1 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:14,973 [cell door slams] 2 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,474 [theme song playing] 3 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,232 [cell door slams] 4 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,916 {\an8}[cell door slams] 5 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,756 {\an8}Why aren't you at work? 6 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,590 {\an8}Luschek never showed. 7 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,467 {\an8}Probably passed out in his own vomit somewhere. 8 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,929 {\an8}-So you chose to come in here and... help? -Yeah. 9 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,723 {\an8}Figured you could use it for Thanksgiving. 10 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,099 {\an8}Then get your ass off my counter 11 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,393 {\an8}and help Gina pull the turkeys out of the freezer. 12 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,478 {\an8}Shit, we got real turkey this year! 13 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,399 {\an8}We got trimmings from the factory. 50 cents a pound. 14 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,902 {\an8}Trimmings... The shit no one else wants. 15 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,945 {\an8}That's a bag of turkey assholes right there. 16 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,657 {\an8}The whole meal has to come in at $1.05 a prisoner. 17 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,075 {\an8}Taxpayers don't give a shit if it's a holiday. 18 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,994 {\an8}We're the bad guys. 19 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,421 {\an8}Pig-fucker. 20 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,974 Brown the onions for the gravy. 21 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,089 [Sophia] That too hot, baby? 22 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,802 No... it's perfect. 23 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,972 I feel so good. 24 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,224 [Sister Ingalls] "Frequent blinking may actually be a way 25 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,727 for your brain to rest while you're awake." 26 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,729 Wakeful rest, huh? 27 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,271 You okay, honey? 28 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,275 {\an8}[voice breaking] It's just being touched by another person. 29 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,865 {\an8}-[Sophia] I get it. -Thanks. 30 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:19,616 {\an8}The body gets lonely in here. 31 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,369 {\an8}Yeah. It's not even sex, you know? I just... 32 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,497 {\an8}I miss contact. 33 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,541 {\an8}Human beings aren't supposed to live like this. 34 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,711 {\an8}I've been in almost two years... 35 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,006 {\an8}and there's still nights I reach out for my wife. 36 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:37,425 {\an8}You know, I was thinking about you guys. 37 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,887 {\an8}And I was imagining what I would do 38 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,555 {\an8}if Larry told me that he wanted to be a woman. 39 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,683 {\an8}I'd like to think that I would be open to it... 40 00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,685 {\an8}but it would just be so weird. 41 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,147 I'm sorry, is that totally rude? 42 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,357 No. It's fine. 43 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,985 He would make such an ugly girl. 44 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,320 [both chuckle] 45 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,696 Is he coming to visit you today? 46 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,743 First holiday in prison can be rough. 47 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:03,827 Very emotional. 48 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,620 [Sophia] But she's gonna be fine... 49 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,874 {\an8}'cause we about to make some Heidi Klum shit happen right here. [chuckles] 50 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:10,959 {\an8}[sniffs] 51 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,837 {\an8}Ugh, that smells nasty. 52 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,840 {\an8}What's it made of? 53 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,177 {\an8}You don't wanna know. 54 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,888 {\an8}[groans] 55 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,140 {\an8}How did you learn all this? 56 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:29,144 {\an8}My aunt was a santera. I used to help her out sometimes. 57 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,563 {\an8}I dabble. 58 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,901 {\an8}So what's gonna happen to me? 59 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,236 {\an8}You're gonna cramp up... 60 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,613 {\an8}some wicked diarrhea. 61 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,617 {\an8}This shit ain't pretty. 62 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,078 {\an8}You drink this, 63 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:49,414 {\an8}then you're gonna go out and dig a hole in the yard. 64 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,124 {\an8}You're gonna make me shit in a hole? 65 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,460 {\an8}No. You're gonna put this bean in there. 66 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,046 {\an8}Then you're gonna find a cigarette... 67 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,256 {\an8}you're gonna blow some smoke in there... 68 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,801 {\an8}you're gonna cover it up with a mound of dirt. 69 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,471 {\an8}And that's gonna have to do it... 70 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,933 {\an8}because I don't have any angelica... 71 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:12,020 {\an8}or gris-gris oil. 72 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,775 {\an8}[speaking Spanish] 73 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,153 {\an8}Take it. 74 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,784 This is gonna kill it? 75 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,453 Well, that's what you want, right? 76 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,080 As long as it don't feel anything. 77 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,458 Please. It don't even have a brain yet. 78 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,632 {\an8}[speaking Spanish] 79 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,384 {\an8}Hurry up, drink it. 80 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:45,678 {\an8}[Dayanara] Ow, that's hot! 81 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,515 {\an8}[Gloria] I told you it was, stupid. Go ahead, drink it all. 82 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,060 {\an8}[speaking Spanish] 83 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,811 {\an8}Where my Snickers? 84 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,119 {\an8}[Pennsatucky] You know, I pray for all the dead babies... 85 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,914 and all their baby souls. 86 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:20,380 [sobs] And God, he's gonna let them into heaven, even though they weren't baptized. 87 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,175 -Are you getting all of this? -Yeah. 88 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:26,970 And you can also tell Judy that... that I pray for her as well. 89 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,721 Well, her name's Barbara. 90 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,515 -Barbara? -Barbara. 91 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:33,185 Damn! I can't keep all this fan mail straight. 92 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,062 [stutters] I can't keep up with it. 93 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,396 What? You have fans? 94 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,565 -She's a hero. -[Alex scoffs] 95 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,442 She's a defender of the unborn. 96 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,403 Jeez, that sounds like a bad X-Men movie. 97 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,863 What'd you do, bomb an abortion clinic? 98 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,366 And you can sign off with... 99 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:52,162 "I will be out of here by 2015... 100 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,082 before the rapture." 101 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,374 [chuckling] Oh, man. 102 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,750 Is something fucking funny to you? 103 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:00,253 Yeah. It's just... People predict the rapture all the time. 104 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,714 I mean, wasn't that supposed to happen in 2011? 105 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:06,884 No. [stutters] It comes in two stages. If you study your shit. 106 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:11,806 The first one was a spiritual rapture. 107 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:15,018 And the second one coming is a physical one. 108 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,104 Ah, I see. 109 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,188 -Okay? -Got it. 110 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,439 And you're not invited... 111 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,817 because they don't allow gay people on the rapture bus! 112 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,945 There's a bus? 113 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,990 Are all the seats already taken by Appalachian meth-heads? 114 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,075 Oh, man, you're gonna... you're just gonna get it, Vause, aren't you? 115 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,452 Do we have to go back in the dryer, huh? 116 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,536 You already locked me in that fucking dryer. 117 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,247 Yeah, maybe I'll fucking turn it on this time. 118 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,124 Make you spin around like a gerbil. 119 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,001 Wanna know why? 120 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,878 'Cause I've... had it... 121 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,508 with rich bitches like you. 122 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,973 [Jessica] Those are bobos. 123 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,434 Real Adidas have three stripes, not four. 124 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,894 Your shoes are bobos. 125 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,187 So? 126 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:03,233 So your mom shops at Payless. And works at Friendly's. 127 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,901 [girls laugh] 128 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,279 My mom has, like, four jobs. 129 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,531 That's not something to brag about. 130 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,408 You dress like a bum. 131 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,660 -She smells like one, too. -[girls giggle] 132 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,996 [car horn honks] 133 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,540 [Jessica] Do you guys live in that janky car? [chuckles] 134 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,792 -Bye-bye, pigsty! -Bye-bye, pigsty! 135 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,044 [girls giggle] 136 00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:25,713 -[Diane] Are those your friends? -No. 137 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,257 How was school? 138 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,928 They changed the schedule around, so I don't gotta work nights no more. 139 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,847 Fucking Brenda keeps trying to get me to cover her shifts. 140 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,559 What are you doing? It's freezing out. 141 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,937 [Diane] What the fuck was that? 142 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,691 I'm not wearing those anymore. They're bobos. 143 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,736 Go get 'em back. 144 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,322 Jessica Wedge says they're lame. 145 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,240 So fuck Jessica Wedge. 146 00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:55,535 They all make fun of me. They call me pigsty. 147 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,206 Did you tell them who your dad is? 148 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:02,292 -I've never even met him. -Well, you tell them. 149 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:05,670 You tell them, "My dad is Lee Burley, the drummer for Death Maiden." 150 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,298 You see what those smug little bitches say then. 151 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,466 I mean, who are they, huh? 152 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,093 What? 'Cause their parents work at the college, 153 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,885 they think they're all fucking fancy? 154 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,763 You are the daughter of a rock god. 155 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:19,101 If he's so rich and famous... why are we so broke? 156 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,562 You know how many girls used to scream at his concerts? 157 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,733 You know, rip their clothes off? Throw themselves at him? 158 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,319 But your dad chose me. 159 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,696 And together we made you. 160 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,866 Now go get your fucking sneakers. 161 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:38,245 Don't you listen to those smarty-pants assholes. 162 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,746 They're gonna have boring-ass lives. 163 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:42,082 They're gonna wish that they were you. 164 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,500 You are cool. 165 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,506 {\an8}[Pornstache] Listen up, turd-bags! 166 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,093 We're gonna let you have your little going-away party, 167 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:57,054 but do not make our lives more difficult afterwards by hanging yourself... 168 00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,932 with a sheet, or a tampon string... 169 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,602 or whatever the fuck you like to get all arts and craftsy with. 170 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,313 No Thanksgiving suicides. 171 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,775 Chapman... what are we not to do on this day of thanks? 172 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,318 Commit suicide? 173 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,444 Exactly. 174 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,282 We are the Pilgrims, you bitches are the Indians. 175 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,200 This is the holiday where we cooperate. 176 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,701 [Big Boo] Oh, yes. 177 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,789 We bring you maize... and you give us smallpox blankets. 178 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,333 Exactly. Everybody wins. 179 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,004 You look like JonBenét Ramsey. 180 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:33,550 [chuckles sarcastically] Well, that's what I was going for. 181 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,010 -Can you hold this for me? -Yeah. 182 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:40,432 Did you make this? 183 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,642 Mmm-hmm. 184 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:46,188 It's my second attempt. I spelled it wrong the first time. 185 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,480 [Alex chuckles] 186 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,316 And they say you went to college. 187 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,650 [chuckles] 188 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,195 God, I hate seeing people go. 189 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,198 -It reminds me how much time I have left. -[Piper] Yeah. 190 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,032 But think of the story that you'll have. 191 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,117 That is my line. 192 00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,328 I know it is. 193 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,413 You always trot it out in times of suckiness. 194 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,706 Yeah. 195 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,792 Like that stomach virus I had in Java. 196 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,627 Oh, it was a great fucking story. 197 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,504 The whole village came out to watch you poop. 198 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,589 [both chuckle] 199 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,924 Hmm. 200 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,884 So maybe this is kind of like that. 201 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:20,555 Yo, yo, she coming, y'all! Taystee! 202 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:24,809 {\an8}[all chanting] Taystee, Taystee, Taystee! 203 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,811 I'm getting out, bitches! 204 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,020 [all cheering] 205 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,522 Yeah. Fight the power! Fuck the man! 206 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:30,607 Hey! 207 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,024 Watch it. 208 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,776 Hey, yo, come here. 209 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,070 Girl, you my shawty. 210 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,823 Aw! Cut it out. 211 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,909 You scrubby little hood rats gonna make a bitch cry. 212 00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,202 [both chuckling] 213 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,497 [R&B music playing] 214 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,081 I'll miss you, bitch. 215 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,165 Yeah, girl. 216 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,917 [inmates cheering] 217 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,345 -My God, do you remember this? -Yes. 218 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,430 I don't even know how the arms go. I think... 219 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,896 [Poussey] What the fuck? 220 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,523 Shit, these white girls trying to throw down. 221 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,940 [inmates cheering and laughing] 222 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,408 [Janae] Yeah. [Black Cindy] Yeah, girl! 223 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,242 [Big Boo] Shake that ass. 224 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,789 That's lesbian activity. 225 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,834 It sure is. 226 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,713 [Taystee] White girls gone wild. 227 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,173 [inmate] Oh, my gosh. 228 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,802 They're sexing, Mr. Healy. I seen it. 229 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,804 This morning, in the bathroom, 230 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,056 one girl's face was all up in the other one's hoo-ha. 231 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,308 It was so nasty. 232 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:50,227 -It's an abomination. -Okay... enough. 233 00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,604 They were moaning and everything. 234 00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,023 Speaking in tongues, like it's some kind of revival. 235 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,401 Who? Who are you talking about? 236 00:12:56,484 --> 00:13:00,363 Vause... and Chapman. 237 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,241 -Chapman? -Mmm-hmm. 238 00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,618 Chapman. 239 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,454 She a lesbian. 240 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,789 They lesbianing together. 241 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,793 They're in there right now... in front of everyone, 242 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,962 dancing all up on each other. 243 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,213 Show me. 244 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,008 [inmates cheering] 245 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,016 Chapman! 246 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,352 Get over here. 247 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,355 -[music stops] -[inmate] Party's over. 248 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,234 -We were just... -Shut your mouth, Chapman. 249 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,363 You think it's appropriate to violate your fellow inmate? 250 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,490 -Violate? We were just dancing-- -I said shut your mouth! 251 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:44,991 You asked me a question. 252 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,661 That looked like attempted rape to me. 253 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,204 -Take her to SHU. -[Pornstache] Uh... 254 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,499 What? You can't do that. 255 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:53,625 Yeah, she's kind of right. 256 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,334 Shut up, Mendez! 257 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,253 You know, I'm tired of your shit. 258 00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,548 I'm your superior fucking officer! 259 00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:04,469 Now, you put her in the goddamn box... or I will fucking write you up, too! 260 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,595 [Piper] No, no, no, no. 261 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,013 -She didn't even do anything. -[Healy] Step back! 262 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,557 Or I will cite you for assaulting an officer. 263 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,183 [Piper] I have visitation today. 264 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,477 Larry's coming to see me. 265 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,020 -You can't do this. -[Pornstache] It's all right. 266 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,813 -Let's do what the man says... -Please don't do this to me. 267 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,982 ...before he has an aneurysm. Come on. 268 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,317 [Piper] Please don't do this. [Pornstache] Come on! 269 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,747 [Abby] Give me a shotgun! 270 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,417 Give me a motherfucking shotgun, motherfucker! 271 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,671 This is you. 272 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,178 How long am I gonna be in here? 273 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,223 Till we let you out. 274 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,026 So tomorrow's the day. 275 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,823 My cousin was supposed to send me my dress-out pack, but it never came. 276 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,659 Now I gotta wear the same shit I came in here with. 277 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,035 Man, it's gonna be too tight. 278 00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,079 Man, you can walk out of here in a garbage bag, 279 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,081 you'll still be dancing all the way to the bus. [chuckles] 280 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,418 I'm scared. 281 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,837 Nothing out there gonna be scarier than this shit. 282 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,965 Shit, I been in institutions my whole life. 283 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,634 I was a ward of the state till I was 16. Then juvie. 284 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,554 I got no skills. 285 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,138 [Miss Claudette] Well, now you're just lying. 286 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:34,141 You've worked in that law library for two years. 287 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,018 You know more than my public defender. 288 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,772 Yeah, but out there, you need real school for that stuff. 289 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,609 [voice breaking] No one's gonna take me serious. 290 00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,902 [Miss Claudette] You're a smart girl. 291 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,404 You like to play the clown... 292 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:50,032 but you've got a lot to offer this world. 293 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,993 This is not a life, Taystee. 294 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,121 Yo, listen to Voodoo Mambo, yo. 295 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,039 Hey, yo, you think you just having... 296 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,124 What they call it? 297 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:01,753 That thing that happens to animals in captivity where it changes they brains? 298 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,170 I seen it at the Bronx Zoo once. 299 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:08,300 This giraffe ate its own vomit... banged its head up against the bars. 300 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,762 'Cause it ain't fit to live in the wild no more. 301 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,013 Don't know how to eat leaves. 302 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,474 That's what I'm saying. I'm the giraffe. 303 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:15,975 Fuck no, you ain't. 304 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,769 Giraffes skinny. Look at that ass. 305 00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:18,978 [both laugh] 306 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,606 Yo, don't let 'em get to you, T. 307 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,859 This ain't where it's at. 308 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,946 Jed and Lane are flying in from Chicago tonight with the kids. 309 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,114 Will Grammie be there? 310 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,824 Grammie's gonna stay in North Carolina. 311 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,075 She's got a boyfriend. 312 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,619 No shit! 313 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,703 Suzanne. 314 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,748 Sorry... language. 315 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,207 I know I'm a mess. 316 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,209 I've been cooking at the soup kitchen at church. 317 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,711 Sweet potato casserole? 318 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,087 Yeah, I'm a one-trick pony. 319 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,338 -Hmm. -[chuckles] 320 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,592 See... you're back at church. 321 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,178 I told you... people will get over it. 322 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,222 -Well... there's a new pastor. -Hmm. 323 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,099 He's been really welcoming. Very nice. 324 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,394 He introduced me to a money manager, 325 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,980 who gave me some free advice on how to talk to the bank. 326 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,149 And he's sweet with Michael. 327 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:06,400 Um... 328 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,780 Eva stopped by the salon. She's pregnant. 329 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,032 You know, she's been trying for a long time. 330 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,284 You like him? This pastor? 331 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,704 He's a good man. 332 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,747 That's not what I'm asking. 333 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:25,044 I'm not gonna talk about this. It's Thanksgiving. 334 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,629 Well, I wanna talk about it. 335 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,799 What do you want me to say? 336 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,968 That I met someone and I'm interested? 337 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,722 That I'm lonely and I miss men? 338 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,850 When you went away, you told me-- 339 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,227 I know what I said. 340 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:45,522 Baby, I don't want some strange man around my son... my wife. 341 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:49,819 Well, we don't always get what we want now, do we? 342 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,491 -What about your hair? -Mommy! 343 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,078 I happen to like my hair like this. 344 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,497 [sighs] 345 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,584 Hey. [clears throat] 346 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,085 -Here to see Chapman? -Yep. 347 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,336 You two are such a cute couple. 348 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:10,464 She's the cute one. I'm like her furry sidekick. 349 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:11,548 [chuckles] 350 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,509 Oh, um... 351 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,678 Actually, you can't see her today. 352 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,888 Why not? 353 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,348 She's had some privileges revoked. 354 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,935 -She's in the Security Housing Unit. -The what? 355 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:27,314 Solitary? [stutters] She's in solitary? What did she do? 356 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,275 I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. I don't... 357 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,985 [stutters] This is ridiculous! 358 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:34,363 I need to speak with your manager, or your... superior, 359 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,448 whoever the fuck is in charge here, please! 360 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,660 Please don't swear at me. I can give you a number to call... 361 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,827 Is she okay? 362 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,413 Can't I just see her for a minute? 363 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,999 I mean, it's a holiday, for God's sake. 364 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,920 Okay, can you at least... 365 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,798 give my phone number to her counselor, Mr. Healy? 366 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,215 Okay? And have him call me? 367 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,759 Right away, he needs to call me right away. 368 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:57,011 -I'm not allowed to... -Please. 369 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,304 Please. 370 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:01,849 -I guess, maybe. -Thank you. 371 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,309 Thank you! 372 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,686 Do you have... 373 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,062 Can I... 374 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:16,739 -I'll pass it along. -Okay. 375 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:22,411 And... and if you see Piper... will you tell her that I love her? 376 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,539 Okay? And to call me. Have her call me. 377 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,042 And also that... 378 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,503 that I love her. 379 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:33,965 Okay. 380 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,010 Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Bloom. 381 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,179 -[Shannon] Motherfucker! -[inmate] Shut up! 382 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,808 [Shannon banging door] Motherfucker. I'll kill you, motherfucker. 383 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,278 I'll kill all you motherfuckers! 384 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:02,284 [inmate crying] I'm gonna kill myself if I can't get out of here. 385 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,416 [inmate yelling] 386 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,469 [inmate banging and shouting] 387 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,561 [inmate screaming] 388 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:36,778 My brother, Donny, shot a turkey last year... 389 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,654 but it weren't really a turkey. 390 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,614 It was a fucking bald eagle. 391 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:41,741 [both chuckle] 392 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,786 But he still shoved a Coors Light up the damn thing's ass 393 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,495 -and put it on the grill. -[chuckles] 394 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:47,663 And proceeded to eat it. 395 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,667 And when the ranger walked up... he had the bird hanging out of his mouth. 396 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:56,213 He took his ass right to jail. And now he's in Federal, in Virginia. 397 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,382 [both chuckle] 398 00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,675 Did it taste like chicken? 399 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,094 No, it tasted like an eagle. 400 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,595 -[Leanne chuckles] -[Pennsatucky caws] 401 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,389 [both chuckle] 402 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,017 -Was your brother smoking tina? -He snorts Oxy now. 403 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,601 Fuck you. 404 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,854 What the... Get the... The fuck! 405 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,898 -[yelps] -[spits] 406 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:14,982 [Alex] Thanks for last night, baby. 407 00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:18,277 That shit was amazing. Nobody's ever licked my pussy like that. 408 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,780 You are lying! I would never touch this bitch! 409 00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,656 Hey, knock it off! You wanna join your friend down the hill? 410 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:24,325 [Pennsatucky] You know, you're gonna go to hell! 411 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:27,078 And you're gonna burn there for the entire eternity! 412 00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:29,121 -I'm already there. -[Bennett] Have a seat. 413 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,290 [opera music playing on stereo] 414 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,624 Taste it, Norma. 415 00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:35,544 -[slurps] -What did I tell you? 416 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,922 It's damn near perfect. 417 00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,384 [Pornstache claps] Ladies! 418 00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,345 Listen up! It's time to leave. 419 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:45,805 Let's go! Everybody out... 420 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:48,432 except for you. You can stay. 421 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:51,185 Let's go, Silent Bob. That means you, too. Come on. 422 00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:53,270 It's okay, I'll take over. 423 00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:57,108 [Pornstache] Attagirl. 424 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:08,744 [turns off stereo] 425 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:24,510 Where's my shit, Red? 426 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,845 I don't know what you're talking about. 427 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,305 Really? 428 00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:31,517 Are you gonna make me look through every box in here? 429 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,186 How'd you do it? You stopped the truck? 430 00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,646 Maybe. 431 00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:39,150 Or maybe I got it from one of your girls. 432 00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:41,068 My girls wouldn't tell you shit. 433 00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:42,236 Huh. 434 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:45,197 You want your pills? 435 00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,368 You can go stick your head in the toilet. 436 00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,703 There might be a few still floating around. 437 00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,132 You listen to me, you crazy cunt! 438 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:08,887 The next time my shipment comes in, you're gonna put it to the side... 439 00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:12,058 top shelf... in the walk-in. 440 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,518 Tricia's in detox. 441 00:23:14,601 --> 00:23:17,271 I hear Caputo's looking for her source. 442 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,481 What would he think of your little operation? 443 00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:21,317 You mean, your operation? 444 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:25,779 All the contraband comes through... your kitchen. 445 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,576 Looks like we're at a Cold War stand-off, Ruskie. 446 00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,579 And I got a bigger weapon than you. 447 00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:36,832 You wanna see it? 448 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:53,099 [unzips] 449 00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,063 [urinating] 450 00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:02,483 [sighs] 451 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,201 [zips] 452 00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:18,707 Just a little something extra for the holidays. 453 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:26,923 Next time you fuck with my stash... 454 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,259 I'll end your life. 455 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:37,476 [phone ringing] 456 00:24:37,559 --> 00:24:38,602 [male operator] Hello? 457 00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:40,604 Hi! Yes, hi. 458 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,232 Hello, I am trying to reach 459 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:46,360 the Executive Assistant or the Assistant Warden, please. 460 00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,487 Sir, it's after duty hours. 461 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:52,616 Okay. Yes. Look, uh... my wife is in the solitary unit. 462 00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:54,701 Okay? She's being held there illegally. 463 00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:57,996 Now... my father is a lawyer, I know her rights. 464 00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,831 It's a holiday, sir. 465 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:02,876 Exactly! That's exactly right! I know it's a holiday. 466 00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,878 That's what makes this so outrageous. 467 00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:06,172 You can call back on Monday-- 468 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:07,798 Would you please listen to me? 469 00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:10,008 Sir, please. Listen to me. 470 00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:12,636 I have left messages for the Associate Warden, 471 00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:15,139 for the Public Information's Officer, 472 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:18,767 for the Department of Corrections, for the fucking Governor's office. 473 00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:19,851 Okay? 474 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:23,647 If I don't get a call back from somebody soon... 475 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,983 you people are gonna have a fucking lawsuit on your hands. Now... 476 00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:28,069 [woman] Hello, you have reached 477 00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,279 the Federal Correctional Institution in Litchfield. 478 00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,948 God! Fuck! 479 00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:37,911 Dude... that was really dramatic. 480 00:25:38,912 --> 00:25:40,289 [sighs] 481 00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:44,876 You know how much Piper loves Thanksgiving? 482 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,545 It is her favorite. 483 00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:48,046 Yeah, I don't know why. 484 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,299 Had to wear a suit jacket. Fucking toxic. 485 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,050 You've been to Thanksgiving with my parents. 486 00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:55,512 Yeah, no, I know, it's horrible. She loves... our Thanksgivings. 487 00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:58,349 Oh, in... in your parents' apartment? 488 00:25:58,432 --> 00:26:01,893 They go to South Beach. They have gravy boats. 489 00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:03,895 A maid comes and cleans up in the morning. Come on. 490 00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:08,400 They won't mind me using these awesome tchotchkes for my table-scape, will they? 491 00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:09,943 We have to cancel. 492 00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:14,615 We have to cancel. You have to cancel the whole thing. 493 00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:18,494 Cal, [stammers] I can't host people here... all right? 494 00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:20,579 Not... under these circumstances. 495 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,789 All right? It just... It does not feel right. 496 00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:26,377 No, yeah, you're right, man. We... we should cancel. 497 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:31,757 We'll cancel. We'll cover the mirrors, sit shivah. 498 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,926 It's what your... people do, right? 499 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,304 It's when someone dies, Cal. She's not dead. 500 00:26:37,388 --> 00:26:39,223 Exactly. 501 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:42,058 Look, I love my sister... dude, 502 00:26:42,143 --> 00:26:44,228 but she got herself sent to the hoosegow. 503 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,812 And now she's clearly pulled some other shit 504 00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:47,773 to get herself into even more trouble. 505 00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:50,901 You... you have done everything that you can do. 506 00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:54,655 And Piper would love the fact that you're throwing Thanksgiving! 507 00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:58,950 Our friends are coming, the maid is coming tomorrow. 508 00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:04,956 And I've spent my entire life-savings on this... this marvelous turkey. 509 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:07,584 She'd want us to celebrate. 510 00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:10,671 I'm sure she's fine. 511 00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,090 [banging] 512 00:27:15,842 --> 00:27:17,719 [Shannon screams] 513 00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:21,848 Chapman? 514 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:24,560 Mr. Healy? 515 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:25,686 How are you? 516 00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:30,607 I'm in a cement box and people are screaming. 517 00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:35,111 You needed a little time-out to think about your behavior. 518 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:36,530 My what? 519 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,201 I was dancing. 520 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:42,828 Provocatively. Sexually. 521 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:44,288 Gay sexually. 522 00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:47,165 This is illegal. You can't keep me in here. 523 00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:49,167 See, there's where you're wrong. 524 00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:53,630 Chapman, I tried to be nice to you, because I understand where you come from. 525 00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,799 You don't know me. 526 00:27:55,882 --> 00:27:58,677 I thought we could be friends. 527 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,638 You're not yourself lately. You're acting out. 528 00:28:01,722 --> 00:28:03,224 So you're teaching me a lesson? 529 00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:05,058 You should be thanking me. 530 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:08,144 Alex Vause is sick. 531 00:28:09,313 --> 00:28:11,357 I get you. 532 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:12,858 You're not like her. 533 00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:18,029 The only sicko here... 534 00:28:18,113 --> 00:28:19,240 is you. 535 00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:23,994 And under different circumstances, what? 536 00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:25,996 I'd be your girlfriend? 537 00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,290 Is that it? 538 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:31,460 Did I make you jealous? 539 00:28:33,670 --> 00:28:38,300 You put me in this hellhole for no reason. 540 00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:41,220 Wake up, Healy! 541 00:28:42,263 --> 00:28:43,889 Girls like me? 542 00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:49,185 We don't fuck ignorant, pretentious old men with weird lesbian obsessions! 543 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:52,648 We go for tall, hot girls... 544 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,943 and... and we fucking... love it! 545 00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:02,073 So that leaves you... on the outside... 546 00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:06,287 living your sad, sad little life. 547 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:09,873 You don't get me! Ever! 548 00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:13,335 So go fuck yourself! 549 00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,257 Happy Thanksgiving, Chapman. 550 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,932 [Shannon screaming indistinctly] 551 00:29:28,016 --> 00:29:29,518 [Shannon crying] 552 00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:40,987 Where's my mattress? 553 00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,449 Where the fuck is my mattress? What did you do to it? 554 00:29:43,532 --> 00:29:44,825 [snorts] 555 00:29:47,578 --> 00:29:49,413 Oh, fucking crackhead. 556 00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:56,044 [O'Neill gasps] Yes! 557 00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:01,925 My bunkie stole my mattress. 558 00:30:02,008 --> 00:30:03,302 [O'Neill] Yeah. And? 559 00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:05,929 It's gone. It's not there. 560 00:30:06,012 --> 00:30:07,138 Then how do you know it was stolen? 561 00:30:07,222 --> 00:30:09,265 Because it's not on my bed... 562 00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:11,017 and she and her hick friend have been fucking with me. 563 00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:12,102 I need a new one. 564 00:30:12,185 --> 00:30:15,314 Okay, we issue one mattress per inmate. You can fill out a form. 565 00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:17,441 It'll take a couple of weeks to replace it. 566 00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:19,192 And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? 567 00:30:19,275 --> 00:30:20,486 Sleep on the frame? 568 00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:23,154 It's quite good for you. A hard surface aligns the vertebrae. 569 00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:25,366 Your body will thank you. Excuse me. 570 00:30:27,868 --> 00:30:29,661 [loud rock music playing] 571 00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:30,871 Who are you? 572 00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:34,458 I'm Alex. 573 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:38,920 I'm your daughter. 574 00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:41,214 [sighs heavily] 575 00:30:44,134 --> 00:30:45,469 Holy shit. 576 00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:51,892 How'd you find me? 577 00:30:51,975 --> 00:30:56,480 Well, I saw the show. And then the manager sent me back here. 578 00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,691 Oh, you saw that shit? That was embarrassing. 579 00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:02,569 We can't even fill a fucking basement anymore. 580 00:31:02,653 --> 00:31:05,364 If one more jerk-off asks me to play Dirty Girl... 581 00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,741 I wish I had never written that fucking song. 582 00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:11,119 It is a great song. That is still a great song. 583 00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:12,746 Oh, shut up, Lonnie. 584 00:31:13,872 --> 00:31:15,123 We're supposed to be in Philly, 585 00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:18,334 but Jimmy over here punched the booking agent in the neck. 586 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:24,257 I can't believe you're my kid, man! You're my kid! 587 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:27,594 I'm so happy to see you. 588 00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:29,930 Yeah. Me, too. 589 00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:33,141 'Cause I would've never recognized you in a million years. 590 00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:36,437 And you got a serious rack on you, too. 591 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,189 I mean, I could have accidentally fucked her, right? 592 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,399 But that would have been bad. 593 00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:43,819 No. Seriously, that's... that's twisted. 594 00:31:43,902 --> 00:31:45,361 I didn't say that. 595 00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:48,449 Um, is there a bathroom? 596 00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:50,451 -Is there a bathroom? -[chuckling] It's down there. 597 00:31:50,534 --> 00:31:51,660 Right. Thank you. 598 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:55,456 [Lonnie] Her rack? 599 00:31:55,539 --> 00:31:57,207 That would've been fucked up. 600 00:31:57,290 --> 00:31:58,917 Wow. 601 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,877 [Lonnie laughing] Her fucking rack. 602 00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:07,968 [sighs] 603 00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,302 [sniffling] 604 00:32:28,196 --> 00:32:29,823 Jesus, you scared me. 605 00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:31,700 You okay? 606 00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:35,621 I'm fine. I'm just... I'm just gonna go home. 607 00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:37,623 He's not what you thought. 608 00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:42,753 It's fucking depressing. [scoffs] 609 00:32:42,836 --> 00:32:46,297 Been imagining this moment your whole life? 610 00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:51,470 I had this white fringe pleather jacket 611 00:32:51,553 --> 00:32:54,097 I always thought I'd wear if I ever met him. 612 00:32:54,180 --> 00:32:57,726 Nice, pleather. [chuckles] What happened? 613 00:32:59,185 --> 00:33:00,436 You're right. 614 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:04,399 Maybe that would've made the difference. 615 00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:07,277 Most people... 616 00:33:08,278 --> 00:33:10,614 are better in the abstract. 617 00:33:11,907 --> 00:33:13,408 It's Alex, right? 618 00:33:15,326 --> 00:33:16,369 Yeah. 619 00:33:16,452 --> 00:33:17,453 Fahri. 620 00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:21,041 You want a bump? 621 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:22,834 [chuckles] No, thanks. 622 00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:24,252 Smart girl. 623 00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:28,423 Fahri, what are you doing hanging out with these losers? 624 00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:31,176 Uh... 625 00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:32,886 They're my clients. 626 00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:36,097 What do you do? 627 00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:38,892 I work for an international drug cartel. 628 00:33:38,975 --> 00:33:40,977 [laughs] 629 00:33:41,061 --> 00:33:42,103 Right. 630 00:33:45,231 --> 00:33:46,650 [groans] 631 00:33:50,946 --> 00:33:52,948 Will you get Gloria? I'm dying. 632 00:33:55,826 --> 00:33:57,035 You're not dying. 633 00:33:58,078 --> 00:33:59,746 Here. 634 00:33:59,830 --> 00:34:01,206 Serves you right... 635 00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:04,209 for drinking some stupid potion from some half-assed santera. 636 00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:07,087 -Who told you? -She told me. 637 00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:10,340 So I told her to give you some roots and berries. 638 00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:13,218 Make you shit your brains out and learn your lesson. 639 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:16,304 So the tea was bullshit? It's not gonna work? 640 00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:19,891 You think I'm gonna let you ice my grandbaby? Pfft. 641 00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,560 You want me to end up like you? 642 00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,562 I'm already in prison. 643 00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:27,440 All I need is five different baby daddies and an ass tattoo of a dog. 644 00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:28,942 It's a wolf. 645 00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:35,073 Daya, I made mistakes, okay? 646 00:34:35,156 --> 00:34:37,701 I didn't have nobody teaching me what to do. 647 00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:40,286 Oh, get away from me. 648 00:34:40,370 --> 00:34:43,289 -Maybe I'm not the mother of the year... -Oh, you think? 649 00:34:43,373 --> 00:34:46,877 But at least I put something into this world that could still be good. 650 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,086 I made something. 651 00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,547 I fucked up my own life... 652 00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:54,259 but Eva, Lucy and Christina, 653 00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:58,722 Emiliano... even you could still be something. 654 00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:01,933 Babies give you hope. 655 00:35:37,427 --> 00:35:38,511 Fuck. 656 00:35:38,594 --> 00:35:40,263 [both chuckling] 657 00:36:00,951 --> 00:36:02,118 Oh, my God. 658 00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:06,081 There's mold. 659 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,670 There's mold on the bologna. 660 00:36:12,628 --> 00:36:14,005 Oh, my God. 661 00:36:15,631 --> 00:36:17,092 [voice] I found a maggot. 662 00:36:25,558 --> 00:36:26,768 Hello? 663 00:36:29,980 --> 00:36:31,439 Is someone there? 664 00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:34,234 [voice] Are you real? 665 00:36:36,236 --> 00:36:39,865 Yes. Yes, I'm real. Are you... are you real? 666 00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:43,618 [voice] I don't know. 667 00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:49,499 I'm gonna take a bus all the way to the Bronx, 668 00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:51,084 right to Angelo's Pizza, 669 00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:53,044 and I'm gonna get a giant slice with the works. 670 00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:55,338 But just one... because after, 671 00:36:55,421 --> 00:36:58,383 we're gonna have a big old Thanksgiving at my cousin, Neicey, house, 672 00:36:58,466 --> 00:37:01,970 and we probably gonna go out dancing at the Monte Carlo Room, 673 00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:07,642 and I'ma order a Sex on the Beach with 10 maraschino cherries in it, 674 00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:10,145 and some man gonna buy it for me. 675 00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:11,772 [both laugh] 676 00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:16,234 Well, that sounds like a plan. 677 00:37:18,028 --> 00:37:22,198 You know, ain't no one on the outside gonna do my 'do for a can of Pepsi. 678 00:37:22,282 --> 00:37:23,784 Which you still owe me, by the way. 679 00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:25,118 [chuckles] 680 00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:28,079 Jefferson... they're releasing you now. Van's leaving. 681 00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:31,249 Right now? I gotta say my goodbyes. 682 00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:34,585 It's a holiday. COs wanna go home and see their families. 683 00:37:34,669 --> 00:37:37,130 If you don't go now, you're not getting out till Monday. 684 00:37:37,213 --> 00:37:38,464 Let's go. 685 00:37:39,715 --> 00:37:41,259 Yo! Where's Poussey at? 686 00:37:42,552 --> 00:37:44,220 Jefferson! Now. 687 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,273 What the fuck? What the fuck? They already took her? 688 00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,732 I didn't even say goodbye. 689 00:37:58,484 --> 00:38:02,280 Taystee! Yo! Tays! 690 00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,324 She can't hear you. 691 00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:05,741 [banging on window] 692 00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:10,746 [chuckles] 693 00:38:13,583 --> 00:38:15,210 [inmates chuckling] 694 00:38:26,096 --> 00:38:27,305 -[Polly] Hello? -Hello! 695 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,473 -[Pete] Hello! -Hi! 696 00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:31,977 Come in, new family. [kisses] Hello, happy Thanksgiving. 697 00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:34,187 -Ooh, your parents have a nice place. -Yeah. 698 00:38:34,270 --> 00:38:35,313 -Cal! -Hi. 699 00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,648 -Hi. Do you know Pete? -Mmm-mmm. No. 700 00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:39,359 And this is Finn. 701 00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:42,278 [chuckles] Wow. 702 00:38:42,362 --> 00:38:43,363 He looks like Steve Buscemi. 703 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:45,531 Congratulations, man. 704 00:38:45,615 --> 00:38:47,325 [Pete] Gotta wash your hands first. 705 00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:48,493 [Larry] Isn't that just to touch the baby? 706 00:38:48,576 --> 00:38:50,996 And to touch me, too. Polly's being a total nutter. 707 00:38:51,079 --> 00:38:53,748 If it were up to Pete, he'd let him suck on the bottom of his shoe. 708 00:38:53,832 --> 00:38:55,834 I hope you guys don't mind, but we brought a stray. 709 00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:58,544 -Larry, this is our friend, Maury. -Hi. 710 00:38:59,462 --> 00:39:00,964 Yeah, Maury Kind. 711 00:39:01,047 --> 00:39:03,633 I'm sorry, you're not a stray. You're Maury Kind from NPR! 712 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,635 -Guilty. -Oh, my God, I love you. 713 00:39:05,718 --> 00:39:09,014 I love your show. I mean, I love... [stutters] I love you. 714 00:39:09,097 --> 00:39:10,431 -[chuckles] Thank you. -[Polly] Wow. 715 00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:11,557 -Back off, Larry. -[Larry] Sorry, sorry. 716 00:39:11,641 --> 00:39:14,102 -Where should we put our stuff? -Put it in the kitchen, follow me. 717 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,728 You come meet my girlfriend! 718 00:39:15,811 --> 00:39:19,274 Don't get in her way, Cal! She's got an angry, red vagina. 719 00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,734 She's been drinking rum punch since 10:00 a.m. 720 00:39:21,817 --> 00:39:23,278 Thank God we pumped. 721 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:26,156 I cannot believe you brought Maury Kind. 722 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,741 Yeah, I'm mixing sound on Urban Tales. 723 00:39:28,824 --> 00:39:31,077 He's going through a divorce, so I invited him. 724 00:39:31,161 --> 00:39:35,748 -I didn't know you'd geek out so hard. -You know, I'd love to talk to him. 725 00:39:35,831 --> 00:39:37,250 Well, it'd be weird if you didn't. 726 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:40,045 Besides, he read your "Modern Love" column and loved it. 727 00:39:40,128 --> 00:39:42,713 -Stop it. Seriously? -Uh-huh. 728 00:39:42,797 --> 00:39:43,798 Holy shit. 729 00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:45,008 [Pete] Hey! 730 00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:47,385 -Your language. -Huh? Sorry. 731 00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:48,511 Shh. 732 00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:49,762 [Piper] What an asshole. 733 00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:55,643 I can't believe... I cannot believe people like him are even allowed to work here. 734 00:39:55,726 --> 00:40:00,106 They take these insecure... and frustrated men 735 00:40:00,190 --> 00:40:02,442 and they put them in charge of a bunch of powerless women 736 00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:05,987 and they become these predatory... creeps. 737 00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:11,701 I mean, all of that condescending... "I know what's best for you" bullshit. 738 00:40:11,784 --> 00:40:14,829 [voice] You can rage... but they always win. 739 00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:18,041 They're the ones with the keys. 740 00:40:19,209 --> 00:40:20,876 How long have you been down here? 741 00:40:21,962 --> 00:40:24,339 [voice] I've lost track. I don't know. 742 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,092 Nine months? 743 00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:28,551 A year? 744 00:40:30,803 --> 00:40:32,180 A year? 745 00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:36,642 That's insane. 746 00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:40,981 [voice] They keep the lights on... so you lose all sense of time. 747 00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:42,315 It's not living. 748 00:40:42,398 --> 00:40:46,027 I mean, yeah, you're breathing... but you ain't no person no more. 749 00:40:46,111 --> 00:40:47,946 It's bad. 750 00:40:48,029 --> 00:40:50,698 You start to see shit that ain't there. 751 00:40:51,741 --> 00:40:53,076 You start to hear voices. 752 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,535 Oh, my God. 753 00:40:55,578 --> 00:40:57,705 [voice] They keep you here till they break you. 754 00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:00,875 [gulps] I feel like I'm gonna throw up. 755 00:41:04,004 --> 00:41:05,671 Why did I do that? 756 00:41:07,465 --> 00:41:09,217 Why did I say those things? 757 00:41:11,761 --> 00:41:14,514 He's never going to let me out of here. 758 00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:20,145 I am so fucking stupid. 759 00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:24,524 I am so... fucking... stupid! 760 00:41:24,607 --> 00:41:26,442 What's wrong with me? 761 00:41:26,526 --> 00:41:27,902 [sobbing] 762 00:41:29,279 --> 00:41:30,905 [voice] You still there? 763 00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:43,084 I swear to God that if... they let me out of here... 764 00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,884 I will shut up. 765 00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:53,553 I will shut up... 766 00:41:53,636 --> 00:41:57,223 and I will put my head down and I will do my time 767 00:41:57,307 --> 00:42:02,645 and I'll smile at Healy and I... [crying] I won't go near her. 768 00:42:02,728 --> 00:42:04,855 I won't even look at her. 769 00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:08,693 I can do that. I can do that. I can. 770 00:42:09,985 --> 00:42:11,404 Please. 771 00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:16,076 Please don't leave me here. 772 00:42:18,453 --> 00:42:20,080 Please. 773 00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:23,833 Hey, Vause, I know you're not working, but can I get my bag? 774 00:42:23,916 --> 00:42:25,085 Yeah, just give me a sec. 775 00:42:25,168 --> 00:42:27,128 What happened to your glasses? 776 00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:29,255 [mimicking Pennsatucky] Smashed in the name of Jesus. 777 00:42:29,339 --> 00:42:31,466 Oh, shit. Pennsatucky? 778 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:34,427 Wow... you guys have released the kraken. 779 00:42:34,510 --> 00:42:37,388 She's decided it's her Christian duty to annihilate me. 780 00:42:37,472 --> 00:42:39,765 Because I'm a "privileged rich girl." [scoffs] 781 00:42:39,849 --> 00:42:41,267 Which is hilarious, 782 00:42:41,351 --> 00:42:44,270 because those types of girls tortured me my whole fucking life. 783 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,192 If you and I had met in fifth grade... you'd have made fun of my clothes. 784 00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:51,486 -[laughs] -Who, me? 785 00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:53,529 No, no, no, no. I would never. 786 00:42:53,613 --> 00:42:55,865 -You look terrific. -[sighs] Fuck! 787 00:42:55,948 --> 00:42:56,949 [Nicky chuckles] 788 00:42:58,993 --> 00:43:00,370 I know what you were like. 789 00:43:00,453 --> 00:43:02,122 Upper West Side... 790 00:43:03,373 --> 00:43:06,376 doorman building, skiing in Jackson Hole. 791 00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:07,460 Am I wrong? 792 00:43:07,543 --> 00:43:09,545 -Who told you that shit? -No one. 793 00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:13,508 My business was built on sniffing out girls like you... 794 00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:15,135 and turning 'em into drug mules. 795 00:43:15,218 --> 00:43:17,970 I knew it. You're a pimp. 796 00:43:18,053 --> 00:43:20,723 Man, you would've been perfect. 797 00:43:20,806 --> 00:43:24,102 Little Nicky at 19? Mmm! I would've turned you out in two seconds. 798 00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:26,646 I'd make a terrible mule. I would've done all your drugs. 799 00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:27,730 [Alex chuckles] 800 00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:30,941 Besides... okay, what makes you think I would've fallen for your shit? 801 00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:34,529 Well, you grew up rich, so you're used to easy money. 802 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:37,448 You have enough stamps in your passport to avoid suspicion. 803 00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:39,825 -You hate your parents. -Yeah, totally. 804 00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:41,786 You're in your experimental phase. 805 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:43,704 All you wanna do is fuck a woman or black guy... 806 00:43:43,788 --> 00:43:45,706 -...have some adventure... -Hmm. [chuckles] 807 00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:47,667 ...and still be able to afford a Birkin bag. 808 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,001 -Shit, I'm in! -[chuckles] 809 00:43:49,084 --> 00:43:50,753 Fuck it. You know me. 810 00:43:50,836 --> 00:43:52,087 Sign me up. 811 00:43:53,088 --> 00:43:54,590 Oh, was that who Piper was? 812 00:43:55,883 --> 00:43:57,843 No, no, Piper was different. 813 00:43:57,927 --> 00:43:59,262 Why? 'Cause you loved her? 814 00:44:01,431 --> 00:44:02,932 Because she was different. 815 00:44:06,101 --> 00:44:07,603 Get some glue, pimp. 816 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:10,856 [sighs] 817 00:44:10,940 --> 00:44:12,024 Fuck. 818 00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:18,573 Crystal is in love with her pastor. 819 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,533 Ah. [clicks tongue] 820 00:44:20,616 --> 00:44:22,076 I'm not surprised. 821 00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:26,789 A lot of women lust after their pastors, it's very common. 822 00:44:26,872 --> 00:44:28,916 And pastors can do that. 823 00:44:28,999 --> 00:44:31,627 Priests have to learn to bounce their eyes. 824 00:44:31,711 --> 00:44:33,213 Um, what's that? 825 00:44:33,296 --> 00:44:37,800 You never stay focused on a member of the opposite sex for too long. 826 00:44:37,883 --> 00:44:40,178 That's how I watch every Russell Crowe movie. 827 00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:41,637 [chuckles] 828 00:44:44,349 --> 00:44:45,850 She wants my blessing. 829 00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:49,604 -Then you should give it to her. -Why? 830 00:44:51,772 --> 00:44:53,691 I don't understand why she needs to have sex. 831 00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:56,361 I mean... [chuckles] look at you. 832 00:44:56,444 --> 00:44:58,195 I'm a nun, I took a vow. 833 00:44:58,279 --> 00:44:59,572 She married a man with a penis, 834 00:44:59,655 --> 00:45:01,824 I assume because she wanted to use it occasionally. 835 00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:05,995 [sighs] How much time do you have left? 836 00:45:06,078 --> 00:45:07,204 [sighs] 837 00:45:07,288 --> 00:45:09,123 Three years, eight months. 838 00:45:09,206 --> 00:45:12,543 You got what you needed at a pretty big cost to your family. 839 00:45:12,627 --> 00:45:14,211 This is what she needs. 840 00:45:15,338 --> 00:45:17,840 Doesn't Crystal deserve some happiness? 841 00:45:18,799 --> 00:45:19,842 Let her go. 842 00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,262 I can't. 843 00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:24,597 It's the right thing to do. 844 00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:27,892 [guests laughing and chattering] 845 00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:30,019 [Polly] Did you want some more sweet potatoes? 846 00:45:35,608 --> 00:45:37,234 So, Neri, what do you do? 847 00:45:37,318 --> 00:45:39,028 I'm a hyperbaric welder. 848 00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:43,658 Yeah, I used to work on the pipelines... but now I just normal weld. 849 00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:45,535 -Isn't she a badass? -[laughs] 850 00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:48,120 We met when I was fabricating some sculptures. 851 00:45:48,203 --> 00:45:51,291 Hmm, I have so many burn scars, Cal and I are naming them. 852 00:45:51,374 --> 00:45:56,045 Oh, oh! Speaking of scars, how was it? The whole birth thing? 853 00:45:56,128 --> 00:45:57,129 Did you eat your placenta? 854 00:45:57,212 --> 00:45:58,923 No. We passed on that. 855 00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:01,884 [Cal] Oh, it's really good for you. Crazy nutrients. 856 00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:04,178 People dehydrate it and make it into pills, 857 00:46:04,261 --> 00:46:06,055 but that's the expensive way. 858 00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,474 I always just thought you could, like, scramble it up. 859 00:46:08,558 --> 00:46:12,186 [chuckles] Just, like, put it in a pan with some salt and pepper. [pops] 860 00:46:12,269 --> 00:46:15,731 Bam! It sounds gross... but possibly delicious. 861 00:46:15,815 --> 00:46:18,025 Throw some sage in there, too. 862 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:19,109 Do you still have it? 863 00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:20,320 I don't. 864 00:46:20,403 --> 00:46:22,613 Pete, you're dropping food on his head. 865 00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:28,328 So, yeah, you know, we both decided to stick it out, you know. 866 00:46:28,411 --> 00:46:33,290 I mean, it... it hasn't been easy, but, you know, relationships... are not easy. 867 00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:34,375 -Right? [chuckles] -Right. Yeah. 868 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:37,378 Well, I thought your column was an interesting perspective. 869 00:46:37,462 --> 00:46:41,507 -You know, the long-suffering husband. -Fiancé. 870 00:46:41,591 --> 00:46:43,843 I mean, I didn't really mean for it to come off that way. 871 00:46:43,926 --> 00:46:45,970 No. No, no, no, it was very entertaining. 872 00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:48,055 -Thank you... Yeah. -Yeah. 873 00:46:48,138 --> 00:46:50,433 -Well, I'm a big fan of yours. I mean... -Oh, well. 874 00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:53,143 I just... Yeah, I love your show and... 875 00:46:53,227 --> 00:46:56,939 I was just listening... to the one on road trips-- 876 00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,109 Cal, the turkey is... is amazing. 877 00:47:00,192 --> 00:47:03,070 -It's perfectly cooked. -Thanks, man. It's a heritage bird. 878 00:47:03,153 --> 00:47:05,072 Actually, Maury, um... 879 00:47:05,155 --> 00:47:12,079 [stutters] I was thinking that... my story would work really well aloud. 880 00:47:12,162 --> 00:47:14,415 -Right. -You know, 'cause I consider myself 881 00:47:14,499 --> 00:47:17,001 a much better... verbal storyteller. 882 00:47:17,084 --> 00:47:18,127 -Right. -You know, I don't know if you ever-- 883 00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:20,546 Cal, what is a heritage... I'm sorry, what was that? 884 00:47:20,630 --> 00:47:25,926 Sorry. No, I didn't know if you ever were open to maybe... doing a prison episode. 885 00:47:26,010 --> 00:47:28,804 You know, if you ever had guests like me on. 886 00:47:29,722 --> 00:47:31,849 Yeah. The thing is, if we wanted to document prison, 887 00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:34,685 we'd probably... talk to actual inmates. 888 00:47:34,769 --> 00:47:38,731 And if we were gonna do a story about someone whose loved one was in prison, 889 00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:41,191 we'd find a more representative example. 890 00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:44,236 Cycle of poverty... that sort of thing. 891 00:47:44,319 --> 00:47:49,074 Right. Yeah, no, that... [stutters] I get... That makes sense. I get it. 892 00:47:49,158 --> 00:47:51,994 But, you know, we... 893 00:47:52,077 --> 00:47:56,081 we are working on a show about unique long-distance relationships. 894 00:47:56,165 --> 00:47:58,793 You know, a guy who works down on the ice every year, 895 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,503 a pair of married missionaries. 896 00:48:00,586 --> 00:48:01,921 Your story could be good on that. 897 00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:03,548 -Really? -Yeah. 898 00:48:04,632 --> 00:48:06,300 Wow. Yeah. I mean... 899 00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:08,928 Wow, I would... I would love that. 900 00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:10,555 I mean, I would... love to do that. 901 00:48:10,638 --> 00:48:11,806 [Cal] Hey, toast! [Neri] Yes! 902 00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:13,766 [Cal] Toast. [Pete] Cheers. 903 00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:15,685 -Happy Thanksgiving. -Happy Thanksgiving. 904 00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:16,769 Eye contact. 905 00:48:16,852 --> 00:48:17,895 -Happy Thanksgiving. -Perfect. 906 00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:20,022 [inmates talking indistinctly] 907 00:48:33,619 --> 00:48:35,287 [Big Boo] No gravy? 908 00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:37,247 Why is there no gravy? 909 00:48:37,331 --> 00:48:38,999 You complaining? 910 00:48:39,709 --> 00:48:42,002 Uh, no, ma'am. No, no, no. 911 00:48:42,086 --> 00:48:43,963 Come on, Little Boo. Let's not complain. 912 00:48:44,046 --> 00:48:45,255 I don't know why you threw it out. 913 00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,132 I tried it. It tasted great to me. 914 00:48:51,721 --> 00:48:56,476 I'm thankful for my health... for my strong body and mind. 915 00:48:56,559 --> 00:48:58,185 And for you girls, 916 00:48:58,268 --> 00:49:02,690 who remind me every day that self-forgiveness is possible. 917 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:05,025 [Nicky] Hmm. 918 00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:07,402 I'm thankful that Taystee got the fuck out of this dump. 919 00:49:07,487 --> 00:49:08,988 Yeah, I'll second that. 920 00:49:09,071 --> 00:49:12,032 I'm thankful for my new bitch, Little Boo. 921 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:14,619 -Sit, hooker. Ah! Good girl. -[dog barks] 922 00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:16,829 -There you go. -[inmates chuckle] 923 00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,541 Oh, and, of course, I'm thankful for all y'all other bitches. 924 00:49:20,625 --> 00:49:21,751 [inmates chuckle] 925 00:49:21,834 --> 00:49:23,586 Do you wanna say grace, Sister? 926 00:49:26,171 --> 00:49:27,673 [Sister Ingalls] I trust in the Lord... 927 00:49:27,757 --> 00:49:29,341 with all my heart... 928 00:49:30,425 --> 00:49:33,763 and lean not on my own understanding. 929 00:49:33,846 --> 00:49:34,889 Amen. 930 00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:36,348 Amen. 931 00:49:36,431 --> 00:49:38,267 [Poussey] Amen. 932 00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:44,565 Man, it sucks to get glasses replaced, 933 00:49:44,649 --> 00:49:47,234 you have to get someone on the outside to fill your prescription. [scoffs] 934 00:49:47,317 --> 00:49:48,569 How blind are you? 935 00:49:49,529 --> 00:49:50,780 Blindish. 936 00:49:51,947 --> 00:49:54,199 Bright side, you can't see the color of these potatoes. 937 00:49:54,283 --> 00:49:55,535 [chuckles] 938 00:49:59,288 --> 00:50:01,832 It doesn't feel right to be eating while she's in there. 939 00:50:01,916 --> 00:50:04,001 Straight girls. [scoffs] 940 00:50:04,084 --> 00:50:05,670 They'll fuck you up every time. 941 00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:33,864 [inmate screams] 942 00:50:55,344 --> 00:50:56,553 Hey! 943 00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,514 Hey. [knocks] 944 00:50:59,599 --> 00:51:01,767 Did you get this loaf thing? 945 00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,731 Looks like three different dinners mushed together into a mound. 946 00:51:07,982 --> 00:51:09,316 Are you looking at it? 947 00:51:12,778 --> 00:51:13,946 Hello? 948 00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:16,323 Can you hear me? 949 00:51:23,455 --> 00:51:25,499 Please tell me that you're still there. 950 00:51:29,544 --> 00:51:30,630 [Caputo] You can't leave her in there. 951 00:51:30,713 --> 00:51:32,798 I don't know what the hell she's doing in seg in the first place. 952 00:51:32,882 --> 00:51:36,593 Christ, even Mendez... said it was uncalled for 953 00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:38,638 and that guy lives to throw people in the box. 954 00:51:38,721 --> 00:51:40,514 -You're not my boss. -Today I am. 955 00:51:40,597 --> 00:51:41,974 Fig is on vacation. 956 00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:43,934 And I am telling you... 957 00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:48,063 I don't have the write-ups or the paperwork to support it. 958 00:51:48,147 --> 00:51:51,316 She got under your skin, Sam. This is personal. 959 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,986 She thinks she's running the place. 960 00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:56,280 [Caputo] You don't have to tell me that. 961 00:51:56,363 --> 00:52:00,534 Her fiancé is raising a stink bigger than the shit I took this morning. 962 00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:03,120 Christ, he's probably got the Obamas on the phone by now. 963 00:52:03,203 --> 00:52:06,248 These liberal, wealthy offenders, they're connected. 964 00:52:07,207 --> 00:52:11,503 And if they review this... the paper trail is going to be sweaty. 965 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,925 So do us all a favor and get her out of there. 966 00:52:16,008 --> 00:52:18,052 It's not even 48 hours. 967 00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:19,594 Get her out of there. 968 00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:26,977 [inmates praying in Spanish] 969 00:52:33,901 --> 00:52:35,444 [Gloria] Mmm-hmm. [Aleida] Mmm-hmm. 970 00:52:35,527 --> 00:52:36,528 Mmm-mmm. 971 00:52:39,406 --> 00:52:42,743 I'm sorry you feeling like shit, chica, but I had to do it. 972 00:52:43,953 --> 00:52:45,705 It's okay. I'm relieved, actually. 973 00:52:54,504 --> 00:52:55,756 [whispering] I wanna keep it. 974 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,800 [speaking Spanish] 975 00:52:57,883 --> 00:52:59,885 But I don't wanna get him in trouble, though.