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Tonight on
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
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Jon Richardson,
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Richard Ayoade,
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Chris McCausland,
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Sara Pascoe,
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Annabel,
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Susie Dent,
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Rachel Riley
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and your host, jimmy Carr.
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CHEERING
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Hello, and welcome to
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown,
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a show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
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OK, let's meet tonight's players.
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First up,
it's team captain jon Richardson.
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CHEERING
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Fun fact, jon spells his name
without a H.
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I mean, it's not that fun,
but it's jon Richardson.
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Look what I've got to work with.
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And Jon's team-mate this evening,
Chris McCausland.
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Chris is blind, so he can't read
any of Susie Dent's books.
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You lucky bastard.
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Up against them this evening it's
team captain Richard Ayoade.
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Richard is a bit of an enigma.
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On the one hand he's as awkward
as two cousins kissing,
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but on the other hand, he's as sexy
as two cousins kissing.
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OK.
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And joining Richard tonight
it's Sara Pascoe.
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According to Sara's latest book,
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women have evolved
to make noise during sex
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to attract other potential partners.
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My girlfriend actually makes
a lot of noise during sex.
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Sometimes I can hear her
from downstairs.
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Jon, what's the most spontaneous
thing you've ever done?
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HE SCREECHES LIKE A MONKEY
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Probably that. I am spontaneous.
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I am, it's very important
to be spontaneous.
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I put aside time every week,
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Wednesday morning nine o'clock,
be spontaneous.
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Don't even pick out my cardigans. On
a Tuesday night, I don't even pick
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'em out. Wednesday morning, I think,
blue or grey, see what happens.
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Is it always QFBY?
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Usually, it's grey.
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And nothing else, incidentally.
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Wow. Richard, what is your
favourite childhood memory?
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You're kind to presume
I had one. Erm, I...
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Well, look,
I was a masculine child,
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as you can imagine.
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I do have one specific memory
which was
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a birthday party at
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Happy Eater restaurant —
the chain's now defunct, sadly —
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and it was right next to
the motorway,
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that was the great thing about
the Eater family,
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they really believed in you needed
to get away from there fast.
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And we lived near it,
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we passed it regularly,
and I thought that is
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a pretty sophisticated joint,
I'd like to get in on that.
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But my father had never been
to a restaurant
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because he said there was
food in the house.
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So, your father had never been
to a restaurant before?
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Not in this country,
or other countries actually.
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No. The first statement covered it.
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I tried to complexify it
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and then realised it didn't
need complexifying.
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OK, your father's never been
to a restaurant.
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He didn't believe in them. So, we
went to this eatery, Happy Eater,
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and the food didn't arrive
immediately after we ordered it.
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We'd looked at the pictures,
said what we want, and so we left.
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He said, "Let's go."
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What? Why did you leave?
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Because at home when he went to
the table,
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the food was there.
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That's why he came to the table.
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Why would he go somewhere
and they're advertising food
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and then you order it
and it's nothing's happening
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for up to seven minutes?
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So we left. You left?
We left.
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I don't wanna back your dad up,
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but earlier today we went for
a pizza, my wife and I,
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and they didn't come over
quick enough.
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So, I said, "Right,
you stay, I'm going."
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Chris, what have you been up to
since you were last on the show?
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I've had a bit of
a health problem, Jimmy.
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I... I've had a man pain
in me down below,
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which, being a man,
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I left for a while. And you
self—diagnose, and you condemn
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yourself and you think it's
the worst thing and you put it off
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and you put it off
cos it's embarrassing.
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And I went to the doctor's,
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and it turns out I've got varicose
veins on my left testicle.
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I've got a left ball
like an old woman's leg.
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I erm, I thought I was doing
all right for my 40s and,
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and it turns out now
I've got old woman leg balls.
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Listen,
I am NHS straight down the middle,
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but I paid for private
with this cos I've had
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the same GP for 20—odd years,
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and I didn't want him
fondling me balls.
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So, they told me, and they
said,
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"Oh, there's an operation you can
have to sort it out,
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"just book it in when you need it."
And I said,
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"How will I know when I need it?"
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And he went, "Don't worry,
you'll know."
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Sorry, was this...?
Did you go to a garage?
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I'm not sure you went
private or to Kwik Fit.
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Sara, what's the naughtiest thing
you've ever done?
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Um, I'm quite a good person,
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I don't break rules and things.
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So, if you mean naughty
as in like, saucy...
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He does. Yeah. Yeah,
so me and my new husband,
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obviously being in lockdown
together, we were really worried
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that we would lose the passion
we had for each other.
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So, erm, we came up with
prison cosplay.
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We kind of pretended that we were
cellmates who had feelings
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for each other,
but we couldn't act upon them.
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So like he would do chin-ups
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and I would write a long letter
to my solicitor,
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and we'd just
watch each other on the toilet.
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LAUGHTER
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just to keep the spark.
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OK, Richard.
Have you got a mascot?
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I do, yes. I've brought
some of my lucky...
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...allergy medication.
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So, I just take this,
you know, it's my lucky nasal spray.
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I'm not sure that's as effective
as you think it is.
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I'm just going by the voice,
I think there might be...
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My... My lucky eye drops.
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Or aren't my eyes working either?
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They're the wrong pitch. Are they at
the wrong frequency of whatever
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agenda you're setting
for the timbre?
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Yes, a lot of people like
to speak from the neck up.
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Why use your chest?
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I relax my chest for breathing
and for... Well, not...
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It's wheezing more than breathing.
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And then that inhaler.
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It's not working, obviously,
for the nasal voice.
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I mean, is this news just in?
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Have you ever heard about making
personal comments, Jimmy?
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Sara, have you got a mascot?
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Yes. What, what have you got?
I have been thinking
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a lot about how when you feel
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confident at something
you're better at it,
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and I would like
to be better at Countdown.
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I want a mascot to make me
feel more confident.
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So I was thinking what would make
me feel good about myself,
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and no-one has ever declared
their undying love for me.
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It's just never happened,
and so I thought maybe
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that's what I would create here.
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You know like that amazing scene
in Love Actually,
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and Kiera Knightley's at the door
and then the guy's there
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and he's got all of the signs and
the Christmas music, and then her
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career just went from strength to
strength cos she felt
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so confident... Of course.
..and so loved.
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So I thought I would enact that.
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I thought I'd get Jon Richardson,
cos he's
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the one I know the best,
to declare love for me.
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So, you've got the cards.
Don't look at them.
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Jon's never seen Love Actually,
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it's another one of
the interesting things about jon.
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So, that's two now.
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It's a true thing.
I've also not seen Love Actually.
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OK, well, great, cos you're playing
my husband in this. So, erm...
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That's very presumptuous.
You've only got one line, so...
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Does this mean I have to do
some kind of prison ritual?
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This is the opposite
of declaring undying love.
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This is undermining my confidence,
and I'm on your team.
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I'm just trying to be truthful, and
if that undermines your confidence
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then you need to change your life.
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You really married the wrong guy.
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I'm just trying... Look, if you
wanted to marry a lawyer,
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I'm just trying to be truthful
and speak my truth,
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and if I can't speak my truth
in this relationship,
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how are we gonna forge
a life together?
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OK, you're not in it any more.
So, Jon, if you...
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Stick with it. This is marriage,
Sara. You can't...
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You're in, you're out. Which is it?
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This big pack of...? just lift,
just lift the cards up.
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The cards are bigger than my body.
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Hold it like that, and then,
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00:09:03,782 --> 00:09:07,667
is there a little music box down
there? I'll come and get it.
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There is.
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Hopefully this is...
SILENT NIGHT PLAYS
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You're at the door.
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This is what happens in
Love Actually, and my husband,
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we're like sitting together
watching,
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and there's a knock at the door
and it's you.
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It's me.
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So I answer the door.
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Hang on, why is he here?
You're not in it, you're not in it.
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I'm your husband.
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You're not in it.
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00:09:34,612 --> 00:09:36,917
Keira Knightley did not have
to put up this shit.
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00:09:36,942 --> 00:09:39,306
So, uh, so turn the cards round.
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Who's he? We're married.!
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00:09:43,022 --> 00:09:46,587
And then I go, "Oh,
it's josh Widdicombe." Like that.
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00:09:46,612 --> 00:09:49,226
And you go, "Give him a pound
and tell him to go away."
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00:09:51,022 --> 00:09:53,917
Give him a pound and tell him...
Wh...
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00:09:53,942 --> 00:09:57,387
It makes it... OK, great.
This marriage is so confusing.
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00:09:57,412 --> 00:10:00,127
OK, the next card. The next card.
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00:10:00,152 --> 00:10:02,587
AS JOSH: I've got a pound,
I got one in the '90s.
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00:10:04,862 --> 00:10:06,306
This is it, it's nice, oh, yeah.
200
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:09,127
"With any luck, by
the next episode..." Yeah.
201
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,597
Cos in Love Actually that's
like sexy ladies,
202
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,197
but for you it's Einstein,
203
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,517
the scientific calculator
and the Chasers.
204
00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:29,517
OK, next one.
205
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:36,316
This is when it gets really
romantic, doesn't it? Yeah.
206
00:10:39,591 --> 00:10:41,277
Beautiful. So heartfelt.
207
00:10:51,261 --> 00:10:52,797
We do that, yeah.
208
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,037
OK.
209
00:11:03,742 --> 00:11:05,077
Thank you, Jon.
210
00:11:05,102 --> 00:11:06,597
Aw, thank you, Jon.
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00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:09,037
CHEERING
212
00:11:09,062 --> 00:11:11,647
I do feel more confident,
I do feel more confident.
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00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,927
OK. Chris, have you got a mascot?
214
00:11:13,952 --> 00:11:15,797
Um, yes. I've, erm,
215
00:11:15,822 --> 00:11:18,717
developed a range
of fragrances based on
216
00:11:18,742 --> 00:11:21,077
the Cats Countdown regulars
and, erm,
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00:11:21,102 --> 00:11:23,717
I don't know why you're still
giving me a pen and paper.
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00:11:23,742 --> 00:11:25,287
Erm...
LAUGHTER
219
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:30,077
This is Eau De Susie.
Don't worry, Susie,
220
00:11:30,102 --> 00:11:32,847
this is a very elegant fragrance
221
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:35,287
if you like old musty books.
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00:11:35,312 --> 00:11:37,797
It's called Vellichor,
that's gotta be the title for it.
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00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,436
That's the smell
of old musty books.
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00:11:39,461 --> 00:11:41,877
OK, I've never heard that before,
but I knew your name,
225
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,157
so it's called Eau de Susie.
Oh, right.
226
00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:52,797
Eau de Rachel. It's quite
mathematical this one, Rachel.
227
00:11:52,822 --> 00:11:55,566
Oh, yeah. Comes in a round bottle
to start with. Perfect.
228
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:59,007
It's 22%, pH 5.5.
229
00:11:59,032 --> 00:12:00,116
Nice.
230
00:12:00,141 --> 00:12:02,157
17% sigma x over y.
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00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,517
Mm-hm.
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00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:05,486
It's got a gradient
of just less than minus one.
233
00:12:05,511 --> 00:12:06,517
Perfect.
234
00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:09,157
And, you're a big Man United fan,
aren't you? Yeah.
235
00:12:09,182 --> 00:12:10,517
So I've put some shit in it.
236
00:12:18,902 --> 00:12:20,877
Finally, this is Eau de Jimmy.
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00:12:20,902 --> 00:12:23,486
Jimmy, I'm really proud of this one.
Excellent.
238
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:25,877
This encapsulates everything that
it is to be you, I think.
239
00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:29,007
It's almost completely lacking
any odour whatsoever.
240
00:12:30,341 --> 00:12:33,236
There's a slight whiff
of Botox and erm,
241
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:34,757
and you'll be very pleased
242
00:12:34,782 --> 00:12:38,116
to note that it's completely exempt
from all forms of tax and duties.
243
00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:40,727
I love it.
244
00:12:43,982 --> 00:12:45,877
Jon, have you got a mascot?
245
00:12:45,902 --> 00:12:48,207
Have you heard of
a thing called ASMR?
246
00:12:48,232 --> 00:12:50,087
Oh, now, I have heard of it.
247
00:12:50,112 --> 00:12:51,847
Isn't that a weird sound thing?
248
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,486
Yes, it stands for
A Sexy Mumbled Response.
249
00:12:54,511 --> 00:12:59,236
Um, and it's where people sort
of whisper
250
00:12:59,261 --> 00:13:02,397
to give people like
a sexual thrill.
251
00:13:02,422 --> 00:13:04,287
It's not sexual, it gives you
the tingles.
252
00:13:04,312 --> 00:13:06,246
It's very relaxing.
253
00:13:06,271 --> 00:13:08,566
Sexual when I do it.
254
00:13:08,591 --> 00:13:10,927
Well, this is huge on YouTube,
isn't it?
255
00:13:10,952 --> 00:13:13,757
People make videos of like
pillows sort of rubbing.
256
00:13:13,782 --> 00:13:14,927
It's incredible.
257
00:13:14,952 --> 00:13:18,566
Scratching on things
and talking in a very quiet voice.
258
00:13:18,591 --> 00:13:21,647
And they do it close to the mic
so you can hear everything.
259
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:24,007
So I've started doing
a live ASMR broadcast
260
00:13:24,032 --> 00:13:26,677
for people who go to bed but find it
difficult to get to sleep
261
00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:29,037
because of, you know,
invading thoughts.
262
00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:32,757
So, I do a relaxing —
and mildly sexual —
263
00:13:32,782 --> 00:13:34,807
ASMR experience.
264
00:13:34,832 --> 00:13:36,807
So, I'm just gonna do it now live.
265
00:13:36,832 --> 00:13:38,576
WHISPERING: Are you listening?
266
00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:41,677
Are you in bed?
267
00:13:43,112 --> 00:13:44,607
Did you turn the light off?
268
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,937
No, good, it's scary when the lights
are off, isn't it?
269
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:52,607
So, leave the hallway light on
and the door just ajar.
270
00:13:54,552 --> 00:13:57,687
Oh, no, I think you forgot
to put the bins out.
271
00:14:00,712 --> 00:14:01,937
Don't worry.
272
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,937
LAUGHTER
273
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:11,576
Don't worry, I'll do it for you.
274
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:18,326
BAG CRINKLES
275
00:14:18,351 --> 00:14:22,657
Oh, it's lovely and dry,
isn't it? Just tie a knot in it.
276
00:14:23,992 --> 00:14:25,326
Ooh.
277
00:14:27,112 --> 00:14:28,887
It's a heavy sack.
278
00:14:30,992 --> 00:14:33,857
Actually, now in some council areas
they'll email you
279
00:14:33,882 --> 00:14:37,167
the day before bin day, which if
you're away you can forward
280
00:14:37,192 --> 00:14:38,527
on to your wife,
281
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:40,837
and it looks less passive aggressive
than texting her
282
00:14:40,862 --> 00:14:43,837
to say please put the bins out.
283
00:14:43,862 --> 00:14:45,887
This is the council saying it
and not me,
284
00:14:45,912 --> 00:14:48,837
Lucy, all right, so give me
a fucking break.
285
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,297
Come back in.
286
00:14:53,322 --> 00:14:56,126
Lock the door. Oh.
287
00:15:01,962 --> 00:15:03,887
Turn the key in the lock.
288
00:15:03,912 --> 00:15:05,017
Ooh.
289
00:15:06,792 --> 00:15:09,097
That's gone right in there.
290
00:15:09,122 --> 00:15:11,456
And we've, we've got the Yale lock
at the top anyway
291
00:15:11,481 --> 00:15:14,217
but it's nice to put
the Chubb on of an evening, so...
292
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,097
Last thing before bed,
let's have a cheeky drop.
293
00:15:22,481 --> 00:15:23,687
Oh.
294
00:15:28,151 --> 00:15:29,847
OK, fuck the glass.
295
00:15:29,872 --> 00:15:31,527
LAUGHTER
296
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,326
HE BURPS
297
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,126
Night)!“ night.
298
00:15:49,872 --> 00:15:51,607
Jon Richardson there.
299
00:15:53,512 --> 00:15:56,246
Over in Dictionary Corner,
we have Annabel, who's on
300
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:58,576
a mission to solve
the world's turmoil.
301
00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,097
APPLAUSE
302
00:16:04,842 --> 00:16:06,047
Hi.
303
00:16:07,562 --> 00:16:10,047
And it says here you're
a sweat lodge assistant
304
00:16:10,072 --> 00:16:11,326
and bee whisperer.
305
00:16:12,481 --> 00:16:15,177
So, what does a sweat lodge
assistant do?
306
00:16:15,202 --> 00:16:17,817
Um, I, I just hand out
the flannels.
307
00:16:19,922 --> 00:16:22,847
Right, so, maybe tell us about
the bee whispering.
308
00:16:22,872 --> 00:16:25,177
Oh, right, so,
309
00:16:25,202 --> 00:16:27,657
so I basically work
with bees who are struggling
310
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,097
with their mental health.
311
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,817
Um, and it's going really well,
312
00:16:32,842 --> 00:16:36,177
and bee stings have literally halved
in Sussex since we started
313
00:16:36,202 --> 00:16:38,487
the program me.
314
00:16:38,512 --> 00:16:40,336
It sounds like important work.
315
00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:41,687
Yeah.
316
00:16:41,712 --> 00:16:44,256
I'm so sorry to ask,
but are we nearly done?
317
00:16:45,762 --> 00:16:47,407
No, we've, we've only just started.
318
00:16:47,432 --> 00:16:49,206
Are you serious?
319
00:16:49,231 --> 00:16:51,767
Because I,
I'm meant to be at a gong bath
320
00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:55,057
at the shamanic centre
in like ten minutes.
321
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,017
Well, we'll try
and speed things along,
322
00:16:57,042 --> 00:16:58,767
uh, for you. Uh, Annabel everyone.
323
00:16:58,792 --> 00:17:00,407
APPLAUSE
324
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,977
And with Annabel, of course,
it's Susie Dent.
325
00:17:09,082 --> 00:17:10,417
The producers have told me
326
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:13,456
to write some kinder jokes
for you Susie, so... Oh. Good.
327
00:17:13,481 --> 00:17:17,847
Susie, you are kinder boring,
and your books are kinder shit.
328
00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:21,027
Erm, you often give us your
favourite words from the past,
329
00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:22,777
but do you have any new ones
you like?
330
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:27,136
Yeah, I quite like testiculating,
which is waving your hands around
331
00:17:27,161 --> 00:17:28,667
and talking bollocks.
332
00:17:28,692 --> 00:17:31,336
Testiculator.
A testiculator. Yeah.
333
00:17:31,361 --> 00:17:34,847
OK, and in charge of
the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
334
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:42,177
Rachel loves animals and says she'd
be the first to sign up
335
00:17:42,202 --> 00:17:45,817
to any TV show that involves
animals, or doesn't involve animals,
336
00:17:45,842 --> 00:17:48,617
or involves something else,
or doesn't, or does.
337
00:17:48,642 --> 00:17:50,336
Basically, she's keen and available.
338
00:17:52,002 --> 00:17:54,027
Does Pasha, your lovely husband,
339
00:17:54,052 --> 00:17:56,497
has he introduced you
to any Russian traditions?
340
00:17:56,522 --> 00:17:58,977
He's introduced me to
the Russian sauna, the ban ya.
341
00:17:59,002 --> 00:18:01,417
Which is quite good fun,
but you have to get used to it,
342
00:18:01,442 --> 00:18:04,567
because you go to the sauna and it's
really, really hot, much hotter than
343
00:18:04,592 --> 00:18:07,747
normal ones. And there's a scary
Russian guy with a felt hat,
344
00:18:07,772 --> 00:18:10,107
makes you put a felt hat on.
You get in there
345
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,747
and then they beat you
with birch branches.
346
00:18:12,772 --> 00:18:14,497
And once you've been
beaten thoroughly,
347
00:18:14,522 --> 00:18:17,216
they put you under a bucket
and they dip
348
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:20,057
a load of freezing cold water
over your head.
349
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,417
And then you have to dip yourself in
a massive bucket
350
00:18:22,442 --> 00:18:23,617
of freezing cold water.
351
00:18:23,642 --> 00:18:25,977
It's kind of like
a cross between going through
352
00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:28,307
a car wash and having
a hostage experience.
353
00:18:28,332 --> 00:18:29,466
And you kind of repeat that,
354
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:31,336
and in the middle between
the sessions you go
355
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,697
and have vodka and pickles.
356
00:18:32,722 --> 00:18:35,027
And that is how you fell pregnant.
357
00:18:35,052 --> 00:18:37,366
OK, the prize the teams
will be competing
358
00:18:37,391 --> 00:18:40,116
for tonight is this,
the Countdown wheelie bin.
359
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:41,446
Ooh.
360
00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:53,557
OK, let's Countdown, everyone.
Time for our first game.
361
00:18:53,582 --> 00:18:55,527
Jon, Chris,
you get to pick the letters.
362
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,477
Chris, would you like to choose?
363
00:18:57,502 --> 00:18:59,917
OK, Rachel.
Yes.
364
00:18:59,942 --> 00:19:02,807
Let's start with a consonant, that's
the logical, logical place, innit?
365
00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:04,807
Sta rt with S.
366
00:19:04,832 --> 00:19:06,597
Uh, vowel.
367
00:19:06,622 --> 00:19:07,647
E
368
00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:09,196
Consonant.
369
00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:10,446
/
370
00:19:10,471 --> 00:19:11,887
Consonant.
371
00:19:11,912 --> 00:19:12,837
L
372
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,246
I'll go for a vowel.
373
00:19:14,271 --> 00:19:15,316
E
374
00:19:15,341 --> 00:19:16,477
Another vowel.
375
00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:17,527
I
376
00:19:17,552 --> 00:19:19,116
Consonant.
377
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:20,007
P
378
00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:21,246
Vowel.
379
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:22,366
U
380
00:19:22,391 --> 00:19:23,757
And a consonant.
381
00:19:23,782 --> 00:19:26,196
And the last one, N.
382
00:19:26,221 --> 00:19:28,967
OK, so the letters are, Chris,
just to, recap,
383
00:19:28,992 --> 00:19:31,007
S; Er B!'
384
00:19:31,032 --> 00:19:35,037
L, E, I, P, U, N.
385
00:19:35,062 --> 00:19:36,477
Feel like I'm doing an eye test.
386
00:19:36,502 --> 00:19:38,837
Read them out
and then rub it in by bringing up
387
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:41,196
the one thing that I can't do
as well.
388
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,397
Fucking eye test.
389
00:19:44,271 --> 00:19:48,167
"Can you see the sign?"
I can't see the room.
390
00:19:48,192 --> 00:19:50,397
And your time starts now.
391
00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:18,767
It's not working.
392
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:26,407
Susie, can you stop fucking around.
393
00:20:32,221 --> 00:20:33,767
Richard, how many?
394
00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:34,837
Nine.
395
00:20:34,862 --> 00:20:37,326
Excellent. Chris, how many?
396
00:20:37,351 --> 00:20:40,446
I've only got a five
to be honest, Jimmy.
397
00:20:40,471 --> 00:20:41,737
Sara, how many?
398
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,196
I've got a dodgy seven.
399
00:20:43,221 --> 00:20:45,196
A dodgy seven. Or a safe six.
400
00:20:45,221 --> 00:20:46,446
Oh, go dodgy.
401
00:20:46,471 --> 00:20:49,657
Dodgy seven.
What, you think my nine isn't dodgy?
402
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,607
Jon. A dodgy eight
403
00:20:51,632 --> 00:20:53,917
OK, so, Chris, your five?
404
00:20:53,942 --> 00:20:55,047
BEEPS
405
00:20:55,072 --> 00:20:56,376
Sara, your seven?
406
00:20:56,401 --> 00:20:57,737
It's N UBI LES.
407
00:20:57,762 --> 00:21:00,206
It'd be quite an offensive term for
like a group of young women.
408
00:21:00,231 --> 00:21:01,557
NUBILES
409
00:21:01,582 --> 00:21:03,557
SUSIE: It's just there as
an adjective though.
410
00:21:03,582 --> 00:21:07,167
It's not there as a noun, Sara,
I'm sorry. But it's a great six.
411
00:21:07,192 --> 00:21:08,246
J0", your eight?
412
00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:09,687
UNBLEEPS
413
00:21:09,712 --> 00:21:11,047
Ooh.
414
00:21:11,072 --> 00:21:12,817
So, UNBLEEPS.
415
00:21:12,842 --> 00:21:15,097
No UNBLEEPS.
416
00:21:15,122 --> 00:21:16,687
Richard, your nine—letter word.
417
00:21:16,712 --> 00:21:18,097
PENISLUBE
418
00:21:21,592 --> 00:21:23,456
It used to be hyphenated.
419
00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,847
I think the hyphen's gone now,
hasn't it?
420
00:21:26,872 --> 00:21:28,126
You use it so much...
421
00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:32,287
But it's not there. Oh.
There's also...
422
00:21:36,432 --> 00:21:38,047
There's also what Chris,
423
00:21:38,072 --> 00:21:42,456
what Chris might have if
the ball varicose veins spread.
424
00:21:42,481 --> 00:21:45,927
Chris, you might have blue penis.
425
00:21:45,952 --> 00:21:48,847
So, Chris, five points to you.
426
00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:50,456
Well, there you go.
427
00:21:53,122 --> 00:21:55,456
Annabel, Susie,
could they have done any better?
428
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:58,287
So, NEBULISE is essentially
I think what,
429
00:21:58,312 --> 00:22:01,177
what Susie just told me to say.
430
00:22:01,202 --> 00:22:03,687
NEBULISE, and what does that mean?
431
00:22:03,712 --> 00:22:06,847
To NEBULISE,
to use a nebuliser is to inhale,
432
00:22:06,872 --> 00:22:08,687
medicinal, a drug of some kind.
433
00:22:08,712 --> 00:22:10,097
So, at the end of that,
434
00:22:10,122 --> 00:22:12,407
jon and Chris are in the lead
with five points.
435
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:13,897
Yes, well done.
436
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:17,737
OK, onto our first numbers round.
437
00:22:17,762 --> 00:22:20,097
Richard, Sara,
your turn to pick the numbers.
438
00:22:20,122 --> 00:22:22,126
Dealer's choice.
Some of your best numbers please.
439
00:22:22,151 --> 00:22:24,126
Do you want two from the top?
That's right. That sounds good.
440
00:22:24,151 --> 00:22:25,376
Yeah, and four little.
441
00:22:25,401 --> 00:22:27,047
We've got 5, 8,
442
00:22:27,072 --> 00:22:28,977
10, 5.
443
00:22:29,002 --> 00:22:31,287
And are these good so far?
444
00:22:31,312 --> 00:22:33,006
We need to wait for the target.
Oh, right.
445
00:22:33,031 --> 00:22:34,737
To really tell, you know.
446
00:22:34,762 --> 00:22:36,687
75, 100,
447
00:22:36,712 --> 00:22:38,006
and the target,
448
00:22:38,031 --> 00:22:39,206
844.
449
00:22:39,231 --> 00:22:40,697
And your time starts now.
450
00:23:11,562 --> 00:23:14,977
So, the target was 844.
Sara, did you get it?
451
00:23:15,002 --> 00:23:17,777
I got to 850.
That's what I got.
452
00:23:17,802 --> 00:23:20,097
And I started again.
And then I got to 840.
453
00:23:20,122 --> 00:23:22,097
Oh, that's worse.
454
00:23:22,122 --> 00:23:23,256
Chris, did you get it?
455
00:23:23,281 --> 00:23:25,537
I think 840 maybe.
456
00:23:25,562 --> 00:23:26,487
Bu';?
457
00:23:26,512 --> 00:23:28,097
845.
458
00:23:28,122 --> 00:23:29,336
Richard?
459
00:23:29,361 --> 00:23:31,647
8... 850. You got 850, OK.
Yeah.
460
00:23:31,672 --> 00:23:33,057
They just needed that for the edit.
461
00:23:33,082 --> 00:23:34,897
I'm in the edit?!
462
00:23:37,031 --> 00:23:40,256
It's a first.
It doesn't seem wise to me.
463
00:23:40,281 --> 00:23:42,537
Jon, how did you get 845?
464
00:23:42,562 --> 00:23:43,817
100+5
465
00:23:43,842 --> 00:23:45,057
105
466
00:23:45,082 --> 00:23:46,777
105X8
467
00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:47,897
840
468
00:23:47,922 --> 00:23:49,107
And add the other five.
469
00:23:49,132 --> 00:23:51,617
Oh, yeah, one away, 845.
470
00:23:51,642 --> 00:23:52,897
So seven points to jon.
471
00:23:55,772 --> 00:24:00,216
Rachel, I got it almost immediately.
Did you get it the same way as me?
472
00:24:00,241 --> 00:24:03,727
I've got lots of ways
to get one away so I'm gonna have
473
00:24:03,752 --> 00:24:05,006
to sit and think.
474
00:24:05,031 --> 00:24:07,497
OK, Richard and Sara have no points.
475
00:24:07,522 --> 00:24:09,497
Jon and Chris have 12 points.
476
00:24:11,312 --> 00:24:13,006
And here is your teaser.
477
00:24:13,031 --> 00:24:16,177
The words are DICK DOSE,
the clue is hello, sailor.
478
00:24:16,202 --> 00:24:18,937
That's DICK DOSE — hello, sailor.
See you after the break.
479
00:24:34,011 --> 00:24:36,037
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser,
480
00:24:36,062 --> 00:24:38,757
the words were DICK DOSE,
the clue was hello, sailor,
481
00:24:38,782 --> 00:24:41,037
It was of course DOCKSIDE.
482
00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:42,557
So, jon and Chris are in the lead.
483
00:24:42,582 --> 00:24:44,196
OK, they've been playing in teams
so far,
484
00:24:44,221 --> 00:24:46,757
but this game is just
for Richard and jon.
485
00:24:46,782 --> 00:24:49,507
So, Richard,
your turn to choose the letters.
486
00:24:49,532 --> 00:24:51,397
Two consonants.
487
00:24:51,422 --> 00:24:53,397
I and R.
488
00:24:53,422 --> 00:24:54,557
Two vowels.
489
00:24:54,582 --> 00:24:56,427
A and E.
490
00:24:56,452 --> 00:24:58,707
Two consonants.
491
00:24:58,732 --> 00:25:00,627
H and D.
492
00:25:00,652 --> 00:25:01,986
Two vowels.
493
00:25:02,011 --> 00:25:03,347
E and O.
494
00:25:03,372 --> 00:25:04,637
A consonant please.
495
00:25:04,662 --> 00:25:06,397
And the last one, R.
496
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:09,557
I might do a bit of
fruit carving, pass the time.
497
00:25:09,582 --> 00:25:11,837
Your time starts now.
498
00:25:11,862 --> 00:25:12,837
Right.
499
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:43,825
Fabio, take, your finger with you,
500
00:25:43,850 --> 00:25:46,346
take your finger.
I've done fruit carving,
501
00:25:46,371 --> 00:25:49,516
what do you think?
It's not a bad likeness.
502
00:25:52,571 --> 00:25:54,035
I've done one of everyone.
503
00:25:54,060 --> 00:25:56,746
Sara, I thought,
I thought you, I thought grapefruit.
504
00:25:56,771 --> 00:25:57,986
Yeah, I'll take it.
505
00:25:58,011 --> 00:26:01,236
I've done you in grapefruit.
Aww, that's nice.
506
00:26:01,261 --> 00:26:03,596
Chris,
I've carved you into a melon,
507
00:26:03,621 --> 00:26:06,825
Well, actually, do you know what,
it will work in braille.
508
00:26:06,850 --> 00:26:09,266
Do you wanna have a go on it?
Go on, let's have a look.
509
00:26:09,291 --> 00:26:11,075
All right, hang on.
510
00:26:11,100 --> 00:26:13,596
Your face is on
the front of that melon.
511
00:26:13,621 --> 00:26:15,346
Thank you very much.
512
00:26:15,371 --> 00:26:17,676
Yeah, that looks just like you,
doesn't it?
513
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,346
Oh, it's beautiful.
514
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:21,316
Richard Avocado.
515
00:26:21,341 --> 00:26:23,186
Yeah, whatever.
516
00:26:23,211 --> 00:26:24,756
Is it not good? That's really good.
517
00:26:24,781 --> 00:26:28,155
Has someone done a better carving
in an avocado of you?
518
00:26:28,180 --> 00:26:29,186
Yes.
519
00:26:30,821 --> 00:26:35,796
I've done one of, er,
I've done one of jon in a satsuma.
520
00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:40,436
I'll tell you what,
I'll put you at the front
521
00:26:40,461 --> 00:26:42,876
cos you're lovely,
and you're small.
522
00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:43,876
A sad-suma.
523
00:26:45,751 --> 00:26:48,035
Richard, how many?
524
00:26:48,060 --> 00:26:50,346
Six. I got eight.
Shall I pass mine to you?
525
00:26:50,371 --> 00:26:51,596
Jimmy, I got eight.
526
00:26:53,621 --> 00:26:55,116
Oh, OK. jon, how many?
527
00:26:55,141 --> 00:26:57,446
Very nice.
Well, I'll try a seven.
528
00:26:57,471 --> 00:26:58,756
Jon, your seven.
529
00:26:58,781 --> 00:27:00,596
REHOLED
530
00:27:00,621 --> 00:27:02,955
REHOLED?
Yeah, I put a hole in it,
531
00:27:02,980 --> 00:27:05,516
some bugger filled it in
so I REHOLED it.
532
00:27:06,980 --> 00:27:08,116
OK.
533
00:27:08,141 --> 00:27:11,085
Susie Dent is looking quizzically
at the dictionary.
534
00:27:11,110 --> 00:27:13,346
Rehome, but not rehole.
535
00:27:13,371 --> 00:27:15,835
Yeah, there wasn't an M.
536
00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:17,626
Do you know when you put
a bit of weight on,
537
00:27:17,651 --> 00:27:20,085
and you have to put
an extra hole in your belt? Yeah.
538
00:27:20,110 --> 00:27:23,446
And then you put a bit more weight
on and you have to rehole it.
539
00:27:23,471 --> 00:27:26,626
Yeah, no, it's totally feasible
as a word. Yeah.
540
00:27:26,651 --> 00:27:28,986
But we don't use it enough
to get it in the dictionary,
541
00:27:29,011 --> 00:27:31,346
That's why a lot
of these words aren't getting in.
542
00:27:31,371 --> 00:27:32,705
It's frequency, yeah.
It's frequency.
543
00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:35,526
So, the more you talk about
reholing something... Yes.
544
00:27:35,551 --> 00:27:38,876
...the more it's got a chance
to go in here. Or penislubing.
545
00:27:38,901 --> 00:27:41,236
You'd have to use it in
lots of different contexts though.
546
00:27:41,261 --> 00:27:45,636
OK. This is an absolute penislube
of a train.
547
00:27:45,661 --> 00:27:47,955
I like it, different parts
of speech as well, very good.
548
00:27:47,980 --> 00:27:49,596
This place is a penislube.
549
00:27:49,621 --> 00:27:52,915
OK, Richard, your eight,
your eight—letter word?
550
00:27:52,940 --> 00:27:54,526
It's a bit risky.
551
00:27:54,551 --> 00:27:55,955
I don't think it is risky.
552
00:27:55,980 --> 00:27:58,396
Get out of my head.
553
00:27:58,421 --> 00:28:01,396
The eight is HERALDER.
554
00:28:01,421 --> 00:28:02,526
HERALDER?
555
00:28:02,551 --> 00:28:04,476
I think a HERALDER is just
a herald.
556
00:28:04,501 --> 00:28:07,806
That's what I thought,
and I never even thought of it.
557
00:28:07,831 --> 00:28:10,955
My six is, which I declared,
and you can rewind the tape,
558
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:15,396
READER, LEADER,
HEADER, I could go on.
559
00:28:15,421 --> 00:28:16,965
RELOAD. RELOAD.
560
00:28:16,990 --> 00:28:18,165
LOADER. LOADER.
561
00:28:18,190 --> 00:28:19,886
Well, we've all got sixes, mate.
562
00:28:19,911 --> 00:28:20,886
You don't, mate.
563
00:28:20,911 --> 00:28:21,996
HOARDER is a seven.
564
00:28:22,021 --> 00:28:23,316
HOARDER is an excellent seven.
565
00:28:23,341 --> 00:28:25,636
HOARDER is an excellent seven.
Oh, it's excellent, yeah.
566
00:28:25,661 --> 00:28:27,076
EARHOLE. EARHOLE.
567
00:28:28,781 --> 00:28:32,886
My cousin's EARHOLE got filled in.
568
00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:34,835
Sorry,
your cousin's EARHOLE got filled in?
569
00:28:34,860 --> 00:28:38,196
What did you have to do? He went to
the doctor who REHOLED it.
570
00:28:39,831 --> 00:28:41,636
Interesting, interesting.
571
00:28:45,581 --> 00:28:48,076
Now, at the risk
of this being actual Countdown,
572
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:49,436
is DROLLER a word?
573
00:28:49,461 --> 00:28:51,276
Can you be more drole
than someone else?
574
00:28:51,301 --> 00:28:53,196
Yes, jimmy will just love this.
575
00:28:53,221 --> 00:28:56,526
Because drole is a
single—syllable adjective, jimmy...
576
00:28:56,551 --> 00:28:58,996
Go on. ..you can,
without it being specified in
577
00:28:59,021 --> 00:29:02,045
the dictionary have
DROLLER and drollest. Yeah.
578
00:29:02,070 --> 00:29:06,835
I mean, how many viewers do you
think we just lost there!
579
00:29:06,860 --> 00:29:09,246
OK, so six points
to Richard Ayoade.
580
00:29:09,271 --> 00:29:11,606
Oh, you got points, well done.
581
00:29:11,631 --> 00:29:13,965
Thank you.
582
00:29:13,990 --> 00:29:17,076
Annabel, Susie,
could they have done any better?
583
00:29:17,101 --> 00:29:19,076
They've done everything.
REHEARD. Yeah.
584
00:29:19,101 --> 00:29:20,686
Yeah, that's the re- word, REHEARD.
585
00:29:20,711 --> 00:29:21,806
Do you know, I had that,
586
00:29:21,831 --> 00:29:23,526
and I thought that's
bloody ridiculous.
587
00:29:23,551 --> 00:29:25,436
Once you've heard something
588
00:29:25,461 --> 00:29:27,076
you don't need to rehear it,
do you?
589
00:29:27,101 --> 00:29:29,636
Please, you've not seen my act.
590
00:29:31,190 --> 00:29:33,886
OK, so at the end of that,
Richard and Sara have six points,
591
00:29:33,911 --> 00:29:36,196
jon and Chris have 12 points.
592
00:29:36,221 --> 00:29:38,246
APPLAUSE
Well clone. Well done.
593
00:29:38,271 --> 00:29:42,636
Right, now time for Chris and Sara
to go head-to-head in maths.
594
00:29:42,661 --> 00:29:44,965
Chris, your turn to pick
the numbers. A big one.
595
00:29:44,990 --> 00:29:46,126
And five little 'uns?
596
00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:47,886
Yeah.
597
00:29:47,911 --> 00:29:49,606
10, 8, 10,
598
00:29:49,631 --> 00:29:52,806
5, 7 and 100.
599
00:29:52,831 --> 00:29:54,636
OK. And the target.
600
00:29:54,661 --> 00:29:55,845
So, it's 958
601
00:29:55,870 --> 00:29:58,556
and your time...starts now.
602
00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:31,996
Chris, the target was 958,
603
00:30:32,021 --> 00:30:33,206
did you get it?
604
00:30:33,231 --> 00:30:35,486
Erm...
CLANGING
605
00:30:36,841 --> 00:30:38,436
That was just my testicle.
606
00:30:41,870 --> 00:30:43,566
Erm, Christ.
607
00:30:45,101 --> 00:30:47,436
What was the...
what was the sum? 958.
608
00:30:47,461 --> 00:30:49,436
I didn't get it. I was so far away,
609
00:30:49,461 --> 00:30:51,845
I might as well have been on
a train.
610
00:30:51,870 --> 00:30:53,006
Sara, did you get it?
611
00:30:53,031 --> 00:30:54,646
Yeah, I'm on a train as well
612
00:30:54,671 --> 00:30:55,896
cos I got nowhere near it.
613
00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,076
Nowhere near?
614
00:30:57,101 --> 00:30:59,715
I got (10 X 10) + (7 X 5),
615
00:30:59,740 --> 00:31:02,486
times eight, whatever that is,
that's how close I got.
616
00:31:02,511 --> 00:31:04,175
380.
617
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,766
What?!
618
00:31:05,791 --> 00:31:07,646
10 X 10 = 100!
619
00:31:07,671 --> 00:31:10,616
10 x 10 = 100
Yeah. = 35, x 8.
620
00:31:10,641 --> 00:31:12,286
Oh, right, OK.
621
00:31:12,311 --> 00:31:14,006
You're really losing it here,
Rachel
622
00:31:15,461 --> 00:31:17,006
So,10 X 10 = 100
623
00:31:17,031 --> 00:31:19,326
And then you're adding 35 here?
Yeah.
624
00:31:19,351 --> 00:31:20,436
And times it by eight.
625
00:31:20,461 --> 00:31:22,766
Erm... Oh, no, no, no, no.
626
00:31:22,791 --> 00:31:25,206
Sorry, hang on.
10 x 10 = 100
627
00:31:25,231 --> 00:31:27,566
Yeah.
100 x 8
628
00:31:27,591 --> 00:31:29,006
100 x 8 = 800
Plus... Oh, I'm miles away.
629
00:31:29,031 --> 00:31:30,045
Is this jazz?
630
00:31:32,511 --> 00:31:35,045
Could it be done?
Yes, it could be done.
631
00:31:35,070 --> 00:31:38,486
This one you can say...
100 — 5 = 95
632
00:31:38,511 --> 00:31:40,156
95 X10 = 950
633
00:31:40,181 --> 00:31:42,086
And add on the eight. 958.
634
00:31:42,111 --> 00:31:43,696
Ahhh.
635
00:31:43,721 --> 00:31:45,566
Oh!
636
00:31:45,591 --> 00:31:46,925
Well, uh...
637
00:31:49,031 --> 00:31:51,336
It's the whole thing of making
something smaller
638
00:31:51,361 --> 00:31:52,336
before you make it bigger.
639
00:31:52,361 --> 00:31:54,336
It doesn't really make any sense
in your head.
640
00:31:54,361 --> 00:31:56,805
It's not something
you instinctively try to do.
641
00:31:56,830 --> 00:31:59,175
You just try and go bigger
on every step.
642
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,006
Maybe that's the male thing.
643
00:32:01,031 --> 00:32:03,416
Wow, I'm so triggered.
644
00:32:06,471 --> 00:32:10,336
Are you gonna stand for this
in what I thought was a workplace?
645
00:32:10,361 --> 00:32:12,566
I thought I'd be safe here, but...
646
00:32:14,391 --> 00:32:16,256
OK, so, Richard and Sara
have six points,
647
00:32:16,281 --> 00:32:18,166
jon and Chris have 12 points.
648
00:32:18,191 --> 00:32:19,876
APPLAUSE
649
00:32:22,730 --> 00:32:24,626
Time to go across
to Dictionary Corner.
650
00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:26,396
Annabel, what have you got for us?
651
00:32:26,421 --> 00:32:27,986
Oh, um...
652
00:32:28,011 --> 00:32:29,626
Goddess biscuits.
653
00:32:31,901 --> 00:32:33,426
Tell us more.
654
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,986
OK, so I've made some
Goddess biscuits
655
00:32:37,011 --> 00:32:39,676
to raise money, um,
656
00:32:39,701 --> 00:32:41,266
for the Dormouse Society,
657
00:32:41,291 --> 00:32:44,266
cos they've been hit pretty hard
during the pandemic.
658
00:32:44,291 --> 00:32:46,186
They're super healthy
659
00:32:46,211 --> 00:32:48,676
and they're really cleansing
for your womb centre.
660
00:32:48,701 --> 00:32:51,196
And, um...
661
00:32:51,221 --> 00:32:54,705
...really, really
quite sharpen your hearing.
662
00:32:54,730 --> 00:32:56,676
I once ate two in a row,
663
00:32:56,701 --> 00:32:58,596
and I could literally hear
a rabbit cough
664
00:32:58,621 --> 00:33:00,066
from the other side of the loch.
665
00:33:02,011 --> 00:33:03,146
What's in them?
666
00:33:03,171 --> 00:33:07,516
Activated charcoal, erm, some grass,
667
00:33:07,541 --> 00:33:10,785
raisins...
At least I think they're raisins,
668
00:33:10,810 --> 00:33:13,266
it might be dog biscuits.
669
00:33:13,291 --> 00:33:15,556
Some powdered bark
670
00:33:15,581 --> 00:33:17,596
and some bee sweat.
671
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,396
Oh, and a Jaffa Cake.
672
00:33:22,091 --> 00:33:23,476
Shall we try them? Yeah.
673
00:33:23,501 --> 00:33:27,236
But I should say that actually
my friend Charlotte had one
674
00:33:27,261 --> 00:33:30,955
and, erm, she couldn't make a fist
for about a month,
675
00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:33,506
and her face did swell up
just a tiny bit.
676
00:33:33,531 --> 00:33:36,866
But her speech is pretty much
back to normal. So, yeah.
677
00:33:38,301 --> 00:33:40,196
Why don't you go first? OK.
678
00:33:46,221 --> 00:33:48,196
This is a seriously good batch.
679
00:33:50,091 --> 00:33:52,035
Tuck in, guys, do you want one?
680
00:33:52,060 --> 00:33:53,636
Oh, unfortunately I'm a vegan
681
00:33:53,661 --> 00:33:56,116
and they might have dog biscuits
in them. Oh...
682
00:33:56,141 --> 00:33:57,835
Dog biscuits are not made from dogs.
683
00:33:59,271 --> 00:34:00,636
Another thing to write down.
684
00:34:02,581 --> 00:34:06,066
I noticed that it's ever
so slightly stained your teeth.
685
00:34:06,091 --> 00:34:08,606
And mine are new in,
so I might leave it.
686
00:34:08,631 --> 00:34:11,276
I'm just gonna leave
all those there for you.
687
00:34:12,891 --> 00:34:14,606
You owe me a lot of money.
688
00:34:14,631 --> 00:34:18,035
How else are you raising money
for the Dormouse Society?
689
00:34:18,060 --> 00:34:21,915
Oh, right, yeah. Well,
I'm selling some of my paintings.
690
00:34:21,940 --> 00:34:23,506
Right.
691
00:34:23,531 --> 00:34:25,276
Erm, this one's up for grabs.
692
00:34:31,021 --> 00:34:32,196
Talk me through that.
693
00:34:32,221 --> 00:34:35,035
OK, so, this is a...
694
00:34:35,060 --> 00:34:38,476
...a painting I did
of my sixth form leavers ball.
695
00:34:38,501 --> 00:34:39,606
That's me.
696
00:34:42,421 --> 00:34:45,636
That's Charlotte,
that's Shrimpy,
697
00:34:45,661 --> 00:34:47,915
that's Shrimpy's brother Spud Dog.
698
00:34:47,940 --> 00:34:50,436
Margo, Bumhole.
699
00:34:51,891 --> 00:34:54,556
Sponge before she had her nose job.
700
00:34:54,581 --> 00:34:59,686
Erm, Tugboat... God, he was
handsome, I loved that shirt.
701
00:34:59,711 --> 00:35:01,606
It was such a good night.
702
00:35:01,631 --> 00:35:03,326
Annabel, everyone.
703
00:35:03,351 --> 00:35:05,116
APPLAUSE
704
00:35:07,791 --> 00:35:09,116
OK, the scores at the moment.
705
00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:11,686
Richard and Sara are on six,
jon and Chris have 12 points.
706
00:35:15,221 --> 00:35:17,715
And here is your teaser.
The words are EATS SHIT.
707
00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:19,636
The clue is, I don't believe it.
708
00:35:19,661 --> 00:35:22,476
That's EATS SHIT, I don't believe
it. See you after the break.
709
00:35:22,501 --> 00:35:24,076
APPLAUSE
710
00:35:36,391 --> 00:35:38,295
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser.
711
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,576
The words were EATS SHIT,
712
00:35:39,601 --> 00:35:41,165
the clue was, I don't believe it.
713
00:35:41,190 --> 00:35:42,886
It was of course ATHEISTS.
714
00:35:44,551 --> 00:35:46,376
OK, on with the game,
715
00:35:46,401 --> 00:35:48,726
jon, Chris,
your turn to choose the letters.
716
00:35:48,751 --> 00:35:52,776
OK. This is my opportunity
to level the playing field
717
00:35:52,801 --> 00:35:55,295
so I've hidden a blindfold
under your desks, so get 'em on.
718
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,016
Yeah, you've got a blindfold,
so this is what it's like
719
00:35:58,041 --> 00:36:00,376
playing if you're Chris,
so blindfolds on.
720
00:36:00,401 --> 00:36:02,326
If you're gonna say
"Put the blindfolds on," jimmy,
721
00:36:02,351 --> 00:36:03,806
don't make it sound as natural.
722
00:36:05,351 --> 00:36:07,606
At least make it sound like
it's a new thing you say.
723
00:36:08,681 --> 00:36:11,736
I've got to take my glasses off as
well, so I feel doubly vulnerable.
724
00:36:11,761 --> 00:36:15,776
Don't you...
Jimmy, I'm pointing at now.
725
00:36:15,801 --> 00:36:19,326
Yeah. ..start fucking around
while we've got these on.
726
00:36:19,351 --> 00:36:23,776
You are a rat
and you make things go bang,
727
00:36:23,801 --> 00:36:26,295
all that wine is still in me,
728
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,736
and if anything happens that
I'm not expecting,
729
00:36:28,761 --> 00:36:31,165
it will come out, OK?
730
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,246
Ooh! I don't want...
731
00:36:33,271 --> 00:36:35,095
Someone might be in for
a little surprise.
732
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,045
Oh, God.
Let's pick the letters.
733
00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:38,936
Are you ready, Rachel? I'm ready.
734
00:36:38,961 --> 00:36:41,246
Consonant. Yeah.
There you go.
735
00:36:41,271 --> 00:36:42,686
S
736
00:36:42,711 --> 00:36:45,576
S, everyone.
Um, vowel.
737
00:36:45,601 --> 00:36:46,816
A
738
00:36:46,841 --> 00:36:48,246
Consonant.
739
00:36:48,271 --> 00:36:49,736
G
740
00:36:49,761 --> 00:36:51,175
Consonant.
741
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,576
T
742
00:36:52,601 --> 00:36:54,425
S, A, G, T, OK.
743
00:36:54,450 --> 00:36:55,816
Vowel.
744
00:36:55,841 --> 00:36:58,146
S. A. 2 T, o.
745
00:36:58,171 --> 00:36:59,965
Vowel.
746
00:36:59,990 --> 00:37:01,175
A
747
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,816
S, A, G, T, O, A.
748
00:37:04,481 --> 00:37:06,095
JON: It actually makes it worse.
749
00:37:07,711 --> 00:37:09,536
Consonant.
750
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:10,576
P
751
00:37:10,601 --> 00:37:11,896
Consonant.
752
00:37:11,921 --> 00:37:13,095
S
753
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,536
Vowel.
754
00:37:15,561 --> 00:37:18,816
And your time starts —
no—one's expecting miracles — now.
755
00:37:35,841 --> 00:37:37,536
OK, electrocute jon now.
756
00:37:37,561 --> 00:37:38,896
JON YELPS
757
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:44,586
Now, now.
758
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,816
Oh, I really don't like it!
759
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,656
Argh! What was that...
760
00:37:59,681 --> 00:38:01,656
I think it was some sellotape,
761
00:38:01,681 --> 00:38:03,295
but it was still scary.
762
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,336
OK, Chris, how many?
763
00:38:05,361 --> 00:38:07,146
I've only got a five again, Jimmy.
764
00:38:07,171 --> 00:38:09,896
OK, jon, how many?
I'll go with a five.
765
00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:11,866
Richard, how many? Five.
766
00:38:11,891 --> 00:38:13,055
Sara? Five.
767
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,736
Chris, your five?
768
00:38:14,761 --> 00:38:15,975
SOAPS
769
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,416
Richard, your five?
770
00:38:17,441 --> 00:38:19,305
POGOS or GOATS.
771
00:38:21,561 --> 00:38:23,766
No, I can hear you! I can hear you!
772
00:38:25,811 --> 00:38:27,616
I should've taken my shoes off.
773
00:38:27,641 --> 00:38:28,896
I'd have smelt you then.
774
00:38:28,921 --> 00:38:31,816
Jon, your five? I had GOATS as well
but now I feel like
775
00:38:31,841 --> 00:38:34,305
I'm gonna gamble and go for IMPASTO.
776
00:38:34,330 --> 00:38:36,175
IM PASTO?
777
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:37,946
Seven, but it's not a word
778
00:38:37,971 --> 00:38:39,696
and those letters
might not be up there.
779
00:38:39,721 --> 00:38:40,946
If you were a magician,
780
00:38:40,971 --> 00:38:43,305
I feel that would be what
you should say after each trick.
781
00:38:43,330 --> 00:38:45,616
IMPASTO! Yeah.
782
00:38:45,641 --> 00:38:49,336
The problem with IMPASTO, really,
is right at the start. IM?
783
00:38:49,361 --> 00:38:52,386
Yeah, the whole "|" issue.
Oh, OK.
784
00:38:52,411 --> 00:38:54,256
Sara? I had GOATS as well.
785
00:38:54,281 --> 00:38:55,816
You had GOATS? Yeah.
786
00:38:55,841 --> 00:38:57,336
Five points to both teams.
787
00:38:57,361 --> 00:38:59,946
APPLAUSE
788
00:39:02,641 --> 00:39:04,536
Susie, Annabel, how'd you get on?
789
00:39:04,561 --> 00:39:05,816
STOOPS
790
00:39:05,841 --> 00:39:07,776
And Annabel, how did you get along?
791
00:39:07,801 --> 00:39:09,696
GHOSTS but with no H.
792
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,616
I like the fact that you've both
still got your blindfolds on.
793
00:39:13,641 --> 00:39:15,026
Oh!
794
00:39:16,330 --> 00:39:17,586
Hello!
795
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,386
OK. So at the end of that,
796
00:39:21,411 --> 00:39:23,666
jon and Chris are in the lead
with 17 points.
797
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,386
Time to go across one more time
to Dictionary Corner.
798
00:39:29,411 --> 00:39:31,866
What's happening over there?
799
00:39:31,891 --> 00:39:34,696
I'm reclaiming the mysteries
of the feminine
800
00:39:34,721 --> 00:39:37,416
through spaces of
supportive sisterhood.
801
00:39:37,441 --> 00:39:39,696
What?
802
00:39:39,721 --> 00:39:41,975
I'm breast-feeding.
803
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,946
So tell us about the baby.
804
00:39:43,971 --> 00:39:49,506
Well, this radiant little bliss ball
was born on a toadstool
805
00:39:49,531 --> 00:39:52,256
surrounded by
a sacred circle of druids.
806
00:39:52,281 --> 00:39:55,225
I mean, you get pretty much whatever
you want when you pay eight grand
807
00:39:55,250 --> 00:39:57,256
to give birth on the Lindo Wing.
808
00:39:57,281 --> 00:40:00,305
So, what's the bliss ball's name?
809
00:40:00,330 --> 00:40:02,026
I don't know.
810
00:40:02,051 --> 00:40:03,586
You don't know your own baby's name?
811
00:40:03,611 --> 00:40:05,105
Oh, it's not my baby.
812
00:40:06,491 --> 00:40:08,026
Well, whose baby is it?
813
00:40:08,051 --> 00:40:10,975
It's my friend Charlotte's,
she's on a bender in Ibiza.
814
00:40:12,801 --> 00:40:14,616
What are all the feathers
and things?
815
00:40:14,641 --> 00:40:17,776
Oh, yeah! Well, I'm making
a dream catcher, this one's...
816
00:40:17,801 --> 00:40:20,055
you LAUGHS
817
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,305
Sorry.
818
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,626
This one's for you, Susie.
Oh, thank you.
819
00:40:25,651 --> 00:40:27,985
So you can remember every single
last detail
820
00:40:28,010 --> 00:40:30,496
of those lesbian dreams
you told me you were having.
821
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,746
Thank you. You're welcome.
822
00:40:33,771 --> 00:40:35,746
Love that.
823
00:40:35,771 --> 00:40:37,235
Oh, dear. OK, yeah,
824
00:40:37,260 --> 00:40:40,416
so I've kind of
stuck my fingers together.
825
00:40:40,441 --> 00:40:43,305
But... Oh, my God, yoga fingers!
826
00:40:43,330 --> 00:40:46,746
Look! Which bizarrely
is my Instagram handle.
827
00:40:46,771 --> 00:40:49,235
So, that's nice. And...
828
00:40:49,260 --> 00:40:50,985
Oh, yeah, uh...
829
00:40:51,010 --> 00:40:52,906
I think I stuck myself to the baby.
830
00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:57,956
Annabel, everyone.
831
00:40:59,010 --> 00:41:00,416
The scores at the moment,
832
00:41:00,441 --> 00:41:01,706
Richard and Sara have 11,
833
00:41:01,731 --> 00:41:03,466
jon and Chris have 17 points.
834
00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:10,985
And here is your final teaser.
The words are HELD SACK.
835
00:41:11,010 --> 00:41:13,466
The clue is,
ooh, that's a bit tight.
836
00:41:13,491 --> 00:41:17,466
That's HELD SACK, ooh, that's a bit
tight. See you after the break.
837
00:41:32,231 --> 00:41:34,256
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser.
838
00:41:34,281 --> 00:41:36,846
The words were HELD SACK, the clue
was, ooh, that's a bit tight,
839
00:41:36,871 --> 00:41:38,086
It was of course SHACKLED.
840
00:41:38,111 --> 00:41:40,366
OK, time for our final letters game.
841
00:41:40,391 --> 00:41:42,645
Richard, Sara, your turn to choose.
842
00:41:42,670 --> 00:41:44,086
A consonant, please.
843
00:41:44,111 --> 00:41:45,695
Thank you, Sara. T.
844
00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:48,056
T. Another consonant please.
845
00:41:48,081 --> 00:41:49,726
C
846
00:41:49,751 --> 00:41:51,445
Lovely. A vowel, please.
847
00:41:51,470 --> 00:41:52,645
I
848
00:41:52,670 --> 00:41:54,416
Another vowel, please.
849
00:41:54,441 --> 00:41:56,926
E
OK, and a consonant, please.
850
00:41:56,951 --> 00:41:58,166
...
851
00:41:58,191 --> 00:41:59,695
Another consonant, please.
852
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:00,926
H
853
00:42:00,951 --> 00:42:02,286
A vowel.
854
00:42:02,311 --> 00:42:03,565
U
855
00:42:03,590 --> 00:42:05,136
jON SHUDDERS
A consonant.
856
00:42:05,161 --> 00:42:06,416
What was that?
857
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:08,726
Something just left me,
and I don't know what it was.
858
00:42:10,521 --> 00:42:12,416
Cheeky little bum chakra.
859
00:42:14,670 --> 00:42:17,006
I'll talk to you about it later.
860
00:42:17,031 --> 00:42:18,726
We've got S.
861
00:42:18,751 --> 00:42:21,136
S, and another consonant, please.
862
00:42:21,161 --> 00:42:22,895
And the last one.
863
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:24,166
T
864
00:42:24,191 --> 00:42:26,775
Your 30 seconds starts now.
865
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,496
MUSIC: Turn Down For What by Liljon
866
00:42:47,081 --> 00:42:48,936
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
867
00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:01,726
CHEERING
868
00:43:04,361 --> 00:43:06,136
So, Chris, Chris, how many?
869
00:43:06,161 --> 00:43:08,616
I'm gonna go for an eight, Jimmy.
870
00:43:08,641 --> 00:43:10,416
OK, jon, how many?
871
00:43:10,441 --> 00:43:11,695
I'm also gonna go for an eight.
872
00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:14,366
I've got to be quick because I'm
getting dizzy. Sara, how many?
873
00:43:14,391 --> 00:43:16,806
Eight.
You got an eight as well? Richard?
874
00:43:16,831 --> 00:43:19,445
Six. This is running
out of battery anyway,
875
00:43:19,470 --> 00:43:21,416
I'm gonna pop this on charge.
876
00:43:21,441 --> 00:43:23,216
APPLAUSE
877
00:43:23,241 --> 00:43:24,626
Wow, nice.
878
00:43:28,651 --> 00:43:30,336
Richard, what was your word?
879
00:43:30,361 --> 00:43:32,695
RUSTIC
Chris, your eight?
880
00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:35,056
HURTHEST
HURUEST? HURUEST'?
881
00:43:35,081 --> 00:43:36,695
That is absolutely brilliant.
882
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:39,695
You're joking, it's a proper word?
It is. Woohoohoo!
883
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:41,166
CHEERING
884
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,166
jon, your eight?
RESTITCH
885
00:43:46,191 --> 00:43:50,096
OK. Susie, you're looking in the
dictionary like it's not there.
886
00:43:50,121 --> 00:43:53,936
Yeah, RESTITCH is not there
but a STITCHER is...
887
00:43:53,961 --> 00:43:56,296
Well, what do you do when
you've just reholed yourself
888
00:43:56,321 --> 00:43:59,736
and you want to close it up? You've
got to restitch the thing, right?
889
00:43:59,761 --> 00:44:02,016
Well, if Craig David is in the club
890
00:44:02,041 --> 00:44:03,816
and his cardigan has fallen apart,
891
00:44:03,841 --> 00:44:06,136
and he wants that mended,
892
00:44:06,161 --> 00:44:08,575
what's he gonna say?
Can I get a RESTITCH?
893
00:44:10,961 --> 00:44:13,705
Sara, your eight?
CRUSTIER
894
00:44:13,730 --> 00:44:17,296
CRUSTIER?
Yeah, because the PENISLUBE is old.
895
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,886
How many Rs did you see?
896
00:44:20,911 --> 00:44:23,655
SUSIE: Yeah, there's only one R.
Oh...
897
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,176
I'm sorry. Eight points to Chris.
898
00:44:26,201 --> 00:44:27,816
APPLAUSE
899
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,936
Annabel, Susie,
could they have done any better?
900
00:44:33,961 --> 00:44:37,016
Um, yeah,
they could've had CHITTERS.
901
00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:38,376
CHITTERS? What is chittering?
902
00:44:38,401 --> 00:44:39,816
It's what birds do.
903
00:44:39,841 --> 00:44:42,176
If they're twittering,
they're chittering as well.
904
00:44:42,201 --> 00:44:44,496
OK, so Richard and Sara have
11 points,
905
00:44:44,521 --> 00:44:46,856
jon and Chris have 25 points.
906
00:44:51,961 --> 00:44:55,376
Sara, Richard, you are currently
playing for pride.
907
00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:58,016
We're out. Yeah, you're...
We're out of the running.
908
00:44:58,041 --> 00:45:00,626
But do we have pride, though?
Are we proud?
909
00:45:00,651 --> 00:45:02,426
No. No.
910
00:45:02,451 --> 00:45:05,736
OK, so it's time
for today's Countdown Conundrum.
911
00:45:05,761 --> 00:45:07,176
OK, you ready?
912
00:45:07,201 --> 00:45:09,506
WEALLFART
Your time starts now.
913
00:45:15,841 --> 00:45:17,575
WEALLFART
914
00:45:37,841 --> 00:45:39,426
BELL RINGS
915
00:45:39,451 --> 00:45:41,306
Richard?
ARATWELL
916
00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:45,535
ARATWELL? OK, restart the clock.
917
00:45:46,761 --> 00:45:48,176
BUZZER
918
00:45:48,201 --> 00:45:49,986
jon.
WATERFALL
919
00:45:50,011 --> 00:45:51,705
ls the right answer!
920
00:45:51,730 --> 00:45:53,535
Oh, get in there, mate!
921
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,096
APPLAUSE
922
00:45:56,891 --> 00:45:59,816
OK, the final scores are Richard
and Sara have 11,
923
00:45:59,841 --> 00:46:03,066
jon and Chris are victorious
with 35 points.
924
00:46:05,610 --> 00:46:08,226
Congratulations,
you're now the proud owner of this,
925
00:46:08,251 --> 00:46:09,816
the Countdown wheelie bin.
926
00:46:09,841 --> 00:46:12,665
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience
927
00:46:12,690 --> 00:46:14,986
and thanks to all of you
for watching at home.
928
00:46:15,011 --> 00:46:16,096
That's it from us, goodnight!
929
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,976
Subtitles by Red Bee Media