1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,040 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:35,800 Tonight, on Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown, 3 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,400 Jon Richardson... APPLAUSE 4 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,680 ..Richard Ayoade... APPLAUSE 5 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,680 ..Katherine Ryan... APPLAUSE 6 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,840 ..Laura Smyth... APPLAUSE 7 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,800 ..Mat Ewins... APPLAUSE 8 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,800 ..Susie Dent... APPLAUSE 9 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,040 ..Rachel Riley... APPLAUSE 10 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:57,360 ..and your host, Jimmy Carr. APPLAUSE 11 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,360 Hello, and welcome to Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown, 12 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,440 the show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 13 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,680 OK, let's meet tonight's players. 14 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,240 First up, it's team captain, Jon Richardson. 15 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:12,240 APPLAUSE 16 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,320 Jon stars in a mockumentary about his life, 17 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,760 but you can tell it's not real, 18 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,360 because Jon comes across as funny and likeable. 19 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,720 APPLAUSE 20 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,680 You obviously haven't seen it. 21 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,480 No-one's seen it. LAUGHTER 22 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,600 And Jon's team mate, Katherine Ryan. 23 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:31,680 APPLAUSE 24 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,600 Katherine once set her garden on fire. 25 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,600 Well, Katherine, might I suggest you don't rub it so hard. 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,680 LAUGHTER 27 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,600 Up against them this evening, it's guest team captain, 28 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:41,760 Richard Ayoade. 29 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:47,280 APPLAUSE 30 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,320 Richard is pretty awkward, 31 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,040 he's the human equivalent of calling your teacher, "Mummy." 32 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,120 LAUGHTER 33 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,920 He's as awkward as matching with your dad on Tinder. 34 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,680 LAUGHTER 35 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,200 LAUGHTER 36 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,360 And joining Richard tonight, it's Laura Smyth. 37 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,520 KATHERINE: Yeah! APPLAUSE 38 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,080 Laura spells Smyth with a Y instead of an I. 39 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,120 The standard on this show is normally pretty low, 40 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,120 but we've never had someone on before that can't spell their own name. 41 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,400 Laura, you grew up in the East End. 42 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,400 Do you have any favourite cockney phrases? 43 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,400 Most Cockney phrases mean, "Mind your own business," 44 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,560 doesn't it, really? I think a lot of my early childhood 45 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,880 thinking I was getting a puppy for the number of times 46 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,320 my dad was going to see a man about a dog. 47 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,800 But, erm, it never materialised. 48 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,520 OK, Richard, now, you've written books, 49 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,080 you've written books for adults and for children. That's right. 50 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,520 Who do you prefer to write for? 51 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,640 Well, I think I'm currently in the promotional cycle for 52 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,720 the children's books, so, why would you say that, Jim? 53 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,440 LAUGHTER 54 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,600 Anyone call you Jim? Does anyone call me Jim? 55 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,960 Yeah. Erm, yeah, a lot of people do once. 56 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,760 OK. LAUGHTER 57 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,120 Are you trying to be Cockney, Jim? Oi-oi. 58 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,640 COCKNEY ACCENT: A lot of people try it...once. 59 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,440 Gotta go and see a man about a dog. 60 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,760 If you can talk like that, just talk like that all the time. 61 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,680 It's much better. How dare you? 62 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,280 Erm, Jon. Hello there, friend. 63 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,560 Call him Jim, he likes it. Sock it to me, Jim. 64 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,160 You're turning 40 soon. How do you feel about it? 65 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,520 I think I'm all right with it. 66 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,960 I'm gonna have a midlife crisis though, cos... 67 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,360 How would that manifest for a man that wears cardigans? 68 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,960 Like, what's your...? What's your...? 69 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,600 Oh. What do you think of that? 70 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:31,120 He's wild. This is... That watch isn't even set to the right time. 71 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:35,920 I don't even give a shit. It is and I do, but... 72 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,360 Whoa, whoa, whoa, they've come straight back down. 73 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,800 I know, I got a bit over excited. 74 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,280 I don't wanna risk a graze. 75 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,520 I have got a scab on my elbow which I, erm, I suffered at a... 76 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,560 What happened, Jon? 77 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,000 I was at an indoor trampolining centre. Oh. 78 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,160 You'd love to know what it would be like to be taller, wouldn't you? 79 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,680 Could you make these into shoes? 80 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,280 I liked mid-life crisis Jon, it's exciting. 81 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,960 Thanks, he's starting to piss me off, I'm not gonna lie. 82 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,680 OK. Katherine, what have you been up to since we last saw you? 83 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,360 I've been up to, erm, witnessing 84 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,000 a lot of toxic masculinity since I was last here. Erm, I had a... 85 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,400 Sorry about Jon. Yeah. 86 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:26,840 Erm, I spent a lot of my career rallying against toxic masculinity 87 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,000 and just, you know, stereotypical men 88 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,840 and then I married a retired athlete 89 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:36,520 and then I gave birth to a boy. I'm just like a man factory now. 90 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,800 One in, one out. One in, one out. 91 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,720 Show some respect, Jim. 92 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:47,240 I'm sorry, I was out of line, mate. It's lucky she's here. 93 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,760 Maybe we should do a cockney special, it's more fun, isn't it? 94 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,640 Oh, listen... Laura, cockneys are having more fun. 95 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,400 I'm from Surrey, this is all bullshit. 96 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,440 Now, erm, Katherine, have you got a mascot? 97 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,840 I've brought something that's hopefully 98 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,080 going to inspire me, inspire us all. 99 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,080 I brought a photo of me, 100 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,760 the last time I was here on Countdown. 101 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,640 Do you notice anything different? 102 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,680 Erm... I was fat as hell. 103 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,720 A lot of us had a difficult pandem, a difficult lock down. 104 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,680 Some of us gained three stone. 105 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,320 And that was a humbling experience for me. 106 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,200 I learned that it's OK, and I've wroten a... 107 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,320 I've learned that it's OK and I've written a poem about it. 108 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,560 You've... You've wroten a poem? 109 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,640 Well, I think we're all looking forward to that, aren't we? 110 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,280 Because you sound like a hell of a rotter. 111 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,880 If a lady can't make a malapropism, what kind of a show is this, mate? 112 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,960 I wrote a poem about my experience 113 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,040 gaining loads of weight in lock down 114 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,680 and how it's made me a better person. Let's hear it. 115 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,640 My doctor said I had to take steroids, 116 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,600 and I thought, "OK." I always wanted to be 117 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,400 a professional baseball player one day. 118 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,680 But what actually happened with the help of some cake, 119 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,680 is I gained three stone of pure fat in 120 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,720 the work-from-home break. 121 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,520 My husband claimed not to notice that all my clothes had gone funny. 122 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,720 In fairness, he does golf a lot and was blinded by my money. 123 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,560 Unable to travel, office too close to the kitchen, 124 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,560 I became this fat prick, which aroused much suspicion. 125 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,880 What has she done to her face? Too much Botox or filler? 126 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,040 She's addicted to surgery, the next eye lift could kill her. 127 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:25,080 Save your tweets, Linda, your concern for me is fake, 128 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,440 just like my tits. 129 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,600 But honestly, what's in my face is just weight. 130 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,760 But then it struck me, "Hang on, I think big girls look fine." 131 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:38,320 How can I be body positive if I'm criticising mine? 132 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,200 Remember, if you got fat in lock down, 133 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,480 and you gained two stone or three, 134 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,240 that if it's good enough for Lizzo, 135 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,880 then it's good enough for me. Shake that ass, 136 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,360 don't watch yourself, beauty is from within. 137 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,920 Learning self-acceptance is the only way to win. 138 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,600 And then I got lipo and came back. 139 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:03,200 Katherine Ryan, everyone. APPLAUSE 140 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,680 Richard, have you got a mascot? Yes, I do. 141 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:10,200 I have... I find the Countdown music erm, quite stressful... 142 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,640 ..because I feel it injects jeopardy when... 143 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,760 At a time when I need it the least. I need calm. 144 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,320 And so that's why I brought, erm, headphones, 145 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,040 and my own portable music playing system, 146 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,280 and during the Countdown, which... 147 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,640 It's really oppressive. It's right there, 148 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,560 it's very stressful. I want the headphones on 149 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,960 and I want music of my choosing. 150 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,480 What music are you going to be playing? 151 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,120 I'm going to have relaxing music, Jimmy. 152 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,320 So, I'll be listening to that during game play 153 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,080 and, erm, I think you'll see a huge upswing in 154 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,120 the kind of results I'm producing. 155 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,840 OK. Laura, have you got a mascot? I have. I have. 156 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,120 What have you got? 157 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,840 Holy crow. Whoa. 158 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:55,120 That's a, erm... A Countdown teapot. Winners' teapot. 159 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:59,600 What I won off, what I like to call, the real Countdown. 160 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,080 Erm, I'm reliably informed this... Sorry, Jon, are you all right? 161 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,360 Yeah, Jon? Yeah, that's right. 162 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,880 I'm sorry. 163 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,280 I'd have to review the footage, 164 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,400 there was some really shit ones early on. 165 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,600 But we'll not talk about that. Well, speaking of reviewing the... 166 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,200 Can we review the footage? Yeah! 167 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,680 You've got footage? Let's... This is... 168 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,560 Genuinely, Laura is a Countdown champion, everyone. Wow. 169 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 170 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,400 OK, Margaret. Five. 171 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,600 Yes. And Laura? Erm, six. 172 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,200 OK, hear five, then. Sound. 173 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:32,520 Sound. Sound, hear six. 174 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,560 Gonads. Gonads. 175 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,360 LAUGHTER 176 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,920 Yeah! Yeah. 177 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,040 Sorry. We've got gonads here. 178 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,960 Well done, Laura. 179 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,400 So, you won the actual, real Countdown? 180 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,680 Won the real Countdown, I got a teapot, 181 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,960 I think I got about 107... 104, that's how many... Wow. 182 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,880 Thanks, Susie. Brilliant. 183 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,800 So, when was this? When was the win? 184 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:56,880 2004, maybe. 185 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,560 So, Jon's having a panic attack, let's check in with him. Yeah. 186 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,360 All right, Jon? 2004, I think I was out shagging. 187 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,200 Oh. THEY LAUGH 188 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,800 Are you getting 2004 mixed up with never? 189 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,080 I don't want to read into the game, 190 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,520 but Margaret looked like she was upset by something. 191 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,040 I don't know what you said to her in the dressing room, 192 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,960 but, it looked like you freaked Margaret out 193 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,200 and she shit herself, so... 194 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,080 You'll find me a tad harder to intimidate. 195 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,640 Erm, Jon, have you got a mascot? I have got a mascot, Jimmy, yes. 196 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,080 What have you got? Yes. You know sometimes you're at 197 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,760 a party or a social gathering and... RICHARD: No. 198 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,640 LAUGHTER 199 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,880 Erm, conversation's flowing, 200 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,200 everyone's having a good time, and you think, 201 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:44,640 "Fuck this, let's go back to the beginning bit when it was tense, 202 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:45,720 "nobody knew each other, 203 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,440 "we all had a bit of space and time to think." 204 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:53,320 What you need is Jon Richardson's book of Ice Makers. Whoa! 205 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,720 Tactics and phrases you can use 206 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,640 to put the tension back into a room. Ooh. 207 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,400 The opening prologue here, "Why is the film called Titanic, 208 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,840 "when clearly the iceberg is the star? 209 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,920 "Without the iceberg, 210 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,480 "you'd be watching three hours of people making small talk, 211 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,440 "and someone getting fucked in a car. 212 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,920 "Bring down any house party with my collection of ice makers. 213 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:20,680 "Chapter One: Get Ahead Of The Game. 214 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,320 "Your first boring comment should be with your attire. 215 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,680 "Things to consider, elbow patches. Not just on a cardigan, 216 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,840 "why not pair a vest with a couple sellotaped 217 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,880 "to your bare elbows? 218 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,680 "Crocs." And I haven't written anything else there, that's enough. 219 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,360 Chapter Two is One To One. 220 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,040 "Now you've mastered the more blunt weapons, 221 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,680 "you're ready for some close-up work, 222 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:48,040 "or slight of mouth. For example, 'Your hair is beautiful. 223 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,920 " 'May I take a clipping for my collection?' " Oh! 224 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,720 Yeah? Like that? 225 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,680 " 'Shall we slip off somewhere a little quieter? 226 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,760 " 'I've photographed every hand drier I've ever used, 227 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,280 " 'and I'd love to talk you through the highlights.' " 228 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,160 Yeah? And then we've got other chapters. 229 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,720 Chapter Five is a favourite of mine, "Ways Of Breathing." 230 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,840 "Chapter Eight: Eye Contact, All Or Nothing." 231 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,520 That's Jon Richardson's Ice Makers 232 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,360 and it's available now, from my hand. 233 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:18,840 Jon Richardson, everyone. 234 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:22,960 Over in dictionary corner, it's Mat Ewins. 235 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,480 APPLAUSE 236 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,480 Erm, Mat, what have you been up to? 237 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,560 Well, Jimmy, people might not know that as well as doing computers, 238 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,160 I'm also a professional model 239 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,440 and I've just come back from a pretty extensive photo shoot on 240 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,280 a pretty significant advertising campaign. 241 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,160 Got some pictures from the... From the shoot if I can... 242 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,640 Indulge me. Oh, hang on a minute, that's... 243 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:41,880 It's, sort of, quite grim, actually. 244 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,520 Sorry, let me just skip through this. 245 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,200 Right, let's skip through this, it's quite a grim campaign, 246 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,680 actually, Jimmy. Just give me a sec. Let me just roll through it, Jimmy, 247 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,280 give me a sec. Yeah. Don't smoke, I think, was the take-home message 248 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,480 of the campaign. But you know, 249 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,720 probably best you come back to me later. 250 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 251 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,480 And with Mat, of course, it's Susie Dent. 252 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:07,400 APPLAUSE 253 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,320 I'm not saying Susie's been on the show for a long time, 254 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,640 but, last year, we found asbestos in her chair. 255 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,400 Susie, you tweet a word of the day, every day. 256 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,840 Have you got one for us tonight? 257 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:23,320 Erm, yes. I remember you, Laura, and it's a lovely French word, 258 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,600 retrouvailles, which means the joy 259 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,560 of meeting someone after a long time. 260 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,760 I think that's exactly... But, otherwise, there is gigil, 261 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,560 which is from the Philippines, and that is the irresistible urge 262 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,800 to squeeze someone really cute. That's for Jon. 263 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,680 And there's jobblyjock, which is... What, sorry? 264 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,320 Jobblyjock. Oh, yeah, sometimes. 265 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,640 But then I have a cuddle and try again in five minutes. 266 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,720 Well, it is for you, actually, 267 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,520 cos it's for someone intensely irritating. 268 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,120 Oo-oo-oh! 269 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,080 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 270 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,960 APPLAUSE 271 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,600 Last year, Rachel Riley appeared on Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 272 00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,680 with an old vase. 273 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,240 The experts complained they could see a crack in the bottom. 274 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,800 I told her the dress was too short. 275 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,360 You've done over 3,000 Countdown shows. 276 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,160 Erm, what's the funniest word that's ever come up? 277 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,200 One of the new ones I learned from Susie was, erm, pissabed. 278 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,800 That's a real word and it's... It's... Pissabed is a... 279 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,240 Pissabed is a real word. And it means? 280 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,440 Pissabed' is an old word for the dandelion, 281 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,560 cos it's a diuretic. Dandelion leaves, 282 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,200 which you can have in tea, 283 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,040 make you pee, so it's called pissabed. 284 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,080 Well, I mean, if anyone's big into water sports, 285 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,680 I guess, dandelion tea, everyone. 286 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,160 OK, the prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this, 287 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,160 the Countdown Home Decorating Kit. 288 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 289 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 290 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,320 OK, let's Countdown, everybody. Time for our first game. 291 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,400 Richard, Laura, you get the first pick of the letters. 292 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,520 Please. We're with a pro here. Thank you. 293 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:02,920 Can I have a consonant, please, Rachel? 294 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,400 Thank you, Laura. R. And another, please. 295 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,200 M. And another. 296 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,520 C. And another, please. 297 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,200 And a vowel. 298 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,040 And another vowel. O. 299 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,400 And another vowel. A. 300 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,640 And another, please. 301 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,240 U. You're crazy for those vowels. 302 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,840 And, erm, four... Four vowels, five consonants is optimum. 303 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,080 And another consonant, please. SHE LAUGHS 304 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,200 And an optimum D. 305 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,040 I might do my recycling while this is going on. 306 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,240 And for the first time today, here's the Countdown Clock. 307 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,320 HE GRUNTS 308 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,760 MUSIC: 'I Got You Babe' by Sonny & Cher 309 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,960 CROWD CHEER 310 00:14:58,920 --> 00:14:59,920 Oh, Jesus. 311 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,720 Sorry, Susie, I just... Cos it's dog shit. 312 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,440 It's a very good book. Thank you. 313 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,640 I'm very sorry. Have you read it? 314 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,840 What? LAUGHTER 315 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,720 OK, erm, Jon, how many? 316 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,480 Erm, seven. 317 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:33,120 Ooh. Katherine, how many? Eight. 318 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,560 Ooh! Richard, how many? 319 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,840 Five. OK. Solid five. Nice. 320 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,320 I just really got into the music, actually. 321 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,280 It's been... It's been counter productive. 322 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,520 What were you listening to? What wasn't I listening to? 323 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,240 The Countdown Clock. That's right. Got it in one, Jim. 324 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,080 OK. LAUGHTER 325 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,680 What I like is that I feel like I look like I'm at 326 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,200 the United Nations, but from a fun country. 327 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,680 I know, our contribution to this debate isn't really significant. 328 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,040 Laura, how many? Erm, seven. 329 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,240 Well, Richard, let's hear your five. 330 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,400 Moped...Moped, I moped. 331 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,200 OK, Jon, your seven. 332 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,920 Erm, well, I had cramped. 333 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,880 There is a nine up there but it's only a word in Norfolk, 334 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,800 it's what they erm, do their homework on. A cumpoedar. 335 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,200 Laura, your seven. Erm, compared. 336 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,400 No, that's eight. SHE GASPS 337 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,000 Yes. Oh, fuck. 338 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,800 LAUGHTER 339 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,840 But I said eight, so, I win. Countdown rules, you're wrong. 340 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:41,880 Urgh! 341 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,400 Sorry... Oh. 342 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,800 I'll tell you, I've never seen this side of Katherine Ryan before. 343 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,160 Somewhere at home now Margaret is pissing herself. 344 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,040 Fuck you. 345 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:55,840 I got eight, Jimmy. Mate. 346 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,400 No, she hasn't. She's got nothing. 347 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,080 I was too humble, that's my problem. 348 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,920 I can't believe Katherine Ryan is properly going, "She's got nothing." 349 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,120 We've got... We've got mo-ped. And he pronounced it moped. 350 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,800 That's what we've got. 351 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,560 The reason it's called a moped 352 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,400 is cos you're sad you've not got a motorbike. 353 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,040 It's a moped. 354 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,920 And, Katherine, what is your eight-letter word? Pray tell. 355 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,000 My eight letter word is compared. And now what are you going to do? 356 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,560 It's eight points to you. Yeah? 357 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,400 Oh, my God. 358 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,680 It's the lights, it's the bright lights. 359 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:31,880 It's Susie remembering me. 360 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,720 Everything got to me, that's what happened. 361 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,080 Oh, did they not have lights in 2004? 362 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,320 Mat, Susie, could they have done any better? 363 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,680 There was another eight, compadre. But, no, nothing better than eight. 364 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,440 Ah. On to our first numbers round. 365 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,600 OK. Jon, Katherine, you get to pick the numbers. 366 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,960 I'm tempted to say we should pick four big ones, 367 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,440 then there's less chance of us getting an eight 368 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,200 and Laura thinking it's a seven. 369 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,920 KATHERINE: Oh! 370 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,640 Pick six little ones. This has spurred me on, this has. 371 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,400 This is the worst thing that could have happened to you. 372 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,560 Do you want six little? 373 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,760 Don't care, do what you like. 374 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,120 Am I the least nerdy person here? Yes. 375 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,520 Is that what's happening? 376 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,480 Whatever. I don't even care about this. 377 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,200 Shut up, sir, I'm not listening. 378 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,600 You're well... Let him. Go on, pick your numbers, mate. 379 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,360 We'll have six little, why not? RACHEL: Six little ones. 380 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,280 Are you doing six little, really? Six little, mate, little ones count. 381 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,840 Why is everything about size? 382 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,680 You can still do it with the little ones, can't you, Rachel? 383 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,240 Yeah, it's what you do with them, Jon. Right. 384 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,400 We've got nine... That's a big one! Wow. 385 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,800 Another nine. Oh, wow, wow. 386 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:47,000 Four, six, three and seven. And the target... 387 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,400 295. 388 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,520 I don't know how to do this. 389 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,960 OK. And your time starts...now. 390 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:09,040 MUSIC: 'Footloose' by Kenny Loggins 391 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,080 OK. Jon, did you get it? 392 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,680 No, I got two hundred... 393 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,680 Oh, maybe I did. Yeah, I did. 394 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,240 Yeah. OK. No, you didn't! 395 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,680 Richard? What? 396 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,280 Did you get it? I didn't do it, sir. 397 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:38,600 Why would I bother? 398 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:41,560 Because it's so lame. 399 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,240 Well, Richard, it's your own time you're wasting. Laura? 400 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,600 I can waste yours, Jim. 401 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,840 No, I think I got 285, but I'm not convinced that I got that. 402 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,200 And Katherine? I would need a lot more time. 403 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,240 OK, Jon, How did you get it? Talk us through it. 404 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,840 Well, I don't know if I did, but we'll find out live... 405 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,320 on Channel four. Six times four. What a rush. 406 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,520 Six times four. 24. 407 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,960 Oh, no, I think I've fucked it. Nine plus three. 408 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,480 Nine plus three. Is 12? 409 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,400 Yeah. What if you times them together? 410 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,840 What do you think that is? 288. 411 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,560 It is 288. OK. That's good, Jon. Look at her face. 412 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,680 And then add the seven. Yay. 413 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 414 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,520 Wow. 415 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,880 Why do people waste their lives writing drama? 416 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:38,920 Oh, it feels like there's a little bit 417 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,040 of trouble in paradise over there. No, no. He's cool. 418 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,760 How dare you call this paradise? 419 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,040 It's ten points to Jon Richardson. Wow. 420 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,520 What is this, mate? Yeah. 421 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,120 Jon! I cannot do the math. It's fine. 422 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,640 It's fine. It's fine. 423 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,000 Is it fine, though? Jim, it's fine. 424 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,720 Jim, back it off. Yeah. Back it off! 425 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,280 Back it off, Jim. A phrase no-one's ever used. 426 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,880 Back it... I'm not reversing a van. Mate. 427 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,400 I like the new cool Richard Ayoade, by the way. I like it. 428 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,640 Whatevs. 429 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,840 You're gonna need to take the cravat off to fully commit to that. 430 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:22,240 So, Richard and Laura have no points, Jon and Katherine have 18 points. 431 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,600 Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. 432 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:28,640 And here is your teaser. 433 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,600 The words are, "Own girth" 434 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,640 and the clue is, "You might need two hands." 435 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,360 That's, "Own girth," "You might need two hands." 436 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,960 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 437 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,440 Welcome back, the answer to the teaser, 438 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,600 the words were, "Own girth," 439 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,360 the clue was, "You night need two hands." 440 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,440 It was of course, throwing. 441 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,840 Time for our next letters game. Jon, Katherine, your turn to choose. 442 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,800 Two consonants Rachel and then a vowel. 443 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,080 And then I'll see how I feel. 444 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,720 Two more consonants and a vowel. 445 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,160 And a vowel, please. 446 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,360 O. And another consonant. 447 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,640 Vowel. A vowel, E. 448 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,120 Jon, you're pretty good at Countdown, right? Yeah. 449 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,640 Could you do it...? Could you do anagrams while dancing? 450 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,280 Well, I mean... When was the last time we went out dancing? 451 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,800 Oh, my God. Come on, let's dance, come on. 452 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,000 Come on. Come on, let's... Come on. 453 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,840 Oh, we never hold hands when we dance. 454 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,200 Come on. We never do. Now, do you wanna stretch first? 455 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,120 Yeah. Just get yourself... 456 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,680 I've stretched the bits you use. 457 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:53,600 All right, OK. And your time starts now. 458 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:54,760 MUSIC: 'Starstruck' by Years & Years 459 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:55,800 # All night Don't need your cash 460 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,800 # I got my own to spend it on ya if I like 461 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,960 # If you wanna dance, baby Let's dance 462 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:05,240 # We can dream until the sun 463 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:12,600 # I can't help it I get starstruck around you 464 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,480 # What can I do, baby? 465 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:20,920 # I can't help it I get starstruck around you 466 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,680 # What can I do, baby? # 467 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 468 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,400 Thank you, yeah. Good. It was good, it was like the old days. 469 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,760 Yeah. I think you messed up one of the moves. 470 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,440 Yeah. Just a little bit, you've gotta be slightly more... Yeah. 471 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,880 Phwoar. It's fine, though. Do you know what? 472 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,280 When you dance, it looks like you 473 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,040 haven't got a bald patch, but then, erm... 474 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,200 It's just... It's weird. It's the weirdest thing, 475 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,360 when you were dancing, I was thinking, 476 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,520 "God, hasn't he got a thick head of hair?" 477 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,400 But then, now, when I look at it, there's a big bald patch. 478 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,520 Katherine, how many? Seven. 479 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,680 Seven. Erm, Laura, how many? Eight. 480 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,920 Err, Richard how many? Seven. 481 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,800 OK, Jon, how many? Eight. 482 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,000 Eight with a lovely dance. Wow. 483 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,600 Wow. My seven definitely isn't a word. 484 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,720 OK, what's...? What is...? What is your seven? 485 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,960 Sometimes, you could go out goating. 486 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,000 Erm... 487 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,440 Is it, like, East End goating, like? That's right. 488 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,520 There's no... It's got an E on the end, it's goatine. Oh, Goatine. 489 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,800 LAUGHTER 490 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,040 And, actually, you can you can put a D on that and just go, 491 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,200 "You've been goatined, mate." 492 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,720 "You've been in that field all night, it's been rough, 493 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,400 "you're goatined, mate." Is that in it? 494 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,800 No. Oh, shut up. 495 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,080 Katherine, your seven? Stained. 496 00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:35,320 Jon, your eight. Sedating. 497 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,080 Oh. Very good. 498 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,960 Oh, it's a good word. Laura, what have you got? 499 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,760 Diagnose. Wow. 500 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:47,560 Diagnose. Diagnose. OK, well, eight points to both teams. 501 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,640 Mat, could they have done any better? 502 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,920 Nothing better than eight. OK, at the end of that round, 503 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,480 Richard and Laura have eight points. 504 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,160 Jon and Katherine are in the lead with 26. 505 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:01,480 Bullshit. 506 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,040 OK, onto our next numbers round. Erm, Richard, 507 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,320 Laura, your turn to pick the numbers. 508 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,160 Shall we go two from the top? 509 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,880 This... I've lost my bottle. Two from the top, please, 510 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,280 and any other four. 511 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,920 What's behind the word bottle there, now. In cockney rhyming... 512 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,520 I've lost my bottle? Oh, bottle and glass, arse. 513 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,680 Ooh. I've lost my arse. 514 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,680 Yeah. Why would you lose your arse? 515 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,480 Well, cos everything falls through, I guess. 516 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:22,760 I genuinely found out an interesting derivation the other day. 517 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,800 I found out the derivation of, erm, blow job. 518 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,120 Ooh. Oh. 519 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,680 I didn't realise it's below job from World War One. What? 520 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,760 It was a below job. The American GIs. 521 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,040 How did you find that out, Jimmy? Where were you? 522 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,760 I like books about derivation, but, erm, just not boring ones. 523 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,760 Only ones about... Only ones about cocks. 524 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,440 Why do they call it getting sucked off? 525 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,360 Come on, boring maths. 526 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,200 From blow jobs to numbers. Seamless. 527 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:56,200 Right, one. See, nobody wants to play anymore. 528 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,360 Nine. Let's hope for a six, come on, guys. 529 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,520 Two, fucking hell. 75 and 50. 530 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:06,720 What? Oh. 531 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,640 OK. And the target, 828. 532 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,040 OK, and your time starts now. 533 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,280 OK, so the target was 828. Katherine, did you get it? 534 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,720 I've 823 which is really good for me. 535 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,000 Er, Jon, did you get it? No, I got 827. 536 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,320 827, OK. Richard did you get it? I got 827. 537 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,880 Laura, did you get it? 827. 538 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,160 Laura, how did you get 827? Oh, but hang on, 539 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,080 can't I prove once that I might have got... Oh, yeah, let... 540 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,080 ..almost close. Yeah, go on. 541 00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:05,600 Nine plus two. Yes. 542 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,160 11 times 75. 825. 543 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,120 Add the two ones. Lovely, one away. 544 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,240 That's right. 545 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,240 I think I might have got it, post event. 546 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,520 Tell us anyway. I'll give it to you if you've got it. 547 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,680 50 times 9. 50 times 9, 450. 548 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,560 Add one. Add one. 549 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:34,520 Times two. Yeah, 451 times 2, 902. 550 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,040 Minus 75. Yep. 551 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,080 And then add the one. 552 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,320 KATHERINE: Wow. 553 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,240 Ten points to Laura. 554 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,200 Just so I know how seriously to take the rest of the game, 555 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,000 we're giving her that, are we? Yes. 556 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,200 LAUGHTER AND GROANING 557 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,360 Just so I know whether to mentally checkout, or not. 558 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,320 Oh, stop. I don't mind if we've come here for fun, 559 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,800 but I was under the impression we come here for 560 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,160 a game of Countdown. So, just... 561 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,440 Oh. I think... I don't mind which one it is. 562 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,480 No, I think the little boy's gonna cry. 563 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,400 Yeah, no, it's fine. It's just if it's not real Countdown, 564 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,640 I don't need a fucking pen, do I? 565 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,360 And by the way, mentally checkout? Get your own act. 566 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,080 I came here to mentally checkout. I haven't really checked out. 567 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:22,520 I only threw my pen cause I knew I had a back-up. I'm still here. 568 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,080 OK, so, Richard and Laura have 18, 569 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,240 Jon and Katherine still in the lead with 26. 570 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,960 Time to go across to Dictionary Corner. 571 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,360 Mat, what have you got for us? Well, Jimmy, 572 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,240 I've been getting a lot of online abuse recently. 573 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:39,600 I would like to take this opportunity to ask people 574 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,000 to just stop. It's a nightmare, 575 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,000 like, I'm not on social media, but if you just like, 576 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,840 type my name onto, you know, online, 577 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,640 it's just horrible stuff. If you type in Mat Ewins, 578 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,360 it comes up, do you mean Twat Ewins? Like, the related searches, Jimmy. 579 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:51,720 I don't want people to be looking for it to get that 580 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,960 to come up. It's a nightmare. And the worst thing is, 581 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,680 you see on the images, it's just thumbnails 582 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,680 of this one viral video where I forgot to lock 583 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,840 the toilet door on a train, right. 584 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,400 That's my online presence, Jimmy, it's a nightmare. 585 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,120 It's been following me around for years. 586 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,440 So, I'm trying to get better, you know, 587 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,640 I'm trying to exercise, 588 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,120 but I don't want people to see my odd arms 589 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,880 and my odd legs. How do I exercise without looking like a fool? 590 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,000 Well, I've worked it out, right, how to exercise without, 591 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,080 you know, getting into your shorts, or what not. 592 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,680 What I do is I go to a train station wearing a full suit 593 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,040 and then for an hour and a half pretend I'm late for my train. 594 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:28,200 Yeah? Just run around going, "What platform is it?" 595 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,760 "It's gotta be... It's gotta be number four." 596 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:30,920 Yeah, do that for 90 minutes 597 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,720 get in a pretty good cardio work out. 598 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,360 I'm getting into a lot of sport recently. 599 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,240 I've been doing, erm, boxing. 600 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:38,560 Well, I'm a bit of a boxer 601 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,720 and I'm not like these professional wimps, you know, 602 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,920 with their big, erm... You know, with their gumshields, 603 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,120 I've got one of those dentist guards, 604 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:46,000 so, I've got my teeth more out, if anything. 605 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,600 Bring it on, bring it on, I ain't scared of ya. 606 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,240 I'll fight ya. I'm, erm, yeah, 607 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,320 into a lot of extreme... Extreme sports. 608 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,360 I've been doing, erm, parkour. You know, free running. 609 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,160 I'm not great at it, I'll be the first to admit, 610 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,520 but I'm getting better all the time. 611 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,600 I'm really improving on that. 612 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,640 Mat Ewins, everyone. And here is your teaser. 613 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,840 The words are, "Tape arse." The clue is, "They're moved apart." 614 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,920 That's, "Tape arse," "They're moving apart." 615 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,480 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 616 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,000 Welcome back, the answer to the teaser, 617 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,520 the words were, "Tape arse," the clue was, "They're moving apart." 618 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,080 It was, of course, separate. OK, this letters game is big, 619 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,800 it's time for the real-life Countdown winner Laura Smyth 620 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,520 to go head-to-head with our very own Countdown resident genius, 621 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,040 Jon Richardson. 622 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,920 That's right, everyone, it's Battle Of The Super Nerds. Wow. 623 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:58,280 In this round, Jon and Laura will be using 18 letters. 624 00:30:58,320 --> 00:30:59,880 CROWD: Ooh. 625 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,880 Correct. We're playing for double points, 626 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,160 so, there's a possible 36 points up for grabs. 627 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,360 So, nerds, do you think you can get an 18-letter word? 628 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,040 I don't think there are any 18-letter words. 629 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,000 No, I've never even heard of such a thing. 630 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,560 Erm, Susie, are there any 18-letter words? 631 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,240 Yeah, quite a lot. Counterintuitively... 632 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,440 ..hyperconsciousness, erm... Hang on, let me write them down. 633 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,080 Jon, have you got any trash talk for former champion Laura? 634 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:27,200 No, I don't think I need to. 635 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,280 I think her own demons will, erm, take their toll. 636 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,000 A quick question for you though, did you want me 637 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,400 to say what I've goJt within 30 seconds, 638 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,120 or can we fuck around for five minutes afterwards and then I'll... 639 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,520 Ooh. 640 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:43,880 Ooh. Laura, do you have anything to say to rat boy, Jon Richardson? 641 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:48,040 Rat boy. I don't think you're good at Countdown. 642 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,360 CROWD: Ooh. 643 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,360 Oh, my God. Laura, if you pick the first nine letters 644 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,160 and then, Jon, you pick the second nine 645 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,600 and then you'll have 18 letters to play with. 646 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,560 36 points on offer. OK, let's go. 647 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,880 Consonant, please. Consonant, L. 648 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,560 And another, please. Y. 649 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:05,600 Cos I want one. 650 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,840 I'm sorry. It's a classic bit of Countdown humour. 651 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:10,960 Classic, a classic. 652 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,480 And a vowel, please. 653 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:18,840 And another one, please. 654 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:21,560 And another, please. 655 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,080 And a consonant, please. 656 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:27,320 And a vowel. 657 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,400 And a consonant. 658 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:32,600 And a consonant, please. 659 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,840 OK, Jon. Another vowel, please. 660 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,720 And another consonant, please. 661 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,680 And another consonant, please. 662 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,160 This is madness. Ooh. 663 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,080 And another vowel, please. This is madness. 664 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,600 It's crazy. Ooh. 665 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:50,760 A vowel, please. 666 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:53,680 A consonant, please. 667 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,760 H. Consonant, please. 668 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,080 And another consonant. 669 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,400 And another vowel. 670 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,600 And that's your last one. I. 671 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:05,280 For the battle of the super nerds... 672 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,680 DRAMATIC FLOURISH 673 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,280 ..here's the Countdown Clock. 674 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,480 DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS 675 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,080 I prefer this actually. It's nice. It's chill. 676 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:22,640 It's like Hans Zimmer did a remix. 677 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,200 You need to get some more low brass in. 678 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,520 It's very nice. 679 00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,920 That went quick. Well, when you're having as much as that. 680 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,120 Jon, 36 points up for grabs, how many? 681 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:48,480 I think I've got a nine. 682 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,880 That's not more than we would usually have. 683 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,720 So, let me see... Nine is still... Nine's still impressive. 684 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,120 OK, Laura, how many? 685 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,360 I think I've got a ten. 686 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:57,840 KATHERINE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 687 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,760 Yes. OK, Jon, your disappointing nine. 688 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:05,120 Slaughter. OK, Laura. 689 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,600 Unearthing. Oh, yes. 690 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,480 Oh. That's amazing, well done. 691 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,040 20 points to Laura. That's right. 692 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,480 Ooh. Whoa, whoa. 693 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,200 OK, and can I ask, Mat, Susie, could they have done any better? 694 00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:23,920 There were a couple of 12s, nauseatingly, 695 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:30,360 neutralising and a 13, inaugurations. Whoa. 696 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:31,680 Wow. Wow. Great. 697 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,120 It's all too much for you, is it? Yeah. I only go up to nine. 698 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,240 We'll take their word for it. Yeah, there we go. 699 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:46,960 So, at the end of that, Richard and Laura are in 700 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,680 the lead with 38 points. Yes. 701 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,120 Sad that you could have got double there. 702 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,640 OK, onto the next numbers round. Richard, Katherine, 703 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,080 you're going head-to-head in The Battle Of 704 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,400 The Super Nerd And Katherine Ryan. 705 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:05,200 DRAMATIC FLOURISH 706 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:07,240 Katherine would you like to get inside Richard's head? 707 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,480 Richard. Yes, Katherine. 708 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,200 You will lose this mathematics round. I agree. 709 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,560 You look like a live-action Scooby-Doo character. 710 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,920 How dare you suggest I'm live action. 711 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:27,360 I would actually love a Richard Scooby-Doo. 712 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,560 Can you imagine how good that would be, how funny that would be? 713 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,320 Yeah. They do celeb cameos now, don't they? 714 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,680 Yeah. Scooby doing Guess Who. 715 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:34,120 Look... Ricky Gervais has done one. 716 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,600 I've come here to get work. 717 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,320 Wow. It would be them and you. 718 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,280 So, it'd be Shaggy saying to you... 719 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,680 AS SHAGGY: "Like, Richard." And then you'd go... 720 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,400 That was pretty good. RICHARD IMPERSONATES SCOOBY-DOO 721 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,320 OK. Katherine, pick the numbers. 722 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,720 Two big and the rest small please, Rachel. Classic. 723 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:58,040 Two big ones, four little ones coming up. 724 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:03,440 Two, four, seven, eight, 50 and 100. 725 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,120 And 584. No! 726 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,520 Time for Battle Of The Super Nerd And Katherine Ryan... 727 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,600 DRAMATIC FLOURISH 728 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,440 ..here's the Countdown Clock. 729 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,480 DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS 730 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,880 Did you get it, Katherine? I think so. 731 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,440 Richard, did you get it? No. 732 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,640 OK, Katherine, how do you think you got it? 733 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,560 OK, Rachel. Mm-hmm. 734 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,720 100 plus 50 is 150. Yes, you have got it! 735 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,160 What? She's got it. 736 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,120 B-B-But how do you know this early? 737 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:02,320 Because you know, Look, watch this. That, I need these. Yeah, so... 738 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,560 And then I'm gonna go... And then you're gonna times it by four. 739 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,040 600. OK, and then, separately... 740 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,920 Yeah. Eight times two is 16. 741 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,040 See, she's got it. 742 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,560 And then you minus that from 600 and I've got it. 743 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,200 Katherine Ryan, everyone. Katherine Ryan. 744 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,200 Ten points to Katherine Ryan. 745 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:21,200 Yes! 746 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:23,440 In my defence, I got nowhere near. OK. 747 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,600 I did get 585 and I didn't put my headphones on 748 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,000 and I received a torrent of abuse before. 749 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,040 I don't know what we should do on international policy. 750 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:35,760 I don't know. 751 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,040 Are you moonlighting at the UN again? 752 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:39,800 Oui. 753 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,200 OK, the scores at the moment, Jon and Katherine have 36 points. 754 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:49,040 Richard and Laura are in the lead with 38. 755 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:51,560 Oh, 38! We are so close. 756 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,320 It's all so juicy. 757 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,560 OK, time to go across to Dictionary Corner once again. 758 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:56,600 Mat, what have you got for us? 759 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,640 Well, Jimmy, I've spent the last few years trying 760 00:37:58,680 --> 00:37:59,800 to make computer games 761 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:01,840 and I'm desperately trying to get a publisher. 762 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,720 I mean, a couple of years ago, I made, erm, 763 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,840 this brilliant game, Mat Ewins, Now That's Soccer 2020, 764 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,160 and the publishers weren't happy with it, 765 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:09,360 they weren't happy with the animations. 766 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,160 They said they weren't realistic. I mean, look at that, 767 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,600 look at that guy, he's so excited for scoring a goal. 768 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,880 What a great celebration. He does a little football jog. 769 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,080 You can't say that guy isn't crazy about football, yeah? 770 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,600 He's having a whale of a time. 771 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:22,480 He couldn't be more crazy about football, 772 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:23,640 he's obsessed with it. 773 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,720 You know, I enjoy sport but it's sometimes hard 774 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,040 to fit that into your day-to-day life, 775 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,520 because there's better things to do, like, you know, 776 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:29,800 go to the pub. 777 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,040 So, I was like, "How can I try and make sport and pub, 778 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,280 "you know, be combined?" And cos I'm an innovator, 779 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,880 that's what I've done. I've created a computer game called Pub Golf 780 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,160 which I'd like to invite Jon and Katherine to play, 781 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,880 where we can have a lovely game of golf out on the links, 782 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,920 but, at the same time, have a nice time in the pub. 783 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,720 So, if you could get your controllers out, please. Yes. 784 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:51,000 So, basically what I've done, Jimmy, is I've connected flow sensors 785 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,400 to those tubes. So, the more that you drink your pints, 786 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,880 the faster your avatars on the screen play 787 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,080 a lovely game of golf. 788 00:38:58,120 --> 00:38:59,920 So, we've got a little Jon Richardson there, 789 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,960 out there playing a game of golf. Wow. 790 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,320 And a little Katherine Ryan there. So, you start on the left-hand side. 791 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,240 The person who sucks the fastest is the winner. 792 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,600 Katherine Ryan you're feeling confident on this, right. 793 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,720 Yes, I've been tricked in pubs with this game before, 794 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,600 but not this time. Not this time. 795 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,000 Not this time. I've checked and they are actual straws. 796 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,240 Get ready, go. OK. 797 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,200 Right, you need to go left as quick as you can, 798 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:23,440 suck as much as you can on the left one. 799 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,920 Don't let us down. Oh, hang on a minute. 800 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,160 Oh, no, that looks promising. Yeah, I've fucked it. 801 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:31,800 Are there any lights on those controllers? 802 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:32,920 I'll be honest with you, Jimmy, 803 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,480 this has taken a fucking week of my life, right? 804 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,600 What's happening? Wait a minute. Should that be plugged in? 805 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:38,760 Not again! 806 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,600 The good news is that my phone is charging, though. 807 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,080 Sorry, Jimmy, we'd better leave it there. 808 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,360 Now, one of the games I'm very proud of is Clumso. 809 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:53,840 You know, a lot of games are... 810 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,640 You know, you've gotta have quite good dexterity. 811 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,200 I don't have that, I make a lot of mistakes 812 00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,960 and I've got quite bad hand-to-eye coordination. 813 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,040 So, I've got Clumso, yeah, zero fear, 814 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,520 zero hands-to-eye coordination. 815 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,680 It's the it's the spy with very bad spacial awareness. 816 00:40:05,720 --> 00:40:07,800 Let's see if I can do it. Right, let me just reload that, 817 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,120 Oh, hang on a minute. Get in there, come on, 818 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,920 come on, Clumso, come on, go on, get that gun reloaded mate, go on. 819 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,440 We're getting shot at here, mate. Turn around. 820 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:19,320 Come on. Well, boy... Oh, no, game over. 821 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:20,760 Right, that's Clumso. 822 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,880 I'm worried about making stuff that's too violent. 823 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,000 So, I wanted to make, like, a sort of game about peace, 824 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,400 about discovery and I... Susie, you inspired me. 825 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,120 Oh, thank you. And I've made this game for you. 826 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:34,040 It's called Susie Dent: Tome Reader, right? 827 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,640 And it plays you on the on a journey to try 828 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,000 and find a very old book. 829 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,240 So, that's the controller there for you. OK. 830 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,280 And, basically, you're in this very old antique shop 831 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,360 and the shopkeeper has got an old book for you. 832 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,840 So, you just navigate round this precious vase shop 833 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,000 and go and talk to him using the controller. So... That's it. 834 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,280 Ooh. Susie, this is an old antiques shop. 835 00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:54,560 You're gonna annoy this guy. 836 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,320 Now, go round. Just round the corner. 837 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,160 Susie, you've gotta angle it round, angle it round. OK. 838 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,000 That's it. Sideways, that's it. Up there. 839 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,360 Up round the corner, Susie. 840 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,520 Susie, well, you've smashed his shop to pieces. Right, now... 841 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,000 Stand, stand, stand still in front of the counter, Susie. 842 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:10,240 Stand still in front of the counter. 843 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,400 Come a little bit further down. That's it, that's it. 844 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:16,200 That's it. Stay at the front. Now, ask him about the... 845 00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:18,880 Bloody hell, Susie. Give it to me! 846 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,920 You've shot that guy's son. Fucking hellfire. 847 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,120 Mat Ewins, everyone. APPLAUSE 848 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,320 And here's your final teaser. 849 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,520 The words are, "Achy lips," the clue is, "No time for talking." 850 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,080 That's, "Achy lips," "No time for talking." 851 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:36,120 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 852 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,200 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser, 853 00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:54,440 the words were, "Achy Lips," 854 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,560 the clue was, "No time for talking." It was, of course, physical. 855 00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,800 OK, time for our final letters game. 856 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,520 Jon and Katherine, your turn to choose. 857 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:02,760 Consonant, please, Rachel. 858 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,680 It's a Q, Jon. Q, you've ruined it already. 859 00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:08,560 Is that bad? Vowel. 860 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:09,600 Ah. 861 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,600 Consonant, please. 862 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:14,240 D. Another vowel, please. 863 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:16,800 Erm, consonant, please. 864 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,520 Another vowel, please. 865 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,760 Oh, no. Consonant, please. 866 00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,080 And another consonant, please. 867 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,920 R. Let's have another crack at that U, shall we? 868 00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,200 Come on. 869 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,400 I'm gonna fill in an application form 870 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,040 to be on Love Island, cos that's a proper show, 871 00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,040 I'm bored of this. Erm, your 30 seconds starts now. 872 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,200 Katherine, would you go on Love Island? 873 00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:23,680 I would absolutely go on Love Island. 874 00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:24,880 It's one of my favourite shows 875 00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,320 and I feel like there's a gap in the market 876 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:31,280 for women who've lived lives, been divorced. They be fucking. 877 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,840 Jon, would you go on Love Island? 878 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,800 I don't need to, Jimmy. If I want to be on 879 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,160 an island full of single women who don't wanna have sex with me... 880 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:41,360 ..I already am. 881 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:50,160 Katherine, how many? 882 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,920 I have a risky seven, 883 00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,160 but I don't think it's a word, so, six. 884 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,400 OK, all right. And, Jon, how many? 885 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,400 I've got a risky seven, so I'll go for it. 886 00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,760 OK. Erm, Richard, how many? 887 00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,120 Six. OK, Laura? 888 00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,440 I've got a seven. Katherine, your six. 889 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,880 Reload. 890 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,280 Richard, your six. 891 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:08,600 Loader. 892 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,280 Jon? Lagered. 893 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,680 Lagered? 894 00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:12,800 Yeah. As in, "We got lagered?" 895 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,840 It just there as a noun, I'm afraid. Sorry. 896 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:16,920 Laura, your seven. 897 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,560 Regaled. Yes. 898 00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:19,600 Oh! 899 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,200 Regaled, oh. A, "yes," from Dictionary Corner. 900 00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:26,920 APPLAUSE Yes. 901 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:30,160 I'm gonna get lagered up tonight. Trust me. 902 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:34,360 How many pints you gonna have, seven or eight? Ooh. 903 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,120 OK, could they have done any better? BOTH: No. 904 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:38,200 Seven was the best. 905 00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:40,760 OK, so Jon and Katherine have 36 points, 906 00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,000 Richard and Laura have 45, they're in the lead. 907 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,880 Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is exhilarating. 908 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:50,360 OK, this is a crucial Countdown Conundrum. 909 00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,920 Oh, my God. It means whoever gets this, wins. 910 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,400 OK. It's all on this. 911 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:57,320 I'll tell you what a conundrum is, 912 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,480 do I surrender the round and surrender the game, 913 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:04,720 or do I look down at my monitor at the angle I need to to see it 914 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,600 and expose my bald spot? 915 00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:12,400 It's so weird though, 916 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,720 when you were dancing earlier, I could have sworn... I know. 917 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,840 ..it was a full head of hair. I know, but we don't live in a world 918 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,280 where you cannot have hair and then have hair again. 919 00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,640 Right, let's do this. 920 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,880 So, time for today's crucial Countdown conundrum. 921 00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,760 Eyes down, we're doing this. Your time starts now. 922 00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:57,080 Oh. Yep, Katherine. Katherine. Katherine. 923 00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,000 Impounded. That is the right answer. 924 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 925 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,960 OK, that means the final scores are Richard and Laura 926 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,640 have a commendable 45 points. 927 00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,280 But the winners, Jon and Katherine, have 46 points. 928 00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:16,200 Congratulations. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 929 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,600 You are the proud owner of this, the Countdown home decorating kit. 930 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,200 Whoa. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 931 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,160 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience 932 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:26,520 and to all of you for watching at home. 933 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,120 That's it from us, good night. 934 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,760 Subtitles by Red Bee Media