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This program me contains
strong language and adult humour
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Tonight on Eight Out Of Ten Cats
Does Countdown,
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Alan Carr,
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Jonathan Ross,
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Harriet Kemsley,
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Maisie Adam,
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Huge Davies,
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Susie Dent,
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Rachel Riley,
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and your host, jimmy Carr!
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Hello and welcome to Eight Out Of
Ten Cats Does Countdown,
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a show about letters, numbers and
conundrums.
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OK, let's meet tonight's players.
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First up, it's guest team
captain, Jonathan Ross.
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Hello, everyone.
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APPLAUSE
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Jonathan has a very unique look.
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I like to describe it as the bloated
corpse of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.
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I'll be honest with you,
I think that's quite fair.
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You look amazing this evening,
I've got to say.
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Why are you saying that now.
you prick?
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A minute ago...
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A minute ago, you're saying I was
looking like a dead
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has-been decorator and now
you're saying I look amazing.
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Can we see the full outfit?
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Because the full outfit is
everything. It's got this...
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No, no, the shoes.
The shoes are everything.
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Look at that. And then wait till
you see my pants?
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I got this from my tailor
in Indonesia.
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Yeah, no, well, he's not really
my tailor,
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he's a bloke on Etsy,
but he's in Indonesia.
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Have you ever met this man?
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No. What if he didn't like me or if
I didn't like him?
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He clearly doesn't like you.
Look what he makes for you!
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He hates you! Look how he
dresses you!
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And Jonathan's team-mate,
Maisie Adam!
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Yeah!
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APPLAUSE
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Maisie graduated with a BA
in acting and community theatre,
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so we'd better get a move on before
NASA call and snap her up.
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Up against him this evening is guest
team captain Alan Carr.
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Yeah!
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APPLAUSE
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Alan's first ever acting role was as
Squealer the Pig in Animal Farm.
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It's great, Alan, but you can stop
doing the voice now.
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Yeah, yeah, I was a pig.
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I had this pig head
like this and I had these sticks,
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and I burst in the room to show me
mum and dad
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and the dog shat itself.
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Joining Alan tonight,
it's Harriet Kemsley.
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Yeah! Hello!
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APPLAUSE
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It says here as part of a challenge
for a TV show,
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Harriet once appeared
on Babe Station.
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That's where I know you from.
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What was the challenge
on Babe Station, what did you do?
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You had to like be sexy on camera.
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I was like, "Ooh..."
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I didn't really know what to do,
and we didn't get much money.
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Who was we? Who else was there
with you?
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Erm, well my husband did it as well,
I think that was the big...
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That's what people really
didn't like.
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In fact, people were quite angry,
we got a lot of complaints.
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OK, it says here you're related to
one of tonight's guests,
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is that true? Yes. It's Jonathan
Ross. We are related.
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Yeah, but I've asked you so many
times not to tell people.
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You won't be so offended when you're
looking for a relative for a kidney.
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Yeah!
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But, yes, we are, but we're fairly
close relations, aren't we?
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Yeah, we are, we are.
Which is so weird. Yeah, yeah.
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What are you?
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What? Brothers?
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Yes, brothers.
We are, we are brothers.
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But the great thing is, because
you're a little bit older than me,
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when I found out Jonathan Ross was
related to me,
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it was like finding out you had
an extra Nana.
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He keeps asking me about the will.
He's not in there.
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And how are you related,
what's the actual...?
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Erm, it's, it's, about three, three,
four grandparents back, innit?
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The BBC had asked me for ages to do
this Who Do You Think You Are,
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and I kept saying no, no, no.
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Then I saw the one with Kris Akabusi
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and he ended up in Trinidad
and Tobago.
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I thought, "Alan, put your name
down!' Free holiday.
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Peckham. Two weeks in Peckham!
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Alan found out, cos one of your
relatives had been
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a deserter in the war as well.
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I know, yes,
he ran off dressed as a woman.
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They told me this
at the Imperial War Museum.
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Oh, no! How much of an
arsehole did I feel?
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He, he survived
the Battle of the Somme,
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yeah, cos he ran off in slingbacks
and a woman's hat.
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Harriet. Now, Harriet,
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congratulations are in order.
You just had your first baby,
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how are you finding parenthood?
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Thank you, yeah, it's good.
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I had the baby at
St Thomas's in London,
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and they take the baby
security like very seriously.
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So, like, you have the baby
and then you have to show them
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the car seat, that you're gonna
take the baby home in.
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And so, they were like,
have you got the car seat,
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and they have to look at it,
and you have to show them it,
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but the problem is me
and my husband never got a car seat.
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So, the baby's still there.
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She's in the best place
and women can't have it all,
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so she's being looked after and I'm
here tonight,
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so, thank you, St Thomas's,
for everything.
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Maisie, it says here your family
WhatsApp group is very active.
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What do you think they'll be
messaging about tonight?
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My mum always
wants to know,
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if I, if I get to do a telly thing,
she always wants to know,
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if people are nice,
and then how tall they are.
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Every single time,
so I imagine when I finish this,
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I'll have a message saying,
"Jonathan Ross seemed nice,
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"about five foot ten to me,
and I right? Lots of love."
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And then there's always loads of
emojis, as well, so there'll
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probably be like, six love hearts,
five clocks,
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three pens and papers...
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And for me at least one aubergine,
I hope?
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An aubergine, yeah.
Probably that,
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and I'll reply, "Yeah about 6 foot
actually, Mum,
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"and he was a total dickhead."
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Surprisingly tall is our Jonathan.
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Surprisingly tall.
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I used to be taller, I used to be
six foot one and a half,
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now I'm six and a half,
I've lost an inch.
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Although, I think I know where it
went cause my balls are a lot
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lower than they used to be.
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Jonathan, you're a vegan now.
How's that going?
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I've been vegan now
for about a year,
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and you know what,
I love it, it's great.
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I live mainly off of erm,
a sort of nourishment pea drink.
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What? You're drinking your own pee?
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No, there's this,
there's this thing
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cause Huel which is this
fast—food type thing.
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It's just like gruel.
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What do you mean it's like gruel?
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It's like... It's disgusting...
Have you tried the cinnamon swirl?
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No. Have you tried
the coffee cream latte?
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Do you work for Huel?
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Yes, I'm hoping to.
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It feels to me like, Jonathan,
I mean, just reading between
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the lines here, but it feels like
you're no longer on solid food
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cos you're at that age.
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You're joking, but in a way there's
something that is...
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This is gonna sound depressing, but
I've got to the age
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where I've kind of eaten enough.
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Oh, my God. Like an
elephant wandering off to die.
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Did you bring a mascot, Jonathan?
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Oh, sorry, I forgot where I was for
a minute.
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Yes, Jimmy, I brought a mascot,
here's an idea I had,
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which I think, I hope will catch on.
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As you know, I like more flamboyant
clothes and dress sense,
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it won't surprise you, being a fan
of Magnum Pl,
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I have a lot of Hawaii shirts at
home. Beautiful.
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So, I've come up with the British
version of the Hawaiian shirt, OK?
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This is the British shirt,
and this is decorated,
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and I think you'll find this
will speak to you.
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Let me stand up and show you, so you
see it's a suitably grey colour,
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to match the weather most of the
time, and it's got scenes there.
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There for example, is the classic
traditional scene
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of the Friday night fight outside
a Wetherspoons.
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That's beautiful. And there's the
Alsatians have come in
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and the boys are going at it.
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Here we have a surfer, which I know
sounds Hawaiian to you
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but he's like a UK surfer. As you
can see, there's lots
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of faecal matter, and used condoms
on the surf board
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from our lovely waterways.
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And down the bottom here,
you've got the classic picture
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of the teenager's smoking cider,
and drinking some dank weed...
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Dank weed. I think they're
probably smoking the dank weed
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and drinking the cider.
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I mean, if they're anything like me,
they put it into a fluid anyway
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and just have it in a bowl.
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Jonathan Ross, everyone.
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Thank you.
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Maisie...
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Yes? Have you got a mascot,
what did you bring?
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What can really help sometimes
to give a good performance,
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and they've been quite popular,
shared on social media
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fairly recently, is a good old
motivational quote.
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Like my friend's mum has 'em a lot
round the house, they say things
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like, "If you want the rainbow
you've got to put up with the rain."
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She's got written across the kitchen
wall,
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"You don't have to lick the spoon
but it helps."
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We don't know what that one means.
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So, I have created
a Motivator Generator, OK?
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This is perfect.
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Most of the best like
inspirational quotes,
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like the ones I've just said,
they're sort of in two parts, OK?
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So I'm gonna sort of invent our own
motivational quotes
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that are gonna help us score...
Let's go.
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Shall we get our first one?
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All right, let's get the first half.
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OK, so, we've, we've got "The only
thing worse than failure..."
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Oh, right. Good start,
strong start.
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That's deep, that's deep.
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...is learning to dance in the rain.
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That works. Like, so true.
That works.
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It's so true. You can kind of make
sense of it.
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Beautiful, that is beautiful.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry...
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Want another one?
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Yeah, let's have another one.
Why wouldn't we?
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OK, so let's say Jonathan's
having a bit of a mare,
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00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:37,117
he can't work out with
the numbers or something.
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And I say, "Jonathan, if at first
you don't succeed..."
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I can't wait for this.
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"If at first you
don't succeed, be a pink flamingo."
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Explains the trousers.
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Yeah. Yes, see!
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You're halfway there.
Harriet, have you got a mascot?
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I do have a mascot.
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As I said earlier, I had a baby,
and me and the baby have got
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quite a lot in common,
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in that we both really like
to cry for no reason.
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00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:08,917
It's really fun for my husband.
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So, what I did is, because
I don't know if you guys know this
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but when a baby cries,
it doesn't make a very nice sound.
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So, I invented,
the baby no cry headphones.
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00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:22,887
So, when a baby cries,
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the headphones make the cry
into a nice noise.
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So that the bad noise
becomes a good noise.
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Mghx, OK. OK.
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Can we play some baby crying?
OK.
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BABY CRI ES
Good, yeah.
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Not too loudly, otherwise my
boobs are gonna leak all over Alan.
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Watch out, Alan.
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So, you're playing the baby crying,
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and then it's gonna convert
it into something that I wanna hear.
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You guys hear a baby crying,
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00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:56,606
but I hear my dad unknowingly eat
a vegan sausage and say,
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"This is the best sausage
I've ever had."
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00:11:00,582 --> 00:11:05,687
You hear a baby crying,
but I hear Rachel Riley tell me
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00:11:05,712 --> 00:11:08,247
that she's quite intimidated
by my intellect.
235
00:11:09,472 --> 00:11:15,356
You hear a baby crying but I hear
the sound of cunnilingus.
236
00:11:15,381 --> 00:11:21,167
That is not as nice as I thought
that would sound, actually.
237
00:11:21,192 --> 00:11:23,847
Do you wanna listen, Alan?
No, I don't.
238
00:11:23,872 --> 00:11:25,687
It's not very nice.
239
00:11:25,712 --> 00:11:27,356
I imagine it sounds like, you know,
240
00:11:27,381 --> 00:11:30,167
when you lick, try and lick out
the fruit from a Fruit Corner?
241
00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:34,687
Yeah, it's just like that, yeah.
242
00:11:34,712 --> 00:11:36,606
OK, I might give it go.
243
00:11:38,582 --> 00:11:40,887
Alan, did you bring a mascot?
244
00:11:40,912 --> 00:11:43,247
Yeah, I did.
Look, I went a bit old school,
245
00:11:43,272 --> 00:11:44,847
so I brought a little
teddy bear along.
246
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,687
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happened?
247
00:11:46,712 --> 00:11:49,997
Well, do you know, do you know I've
gone through a really spiteful
248
00:11:50,022 --> 00:11:56,127
messy divorce, and my ex's lawyer
said, "Take half of everything."
249
00:11:56,152 --> 00:11:57,717
Look at that.
Oh, no!
250
00:11:57,742 --> 00:12:01,356
That, but not just that,
household items.
251
00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:04,567
Look at that, half a kettle.
252
00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:07,457
Why would you do that,
half a kettle, half a toaster.
253
00:12:07,482 --> 00:12:09,127
Half a fondue set,
look at that.
254
00:12:09,152 --> 00:12:11,457
All the cheese goes over the floor.
255
00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:14,047
And obviously, you know,
people wanna know about, you know,
256
00:12:14,072 --> 00:12:15,847
we've divvied up my celebrity
friends,
257
00:12:15,872 --> 00:12:18,817
I get custody of Adele. Good!
258
00:12:18,842 --> 00:12:21,127
Paul gets Gok at the weekend.
259
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:26,247
We're still friends, even though
he's taken half of everything,
260
00:12:26,272 --> 00:12:29,526
but you know what, the one thing
he can't take is my dignity.
261
00:12:29,551 --> 00:12:32,817
Am I right? Yeah. Thank you.
262
00:12:32,842 --> 00:12:34,767
APPLAUSE
263
00:12:47,022 --> 00:12:48,687
All right, yeah.
264
00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:53,567
That's not what it looks like,
I sat on a Twix.
265
00:12:56,352 --> 00:13:00,077
Am I gonna be looking at your arse
cheek for the whole show?
266
00:13:00,102 --> 00:13:02,047
Do you have the other leg?
267
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,247
Yeah, I've got another leg,
I could put the other leg on.
268
00:13:05,272 --> 00:13:08,536
Or I could just put on
some normal trousers.
269
00:13:08,561 --> 00:13:10,797
Instead of just trying to get
a cheap laugh.
270
00:13:12,631 --> 00:13:15,207
Over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Huge Davies.
271
00:13:15,232 --> 00:13:16,927
APPLAUSE
272
00:13:20,202 --> 00:13:23,156
Huge is a... Huge has been on the
show before, we wanted him back
273
00:13:23,181 --> 00:13:25,897
because we love his infectious
energy and enthusiasm.
274
00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:29,567
Huge, I feel compelled to ask,
275
00:13:29,592 --> 00:13:31,927
is there a reason you're
dressed as Father Christmas?
276
00:13:31,952 --> 00:13:33,127
I knew you'd bring that up.
277
00:13:34,592 --> 00:13:39,847
The Producer said I was doing the
Christmas Special in 2021,
278
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:44,257
and then they said that... That's
a terrible idea, you bring
279
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:50,647
a negative vibe, and then I said
that I can't be bothered to change
280
00:13:50,672 --> 00:13:53,406
any of my material.
281
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:55,717
And so here we are.
282
00:13:55,742 --> 00:13:59,437
I'm sorry, so, this is... You're
gonna do tonight's stuff
283
00:13:59,462 --> 00:14:02,077
you wrote for a Christmas Special
over a year ago?
284
00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:03,366
I don't see why not?
285
00:14:03,391 --> 00:14:06,257
Don't look at me like that,
I'm your fucking tailor.
286
00:14:12,232 --> 00:14:15,977
And with Huge of course, it's
everyone's favourite, Susie Dent!
287
00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:22,366
Fun fact, you can ask Alexa what
Susie Dent's word of the day is
288
00:14:22,391 --> 00:14:26,327
and Alexa will automatically call
the Samaritans for you.
289
00:14:31,102 --> 00:14:33,486
Susie, obviously language is
always evolving.
290
00:14:33,511 --> 00:14:36,437
Have you got examples of things that
used to have different names?
291
00:14:36,462 --> 00:14:38,797
Yes. I can give you couple of my
favourites,
292
00:14:38,822 --> 00:14:41,647
cos words do evolve, they change,
just as humans change, you know,
293
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,616
and used to have hairlines and human
teeth and that kind of thing.
294
00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:47,567
Erm... Susie!!
295
00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:49,007
Susie Dent.
296
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:52,877
Right in there.
297
00:14:52,902 --> 00:14:55,727
So, penguins used to be called
arse-feet.
298
00:14:55,752 --> 00:14:57,567
That is a better name for them,
isn't it?
299
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,437
It's brilliant, isn't it? Arse-feet.
300
00:14:59,462 --> 00:15:02,156
I don't think they'd sell the
biscuits as much, would they?
301
00:15:06,511 --> 00:15:08,087
And in charge of the numbers,
302
00:15:08,112 --> 00:15:09,447
it's Rachel Riley!
303
00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:12,337
APPLAUSE
304
00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:17,337
Rachel is multi-talented,
305
00:15:17,362 --> 00:15:19,207
whether it's sticking letters
on a board,
306
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,767
taking letters down from a board,
307
00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:23,847
or standing near a board, she can do
it all.
308
00:15:23,872 --> 00:15:26,797
Rachel, has being a parent
taught you anything?
309
00:15:26,822 --> 00:15:27,977
You've got two kids now.
310
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:30,647
I'm learning some good life
hacks from the toddler.
311
00:15:30,672 --> 00:15:33,406
Go on. You're in a room or you're in
somewhere you don't wanna be,
312
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:35,877
you can say you need to go
and fetch something that's clearly
313
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:38,616
not gonna be in there, so the
weirdest thing that she's requested
314
00:15:38,641 --> 00:15:41,727
when she's going to bed has been
a bowl of cheese, some goggles
315
00:15:41,752 --> 00:15:43,057
and a pineapple.
316
00:15:43,082 --> 00:15:45,767
Another one is, if you don't wanna
do something, like, you know,
317
00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:48,486
saying thank you or cuddling someone
goodbye, you say you're shy.
318
00:15:48,511 --> 00:15:50,877
So, the next time you put one
of your weird requests in,
319
00:15:50,902 --> 00:15:53,366
I'm just gonna say I'm shy and go
and get some goggles.
320
00:15:53,391 --> 00:15:56,727
If you'd been shy, you wouldn't
have those two babies, so...
321
00:15:59,472 --> 00:16:02,057
OK, the prize the teams will be
competing for tonight is this,
322
00:16:02,082 --> 00:16:03,597
the Countdown Clogs.
323
00:16:24,261 --> 00:16:27,597
I feel... I feel like I've had
one of Jonathan's drinks.
324
00:16:27,622 --> 00:16:29,927
I found that strangely moving.
325
00:16:29,952 --> 00:16:32,847
OK, right,
let's Countdown everyone.
326
00:16:32,872 --> 00:16:35,207
Time for the first game,
Jonathan, Maisie,
327
00:16:35,232 --> 00:16:36,847
you get the first pick
of the letters.
328
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:40,527
Oh, the pressure, OK.
A vowel, please?
329
00:16:40,552 --> 00:16:41,567
E
330
00:16:41,592 --> 00:16:42,807
A consonant?
331
00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:43,847
L
332
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:45,057
A vowel?
333
00:16:45,082 --> 00:16:46,166
O
334
00:16:46,191 --> 00:16:47,567
A vowel?
335
00:16:47,592 --> 00:16:48,607
A
336
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:49,887
A consonant.
337
00:16:49,912 --> 00:16:51,047
T
338
00:16:51,072 --> 00:16:52,167
Consonant, please.
339
00:16:52,192 --> 00:16:53,326
...
340
00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:54,446
Consonant.
341
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,487
K
342
00:16:55,512 --> 00:16:56,687
Consonant.
343
00:16:56,712 --> 00:16:57,937
T
344
00:16:57,962 --> 00:16:59,246
Vowel?
345
00:16:59,271 --> 00:17:01,017
And the last one, E.
346
00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:03,297
Your time starts now.
347
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:08,507
REMIXED COUNTDOWN THEME PLAYS
348
00:17:49,231 --> 00:17:52,206
APPLAUSE
349
00:17:53,842 --> 00:17:55,326
Nice job.
350
00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:57,687
Jonathan, how many letters?
351
00:17:57,712 --> 00:17:58,887
I'll go with the seven.
352
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,887
OK, Maisie, how many?
I've got six.
353
00:18:00,912 --> 00:18:03,407
OK, Alan, how many?
I've got six.
354
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:04,847
OK, and Harriet?
355
00:18:04,872 --> 00:18:06,126
I've got six,
356
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,637
but it could be seven
if I put another letter in front,
357
00:18:08,662 --> 00:18:11,017
but then I don't think it's a word,
so six.
358
00:18:11,042 --> 00:18:13,017
What's your six, Harriet?
359
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:14,767
I've got, er, LETTER.
360
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:17,047
OK, what was your seven?
361
00:18:17,072 --> 00:18:17,887
KLETTER.
362
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,126
I think it was the clogs,
363
00:18:21,151 --> 00:18:24,567
it made me think that maybe like you
could do something with that,
364
00:18:24,592 --> 00:18:25,737
like KLETTER, CLOGS.
365
00:18:25,762 --> 00:18:27,607
Susie, KLETTER, is KLETTER a word?
366
00:18:27,632 --> 00:18:29,607
No, but Kletterschuhe is,
367
00:18:29,632 --> 00:18:31,967
so, maybe you were going towards
that, which is
368
00:18:31,992 --> 00:18:34,287
a light boot with a felt sole,
worn for rock climbing.
369
00:18:34,312 --> 00:18:36,097
A bit like a clog?
370
00:18:36,122 --> 00:18:38,637
They're like a clog
but made of felt.
371
00:18:38,662 --> 00:18:41,887
So, sort of the opposite of a clog?
372
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,206
Er, Maisie, your six?
Erm, RELATE.
373
00:18:44,231 --> 00:18:46,246
Alan, your six?
374
00:18:46,271 --> 00:18:48,567
KETTLE. Jonathan, your seven?
375
00:18:48,592 --> 00:18:50,376
And I'm not convinced, but KETTLER?
376
00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:52,206
It's not there? Ah.
377
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,847
I'm sorry. Well, six points
to both teams.
378
00:19:00,562 --> 00:19:02,897
Huge, Susie,
could they have done any better?
379
00:19:02,922 --> 00:19:05,456
Erm, eight.
So, you could have TOLERATE.
380
00:19:05,481 --> 00:19:07,767
OK, on to our first numbers round,
381
00:19:07,792 --> 00:19:09,567
Alan, Harriet,
your turn to pick the numbers.
382
00:19:09,592 --> 00:19:11,607
Wait, I've forgot how this goes.
383
00:19:11,632 --> 00:19:12,817
What do you do?
384
00:19:12,842 --> 00:19:15,767
You pick, erm, an even one...
385
00:19:15,792 --> 00:19:18,737
Oh, yeah, just go on, just, just do
it as you remember, it's fine.
386
00:19:18,762 --> 00:19:20,206
You just... An even one,
387
00:19:20,231 --> 00:19:22,647
a couple with a nought on the end...
388
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,376
2, 100... 100, that's good.
389
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:28,206
1,000. 50.
390
00:19:28,231 --> 00:19:29,537
And then, more 2s.
391
00:19:29,562 --> 00:19:31,897
So, we can have an 8,
that's a few 2s.
392
00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:34,206
That's it, small and then big,
that's what it is.
393
00:19:34,231 --> 00:19:35,177
4, a couple of 2s. Yeah.
394
00:19:35,202 --> 00:19:37,537
And another 4.
There we go, loads of 2s for you.
395
00:19:37,562 --> 00:19:38,847
OK, and your target is...
396
00:19:38,872 --> 00:19:41,767
What we said about miracles,
Harriet. Oh, God.
397
00:19:41,792 --> 00:19:44,687
727, and your time starts now.
398
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:17,647
So, the target
was 727, Alan, did you get it?
399
00:20:17,672 --> 00:20:20,287
Oh, I think I've got 732.
400
00:20:20,312 --> 00:20:23,847
Jonathan, did you get it?
I've got 800.
401
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:26,256
Maisie? Err, 732.
402
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:27,407
Harriet, did you get it?
403
00:20:27,432 --> 00:20:29,256
I got 726. Wow!
404
00:20:29,281 --> 00:20:31,617
Oh, amazing!
That is incredible.
405
00:20:31,642 --> 00:20:35,177
OK,
so, 8 X 100, then you get 800.
406
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:37,177
8 X 100, yes, is 800.
407
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,456
And then if you have 8 X 8...
408
00:20:39,481 --> 00:20:40,727
You've used your 8.
409
00:20:40,752 --> 00:20:43,567
No, no, cos because you add the 4
and the 4. Thank you, Jonathan.
410
00:20:43,592 --> 00:20:45,456
Well, that gives you one 8.
411
00:20:45,481 --> 00:20:46,977
Oh, fuck!
412
00:20:49,562 --> 00:20:51,567
Alan, how did you get 732?
413
00:20:51,592 --> 00:20:53,927
100 X 8, that's 800.
414
00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:56,687
Yep. And then, I take the 50 off,
415
00:20:56,712 --> 00:20:59,006
and then the 4 X 4, 16,
take that off,
416
00:20:59,031 --> 00:21:00,727
and then I took the other 2 off.
417
00:21:00,752 --> 00:21:03,767
So, 734, 732, yeah.
418
00:21:03,792 --> 00:21:06,456
Yeah. And Maisie, is that,
how you did that?
419
00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:09,456
That's what I did as well.
That's how Maisie did it as well.
420
00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:11,697
Seven points to both teams! Yes!
421
00:21:15,031 --> 00:21:17,447
Rachel, this is the part of the show
that creeps me out,
422
00:21:17,472 --> 00:21:19,336
where you do
something weird with maths.
423
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,697
Well, I'm trying to make you feel a
bit more comfortable,
424
00:21:21,722 --> 00:21:22,817
and I just got to one away.
425
00:21:22,842 --> 00:21:25,126
That's what I got too.
426
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,447
OK, Rachel,
we'll come back to you.
427
00:21:27,472 --> 00:21:28,977
OK, both teams now have 13 points.
428
00:21:29,002 --> 00:21:30,256
Wow. Well clone.
429
00:21:30,281 --> 00:21:33,057
APPLAUSE
430
00:21:33,082 --> 00:21:35,006
And here is your teaser.
431
00:21:35,031 --> 00:21:38,367
The words are GIANT NIP, the clue is
— Put that on display.
432
00:21:38,392 --> 00:21:42,057
That's GIANT NIP — put that on
display. See you after the break.
433
00:21:57,722 --> 00:21:59,727
Welcome back, the answer
to the teaser.
434
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,577
The words were GIANT NIP,
the clue was — Put that on display.
435
00:22:02,602 --> 00:22:04,857
It was of course, PAINTING. Yeah.
436
00:22:04,882 --> 00:22:06,577
So, both teams have 13 points.
437
00:22:06,602 --> 00:22:11,336
Rachel Riley, 727 was what you were
aiming at, did you get it?
438
00:22:11,361 --> 00:22:13,216
Yeah, I got it.
439
00:22:13,241 --> 00:22:16,057
Ifyousay50+4+4
440
00:22:16,082 --> 00:22:18,057
58,
441
00:22:18,082 --> 00:22:19,727
X 100...
442
00:22:19,752 --> 00:22:22,607
Right?
For 5,800.
443
00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:26,086
5,800?
Well, you've massively over shot!
444
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:27,577
+8
445
00:22:27,602 --> 00:22:30,777
Divided by what? + 8 = 725
446
00:22:30,802 --> 00:22:33,216
and then + 2, hopefully.
447
00:22:33,241 --> 00:22:35,167
APPLAUSE
448
00:22:35,192 --> 00:22:36,937
I mean, that's...
That's insane!
449
00:22:36,962 --> 00:22:39,417
Rachel Riley, everyone.
450
00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,216
OK, they've been playing in teams
so far,
451
00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:43,807
but this game is just for Harriet
and Jonathan.
452
00:22:43,832 --> 00:22:45,727
So, Harriet your turn to choose.
453
00:22:45,752 --> 00:22:47,657
Five vowels and...
Five vowels?
454
00:22:47,682 --> 00:22:49,247
That's quite a lot.
455
00:22:49,272 --> 00:22:51,136
And seven consonants.
456
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:54,016
Maybe four vowels, five consonants?
457
00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:56,497
Yes, yes. I think that'll be good,
that'll be pretty good.
458
00:22:56,522 --> 00:22:58,807
Thank you. Thank you Rachel,
I do appreciate it.
459
00:22:58,832 --> 00:23:00,497
R,S
460
00:23:00,522 --> 00:23:02,807
P and W.
461
00:23:02,832 --> 00:23:04,417
Is that all right? ...and a C.
462
00:23:04,442 --> 00:23:06,777
As the clock's going, I might do my
last 30 seconds
463
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:09,057
of community service.
Your time starts now.
464
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:20,136
Mate, what you doing?
Fucking bell-end.
465
00:23:20,161 --> 00:23:22,966
What you doing? Really? Really?
466
00:23:40,882 --> 00:23:43,167
APPLAUSE
467
00:23:43,192 --> 00:23:46,057
Do you know what?
Do you know what, mate?
468
00:23:46,082 --> 00:23:48,937
You think you've won, but this bin
juice is actually delicious.
469
00:23:50,352 --> 00:23:52,167
Harriet, how many? Four.
470
00:23:52,192 --> 00:23:54,457
Four. Jonathan, how many? Six.
471
00:23:54,482 --> 00:23:56,047
Six. Harriet, what's your four?
472
00:23:56,072 --> 00:23:57,607
CRAP.
473
00:23:59,911 --> 00:24:02,857
It's hard to say this without it
sounding weird,
474
00:24:02,882 --> 00:24:04,297
but can you pull me off?
475
00:24:08,041 --> 00:24:11,886
Thanks. Ooh... Yeah, no, I like it.
476
00:24:11,911 --> 00:24:16,167
APPLAUSE
477
00:24:21,241 --> 00:24:23,497
Jonathan, what was your six?
478
00:24:23,522 --> 00:24:24,966
Er, I've got WIPERS. WIPERS.
479
00:24:24,991 --> 00:24:26,577
Or SWIPER. Very good.
480
00:24:26,602 --> 00:24:28,407
Six points to Jonathan.
481
00:24:33,402 --> 00:24:35,737
Huge, Susie,
could they have done any better?
482
00:24:35,762 --> 00:24:38,096
We've got SAUCIER.
And SPACIER.
483
00:24:38,121 --> 00:24:41,136
OK, right, now time for Maisie
and Alan to go head-to-head.
484
00:24:41,161 --> 00:24:42,817
Maisie, your turn to pick
the numbers.
485
00:24:42,842 --> 00:24:47,247
One big one, please,
three small ones,
486
00:24:47,272 --> 00:24:48,857
another big one... Yeah.
487
00:24:48,882 --> 00:24:51,136
Small. Nice choice.
488
00:24:51,161 --> 00:24:52,817
Thank you, Rachel.
489
00:24:52,842 --> 00:24:54,297
Two large, four little.
490
00:24:54,322 --> 00:24:57,177
Did you hear that, nice choice?
It was a nice choice.
491
00:24:57,202 --> 00:25:00,136
Do you know why? Cos I've been
a pink flamingo about this.
492
00:25:00,161 --> 00:25:01,857
100 and 75,
493
00:25:01,882 --> 00:25:05,247
and your target, 998.
494
00:25:05,272 --> 00:25:06,607
Oh, for God's sake.
495
00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:09,327
Oh, that's... OK, and your time
starts now.
496
00:25:39,602 --> 00:25:44,407
OK, so the target was 998. Alan?
497
00:25:44,432 --> 00:25:47,327
I've got 999. One away, OK.
498
00:25:47,352 --> 00:25:49,096
Maisie? I've got 1,001.
499
00:25:49,121 --> 00:25:52,537
So, you're a little bit closer,
Alan, so, tell us how you did it.
500
00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:53,937
OK,3+7=10.
501
00:25:53,962 --> 00:25:55,297
10.
502
00:25:55,322 --> 00:25:57,766
And then x 100,
that's 1,000, innit?
503
00:25:57,791 --> 00:25:58,937
Yeah, 1,000.
504
00:25:58,962 --> 00:26:00,937
And then you
just take the 1 off.
505
00:26:00,962 --> 00:26:02,457
Yeah.
506
00:26:02,482 --> 00:26:06,766
Seven points to Alan.
507
00:26:06,791 --> 00:26:08,177
Rachel, could it be done?
508
00:26:08,202 --> 00:26:10,047
So,3+7=10,
509
00:26:10,072 --> 00:26:12,016
but then 100 — 1 = 99,
510
00:26:12,041 --> 00:26:15,216
times those together for 990
511
00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:18,047
and + 8. 998.
512
00:26:18,072 --> 00:26:19,216
Wow.
513
00:26:19,241 --> 00:26:22,223
APPLAUSE
514
00:26:24,295 --> 00:26:26,660
OK, time now to go across
to Dictionary Corner.
515
00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:29,069
Er, Huge, is this song gonna
be about Christmas?
516
00:26:29,094 --> 00:26:31,380
Yea h, what else?
517
00:26:31,405 --> 00:26:33,739
So, as I said,
I was meant to originally do
518
00:26:33,764 --> 00:26:37,430
the Christmas song in 2021,
in December.
519
00:26:37,455 --> 00:26:40,460
So, hopefully it'll still make
sense. So, here we go.
520
00:26:44,615 --> 00:26:48,630
# 2021 is almost over, thank God
521
00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:51,020
# And I can't wait for the next
year
522
00:26:51,045 --> 00:26:53,949
# 2022 is finally here.
523
00:26:53,974 --> 00:26:56,660
# Got my dad a present, yeah
524
00:26:56,685 --> 00:27:00,069
# We're off on a trip to Australia
525
00:27:00,094 --> 00:27:03,460
# To see Djokovic,
we've had both our jabs
526
00:27:03,485 --> 00:27:07,869
# Then I'm straight to Vegas which
I've saved up for months
527
00:27:07,894 --> 00:27:11,100
# Cos I am taking my mum to see
Adele
528
00:27:11,125 --> 00:27:13,560
# Boy, I bet it goes well
529
00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:17,100
# 2021 is almost over,
thank God.
530
00:27:17,125 --> 00:27:20,020
# Oh, look at the turkey!
531
00:27:20,045 --> 00:27:24,510
# 2022 is finally here.
532
00:27:24,535 --> 00:27:27,020
# I've spent all my money on that
tennis match
533
00:27:27,045 --> 00:27:32,350
# I really hope that the price of
gas stays exactly the same
534
00:27:32,375 --> 00:27:37,350
# Cos after two years of loss
and desperation
535
00:27:37,375 --> 00:27:40,100
# I just feel that Putin's gonna
make a statement
536
00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:42,670
# just relax and have
a really chilled time
537
00:27:42,695 --> 00:27:45,510
# 2021 is almost over, thank God
538
00:27:45,535 --> 00:27:49,430
# And we've got nothing to fear,
stop crying, jimmy!
539
00:27:49,455 --> 00:27:51,380
# 2022 is finally here
540
00:27:51,405 --> 00:27:54,560
# I've got a big day in court.
541
00:27:54,585 --> 00:27:56,560
# I hope it will be sorted
542
00:27:56,585 --> 00:27:59,380
# I'm feeling tense
and quite depressed
543
00:27:59,405 --> 00:28:01,670
# I work in Woking Pizza Express
544
00:28:01,695 --> 00:28:05,710
# 2021 is almost over, thank God
545
00:28:05,735 --> 00:28:08,230
# Hope Will Smith gets that Oscar,
I'm rooting for him
546
00:28:08,255 --> 00:28:11,069
# 2021 is finally here
547
00:28:11,094 --> 00:28:14,790
# And if it's going badly, well,
let's just watch a film
548
00:28:14,815 --> 00:28:17,460
# To cheer us all up next year
549
00:28:17,485 --> 00:28:21,069
# Oh, look, The Batman's out,
I hope it takes a lighter tone. #
550
00:28:25,175 --> 00:28:27,460
Huge Davies, everyone!
551
00:28:27,485 --> 00:28:29,869
And here is your teaser.
552
00:28:29,894 --> 00:28:32,180
The words are A DIM RING,
the clue is —
553
00:28:32,205 --> 00:28:33,869
I can't stop looking at it.
554
00:28:33,894 --> 00:28:36,180
That's A DIM RING —
I can't stop looking at it.
555
00:28:36,205 --> 00:28:39,640
See you after the break.
556
00:28:54,435 --> 00:28:57,410
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser, the words were A DIM RING,
557
00:28:57,435 --> 00:29:01,130
the clue was — I can't stop looking
at it. It was of course, ADMIRING.
558
00:29:01,155 --> 00:29:04,639
OK, before we go on, time for a
quick bonus round.
559
00:29:04,664 --> 00:29:07,850
So, far we've tested the maths
and English skills of our players,
560
00:29:07,875 --> 00:29:10,210
but now it's time
to test their tongues.
561
00:29:10,235 --> 00:29:12,540
Is Alan gonna
do the yoghurt pot thing?
562
00:29:12,565 --> 00:29:14,850
I can, if you want.
563
00:29:17,315 --> 00:29:19,689
Everyone, please join me in the
middle
564
00:29:19,714 --> 00:29:22,250
for Who's Drinking the Disgusting
Drink?
565
00:29:27,955 --> 00:29:29,290
Please.
566
00:29:39,714 --> 00:29:42,210
Wow.
567
00:29:42,235 --> 00:29:45,720
I've got nice legs,
I think, do you think?
568
00:29:45,745 --> 00:29:49,740
Who's fancying turkey drumsticks?
Go on.
569
00:29:49,765 --> 00:29:52,649
What's interesting though is he's
only shaved one of his balls.
570
00:29:52,674 --> 00:29:55,970
Harriet. Yes.
OK, pay close attention.
571
00:29:55,995 --> 00:29:58,689
Alan, Maisie and Jonathan have a
series of drinks in front of them.
572
00:29:58,714 --> 00:30:01,050
Two of them will be
drinking something delicious,
573
00:30:01,075 --> 00:30:03,850
one of them will be
drinking something disgusting.
574
00:30:03,875 --> 00:30:06,930
It's your job, Harriet, to work out
who's drinking the disgusting drink.
575
00:30:06,955 --> 00:30:09,620
So, we have to pretend they're
disgusting even if they're not?
576
00:30:09,645 --> 00:30:13,689
Yes. And if it is disgusting, allow
it to be seen that it's disgusting?
577
00:30:13,714 --> 00:30:15,410
Well, whatever your strategy
would be.
578
00:30:15,435 --> 00:30:17,819
Jonathan, as well,
if you wanna wretch,
579
00:30:17,844 --> 00:30:20,130
just have a look down
at my ball bag.
580
00:30:20,155 --> 00:30:22,410
I've seen a lot worse.
581
00:30:22,435 --> 00:30:23,970
There are five points at stake,
582
00:30:23,995 --> 00:30:28,460
so let's play Who's Drinking
the Disgusting Drink?
583
00:30:28,485 --> 00:30:32,819
OK, the first drink, it's a
delicious cider for two of you,
584
00:30:32,844 --> 00:30:34,819
but for one of you, its vinegar.
585
00:30:34,844 --> 00:30:37,689
Have a sniff of the delicious cider
and/or vinegar.
586
00:30:42,125 --> 00:30:43,260
So, er, swigs, please.
587
00:30:43,285 --> 00:30:46,689
Who's drinking the delicious drink,
who's drinking the awful vinegar?
588
00:30:58,485 --> 00:31:00,980
I would drink all mine,
it was so nice.
589
00:31:01,005 --> 00:31:04,620
So, who are you thinking has got the
nice drinks then?
590
00:31:04,645 --> 00:31:07,769
OK, well, I think Jonathan's got the
nice drink cos he keeps going,
591
00:31:07,794 --> 00:31:09,769
"Mm, it's so nice,"
but he could be bluffing.
592
00:31:09,794 --> 00:31:13,010
Am I bluffing or is it lovely? Yeah,
could you drink more of it, please?
593
00:31:13,035 --> 00:31:17,370
No. Who do you think has got
the disgusting drink?
594
00:31:17,395 --> 00:31:20,850
I think...Alan looks quite sad.
595
00:31:20,875 --> 00:31:24,569
That's just me. I've got half
a bloody trouser leg on!
596
00:31:25,955 --> 00:31:27,370
Yeah, it might be the trousers.
597
00:31:27,395 --> 00:31:30,050
Maisie's eyes went a funny colour
which I think is hard to act.
598
00:31:30,075 --> 00:31:32,899
Community theatre. Yeah, so we'll...
Three years.
599
00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:35,819
What did you get in the degree,
did you get a first or...?
600
00:31:35,844 --> 00:31:37,340
No, I got a 2:1, thank you.
601
00:31:37,365 --> 00:31:40,850
It was a really well—respected
degree, you had to have two GCSEs
602
00:31:40,875 --> 00:31:45,899
to do it, and they didn't care what
the grades were.
603
00:31:45,924 --> 00:31:47,370
Not an A-level in sight.
604
00:31:47,395 --> 00:31:48,569
OK, let's try another one.
605
00:31:48,594 --> 00:31:52,980
Now, two of our lovely contestants
have a tasty hot chocolate.
606
00:31:53,005 --> 00:31:55,810
But for one of them,
it's a blend of blue cheese,
607
00:31:55,835 --> 00:31:57,649
horseradish and garlic mayonnaise.
608
00:31:57,674 --> 00:31:59,260
Ohhh!
609
00:31:59,285 --> 00:32:01,620
OK, so... I'll stick with
the vinegar, I'm fine.
610
00:32:01,645 --> 00:32:03,980
Want to have a little drink?
A little drink, please.
611
00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,260
I really like garlic mayonnaise,
don't you?
612
00:32:07,924 --> 00:32:10,620
You've got it on your lip, Alan.
613
00:32:13,794 --> 00:32:15,340
Erm, OK, it's...
614
00:32:17,594 --> 00:32:18,810
You've got a moustache now,
615
00:32:18,835 --> 00:32:21,449
you've got a moustache and it really
suited you. Sorry, sorry.
616
00:32:21,474 --> 00:32:24,850
Maisie's having a bad time,
but I don't know if it's the GCSE.
617
00:32:24,875 --> 00:32:27,649
It's a degree,
but we'll let that go because...
618
00:32:27,674 --> 00:32:29,130
I'm so sorry!
619
00:32:29,155 --> 00:32:31,449
...| genuinely think
it should be worth a GCSE.
620
00:32:31,474 --> 00:32:32,340
So, one more.
621
00:32:32,365 --> 00:32:35,010
This is a lovely healthy smoothie
for two of you,
622
00:32:35,035 --> 00:32:39,420
but one of you will be drinking a
generous helping of mackerel. Yummy!
623
00:32:39,445 --> 00:32:41,779
Oh, my God. No!
GROANING
624
00:32:41,804 --> 00:32:43,649
Yummy mackerel. I wanna see
the level go down.
625
00:32:43,674 --> 00:32:45,649
Have a good belt of this.
626
00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:48,130
Oh, Alan's gone for it,
Maisie's gone for it, Jonathan?
627
00:32:51,005 --> 00:32:54,260
OK, we need your answer now, who's
been drinking the disgusting drinks?
628
00:32:54,285 --> 00:32:55,779
It's five points
if you get it right.
629
00:32:55,804 --> 00:32:57,649
Am I allowed to make
one of them down it?
630
00:32:57,674 --> 00:33:00,699
You can get one of them to try
another drink. What's up with you?
631
00:33:00,724 --> 00:33:03,090
Just have a little more sip of
that mackerel.
632
00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:05,090
I could drink all that cos it's
fruit. Please do.
633
00:33:05,115 --> 00:33:07,490
Why are you wasting your chances
on me? Go ahead, drink it.
634
00:33:07,515 --> 00:33:10,210
Big sip, big sip.
I know, it's fine.
635
00:33:10,235 --> 00:33:12,810
Yeah, nice big sip.
No, that was a tiny sip.
636
00:33:12,835 --> 00:33:14,779
That was nothing. What do you mean,
that was...
637
00:33:19,175 --> 00:33:21,830
No, it's fine, it's fruit juice.
Yeah.
638
00:33:25,724 --> 00:33:28,290
Harriet, we need an answer.
Who's drinking... Jonathan.
639
00:33:28,315 --> 00:33:30,980
Jonathan's drinking the disgusting
drinks. Yeah. No!
640
00:33:31,005 --> 00:33:33,210
No! Mine are delicious!
641
00:33:36,395 --> 00:33:37,850
ALAN: Double bluff!
642
00:33:37,875 --> 00:33:39,850
APPLAUSE
643
00:33:41,235 --> 00:33:42,779
OK, so you've not got the points,
644
00:33:42,804 --> 00:33:45,090
but just who do you think
had the disgusting drinks?
645
00:33:45,115 --> 00:33:46,090
Alan.
646
00:33:50,724 --> 00:33:52,260
It's cider.
647
00:33:52,285 --> 00:33:53,930
Maisie!
648
00:33:53,955 --> 00:33:55,449
I feel physically sick.
649
00:33:58,195 --> 00:34:01,010
The points go to Maisie.
Five points to Maisie. Well done.
650
00:34:01,035 --> 00:34:03,010
Everyone back to your seats.
651
00:34:06,235 --> 00:34:07,540
Jonathan...
652
00:34:09,525 --> 00:34:12,290
That was... I don't... I don't think
of you as an actor,
653
00:34:12,315 --> 00:34:14,649
but you absolutely nailed that.
What was your secret?
654
00:34:14,674 --> 00:34:17,010
I played you like a fiddle
because you were looking at me
655
00:34:17,035 --> 00:34:18,930
and first of all you got it right
and then I thought,
656
00:34:18,955 --> 00:34:20,699
I'll pretend that
I'm acting to enjoy it.
657
00:34:20,724 --> 00:34:22,340
Even though I was really
enjoying it.
658
00:34:22,365 --> 00:34:24,699
And then, Alan,
just like now and again,
659
00:34:24,724 --> 00:34:27,420
you'd just like... I don't think
you knew what was happening.
660
00:34:27,445 --> 00:34:30,170
No. No... And then you had
this dig like,
661
00:34:30,195 --> 00:34:34,860
"There's a sadness about you,"
like you're some bitchy clairvoyant.
662
00:34:37,165 --> 00:34:40,220
Maisie, it turns out that your
frankly Mickey Mouse acting degree
663
00:34:40,245 --> 00:34:42,529
really paid off. Yeah. Well,
664
00:34:42,554 --> 00:34:45,420
I didn't think I was acting,
that was genuinely vile.
665
00:34:45,445 --> 00:34:49,090
You had tears in your eyes at one
point. I think I was crying vinegar.
666
00:34:50,835 --> 00:34:53,579
Was that not a clue that she was
drinking the disgusting drinks?
667
00:34:53,604 --> 00:34:56,529
I thought it was the acting.
They don't teach you vinegar tears!
668
00:34:57,885 --> 00:34:59,620
You got five points,
you did very well.
669
00:34:59,645 --> 00:35:01,449
You're now in the lead.
You did amazing.
670
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,730
Maisie Adam. You really did scream
for the team.
671
00:35:06,915 --> 00:35:08,730
OK. On with the game.
Jonathan and Maisie,
672
00:35:08,755 --> 00:35:10,140
your turn to choose the letters.
673
00:35:10,165 --> 00:35:12,529
Consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel
consonant, vowel.
674
00:35:12,554 --> 00:35:14,320
T, I,
675
00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,120
M, A,
676
00:35:16,145 --> 00:35:17,920
MAISIE BURPS
677
00:35:21,724 --> 00:35:24,170
I think...
I think the mackerel's back.
678
00:35:24,195 --> 00:35:25,730
ALAN: Oh, my...
679
00:35:28,315 --> 00:35:31,250
00f! Oh, that is... Oh, wow.
680
00:35:31,275 --> 00:35:33,090
It just hit me.
681
00:35:34,554 --> 00:35:37,340
Wow. I've never been so panicked.
682
00:35:40,165 --> 00:35:42,779
Give us another vowel, please.
683
00:35:42,804 --> 00:35:46,090
I
And give us another consonant.
684
00:35:46,115 --> 00:35:48,449
M
Another vowel.
685
00:35:48,474 --> 00:35:49,730
E
686
00:35:49,755 --> 00:35:51,610
Let's have another consonant.
687
00:35:51,635 --> 00:35:54,970
And B. OK, and your time starts now.
688
00:36:25,325 --> 00:36:26,860
OK. Jonathan, how many letters?
689
00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:28,890
Six. OK, Maisie, how many?
690
00:36:28,915 --> 00:36:30,659
Six. Alan? Seven.
691
00:36:30,684 --> 00:36:32,370
Harriet?
692
00:36:32,395 --> 00:36:34,300
Seven. I'm just going to go for it.
693
00:36:34,325 --> 00:36:36,779
Maisie, what was your six?
ANIMAL
694
00:36:36,804 --> 00:36:39,610
Right. Don't ask me too much
because I don't feel very capable
695
00:36:39,635 --> 00:36:41,970
of speaking at the moment.
OK, that'll be...
696
00:36:41,995 --> 00:36:44,579
That's the mackerel repeating
on you. Don't say mackerel.
697
00:36:47,045 --> 00:36:48,579
How are you spelling ANIMAL, Ray?
698
00:36:50,525 --> 00:36:51,810
In French.
699
00:36:54,405 --> 00:36:56,699
So, Jonathan, your six?
ENTAIL
700
00:36:56,724 --> 00:36:59,170
Oh, that's lovely. Very nice.
701
00:36:59,195 --> 00:37:01,659
Harriet, let's do your seven
because, you know,
702
00:37:01,684 --> 00:37:02,890
get it out the way.
703
00:37:02,915 --> 00:37:07,300
So I've got two different sevens.
Two different sevens? Yeah.
704
00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:10,090
Wow. What do you mean, wow?
They won't be real words.
705
00:37:12,245 --> 00:37:14,890
Where's the wow in this? We
don't know they're not real words.
706
00:37:14,915 --> 00:37:17,220
I'm giving you the benefit
of the doubt. Thank you.
707
00:37:17,245 --> 00:37:18,860
BETIMAL
708
00:37:18,885 --> 00:37:20,740
I'm losing hope. BETIMAL?
709
00:37:22,195 --> 00:37:23,170
Or LAMINEB.
710
00:37:24,445 --> 00:37:28,300
Excuse me, Doctor. I'm having a
problem with my LAMINEB. Exactly.
711
00:37:28,325 --> 00:37:30,140
Is that nonsense word in there?
712
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,449
No. No!
713
00:37:32,474 --> 00:37:36,090
Will you be involving in the
home schooling of your child?
714
00:37:36,115 --> 00:37:38,740
We've got to hope
there's not another pandemic.
715
00:37:40,195 --> 00:37:41,740
She's fucked.
716
00:37:43,474 --> 00:37:45,329
Ala n, your seven?
717
00:37:45,354 --> 00:37:46,779
AILMENT
718
00:37:46,804 --> 00:37:48,449
ALL: Oooooh!
Well done!
719
00:37:48,474 --> 00:37:50,250
Seven points for Alan.
720
00:37:50,275 --> 00:37:51,420
APPLAUSE
Back in the lead.
721
00:37:53,325 --> 00:37:55,220
Huge, Susie, could they have done
any better?
722
00:37:55,245 --> 00:37:57,579
IMITABLE
And what does immutable mean?
723
00:37:57,604 --> 00:38:00,220
IMITABLE means copiable
or imitatable.
724
00:38:00,245 --> 00:38:02,449
MOCKING: IMITABLE means copiable...
725
00:38:04,125 --> 00:38:06,140
Sorry, Susie.
That's all right.
726
00:38:06,165 --> 00:38:08,740
It's the mackerel. You OK?
ls there going to be another burp?
727
00:38:08,765 --> 00:38:10,500
No...
728
00:38:11,885 --> 00:38:13,810
Can I motivate myself
for a bit?
729
00:38:13,835 --> 00:38:15,659
I think you should,
because I'll be honest,
730
00:38:15,684 --> 00:38:18,459
those drinks are going through you
like shit through a goose.
731
00:38:22,804 --> 00:38:25,610
Jimmy, are we still going out for
those tandoori prawns later?
732
00:38:25,635 --> 00:38:29,940
"Life's not about waiting
for the storm to pass."
733
00:38:31,325 --> 00:38:32,970
It's 5 o'clock somewhere!
734
00:38:38,195 --> 00:38:40,529
Time to go across to
Dictionary Corner once again.
735
00:38:40,554 --> 00:38:42,890
Huge,
your second time on Countdown.
736
00:38:42,915 --> 00:38:45,250
How did it go down when people
saw you the first time?
737
00:38:45,275 --> 00:38:47,940
Yeah.
I spoke to my dad about it.
738
00:38:47,965 --> 00:38:52,380
Unfortunately, there is no
chemistry between us,
739
00:38:52,405 --> 00:38:54,970
so I've had to just put it to music
740
00:38:54,995 --> 00:38:57,659
to make it seem as if
it's sort of fun.
741
00:38:57,684 --> 00:38:59,890
So it went a bit like this.
742
00:39:03,635 --> 00:39:05,409
Hi, Dad. Nice to see you again.
743
00:39:09,484 --> 00:39:11,140
Yeah, all right, sure, yeah.
744
00:39:11,165 --> 00:39:13,659
Did you see I was on Countdown?
745
00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:15,100
I thought I did quite well.
746
00:39:18,165 --> 00:39:20,409
That's not what Twitter was saying.
747
00:39:22,205 --> 00:39:23,690
You used to watch Countdown.
748
00:39:23,715 --> 00:39:25,220
Did you like it?
749
00:39:25,245 --> 00:39:26,820
Did I like it?
750
00:39:26,845 --> 00:39:28,020
Oh...
751
00:39:30,845 --> 00:39:34,659
# I'm not really sure I understood
what the fuck was going on
752
00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:39,380
# Why is there a mascot bit?
753
00:39:39,405 --> 00:39:41,690
# Why was there half an hour of it?
754
00:39:41,715 --> 00:39:46,130
# I didn't really understand why
no-one on was good at Countdown
755
00:39:47,715 --> 00:39:50,020
# At one point,
someone got five letters
756
00:39:50,045 --> 00:39:52,250
# And everybody fucking cheered
757
00:39:53,715 --> 00:39:56,020
# Then halfway through,
you came on
758
00:39:56,045 --> 00:39:58,539
# Randomly, just did a song
759
00:39:58,564 --> 00:40:02,610
# And Why'd that song have to be
being kidnapped as a child
760
00:40:02,635 --> 00:40:04,940
# And put in a van
and bound and gagged
761
00:40:04,965 --> 00:40:06,940
# And put in a bag by a horrible man
762
00:40:06,965 --> 00:40:08,329
# And why was it me?
763
00:40:09,965 --> 00:40:12,940
# It clashed with the numbers round
tonally... #
764
00:40:14,285 --> 00:40:17,690
Dad, that doesn't sound like
you did really like it.
765
00:40:17,715 --> 00:40:20,130
Honestly, I just appreciate
if you didn't really like it,
766
00:40:20,155 --> 00:40:21,459
you just kept it to yourself.
767
00:40:21,484 --> 00:40:25,459
# Oh, I didn't really understand
what the fucking fuck was going on
768
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:30,510
# Why can't you get on
Jonathan Ross or Alan Carr?
769
00:40:30,535 --> 00:40:32,329
# Get a real job
770
00:40:32,354 --> 00:40:35,820
# I also didn't really understand
why Carol looked so young... #
771
00:40:40,285 --> 00:40:42,579
I said, Dad...
772
00:40:42,604 --> 00:40:46,940
# I also didn't really understand
what the fuck was going on
773
00:40:48,765 --> 00:40:51,260
# At the gates
they thought I was Phil Wang
774
00:40:54,645 --> 00:40:56,900
# And they kind of just let me on. #
775
00:40:56,925 --> 00:40:58,409
APPLAUSE
776
00:40:58,434 --> 00:40:59,740
Phil Wang, everyone!
777
00:41:04,845 --> 00:41:07,870
And here is your final teaser.
The words are OOH AW MRS.
778
00:41:07,895 --> 00:41:09,459
And the clue is,
give it a good clean.
779
00:41:09,484 --> 00:41:12,180
That's OOH AW MRS, give it a good
clean. See you after the break.
780
00:41:12,205 --> 00:41:14,409
CHEERING
781
00:41:28,925 --> 00:41:30,850
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser.
782
00:41:30,875 --> 00:41:32,139
The words were OOH AW MRS.
783
00:41:32,164 --> 00:41:33,930
The clue is, give it a good clean.
784
00:41:33,955 --> 00:41:35,339
It was, of course, WASHROOM.
785
00:41:35,364 --> 00:41:37,060
Time for our final letters game.
786
00:41:37,085 --> 00:41:38,540
Alan, Harriet,
your turn to choose.
787
00:41:38,565 --> 00:41:40,900
Ooh, right. Great.
You choose this time, I think.
788
00:41:40,925 --> 00:41:43,389
Yes. I think we all want to
get home.
789
00:41:46,725 --> 00:41:49,259
Consonant, consonant, consonant,
consonant, consonant.
790
00:41:49,284 --> 00:41:51,139
Oh... Vowel, vowel, vowel, vowel.
791
00:41:51,164 --> 00:41:53,420
T, L... I know what I want!
792
00:41:53,445 --> 00:41:55,750
It's that stage of the evening.
793
00:41:55,775 --> 00:41:57,750
I'm on a roll.
That was sexy, actually.
794
00:41:57,775 --> 00:42:00,820
A, E,
795
00:42:00,845 --> 00:42:03,110
I and U.
796
00:42:03,135 --> 00:42:04,860
Your 30 seconds starts now.
797
00:42:06,805 --> 00:42:09,030
OK. OK, yeah, I see.
798
00:42:23,135 --> 00:42:25,389
I think I'm actually taking away
too much.
799
00:42:35,494 --> 00:42:36,780
Hmm.
800
00:42:36,805 --> 00:42:39,060
APPLAUSE
801
00:42:39,085 --> 00:42:41,339
I think it's all right.
802
00:42:41,364 --> 00:42:42,540
I'm happy with that.
803
00:42:47,244 --> 00:42:49,540
I restored a painting, look at that.
Nice, isn't it?
804
00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:51,780
Oh, wow... Oh, that's beautiful.
805
00:42:52,805 --> 00:42:54,540
That nearly brought the mackerel
back up.
806
00:42:57,494 --> 00:43:00,700
Right, Maisie, how many?
It's harrowing, that.
807
00:43:00,725 --> 00:43:02,980
I've got an eight.
808
00:43:03,005 --> 00:43:04,290
Wow. Jonathan?
809
00:43:04,315 --> 00:43:05,620
I think I might have a seven.
810
00:43:05,645 --> 00:43:07,900
Excellent news. Alan?
811
00:43:07,925 --> 00:43:09,940
I've got five. OK, Harriet.
812
00:43:09,965 --> 00:43:13,500
You know what? It's just been nice
to get out the house.
813
00:43:13,525 --> 00:43:17,469
Have you ever had anyone
not get anything before?
814
00:43:17,494 --> 00:43:19,940
Yeah. You've been on the show
before.
815
00:43:19,965 --> 00:43:22,339
And that's when it last happened.
Alan, your five?
816
00:43:22,364 --> 00:43:24,780
Well, I think I've got a six now.
817
00:43:24,805 --> 00:43:26,780
Oh, well, go on, then. OK.
818
00:43:26,805 --> 00:43:30,500
UNTILE? Like, you know when you
put tiles up in a bathroom
819
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:33,620
and then if you take the tiles off
you UNTILE?
820
00:43:33,645 --> 00:43:35,300
Is that a word, Susie?
821
00:43:35,325 --> 00:43:37,620
No, it's not, Alan, I'm afraid.
822
00:43:37,645 --> 00:43:40,469
I like the way she pretended to
even look in the dictionary.
823
00:43:40,494 --> 00:43:42,980
"Yes... Oh, it's not here."
824
00:43:45,775 --> 00:43:47,009
Jonathan, your seven?
825
00:43:47,034 --> 00:43:48,620
It's UNTITH E.
826
00:43:48,645 --> 00:43:51,620
UNTITHE? U-N-T-I-T-H-E.
Sounds old school.
827
00:43:51,645 --> 00:43:53,580
Not there. OK. Maisie.
828
00:43:53,605 --> 00:43:57,190
So, go on. So, as I say, remember
what I've done in the last round.
829
00:43:57,215 --> 00:43:59,190
I've had a drink
that's been mixed up
830
00:43:59,215 --> 00:44:01,750
like the ones you've been drinking,
it had a fish in it.
831
00:44:01,775 --> 00:44:04,660
Maybe it would have been
a TUNA HUEL.
832
00:44:10,215 --> 00:44:11,620
TUNA HUEL!
833
00:44:11,645 --> 00:44:12,910
APPLAUSE
834
00:44:16,525 --> 00:44:18,780
Annoyingly, it's not up there.
835
00:44:18,805 --> 00:44:20,110
A TUNA HUEL?
836
00:44:20,135 --> 00:44:21,910
You've used the U
how many times?
837
00:44:21,935 --> 00:44:24,860
Well, as I say, I often have
the French version.
838
00:44:27,114 --> 00:44:28,860
HUGE: It's the German version now.
839
00:44:30,935 --> 00:44:33,190
That is no points to anyone.
840
00:44:33,215 --> 00:44:34,730
Susie, was there anything there?
841
00:44:34,755 --> 00:44:37,730
Not a lot, no.
We had AUNTIE and TALENT.
842
00:44:37,755 --> 00:44:40,550
OK. So Jonathan and Maisie
have 24 still,
843
00:44:40,575 --> 00:44:42,520
and Alan and Harriet
have 27.
844
00:44:42,545 --> 00:44:44,130
Oh, wow.
845
00:44:44,155 --> 00:44:45,720
APPLAUSE
846
00:44:45,745 --> 00:44:48,440
OK. It's a crucial Conundrum today.
847
00:44:48,465 --> 00:44:50,489
Ready for this? OK.
848
00:44:50,514 --> 00:44:52,109
Have you all got your buzzers?
Yeah.
849
00:44:52,134 --> 00:44:53,800
Where's my buzzer? Oh, yeah.
850
00:44:53,825 --> 00:44:55,600
Wait, I don't have a buzzer.
851
00:44:55,625 --> 00:44:58,600
I don't think you're going to
use it, are you?
852
00:44:58,625 --> 00:45:00,489
BUZZER
853
00:45:01,625 --> 00:45:03,880
I tell you what, if you get it,
just go, "Buzz."
854
00:45:06,425 --> 00:45:07,760
OK, fingers on buzzers.
855
00:45:07,785 --> 00:45:10,080
Time for today's crucial
Countdown Conundrum.
856
00:45:10,105 --> 00:45:11,080
Time starts now.
857
00:45:14,264 --> 00:45:16,039
Buzz, buzz! Buzz, yeah.
858
00:45:16,064 --> 00:45:17,470
Buzz! Stop the clock.
859
00:45:17,495 --> 00:45:19,520
Buzz! Alan, buzz, Alan, buzz.
860
00:45:19,545 --> 00:45:21,320
BELL
Go on.
861
00:45:21,345 --> 00:45:24,600
Yes. No, I just wanted to see if
you respected me enough to stop.
862
00:45:24,625 --> 00:45:27,119
CHEERING
863
00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:33,119
For a second there, we all thought,
"A miracle!"
864
00:45:34,675 --> 00:45:36,960
That would have been such
a lovely end to the show.
865
00:45:36,985 --> 00:45:38,159
I know! It would be so nice.
866
00:45:38,184 --> 00:45:39,600
The clock starts again.
867
00:45:39,625 --> 00:45:41,119
Time starts now.
868
00:45:46,705 --> 00:45:48,010
BELL, JONATHAN GROANS
869
00:45:48,035 --> 00:45:49,850
Alan?
DANGEROUS
870
00:45:49,875 --> 00:45:53,080
Yes. Let's have a look and see if
you're right. Alan Carr for the win.
871
00:45:53,105 --> 00:45:54,369
He's won!
872
00:45:54,394 --> 00:45:55,880
CHEERING
873
00:45:55,905 --> 00:45:57,400
Yes!
874
00:45:59,314 --> 00:46:00,600
So, the final scores are,
875
00:46:00,625 --> 00:46:01,880
Jonathan and Maisie have 24,
876
00:46:01,905 --> 00:46:04,369
but Alan and Harriet have
done it with 37 points.
877
00:46:06,625 --> 00:46:08,320
Congratulations, Alan and Harriet.
878
00:46:08,345 --> 00:46:11,570
You're now the proud owner
of these Countdown clogs.
879
00:46:11,595 --> 00:46:15,039
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience,
880
00:46:15,064 --> 00:46:18,039
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Goodnight!
881
00:46:18,064 --> 00:46:20,760
CHEERING
882
00:46:43,705 --> 00:46:46,090
Subtitles by Red Bee Media