1 00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:29,980 He had no idea how to take care of himself. 2 00:01:30,063 --> 00:01:31,958 He used to condition, then shampoo. 3 00:01:31,982 --> 00:01:33,793 He didn't even know how to change a diaper. 4 00:01:33,817 --> 00:01:35,128 How could I leave my baby with that? 5 00:01:35,152 --> 00:01:36,545 Hey, maybe nobody taught him. 6 00:01:36,569 --> 00:01:37,821 And maybe he's a dumb-ass. 7 00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:43,928 But still, I feel really bad for missing her first birthday. 8 00:01:43,952 --> 00:01:45,913 It's a big one, you know? 9 00:01:47,414 --> 00:01:49,683 - Hurry up. - Can I rinse off? 10 00:01:49,707 --> 00:01:52,002 They used to hold an empty one for Red. 11 00:01:53,211 --> 00:01:56,274 - Move it! Do it in the fucking sink. - Ow! That hurts! 12 00:01:56,298 --> 00:01:57,590 Gracias. 13 00:02:00,177 --> 00:02:01,178 What the f... 14 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:04,848 Aw, man! 15 00:02:06,349 --> 00:02:07,535 Ew... 16 00:02:07,559 --> 00:02:10,270 All right, everybody out now! Let's go! 17 00:02:14,649 --> 00:02:19,630 All right, listen up! We got plumbing issues in Spanish Harlem. 18 00:02:19,654 --> 00:02:22,133 Shit's flooded and we gotta get to work. 19 00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:24,218 - So? - So they wanna cut. 20 00:02:24,242 --> 00:02:25,845 Aw, man! No, fuck that. 21 00:02:25,869 --> 00:02:28,181 You want breakfast? That's how it is. 22 00:02:28,205 --> 00:02:29,265 The fuck? 23 00:02:29,289 --> 00:02:34,103 Excuse me! But my girls are not inclined to offer special privileges. 24 00:02:34,127 --> 00:02:35,688 Not in our bathroom. 25 00:02:35,712 --> 00:02:39,275 Your girls? When did that happen? 26 00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:41,903 Ladies? Get on line. 27 00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:42,987 Yeah. 28 00:02:43,011 --> 00:02:46,324 You violatin' an unspoken social contract, bitch. 29 00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:48,451 _ 30 00:02:48,475 --> 00:02:50,578 - What the fuck you call me? - Stop it! 31 00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:54,982 Hey! Cut it out! Cut it out! Settle down! 32 00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,586 - What is going on here? - She fucking punched me. 33 00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:01,840 I didn't punch. Man, I pushed her, like this. 34 00:03:01,864 --> 00:03:02,906 Oh! 35 00:03:04,407 --> 00:03:05,885 - Did you see that? - Dramatic. 36 00:03:05,909 --> 00:03:08,661 - Oh, come on, sister! - Don't "sister" me. 37 00:03:10,705 --> 00:03:12,141 - I'm writing you a shot. - What? 38 00:03:12,165 --> 00:03:13,226 - Officer, please. This... - Come on! 39 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,503 - No! This ain't even their bathroom! - What? You want a shot, too? 40 00:03:20,173 --> 00:03:22,902 Don't ever call a black guard "sister." 41 00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:24,552 You know that. 42 00:03:25,345 --> 00:03:26,429 Go. 43 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:34,663 Get out. 44 00:03:34,687 --> 00:03:36,665 _ 45 00:03:36,689 --> 00:03:38,251 _ 46 00:03:38,275 --> 00:03:40,568 _ 47 00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,908 _ 48 00:03:46,199 --> 00:03:49,095 _ 49 00:03:49,119 --> 00:03:51,038 _ 50 00:03:51,454 --> 00:03:52,849 _ 51 00:03:52,873 --> 00:03:55,018 _ 52 00:03:55,042 --> 00:03:58,253 _ 53 00:04:01,339 --> 00:04:03,300 _ 54 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,487 _ 55 00:04:06,511 --> 00:04:08,096 _ 56 00:04:09,139 --> 00:04:10,848 _ 57 00:04:27,324 --> 00:04:29,760 _ 58 00:04:29,784 --> 00:04:31,179 _ 59 00:04:31,203 --> 00:04:32,555 _ 60 00:04:32,579 --> 00:04:33,806 _ 61 00:04:33,830 --> 00:04:37,601 _ 62 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,771 _ 63 00:04:40,795 --> 00:04:43,465 _ 64 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,301 _ 65 00:04:51,098 --> 00:04:53,993 _ 66 00:04:54,017 --> 00:04:55,578 _ 67 00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:58,271 _ 68 00:05:00,315 --> 00:05:02,251 _ 69 00:05:02,275 --> 00:05:04,295 _ 70 00:05:04,319 --> 00:05:06,446 _ 71 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:13,161 _ 72 00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:15,455 _ 73 00:05:21,836 --> 00:05:23,606 _ 74 00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:26,258 _ 75 00:05:31,972 --> 00:05:34,951 Sorry. You can't buy beer with food stamps. 76 00:05:34,975 --> 00:05:36,101 Just take it. 77 00:05:37,477 --> 00:05:38,537 Excuse me? 78 00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:41,082 It's a $100 EBT card. Just give me $50. 79 00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:42,786 Come on, everybody knows you do this shit. 80 00:05:46,569 --> 00:05:48,946 - Forget it. - Yeah. 81 00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:53,261 Take a hike! 82 00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:56,871 We don't do that shit here. You got the wrong store. 83 00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:00,292 Fifty. 84 00:06:02,169 --> 00:06:04,003 Minus the cost of the beer. 85 00:06:13,471 --> 00:06:15,574 - _ - _ 86 00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:17,850 _ 87 00:06:18,768 --> 00:06:21,438 _ 88 00:06:22,021 --> 00:06:25,084 _ 89 00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:27,026 _ 90 00:06:29,654 --> 00:06:31,364 _ 91 00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,343 _ 92 00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:37,513 _ 93 00:06:37,537 --> 00:06:39,331 _ 94 00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:44,836 _ 95 00:06:45,378 --> 00:06:47,856 All of the girls must want to have sex. 96 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,025 Yes, Chang, we know. It's not a rape contest. 97 00:06:50,049 --> 00:06:52,695 - What contest? - We're having a Bang-Off. 98 00:06:52,719 --> 00:06:56,574 All the girls must be here on camp. 99 00:06:56,598 --> 00:06:59,368 Really? You mean we can't pull from the local bars? 100 00:06:59,392 --> 00:07:01,912 Yeah, how about, "All girls must be human"? 101 00:07:01,936 --> 00:07:03,872 Or would that be a problem for you, Boo? 102 00:07:03,896 --> 00:07:05,898 That happened one time. 103 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,502 We were drunk. 104 00:07:08,526 --> 00:07:10,629 So, do they have to come for it to count? 105 00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:12,048 Excellent question. 106 00:07:12,072 --> 00:07:16,469 Have to? Son, with me, they always come. 107 00:07:16,493 --> 00:07:19,097 Oh, only once? That's so sad. 108 00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:20,973 Hey, Chang, can we get extra points for multiples? 109 00:07:20,997 --> 00:07:22,100 I'm the queen of excess. 110 00:07:22,124 --> 00:07:26,919 No. No double points but different girls worth different points. 111 00:07:28,838 --> 00:07:30,590 - What is that? - Score sheet. 112 00:07:31,883 --> 00:07:35,571 Trim, six. Chapman, three. 113 00:07:35,595 --> 00:07:38,348 I don't wanna play the game. Don't put me in that. 114 00:07:39,891 --> 00:07:42,286 - Three out of what? - Ten. 115 00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:47,375 Ten's like a guard, right? And one's like that girl. 116 00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:50,794 I am so more than a three. I am not easy. 117 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:54,257 You're slutty, not easy. There's a difference, semantically. 118 00:07:54,281 --> 00:07:56,092 Yeah, you're not easy. 119 00:07:56,116 --> 00:07:58,010 You only fucked your worst enemy. 120 00:07:58,034 --> 00:08:02,455 Alex was not my enemy at the time. That I knew. 121 00:08:04,374 --> 00:08:05,625 It was complicated. 122 00:08:06,959 --> 00:08:09,105 She has that effect on me. 123 00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:11,673 Me, too. Love to get my dick in her mouth. 124 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,218 Maybe she'll come back in time for the game. 125 00:08:17,011 --> 00:08:18,221 Don't count on it. 126 00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:20,973 Hey. 127 00:08:22,934 --> 00:08:25,538 - What y'all playing? - Nothing. 128 00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:27,665 A game as old as time. 129 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:30,024 Oh, yeah? What's it called? 130 00:08:30,483 --> 00:08:31,568 Exclusion. 131 00:08:32,777 --> 00:08:34,737 Cool. How do you play it? 132 00:08:40,285 --> 00:08:42,638 Man, it's bullshit, man. 133 00:08:42,662 --> 00:08:45,391 I already got two shots for being late to the warehouse. 134 00:08:45,415 --> 00:08:47,935 And now I got another for trying to keep from being late? 135 00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:49,252 This is our bathroom. 136 00:08:50,503 --> 00:08:53,106 - When I was here last time... - Oh, God! 137 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,192 We've heard. 138 00:08:54,216 --> 00:08:55,984 That was back in the good ol' days, 139 00:08:56,008 --> 00:08:58,529 when you could stab a bitch in her sleep and nobody said nothin'. 140 00:08:58,553 --> 00:09:01,389 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you like being another woman's doormat? 141 00:09:02,599 --> 00:09:04,743 Look, who said anything about being a doormat, man? 142 00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:06,537 Shit. I'm my own doormat. 143 00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:09,498 Yes, but a doormat to where? 144 00:09:09,522 --> 00:09:10,916 I am telling you, 145 00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:14,026 unless we do something now, this is gonna become the way it is. 146 00:09:15,445 --> 00:09:17,423 Spanish running things. 147 00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:19,342 And we can't look to the screws for help. 148 00:09:19,366 --> 00:09:22,076 "Screws"? Man, you are old. 149 00:09:23,536 --> 00:09:25,913 I'm just saying those girls need to learn some manners. 150 00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:28,517 I know what you sayin'. 151 00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:29,542 Do you, baby? 152 00:09:30,877 --> 00:09:37,067 Fork on the left. Knife on the right. Little fork on the outer left. 153 00:09:37,091 --> 00:09:38,218 It's cold out here. 154 00:09:38,718 --> 00:09:40,446 You'll warm up once we get working. 155 00:09:40,470 --> 00:09:43,991 Irma, you and Frieda start pulling weeds out of the floor. 156 00:09:44,015 --> 00:09:47,035 Taslitz and Jimmy and I will start clearing out this junk. 157 00:09:47,059 --> 00:09:48,912 Oh, I can't stay long. 158 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:51,957 - Jack is taking me to the movies tonight. - Okay. 159 00:09:51,981 --> 00:09:55,794 We need to get there early. There'll be a huge line for Easter Parade. 160 00:09:55,818 --> 00:09:58,297 Jimmy, maybe you help pull weeds? 161 00:09:58,321 --> 00:10:00,090 All right. But I have to go soon. 162 00:10:00,114 --> 00:10:02,033 Girls, give me a hand with this, huh? 163 00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:04,637 What? 164 00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:07,055 You said this greenhouse club would be relaxing. 165 00:10:07,079 --> 00:10:08,641 Give us time away from the noise. 166 00:10:08,665 --> 00:10:10,559 You didn't say nothing about hauling wood. 167 00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:12,669 You wanna get warm or not? 168 00:10:14,921 --> 00:10:17,107 - Morning, ladies. - Morning, Mr. Healy. 169 00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:18,132 Is that Jack? 170 00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:20,427 Oh. 171 00:10:21,928 --> 00:10:24,072 Quite a little challenge you've set for yourself, Red. 172 00:10:24,096 --> 00:10:26,700 Yes, I'm getting that feeling. 173 00:10:26,724 --> 00:10:29,578 Ladies, would you mind if I spoke to Red for a minute? 174 00:10:29,602 --> 00:10:32,605 Uh, not at all. We'll go help pulling weeds. 175 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,758 So, they're putting up a production of Our Town at Litchfield High tonight. 176 00:10:42,782 --> 00:10:45,928 Do you think maybe that'd be a good thing to take Katya to see? 177 00:10:45,952 --> 00:10:50,290 I don't know. I'm not familiar with the actors at that particular high school. 178 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:54,770 I thought maybe a little culture would be nice. 179 00:10:54,794 --> 00:10:58,298 Mostly, I just wanna get away from her mother for the evening. 180 00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:01,777 Or we could just go to dinner. 181 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,612 They just opened an Italian place. What do you think? 182 00:11:03,636 --> 00:11:05,305 Healy, 183 00:11:07,307 --> 00:11:10,619 we had an agreement back when I ran the kitchen. 184 00:11:10,643 --> 00:11:14,481 You scratched my back, and I told you when it was time to trim your ear hairs. 185 00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:18,251 But I don't need my back scratched anymore 186 00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:20,003 and I'd rather be left alone. 187 00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,489 I'm just asking your opinion. 188 00:11:25,116 --> 00:11:27,553 Skip the play. Take her to dinner. 189 00:11:27,577 --> 00:11:31,682 - Italian? - What, romantic Indian? Come on. 190 00:11:31,706 --> 00:11:33,500 All right. Thank you. 191 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:36,562 Hey, Healy, can we get a space heater in here? 192 00:11:36,586 --> 00:11:38,230 I'll look into it. 193 00:11:38,254 --> 00:11:39,381 Probably not. 194 00:11:40,673 --> 00:11:42,174 Shit licker. 195 00:11:43,092 --> 00:11:44,260 Can we grow pot? 196 00:11:45,803 --> 00:11:49,199 So I heard from my cousin that the whole front of the building on the corner 197 00:11:49,223 --> 00:11:51,827 fell off and crashed onto the sidewalk? 198 00:11:51,851 --> 00:11:54,020 Yeah. Boom. 199 00:11:55,522 --> 00:11:57,375 Hey. 200 00:11:57,399 --> 00:12:00,151 Check out the anti-suicide poster. 201 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,614 You think someone tried to do it in, like, right in here? 202 00:12:05,698 --> 00:12:07,885 - Maybe right where you're sitting? - Oh, Cal! 203 00:12:07,909 --> 00:12:09,536 What? It's just a question. 204 00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,665 Oh, Piper! Oh, what a relief. 205 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:16,810 What? 206 00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:20,105 Oh. She was worried that you wouldn't be pretty anymore. 207 00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:22,065 - Hey! Mmm. - Hey. 208 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,234 I told you. She won the fight. 209 00:12:24,258 --> 00:12:27,279 That's right. I kicked ass. 210 00:12:27,303 --> 00:12:29,615 I spent three weeks in solitary confinement 211 00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,534 just thinking, "Winner!" 212 00:12:31,558 --> 00:12:35,895 - Yeah! - Oh, Piper. Did Larry come to visit you? 213 00:12:37,229 --> 00:12:40,751 No. And he won't be coming to visit me. 214 00:12:40,775 --> 00:12:43,921 I told you. We broke up. 215 00:12:43,945 --> 00:12:46,549 Well, his earning potential was questionable. 216 00:12:46,573 --> 00:12:49,384 I was hoping that you would have, like, a gnarly scar. 217 00:12:49,408 --> 00:12:51,845 Add character and mystery. 218 00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:53,597 There's still time. 219 00:12:53,621 --> 00:12:56,642 You'll find another man. I can help you. 220 00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:59,269 - There's no need for that. - No, I want to. 221 00:12:59,293 --> 00:13:01,522 Wasn't Neri supposed to come? 222 00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:02,898 Yes. They wouldn't let her in. 223 00:13:02,922 --> 00:13:05,443 There was some issue with her background check. She's in the lobby. 224 00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:06,987 I tell you what I find most disturbing 225 00:13:07,009 --> 00:13:09,929 is that it looks almost exactly like my old high school in here. 226 00:13:11,097 --> 00:13:12,783 Same cinder block construction, 227 00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:16,495 low ceilings, oppressive fluorescent lighting. 228 00:13:16,519 --> 00:13:21,249 I wonder if that's intentional. Like part of the punishment? 229 00:13:21,273 --> 00:13:25,945 If so, kudos to the government, because it's genius. 230 00:13:28,615 --> 00:13:30,617 And where's Daddy? 231 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,303 He didn't wanna see me? 232 00:13:33,327 --> 00:13:37,140 Of course he did, darling. Something came up. 233 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,226 Nothing came up. You don't have to lie to me. 234 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,603 He doesn't wanna see me in here. 235 00:13:40,627 --> 00:13:44,272 - That's right. - No, Cal. That is not right. 236 00:13:44,296 --> 00:13:45,816 You can't let her think that. 237 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,901 - Well, it's better than the other thing. - No. 238 00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:50,445 - What other thing? - It's nothing. 239 00:13:50,469 --> 00:13:54,282 Well, then if it's nothing, can you at least tell me what it is? Cal? 240 00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:55,786 We agreed that we shouldn't tell you. 241 00:13:57,143 --> 00:13:58,704 But you can guess. 242 00:13:58,728 --> 00:14:01,790 Oh, no. Is it bad? 243 00:14:01,814 --> 00:14:04,084 Oh, stop it, Cal. This is not appropriate. 244 00:14:04,108 --> 00:14:05,460 What is not appropriate? 245 00:14:05,484 --> 00:14:08,571 I am an adult who is in prison! I can handle things. 246 00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:13,051 You have to tell me what it is. God damn it! 247 00:14:13,075 --> 00:14:15,137 Did Daddy lose his job? 248 00:14:15,161 --> 00:14:17,222 - Did your house burn down? - No. 249 00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:18,891 Did my house burn down? 250 00:14:18,915 --> 00:14:22,310 - No, darling, it isn't property. - No hints, please. 251 00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:24,271 - So it's a person? - Yeah. 252 00:14:24,295 --> 00:14:27,315 Is Daddy sick? Dead? Is Daddy dead? 253 00:14:27,339 --> 00:14:29,610 Darling, Daddy is fine. 254 00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:33,030 Aside from his cholesterol, but he's taking fish oil for that. 255 00:14:33,054 --> 00:14:35,448 Keep going. You're getting warmer. Daddy's fine, but... 256 00:14:35,472 --> 00:14:39,369 Danny? Polly? Larry? Grandmother! 257 00:14:39,393 --> 00:14:41,747 Grandmother's dead! Grand... Dying! Grandmother's dying! 258 00:14:41,771 --> 00:14:43,832 Yes! Grandmother's dying! 259 00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:46,150 Grandmother's dying! 260 00:14:51,823 --> 00:14:53,199 Oh, no. 261 00:14:56,703 --> 00:14:58,037 Oh, my God. 262 00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:06,605 Mendoza, your people are not authorized to use the B-Dorm bathroom. 263 00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:07,981 You have your own bathroom. 264 00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:11,151 Is that what you call that place with the fountains of caca? 265 00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:13,987 - I'm getting a plumber. - When? 266 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:17,199 When I get authorization from Fig when she gets back from Albany. 267 00:15:17,223 --> 00:15:18,491 Well, in the meantime, 268 00:15:18,515 --> 00:15:21,161 don't you think your kitchen workers should have a sanitary place to go? 269 00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:24,772 Especially since they're the ones taking the crust off your sandwiches? 270 00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:29,276 You didn't even ask. You just stormed in. 271 00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:36,075 Mr. Caputo, can my people use the B-Dorm bathroom? Please? 272 00:15:37,368 --> 00:15:40,412 Fine. You can share it. For now. 273 00:15:41,455 --> 00:15:45,227 Thank you. By the way, can I have a candle for my office? 274 00:15:45,251 --> 00:15:47,020 You wanna light a candle, 275 00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:50,983 go to church on Sunday, use one of the electric ones. 276 00:15:51,007 --> 00:15:53,485 Don't get cocky with me, Mendoza. 277 00:15:53,509 --> 00:15:57,429 You're important, but you're replaceable. Don't forget that. 278 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,120 _ 279 00:16:03,144 --> 00:16:05,288 _ 280 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,999 _ 281 00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:10,085 _ 282 00:16:10,109 --> 00:16:12,087 _ 283 00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:13,529 _ 284 00:16:14,363 --> 00:16:16,115 _ 285 00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:19,052 _ 286 00:16:19,076 --> 00:16:20,137 _ 287 00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:22,664 _ 288 00:16:22,789 --> 00:16:24,165 Gloria. 289 00:16:27,126 --> 00:16:28,127 _ 290 00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:30,630 _ 291 00:16:31,588 --> 00:16:32,589 _ 292 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:34,591 _ 293 00:16:35,176 --> 00:16:37,469 _ 294 00:16:38,512 --> 00:16:40,866 _ 295 00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:42,266 _ 296 00:16:43,184 --> 00:16:46,454 _ 297 00:16:46,478 --> 00:16:48,815 _ 298 00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:50,858 Arturo! 299 00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:54,880 Benito! Julio! 300 00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:55,905 _ 301 00:17:02,995 --> 00:17:04,163 Florecita! 302 00:17:08,084 --> 00:17:09,144 _ 303 00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:12,004 _ 304 00:17:12,714 --> 00:17:14,506 _ 305 00:17:14,674 --> 00:17:15,717 _ 306 00:17:18,344 --> 00:17:19,846 _ 307 00:17:26,936 --> 00:17:28,789 _ 308 00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:33,085 _ 309 00:17:33,109 --> 00:17:34,711 _ 310 00:17:34,712 --> 00:17:36,859 _ 311 00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:41,868 _ 312 00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:44,078 Who are you praying for, tía? 313 00:17:45,621 --> 00:17:47,039 Tu mamá. 314 00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:49,977 Excellent. Now, you're gonna cook this 315 00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:55,023 very slowly for a couple hours, make sure the meat is very tender. So... 316 00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,692 Gruber's out of play. 317 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:59,027 Who's Gruber? Oh! 318 00:17:59,051 --> 00:18:01,321 Like the freckly girl with the giant forehead? 319 00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:04,074 In the woodshed. Behind the band saw. 320 00:18:04,098 --> 00:18:08,829 Everybody else was making a shelf, and we were making L-O-V-E. 321 00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,998 Oh, yeah. Well, I'm not sure that's how you spell "gross." 322 00:18:11,022 --> 00:18:14,960 But congratulations, Boo. You got yourself a one-pointer. 323 00:18:14,984 --> 00:18:17,170 Boob in the hand is worth two in the bush. 324 00:18:17,194 --> 00:18:19,238 Yeah, well, it's only the bush that counts. 325 00:18:20,656 --> 00:18:22,050 But, hey! Keep it up. 326 00:18:22,074 --> 00:18:25,929 There's plenty of other nickel slots in Low Self Esteem City. 327 00:18:25,953 --> 00:18:29,933 You want me, I'll be playing for big money at a private table. 328 00:18:29,957 --> 00:18:32,227 Well, by that, you must mean playing with yourself, 329 00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:34,646 'cause I don't see you playing with anybody else. 330 00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:36,047 Oh, no? 331 00:18:37,298 --> 00:18:39,401 Hey, Officer Fischer? 332 00:18:39,425 --> 00:18:42,279 Hey, would you mind turning the volume up for me on the television? 333 00:18:42,303 --> 00:18:43,696 It's just that it's kind of low. 334 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,597 Sure, Nichols. 335 00:18:46,933 --> 00:18:48,035 The vegetables, the garlic adds... 336 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,577 Hey, thanks. 337 00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:52,438 Hey, you look lovely today, by the way. 338 00:18:53,605 --> 00:18:55,583 Well, thank you. 339 00:18:55,607 --> 00:18:56,733 Sure. 340 00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:04,051 See, I'm not interested in running some sweaty fallopian relay race. 341 00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,970 I look at this like an art form. 342 00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:08,704 You're out of your depth. 343 00:19:10,289 --> 00:19:12,541 My depth has no depth. 344 00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:17,463 I am a sexual Steve Jobs. And that bitch is worth 10 points. 345 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:21,651 But I made reservations at the Spaghetti Factory. 346 00:19:21,675 --> 00:19:25,030 You should have asked me. I made plans with Ulya. 347 00:19:25,054 --> 00:19:27,783 Well, I'd really appreciate it if you could reschedule. 348 00:19:27,807 --> 00:19:28,808 What? 349 00:19:29,016 --> 00:19:30,267 _ 350 00:19:30,642 --> 00:19:32,019 _ 351 00:19:32,186 --> 00:19:33,270 _ 352 00:19:33,980 --> 00:19:35,564 _ 353 00:19:36,065 --> 00:19:38,043 _ 354 00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:40,545 _ 355 00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:43,298 _ 356 00:19:43,322 --> 00:19:44,866 _ 357 00:19:45,324 --> 00:19:49,495 _ 358 00:19:50,329 --> 00:19:54,142 Can you please speak English? 359 00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:57,104 Why we speak English? Why not you speak Russian? 360 00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:59,106 Why? Because you live in America now! 361 00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:02,609 And I don't think it's so horrible for me to want to do something nice together! 362 00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:04,277 You can see Ulya any day of the week. 363 00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:07,138 It's not like you have to go to a job or anything! 364 00:20:14,353 --> 00:20:15,479 I'm sorry. 365 00:20:18,983 --> 00:20:20,860 I didn't mean to lose my temper. 366 00:20:29,118 --> 00:20:33,039 _ 367 00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:40,563 Maybe we could all go out some place together. 368 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:43,340 Or if you don't feel like eating, we can go see a play. 369 00:20:44,716 --> 00:20:47,344 I want to spend time with my friend. 370 00:20:48,387 --> 00:20:52,599 Right. Which is why I said Ulya's welcome to come. 371 00:20:59,941 --> 00:21:03,569 _ 372 00:21:04,653 --> 00:21:08,532 _ 373 00:21:09,408 --> 00:21:12,078 You don't have any friends, Sam. 374 00:21:18,292 --> 00:21:22,022 Yo, the water pressure is so much better in the ghetto. 375 00:21:22,046 --> 00:21:23,273 I know, right? 376 00:21:23,297 --> 00:21:24,900 It's fucked up. 377 00:21:24,924 --> 00:21:27,485 It's like they're getting special privileges 378 00:21:27,509 --> 00:21:29,071 and we're the black people. 379 00:21:29,095 --> 00:21:31,114 Hey, wait. Where the fuck are my shoes? 380 00:21:31,138 --> 00:21:33,265 Where are my fucking shoes? 381 00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:36,869 This was in my bed. 382 00:21:36,893 --> 00:21:39,664 Hey, ladies, you better get to moving. 383 00:21:39,688 --> 00:21:43,251 If you don't hurry, you gonna be late for work. 384 00:21:43,275 --> 00:21:44,526 Gank! 385 00:21:48,114 --> 00:21:51,718 Oh, fuck. It's on. 386 00:21:51,742 --> 00:21:53,995 Somebody start untangling this shit. 387 00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:02,294 What's the matter with you? 388 00:22:04,338 --> 00:22:05,965 Nothing. 389 00:22:09,301 --> 00:22:10,946 My grandmother is sick. 390 00:22:10,970 --> 00:22:12,614 Oh... 391 00:22:12,638 --> 00:22:14,806 I thought maybe I caught you with a porn. 392 00:22:15,724 --> 00:22:18,786 A sick babushka is nothing to be ashamed of. 393 00:22:18,810 --> 00:22:21,164 I don't wanna bore anyone with my problems. 394 00:22:21,188 --> 00:22:23,899 All problems are boring until they're your own. 395 00:22:26,610 --> 00:22:27,670 Count time. 396 00:22:27,694 --> 00:22:28,921 You must stand at count. 397 00:22:28,945 --> 00:22:32,658 Repeat, you must stand at count under code 320. 398 00:22:34,035 --> 00:22:35,119 What happened? 399 00:22:36,495 --> 00:22:39,498 She scraped her foot turning laps in the pool. 400 00:22:40,832 --> 00:22:42,912 When it wasn't healing, she went in to see the doctor 401 00:22:42,918 --> 00:22:46,064 and it turns out her kidney levels were off the charts. 402 00:22:46,088 --> 00:22:49,317 So they put her on dialysis, and then she got an infection. 403 00:22:49,341 --> 00:22:50,818 That's how it happens. 404 00:22:50,842 --> 00:22:54,822 It all goes at once. Like internal organ dominoes. 405 00:22:54,846 --> 00:22:57,700 I'm sorry. That's probably not what you want to hear. 406 00:22:57,724 --> 00:23:01,163 It's all right. I'm not looking for sympathy. 407 00:23:01,187 --> 00:23:06,834 I'm trying to follow your lead, actually. Be strong. Suffer in silence. 408 00:23:06,858 --> 00:23:08,920 I like the silent part. 409 00:23:08,944 --> 00:23:11,464 She might pull through. 410 00:23:11,488 --> 00:23:15,677 Anyhow, what is it that they say? 411 00:23:15,701 --> 00:23:17,804 Hang on tightly, let go lightly. 412 00:23:17,828 --> 00:23:18,930 What? 413 00:23:18,954 --> 00:23:21,641 It's something that Clive Owen says in the movie Croupier. 414 00:23:21,665 --> 00:23:23,518 Is it supposed to be comforting? 415 00:23:23,542 --> 00:23:27,021 It probably would be comforting if Clive Owen were here to say it. 416 00:23:27,045 --> 00:23:30,382 Fuck Clive Owen. Don't ever let go. 417 00:23:31,883 --> 00:23:33,969 Not until they make you. 418 00:23:38,474 --> 00:23:42,870 All the water from this bathroom goes out this pipe under the floor here. 419 00:23:42,894 --> 00:23:46,249 Until it's cleared, you're gonna have all of the water and effluvia. 420 00:23:46,273 --> 00:23:49,377 It's gonna be comin' out of the pipe every time you have the showers going. 421 00:23:49,401 --> 00:23:51,838 Well, why? What's the actual problem? 422 00:23:51,862 --> 00:23:53,881 Depends. The snake's not long enough to reach it, so... 423 00:23:53,905 --> 00:23:54,966 It's probably roots. 424 00:23:54,990 --> 00:23:58,119 Mr. Caputo, may I speak to you for a moment? 425 00:23:59,495 --> 00:24:00,597 What the hell do you think you're doing? 426 00:24:00,621 --> 00:24:02,182 I didn't sign off on an outside contractor. 427 00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:03,850 I made an executive decision 428 00:24:03,874 --> 00:24:07,729 when you decided not to come to work yesterday or this morning. 429 00:24:07,753 --> 00:24:10,565 I had a press conference. 430 00:24:10,589 --> 00:24:13,318 My husband is running for state Senate. 431 00:24:13,342 --> 00:24:14,902 Well, this is Jeremy. 432 00:24:14,926 --> 00:24:17,947 He's running for Plumber of the Prison, where we work. 433 00:24:17,971 --> 00:24:20,117 There's a CO trained in plumbing. 434 00:24:20,141 --> 00:24:22,034 His name is Kanarick. He's been here already. 435 00:24:22,058 --> 00:24:23,120 And? 436 00:24:23,144 --> 00:24:24,787 To be honest, this isn't gonna get unclogged. 437 00:24:24,811 --> 00:24:26,414 You're gonna have to remove the whole exit pipe. 438 00:24:26,438 --> 00:24:28,750 How much is that gonna cost? 439 00:24:28,774 --> 00:24:30,252 Okay, it's embedded in the concrete, 440 00:24:30,276 --> 00:24:34,589 so I gotta get a jackhammer, I gotta get my pipe fitting crews in here. 441 00:24:34,613 --> 00:24:35,923 How much? 442 00:24:35,947 --> 00:24:37,550 80 grand, minimum. 443 00:24:37,574 --> 00:24:40,595 Jesus Christ on a crutch. And there's no other alternative? 444 00:24:40,619 --> 00:24:42,913 You can always have the girls take shorter showers. 445 00:24:44,456 --> 00:24:46,434 Well, that seems like a reasonable solution. 446 00:24:46,458 --> 00:24:49,646 Solution? That's not a solution. It's a bullshit stopgap. 447 00:24:49,670 --> 00:24:52,023 - This needs to be addressed. - And it will be. 448 00:24:52,047 --> 00:24:55,443 But we are dealing with a very serious deficit at the moment! 449 00:24:55,467 --> 00:24:56,903 As you know. 450 00:24:56,927 --> 00:25:00,031 Besides, there is an approved list of vendors that we work with. 451 00:25:00,055 --> 00:25:03,326 It's a security issue. You understand. 452 00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:05,620 Shit, why fix the plumbing at all? 453 00:25:05,644 --> 00:25:09,624 Let's just cut their food rations so they don't shit as much. 454 00:25:09,648 --> 00:25:13,295 I will crunch the numbers and get back to you on that. 455 00:25:13,319 --> 00:25:15,862 Hey, who's gonna pay me for coming out here? 456 00:25:23,287 --> 00:25:25,640 - Chapman. - Can I talk to you for a minute? 457 00:25:25,664 --> 00:25:28,209 Sure. Close the door. 458 00:25:34,798 --> 00:25:36,443 Glad to see you're looking well. 459 00:25:36,467 --> 00:25:38,653 Are you? 460 00:25:38,677 --> 00:25:42,138 - Excuse me? - Nothing. Thank you. 461 00:25:44,683 --> 00:25:45,827 What can I do for you? 462 00:25:45,851 --> 00:25:48,186 My grandmother is very ill. 463 00:25:49,688 --> 00:25:51,082 I'm sorry to hear that. 464 00:25:51,106 --> 00:25:55,420 I know that you probably don't grant furlough for things like this. 465 00:25:55,444 --> 00:25:59,257 And even if you did, I don't expect you would ever give it to me. 466 00:25:59,281 --> 00:26:03,928 But I could not live with myself if I did not at least ask. 467 00:26:03,952 --> 00:26:08,350 Could you please give me furlough to see my grandmother? 468 00:26:08,374 --> 00:26:09,541 Furlough? 469 00:26:10,834 --> 00:26:13,337 Furlough is like the Loch Ness Monster. 470 00:26:14,630 --> 00:26:17,424 Much discussed and rarely seen. 471 00:26:18,675 --> 00:26:20,570 But don't you have the power to at least apply? 472 00:26:20,594 --> 00:26:23,639 I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you. 473 00:26:29,353 --> 00:26:31,163 Is there something else? 474 00:26:31,187 --> 00:26:32,856 No. No. That's it. 475 00:26:39,195 --> 00:26:41,591 - You just stood there. - What? 476 00:26:41,615 --> 00:26:43,158 You stood there... 477 00:26:44,660 --> 00:26:46,161 while she attacked me! 478 00:26:47,579 --> 00:26:50,308 And then you gave her new teeth. 479 00:26:50,332 --> 00:26:54,729 I was nowhere near the incident, as Doggett will corroborate, I assure you. 480 00:26:54,753 --> 00:26:58,507 I know that I overstepped my bounds, 481 00:27:00,634 --> 00:27:02,362 but I could've been killed! 482 00:27:02,386 --> 00:27:05,365 Were I there to intervene, I most certainly would have. 483 00:27:05,389 --> 00:27:09,017 I'm sorry about your grandmother. Thanks for stopping by. 484 00:27:13,689 --> 00:27:18,420 What do you mean? He's quitting? Because of the Black Scarecrow? 485 00:27:18,444 --> 00:27:21,923 The Black Scarecrow isn't even in his weight class, 486 00:27:21,947 --> 00:27:25,302 and even if he was, he has a weakness. 487 00:27:25,326 --> 00:27:27,804 He has a weakness... 488 00:27:27,828 --> 00:27:30,097 What is it this time, you think? 489 00:27:30,121 --> 00:27:32,183 I don't know. I try not to listen. 490 00:27:32,207 --> 00:27:35,353 Ah, come on, there's no shame in being curious. 491 00:27:35,377 --> 00:27:36,617 I wouldn't want people thinking 492 00:27:36,628 --> 00:27:38,898 I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. 493 00:27:38,922 --> 00:27:40,400 Yeah, but she could be in trouble. 494 00:27:40,424 --> 00:27:43,778 Hey, the Black Scarecrow could be trying to extort her for money or something. 495 00:27:43,802 --> 00:27:46,448 No, the Black Scarecrow's a wrestler. 496 00:27:46,472 --> 00:27:48,741 He was supposed to wrestle her son, but he's chickening out. 497 00:27:48,765 --> 00:27:51,202 I thought you didn't listen. 498 00:27:51,226 --> 00:27:52,912 I couldn't help it. 499 00:27:52,936 --> 00:27:55,998 She was talking about wrestling while crying! 500 00:27:56,022 --> 00:27:57,291 It doesn't take much. 501 00:27:57,315 --> 00:27:59,961 I once saw her crying reading a Garfield comic. 502 00:27:59,985 --> 00:28:03,923 I wish I could give her her privacy, but it's my job to stand here. 503 00:28:03,947 --> 00:28:07,802 It's fine. I mean, not everybody wants their privacy. 504 00:28:07,826 --> 00:28:09,136 I know I don't. 505 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,638 Yeah? 506 00:28:10,662 --> 00:28:14,875 Yeah, well, you know, I like privacy, but not alone privacy. 507 00:28:16,502 --> 00:28:18,145 I'm not sure what that means. 508 00:28:18,169 --> 00:28:19,606 It means I work in electrical, 509 00:28:19,630 --> 00:28:21,774 so I know all the spots where the cameras don't work. 510 00:28:21,798 --> 00:28:25,176 You know, if you're ever feeling curious about other things. 511 00:28:30,098 --> 00:28:33,953 Do you have a phone call to make? Because if not, I suggest you move on. 512 00:28:33,977 --> 00:28:37,374 - Hey, now, Fischer... - Now, inmate! 513 00:28:37,398 --> 00:28:38,791 Heh? 514 00:28:38,815 --> 00:28:40,877 All right. Jeez. 515 00:28:40,901 --> 00:28:45,006 But if he brings his own chair, he can really hurt him. 516 00:28:45,030 --> 00:28:46,966 He can win! 517 00:28:46,990 --> 00:28:51,286 And return glory to our family. 518 00:28:55,331 --> 00:28:56,726 Ugh. 519 00:28:56,750 --> 00:29:00,062 - Oh, man! - What is it? 520 00:29:00,086 --> 00:29:04,901 Salt. They gave us special trays. Chili shittin' bitches! 521 00:29:04,925 --> 00:29:06,861 Man! They fuckin' with us this way 'cause they know 522 00:29:06,885 --> 00:29:09,155 our people's predisposition for hypertension. 523 00:29:09,179 --> 00:29:11,240 Man, they tryin' to kill us. 524 00:29:11,264 --> 00:29:14,601 Well, what do y'all expect? Don't fuck with the cooks. 525 00:29:17,062 --> 00:29:18,456 What? 526 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,958 Hey! Why I got it like that? I didn't even do nothing. 527 00:29:20,982 --> 00:29:23,044 They're grouping us all together! 528 00:29:23,068 --> 00:29:26,631 It's called racism, slow bird. What, was you just born or something? 529 00:29:26,655 --> 00:29:27,715 Shut up! 530 00:29:27,739 --> 00:29:31,618 The secret is pretend the salt is sugar. 531 00:29:34,287 --> 00:29:35,432 So, Bennett, I got a question. 532 00:29:35,456 --> 00:29:38,142 Would you rather live in a house with a cracked foundation 533 00:29:38,166 --> 00:29:41,252 or one across from a parking lot where the lights never go off? 534 00:29:42,337 --> 00:29:43,398 Neither. 535 00:29:43,422 --> 00:29:45,302 But what if nothing else is in your price range? 536 00:29:46,299 --> 00:29:48,235 Hey! I want a new tray. 537 00:29:48,259 --> 00:29:50,863 Sorry. You get what you get. 538 00:29:50,887 --> 00:29:53,991 Bullshit! You can't mess with my food! I wasn't part of that shit! 539 00:29:54,015 --> 00:29:55,076 Janae, calm down. 540 00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:57,454 Inmate. Hey! 541 00:29:57,478 --> 00:29:58,996 You cannot do that! 542 00:29:59,020 --> 00:30:00,164 Fuck! 543 00:30:00,188 --> 00:30:03,418 Get off me! Shut up! 544 00:30:03,442 --> 00:30:06,546 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 545 00:30:06,570 --> 00:30:08,214 Get him off me! 546 00:30:08,238 --> 00:30:10,758 - You wanna go down the hill? - No. 547 00:30:10,782 --> 00:30:12,951 Then you cut that shit out. 548 00:30:13,952 --> 00:30:16,329 You just lost commissary for a month, inmate. 549 00:30:35,015 --> 00:30:38,160 You got a plan or are you only trying to start shit? 550 00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:39,621 I'm handling it. 551 00:30:39,645 --> 00:30:42,689 You better. That's my granddaughter in there. 552 00:30:50,572 --> 00:30:52,634 _ 553 00:30:52,658 --> 00:30:55,219 - _ - _ 554 00:30:55,243 --> 00:30:56,369 - _ - _ 555 00:30:56,495 --> 00:31:00,290 _ 556 00:31:02,876 --> 00:31:04,210 _ 557 00:31:08,549 --> 00:31:09,984 _ 558 00:31:10,008 --> 00:31:11,110 _ 559 00:31:11,134 --> 00:31:12,678 _ 560 00:31:13,261 --> 00:31:17,766 _ 561 00:31:19,350 --> 00:31:23,605 _ 562 00:31:29,277 --> 00:31:30,571 _ 563 00:31:31,321 --> 00:31:32,739 _ 564 00:31:32,906 --> 00:31:36,201 _ 565 00:31:36,660 --> 00:31:38,262 _ 566 00:31:38,286 --> 00:31:41,473 _ 567 00:31:41,497 --> 00:31:42,708 _ 568 00:31:47,671 --> 00:31:50,191 _ 569 00:31:50,215 --> 00:31:51,609 _ 570 00:31:51,633 --> 00:31:55,404 _ 571 00:31:55,428 --> 00:31:58,724 _ 572 00:31:59,766 --> 00:32:04,104 _ 573 00:32:05,105 --> 00:32:06,690 _ 574 00:32:08,024 --> 00:32:09,293 _ 575 00:32:09,317 --> 00:32:10,587 _ 576 00:32:10,611 --> 00:32:12,880 _ 577 00:32:12,904 --> 00:32:14,173 _ 578 00:32:14,197 --> 00:32:16,116 _ 579 00:32:16,992 --> 00:32:18,994 _ 580 00:32:19,494 --> 00:32:21,889 - Gloria Mendoza? - Yeah. 581 00:32:21,913 --> 00:32:24,332 - This is your business? - Yeah. 582 00:32:25,416 --> 00:32:28,437 Miss Mendoza, I have a warrant for your arrest. 583 00:32:28,461 --> 00:32:30,522 You're under arrest for fraud. 584 00:32:30,546 --> 00:32:32,483 - What? - Put your hands behind your back. 585 00:32:32,507 --> 00:32:33,675 _ 586 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:34,801 Get her out of here. 587 00:32:37,971 --> 00:32:40,407 _ 588 00:32:40,431 --> 00:32:41,850 _ 589 00:32:42,851 --> 00:32:46,497 _ 590 00:32:46,521 --> 00:32:48,189 _ 591 00:32:58,700 --> 00:33:02,930 _ 592 00:33:02,954 --> 00:33:07,834 _ 593 00:33:09,502 --> 00:33:11,212 _ 594 00:33:21,139 --> 00:33:22,849 Give me a shot and a beer. 595 00:33:25,936 --> 00:33:27,478 It's $10. 596 00:33:50,501 --> 00:33:53,690 All right. Thank you. Thank you. 597 00:33:53,714 --> 00:33:55,590 We've got Gabe Ronley on drums. 598 00:33:57,008 --> 00:33:59,153 Got Joe Caputo on bass. 599 00:33:59,177 --> 00:34:01,197 John Glickman on guitar. 600 00:34:01,221 --> 00:34:04,867 I'm Albert Roth and we are Side Boob. 601 00:34:04,891 --> 00:34:09,496 This next song is called The Sorcerers. 602 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,523 Otherwise known as John Glickman is a Pedophile. 603 00:34:28,581 --> 00:34:32,687 We go to prison 20% longer for the same crimes as white people. 604 00:34:32,711 --> 00:34:34,772 They can stop and frisk us whenever they want, 605 00:34:34,796 --> 00:34:37,191 and now, when some bitch fucks with our food, 606 00:34:37,215 --> 00:34:38,818 I'm the one who gets thrown on the ground? 607 00:34:38,842 --> 00:34:39,902 This shit ain't right. 608 00:34:39,926 --> 00:34:41,821 And don't forget they took your commissary. 609 00:34:41,845 --> 00:34:43,906 Be angry. Y'all need to be angry. 610 00:34:43,930 --> 00:34:48,369 Man, I would say we go on hunger strike, but that shit's already happening. 611 00:34:48,393 --> 00:34:50,121 Yo, tortilla chick! 612 00:34:50,145 --> 00:34:51,538 Oh! 613 00:34:51,562 --> 00:34:54,375 Look like somebody took a wrong turn on the way to the barrio. 614 00:34:54,399 --> 00:34:56,276 You and me in the bathroom, now. 615 00:34:58,694 --> 00:35:01,072 - I'll come with you. - I got this. 616 00:35:02,365 --> 00:35:04,343 No, she shouldn't go alone. 617 00:35:04,367 --> 00:35:06,387 No, she'll be fine. Heel. 618 00:35:06,411 --> 00:35:10,850 Yeah, I put money on our girl over that beanbag bitch any day. 619 00:35:10,874 --> 00:35:14,145 I don't know, man. Mendoza be on that coconut magic. 620 00:35:14,169 --> 00:35:15,730 She's like a bruja and shit. 621 00:35:15,754 --> 00:35:18,232 I'll show her some coconut magic. 622 00:35:18,256 --> 00:35:22,510 Put a coconut in my sock. Wham! Sock a nut, bitch! 623 00:35:25,931 --> 00:35:27,766 I'm just playing. 624 00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:31,620 You must got some real big feet. 625 00:35:31,644 --> 00:35:35,958 The fucking best song in this fucking band... 626 00:35:35,982 --> 00:35:37,418 You wanna know what it is? 627 00:35:37,442 --> 00:35:41,487 Is the one with the guys working in the fucking mine. 628 00:35:42,655 --> 00:35:46,593 That fucking song is like a classic fucking song. 629 00:35:46,617 --> 00:35:52,349 That fucking song is a song you hear on the fucking radio. 630 00:35:52,373 --> 00:35:57,271 Actually, that song is not about workers in the mine. 631 00:35:57,295 --> 00:35:59,606 - What do you mean? - No, it's a metaphor. 632 00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:02,234 Al wrote it about his vasectomy reversal. 633 00:36:02,258 --> 00:36:03,927 - No shit! - Seriously. 634 00:36:06,137 --> 00:36:10,785 Hey, you guys got a CD? Please tell me you got a fucking CD. 635 00:36:10,809 --> 00:36:11,953 Look at this. 636 00:36:11,977 --> 00:36:14,705 What do you look for in a state senator? 637 00:36:14,729 --> 00:36:17,315 - Mr. Fig. - Mr. Fig. 638 00:36:20,193 --> 00:36:22,546 "Look, the reason I'm the only one with a helmet 639 00:36:22,570 --> 00:36:24,906 "is 'cause I'm richer than you." 640 00:36:27,158 --> 00:36:30,847 "Hammering that nail was hard. I'm pooped." 641 00:36:30,871 --> 00:36:32,639 "Whee!" 642 00:36:32,663 --> 00:36:34,225 There she is. 643 00:36:34,249 --> 00:36:38,770 Behind every strong man is a strong, cunt-faced witch monster. 644 00:36:38,794 --> 00:36:40,481 Let's get to work! 645 00:36:40,505 --> 00:36:42,257 "Let's get to work." 646 00:36:43,799 --> 00:36:45,652 Let me ask you something. 647 00:36:45,676 --> 00:36:48,155 When you first started, Fig wasn't there, right? 648 00:36:48,179 --> 00:36:50,825 You talked directly to the warden? 649 00:36:50,849 --> 00:36:53,410 Yeah. It was great. 650 00:36:53,434 --> 00:36:55,621 Actually, he was fucking terrifying. 651 00:36:55,645 --> 00:36:57,957 But at least when you talked to him, you were talking to a guy. 652 00:36:57,981 --> 00:37:00,709 I hate talking about women's issues to women. 653 00:37:00,733 --> 00:37:02,503 It's creepy. 654 00:37:02,527 --> 00:37:05,089 When you talked to him, did he give a shit? 655 00:37:05,113 --> 00:37:07,674 Because I would really like to report to someone 656 00:37:07,698 --> 00:37:12,096 who I felt gave a shit about these women we're meant to be taking care of. 657 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,473 - You want a tissue? - No, I don't want a fucking tissue. 658 00:37:14,497 --> 00:37:16,350 - I'm serious. - Yeah? 659 00:37:16,374 --> 00:37:17,542 All right. 660 00:37:18,709 --> 00:37:21,813 I mean, think about the fucked up year we're having. 661 00:37:21,837 --> 00:37:24,191 We are failing here. 662 00:37:24,215 --> 00:37:27,969 I can't even get approval to fix the fucking toilets. 663 00:37:30,096 --> 00:37:32,390 - I'm sorry, man. - That's all right. 664 00:37:34,559 --> 00:37:40,166 I mean, the least we should do is keep these women safe and clean. 665 00:37:40,190 --> 00:37:42,543 You know, you're right. 666 00:37:42,567 --> 00:37:43,669 You're right. 667 00:37:43,693 --> 00:37:45,880 - At least clean. - At least clean. 668 00:37:45,904 --> 00:37:47,548 At least the women in the kitchen. 669 00:37:47,572 --> 00:37:50,783 At least those women in the kitchen. Keep 'em fucking clean. 670 00:37:51,993 --> 00:37:54,996 Fuckin' A. Keep them fucking clean. 671 00:38:00,751 --> 00:38:02,396 Gloria, I was hoping that we could be friends. 672 00:38:02,420 --> 00:38:06,358 You wanna fuck with me? You don't wanna fuck with me. 673 00:38:06,382 --> 00:38:07,443 I gave you cigarettes. 674 00:38:07,467 --> 00:38:10,529 And I gave you cake. But that don't mean that we're friends. 675 00:38:10,553 --> 00:38:12,781 And those cigarettes? They were fucking stale. 676 00:38:12,805 --> 00:38:14,992 Listen, can we just talk about this like responsible... 677 00:38:15,016 --> 00:38:19,038 No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking to you. I'm telling you. 678 00:38:19,062 --> 00:38:21,457 If any of your girls touches any of mine, 679 00:38:21,481 --> 00:38:23,875 there's gonna be more than salt in your food next time. 680 00:38:23,899 --> 00:38:28,154 - Gloria... - You understand me? 681 00:38:32,783 --> 00:38:34,178 Gloria, I don't want any trouble with you. 682 00:38:34,202 --> 00:38:36,722 I've been telling them, "Let's just go use the Spanish bathroom." 683 00:38:36,746 --> 00:38:38,849 Suzanne can clean it. And then she'll like that. 684 00:38:38,873 --> 00:38:42,061 And then you and your girls could just take the ghetto bathroom. 685 00:38:42,085 --> 00:38:43,145 I'm on your side. 686 00:38:43,169 --> 00:38:46,047 Oh, you were gonna give us the bathroom? 687 00:38:47,090 --> 00:38:51,636 Bullshit, mama! Because you? You don't got no bathroom to give. 688 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,285 Oh, no, man. What the fuck is wrong with you? 689 00:38:58,309 --> 00:38:59,703 I'm too old for this shit. 690 00:38:59,727 --> 00:39:03,023 I'm just too old for this shit. That's what's wrong with me! 691 00:39:04,315 --> 00:39:06,002 Listen, hey, I don't even know these girls, okay? 692 00:39:06,026 --> 00:39:08,045 And they want me to be some kind of den mother, right? 693 00:39:08,069 --> 00:39:12,049 And I'm trying to work with you and all you're trying to do is run over me. 694 00:39:12,073 --> 00:39:15,910 I'm trying to give you the bathroom, okay? I'm a good talker... 695 00:39:17,287 --> 00:39:19,598 but I can't sell this shit unless you give me something. 696 00:39:19,622 --> 00:39:22,601 - You gotta give me something. - Like what? 697 00:39:22,625 --> 00:39:28,774 Taystee and Watson have been talking about wanting to get transferred to custodial. 698 00:39:28,798 --> 00:39:30,317 - Custodial? - Yeah. 699 00:39:30,341 --> 00:39:33,404 They wanna be with their girl, that girl Cindy. I mean, you... 700 00:39:33,428 --> 00:39:35,947 There're a couple of Spanish girls in custodial. 701 00:39:35,971 --> 00:39:38,492 Maybe you could talk to Caputo and, you know, 702 00:39:38,516 --> 00:39:41,227 have them transferred to the kitchen. 703 00:39:42,437 --> 00:39:44,022 Maybe I could work with that. 704 00:39:45,356 --> 00:39:46,917 Huh? 705 00:39:46,941 --> 00:39:48,609 Oh, fuck, come on, man. 706 00:39:50,695 --> 00:39:51,862 Fine. 707 00:39:54,407 --> 00:39:56,576 Show me you could clear the bathroom, 708 00:39:58,119 --> 00:39:59,954 and then I'll talk to Caputo. 709 00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:07,128 And get yourself together 'cause, Jesus, I didn't even fucking hit you. 710 00:40:20,391 --> 00:40:21,993 Mr. Healy, you wanted to see me? 711 00:40:22,017 --> 00:40:23,478 Door. 712 00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:33,422 I'm submitting you for a three-day furlough. 713 00:40:33,446 --> 00:40:37,492 There are no guarantees, but I'm gonna do my best to try to push it forward. 714 00:40:38,284 --> 00:40:40,721 I'm assuming that you're gonna be staying with your fiancé. 715 00:40:40,745 --> 00:40:42,622 I need to write down an address. 716 00:40:43,956 --> 00:40:45,625 Yes. Of course. 717 00:40:48,378 --> 00:40:50,439 Would you like to call him to make sure? 718 00:40:50,463 --> 00:40:51,964 I'll call right away. 719 00:40:53,258 --> 00:40:55,569 Thank you, Mr. Healy. 720 00:40:55,593 --> 00:40:58,572 I think it's only fair we give it a shot. 721 00:40:58,596 --> 00:41:00,681 It's the least we can do. 722 00:41:04,352 --> 00:41:06,872 And, Chapman. 723 00:41:06,896 --> 00:41:08,773 I'm responsible for you. 724 00:41:16,114 --> 00:41:18,008 Hey! Joe! 725 00:41:18,032 --> 00:41:19,218 What's up, Healy? 726 00:41:19,242 --> 00:41:21,762 I had a lot of fun last night. You guys were amazing. 727 00:41:21,786 --> 00:41:23,597 Right, thanks for coming out. 728 00:41:23,621 --> 00:41:25,224 I need you to sign this work transfer. 729 00:41:25,248 --> 00:41:27,601 I'm moving a couple of girls from custodial. 730 00:41:27,625 --> 00:41:30,020 Flores and Sanchez. 731 00:41:30,044 --> 00:41:33,649 Okay. But won't that leave custodial shorthanded? 732 00:41:33,673 --> 00:41:37,319 Yeah, we'll figure that out. Mendoza needs help in the kitchen. 733 00:41:37,343 --> 00:41:38,386 Okay. 734 00:41:39,929 --> 00:41:42,324 I'm already looking forward to next Tuesday. 735 00:41:42,348 --> 00:41:44,493 - Right. - Side Boob Tuesdays. 736 00:41:44,517 --> 00:41:47,395 - Thanks, Healy. - Good seeing you, Capu dawg. 737 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,254 Chang, are you confirming these bangs, or are you just taking her word for it? 738 00:41:55,278 --> 00:41:58,632 I don't smell fingers. I just write numbers. 739 00:41:58,656 --> 00:42:01,552 She got five points. You, zilcho. 740 00:42:01,576 --> 00:42:03,094 All right, it's been three days. 741 00:42:03,118 --> 00:42:05,806 I mean, unless she's cloning herself, that seems highly unlikely. 742 00:42:05,830 --> 00:42:06,973 It's just a game, Nichols. 743 00:42:06,997 --> 00:42:09,935 Yeah, but it's not a game unless it's being played fairly. 744 00:42:09,959 --> 00:42:11,437 What's that smell? 745 00:42:11,461 --> 00:42:13,772 Nichols, you got a new fragrance? 746 00:42:13,796 --> 00:42:16,150 Oh, yeah, it's desperation. 747 00:42:16,174 --> 00:42:19,844 You might wanna wash because girls turn right off when they smell that. 748 00:42:22,222 --> 00:42:24,366 My finger smells like an old tennis ball. 749 00:42:24,390 --> 00:42:28,704 God, I screwed myself. I mean, two days I wasted on Officer Twat Tease. 750 00:42:28,728 --> 00:42:31,332 - You were too ambitious. - I was arrogant. 751 00:42:31,356 --> 00:42:32,666 It's a classic story of hubris. 752 00:42:32,690 --> 00:42:35,711 I'm like Icarus whose wings melted before he could fuck the sun. 753 00:42:35,735 --> 00:42:38,196 You could always tell people she got herpes. 754 00:42:39,489 --> 00:42:41,175 It's good, isn't it? Eh? 755 00:42:41,199 --> 00:42:45,346 People always forget to remember I'm tricksy, huh? 756 00:42:45,370 --> 00:42:46,680 It ain't over yet. 757 00:42:46,704 --> 00:42:49,391 - Ah, it's not over till it's over. - Oh, I love that song. 758 00:42:49,415 --> 00:42:51,685 But herpes is way too pedestrian. 759 00:42:51,709 --> 00:42:53,687 Maybe I'll say it's that new super gonorrhea. 760 00:42:53,711 --> 00:42:55,588 Oh, yeah, I read about that. 761 00:42:57,047 --> 00:42:59,568 - Excuse me, sir? - Oh, Fischer. Good morning. 762 00:42:59,592 --> 00:43:01,487 Good morning, sir. Do you mind if I ask you a question? 763 00:43:01,511 --> 00:43:02,654 Of course. 764 00:43:02,678 --> 00:43:04,472 It's about our surveillance. 765 00:43:06,891 --> 00:43:10,579 If it's about our video cameras, they all work. 766 00:43:10,603 --> 00:43:12,623 That's what you should tell the inmates. 767 00:43:12,647 --> 00:43:14,375 Oh, no, it's about our phones. 768 00:43:14,399 --> 00:43:16,418 Do we have anyone who monitors inmate calls? 769 00:43:16,442 --> 00:43:22,841 Well, it's all recorded in a computer. We only review it when there's a reason. 770 00:43:22,865 --> 00:43:25,368 Don't you think we should do random check-ins? 771 00:43:26,286 --> 00:43:27,995 Yes. And we do. 772 00:43:30,290 --> 00:43:34,728 Again, they should think we do. But it's not exactly a priority. 773 00:43:34,752 --> 00:43:36,962 And half of those conversations are in Spanish. 774 00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:47,139 Yo hablo español muy bueno, sir. 775 00:43:58,776 --> 00:43:59,878 Hello? 776 00:43:59,902 --> 00:44:03,340 An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. 777 00:44:03,364 --> 00:44:05,741 To accept this call, please press "One." 778 00:44:08,619 --> 00:44:11,598 - Larry? - Yes. Is everything all right? 779 00:44:11,622 --> 00:44:13,708 Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. 780 00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:16,437 Is this a good time? 781 00:44:16,461 --> 00:44:18,128 Of course. 782 00:44:19,254 --> 00:44:23,426 My dad, he told me about Chicago and the SHU. 783 00:44:24,552 --> 00:44:27,323 God, Piper, I'm so sorry. 784 00:44:27,347 --> 00:44:29,450 It's not your fault. 785 00:44:29,474 --> 00:44:32,578 Are you sure that this is a good time? It sounds like you're going somewhere. 786 00:44:32,602 --> 00:44:34,330 No, no. I'm heading home. 787 00:44:34,354 --> 00:44:38,083 I was with Polly. We finally had a bag-nut. 788 00:44:38,107 --> 00:44:39,793 What's a bag-nut? 789 00:44:39,817 --> 00:44:41,670 It's like a bagel crossed with a donut. 790 00:44:41,694 --> 00:44:44,840 It's this big craze right now. 791 00:44:44,864 --> 00:44:48,218 We had to wait in line for, like, two hours for it. 792 00:44:48,242 --> 00:44:50,261 Turns out it's a bagel with frosting on it. 793 00:44:50,285 --> 00:44:53,098 I forgot what's it like to have all that freedom to waste. 794 00:44:53,122 --> 00:44:57,126 Yep. I waste my freedom, but I bring my own cup to Stumptown. 795 00:45:03,173 --> 00:45:05,736 Piper, why didn't you call sooner? 796 00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:07,177 We broke up? 797 00:45:09,930 --> 00:45:15,019 And I guess I've been imagining I could be this person who doesn't depend on anybody. 798 00:45:16,437 --> 00:45:18,648 Or lets anybody depend on me. 799 00:45:23,110 --> 00:45:24,862 It's nice to hear your voice. 800 00:45:26,030 --> 00:45:28,533 Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. 801 00:45:30,826 --> 00:45:32,745 I've missed you. 802 00:45:35,498 --> 00:45:37,207 I've missed you, too, Larry. 803 00:45:43,213 --> 00:45:44,900 Oh... 804 00:45:44,924 --> 00:45:46,317 It's not that bad. 805 00:45:46,341 --> 00:45:47,778 Man! 806 00:45:47,802 --> 00:45:49,571 Now we don't have to share with anyone. 807 00:45:49,595 --> 00:45:53,450 Segregation. Awesome. Separate, but way shittier. 808 00:45:53,474 --> 00:45:58,204 Well, this is better in the long run. Our own bathroom that we control. 809 00:45:58,228 --> 00:46:01,417 "Showers will be limited to 30 seconds"? 810 00:46:01,441 --> 00:46:04,085 Man, I can't even wash my twat in that amount of time. 811 00:46:04,109 --> 00:46:06,505 - What? Vee! - Trust me, baby girl. 812 00:46:06,529 --> 00:46:08,048 Man, I don't care. 813 00:46:08,072 --> 00:46:10,300 As long as I don't have to wait in line anymore. 814 00:46:10,324 --> 00:46:13,219 I get one more shot for being late, I'm back in SHU. 815 00:46:13,243 --> 00:46:14,888 I can't fucking handle that. 816 00:46:14,912 --> 00:46:16,181 You late, I'm late. 817 00:46:16,205 --> 00:46:19,685 Maybe black folk do got a problem with bein' punctual. 818 00:46:19,709 --> 00:46:23,897 Taystee, Watson, about your work assignments. 819 00:46:23,921 --> 00:46:25,255 Gonna be a little change. 820 00:46:31,721 --> 00:46:33,740 - So she's one today? - Yeah. 821 00:46:33,764 --> 00:46:35,408 Why don't nobody bring her to visit? 822 00:46:35,432 --> 00:46:37,077 What, from Massachusetts? Forget it. 823 00:46:37,101 --> 00:46:40,205 You see, I told you you're lucky your boyfriend's so close. 824 00:46:40,229 --> 00:46:41,457 Her kids are in Massachusetts 825 00:46:41,481 --> 00:46:43,374 and Gloria's kids is all the way in fucking Florida. 826 00:46:43,398 --> 00:46:44,710 - Really? - Yeah. 827 00:46:44,734 --> 00:46:47,128 Two boys are with their tía. Two older girls are still in New York. 828 00:46:47,152 --> 00:46:48,880 But they never visit. 829 00:46:48,904 --> 00:46:50,549 - You guys wanna see this? - Yeah. 830 00:46:50,573 --> 00:46:53,844 All right. I got the wax from melting crayons 831 00:46:53,868 --> 00:46:55,846 and Dayanara drew the picture of St. Anthony. 832 00:46:55,870 --> 00:46:58,849 You pray to him for protection and strength and justice. 833 00:46:58,873 --> 00:47:00,391 For us and for baby. 834 00:47:00,415 --> 00:47:01,810 Juliana-Fernanda. 835 00:47:01,834 --> 00:47:04,270 - What's the orisha name for Saint Anthony? - Orisha? 836 00:47:04,294 --> 00:47:07,733 You know, all the saints had, like, stage names for the booga-booga gods, 837 00:47:07,757 --> 00:47:09,359 'cause, you know, the plantation owners, 838 00:47:09,383 --> 00:47:12,070 they didn't want the slaves worshipping no more. 839 00:47:12,094 --> 00:47:14,072 The orisha is named Eleggua. 840 00:47:14,096 --> 00:47:16,807 - Yo, how'd you make the wick? - I'll give you one guess. 841 00:47:17,975 --> 00:47:20,662 Do you really, like, believe in this? Like, for real? 842 00:47:20,686 --> 00:47:22,789 - You Catholic? - Yeah. 843 00:47:22,813 --> 00:47:24,290 Well, this is Catholic plus. 844 00:47:24,314 --> 00:47:25,667 Look, my tía says 845 00:47:25,691 --> 00:47:29,129 it doesn't matter if you're praying to a giant cross or to a itty bitty stick, 846 00:47:29,153 --> 00:47:32,173 it's the faith that you put in it that counts. 847 00:47:32,197 --> 00:47:35,636 Yeah, but do you believe in, like, spells and magic and shit? 848 00:47:35,660 --> 00:47:39,305 I believe I can use all the help I can get. 849 00:47:39,329 --> 00:47:40,932 You're getting new girls in the kitchen? 850 00:47:40,956 --> 00:47:43,894 - You're not allowed back here. - Did you put in a request? 851 00:47:43,918 --> 00:47:47,147 What if I did? We need the extra help to keep up with the demand. 852 00:47:47,171 --> 00:47:48,565 She put you up to this. 853 00:47:48,589 --> 00:47:51,026 - She? - Vee. 854 00:47:51,050 --> 00:47:53,153 You got the scuttlebutt ass backwards, Red. 855 00:47:53,177 --> 00:47:55,697 Gloria went in there and told that bitch what's what. 856 00:47:55,721 --> 00:47:57,157 She played you. 857 00:47:57,181 --> 00:48:00,225 You have no idea what you've done. 858 00:48:14,531 --> 00:48:16,366 We're gonna start prepping for dinner. 859 00:48:17,367 --> 00:48:19,387 Wait. Aren't you supposed to keep it lit? 860 00:48:19,411 --> 00:48:20,580 You kidding? 861 00:48:21,872 --> 00:48:23,916 This shit is dangerous. 862 00:49:33,903 --> 00:49:36,155 No. No, no, no, no! 863 00:49:37,907 --> 00:49:42,286 No! No! No, no! Fuck! Fuck!