1 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:05,679 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:05,766 --> 00:00:07,184 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:52,601 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:10,380 [cell door slams] 5 00:01:10,381 --> 00:01:12,381 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com 6 00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:14,204 [giggling] 7 00:01:15,372 --> 00:01:16,541 [giggling continues] 8 00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:19,043 Nah. 9 00:01:20,252 --> 00:01:22,922 Don't get up. I'm all good, thanks. 10 00:01:23,505 --> 00:01:25,007 Yo. 11 00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:28,719 All right, all right. Arms and the Man by Bernard Shaw. 12 00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:30,012 You read that one before? 13 00:01:30,095 --> 00:01:31,096 Mmm-mmm. 14 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:36,936 After a horrifying sawing accident leaves him armless, 15 00:01:37,019 --> 00:01:41,023 the man sets out on a journey of self-discovery, 16 00:01:41,106 --> 00:01:45,277 realizing that legs can do everything that arms can! 17 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,404 Is this what you do all day? 18 00:01:47,487 --> 00:01:50,365 Well, I mean, I got a nap scheduled later, too. 19 00:01:50,449 --> 00:01:52,910 It probably means "arms" as in "weapons." 20 00:01:52,993 --> 00:01:54,286 Oh. 21 00:01:54,369 --> 00:01:56,371 Yo, it could be both. You know? 22 00:01:56,455 --> 00:01:58,457 Like, dude ain't got no arms, 23 00:01:58,541 --> 00:02:00,876 he gotta figure out how to hold his weapon with his feet. 24 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,087 Like, "Freeze, bitch!" 25 00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,548 Ain't you got anything better to do with yourself? 26 00:02:07,132 --> 00:02:09,885 Did you not hear about that nap situation? 27 00:02:09,969 --> 00:02:15,725 Man, you fuckin' lucky 'cause maintenance sucks, yo. 28 00:02:15,808 --> 00:02:21,313 You should see what piles up in the corners of the showers. 29 00:02:21,396 --> 00:02:25,192 Little pube-tropolis of buildings and shit 30 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:28,946 for spiders and bacteria living their lives, growing... 31 00:02:29,029 --> 00:02:30,447 Well, see, you went urban, right? 32 00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:35,077 I would've said a hair jungle, right? Spiders be jumpin' from pube to pube. 33 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,456 Bacteria's all like, "Fuck. It rains a lot in here. Get off me." 34 00:02:39,539 --> 00:02:42,084 Did you hear about the new job crew? 35 00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:44,837 Supposed to pay a buck an hour. 36 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,463 A buck an hour? 37 00:02:46,546 --> 00:02:48,924 Shit, whatever that is, it's probably way worse than pube town. 38 00:02:49,008 --> 00:02:50,718 Oh, it's a pube town now? 39 00:02:50,801 --> 00:02:54,179 Man, this place ain't fool you enough with that job fair bullshit? 40 00:02:54,263 --> 00:02:56,849 Um, excuse me, pause. 41 00:02:56,932 --> 00:03:03,188 I got two Cherry Pepsis off of that mug, plus, bragging rights. 42 00:03:03,272 --> 00:03:07,773 Yo, fuck that, man. My job is the shit, you know? 43 00:03:07,775 --> 00:03:11,196 I mean, worth way more than buck an hour. 44 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,242 You cannot put a price on Entspannung. 45 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,826 That's "relaxation." 46 00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:19,705 [scoffs] Case in point, I'ma go take me a dip in the honey jar. 47 00:03:19,789 --> 00:03:23,709 [chuckling] Um, it's 8:00 in the morning. You drinking already? 48 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,546 It's always 5:00 in prison. 49 00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:38,641 Oh... [clicks tongue] 50 00:03:38,724 --> 00:03:40,392 What the fuck? 51 00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:48,901 [Taystee] What's up? 52 00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:50,069 Yo! 53 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,197 My honey's been jacked. 54 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,200 Winnie the Pooh: Tales from the Ghetto. 55 00:03:56,283 --> 00:04:00,663 - Man, these were full yesterday. - Maybe some animal got to 'em. 56 00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,539 You're forgetting we living with a bunch of thieves. 57 00:04:02,622 --> 00:04:03,708 [clicks tongue] Man. 58 00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:06,140 [Ford] Hey, boss? 59 00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:10,297 I still haven't heard anything from these corporate guys about our benefits. 60 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:14,218 And I finally got my prescriptions set up online, you know, with our old plan. 61 00:04:14,301 --> 00:04:17,304 Had to pay my niece 50 bucks to help me figure it out. 62 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,474 Please, please tell me there aren't gonna be any changes. 63 00:04:20,557 --> 00:04:21,976 I haven't heard. 64 00:04:22,727 --> 00:04:26,146 C-Dorm got their new mattresses this morning. 65 00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:28,648 Plus, stall doors on all the bathrooms. 66 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:34,363 Smoke and mirrors. I know it, and I don't trust it. 67 00:04:37,783 --> 00:04:42,496 Did you two walk through the door into a paying job this morning? 68 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:44,623 Uh-huh. 69 00:04:45,665 --> 00:04:46,834 You're welcome. 70 00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:55,634 - [Gloria] Is everything all right? - [sighs] I needed to cool off. 71 00:04:55,718 --> 00:04:57,762 I'm sweating in places I didn't even know that sweated. 72 00:04:57,845 --> 00:05:00,264 Well, stick an ice cube in your bra and get back to work. 73 00:05:00,347 --> 00:05:02,767 I gotta get these inventory numbers to the new guys by 3:00. 74 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:04,684 Where's Norma? I thought she was helping. 75 00:05:05,936 --> 00:05:09,148 [speaking Spanish] I heard some prisons have jobs where you learn to fight fires. 76 00:05:09,231 --> 00:05:10,482 Maybe that's what it is. 77 00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,317 You wanna fight fires? 78 00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:16,179 No. But I'll pretend to learn to for a dollar an hour. 79 00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:18,866 [speaking English] I wouldn't mind handling a big hose. 80 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:20,993 I hear they're setting up a call center. 81 00:05:21,076 --> 00:05:22,536 Uh? 82 00:05:22,619 --> 00:05:26,331 With my sexy voice, I'll be making mad commissions. 83 00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:27,457 [Gloria] Commissions? Right. 84 00:05:27,541 --> 00:05:30,210 You get 10% of nothing on every nothing you nothing. 85 00:05:30,294 --> 00:05:34,131 Look, nobody here is applying to the new job, comprende? 86 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,420 We got a good thing going here. 87 00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:44,433 Norma! One potato, two potato! Start counting! 88 00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:46,435 And the rest of you, start slicing carrots. 89 00:05:46,518 --> 00:05:49,897 And be grateful that you're not scrubbing toilets no more. 90 00:05:51,648 --> 00:05:53,317 What you got there? 91 00:05:55,277 --> 00:05:58,666 Oh, you busting out on your own now? No? Right. 92 00:05:59,104 --> 00:06:02,534 Go count that with the others. Vamos! 93 00:06:02,617 --> 00:06:04,244 I need numbers! 94 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:08,373 What if it turns out to be, like, picking up trash on the side of the road? 95 00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:10,000 They don't pay that much for dummy work. 96 00:06:10,084 --> 00:06:13,879 Nah, whatever it is, it's gonna take skills and smarts. 97 00:06:13,963 --> 00:06:15,589 Yeah, what're you gonna wow them with? 98 00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:17,174 Your eyeliner skills, 99 00:06:17,257 --> 00:06:21,178 or your smarts about how many words rhyme with bleak in emo songs? [laughs] 100 00:06:21,261 --> 00:06:24,598 Fuck you and your stupid sad face. We didn't take your baby away, okay? 101 00:06:24,681 --> 00:06:26,391 Yeah? You should shut up about shit you don't know about. 102 00:06:26,475 --> 00:06:27,559 - You should shut up, you know. - Hey! 103 00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:28,685 At least I got ambition. 104 00:06:28,768 --> 00:06:29,769 [speaking Spanish] You little kiss ass. 105 00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:31,856 Ambition? That what you call your ADD? 106 00:06:31,939 --> 00:06:33,148 Oh, look, something shiny over there! 107 00:06:33,232 --> 00:06:34,233 Selfish bitch. 108 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,026 You wanna work out your shit on me? 109 00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:38,278 Fine. Let's go. I can take it. 110 00:06:39,154 --> 00:06:40,405 Whoa! 111 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,409 [speaking English] You, go scrub some pans. 112 00:06:44,493 --> 00:06:47,872 - What? Gross. She started this shit! - Now! 113 00:06:49,373 --> 00:06:51,625 I'm so done with this depressing-ass place. 114 00:06:51,708 --> 00:06:54,836 [woman speaking Spanish] Marisol, get out here and get to work. 115 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,465 [speaking English] I just really miss you. I'm so jealous. 116 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:01,260 Oh, baby, it's work. And it's fuckin' Kesha. 117 00:07:01,343 --> 00:07:03,178 You're not missing anything. Seriously. 118 00:07:03,262 --> 00:07:06,974 When you gonna let me sell with you? Or sell my own stuff? 119 00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:11,436 My phone bill is, like, crazy every month. Just give me a little something. 120 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,023 The kids at my school are, like, dying for it. 121 00:07:14,106 --> 00:07:16,275 If you need money for your phone bill, I got you. 122 00:07:16,855 --> 00:07:18,485 I wanna make my own money. 123 00:07:19,486 --> 00:07:21,030 So, I can buy you a present. 124 00:07:21,738 --> 00:07:23,407 You're my present, baby. 125 00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:26,160 [woman speaking Spanish] Don't make me come get you! 126 00:07:26,243 --> 00:07:28,495 I'll be out in a minute! 127 00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:31,999 [speaking English] I gotta go, baby. 128 00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:34,001 - I love you. - I love you, too. 129 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,795 [woman speaking Spanish] You will be out right now. 130 00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,755 I have to make dinner. 131 00:07:38,838 --> 00:07:40,757 [indistinct talking on television] 132 00:07:41,926 --> 00:07:43,677 You don't have to make dinner. 133 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,430 We could eat take-out. Like burgers or something. 134 00:07:46,513 --> 00:07:49,474 Take-out is not made with love, Marisol. 135 00:07:49,558 --> 00:07:51,101 I have lots of homework, you know. 136 00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:52,602 You have work work. 137 00:07:52,686 --> 00:07:56,023 Mrs. Ramirez needs this dress before the weekend. 138 00:07:56,106 --> 00:07:58,150 Why doesn't Marco ever gotta do this? 139 00:07:58,233 --> 00:07:59,859 Don't worry about Marco. 140 00:07:59,944 --> 00:08:02,071 You're learning a trade. It's important. 141 00:08:02,154 --> 00:08:04,990 Yeah, so I can work in a sweatshop like a wetback. 142 00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:07,617 Watch your mouth, Marisol. 143 00:08:07,701 --> 00:08:09,954 And watch your lines. 144 00:08:10,037 --> 00:08:13,748 Mrs. Ramirez can't have an uneven hem for her son's wedding. 145 00:08:13,832 --> 00:08:16,585 [speaking English] This is for a wedding? It's got no back. 146 00:08:18,712 --> 00:08:21,340 It's Emma Stone's Golden Globe dress. The peach one. 147 00:08:21,423 --> 00:08:23,758 But Mrs. Ramirez is, like, 57. 148 00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:25,552 She's still got a nice back. 149 00:08:26,803 --> 00:08:29,264 It looks really good. 150 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,601 I know. I do good work. 151 00:08:33,253 --> 00:08:34,519 But even if I didn't... 152 00:08:35,895 --> 00:08:38,398 I'm gonna sew a Calvin Klein label on it. 153 00:08:38,482 --> 00:08:41,276 So now you're Theresa Gonzales for Calvin Klein. 154 00:08:41,278 --> 00:08:44,990 Hey, more often than not, people believe what you tell them. 155 00:08:48,783 --> 00:08:50,369 [indistinct conversations] 156 00:08:52,287 --> 00:08:56,541 What's all this... scuttlebutt with the new job assignment? 157 00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:58,002 Scuttlebutt? 158 00:08:58,085 --> 00:09:02,297 The gossip, the lowdown, the 411. 159 00:09:02,381 --> 00:09:03,423 Oh. 160 00:09:04,341 --> 00:09:08,428 Someone said it was a party planning job. I stopped listening after that. 161 00:09:09,304 --> 00:09:13,058 Electrical sucks without Nicky's running commentary. 162 00:09:13,892 --> 00:09:17,354 I wouldn't mind a new job assignment. 163 00:09:19,106 --> 00:09:21,984 - Is my look off-putting? - Off-putting? 164 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:27,156 Harsh, scary... not pleasing. 165 00:09:33,953 --> 00:09:39,334 There is a certain... hardness... 166 00:09:39,418 --> 00:09:43,213 to your overall... thing. 167 00:09:44,839 --> 00:09:48,808 Listen to you, being frank and honest. Good. 168 00:09:49,594 --> 00:09:51,805 Now, tell me how to soften things. 169 00:09:51,888 --> 00:09:54,284 I thought that you and Dmitri were kaput. 170 00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:56,455 That was not an invitation to pry into my life. 171 00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:59,271 A little beauty advice is all I'm after. 172 00:09:59,776 --> 00:10:01,940 Beauty comes from the inside. 173 00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:03,067 Hmm. 174 00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:09,114 However... smudging the corner of your eyeliner, 175 00:10:09,198 --> 00:10:12,117 not spiking your hair, 176 00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:15,995 and a lighter lip couldn't hurt. 177 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,289 Um... 178 00:10:17,372 --> 00:10:18,540 Ha! 179 00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:26,090 [sighs] 180 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,801 Hey, Pearson. 181 00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:33,555 Morning. You know, Danny's fine. 182 00:10:33,638 --> 00:10:34,806 [urinal flushes] 183 00:10:36,558 --> 00:10:39,228 Oh, well, we mostly use last names around here. 184 00:10:39,311 --> 00:10:42,231 Cool, cool. Yeah, whatever you think makes sense. 185 00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,316 [water running] 186 00:10:45,275 --> 00:10:46,610 You need to go? 187 00:10:47,736 --> 00:10:49,404 Oh, no. No, uh... 188 00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:51,323 [stammers] I just... I had... 189 00:10:51,406 --> 00:10:53,325 My hands... I had to wash my hands. 190 00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:56,495 Sometimes I need to count five metal objects before I can pee. 191 00:10:56,578 --> 00:10:57,579 Huh? 192 00:10:57,662 --> 00:11:01,040 Door hinge, door hinge, flusher, tap, faucet. 193 00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:02,876 Got this place wired. After you. 194 00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:04,503 Oh. 195 00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:05,587 Sure. 196 00:11:06,505 --> 00:11:07,964 [indistinct conversations] 197 00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:12,427 So you guys fired the warden. That was a surprise. 198 00:11:12,511 --> 00:11:16,140 Yeah. Well, we absorbed the position. Whatever that means. 199 00:11:16,223 --> 00:11:18,933 [chuckling] Like we had soaked him up or something, but, uh... 200 00:11:19,017 --> 00:11:22,521 Good news for you though is, uh, you know, you're our main man on the ground. 201 00:11:22,604 --> 00:11:27,108 - Everyone's been very happy so far. - Oh, great. Great. I... 202 00:11:28,026 --> 00:11:32,822 I was thinking, maybe we could have a meeting, all of us, old, new. 203 00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:35,909 - Make sure we're on the same page. - Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. 204 00:11:35,992 --> 00:11:39,454 No, I think Jones or maybe Carson is setting something like that up. 205 00:11:39,538 --> 00:11:43,124 Everyone's checking their calendars. It takes forever, you know what I mean? 206 00:11:43,208 --> 00:11:45,294 Just like, everyone wants to be the alpha dog. 207 00:11:45,377 --> 00:11:49,964 This time! That time! Woof! But, uh, I'll make the call on it soon. 208 00:11:50,048 --> 00:11:52,967 - You'll make the call? - Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you know. 209 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,047 [Big Boo] Mr. Caputo? 210 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:57,889 Oh! 211 00:11:57,972 --> 00:11:59,308 I made these for you. 212 00:11:59,391 --> 00:12:00,850 Look at that. 213 00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:02,811 Any word on that new job situation? 214 00:12:02,894 --> 00:12:05,689 Unconfirmed, Black. Keep moving. 215 00:12:05,772 --> 00:12:06,856 Fine. 216 00:12:07,649 --> 00:12:10,319 But I want you to know that I have a wide array of talents, 217 00:12:10,402 --> 00:12:12,571 besides the criminal and papier-mâché variety. 218 00:12:12,654 --> 00:12:15,990 - Oh, I am sure you do. - Good. 219 00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:21,580 How do they, uh, know about the job? 220 00:12:21,663 --> 00:12:26,481 Well, you're renovating a building out there that's been empty since the '90s. 221 00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:31,715 Any sniff in a break in the monotony, and these girls are all over it. 222 00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:36,470 In fact, that was one of the things I was hoping we could all discuss. 223 00:12:36,553 --> 00:12:38,847 You throw off the whole prison economy 224 00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:43,268 when you introduce a job that's paying 10 times the going rate. 225 00:12:43,352 --> 00:12:45,312 I mean, it could get ugly. 226 00:12:45,395 --> 00:12:48,189 Yeah, I could see that. Well, we, uh... 227 00:12:48,273 --> 00:12:51,693 We have a system that I think will limit the ugliness. 228 00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:53,237 - A system? - Yeah. 229 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,031 That's great. Well, maybe we can talk more about that? 230 00:12:57,115 --> 00:12:59,826 Sure, yeah. Talk right now. 231 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:00,952 Go up to my office, 232 00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:04,248 I could pour us a... couple big glasses of water. 233 00:13:04,331 --> 00:13:06,916 - I, um... - You have to pee, don't ya? 234 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,627 Very much so. 235 00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,712 All right. To be continued. 236 00:13:10,795 --> 00:13:13,172 Okay, okay. 237 00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:17,969 - Oh! - Oh. 238 00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:20,221 - Hello, Red. - Hello! 239 00:13:20,305 --> 00:13:21,515 Were you coming by to see me? 240 00:13:21,598 --> 00:13:24,851 Came in for a drink of water. It's a beautiful day. 241 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,479 Is it? I was stuck inside doing paperwork. 242 00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:29,398 - Oh. - Who's the real prisoner? 243 00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,065 Still me, I think. 244 00:13:31,149 --> 00:13:32,150 [chuckling] 245 00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:37,864 Hey. You look, I don't know... You look lighter. 246 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,741 I feel lighter. 247 00:13:39,824 --> 00:13:42,744 The new regime has fixed all the soap dispensers. 248 00:13:42,827 --> 00:13:45,747 Feels like opportunities are sprouting up all around us. 249 00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:47,040 It's funny that you say that. 250 00:13:47,123 --> 00:13:48,625 Just the other day I was talking to someone... 251 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,502 Hey, Healy. I got a question for you. 252 00:13:50,585 --> 00:13:53,212 - Reznikov, is it? - Red. 253 00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:55,131 Berdie. Sorry to interrupt. 254 00:13:55,214 --> 00:13:57,801 Um, do you know who I can get to drill a hole in my desk? 255 00:13:57,884 --> 00:13:59,594 I wanna run my lamp and computer cords through 256 00:13:59,678 --> 00:14:01,262 so they're not all hanging out there, you know. 257 00:14:01,346 --> 00:14:02,472 When you need something like that done, 258 00:14:02,556 --> 00:14:04,891 it needs to be cleared through Admin first. 259 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:07,060 What? That's silly. Who's on maintenance crew? 260 00:14:08,144 --> 00:14:09,479 You're on your own with this one. 261 00:14:09,563 --> 00:14:11,731 Come on, give me a name. 262 00:14:11,815 --> 00:14:15,109 Try Portolino or Wiggins. They'll be able to help you. 263 00:14:15,193 --> 00:14:16,778 Awesome, thank you. 264 00:14:16,861 --> 00:14:20,324 You should come visit me, Red. Check out my clean, cordless environment. 265 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,867 We'll have a cup of tea. See you later, Healy. 266 00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:27,246 Not enjoying your new colleague, hmm? 267 00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:29,207 She's perky. I mean, who's that perky? 268 00:14:29,291 --> 00:14:33,587 I agree. Perk is for coffee. It's deplorable in people. 269 00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:36,631 - [chuckling] - You missed a button. 270 00:14:43,262 --> 00:14:45,890 There you go. Now you're perfect. 271 00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:48,142 Thank you. 272 00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:54,316 I was just gonna go and, uh... 273 00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:57,986 get myself a perky cup of coffee in the break room. 274 00:14:58,069 --> 00:14:59,779 [both laughing] 275 00:14:59,863 --> 00:15:01,448 Well, don't drink too much. 276 00:15:01,531 --> 00:15:04,033 Coffee can inflame the lining of the small intestine 277 00:15:04,117 --> 00:15:05,994 and lead to irritable bowels. 278 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:10,206 I'll keep that in mind. 279 00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:13,668 [groans] 280 00:15:15,379 --> 00:15:16,921 [indistinct conversations] 281 00:15:17,964 --> 00:15:20,675 You know what some cultures do to people who steal eggs? 282 00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:22,755 They cut their hands off. 283 00:15:23,428 --> 00:15:27,557 According to my last count, you owe me... 284 00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:29,321 four fucking hands. 285 00:15:31,019 --> 00:15:33,438 When I helped you out with the Vee situation, 286 00:15:33,522 --> 00:15:36,024 we had a little cross-cultural understanding. 287 00:15:36,107 --> 00:15:40,856 But I don't remember giving you permission to set up your own shop, Magic Norma. 288 00:15:41,488 --> 00:15:42,572 Especially not for free. 289 00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:44,692 And especially when you don't know what the fuck you're doing. 290 00:15:45,199 --> 00:15:48,833 Santeria is some serious shit. 291 00:15:49,454 --> 00:15:51,498 You start messing around, you piss off the orishas! 292 00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:55,334 Mira, I... I don't need that on me. 293 00:15:56,461 --> 00:15:59,172 And that's why I'm gonna take back... 294 00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:03,217 my candle. 295 00:16:03,301 --> 00:16:08,515 Oh, look. My eggs, my beads, my honey. 296 00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:11,560 This ain't... your history. 297 00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:15,063 It ain't your culture. It stops now. 298 00:16:20,276 --> 00:16:23,530 Fine, you can keep the honey, but it's for eating only. 299 00:16:23,613 --> 00:16:25,490 I see you anointing anything with this, 300 00:16:25,574 --> 00:16:27,992 it's gonna be the last sweet thing in your life. 301 00:16:29,661 --> 00:16:30,745 [locker door closes] 302 00:16:40,922 --> 00:16:43,592 I don't care what Gloria says, I'm going for it. 303 00:16:43,675 --> 00:16:46,094 Gonna kill that interview like at the job fair. 304 00:16:46,177 --> 00:16:47,512 But you lost job fair. 305 00:16:47,596 --> 00:16:49,723 Yeah, but this time there won't be an audience, 306 00:16:49,806 --> 00:16:51,390 so they won't get all, like, PC, 307 00:16:51,475 --> 00:16:54,561 and give it to the fat mayate so she don't get all sad. 308 00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,187 Gloria's right, though. 309 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,231 It's good all of us together. 310 00:16:58,314 --> 00:17:00,525 Who knows who they'll stick in to replace you. 311 00:17:00,609 --> 00:17:02,902 What if she's mean or likes Coldplay or something? 312 00:17:02,986 --> 00:17:04,529 It's all gelling right now. 313 00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:06,823 So, I'm supposed to put on that feo hair net 314 00:17:06,906 --> 00:17:09,242 and scrub pots and pans every day because it's gelling? 315 00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:10,535 I'm so much better than that. 316 00:17:10,619 --> 00:17:12,662 - You saying you're better than me? - No! 317 00:17:12,746 --> 00:17:16,875 You're good, too. All I'm saying is that I got aspirations. 318 00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:19,127 I always have, even in here. 319 00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,880 You know, when I wear that apron in the kitchen... 320 00:17:21,963 --> 00:17:23,673 I'm really wearing it ironically. 321 00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:24,841 Wow. 322 00:17:25,717 --> 00:17:27,010 I had no idea. 323 00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:31,806 So I thought, I gotta do like my mom and just knock it off. 324 00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,517 You can do, like, chemistry? 325 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,935 Nah, nah. Not even. 326 00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:39,230 So I found, like, blotter clip art. 327 00:17:39,313 --> 00:17:41,357 I printed it out. 328 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,817 I wet it a little bit. 329 00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:44,528 Then, I blow dried it, 330 00:17:44,611 --> 00:17:47,155 made little squares, and I was in business. 331 00:17:47,238 --> 00:17:49,282 Selling fake designer acid. 332 00:17:49,365 --> 00:17:52,243 Brought it to the game on Friday. By halftime, sold out. 333 00:17:52,326 --> 00:17:53,995 - What? - I made some more yesterday. 334 00:17:54,078 --> 00:17:55,497 Little cherries, so cute. 335 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:59,042 And check it, bought me some flatforms! 336 00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:02,211 Oh! Those are cute. They're like flats and platforms in one? 337 00:18:02,295 --> 00:18:04,923 Wow. That's why they're called flatforms, dumb-ass. 338 00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:07,341 Yo, Marisol. 339 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,763 Hey, Arturo. Arturo's friends. 340 00:18:12,806 --> 00:18:15,767 Willy said he saw green alien guys when he was tripping on your shit. 341 00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:19,478 - They were leprechauns. - Dude, aliens sounds so much cooler. 342 00:18:19,563 --> 00:18:21,815 [Willy] But they had little hats. 343 00:18:21,898 --> 00:18:26,235 Aliens can't have little hats because of their antennas or whatever. 344 00:18:26,945 --> 00:18:30,239 Do you think you could hook us up again? My boy Jason here wants to try it. 345 00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:32,158 Lately, he's been kind of down. 346 00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,327 Yeah, I could hook you up. 347 00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:38,623 But remember, it's not for escaping reality, 348 00:18:38,707 --> 00:18:40,834 it's for, like, embracing it. 349 00:18:41,918 --> 00:18:43,044 Yes, ma'am. 350 00:18:52,345 --> 00:18:54,764 Oh, my God. It's totally working. 351 00:18:54,848 --> 00:18:57,391 - People will believe what you tell 'em. - Until they don't. 352 00:18:57,475 --> 00:19:00,519 Someone's gonna come back pissed and ask for a refund, 353 00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:02,188 or punch you in the face or something. 354 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,690 No, no, no, no, no. 355 00:19:03,773 --> 00:19:07,902 If they come back, I say, "Hold up. What happened when you took it?" 356 00:19:07,986 --> 00:19:10,989 And if they say, "Nothing," I say, "What is nothing? 357 00:19:11,072 --> 00:19:14,033 Because some people say there was nothing when the universe was created, 358 00:19:14,117 --> 00:19:17,536 but, like... isn't empty space still something? 359 00:19:17,621 --> 00:19:20,582 Open your mind to the possibilities. 360 00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:22,751 Maybe you're not doin' it right." 361 00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:25,879 And then, they come back because they feel like they didn't do it right. 362 00:19:25,962 --> 00:19:28,089 - [chuckles] - Girl, I thought this shit through. 363 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,217 - You're such a mad genius. - Yup. 364 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,846 Look at you! Round and round. 365 00:19:34,929 --> 00:19:38,182 Round all around. That's nice. 366 00:19:38,266 --> 00:19:40,727 Just get to it. Did you find him? 367 00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:44,981 Daya, that fucker hobbled away into the sunset. 368 00:19:45,442 --> 00:19:49,944 I got into his house, nothing left except some shitty clothes. 369 00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:52,571 I found a mug in the sink that looked like a grenade. 370 00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:55,241 I thought that was cool. I saved that for you. 371 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,826 But he's gone. 372 00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:04,709 Daya, fuck that guy. You're better off. 373 00:20:06,085 --> 00:20:08,004 He had one leg. 374 00:20:09,172 --> 00:20:12,842 I mean, you go around losing body parts, 375 00:20:12,926 --> 00:20:15,219 that's some pretty irresponsible shit! 376 00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:19,641 I was such a bitch. I drove him away. 377 00:20:19,724 --> 00:20:23,269 You have a life growing inside of you. 378 00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:28,983 That makes you say and do all kinds of crazy shit that make no sense. 379 00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:34,197 But a real man knows he has to suck it up and take it for nine months. 380 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:37,327 Maybe you get a little side action if need be. 381 00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:40,036 But you don't split. 382 00:20:41,495 --> 00:20:45,208 Even your loser father stuck around till you was two. 383 00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:49,838 The leaving is on him, that's not on you. 384 00:20:51,673 --> 00:20:53,466 So, what's gonna happen now? 385 00:20:56,094 --> 00:20:57,303 You're gonna take the baby, right? 386 00:20:58,054 --> 00:21:00,765 Uh... Whoa. 387 00:21:01,683 --> 00:21:06,479 Daya, I love you and I love your mother, but shit is real hard out here, okay? 388 00:21:06,562 --> 00:21:08,940 And then, your holy abuela, you know, 389 00:21:09,023 --> 00:21:12,861 she hookin' up with some old dude that she met in tai chi. 390 00:21:12,944 --> 00:21:15,029 Hardly ever see her anymore! 391 00:21:15,905 --> 00:21:18,282 - [Dayanara scoffs] - Christina. 392 00:21:18,366 --> 00:21:21,410 Christina got some decent mommy skills. 393 00:21:21,494 --> 00:21:24,080 Maybe she can take care of the baby for a little while. 394 00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:25,664 She's in junior high. 395 00:21:25,749 --> 00:21:28,849 So what? Junior high will still be there! 396 00:21:28,966 --> 00:21:31,724 Plus, she's already done, what, two years? 397 00:21:32,213 --> 00:21:35,591 Yo, it's all good. It's all good. 398 00:21:37,051 --> 00:21:38,386 I actually thought he loved me. 399 00:21:38,469 --> 00:21:41,890 And he probably did, Daya. All guys love you. 400 00:21:41,973 --> 00:21:44,100 Because you're such a good girl. 401 00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:45,434 [Dayanara sighs] 402 00:21:45,518 --> 00:21:46,644 But you know what? 403 00:21:46,989 --> 00:21:51,733 Sometimes love ain't stronger than débil. 404 00:21:52,901 --> 00:21:55,611 That guy was a bitch! 405 00:21:55,694 --> 00:21:58,907 This inside me? It feels like a grenade right now. 406 00:22:00,658 --> 00:22:04,370 And soon, it's gonna blow up and take me with it. 407 00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:07,706 It's not a mug. 408 00:22:10,668 --> 00:22:13,129 My poor baby, man. 409 00:22:14,923 --> 00:22:16,591 I'm sorry, Daya. 410 00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:21,387 If it makes you feel any better, next time I see that motherfucker, 411 00:22:21,512 --> 00:22:23,556 I'm gonna rape his ass with a broken bottle, 412 00:22:23,639 --> 00:22:26,677 and I'm gonna shoot him in the stomach so he bleeds slow. 413 00:22:26,976 --> 00:22:29,854 - That I'm gonna do for you. - Thank you. 414 00:22:31,230 --> 00:22:32,315 You're welcome. 415 00:22:34,025 --> 00:22:36,903 [Maxwell] You need to complete the test in 12 minutes. 416 00:22:36,986 --> 00:22:39,072 Twelve minutes. 417 00:22:39,155 --> 00:22:40,907 Be honest with your answers. 418 00:22:40,990 --> 00:22:44,618 And all pencils must be returned at the end of the test. 419 00:22:44,702 --> 00:22:48,372 If you do not return your pencils, you will be given a... 420 00:22:48,456 --> 00:22:49,958 - Present. - [Maxwell] ...shot. 421 00:22:54,253 --> 00:22:56,089 Well, look who's here. 422 00:22:56,172 --> 00:22:57,173 [speaking Spanish] What? 423 00:22:57,924 --> 00:22:59,717 I figure it's worth at least a shot. 424 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,136 Shut the fuck up and take your test. 425 00:23:02,220 --> 00:23:04,138 [speaking English] A test? 426 00:23:04,222 --> 00:23:09,060 Shit, I fucking suck at taking tests! I get all itchy and anxious. 427 00:23:10,228 --> 00:23:11,645 I can't think straight. 428 00:23:11,729 --> 00:23:13,857 [speaking Spanish] That's just an excuse for being stupid. 429 00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:16,860 [Maxwell speaking English] Don't turn the test over till I say begin. 430 00:23:18,319 --> 00:23:22,490 Now I know they serious about this job. Written test? 431 00:23:22,573 --> 00:23:24,450 Damn! 432 00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:27,871 They probably got us building warheads or some shit all day. 433 00:23:27,954 --> 00:23:30,789 You really think they'll have felons making weapons? 434 00:23:30,874 --> 00:23:32,166 I don't know. 435 00:23:32,250 --> 00:23:35,294 I heard the new guys are military contractors. 436 00:23:35,378 --> 00:23:37,881 - [Crazy Eyes] Mmm. - I'm sure they up to some evil. 437 00:23:37,964 --> 00:23:41,467 Have us making napalm or... 438 00:23:42,426 --> 00:23:45,176 - weaponizing smallpox. - Mmm-hmm. 439 00:23:45,184 --> 00:23:46,472 Well, whatever it is, 440 00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:49,767 we gonna be leaving up here with fish gills and extra fingers. 441 00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:51,810 That's not how mutation works. 442 00:23:51,895 --> 00:23:53,356 Oh, really? How's it work? 443 00:23:53,358 --> 00:23:56,690 Our babies would the ones born with the fish gills and extra fingers. 444 00:23:56,774 --> 00:24:00,069 What we'd have is a bunch of different cancers and lesions. 445 00:24:00,153 --> 00:24:01,154 Shit like that. 446 00:24:01,237 --> 00:24:05,033 Y'all so worried, don't take the test. It gives me a better chance. 447 00:24:05,116 --> 00:24:06,159 [Black Cindy scoffing] 448 00:24:06,242 --> 00:24:08,494 It still make 89 cents more than the warehouse. 449 00:24:09,162 --> 00:24:12,081 I got my eye on that $16 fan in commissary. 450 00:24:12,165 --> 00:24:15,709 Or you can just use your extra finger hand that you gonna have. 451 00:24:15,793 --> 00:24:19,028 All right, ladies. You may begin. 452 00:24:24,177 --> 00:24:27,596 What the fuck? "True or false? 453 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,723 Ideas are more important than real things." 454 00:24:29,807 --> 00:24:32,942 Shh! We are not supposed to discuss the questions. 455 00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,271 Check out question three. 456 00:24:35,354 --> 00:24:38,691 "Agree or disagree? Most people are brave." 457 00:24:38,774 --> 00:24:40,484 Now, my thoughts on bravery 458 00:24:40,568 --> 00:24:43,904 are supposed to tell them I'm a good employee, how? 459 00:24:45,198 --> 00:24:46,615 [both snickering] 460 00:24:47,408 --> 00:24:49,285 [whispering] So easy. 461 00:24:52,121 --> 00:24:54,434 [whispering] All right. Okay. 462 00:24:54,436 --> 00:24:58,340 [Gina] "I can feel overcome with wonder in nature." 463 00:24:59,587 --> 00:25:03,137 Well, I can feel that way, but I shouldn't say that, right? 464 00:25:03,254 --> 00:25:06,010 I mean, no one wants a tree hugger working for them. 465 00:25:07,553 --> 00:25:10,514 Unless, they're one of those eco companies 466 00:25:10,598 --> 00:25:13,892 that makes, like, bamboo forks. 467 00:25:14,518 --> 00:25:15,561 What have you guys heard? 468 00:25:15,644 --> 00:25:18,064 - Shh! - [Maxwell] Quiet, ladies! 469 00:25:18,147 --> 00:25:19,690 [Big Boo scoffs] 470 00:25:22,026 --> 00:25:25,113 Let's make a deal that if one of us gets it and the other one doesn't, 471 00:25:25,196 --> 00:25:26,655 then we don't take it. 472 00:25:26,739 --> 00:25:29,033 Like you even need to say anything. 473 00:25:34,872 --> 00:25:38,709 "I spend most of my time trying to understand things. 474 00:25:41,420 --> 00:25:45,466 I spend most of my time... 475 00:25:46,592 --> 00:25:50,554 trying... to understand things." 476 00:25:50,638 --> 00:25:51,639 What are they getting at? 477 00:25:51,722 --> 00:25:53,057 Will you shut up? I'm trying to concentrate. 478 00:25:54,142 --> 00:25:57,770 "I believe people are basically moral." 479 00:25:59,647 --> 00:26:00,648 Agree. 480 00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:05,153 - You're supposed to answer honest. - I do believe that. 481 00:26:05,944 --> 00:26:07,946 [speaking Spanish] You're sitting with a bunch of criminals. 482 00:26:08,864 --> 00:26:10,033 [scoffs] 483 00:26:10,116 --> 00:26:12,118 [speaking English] You gotta think deeper than that. 484 00:26:12,868 --> 00:26:14,870 People wanna be good. 485 00:26:14,953 --> 00:26:17,290 - They really do, deep down. - Mmm. 486 00:26:18,582 --> 00:26:19,708 But they just fuck up. 487 00:26:23,671 --> 00:26:26,049 I thought they were gonna, like, be interviewing us, 488 00:26:26,132 --> 00:26:28,092 not giving us some weird-ass brain test. 489 00:26:28,176 --> 00:26:29,802 [Maxwell] Quiet, Gonzales! 490 00:26:29,885 --> 00:26:31,887 [speaking Spanish] This test is very straight-forward. 491 00:26:37,060 --> 00:26:40,938 Would you say that I "keep in the background"? 492 00:26:41,814 --> 00:26:45,025 I'm having a hard enough time figuring out these questions for myself. 493 00:26:45,109 --> 00:26:47,611 What, I gotta answer yours now, too? Please! 494 00:26:47,695 --> 00:26:48,987 Sorry. 495 00:26:49,072 --> 00:26:50,323 [Anita sighs] 496 00:26:51,907 --> 00:26:55,911 I'm gonna go with yes, I keep in the background. 497 00:26:55,994 --> 00:26:59,832 My mother always said that silence can be the loudest thing. 498 00:26:59,915 --> 00:27:02,418 But she never shut the fuck up. [chuckles nervously] 499 00:27:02,501 --> 00:27:04,420 Oh, Lordy, this is hard. 500 00:27:04,503 --> 00:27:07,090 [Maxwell] Quiet down, ladies. 501 00:27:09,508 --> 00:27:12,303 Hey! What'd you put for 15? 502 00:27:12,386 --> 00:27:15,223 [scoffs] I'm blowing it. 503 00:27:16,224 --> 00:27:18,601 See. Now I'm getting all itchy. 504 00:27:18,684 --> 00:27:20,686 - Shh! - You, shh! 505 00:27:21,812 --> 00:27:25,065 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Who can concentrate in here? 506 00:27:25,149 --> 00:27:27,485 Gonzales, you're done. 507 00:27:27,568 --> 00:27:30,154 - I didn't finish yet. - Yes, you're done. 508 00:27:30,238 --> 00:27:32,573 Hand over your test and your pencil. 509 00:27:35,409 --> 00:27:36,577 [speaking Spanish] Whatever. 510 00:27:37,370 --> 00:27:38,871 Stupid bullshit test. 511 00:27:39,622 --> 00:27:42,458 I don't speak Spanish, so I'm going to assume you said, 512 00:27:42,541 --> 00:27:43,951 "Have a nice day." 513 00:27:44,793 --> 00:27:46,129 [inmates snickering] 514 00:27:51,259 --> 00:27:53,552 - Ooh. - [all laughing] 515 00:27:54,553 --> 00:27:55,971 Fuck you. 516 00:27:56,054 --> 00:27:58,391 Another one bites the dust. 517 00:27:59,350 --> 00:28:01,227 [school bell ringing] 518 00:28:01,310 --> 00:28:04,855 - Wanna help me spend some money? - What happened to saving for a car? 519 00:28:04,938 --> 00:28:08,942 I think I need to invest in some more emotional clothing right now, you know, 520 00:28:09,026 --> 00:28:11,779 and worry about the car later. I need to dress for my authentic self. 521 00:28:11,862 --> 00:28:13,197 - Mmm-hmm. - And for Ian. 522 00:28:13,281 --> 00:28:14,365 - [boy 1] Yo, what the fuck? - Yes. 523 00:28:14,448 --> 00:28:15,866 [Jason] You see me now? 524 00:28:16,825 --> 00:28:18,452 Because I see me. 525 00:28:18,536 --> 00:28:19,995 [boy 2] It's Jason, I think he's fucked up. 526 00:28:20,078 --> 00:28:21,414 I'm like a self-mirror. 527 00:28:21,497 --> 00:28:22,873 [speaking Spanish] Fucking shit. 528 00:28:22,956 --> 00:28:25,000 [Jason speaking English] I am silver and shimmery! 529 00:28:25,083 --> 00:28:26,877 [boy 1] Jason, you fucking idiot! 530 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:30,548 I'm failing Math and Western Civ. 531 00:28:30,631 --> 00:28:32,383 [boy 1] Everybody's failing Western Civ! 532 00:28:32,466 --> 00:28:33,801 [girl] How did he even get up there? 533 00:28:33,884 --> 00:28:35,052 Fuck it. [laughs] 534 00:28:35,136 --> 00:28:36,262 Oh, no. 535 00:28:38,889 --> 00:28:40,349 [all screaming] 536 00:28:40,891 --> 00:28:42,185 [thudding] 537 00:28:46,326 --> 00:28:50,318 You should plant some kale. I hear it's become very popular. 538 00:28:50,401 --> 00:28:52,820 The stuff that stays all day on a deli platter? 539 00:28:52,903 --> 00:28:55,281 That's a garnish, not something to eat. 540 00:28:55,364 --> 00:28:57,991 It's supposed be loaded with vitamins. 541 00:28:59,561 --> 00:29:00,603 [Healy] Hey, you were right. 542 00:29:02,205 --> 00:29:03,622 Gorgeous day. 543 00:29:04,623 --> 00:29:06,500 Hey there, Jones, you ol' string bean. 544 00:29:06,584 --> 00:29:08,085 Hello. 545 00:29:08,169 --> 00:29:09,712 Speaking of string beans, 546 00:29:09,795 --> 00:29:13,048 Jones has some requests for the vegetable garden. 547 00:29:13,131 --> 00:29:16,302 Now don't go getting any funny ideas with me now, you old burner. 548 00:29:16,385 --> 00:29:19,347 I do know what a wacky tabacky leaf looks like. 549 00:29:19,430 --> 00:29:20,681 [laughing] 550 00:29:20,764 --> 00:29:24,310 - Excuse me, I have somewhere nicer to be. - Ohhh... 551 00:29:24,393 --> 00:29:27,438 Oh, no. Stay. Have a little more fun with us. 552 00:29:28,647 --> 00:29:31,272 - Sit. - Such fun. 553 00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:34,778 [Healy] Yeah, I was at a hippie music festival once. 554 00:29:34,862 --> 00:29:37,823 Must have been, like, 10 or so. 555 00:29:37,906 --> 00:29:41,076 Mother was away and my older brother was in charge of me. 556 00:29:41,159 --> 00:29:43,537 His buddies and I, we hitchhiked there. 557 00:29:43,621 --> 00:29:45,539 Healy, such a rebel. 558 00:29:45,623 --> 00:29:48,709 Oh, no, no, no. I was scared out of my mind. 559 00:29:48,792 --> 00:29:52,505 For two days, I was living with a golf ball stuck in my throat, 560 00:29:52,588 --> 00:29:54,172 choking back the tears. 561 00:29:54,257 --> 00:29:55,799 It was absolute chaos. 562 00:29:56,139 --> 00:29:58,135 Pouring rain, nobody seemed to care. 563 00:29:58,219 --> 00:30:00,053 And people just kept wandering around. 564 00:30:00,137 --> 00:30:03,849 They were dancing completely naked, filthy with the mud. 565 00:30:03,932 --> 00:30:05,142 It was, like, unbelievable. 566 00:30:05,226 --> 00:30:06,810 Were you at Woodstock? 567 00:30:06,894 --> 00:30:08,771 Somewhere upstate. 568 00:30:08,854 --> 00:30:11,482 Plus, somebody stole my Johnny Unitas football. 569 00:30:11,565 --> 00:30:14,652 I never wanted to be home so badly. 570 00:30:14,735 --> 00:30:16,529 You guys understand that, right? 571 00:30:16,612 --> 00:30:19,448 Sounds like it was very traumatizing for you. 572 00:30:21,116 --> 00:30:22,535 I don't know. 573 00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:27,164 My brother, he's an insurance appraiser now. 574 00:30:27,248 --> 00:30:28,916 [sighs] 575 00:30:28,999 --> 00:30:31,460 Mostly boats and other watercraft. 576 00:30:32,503 --> 00:30:33,962 This is nice. 577 00:30:35,506 --> 00:30:37,174 Fresh air. 578 00:30:38,175 --> 00:30:39,385 Good company. 579 00:30:44,097 --> 00:30:45,724 [both laughing] 580 00:30:45,808 --> 00:30:49,144 So, she wants this. Does that look edible to you? 581 00:30:49,227 --> 00:30:52,440 - How you think you did? - Who can tell? 582 00:30:52,523 --> 00:30:54,900 Come on. We just got started! 583 00:30:54,983 --> 00:30:57,695 Man, I pluck my chin hairs. Ain't that upkeep enough? 584 00:30:57,778 --> 00:31:00,948 - I got to run, too? - Mind, body. 585 00:31:02,658 --> 00:31:04,242 You know, I'm just now realizing, 586 00:31:04,327 --> 00:31:07,455 I'm pretty damn happy with both those departments. 587 00:31:07,538 --> 00:31:08,789 I'm walking! 588 00:31:08,872 --> 00:31:09,873 - Come on. - Uh-uh. 589 00:31:09,957 --> 00:31:12,751 To the green house, then we can slow it down. 590 00:31:12,835 --> 00:31:13,877 Let's go! 591 00:31:13,961 --> 00:31:17,548 - Man, if I sweat my hair out... - Come on! Let's go! 592 00:31:17,631 --> 00:31:18,966 [Black Cindy] Titties flappin' everywhere! 593 00:31:19,049 --> 00:31:20,634 Please tell me that's a margarita. 594 00:31:20,718 --> 00:31:22,678 Yeah. Lemonade. 595 00:31:22,761 --> 00:31:26,849 Made from the finest powdered ingredients the commissary has to offer. 596 00:31:26,932 --> 00:31:27,975 Mmm. 597 00:31:28,058 --> 00:31:30,936 - With the pink sweetener, not the blue. - Nice. 598 00:31:31,604 --> 00:31:33,105 Mmm. 599 00:31:33,188 --> 00:31:34,231 Mmm. 600 00:31:34,315 --> 00:31:35,316 Thank you. 601 00:31:35,399 --> 00:31:38,732 God, I've been laying manure for the last four hours. 602 00:31:39,445 --> 00:31:42,448 The latest rumor is that our new corporate overlords 603 00:31:42,531 --> 00:31:45,368 are gonna be testing genetically modified wheat out here. 604 00:31:46,118 --> 00:31:49,747 See? Who says prison doesn't prepare you for the outside world? 605 00:31:49,830 --> 00:31:50,873 [scoffs] 606 00:31:50,956 --> 00:31:53,083 You know, when we get out of here... 607 00:31:53,166 --> 00:31:56,086 I could find electrical work, you could landscape. 608 00:31:56,169 --> 00:31:58,714 We could drive a pickup truck. 609 00:31:58,797 --> 00:32:00,841 We would be living lesbian stereotypes. 610 00:32:00,924 --> 00:32:05,137 We could stop shaving and start camping. 611 00:32:05,220 --> 00:32:09,433 We could go to... golf tournaments. 612 00:32:10,183 --> 00:32:12,770 No? No. No golf. 613 00:32:12,853 --> 00:32:14,229 Who's that girl? 614 00:32:14,312 --> 00:32:17,525 - She's not in orange, so she's not new. - Hmm. 615 00:32:17,608 --> 00:32:20,653 I've never seen her before, and then today twice in one day. 616 00:32:20,736 --> 00:32:22,154 It's a prison phenomenon. 617 00:32:22,237 --> 00:32:23,822 It's like when you think you've seen everyone, 618 00:32:23,906 --> 00:32:26,867 you suddenly notice that there's a girl 619 00:32:26,950 --> 00:32:30,704 with a port wine birthmark on her face 620 00:32:30,788 --> 00:32:35,042 that has been working with you in electrical since you got here 621 00:32:35,125 --> 00:32:36,752 and you'd never seen her before. 622 00:32:36,835 --> 00:32:39,880 No, that phenomenon is called self-absorbed. 623 00:32:43,842 --> 00:32:45,886 Seriously, something is up with her. 624 00:32:45,969 --> 00:32:49,432 She's super sketchy, and clearly her Disney Princess is Jasmine. 625 00:32:52,810 --> 00:32:56,313 Look! Look! She just looked at me. 626 00:32:59,316 --> 00:33:03,153 Twice in one day out of nowhere, Piper. It's weird. 627 00:33:03,236 --> 00:33:05,155 And he knows that I'm in here. 628 00:33:07,991 --> 00:33:12,455 So... So, you're saying that Kubra found a girl who was headed to prison, 629 00:33:12,538 --> 00:33:17,554 or better yet, convinced someone to get arrested, 630 00:33:17,632 --> 00:33:20,588 charged, sent to prison, 631 00:33:20,671 --> 00:33:26,093 and then manipulated it so that they would be assigned here, 632 00:33:26,176 --> 00:33:29,513 specifically so they could get you? 633 00:33:29,597 --> 00:33:33,058 I'm telling you, he's twisted. 634 00:33:33,141 --> 00:33:34,935 He plays the long game. 635 00:33:35,018 --> 00:33:37,688 He's too smart to send in a girl who looks like she's from Cyprus. 636 00:33:37,771 --> 00:33:42,776 That's a... rookie move. You're a paranoid racist. 637 00:33:42,860 --> 00:33:44,194 She probably just thinks you're cute. 638 00:33:45,362 --> 00:33:50,909 But if she tries to hit on you... I will smack a bitch down. 639 00:33:52,620 --> 00:33:53,912 Hmm. 640 00:33:54,872 --> 00:33:56,206 [chair scrapes] 641 00:34:01,253 --> 00:34:05,674 I've heard girls talking about you, saying you can offer help. 642 00:34:07,179 --> 00:34:09,734 I'm in a pretty dark place. 643 00:34:11,388 --> 00:34:13,098 Is this like a guru situation? 644 00:34:16,309 --> 00:34:19,563 I went to see Amma once. The hugging saint. 645 00:34:19,647 --> 00:34:24,818 We waited for three hours to get hugged, but then Seamus said he felt sick. 646 00:34:24,902 --> 00:34:28,656 He said it was from the sun and the chia pudding, 647 00:34:28,739 --> 00:34:31,992 but I'm pretty sure he just got impatient. 648 00:34:32,743 --> 00:34:34,578 I could've used that hug. 649 00:34:35,570 --> 00:34:38,081 I don't know why I didn't stay. 650 00:34:39,583 --> 00:34:41,043 Yes, I do. 651 00:34:41,126 --> 00:34:43,712 I didn't stay so Seamus and Meadow 652 00:34:43,796 --> 00:34:46,632 could go back to the lake and have sex and do slackline. 653 00:34:46,715 --> 00:34:48,509 So, I missed my hug. 654 00:34:50,553 --> 00:34:53,722 Do those sound like good friends to you? I mean... 655 00:34:54,723 --> 00:34:58,101 why don't I have people in my life who really care about me? 656 00:35:03,065 --> 00:35:07,319 Maybe it's me. I've been lazy. 657 00:35:07,986 --> 00:35:11,448 But... there are connections to be made in here, right? 658 00:35:11,532 --> 00:35:15,493 I mean, I see people who care about each other all over this place. 659 00:35:15,578 --> 00:35:18,413 And they were all new once. [chuckles nervously] 660 00:35:19,456 --> 00:35:21,333 Yeah. 661 00:35:21,416 --> 00:35:22,960 That makes sense. 662 00:35:27,339 --> 00:35:28,591 Oh. 663 00:35:28,674 --> 00:35:30,217 [laughs] 664 00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:33,511 I get it. This is your thing. 665 00:35:33,596 --> 00:35:38,559 You give people this meaningful stare, and people project their feelings onto it. 666 00:35:38,642 --> 00:35:39,852 [laughs] 667 00:35:42,855 --> 00:35:44,481 It's really soothing. 668 00:35:47,192 --> 00:35:49,152 I feel better. 669 00:35:50,571 --> 00:35:51,864 Thank you. 670 00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:00,873 [guard] Inmates, no touching. 671 00:36:09,172 --> 00:36:11,008 [breathing heavily] 672 00:36:12,718 --> 00:36:14,511 Oh, thanks. Thanks for helping. 673 00:36:15,262 --> 00:36:17,723 Yeah. You steal from someone who's giving it away for free. 674 00:36:17,806 --> 00:36:20,350 That's, like... double negative karma. 675 00:36:20,433 --> 00:36:22,936 [laughs] Yeah, it is pretty fucked up. 676 00:36:24,062 --> 00:36:26,690 You know this isn't gonna be ready for, like, another week or so, right? 677 00:36:26,774 --> 00:36:29,109 - A week? - Yeah. 678 00:36:29,192 --> 00:36:31,862 [Poussey speaking German] Rome wasn't built in a day. 679 00:36:31,945 --> 00:36:33,571 [speaking English] Fuck Rome. 680 00:36:33,656 --> 00:36:35,658 [speaking German] I want to get my buzz on. 681 00:36:37,409 --> 00:36:38,869 [speaking English] You got any suspects? 682 00:36:38,952 --> 00:36:40,788 [Poussey] You know, it could be Papadakis. 683 00:36:40,871 --> 00:36:43,498 I know a couple of girls got sick off her shit. 684 00:36:43,581 --> 00:36:46,084 Yo, maybe she's trying to steal my secret ingredient! 685 00:36:46,168 --> 00:36:47,419 - Cinnamon! - Watermelon! 686 00:36:47,502 --> 00:36:51,423 No, and no! All right? Fuck you. I ain't telling you. 687 00:36:52,090 --> 00:36:54,176 I think that squirrel's dead. 688 00:36:54,259 --> 00:36:56,679 He's just been laying up in that branch this whole time. 689 00:37:02,184 --> 00:37:03,811 Yo, don't do that, man. 690 00:37:03,894 --> 00:37:07,314 He gonna come down and come for your face and claw your eyes out and shit. 691 00:37:07,397 --> 00:37:09,983 My cousin had a ferret who did that. 692 00:37:12,861 --> 00:37:17,032 - That squirrel is not giving one shit. - Maybe he's retarded. 693 00:37:18,867 --> 00:37:20,243 Maybe he's drunk. 694 00:37:20,327 --> 00:37:22,537 What, you saying that little thing is the hooch bandit? 695 00:37:23,580 --> 00:37:24,873 Come on, y'all. 696 00:37:24,957 --> 00:37:28,210 The bags are heavy, they were buried deep. I don't think so. 697 00:37:28,293 --> 00:37:29,670 He's not that little. 698 00:37:29,753 --> 00:37:33,006 Maybe his daddy fucked a raccoon and he's one of those hybrid species. 699 00:37:34,466 --> 00:37:35,550 A squacoon. 700 00:37:35,633 --> 00:37:38,636 - His tail is kind of stripey-like. - Thank you. 701 00:37:38,721 --> 00:37:41,098 Squirrels and raccoons can't mate. 702 00:37:41,181 --> 00:37:43,141 All right? They're, like, two totally different species. 703 00:37:44,685 --> 00:37:46,937 Whatever he is, I think he's your problem. 704 00:37:47,452 --> 00:37:49,064 You gotta defend your stash. 705 00:37:49,147 --> 00:37:51,483 On the farm, my daddy used pee and cayenne pepper 706 00:37:51,566 --> 00:37:52,901 to keep the skunks away. 707 00:37:56,905 --> 00:37:59,491 I suppose I should start out by apologizing, 708 00:37:59,574 --> 00:38:03,787 which I've had to do a lot through the years for George. 709 00:38:03,871 --> 00:38:06,790 Although, this one really takes the cake. 710 00:38:08,041 --> 00:38:09,960 I suppose I shouldn't mention cake because you probably... 711 00:38:10,043 --> 00:38:11,628 You can have it. 712 00:38:11,712 --> 00:38:12,755 "It"? 713 00:38:13,879 --> 00:38:14,880 The baby? 714 00:38:14,882 --> 00:38:18,051 I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. It doesn't matter. 715 00:38:18,135 --> 00:38:19,552 Either way, I don't want it. 716 00:38:19,636 --> 00:38:23,515 My mom says you have a real nice house, so he'll have his own room and stuff. 717 00:38:23,598 --> 00:38:24,975 Yes, that's true. 718 00:38:28,311 --> 00:38:29,521 You seem upset. 719 00:38:30,355 --> 00:38:32,065 I'm pregnant in prison, lady. 720 00:38:32,149 --> 00:38:34,609 Were you really expecting for me to be all happy and glowy? 721 00:38:34,692 --> 00:38:39,740 No, no. I just... I thought... I thought we would talk a little bit more. 722 00:38:39,823 --> 00:38:43,618 What is there to say? I don't feel anything for this baby. 723 00:38:43,701 --> 00:38:47,039 It's hard to have love for something that's camping out on your bladder. 724 00:38:47,122 --> 00:38:50,167 I remember watching my ass turn into my Aunt Louise's. 725 00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:52,460 It was not a good look. 726 00:38:52,544 --> 00:38:56,256 But, um, I also remember having these really vivid dreams. 727 00:38:56,339 --> 00:39:00,928 None of this is what dreams are made of. It was just a mistake. 728 00:39:01,011 --> 00:39:04,639 So, if you're trying to prove something by taking that on, God bless. 729 00:39:05,140 --> 00:39:07,642 I am trying to prove something. 730 00:39:08,894 --> 00:39:12,397 I know that's crazy, but I... He was always... 731 00:39:14,399 --> 00:39:18,320 Look, the nurse, when I was checking out of the hospital, 732 00:39:18,403 --> 00:39:20,572 handed me George all wrapped up in a blanket and said, 733 00:39:20,655 --> 00:39:24,076 "You have a difficult child. Good luck." And she was right. 734 00:39:24,159 --> 00:39:25,911 I should've done more, you know. 735 00:39:25,994 --> 00:39:27,996 I was young and I was in a bad marriage, 736 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,249 and you just realize stuff as time goes on. 737 00:39:31,333 --> 00:39:32,459 So... 738 00:39:34,461 --> 00:39:37,630 Look, he's my kid. 739 00:39:37,714 --> 00:39:43,095 He's my responsibility even now. And I love him, and I will love that baby. 740 00:39:43,178 --> 00:39:46,890 And I'm gonna do this right, Miss Diaz. I am committed. 741 00:39:47,515 --> 00:39:50,560 All yours. Are we done here? 742 00:39:50,643 --> 00:39:52,645 Oh, my God, you... You don't even know me. 743 00:39:52,729 --> 00:39:53,814 I mean, I... 744 00:39:53,897 --> 00:39:55,482 I could be some kind of ax murderer 745 00:39:55,565 --> 00:39:59,444 who wants to make coats out of the skins of babies or something. 746 00:39:59,527 --> 00:40:02,572 I watch a lot of true crime TV. 747 00:40:02,655 --> 00:40:07,410 You want the baby, I said yes. Why do you keep on pushing me? 748 00:40:07,494 --> 00:40:09,787 Because I'm afraid you'll change your mind. 749 00:40:09,872 --> 00:40:12,457 I'm afraid that you'll snap out of this depression 750 00:40:12,540 --> 00:40:14,251 and wonder, "What was I thinking?" 751 00:40:14,334 --> 00:40:17,757 You got a paper? I'll sign it over right now. 752 00:40:18,338 --> 00:40:19,965 You'll get your do-over baby, 753 00:40:20,048 --> 00:40:24,344 and I'll have a chance to start a new life where I just gotta worry about me. 754 00:40:25,262 --> 00:40:27,680 You can't sign the paper until you've had the baby. 755 00:40:28,431 --> 00:40:30,517 [chuckles] Oh, I get it now. 756 00:40:32,185 --> 00:40:35,022 Is there somebody in here that you could talk to? 757 00:40:35,105 --> 00:40:37,607 You know, a professional or something? 758 00:40:37,690 --> 00:40:38,984 [chuckles] 759 00:40:39,067 --> 00:40:40,861 My counselor is an old white man 760 00:40:40,944 --> 00:40:43,821 who tries to connect by saying "Hola" in the hallway. 761 00:40:43,906 --> 00:40:44,948 [sighs] 762 00:40:45,698 --> 00:40:49,286 And lucky for you, my mom is all up for the deal. 763 00:40:49,369 --> 00:40:52,956 I talk to her sometimes, mmm, when she's not being a total bitch. 764 00:40:55,375 --> 00:40:56,626 Go team. 765 00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,423 Well, I'm gonna come back and visit you again really soon, 766 00:41:01,506 --> 00:41:02,757 and we'll talk some more. 767 00:41:04,301 --> 00:41:05,302 [sighs] 768 00:41:10,765 --> 00:41:12,809 It was very nice to meet you, Dayanara. 769 00:41:17,730 --> 00:41:18,982 Bye. 770 00:41:23,195 --> 00:41:24,404 [inmate] Check it out. 771 00:41:25,363 --> 00:41:28,992 Oh, yeah! Mama's got a brand new bag! 772 00:41:29,076 --> 00:41:30,410 [exclaiming] 773 00:41:31,619 --> 00:41:33,205 [Black Cindy] Uh... 774 00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:34,998 'Course fucking Chapman got it. 775 00:41:35,082 --> 00:41:37,417 Oh! Fuck, yeah! That's me! 776 00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:39,169 ♪ Queen of the new job ♪ 777 00:41:39,252 --> 00:41:40,795 [Janae whoops] 778 00:41:40,878 --> 00:41:43,381 Yes! Ain't nobody's maid no more! 779 00:41:44,174 --> 00:41:45,968 [laughs] 780 00:41:48,011 --> 00:41:49,930 No! Quit that. 781 00:41:50,013 --> 00:41:51,764 How do you know that job's any good anyhow? 782 00:41:51,848 --> 00:41:53,976 Besides, I thought you liked cleaning. 783 00:41:54,059 --> 00:41:56,144 No, but I failed, T! 784 00:41:56,228 --> 00:41:59,022 I should've answered the question in the reverse of how I felt. 785 00:41:59,106 --> 00:42:01,066 The opposite of me is better. 786 00:42:01,149 --> 00:42:04,194 The opposite of you is... boring. 787 00:42:04,277 --> 00:42:09,032 You're obviously too... creative for that job. 788 00:42:11,076 --> 00:42:14,454 [sighs contentedly] You bitches get in? Hmm? 789 00:42:15,122 --> 00:42:16,498 No. 790 00:42:16,581 --> 00:42:21,628 Oh, well, we promise not to throw our new high paying jobs in your face too much. 791 00:42:22,754 --> 00:42:23,796 [sighs] 792 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:27,634 So, that's just business, right? You know, some cutthroat shit. 793 00:42:28,843 --> 00:42:32,097 Oh, anyway. So you think I need a fresh, new first day do? 794 00:42:32,180 --> 00:42:36,393 Yeah! Hook it up! Look hot! Curls! 795 00:42:36,476 --> 00:42:37,477 [Janae laughing] 796 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,148 Get me some little spirals, some curls, you know what I'm saying? Like... 797 00:42:44,276 --> 00:42:46,528 [stammering] Hey, Gonzales, uh... 798 00:42:47,779 --> 00:42:50,698 Congrats. I saw you got in. 799 00:42:50,938 --> 00:42:52,105 Seriously? 800 00:42:52,538 --> 00:42:54,411 Holy shit. 801 00:42:54,494 --> 00:42:58,331 You know, I was psyching myself out the whole time. 802 00:42:58,415 --> 00:43:01,334 But I guess my smarts must've kicked in anyhow. 803 00:43:01,418 --> 00:43:03,170 So cool. How about you? 804 00:43:03,554 --> 00:43:08,133 Nah. Still stuck in the toilet, so to speak. 805 00:43:08,216 --> 00:43:11,928 - Calgon, take me away. - I'm sorry about that. 806 00:43:12,012 --> 00:43:13,721 But you know, I'm gonna tell everybody I know 807 00:43:13,805 --> 00:43:16,183 to try to pee real neat from now on, okay? 808 00:43:16,266 --> 00:43:19,102 Make your life a little easier. [chuckles] 809 00:43:19,186 --> 00:43:20,270 Thanks for that. 810 00:43:24,024 --> 00:43:27,360 [inmate] Come on. Get out the way. Hurry up. 811 00:43:34,659 --> 00:43:36,869 Look how close our bunks are. 812 00:43:38,246 --> 00:43:40,123 Now we can share each other's clothes. 813 00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:42,792 They're announcing who got the new job assignment. 814 00:43:42,875 --> 00:43:44,711 - You wanna go see? - Yeah, okay. 815 00:43:46,254 --> 00:43:49,591 You still on the lookout for shanking belly dancers? 816 00:43:50,883 --> 00:43:53,010 To quote Philip K. Dick, 817 00:43:53,095 --> 00:43:56,723 "It's strange how paranoia can link up with reality now and then." 818 00:43:56,806 --> 00:44:01,475 You know, Kubra probably loves me since I lied for him. 819 00:44:02,645 --> 00:44:05,452 Maybe I'm his gal on the inside. 820 00:44:05,898 --> 00:44:08,985 - Ha-ha. - You know what I would use for my shank? 821 00:44:10,612 --> 00:44:12,655 - Your very own toothbrush. - Fuck off. 822 00:44:16,326 --> 00:44:18,661 Seriously, did he reach out to you after the trial? 823 00:44:18,745 --> 00:44:22,415 No, I'm just playing. Or am I? 824 00:44:22,499 --> 00:44:26,002 Quit it, Piper. You're freaking me out. Be straight. 825 00:44:26,086 --> 00:44:29,547 Did you talk to him? You have to tell me! 826 00:44:29,631 --> 00:44:33,801 Wait, like, if you were a drug dealer, hypothetically, 827 00:44:33,885 --> 00:44:37,430 and I was a narc and you're asking me if I was a cop? 828 00:44:37,514 --> 00:44:39,015 21 Jump Street style? 829 00:44:39,099 --> 00:44:40,975 Yeah, exactly like that. 830 00:44:42,144 --> 00:44:46,898 I have not been hired to kill you, Alex. 831 00:44:48,358 --> 00:44:49,984 Or psychologically torture me? 832 00:44:50,067 --> 00:44:53,155 Well, not by Kubra's command. 833 00:44:53,238 --> 00:44:56,491 Will you stop making light of this? 834 00:44:56,574 --> 00:45:00,912 There is a very real possibility that he would send someone for me. 835 00:45:00,995 --> 00:45:02,914 Okay, you're right. No, I'm... 836 00:45:04,207 --> 00:45:06,584 I'm done. [sighs] 837 00:45:06,668 --> 00:45:08,586 Unless, of course, I'm hiding a weapon in my bra. 838 00:45:08,670 --> 00:45:10,922 I think you need to check. 839 00:45:33,152 --> 00:45:34,446 [laughs] 840 00:45:41,453 --> 00:45:44,664 Everything boils down to control with you! 841 00:45:44,747 --> 00:45:48,793 All I'm saying is if you took Howard Street, rather than Maple, 842 00:45:48,876 --> 00:45:50,878 we would save three minutes on the drive. 843 00:45:50,962 --> 00:45:52,797 It's not controlling, it's efficient. 844 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:54,757 It's three minutes. 845 00:45:54,841 --> 00:45:57,677 And I enjoy the houses on Maple. They're quaint. 846 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,930 The one with the, uh... red painted door and the tire swing? 847 00:46:01,013 --> 00:46:03,391 It makes me think maybe the world's a nice place. 848 00:46:03,475 --> 00:46:05,935 I'll take that thought over three minutes any day. 849 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:13,025 - My hours got cut. - See, I was right. I knew it. 850 00:46:13,109 --> 00:46:15,612 Smoke and mirrors. Sorry, Ford. 851 00:46:15,695 --> 00:46:18,240 - No, mine too. In half. - [Ford groaning] 852 00:46:22,034 --> 00:46:23,786 Sons of bitches. 853 00:46:24,621 --> 00:46:27,374 You think this is just us? Have we been slacking? 854 00:46:27,457 --> 00:46:29,334 You let an inmate steal a van and kill another inmate with it. 855 00:46:29,417 --> 00:46:30,710 I mean, that's pretty egregious. 856 00:46:30,793 --> 00:46:33,838 Suck it, O'Neill. I was found to be not at fault for that. 857 00:46:33,921 --> 00:46:37,091 No, this is them. Corporate greed mongers. 858 00:46:37,174 --> 00:46:38,926 So, who's covering the hours we're losing? 859 00:46:39,010 --> 00:46:43,014 More mongers. They multiply like gremlins. 860 00:46:43,097 --> 00:46:45,308 You still think the world's a nice place? 861 00:46:47,810 --> 00:46:50,397 Ooh-hoo. Yeah! 862 00:46:51,273 --> 00:46:52,315 Mmm! 863 00:46:53,190 --> 00:46:56,110 Hey, what you think? Does this say swag? 864 00:46:57,445 --> 00:46:59,781 Great job not rubbing it in our faces. 865 00:46:59,864 --> 00:47:02,659 Hey, I didn't say that. Watson did. 866 00:47:02,742 --> 00:47:05,244 Yo, did you talk to your girl, Poussey? 867 00:47:05,328 --> 00:47:06,996 She didn't take the test. 868 00:47:07,079 --> 00:47:09,541 No! She too busy fighting off 869 00:47:09,624 --> 00:47:13,836 some imaginary drink-thieving raccquirrel to worry about this shit. 870 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,507 She's outside, pissing in circles, making "traps"! 871 00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:19,759 You need to come clean. 872 00:47:19,842 --> 00:47:23,555 Tell her you took her shit 'fore she really get cracked. 873 00:47:23,638 --> 00:47:25,264 Are her traps humane? 874 00:47:25,348 --> 00:47:28,142 [scoffing] Cartoon style, with a stick and a box. 875 00:47:28,225 --> 00:47:32,439 Look, I'd rather see her running around like a fool 876 00:47:32,522 --> 00:47:35,358 - than sleeping and drinking all damn day. - Mmm-hmm. 877 00:47:35,442 --> 00:47:37,068 At least she's up and moving. 878 00:47:37,151 --> 00:47:41,197 Up and moving and giving Looney Tunes here a run for her money. 879 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:45,242 Well, she's got a goal now. I'll tell her... eventually. 880 00:47:45,327 --> 00:47:47,244 But, uh, don't rush. 881 00:47:47,329 --> 00:47:50,623 Once you know Santa Claus isn't real, it's all downhill from there. 882 00:47:50,707 --> 00:47:52,625 Okay, what the hell Santa Claus got to do with this? 883 00:47:52,709 --> 00:47:54,752 It's good to have something to believe in. 884 00:47:54,836 --> 00:47:57,755 Giant drunky squirrels, Santa. 885 00:47:57,839 --> 00:48:02,051 [scoffs] It's like the tests say, "Ideas are better than reality." 886 00:48:02,134 --> 00:48:03,219 And you agreed with that? 887 00:48:03,302 --> 00:48:06,013 - [Crazy Eyes] Mmm-hmm. - Well, no wonder you didn't get the job. 888 00:48:06,097 --> 00:48:10,810 The reality they was talking about was working your ass off for the man. 889 00:48:13,312 --> 00:48:16,774 Your answer basically told the man to fuck off. 890 00:48:16,858 --> 00:48:18,317 No, I didn't mean that. 891 00:48:18,401 --> 00:48:21,946 Wait, so, do you think I should talk to somebody and say... 892 00:48:22,029 --> 00:48:23,448 You know, explain myself? 893 00:48:23,531 --> 00:48:25,700 See, I think that ship has sailed, my dear. 894 00:48:25,783 --> 00:48:29,245 - [Black Cindy] Mmm-hmm. - Time to go sweep up some pube hives. 895 00:48:29,328 --> 00:48:32,874 I like to think of them more like... pube nests. 896 00:48:32,957 --> 00:48:35,001 Everybody's got fucking opinions! 897 00:48:35,084 --> 00:48:38,337 Well, consolation Snickers on me later, scrub! 898 00:48:38,421 --> 00:48:39,756 Puff out! 899 00:48:42,216 --> 00:48:44,176 No. 900 00:48:44,260 --> 00:48:47,472 Something is missing in my life. 901 00:48:47,555 --> 00:48:52,268 No matter how much reading and gardening I do, my mind drifts. 902 00:48:53,395 --> 00:48:56,481 - I have this need. - Okay. 903 00:48:56,564 --> 00:48:59,526 An overwhelming need. A drive. 904 00:49:00,735 --> 00:49:01,986 A hunger. 905 00:49:03,362 --> 00:49:04,864 - A hunger? - Yes. 906 00:49:05,990 --> 00:49:08,743 I am missing the heat, you know? 907 00:49:08,826 --> 00:49:11,746 That flush in my face that only comes from real... 908 00:49:11,829 --> 00:49:12,872 Passion. 909 00:49:15,583 --> 00:49:18,420 Oh, yeah. I understand. 910 00:49:18,503 --> 00:49:21,172 Give me something to be consumed with, Healy. 911 00:49:21,839 --> 00:49:26,594 Sure it leaves me with blisters and burns and an aching back, but it's work, 912 00:49:26,678 --> 00:49:29,639 real work, and I yearn for it. 913 00:49:31,057 --> 00:49:33,935 [stammers] Are you talking about the kitchen? 914 00:49:35,812 --> 00:49:37,439 It is a proven fact 915 00:49:37,522 --> 00:49:41,526 that people in retirement are more likely to get Alzheimer's. 916 00:49:41,609 --> 00:49:43,402 I don't want to become Jimmy, 917 00:49:43,486 --> 00:49:45,488 walking around with my underwear on my head. 918 00:49:45,572 --> 00:49:48,282 I need purpose and stimulation. 919 00:49:48,365 --> 00:49:52,454 Well, Mendoza's doing a fine job in the kitchen. 920 00:49:52,537 --> 00:49:54,789 We have no reason to replace her. 921 00:49:55,957 --> 00:49:58,084 So you'll have to... 922 00:49:58,167 --> 00:50:00,628 You'll have to look somewhere else for your... 923 00:50:03,255 --> 00:50:06,217 You'll have to find your purpose somewhere else. 924 00:50:06,300 --> 00:50:10,015 I'm sure with this new regime, there will be changes. 925 00:50:10,638 --> 00:50:13,475 Maybe you could slip this one through as well. 926 00:50:13,558 --> 00:50:16,185 Please. Comrade to comrade. 927 00:50:17,144 --> 00:50:21,440 Look... Red, this is protocol. 928 00:50:21,524 --> 00:50:24,401 You got busted for those drugs. 929 00:50:24,486 --> 00:50:27,363 There's no way Caputo's signing off on this. 930 00:50:28,906 --> 00:50:32,660 You didn't get to where you are without knowing how to work the system. 931 00:50:33,661 --> 00:50:35,246 I respect the system. 932 00:50:35,329 --> 00:50:37,414 Don't you also respect me? 933 00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:41,002 Jesus, Red. 934 00:50:43,630 --> 00:50:45,297 I thought you were different. 935 00:50:49,677 --> 00:50:52,514 I bet a bunch of those girls didn't answer the questions honestly. 936 00:50:52,597 --> 00:50:54,641 I ain't 100% sure I did. 937 00:50:55,808 --> 00:50:57,685 Yeah, it was confusing. 938 00:50:57,769 --> 00:51:02,148 I had to take a test like that one time, when I applied to be an RA. 939 00:51:02,231 --> 00:51:05,109 - What's an RA? - A resident advisor. 940 00:51:05,192 --> 00:51:07,529 Like, for my... dorm in college. 941 00:51:08,988 --> 00:51:12,867 I didn't get that one either. We must be too emotional. 942 00:51:13,785 --> 00:51:15,537 And that's bad? 943 00:51:15,620 --> 00:51:19,456 Um... I mean, it doesn't make for a good employee. 944 00:51:19,541 --> 00:51:21,375 Like, I read a horrible article this morning 945 00:51:21,458 --> 00:51:24,962 about this woman getting stoned in Iran for adultery, 946 00:51:25,046 --> 00:51:26,673 and it seriously made me so upset 947 00:51:26,756 --> 00:51:30,009 that I've folded this laundry, like, four times already. 948 00:51:30,552 --> 00:51:34,096 [sighs] Emotional equals unproductive, I guess. 949 00:51:35,723 --> 00:51:38,643 - I like getting stoned. - Who doesn't? 950 00:51:39,727 --> 00:51:41,103 Yeah. [giggles] 951 00:51:42,229 --> 00:51:46,525 Getting stoned. Ooh. It's so fun. 952 00:51:46,609 --> 00:51:48,402 [Brook sighs] 953 00:51:50,362 --> 00:51:52,782 So, um... 954 00:51:54,075 --> 00:51:55,201 Walmart. 955 00:51:56,493 --> 00:51:58,495 Uh, how about Walmart? 956 00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:01,708 It's so big. I went there once. 957 00:52:01,791 --> 00:52:05,670 I noticed that there was a lot of... cheap shit in there! 958 00:52:05,753 --> 00:52:09,465 [giggling] Like, just everything you could ever want. 959 00:52:09,548 --> 00:52:12,635 Someone check the hot dogs out there. I bet they're running low. 960 00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:13,720 I just refilled them. 961 00:52:13,803 --> 00:52:16,430 Well, stay on them. That no carb trend is back. 962 00:52:16,513 --> 00:52:18,600 I'm up to my ears in buns. 963 00:52:20,184 --> 00:52:23,312 Oh. Look who decided to grace us with her presence. 964 00:52:23,395 --> 00:52:25,898 Throw an apron on, we'll talk punishment later. 965 00:52:25,982 --> 00:52:27,274 I got the job. 966 00:52:28,610 --> 00:52:32,529 It's supposed to start in a few minutes. I just wanted to come let you know. 967 00:52:33,572 --> 00:52:34,741 Come? 968 00:52:34,824 --> 00:52:36,575 How considerate of you... 969 00:52:36,659 --> 00:52:39,746 to show your front when you're turning your back on your family. 970 00:52:41,205 --> 00:52:43,249 I earned it, Gloria. You should be proud of me. 971 00:52:43,332 --> 00:52:44,541 [Maria] Because of that test? 972 00:52:44,626 --> 00:52:46,335 I heard some of the questions on that test. 973 00:52:46,418 --> 00:52:47,586 It's not even about anything. 974 00:52:47,670 --> 00:52:50,214 They were obviously about something, and I got 'em right. 975 00:52:50,297 --> 00:52:53,384 Blanca took it, too, and she didn't get picked. 976 00:52:56,012 --> 00:53:00,099 Oh. So now you're better than us? What, you're chosen? 977 00:53:00,182 --> 00:53:01,350 [sighs deeply] 978 00:53:01,433 --> 00:53:05,688 Oh, watch out, Norma, Flaca is moving in on your territory. 979 00:53:07,064 --> 00:53:08,107 [Gloria laughs] 980 00:53:08,190 --> 00:53:11,235 That's right, I am better. Better than all you bitches. 981 00:53:12,194 --> 00:53:15,197 Maybe I got C's in high school because my personality is too complex 982 00:53:15,281 --> 00:53:17,491 for mainstream academics. 983 00:53:17,574 --> 00:53:19,243 Some people are born for greatness. 984 00:53:20,202 --> 00:53:23,289 How nice that prison could help you realize your full potential. 985 00:53:23,372 --> 00:53:24,456 Fuck you. 986 00:53:27,043 --> 00:53:28,920 [speaking Spanish] Fucking nobodies. 987 00:53:37,796 --> 00:53:39,213 [man on TV] Your budget is $800,000... 988 00:53:39,305 --> 00:53:43,017 [speaking Spanish] Marisol, turn that down, I can't think. 989 00:53:43,100 --> 00:53:44,852 How much thinking you gotta do with that shit? 990 00:53:44,936 --> 00:53:46,729 Go straight, then turn. 991 00:53:46,813 --> 00:53:48,355 [knocking on door] 992 00:53:48,439 --> 00:53:52,860 [man on TV] Many private islands in the Keys sell for over $10 million. 993 00:53:52,944 --> 00:53:53,986 [turns TV off] 994 00:53:53,988 --> 00:53:56,198 Ugh. I do everything around here. 995 00:53:59,784 --> 00:54:01,703 - [speaking English] Marisol Gonzales? - Yes. 996 00:54:01,786 --> 00:54:02,995 Can I talk to you for a minute? 997 00:54:10,627 --> 00:54:13,380 - You're under arrest. - What are you talking about? 998 00:54:13,464 --> 00:54:14,590 [speaking Spanish] What's going on? 999 00:54:14,673 --> 00:54:16,592 [cop speaking English] Jason Anders is in critical condition. 1000 00:54:16,675 --> 00:54:17,927 You better hope he lives. 1001 00:54:18,010 --> 00:54:20,679 I do. He's a nice kid, but... that's not my fault. 1002 00:54:20,763 --> 00:54:22,306 You sold him a controlled substance. 1003 00:54:22,389 --> 00:54:26,102 I did not! I sold him a piece of paper. 1004 00:54:26,185 --> 00:54:27,812 That crazy was all him. 1005 00:54:27,895 --> 00:54:33,650 Listen to me, I sold him plain paper with nothing but water and print on it. 1006 00:54:33,735 --> 00:54:34,861 It was all fake! 1007 00:54:34,944 --> 00:54:36,695 Yeah, well, his reaction to it was very real. 1008 00:54:36,779 --> 00:54:38,489 - And it's a crime regardless, so... - No. 1009 00:54:38,572 --> 00:54:40,157 [speaking Spanish] Marisol, I don't understand. 1010 00:54:40,241 --> 00:54:43,494 They are arresting me for not selling drugs! 1011 00:54:43,577 --> 00:54:46,831 [speaking English] Ma'am, your daughter is under arrest for fraud and endangerment. 1012 00:54:46,914 --> 00:54:48,958 - It's all in the warrant. - No, this is not real. 1013 00:54:49,041 --> 00:54:50,084 - No, this can't be real. - Let's go, Officer. 1014 00:54:50,167 --> 00:54:52,128 - I didn't do nothing! No! - Officer, let's go. 1015 00:54:52,211 --> 00:54:54,630 No! No! It was paper! 1016 00:54:54,713 --> 00:54:56,799 Ma'am, we can talk about it down at the precinct. 1017 00:54:58,509 --> 00:55:02,013 Hey, um, I understand the new job assignments were announced and... 1018 00:55:02,096 --> 00:55:03,097 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1019 00:55:03,180 --> 00:55:05,850 I read over that test. Where did you come up with that? 1020 00:55:05,933 --> 00:55:08,644 Oh, I just, uh, pulled that off the Internet. 1021 00:55:08,727 --> 00:55:11,230 Some kind of new assessment technique? 1022 00:55:11,313 --> 00:55:13,775 Um, it was, like, a... personality quiz or something. 1023 00:55:13,858 --> 00:55:15,651 I don't even know. We didn't even read 'em. 1024 00:55:15,734 --> 00:55:19,196 Jones just pulled 40 out of a pile randomly 1025 00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:20,782 and those were the winners. 1026 00:55:22,741 --> 00:55:25,452 That's your system? Random selection? 1027 00:55:26,495 --> 00:55:29,957 My system is to make the ladies think that there is a system 1028 00:55:30,041 --> 00:55:33,878 so they don't hate us for not getting the job, 1029 00:55:33,961 --> 00:55:36,964 they're mad at themselves for not having what it takes. 1030 00:55:37,551 --> 00:55:41,385 But you reviewed the files of the women you selected, right? 1031 00:55:41,468 --> 00:55:45,722 I mean, made sure there were no risks in that job placement? 1032 00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:49,060 We'll have COs on post. 1033 00:55:49,629 --> 00:55:52,980 We've had a lot of success with this model. 1034 00:55:53,064 --> 00:55:58,694 I have to tell you that our model for not allowing violent criminals 1035 00:55:58,777 --> 00:56:01,906 to work with sharp tools or arsonists in the kitchen 1036 00:56:01,989 --> 00:56:03,574 hasn't been so bad either. 1037 00:56:03,657 --> 00:56:05,534 You're right. 1038 00:56:05,617 --> 00:56:07,829 No, I totally get it. You're right. 1039 00:56:07,912 --> 00:56:10,915 I think what we'll do is we'll send you the list, 1040 00:56:10,998 --> 00:56:12,374 and then if there are any red flags, 1041 00:56:12,458 --> 00:56:16,128 you can send those back to us and we'll adjust accordingly. 1042 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:21,133 Good thinking, Caputo. Thanks a lot. 1043 00:56:21,217 --> 00:56:23,344 I feel really lucky you're here. 1044 00:56:24,971 --> 00:56:27,431 - Great. - Great. 1045 00:56:27,514 --> 00:56:28,515 Great. 1046 00:56:28,599 --> 00:56:32,895 Congratulations on landing this coveted new job. 1047 00:56:32,979 --> 00:56:38,192 This is an opportunity for all of you to learn a very in-demand trade. 1048 00:56:38,275 --> 00:56:44,991 And we hope that you will take it as seriously as we did when selecting you. 1049 00:56:46,075 --> 00:56:48,785 Ladies, welcome to Whispers. 1050 00:56:52,248 --> 00:56:53,624 [inmates murmuring] 1051 00:56:55,334 --> 00:56:57,586 [Anita laughing] Cool. 1052 00:56:59,296 --> 00:57:00,631 [Anita murmurs excitedly] 1053 00:57:06,678 --> 00:57:07,721 [inmate] You see that? 1054 00:57:12,434 --> 00:57:14,520 We making panties? 1055 00:57:14,603 --> 00:57:16,647 [upbeat pop music playing] 1056 00:57:23,445 --> 00:57:24,446 [scoffs] 1057 00:57:30,765 --> 00:57:32,765 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com