1
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[cell door slams]
2
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[theme song playing]
3
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{\an8}[cell door slams]
4
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[cell door slams]
5
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{\an8}[inmate speaking Spanish]
6
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{\an8}[Taystee exhales heavily]
7
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{\an8}How are we supposed to clean the floors
8
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:31,549
{\an8}with nonstop bitches
tracking their shit through?
9
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,011
{\an8}[Suzanne] We are like
he whom the gods have condemned
10
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{\an8}to push the boulder up the hill
only to watch it roll back down.
11
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{\an8}Oh, right, right, right, right.
12
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And then he has to cut his arm off
to get out from underneath it.
13
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What is that guy's name?
Oh, James Franco!
14
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Sisyphus.
15
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I did hear that rumor.
16
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You know those Hollywood types,
they will stick it in any warm hole.
17
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{\an8}Well, you don't have to be from Hollywood
to wanna put it in a warm place.
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{\an8}It's called having a dick.
19
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{\an8}No, my Vinnie would never.
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{\an8}Well, maybe not in a man-hole,
but you away a long time.
21
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He could be getting his M&M
melting in some ho's mouth
22
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and not in his hand.
[chuckles]
23
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{\an8}No. No, that's never gonna happen
because we're talking sexy on the phone,
24
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like, 24/7, and I mean real sexy.
25
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And I give very good phone.
26
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{\an8}Are we talking about peanut M&M's
or regular?
27
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[both laughing]
28
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[man on PA]
Inmate Jefferson, Tasha Jefferson,
29
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report to the warden's office.
30
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,483
Inmate Tasha Jefferson
to the warden's office.
31
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,528
Who's Tasha Jefferson?
Oh, Taystee?
32
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,113
Taystee, go to the warden's office.
33
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,406
We have a warden?
34
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-Your name's Tasha?
-What is this about?
35
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The main thing is answering the phones
and organizational stuff.
36
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{\an8}General assisting.
37
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{\an8}I don't know.
I've never had an assistant before.
38
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{\an8}We will figure it out together.
39
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:57,052
{\an8}And you swear this is legit?
40
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{\an8}'Cause I seen Shawshank
41
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{\an8}and I don't wanna go to Seg
because I did your taxes too good.
42
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{\an8}I guarantee you,
43
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{\an8}you will never see anything
with my social security number on it.
44
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,604
{\an8}Never say never.
45
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{\an8}You work for MCC.
46
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,359
{\an8}Maybe one day you realize
you need food stamps
47
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{\an8}and you don't know
how to fill out the forms.
48
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,320
{\an8}Well, I'm your girl.
49
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:18,156
{\an8}I can walk you through it,
but I'm gonna need them digits.
50
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{\an8}However...
[whispers] I'm a vault.
51
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,203
{\an8}I don't say nothing.
52
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{\an8}And I ain't never crawling through
a tunnel of piss and dookie, so rest easy.
53
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,336
{\an8}Okay. As of now, you're off janitorial
and you're with me.
54
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Praise Jesus.
55
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Every day.
When I'm working, you're working.
56
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Is this 'cause I won at job fair?
57
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-Sure.
-[scoffs] I told them bitches.
58
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Take a clipboard,
write things down, look busy.
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Outside.
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Alert! Alert! Alert!
61
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{\an8}-What?
-Mmm!
62
00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:00,115
[Alex] What?
Healy's just showing her around.
63
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:03,201
Frieda's over there.
It's all good.
64
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:07,372
{\an8}Why does she get some special garden tour
like some fancy Shiba Inu?
65
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{\an8}[scoffs] She's a celebrity, okay?
66
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{\an8}Fucking relax.
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{\an8}Uh... [stammering]
68
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{\an8}Not okay.
Not... Not really relaxed.
69
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,469
{\an8}I think you are way too relaxed...
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00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:25,057
{\an8}to be in this big, brown
shit-uation that we're in!
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00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,267
{\an8}Lolly, believe me.
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{\an8}My insides have completely liquefied
and I wanna vomit all the time...
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{\an8}but I have chosen to keep my voice low
and appear calm.
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00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,069
{\an8}You have to do the same.
75
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:40,238
{\an8}-[exhales deeply] I can't.
-You have to.
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00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,574
{\an8}-Look at me. You...
-[inhales sharply]
77
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{\an8}Listen. You have to.
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00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:51,124
{\an8}Change the record in your head.
Play, "He was a bad man.
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{\an8}We did what we had to do
and we did it well.
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{\an8}So now it's through."
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00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,672
{\an8}It's a mantra.
Say it.
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00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:01,301
{\an8}"We did what we had to do
and we did it well."
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00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,680
{\an8}You forgot the bad man part.
And the end.
84
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,100
{\an8}But that's the idea.
85
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:12,645
{\an8}So whenever you're feeling worried,
whenever your thoughts start to... wander,
86
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,066
{\an8}just bring them back to the mantra...
and then come and find me.
87
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,359
{\an8}Okay?
88
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,363
{\an8}"He was a bad man
who did bad things well,
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{\an8}and now he's gone."
90
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,991
{\an8}Got it!
91
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{\an8}"He was a bad man,
now he's gone from the well..."
92
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,957
[Judy] Now that is one happy tomato.
[chuckles]
93
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,791
I hope I do as well here.
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00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,710
-Hey, there's a good idea.
-Hmm.
95
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:38,130
{\an8}Maybe we should fertilize our women, too.
96
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,883
{\an8}-[both chuckle]
-I do love your good intentions.
97
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,843
-[Maureen] Hey, Judy.
-Hey.
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00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:44,970
Hi.
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You've got quite a following.
100
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Yeah, I was hoping the novelty
would wear off soon.
101
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Might have to hide myself in that corn.
[chuckles]
102
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Oh, look, how beautiful!
103
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Help yourself.
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Oh! All right.
105
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[Red] Oh, really?
106
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Free-for-all on the produce now, huh?
107
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,117
Regardless of who's in the club.
108
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,288
Who's worked the soil, pulled the weeds,
tended the seedlings.
109
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,830
Is that the new policy?
110
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:16,126
-This is Judy King.
-Oh, I know who she is.
111
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:20,088
I've seen her... daytime TV program.
112
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,715
But we haven't had the pleasure.
113
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,718
Mrs. King is going to be
joining your club, Red.
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So I'll leave you to it.
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00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,140
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
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I'm sure you'll find a lot in common.
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Hair and...
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accents.
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You know, my daddy used to call me "Red."
[laughs]
120
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,859
Really? That's sweet.
[chuckles]
121
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:47,365
My papa called me solnyshko.
It means little sun.
122
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,994
But I've grown bigger and hotter
since then, and he's dead.
123
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:55,832
So what are you going to do with that ear,
now that you've picked it?
124
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:59,336
Well, I guess that depends on
what else I can find around here.
125
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,839
I could do a Southern fried corn,
a dilled corn shooter,
126
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,674
Taiwanese-style street corn.
127
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,301
Listen to fancy pants.
128
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,386
I could shove it up your ass.
129
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,098
Hmm, I'm not so big on ass play.
130
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,476
What do you suggest I do, Miss Red?
131
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,312
I'm thinking.
132
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,027
-Can I have some seeds?
-[blowing]
133
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,155
You bought Ovaltine.
Reap what you sow.
134
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:28,531
Ovaltine's got vitamins.
135
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:32,119
I'll trade you Ovaltine powder later
for some seeds now. I'm good for it.
136
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,578
No deal.
137
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,957
You'll regret it. That's some
malty goodness you're passing up.
138
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,585
Excuse me?
139
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:44,797
You knew going into this I had bad knees.
My feet are killing me.
140
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,174
We are putting out a vibe.
141
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,843
If you are sitting and/or
eating my seeds, no vibe.
142
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:52,847
Right now, there is no vibe.
See? Look at this.
143
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,851
-All of a sudden, I'm approachable.
-Picking up or dropping off?
144
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,771
Neither. We're out.
145
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,481
I gave you guys new ones yesterday.
146
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,277
We're hanging up our lacy intimates.
147
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,487
If this is because of the money
Stella took, I'm good for it.
148
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,571
I'll pay you back.
149
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:13,368
It's not worth it anymore.
We're smelling the beginning of the end.
150
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,328
You and all your posturing,
151
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,998
shipping the kangaroo down the hill.
[tutting]
152
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:22,585
It's starting to feel dangerous.
You've even got a heavy on the payroll.
153
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,296
Ha! I see what you did there.
154
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,007
-"Heavy."
-Not on purpose.
155
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,842
Fine, jump ship like rats.
156
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,054
And I'm not talking about
the Disney-Pixar kind.
157
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,514
I was gonna fire one of you anyway,
but I'm not gonna say which one.
158
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,682
Chew on that.
159
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,936
We're gonna take a walk on the track,
you wanna join us, kahuna?
160
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,771
No, she does not.
She's got bad knees.
161
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,190
[sighs]
162
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,399
Enjoy sweating for free.
163
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,902
I expect all my undies still in
your possession returned posthaste.
164
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,988
[chuckling] "Posthaste"?
That's nuts.
165
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,826
-Do you have something to say?
-Sure.
166
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,871
But I'll wait till I'm with my friends.
167
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,709
Off the backboard.
[clicking and grunts]
168
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,420
-[Poussey] Oh!
-[Brook laughs]
169
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,590
Short, black and bad at basketball.
170
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:13,386
-Subverting expectations since 1990.
-Oh, it's okay.
171
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,681
Litchfield's latest lesbos,
in fun-size.
172
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,933
Look, how much longer do you think
173
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:21,103
the world's longest game of Horse
is gonna go on?
174
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,355
[exhales deeply]
She ain't a lesbian.
175
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,939
I see.
176
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,859
Testing the waters
before diving in face-first?
177
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,362
I'm attracted to people, not genders.
178
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:33,906
Well, aren't you special.
179
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,951
Tell you what, why don't you use
some of that sexual fluidity
180
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,579
to slide off the court
so the real men can play?
181
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,249
[scoffs] Come on.
182
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:46,378
Even though I do think
labeling is a total sham...
183
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,671
I see the power in reclaiming an epithet.
184
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,840
Like you guys have with "nigga."
185
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:56,346
Okay, maybe not that exactly.
186
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,056
But... I really like you.
187
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,645
Like, really a lot.
And I just--
188
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:07,607
I wanna honor your feelings, you know,
if you wanna call this something.
189
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:11,611
Like, we're girlfriend-girlfriend, or...
190
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,280
lezzy togezzy.
191
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,489
[laughing] I don't know.
192
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:19,952
How about we say we're happy, yeah?
Leave it at that?
193
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,996
Okay. [chuckles]
194
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:23,080
Oh, shit.
195
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,544
Hey! Hi! Hi...
196
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,213
Judy, I'm...
197
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,714
Hey, girl.
[chuckles]
198
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,425
[Poussey stammers]
199
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,218
You're... Fuck!
200
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,553
[grumbling]
201
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:41,724
It is so cute how moony you get
every time she's around.
202
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,561
By "cute" you mean,
"lame as fuck."
203
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,439
Well, yeah.
You need to pull it together.
204
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,942
I mean, she's a person you admire,
but she's still just a person.
205
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,694
A person. Right.
206
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,738
You should be able to have
a conversation with anyone.
207
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,241
Hi, I'm Brook.
I'm your neighbor.
208
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,618
I was wondering if you'd heard
about the plans to build a Walmart
209
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,162
at the corner of Exposition and Euclid?
210
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,371
Yeah, I heard about it.
211
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:06,458
Well, I'm one of a group of citizens
trying to convince the city council
212
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,418
to turn that lot
into a park space instead.
213
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,296
I was wondering if you'd be willing
to have a friendly discussion,
214
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,089
or maybe even sign our petition?
215
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,509
-Sure... if you take your top off.
-[all snickering]
216
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,428
-Okay, that is inappropriate.
-Yes.
217
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,514
Inappropriate things do happen out there.
How would you handle it?
218
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,976
You really think a grown man
is gonna ask me to take my top off?
219
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:30,022
{\an8}Well, there's a sex offender
at 3134 10th Street. He might.
220
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,191
No, you do not have to go
to the sex offender's house.
221
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,903
No one has to knock on any door
that makes him or her feel uncomfortable.
222
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:40,116
But I do urge you all to be bold
and stretch yourself.
223
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,994
By the way, has everyone signed
their liability waivers?
224
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,330
Oh, shit.
225
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,040
I hear he likes little boys.
226
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,710
Little boy, Asian girl,
are they really that far apart?
227
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,338
You said our break-up
was going to be amicable.
228
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,966
Yeah, I said a lot of things.
So did you, like, "I love you.
229
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,886
I'll always love you.
This is not because of Oren."
230
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,346
Wait, what?
231
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,098
She dumped me to get with you.
I'm not sweet enough arm-candy.
232
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,433
Oh, my God!
233
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,477
Could you kids drop the soap opera
for another time?
234
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,438
We're going out there this afternoon.
You need to feel like you're prepared.
235
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,525
Well, clearly, she's not.
She can't even handle "take your top off."
236
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:17,737
Okay, 50 bucks says
I get more signatures than you, Ethan.
237
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,072
No bet.
People will sign just to shut you up.
238
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,366
But here's a bet.
239
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,993
Get the pedo to sign,
I'll give you your 50 bucks.
240
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,621
And Oren will go on a date with you.
Cool?
241
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,290
-I'm not really in--
-Okay!
242
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,124
You are so on.
243
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,168
He will sign and you will give me cash,
244
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,463
and I will spend it on a new
hemp messenger bag and strawberry lube,
245
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:38,675
because Oren seems
like a strawberry kind of guy.
246
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:39,884
Well--
247
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:44,263
[man] Great, now let's talk one more time
about mirroring body language.
248
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,141
I'm just saying, if you bought me a watch,
I'd be on the time better.
249
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,352
-There's a clock on the wall.
-Not in my office.
250
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,812
I'll put a clock in your office.
251
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:53,731
Or you could buy me a watch,
so when we out of the office like now,
252
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,650
I could tell you things like,
"Hey, Mr. Caputo,
253
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,444
we're only a few minutes late
to meet Piscatella,
254
00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,196
and you the boss anyhow, so relax."
255
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,615
I will consider your watch request.
256
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,742
Hey, I'm just trying
to make your life better.
257
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,035
This ain't about me.
258
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,954
By the way, what you want me to do
once we there?
259
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,497
-Take notes.
-Hold up, hold up.
260
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:13,668
"Take notes." Got you.
261
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,919
[Piscatella] Mop it all around.
262
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:16,504
Damn!
263
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:21,468
This place is like
Rehab Addict: Litchfield Edition.
264
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,386
And with, like, real addicts.
265
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,723
[Piscatella] So, in a nutshell...
266
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,102
electrical is still having
Internet issues,
267
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,396
plumbing works,
but no hot water yet.
268
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:37,233
All beds and extraneous furniture
are assembled and ready for move-in.
269
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,444
-[scribbling]
-Now, the interior paint--
270
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:40,528
Uh, inmate?
271
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,698
What are you possibly writing
that will have any salience
272
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,241
past this moment in time?
273
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:48,870
Well, Mr. Caputo wants notes.
Now, I don't know what salience is,
274
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,248
but I think a checklist
of what's completed and what's not
275
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,708
is hella revalent.
276
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,918
You mean "rel." Relevant.
277
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,881
I mean, I'm trying to do my job,
same as you, big man.
278
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:04,552
Are you...
suggesting that we are in any way,
279
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:08,222
on any planet, in any universe,
the same, inmate?
280
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:11,267
Why don't you go check on Luschek
and the Internet situation?
281
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:15,229
-What?
-Let me watch you go.
282
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,483
Oh, you gonna "watch me" watch me?
283
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,819
I will watch... you.
284
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,781
-Go!
-[chuckles] I'm goin'.
285
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,867
It's clearly that...
[whispers] time.
286
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,161
-Look at me go.
-Go.
287
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,582
-May I ask you a question, Mr. Caputo?
-Shoot.
288
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:39,587
How did you choose her to be
your assistant, exactly?
289
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,589
-Between you and me?
-Yes, sir.
290
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:46,135
She's the only semi-intelligent one
that I'm only...
291
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,388
semi-attracted to.
292
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,847
[laughs]
293
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,518
Well, if you'll follow me,
I'll show you the bathroom.
294
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,311
-[scribbling]
-What are you writing?
295
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,604
Man, why everybody act like
296
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,148
they ain't never seen a black woman
with a clipboard before?
297
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,232
No, it's your pen.
298
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,777
It's exorbitantly scratchy and
it's giving me anxiety.
299
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,781
Damn, Word-A-Day.
I need to get me one of them calendars.
300
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,909
"Anxiety" wasn't from the calendar.
That's just me.
301
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,495
But... "exorbitant" was.
302
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,955
Check out these fat phone cords.
303
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,416
Shit, I could make so many bracelets
out of the wires in one of these--
304
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:20,002
Uh-uh. Those ain't phone cords.
They're for the Internet.
305
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,673
And believe me, you want some of them
guards to be able to watch their porn
306
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,009
and get it all out before they on duty,
so you best leave it.
307
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,347
So, hey, how come you don't
get to live here, Luschek?
308
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,684
-Because I have a home, inmate.
-Oh, yeah?
309
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,269
-An entire basement to myself.
-Hmm.
310
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,440
You gotta admit, though,
it is kind of swanky... you know?
311
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,693
I mean, you could fit
an entire family just right in here
312
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,778
and still have room for a TV.
313
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:49,031
Couple of pictures of X-rays.
Home sweet home.
314
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,034
-Did you just say X-rays?
-I did say X-rays.
315
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,036
'Cause when my grandmammy
broke her pelvis,
316
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,038
all of us kids got X-rays.
317
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,542
'Cause the doctor was really nice,
and my mom was doing him on the side.
318
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,085
-[both laugh]
-That's funny, huh?
319
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:04,797
He literally took an entire X-ray
of my whole skeleton,
320
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:08,843
and I hung it up on my wall
like a fancy English guy.
321
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,303
But it was just pictures of bones
instead of--
322
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,848
You know, it wasn't, like, real bones.
323
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,266
Your life is grotesque.
324
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,060
-Another big word.
-What are you even doing here?
325
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:22,064
Mr. Caputo wanted me to check up
on the Internet issue.
326
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,693
Inmate...
327
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,612
Scar-neck, explain the problem.
328
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,490
It doesn't work.
329
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:32,909
There you go.
330
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,786
[Lorna] Hey, baby.
331
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,121
[Vince] Yeah, I thought you were
getting home an hour ago.
332
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:40,833
Oh, I know, the traffic was awful
coming back from the store.
333
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,836
I think there was a wreck or something.
334
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,882
Anyway, how was work?
How are you?
335
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,092
-Vinnie?
-Look, I'm sorry.
336
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,385
I'm just in a mood.
337
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,095
Well, don't you worry.
338
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:57,850
You just sit right down.
I'm gonna give you such a nice backrub.
339
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,269
-Lorna...
-[Lorna moans]
340
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:04,148
-Lorna!
-Honey, you're so tense.
341
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:07,860
I'm reaching around and I'm feeling down
342
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:12,073
your chiseled and bumpy abs.
343
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,408
Oh, my goodness.
344
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,746
I just found your cock-a-doodle-doo
and it's so hard.
345
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,665
-[woman knocking] Vinnie? Hurry up!
-I'm busy!
346
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,208
All right?
347
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,794
Lorna, I can't really do this today, okay?
348
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,004
Well, can you at least try?
349
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,173
No, my roommates!
It's awkward.
350
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:33,344
Well, I'm talking about kissing crotches
in front of 50 other women,
351
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,471
but for you, it's awkward?
352
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,973
I don't know,
I thought you were into that.
353
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,432
Well, uh...
354
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,605
Maybe you could feel that way
about your roommates.
355
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,314
Don't say that.
356
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,942
Well, do you have a speaker?
Put me on speaker, baby.
357
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,778
I'll talk so nice for you and the boys.
358
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,073
[woman] Vinnie, are you gonna help him
with his homework?
359
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,789
Lorna, my roommates are my parents
and my kid brother.
360
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,625
[scoffs] What?
361
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,417
All right?
There, now you know.
362
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,879
Well, why didn't you say that before?
363
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,882
I mean, what kind of fantasy
is that gonna be?
364
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,467
[stammers]
You thought you married a man, not a boy.
365
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,553
Look, I gotta go, all right?
366
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,348
Gino's back from school.
I gotta help him with his homework.
367
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,308
[scoffs]
368
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,476
Okay.
369
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,611
I think he shares a room
with his kid brother.
370
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,822
Does that mean no more phone-boning
in front of everybody?
371
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,366
Because, legit,
that shit was kind of gross.
372
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,703
But also hot.
373
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,081
I'm having mixed emotions right now.
374
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,376
Yeah, me, too.
375
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:52,715
[gasps]
376
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:56,552
She's taking all the green beans.
I asked her not to!
377
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,888
Nicely, even!
Ignored.
378
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,808
And her flunkeys,
always lurking around now.
379
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,937
-Look!
-I'm looking.
380
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,314
In Russia, we have a saying...
381
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:12,234
[speaking Russian]
382
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,698
"Don't open your mouth
to eat other people's bread."
383
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,741
Or what?
384
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,786
Ask the Germans in wintertime.
385
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,456
-Uh, Miss Judy?
-Uh-huh.
386
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,000
Uh, I was wondering if you would
sign my cookbook.
387
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,085
Of course.
388
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,879
That's so nice. Um...
389
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:34,465
I'll buy one and bring it to you
when we both get out.
390
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,425
All right, well,
we have a date, then.
391
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,846
Now, thank you, ladies.
Bye-bye for now. All right.
392
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,556
Mmm.
393
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,516
Hey, there, Judy King.
394
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,062
Oh, guilty as charged, in all respects.
395
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,940
That's a joke, darlin'.
396
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,274
Oh! [laughs]
397
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,444
You know, a lot of people in here are
funny without meaning to be.
398
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,321
I learned the hard way to hold my mirth.
399
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:01,158
Oh, well, let your mirth fly free.
I mean to be funny.
400
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,994
All right. [laughs]
401
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:06,538
Um... actually, I was wondering if I could
speak to you about my friend.
402
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,499
Oh, that little retarded girl?
403
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,335
She's actually not...
challenged at all,
404
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:14,296
which is what we're supposed to say,
not the R-word.
405
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:18,550
Oh, uh...
"R"s, "F"s, "L-M-N-O-P"s and "Q"s.
406
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:22,471
You know, I get in more trouble
for expanding those single letter words,
407
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,223
but never "N"s.
408
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,558
Despite this drawl,
I'm brighter than that.
409
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:31,605
So, now, you were saying?
About your friend who is not challenged.
410
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,440
-[chuckles]
-Am I allowed to say "special"?
411
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:37,194
No, she's not special.
Well, she is to me.
412
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,071
-Mmm.
-But not euphemistically.
413
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:42,574
She's a fan and whenever she sees you,
she freaks out.
414
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,537
You've gotta understand.
415
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:51,583
Institutional racism... traps the most
vulnerable people in our society
416
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:56,047
in this cycle of incarceration which,
in turn, leads to a cycle of poverty.
417
00:20:56,130 --> 00:21:00,802
It makes someone like you...
someone rich and powerful and white,
418
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,012
virtually unapproachable.
419
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,972
All right,
so now let me get this straight.
420
00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:09,185
Your friend acts like a moron around me
because she's black and poor?
421
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,104
-Is that right?
-Basically... yes.
422
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:16,150
[sighs] I think her mother was
a crack addict or something.
423
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,152
You might as well be an alien.
424
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,071
But you could bridge the divide.
425
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:23,282
-The way you did.
-Yeah, exactly! [chuckles]
426
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:27,161
All right, how about this?
Why don't you bring her over at lunch?
427
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,039
Okay. [chuckles]
428
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:35,044
It'll be like, uh...
the 1% sitting with the other 1%.
429
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,128
Oh, my God.
430
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:39,756
"The other 1%" is such a good hashtag.
431
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,467
[chuckles]
432
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,052
[chuckles]
433
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,682
[man on TV] The New Orleans police
put out a call to...
434
00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,684
-Hi! My name is Brook...
-Look...
435
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,186
...and I was wondering if--
436
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:54,271
Take your picture
or smash an egg in my face,
437
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:57,774
or whatever you need to do for you
and your friends to get your jollies.
438
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,903
-But spare me the setup, all right?
-I don't have a setup.
439
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,404
You know who I am?
440
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:04,490
Yeah, I do, actually.
441
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,493
You're a member of the community
442
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,620
who has as much right as
any of your neighbors
443
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,705
to be concerned about
the big-box monstrosity
444
00:22:11,788 --> 00:22:15,042
that's being proposed
for the corner of Exposition and Euclid.
445
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:17,962
I'd be happy to talk about it with you,
if you have the time.
446
00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:20,923
Look, I'm watching
this Hurricane Katrina stuff.
447
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,174
It's really intense.
448
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,051
The world's gonna be lousy with Katrinas
449
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:27,471
if we let mega-corporations like Walmart
carbon-bomb our planet.
450
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,229
You wanna come in?
451
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,274
Sure.
452
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,442
Yeah, I'll give you the whole shpiel.
453
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:41,860
Spiel.
454
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:44,030
Sorry, I never know how to pronounce that.
455
00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:45,739
Wait, um...
456
00:22:45,822 --> 00:22:47,241
how old are you?
457
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,368
Nineteen.
458
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:51,412
Okay.
459
00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:53,705
Come in.
460
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,542
[man on TV]
...aspect of this terrible hurricane
461
00:22:56,625 --> 00:23:00,087
that came on land with 145 mile-an-hour...
462
00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:01,380
Okay.
463
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,840
I don't know if you realize,
464
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:07,094
but the introduction of mega-retailers,
like Walmart,
465
00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:10,347
almost invariably have a negative effect
on property values--
466
00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:12,724
-You're so nervous.
-I'm not nervous.
467
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,395
I'm passionate about saving
local businesses.
468
00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:17,813
Like Lola's Bloomers.
469
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:22,443
-May I?
-Sure. Sure.
470
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:26,072
Conservative estimates
are that there will be
471
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:29,741
thousands of more cars in the neighborhood
per day because of the construction--
472
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:33,370
It says you wanna put a park in instead.
473
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:35,497
I can't live within 2,500 feet of a park.
474
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:38,334
They would literally
kick me out of my own home.
475
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:43,589
Sorry.
476
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:46,300
Can I talk about the elephant in the room
for a second?
477
00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:47,843
I wish you wouldn't.
478
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:50,137
I look across from me
and I don't see a monster.
479
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:55,434
I see a human being fighting to control
the animalistic parts of his brain,
480
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,478
true grit overcoming impulse.
481
00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,105
Not everybody judges you.
482
00:23:59,188 --> 00:24:01,440
What if I told you it was kiddie porn?
483
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:04,860
I'd...
484
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,278
say you need support,
485
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:10,824
and I'd applaud your restraint for
finding an outlet for your compulsions.
486
00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:14,661
[scoffs] Wow!
You will really say whatever it takes.
487
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:18,749
Well, it was a lot worse than kiddie porn.
488
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:20,042
Wanna see?
489
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,462
No, I don't... I don't need... No.
490
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:24,880
No need.
491
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:26,590
Um...
492
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:34,181
{\an8}Wait, all you did
was have sex on the beach?
493
00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:37,101
Consenting adults on an empty beach.
494
00:24:37,184 --> 00:24:40,479
Well, except for the creeper that
filmed it and turned us in to the cops.
495
00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:43,690
-But you think that pervo got in trouble?
-That is insane. I mean...
496
00:24:43,774 --> 00:24:46,485
[sighs] You are such a cautionary tale.
497
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:49,821
I would be,
if people got the story right.
498
00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:53,492
But once I had to go around door-to-door
announcing my status,
499
00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:54,993
the rumors got started...
500
00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:59,665
I don't know.
It's all so fucked.
501
00:25:05,087 --> 00:25:06,213
Here.
502
00:25:09,716 --> 00:25:11,802
It's not like Walmart's gonna lose.
503
00:25:14,805 --> 00:25:15,847
Awesome.
504
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,724
[sharpener whirring]
505
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:22,688
[phone ringing]
506
00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:27,776
-Oh...
-[continues ringing]
507
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,362
Uh... [clears throat]
508
00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:31,780
Warden Caputo's office.
509
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:34,658
This is Ms. Jefferson speaking,
how may I assist you?
510
00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,493
[man] Is Warden Caputo available?
511
00:25:36,577 --> 00:25:39,830
Let me place you on a brief hold
while I go and check.
512
00:25:39,913 --> 00:25:41,332
[beeping]
513
00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:43,709
Fuck.
514
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,336
Oh, well, you gonna call back.
515
00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:47,129
Hello? I'm still here.
516
00:25:48,339 --> 00:25:52,008
Damn, you are still there.
Then why the little light go out?
517
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,553
Anyway, don't matter,
I ain't got him right now.
518
00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:56,305
Will you please let him know I called?
519
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,682
All right, you take good care now.
520
00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:00,767
-Yeah.
-[breathes deeply]
521
00:26:00,851 --> 00:26:01,977
Shit.
522
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:03,812
What? What happened?
523
00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,897
I didn't quite get his name.
524
00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:08,192
[sighs] You don't know who it was?
525
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:09,901
Well, it was some brother,
526
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:12,863
sounded like a salesman-type,
if you ask me.
527
00:26:12,946 --> 00:26:15,366
So I probably did you a favor there.
528
00:26:15,449 --> 00:26:20,579
Oh! And then some white lady,
she called about a get-together. Mmm-hmm.
529
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:21,872
It happened twice?
530
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:24,250
Jesus, Jefferson,
what am I paying you for?
531
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:27,128
Are you sure she said "get-together"?
532
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:29,921
What does that even mean?
Like... like, a meeting?
533
00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,507
Like a meeting.
534
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,885
Or... like a date, maybe.
535
00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:36,970
You holding out on me?
536
00:26:37,053 --> 00:26:39,097
You somebody's Ca-baby-boo-to?
537
00:26:39,181 --> 00:26:41,225
You're on thin fucking ice, Jefferson.
538
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,104
Was it Linda?
539
00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:47,731
Possibly.
540
00:26:49,065 --> 00:26:50,234
It wasn't Natalie, was it?
541
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,444
[clicks tongue]
Linda sounds more right.
542
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,323
Okay.
Get Linda from MCC on the line.
543
00:26:56,407 --> 00:26:57,491
All right.
544
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:01,787
Press the button that says "Line one."
545
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,789
-One.
-Nine and the number.
546
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,040
Nine... Got you.
547
00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:08,710
-[muttering]
-[line ringing]
548
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:10,879
-[clears throat]
-[Linda] Uh, hello?
549
00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:14,758
Yes, hello. I have Director Caputo.
I will transfer you now.
550
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,885
[beeps]
551
00:27:16,968 --> 00:27:18,929
[blows raspberries] Shit!
552
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:23,559
-[dialing]
-[phone rings]
553
00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,644
Warden Caputo's office.
554
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:27,145
[Caputo] Jefferson, I got it.
555
00:27:27,229 --> 00:27:28,814
My bad! My bad!
556
00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:33,319
-[Linda] Hello, uh, Joe?
-Linda, hi. Uh...
557
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:35,529
Jefferson, hang up your line.
558
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,531
I don't wanna disconnect y'all.
559
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:39,074
Hang up the phone!
560
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,578
Uh, I'm still training her.
561
00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:45,956
Uh, I got your message
about a get-together.
562
00:27:46,039 --> 00:27:48,875
Oh, uh...
wrong Linda, I think.
563
00:27:48,959 --> 00:27:51,462
-[sighs]
-But we do need to celebrate our victory.
564
00:27:51,545 --> 00:27:53,297
All these veterans becoming guards.
565
00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:55,716
Yes. Yes, we absolutely do.
566
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:57,259
Any chance you're free tonight?
567
00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:00,095
Tonight?
568
00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,223
Yes, it's perfect.
569
00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:04,099
Um...
570
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:07,728
We can celebrate and,
uh, talk business.
571
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:11,440
-How about La Fontana's at 8:00?
-Yeah, great. [chuckles]
572
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:15,777
-Great. I'll see you tonight.
-Okay, bye.
573
00:28:19,365 --> 00:28:21,617
[woman speaking indistinctly on PA]
574
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:28,457
Ah! Even the staff
waits for the bathroom now, hmm?
575
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,042
What can I do for you, Red? [sighs]
576
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:33,254
I want to talk to you
about the King woman.
577
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,422
You two are hitting it off, right?
578
00:28:35,506 --> 00:28:38,592
You gave her the run of my garden.
How did you think that would go?
579
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:44,097
You know, planting a flag on the Moon
doesn't mean that you own it.
580
00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:47,434
You're Russian.
I thought you'd appreciate that attitude.
581
00:28:47,518 --> 00:28:51,647
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm only concerned for her.
582
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:54,358
Respect in prison has to be earned.
583
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,402
I don't know about that.
584
00:28:56,485 --> 00:28:59,613
You've received a lot of leeway
from staff around here.
585
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:01,197
You seem to be doing all right.
586
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:05,869
Was that what this is about?
Are you punishing me?
587
00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,205
Did you do something wrong?
588
00:29:09,290 --> 00:29:12,293
I did the only reasonable thing I could.
589
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:17,339
There's no such thing
as a consensual relationship
590
00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,174
between a prisoner and a guard.
591
00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,093
Lorna's wedding was a bittersweet end
592
00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:26,515
to a relationship that
never actually happened, Sam.
593
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,809
-[toilet flushes]
-You're reading something into this
594
00:29:28,892 --> 00:29:31,312
that isn't there, Reznikov.
595
00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:34,022
And what goes on with Mrs. King
is none of your business.
596
00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:35,441
You're pampering her.
597
00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:38,068
Oops!
598
00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:39,736
[sighs]
599
00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:42,030
She even gets a magazine?
600
00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:56,295
What do you want, Ruiz?
601
00:29:56,378 --> 00:30:00,090
I heard about your labor dispute.
I thought maybe my friends could fill in?
602
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,593
This is Pidge.
603
00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:05,554
You know Ouija,
or she knows you.
604
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:07,431
And that's Zirconia.
605
00:30:07,514 --> 00:30:08,599
Zirconia?
606
00:30:08,682 --> 00:30:10,517
I took out all my rocks before I come in,
607
00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:13,812
so nobody would think they was diamonds
and rip 'em out.
608
00:30:13,895 --> 00:30:15,356
Plus...
609
00:30:15,439 --> 00:30:16,732
I don't think it's allowed.
610
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,693
They're all ready and willing
to join your panty party.
611
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:22,738
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Privately, please.
612
00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,951
What are you doing?
This is not a publicly traded company.
613
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:31,204
Its very existence depends
on keeping its existence hidden.
614
00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:33,832
Chill the fuck out.
I was just trying to help you.
615
00:30:33,915 --> 00:30:35,459
I don't need your help.
616
00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:36,877
What I need is your discretion,
617
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,005
and you bringing a bunch of thugs
into my house is the opposite of that.
618
00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:44,926
I decide who knows about Felonious Spunk.
I decide who gets hired.
619
00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:49,681
I am the prison pussy panty business.
620
00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:54,269
Somebody's getting
a little big for her panties, I think.
621
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:57,814
I'm gonna choose to assume
you're talking about yourself
622
00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,232
and take that as an apology.
623
00:30:59,315 --> 00:31:00,526
[snickers]
624
00:31:00,609 --> 00:31:03,529
You're talking shit out a paper asshole,
Chapman.
625
00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:08,199
But when an actual hard-ass bitch
decides to call you on it...
626
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:12,454
well...
[tutting and inhales sharply]
627
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,047
Pretty sure she was talking about herself
on that last one.
628
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:26,885
[Suzanne] It's not fair.
629
00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:30,389
It is the most unfair thing
that's ever happened in this prison.
630
00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:33,600
Mmm, what about when Carson went to SHU
for sneezing too loud?
631
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:36,812
Or what's-her-face,
the Puerto Rican girl, with the gimpy eye?
632
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:40,482
And when she got the wrong meds by
accident in the med line and went nutso,
633
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,819
and gimped her other eye with a spork.
Now, she double gimp-eyed.
634
00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:47,113
Or how 'bout when Pornstache
used to make the meth heads
635
00:31:47,197 --> 00:31:49,533
blow him for drugs in the mop closet?
636
00:31:49,616 --> 00:31:51,868
Or the time Chapman got furlough?
637
00:31:51,952 --> 00:31:54,996
I retract and redact.
638
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,372
New statement.
639
00:31:56,457 --> 00:32:01,545
It's easily the top 138 most unfair things
that has ever happened here.
640
00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:02,963
What is?
641
00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:04,255
Your new job.
642
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,634
My job is the bomb!
643
00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:13,849
You sit at a desk all day when you were
plucked from the most rewarding job.
644
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,853
I'm not saying it's on par
with all the human rights abuses in here,
645
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:21,356
but women fought for a long time to shake
the role of desk-ridden secretary.
646
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,941
Are you for real?
647
00:32:23,024 --> 00:32:25,276
-Hey!
-[all laugh]
648
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,361
Do you get the Internet?
649
00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,947
-Do you have a mini-fridge?
-Ah!
650
00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:31,450
Do you have a skeleton key
made from real human bone
651
00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:34,244
that opens a door to a world
of talking animals?
652
00:32:34,327 --> 00:32:36,037
Man, I got me a clipboard
653
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:40,083
and a personal relationship
with Mr. Caputo.
654
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:41,668
-[mimics buzzing]
-[all laugh]
655
00:32:41,752 --> 00:32:44,295
Man, if George R. R. Martin
wrote about prisons,
656
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:48,008
I'd be, like...
the Hand of the Warden.
657
00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:49,843
Yo, don't the Hand
always die in them books?
658
00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:52,012
Man, whatever, okay?
659
00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:55,641
Winter is coming, bitches.
660
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,851
And I'm getting me a watch.
661
00:32:57,934 --> 00:32:59,686
-For real?
-Yes.
662
00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:01,688
Hey. [chuckles]
663
00:33:02,523 --> 00:33:04,315
Yo...
664
00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:06,485
I feel like she's smiling
and waving at me.
665
00:33:06,568 --> 00:33:08,904
[mouthing]
666
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,948
Maybe she can see dead people
and there's one standing right...
667
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:13,241
right in front of you.
668
00:33:13,324 --> 00:33:15,076
Are the hairs standing up
on the back of your neck?
669
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,953
I feel like I'm the dead person.
670
00:33:17,037 --> 00:33:20,290
I... may have set you up
on a blind friend date!
671
00:33:20,373 --> 00:33:21,958
-Wait, you did what? No!
-Surprise!
672
00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:25,170
-What?
-[chuckling] I just talked you up.
673
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:27,548
-Go! Be yourself.
-Yo...
674
00:33:28,882 --> 00:33:31,677
[both giggling]
675
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:36,682
-Go, P!
-Go, P! Go, P!
676
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,434
-Let me fix your clothes.
-Get off me!
677
00:33:39,518 --> 00:33:41,978
Hey. [chuckles]
678
00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:43,396
You must be Poo-see.
679
00:33:43,479 --> 00:33:44,773
She called her Poo-see!
680
00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:46,858
No, I'm sorry.
Did I say that right?
681
00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,110
Yeah, yeah.
Poussey, it's French.
682
00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:50,862
Oh, French.
683
00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:52,864
I was named after a great aunt
684
00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:56,492
who hid pearls from the Yankees
under her pendulous breasts.
685
00:33:56,577 --> 00:33:57,661
[laughs nervously]
686
00:33:57,744 --> 00:34:01,957
And she also brewed a famous home remedy
that supposedly cured hookworm.
687
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,917
-Not quite so exotic.
-Listen.
688
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,752
-Hmm.
-I... I feel...
689
00:34:05,836 --> 00:34:07,128
I feel like I need to apologize...
690
00:34:07,212 --> 00:34:08,504
-Uh-uh.
-...for just being all, like,
691
00:34:08,589 --> 00:34:10,674
weird and stuff, you know,
I just...
692
00:34:10,757 --> 00:34:12,551
-I dig your whole thing, you know.
-[chuckles]
693
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:16,054
And I just, I watch your show so much,
so seeing you in person was just,
694
00:34:16,137 --> 00:34:18,181
you know, I got all tongue-tied,
and fan-girly and stuff.
695
00:34:18,264 --> 00:34:19,600
So I'd try to say words,
696
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:21,517
but when they came out of my mouth,
it just sound like...
697
00:34:21,602 --> 00:34:24,395
All right, all right, all right.
Relax, darlin'.
698
00:34:24,479 --> 00:34:27,816
Your friend has told me the whole story.
She has got you covered.
699
00:34:32,028 --> 00:34:34,948
You gotta sink a hook in the keepers,
especially in this place.
700
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:37,033
-Uh-huh.
-You know, it's funny.
701
00:34:37,117 --> 00:34:39,369
Me and Brook,
we never would've crossed paths.
702
00:34:39,452 --> 00:34:41,412
I mean, growing up all over the world,
703
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:44,583
bouncing culture to culture with a strict,
conservative family,
704
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:48,253
versus, you know, sleeping in tent cities
with a bunch of dirty hippies,
705
00:34:48,336 --> 00:34:50,421
eating food out of dumpsters.
Oof!
706
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:52,507
You have been through a lot.
707
00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:55,761
[stammers] Nah, it was...
I mean, it was good.
708
00:34:55,844 --> 00:34:58,054
Well, I mean,
it was hard, you know?
709
00:34:58,138 --> 00:34:59,848
Like, I guess being transient,
710
00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:02,392
and not really having
any long-term friends,
711
00:35:02,475 --> 00:35:04,645
but I do know three languages.
712
00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:06,229
Hmm! Wait...
713
00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,899
-you know three languages?
-[chuckles] Yeah.
714
00:35:08,982 --> 00:35:11,693
How does the child of a crack whore
learn three languages?
715
00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:14,362
-That is remarkable.
-Excuse me?
716
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:15,697
What languages?
717
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:19,492
English, French and German.
Did you just call my mother a crack whore?
718
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:24,080
My mother had a masters in Art History
and she could barely take an aspirin.
719
00:35:24,164 --> 00:35:26,499
-Excuse me?
-My dad is a major in the army.
720
00:35:26,582 --> 00:35:28,126
I was supposed to go to West Point.
721
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,213
I guess you were expecting
just another ghetto prison rat.
722
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:36,677
At least one of us
lives up to the stereotype.
723
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,720
What, no! Sweetheart, no!
724
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:42,140
You have snatched the taste
right out of my mouth.
725
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,935
I'm just parroting what your girlfriend
told me about you.
726
00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:49,230
You came out of a cycle of poverty,
blah, blah, blah.
727
00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:54,820
I mean, it seems to me that you two formed
this relationship without talking much.
728
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:03,369
Did you know I am learning Italian?
729
00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:04,830
[sighs]
730
00:36:13,629 --> 00:36:15,256
[stammers]
731
00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:17,092
[sighs]
732
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:21,179
{\an8}[indistinct chatter]
733
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:24,140
So, did Chester the Molester sign?
734
00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:26,893
You owe me 50 bucks.
735
00:36:26,977 --> 00:36:29,479
-Whoa.
-And you better take me out.
736
00:36:29,562 --> 00:36:31,439
I can't believe you had
the balls to do it.
737
00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:33,399
Whatever, he probably finger-banged
738
00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:37,070
his 15-year-old girlfriend when he was
17 or something else no big.
739
00:36:37,153 --> 00:36:38,905
The sex offender lists
are full of sob stories
740
00:36:38,989 --> 00:36:42,033
about people's lives being
ruined by technicalities.
741
00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:44,119
I read all about it on Salon.com.
742
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:49,415
[scoffs]
You know, as a matter of fact,
743
00:36:49,499 --> 00:36:54,420
he was a fucking horrible
child-molester rapist.
744
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:56,339
Because I'm so sure he told you that.
745
00:36:56,422 --> 00:37:00,010
Yeah, 'cause he...
He fucking tried to seduce me.
746
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:02,929
He invited me in for lemonade.
747
00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:05,473
-And you went in?
-Yeah.
748
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:07,517
He told me I didn't look 19.
749
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,145
[inhales deeply]
That's when I knew I was in trouble.
750
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:11,396
Shit.
751
00:37:13,106 --> 00:37:14,399
He stroked my hair.
752
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:19,529
[scoffs] He wanted to brag,
so he showed me the newspaper article
753
00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:22,866
about how he stalked this
nine-year-old girl from his church,
754
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,617
for, like, a year.
755
00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:28,789
Earning her trust,
gradually convincing her to...
756
00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:30,916
Well, to...
757
00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,583
[sighs] To...
758
00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:37,756
[exhales sharply]
And then I was running down the street.
759
00:37:39,299 --> 00:37:41,634
For your fucking bet, Ethan.
760
00:37:41,717 --> 00:37:43,594
For 50 fucking dollars.
761
00:37:45,555 --> 00:37:48,266
But also because I...
762
00:37:48,349 --> 00:37:50,060
because I wanted to go out with you.
763
00:37:54,564 --> 00:37:56,316
[exhales deeply]
764
00:37:57,984 --> 00:38:01,112
[Caputo] I really appreciate you coming
all the way down from Utica.
765
00:38:01,863 --> 00:38:04,574
Sorry, again, I couldn't get a seat
in one of the gondolas.
766
00:38:04,657 --> 00:38:07,410
No, no, it's okay.
This is great.
767
00:38:07,493 --> 00:38:09,287
I'm really glad that you thought I called.
768
00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:10,371
[chuckles]
769
00:38:10,455 --> 00:38:13,291
These new guards,
they're a... they're a big win for us.
770
00:38:13,374 --> 00:38:14,542
Like, "us" us.
771
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:17,628
And the company,
but especially "us" us.
772
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:21,049
Yeah. We're not a bad team,
Linda from Purchasing.
773
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:24,719
To us,
Joe from Litchfield Human Activity,
774
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:26,805
and our continued wins.
775
00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:30,391
-And to the veterans, of course.
-Of course. [chuckles]
776
00:38:31,017 --> 00:38:32,643
♪ Happy, happy birthday clappy ♪
777
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:34,520
♪ Join us as we celebrate ♪
778
00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,397
♪ Clap your hands and dance around ♪
779
00:38:36,481 --> 00:38:38,108
♪ Have a laugh and eat some cake ♪
780
00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:40,776
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday ♪
781
00:38:40,861 --> 00:38:42,153
♪ You're so great! ♪
782
00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:44,155
[all cheering]
783
00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:48,118
What?
784
00:38:48,201 --> 00:38:50,495
The bald guy... is, uh...
785
00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:52,663
one of our former guards.
786
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:55,416
A really good guy. Donaldson.
787
00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:58,419
A good guy...
who walked out in the middle of
788
00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:01,464
an inmate transfer/high-profile
self-surrender?
789
00:39:01,547 --> 00:39:04,050
Yeah, I get your point.
790
00:39:04,134 --> 00:39:06,302
Don't beat yourself up, Joe.
791
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,305
You handled that situation
like a total boss.
792
00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:12,851
Meant both literally
and in that hip-kid lingo way.
793
00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:14,185
Jesus!
794
00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:17,522
He's not even a fucking waiter.
795
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:20,108
-He's a busboy.
-[laughs]
796
00:39:21,067 --> 00:39:22,277
-What?
-No, just...
797
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,570
you could've lost your job...
798
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:27,740
or faced prosecution had
inmates gone missing that day.
799
00:39:27,823 --> 00:39:33,955
I mean, you're concerned about...
these jerks that hung you out to dry.
800
00:39:34,039 --> 00:39:36,041
You're quite a guy, Joe Caputo.
801
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,210
[waiter] There you go, sir.
Whenever you're ready.
802
00:39:39,294 --> 00:39:41,587
-Uh, do me a favor, will you?
-[waiter] Mmm-hmm.
803
00:39:41,671 --> 00:39:43,339
-The change is yours.
-Okay.
804
00:39:43,423 --> 00:39:45,633
Give a 20 to that busboy over there.
805
00:39:45,716 --> 00:39:48,469
Wait till we're gone.
I don't want to make a thing of it, okay?
806
00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:49,930
[waiter] Okay.
807
00:39:51,014 --> 00:39:52,390
Hey, Mr. Caputo!
808
00:39:53,308 --> 00:39:55,518
-Look, Donaldson--
-I don't need your money, Mr. Caputo.
809
00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:56,852
It's nothing, take it, it's--
810
00:39:56,937 --> 00:39:58,438
Nah, this is not to help me.
811
00:39:58,521 --> 00:40:00,773
This is to make you feel better
about that...
812
00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:03,109
pardon my French, miss,
bullshit you pulled.
813
00:40:03,193 --> 00:40:05,987
-Okay, Joe, let's go.
-The bullshit I pulled?
814
00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:08,907
I work three jobs.
This is the good one.
815
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,659
O'Neill?
I heard he had kidney stones.
816
00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:12,953
But no health insurance.
817
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:15,163
So he thought he'd power through,
wait for it to pass.
818
00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:16,289
It didn't.
819
00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:19,209
Now he's on dialysis.
He may lose a kidney.
820
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:20,961
-Jesus.
-Yeah.
821
00:40:21,044 --> 00:40:24,297
So take your $20 and drown
your conscience in a bottle of gin,
822
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:26,549
because paying me to feel better about it
ain't gonna work.
823
00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:31,096
Donaldson.
824
00:40:33,889 --> 00:40:37,727
You tell O'Neill
I'm sorry about his stones.
825
00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:39,645
I'm also sorry you gotta work here.
826
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:42,148
But I need you to understand something.
827
00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:47,403
I'm sorry for you.
I don't regret firing any of you.
828
00:40:47,487 --> 00:40:52,658
You walked out on the biggest day
the prison's faced in 25 fuckin' years.
829
00:40:52,742 --> 00:40:56,037
You put the prisoners at risk,
you put your fellow COs at risk,
830
00:40:56,121 --> 00:40:59,249
you put this whole town in danger!
831
00:40:59,332 --> 00:41:01,834
The shit hit
and instead of moving the fan away,
832
00:41:01,917 --> 00:41:05,296
[stammers] you plugged it in
and you hit "oscillate."
833
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:10,969
I was gonna make you
captain of the guard, Wade.
834
00:41:14,930 --> 00:41:16,391
Really.
835
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:17,767
You keep the 20.
836
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:22,022
Least I could do
for helping me dodge a bullet.
837
00:41:23,523 --> 00:41:24,732
I'm sorry about this.
838
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:36,661
These houses are yours to live in,
but they are prison property.
839
00:41:36,744 --> 00:41:38,913
They will be treated with respect.
840
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:43,293
As long as they are treated with respect,
you will be as well.
841
00:41:43,376 --> 00:41:46,546
Okay, the warden has asked me to do a...
842
00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:49,299
icebreaker event.
843
00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:54,387
I will demonstrate this activity
with CO...
844
00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,931
-McCullough, sir.
-Okay, McCullough.
845
00:41:57,015 --> 00:42:02,103
Tell me two true things about you
and one lie.
846
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:05,065
I will attempt to guess the lie.
847
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:08,359
Okay, um...
848
00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:11,487
[woman speaking indistinctly on PA]
849
00:42:11,571 --> 00:42:13,656
I came to say I'm sorry.
850
00:42:18,994 --> 00:42:20,538
I'm sorry.
851
00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:28,796
Okay, please don't lock me out.
You're right to be upset.
852
00:42:28,879 --> 00:42:30,256
How would you know?
853
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:34,135
You don't know anything about me, Soso.
854
00:42:35,136 --> 00:42:36,971
[scoffs]
855
00:42:37,055 --> 00:42:39,682
And, what, you think I'm upset
about my mom's crack abuse
856
00:42:39,765 --> 00:42:42,477
or because I grew up poor, black
and uneducated in the urban jungle?
857
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,688
Okay, I watched The Wire a lot.
I made assumptions.
858
00:42:45,771 --> 00:42:47,482
But you spent time with me.
859
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:50,360
I mean, did you even listen when I talked?
860
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:53,279
Like, what the fuck about me,
besides the color of my skin,
861
00:42:53,363 --> 00:42:55,615
would indicate that I'm
some indigent hood rat?
862
00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:59,077
-I don't know.
-[scoffs]
863
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,037
No, it's fine, it's cool.
I'm guilty, too. I won't lie.
864
00:43:02,122 --> 00:43:04,790
You know, I like the story of the rich,
white, hippie girl in my bed.
865
00:43:04,874 --> 00:43:06,292
I've been working that on my end.
866
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:12,298
I don't want this to end.
867
00:43:26,396 --> 00:43:27,522
[Gloria] What good is coming up here
868
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:29,399
and sitting in the lobby
every weekend gonna do?
869
00:43:29,482 --> 00:43:32,610
She wants to get Sophia out,
she needs to get a lawyer
870
00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:34,654
or a non-profit involved or something.
871
00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:37,573
Ms. Burset said that the prison
has tons of lawyers,
872
00:43:37,657 --> 00:43:40,118
so at least coming up here
and waiting for the warden to come out
873
00:43:40,201 --> 00:43:42,287
to get into his face is something...
874
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,079
Michael started a Kickstarter campaign.
875
00:43:44,164 --> 00:43:45,748
Kickstarter? What that mean?
876
00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:47,625
Not much, usually.
877
00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:50,211
There's nothing to be ashamed about.
878
00:43:50,295 --> 00:43:52,297
Plenty of guys live with their parents.
879
00:43:52,380 --> 00:43:53,714
Right, yeah, I mean, you know...
880
00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:56,551
I'm just doing this to save money,
you know?
881
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:58,844
'Cause I could live on my own, obviously.
882
00:43:58,928 --> 00:44:02,640
Oof! Obviously.
I mean, very, very obviously.
883
00:44:02,723 --> 00:44:05,601
It just makes the most financial sense,
you know?
884
00:44:05,685 --> 00:44:06,811
For the both of us.
885
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:09,189
Oh!
886
00:44:09,272 --> 00:44:13,901
That's my manicotti,
always thinking of his little lasagna.
887
00:44:13,984 --> 00:44:16,946
[chuckles] Hey...
888
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:20,491
I made you something.
889
00:44:22,034 --> 00:44:23,703
Fresh baked.
890
00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:25,663
Lorna...
891
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:28,416
No, no, no, don't say it.
892
00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:31,336
You know, even though
it took a lot of time,
893
00:44:31,419 --> 00:44:33,879
and I had to go to the store twice,
894
00:44:33,963 --> 00:44:37,675
you... are worth it.
895
00:44:45,558 --> 00:44:46,851
[exhales deeply]
896
00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:49,854
[sniffs]
897
00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:51,314
Hmm.
898
00:44:54,234 --> 00:44:55,235
Mmm!
899
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:58,028
-Mmm!
-It's still warm.
900
00:44:59,029 --> 00:45:01,031
My favorite.
901
00:45:01,115 --> 00:45:03,368
Peanut butter and M&M's.
902
00:45:03,451 --> 00:45:05,453
-Snickerdoodles.
-Oh!
903
00:45:05,536 --> 00:45:07,955
-I love you.
-Oh!
904
00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:10,833
And you should.
I am quite a catch.
905
00:45:10,916 --> 00:45:13,961
Oh, my God, you are.
You so are.
906
00:45:14,044 --> 00:45:15,087
[exhales deeply]
907
00:45:15,170 --> 00:45:16,506
Fuck.
908
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:19,925
I want you.
909
00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:23,137
-Vinnie.
-I want you.
910
00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:24,597
It's our living room.
911
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,141
The neighbors want to look in,
that's their good luck.
912
00:45:28,309 --> 00:45:30,102
I'm already unbuttoning my shirt.
913
00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:34,440
My goodness, you know that
I can't resist your muscular chest.
914
00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,191
Oh, my God.
915
00:45:36,276 --> 00:45:38,819
My hands,
they're in your hair right now.
916
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:41,364
-I'm stroking it real soft.
-[panting]
917
00:45:41,447 --> 00:45:43,908
Till I grab a handful of it
and pull it back.
918
00:45:43,991 --> 00:45:46,744
[moans] You're such a man.
919
00:45:46,827 --> 00:45:48,663
[Vince] Oh, God.
I'm licking your neck.
920
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,290
Kissing your ears.
921
00:45:50,373 --> 00:45:52,917
My hand is on that
big mountain in your pants,
922
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,545
and I am unzipping you right now.
923
00:45:55,628 --> 00:45:58,464
And I'm pulling your shirt off real slow.
924
00:45:58,548 --> 00:46:00,174
No, no, no, it's a button-up.
925
00:46:00,257 --> 00:46:02,760
-I unbutton it real slow.
-No, no, no, tear it off.
926
00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:03,969
-Pulling it off. It's off.
-Tear it off.
927
00:46:04,053 --> 00:46:06,096
It's off, the buttons, they're everywhere.
They're everywhere.
928
00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,974
Oh, my God, my mouth...
My mouth is on those big titties.
929
00:46:09,058 --> 00:46:11,894
-My nipples are so hard right now.
-Oh, my God, my cock.
930
00:46:11,977 --> 00:46:13,521
Oh, my God,
my cock is really hard.
931
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:14,772
I know, baby.
932
00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:16,649
No, it's really hard.
Like, right now, it's really hard.
933
00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:18,568
-I know, Vinnie...
-Oh, God.
934
00:46:18,651 --> 00:46:20,528
-Vinnie, put it inside me.
-Yeah?
935
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:24,365
Oh, my God, it's in you.
Oh, it's in you.
936
00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:26,283
-Oh, my God, it's in you.
-[Lorna moaning]
937
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:27,577
It feels so good.
938
00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:29,329
You're so wet.
You are so wet.
939
00:46:29,412 --> 00:46:30,996
I actually am.
940
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:32,998
-I'm super wet right now.
-I know.
941
00:46:33,082 --> 00:46:34,709
[both panting]
942
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:35,918
Do it to me.
943
00:46:36,001 --> 00:46:38,003
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
944
00:46:38,087 --> 00:46:39,839
-Don't stop.
-I'm not stopping.
945
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,298
I'm not stopping.
I'm not gonna stop.
946
00:46:41,382 --> 00:46:44,176
I'm not gonna stop.
Oh, my God.
947
00:46:44,259 --> 00:46:46,261
-Oh, baby!
-[strained] Oh, my God!
948
00:46:46,929 --> 00:46:49,264
[yells]
949
00:46:51,016 --> 00:46:53,060
[man] He's humping the table.
950
00:46:53,143 --> 00:46:54,144
[Vince sighs]
951
00:46:54,937 --> 00:46:57,607
-[panting]
-[woman] What the hell?
952
00:46:58,524 --> 00:47:02,945
Hey! Hey, stay right here.
Stay looking at me, all right?
953
00:47:03,529 --> 00:47:05,030
Jesus Christ.
954
00:47:05,114 --> 00:47:06,657
[man] Don't think I don't see you.
955
00:47:10,911 --> 00:47:12,788
Pleasure, as always.
956
00:47:12,872 --> 00:47:15,541
Also, I want to talk to you
about something.
957
00:47:15,625 --> 00:47:18,335
If this is about last week,
I don't get to control my flow.
958
00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:21,130
I think it's all the stress
of all these new bitches in here.
959
00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:25,009
I know these last few weeks
have had their challenges.
960
00:47:25,092 --> 00:47:28,388
So... I wanted to say thank you.
961
00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:30,848
And keep up the good work.
962
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:33,350
Your morale is important to me.
963
00:47:33,434 --> 00:47:35,978
Oh! That's so sweet.
964
00:47:36,061 --> 00:47:37,146
Ovaltine?
965
00:47:37,229 --> 00:47:38,523
It's to make chocolate milk.
966
00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:40,357
Pretty much only
Chinese people drink it now,
967
00:47:40,441 --> 00:47:44,194
which is probably why it's at commissary,
but it's really good.
968
00:47:44,278 --> 00:47:46,531
So, it's chocolate powder
for my powdered milk?
969
00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:47,823
It's got vitamins.
970
00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:49,199
Oh!
971
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:51,619
See? New bitches.
972
00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:55,498
Why are they always staring like they're
waiting for a donkey show to start?
973
00:47:55,581 --> 00:47:58,459
I don't think they're staring at you.
They were following us earlier.
974
00:47:58,543 --> 00:47:59,794
And you didn't say anything?
975
00:47:59,877 --> 00:48:01,378
People can stare.
976
00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:03,506
-It's a free country.
-Not in prison.
977
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,382
See, this is what I'm talking about.
978
00:48:05,466 --> 00:48:07,760
I bet your Bloody Mary
gonna come early, too.
979
00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,814
[indistinct chatter]
980
00:48:39,374 --> 00:48:40,375
Hey.
981
00:48:42,086 --> 00:48:43,170
Hey.
982
00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:48,217
[sighs]
983
00:48:50,177 --> 00:48:51,178
You okay?
984
00:48:51,261 --> 00:48:54,014
-No. You?
-[exhales deeply]
985
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:55,558
No.
986
00:48:56,684 --> 00:48:57,935
Do you want to talk about it?
987
00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:07,027
Not really. You?
988
00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:16,621
But have you ever heard the phrase
"paper asshole"?
989
00:49:18,122 --> 00:49:19,749
[chuckles] No.
990
00:49:19,832 --> 00:49:21,208
Ruiz said it to me.
991
00:49:22,585 --> 00:49:24,504
I think I pissed off the Dominicans.
992
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:27,214
Relax.
993
00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:31,511
You run the Litchfield panty company...
not the Sinaloa drug cartel.
994
00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:35,014
No one's stitching your face
to a soccer ball.
995
00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,059
See ya around, Pipes.
996
00:49:46,526 --> 00:49:47,777
[Gloria] What's this?
997
00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:49,695
[in Spanish] It's for the eyes.
Takes the red out.
998
00:49:49,779 --> 00:49:52,447
[in English] I know what it is, pendeja.
What's it doing out? It's contraband.
999
00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:55,034
Whoops!
I need to be more careful.
1000
00:49:55,117 --> 00:49:57,745
Yeah, you do. A few drops
of that falls into the food,
1001
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,747
and this whole prison will be
shitting their brains out.
1002
00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:01,791
Really? I had no idea.
1003
00:50:01,874 --> 00:50:06,170
She acts so tough,
but to stress-eat this food?
1004
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,547
The poor woman.
1005
00:50:07,630 --> 00:50:10,675
[laughs]
Oh, you evil, Russian bitch.
1006
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:15,304
What can I say?
I do a lot with a little.
1007
00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:16,931
[laughs]
1008
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,191
No!
1009
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:29,193
No! No!
1010
00:50:29,276 --> 00:50:31,612
[inmate] What the fuck?
That's my toilet paper.
1011
00:50:32,905 --> 00:50:34,448
-[defecating]
-Oh!
1012
00:50:34,531 --> 00:50:36,659
[rap music playing in distance]
1013
00:50:48,629 --> 00:50:50,505
I talk a lot.
1014
00:50:52,091 --> 00:50:54,051
I babble...
1015
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:58,055
until I find something the person
I'm with is interested in.
1016
00:50:58,138 --> 00:51:01,601
And I'll say anything I can
to get them to like me.
1017
00:51:03,102 --> 00:51:08,315
But I... really... really like you.
1018
00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:12,027
The real you.
1019
00:51:12,737 --> 00:51:14,739
[scoffs] You don't know the real me.
1020
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,491
But I want to.
1021
00:51:19,159 --> 00:51:23,122
So in, like, a minute,
I'm gonna put down this radio,
1022
00:51:23,205 --> 00:51:26,667
and I'm gonna listen to you
tell me about yourself.
1023
00:51:26,751 --> 00:51:31,714
And I'm not gonna try
to rewrite your story in my head.
1024
00:51:32,715 --> 00:51:36,176
And then, when you're done,
I'd like to tell you about myself.
1025
00:51:36,260 --> 00:51:38,053
[sighs]
1026
00:51:38,137 --> 00:51:43,392
And some of it will be
embarrassing and ugly...
1027
00:51:43,475 --> 00:51:45,144
but mostly boring. [exhales]
1028
00:51:47,730 --> 00:51:49,774
And then...
1029
00:51:49,857 --> 00:51:53,903
maybe afterwards, we could, like...
quiz each other or something?
1030
00:51:57,281 --> 00:51:58,824
Eminem?
1031
00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,285
[chuckles]
1032
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:05,414
Yeah, it's not a presumption
about you liking rap.
1033
00:52:05,497 --> 00:52:09,919
It's just... AM 700 The OG
is the only station that comes in clear.
1034
00:52:11,712 --> 00:52:14,173
[snickers and clears throat]
1035
00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:20,345
Jackson, North Carolina.
1036
00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:26,060
Is that where you were born?
1037
00:52:26,686 --> 00:52:29,646
No, that's where
my great-grandmother was born.
1038
00:52:34,443 --> 00:52:37,697
I mean, stuffed crust shoulda
revolutionized pizza,
1039
00:52:37,780 --> 00:52:41,075
-but it was just a fad.
-Man, nah, it's the same thing.
1040
00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:43,035
-Man, it is not the same thing!
-All right.
1041
00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:47,998
'Cause that's Italian...
this is Mexican.
1042
00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:53,003
You got a stuffed tortilla,
and you stuff that with more stuff.
1043
00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:54,839
-[faint humming]
-Man, it's my golden ticket,
1044
00:52:54,922 --> 00:52:57,967
and I'm gonna do it right
with that business savvy and shit.
1045
00:52:58,050 --> 00:53:00,469
-[scatting]
-Hey, hey, hey!
1046
00:53:01,678 --> 00:53:02,972
Do you hear that?
1047
00:53:03,055 --> 00:53:04,639
[humming continues]
1048
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:06,767
What is that?
1049
00:53:07,935 --> 00:53:09,478
[inmate] Wow, look at that.
1050
00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:11,271
[inmates chatting indistinctly]
1051
00:53:12,064 --> 00:53:13,899
That's a drone.
1052
00:53:13,983 --> 00:53:17,069
-It's a drone.
-Shit! What's it doing here?
1053
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:19,196
Like we some Iraqi wedding?
1054
00:53:19,279 --> 00:53:21,406
Man, come on.
We're gonna be late.
1055
00:53:23,826 --> 00:53:27,246
He was a bad man and we did good things.
1056
00:53:27,329 --> 00:53:30,207
He did bad things and we killed him good.
1057
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:33,460
No, we did bad.
1058
00:53:33,543 --> 00:53:34,544
No!
1059
00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:36,213
We did well.
1060
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:16,586
[whispering] Hey.
1061
00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:17,754
Have you seen Whitehill?
1062
00:54:24,678 --> 00:54:26,847
Yeah, I forgot the garden needed turning.
1063
00:54:26,931 --> 00:54:29,599
If Rikerson comes back,
just tell him where we went, okay?
1064
00:54:34,729 --> 00:54:36,148
Oh, fuck!
1065
00:54:37,983 --> 00:54:39,985
[grunting]
1066
00:54:40,485 --> 00:54:42,529
-No! No!
-Lolly, Lolly.
1067
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:43,780
-[shushing]
-Listen, listen.
1068
00:54:43,864 --> 00:54:45,532
They know! They know!
1069
00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:48,327
They found you!
We have to move the body!
1070
00:54:48,410 --> 00:54:50,704
[whispering] Shut up.
We cannot move the body.
1071
00:54:50,787 --> 00:54:52,539
There's drones.
1072
00:54:52,622 --> 00:54:53,958
Stop it, Lolly.
1073
00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:57,377
We cannot move it.
1074
00:54:58,587 --> 00:55:01,841
If I told you I already moved it,
would it calm you down?
1075
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:04,759
Maybe for a minute.
1076
00:55:04,844 --> 00:55:07,512
Good, 'cause I did.
1077
00:55:07,596 --> 00:55:08,638
Now, scat.
1078
00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:15,145
[fence opens and closes]
1079
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:17,857
You didn't actually move it.
1080
00:55:17,940 --> 00:55:20,860
Hell, no.
And I'm not about to.
1081
00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:25,114
[sucks teeth]
We're gonna have to kill her.
1082
00:55:25,197 --> 00:55:27,282
[rap music playing]