1
00:00:01,999 --> 00:00:05,943
This program me contains
strong language and adult humour.
2
00:00:23,798 --> 00:00:26,584
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
3
00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:34,334
Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats
Does Countdown,
4
00:00:34,359 --> 00:00:37,414
Jon Richardson,
5
00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:40,844
Joe Wilkinson, jo Brand,
6
00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:43,304
jamali Maddix,
7
00:00:43,329 --> 00:00:45,614
Rachel Parris,
8
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:47,454
Susie Dent,
9
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,484
Rachel Riley,
10
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:54,134
and your host, jimmy—y—y Carr!
11
00:00:57,119 --> 00:00:58,974
Hello, and welcome
12
00:00:58,999 --> 00:01:01,334
to 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown,
13
00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:03,693
a show all about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
14
00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,454
A bit of a warning at the top of
the show,
15
00:01:05,479 --> 00:01:07,414
this program me contains
strong language
16
00:01:07,439 --> 00:01:09,174
and scenes involving anagrams,
17
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,174
which some viewers may find tedious.
18
00:01:12,559 --> 00:01:14,134
OK, let's meet tonight's players.
19
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:17,054
First up it's team captain
jon Richardson.
20
00:01:17,079 --> 00:01:19,304
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
21
00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,454
What is it about jon Richardson
22
00:01:23,479 --> 00:01:25,454
that makes him irresistible
to women?
23
00:01:25,479 --> 00:01:27,174
Nothing, he's not.
24
00:01:28,718 --> 00:01:30,693
Teflon, sexual Teflon.
25
00:01:30,718 --> 00:01:33,384
You mean that you wipe clean?
26
00:01:33,409 --> 00:01:36,254
Yeah, I guess so,
and if scratched I'm very dangerous.
27
00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:38,744
It's lethal,
you get a scratch underneath,
28
00:01:38,769 --> 00:01:40,813
all that's leaking into your food.
29
00:01:40,838 --> 00:01:43,204
You wanna get into this now?
Yeah.
30
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:46,023
I imagine because we've got people
on who've never been on before,
31
00:01:46,048 --> 00:01:47,974
you've got gags you're very excited
to tell.
32
00:01:47,999 --> 00:01:51,664
It's staggering you've still got
shit on me after all these years
33
00:01:51,689 --> 00:01:55,054
and you still even do your
little neck stretch into it, like...
34
00:01:56,639 --> 00:01:58,943
And Jon's team-mate, jo Brand.
35
00:01:58,968 --> 00:02:01,893
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
The legend.
36
00:02:01,918 --> 00:02:06,254
Jo's moto is "never trust a man
with testicles",
37
00:02:06,279 --> 00:02:07,773
which is why we get along so well.
38
00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:10,893
Have you not got any? I'm totally
smooth down there, no, I'm like a Ken doll.
39
00:02:10,918 --> 00:02:13,334
I quite like that idea,
which disturbs me.
40
00:02:14,848 --> 00:02:18,214
Up against them this evening, it's
guest team captain joe Wilkinson.
41
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,664
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
42
00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:26,974
joe might seem scary
but he's actually very timid.
43
00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:30,664
If you frighten him with
a loud noise, he'll roll into a ball
44
00:02:30,689 --> 00:02:32,494
like a hedgehog
and suck himself to sleep.
45
00:02:34,798 --> 00:02:37,304
And joining joe tonight,
it's jamali Maddix.
46
00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:39,823
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
47
00:02:39,848 --> 00:02:41,334
It's very good to have you here.
48
00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:45,934
Jamali Maddix and joe Wilkinson,
together at last — it looks like
49
00:02:45,959 --> 00:02:48,893
a dead heat in the final of
Britain's Most Clogged Plughole.
50
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,184
I thought I was quite fit.
51
00:02:53,209 --> 00:02:55,134
Have you been on that list?
52
00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:57,494
Cos jon has been on the
Weird Crush List, haven't you?
53
00:02:57,519 --> 00:02:59,893
I have, thrice,
it's a list... I mean...
54
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,573
And the fact he said that
is why it's weird.
55
00:03:02,598 --> 00:03:05,023
I was on it,
I was one above Dr Dre.
56
00:03:05,048 --> 00:03:07,384
Dr Dre? Why was he on the weird...?
57
00:03:07,409 --> 00:03:09,254
I think he's ugly as shit.
58
00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:14,934
Joe, if you could change anything
about yourself, what would it be?
59
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:16,614
Erm, I'd probably have
60
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,254
a few less haemorrhoids.
61
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,934
And what's the right number?
62
00:03:21,959 --> 00:03:24,643
Well, it's just enough that you can
get through a revolving door.
63
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:27,744
I struggle sometimes.
64
00:03:27,769 --> 00:03:30,773
Erm, I quite like smaller areolaes,
65
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:34,104
you know, the brown area around
your nipple,
66
00:03:34,129 --> 00:03:36,773
I'd like them to be smaller
cos at the moment they're
67
00:03:36,798 --> 00:03:39,054
so big they overlap like
a Venn diagram.
68
00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:41,903
And one of my plums annoys me.
69
00:03:41,928 --> 00:03:43,854
I think the middle one's too big.
70
00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:48,773
Jamali, do you think you
and joe will be a good team?
71
00:03:49,639 --> 00:03:52,054
Honestly, I thought I was with Jon.
72
00:03:53,239 --> 00:03:55,004
So I came here with confidence. Ah.
73
00:03:55,029 --> 00:03:56,744
I think we're both shit.
74
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:59,264
Yeah, I wanna win, though.
Yeah, we're not gonna do that.
75
00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:01,544
Cos you've got glasses on,
I thought...
76
00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:04,294
Cos of my glasses my mum says
77
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,184
I look like a guy in prison
that reads.
78
00:04:08,319 --> 00:04:10,664
Sorry? Your mum says that?
Yeah, my mum said that.
79
00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:13,744
Your mum is harsh. My mum says
horrible shit to me.
80
00:04:13,769 --> 00:04:16,614
I don't blame her cos I just
disappointed her throughout my life.
81
00:04:18,239 --> 00:04:20,544
One time I had a bike,
82
00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:22,823
and I traded it for
a pair of nunchuks.
83
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:27,384
And then my mum was like,
84
00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:30,054
"Go back," and then I come back
with a dog.
85
00:04:31,159 --> 00:04:33,744
What would you have preferred
to end up with?
86
00:04:33,769 --> 00:04:36,054
Two dogs. Yeah.
87
00:04:36,079 --> 00:04:38,414
Jo? Yes.
You've been married for a while —
88
00:04:38,439 --> 00:04:40,773
what's the secret
to a happy marriage?
89
00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:44,134
I would say it's never go to sleep
on an argument,
90
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,984
go to sleep on a bed.
91
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,624
And also, be as violent as you like
92
00:04:49,649 --> 00:04:51,653
with your own husband,
93
00:04:51,678 --> 00:04:55,104
but with soft toys,
so there's no bruising.
94
00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,264
Oh, I must make him watch this.
95
00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:03,934
Jo, have you got a mascot? Yeah.
Oh, go on, what have you brought?
96
00:05:03,959 --> 00:05:09,653
Well, I was gonna try
and do my five—a—day in the show.
97
00:05:09,678 --> 00:05:12,464
Oh, you're trying to be healthy,
have your five-a-day fruit and veg,
98
00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:14,294
yeah, great idea.
Exactly, get it over with.
99
00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:16,934
So, let's start with, first...
100
00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:20,693
Well, it's sprouts.
101
00:05:22,598 --> 00:05:26,414
Actually, I quite like sprouts,
so I would like to walk round
102
00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:29,544
with a handbag
and just sort of snack on them.
103
00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:32,054
So, if anyone wants a sprout
throughout the show,
104
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:34,014
I can just do this.
105
00:05:35,649 --> 00:05:37,494
Oh, so smooth.
APPLAUSE
106
00:05:37,519 --> 00:05:40,264
For some reason,
I didn't think you could catch.
107
00:05:40,289 --> 00:05:41,734
No, I'm programmed to.
108
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,214
Joe, can you catch?
109
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:46,294
THUD!
110
00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:48,294
Oh, what else have I got?
111
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:51,573
A kale smoothie.
112
00:05:51,598 --> 00:05:53,264
Ooh, that looks brutal.
113
00:05:53,289 --> 00:05:56,184
They are disgusting,
and so my advice to you
114
00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:59,374
with a kale smoothie is like do
this...
115
00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:01,703
Ugh!
116
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,573
...and then...
What have you got there?
117
00:06:03,598 --> 00:06:05,573
...pour it down a toilet.
118
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:08,134
What are you doing
with Jon's toilet?
119
00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:11,984
Any more,
any more fruit and veg based...?
120
00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:13,464
Well, yeah, these.
121
00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:15,184
I love these, like, fruit chews.
122
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,134
THEY SIGH HAPPILY
123
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,514
— And, you know... Do you like them?
— Yeah.
124
00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:21,923
They've got real fruit juice
in them.
125
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,284
LAUGHTER
No, they have,
126
00:06:24,309 --> 00:06:27,364
but unfortunately
to get your five-a-day,
127
00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:28,923
you have to eat a 150 of them.
128
00:06:28,948 --> 00:06:30,843
Well, you best start now, then.
129
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,444
Yeah, I am gonna, anyone else?
130
00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:34,843
Can you get one to Susie Dent there?
I'll have a go.
131
00:06:36,179 --> 00:06:37,284
Bollocks.
132
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,923
One more go, Susie.
133
00:06:38,948 --> 00:06:41,234
Bollocks.
134
00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:44,444
We'll get more of the five-a-day
later on. jon, have you got
135
00:06:44,469 --> 00:06:46,754
a mascot? It's more of a business
launch.
136
00:06:46,779 --> 00:06:47,793
Ooh, what's the business idea?
137
00:06:47,818 --> 00:06:50,874
Do you know what's done very well
in the last year or so is
138
00:06:50,899 --> 00:06:54,084
a thing called Cameo? Is that where
the famous people do messages?
139
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:57,593
That's where you can pay a fee
to get a celebrity
140
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,114
to wish my Uncle Bob
a happy birthday.
141
00:07:00,139 --> 00:07:02,473
That's Cameo, that's that business.
That's Cameo.
142
00:07:02,498 --> 00:07:05,034
So, what's YOUR business? Well, the
misunderstanding for me is that,
143
00:07:05,059 --> 00:07:07,644
if social media's taught us
anything, people don't want to hear
144
00:07:07,669 --> 00:07:10,803
from celebrities, they want to be able
to pass their own news onto celebrities,
145
00:07:10,828 --> 00:07:13,673
that's the real joy
of the social media world.
146
00:07:13,698 --> 00:07:16,803
So, I've amassed
a few phone numbers in my years
147
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:18,843
in the business.
If I've got their number,
148
00:07:18,868 --> 00:07:21,314
I'll send them a message.
I can't record the videos myself,
149
00:07:21,339 --> 00:07:23,673
obviously I don't want
my prints all over it.
150
00:07:23,698 --> 00:07:27,004
So, I get my nan to do it. Well,
what's this business called? Naneo.
151
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:30,284
Jimmy, very excitingly,
this is for you.
152
00:07:30,309 --> 00:07:33,034
From your nan?
Yeah. From Naneo. Lovely.
153
00:07:34,339 --> 00:07:36,644
Hello, James, I've got a message
154
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:40,314
for you from everyone at
Krakow Beauty & Hair Therapies
155
00:07:40,339 --> 00:07:42,004
who want to say thank you
156
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,803
for keeping their business afloat
during the lockdown.
157
00:07:46,419 --> 00:07:50,004
They've never worked on anyone
with cold blood before.
158
00:07:50,029 --> 00:07:53,593
Hope that you're pleased with the
result,
159
00:07:53,618 --> 00:07:56,874
and also want to thank
Joe Wilkinson
160
00:07:56,899 --> 00:07:59,164
for the last-minute donation
161
00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:00,564
of surplus back hair.
162
00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:04,524
Was that OK, Jon?
163
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:08,084
I'm gonna have to rush off because
those prunes are kicking in.
164
00:08:10,669 --> 00:08:13,524
I don't know why anyone would
send him a message anyway.
165
00:08:13,549 --> 00:08:16,194
I've always found him to be
a smarmy little BLEEP.
166
00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:18,114
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
167
00:08:22,859 --> 00:08:24,473
jamali, have you got a mascot?
168
00:08:24,498 --> 00:08:26,803
I do have a mascot and...
169
00:08:26,828 --> 00:08:29,524
Cos I was thinking about what
to bring in,
170
00:08:29,549 --> 00:08:31,444
I thought, "You know what?
171
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,004
"I need something that's gonna give
me guidance
172
00:08:34,029 --> 00:08:35,884
"and something that's gonna
be useful."
173
00:08:35,909 --> 00:08:37,923
So, for my mascot I've brought in
174
00:08:37,948 --> 00:08:40,473
a previous Countdown champion,
Bradley.
175
00:08:40,498 --> 00:08:42,954
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
176
00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:47,803
And so he's gonna sit behind me
177
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,394
and give me notes of encouragement
throughout the show.
178
00:08:52,859 --> 00:08:54,884
And I thought, cos I know you're
gonna be like,
179
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,473
"It's against the rules," but it's
actually a loophole and I thought
180
00:08:57,498 --> 00:08:59,803
you would appreciate a loophole.
181
00:08:59,828 --> 00:09:03,394
I mean... Is that, genuinely,
Bradley,
182
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:06,084
you're an ex—Countdown champion?
183
00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:07,803
I've won quite a few shows.
184
00:09:07,828 --> 00:09:09,364
OK, that's good, yeah.
185
00:09:09,389 --> 00:09:11,644
I think we should put some money
on this.
186
00:09:13,498 --> 00:09:17,084
Can I borrow £10,000 off someone?
187
00:09:17,109 --> 00:09:18,394
I wanna go big.
188
00:09:19,779 --> 00:09:23,364
OK, so for the first time
on Cats Does Countdown,
189
00:09:23,389 --> 00:09:25,603
there's ten grand at stake.
190
00:09:26,828 --> 00:09:28,444
Oh, God, I'm rich.
191
00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:30,803
LAUGHTER
192
00:09:30,828 --> 00:09:33,284
Well, lastly joe,
do you have a mascot?
193
00:09:33,309 --> 00:09:34,754
Yeah, sort of.
194
00:09:34,779 --> 00:09:38,673
I brought along some nuts and bolts
that I found.
195
00:09:38,698 --> 00:09:41,644
Well, I say found — unscrewed.
196
00:09:42,859 --> 00:09:44,603
Where did you unscrew them from?
197
00:09:44,628 --> 00:09:46,114
I'd rather not say.
198
00:09:56,299 --> 00:09:58,194
Sorry about that.
199
00:10:03,628 --> 00:10:06,004
Over in Dictionary Corner,
it's Rachel Parris.
200
00:10:06,029 --> 00:10:08,364
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
201
00:10:11,909 --> 00:10:14,194
So, Rachel,
what have you been up to lately?
202
00:10:14,219 --> 00:10:15,394
Er, what I've been up to is like,
203
00:10:15,419 --> 00:10:17,324
you know when lockdown happened
last year?
204
00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:19,803
And I started sending postcards
205
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,364
to my friends cos we were all,
you know, trapped inside,
206
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,004
like just little messages like,
"Oh, I haven't seen you for ages."
207
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:27,324
But then I got quite
into the rhythm of that.
208
00:10:27,349 --> 00:10:29,634
So, this year,
209
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:32,004
I've sort of continued sending
the postcards,
210
00:10:32,029 --> 00:10:34,964
but I've realised that it's funner
to do it anonymously
211
00:10:34,989 --> 00:10:37,364
and to write messages
that people don't understand.
212
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:41,394
Just writing things like,
"How long has it been" dot-dot-dot.
213
00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:43,194
And not signing it.
214
00:10:43,219 --> 00:10:46,634
Or "I know" dot-dot-dot.
215
00:10:48,269 --> 00:10:50,274
Or, "There in five minutes." Ooh!
216
00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:53,723
And they'll run around getting
ready. You can heckle them with
217
00:10:53,748 --> 00:10:55,114
a postcard and just write down,
218
00:10:55,139 --> 00:10:58,444
"Your long-distance throw isn't as
good as your short-distance throw."
219
00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:01,754
Agh!
220
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,194
Yes!
221
00:11:03,219 --> 00:11:06,244
APPLAUSE
222
00:11:06,269 --> 00:11:09,004
And with Rachel, of course,
it's Susie Dent!
223
00:11:09,029 --> 00:11:11,603
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
224
00:11:14,378 --> 00:11:15,964
Susie Dent is an author,
225
00:11:15,989 --> 00:11:19,194
and over the last 20 years
she's curled out 15 books.
226
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:21,194
LAUGHTER, GROANING
227
00:11:22,939 --> 00:11:24,683
Are you working on another book?
228
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:27,114
Yes, I am working on a new book.
What's the new book?
229
00:11:27,139 --> 00:11:29,473
Actually, I'm not really allowed
to disclose this,
230
00:11:29,498 --> 00:11:32,803
got to go through the liable lawyers
first, but it's about you, jimmy.
231
00:11:32,828 --> 00:11:35,244
Remember that German word
Backpfeifengesicht? No.
232
00:11:35,269 --> 00:11:37,194
That's what it's called, which is
233
00:11:37,219 --> 00:11:39,444
a face that deserves to be slapped.
234
00:11:40,789 --> 00:11:43,723
You're probably a Sitzpinkler as
well, aren't you?
235
00:11:43,748 --> 00:11:46,324
Sitzpinkler? Yeah.
OK, what does it mean?
236
00:11:46,349 --> 00:11:49,084
Someone who sits down
to have a piss. Yes.
237
00:11:51,189 --> 00:11:54,084
And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley!
238
00:11:54,109 --> 00:11:56,834
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
239
00:11:59,549 --> 00:12:01,084
Rachel loves to sleep,
240
00:12:01,109 --> 00:12:03,914
and if she had her way, would sleep
through till noon every day.
241
00:12:03,939 --> 00:12:06,634
Well, why don't you, Rachel?
You don't start work till four,
242
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,994
and even then it's only
for a half-hour.
243
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,964
That would be so good if it was
like 1990,
244
00:12:10,989 --> 00:12:12,764
when we were on at half past four.
245
00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:15,444
What time are you on now?
We're on at 2:10. Yeah.
246
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:18,473
2:10?! You have to get up for 2:10
now. I know, it's terrible.
247
00:12:18,498 --> 00:12:20,374
Of course it is. You poor thing.
248
00:12:20,399 --> 00:12:22,194
And lift those tiles all by myself.
249
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:25,444
OK, the prize the teams
will be competing for tonight
250
00:12:25,469 --> 00:12:27,764
is this,
the Countdown artist set.
251
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:30,084
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
252
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,124
CHUCKLING
253
00:12:40,149 --> 00:12:42,353
LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
254
00:12:44,628 --> 00:12:46,404
Wait one second.
255
00:12:46,429 --> 00:12:48,683
Is he sitting on
an enormous cock and balls?
256
00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:52,553
OK, that's Countdown, everyone.
Time for our first game.
257
00:12:52,578 --> 00:12:54,964
Jon, jo, you get the first pick of
the letters.
258
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:56,244
Consonant, please.
259
00:12:56,269 --> 00:12:57,964
Thank you, Jo. B.
260
00:12:57,989 --> 00:13:00,444
That's a C, Bradley.
261
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,244
And another one, consonant,
please.
262
00:13:02,269 --> 00:13:03,553
VG
263
00:13:03,578 --> 00:13:04,914
A vowel.
264
00:13:04,939 --> 00:13:05,994
I
265
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,194
Another vowel.
266
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:08,994
A. Consonant.
267
00:13:09,019 --> 00:13:10,074
T
268
00:13:10,099 --> 00:13:11,683
Vowel, please.
269
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,124
A
270
00:13:13,149 --> 00:13:14,884
An E, please.
271
00:13:18,299 --> 00:13:19,683
E
272
00:13:19,708 --> 00:13:21,994
Yay! Consonant.
273
00:13:22,019 --> 00:13:23,764
R
274
00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:25,714
And another consonant, please.
275
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,603
And the last one, M.
276
00:13:27,628 --> 00:13:29,964
For the first time today,
here's the Countdown Clock.
277
00:13:29,989 --> 00:13:31,714
Ooh.
278
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,524
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
279
00:14:06,349 --> 00:14:09,124
It looks more like jimmy Carr
than YOU look like jimmy Carr
280
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,524
in a weird way, in terms of just
like a real person.
281
00:14:11,549 --> 00:14:13,124
It's got, it's got the classic hair.
282
00:14:13,149 --> 00:14:15,124
I've made action dolls of everyone.
283
00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:17,483
Jo Brand,
we've got an action doll of you.
284
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,844
Where is it?
There's a gold box next to you.
285
00:14:19,869 --> 00:14:23,324
Jo, I've gone classic '80s
jo Brand Through The Cakehole era.
286
00:14:23,349 --> 00:14:26,483
And I've gone anorexic
by the looks of it.
287
00:14:26,508 --> 00:14:27,884
Oh, that's nice. That's quite good,
288
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,244
though, isn't it,
jo Brand as the whole thing?
289
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,884
Yeah, the trousers
are brilliant. It's pretty good.
290
00:14:32,909 --> 00:14:33,994
Yeah, I did wear those,
291
00:14:34,019 --> 00:14:37,174
and I did wear those boots as well.
My feet are sort of weirdly tiny.
292
00:14:37,199 --> 00:14:39,074
How do you think jon Richardson
feels?
293
00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:41,714
Yes, I look forward
to unwrapping my Sylvanian Family
294
00:14:41,739 --> 00:14:44,433
with a fucking bald spot
or whatever you've done.
295
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:46,124
I bet we're doing Jon last.
296
00:14:46,149 --> 00:14:47,844
Jamali, let's have a look at yours.
297
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,483
Why am I dressed as the campest
superhero alive?
298
00:14:52,508 --> 00:14:54,994
We've done you as sort of
an action hero.
299
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,794
Action hero of what?
300
00:14:56,819 --> 00:14:58,074
Knitting.
301
00:14:58,099 --> 00:15:00,764
Joe, yours is pretty special,
I think.
302
00:15:00,789 --> 00:15:02,074
Absolutely fuck you.
303
00:15:03,378 --> 00:15:06,044
Honestly,
it looks more like you than you do.
304
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,994
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
305
00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:16,644
Look on the right foot,
there's some dog shit on it.
306
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:20,924
And it smells of cider,
so it really is the full...
307
00:15:20,949 --> 00:15:23,004
Yeah, and the fag butts in my hair.
308
00:15:23,029 --> 00:15:25,324
I think there's one for you as well,
jon.
309
00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:27,353
Oh, it's so heavy!
310
00:15:27,378 --> 00:15:29,074
It must be so big!
311
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,074
Aww!
312
00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:33,483
LAUGHTER
313
00:15:37,508 --> 00:15:40,404
I wanted yours to be
a little bit sexy.
314
00:15:40,429 --> 00:15:43,154
It's got a sort of a cardigan cape.
315
00:15:43,179 --> 00:15:45,844
Jon, yours looks like
it can kneel down.
316
00:15:51,069 --> 00:15:52,794
Guys, I don't know...
317
00:15:56,349 --> 00:15:58,844
If you put your one in front
of Joe's...
318
00:15:58,869 --> 00:16:02,004
No, no, we're not! We're not doing
that! I was gonna go there, and...
319
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:05,563
jon, put yours in front of Joe's
and I really think we've got
320
00:16:05,588 --> 00:16:06,964
an incident in a park.
321
00:16:12,869 --> 00:16:16,433
How did you know I wear knitted
underpants?
322
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:18,764
It's so creepy!
323
00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,974
It's the superhero no-one wants
to arrive. "Oh, it's you."
324
00:16:21,999 --> 00:16:25,233
IN NASAL VOICE: Yes, I was just
coming to complain about the noise.
325
00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:27,683
OK. Jamali, how many letters?
326
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:30,764
I have four letters.
327
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:33,483
Do I have four letters? One second.
328
00:16:33,508 --> 00:16:36,404
Keep on believing in yourself.
I have...
329
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,204
...seven letters.
330
00:16:41,229 --> 00:16:44,334
Joe, how many? Six. jon, how many?
331
00:16:44,359 --> 00:16:48,363
Seven. Seven, OK. And jo Brand?
Six.
332
00:16:48,388 --> 00:16:50,683
What's your six, Jo? CAMERA.
333
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:53,044
Traditionally, of course...
You need a C. Yeah, I know,
334
00:16:53,069 --> 00:16:55,363
I cheated and told Bradley
it was a C,
335
00:16:55,388 --> 00:16:57,004
and I wrote C down.
336
00:17:01,638 --> 00:17:03,084
I'll try harder.
337
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,764
BAMERA. Joe, your six—letter word.
338
00:17:04,789 --> 00:17:07,483
— EATER.
— BAUER'? What does that mean'?
339
00:17:07,508 --> 00:17:10,284
I don't know.
It's really good. Good work, Joe.
340
00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:12,563
Oh, yeah, BAUER, oh.
341
00:17:12,588 --> 00:17:13,974
Is that a word?
342
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:16,924
Yeah, BAITER is in. Yeah, great.
BAITER, that's What I said, BAITER.
343
00:17:16,949 --> 00:17:18,924
But not BATIER. I could have sworn
he said something else.
344
00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:21,514
No, no. He said BATIER, and that
would be a seven anyway, so...
345
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:23,154
Yes, seven, I've got a seven.
346
00:17:23,179 --> 00:17:24,563
No, it's not in.
347
00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:27,154
Oh, what have I got?
What have I got?
348
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,644
Herpes?
349
00:17:30,539 --> 00:17:32,874
Jamali, your seven.
Yeah, I got WARTIME.
350
00:17:32,899 --> 00:17:35,154
You got WARTIME. WARTIME.
351
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,204
Well done, Jamali,
352
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,483
well done, mate. Thank you.
353
00:17:38,508 --> 00:17:39,764
Did you get anything?
354
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:44,204
WARTIME is one word, is it, not two
words? I think Jamali somehow knew
355
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,204
that the hyphen dropped out quite
recently, didn't you? I did, yeah.
356
00:17:47,229 --> 00:17:50,004
Yeah. The hyphen dropped out?
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah, that's all,
357
00:17:50,029 --> 00:17:52,764
they just call round the mandem
and they say, "Listen,
358
00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,443
"have you heard about
359
00:17:54,468 --> 00:17:57,084
"the fucking hyphen and that?"
we go mad.
360
00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:01,004
Jon, your seven.
I also got WARTIME.
361
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:02,804
It's seven points to both teams.
362
00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:04,724
Well done, jamali.
363
00:18:04,749 --> 00:18:07,204
Well done, jamali. Rachel,
364
00:18:07,229 --> 00:18:09,124
Susie, could they have done
any better?
365
00:18:09,149 --> 00:18:12,233
The best that we found was
WARTIME, I think. Yeah.
366
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,924
Yeah, kudos to Jamali, basically.
Yeah.
367
00:18:14,949 --> 00:18:17,334
And Joe. And joe,
to a much letter degree. OK.
368
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,924
So, at the end of that,
369
00:18:19,949 --> 00:18:21,284
both teams have seven points.
370
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,844
On to our first numbers round, OK.
371
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,844
Joe, jamali,
you get to pick the numbers.
372
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,644
What do you reckon, Duncan?
373
00:18:26,669 --> 00:18:28,124
Did you just call him Duncan?
374
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,124
Yes, he's called Duncan.
375
00:18:30,149 --> 00:18:31,594
No, he's not, he's called Bradley.
376
00:18:31,619 --> 00:18:33,233
Sure?
377
00:18:35,508 --> 00:18:37,233
I think you should go one large.
378
00:18:37,258 --> 00:18:39,563
Go large. We're gonna...
All of them large.
379
00:18:39,588 --> 00:18:41,134
RACHEL: All of them large?
380
00:18:41,159 --> 00:18:43,924
Sorry, ALL of them large?
All of them large. Honestly,
381
00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:46,693
I don't quite understand
what's going on in the game.
382
00:18:46,718 --> 00:18:49,204
To be clear, though, you said
"one large", right?
383
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,724
It's what I advised.
384
00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:53,284
Yeah, Duncan's not for you
to talk to.
385
00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:56,204
Next time bring your own Duncan,
all right?
386
00:18:56,229 --> 00:18:58,594
We're paying for the bus fare home —
not you.
387
00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:02,233
OK, they're going all large.
All large?
388
00:19:02,258 --> 00:19:04,954
They're going all large.
We've got 9, 2,
389
00:19:04,979 --> 00:19:08,924
25, 75 and 100 and 50.
390
00:19:08,949 --> 00:19:10,134
The target...
391
00:19:10,159 --> 00:19:11,674
150.
392
00:19:11,699 --> 00:19:13,284
327.
393
00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:14,954
OK, and your time starts now.
394
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:49,204
JOE GASPS
OK, so the target was 327.
395
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,854
Hang on, did you get it, joe?
396
00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:52,774
Yes! I swear to god I've got it.
397
00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:55,084
OK, go, explain how you got it, joe.
OK, OK.
398
00:19:55,109 --> 00:19:57,363
9x25
399
00:19:57,388 --> 00:19:58,884
9x25
400
00:19:58,909 --> 00:20:00,164
+50
401
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,214
There's a 50, tell me there's a 50.
402
00:20:02,239 --> 00:20:03,884
Yeah, there is a 50, yeah.
403
00:20:03,909 --> 00:20:06,493
It wasn't the route I thought
you were gonna do, 275.
404
00:20:06,518 --> 00:20:08,313
Oh, fucking arse!
405
00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:10,004
LAUGHTER
406
00:20:10,029 --> 00:20:13,004
Right, no,
let's keep going, plus the 75.
407
00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:14,214
I was gonna minus the 25
408
00:20:14,239 --> 00:20:16,214
and plus the two,
but I've used the 25 twice.
409
00:20:16,239 --> 00:20:17,724
So, if we get to this point...
410
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:19,644
Oh, hold on,
there's a way I can do this.
411
00:20:19,669 --> 00:20:21,084
Let's not help them.
412
00:20:21,109 --> 00:20:23,084
+ 100
413
00:20:23,109 --> 00:20:24,573
Yeah! + 2. Yeah!
414
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,804
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
415
00:20:29,468 --> 00:20:31,674
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
416
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,724
Did it!
417
00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:41,323
No need, mate, off you go.
418
00:20:42,549 --> 00:20:43,884
Jamali, did you get it? I got it.
419
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,854
You got it. Yeah, same.
420
00:20:45,879 --> 00:20:47,524
Jon, did you get it? Yes, I did.
421
00:20:47,549 --> 00:20:49,854
Oh, for f...
How did you get it — the same way?
422
00:20:49,879 --> 00:20:51,724
No, I said 100 + 9,
423
00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:55,084
X (75 + 25)
424
00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:56,684
What? Perfect, well done.
425
00:21:00,239 --> 00:21:03,084
Don't encourage him.
jo Brand, did you get it?
426
00:21:03,109 --> 00:21:05,363
Er, no, I got 332.
427
00:21:05,388 --> 00:21:07,214
So, ten points to both teams.
428
00:21:10,348 --> 00:21:14,294
And the teaser. The words are
IT'S MR POO, and the clue is,
429
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:16,964
are you sure? That's IT'S MR POO,
are you sure?
430
00:21:16,989 --> 00:21:18,443
See you after the break.
431
00:21:18,468 --> 00:21:20,684
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
432
00:21:33,388 --> 00:21:35,724
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser,
433
00:21:35,749 --> 00:21:38,334
the words were IT'S MR POO,
the clue was,
434
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,134
are you sure? It was, of course,
IMPOSTOR.
435
00:21:41,159 --> 00:21:43,443
OK, both teams have 17 points.
436
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:47,524
Jon, have you got any more
sort of Cameo Naneo messages?
437
00:21:47,549 --> 00:21:49,974
Oh, I don't know,
let me just check the app.
438
00:21:49,999 --> 00:21:52,414
Yes, I have had a new message, erm,
439
00:21:52,439 --> 00:21:54,974
it's just come in so I haven't seen
it, but my nan says,
440
00:21:54,999 --> 00:21:57,563
"Will you please
send this to Joe Wilkinson?"
441
00:21:57,588 --> 00:22:01,164
Ooh! Let me see if I can quickly set
up the tech, and... Zoop!
442
00:22:03,468 --> 00:22:07,804
Hello, Joe, love. Jon doesn't know
I'm sending this one
443
00:22:07,829 --> 00:22:09,724
because he wouldn't approve.
444
00:22:09,749 --> 00:22:12,054
He's a prude, you see.
445
00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:14,563
Anally retentive due to being in
nappies
446
00:22:14,588 --> 00:22:16,534
until he was six, if you ask me.
447
00:22:18,829 --> 00:22:22,724
I wanted to say I think
you're a very beautiful man.
448
00:22:22,749 --> 00:22:26,164
A proper man, as we used
to call them.
449
00:22:26,189 --> 00:22:30,563
Hairy enough to save wear and tear
on the good eiderdown in winter
450
00:22:30,588 --> 00:22:35,004
and the sort of strong guts
that got us through the war.
451
00:22:35,029 --> 00:22:40,724
If you're ever near the Second—best Erotic
Marigold Retirement Complex in Lytham,
452
00:22:40,749 --> 00:22:43,054
then I'm in apartment 17B.
453
00:22:43,079 --> 00:22:47,693
The keys are under the ornamental
piggies by the door.
454
00:22:47,718 --> 00:22:50,524
I'll supply all the pickled
eggs you can eat.
455
00:22:52,239 --> 00:22:53,854
Let's hurry this show up.
456
00:22:53,879 --> 00:22:56,254
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
457
00:23:01,909 --> 00:23:03,493
OK, we've been playing in teams
so far,
458
00:23:03,518 --> 00:23:06,054
but this game is just for
jon and joe.
459
00:23:06,079 --> 00:23:08,334
So, spoiler alert, jon wins.
460
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:09,214
A bit of paper.
461
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,414
Just giving him a bit of paper
for no reason. jON: All right.
462
00:23:13,439 --> 00:23:15,134
You got a pen? Cool.
463
00:23:15,159 --> 00:23:17,004
OK, joe, your turn to
pick the letters.
464
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:18,693
Er, A... The A, E and I...
465
00:23:18,718 --> 00:23:20,363
Yeah, that one.
466
00:23:20,388 --> 00:23:22,363
A. A.
467
00:23:22,388 --> 00:23:24,084
And then we'll have a...
468
00:23:24,109 --> 00:23:25,613
...a T and S, one of those.
469
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:27,134
Yeah, N.
470
00:23:27,159 --> 00:23:29,693
An N. fine.
Another one of those ones.
471
00:23:29,718 --> 00:23:30,974
Another one. D.
472
00:23:30,999 --> 00:23:32,054
Oh.
473
00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:33,284
A vowel.
474
00:23:33,309 --> 00:23:34,493
O
475
00:23:34,518 --> 00:23:36,054
Er... You're on for gonads.
476
00:23:37,468 --> 00:23:39,884
Ho-ho!
And then the rest consonants,
477
00:23:39,909 --> 00:23:41,934
so I might get gonads.
478
00:23:41,959 --> 00:23:43,443
Yes!
479
00:23:43,468 --> 00:23:45,693
APPLAUSE
480
00:23:48,829 --> 00:23:51,214
We don't know if you can have just
one, though, so...
481
00:23:51,239 --> 00:23:52,604
Er, plural.
482
00:23:52,629 --> 00:23:53,724
IV!
483
00:23:53,749 --> 00:23:55,294
Consonant, consonant. Consonant.
484
00:23:55,319 --> 00:23:56,804
R.
Consonant.
485
00:23:56,829 --> 00:23:59,443
We need three vowels, so I'll get
you... No, consonant.
486
00:23:59,468 --> 00:24:02,513
We'll give you an E and then
one last chance. Come on!
487
00:24:02,538 --> 00:24:03,904
G
488
00:24:03,929 --> 00:24:05,434
Five, I've got five.
489
00:24:05,459 --> 00:24:07,434
I'll start the clock from over here.
490
00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:09,114
I never have any bloody fun
on this show,
491
00:24:09,139 --> 00:24:11,504
so I thought I'd get one of these,
everybody.
492
00:24:11,529 --> 00:24:14,114
Hang on. Sorry,
I'll start the clock in a minute.
493
00:24:14,139 --> 00:24:15,704
Erm...
494
00:24:15,729 --> 00:24:18,864
Come on! It's not actually working.
495
00:24:18,889 --> 00:24:20,473
Oh, I think it's working.
496
00:24:20,498 --> 00:24:22,114
Start the clock now.
497
00:24:22,139 --> 00:24:24,064
MUSIC: Thomas The Tank Engine
theme tune
498
00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:25,423
No way!
APPLAUSE
499
00:24:25,448 --> 00:24:27,274
I love that this is my job.
500
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,584
I'm a grown man
and this is my job.
501
00:24:29,609 --> 00:24:31,584
Christ, breakneck speed.
502
00:24:31,609 --> 00:24:32,834
Whoa.
503
00:24:34,169 --> 00:24:35,274
That is sick.
504
00:24:46,809 --> 00:24:48,144
What you doing after the show?
505
00:24:48,169 --> 00:24:51,114
It does look like you're wanking
while you're driving that.
506
00:24:51,139 --> 00:24:53,423
Does it look a little bit like
I'm masturbating? It does.
507
00:24:55,089 --> 00:24:59,114
Well, actually, it's
a double bluff, cos I am.
508
00:24:59,139 --> 00:25:00,423
Jon, how many?
509
00:25:00,448 --> 00:25:02,343
Nine. What do you mean, nine?
510
00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:04,673
Between eight and ten.
511
00:25:04,698 --> 00:25:07,394
This is incredible news,
I'm coming over there.
512
00:25:07,419 --> 00:25:10,704
Have yo um have you ream; got time
or are you messing around'?
513
00:25:10,729 --> 00:25:13,274
I really imagine that's how you
get around your house.
514
00:25:15,529 --> 00:25:17,194
Joe, how many? I've got seven.
515
00:25:17,219 --> 00:25:19,504
Just only got seven.
I'm absolutely gutted.
516
00:25:19,529 --> 00:25:20,784
Joe, your seven—letter word?
517
00:25:20,809 --> 00:25:22,274
Oh, I've just got a bloody...
518
00:25:22,299 --> 00:25:24,064
just GROANED.
That's all I could think of.
519
00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:27,144
And, Jon, your nine-letter word?
520
00:25:27,169 --> 00:25:28,423
DOGGERMAN
521
00:25:28,448 --> 00:25:31,423
Oh. Hey. DOGGERMAN?
522
00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:34,553
Yes, I saw a DOGGERMAN
down by the weeping willow.
523
00:25:36,169 --> 00:25:38,223
Well, we had dogger. unsurprisingly.
524
00:25:38,248 --> 00:25:41,223
But a DOGGERMAN is not in
the dictionary, Jon. Oh.
525
00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:43,553
Seven points to joe?
Oh, whatever.
526
00:25:43,578 --> 00:25:45,423
APPLAUSE
527
00:25:47,889 --> 00:25:50,423
Rachel, Susie, could they have
done any better?
528
00:25:50,448 --> 00:25:51,834
Well, I got DOGGER,
529
00:25:51,859 --> 00:25:54,944
but I didn't make it gendered
because why would you?
530
00:25:54,969 --> 00:25:56,473
LAUGHTER
Um, and...
531
00:25:56,498 --> 00:25:58,784
...Susie found DRAGOMEN.
532
00:25:58,809 --> 00:26:03,194
They are Arabic or Turkish or
Persian speaking interpreters.
533
00:26:03,219 --> 00:26:05,914
OK, so at the end of that,
jon and jo have 17.
534
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:08,274
Joe and jamali have 24,
they're in the lead.
535
00:26:08,299 --> 00:26:10,784
APPLAUSE
536
00:26:10,809 --> 00:26:12,194
Well deserved.
537
00:26:13,809 --> 00:26:16,274
Jo Brand, you're trying to do
five a day throughout the show.
538
00:26:16,299 --> 00:26:18,994
Yeah. Next is cider.
539
00:26:19,019 --> 00:26:20,864
And that provides?
540
00:26:20,889 --> 00:26:22,473
One bottle of cider,
541
00:26:22,498 --> 00:26:26,864
you have to use 30 apples
to make it.
542
00:26:26,889 --> 00:26:30,714
So, that is your five a day
for six clays!
543
00:26:30,739 --> 00:26:32,664
Wow.
APPLAUSE
544
00:26:32,689 --> 00:26:34,114
Thank you very much.
545
00:26:36,689 --> 00:26:39,664
Oh, I've got to say,
that is delicious.
546
00:26:39,689 --> 00:26:43,194
Thank you, mate.
I feel healthier already.
547
00:26:43,219 --> 00:26:44,754
Right, it's now time for jamali
548
00:26:44,779 --> 00:26:47,223
and jo Brand to go head-to-head
on the maths.
549
00:26:47,248 --> 00:26:50,024
Jo, your turn to pick the, um...
Oh, my God. ..the numbers.
550
00:26:50,049 --> 00:26:52,473
One from the top and five
from anywhere else.
551
00:26:52,498 --> 00:26:54,144
One from the top,
five from anywhere else.
552
00:26:54,169 --> 00:26:55,553
You've got 5,
553
00:26:55,578 --> 00:26:57,274
9, 4,
554
00:26:57,299 --> 00:26:59,584
3, 5,
555
00:26:59,609 --> 00:27:02,194
and 25. Everybody's favourite.
Oh, mate. Piece of piss.
556
00:27:02,219 --> 00:27:04,144
And the target, 885.
557
00:27:04,169 --> 00:27:06,114
OK, your time starts now.
558
00:27:37,139 --> 00:27:38,303
LAUGHTER
559
00:27:38,328 --> 00:27:42,834
Just sent him a good luck card.
Yeah, it's just... Cos I...
560
00:27:42,859 --> 00:27:45,194
I did notice you seemed to...
It's a good luck card.
561
00:27:45,219 --> 00:27:47,514
No, but what he...what happened was
is, I was just like,
562
00:27:47,539 --> 00:27:49,103
"Bradley, thanks for coming,"
563
00:27:49,128 --> 00:27:51,514
and he was like, "Here's
a nice little note for ya,"
564
00:27:51,539 --> 00:27:53,794
and it just says,
"You look nice today."
565
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:56,794
Did you get that? Yes.
566
00:27:56,819 --> 00:27:58,553
OK- J0. did you get it?
567
00:27:58,578 --> 00:28:00,194
Er, no.
568
00:28:00,219 --> 00:28:02,514
I got 880.
569
00:28:02,539 --> 00:28:04,024
OK. Hang on a minute, Jo.
570
00:28:04,049 --> 00:28:06,794
Just let me write you a note
telling you how nice you look today.
571
00:28:06,819 --> 00:28:09,194
Aww, thanks, Jon.
I think you look...
572
00:28:09,219 --> 00:28:11,103
Er, excuse me? Oh, that's...
573
00:28:11,128 --> 00:28:13,914
Excuse me. Aww.
That's really helpful, thanks, Jon.
574
00:28:13,939 --> 00:28:15,874
Honk, honk.
That's such a lovely colour on you.
575
00:28:15,899 --> 00:28:18,223
Come on, jamali.
We're off. Come on mate.
576
00:28:18,248 --> 00:28:19,553
This is bullshit.
577
00:28:21,498 --> 00:28:25,473
All right, they've just said
they'll shoot me if I leave.
578
00:28:25,498 --> 00:28:28,433
Um, in fairness those are
just the voices in his head,
579
00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:29,944
he doesn't have an earpiece.
580
00:28:32,328 --> 00:28:33,994
Have the nits started to talk?
581
00:28:36,328 --> 00:28:37,914
OK, jamali how did you do it?
582
00:28:37,939 --> 00:28:40,194
Basically, I went for the 25.
583
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:42,274
Yeah, good start. Yes. Boom.
584
00:28:42,299 --> 00:28:46,914
Then I timesed that with four,
just, fuck it, why not? Yeah.
585
00:28:46,939 --> 00:28:48,584
Then I timesed that by nine.
586
00:28:48,609 --> 00:28:50,024
You're getting so much closer. Oh!
587
00:28:50,049 --> 00:28:51,353
We're moving and grooving.
588
00:28:51,378 --> 00:28:53,664
Then take away...then...
589
00:28:53,689 --> 00:28:56,233
Check your notes.
Is it not take away...?
590
00:28:56,258 --> 00:28:58,744
Your handwriting's awful.
591
00:28:58,769 --> 00:29:01,553
It really is. So... Bit of clarity!
Why do you...? What's that?
592
00:29:01,578 --> 00:29:03,914
JO: Well, jamali's, hang on,
jamali's got lost
593
00:29:03,939 --> 00:29:05,664
so I'll just finish it off,
shafll?
594
00:29:05,689 --> 00:29:07,994
Yeah, but then 5...
So then 5 x 3?
595
00:29:08,019 --> 00:29:09,844
5X3=15.
596
00:29:09,869 --> 00:29:13,024
Yeah, then... Why...?
Then what do I do from that, bruv?
597
00:29:13,049 --> 00:29:14,744
LAUGHTER
If you take...
598
00:29:14,769 --> 00:29:16,353
Yeah, but if I had...
So what...so...
599
00:29:16,378 --> 00:29:17,944
Oh, so that's an equation in itself.
600
00:29:17,969 --> 00:29:20,274
JON: That's a minus.
I think you may have mistaken it
601
00:29:20,299 --> 00:29:21,553
for the hyphen from WARTIME.
602
00:29:21,578 --> 00:29:22,914
Sorry, are you...?
603
00:29:22,939 --> 00:29:24,744
That was very funny.
604
00:29:24,769 --> 00:29:27,384
APPLAUSE
605
00:29:28,689 --> 00:29:32,074
And then minus... Yeah.
606
00:29:32,099 --> 00:29:33,514
885, perfect.
607
00:29:33,539 --> 00:29:35,874
OK, so, jo Brand,
how did you do it?
608
00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:37,824
I did it slightly differently.
Yeah.
609
00:29:37,849 --> 00:29:40,103
4x25
610
00:29:40,128 --> 00:29:41,914
And then multiple that by nine.
611
00:29:41,939 --> 00:29:43,954
So, the same? Yeah.
612
00:29:43,979 --> 00:29:46,794
And then I didn't turn round
to someone and go,
613
00:29:46,819 --> 00:29:49,154
"|s that a hyphen or is that...?
Oh, OK."
614
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:51,794
—5x3
615
00:29:51,819 --> 00:29:54,183
Perfect.
So, jon and jo have 27.
616
00:29:54,208 --> 00:29:56,514
Joe and jamali are in the lead
with 34.
617
00:29:56,539 --> 00:29:58,154
Yeah, cracking!
618
00:29:58,179 --> 00:30:00,433
APPLAUSE
619
00:30:01,979 --> 00:30:04,274
OK, time to go across now
to Dictionary Corner.
620
00:30:04,299 --> 00:30:05,563
Rachel, what have you got for us?
621
00:30:05,588 --> 00:30:09,954
Well, I've been, you know,
a long term fan of the show,
622
00:30:09,979 --> 00:30:12,994
and I really love the show
apart from one aspect of it,
623
00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:16,924
which I think is really cruel
and unfair.
624
00:30:16,949 --> 00:30:19,874
So, I've tried to write a song
in support ofjon
625
00:30:19,899 --> 00:30:22,433
because I think, to be honest,
he needs all the help he can get.
626
00:30:24,699 --> 00:30:26,154
SHE PLAYS KEYBOARD
627
00:30:34,580 --> 00:30:37,144
# Leave Jon alone, jimmy
628
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:40,115
# And make amends
629
00:30:40,140 --> 00:30:42,865
# This poor little man
630
00:30:42,890 --> 00:30:45,585
# With very few friends
631
00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:50,394
# He's clearly given up on himself
632
00:30:51,940 --> 00:30:53,585
# He defines the phrase
633
00:30:53,610 --> 00:30:55,585
# "At least he's got his health"
634
00:30:57,169 --> 00:30:59,755
# But he's good at maths
635
00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:02,715
# He's got some money
636
00:31:02,740 --> 00:31:06,585
# In spite of everything
he's got his own show
637
00:31:06,610 --> 00:31:08,835
# On which his wife is very funny
638
00:31:10,249 --> 00:31:15,435
# Send him a pity invite
to your fancy parties
639
00:31:15,460 --> 00:31:18,585
# He's so visibly a vegan
640
00:31:18,610 --> 00:31:21,585
# And he owns 97 cardies
641
00:31:22,970 --> 00:31:25,274
# His tired eyes, jimmy
642
00:31:25,299 --> 00:31:28,965
# Won't you be kind, jimmy?
643
00:31:28,990 --> 00:31:31,224
# He doesn't have your stature
644
00:31:31,249 --> 00:31:34,075
# Or your hairs
645
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,115
# Don't you care, jimmy?
646
00:31:36,140 --> 00:31:37,635
# Be fair, jimmy
647
00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:40,144
# This is his height, fully grown
648
00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:44,325
# He's got gallstones
649
00:31:44,350 --> 00:31:49,585
# Leave Jon alone. #
650
00:31:49,610 --> 00:31:51,835
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
651
00:31:56,820 --> 00:31:59,115
And here is your teaser.
The words are ONE SPUNK,
652
00:31:59,140 --> 00:32:00,755
and the clue is — holding some back.
653
00:32:00,780 --> 00:32:02,635
That's ONE SPUNK,
holding some back.
654
00:32:02,660 --> 00:32:03,865
See you after the break.
655
00:32:18,346 --> 00:32:19,991
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser,
656
00:32:20,016 --> 00:32:23,031
the words were ONE SPUNK,
the clue was — holding some back.
657
00:32:23,056 --> 00:32:25,631
It was, of course, UNSPOKEN.
658
00:32:25,656 --> 00:32:27,991
OK, before we go on time
for a quick bonus round,
659
00:32:28,016 --> 00:32:29,781
the prize the teams are competing
for tonight
660
00:32:29,806 --> 00:32:31,350
is the Countdown Artist's Set
661
00:32:31,375 --> 00:32:33,711
so it's time to test
their drawing skills.
662
00:32:33,736 --> 00:32:36,031
I'm going to give them
a series of nine—letter words.
663
00:32:36,056 --> 00:32:37,600
All they have to do is draw them
664
00:32:37,625 --> 00:32:39,991
and their team-mates will
have to guess what it is.
665
00:32:40,016 --> 00:32:43,241
Jamali and joe, you're up first.
So, jamali you're guessing. Yeah.
666
00:32:43,266 --> 00:32:45,781
Joe, you're drawing.
This could not be easier,
667
00:32:45,806 --> 00:32:49,111
I'm looking forward
to watching joe fuck it up.
668
00:32:49,136 --> 00:32:50,550
Are you good at drawing, joe?
669
00:32:50,575 --> 00:32:52,141
No, but my pants are up my arse.
670
00:32:55,736 --> 00:32:57,071
Hold on.
671
00:32:57,096 --> 00:32:58,321
Ouch.
672
00:32:59,856 --> 00:33:01,350
OK, you're against the clock. Oh.
673
00:33:01,375 --> 00:33:03,631
Your time starts now.
674
00:33:03,656 --> 00:33:05,191
Oh. Topical.
675
00:33:08,906 --> 00:33:11,271
He's drawing a nine—letter word.
676
00:33:11,296 --> 00:33:12,711
Underwear. Oh!
677
00:33:12,736 --> 00:33:14,241
Yes, I mean.
678
00:33:14,266 --> 00:33:17,191
OK next one.
Next board, next board. Next board.
679
00:33:21,066 --> 00:33:22,751
Crocodile. Oh, 0h...
680
00:33:22,776 --> 00:33:24,631
Alligator. Oh, yes!
681
00:33:26,266 --> 00:33:27,711
Oh, OK.
682
00:33:27,736 --> 00:33:30,501
Just throw it. It'll take longer,
you know.
683
00:33:32,296 --> 00:33:33,751
Right...
684
00:33:38,296 --> 00:33:40,111
Christ, that is...
685
00:33:41,216 --> 00:33:42,751
Vagina.
686
00:33:42,776 --> 00:33:44,550
Mm... Mm...
687
00:33:44,575 --> 00:33:46,550
Can you see it? Vagina?
688
00:33:46,575 --> 00:33:48,401
Vajazzles? Yes!
689
00:33:50,816 --> 00:33:53,071
I had to guess what one
of those looked like.
690
00:33:54,736 --> 00:33:56,151
Countdown. Yes!
691
00:34:00,016 --> 00:34:01,831
This is going very well.
692
00:34:01,856 --> 00:34:03,071
Er...
693
00:34:03,096 --> 00:34:04,680
jO: jamali.
I'm sorry, but, you know...
694
00:34:04,705 --> 00:34:06,350
You were already cheating once.
695
00:34:06,375 --> 00:34:08,761
Yeah. Yes. What did he cheat in,
in this?
696
00:34:08,786 --> 00:34:11,991
He's looking at the cards when Joe picks them
up. Have I just drawn this for no reason?
697
00:34:15,146 --> 00:34:16,680
Oh, well, that explains it!
698
00:34:16,705 --> 00:34:19,991
I thought, how's he getting these
from these shitty drawings?
699
00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:22,470
No, no, no, it was just Countdown
I got
700
00:34:22,495 --> 00:34:24,041
because Joe went like this.
701
00:34:24,066 --> 00:34:27,511
Oh, really? I didn't even mean to,
I thought I was incredible.
702
00:34:27,536 --> 00:34:30,600
I was getting so carried away,
I thought...
703
00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:32,191
I think if you watch it back,
704
00:34:32,216 --> 00:34:35,041
I think joe Wilkinson was genuinely
surprised how quickly you got it.
705
00:34:35,066 --> 00:34:37,511
You showed him the card!
706
00:34:39,936 --> 00:34:42,871
I honestly thought
I was incredible!
707
00:34:44,176 --> 00:34:45,631
OK.
708
00:34:45,656 --> 00:34:47,991
APPLAUSE
709
00:34:49,426 --> 00:34:53,230
I'm genuinely embarrassed was
cos I was so excited.
710
00:34:53,255 --> 00:34:56,631
What was the last one,
out of interest?
711
00:34:56,656 --> 00:34:58,151
Confusion.
712
00:34:59,736 --> 00:35:01,041
Er, jo, jon.
713
00:35:01,066 --> 00:35:03,591
If you just pop 'em face up when
you've finished reading them.
714
00:35:03,616 --> 00:35:04,791
Yeah, will do.
715
00:35:04,816 --> 00:35:07,041
OK, your time starts now.
716
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:11,680
Moustache.
717
00:35:11,705 --> 00:35:13,401
Yeah.
718
00:35:17,176 --> 00:35:20,191
Snowdrift.
Oh, you haven't started.
719
00:35:20,216 --> 00:35:22,511
Handsome bugger.
Joe Wilkinson.
720
00:35:22,536 --> 00:35:24,480
Yeah, well done.
721
00:35:24,505 --> 00:35:26,841
OK, next board, next board.
722
00:35:28,816 --> 00:35:31,350
Do you know, I thought it can't be
that easy?
723
00:35:36,786 --> 00:35:39,271
Oh, no... Is that a breast
or an anus?
724
00:35:39,296 --> 00:35:41,071
Arsehole. Anus.
725
00:35:41,096 --> 00:35:43,401
Anus, arsehole. No, arseholes.
726
00:35:43,426 --> 00:35:44,791
Sphincter.
727
00:35:44,816 --> 00:35:47,550
It is easier if you show it to him.
728
00:35:47,575 --> 00:35:48,841
Yeah, I know, I know.
729
00:35:48,866 --> 00:35:51,511
No, you've learnt from their
technique, I like it.
730
00:35:51,536 --> 00:35:52,680
Onion?
731
00:35:52,705 --> 00:35:55,041
What the fuck?
732
00:35:55,066 --> 00:35:59,401
Aubergine. Aubergine.
Aubergine. I can draw.
733
00:35:59,426 --> 00:36:01,711
APPLAUSE
734
00:36:01,736 --> 00:36:04,841
Oh, I'll tell you what, it's a draw,
five points to both teams.
735
00:36:04,866 --> 00:36:07,071
We'll have that.
736
00:36:10,016 --> 00:36:11,511
Jo, how's the five a day going?
737
00:36:11,536 --> 00:36:13,841
Well, you think what's
like really unhealthy,
738
00:36:13,866 --> 00:36:16,151
but it's got fruit in it
739
00:36:16,176 --> 00:36:19,151
and that is fruit
and nut chocolate, right?
740
00:36:19,176 --> 00:36:23,531
Ooh. And look, we've even got
chocolate for vegans here as well.
741
00:36:23,556 --> 00:36:25,531
Who's vegan here? Joe.
742
00:36:25,556 --> 00:36:27,401
Joe Wilkinson's a vegan.
743
00:36:27,426 --> 00:36:31,041
Yeah, I just do a lot of good stuff,
I just don't bang on about it.
744
00:36:31,066 --> 00:36:33,560
Sorry, Joe, are you genuinely vegan?
745
00:36:33,585 --> 00:36:34,560
Fuck off.
746
00:36:36,505 --> 00:36:39,230
Jamali, do you want some chocolate?
Yeah, sure.
747
00:36:39,255 --> 00:36:41,591
OK, I'll bring you your own
special bar.
748
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:43,951
Oh, thank you, I feel like that's
a... Oh, thanks, Jo.
749
00:36:43,976 --> 00:36:48,401
That sounds like it's not gonna be
nice. Do you want...
750
00:36:48,426 --> 00:36:50,250
Whoa. This is great fun.
751
00:36:52,355 --> 00:36:54,201
Thank you.
752
00:36:54,226 --> 00:36:57,310
Who else? Bradley, want some
chocolate?
753
00:37:02,455 --> 00:37:05,921
OK, on with the game. jon, jo,
your turn to choose the letters.
754
00:37:05,946 --> 00:37:09,711
Are we still playing this pissing
game? I can't remember.
755
00:37:09,736 --> 00:37:11,671
Hello, Rachel.
Hi, Jon.
756
00:37:11,696 --> 00:37:13,201
Can we have a consonant, please?
757
00:37:13,226 --> 00:37:14,230
T
758
00:37:14,255 --> 00:37:15,281
And a vowel, please.
759
00:37:15,306 --> 00:37:16,310
O
760
00:37:16,335 --> 00:37:17,641
And a vowel, please.
761
00:37:17,666 --> 00:37:18,711
A
762
00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:20,671
And a consonant, please.
763
00:37:20,696 --> 00:37:21,841
L
764
00:37:21,866 --> 00:37:24,201
And another vowel, please.
765
00:37:24,226 --> 00:37:25,761
I
766
00:37:25,786 --> 00:37:27,430
And a consonant, please.
767
00:37:27,455 --> 00:37:28,480
T
768
00:37:28,505 --> 00:37:30,761
And another consonant, please.
769
00:37:30,786 --> 00:37:32,041
I\I
770
00:37:32,066 --> 00:37:33,560
Vowel.
771
00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:34,871
A
772
00:37:34,896 --> 00:37:36,871
And a consonant, please.
773
00:37:36,896 --> 00:37:38,871
And the last one, S.
774
00:37:38,896 --> 00:37:41,350
OK, and your time starts now.
775
00:38:12,226 --> 00:38:15,201
Er, jo Brand, how many letters?
Seven.
776
00:38:15,226 --> 00:38:16,430
Jon, how many letters?
777
00:38:16,455 --> 00:38:17,751
I'm gonna try a nine
778
00:38:17,776 --> 00:38:20,071
but I'm almost certain it's not
a word.
779
00:38:20,096 --> 00:38:22,401
OK, brave man. joe Wilkinson?
780
00:38:22,426 --> 00:38:24,671
Seven. OK, seven. jamali?
781
00:38:24,696 --> 00:38:25,841
I'm gonna try a nine,
782
00:38:25,866 --> 00:38:28,671
but I don't know if it's gonna
go down.
783
00:38:28,696 --> 00:38:30,310
Jo, your seven?
784
00:38:30,335 --> 00:38:31,591
STATION.
785
00:38:31,616 --> 00:38:33,921
Joe Wilkinson,
I suggest yours might be similar?
786
00:38:33,946 --> 00:38:35,001
Yeah, STATION.
787
00:38:35,026 --> 00:38:38,591
STATION, OK. jon,
your nine—letter word?
788
00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:40,671
I got SALTATION
789
00:38:40,696 --> 00:38:43,031
but I think I just had
the word salutation in my head.
790
00:38:43,056 --> 00:38:46,511
It's, OK, it will be in the,
in the electronic edition,
791
00:38:46,536 --> 00:38:48,121
if I had my laptop, it's in there,
792
00:38:48,146 --> 00:38:49,921
it's just not in the printed
dictionary.
793
00:38:49,946 --> 00:38:51,230
So, saltation is a real word?
794
00:38:51,255 --> 00:38:52,641
Salt, saltation, yes, it is.
795
00:38:52,666 --> 00:38:53,921
Can we see if it's in the book?
796
00:38:53,946 --> 00:38:55,721
And what does saltation mean,
Susie Dent?
797
00:38:55,746 --> 00:38:58,841
I think it's to do with biological
evolutionary change.
798
00:38:58,866 --> 00:39:01,230
I think jon just got
a nine—letter word, everyone.
799
00:39:01,255 --> 00:39:02,591
He did.
800
00:39:02,616 --> 00:39:03,791
APPLAUSE
801
00:39:06,226 --> 00:39:09,310
That's... I mean, you get double.
802
00:39:09,335 --> 00:39:10,751
That could be 18 points,
803
00:39:10,776 --> 00:39:13,230
but has jamali also got
a nine—letter word? Let's find out.
804
00:39:13,255 --> 00:39:14,511
I had saltation as well.
805
00:39:14,536 --> 00:39:15,751
And you thought it was?
806
00:39:15,776 --> 00:39:18,641
It's the evolution
of biological shit.
807
00:39:18,666 --> 00:39:22,641
So, 18 points for both teams,
two nine—letter words.
808
00:39:25,866 --> 00:39:28,281
OK, time to go across
to Dictionary Corner once again.
809
00:39:28,306 --> 00:39:29,751
Rachel, what have you got for us?
810
00:39:29,776 --> 00:39:32,560
Well, as a long-term fan
of the show,
811
00:39:32,585 --> 00:39:35,480
I've always been a fan of Rachel,
and Susie, obviously.
812
00:39:35,505 --> 00:39:38,921
But me and Rachel have actually got
a surprising amount in common.
813
00:39:38,946 --> 00:39:41,230
So, I'm gonna sing a little song
about that,
814
00:39:41,255 --> 00:39:43,081
dedicated to Rachel.
815
00:39:49,465 --> 00:39:52,721
# Two Rachels both called Rachel
816
00:39:52,746 --> 00:39:56,031
# And that's not the only thing
we share
817
00:39:56,056 --> 00:39:59,480
# We're both women,
both five foot six
818
00:39:59,505 --> 00:40:02,871
# And we both have lovely
blonde hair
819
00:40:02,896 --> 00:40:05,201
# Not naturally
820
00:40:05,226 --> 00:40:08,360
# The list goes on,
its hard to believe
821
00:40:08,385 --> 00:40:12,310
# Both Rachel and I have roughly
32 teeth
822
00:40:12,335 --> 00:40:15,440
# We come from the same place,
the UK
823
00:40:15,465 --> 00:40:20,471
# And both of us are wearing
shoes today
824
00:40:20,496 --> 00:40:22,511
# What are the chances?
825
00:40:22,536 --> 00:40:25,081
# This shit's getting weird
826
00:40:25,106 --> 00:40:28,310
# We both think summer's
the best time of the year
827
00:40:28,335 --> 00:40:30,161
# Are we the same person?
828
00:40:30,186 --> 00:40:32,001
# It's hard to keep track
829
00:40:32,026 --> 00:40:36,751
# We both quite like chocolate
and we both use bags
830
00:40:36,776 --> 00:40:41,181
# But there's one big thing where it
seems like we're twinned
831
00:40:41,206 --> 00:40:44,891
# I'm pregnant
and Rachel's got bad wind. #
832
00:40:44,916 --> 00:40:47,221
APPLAUSE
833
00:40:47,246 --> 00:40:48,971
Rachel Parris, everyone.
834
00:40:48,996 --> 00:40:51,661
Almost indistinguishable from
Rachel Riley.
835
00:40:51,686 --> 00:40:53,460
And here is your final teaser.
836
00:40:53,485 --> 00:40:56,391
The words are TITS ROOM,
and the clue is — get into gear.
837
00:40:56,416 --> 00:41:01,360
That's TITS ROOM — get into gear.
See you after the break.
838
00:41:14,526 --> 00:41:16,300
Welcome back, the answer to the
teaser,
839
00:41:16,325 --> 00:41:18,661
the words were TITS ROOM,
the clue was — get into gear.
840
00:41:18,686 --> 00:41:20,970
It was of course MOTORIST.
841
00:41:20,995 --> 00:41:22,811
OK, you're choosing
the letters, jamali.
842
00:41:22,836 --> 00:41:24,461
Can I get a consonant?
843
00:41:24,486 --> 00:41:25,711
You can.
844
00:41:25,736 --> 00:41:26,861
Q
845
00:41:26,886 --> 00:41:28,891
Can I get a vowel?
846
00:41:28,916 --> 00:41:30,100
E
847
00:41:30,125 --> 00:41:31,220
Can I get a vowel?
848
00:41:31,245 --> 00:41:32,420
Yeah, another E.
849
00:41:32,445 --> 00:41:34,220
Can I get another consonant?
850
00:41:34,245 --> 00:41:35,581
VG
851
00:41:35,606 --> 00:41:37,611
Can I get all the rest
of them consonants?
852
00:41:37,636 --> 00:41:39,941
No. N. No?
You can't do that?
853
00:41:39,966 --> 00:41:41,531
You have to have one more vowel.
854
00:41:41,556 --> 00:41:44,461
OK, then can I get all
the rest of them vowels?
855
00:41:44,486 --> 00:41:47,461
No, you've got to have at least
four consonants.
856
00:41:47,486 --> 00:41:52,071
I don't understand, so what's the
issue here? I'm confused.
857
00:41:52,096 --> 00:41:55,141
Somewhere at home, one of your old
teachers is watching this
858
00:41:55,166 --> 00:41:57,741
going, "That's exactly what he was
like at school."
859
00:41:57,766 --> 00:42:00,100
I mean, as long as you have one more
consonant
860
00:42:00,125 --> 00:42:01,691
then you do whatever the fuck
you want.
861
00:42:01,716 --> 00:42:04,220
Oh, wow, damn.
I think I've driven you to swearing,
862
00:42:04,245 --> 00:42:07,430
that's how I know I'm really getting
on your nerves, innit.
863
00:42:07,455 --> 00:42:10,300
Do you know what? It's like
Dangerous Minds now.
864
00:42:10,325 --> 00:42:12,781
"Wow, she's really speaking
our language!"
865
00:42:14,846 --> 00:42:16,661
One more consonant.
866
00:42:16,686 --> 00:42:17,861
D
867
00:42:17,886 --> 00:42:19,050
Can I get a vowel?
868
00:42:19,075 --> 00:42:21,581
And a U, there you go,
that's good. Yeah.
869
00:42:21,606 --> 00:42:24,691
One, two, one, two, three, four.
870
00:42:55,606 --> 00:42:58,611
APPLAUSE
871
00:43:02,486 --> 00:43:05,381
That was my favourite one
of them you've ever done.
872
00:43:05,406 --> 00:43:07,180
Joe, how many?
873
00:43:07,205 --> 00:43:08,901
Six. jamali, how many?
874
00:43:10,686 --> 00:43:13,021
Has Bradley not passed it over yet?
What's going on?
875
00:43:13,046 --> 00:43:15,381
No, because everyone's making me
feel bad for cheating
876
00:43:15,406 --> 00:43:17,771
so I'm trying to figure it out
myself and I've realised that I'm...
877
00:43:17,796 --> 00:43:20,050
No, don't do that now. No, I...
878
00:43:20,075 --> 00:43:22,461
Bradley, give me the answer.
879
00:43:22,486 --> 00:43:25,151
I've got six.
880
00:43:25,176 --> 00:43:26,691
OK. jo Brand, how many?
881
00:43:26,716 --> 00:43:28,180
Nine.
882
00:43:28,205 --> 00:43:31,100
This is getting interesting.
jon, how many?
883
00:43:31,125 --> 00:43:32,901
Well, now this is very interesting
884
00:43:32,926 --> 00:43:37,331
because I have also a nine
that is a joke but not a word,
885
00:43:37,356 --> 00:43:40,661
but I'm aware that if we lose to
a six,
886
00:43:40,686 --> 00:43:43,050
we can't win with the conundrum,
and I'm really annoyed.
887
00:43:43,075 --> 00:43:44,741
And I also have one
of those as well.
888
00:43:44,766 --> 00:43:46,661
I'll go for a safe six then.
OK.
889
00:43:46,686 --> 00:43:48,970
We're not on the proper Countdown!
890
00:43:48,995 --> 00:43:52,621
Yes, but there's a fucking art set
at stake, isn't there, Jimmy?
891
00:43:52,646 --> 00:43:54,970
You dangled the prize
before my eyes.
892
00:43:54,995 --> 00:43:56,461
Yes, I did
and I'm sorry about that,
893
00:43:56,486 --> 00:44:01,151
I thought you were into it.
jamali, what's your six?
894
00:44:01,176 --> 00:44:02,461
NEARED.
895
00:44:02,486 --> 00:44:04,021
Oh, lovely. NEARED?
896
00:44:04,046 --> 00:44:06,300
Lovely. Joe? WARDER. WARDER.
897
00:44:06,325 --> 00:44:09,180
Do you mean WARDEN?
898
00:44:09,205 --> 00:44:11,511
WARDEN, yeah, WARDEN.
What did I say? Yeah, WARDEN.
899
00:44:11,536 --> 00:44:12,980
Oh, you said WARDER.
900
00:44:13,005 --> 00:44:14,871
1°", your 6?
901
00:44:14,896 --> 00:44:17,980
WARDEN was...
Oh, the same as me, yeah.
902
00:44:18,005 --> 00:44:20,871
WARDEN was your safe, OK.
Nine—letter word, jo, please.
903
00:44:20,896 --> 00:44:22,411
Let this be a nine—letter word.
904
00:44:22,436 --> 00:44:25,131
Well, I hope it is, because this is
what I was called
905
00:44:25,156 --> 00:44:28,381
when I was a nurse — WARDQUEEN.
906
00:44:28,406 --> 00:44:30,691
I'm gonna say six points
to both teams.
907
00:44:30,716 --> 00:44:32,230
Yes, that seems fair.
908
00:44:32,255 --> 00:44:33,871
APPLAUSE
909
00:44:33,896 --> 00:44:37,131
Bradley, me old mucker,
what did you get, mate?
910
00:44:37,156 --> 00:44:38,341
Six. You got six? Yeah.
911
00:44:38,366 --> 00:44:40,771
To be fair, he was skinning up.
912
00:44:40,796 --> 00:44:44,261
Rachel, Susie,
could they have done any better?
913
00:44:44,286 --> 00:44:46,591
We just got a lot
of different sixes.
914
00:44:46,616 --> 00:44:48,901
OK, so jon and jo have 56 points,
915
00:44:48,926 --> 00:44:51,951
joe and jamali have 63 points,
still in the lead.
916
00:44:51,976 --> 00:44:54,591
APPLAUSE
917
00:44:56,255 --> 00:44:58,871
So, I mean, doesn't normally
happen on this show,
918
00:44:58,896 --> 00:45:00,021
but fingers on buzzers,
919
00:45:00,046 --> 00:45:02,771
it's time for today's crucial
Countdown Conundrum.
920
00:45:02,796 --> 00:45:05,100
It's all to play for.
Your time starts...
921
00:45:05,125 --> 00:45:06,771
Give us a hug, you.
922
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,381
Just hand it to him,
we all know what's going on.
923
00:45:15,085 --> 00:45:16,871
OK, your time starts now.
924
00:45:20,846 --> 00:45:23,621
You pressed? Yes. OK.
What did you have?
925
00:45:23,646 --> 00:45:25,541
MODERNIST. MODERNIST.
926
00:45:25,566 --> 00:45:27,821
Let's see if you're right.
927
00:45:27,846 --> 00:45:30,060
APPLAUSE
928
00:45:34,085 --> 00:45:36,741
I mean, in, what,
three seconds there?
929
00:45:36,766 --> 00:45:38,621
Did you cheat?
930
00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:42,381
No, how did you do it, seriously?
931
00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:44,261
I spend a lot of time alone.
932
00:45:45,796 --> 00:45:47,741
This is the highest scoring game
we've ever had.
933
00:45:47,766 --> 00:45:50,021
One more time for Bradley.
934
00:45:50,046 --> 00:45:52,021
APPLAUSE
935
00:45:55,156 --> 00:45:57,951
So, the final scores are,
jon and jo have 56 points
936
00:45:57,976 --> 00:46:02,541
but the winners today against all
odds are joe and jamali, 73 points.
937
00:46:02,566 --> 00:46:05,131
Yeah! Congratulations, joe and
jamali,
938
00:46:05,156 --> 00:46:09,060
you're now the proud owners of this,
the Countdown Artists set.
939
00:46:09,085 --> 00:46:12,591
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience
940
00:46:12,616 --> 00:46:15,621
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us, goodnight.
941
00:46:15,646 --> 00:46:17,310
APPLAUSE