1 00:00:24,634 --> 00:00:31,369 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:31,394 --> 00:00:35,378 Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 3 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,768 Jon Richardson. 4 00:00:37,793 --> 00:00:40,047 Richard Ayoade. 5 00:00:40,072 --> 00:00:42,328 Lucy Beaumont. 6 00:00:42,353 --> 00:00:44,378 Joe Wilkinson. 7 00:00:44,403 --> 00:00:46,658 Finlay Christie. 8 00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:49,097 Susie Dent. 9 00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:51,097 Rachel Riley. 10 00:00:51,122 --> 00:00:55,898 And your host, jimmyyyyy Carr! 11 00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:59,177 Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 12 00:00:59,202 --> 00:01:01,738 a show all about letters, numbers and conundrums. 13 00:01:01,763 --> 00:01:03,408 OK, let's meet tonight's players. 14 00:01:03,433 --> 00:01:06,488 First up, it's team captain jon Richardson. 15 00:01:06,513 --> 00:01:10,927 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:01:10,952 --> 00:01:13,698 I like the sitcom Meet The Richardsons. The only downside 17 00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:18,208 of the show is one of the Richardsons you have to meet is jon. 18 00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:21,258 Lucy, you should have got up and slapped jimmy 19 00:01:21,283 --> 00:01:24,177 for those remarks. Were they insulting me? 20 00:01:24,202 --> 00:01:26,618 No, me. They were insulting him but you should have said, 21 00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:30,018 "Take my husband's name out of your mouth..." 22 00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:32,018 Don't mess with my man. 23 00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:38,418 "Take my husband's name out your flippin' mouth." 24 00:01:38,443 --> 00:01:41,258 Wow. I married the wrong person. 25 00:01:41,283 --> 00:01:44,258 It's not too late, Jon. And Jon's team-mate. 26 00:01:44,283 --> 00:01:47,568 His real life wife, Lucy Beaumont. 27 00:01:47,593 --> 00:01:52,648 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 28 00:01:52,673 --> 00:01:56,028 Lucy and jon are married. So, Lucy, I know everyone watching at home 29 00:01:56,053 --> 00:01:59,847 is dying to know — what made you decide to settle? 30 00:01:59,872 --> 00:02:01,568 I don't see this for life. 31 00:02:01,593 --> 00:02:05,927 LAUGHTER 32 00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:08,288 Isn't there a song, Just Passing Through? 33 00:02:08,313 --> 00:02:12,698 Is it? just Passing Through? A season, a reason or a lifetime? 34 00:02:12,723 --> 00:02:15,568 I know you're from Hull, I'm getting about half of this. 35 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:22,028 You meet in your life old souls, new souls...assholes. 36 00:02:22,053 --> 00:02:25,568 Put music under this, this is like je t'aime. 37 00:02:25,593 --> 00:02:27,927 No, but I've had a nice time. I mean, before, Jon, 38 00:02:27,952 --> 00:02:32,338 I'd never had an avocado. We've had a lovely life, you know? 39 00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,698 So you feel like he's expanded your horizons? 40 00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:36,698 You never had an avocado until you met jon? No. 41 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:41,107 Now we've had a daughter and, you know, who knows what will happen 42 00:02:41,132 --> 00:02:46,258 in the future? Are you breaking up now? 43 00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:49,748 You know, we've had a lovely daughter, so it has been worth it. 44 00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:54,857 LAUGHTER 45 00:02:54,882 --> 00:02:58,548 I think I've just broken them up. And up against them this evening, 46 00:02:58,573 --> 00:03:00,937 it's guest team captain Richard Ayoade. 47 00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:06,658 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 48 00:03:06,683 --> 00:03:09,418 Richard is credited with giving a voice to geeks everywhere. 49 00:03:09,443 --> 00:03:13,298 And what a silly, nasally, whiny voice it is. 50 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,828 Take my husband's name... 51 00:03:15,853 --> 00:03:18,418 LAUGHTER 52 00:03:18,443 --> 00:03:20,937 And joining Richard tonight, it's joe Wilkinson. 53 00:03:20,962 --> 00:03:24,268 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 54 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:31,218 joe is what we call an eccentric. It's an old English term, 55 00:03:31,243 --> 00:03:35,187 meaning we know he did it, but we can't prove it. 56 00:03:35,212 --> 00:03:37,107 Richard, what have you been up to lately? 57 00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:41,138 Well, you're kind to feign interest. I am... 58 00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:44,057 I've written a children's book. Do you want to see the cover? 59 00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:46,698 I would love to see the cover. Look at this. Go on, what's... 60 00:03:46,723 --> 00:03:50,057 What's that? The Book That No One Wanted To Read. 61 00:03:50,082 --> 00:03:54,778 It's a pre—emptive strike on critics, and it's... 62 00:03:54,803 --> 00:03:57,107 It's an absolute triumph. That's a genuine book. 63 00:03:57,132 --> 00:03:59,937 This isn't a prop. 64 00:03:59,962 --> 00:04:03,828 This is all sales, this bit. There's no jokes here. Really? 65 00:04:03,853 --> 00:04:06,748 I can't work out if you're joking or not. 66 00:04:06,773 --> 00:04:10,378 Why's it not got any pages? 67 00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:12,708 OK... OK, so what's the book about? 68 00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:17,107 The book is about... It's the first book to have been written by a book. 69 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:21,498 The main character is a book. I'm out. 70 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:24,908 I don't understand. A book has written the book about a book 71 00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:27,498 that no—one wants to read. That's what... It's hilarious. 72 00:04:27,523 --> 00:04:31,908 I can see why you haven't bothered to write it yet. 73 00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:35,107 This is a sale. You don't... Have you seen a poster before? 74 00:04:35,132 --> 00:04:38,708 It's not got the whole film behind it. 75 00:04:38,733 --> 00:04:41,498 I mean, what's so hard about the concept of it? 76 00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:44,708 Cos they usually have pages, books. Do you look at pictures of people 77 00:04:44,733 --> 00:04:49,378 you know and go, "That's not the person. It's 2D!" 78 00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:52,148 I don't know if you've seen a lot of jimmy's work, but we don't get 79 00:04:52,173 --> 00:04:54,908 a lot of kids watching. 80 00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:57,508 Jon, what are the challenges of working with your partner? 81 00:04:57,533 --> 00:05:01,428 I would say divorcing live on air would be one of them. 82 00:05:01,453 --> 00:05:05,908 I think we work well together. It's living together is the issue. 83 00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:08,298 So do you think you and Lucy will make a good team? No. 84 00:05:08,323 --> 00:05:12,788 No, I don't think so. I have two safe spaces. 85 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,218 One is a room in our house that I go and get drunk in 86 00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:18,578 and one is here where I can come and be with... 87 00:05:18,603 --> 00:05:23,508 You're my real friends, aren't you? This is my hanging out time. 88 00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:25,867 You usually see quite a sort of laddie side of me. 89 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,478 I'm having to sort of really... 90 00:05:27,503 --> 00:05:32,588 Usually I'm down here like, "Hey, fucking get the letters out." 91 00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:34,588 You're always like, "What's she been like?" 92 00:05:34,613 --> 00:05:37,838 Rachel's like, "I bet she's a fucking nightmare." 93 00:05:37,863 --> 00:05:39,908 LAUGHTER 94 00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:42,838 joe, tell us something surprising about yourself. Oh, yeah, 95 00:05:42,863 --> 00:05:46,148 I have a normal amount of pubic hair. 96 00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:47,737 LAUGHTER 97 00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:49,708 Really? 98 00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:54,117 I was picturing more like a pistachio in a hedge. Yeah. 99 00:05:54,142 --> 00:05:57,867 People think I have loads but it couldn't be further from the truth. 100 00:05:57,892 --> 00:06:01,268 The amount I have is spot—on. 101 00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:05,918 The only thing is, though, it's not curly. 102 00:06:05,943 --> 00:06:10,508 Yeah, it's... It's straight and blonde. 103 00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:15,428 So it hangs down in front of my pipe like a cream shower curtain. 104 00:06:15,453 --> 00:06:17,737 OK, Richard, have you got a mascot? 105 00:06:17,762 --> 00:06:20,348 I have a very interesting... 106 00:06:20,373 --> 00:06:23,558 Cos I've started doing lots of voice work. 107 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:28,308 When you've got a marvellous, mellifluous baritone like me, 108 00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:31,708 people want to hire you. Sure. With this, you can... 109 00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:35,278 You can add things. So if you give me any scenario for a cartoon, 110 00:06:35,303 --> 00:06:38,708 I can do it with this. Do you want one? If you want. 111 00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:40,508 Two badgers meeting. 112 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,747 HIGH—PITCHED, DISTORTED VOICE: "Hi, I'm a badger. 113 00:06:43,772 --> 00:06:46,278 "I've just written a book. It's... 114 00:06:46,303 --> 00:06:51,708 "It's a book written by a book that no-one wants to read. 115 00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:58,428 "There's a poster, but there is no depth to the book as yet. 116 00:06:58,453 --> 00:06:59,867 "How are you?" 117 00:06:59,892 --> 00:07:02,228 "I'm OK. That book sounds very interesting. 118 00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:04,997 "The last thing I'd want to do is denigrate it, 119 00:07:05,022 --> 00:07:07,997 "especially when there's a very limited opportunity to bring it 120 00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:12,508 "to people's attention." "Well, thank you for that. 121 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,788 "And thank you for the opportunity." 122 00:07:14,813 --> 00:07:17,108 This is perfect. 123 00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:19,718 I use this for character work. Does it do anything else? 124 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:22,197 It also goes deep. Oh, well... It goes deeper. 125 00:07:22,222 --> 00:07:26,028 DEEP, DISTORTED VOICE: Do you want to hear the deep? So... 126 00:07:26,053 --> 00:07:30,478 NORMAL VOICE: So ask me anything and I'll make it sound extremely sensual. 127 00:07:30,503 --> 00:07:32,388 What did you have for breakfast this morning? 128 00:07:32,413 --> 00:07:35,358 DEEP, DISTORTED VOICE: I skipped breakfast 129 00:07:35,383 --> 00:07:40,947 because I had a baaaad stomach. 130 00:07:40,972 --> 00:07:46,308 Richard? Yes. Jon wants to do children's films like you do. 131 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,668 You're in everything. Thank you. And Jon always goes, 132 00:07:48,693 --> 00:07:53,028 "Oh, it's him again." Yeah. I can't take my daughter to the cinema 133 00:07:53,053 --> 00:07:55,077 cos it's just people I know. 134 00:07:55,102 --> 00:07:57,798 And she says, "Daddy, why don't you do one of those films?" 135 00:07:57,823 --> 00:08:00,747 And I say to her, "I don't fucking know!" 136 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:03,668 LAUGHTER 137 00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:05,197 I take it really well. 138 00:08:05,222 --> 00:08:08,588 That was brought to you by professional jealousy. 139 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:12,588 Lucy, have you got a mascot? Yeah, I have. So, basically, 140 00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:15,947 let me explain that I know we're on a team together, with Jon, 141 00:08:15,972 --> 00:08:18,638 but, as you know, he's good at everything. 142 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:22,308 We'll let that go, shall we? Let's just let it go. 143 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:25,108 I would like to be better than him on this. I would like to do better. 144 00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:26,747 I would like to get more points. 145 00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:29,518 And the only way I'm going to do that is if I distract him. 146 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,877 And there's only one thing I think that will distract him. 147 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:35,238 And it's in this box. It's not a pair of tits. 148 00:08:35,263 --> 00:08:37,278 LAUGHTER 149 00:08:37,303 --> 00:08:39,668 You know I love severed breasts. 150 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:42,238 LAUGHTER 151 00:08:42,263 --> 00:08:46,638 What you need to know is Jon is a pretend vegan... 152 00:08:46,663 --> 00:08:49,278 How do you mean a pretend vegan? Cos he goes on about being vegan. 153 00:08:49,303 --> 00:08:51,848 We both are vegan. But I like blue cheese and fish 154 00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:56,468 and Jon likes nice sausages and steak. 155 00:08:56,493 --> 00:08:59,918 I am vegan. Except in situations... 156 00:08:59,943 --> 00:09:05,278 Here we go. ..where my wife orders food and then leaves it. 157 00:09:05,303 --> 00:09:07,827 I have the steak cos of the iron. 158 00:09:07,852 --> 00:09:12,877 And Jon orders butternut squash and he looks like a bit upset. 159 00:09:12,902 --> 00:09:16,358 And then so what I do is, when I get to the last bit, I go, 160 00:09:16,383 --> 00:09:19,288 "Oh, I can't eat that bit." I'm just pretending. 161 00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:22,518 And then what we have to do is we swap the plates around, 162 00:09:22,543 --> 00:09:26,288 and I'm not allowed to look at him, and it's all in silence. 163 00:09:26,313 --> 00:09:28,957 LAUGHTER 164 00:09:28,982 --> 00:09:31,827 And he eats this bit of steak 165 00:09:31,852 --> 00:09:35,827 and then the look on his face after he's eaten it is like... 166 00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:39,718 You know, those Facebook videos that go viral of the deaf baby 167 00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:42,007 when it gets a hearing aid? 168 00:09:42,032 --> 00:09:46,118 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 169 00:09:46,143 --> 00:09:49,568 What's going to distract him, then? What's...? What's...? 170 00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:53,928 Oh, God. It's a massive steak. 171 00:09:53,953 --> 00:09:57,118 Yeah, it's a dead cow. 172 00:09:57,143 --> 00:10:00,678 What part of a cow would that be, then, do you think? Perineum. 173 00:10:00,703 --> 00:10:02,648 The what? Perineum. 174 00:10:02,673 --> 00:10:04,957 LAUGHTER 175 00:10:04,982 --> 00:10:09,368 just my guess. For me, it's my favourite cut. 176 00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:12,087 Where would you like me to cut? Here? Yeah. 177 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,188 Oh! It's cake! It's cake. 178 00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:19,568 Amazing. That's superb, isn't it? I mean, that's...remarkable. 179 00:10:19,593 --> 00:10:21,318 APPLAUSE 180 00:10:21,343 --> 00:10:25,678 Is that like a beef dripping cake? Steak cake. 181 00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:28,158 It's just got rabbit in the filling. 182 00:10:28,183 --> 00:10:32,007 LAUGHTER 183 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:35,007 jon, have you got a mascot? I have got a mascot. Thank you for asking. 184 00:10:35,032 --> 00:10:38,598 I tell you what I don't like, I don't like reality 185 00:10:38,623 --> 00:10:40,928 and I don't like seeing other people 186 00:10:40,953 --> 00:10:45,007 who aren't suffering for my amusement. Oh! OK. 187 00:10:45,032 --> 00:10:48,928 He's just like all men in Wetherspoons. 188 00:10:48,953 --> 00:10:51,198 I meant to say that in my head. 189 00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:52,678 LAUGHTER 190 00:10:52,703 --> 00:10:54,198 I've lost a lot of time this week. 191 00:10:54,223 --> 00:10:57,118 I don't know if you've ever Googled the words "VR fails". 192 00:10:57,143 --> 00:11:02,007 If you want to see a pensioner run headfirst into their own telly... 193 00:11:02,032 --> 00:11:04,957 Yes, please. And let's be honest, who doesn't? 194 00:11:04,982 --> 00:11:08,288 You need to get a slice of the VR headset market. OK. 195 00:11:08,313 --> 00:11:13,238 Well, welcome to the Jon Richardson Virtual Reality Simulator. 196 00:11:13,263 --> 00:11:16,887 Right. You get the gloves so you can feel what it's like, 197 00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:20,648 the clammy touch of a genuine Jon Richardson. 198 00:11:20,673 --> 00:11:25,198 I love how tiny the gloves are. They are tiny. And this is the headset. 199 00:11:25,223 --> 00:11:27,608 So I'm going to go into the performance area there, 200 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:30,928 if you don't mind, Jimmy. Sure. When I put this on and I activate it, 201 00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:34,198 it will take me into a world that I have created, 202 00:11:34,223 --> 00:11:38,558 that is how I think the world should be, to be honest. So... 203 00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:40,007 Hang on, he's off. 204 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,528 R's so grew! 205 00:11:42,553 --> 00:11:44,198 It's incredible! 206 00:11:44,223 --> 00:11:45,528 HE GASPS 207 00:11:45,553 --> 00:11:46,887 I've got full hair! 208 00:11:46,912 --> 00:11:48,328 LAUGHTER 209 00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:50,368 I've got long hair. 210 00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:53,007 Hello, there. Do you need some help? 211 00:11:54,193 --> 00:11:55,168 Yeah? 212 00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:59,608 LAUGHTER 213 00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:01,198 What's happening here, jon? 214 00:12:01,223 --> 00:12:04,808 Just trying to move the dining table so we can hoover under it. 215 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,918 Oh, someone's left some chips on a little coffee table. 216 00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:10,198 See if I can... Can you see this, 217 00:12:10,223 --> 00:12:12,648 where, if I pick up an actual chip, 218 00:12:12,673 --> 00:12:14,887 put some more salt and vinegar on... 219 00:12:16,713 --> 00:12:20,558 You know, it's not even real, is it? I could just cover myself in salt. 220 00:12:20,583 --> 00:12:23,368 LAUGHTER 221 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,757 It's just so real. 222 00:12:27,782 --> 00:12:30,328 APPLAUSE I like it. 223 00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:38,048 Joe, have you got a mascot? I've actually brought along 224 00:12:38,073 --> 00:12:42,608 a packet of haemorrhoid suppositories 225 00:12:42,633 --> 00:12:47,448 because I love the design of the package and the beautiful font. 226 00:12:49,992 --> 00:12:53,298 LAUGHTER 227 00:12:53,323 --> 00:12:56,837 Sorry...what? I've had haemorrhoids for several years now, 228 00:12:56,862 --> 00:13:00,658 so I've got to the point where I can pop one of those in 229 00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:04,558 and people can't really tell when I've done it. 230 00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:08,328 I'll let you into a little secret, jimmy. It's all about misdirection. 231 00:13:08,353 --> 00:13:09,808 LOUD BANG, SHRIEKING 232 00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:11,608 Oh, my God. 233 00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:14,808 LAUGHTER 234 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:16,278 Did you just...? 235 00:13:16,303 --> 00:13:18,558 APPLAUSE 236 00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:21,298 While that was... 237 00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:23,328 Yeah. 238 00:13:23,353 --> 00:13:27,688 The itching is immediately gone. 239 00:13:27,713 --> 00:13:31,738 OK, over in Dictionary Corner, it's Finlay Christie. Hey. 240 00:13:31,763 --> 00:13:35,248 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 241 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:38,887 Finlay's here so, showbiz scoop, it looks like Clare Balding 242 00:13:38,912 --> 00:13:41,608 and Ellen DeGeneres did have that baby. 243 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,458 LAUGHTER 244 00:13:43,483 --> 00:13:46,658 It's your first time on the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself. 245 00:13:46,683 --> 00:13:51,538 I'm 22, which means I'm Gen Z and it's great being Gen Z, you know, 246 00:13:51,563 --> 00:13:55,408 like, with a generation that grew up with smart phones, you know, 247 00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:58,248 I love my phone, you know, but people say me all the time, 248 00:13:58,273 --> 00:14:01,658 like, "Oh, get rid of your phone, you'll be so much happier." 249 00:14:01,683 --> 00:14:06,378 Whenever I hear that, I just think, like, "Do I want to be happy or... 250 00:14:06,403 --> 00:14:09,608 "..do I just want my phone?" Do you really think that? 251 00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:12,738 Yeah. Like, I feel like phones are better than happiness. 252 00:14:12,763 --> 00:14:15,608 Really, because, like, if you're on a night out 253 00:14:15,633 --> 00:14:19,658 and someone loses their phone, it's deep, right? 254 00:14:19,683 --> 00:14:22,378 Is it in your bag? Is it on the train? We'll call the train. 255 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,847 Is it in a pub? We'll call the pub. 256 00:14:23,872 --> 00:14:26,568 That's what happens if you lose your phone. But, like, if you're on 257 00:14:26,593 --> 00:14:29,897 a night out and someone told you they weren't happy, you'd be like, 258 00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:32,208 "OK. 259 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:35,818 "Yeah, none of us are happy. That's why we're out." 260 00:14:35,843 --> 00:14:38,897 With Finlay, of course, it's Susie Dent. 261 00:14:38,922 --> 00:14:44,017 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 262 00:14:44,042 --> 00:14:46,538 Susie recently developed a gaming app called Two Words. 263 00:14:46,563 --> 00:14:51,928 The game has a two player mode, which seems optimistic. 264 00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:55,738 Here's the big question, Susie, are you working on a new book? 265 00:14:55,763 --> 00:14:58,618 Yes. For fuck's sake. 266 00:14:58,643 --> 00:15:00,208 LAUGHTER 267 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,097 It's a dictionary of emotions. 268 00:15:02,122 --> 00:15:04,458 Gives you lots of words for the way that you're feeling. 269 00:15:04,483 --> 00:15:07,977 So there's a brilliant word, age otori, from Japanese, which is — 270 00:15:08,002 --> 00:15:10,468 you'll know this one — this is the desolation you feel 271 00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,108 after a bad haircut. 272 00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:14,438 LAUGHTER 273 00:15:14,463 --> 00:15:15,908 We've all had a bad haircut. 274 00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:19,678 We don't all fly across the world to have it sewn back in. 275 00:15:19,703 --> 00:15:22,997 LAUGHTER 276 00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:29,007 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley! Hey, Rachel. 277 00:15:29,032 --> 00:15:32,877 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Come on, then. Come on, then. 278 00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:36,268 Rachel's come straight from her other job as a dental nurse. 279 00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:38,598 LAUGHTER 280 00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:42,038 Shall we go with your teeth? Shall we move on from here to teeth? 281 00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:44,877 My teeth? They're fucking fantastic. 282 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:49,238 I mean, they're not mine. Technically, they belong to HMRC. 283 00:15:49,263 --> 00:15:52,268 LAUGHTER 284 00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:54,728 Rachel, does being good with numbers run your family? 285 00:15:54,753 --> 00:15:57,798 Well, my brother is really good at maths. He got 100% in his GCSE 286 00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:02,478 without doing any work... Is that a lot? That's not bad. 287 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:05,398 I think he's passed it on to his son, who's five years old. 288 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,238 It was a relative's birthday and she said, 289 00:16:07,263 --> 00:16:11,627 "Uncle Harry is turning 95. What will he be in five years' time?" 290 00:16:11,652 --> 00:16:14,908 And quick as a flash, he said, "Dead." 291 00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,598 If you're watching and you're 95... 292 00:16:17,623 --> 00:16:19,448 LAUGHTER 293 00:16:19,473 --> 00:16:22,318 OK, and the prize the teams will be competing for tonight is this, 294 00:16:22,343 --> 00:16:24,908 the Countdown Dressing Up Box. 295 00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:29,988 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 296 00:16:30,013 --> 00:16:32,728 Look at that. 297 00:16:32,753 --> 00:16:35,518 That's joe Wilkinson — but you would. 298 00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,348 LAUGHTER 299 00:16:37,373 --> 00:16:40,678 And that is what Lucy sees when she looks at jon Richardson. 300 00:16:40,703 --> 00:16:42,728 LAUGHTER 301 00:16:42,753 --> 00:16:45,988 Boys, could you go and stand behind? I just want to see... 302 00:16:46,013 --> 00:16:48,368 Let's beat the shit out of each other. 303 00:16:48,393 --> 00:16:50,678 It looks like we've done a makeover show. 304 00:16:50,703 --> 00:16:52,957 LAUGHTER 305 00:16:55,862 --> 00:16:58,118 Lucy? Lucy? Yeah... 306 00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,448 If I had to... Yeah, I would, yeah. 307 00:17:01,473 --> 00:17:04,988 Joe, what do you think of yours? Lovely. 308 00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:07,957 LAUGHTER 309 00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:10,278 Er...take that. 310 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,957 Is that your room key? Yeah. 311 00:17:13,982 --> 00:17:16,248 LAUGHTER 312 00:17:16,273 --> 00:17:17,808 Can we wrap this up? 313 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,118 LAUGHTER 314 00:17:20,143 --> 00:17:24,448 The Countdown Dressing Up Box, everyone. Thanks, gents. 315 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,398 OK, let's Countdown, everyone. It's time for our first game. 316 00:17:31,423 --> 00:17:34,728 Jon, Lucy, your turn to choose the letters. Consonant, please, Rachel. 317 00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,087 Thank you, Jon. 318 00:17:36,112 --> 00:17:38,887 T Vowel, please. 319 00:17:38,912 --> 00:17:41,248 I Consonant, please, Rachel. 320 00:17:41,273 --> 00:17:43,728 L Consonant, please. 321 00:17:43,753 --> 00:17:45,478 S Vowel, please. Brilliant. 322 00:17:45,503 --> 00:17:46,837 A Consonant, please. 323 00:17:46,862 --> 00:17:50,168 N Another...consonant. 324 00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:52,087 C Another vowel, please. 325 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,967 U Vowel, please. A final... 326 00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:56,168 O 327 00:17:56,193 --> 00:17:59,087 You know what, as you're doing this, I'm going to do 30 seconds cardio. 328 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,918 Ah... Doo-doo-doo. 329 00:18:01,943 --> 00:18:05,198 Right, your time starts...now. 330 00:18:05,223 --> 00:18:08,168 MUSIC: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson 331 00:18:37,273 --> 00:18:42,528 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 332 00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,967 he'? §oe, mate, You know those haemorrhoid suppositories? 333 00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:49,967 Could I borrow one? 334 00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:53,767 Gave me a hell of a lot of eye contact. 335 00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:55,637 Jon, How many? Eight. 336 00:18:55,662 --> 00:18:58,528 Lucy, How many? Five. Five. 337 00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:01,528 Richard, How many? I'm going to say five and play it safe. 338 00:19:01,553 --> 00:19:04,717 Joe, how many? Er... F... Six. 339 00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:07,847 I might get down now before I die. 340 00:19:07,872 --> 00:19:09,637 Oh, lovely dismount. 341 00:19:09,662 --> 00:19:11,558 APPLAUSE 342 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:15,918 Do you know what? It's nice to get some air on it. 343 00:19:15,943 --> 00:19:18,688 Richard, your five. TOILS. 344 00:19:18,713 --> 00:19:21,358 Lucy, your five. I got TOILS as well. 345 00:19:21,383 --> 00:19:24,688 Joe, your six. SCOUNT. 346 00:19:24,713 --> 00:19:26,688 SCOUNT. Could you use that in a sentence? 347 00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:30,408 "My God, I've got a six, it's SCOUNT." 348 00:19:30,433 --> 00:19:33,358 What does SCOUNT mean, joe? I'm going to need a definition from you. 349 00:19:33,383 --> 00:19:37,717 SCOUNT. It's 20% off discount. Yeah, exactly. 350 00:19:37,742 --> 00:19:39,608 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 351 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:42,528 Oh, that is good. 352 00:19:42,553 --> 00:19:45,328 It looks like it should be a word. Susie Dent, is that a word? No. 353 00:19:45,353 --> 00:19:49,048 Should I point out it's 25% and ruin Jon's clay? Yes. 354 00:19:49,073 --> 00:19:55,097 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 355 00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:57,967 I'd have to be a real piece of work to have been divorced live on air 356 00:19:57,992 --> 00:20:01,967 and have that be the thing that ruined my life. 357 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,767 OK, jon, your eight. CAUTIONS. 358 00:20:04,792 --> 00:20:07,048 Excellent. CAUTIONS. 359 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,458 Eight points to jon. 360 00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:11,128 APPLAUSE 361 00:20:11,153 --> 00:20:13,967 Susie, Finlay, could they have done any better? It's pretty good. 362 00:20:13,992 --> 00:20:16,688 CAUTIONS was the best. I mean, there were a couple of other eights. 363 00:20:16,713 --> 00:20:19,078 There's LUNATICS and AUCTIONS. 364 00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:21,847 So at the end of that, jon and Lucy are in the lead with eight points. 365 00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:23,818 RICHARD: Son of a gun. 366 00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:26,928 APPLAUSE 367 00:20:26,953 --> 00:20:29,288 On to our first numbers round. OK, Richard, he, 368 00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:32,408 your turn to pick the numbers. We'll go basic. 369 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:35,977 Classic. Classic. El Clasico. 370 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,767 Ole! The four little ones... 371 00:20:38,792 --> 00:20:42,258 I'm saying this is getting too self—referential. And I've written 372 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:45,818 a book from the point of view of the book about a book. 373 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,208 So your target is 374 00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:55,897 717 and your time starts now. 375 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,928 Wow, that seems too high. That's too high. 376 00:21:15,203 --> 00:21:17,847 There's just not enough time to do it. 377 00:21:17,872 --> 00:21:19,488 LAUGHTER 378 00:21:26,513 --> 00:21:29,258 OK. So the target was 717. 379 00:21:29,283 --> 00:21:31,538 Richard, did you get it? 25. 380 00:21:31,563 --> 00:21:32,897 LAUGHTER 381 00:21:32,922 --> 00:21:36,008 OK. jon, did you get it? Only just 382 00:21:36,033 --> 00:21:37,538 and I haven't written it down. 383 00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,418 Ditto. Ditto. 384 00:21:39,443 --> 00:21:41,208 LAUGHTER 385 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:42,727 OK, Lucy, did you get it? 386 00:21:42,752 --> 00:21:45,338 I'm still... Still looking. 387 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:46,977 We“, why don": we go to he first'? 388 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:56,008 OK, s0...take the 50... Uh-huh. ..and write it up there. Yup. 389 00:21:56,033 --> 00:21:58,058 LAUGHTER 390 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,818 Step one. Times it by 2. 391 00:22:00,843 --> 00:22:03,727 No, wait, wait! 392 00:22:03,752 --> 00:22:08,338 Add the 5. Right, 55. That's 55. We're getting warmer. 393 00:22:08,363 --> 00:22:11,288 Times that by 2 394 00:22:11,313 --> 00:22:14,368 and times it by the 7. 770. 395 00:22:14,393 --> 00:22:17,058 Times the... 396 00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:19,928 Times the 5 and the 6. You've already used the 5. 397 00:22:19,953 --> 00:22:23,258 You know what? She's right. 398 00:22:23,283 --> 00:22:26,058 She is good, though. She is good. She's right. Fair play to you, 399 00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:30,418 Rachel you done me. OK, yon, how did you do it'? 400 00:22:30,443 --> 00:22:33,538 50 multiplied by 7. 350. 401 00:22:33,563 --> 00:22:36,857 Then add the 6. Yeah, 356. 402 00:22:36,882 --> 00:22:39,698 Then times by 2. ls 712. 403 00:22:39,723 --> 00:22:43,338 And then add the 5. Well done. 404 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:47,727 Ten points to jon. And here is your teaser. The words are 405 00:22:47,752 --> 00:22:50,448 GNAWNIPS and the clue is, the wider the better. 406 00:22:50,473 --> 00:22:53,418 That's GNAWNIPS, the wider the better. See you after the break. 407 00:22:53,443 --> 00:22:55,657 APPLAUSE 408 00:23:07,812 --> 00:23:10,588 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back. 409 00:23:10,613 --> 00:23:12,948 The answer to the teaser — the words were GNAWNIPS, 410 00:23:12,973 --> 00:23:16,468 the clue was the wider, the better. It was, of course, WINGSPAN. 411 00:23:16,493 --> 00:23:20,188 OK, on to another letters game. joe, your turn to choose. 412 00:23:20,213 --> 00:23:22,747 May I have a consent, please? Course you can, Joe. Thank you. 413 00:23:22,772 --> 00:23:24,188 ... 414 00:23:24,213 --> 00:23:26,547 May I have another consonant, please? 415 00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:29,078 M May I have a vowel? 416 00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:32,028 A May I have another vowel? You may. 417 00:23:32,053 --> 00:23:34,908 E May I have a consonant, please? 418 00:23:34,933 --> 00:23:37,308 H May I have a vowel? 419 00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:40,268 O May I have another vowel? 420 00:23:40,293 --> 00:23:42,797 I May I have a consonant? 421 00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:46,718 F May I have another consonant? 422 00:23:46,743 --> 00:23:49,268 You may have a final G 423 00:23:49,293 --> 00:23:51,518 OK, your 30 seconds starts now. 424 00:24:22,652 --> 00:24:25,238 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 425 00:24:27,822 --> 00:24:30,627 So I've done everyone. It's quite good, isn't it? 426 00:24:30,652 --> 00:24:33,468 Holy shit, that's the letters from this round. I've done Rachel, 427 00:24:33,493 --> 00:24:37,388 I've done Susie, I've done Finlay, I've done joe there. You can't see 428 00:24:37,413 --> 00:24:41,797 this, obviously, but the detail's incredible. The joe one smells. 429 00:24:41,822 --> 00:24:43,797 Got Richard there. And then we've got... 430 00:24:43,822 --> 00:24:46,238 We've got Lucy. And I've done one of... 431 00:24:46,263 --> 00:24:48,677 I've done a life-size one of jon. 432 00:24:48,702 --> 00:24:50,358 LAUGHTER 433 00:24:50,383 --> 00:24:54,747 Oh. Peeping over the desk. It's cute, isn't it? 434 00:24:54,772 --> 00:24:58,188 That was the moment of realisation that if I looked like the Lego me 435 00:24:58,213 --> 00:25:00,078 and they made a film about it, 436 00:25:00,103 --> 00:25:03,547 you would still get to do the voice instead of me. 437 00:25:03,572 --> 00:25:06,268 "It's another eight—letter word." 438 00:25:06,293 --> 00:25:07,747 LAUGHTER 439 00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:10,468 I'll just turn that so you can see. Can you see jon? 440 00:25:10,493 --> 00:25:12,797 LAUGHTER 441 00:25:12,822 --> 00:25:15,797 You do sometimes feel like a small man, don't you? 442 00:25:15,822 --> 00:25:19,598 The annoying thing is... No, hold. Let's just... 443 00:25:19,623 --> 00:25:21,908 When does he feel like a small man? 444 00:25:21,933 --> 00:25:26,547 He feels very insecure around, you know, gardeners, electricians, 445 00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:30,627 plumbers... Anyone you're sleeping with, yeah. 446 00:25:30,652 --> 00:25:33,468 How many? Oh, she's had five... How many men? 447 00:25:33,493 --> 00:25:35,518 LAUGHTER 448 00:25:35,543 --> 00:25:39,908 I meant, how many did you get in this round? Oh, sorry. 449 00:25:39,933 --> 00:25:43,118 Four. Four letters. Four? Yeah. OK. 450 00:25:43,143 --> 00:25:45,797 Jon, how many? Well, a risky seven. 451 00:25:45,822 --> 00:25:48,438 OK. Richard? Eight. Ooh. 452 00:25:48,463 --> 00:25:50,797 That's right. A confident eight. Nice. 453 00:25:50,822 --> 00:25:55,547 Joe? I've got six. It's a risky six. GAMIER. 454 00:25:55,572 --> 00:25:57,478 LAUGHTER 455 00:25:57,503 --> 00:26:01,268 Susie, Is that in there? It is, yeah. 456 00:26:01,293 --> 00:26:05,757 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 457 00:26:05,782 --> 00:26:09,448 Lucy, your four. HOME. OK, yon, your seven. 458 00:26:09,473 --> 00:26:12,757 Well, I don't think it will be in cos I think it's a French word, 459 00:26:12,782 --> 00:26:15,518 but FROMAGE. That's a good one. 460 00:26:15,543 --> 00:26:20,038 From age blanc, from age frats but no plain from age. 461 00:26:20,063 --> 00:26:23,627 From age frats is in there? What, the little yoghurt? Yeah. 462 00:26:23,652 --> 00:26:24,877 LAUGHTER 463 00:26:24,902 --> 00:26:27,398 Yes. So is Petite Filous. 464 00:26:27,423 --> 00:26:30,598 That's Petite Filous! I'm thinking of Petite Filous! 465 00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,918 LAUGHTER 466 00:26:32,943 --> 00:26:35,838 I love the fact that jon knew that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 467 00:26:35,863 --> 00:26:38,348 They packed lunch together. 468 00:26:38,373 --> 00:26:41,348 For your first points of the evening. Go on, big dog. Your eight. 469 00:26:41,373 --> 00:26:44,038 This is definitely a word. Bit of confidence, great. 470 00:26:44,063 --> 00:26:47,118 HAREMFIG. 471 00:26:47,143 --> 00:26:50,448 HAREMFIG. I think I think it would be hyphenated. Ladies and gentlemen, 472 00:26:50,473 --> 00:26:54,088 I don't get to say this very often, but six points to joe! 473 00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:59,887 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 474 00:26:59,912 --> 00:27:04,248 OK, Finlay, Susie, could they have done it better? Doubt it. 475 00:27:04,273 --> 00:27:08,118 We've got FOAMIER. Oh. 476 00:27:08,143 --> 00:27:11,807 "That dog with rabies is even foamier." 477 00:27:11,832 --> 00:27:14,838 LAUGHTER 478 00:27:14,863 --> 00:27:18,807 I don't think anyone's ever said that that calmly. 479 00:27:18,832 --> 00:27:22,448 "Audible presents Cujo by Richard Ayoade." 480 00:27:22,473 --> 00:27:26,038 I'm well ahead of you. Done it. Hang on. 481 00:27:26,063 --> 00:27:29,637 DEEP, DISTORTED VOICE: The dogs were wandering out, some were foamy 482 00:27:29,662 --> 00:27:32,968 but others were foamier still. 483 00:27:32,993 --> 00:27:36,358 Chuck Brasterton needed to get the foamiest, and quick. 484 00:27:36,383 --> 00:27:41,637 Or his...ass would be in a sling. 485 00:27:41,662 --> 00:27:43,168 I mean... 486 00:27:43,193 --> 00:27:48,918 APPLAUSE 487 00:27:48,943 --> 00:27:52,448 OK. They've been playing in teams so far but this game is just for Lucy and Richard. 488 00:27:52,473 --> 00:27:55,478 Lucy, you've got to pick the numbers. A big number. 489 00:27:55,503 --> 00:27:56,918 Thank you. 490 00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,807 LAUGHTER 491 00:27:58,832 --> 00:28:02,198 You just want one or do you want another one? However many you want 492 00:28:02,223 --> 00:28:04,968 to...do. Do a couple. Chuck a couple in there. 493 00:28:04,993 --> 00:28:06,807 Thank you. Just for fun. 494 00:28:06,832 --> 00:28:09,248 Four little ones. El Classico again. 495 00:28:09,273 --> 00:28:11,968 Right, we've got... Yes! Yes! 496 00:28:15,832 --> 00:28:19,557 OK. Got it. And the target... Oh, 885. 497 00:28:19,582 --> 00:28:20,968 And your time starts now. 498 00:28:23,582 --> 00:28:24,838 Don't bother. 499 00:28:51,193 --> 00:28:53,887 So the target was 885. Richard, did you get it? 500 00:28:53,912 --> 00:28:57,408 I genuinely thought it was Joe doing that round. 501 00:28:57,433 --> 00:29:00,528 Then, yes, I did get it. Yeah, Joe got it. 502 00:29:00,553 --> 00:29:03,408 Richard, did you get it? Yeah, he got it. It doesn't look like it. 503 00:29:03,433 --> 00:29:06,168 You got it. No, I don't think so. JON COUGHS CONSPICUOUSLY 504 00:29:06,193 --> 00:29:09,208 So, Lucy, did you get it? Yeah. Yes, OK, how did you do it? 505 00:29:09,233 --> 00:29:12,608 Erm, picked up this paper... No. 506 00:29:12,633 --> 00:29:16,078 No, I won't have it. What I did... OK. OK, then. 507 00:29:16,103 --> 00:29:19,458 75 times 10. 750. 508 00:29:19,483 --> 00:29:22,608 And then add 8. 758. 509 00:29:22,633 --> 00:29:24,928 And then add 6. 510 00:29:24,953 --> 00:29:27,248 I feel like adding it's going to be a huge part of this. 511 00:29:27,273 --> 00:29:30,660 764. Then add 4. 512 00:29:30,685 --> 00:29:33,821 Will that make the difference? Is that it? I got 888. 513 00:29:33,846 --> 00:29:36,331 Richard's got 888. Definitely within the 30 seconds. 514 00:29:36,356 --> 00:29:38,660 Go on, how did you do that? 515 00:29:38,685 --> 00:29:41,971 75 times 10. 75 times 10. 516 00:29:41,996 --> 00:29:43,821 750. 750. 517 00:29:43,846 --> 00:29:48,151 Then 25 times 7. Yeah, 150. 518 00:29:48,176 --> 00:29:50,620 Thank you for helping me. 519 00:29:50,645 --> 00:29:52,660 Add those two numbers together. 520 00:29:52,685 --> 00:29:57,021 900. Then the fun starts. 521 00:29:57,046 --> 00:29:59,021 8, take that away. 522 00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:02,790 Yep. It's got less. Then take a 4 away. Yes. 523 00:30:02,815 --> 00:30:07,740 Well done. Three away. Shut up. 888. Seven points to Richard. Yeah. 524 00:30:07,765 --> 00:30:10,051 APPLAUSE 525 00:30:10,076 --> 00:30:12,410 OK. Rachel, could it be done? It could be done. 526 00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:14,790 Should we let Jon do it or is that...? 527 00:30:14,815 --> 00:30:17,821 How would you have done it then, jon? 6 times four is 24. 528 00:30:17,846 --> 00:30:21,021 6 times 4 is 24. Take away 8. 529 00:30:21,046 --> 00:30:23,511 16. Add 75. 530 00:30:23,536 --> 00:30:25,151 He's... Lovely. Yeah. 531 00:30:25,176 --> 00:30:28,021 91. Times by 10. 910. 532 00:30:28,046 --> 00:30:29,951 Take off the 25. 533 00:30:29,976 --> 00:30:34,311 APPLAUSE 534 00:30:34,336 --> 00:30:36,870 OK, so Richard and joe are on 13 points. Yes. 535 00:30:36,895 --> 00:30:39,540 Jon and Lucy are just ahead with 18. That's right. 536 00:30:39,565 --> 00:30:42,311 APPLAUSE 537 00:30:42,336 --> 00:30:44,620 OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner. 538 00:30:44,645 --> 00:30:46,021 Finlay, what have you got for us? 539 00:30:46,046 --> 00:30:49,461 Well, as I was saying before, I'm a young person, like, at 22, 540 00:30:49,486 --> 00:30:52,821 like, I don't feel like a man yet. Like, I still feel like a boy. 541 00:30:52,846 --> 00:30:56,231 And it's better to be a boy. I think, like, men are sort of scary, 542 00:30:56,256 --> 00:30:59,391 you know, men are sort of, like, "Oh, I'm a man." 543 00:30:59,416 --> 00:31:03,790 Boys are more like, "Oh, boys." You know. "Oh, you're having a party. 544 00:31:03,815 --> 00:31:06,151 "Oh, there's going to be boys there." You know, like, 545 00:31:06,176 --> 00:31:09,181 boys are just men who get away with stuff, really. Like, like, 546 00:31:09,206 --> 00:31:14,151 you know, like, if a man is bad, he's a bad man. 547 00:31:14,176 --> 00:31:18,031 If a boy is bad, he's a bad boy, you know? 548 00:31:19,486 --> 00:31:20,670 You know. 549 00:31:22,086 --> 00:31:24,901 Like, man boobs, urgh, annoying. 550 00:31:24,926 --> 00:31:29,311 Man boobs. Boy boobs — not even a thing. Come on. 551 00:31:29,336 --> 00:31:35,031 Like, like a band of boys, a boy band. Harmless. Cool. 552 00:31:35,056 --> 00:31:36,620 A band of men. 553 00:31:38,086 --> 00:31:39,391 Pirates. 554 00:31:39,416 --> 00:31:41,901 LAUGHTER 555 00:31:41,926 --> 00:31:44,951 "|t's a boy! Oh, congratulations." 556 00:31:47,516 --> 00:31:49,400 "It's a man. 557 00:31:49,425 --> 00:31:51,161 "Allegations." 558 00:31:51,186 --> 00:31:54,600 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 559 00:31:57,476 --> 00:32:01,451 You know, landlords. Urgh, landlords. 560 00:32:01,476 --> 00:32:05,091 You know, landlords. "The landlord's coming." Urgh! 561 00:32:06,516 --> 00:32:08,121 Landlord. 562 00:32:11,116 --> 00:32:12,600 Landlord. 563 00:32:15,036 --> 00:32:16,451 Rentboy. 564 00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:19,121 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 565 00:32:22,196 --> 00:32:23,931 Finlay Christie, everyone. 566 00:32:23,956 --> 00:32:27,811 And here is your teaser. The words are FEEDITIN, 567 00:32:27,836 --> 00:32:30,931 the clue is, this will work. That's FEEDITIN, this will work. 568 00:32:30,956 --> 00:32:33,291 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 569 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:50,390 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back. 570 00:32:50,415 --> 00:32:53,291 The answer to the teaser — the words were FEEDITIN, the clue was 571 00:32:53,316 --> 00:32:55,601 this will work. It was, of course, DEFINITE. 572 00:32:55,626 --> 00:32:57,601 OK, on with another letters game. 573 00:32:57,626 --> 00:33:00,961 Jon, joe, you're going head-to-head in this round and we're going to 574 00:33:00,986 --> 00:33:02,471 make things more interesting. 575 00:33:02,496 --> 00:33:06,211 We're going to play for double points in the Lightning Round. 576 00:33:06,236 --> 00:33:09,211 LIGHTNING CRASHES 577 00:33:09,236 --> 00:33:12,081 I don't want to play in the Lightning Round. 578 00:33:12,106 --> 00:33:16,570 You've EACH been fitted with an electric shock. Oh, no. 579 00:33:16,595 --> 00:33:19,111 So at any stage in this, you might receive an electric shock. 580 00:33:19,136 --> 00:33:22,011 I'll test them now. So Jon's first. Argh! 581 00:33:22,036 --> 00:33:24,471 LAUGHTER 582 00:33:24,496 --> 00:33:30,471 That's clearly... I apologise, I got the mixed up. 583 00:33:30,496 --> 00:33:34,161 No, I'm just saying, that was... Oh... So, jon... 584 00:33:34,186 --> 00:33:36,520 Hold on. What, sorry? 585 00:33:36,545 --> 00:33:38,400 LAUGHTER 586 00:33:38,425 --> 00:33:42,121 What, Joe'? It's so funny when it's not you. 587 00:33:42,146 --> 00:33:45,761 Joe, what was...? What were you...? No, if you're going to... 588 00:33:45,786 --> 00:33:50,121 What is it, a complaint? Are you OK? Yeah, fine. 589 00:33:50,146 --> 00:33:52,841 Are you sure? Ah! 590 00:33:52,866 --> 00:33:55,481 Well, this could be the rest of the show. 591 00:33:55,506 --> 00:33:58,320 I need to fart. I have farted! 592 00:33:58,345 --> 00:34:00,881 Argh! LAUGHTER 593 00:34:00,906 --> 00:34:03,731 These are tremendous. Argh! 594 00:34:03,756 --> 00:34:06,041 He is crying from his nose now. 595 00:34:06,066 --> 00:34:08,450 LAUGHTER 596 00:34:08,475 --> 00:34:11,851 Some people for this, though, Joe. Do they? Yeah. 597 00:34:11,876 --> 00:34:13,931 Sort you haemorrhoids out. 598 00:34:13,956 --> 00:34:16,291 Now, you've played the Lightning Round before. 599 00:34:16,316 --> 00:34:18,681 This is for double points. There's going to be a few distractions 600 00:34:18,706 --> 00:34:21,041 and just randomly you might get shocked a couple of times. 601 00:34:21,066 --> 00:34:22,570 But this is all about focus, right? 602 00:34:22,595 --> 00:34:25,241 Trying to focus while this is going on. You piece of work. 603 00:34:25,266 --> 00:34:27,841 You're all right at this. You were good at it last time. 604 00:34:27,866 --> 00:34:29,761 You got, like, a seven—letter word. 605 00:34:29,786 --> 00:34:32,530 JOE LAUGHS 606 00:34:32,555 --> 00:34:35,570 You're going to get me when I'm talking. 607 00:34:35,595 --> 00:34:36,961 HE SCREAMS 608 00:34:36,986 --> 00:34:39,041 LAUGHTER 609 00:34:39,066 --> 00:34:42,241 You know this was an experiment they did. What was it, like, 610 00:34:42,266 --> 00:34:44,601 security guards and inmates and then they swapped. 611 00:34:44,626 --> 00:34:48,011 RICHARD: Stanford Prison. We'll be swapping for the next round. 612 00:34:48,036 --> 00:34:51,570 We're going to pin you down. We could pin him down and stick this... 613 00:34:51,595 --> 00:34:55,171 I... I'm not going to. 614 00:34:55,196 --> 00:34:58,731 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 615 00:34:58,756 --> 00:35:01,121 OK. jon, pick the letters. 616 00:35:01,146 --> 00:35:02,891 NERVOUSLY: Consonant, please, Rachel 617 00:35:02,916 --> 00:35:04,320 LAUGHTER 618 00:35:04,345 --> 00:35:06,211 W Another one. 619 00:35:07,706 --> 00:35:11,041 Vowel. 620 00:35:11,066 --> 00:35:12,530 E 621 00:35:12,555 --> 00:35:15,121 Two consonants, please. 622 00:35:15,146 --> 00:35:19,530 I'm afraid you have to do them one by one. I'll have that P, then. 623 00:35:19,555 --> 00:35:21,121 And then... 624 00:35:21,146 --> 00:35:23,450 just get on with it, jimmy, cos it's killing me. 625 00:35:23,475 --> 00:35:25,011 The tension is killing me. 626 00:35:25,036 --> 00:35:26,400 ARGH! 627 00:35:26,425 --> 00:35:29,171 LAUGHTER 628 00:35:29,196 --> 00:35:30,580 Arghg 629 00:35:33,396 --> 00:35:34,811 0h! 630 00:35:36,066 --> 00:35:39,691 You've just created a safe space for sadism. That's what you've done. 631 00:35:39,716 --> 00:35:42,841 Lucy, what noise does jon make when he comes? 632 00:35:42,866 --> 00:35:44,091 Arghg 633 00:35:44,116 --> 00:35:47,561 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 634 00:35:50,225 --> 00:35:52,481 He just says, "I'm sorry." 635 00:35:52,506 --> 00:35:54,400 LAUGHTER 636 00:35:54,425 --> 00:35:56,301 Consonant, please. 637 00:35:56,326 --> 00:35:59,580 L Consonant, please. 638 00:35:59,605 --> 00:36:02,731 S A vowel, please. 639 00:36:02,756 --> 00:36:06,121 U And a consonant, please. 640 00:36:06,146 --> 00:36:09,171 And the last one. Good luck. B 641 00:36:09,196 --> 00:36:11,731 So for double points, it's the Countdown Lightning Round. 642 00:36:11,756 --> 00:36:14,251 Your time starts... Oh, shit. ..now. 643 00:36:14,276 --> 00:36:15,971 Argh! LAUGHTER 644 00:36:20,326 --> 00:36:21,731 SHRIEKING 645 00:36:21,756 --> 00:36:22,971 HE SHOUTS 646 00:36:29,866 --> 00:36:31,131 SHRIEKING 647 00:36:33,555 --> 00:36:35,841 Argh! LAUGHTER 648 00:36:35,866 --> 00:36:38,891 Argh! I can't even hold a pen! 649 00:36:47,276 --> 00:36:48,491 Arghg 650 00:36:48,516 --> 00:36:51,741 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 651 00:36:53,485 --> 00:36:56,971 Lucy...do you want that? 652 00:36:56,996 --> 00:37:00,330 Do you want it now? Have a go. 653 00:37:00,355 --> 00:37:04,330 Oh... RICHARD: It's like some kind of weird key party. 654 00:37:04,355 --> 00:37:07,210 Oh! LAUGHTER 655 00:37:07,235 --> 00:37:10,891 Oh! I'll give him some cake. 656 00:37:12,555 --> 00:37:14,821 Jon, how many did you get? 657 00:37:14,846 --> 00:37:17,131 I'll try a seven. 658 00:37:17,156 --> 00:37:19,611 Oh! LAUGHTER 659 00:37:19,636 --> 00:37:22,460 Oh, come on, he's eating cake. You can't resist that, can you? 660 00:37:22,485 --> 00:37:25,891 I can't do it again because what if I get addicted to it? 661 00:37:25,916 --> 00:37:27,330 Can you throw it to me, then? 662 00:37:27,355 --> 00:37:30,330 OK, joe. How many? Five. Oh! 663 00:37:30,355 --> 00:37:32,611 LAUGHTER 664 00:37:32,636 --> 00:37:35,891 You can't get me while he's talking. 665 00:37:35,916 --> 00:37:40,741 I'm so hot. You can't electrocute someone in a cardigan. 666 00:37:40,766 --> 00:37:43,931 That's a human rights issue. 667 00:37:43,956 --> 00:37:45,851 OK, joe, what was your five? BUSES. 668 00:37:45,876 --> 00:37:48,821 Your seven? PU BLESS. 669 00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:52,410 Susie, is PUBLESS in there? No. 670 00:37:52,435 --> 00:37:55,660 Be annoying if all that was for nothing. 671 00:37:55,685 --> 00:38:00,021 OK, so that's double points so ten points to joe. 672 00:38:00,046 --> 00:38:01,261 0h! 673 00:38:01,286 --> 00:38:05,771 APPLAUSE 674 00:38:05,796 --> 00:38:08,571 You're not going to do the fucking numbers round where you've got 675 00:38:08,596 --> 00:38:11,621 a harpoon and we have to do it running around the studio? 676 00:38:11,646 --> 00:38:14,210 Finlay, Susie, could they have done any better? Not really. 677 00:38:14,235 --> 00:38:17,210 We just had sixes, didn't we? Yeah. So at the end of that round, 678 00:38:17,235 --> 00:38:20,491 Richard and joe are in the lead with 23 points. 679 00:38:20,516 --> 00:38:25,098 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 680 00:38:25,123 --> 00:38:27,954 OK, time to go across now to Dictionary Corner one last time. 681 00:38:27,979 --> 00:38:29,464 Finlay, what have you got for us? 682 00:38:29,489 --> 00:38:32,544 Well, I was I was a student when the pandemic happened, right, 683 00:38:32,569 --> 00:38:35,513 and so I had to do, like, online uni, 684 00:38:35,538 --> 00:38:39,383 all my lectures and stuff were put online and it sucked, man. 685 00:38:39,408 --> 00:38:41,994 Like, you know, you're supposed to have fun at uni. 686 00:38:42,019 --> 00:38:45,794 You know, you're supposed to... Supposed to get laid at uni. 687 00:38:45,819 --> 00:38:49,824 Do you know how hard it is to get laid at online uni? 688 00:38:49,849 --> 00:38:52,154 LAUGHTER 689 00:38:52,179 --> 00:38:55,393 Like, I felt like the gay best friend, like, like, I'm not 690 00:38:55,418 --> 00:38:59,994 getting laid, but I've seen all the girls' bedrooms, you know? 691 00:39:00,019 --> 00:39:02,594 You've got to be good at sliding into the DMs. 692 00:39:02,619 --> 00:39:07,004 Actually, I plan my messages beforehand in the Notes app, right? 693 00:39:07,029 --> 00:39:09,433 But over think it. Like, over lockdown this girl messaged me. 694 00:39:09,458 --> 00:39:12,034 She said, "What have you been up to today?" Right? 695 00:39:12,059 --> 00:39:15,354 I was straight in the Notes app. Right? Crafting my masterpiece. 696 00:39:15,379 --> 00:39:19,824 How do I say "I've done nothing" but in a cool way? Right? 697 00:39:19,849 --> 00:39:22,544 So I put, "Had a chill one today." 698 00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:26,954 Then I thought, "Had a chill one today is cool, but it's not sexy." 699 00:39:26,979 --> 00:39:30,824 Right? So I put, "Had a chill one today, went to the gym." 700 00:39:30,849 --> 00:39:34,074 And then I remembered the gyms were closed. 701 00:39:34,099 --> 00:39:38,433 So I put, "Had a chill one today. Upset that I didn't go to the gym." 702 00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,513 And then I thought, "Upset"? 703 00:39:40,538 --> 00:39:43,004 You can't tell a girl in the early stages that you're upset, 704 00:39:43,029 --> 00:39:45,313 it's too vulnerable, right? Upset. 705 00:39:45,338 --> 00:39:47,674 So I've got to change it to something more manly. 706 00:39:47,699 --> 00:39:49,594 So I changed it, "Had a chill one today, 707 00:39:49,619 --> 00:39:52,874 "VEXED I didn't go to the gym." 708 00:39:52,899 --> 00:39:55,513 It's more manly, you know, vexed is a more manly emotion. 709 00:39:55,538 --> 00:40:00,674 It's one of the two manly emotions — vexed and fine. Right? 710 00:40:00,699 --> 00:40:03,594 But I'm thinking this message is going to kill the conversation dead. 711 00:40:03,619 --> 00:40:05,904 And that's when I used my special move. 712 00:40:05,929 --> 00:40:10,554 Three words. "How about you?" 713 00:40:10,579 --> 00:40:15,004 Once you master the "how about you?" you can start doing it 714 00:40:15,029 --> 00:40:18,594 in response to every question a girl asks you. 715 00:40:18,619 --> 00:40:23,643 That way, she's coming up with the questions and she's answering them. 716 00:40:23,668 --> 00:40:25,914 She's talking to herself, guys. 717 00:40:25,939 --> 00:40:28,193 LAUGHTER 718 00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:30,193 So I sent the message. 719 00:40:30,218 --> 00:40:31,914 "Had a chill one today. 720 00:40:31,939 --> 00:40:35,393 "Vexed I didn't go to the gym. How about you?" 721 00:40:35,418 --> 00:40:37,754 She replied. 722 00:40:37,779 --> 00:40:39,034 "Same." 723 00:40:39,059 --> 00:40:41,523 LAUGHTER 724 00:40:41,548 --> 00:40:42,954 Blocked her. 725 00:40:42,979 --> 00:40:46,523 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 726 00:40:46,548 --> 00:40:49,994 Finlay Christie, everyone. 727 00:40:50,019 --> 00:40:53,393 And here is your final teaser. The words are RICOSHAT, 728 00:40:53,418 --> 00:40:57,364 the clue is, it's on fire. That's RICOSHAT. It's on fire. 729 00:40:57,389 --> 00:41:00,244 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 730 00:41:13,999 --> 00:41:16,814 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome back. 731 00:41:16,839 --> 00:41:19,203 The answer to the teaser — the words were RICOSHAT, 732 00:41:19,228 --> 00:41:22,814 the clue was it's on fire. It was, of course, CHARIOTS. 733 00:41:22,839 --> 00:41:24,373 Time for our final letters game. 734 00:41:24,398 --> 00:41:28,054 Richard, joe, your turn to choose. Consonant, please. 735 00:41:28,079 --> 00:41:30,924 T And a vowel, please. 736 00:41:30,949 --> 00:41:35,333 O And another consonant, please. 737 00:41:35,358 --> 00:41:37,644 X No, thank you. 738 00:41:37,669 --> 00:41:40,284 A vowel, please. 739 00:41:40,309 --> 00:41:42,644 E A consonant, please. 740 00:41:42,669 --> 00:41:45,774 T A consonant, please. 741 00:41:45,799 --> 00:41:49,414 B Consonant, please. 742 00:41:49,439 --> 00:41:52,133 M A vowel, please. 743 00:41:52,158 --> 00:41:54,494 And one... 744 00:41:54,519 --> 00:41:57,253 One more consonant, please. These are crap, Joe. 745 00:41:57,278 --> 00:41:58,974 C 746 00:41:58,999 --> 00:42:01,694 OK, well, while we're doing this. I'm going to pack for my holidays. 747 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:03,453 30 seconds starts now. 748 00:42:04,949 --> 00:42:06,003 Right. 749 00:42:22,799 --> 00:42:25,003 LAUGHTER 750 00:42:33,389 --> 00:42:38,463 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 751 00:42:41,919 --> 00:42:45,894 Oh, you've got in a pickle. You know at the airport when they ask, 752 00:42:45,919 --> 00:42:48,253 "Did you pack this yourself?" 753 00:42:48,278 --> 00:42:51,854 That was a lovely visual, Jimmy. It really was. Richard, How many? 754 00:42:51,879 --> 00:42:55,854 Five. joe, how many? A risky four. 755 00:42:55,879 --> 00:42:57,934 LAUGHTER 756 00:42:57,959 --> 00:43:02,463 jon, how many? I'll try a six. Lucy? Four. Lucy, your four. 757 00:43:02,488 --> 00:43:05,694 Yeah, but I don't know whether you're allowed it because it's 758 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:10,133 BTEC so you're probably not allowed... 759 00:43:10,158 --> 00:43:13,854 Susie, is BTEC in the dictionary? Not spelled like that. 760 00:43:13,879 --> 00:43:16,184 Oh. How is it spelled? 761 00:43:16,209 --> 00:43:18,494 Well, it's not actually in the dictionary at all. 762 00:43:18,519 --> 00:43:19,824 LAUGHTER 763 00:43:19,849 --> 00:43:23,854 Wow, so that was Susie Dent there just trying to be nice. 764 00:43:23,879 --> 00:43:26,724 I don't even know what it stands for, actually. 765 00:43:26,749 --> 00:43:30,263 Sorry, does anyone know what BTEC stands for? 766 00:43:30,288 --> 00:43:32,574 They would if this was Eggheads. 767 00:43:32,599 --> 00:43:37,374 Yeah, if this was Eggheads they would have fucked off hours ago. 768 00:43:37,399 --> 00:43:39,904 I don't think they'd have electrocuted Judith Keppel 769 00:43:39,929 --> 00:43:43,414 on Eggheads. "I hate sport... Fucking...!" 770 00:43:43,439 --> 00:43:45,374 LAUGHTER 771 00:43:45,399 --> 00:43:48,013 joe, your four. TEET. 772 00:43:48,038 --> 00:43:53,184 It's Northern for "to eat." As in, we're going out TEET. 773 00:43:53,209 --> 00:43:58,294 Richard? OCTET. Oh! Very nice. OCTET. Is that really real? 774 00:43:58,319 --> 00:44:03,013 Have you not made that up? It's a musical term. Meaning? 775 00:44:03,038 --> 00:44:07,774 Eight lads...some string music... Going to town on each other. 776 00:44:07,799 --> 00:44:10,374 LAUGHTER 777 00:44:10,399 --> 00:44:13,213 OCTET, that's in the dictionary, isn't it? Definitely. It's amazing 778 00:44:13,238 --> 00:44:15,574 I have got a word. I am as stunned as anyone else. 779 00:44:15,599 --> 00:44:20,294 Yeah, but you pulled that out the sack. It's real? Yes. 780 00:44:20,319 --> 00:44:22,734 I mean, I know this is a dumbed down version of the show, 781 00:44:22,759 --> 00:44:27,133 but it really feels like we've gone out of our way this evening. 782 00:44:27,158 --> 00:44:30,064 We can't believe someone's got a word! 783 00:44:30,089 --> 00:44:32,424 But it's a really good word. It's an excellent word. 784 00:44:32,449 --> 00:44:36,424 Jon, your six. My six, which I think is a brand name, is EXOCET. 785 00:44:36,449 --> 00:44:40,213 RICHARD: No way. If you beat OCTET I'm gonna smash your face in. 786 00:44:40,238 --> 00:44:42,574 EXOCET, which you think is a brand name? 787 00:44:42,599 --> 00:44:44,494 So you think it's a brand of missile? 788 00:44:44,519 --> 00:44:47,013 Yeah, an EXOCET missile. An EXOCET missile. Is it a brand? 789 00:44:47,038 --> 00:44:49,374 It's got a capital letter, you're right. Capital letter. 790 00:44:49,399 --> 00:44:51,374 Five points to Richard. 791 00:44:51,399 --> 00:44:55,424 APPLAUSE 792 00:44:55,449 --> 00:44:58,654 OCTET. OCTET, bruv. 793 00:44:58,679 --> 00:45:00,984 Finlay, Susie, could they have done any better? 794 00:45:01,009 --> 00:45:02,343 There's one six, there's BECOME. 795 00:45:02,368 --> 00:45:04,904 Yeah. But it's still not as good as OCTET. Thank you. 796 00:45:04,929 --> 00:45:07,574 And that's from someone who looks like all of the members of Hanson 797 00:45:07,599 --> 00:45:09,223 in one. Yeah. 798 00:45:09,248 --> 00:45:11,064 LAUGHTER 799 00:45:11,089 --> 00:45:12,734 OK. So jon and Lucy have 18. 800 00:45:12,759 --> 00:45:15,824 Richard and joe are in the lead with 28. Right. 801 00:45:15,849 --> 00:45:19,544 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 802 00:45:19,569 --> 00:45:22,584 jon, Lucy, the best you can hope for is a draw. 803 00:45:22,609 --> 00:45:25,654 Time for today's crucial Countdown Conundrum. The time starts... 804 00:45:25,679 --> 00:45:29,184 Can you shock him? Yeah, where the fuck are the shockers? 805 00:45:29,209 --> 00:45:32,223 You've never had a catchphrase but "where the fuck are the shockers" 806 00:45:32,248 --> 00:45:34,964 I think... LAUGHTER 807 00:45:34,989 --> 00:45:37,814 Your time starts now. Please don't get it, Jon. 808 00:45:52,869 --> 00:45:55,243 BUZZER km. BLUNDERED. 809 00:45:55,268 --> 00:45:57,993 Oh, shut up. Let's have a look. 810 00:45:59,148 --> 00:46:00,714 BLUNDERED is the word. 811 00:46:00,739 --> 00:46:02,964 APPLAUSE 812 00:46:05,309 --> 00:46:07,604 You couldn't just give it to us. 813 00:46:07,629 --> 00:46:10,894 You couldn't just let it go, could you? 814 00:46:10,919 --> 00:46:14,764 You got a draw... Everyone out there thinks you're an A—hole. 815 00:46:14,789 --> 00:46:18,644 So no-one is now the proud owner of this Countdown Dressing Up Box. 816 00:46:18,669 --> 00:46:21,684 Well done, Jon. Thanks to all our panel lists, 817 00:46:21,709 --> 00:46:26,073 our wonderful studio audience and to all of you for watching at home. That's it from us. Goodnight. 818 00:46:26,098 --> 00:46:29,764 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 819 00:46:32,819 --> 00:46:35,814 Subtitles by Red Bee Media