1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,760 {\an1}- Welcome on stage, Mr Jimmy Carr! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,160 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 3 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,080 Thank you. Yeah, sure. 4 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,640 I deserve that. Yeah, sure. 5 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,360 But we're doing this. OK. 6 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,480 So go wild and crazy for Rob Beckett, 7 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,600 Jon Richardson, Miles Jupp, Judi Love, 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,200 Roisin and Chiara, Susie Dent and Rachel Riley! 9 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,720 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:35,440 Hello, everyone. 11 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,240 He's tiny in real life, isn't he? 12 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER All right, let's roll the titles. 13 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,120 Hello, and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 14 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,760 a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums. 15 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,120 OK, let's meet tonight's teams. 16 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,920 First up, it's team captain Jon Richardson! 17 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,920 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,960 Jon Richardson, he's the thinking woman's crumpet. 19 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,040 And that woman is thinking, "I'm not sure I like crumpets." 20 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,880 And Jon's team-mate's Judi Love. 21 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,920 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 22 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,120 Judi is a regular panellist on Loose Women, 23 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,520 and it's wrong to say that Loose Women 24 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,120 is just a load of ladies sitting around 25 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,720 drinking prosecco before noon. 26 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,280 I happen to know a lot of that chat is fuelled by vodka. 27 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,240 My poor girls, 28 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,560 everyone's always coming for my girls. 29 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,080 - Girls! - Your girls. 30 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,560 Girls, combined age of 258. 31 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 32 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,360 Up against them this evening, it's team captain Rob Beckett. 33 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 34 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,560 - Thank you. - Rob said on his podcast 35 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,000 that he'd pay good money to see me naked. 36 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,600 I find that weird. What would be so interesting 37 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,120 about seeing my penises? 38 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 39 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,120 I think you're like a Ken. 40 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,520 You'd pull down his pants and it's just flat. 41 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 42 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,760 I think it would be if you did it. 43 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 44 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 45 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,480 You did say you wanted to see me naked. 46 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,440 I do want to see you naked, I'm intrigued. 47 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,800 - Why? - I just can't... 48 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,920 Cos you don't really present as... 49 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,480 ..a real person. 50 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,720 We should do this. 51 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,520 - I just think... - No time like the present, Jimmy. 52 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,320 - Yeah. - Jimmy... 53 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,920 Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. 54 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,600 Oh, look, you're all... 55 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,880 Oh, if you're all up for this, 56 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,160 I'll just get my cock out, then. Yeah, sure. 57 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,560 I think it would be too much. 58 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,600 - I'd still... - I don't think it would be too much. 59 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,360 - No, it would! - I think it would be some. 60 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 61 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,920 And joining Rob tonight, it's Miles Jupp. 62 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,240 {\an1}- Yes! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 63 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,920 Miles has five children, 64 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,160 which must be exhausting for his staff. 65 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 66 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,240 In fairness, they work bloody hard... 67 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,440 ..for, may I say, a pittance. 68 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 69 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,680 Talk us through a day in the life of Miles Jupp. 70 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,600 Oh, gosh. Well, I like to get up early, 71 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,320 be first down to the kitchen, fix myself a quick, 72 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,040 um, roast beef with all the trimmings. 73 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,760 {\an1}- Um... - LAUGHTER 74 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,200 Then it's breakfast where I'm joined by the others. 75 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,880 A quick snack before the school run. 76 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,760 Usually a roast beef with all the trimmings. 77 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,040 Then it's elevenses. Um, yeah, 78 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,840 perhaps a little walk around the garden. 79 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,680 Uh, maybe go into town, do some shopping - 80 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,080 butchers, veg shop. 81 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,840 Um, come home, quick roast beef with all the trimmings... 82 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,000 {\an1}- LAUGHTER - ..to set me up for lunch. 83 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,800 - Then I watch Loose Women. - Thank you. 84 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,040 I save the gravy for then. And then that's... 85 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 86 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,000 Wow! That was clearly... 87 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,680 I wasn't expecting that. 88 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,680 {\an1}- LAUGHTER - No. 89 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,560 And that is how you maintain your girlish figure. 90 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,200 That's right, yeah, my Pre-Raphaelite curves. Yeah. 91 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 92 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,280 Jon, if you could switch lives with anyone on the panel 93 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,840 for a day, who would you pick? 94 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,160 God, I'd take any of you. 95 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 96 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,600 Genuinely, I'd have you for a day. 97 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,920 I would ruin that body you paid so much for. 98 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,800 I'd wake up and tear hair out for an hour or two. 99 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,880 - It's all replaceable. - Yeah. 100 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,800 {\an1}LAUGHTER 101 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,880 I'd like to be Rachel, 102 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,880 because I'd like to sleep with one of the dancers off Strictly, 103 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,480 but I don't want to have to go on the show. 104 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 105 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,520 Ideally, I'd like to have a night with Pasha. 106 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,000 Um... 107 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,040 {\an1}MILES LAUGHS 108 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,040 Well, that's a lovely thought. 109 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:05,920 I'm happy, Jimmy, I like my life. 110 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 111 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,200 - You look a bit cross. - Notice you skipped me. 112 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,560 - I'd love to be you, Judi. - Oh. 113 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,160 Just to know what it's... 114 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,040 How quickly the gap 115 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,520 eradicates between the thought and the speech. 116 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 117 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,600 Judi, do you get annoyed quite easily? What sets you off? 118 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:32,880 You know what it is? When people try to pay backhand compliments. 119 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,920 Like, when people go, "Oh, how are you so confident?" 120 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,320 I'm like, "What? Because I've got a fupa, 121 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:37,760 "and I haven't seen my fanny for years?" 122 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,680 {\an1}- Like, they find it really... - LAUGHTER 123 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,120 You've got a what? 124 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,600 They only say it to big girls! 125 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,520 - Because you've got a what? - A fupa, a fupa. 126 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,160 Like a little fold. 127 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,440 - Oh. - Just a little fold. 128 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,160 Yeah, them backhand compliments get on my flipping nerves. 129 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,560 Rob, if you hadn't had a career as a successful stand-up comedian, 130 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,120 what do you think you would have done? 131 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,600 Uh, had a career as an unsuccessful one. 132 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,160 Don't have a dig at Jon. 133 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 134 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,560 OK, Miles, have you got a mascot? 135 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,680 I have actually, yes. 136 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,080 So I was sent a book to have a look at, 137 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,720 and not what I was expecting. 138 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,520 I was told it was - for the author, it was a real passion project. 139 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,760 Anyway, here it is, this book. 140 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,280 It's called Jimmy Carr's Bumper Book Of Facts About Eggs. 141 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,720 Oh, yes, yes. 142 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,360 You must know, your agent sent it to me, very kindly. 143 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,400 And really, it's just about another set of eyes 144 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,720 to give a bit of feedback. 145 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,120 Um, I'll put most of it in an email, but a few thoughts, 146 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,320 uh, did come up. 147 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,000 I've tried to approach it with an open mind. 148 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,120 Chapter one. "Every day, I have 149 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,040 "nine soft-boiled eggs for my breakfast. 150 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,000 "They always go straight through me..." 151 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 152 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,720 "..but it means I get another chance to see my golden toilet." 153 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 154 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,760 "Only joking, I always relieve myself directly into 155 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,360 "the cupped hands of a waiting servant." 156 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 157 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,840 I mean, it's unflinchingly honest, Jimmy. 158 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,800 Um, benefit of the doubt - let's look at the others. 159 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,680 Oh, here we go. I don't know if you were sort of 160 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:05,840 hurrying to get towards the end, 161 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,960 or perhaps you'd lost interest or confidence. 162 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,200 "Some animals that you may be surprised to hear 163 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,800 "actually hatch from eggs." 164 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,960 So this is a strange chapter. Um... 165 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,920 "Chickens..." 166 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,400 I will put more in the email, but that's not a surprise, Jimmy. 167 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,080 "..cows..." I just don't think it's right. 168 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,200 "Minor royals," it says here. 169 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 170 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,880 "Place names with the word egg inside them." 171 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,440 {\an1}- You've written Winnipeg. - LAUGHTER 172 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,960 That's it. It's only got one G for a start. 173 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,240 And then it says, "The rest of this page 174 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,360 "has been left blank for you to fill in your own ideas." 175 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,760 It costs 25 quid, Jimmy. That is absolutely shameful. 176 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,880 But look, fair play to you 177 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,240 for sticking your head above the parapet. 178 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,680 Best of luck with the book. Well done. 179 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,360 {\an1}Thank you. Mile Jupp, everyone. APPLAUSE 180 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,960 - Jon, have you got a mascot? - Yes. 181 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,520 I don't mind the jokes about me being little 182 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,680 and having a small penis and going bald, all that stuff... 183 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,480 Did anyone mention small penis? 184 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 185 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,160 I feel like no-one mentioned a small penis. 186 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,080 I just... I've had enough. I'm going to... 187 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,200 I'm just going to do something different tonight 188 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,560 so that you can't hurt me. 189 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,760 So I'm just... I give less of a shit. 190 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,720 {\an1}- ITEM FALLS ON FLOOR - So... What was that? Um... 191 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,560 That's a bad start to giving less of a shit. 192 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,000 Oh, I've dropped something! 193 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 194 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,360 Start by sitting backwards on my chair because that's what... 195 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,360 That's what bad boys do, innit? 196 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,200 Yeah? Yeah. 197 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,280 What do you think of that? 198 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,720 Just going to be, like, bad tonight. 199 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,320 Just going to be like a naughty boy. 200 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,760 A naughty boy? 201 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,120 Start by popping a leather jacket on. 202 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,800 - Over the cardigan. - Over the cardigan. 203 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 204 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,080 Oh, aye. 205 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,600 You like that? You like that? 206 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,480 Yeah, you're quiet now, aren't you, Jimmy? 207 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 208 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,440 Scared all of a sudden. 209 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,520 Um... In case you're thinking of picking on me. 210 00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,520 Woo. 211 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 212 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,160 Yeah, working out. Get these guns pumped. 213 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,600 - Feel that. - Oh, God! - Yeah! 214 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,080 "Oh," indeed, Judi. 215 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,800 - Wow! - Pop them there. 216 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,640 Where did we find weights that small? 217 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:12,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 218 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,000 {\an1}- Oh, wow. - SCATTERED WHOOPS 219 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,360 - Wow. - Right, you see? 220 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,040 How would you chat me up then, in this kind of...? 221 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,640 I wouldn't bother, mate. Let you come to me, innit? 222 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,680 {\an1}- Oh! - AUDIENCE EXCLAIM 223 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,160 See anything you like? 224 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,800 {\an1}- Not really. - LAUGHTER 225 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,320 Smoking's cool, innit? 226 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 227 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,200 These chairs are wider than I anticipated. 228 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 229 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,160 It's got a rubber tip on it. 230 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,760 Someone's glued it shut. 231 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,000 Still got a rubber tip on, yeah. 232 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,080 Yeah. 233 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 234 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,080 {\an1}- APPLAUSE - Safety first, Jon. 235 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,400 - Yeah. - Listen. 236 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,280 Have another crack. Yeah, here we go. 237 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,320 {\an1}HE COUGHS 238 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,440 What flavour is that? 239 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,680 Uh, pussy and beer. 240 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 241 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,640 Slightly more likely to be dandelion and burdock. 242 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,640 Thank you, Judi. Thank you. That's good. 243 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,880 {\an1}- Oop! - LAUGHTER 244 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,560 And he's over. Oh, blimey. 245 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,560 {\an1}Oh, wow. APPLAUSE 246 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,680 What I really like is that Jon carried all that stuff 247 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,400 in a pink bag with strawberries on it. 248 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,080 Where's the bag? Can we see the bag? 249 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,560 {\an1}- Oh! - LAUGHTER 250 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,960 {\an1}APPLAUSE 251 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,440 Whatever. 252 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,280 Rob, have you got a mascot? 253 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,240 Yes, I do have a mascot, actually. A little hobby of mine, 254 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,520 something I'm quite proud of, is I've got a cactus collection. 255 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,120 And I don't know if you know this, 256 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,040 cos I've got quite green-fingered. 257 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,920 Um, you could actually train a cactus into different shapes. 258 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,320 - Oh, fascinating. - Are you into gardening and stuff? 259 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,040 - Oh, very much so. Yeah, yeah. - Really? What you got? 260 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,520 - What have I got? - Yeah, what kind of flowers and stuff? 261 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,840 - What kind of plants? - Well, in which meadow? 262 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,880 {\an1}- Uh... - LAUGHTER 263 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,200 Right. Here we go. 264 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,040 I've got a few bits and bobs here, so I've got this one. 265 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,600 This is the first one I did because it's sort of quite tricky, 266 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,280 so you want to sort of start small and work your way up. 267 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,400 But I've done this one. 268 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,960 Double. Look at that. 269 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,640 So, what do you think, Miles? 270 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,600 I think very tempting. Yeah. 271 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:25,880 They're lovely, aren't they? Yeah. 272 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,520 So I did that one first. Um, and then this one. 273 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,560 It's the second one I worked on, 274 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,960 which is, um... 275 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 276 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,440 Um, what do you think? 277 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,880 That is... That is... 278 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,400 Yeah, I mean, it's really terrific. 279 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,520 It's really twitching. 280 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,760 No, it's absolutely terrific this, actually. 281 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,480 - Yeah. - This would adorn... 282 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,440 - ..well, any table top, really... - Yeah. - ..I think. 283 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,200 - Or bottom. - Yes. 284 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 285 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,400 Rob Beckett's green fingers, everyone. 286 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,040 Very nice. APPLAUSE 287 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,400 Over in Dictionary Corner, it's Roisin and Chiara. 288 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,640 {\an1}APPLAUSE Very nice to have you here. 289 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,760 It's your first time on the show, we're thrilled to have you here. 290 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,520 Could you tell us a little bit about your act? 291 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,560 Hmm. Well, I guess sometimes it can be quite, 292 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,040 uh, sort of... 293 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:16,000 {\an1}HIGH-PITCHED BABBLING 294 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,240 And then other times 295 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,280 it could be more sort of earthy, you know, 296 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,600 grounded in the pelvis, a bit more sort of... 297 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,640 Ha! Rumf! Harrunk! 298 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,680 {\an1}MILES LAUGHS 299 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,600 You've been working together as a cult duo for the last decade. 300 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,920 Everything we do, we do in perfect harmony. 301 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,800 # Let's get ready to rumble 302 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,840 # Oh-oo-ooh 303 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,760 # Oh-oh-oh-oh! # 304 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,200 Roisin and Chiara, everyone. 305 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,240 {\an1}APPLAUSE 306 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,160 And with them, of course, it's our lovely Susie Dent. 307 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,200 {\an1}APPLAUSE 308 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,240 Susie Dent is an inspiration. 309 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,640 She's shown little girls up and down the country that, 310 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,080 yes, women can be just as boring as men. 311 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 312 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,600 Susie, what have you been working on lately? 313 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,320 Actually, I have been working on a series with Phil Wang 314 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,800 for Radio 4. 315 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,920 Actually, for a long time, Jimmy, I thought your name was Wang. 316 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,520 Because "Wang Carr" is what loads of people call you backstage. 317 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,040 {\an1}- LAUGHTER - Oh, nice! 318 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 319 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:25,880 Nice. 320 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,320 But Miles has been on it. He was fab. 321 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,440 - You're very kind. - Yeah, you were. 322 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,760 {\an1}OK. LAUGHTER 323 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,040 What's the podcast about? 324 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,000 It's called Unspeakable, and we get people like Giles to come on 325 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,320 - and... - Giles. - Giles? 326 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,600 - She means Gyles Brandreth. - What did I call you? 327 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,240 - You called me Giles. - Giles Mupp? - Yes, essentially. 328 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,640 - I'm so sorry. - Yeah, she's not very good with words. 329 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 330 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,280 You're very grateful he came on the show. 331 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,480 - He came on the show... - Very memorable guy. 332 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 333 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,080 OK. In charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley! 334 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 335 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,280 Yes, Rachel is here, which tells us one thing. 336 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,840 The search for her replacement is taking longer than we thought. 337 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,400 Rachel, who's the most interesting person you've ever met? 338 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,720 I've met a lot of cool people. I've met the King. 339 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,360 - Met David Beckham. - Mm! 340 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,120 And also met a guy that can fart on demand, 341 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,760 in time to pop songs. 342 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,600 Yeah, Rob Beckett. LAUGHTER 343 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,640 Only up to 1999, though. 344 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,680 As soon as drum and bass came in, I gave up. 345 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER OK, the prize the teams 346 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,320 will be competing for tonight is this, 347 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,200 the Countdown dog bed! 348 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,280 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 349 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,520 OK, everyone, let's Countdown. Time for our first game, 350 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,640 Rob, Miles, you get the first pick of the letters. 351 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,280 {\an1}- Giles, after you. - LAUGHTER 352 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,720 Um, I'll have a consonant, please. 353 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,200 Thank you, Giles. 354 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,800 M 355 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,960 Could that also be a G? 356 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 357 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,520 That was very good. That is very good. 358 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,040 {\an1}APPLAUSE 359 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,640 I'll have another consonant. Is that the way this works? 360 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:13,960 C 361 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,920 - Three of each? - Three of each, until Rachel looks worried for us. 362 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,320 OK, yeah, another consonant, please. 363 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,800 Then just follow the lead. 364 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:20,840 P 365 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,720 And then can I have the A on the top of the vowel pile? 366 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,640 A, yeah. 367 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,960 Can I have another vowel, please? 368 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,920 - A. - Another vowel. 369 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,800 O 370 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,320 - You choose some. You're our captain. - Er, OK, cool. 371 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,600 - Consonant, please. - Yep. 372 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:37,680 T 373 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,880 Another vowel. 374 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,680 - I. - And then, consonant, please. 375 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:43,760 And the last one, L. 376 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,880 And, for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock. 377 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,320 {\an1}BABY CRIES 378 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,200 Oh, is that...? 379 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,760 Fabio. 380 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,600 Thanks. 381 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,000 Fucking thing. 382 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 383 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,560 All right? Just don't look at Susie, you'll be all right. 384 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,960 I'm worried about him falling to sleep. 385 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,480 He's already had his nap. 386 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,280 Erm... 387 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:28,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 388 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,400 Come on! 389 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,840 {\an1}APPLAUSE 390 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,520 What? 391 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,320 - Why does he look so cute? - Rob, how many? 392 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,880 Five. 393 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,120 Giles? 394 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,560 Erm, I've got, er, seven. 395 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,080 Seven? Impressive. 396 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,560 - John, how many? - Would I risk a nine, Susie? No? 397 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,440 - No. - No, I wouldn't, then. - Yeah. 398 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,840 Oh, come on, John! 399 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,720 It's not in there, is it? I'll stick with a seven as well. 400 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,160 - Judi? - Five. 401 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,360 OK, what's your five? 402 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,440 PLATE 403 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,560 Rob, your five? 404 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,320 - PETAL - PETAL 405 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,720 - Mm! - Hmm. 406 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,920 Oh, I've got a terrible fucking colic. 407 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 408 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,800 And Miles, your seven? 409 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,560 I've got two sevens, actually. 410 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,960 They are CLIMATE and POLEMIC. 411 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,280 - Wow. - Very good! 412 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,280 - Wow. - Lovely. - CLIMATE and POLEMIC. 413 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,080 So what's this nine? 414 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,800 Yeah. 415 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,480 That was, er... That was good, wasn't it, Susie? 416 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,560 - That was amazing. - Maybe write down his name. 417 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,440 {\an1}- Yeah. - LAUGHTER 418 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,200 And what was your nine, John, that you went for? 419 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,840 Well, compile is a seven. 420 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,800 And then I wondered if you can have COMPILATE, 421 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,760 as you can have a compilation of something. 422 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,240 - Yeah. No, you can't compilate. - Oh, that's a shame. 423 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,680 Seven for us, Jim. 424 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,240 Seven points for both teams. 425 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 426 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,480 I might... 427 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,440 I might go for my nap. 428 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,920 It's such a weird... 429 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,360 Hang on. 430 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,880 It was me the whole time. 431 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,600 Hang on. I might take my bonnet off. 432 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,600 Roisin and Chiara, could they have done any better? 433 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,680 Yes. 434 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,240 POETICAL 435 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,120 - Ooh! - POETICAL? - Let's have that again. 436 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,440 - Very breathy. - POETICAL. 437 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,400 OK, so, at the end of that, it's a draw. 438 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,160 Everyone's got seven points. 439 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE Well done. 440 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,320 OK, on to our first numbers round. 441 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,320 John, Judi, you get to pick the numbers. 442 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,000 Do you want to pick, Judi, or will you just ruin it? 443 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,440 {\an1}- Erm... - LAUGHTER 444 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,400 - No. Three little ones. - All right. - OK? 445 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,560 9, 2, 6, and then the big ones. 446 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,520 75, 50 and 100. 447 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,840 And the target - 359. 448 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,640 {\an5}- There it is. Come on, John. - And your time starts now. 449 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,120 {\an5}So, the target was 359. Judi Love, did you get it? 450 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,960 {\an5}Hold on. I got 342. 451 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,200 {\an5}Well, that is worth no points. 452 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,360 {\an5}I know, but give me some credit for how... Sorry, the sweet. 453 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:17,800 {\an5}I know, but give me some... 454 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,760 {\an5}I can't expect you to not eat while we record a TV show. 455 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,640 {\an4}LAUGHTER 456 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,240 {\an5}342. Miles, did you get it? 457 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,800 {\an5}I got 357. 458 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,480 {\an5}OK. Er, Rob? 459 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,000 {\an5}- I did. - What?! 460 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,720 {\an5}- I think I did. - OK. - I never normally get it. 461 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,680 {\an5}- I got 358. - Right. 462 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:35,840 {\an5}Rob, it's all on you. 463 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,080 6 x 75 464 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,760 Yes, 450. 465 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:39,960 - 100 466 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,160 350 467 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,720 - Plus the 9. - Ten points! 468 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,000 - Well done. - Yes! - Well done, mate. Well done. 469 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,280 Yes! Finally! 470 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,480 - Very good. - Can we just say I've got 342? 471 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:52,960 - Can we talk about that? - We've done that. - No. 472 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,000 We've talked about that. 473 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,240 We all decided as a group it was irrelevant. 474 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,360 Not... You... 475 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,520 So, Rob and Miles have 17, John and Judi have seven. 476 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,280 {\an1}APPLAUSE 477 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,600 - I got the number. - Time now to go across to Dictionary Corner. 478 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,520 Roisin and Chiara, what have you got for us? 479 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,600 - Well... - Got a pretty good vibe. - Yeah. 480 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,960 - You all right, Chiara? - Yeah, I'm fine. 481 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,200 You seem a little bit, er, sort of subdued, or... 482 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,960 - No, I'm fine, I'm fine. - All right, is it Jimmy? 483 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,160 I just... I can't read him. 484 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,400 I don't know what he's thinking. 485 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,640 Yeah, maybe it was earlier, when you tried to sort of 486 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,760 - hug him. - From behind. - Yeah. - No, he didn't like that. 487 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,440 Sorry, I think that's on Jimmy, though, because, like, that is your, 488 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,640 like, native Mediterranean warmth. 489 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,560 - Yes! - Yeah. Because she's Italian. 490 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,880 Si, e vero, sono italiana. 491 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,560 So I think we'd imagine she's someone 492 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,760 sort of incredibly in touch with her sensuality. 493 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,120 Infatti, sono una donna molto sensuale. 494 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,680 Unusually connected with their femininity. 495 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,120 {\an1}- SHE GROWLS - Tipo Monica Bellucci. 496 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,160 Yeah, but, actually, she is incredibly repressed. 497 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,200 That's right. Cos I'm also half-English, 498 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,680 so that explains that. And Roisin... 499 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:58,560 Roisin, on the other hand, is Irish. 500 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,520 - Sea! - Yep, Catholic. 501 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,440 In ainm an Athar, agus an Mhic, agus an Spioraid Naoimh. Amen. 502 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,800 That's right. 503 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,200 But the wonderful thing about Roisin 504 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,040 is that she's actually incredibly playful 505 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,920 and loose, 506 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,280 and just a tiny bit slutty. 507 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,640 - Just a teeny, tiny... - Sorry, that is absolute, like, slander. 508 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,200 - Not at all. I'm not like that. - It makes total sense, 509 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,280 cos she's just trying to connect, right? 510 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,400 {\an1}- Cos we're born alone. - SHE SCREAMS 511 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,480 Exactly. And we die alone. 512 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,080 And that's... OK, well, there we go. 513 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,360 Are you a naughty boy? 514 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,840 Uh-oh. 515 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,800 OK, here we go. 516 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,280 - Oh, no, no, no. OK. - Are you a kinky, kinky little boot? 517 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,200 OK, don't call him a boot, because he's a very, 518 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,280 like, very well known comedian. Oh, here we go. 519 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,240 John, she's got a thing for people in positions of power. 520 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,240 And clearly, you're right in the middle. 521 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,800 Uh-oh. Here we go, here we go. 522 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,640 {\an1}SHE BREATHES HEAVILY 523 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,240 Just move your cups. 524 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,320 Move, move, move. 525 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,640 Guys, don't look. Just don't watch. 526 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,800 {\an1}Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer 527 00:21:58,840 --> 00:21:59,840 OK. 528 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,400 All right. OK. 529 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,640 OK, OK. Roisin, Roisin, Roisin, Roisin! 530 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,200 Roisin, Roisin, Roisin! 531 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,880 - Come over here. What are you doing? - Sorry. 532 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,560 He has been ogling me. 533 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,040 - Yeah, all night. - But we're here, we're part of the show. 534 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,600 He can't... It's par for the course. 535 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,840 OK, regardless of the details, 536 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,160 I've got something to say to you, John. 537 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,080 You might do this all the time. Maybe it's a bit of a laugh for you. 538 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:27,600 Yeah, it's all fun and games, 539 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,960 but, for me, I'm at work. 540 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,280 {\an1}APPLAUSE 541 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,080 Roisin and Chiara, everyone. 542 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,920 - You are a naughty boy. - I am a naughty boy. 543 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,000 The first time I've seen a woman straddle a man in a cardigan. 544 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,600 Do you know what was funny? 545 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,920 As much as John started to look very awkward, 546 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,760 you moved that cup so fucking fast. 547 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,280 We don't want two spilt liquids. 548 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,800 You didn't just look back over there, did you? 549 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,880 Sorry. I shall look straight ahead. 550 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,200 Would you like to swap seats, Jon? 551 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,080 Well, this one's fucking sodden now, so... 552 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,040 That is... I'm afraid that's a sign of a nervous bowel, isn't it, Jon? 553 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,720 That's what happened there. 554 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,040 That kimchi was on the turn 555 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,120 - and I took a gamble on the wrong night. - Yeah. 556 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,800 Yeah, there is such a thing as too much roughage. 557 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,200 - There really is. - Yeah, isn't there? 558 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,000 Enough with the sexy talk. OK. 559 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 560 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,400 You move the crockery, I'll have one last poo. 561 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,040 {\an1}APPLAUSE 562 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,040 And here is your teaser. The words are MEAT BELL. 563 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,080 The clue is - nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. 564 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,440 That's MEAT BELL - nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. 565 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,760 See you after the break. 566 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,680 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 567 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 568 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,160 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser... 569 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,880 The words were MEAT BELL. 570 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,440 The clue was nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. 571 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,040 It was, of course, MELTABLE. OK, 572 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,240 so Rob and Miles 573 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,480 are in the lead. 574 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,560 They've been playing in teams so far, 575 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,440 but this game is just for Rob and Judi. 576 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,280 So, Judi, your turn to choose. 577 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,640 - I'll take a vowel, please. - Great start. 578 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:27,680 E 579 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:28,720 Consonant. 580 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,280 G 581 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,600 Consonant. 582 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,920 M 583 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,120 Consonant. 584 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,480 S 585 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:37,520 - A vowel. - SMEG. 586 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:38,560 I 587 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,520 - Oh. - LAUGHTER 588 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:41,960 Vowel. 589 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,480 SMEGI 590 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,520 E 591 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:45,560 Consonant. 592 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,560 T 593 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,240 Oh, go on, let's have SMEGGIEST. 594 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,440 Consonant. 595 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,520 Ohh. 596 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:54,560 Y 597 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:55,680 Consonant. 598 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:56,880 A final R. 599 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:57,920 While you do this, 600 00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,600 I've just got to pick some friends up from the station, 601 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,360 so your time starts now. 602 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,240 {\an1}CAR ENGINE REVS 603 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,960 {\an1}HORN HONKS 604 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,440 Oof. 605 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,120 I had to just do a pick-up... 606 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,720 ..at the station. 607 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,520 They do, like, crown green bowling on a Thursday. 608 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,600 It's my turn to drive. 609 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:38,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 610 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:55,680 What's he come as? 611 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:15,800 Oh, my God. 612 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,480 He should be in your dressing room, Jimmy. 613 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,120 Oh, it's Pasha, everyone. 614 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,920 - Hello, Pasha. - Hello! 615 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:32,720 - Good to see you. - Hello. 616 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,880 I can't believe it. Pasha's here, who's Rachel's other half, 617 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,960 and also Susie Dent's other half's here. 618 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 619 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,960 I should say, just earlier on the show, 620 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,320 Jon Richardson mentioned that he wanted to have sex with 621 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,360 one of the Strictly dancers, specifically you. 622 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,920 It's the first time I've ever said that on a show, as well. 623 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,680 What are the fucking chances? 624 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,720 You'll be out of there in ten minutes, mate. 625 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,240 - Very efficient lovemaker. - Oh, no. 626 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,720 With my skill, you'll be out in two. 627 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,560 - Oh, please. - It's like a date on The Undateables. 628 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,480 {\an1}- It is. - LAUGHTER 629 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,680 Round of applause for Pasha 630 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,840 and my friends from the bowling club. 631 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,800 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 632 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,840 - Judi, how many? - Five. - Five. 633 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,720 Well, you only had 30 seconds. Fair enough. 634 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,840 Rob, how many? 635 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,840 - Six. - Six, wow. Smashed that five, didn't you? 636 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,440 - OK. - Thank you. - What's the five, Judi? 637 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:43,640 MIS... MISTY. 638 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,280 - Or TIMER. - We'll go MISTY. 639 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,000 Didn't fancy popping the S on the end of timer? 640 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,760 Yeah, tim... Yeah, TIMERS. Sorry. 641 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,320 - TIMERS. TIMERSSS... - Rob, your six? 642 00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:55,280 I've got MISERY or MISTER. 643 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,120 You said MISERY was not possible. 644 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,440 - You said mystery. - No, but I said to you MYSTERY or MISERY. 645 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,000 I said MYSTERY or MISERY. 646 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,960 I think Jon is unlikely to describe MISERY as not possible. 647 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,200 {\an1}- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - I said MISERY. 648 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,160 His starting position. 649 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,360 Well, six points to Rob. 650 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,440 Well done. 651 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,880 Roisin and Chiara, could they have done any better? 652 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,040 They could have. Interestingly, Jon and Chiara both had MISERY. 653 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,440 - Yeah. - I'm just wondering what your MISERY is about today. 654 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,680 I actually am, I'm feeling a little bit miserable. 655 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,760 - I'm going to admit it. - Why is that? 656 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,040 I got Botox in the muscle of my jaw, OK? 657 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,560 - Because I grind my teeth when I sleep. - Right. 658 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,560 And here today I realised I can't smile. 659 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,920 {\an1}- LAUGHTER - I'm just smiling with my eyes. 660 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,520 You can't smile now because you've had too much work done. 661 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,840 - No! - You're telling ME that? 662 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,880 {\an1}LAUGHTER 663 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:52,200 But, yeah, we could have done a bit better. 664 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,080 We could have eight letters here - GERMIEST. 665 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,760 - GERMIEST! - GERMIEST. 666 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,840 - Yeah, you never miss a germ. - I did spot that, 667 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:00,920 but I've got some wipes down here at all times. 668 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,200 Got rid of it. 669 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,000 Have you finished undressing Dictionary Corner with your eyes? 670 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,080 I'm not... I'm not looking over there again. 671 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,160 You can look at me. 672 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,120 - I can't make you smile, though, can I? - No. 673 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 674 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,600 Who's picking these old numbers, then, Jimbob? 675 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:21,320 So, at the end of all that, 676 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,760 Rob and Miles have 23, Jon and Judi have seven. 677 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,640 - Damn. - Come on, Judi. 678 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,880 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 679 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,920 OK. Right, now it's time for Jon and Miles 680 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,080 to go head-to-head in the maths. 681 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,640 Miles, your turn to pick the numbers. 682 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:37,760 Yeah. Is it six in total? 683 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,040 - Six, yes. - Is that what we're looking for? So three... 684 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,240 I'm increasingly confident. 685 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,920 I can count. I just can't... The angle I'm at, I'm at... 686 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,920 - Although obviously... - There's no numbers yet. - No. 687 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,480 Yeah, zero. You've already... Yes, you've already got it. 688 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,800 {\an1}- It's... - LAUGHTER 689 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,600 {\an5}Three big numbers and three little numbers, please. 690 00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:58,960 - Three and three coming up. - Yeah. 691 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,800 - You've got this, you've got this. - The three little 'uns - 692 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,200 10, 7, 2. 693 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,560 And the three big ones - 694 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,880 75, 25 and 50. 695 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,000 And the target - 696 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,280 192. 697 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,800 {\an5}OK, and your time starts now. 698 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,160 {\an5}I can get us to 193. 699 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,960 {\an5}Plus the 50... 700 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,760 {\an5}So the target was 192. 701 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,320 Miles, did you get it? 702 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,960 {\an5}- I didn't, no. - Why did you look so pleased with yourself, then? 703 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,040 {\an5}OK, Jon, did you get it? 704 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,920 {\an5}- 193. - Mm. 705 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,160 How'd you get 193? 706 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,240 75 + 25 707 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,440 = 100 708 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,200 100 + 709 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,200 100 + = 200 710 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:03,320 - 7 711 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:04,360 - Yeah. - Yeah. - One away. 712 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,800 - That's what I got. - Judi, no-one believes you. 713 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,080 Listen, I did 714 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,200 2 x 75 715 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,720 - Keep going. - Then I added 50. 716 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,160 - No. - 25. - You added 50? - Yep. 717 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:16,440 I added 25. 718 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,720 - = 175 - = 175 719 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,720 - And then I added... - You haven't even done that. 720 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,400 - No, no, no, then I... - Stick the 10 and the 7 on. 721 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:26,720 + 10 722 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,760 = 185 723 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,040 Fucking hell! 724 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,040 - + 7 - = 192 725 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,120 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 726 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,400 You did it. 727 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,480 Why are you looking at me like that wasn't bullshit? 728 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,560 I just did it here in front of you. What the hell? 729 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,920 You watched Rachel do it and blagged it. 730 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:49,160 - I... I can't win. I can't. - No, you can't, you can't. 731 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,440 - Well, you weren't in that game. - Stop the conversation, you can't win. 732 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,440 - Seven points to Jon. - Oh, my... 733 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,320 Well, no, that's good. That's good. 734 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 735 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,600 And here is your teaser. The words are OILED NUT. 736 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,880 The clue is - you can see the shape of it. 737 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,320 It's OILED NUT - you can see the shape of it. 738 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:06,400 See you after the break. 739 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,200 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 740 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,320 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 741 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,440 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser... 742 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:24,680 The words were OILED NUT. 743 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,640 The clue was - you can see the shape of it. 744 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,320 It was, of course, OUTLINED. 745 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:29,360 Jon, 746 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,000 your team was doing so badly that we thought you needed help. 747 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,240 - Thank you. - Please welcome comedian Dane Buckley. 748 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,440 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 749 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,840 Dane went to a convent school where all the teachers were priests. 750 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,440 Me too, which is why I've got dodgy knees. 751 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,200 - Oh, God. - And no gag reflex, yeah? 752 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,840 {\an1}Well... LAUGHTER 753 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,080 - I've got a gag reflex, baby. - I remember, yeah. - Thank you. 754 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,160 No need to ask Dane how he got the job. 755 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,440 Dane, it's your first time on the show. 756 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:04,800 - Yeah. - How would you describe yourself? 757 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,840 Face of a Greek god, body of Turkish delight. 758 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,040 OK? That's what I would say. 759 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:09,560 That's what I say on the dating apps. 760 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,040 No, I call myself the world's only 761 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,400 Irish, Indian, gay comedian, possibly. 762 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,600 For the longest time, I wasn't out as half-Indian, like... 763 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 764 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,960 I never used to tell people I was good at IT, you know? 765 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,600 But I'm out now. When you're Asian and white, 766 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,440 you just generally look Mediterranean, 767 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:27,960 you know, like Charli XCX. 768 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,600 But I learnt recently you're darker down below, 769 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,200 - you're darker down south, and I didn't know. - Are you? - Yes. 770 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,640 Well, thanks for sharing. 771 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,320 And I didn't realise that was a thing, 772 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,560 but I was at the doctor's recently and he saw me naked, bless him. 773 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:40,600 And he said, "Mr Buckley, 774 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,240 "can I ask you what your heritage is?" And I was like, 775 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,160 "What has he found? Onion bhaji in my inner thigh." 776 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 777 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:47,600 Are you any good at Countdown? 778 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,880 I'm a massive dyslexic, so no, 779 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,920 so that's why, guys, we're bringing the looks. 780 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,120 Also, I think we look like a line-up of 781 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,160 - United Colors of Benetton campaign, don't we? - Yes. 782 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,200 Look at that. Funding written all over us. 783 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,040 - Yes, yeah. - United Colors of Benetton. 784 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,920 - Yeah. - What's Jon, the guy from accounts? 785 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 786 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,080 You wouldn't know what that looks like. 787 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE It's fair. 788 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,360 - Oh, ten points. That's ten points. - Yeah. - Yeah. 789 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,840 Dane, who's the funniest person you know? 790 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,400 Hands down - you'll know this, Jimmy, as well - my mammy. 791 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,080 Irish mammies are hilarious. 792 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,120 Cos people think that I am writing my mum 793 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,560 and making her up. I'm not. This is how she is. 794 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,480 Me and her were on a beach in Broadstairs, 795 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,840 walking along, minding my own business, 796 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,000 and we'd strayed onto the nudist part of the beach. 797 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,880 But there was this older gentleman there, 798 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,240 completely naked, belly hanging out, penis hanging out, 799 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,920 resting Brexit face, that kind of vibe, you know? 800 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:45,400 No teeth, lots of opinions. 801 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:46,480 That was his vibe. 802 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 803 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:49,760 He was targeting women on the beach, 804 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,720 but he'd never taken on an Irish mammy. 805 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,400 - And he said to my mum... - "Excuse me, love, 806 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,080 "does my penis make you feel uncomfortable?" 807 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:56,400 And my mum did not miss a beat. 808 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,720 Glasses on a chain, she said, 809 00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,840 "What, love? That little thing there?" 810 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 811 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,320 "I highly doubt that ever made a woman feel uncomfortable." 812 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:07,720 She said, "I'll be honest with you, poppet, 813 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,040 "I've seen bigger in Mothercare." 814 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,360 He just walked away. 815 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 816 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,320 Have you got a mascot? Did you bring a mascot? 817 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:19,720 Oh, my God, yeah, I'm not just here to have fun. 818 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,800 Look at this. Yeah. Right. 819 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:27,040 This is a jalebi, the most famous of Indian sweets. 820 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:30,760 It's... It's crispy, it's deep-fried, it's syrupy, 821 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,520 and it's absolutely gorgeous. 822 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,560 And my nan used to teach me how to cook Indian dishes once a week, 823 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,960 and we would fry these and she would make masala chai tea, 824 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,640 and she'd read my tea leaves. 825 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,040 - Mm. - But she used to use it as a time to get information out of me, 826 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,240 because she didn't want to ask. 827 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,160 - So she'd be like... - "Hmm, hmm, OK, 828 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,800 "not many..." I'm allowed to do the accent, OK? 829 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:48,880 So she'd be like... 830 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,880 So she used to read my tea leaves and she'd be like, 831 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,320 "Hmm, OK, not many girls in your future. 832 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,560 "So many boys. OK. Dancing, so gay... 833 00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,200 "Oh, darling, you're dancing around a Pole." 834 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:01,680 And I was like, "Give me that, Nan. 835 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:04,160 "There's no way you can tell from those leaves he's Polish, like..." 836 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 837 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:09,120 And so I thought, be brave. 838 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,040 I didn't realise I had to come out to my nan. 839 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:12,320 I said, "Nan, I'm gay." 840 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,400 She said, "We must call your father immediately." I said, "Why?" 841 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,920 She said, "He owes me £20." 842 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER 843 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,760 I said, "Nan, I'm as gay as the day is long." 844 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,120 She said, "Rubbish, foolish. Gay as the day is long? 845 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,520 "You mean to tell me you're going to be less gay in winter? 846 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,360 "#GaylightSavings." 847 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 848 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,040 But I have brought some jalebis for you guys to try. 849 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,120 I thought it'd be nice. 850 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:40,400 - Ohh! - Oh, thank you. 851 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,280 - Jalebis. - So, they are vegan, the jalebis. 852 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:43,640 - Oh, thanks. - Have a little go. 853 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,080 No, you keep them, Judi. 854 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 855 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,400 - Just take one and pass them on. - Oh, they're nice, aren't they? 856 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:51,520 - Nice? - Yeah. - Oh, my God. 857 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:52,920 There's nothing the matter with that. 858 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,440 - I know, isn't it? - It's like that crispy shredded beef 859 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:56,560 without the beef in. 860 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,360 {\an1}- Yeah. - It is, yeah. LAUGHTER 861 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,960 Wow. Way to change my culture, Rob. Great. 862 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,880 - Sorry! - Do you want me to start on Angel Delight, Rob? 863 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,240 Haven't got any fucking custard, have ya? 864 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,880 This'd be nice with a bit of rice pudding. 865 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:18,720 My mum knew that the Indian side would win in the kitchen. 866 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,760 Fair, fair. But she wanted the cultural side to win in Ireland. 867 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:23,040 So growing up, I spoke Irish. 868 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,280 It's a Celtic language. 869 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,720 And you'll know, if you know any Irish, 870 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,640 nothing sounds like what you think it means. 871 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,680 Like listen to this. 872 00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:31,520 Nil suim da laghad agam sna haiseanna sa cheantar. 873 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,600 Which sounds like, honestly, 874 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,480 you're saying, "Ready the war between the elves and the centaurs." 875 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,160 But it means, "I have no interest in the local facilities." So... 876 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,480 And if you know anything about a gay man, 877 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:42,640 that's just not true, Rob. 878 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:47,400 Well, I think I've done every stereotype. 879 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:48,480 Thank you. Goodnight. 880 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 881 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,440 - Good, right? - Yeah. Push them back this way. 882 00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,520 OK, on with the game. Dane, your turn to choose the letters. 883 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,800 A consonant. 884 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:03,960 - That's so much sugar. - That is extraordinary, isn't it? 885 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,320 It feels like if we'd just eaten sugar, 886 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,880 there would have been less sugar in it than that. 887 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:09,920 A vowel. 888 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,120 It's made my eyes hurt. 889 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,240 O 890 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:13,280 Another vowel. 891 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,640 I think I might have type 3 diabetes. 892 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 893 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,560 I'm an Irish speaker, so another vowel. 894 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 895 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,280 A 896 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,840 Do you know what? Give us another vowel. 897 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:25,920 I 898 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,160 What are you going to do, colonise us? 899 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 900 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,040 You're gonna start annoying Jon in a minute. 901 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,880 - Yeah. - He's gonna start getting itchy. If you do another vowel, 902 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,120 he'll start getting panicky. 903 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,840 We've just met, and you've brought me a lovely treat. 904 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,880 But, you know, let's not fuck about. 905 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 906 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,440 OK, a consonant. 907 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,080 - There you go. That's for you. - S. 908 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,280 My fingers are too sticky to write. 909 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:47,960 How many...? How many vowels am I allowed? 910 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,400 - Um... - Four. 911 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:53,520 Do you know what? Give me a big vowel. 912 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,160 I'm so sorry, Dane, but the fun police have turned up. 913 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,560 - A consonant. - A consonant. 914 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,600 N 915 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,960 And a vowel. 916 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,000 E 917 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:05,520 That's... That's your max. 918 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,080 Right. 919 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,040 A consonant, then. 920 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,160 A number? Like... 921 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:11,240 And W. 922 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,560 - OK, and your time starts now. - Great. 923 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:20,200 - We're a team, mate. - Oh! 924 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,000 Yeah, you pick shit letters and we all suffer. 925 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,800 Doesn't sound like they're spelling, does it? 926 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,400 - Dane, how'd you do? - Four. 927 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,440 - Judi? - Four. 928 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,120 Did you get the same four that he got? 929 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,200 Yeah. 930 00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:55,000 I think, Jon, you're on your own. How'd you do? 931 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,320 - Six. - Six, OK. Miles? 932 00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,400 - Well... - Still eating it. 933 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,480 - Do you want some more? I've got extra. - No... - There you go. 934 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,320 - You do like it. - I'm sure you can imagine what I'm like 935 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:06,920 when I'm hyper. It'll be... 936 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 937 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,760 - Five. It was SINEW, was my word. - Ohh. - Wow. 938 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,440 Yeah, just tell me straight away. Doesn't matter. 939 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:16,920 - All right. Rob, how many? - Five. 940 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,160 SWINE! 941 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 942 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:23,880 I'm hyper. We're all hyper. We're on a sugar rush. 943 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:24,920 Deal with it, Dad. 944 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 945 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:28,240 Dane, your four? What was your four? 946 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,040 - NEWS. - Oh, well done. 947 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,200 Well done. Definitely... 948 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:35,840 Definitely worth turning up for. 949 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,280 - Judi, what was your four? - Not... Five. 950 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,400 Five. What was it? 951 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,040 - NOISE. - NOISE. 952 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,280 Jon? 953 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,280 # INSANE in the membrane 954 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,160 # INSANE in the brain! # 955 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,480 Very sugary. 956 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER Very sugary, yeah. 957 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:56,920 Six points to Jon. 958 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,000 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 959 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:00,800 He's gone crazy. 960 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:01,880 OK. 961 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,480 Fucking amazing. 962 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,080 - Roisin, Chiara, Susie, could they have done any better? - Yep. 963 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,840 SWANNIE! 964 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,080 - Huh? - What, sorry? - SWANNIE. 965 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,200 SWANNIE! 966 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:11,920 - Like the song? - Like... 967 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,160 {\an1}- THEY SQUAWK - Like a swan. 968 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,880 It's like a swan. Or it's also, I think, 969 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,440 quite a nice sort of padded, waterproof jacket with a hood. 970 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,480 {\an8}OK, so the scores at the moment - 971 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,800 {\an8}Rob and Miles have 23, Jon, Judi and Dane have 20. 972 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,120 {\an7}- Ooh! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 973 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:28,880 And here is your final teaser. 974 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,280 The words are ID NOSH ME. 975 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,760 The clue is - anything for a good time. 976 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:34,920 That's ID NOSH ME - anything for a good time. 977 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,000 See you after the break. 978 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:37,880 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 979 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,600 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 980 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:53,800 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser... 981 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,080 The words were ID NOSH ME. 982 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,000 The clue was - anything for a good time. 983 00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,360 It was, of course, HEDONISM. 984 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,120 OK, time for our final letters game. 985 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,480 Jon, Judi, Dane, your turn to pick. 986 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,760 {\an1}JUDI AND DANE LAUGH 987 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,800 I think Jon might have to take the lead on picking the letters. 988 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,880 These two are getting on really well. 989 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,480 - Consonant, please, Rachel. - Yeah. 990 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:16,600 Thanks, Jon. 991 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:17,680 T 992 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:19,640 Vowel. 993 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:20,840 A 994 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,880 Consonant, please. 995 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:22,920 F 996 00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,480 Consonant, please. 997 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,520 S 998 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,120 Vowel, please. 999 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:28,320 E 1000 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:29,440 Consonant, please. 1001 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:30,560 L 1002 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,880 Vowel, please. 1003 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,000 A 1004 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,880 Consonant, please. 1005 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,120 D 1006 00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,680 And another vowel, please. 1007 00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:38,960 And the last one... 1008 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,000 I've lost where I am. 1009 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,320 I 1010 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,880 Actually, I'm bored of the clock music. 1011 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:44,920 I might change it up, if that's all right with everyone. 1012 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,200 - OK. - Yeah. - And your time starts now. 1013 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:50,040 {\an7}NORMAL COUNTDOWN MUSIC PLAYS 1014 00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:54,960 {\an7}DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 1015 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,520 {\an7}COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS 1016 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:10,680 {\an7}SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS 1017 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:22,200 {\an7}SPANISH-STYLE COUNTDOWN CLOCK 1018 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:24,440 {\an8}OK, Jon, how many? 1019 00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,760 {\an8} Tengo seis, gracias. 1020 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,760 {\an8}Sorry? 1021 00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,160 {\an8}Tengo seis, Jimmy. 1022 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,680 {\an8}What's happened to your voice, Jon? 1023 00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:34,280 {\an8}Ahora hablo espanol, Mr Carr. 1024 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,720 {\an8}Uno de mis muchos talentos secretos. 1025 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,120 {\an8}I have no idea what you're saying. 1026 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,600 {\an8}La gente solo piensa, "Oh, es little Jon Richardson. 1027 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:46,480 {\an8}"Miralo con su little cardigan y su estupida big boy..." 1028 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:47,960 {\an8}Hay mucho mas de lo que parece. 1029 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,920 {\an8}Estoy harto de que la gente bromee, 1030 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,280 {\an8}diciendo que soy una especie de virgin ratboy. 1031 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,840 {\an8}Y una ultima cosa que me gustaria admitir, 1032 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,280 {\an8}es que realmente me gustan los chocolate hobnobs. 1033 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:02,000 {\an8}- Gracias. - Sorry, we are having some technical difficulties. 1034 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,760 {\an8}I'll try and swap it back to your normal voice. 1035 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,040 {\an8}- Yeah, I think that's it. Try that. - Hello! 1036 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,440 - Jon, how many? - Six. - OK. Dane, how many? 1037 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:16,080 - Five. - Judi, how many? 1038 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:17,880 - Six. - OK. Miles, how many? 1039 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,880 - Seven, I think. - Oh, damn. 1040 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,200 - Ooh. Rob? - Five. - Fine, what's your five? 1041 00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:24,320 FADES 1042 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,040 FADES. OK. Dane, your five? 1043 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,200 FALSE 1044 00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:28,960 FALSE, OK. Judi? 1045 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,200 LADIES. 1046 00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:31,480 Jon, your six? 1047 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:32,800 FASTED 1048 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,280 Miles, for the points, your seven? 1049 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,200 Er, DILATES? 1050 00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:38,320 - Yeah. - Oh. 1051 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,760 - Ooh! - Wow. - My man. - Oh. 1052 00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,480 {\an1}APPLAUSE 1053 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:43,560 Yeah. 1054 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,600 Seven points to Miles. 1055 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,720 Wow. 1056 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:51,480 Strong. Could they have done any better? 1057 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,360 - No. - Nope. - Lord Grantham absolutely nailed it. 1058 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:54,440 It was fantastic. 1059 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,600 Well done, Lord Grantham. 1060 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:01,760 OK, so Rob and Miles have 30. 1061 00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,920 Jon, Judi, and Dane have 20. 1062 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 1063 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,960 OK, so it's a crucial Countdown Conundrum today. 1064 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,880 - Are you ready for this? - Yeah. - Today's crucial Countdown Conundrum. 1065 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,520 Your time starts now. 1066 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:26,760 {\an3}BUZZER 1067 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,840 - Jon? - PICKINESS. 1068 00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:29,160 Oh, how did you get that? 1069 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,800 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1070 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:37,280 {\an1}SPEECH DROWNED BY APPLAUSE 1071 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,560 That's it. Daddy Cool got it, I guess. 1072 00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:42,000 So the final scores are - everyone's got 30. 1073 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,600 It's a draw. Everyone's a winner. 1074 00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,120 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1075 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,520 Congratulations, you are now all the owners of this - 1076 00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,160 the Countdown dog bed. 1077 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,480 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1078 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,800 Thanks to all our panellists, our wonderful studio audience, 1079 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:57,960 and to all of you for watching at home. 1080 00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,400 That's it from us. Goodnight! 1081 00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,560 Subtitles by Red Bee Media