1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,000 {\an1}- Welcome onstage Mr Jimmy Carr! - CHEERING 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,440 Now... 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,800 Have we got a show for you! 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:15,120 We've got Rob Beckett, Jon Richardson, Kiell Smith-Bynoe, 6 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,600 Roisin Conaty, Lou Wall, Susie Dent and Rachel Riley. Yay! 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,880 {\an1}CHEERING 8 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,760 Is there more Ghosts? I don't know why there wasn't a film. 9 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,040 My accountant would like there to be. 10 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,960 - There should be a film. - There should be a film. 11 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,680 Just on an unrelated matter, Kiell, 12 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,800 - I am an actor now as well. - Thank you. 13 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,920 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, I do acting now as well. 14 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,160 Right. So what sort of stuff do you want to...? 15 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:51,120 I mainly play coke-sniffing teachers. 16 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,000 Has anyone here seen him on Waterloo Road? 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,720 {\an1}ONE PERSON CHEERS 18 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:55,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 19 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,000 Kiell, I've recently retired from acting. 20 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,480 All right, let's do this, everyone. 21 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,520 Play the cue...the music. Whatever we do, I don't know. 22 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,600 {\an1}COUNTDOWN THEME 23 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,200 {\an1}CHEERING 24 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,000 Hello and welcome to Eight Out Of Ten Cats Does Countdown, 25 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,600 a show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 26 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:46,800 Let's meet tonight's players. 27 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,120 First up, it's team captain Jon Richardson. 28 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,120 {\an1}CHEERING 29 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:57,440 In 2025, Jon played Grouchy in the new Smurfs movie. 30 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,520 Tell me, Jon, how did you research your role 31 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,920 as a small, grumpy, troll-like creature with no friends? 32 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,800 He's got friends. You've added that. 33 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,400 Have you even seen my work? 34 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,200 I literally saw it the first day it came out. 35 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,920 - What did you think? - I thought it was amazing. - Yeah. Thanks. 36 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,280 - Do your Grouchy voice. - Go on. 37 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,920 - I have to get into character. - OK. 38 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,760 Don't even say it. 39 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,400 - Oh, it's good. - Oh! 40 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:26,760 That is good. 41 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,440 And Jon's team-mate, Roisin Conaty. 42 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,200 {\an1}CHEERING 43 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,000 Roisin used to work on the till in Woolworths, 44 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,560 so I think we've finally solved the mystery 45 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,200 as to why Woolworths went under. 46 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,120 These are quite gentle. What are you going to do? 47 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,720 You going to throw something at me? 48 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,320 No, no. I'll be gentle. 49 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,400 You are very bad at this game. 50 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,080 Bad in a good way, though. Sort of the good like bad, 51 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,000 like Michael Jackson Bad. Forget I said Michael Jackson Bad. 52 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,440 Up against them this evening, it's team captain Rob Beckett. 53 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,680 {\an1}CHEERING 54 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,800 Rob's family used to call him Jaffa Cake 55 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,680 because he had big nipples. 56 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:17,160 Which begs the question, how big are these nipples? 57 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,880 So they've calmed down now, 58 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,760 but there's a little bit of lump to them. 59 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,840 But when I was going through puberty and your hormones are raging, 60 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,040 they were big old puffy boys. 61 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,320 And they looked like Jaffa Cakes 62 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,040 because the areola is the chocolate flat bit. 63 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,080 Then on top of that, the orange-filled chocolate bit 64 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,080 - was the nipple-y bit. - Ugh! 65 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,000 Can I, um... 66 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,640 - Can I see...? - Um, afterwards. 67 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,200 - Afterwards you can. - Why? 68 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,760 - I'll come over and show you, but not them. - OK. 69 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,800 {\an1}BOOING 70 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,280 I'll have a look. 71 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,760 I'll tell you whether they're worth seeing. 72 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,200 - I want to see. - I want to see if everyone's getting a look. 73 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,080 Oh, Jesus! 74 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,800 - I saw it. - Did you? - Yeah. - Oh, that is... 75 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,320 - That is not a normal... - No, that's a normal... 76 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,800 - Oh, you sound like my mum. - Yeah. 77 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,000 I want to see all of your tits if we're getting in comparisons. 78 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,880 Jimmy, show me your tits. 79 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,880 Oh, he's got little drawn-on dots. 80 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:29,200 OK. And joining Rob tonight, it's Kiell Smith-Bynoe. 81 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,920 {\an1}CHEERING 82 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,960 Kiell says he's scared of pigeons. Well, apologies. If we'd known 83 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,920 you were scared of small, annoying, flappy, rat-like creatures, 84 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,200 we wouldn't have sat you anywhere near Jon. 85 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,880 - That's it. - Kiell, It's your first time on the show. 86 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,880 Are you going to be better at the letters or the numbers? 87 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,120 Well, I'm not sure, but I am very good 88 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,960 at remembering my postcode. 89 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,720 - And that's both. - Ooh! 90 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,560 Fighting talk. 91 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,600 What is your postcode? 92 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,280 What is my postcode? 93 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,040 What's your mum's maiden name? 94 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,640 OK, Roisin, do you do you enjoy going out in nature? 95 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,480 I really enjoy nature. But nature is out to get me. 96 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,760 It feels. I have been, 97 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,480 no exaggeration, locked in Hampstead Heath three times. 98 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,680 - I thought it was just open space. - It's not open space. 99 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,240 There's no gate on Hampstead Heath, is there? 100 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,400 There is a gate on Hampstead Heath. 101 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,560 - I've been locked in there three times, Jon! - All right! 102 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,840 You're starting to come across a bit like a Tory MP. 103 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,640 Twice in one year. I think the guy thought I was just trying to, like, 104 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,880 get a bit of attention. Like him with his nips. 105 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,080 Tell you what, me wandering around with these nips out 106 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,920 on Hampstead Heath, we'll all get locked in. 107 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,360 There is a bit of... There is some part of Hampstead Heath 108 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,560 that is open for the people who do fruity stuff. 109 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,760 There's like little... I don't think you do it... You find a bush. 110 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,200 I don't think you find a bush. They're not into that. 111 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,120 They don't just do it... They don't just do it in the open ground. 112 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,360 There's bush bits. 113 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,920 Oh, I see the joke now. Sorry. 114 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,840 - Jon, have you got a mascot? - Yes, I have. 115 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,120 Obviously, I've been vegan for a little while, 116 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,280 and the problem is it's very competitive. 117 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,800 It's a very competitive environment. 118 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,760 - What? - So you've got to find a way to be the most vegan. 119 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,640 So I've elevated now 120 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,080 to now protecting the stuffed animal community. 121 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,520 And I think the community I'm speaking about most here 122 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,680 are the binmen and women of the UK 123 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,480 who strap teddy bears to the front of their lorries against their will 124 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,520 and drive them around in all weathers. 125 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,320 You see them in winter - little Elmo strapped to the front 126 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,480 of a bin lorry, not able to move. 127 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,880 So I thought, well, see how they like it. 128 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,560 So my mascot tonight, please welcome my lucky binman, Phil. 129 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 130 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,920 How long do I have to stay up here? I need a shit. 131 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,560 I told you to have a shit before we started, didn't I, Phil? 132 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,600 I did. But I need another one. 133 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,040 I don't know what you're eating. Are you eating a lot of dairy? 134 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,440 - Yeah. - Well, I think you might have an intolerance. 135 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,600 Maybe. It does hurt when I eat a Magnum. 136 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,800 Right. 137 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,800 Jon, that four-cheese pizza's coming back to haunt me. 138 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,440 All right, let's back him out of here before he shits the studio out. 139 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,520 Um, that's Phil, everybody. 140 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 141 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,480 Someone had to take the front off a truck for that gag. 142 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,160 Mad, innit? 143 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,880 There's a guy at Lymm Services now, livid. 144 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,440 - Kiell, have you got a mascot? - I've got a mascot, yeah. 145 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,840 I didn't want to go a rude one. 146 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,360 I thought outside of the box. 147 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,680 Uh, can we get Aurora? 148 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 149 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,680 Ah! 150 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,840 - Oh, this is good. - Hey, girl. 151 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,320 This is Aurora. And although it may look like 152 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,480 I've never seen this bird before in my life... 153 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,800 ..we actually went to drama school together. 154 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,240 I'm not a great animal body language expert, 155 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,280 but you don't seem the closest pair. 156 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,640 OK, I'm getting the feeling the parrot's a little bit racist. 157 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,000 Maybe Aurora wants a snack. 158 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,840 Aurora, do you like snacks? 159 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,560 Would you like a Jaffa Cake? 160 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,440 Come on, Aurora, we practised this. 161 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,720 - Kiell, she... - Come on, Snuffles. 162 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,120 She fucking hates you. 163 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,600 Well, you've embarrassed me. 164 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,320 So, um, back to Jimmy's dressing room. 165 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,000 Off you go. 166 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 167 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,000 - Aurora. - Aurora. - Aurora. 168 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,320 Roisin, have you got a mascot that doesn't hate you? 169 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,640 - I do actually have a mascot, Jimothy. - What is your mascot? 170 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,120 So the thing that most relaxes me, that makes me feel very calm 171 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,200 which I like to feel on this show, is my little doggy, Harpo. 172 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,640 She's a little Maltese, so I thought, what relaxes Harpo? 173 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,880 Let's go to the source of what creates all the relaxation. 174 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,400 And Harpo recently got done. 175 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,040 You know, when they have, they get done. What's it called? 176 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,280 - Snip. - Snip! But a woman snip. 177 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,880 - Spayed. - Spayed. - A scoop-out. 178 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,400 A what?! 179 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,200 Oh! 180 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,760 I didn't know you were medical. 181 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,800 She recently got spayed. 182 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,760 And ever since then, ever since she got spayed... 183 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:26,400 - Yeah. - ..she's turned into a real sex fiend. 184 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,320 Her first victim was this piggy. 185 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,000 Now, I don't know if you can see. 186 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,800 She's absolutely destroyed Piggy. 187 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,800 Now it's a pig. So, listen, lots of people have had sex with pigs. 188 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,960 - It's absolutely fine. This is not the worst of it. - No! 189 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,320 No, it isn't fine to fuck pigs. 190 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,720 Is it pigs that have got curly willies? 191 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,400 - Yeah. - I call it the porkscrew. 192 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,040 Nice. 193 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,720 My mum thinks I'm sex-shaming her by bringing this on the show. 194 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,120 My mum is indulging it, and I walked in the other day 195 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,440 and my mum was letting this pig be used against her while the pig... 196 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,720 The dog humped the pig. 197 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,560 So the dog, your mum and that pig had a three-way? 198 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,360 Next, kitchen roll. 199 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,520 Oh! 200 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,840 She's gone up a gear, so it escalated pretty fast. 201 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,240 That's all sex stuff. 202 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,320 She's now gone absolutely feral 203 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,000 and done my hiking boot. 204 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,680 Oh, wow. 205 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:29,560 So these are all sex toys of a little Maltese dog. 206 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,480 But they bring her a lot of joy and they really calm her down, 207 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,040 so I brought them in as my mascot. 208 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,560 - Lovely. - Thank you. 209 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,360 - The worst bit is I used that one for a pillow on the train. - Oh! 210 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,280 - Rob, have you got a mascot? - Absolutely, yes. Um, now, 211 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,080 I've been taking health and safety and first aid quite seriously, 212 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,080 and I've noticed, I've been here a few times 213 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,200 that there's no, um, deflibulator. 214 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,520 What, sorry? 215 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,200 - There's no what? - Deflibulator. You know... 216 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,520 Deflibulator. 217 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,880 - You're adding an extra... - Deflibulator. 218 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,120 What is it? What am I saying wrong? 219 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,720 - You're putting an L in there. - No L? - No L. 220 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:09,960 Look it up, Suse. 221 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,680 How are we spelling it? Deflibulator. 222 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,320 - Defibrillator. - Defrib... 223 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,200 - Rillator. - Let's be honest. 224 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,920 No-one's spelling it when they need it. 225 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,720 So let's not worry. Anyway, we ain't got one, 226 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,040 - whatever you want to call it. - Right. - So I was looking one up. 227 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,080 Very expensive. So I've tried to design my own... 228 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,320 - Ooh! - Great idea. - ..as a cost-effective safety measure. 229 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,400 - Great idea. - So I've got one. Do you want to see it? - Yeah. 230 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,840 Bring it out, boys. 231 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 232 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,600 There you go. 233 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,080 - Do you want me to show you how it works? - Yeah. - Yeah. 234 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,800 I'm just praying this attaches to your nipples. 235 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,520 So this is how it would work. 236 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,480 Hope you don't mind. I got this from your dressing room, Jim. 237 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,200 So, um. Yeah. So you basically hook it up like this. 238 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,880 {\an1}ELECTRICITY CRACKS 239 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,320 There we go. 240 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,840 And then is how it works. 241 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,040 You need to be deflibulated, yeah? 242 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,120 Don't worry, I'm coming! 243 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,760 - What's the word you say? - Clear. - Clear! 244 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,320 That's it. So here we go. 245 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,880 So you put it on, and then... 246 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,320 {\an1}- Clear! - ELECTRICITY CRACKS 247 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,160 I think it's working. 248 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,200 {\an5}I think I've melted his Jaffa Cake, by the looks of things. 249 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,320 Yeah. Anyway, so this is mine. 250 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,280 So if anyone's struggling today, I can get you going again. 251 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,080 Rob Beckett, everyone, with his, uh, defribulator. 252 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,240 There you go. 253 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,160 There must be a few defibs in here, because regular Countdown, 254 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,960 - you've got to lose one a week, haven't you? - Yeah. 255 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,120 Is this a show other than this, then? 256 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,280 There's a proper one where they get more than three-letter words. Yeah. 257 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,720 Ooh! 258 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,640 She's come out fighting. She's come out fighting. 259 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,320 OK, well, over in Dictionary Corner, we've got Lou Wall. 260 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,040 {\an1}CHEERING 261 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,400 Lou is six foot four. To put that into perspective, 262 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,440 that's about 12 Jon Richardsons. 263 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,320 Lou, tell us a little bit about yourself. 264 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,800 Hello. Um, I'm Lou, I'm from Australia, 265 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,760 but I've just moved to the UK. I like it here. 266 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,280 It rules, but there's some cultural differences. 267 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,520 Like you guys call a toilet a loo. 268 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,800 That's... That's me. 269 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,440 But I find it, like, quite accurate because I am like a toilet, 270 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,480 like white and full of fucking shit. 271 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:31,680 Well, you're in Dictionary Corner. 272 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,880 Are you better with the letters or the numbers? What's your thing? 273 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,200 I like letters, I like literacy, but like, if I am bad at it, 274 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,040 it's like because it's like hereditary. 275 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,800 Um, recently I got this text from my mum. 276 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,160 "Dad hab died." 277 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,600 Followed by, "Dad heb died!" 278 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,080 "Sorry." 279 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,720 "Dad's herbs died." 280 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,120 And then she just finished it off with this stunning text. 281 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,680 "FUCKing autocarrot." 282 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,440 And with Lou, of course, Susie Dent. 283 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,080 {\an1}CHEERING 284 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,680 Susie's new book is a harrowing crime novel. 285 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,120 And that sentence also works if you remove the word "novel". 286 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,680 Susie, what have you been looking into recently? 287 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,840 I have been looking into teen slang. 288 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,360 - Teen slang? - Yeah. This 6-7 thing 289 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,200 which is everywhere that people are fascinated by. 290 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,200 You've heard 6-7? 291 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,960 - 6-7? - 6-7. - Yes. 292 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,680 No-one knows what it means, including the kids. 293 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,920 The derivation is either a rap song 294 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,280 or something to do with a basketballer's height, I think. 295 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,800 But, yes, so 6-7, 296 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,200 so it's like, you know, "How tall are you?" "6-7." 297 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,280 You say 6-7 instead of 6'4. 298 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,520 "What time is it?" "6-7." 299 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,720 - You're probably about 6-7, Jimmy. - On the slack, yeah. 300 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,240 So anyway, I find this completely fascinating 301 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,000 because not even the kids know what it means. 302 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,360 They lose break time at my daughter's school now, 303 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,480 if they say 6-7. They lose break time. 304 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,760 - Oh, do they? - It's got that... It's that endemic. - 6-7. 305 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,480 The teacher's terrified during maths. 306 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,040 Like, "If I ask a question..." 307 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,400 And they've started playing Countdown in my daughter's school. 308 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,720 She said to me the other week, "We've started playing this game 309 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,640 "where there's like numbers and letters." 310 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,520 I never felt more... But I thought she'd be so excited when I went, 311 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,240 "You know that's what I do for a living." 312 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,080 And she went, "Do you?" 313 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,960 She could have put you as a cokehead from Waterloo Road. 314 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,400 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 315 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,120 {\an1}CHEERING 316 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,520 Do you have a favourite number? 317 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,920 I quite like... Have you heard of the golden ratio? 318 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,320 Basically, it's this number that appears in nature 319 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,560 in loads of different places. 320 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,880 So in seashells, it appears, in flowers. 321 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,000 Um, and it's an irrational number, 322 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,760 so it's written as phi, the Greek letter phi. 323 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,120 And it also appears in beautiful faces, 324 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,000 the golden ratio, kind of the width to the height. 325 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,840 So what I think happened was 326 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,400 when you went to your plastic surgeon, 327 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:11,280 he got confused between phi face and pie face. 328 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,040 So when you go back, you should ask 329 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,680 for the golden ratio next time, rather than...that. 330 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 331 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,840 OK. And the prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this - 332 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,840 the Countdown Camouflage Kit. 333 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,160 Oh! 334 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:34,760 Now... 335 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,240 Little bit of TV magic for you. 336 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,800 {\an8}Boys, show them where you are. 337 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,840 OK, let's Countdown, everyone. 338 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,640 It's time for the first game. Jon, Roisin, 339 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,080 you get the first turn to pick the letters. 340 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,960 Roisin, would you like to pick the letters? 341 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,200 - Yes, please. - Oh. 342 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,160 That's backfired. 343 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,080 - Rachel, may I have four con...? - Oh... 344 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,360 ..consonants? 345 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,000 S 346 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,480 What's your problem with the way she's picking it? 347 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,120 Well, just... If you don't give a shit, say no. 348 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,480 I give a shit. 349 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,920 Why don't you just say, "Put nine letters up there"? 350 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,840 No. You think because I don't cry because I'm not good at it, 351 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,000 I don't care. I'm hiding my sadness. 352 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,120 OK. 353 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,360 - Does that make you feel better? - No. 354 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,800 Another... Another consonant, please, Rachel. 355 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,400 That felt really real, like a married couple arguing. 356 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,000 "I'm hiding my sadness. Look, we're out with the kids. 357 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,840 "Eat the Pizza Express and try and have a good day." 358 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,040 We're neighbours. He's an absolute nightmare neighbour. 359 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,720 Another consonant, please, Rachel. 360 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:36,800 N 361 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,000 Why is he a nightmare neighbour? 362 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,880 Oh, he has all kinds going on in there. 363 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,440 Makes out he's this cardigan wearer, he's not. He's absolute filth. 364 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:47,840 Another consonant. 365 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,560 P 366 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,920 And a vowel, please, Rachel. 367 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,040 E 368 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,800 And another vowel, please, Rachel. 369 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:56,840 O 370 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,320 And another vowel. 371 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,360 A 372 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,400 - Last two are yours. - One of each, please, Rachel. 373 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,880 - One of each. - Just get them out there. I don't really care. - A U 374 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,600 and an L. 375 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,120 I've gone right off the Countdown music. I'm gonna... 376 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,400 I'm going to step it up. Boys, please. 377 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 378 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,800 For your delectation, this is the Countdown Tongue Choir. 379 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,360 Your time starts now. 380 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,840 {\an1}THEY VOCALISE "I CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU" 381 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 382 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,800 Jon, Rob, you fancy having a go on the tongue choir? 383 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,440 Define "having a go on". 384 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,720 Singing or receiving? 385 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,640 Just a quick demo of the tongue action there. 386 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,120 There's no noise came out of that. 387 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,720 # Ah... # 388 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,240 Hang on. I'm going to the... I'm going the other end. 389 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,320 This guy, this. Look at this. 390 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,520 It's like a forearm. 391 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,880 There's no sound at all there. 392 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,880 "Come closer, Clarice." 393 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,480 What is this show? 394 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,840 The Countdown Tongue Choir, everyone. Thank you, gentlemen. 395 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,040 {\an1}Thank you. Thanks. APPLAUSE 396 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,560 Jon, how many letters? 397 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,920 Er, seven. 398 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,480 - Seven! Roisin? - Six. 399 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,040 - Er, Rob? - Five. 400 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,680 - Kiell? - Seven. - Ohh! - Ooh! 401 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,440 He came to play. 402 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,480 Oh, yeah. For real. 403 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,440 - All right, Rob, your five? - LEAPS. 404 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,840 OK. Roisin, your six? 405 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,520 - PLANES. - Jon, your seven? 406 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,600 - WEAPONS. - Ooh! 407 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,280 Kiell, your seven? 408 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,400 WEAPONS 409 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,000 OK, seven points to both teams. 410 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 411 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,360 By the way, I'm excited about this. 412 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,680 You guys are in trouble. He's not fucking about. 413 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,040 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... 414 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,480 He's got 11 options in the same time I got LEAPS. 415 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,160 Lou, Susie, could they have done any better? 416 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,680 - Just another seven from us. - What was the other seven? 417 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,840 APOLUNE. It's a beautiful word. It's the point at which a spacecraft 418 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,240 in lunar orbit is furthest from the moon. 419 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,200 And it's the opposite of the perilune. 420 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,120 OK, onto our first numbers round. 421 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,160 Rob, Kiell, your turn to pick the numbers. 422 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,080 Two big ones, all the rest little ones, please, Rachel. 423 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,560 - Coming up. 10 and 10. - That's 20 already. 424 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,400 1, 3, 425 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,080 75 and 50. 426 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,600 Don't give it away. 427 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,280 And the target, 847. 428 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,560 {\an5}OK. And your time starts now. 429 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,120 {\an5}OK, so the target was 847. Roisin, did you get it? 430 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,600 {\an5}- I did. - Oh, good. - Do you want it? - Yeah. 431 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,960 {\an5}- I'll come back to you in one sec. - It won't be there in a minute. 432 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,720 {\an5}- Jon, did you get it? - I think I got 848. 433 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,760 {\an5}- Rob, did you get it? - Er, I got 800. 434 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:02,280 {\an5}- Kiell, did you get it? - No. I got 840. - Rois, how'd you do it? 435 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:07,200 So I did 10 x 75. 436 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,960 Oh, no. Yeah, seven... 437 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,040 Hmm. 438 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,480 750. I've got it wrong 439 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,520 because I've got it down as 800, but... 440 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,480 - Add a 10 onto the 75. - Oh, my God, Jimmy's got one! 441 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,560 Well, you get 850 and then there's a three there. 442 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,160 - I mean... - Yeah. It's the easiest one we've had in... 443 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,720 I didn't get it. I was so sure I had it. 444 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,280 - That's not allowed, is it? - Ten points to me. 445 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,680 Were you good at maths at college or school? 446 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,520 - No. - Do you know how long you pause sometimes? 447 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,840 It's like you've turned off. 448 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,280 I just think you should bring it up with your manufacturer. 449 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,360 Jon, how did you get what you got? 450 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,480 75 x. 451 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,400 + 1 = 825. And then summat else. 10... 452 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,120 10... 10... 10 x 3. 453 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,520 - What are you doing? This is not your style. - I don't know. 454 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,720 - It's gone. - Roisin got it wrong. Jon's like nothing written down. 455 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,680 We've got 840. Kiell, off you go. 456 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,600 75 x 10 457 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,160 1 + 3 = 4, x 10 458 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,040 Times the other 10. 459 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,240 Add those together. 460 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,760 - 790 + 50. - Yep. Seven away. 461 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,560 OK. Five points to Kiell! 462 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,160 So Jon and Roisin are on seven points. 463 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,520 Rob and Kiell are in the lead with 12. 464 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,960 - Yes! - Wow. 465 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,840 And here is your teaser. The words are SEND TITS. 466 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,920 The clue is - open wide. That's SEND TITS - open wide. 467 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,880 {\an1}See you after the break. CHEERING 468 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,000 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were SEND TITS, 469 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,280 the clue was - open wide. It was, of course, DENTISTS. 470 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,000 So Rob and Kiell are in the lead. 471 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,440 They've been playing in teams so far, 472 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,600 - but this game is just for Rob and Roisin. - Hmm. 473 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,120 - So, Rob, your turn to choose. - Do you know, I think it's good that Jon 474 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,200 has a little break from this, 475 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,000 because I think his head's completely gone. 476 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,360 - I agree. - He's not happy. Kiell's turned up, and not only 477 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,480 is he better than Jon at spelling and Countdown, 478 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,800 he also is cool. 479 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,480 - He's cool, Rob. He's in a cardigan. - Well, yeah, 480 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,200 he's actually turned up in his outfit, but in a cool one. 481 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,280 So I think it's good you have a little break 482 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,000 because you don't seem yourself. 483 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,440 I don't want to be myself. 484 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,160 I'm going to be Lewis Hamilton for a bit while you do this round. 485 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,280 Neeoww! 486 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,800 "Fucking idiot!" 487 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,160 I don't think he makes the noises with his mouth. 488 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:44,760 He's done you again. 489 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,640 Pick some letters. 490 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,320 OK, cool. Um, please, can I have, um....? 491 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:51,680 You pick. 492 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,200 You're in charge, right? 493 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,200 R 494 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,080 E 495 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,800 T 496 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,720 - There we go. - I 497 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,080 M 498 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:04,480 A 499 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,960 S. This is a great one! 500 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,920 E, and the last one, 501 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,680 T 502 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,560 And your time starts now. 503 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,960 OK. Go ahead. 504 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,200 - Jon, could you give me a hand with this? - Yeah. 505 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:47,480 Tap it around the back, mate. 506 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,000 Oh, yeah. 507 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,280 - Does anyone want a beer? - I'll have a go. 508 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,320 OK. Well, lovely. 509 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,320 Oh! Is that... 510 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,440 - Is that a normal flow for you? - Ah, yeah. 511 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,280 Ahh... 512 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:10,960 Saltier than you'd think. 513 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,440 The stones sink to the bottom. 514 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,560 Anyone else want a beer? 515 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,680 {\an8}You need to get a manufacturer to sort your robot knees out, mate. 516 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,800 They're not bending how they should. 517 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,080 Like a cow trying to go upstairs. 518 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:33,960 Do you want to try some? 519 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:38,640 Oh, Jon! 520 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,760 {\an1}CHEERING 521 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,400 I feel very paternal. 522 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,720 {\an1}BURPS 523 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,160 - Thank you, Daddy. - Let's bring out the beers. Yeah. 524 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,360 - Wow. Roisin's on a hen do. - Is there any more? 525 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,800 Just worth letting everyone know I had asparagus for lunch. 526 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,680 - Thanks, Jon. - Nice. 527 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 528 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,600 - Roisin, how many? - I mean, I'm sort of nervous. 529 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,160 - OK. - I've got nine. - Wow! 530 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,200 This is a big deal. OK. 531 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,640 It's a huge deal. 532 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:18,960 Have I not got nine? 533 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,600 You've got a really good eight. 534 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:21,680 Why? 535 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,680 - There isn't... There is. - Yeah, but only the one of him. 536 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,840 - Oh, great. - Oh, Jon! 537 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,280 Boo! 538 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,440 He can't even let his own team-mate do well. 539 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:33,640 You're a disgrace. 540 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,680 - You couldn't even let her have a moment. - He did, though. 541 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:37,800 He sort of saved me. 542 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,080 Do you want Roisin to score eight or not score nine? 543 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:42,960 - Rob, how many have you got? - I've got seven. 544 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,640 OK. What is your seven? 545 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,000 - MATTERS. - Roisin, your eight? 546 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,560 MISTREAT 547 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:52,360 But I thought it was MISTREATS. Got very excited. 548 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,520 I'm going to give you the eight. I think it's very good. 549 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,080 Lou, Susie, could they have done any better? 550 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,560 We had a couple of eights. 551 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,760 - We had STEAMIER, EMIRATES. - EMIRATES! 552 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,200 Not as in the Arsenal ground, but as in the province of an emir. 553 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,280 OK, so at the end of that, Rob and Kiell have 12 points, 554 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,960 Jon and Roisin have 15. 555 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 556 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,600 - An eight. An eight! - I really tried. 557 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,280 I mean, to be fair, 558 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,080 you needed that because Jon's going up against Kiell now. 559 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,280 I have faith in my team-mate. He's shown consistency. 560 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,200 He's not a braggadocious player and will take us to the final. 561 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,800 - Do you know what? - I feel the same about mine, 562 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,840 but I'm not having to fluff him up because his head's gone. 563 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,560 - No need. - You've been fluffing all night. - He's down there, rock hard. 564 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,600 It's very rare on this show 565 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,400 that team-mates refer to each other as rock hard. 566 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,200 - Can I just say... - No. - ..I'm absolutely fine. 567 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,440 And if Kiell does well, that benefits the show. 568 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 569 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,280 - Hello, Rachel. - Hi, Jon. 570 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,120 - Six small, please. - Six... 571 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,000 Do you like the numbers, Jon? Confident with six small? 572 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:05,840 I don't mind the numbers. I don't mind the letters. 573 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,880 I just appreciate good friends having good times. 574 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,480 A tricky selection. 575 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,520 We've got 5, 7, 576 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,440 4, 3, 577 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,600 10 and 9, 578 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,200 and the target - 579 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:19,680 185 580 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,840 {\an5}And your time starts now. 581 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,240 {\an5}Smug much, Jon? 582 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,720 {\an5}How's your boy doing? 583 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,120 {\an5}Flaccid now. 584 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,640 {\an5}- Kiell, did you get it? - 184. 585 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,000 {\an5}OK. Jon, did you get it? 586 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,840 {\an5}I think I've got it. Yeah. 587 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,480 {\an5}How did you get it? 588 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,600 - 10 – 9. - No, no, less smug. 589 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,440 10 + 9... 590 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:14,840 19 591 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,040 ..is 19, x 592 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,760 190 593 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,080 - Take away that little 5... - You can have your lap of honour. 594 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,400 Ten points. 595 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 596 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,800 How do you feel about it, Kiell? How'd you feel about that? 597 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,880 I would have liked to have won that one, actually. Yeah. 598 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,920 - Yeah. - It's weird because I believed him when he said it. 599 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,760 - Yeah. - Well, he's a good actor. 600 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,640 Well, he's not in Waterloo Road. 601 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,200 No, he's not. 602 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,440 Was that a compliment? 603 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,880 Not a little blue Smurf, is he? 604 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,520 I got four lines and three of them were, "Oh!" 605 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,520 OK, so Rob and Kiell have 12 points, 606 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,920 Jon and Roisin have 25. 607 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,200 Oh! 608 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,920 OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner. 609 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,560 Lou, what have you got for us? 610 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,400 OK, so I had a really shitty old bed frame, 611 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:15,200 and so I put it on an online marketplace for free. 612 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,600 Um, and this is that story. 613 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,680 I have turned it into a musical. 614 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,240 You're welcome. 615 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,200 Um, and for context, 616 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,280 all you need to know is that the bed frame is up there for free. 617 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:28,320 This is how it began. 618 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,040 # Is the bed frame still available? 619 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,280 # Yes, it is, gay emoji 620 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,240 # Can I please negotiate the price? 621 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,040 # No Why? 622 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,600 # It's free 623 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,440 # You run a hard bargain, Lousier 624 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,720 # But that's just not the way marketplace working 625 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,840 # I was like, all right, how about half price just for you, Eileen? 626 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,560 # How much now? 627 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,000 # Still free 628 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,000 # Dance, dance, dance You are the best 629 00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,480 # Party party oink 630 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:01,080 # Here's my address 631 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,440 # Wow, that's a long, long way from my house now 632 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,680 # How about a small discount? 633 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,800 # I said, Eileen, I can't be clearer It's free to pick up 634 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,840 # Could you drive it to me, please? What the fuck? 635 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,080 # Please! No! Please! No! Please! No! Please! No! 636 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,640 # I don't own a car Why didn't you say so? 637 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,280 # I can drive See you tomorrow at five. # 638 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:26,800 So at this point, like, I go to bed, 639 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,640 I'm like, I'll deal with this bitch in the morning. 640 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,880 And then very early the next morning, I received this text. 641 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,480 # Louiser, I'm out the front 642 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,560 # Sent at 5am, argh! 643 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,280 # I said see you at five 644 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,400 # Please come out and let me in 645 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,640 # I should have known not to trust you 646 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,120 # Axe, pickaxe, fire 647 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,680 # Should've known you didn't care Bleh, fire! 648 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,200 # I show up on time 649 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:54,960 # Are you dead? 650 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,560 # Please 651 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,520 # Where is bed? # 652 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,120 # How was I supposed to know that what you meant was 5am? 653 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,800 # Knock knock knock Eileen! 654 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,480 # Let me in No 655 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,400 # It's not an ideal time for you to get the bed frame 656 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:11,800 # What time, then? 657 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,520 # I'm like, could you come back at eight? 658 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,600 # But I'm outside Yeah, my housemates are sleeping 659 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,720 # Should I just knock? This is getting creepy... # 660 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,520 I go back to sleep. I wake up at eight. Is she there? No. 661 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,600 12 hours later, though, here she is again. 662 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,600 # Lousier, I'm here again 663 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,600 # It's 8pm Yes 664 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:29,840 # Where is the bed? 665 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,000 # Is the concept of time too hard for you to comprehend? 666 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,760 # You're 12 hours late, Eileen 667 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,120 # I can't get you the bed 668 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,440 # Like I'm at work right now, OK? Like I'm not even home 669 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,160 # But I came all the way back for it 670 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:42,720 # Yeah, I know 671 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,960 # No, please Heartbreak emoji, pumpkin emoji 672 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,360 # Sorry. Typo! Seriously, please. 673 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,680 # Where the bed? 674 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,160 # Oh, my God, that lady's back. What? 675 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,600 # Can you help her get the bed Sure 676 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:56,040 # OK, my housemate is home Knock on the door. Ask for Tim 677 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:57,280 # 402? No, 403 678 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,040 # Knock knock knock. It's 403. 679 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,440 # Knock knock. Anyone in? Angry dolphin pilot shit 680 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:03,560 # That was not what I expected 681 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,240 # I'm taking off the bedding and the pillow and the mattress 682 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:06,720 # What? There is no bedding Just talk to Tim 683 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:07,800 # He'll show you what to take 684 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,360 # Is this free? Picture of a pillow 685 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,720 # That's not my pillow Taking pillow 686 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,040 # Where did you get the pillow? Where the fuck are you? 687 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,600 # Is Eileen there? No. Shit! Fuck! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, 688 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,640 # It's perfect. It's exactly what I want. Bigger than I thought 689 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,600 # And free bedding Thank you. Five stars 690 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,600 # Missed call, missed call, missed call, missed call 691 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,480 # Cannot talk, driving with bed 692 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,280 # I said Eileen, can you please pick up? Yay! 693 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,080 # I don't think you took my bed Tim said you never picked it up 694 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,720 # Thank you for the bed, Lousier 695 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,800 # Missed call Eileen... 696 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,360 # A message from my neighbour 697 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,600 # We have just been robbed Our bed and sheets were taken 698 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,760 # Lock your doors! 699 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,520 # Eileen, you stole my neighbour's bed 700 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:45,880 # My bed's still here 701 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,680 # You took the wrong bed from the wrong house 702 00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:51,960 # I did no such thing Then she blocks me 703 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,960 # I said Eileen, please Where is bed? # 704 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 705 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:05,000 You've had contact with the person that's going to murder you. 706 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,520 I mean, 100%. 707 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,480 Yeah. And that bed frame still very much available. 708 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,160 How much do you want for it? 709 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,760 And here is your teaser. The words are PENIS HAT. 710 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,720 The clue is - don't be so dramatic. 711 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,840 That's Penis Hat - don't be so dramatic. 712 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,400 See you after the break. 713 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,920 {\an1}CHEERING 714 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,720 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser. 715 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,640 The words were Penis Hat. The clue was - don't be so dramatic. 716 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,440 It was, of course, THESPIAN. 717 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,800 Rob and Kiell, you're 13 points behind. 718 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,720 So we thought we would give you a little bit of extra help 719 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,120 in the form of the award-winning comedian, 720 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,760 winner of the Edinburgh Comedy Award, Sam Nicoresti. 721 00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,400 {\an1}CHEERING 722 00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:00,640 Welcome, Sam. 723 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,880 Nice... Nice to be here. Sorry I'm late. 724 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,440 I was backstage hanging out with the friendliest parrot in the world. 725 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,000 OK, so you won the Edinburgh Comedy Award, which is very impressive. 726 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:16,360 But we're all winners here. 727 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,920 Everyone's a leader in their field. We've got Britain's smallest man... 728 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,960 ..TV's most chatty horse... 729 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,040 ..and the world's most pointless mathematician. 730 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,440 I don't know which one of us is the horse. 731 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,360 There's three in the running. 732 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,280 Now, have you brought a mascot? 733 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,160 Do you know, I have bought a mascot, actually, Jimmy. Let me get it up. 734 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:41,800 Here we go. 735 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,200 - How about this? - Oh! - Yeah, I brought this from home. 736 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:46,800 What do you reckon? 737 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,600 Have you seen this? Have you seen one of those before? 738 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,440 - Ooh! - Oh, wow. - Yeah? 739 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,960 - You like that? - Yeah! - I like trains. 740 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,520 I've got an affinity with trains 741 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,960 because much like my hero, the Siberian railway, 742 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,120 I am also trans. So... 743 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:02,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 744 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,720 {\an1}APPLAUSE 745 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,080 Just to explain, that's why I'm dressed like 746 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,240 the ghost of Liberal Future come to haunt your problematic nan 747 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,880 at Christmas. That's the look. 748 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,880 I don't know if anyone else here is really aware of it. 749 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:18,520 Very hard, very hard being trans. 750 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,480 When I came out, I came out to my girlfriend 751 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,560 a couple of years ago and she was really good with it. 752 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,200 But like, you have to be honest, 753 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,200 it's not really clear how you come out 754 00:37:26,240 --> 00:37:27,760 to your girlfriend about being trans. 755 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:28,840 Like, what do you do? 756 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,080 Sit her down and say, "Honey, huge news. 757 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,480 "You're gay." That's... 758 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:36,720 I mean, we're in trouble. 759 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,120 I was tuning into the news the other day and they were saying, 760 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,520 trans women, they better stay away from sports. 761 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,680 My pleasure. What the hell? 762 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,800 For me, that's the entire point. 763 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,880 I would have transitioned in secondary school 764 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,440 if I knew it came with a sick note. That's a... 765 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,000 Big fan. But, yes, my pronouns are she/they, 766 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,640 but that's neither her nor their. And I... 767 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 768 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,760 OK, Jon, Roisin, your turn to choose the letters. 769 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,640 - Hello, Rachel. - Hi, Jon. 770 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,480 Could we have a consonant, please? 771 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:16,800 Yes, boss. 772 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:17,840 R 773 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,440 And another one, please. 774 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,480 Oh, he's cheered up now he's won the maths. 775 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:22,560 Well, he's done the maths, 776 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:24,600 but I still don't think he can do Kiell at Spelling. 777 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,040 We're going to see that play out and I'm quite excited. 778 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,560 A vowel, please. 779 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,480 O 780 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,920 A consonant, please. 781 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,080 N 782 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,160 I think Sam's going to be really good as well, 783 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:37,640 so you really have to try hard. 784 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,080 A vowel, please. 785 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,280 E 786 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,160 Another vowel, please, Rachel. 787 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:44,520 I 788 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,120 And another consonant, then. 789 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,280 C 790 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,720 - Yeah. That's nice. - Keep your vibes up. - Oh! 791 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,880 I'd love a consonant, please, in this game I love with my friends. 792 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:57,960 N 793 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:02,040 And then another consonant, please, old friend. 794 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,560 And my old mate, R. 795 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:05,640 OK. All right. 796 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,200 Your time starts now. 797 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,280 - Rob, how many you got? - I've got a five. 798 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,760 - You've got a five. Kiell, how many? - Seven. 799 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,320 Seven, OK. Roisin? 800 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,000 Five. 801 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,960 OK. Sam, how many? 802 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,080 {\an1}- I think I might have a nine. - ROISIN GASPS 803 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,360 - I think. - Jon? 804 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,160 - I also have a nine. - Ooh! 805 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,600 Oh! 806 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:56,840 What is your five? 807 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,160 My five is RINSE. 808 00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,040 RINSE. Er, Rob, your five? 809 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:03,800 - GONER. - Oh! 810 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,880 - GONER. - They're a GONER. 811 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,680 That is a word. Rinse unfortunately has an S, not a C. 812 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:10,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 813 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,960 Roisin's a GONER. 814 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,240 She's a GONER. What's your seven? 815 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,800 - CRINGER? - CRINGER. - Oh! 816 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,440 No... 817 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,840 - Er, yes! - Oh! 818 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 819 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,680 Do you know what that looked like, Susie? 820 00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:31,920 That looked like the money hadn't hit your account yet. 821 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,320 "No... Oh, yeah, it has, actually. Yeah, it's definitely there." 822 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,800 OK, so, Jon, Sam, I'd like you 823 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,360 to say your nine-letter word on the count of three. 824 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,560 All right. Are you ready? One, two, three. 825 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,080 CORNERING. 826 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:51,360 - Wow. - 18 points for both teams. Huge. 827 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,160 OK, here is your final teaser. 828 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,320 The words are SEEN FART. The clue is - seal that up. 829 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,040 That's SEEN FART - seal that up. See you after the break. 830 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:19,720 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser. 831 00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,440 The words were Seen Fart. The clue was - seal that up. 832 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,360 It was, of course, FASTENER. 833 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,960 OK, time for our final letters game. 834 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,480 Sam, your turn to choose. 835 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,080 Oh, my. OK. 836 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,280 - Um, please may I have a consonant? - You may indeed. 837 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,200 - And... - T. - Oh. Yes. 838 00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:37,880 And then, er, two vowels. 839 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,160 A, U. 840 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,160 Consonant, please. 841 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,080 - D. - OK. 842 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:48,560 - I think a vowel. - Good choice. I. - Thank you. 843 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,120 Um, well, now the pressure's on to make a good choice again. 844 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:52,960 Consonant, right? 845 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,680 - S. - No, not happy with that. Oh, no. 846 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:57,680 Um, consonant. 847 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,520 - M. - A vowel. - Another A. 848 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,560 And then a consonant. 849 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,600 And the last one - R. 850 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,160 - Cool. - I might have a crack on this because I find the game boring. 851 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,760 OK, your time starts... 852 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:12,840 {\an1}COIN ROLLS 853 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,120 ..now. 854 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,920 {\an1}8-BIT MUSIC 855 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 856 00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,280 Rob, how many? 857 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,720 Er, six. 858 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,480 - Kiell? - Seven. 859 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,400 - Sam? - Six. 860 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:07,880 Roisin? 861 00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,360 - Five. - OK. 862 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,200 - Jon? - Seven. 863 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:13,680 {\an1}KIELL GROANS 864 00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:16,800 Oh! Kiell! 865 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,280 Roisin, your five? 866 00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,800 MITAU. 867 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,120 What, sorry? 868 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,200 MI... MITAU? 869 00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:26,000 How are you spelling that incorrectly? 870 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,720 How are you spelling the word that doesn't exist incorrectly? 871 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,160 MITAU? 872 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:33,960 - Oh, yeah. - That's the one. 873 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,160 - Oh! - So you wrote a U 874 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,000 and you couldn't be arsed to finish it, so it was an L? 875 00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:39,760 It's not... It's just a sort of half-finished... 876 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,360 Look, the word was causing me the most, so I gave up at the end. 877 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,160 I thought, "This isn't a word." So I bailed out on the U. 878 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,080 But now it seems like it is a word, am I right? 879 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:48,400 Check your account. 880 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,240 It's not in yet. 881 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:54,560 - Rob, your six? - Yet! 882 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,200 - RUDIST. - RUDIST. - Yeah. - Yeah, that feels more on point. 883 00:43:58,240 --> 00:43:59,920 How are you spelling RUDIST? 884 00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:01,360 Uh, NUDIST with an R. 885 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,440 - Ah. - Oh, OK. She don't look happy. 886 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,360 Ah, I can't believe this is in! 887 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,240 Oh, well, tell you what, shove it. 888 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,880 - Cos it is in. - Do you know what it means. - Absolutely not, no. 889 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,400 It's a cone-shaped fossil bivalve mollusc. 890 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:17,880 Absolutely. 891 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,120 I just thought it was something that was the rudest. 892 00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,480 I was going to go for AUDITS, but I didn't want to panic Jimmy. 893 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:26,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 894 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,240 - Sam, your six? - AUTISM. 895 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,720 - What's your seven? - STADIUM. 896 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,800 - Jon, your seven? - I've got MUSTARD. 897 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,200 - What's the other word? - MARAUDS. 898 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:37,680 Oh, you should have gone with that one! 899 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:40,120 - But I wasn't sure on the spelling of that. - Oh, right. - Chicken. 900 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:41,760 It's never stopped Roisin! 901 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,200 OK. Seven points to both teams. 902 00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:47,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 903 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:52,360 OK. Lou, Susie, could they have done any better? 904 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:53,880 - More sevens. - More sevens. 905 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,480 We had MARAUDS and TRAUMAS and SAMURAI. 906 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,800 - Ooh! SAMURAI is good. - Good words. 907 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:03,000 OK, so, Rob, Kiell and Sam have 37 points. 908 00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,000 Jon and Roisin have 50. 909 00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:06,520 Oh! 910 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,440 Well done, neighbour. 911 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,360 OK. Fingers on buzzers. 912 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,160 Time for today's Countdown Conundrum. 913 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,080 Your time starts now. 914 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:37,720 {\an1}BELL 915 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,320 Oh, Sam. 916 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,320 Er, is it STAUNCHED? 917 00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,000 - Is that even a word? - Let's see if Sam is right. 918 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 919 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:56,960 So the final scores are, 920 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,120 Rob and Kiell and Sam have 47 points, 921 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:03,600 but our winners, Jon and Roisin with 50. Congratulations! 922 00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,760 You are now the proud owner of this - 923 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,720 the Countdown Camouflage Kit. 924 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,320 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience 925 00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:15,680 and to all of you for watching at home. 926 00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,240 That's it from us. Goodnight. 927 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,360 Subtitles by Red Bee Media