please. 429 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,800 O. Another vowel please. 430 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,160 I. Maybe another vowel. 431 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920 What? Yes. E. 432 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,960 Consonant. Q. 433 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,960 Holy Moly. Are you serious, Anne-Marie? 434 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,280 Are you, I mean what? 435 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,120 Another vowel. 436 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,520 A. Another consonant. 437 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,520 Go on, vowel, vowel, vowel. L. 438 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,640 Vowel, vowel, vowel. 439 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,960 That's what we're looking for. And then another vowel. 440 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,680 Come on, come on, come on. A strong desire for a U. 441 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,720 CHEERING 442 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,520 OK, I'm gonna play the clock music 443 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,920 on some wine bottles. 444 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,520 OK, all right. 445 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,160 You ready? Your time starts now. 446 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,120 It's so off-putting. 447 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,520 It's horrible, isn't it? 448 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,800 Now, I've got cheese and wine for everyone 449 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,000 to sort of lift the spirits. 450 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,080 Kemah, in your honour, as you're American, 451 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,680 I've got some American squeezy cheese for you. 452 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,000 Thank you so much. 453 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,160 Maisie Adam, we got you Maisie Edam. 454 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,880 Oh, great. 455 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,720 Richard Ayo...Wensleydale, 456 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,760 That's very much a work in progress. No, that's good. 457 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,280 And, Jonathan, we got you... old blue veiny cheese. 458 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,160 As per my rider. 459 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,640 This is, I mean it's a little bit of class, isn't it, 460 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:46,840 cheese and wine on the show. 461 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,280 It's so exciting. 462 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,320 Thank you very much. 463 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,080 Why have I got like just a big wedge with a... 464 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,520 Maisie Edam. 465 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,560 Oh, you looked like a psychotic clown for a moment there. 466 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,640 I liked it. 467 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,080 Oh, Jesus Christ, what happened there? 468 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,160 I don't like this cheese. Bad cheese. 469 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,760 Which cheese? 470 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,000 The blue one. The blue one? The Jonathan Ross one. 471 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,280 I can't swallow it, I don't want it in my body. 472 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,800 It's only for the sophisticated palette. 473 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,400 Hmm. Fuck off. 474 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,040 What's crazy about this is, like, 475 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,800 I'm severely lactose intolerant and so... 476 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,880 I just feel so bad for Richard 477 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,440 cos it's about to get crazy in about five to ten. 478 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,480 That's OK. This just wipes clean. 479 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,560 Richard, how many? 480 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:36,880 Erm, just the one. 481 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,480 Well, I've got a definite five, 482 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,160 and but for a D I'd have an eight. 483 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,200 Why has your wine got a head on it? 484 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:48,960 Jonathan, how many have you got? 485 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,240 I have got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 486 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,200 Richard, your five. I've put quiet. 487 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:54,440 Jonathan, your seven. 488 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,960 Exotica. Oh, that might be all right. 489 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,760 Very good. A popular form of music in the 1950s. 490 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,760 - That's amazing. - Do you have a U after Q? 491 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,040 You don't...no, no. Exotica, like that. 492 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,480 No, no, CA. I don't think we've got a C, mate. 493 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,600 Oh, I haven't got it. 494 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,200 Oh! 495 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,920 I apologise, however, I'm still happy 496 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,480 cos I've got the cheese. 497 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,760 No, wait a second, wait a second, 498 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,320 can I just check in with Susie Dent? 499 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:22,760 You had one job, Susie. I'm so sorry! 500 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,760 She thought there was a C as well, didn't you, Susie? I did. 501 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,800 KEMAH: It's so exciting. Yeah, such a good word. 502 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,680 Try that one. Well, you try it, it's your word. 503 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,760 Oh. Toxique. 504 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:35,080 I like that one. The lounge version of the Britney Spears song. Yeah. 505 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,040 Five points to Richard. 506 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,480 Sarah, Susie, could they have done any better? 507 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,280 Er, I dunno, we're just getting pissed. 508 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,480 Liquate. 509 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,720 Oh, yeah, I had that. Seven, that's a sevener. 510 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:51,160 Liquate? What is that? 511 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,360 Purifying metals. 512 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,000 That's like Jimmy on the phone. "Liquate everything, liquate it." 513 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,080 "The tax man's coming round, liquate all the files." 514 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:02,680 "Liquate. Liquate it and then shred it. Shred it." 515 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,640 So at the end of that, Jonathan and Maisie have six points, 516 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,560 Richard and Kemah have 16. 517 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,920 Well played, well played. 518 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,120 OK. Right, now it's time for Maisie and Kemah to go head-to-head 519 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,280 with the maths. Maisie, you pick the numbers. 520 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:23,360 I've nothing but confidence in you. OK, two big ones please, Anne-Marie. 521 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,680 Another one. Oh, Jesus. 522 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,120 100 and 75. 523 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,440 With a target of 197. 524 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,000 OK, and your time starts now. 525 00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,800 So the target was 197. 526 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,520 Maisie, did you get it? 527 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:15,600 No. 528 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,480 I got 190. 529 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,320 Seven away. OK, Kemah, did you get it? 530 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:21,800 I think we have 196. Oh! 531 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,760 196, OK, that'll be worth something, 532 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,000 how did you do it? 533 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,920 So one plus one is two, 534 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,920 and then two times 100... 535 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,680 Times 100 for 200. 536 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,080 ..will get you 200, and then you wanna take four away from it. 537 00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:37,160 JONATHAN: Oh, masterful. 538 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,680 Seven points for Kemah. 539 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,480 Nicely done. Nicely done. 540 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,200 Anne-Marie, could it be done? 541 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,480 Yes, it can be done. 542 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,240 One plus one, two. I'm fine so far. Good start, yeah. I'm all good. 543 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,560 Nine times this two is 18. 544 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,440 Add the 75 on... Shut it. 545 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,200 Whoa. ..for 93, and then 100 for 193... 546 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,960 Oh, mate. 547 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,920 Yeah. Whoa. ..and then add on four. 548 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,560 That's a beautiful piece of maths. 549 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,160 That feels like very lucky that that worked out, but brilliant. 550 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,200 That's so clever. 551 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:15,840 Pretty great. OK, so Jonathan and Maisie have six, 552 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,160 Richard and Kemah have 23. 553 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,600 Time now to go across to Dictionary Corner, 554 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,280 Sarah Keyworth, what have you got for us? 555 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,600 I've made a short presentation, just to put everybody at ease, 556 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,320 and it's to explain why I frighten women 557 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,600 brackets, and men. 558 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,360 And I think we call all agree I am very frightening, there I am. 559 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:38,960 And the reason for that is that I represent 560 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,840 the most frightening thing the world, 561 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,080 which is ambiguous genitals. 562 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,840 "What have you got down there, Keyworth?" I can hear you all crying. 563 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,760 And I'll never tell. 564 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,640 I'm not gonna tell, I won't even write it down cos I can't spell it. 565 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,960 I think I confuse people for a lot of reasons, 566 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,680 my youthful looks, mentioned it before, 567 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,240 it confuses people everywhere I go. 568 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,400 Last summer, I was walking my friend's dog down the road, 569 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,880 there was a man on the other side of the street, 570 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,840 and he shouted, "No school today?" 571 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:13,720 I said to him, 572 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,320 I said, "Oh, no, I'm 28 years old," and he went, 573 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:20,160 "Oh, that's weird. I thought you were a young boy." 574 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,280 And I was like, "I'm weird? 575 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,920 "Why are you starting a conversation with a young boy?" 576 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,080 I tweeted about that. I love tweeting about gender. 577 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,000 I did a tweet recently, you know the film Notting Hill? 578 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,560 I did a parody of the famous quote 579 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,360 from Notting Hill, the one that's like, 580 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,160 "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her," 581 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,720 but instead of that I Tweeted 582 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,240 "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, 583 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,440 "realising it's a mirror and that gender is a social construct." 584 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,640 But I got quite a modest Twitter following, 585 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,960 very few followers and mostly queer people. 586 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,200 So, I thought, my plan was I'd tweet that and get like two likes 587 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,400 and then feel smug for the rest of the day, but the problem is 588 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:03,080 I'm also followed by comedian and professional quizzer 589 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,600 Paul Sinha from The Chase. 590 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,720 Yeah. The Chase, very popular daytime quiz show, isn't it, Susie? 591 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,800 It's probably the most popular, I'd say. 592 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,480 Yeah. It's definitely the best. 593 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,400 It's my favourite, I'll say that, 594 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,160 and he, Paul, retweeted my Tweet, 595 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,680 which essentially means that he dipped me in rainbows 596 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,760 and threw me to the bigots. 597 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,240 Cos then a lot of people started responding to that. 598 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,480 I got a lot of angry tweets. 599 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,320 One person tweeted me, very, very cross... 600 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,000 Fantastic. 601 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,920 Then immediately replied to themselves... 602 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,560 And this is my favourite one. Somebody tweeted me saying... 603 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,600 Then immediately straight away tweeted themselves back... 604 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,040 Sarah Keyworth, everyone. 605 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:00,360 And here is your teaser. 606 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,560 The words are ASSBLEND, the clue is not a hair in sight. 607 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,360 That's ASSBLEND, not a hair in sight. See you after the break. 608 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,000 Welcome back, the answer to the teaser, 609 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:25,080 the words were ASSBLEND, 610 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,840 the clue was not a hair in sight, it was of course baldness. 611 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,320 BOTH: Oh! 612 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,640 OK, before we go on, time for a quick bonus round. 613 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,880 Tonight we have movie director, Richard Ayoade, 614 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,560 and movie buff, Jonathan Ross, 615 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:38,200 so let's test their knowledge in 616 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:42,240 the Cats Does Countdown movie quiz, Pulp Fact Or Pulp Fiction? 617 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,800 SHOWBIZ MUSIC PLAYS 618 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,000 The person with the most correct answers get ten bonus points. 619 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,400 Here is your first question. We need this. 620 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,640 Can you tell me the real tag line of 621 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:57,040 the 1973 double Oscar-nominated thriller, The Day Of The Dolphin? 622 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:58,640 The Day Of The Dolphin? 623 00:31:58,680 --> 00:31:59,920 I literally could tell you that now. 624 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:02,880 I bet you could. OK. These are multiple choice anyway, 625 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,560 but I bet you could. OK... 626 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:07,920 Could be that. 627 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:11,760 No. 628 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,200 Oh, that's a good one. 629 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,800 Is it C or D? 630 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,080 It can't be that last one, surely. 631 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:27,200 I literally wrote a section on this in my book, The Grip Of Film. 632 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,480 That's the second time you've failed to do your research, mister. 633 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,080 The first time was Paddington 2, the second time in my oeuvre. 634 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:34,480 OK, Jonathan, what have you gone for? 635 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:35,960 C. You've gone for C. We've gone for C. 636 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,720 Richard, what correct answer have you gone for? 637 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,920 It is D. The answer is D. 638 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,920 Here's the beautifully designed poster. Let's have a look. 639 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,200 And it's a double Oscar-nominated film. 640 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,400 For an extra point for us, 641 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,440 can you do a good dolphin impersonation? 642 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,400 HE DOES 643 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:51,960 You just gave them a point! 644 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,640 Yeah, that is true, that is true. 645 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,800 Question number two in the Pulp Fact or Pulp Fiction quiz. 646 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,200 OK for this one, you need to complete a tag line 647 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,920 for the Jason Statham classic action film Crank, High Voltage. 648 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:04,960 Love that film. Yeah. 649 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,680 Here's the first part, "He was dead, but he got..." what? 650 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,840 No! No? I would love it if it was though. 651 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,840 I think that would be really good. OK, Jonathan, what have you gone for? 652 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,760 I'm very tempted to go with Maisie's suggestion. 653 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,360 Maisie, tell him your suggestion. 654 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,840 How does it start again? 655 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,320 He was dead but he got... 656 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,200 Pussy. I mean... 657 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,240 Its Jason Statham, so, I mean... I think he still would get it. 658 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,160 Richard Ayoade? 659 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:31,840 I'd like to say "over it", 660 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,200 but that isn't the answer. 661 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,280 The real answer is "better." I know this. 662 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:37,400 He was dead but he got better. 663 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,360 It's basically a re-telling of the story of Christ. 664 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,360 You know your terrible cinema. Thank you. 665 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,200 Let's take a look at the poster. 666 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,440 Here's Jason Statham looking double hard. 667 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:53,920 Jesus. I do remember being a young American person 668 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,920 watching this film, thinking to myself, 669 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:02,000 "This Jason Statham, he must be what all men in the UK are like." 670 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,480 And I've come here... 671 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:05,320 And now sitting between Richard Ayoade and me, 672 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,920 I imagine dreams come true. Yeah. Yeah. 673 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,600 AS STATHAM: "What we've gotta do is we've gotta take the motor out." 674 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:15,960 He does voices! 675 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,920 That's what Paddington should sound like. 676 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,240 Oh, yeah! 677 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,320 This next question, 678 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:23,880 we're gonna show you a very scary clip. 679 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,480 Take a look at this frightening trailer for a horror movie, 680 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:27,640 The Lift. 681 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,680 VOICEOVER: Modern technology gave birth to the lift, 682 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,680 But the lift has made itself smarter, 683 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,280 ..stronger... 684 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,360 ..and deadlier. 685 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,080 MAN SCREAMS 686 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:48,080 Oh, it's a good film. I know about this film. 687 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,680 OK, all right, let's see. That's a real film? 688 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:51,880 Yes, it's a good film. 689 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,200 Jonathan, you say you know about this film, you say it's a good film, 690 00:34:54,240 --> 00:34:56,880 but the question is what is the tag line for The Lift? 691 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:57,920 Richard? 692 00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,400 I'm ashamed to say I don't know this one, Jimmy. 693 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,000 If I were doing this I'd say "What goes up must come down." 694 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:04,440 I'd say "This one's out of order." 695 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,720 Yeah. You're not far off. 696 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,120 "After this, you'll only be taking the stairs, 697 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,200 "on account of lifts feeling frightening." 698 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,400 No, I think it actually is, it says, 699 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:15,320 "We've told you before, take the stairs, 700 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,480 "take the stairs, take the stairs." 701 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:18,520 Come on. I'm gonna give you that. 702 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:22,520 Let's have a look at the truly inspirational tag line which is... 703 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,200 VOICEOVER: Take the stairs. 704 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,360 Take the stairs. 705 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,800 For God's sake, take the stairs. 706 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,440 It's a good film. That's so bad. It's a good film. 707 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,040 Now it's time to test your knowledge of classic movie scenes. 708 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,640 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our acting expert, Fabio. 709 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,160 Oh, Fabio. 710 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,560 Fingers on buzzers. 711 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,880 Buzz in when you know what film he is acting from. 712 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,440 Fabio, action. 713 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:55,560 Oh, my word! 714 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,000 Buzz in when you think you know the answer. BUZZER 715 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,720 Dances With Wolves. 716 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,240 Incorrect, keep going, keep going. 717 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,640 Mrs Doubtfire. 718 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:06,920 BUZZER Dirty Dancing. 719 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:08,480 Dirty Dancing is the right answer. 720 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,400 When they dance together. Oh, yeah, when they're going like that. 721 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,320 Fabio, more acting please. Action. 722 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,160 Come on, he's acting, look at him. Look at his acting. 723 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,520 BUZZER What is it? 724 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:19,960 Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction. 725 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,040 Bastard. Is the correct answer. Yeah. 726 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,640 KEMAH: Wow. 727 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:29,480 I love how Richard has suddenly got really fiercely competitive. 728 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,000 I'm so... I couldn't find the button then. 729 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,080 Fiercely competitive. 730 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,400 Fabio, action. 731 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,400 BUZZER Basic Instincts. 732 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,080 It is not Basic Instincts. BOTH BUZZERS 733 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,520 Ghost. Ghost is the right answer. 734 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,160 Hold on, she doesn't sit in a chair 735 00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,200 stroking a big fucking penis in Ghost! 736 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,120 It's in front her, she's making a bowl there, she's not going... 737 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,240 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dirty Dancing doesn't involve 738 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,320 someone dry humping air for 30 seconds. 739 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:56,600 A round of applause for Fabio. 740 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,200 Yes. 741 00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,160 That's the end of that round. 742 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:03,480 That's ten points to Jonathan. 743 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,480 OK, on with the game. 744 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,120 Jonathan and Maisie, your turn to choose the letters. 745 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:12,800 A vowel, please. Yeah, good choice. 746 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,640 We'll start with a vowel. You can indeed, E. 747 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,040 And let's have another vowel. Come on, let's be crazy on vowels. 748 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,680 Now I'd like a consonant please. 749 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:22,400 And now I'd like another consonant, please. 750 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,920 Oh, I don't like that one, particularly, 751 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:26,400 but I'll go for a vowel now. 752 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,200 Oh. Yeah, good. 753 00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,560 Shall we have another consonant? Do it. Let's do it. 754 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,720 Let's have another vowel and two more consonants. 755 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:38,600 Yes, please. 756 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:40,600 Gorgeous, thank you. 757 00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,400 Your time starts now. 758 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:14,480 Jonathan, how many? 759 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:16,400 Four. Four, OK. Maisie? 760 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,080 Yeah, I got four. 761 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,680 Richard. 762 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,880 I'm looking at four. 763 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,120 Kemah? 764 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,840 - I got five. - Wow! 765 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,360 Yes, that's right! Oh, go on, Kemah! 766 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,840 OK, five for the win. Maisie, your four? 767 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:28,920 Moan. 768 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,400 There's no A. 769 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:33,600 Jonathan, your four? 770 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,080 Join. Join. 771 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:36,360 Richard, your four? 772 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,120 Now, I wonder, could you bejoin? 773 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,920 Bejoin. I've got join. 774 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,400 Maybe in the 16th century, I don't think now. 775 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,360 I wish it was the 16th century. Kemah, for the points, 776 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,040 a five-letter word... Jobin. 777 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,280 Oh, Kemah! 778 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,880 When you're doing a job. You're jobin. 779 00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,240 You're jobin. You're jobin nine to five. 780 00:38:58,280 --> 00:38:59,880 Yeah. It's not there. 781 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:02,120 Not there, OK. It's four points to both teams. 782 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,080 Wow. It's something. 783 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,520 Was there anything? 784 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,720 Sarah, Susie could they have done any better? 785 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,520 Yeah, I got one, Susie didn't. I got one. 786 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:14,920 A biome. 787 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:16,000 ALL: Oh, biome. 788 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,320 Of course. Biome's up there, yeah. Yeah. Biome. 789 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,400 So at the end of that, Richard and Kemah are in the lead 790 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:21,840 with 27 points. 791 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,760 Time to go across once again to Dictionary Corner. 792 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,880 Sarah, what have you got for us? 793 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,080 Well, I just love this show. 794 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,160 I like that it does words, as I love words. 795 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,880 I get very frustrated when people mispronounce words 796 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,920 to the extent that they're saying a completely different word. 797 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,560 The one that upsets me most, 798 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:48,040 instead of saying specific people say Pacific. 799 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,280 I find it incredibly frustrating. 800 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,560 People tell me to be more Pacific, and I'm like, 801 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,240 "What do you want me to do, wet myself?" 802 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,440 Another one, instead of part and parcel... 803 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:03,720 The phrase is part and parcel. 804 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,120 Part and partial is the same thing, 805 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,080 that's like saying I'm gonna kick your butt and your buttocks. 806 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,560 This is a good one. 807 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,360 My dad had to have a meeting with his boss 808 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,720 to ask him to stop praising him at work 809 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:18,080 because his boss was going around telling everyone that my father 810 00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,000 had a really good work ethnic. 811 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,080 Oh, no! Yeah. 812 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,600 He had to be like, "Please, don't spread that around." 813 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,160 The problem is as well, the worst part is 814 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,360 I live with one of these people who can't speak properly, 815 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,200 or as I like to call them, cucking funts. 816 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,480 My girlfriend has absolutely no grasp on common idioms 817 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,560 and phrases, but she knows that they exist, 818 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:40,760 so she just makes them up. 819 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,160 Like the other day, she was talking about work, 820 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:43,600 and she said that she definitely thinks 821 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,080 that she's closed the most deals at work, 822 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,320 but her colleague John is coming up her rear. 823 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,960 John, if you're watching, stop it. 824 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,840 Another one she said, I heard her in a work meeting, 825 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,640 she was on Zoom and she said, "If we want to meet this deadline, 826 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,080 "we really need to get this boat on the road." 827 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:03,560 Boat on the road. 828 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,520 And I asked her, what she thought that that was in reference to, 829 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:10,360 and she said she thought it was when, you know when you see 830 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,720 a boat on the back of a truck. 831 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,560 And I said to her, "Well, how many times have you seen that?" 832 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,640 And she said she didn't think she ever had. 833 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,080 A few more of her classic phrases... 834 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,880 I think that's a Snoop album, isn't it? 835 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,600 Like a bulldozer in a China shop. 836 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,880 And then finally, in an argument she said to me, 837 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:38,040 she said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, 838 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,120 "then you can't handle the truth." 839 00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:45,760 Which roughly translates to "I'm the worst." 840 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,240 Sarah Keyworth, everyone. 841 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,160 And here is the final teaser. 842 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,600 The words are MOISTPIE, the clue is make the most of it. 843 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,720 That's MOISTPIE, make the most of it. 844 00:41:57,760 --> 00:41:58,960 See you after the break. 845 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:15,960 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser 846 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,240 the words were MOISTPIE, 847 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,040 the clue was make the most of it. 848 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:20,760 It was of course OPTIMISE. 849 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,360 OK, our final letters game. Richard, Kemah, your turn to choose. 850 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,840 It's all to play for. 851 00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:29,960 OK, may I please have a vowel, madam? 852 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,440 An A. 853 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:33,840 May I have a consonant, please? 854 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,360 Oh, come on. So far, so good. Yeah. 855 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,400 And may I have another consonant, please? 856 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,120 Yes. And may I have a vowel, please? 857 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,480 May I have another vowel, please? 858 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,720 And may I have a consonant, please? 859 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,400 And another consonant, please. 860 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,920 And another consonant, please. 861 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,520 May I have another vowel, please? 862 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,640 - Your last letter is an O. - Oh, it wasn't what we wanted. 863 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,560 And your time starts now. 864 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,000 Sorry about that, Susie, it's just they're shit. 865 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,480 Richard, how many? Five. 866 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,280 Kemah? Six. 867 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,320 Jonathan? 868 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,880 Six, but I very nearly got an eight because I nearly 869 00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:59,840 found clitoris in there, 870 00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:02,320 but not for the first time it has eluded me. 871 00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,000 How many? Six you're going for, OK. Maisie? 872 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:07,040 Six. OK. 873 00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,760 Sorry, seven. Oh! Can I change mine to a seven? 874 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:11,440 It's a seven, it's a seven, 875 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,320 I'm sorry, it is a seven, It hadn't been called. 876 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,280 Get your stinking eyes off mine. I have seven as well. 877 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,080 Seven, I've got a seven. You don't. 878 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:19,360 Kemah, your six. 879 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,880 Inspired by the stars, it's astral. 880 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,040 Astral. Jonathan, your six? 881 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,760 Trials. Trials. 882 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,680 I mean, not as good as astral but it's something. 883 00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:29,200 Maisie, your six. 884 00:44:29,240 --> 00:44:30,240 Tiaras. 885 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,360 Richard, your seven. 886 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:32,400 Coastal. 887 00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:33,640 Oh, nicely done. Oh! 888 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:34,840 Coastal. Coastal. 889 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,800 Richard Ayoade there. Yes, you stop it. 890 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,160 - Wow. - Yeah, that's good. 891 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:41,520 Right. 892 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,040 That was seven points to Richard. 893 00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,760 That's good, that's good. 894 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,120 You earned that. 895 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,120 Sarah, Susie, could they have done any better? 896 00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:49,400 Coralitas? 897 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,160 What sorry? I dunno. 898 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:56,880 Pink flowered climbing vines native to Mexico and the Caribbean. 899 00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:58,880 ALL: Coralitas. 900 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,160 Oh, Coralitas. Sure. 901 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:06,920 So, Jonathan and Maisie have 21, Richard and Kemah have 34. 902 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:07,960 Yes! Wow. Fingers on buzzers. 903 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000 Hold it, can we still win? How many points are at stake here? 904 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,960 I'll tell you what I'll do to make things interesting... Mate, I've never won. 905 00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,280 It's ten points for the Conundrum if you get it right. 906 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,400 If you get it in the first 15 seconds I'll double that to 20 points. 907 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,120 Why is it so far away? Don't take this away from me! 908 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,000 Jonathan, we've gotta get this. Your time starts 909 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,840 for the crucial Countdown Conundrum, now. 910 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,960 BUZZER Jonathan. 911 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,040 Wallpaper. 912 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,760 After three seconds, let's see if he's right. 913 00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,080 Oh, stop it. Jonathan, I think you've done it. 914 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,920 - Who is this man? - Come on! 915 00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:40,880 CHEERING 916 00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:43,640 Brutal. 917 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,440 Congratulations to Jonathan and Maisie. 918 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,280 You're now the proud owner of this, 919 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,040 the Countdown piano. 920 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:52,120 Thanks to all our finalists, 921 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,040 our wonderful studio audience and all of you watching at home. 922 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,600 A Vic Reeves painting has come to life! 923 00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:57,440 That's it from us. Goodnight! 924 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,760 Subtitles by Red Bee Media