1 00:00:57,462 --> 00:01:07,967 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 2 00:01:16,692 --> 00:01:17,777 The President doesn't care 3 00:01:17,902 --> 00:01:19,029 about the Hispanic plight. 4 00:01:19,154 --> 00:01:21,865 He doesn't care about poor Mexicans... 5 00:01:42,886 --> 00:01:45,722 Well, you didn't miss much, if it makes you feel any better. 6 00:01:45,847 --> 00:01:47,155 Except movie night. 7 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:49,726 We got Joe Versus the Volcano. That was pretty good. 8 00:01:49,851 --> 00:01:51,895 And we got meatloaf twice. 9 00:01:52,229 --> 00:01:54,565 Personally, I think it should be baked, 10 00:01:54,731 --> 00:01:57,067 and here they steam it so it gets all pasty. 11 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,319 Do not tell Red I said that. 12 00:01:59,403 --> 00:02:02,739 I mean, she knows, but she got feelings just like everybody else. 13 00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:05,409 You know those good mashed potatoes that Red makes, 14 00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:06,826 from the real potatoes and not the box? 15 00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:07,911 Yeah. 16 00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:11,164 Maybe you could ask about getting some of that served up tonight. 17 00:02:11,456 --> 00:02:12,499 You her girl. 18 00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:15,252 Well, she works up the menus a week in advance, so... 19 00:02:16,253 --> 00:02:18,796 Think about what I've been through. 20 00:02:21,592 --> 00:02:23,260 Can't promise anything. 21 00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:41,445 Twenty-six, 27, 28, 29, 30! Ha-ha! Who's the big talker now? 22 00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:42,738 You were counting too fast! 23 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,864 Bullshit, Vause. I told you, it can't be done. 24 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:46,658 Six saltines in 30 seconds? 25 00:02:49,411 --> 00:02:54,625 You are a disgusting animal. Okay? What the fuck? 26 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:57,919 I mean, which is a quality I greatly admire in a person. 27 00:02:58,002 --> 00:02:59,546 You're in touch with your primal self. 28 00:03:00,922 --> 00:03:05,135 Yeah, well, my primal self cannot resist a dare, apparently. 29 00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:09,514 Which is also how I ended up with three broken toes 30 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,433 and, briefly, chlamydia. 31 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,477 And in prison. 32 00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:16,020 Well, that wasn't so much a dare, as it was a deal. 33 00:03:18,523 --> 00:03:21,318 Officer Webster, pick up extension 414. 34 00:03:28,492 --> 00:03:31,328 Hey, get over here. You're missing a moment. 35 00:03:31,453 --> 00:03:33,664 Visitation will be ending in five minutes. 36 00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:37,626 God, SHU must really suck ass. 37 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:38,876 Man, she was in there for two weeks. 38 00:03:39,002 --> 00:03:39,961 I've taken shits longer than that. 39 00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:47,218 Hey, Kate Winslet. See any icebergs? 40 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,807 They're back again, Janae. 41 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,895 Cut that out! 42 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,566 Boys chase girls! 43 00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,151 Whatcha gonna do if you catch us? 44 00:04:03,318 --> 00:04:04,986 Only one way to find out. 45 00:04:05,236 --> 00:04:06,655 Go back to your mama. 46 00:04:06,863 --> 00:04:08,615 Ooh... 47 00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:27,342 Janae! Quit showing off! 48 00:04:51,616 --> 00:04:54,745 Good morning. Welcome. 49 00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,663 - Hey! - Ladies of the WAC. 50 00:04:56,747 --> 00:04:59,207 Are you taking us to prom or something? 51 00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,411 Just close the door, please. 52 00:05:04,087 --> 00:05:05,422 Thank you. 53 00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:08,383 All right. 54 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,430 Now, a small token of my esteem. 55 00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:17,100 Dang, Healy. That's proper! 56 00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:19,686 Oh! 57 00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:21,605 Now you talk about this outside, 58 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,147 you never see bear claws again. 59 00:05:23,273 --> 00:05:25,817 Silencio, Mr. Healy. We're gonna be like Red's lady. 60 00:05:25,942 --> 00:05:27,068 What's her name? The one that don't talk? 61 00:05:27,151 --> 00:05:28,403 Norma. 62 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:29,780 We gonna be like four Normas. 63 00:05:30,906 --> 00:05:32,824 All right, now, business, 64 00:05:32,948 --> 00:05:37,621 i.e. if you will, the concerns of your fellow inmates. 65 00:05:37,953 --> 00:05:43,167 Mr. Healy, the pillow that we get for sleeping is thin like paper. 66 00:05:43,293 --> 00:05:47,046 Sometimes, yo necessito two pillows. For ergonomics. 67 00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,799 A second pillow? Write it down. 68 00:05:49,132 --> 00:05:53,804 Okay, first of all, the hot sauce in the commissary is bullshit. 69 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,640 We want that Thailand sauce, the one with the rooster on it. 70 00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:58,266 Rooster sauce. 71 00:05:58,349 --> 00:06:00,477 And second of all, ain't no reason we can't 72 00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:02,771 get Fifty Shades of Grey in the library! 73 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,731 We talked about this, Jefferson. 74 00:06:04,856 --> 00:06:06,691 Fed's not gonna subsidize erotica. 75 00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:09,277 I've got a copy. 76 00:06:09,527 --> 00:06:10,904 I've got one, too. 77 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,324 Fifty Shade. 78 00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:18,994 I withdraw my request. But Maria's straight up about the pillows. 79 00:06:19,454 --> 00:06:20,996 Pillows again. Chapman. 80 00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:24,835 You're done? 81 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,419 Far as I know. 82 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:28,296 Okay. 83 00:06:29,965 --> 00:06:32,717 The thing is, I think that a few basic changes 84 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:35,637 could drastically improve the quality of life. 85 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:40,851 Like clinic hours every week for preventative health care. 86 00:06:41,142 --> 00:06:42,477 And re-opening the track. 87 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,522 And maybe legal counseling. 88 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:48,232 And the GED program. 89 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:53,070 Now, I understand that there's a mold situation in the classroom, 90 00:06:53,196 --> 00:06:54,698 but this needs to be addressed. 91 00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:56,992 The inmates down the hill, they get classes, 92 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:59,243 and they are not getting out any time soon. 93 00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:01,538 We are here for shorter stays. 94 00:07:01,872 --> 00:07:04,749 We should be learning to improve ourselves, 95 00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:06,376 as students 96 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:09,713 or even teachers. 97 00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:13,633 Something's telling me she has a teacher in mind. 98 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:16,803 Chang, you're up. 99 00:07:16,887 --> 00:07:18,889 Okay, Mr. Healy. Okay. 100 00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:26,938 Lay it on me, Chang. 101 00:07:27,063 --> 00:07:28,314 Okay. 102 00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:34,571 Good. 103 00:07:34,696 --> 00:07:36,537 We got a good list going here, some good ideas. 104 00:07:36,573 --> 00:07:37,824 Now, the problem as I see it... 105 00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:39,200 No, sir, I really think that... 106 00:07:39,283 --> 00:07:41,912 ...is that we have a budget situation. 107 00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,414 Now, I can do my best, 108 00:07:45,248 --> 00:07:48,251 but it's gonna be hard for me to do all these things 109 00:07:48,376 --> 00:07:51,212 and still be able to bring donuts to our meetings every month. 110 00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:57,176 And coffee. 111 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,597 Well, we tried. 112 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,103 What just happened? 113 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,521 You were there. 114 00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:10,690 We finally get an opportunity 115 00:08:10,815 --> 00:08:12,358 to make some improvements around here and... 116 00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:14,193 Don't be gettin' all Amistad on me, Chapman. 117 00:08:14,277 --> 00:08:16,446 Healy look like he gunning for change? 118 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,782 Okay, but what about your campaign promises? 119 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,145 Everyone say shit to get elected. 120 00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:21,451 You ain't actually gotta do it. 121 00:08:21,576 --> 00:08:23,202 That's politics. 122 00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,663 I got a disciplinary board hearing this week, 123 00:08:25,789 --> 00:08:29,084 which, if they don't take away my good time, I go home. 124 00:08:29,584 --> 00:08:32,003 Healy said he would write a letter vouching for me. 125 00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:34,297 I ain't looking to make waves. 126 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,341 Glassy water. Smooth sailin' right on out of here. 127 00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:42,847 So this whole WAC thing is basically bullshit. 128 00:08:44,348 --> 00:08:45,976 Just take the donuts, girl. 129 00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:52,231 Can you believe her? 130 00:08:52,315 --> 00:08:55,192 That college bitch thinks she can come up in here 131 00:08:55,318 --> 00:08:57,487 and take charge of shit with her nice teeth 132 00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,739 and her pinky stuck up in the air. 133 00:08:59,823 --> 00:09:01,324 She's got a surprise coming. 134 00:09:01,866 --> 00:09:03,159 Is it a pony? 135 00:09:03,952 --> 00:09:05,745 Just shut your trap, Lurch. 136 00:09:05,829 --> 00:09:08,205 Nobody cares what's comin' outta them slit lickin' lips. 137 00:09:12,335 --> 00:09:13,920 Did you vote for her? No. 138 00:09:14,045 --> 00:09:15,672 Did you vote for her? 139 00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:18,215 Who voted for that bitch, raise your hand! Raise it. 140 00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:20,551 That's what I thought. 141 00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:24,681 Some Garden-of-Gethsemane shit up in here, y'all. 142 00:09:24,848 --> 00:09:30,478 Chapman is a Judas Iscariot, cozied on up to the High Priest Healy. 143 00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:32,022 And he throws out my vote. 144 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,774 My votes that were bestowed upon me 145 00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:37,568 from my Lord, and gives her all the silver? 146 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,699 So in this analogy, you're Jesus Christ? 147 00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,035 I've been betrayed. 148 00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:28,036 Oh, gosh! Oh, no, no. 149 00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:30,413 Uh... 150 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:36,920 Gonna be a while. I'm a little backed up in here. Sorry. 151 00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:54,020 We were starting to think you deserted us. 152 00:10:56,522 --> 00:11:01,485 I tried making that coconut cake myself. Nicky called it "coco-not." 153 00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,948 What pain did you bring down on her for that? 154 00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:09,326 She was right. Your cake is inimitable. 155 00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:15,208 Norma got me an improve-your-vocabulary book out of the library. 156 00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:18,461 You got to keep the brain cells working, or they die. 157 00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:21,798 To be honest, there's a few things I wouldn't mind forgetting. 158 00:11:22,799 --> 00:11:24,299 Norma saw you in the library, 159 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,805 bent over a law book like a boy hiding a titty magazine. 160 00:11:29,346 --> 00:11:31,557 I got interests beyond coconut cake. 161 00:11:31,849 --> 00:11:34,144 So does every idiot in here. 162 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,479 Where's my Mexican vanilla? 163 00:11:37,312 --> 00:11:38,313 Oh. 164 00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:48,616 Everything off the books lives like Anne Frank now. 165 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,339 Seems like a lot of trouble. 166 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:08,845 You get too comfortable, people take advantage. 167 00:12:11,181 --> 00:12:12,515 You got it under control? 168 00:12:13,891 --> 00:12:16,519 Don't go looking for miracles, Claudette. 169 00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:20,023 You and me, we figured out how to do time. 170 00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:27,655 Well, at least it's better than SHU, right? 171 00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:32,409 I mean, the isolation must just be terrible. 172 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,204 Or not. 173 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,913 I've never been to SHU. 174 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,666 I've read that it can be very loud down there, 175 00:12:38,749 --> 00:12:41,044 with people yelling at each other all the time? 176 00:12:43,504 --> 00:12:45,173 When I said that I'd never been to SHU, 177 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,008 did that make me sound like an asshole? 178 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,343 Because obviously I didn't... 179 00:12:48,425 --> 00:12:50,053 Fuck, Chapman. 180 00:12:54,598 --> 00:12:55,599 Ah! 181 00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:59,062 Here's why the floodlights went out. 182 00:13:00,021 --> 00:13:02,106 It looks like a rat got to this. 183 00:13:02,232 --> 00:13:04,483 Ew! I fucking hate rats. 184 00:13:05,026 --> 00:13:07,904 My brother had one while we were growing up. 185 00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:09,906 It was kind of cute, actually. 186 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,741 He named it Antonio. 187 00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:15,578 I saw one chewed up a baby's face. 188 00:13:15,703 --> 00:13:17,997 I named it "fuckin' face-chewing rat." 189 00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:19,999 You gonna fix the wire or what? 190 00:13:20,124 --> 00:13:21,458 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 191 00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:26,172 Ah! Shit! 192 00:13:26,256 --> 00:13:27,631 Did you turn off the switch? 193 00:13:27,757 --> 00:13:29,092 I thought that you turned off the switch. 194 00:13:29,217 --> 00:13:30,593 Oh, man! 195 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,595 It's okay. It's my fault. 196 00:13:34,889 --> 00:13:37,600 So you're back in the rooms, huh? 197 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,811 I hope they didn't stick you with De Marco. 198 00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:42,772 I mean, she's super nice and everything, 199 00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:47,610 but, man, that breathing machine can just drive you bonkers. 200 00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:52,782 You know, if you want, I can make you some ear plugs. 201 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,326 I take a little bit of stuffing out of a pillow, 202 00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:57,954 and I just smush it up in some Vaseline, 203 00:13:58,246 --> 00:14:01,791 and then I wrap it up in some plastic wrap from the sack lunches. 204 00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:05,420 The rooms is full, all right? I'm in the ghetto tonight. 205 00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,880 But you could still use them in there. 206 00:14:07,964 --> 00:14:09,966 I'll make you some, okay? 207 00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:15,846 Jesus fucking shit. 208 00:14:16,597 --> 00:14:17,932 Sorry? 209 00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:20,059 What? 210 00:14:23,479 --> 00:14:24,563 It was you. 211 00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:26,316 What? 212 00:14:26,441 --> 00:14:28,318 The screwdriver what. 213 00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:30,820 Acting all sweet like a piece of candy. 214 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:34,324 Nobody's sweet in here except for a reason. 215 00:14:35,825 --> 00:14:37,534 I don't know what you're talking about. 216 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:40,496 Do not fucking lie to me, bitch. 217 00:14:41,372 --> 00:14:44,792 Do not fucking insult me after what you done already. 218 00:14:53,217 --> 00:14:54,302 In my defense, 219 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,846 I would just like to point out that technically, 220 00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,812 you did not go down because of the screwdriver. 221 00:14:58,848 --> 00:15:00,128 Technically, you went down to SHU 222 00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:01,767 because you got all up in Caputo's face. 223 00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:05,355 Lady, we in a tight-ass space and I bench 140. 224 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,316 You sure "technically" is how you wanna handle this shit? 225 00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:12,611 Are you gonna say anything? 226 00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,240 I ain't a snitch. 227 00:15:22,579 --> 00:15:23,580 Damn! 228 00:15:26,376 --> 00:15:29,086 See? This one got the same number on both ends. 229 00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:31,047 The first time you play that, it's called a spinner. 230 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,384 You have to play the ends and the sides, both. 231 00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:37,594 Like a no-class girl lets you use any hole. 232 00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:40,390 Yeah. 233 00:15:48,856 --> 00:15:52,402 These are all the places I'm gonna travel when I get out. 234 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,696 Starting with Anguilla. 235 00:15:55,779 --> 00:15:58,574 I read that Orlando Bloom honeymooned there. 236 00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:00,139 And Courteney Cox and David Arquette, 237 00:16:00,243 --> 00:16:01,660 even though that didn't work out. 238 00:16:02,036 --> 00:16:05,664 I love the beach, but I burn like a lobster, 239 00:16:05,748 --> 00:16:07,417 so I'm gonna get a good swim shirt 240 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,836 and, bonus, it's gonna hide the gallbladder scar. 241 00:16:19,970 --> 00:16:21,431 Oh, yeah. Sure. 242 00:16:21,556 --> 00:16:24,434 Come on. Okay, bitches, 243 00:16:24,559 --> 00:16:27,353 who's first in line for some puppy lovin'? 244 00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:29,272 Puppy lovin'! 245 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,692 He's so cute. 246 00:16:33,776 --> 00:16:35,903 He looks just like my dog from when I was a kid. 247 00:16:35,986 --> 00:16:37,447 Except mine was more of a Dachshund, 248 00:16:37,613 --> 00:16:39,115 but the nostril part is the same. 249 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,908 You look just like Chummy. 250 00:16:41,284 --> 00:16:42,952 Make him do a trick. 251 00:16:43,077 --> 00:16:44,870 She doesn't know any yet. 252 00:16:44,995 --> 00:16:46,581 Well, maybe you can take some time off 253 00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,249 from sitting around eating all day, 254 00:16:48,332 --> 00:16:50,209 and teach him something. 255 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:53,879 Fucking asshole. 256 00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:56,799 Chapman wrote me three letters for my case and it did fuck-all. 257 00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:59,135 They ain't lettin' people out who hasn't done their whole time. 258 00:16:59,302 --> 00:17:02,472 Well, I ain't people. I'm training for this, bitch. 259 00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:06,016 And I ain't never comin' back, neither, not like the rest of y'all. 260 00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:09,812 Like Oprah say, "the road less traveled." 261 00:17:09,937 --> 00:17:11,814 You know, that doesn't mean what everybody thinks it means. 262 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,650 Aw, shit, we about to get educated and shit. 263 00:17:14,775 --> 00:17:17,320 No, no, no. I'm just saying that everyone thinks the poem means 264 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,322 to break away from the crowd and, like, do your own thing. 265 00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:21,324 But if you read it, Frost is very clear 266 00:17:21,491 --> 00:17:23,367 that the two roads are exactly the same. 267 00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:25,119 He just chooses one at random. 268 00:17:25,202 --> 00:17:27,704 And then it's only later at a dinner party, when he's talking about it 269 00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:28,956 that he tells everybody he chose 270 00:17:29,039 --> 00:17:30,679 the road less traveled by, but he's lying. 271 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,797 So the point of the poem is, 272 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,174 that everyone wants to look back 273 00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:39,509 and think that their choices mattered, 274 00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:43,262 but in reality, shit just happens the way that it happens, 275 00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:45,598 and it does not mean anything. 276 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,852 I will probably kill her in her sleep tonight. 277 00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:51,854 Wake me up so I can watch. 278 00:17:53,189 --> 00:17:54,565 I'm gonna... 279 00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:57,693 Laundry. 280 00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:00,446 You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? 281 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:05,493 Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something. 282 00:18:06,869 --> 00:18:07,911 Poodle. 283 00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:11,332 That is good. 284 00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:15,211 I didn't think of that one. That is very clever. 285 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,548 Hey, you know what, guys? Look at that face. 286 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,508 I'm gonna call her Little Boo. Aw! 287 00:18:20,591 --> 00:18:23,760 Little Boo. Who's a little boo? Yes! 288 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:25,804 Hello? 289 00:18:25,929 --> 00:18:27,056 It's closed. 290 00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:30,393 Alex? 291 00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,232 I was just gonna drop this off, but... 292 00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:38,775 Tomorrow. 293 00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:39,902 Just give it. 294 00:18:42,405 --> 00:18:43,406 Give it to me. 295 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,410 Attention all personnel, 296 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,246 be advised count is off. Can we please conduct a recount? 297 00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:01,006 Do you remember the Four Seasons in the Seychelles? 298 00:19:06,262 --> 00:19:08,556 Gosh, we just threw our laundry into the hallway, 299 00:19:08,639 --> 00:19:10,516 it was like 40 bucks for a pair of pants. 300 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,236 Hey. 301 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366 I've been thinking about it... 302 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,035 ...a lot. 303 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,998 And I just wanted to let you know 304 00:19:35,124 --> 00:19:37,293 that there are no hard feelings. 305 00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:42,131 I was pretty angry, but, I'm over it. 306 00:19:44,258 --> 00:19:46,135 So, um... 307 00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:49,430 Friend? 308 00:19:51,474 --> 00:19:52,475 Wow. 309 00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:56,312 That's really big of you, Pipes. 310 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:04,903 It's not a club. 311 00:20:04,987 --> 00:20:06,113 It's a class. 312 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,198 They teach you to dance on a pole. 313 00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:13,996 If you want to be a stripper, you can wait until I die. 314 00:20:14,204 --> 00:20:19,585 It's not stripping. It's for nice ladies, housewives. For exercise. 315 00:20:20,002 --> 00:20:23,714 That's what they tell you! 316 00:20:24,173 --> 00:20:26,717 Then one day you wake up in Atlantic City... 317 00:20:27,176 --> 00:20:29,011 where girls are trash... 318 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,806 and I'm lighting candles under your picture. 319 00:20:32,556 --> 00:20:37,186 Can we please speak English at the table? 320 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,274 Just at the table? 321 00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:52,034 Two more years for a green card. 322 00:20:53,202 --> 00:20:54,453 Be nice. 323 00:20:54,745 --> 00:20:56,664 You don't have to fuck him. 324 00:20:57,914 --> 00:21:01,418 I should be lucky, a decent man wants to fuck me. 325 00:21:03,838 --> 00:21:04,839 Oy. 326 00:21:05,047 --> 00:21:06,048 English. 327 00:21:10,386 --> 00:21:11,554 He's not eating. 328 00:21:13,013 --> 00:21:14,264 English. 329 00:21:18,227 --> 00:21:20,855 You look very pretty in that dress. 330 00:21:21,564 --> 00:21:24,941 Thank you, Sam. It is very... 331 00:21:26,902 --> 00:21:27,903 ...blue. 332 00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:36,751 You guys ever notice how, once you're a couple, 333 00:21:36,787 --> 00:21:38,707 you pretty much only hang out with other couples? 334 00:21:39,582 --> 00:21:43,836 A guy, a girl and another guy? It just looks weird. 335 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,838 People probably just assume you're divorced. 336 00:21:46,589 --> 00:21:49,425 Oh. Great, so, I look divorced, 337 00:21:49,550 --> 00:21:53,970 which conveys sadness and ex-wife shit and lawyers' fees, 338 00:21:54,096 --> 00:21:56,223 or I look single, 34 and single, 339 00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:58,475 which must mean there's something wrong with me. 340 00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:01,478 Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks. 341 00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:03,689 Or I have a very special relationship with my mother. 342 00:22:04,774 --> 00:22:06,901 I just look like a loser. 343 00:22:07,109 --> 00:22:08,549 Why don't you switch seats with Pete? 344 00:22:08,652 --> 00:22:10,172 You're okay being a loser, right, babe? 345 00:22:10,487 --> 00:22:11,822 I don't wanna look like a loser. 346 00:22:11,947 --> 00:22:15,743 Okay, now look, what am I complaining about, right? 347 00:22:15,826 --> 00:22:17,119 I mean, seriously, you know? 348 00:22:17,244 --> 00:22:20,205 We're sitting here, we're gonna enjoy some small plates, 349 00:22:20,289 --> 00:22:21,998 while Piper sits in prison. 350 00:22:22,124 --> 00:22:24,042 You know what? Fuck Piper. 351 00:22:25,294 --> 00:22:27,003 She's in prison and it sucks. 352 00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:28,756 Let's also stipulate there are children 353 00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:30,507 are dying of diarrhea in Malawi. 354 00:22:30,633 --> 00:22:32,914 That doesn't mean we don't get to complain about our lives. 355 00:22:32,927 --> 00:22:36,012 I am pregnant and the heat in our apartment is always too high 356 00:22:36,138 --> 00:22:38,557 and it gives me nosebleeds, and that is happening. 357 00:22:38,641 --> 00:22:41,811 Pete isn't getting laid and he's grown that horrible beard. 358 00:22:41,936 --> 00:22:43,145 You look like a loser. 359 00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,606 We're all allowed to feel shitty 360 00:22:45,731 --> 00:22:47,441 about things in our lives that are shitty. 361 00:22:47,566 --> 00:22:50,360 And happy about things that are awesome. 362 00:22:50,486 --> 00:22:52,154 Like this awesome beard! Ugh. 363 00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:53,363 And your column. 364 00:22:53,489 --> 00:22:54,949 What? That's happening? 365 00:22:55,115 --> 00:22:58,201 Who can resist a "Felonious Fiancee" story, right? 366 00:22:59,495 --> 00:23:01,664 Yeah, it's, it's totally happening. 367 00:23:01,789 --> 00:23:03,958 New York Times, baby. "Modern Love." 368 00:23:04,124 --> 00:23:06,000 That's huge! Yeah. 369 00:23:06,168 --> 00:23:08,504 Does Piper know? Is she cool about it? 370 00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:11,340 I mean, sort of. 371 00:23:11,465 --> 00:23:15,928 Yeah, I mean, she's sorting out her feelings, 372 00:23:16,136 --> 00:23:17,847 I guess, you know. 373 00:23:17,972 --> 00:23:22,309 I'm going to tell her tomorrow, you know. Now that it's for sure. 374 00:23:29,483 --> 00:23:30,484 Oh, man! 375 00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:41,035 What's up with that, girl? 376 00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:49,043 Would you shut the fuck up. 377 00:23:49,586 --> 00:23:52,006 I know you ain't fucking with my beauty rest, yo. 378 00:23:52,130 --> 00:23:53,841 It's fucking Watson, man. 379 00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:57,093 They closed the track on me, haters. 380 00:23:57,219 --> 00:23:59,555 I ain't gonna get soft like the rest of y'all. 381 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:00,960 Look, none of that's gonna matter 382 00:24:01,055 --> 00:24:03,183 when they throw your ass in SHU, part two. 383 00:24:03,266 --> 00:24:05,519 I got 10 minutes before the CO come back around. 384 00:24:05,602 --> 00:24:07,980 Man, somebody get this bitch a hamster wheel. 385 00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:11,358 What you gonna do about it, Jemima? 386 00:24:11,942 --> 00:24:13,193 The hell you just call me? 387 00:24:14,444 --> 00:24:16,947 I said, what you gonna do? 388 00:24:18,699 --> 00:24:20,283 Lightning fast! 389 00:24:21,159 --> 00:24:22,639 Did you see the Fillmore coach's face? 390 00:24:23,412 --> 00:24:26,498 He had no idea what happened to him. You happened to him. 391 00:24:26,582 --> 00:24:27,958 I just ran, Coach. 392 00:24:28,124 --> 00:24:29,485 Well, Watson, you just ran yourself 393 00:24:29,501 --> 00:24:30,781 into the high school record book. 394 00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:32,713 That gonna help with scholarships? 395 00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,439 Girl, colleges will be fighting over you. 396 00:24:36,258 --> 00:24:37,676 Now, you get dressed. Okay. 397 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,804 I'll introduce you around, all right? They're all waiting. 398 00:25:01,742 --> 00:25:02,785 You ran good. 399 00:25:03,744 --> 00:25:04,745 I know it. 400 00:25:11,961 --> 00:25:17,091 The universe did you wrong. Then they took away your track, I get it. 401 00:25:17,967 --> 00:25:19,885 What you talking 'bout, you get it? 402 00:25:19,969 --> 00:25:22,554 Yo, go on back to the suburbs, string cheese. 403 00:25:23,179 --> 00:25:26,182 I was like you once. Pissed off, 404 00:25:27,309 --> 00:25:29,979 thought the world owed me something. 405 00:25:30,104 --> 00:25:33,482 It took me a long time to let go of that anger. 406 00:25:33,690 --> 00:25:37,151 Bitch, you lying to yourself with this whole Namaste bullshit. 407 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,113 You're a step ahead already, 408 00:25:39,195 --> 00:25:42,449 channeling your feelings through physical activity, 409 00:25:42,532 --> 00:25:45,744 which means, the mind and body connect. 410 00:25:46,620 --> 00:25:50,499 Who touched you, yo? Was it your uncle? 411 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,336 Your daddy? 412 00:25:54,962 --> 00:25:59,341 Okay, you want to project your issues onto me? That's cool. 413 00:26:01,343 --> 00:26:02,678 But I feel bad for you. 414 00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:08,684 That negative energy is gonna eat you up inside. 415 00:26:09,852 --> 00:26:11,770 Man, you this deep in the shit, 416 00:26:11,895 --> 00:26:13,814 you must have done something fucking evil. 417 00:26:14,648 --> 00:26:15,649 Huh? 418 00:26:17,567 --> 00:26:19,361 Why you in here, yo? 419 00:26:20,696 --> 00:26:22,156 Did you kill someone? 420 00:26:23,615 --> 00:26:25,701 You fucked a kid? 421 00:26:26,035 --> 00:26:27,036 Oh! 422 00:26:28,537 --> 00:26:29,997 You kill a kid? 423 00:26:39,381 --> 00:26:41,050 That's what I thought. 424 00:26:45,721 --> 00:26:46,722 Huh! 425 00:27:04,073 --> 00:27:06,158 Chapman, come in. 426 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,744 Or vojdite, as they say in Kiev. 427 00:27:08,952 --> 00:27:09,953 Ahh! 428 00:27:10,412 --> 00:27:11,705 Are you planning a vacation? 429 00:27:11,872 --> 00:27:13,247 If I were, it would be somewhere 430 00:27:13,373 --> 00:27:14,773 you drink rum out of a mini volcano. 431 00:27:16,001 --> 00:27:17,502 What can I do for you? 432 00:27:18,294 --> 00:27:19,295 The track. 433 00:27:19,963 --> 00:27:21,923 You know, I once saw this lecture on YouTube called 434 00:27:21,924 --> 00:27:23,800 "23 and 1/2 Hours." 435 00:27:23,926 --> 00:27:26,803 It's one of those things where someone draws on a whiteboard? 436 00:27:26,929 --> 00:27:28,262 And it says... 437 00:27:28,805 --> 00:27:31,165 Well, if the Internet says it, then we better listen up, eh? 438 00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:34,019 Hmm. 439 00:27:35,771 --> 00:27:38,774 How much money does this institution spend on healthcare per year? 440 00:27:40,358 --> 00:27:44,696 Walking for a half an hour a day reduces the risk of anxiety, 441 00:27:44,905 --> 00:27:48,784 arthritis, depression, things like dementia and diabetes. 442 00:27:48,867 --> 00:27:49,910 It helps with everything. 443 00:27:49,993 --> 00:27:53,038 If you could save money on medical expenses 444 00:27:53,122 --> 00:27:56,374 with something as simple as walking, why wouldn't you? 445 00:27:57,126 --> 00:27:58,207 I mean, in the long term... 446 00:27:58,292 --> 00:28:02,089 No one here gives a crap about the long term, Chapman. 447 00:28:02,965 --> 00:28:04,007 Yo, Preparation H. 448 00:28:05,550 --> 00:28:07,761 Oops. Sorry. 449 00:28:07,970 --> 00:28:11,098 I'll come back when you're done taking orders. 450 00:28:15,269 --> 00:28:16,812 Sitting around all day is the worst possible thing 451 00:28:16,937 --> 00:28:18,480 that you can do for your body. 452 00:28:18,605 --> 00:28:19,765 We're already doing the time. 453 00:28:19,815 --> 00:28:21,233 I've got a deal for you, Chapman. 454 00:28:23,193 --> 00:28:27,990 Caputo thinks a CO's been putting inside photos on the Internet, 455 00:28:28,364 --> 00:28:31,701 but I think that kind of nonsense is too stupid even for a CO. 456 00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:33,411 I don't know what you're asking. 457 00:28:34,746 --> 00:28:38,917 Let's say an inmate is hiding a camera or a cell phone or something. 458 00:28:40,085 --> 00:28:44,464 And you find it for me, I'll take a look at opening that track. 459 00:28:47,509 --> 00:28:49,385 Prison's a big place, Mr. Healy. 460 00:28:50,179 --> 00:28:52,181 I have confidence in you. 461 00:29:08,071 --> 00:29:11,283 Prisoner return to custody. Prisoner return to custody. 462 00:29:11,741 --> 00:29:15,411 What's with the grin, Bennett? You got some new silk panties on? 463 00:29:18,373 --> 00:29:22,044 Or what, you get laid or something? 464 00:29:25,255 --> 00:29:26,882 Oh, shit! 465 00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:29,218 Bennett got laid! 466 00:29:30,219 --> 00:29:33,555 Come on, man. Spill the beans, you fucking pussy monster. 467 00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:34,848 Was she Asian? 468 00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:36,183 No. 469 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,477 I hear their shit goes sideways. 470 00:29:41,230 --> 00:29:43,065 Well? Go ahead. 471 00:29:45,692 --> 00:29:46,985 Okay, I got laid. 472 00:29:47,069 --> 00:29:51,573 Yes! I knew it! I knew it, you dirty whore! Come on. 473 00:29:52,407 --> 00:29:54,784 I couldn't be prouder if I was your dad. 474 00:29:55,744 --> 00:29:59,248 Tell me, man. What about her tits? 475 00:29:59,331 --> 00:30:03,001 Were they like big floppy fucking milk jugs 476 00:30:03,085 --> 00:30:04,920 or a nice, tight, little handful? 477 00:30:05,045 --> 00:30:06,213 What was it? 478 00:30:09,758 --> 00:30:10,759 They were fake. 479 00:30:10,926 --> 00:30:11,927 Oh! 480 00:30:12,552 --> 00:30:17,307 She's half-Asian, half-Brazilian. 481 00:30:19,935 --> 00:30:21,103 She's got this sister. 482 00:30:24,647 --> 00:30:26,275 Jesus fucking Christ. 483 00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:33,865 Miss Jefferson, why do you deserve to be released? 484 00:30:33,949 --> 00:30:35,284 Thank you, sir. 485 00:30:35,367 --> 00:30:36,952 Let the record show 486 00:30:37,077 --> 00:30:39,955 I only had three infractions for all my time here. 487 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:44,293 One was for smacking a bitch for not respecting my ice machine choices, 488 00:30:44,418 --> 00:30:48,463 and, well, the second... They was bullshit. 489 00:30:48,546 --> 00:30:52,008 Also, I ain't never missed a day workin' in the library. 490 00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:56,179 Don't say, "workin'," say, "employed." The shit sound more elegant. 491 00:30:56,471 --> 00:30:59,015 Also, maybe go easy on the bitch-smacking? 492 00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,392 Like, don't bring that shit up. 493 00:31:01,310 --> 00:31:03,228 All right. Miss Jefferson, 494 00:31:03,353 --> 00:31:05,314 what have you learned from your time in prison? 495 00:31:05,439 --> 00:31:07,649 Learned? I ain't learned nothing. 496 00:31:07,774 --> 00:31:11,069 I came in this motherfucker innocent, I'm still innocent. 497 00:31:11,153 --> 00:31:12,154 You keep talkin' about innocent, 498 00:31:12,321 --> 00:31:13,280 you gonna slide on back in here 499 00:31:13,363 --> 00:31:15,031 like you got a magnet up your ass. 500 00:31:15,157 --> 00:31:16,199 I ain't do nothing. 501 00:31:16,325 --> 00:31:17,617 Look, me, neither, all right? 502 00:31:17,742 --> 00:31:20,383 We are all just in here 'cause we took a wrong turn goin' to church. 503 00:31:21,163 --> 00:31:25,250 Listen, what you did or didn't do. That shit is irrelevant now. 504 00:31:25,334 --> 00:31:26,668 You gotta show remorse, fool. 505 00:31:26,751 --> 00:31:29,671 Tell 'em you met Jesus, you go and seen the error of your ways. 506 00:31:29,796 --> 00:31:31,840 Now you gonna help the underprivileged youth 507 00:31:31,965 --> 00:31:33,967 learn to play chess or whatnot. 508 00:31:34,050 --> 00:31:36,251 You know, so they don't end up like your sorry ass self. 509 00:31:36,303 --> 00:31:37,471 Man, I ain't sorry! 510 00:31:37,553 --> 00:31:38,972 Aye, look, look, look. This bitch! 511 00:31:39,055 --> 00:31:40,182 Tell 'em, tell 'em you goin' to college. 512 00:31:40,307 --> 00:31:41,557 Man, what if I did? 513 00:31:43,059 --> 00:31:45,187 What you gonna major in? Ebonics? 514 00:31:45,395 --> 00:31:46,980 I could be a law secretary. 515 00:31:47,063 --> 00:31:50,150 The shit I learned in my job, I'm like Rain Man with that shit. 516 00:31:50,233 --> 00:31:52,902 You know what, sit your ass down. It's time to get serious. 517 00:31:56,698 --> 00:31:58,074 What you gonna do about hair? 518 00:31:58,241 --> 00:31:59,242 Oh! 519 00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:07,876 But if you get some puta pregnant... 520 00:33:14,943 --> 00:33:17,612 Gonna go and bounce on daddy's lap? 521 00:33:18,947 --> 00:33:19,948 What did I do now? 522 00:33:20,449 --> 00:33:22,075 Don't be all cute, college. 523 00:33:23,952 --> 00:33:26,538 Have you seen my teeth? Like, really? 524 00:33:26,955 --> 00:33:28,123 Wow. They're... 525 00:33:28,873 --> 00:33:29,958 Pretty fucked up, huh? 526 00:33:30,125 --> 00:33:31,209 Yeah. 527 00:33:31,376 --> 00:33:32,710 Genetics mostly. 528 00:33:33,044 --> 00:33:34,045 Oh. 529 00:33:34,463 --> 00:33:37,090 But my cousin, she's doin' 15 over at Lexington, 530 00:33:37,173 --> 00:33:41,761 and she got a whole new set from the United States of America, 531 00:33:41,844 --> 00:33:43,638 D-O-C. 532 00:33:44,514 --> 00:33:45,765 Congratulations. 533 00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:48,232 So it's fine that you're teacher's pet and all, 534 00:33:48,268 --> 00:33:49,978 but let's, like, see what you can do. 535 00:33:52,481 --> 00:33:53,523 You want new teeth? 536 00:33:56,318 --> 00:33:58,987 Oh! Because of WAC. 537 00:33:59,529 --> 00:34:02,324 The thing is, I don't think I can. It's not even a real thing. 538 00:34:02,449 --> 00:34:04,700 You think you're some kind of special, don't you? 539 00:34:04,867 --> 00:34:06,202 No, I'm serious. It's a scam. 540 00:34:06,328 --> 00:34:07,703 Which, when you think about it, 541 00:34:07,829 --> 00:34:09,705 we really all should've seen coming. 542 00:34:09,831 --> 00:34:12,501 Let me tell you something, college. 543 00:34:13,709 --> 00:34:16,671 They're gonna treat you nice and they're gonna use you. 544 00:34:18,006 --> 00:34:20,425 Then when you're all used up, 545 00:34:20,634 --> 00:34:24,095 you ain't gonna be nothin'. 546 00:34:24,846 --> 00:34:26,264 Knock it off, Pennsatucky. 547 00:34:28,642 --> 00:34:31,853 You sellin' us out? For what? 548 00:34:44,907 --> 00:34:48,119 Now, if it was me, I think I'd leave the grunt work to the grunts. 549 00:34:48,203 --> 00:34:49,204 Hmm. 550 00:34:49,704 --> 00:34:53,708 I let the girls do this, half the potato comes off with the peel. 551 00:34:55,043 --> 00:34:59,714 Seems to me like you're just aching to put that down for a few 552 00:35:00,590 --> 00:35:01,675 and make me a sandwich. 553 00:35:02,509 --> 00:35:03,759 Not particularly. 554 00:35:13,936 --> 00:35:14,979 What kind? 555 00:35:16,565 --> 00:35:17,982 Balogna and cheese. 556 00:35:20,860 --> 00:35:22,237 No mustard. 557 00:35:23,572 --> 00:35:24,947 Double the mayo. 558 00:35:25,865 --> 00:35:28,034 Oh... 559 00:35:28,243 --> 00:35:29,642 This is great. 560 00:35:31,204 --> 00:35:36,876 This makes me very happy. 561 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:39,921 See? 562 00:35:41,631 --> 00:35:44,008 You didn't want to do it at first, right? 563 00:35:44,092 --> 00:35:47,970 But, now, I'm happy, and it's no big deal for you. 564 00:35:48,096 --> 00:35:49,389 What do you want? 565 00:35:49,514 --> 00:35:50,806 I wanna be friends. 566 00:35:53,351 --> 00:35:55,895 Friends who take care of each other. 567 00:35:57,843 --> 00:36:00,887 You got boxes coming in with a little something extra. 568 00:36:01,596 --> 00:36:03,181 Maybe your guy gets with my guy 569 00:36:03,306 --> 00:36:04,891 and brings in something extra for me. 570 00:36:06,768 --> 00:36:08,478 No problem. 571 00:36:08,561 --> 00:36:12,524 Just tell me if you want zit cream or pantyhose. 572 00:36:13,525 --> 00:36:17,904 What my guy sends, it's a little more of a specialty item. 573 00:36:19,405 --> 00:36:21,574 Since when are pills so special? 574 00:36:22,492 --> 00:36:23,535 Give you 5%. 575 00:36:26,538 --> 00:36:29,916 What am I supposed to do with 5%? Burn it for heat? 576 00:36:31,376 --> 00:36:34,046 My commissary maxes out at $300 577 00:36:34,212 --> 00:36:36,882 and I got all the toothpaste I need. 578 00:36:37,423 --> 00:36:40,177 10%, final offer. 579 00:36:42,220 --> 00:36:43,262 I... 580 00:36:45,015 --> 00:36:49,728 ...don't do that shit! 581 00:36:50,020 --> 00:36:55,441 This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit! It doesn't matter what you do. 582 00:36:56,693 --> 00:36:58,945 It's the doing that makes you dirty. 583 00:37:00,197 --> 00:37:02,407 Don't play games with me, Red. 584 00:37:03,491 --> 00:37:05,911 You got no more moves, Mendez. 585 00:37:07,746 --> 00:37:09,873 This is it, man. 586 00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:14,836 There is nothing here. 587 00:37:17,047 --> 00:37:20,258 You got nothing on me. 588 00:37:33,605 --> 00:37:35,815 Oh, man! 589 00:37:39,236 --> 00:37:42,114 Guess things just got messy in here. 590 00:37:49,829 --> 00:37:52,249 Everything's been deleted off this phone except for these photos. 591 00:37:52,331 --> 00:37:54,126 I know! People, right? 592 00:37:54,209 --> 00:37:56,002 Well, where was it? In the trash can. 593 00:37:56,169 --> 00:37:57,170 Where? 594 00:37:58,004 --> 00:37:59,547 I don't know, I just found it. 595 00:38:01,258 --> 00:38:02,759 You know, I appreciate that fact that 596 00:38:02,884 --> 00:38:04,385 you don't wanna snitch on anyone. 597 00:38:05,095 --> 00:38:08,014 The way these inmates treat snitches, it's ugly. 598 00:38:09,224 --> 00:38:13,186 But if you can't tell me who owns this phone, 599 00:38:13,311 --> 00:38:15,480 I'm afraid I can't help you with the track. 600 00:38:15,814 --> 00:38:18,650 That is not what you said to me. You said specifically... 601 00:38:18,733 --> 00:38:23,696 I'm sorry, I don't know what you heard. But, unless I have a name... 602 00:38:28,451 --> 00:38:29,535 Enjoy the phone. 603 00:38:32,664 --> 00:38:34,415 Nice work, Chapman. 604 00:38:37,169 --> 00:38:40,672 I'm giving you one more minute to pout and then I'm shaving you bald. 605 00:38:42,257 --> 00:38:43,716 Sporting a chunk of white girl hair, 606 00:38:43,842 --> 00:38:45,403 look like you took a scalp or some shit. 607 00:38:46,178 --> 00:38:47,595 Yo, yo, you need to get you that 608 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:49,139 Michelle Obama hair, for reals. 609 00:38:49,222 --> 00:38:51,683 White folks scared of Obama. 610 00:38:51,850 --> 00:38:56,688 I wanna look like Mo'Nique from Essence magazine, 2008. 611 00:38:56,771 --> 00:38:58,148 Girl, please, ain't enough relaxer in the world 612 00:38:58,231 --> 00:38:59,232 for that bullshit. 613 00:38:59,357 --> 00:39:01,193 Now what makes you so sure the board is white? 614 00:39:01,318 --> 00:39:02,277 Point. True. 615 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,030 There be brothers on the board, I'm gonna be free at last, yo, 616 00:39:05,113 --> 00:39:08,200 'cause ain't no black man gonna let a fine black woman 617 00:39:08,283 --> 00:39:10,660 such as me hide her light in jail. 618 00:39:10,743 --> 00:39:14,331 Fool, brother is gonna be harder on you, to show he got no bias. 619 00:39:14,413 --> 00:39:16,208 Shit, you better hope for the whities. 620 00:39:16,374 --> 00:39:17,542 Yo, hope for white women. 621 00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:20,419 Y'all know how they love drinking wine with their friends, 622 00:39:20,545 --> 00:39:23,089 talking 'bout how sad it is, black folks ain't got their fair shakes. 623 00:39:23,215 --> 00:39:25,424 What, giving their housekeepers a extra day off and shit. 624 00:39:25,550 --> 00:39:26,968 Y'all know what I'm saying? 625 00:39:27,052 --> 00:39:30,638 So you wanna look like the black best friend 626 00:39:30,972 --> 00:39:32,182 in the white girl movie? 627 00:39:32,265 --> 00:39:36,519 Right. Okay, so you got Regina King in Miss Congeniality. 628 00:39:36,644 --> 00:39:39,981 You got Alicia Keys in that Nanny Diaries bullshit 629 00:39:40,065 --> 00:39:41,265 with ScarJo. I didn't see that. 630 00:39:42,525 --> 00:39:44,485 And Regina King in Legally Blonde. 631 00:39:45,778 --> 00:39:47,364 Now, you not thinking big enough. 632 00:39:47,530 --> 00:39:48,656 What? 633 00:39:48,948 --> 00:39:50,449 Viola Davis. 634 00:39:50,992 --> 00:39:51,993 Oh. 635 00:39:52,369 --> 00:39:53,745 Eat Pray Love, motherfuckers! 636 00:39:53,912 --> 00:39:55,830 I gotta live with this hair, yo. 637 00:39:56,581 --> 00:39:58,250 Do me like Rihanna. 638 00:39:58,375 --> 00:40:01,627 Rihanna when? She had, like, 26 hairdos in the past two years. 639 00:40:01,878 --> 00:40:03,922 2009 Rihanna, I got to spell that shit out for you? 640 00:40:04,089 --> 00:40:06,632 Look, everybody's still hatin' on Chris Brown, 641 00:40:06,758 --> 00:40:09,594 so maybe they'll throw me a bone gettin' back at that fool. 642 00:40:10,803 --> 00:40:12,138 ♪ Beat a bitch down 643 00:40:12,264 --> 00:40:13,806 ♪ If you're named Chris Brown 644 00:40:14,391 --> 00:40:15,474 ♪ Beat a bitch down ♪ 645 00:40:24,401 --> 00:40:25,526 The fuck is that? 646 00:40:25,902 --> 00:40:28,280 Litchfield one, pussy shutterbug zero. 647 00:40:29,114 --> 00:40:30,782 You put a straw in coffee? 648 00:40:31,157 --> 00:40:32,617 I just had my teeth bleached. 649 00:40:34,202 --> 00:40:35,203 Where was it? 650 00:40:35,536 --> 00:40:36,955 Healy found it. 651 00:40:37,038 --> 00:40:39,624 Good to know someone around here is on his game. 652 00:40:40,292 --> 00:40:41,793 He "found" it? 653 00:40:42,585 --> 00:40:44,670 You're buying that, no contest? 654 00:40:44,796 --> 00:40:47,548 What, you think Healy's running around here like a frat boy 655 00:40:47,632 --> 00:40:48,841 taking pictures of snatch? 656 00:40:50,302 --> 00:40:51,502 I think we should look into it. 657 00:40:51,636 --> 00:40:54,472 Seems kind of irrelevant now, don't you think? 658 00:40:57,350 --> 00:40:59,144 We both know you're after my job, Joe. 659 00:40:59,811 --> 00:41:02,563 But I'm not worried. Never have been. Know why? 660 00:41:02,939 --> 00:41:05,066 'Cause you get mired down in pettiness 661 00:41:05,191 --> 00:41:07,319 instead of stepping your shit up. 662 00:41:08,736 --> 00:41:10,071 Nice haircut, by the way. 663 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:26,963 Thanks. 664 00:41:27,255 --> 00:41:28,423 Sure. 665 00:41:29,674 --> 00:41:31,676 I keep feeling like I know you from somewhere. 666 00:41:32,844 --> 00:41:34,084 You didn't go to Smith, did you? 667 00:41:36,514 --> 00:41:37,682 Cabot High Wildcats? 668 00:41:37,765 --> 00:41:39,017 Nope. 669 00:41:39,809 --> 00:41:42,354 You know, I lived in Red Hook for a while after college. 670 00:41:43,188 --> 00:41:45,064 I used to bag groceries at Fairway. 671 00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:46,358 No way! 672 00:41:46,565 --> 00:41:48,485 Oh, my God, I remember you. 673 00:41:48,567 --> 00:41:49,986 You were always forgetting your cloth bags. 674 00:41:50,111 --> 00:41:51,511 And I would pack everything in paper 675 00:41:51,570 --> 00:41:53,698 and then you'd remember and get the bags out of your purse 676 00:41:53,781 --> 00:41:55,116 and make me re-pack everything. 677 00:41:55,658 --> 00:41:58,495 Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess that did happen a couple of times, huh. 678 00:41:58,661 --> 00:42:02,040 Every time. For months. You were a pain in the ass. 679 00:42:02,123 --> 00:42:03,458 Well... 680 00:42:03,666 --> 00:42:05,960 Who'da thunk we'd end up here, huh? 681 00:42:07,337 --> 00:42:10,965 Anyway, I just want you to know, that as far as I'm concerned, 682 00:42:11,049 --> 00:42:12,884 you and me are the same. 683 00:42:13,634 --> 00:42:14,635 Pardon? 684 00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:15,720 The only difference between us is, 685 00:42:15,803 --> 00:42:18,556 when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught. 686 00:42:18,681 --> 00:42:20,850 It coulda been me here in khaki, easy. 687 00:42:22,268 --> 00:42:23,478 Thank you for saying that. 688 00:42:26,064 --> 00:42:27,565 You know, it's really nice to know 689 00:42:27,690 --> 00:42:29,192 that there's somebody on our side. 690 00:42:29,650 --> 00:42:31,152 Well, you know. 691 00:42:33,988 --> 00:42:37,033 You know what would really help to boost morale around here? 692 00:42:41,538 --> 00:42:43,248 You know, I saw that bitch heading on over 693 00:42:43,331 --> 00:42:46,584 to Healy's office, looking guilty as fuck. 694 00:42:47,793 --> 00:42:50,922 Guess suckin' dick's a little easier than honest hard work. 695 00:42:51,089 --> 00:42:53,049 I feel sorry for her. 696 00:42:56,135 --> 00:42:58,012 You're right, Leanne. Compassion 697 00:42:58,137 --> 00:43:00,056 is what we got over the monkeys. 698 00:43:01,266 --> 00:43:02,434 You know what, though? 699 00:43:02,559 --> 00:43:06,645 Compassion ain't gonna help this girl learn the way of things. 700 00:43:06,771 --> 00:43:08,314 I learned, we all learned. 701 00:43:09,232 --> 00:43:12,610 And that is that you have get broken down to get raised back up. 702 00:43:12,860 --> 00:43:16,906 You know, I'm with you, hon. Really. 703 00:43:17,490 --> 00:43:20,076 She's Waspy and entitled and always 704 00:43:20,159 --> 00:43:21,786 asking if you have this in whole grain, 705 00:43:21,911 --> 00:43:24,038 she's got the Bambi shtick going on, I get all of it. 706 00:43:24,456 --> 00:43:28,000 But I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up about her 707 00:43:28,126 --> 00:43:30,503 and get over your shit. 708 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:31,963 Or what? 709 00:43:39,304 --> 00:43:40,805 Or I will fuck you. 710 00:43:42,515 --> 00:43:43,891 Literally. 711 00:43:44,976 --> 00:43:47,479 I will sneak into your bunk in the middle of the night 712 00:43:47,645 --> 00:43:49,522 and I'll lick your pussy. 713 00:43:49,939 --> 00:43:53,234 And I will do it so good and so soft 714 00:43:53,318 --> 00:43:56,529 that you're gonna be on the edge of coming by the time you wake up, 715 00:43:56,654 --> 00:43:57,989 and then I'll stop. 716 00:43:59,574 --> 00:44:01,993 And you'll be half asleep and you'll beg for it. 717 00:44:02,118 --> 00:44:03,328 Oh, you will beg for it. 718 00:44:05,413 --> 00:44:07,999 And maybe I'll be nice, and maybe I won't, 719 00:44:08,124 --> 00:44:11,252 but if I am nice? The things you feel? 720 00:44:13,546 --> 00:44:15,840 They will ruin you forever. 721 00:44:18,176 --> 00:44:22,138 So, you know, choose. 722 00:44:26,892 --> 00:44:29,728 And exhale slowly. 723 00:44:33,107 --> 00:44:36,861 And float all the way down. 724 00:44:41,533 --> 00:44:43,284 Halfway up, 725 00:44:46,871 --> 00:44:51,708 and now roll all the way down again, 726 00:44:54,962 --> 00:44:58,466 bend at the waist, and let the arms hang. 727 00:45:03,720 --> 00:45:08,142 And continue to breathe, and hang. 728 00:45:31,416 --> 00:45:32,625 Hey, what up? 729 00:45:32,749 --> 00:45:33,918 Hi. 730 00:45:34,043 --> 00:45:36,462 You got a minute? My man, Three-D, wants to chat. 731 00:46:03,615 --> 00:46:05,199 You that track and field girl, right? 732 00:46:06,451 --> 00:46:07,619 Yeah. 733 00:46:10,246 --> 00:46:11,456 You can't be here, yo. 734 00:46:11,830 --> 00:46:13,207 Little Frank told me to come on by. 735 00:46:13,332 --> 00:46:15,752 Little Frank is not a forward thinker. 736 00:46:22,508 --> 00:46:24,636 Look around you. What you see? 737 00:46:26,137 --> 00:46:29,599 A party. People. 738 00:46:29,682 --> 00:46:30,933 What kinda people? 739 00:46:33,645 --> 00:46:34,687 Your crew. 740 00:46:35,187 --> 00:46:37,856 My crew, we thugs. 741 00:46:40,192 --> 00:46:44,614 We ain't finished school, we got what we got until the next bust. 742 00:46:45,364 --> 00:46:47,241 It look like you're doing okay to me. 743 00:46:51,036 --> 00:46:53,665 You're the real thing, you feel me? 744 00:46:54,915 --> 00:46:57,084 Everything we playin' at, everything we holdin', 745 00:46:57,209 --> 00:46:59,378 you can have it for real. 746 00:47:01,422 --> 00:47:03,716 You wanna fuck that up, that's on you. 747 00:47:04,676 --> 00:47:06,260 I can't carry that. 748 00:47:08,012 --> 00:47:09,764 Yo, Richie. 749 00:47:14,226 --> 00:47:15,520 Make sure she gets home. 750 00:47:16,395 --> 00:47:20,566 You need money for sneakers or whatever, give me a shout. 751 00:47:25,655 --> 00:47:27,657 I know where the door is. 752 00:47:40,378 --> 00:47:41,713 What up, rocket girl? 753 00:47:43,964 --> 00:47:45,591 I got booted, that's what. 754 00:47:45,717 --> 00:47:48,927 Well, Three-D got his own ideas about right and wrong, 755 00:47:49,053 --> 00:47:50,722 like he Robin Hood or something. 756 00:47:51,888 --> 00:47:52,931 And who are you? 757 00:47:53,683 --> 00:47:57,812 You wanna party, I'm the brother that's not gonna stop you. 758 00:48:00,565 --> 00:48:04,610 You know, 'cause you got those thick thighs on you, girl, like... 759 00:48:04,861 --> 00:48:07,112 Look good on a woman. Yeah. 760 00:48:07,697 --> 00:48:10,449 I usually go running and... 761 00:48:12,326 --> 00:48:15,079 Now, that dress, that's not doin' you any favors. 762 00:48:18,999 --> 00:48:20,418 Let's share. 763 00:48:28,634 --> 00:48:30,261 Thank you. 764 00:48:30,344 --> 00:48:33,097 Dude, $3 tip on a $67 tab? 765 00:48:33,222 --> 00:48:36,100 What, is 70 your lucky number or something? What is that? 766 00:48:37,602 --> 00:48:38,770 D-bag. 767 00:48:42,523 --> 00:48:43,524 What'll you have? 768 00:48:46,318 --> 00:48:47,319 This. 769 00:48:48,028 --> 00:48:49,739 I'm buying you a drink. 770 00:48:52,658 --> 00:48:54,702 Uh... Margarita? 771 00:48:56,370 --> 00:48:57,496 Okay. 772 00:49:03,127 --> 00:49:05,129 Let me ask you something. 773 00:49:06,798 --> 00:49:08,633 Do I seem pathetic to you? 774 00:49:09,091 --> 00:49:11,302 Before or after you asked that question? 775 00:49:12,762 --> 00:49:14,597 This is my first time out by myself. 776 00:49:16,223 --> 00:49:18,643 First time in a long time, I mean. 777 00:49:19,811 --> 00:49:25,775 And I just don't wanna be, you know, that guy. 778 00:49:31,071 --> 00:49:32,490 That guy? 779 00:49:34,032 --> 00:49:36,201 That guy's worth about $75 million. 780 00:49:37,369 --> 00:49:40,080 Yeah. He writes action movies about robots 781 00:49:40,164 --> 00:49:41,804 that turn into other robots, or something. 782 00:49:42,249 --> 00:49:43,375 And he tips well. 783 00:49:46,128 --> 00:49:47,505 You're doing just fine. 784 00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:54,720 Cheers. 785 00:49:54,846 --> 00:49:55,888 And to you. 786 00:50:02,561 --> 00:50:03,688 So what's your story? 787 00:50:07,692 --> 00:50:09,694 Jesus Christ. 788 00:50:09,861 --> 00:50:11,027 What? 789 00:50:11,696 --> 00:50:13,531 What's my story? 790 00:50:13,698 --> 00:50:15,533 I'm sorry, did I piss you off? 791 00:50:15,658 --> 00:50:18,034 No, you... Yes. 792 00:50:18,870 --> 00:50:20,162 Yes, I'm pissed off. 793 00:50:21,205 --> 00:50:23,833 Because, you're gorgeous. 794 00:50:25,292 --> 00:50:28,086 Your mouth is amazing. Your neck? 795 00:50:28,212 --> 00:50:30,506 My God, your ass looks great in those jeans. 796 00:50:30,589 --> 00:50:32,884 No offense, I'm sorry, I just... 797 00:50:32,967 --> 00:50:35,011 And I feel shitty for even looking at you. 798 00:50:35,093 --> 00:50:37,889 Because I have a fiancee. 799 00:50:40,140 --> 00:50:41,726 And you know what else I can't do? 800 00:50:42,977 --> 00:50:44,060 Look at her. 801 00:50:45,771 --> 00:50:47,648 Because she's in fucking prison. 802 00:50:48,357 --> 00:50:53,029 Yeah, yeah, because she did something stupid and crazy and... 803 00:50:54,739 --> 00:50:59,744 ...indicative of an ominously shaky moral compass. 804 00:50:59,869 --> 00:51:03,288 And as a result I am stuck here, alone, at this bar. 805 00:51:03,414 --> 00:51:06,250 Talking to you and enjoying it and feeling like an asshole. 806 00:51:09,587 --> 00:51:11,422 Polly was right. Fuck her. 807 00:51:21,181 --> 00:51:23,017 I'm gonna be in the New York Times. 808 00:51:34,403 --> 00:51:37,322 Track is back open. F-your-I. 809 00:51:37,448 --> 00:51:38,783 Pardon me? 810 00:51:39,784 --> 00:51:43,454 I'm reassigning Fischer, eight hours a week. Her request. 811 00:51:43,913 --> 00:51:46,415 Apparently, there's some film thing 812 00:51:46,540 --> 00:51:49,085 going around, 23 hours or whatever, 813 00:51:49,167 --> 00:51:53,631 says how exercise saves us bucks in the long term. 814 00:51:54,130 --> 00:51:57,384 Which appeals to you, 'cause you're chief bean-counter now, right? 815 00:51:58,385 --> 00:51:59,386 Uhh... 816 00:51:59,511 --> 00:52:02,056 Fig is gonna eat that shit up. 817 00:52:02,473 --> 00:52:04,314 You come up with this in a vision or something? 818 00:52:05,101 --> 00:52:08,562 It was all Fischer. Trust the woman, right? 819 00:52:10,146 --> 00:52:12,817 Doesn't threaten me to admit it, 820 00:52:12,984 --> 00:52:15,653 that is one smart piece of ass. 821 00:52:22,994 --> 00:52:26,330 No, no, no, no, no! Mi Diablo! No! 822 00:52:38,009 --> 00:52:39,510 Holy shit. 823 00:52:45,599 --> 00:52:47,018 Jesus Christ, Flores. 824 00:52:53,691 --> 00:52:57,235 That was the only place in this prison I could take a shit. Fuck! 825 00:52:58,487 --> 00:52:59,822 Fucking dios. 826 00:53:14,461 --> 00:53:17,213 You make them wait, it ain't gonna help. 827 00:53:30,477 --> 00:53:32,479 Have a seat, Miss Jefferson. 828 00:53:49,329 --> 00:53:52,416 Yo. Yo, you see that nigga face? 829 00:53:52,583 --> 00:53:54,250 Yo, Islam motherfucker got so much beard, 830 00:53:54,376 --> 00:53:56,136 he ain't seen his own face since high school. 831 00:53:56,212 --> 00:53:57,838 Ain't no Islam, he a Sikh. You racist. 832 00:53:59,882 --> 00:54:01,082 Hit the corner, hit the corner. 833 00:54:01,092 --> 00:54:02,332 We gonna lose 'em at the corner. 834 00:54:05,429 --> 00:54:07,098 Wait up, yo! Come on! 835 00:54:07,181 --> 00:54:09,808 I said, wait up. Don't be showin' off. 836 00:54:11,685 --> 00:54:13,645 Put your hands where I can see them! 837 00:54:14,354 --> 00:54:18,609 Get down on the ground. Get down on the ground! 838 00:54:18,943 --> 00:54:20,276 Okay, okay. 839 00:54:53,211 --> 00:54:55,479 This don't make us even. 840 00:54:57,982 --> 00:54:59,108 Okay. 841 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:35,720 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com