1
00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:12,956
[crunching]
2
00:00:13,124 --> 00:00:15,892
EMILY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
3
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,161
WHY DID MATTHEW
STOP BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND?
4
00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,765
IS IT BECAUSE YOU
WON'T STOP EATING CHIPS?
5
00:00:25,502 --> 00:00:26,570
[door opens]
6
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:29,406
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN IT.
7
00:00:29,573 --> 00:00:31,742
HEY, GUYS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
8
00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,510
WE'RE GONNA PUT MARCUS'S
TREADMILL DOWN IN THE BASEMENT.
9
00:00:33,677 --> 00:00:35,279
YEAH.
10
00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:37,080
MY WIFE IS TRYING
TO LOSE WEIGHT.
11
00:00:37,248 --> 00:00:38,982
THEN SHOULDN'T
SHE BE USING THAT?
12
00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:41,185
SHE WAS USING IT...
AS A CONVEYOR BELT
13
00:00:41,352 --> 00:00:42,753
TO HELP THE FOOD
GET IN HER MOUTH FASTER.
14
00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:46,457
[imitates munching]
15
00:00:46,623 --> 00:00:49,460
OUR BABY HASN'T MOVED.
16
00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:51,695
JUST ONE REALITY SHOW
AFTER ANOTHER.
17
00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:53,864
EM, HON, HOW YOU DOING?
18
00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:03,006
CHIPS ARE HER NEW BOYFRIEND.
19
00:01:03,174 --> 00:01:05,176
SWEETIE, I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING
RIGHT NOW,
20
00:01:05,276 --> 00:01:07,010
BUT IN TIME
YOU'LL GET OVER THIS.
21
00:01:07,178 --> 00:01:08,245
MATTHEW PEARSON
WAS YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND.
22
00:01:08,412 --> 00:01:10,046
AND THERE WILL BE MORE.
23
00:01:10,214 --> 00:01:12,349
MANY, MANY, MANY,
MANY, MANY MORE.
24
00:01:12,516 --> 00:01:14,451
YOU KNOW, THAT'S A FEW
TOO MANY "MANYS," OKAY?
25
00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:17,221
LOOK, EMILY,
26
00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:19,223
YOU CAN'T HOLD ON
TO NEGATIVITY
27
00:01:19,390 --> 00:01:20,424
BECAUSE WHAT IT DOES
IS IT STARTS EATING YOUR--
28
00:01:20,591 --> 00:01:22,459
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
29
00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:23,827
IS THAT FATHEAD TED MCGINLEY
WITH A NEW TV SHOW?
30
00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:25,396
I CAN'T STAND THAT FATHEAD.
31
00:01:25,562 --> 00:01:29,633
IT'S {\an8}MCLIVIN'
WITH THE MCGINLEYS.
32
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,670
MCHOSTED BY ME,
LARRY PARSONS.
33
00:01:33,837 --> 00:01:36,273
EVERYONE AT THE SOAP
IS WATCHING THIS.
34
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,210
IT'S THE HIGHEST-RATED
REALITY SHOW ON TV.
35
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:41,212
IT'S ACTUALLY
PRETTY FUNNY, DAD.
36
00:01:41,378 --> 00:01:43,247
REALLY? JOE, YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE IS FUNNY?
37
00:01:43,414 --> 00:01:45,749
BEING GROUNDED FOR SAYING
TED MCGINLEY'S FUNNY.
38
00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:47,884
WATCH. TED KNOCKS
ON THE CELEBRITY'S DOOR,
39
00:01:48,051 --> 00:01:49,720
AND THEN HE CHALLENGES THEM
TO SURVIVE LIVING WITH HIM
40
00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:51,021
AND HIS FAMILY
FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS.
41
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:53,557
IT'S--IT'S A HOOT.
42
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:56,593
OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.
43
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,563
AND THE WHOLE TIME, THEY TRY
TO ANNOY YOU INTO GIVING UP.
44
00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:02,499
HEY, EMILY, MAYBE THAT'S
WHAT YOU DID TO MATTHEW.
45
00:02:05,135 --> 00:02:09,606
LAST WEEK, TONY DANZA'S FAMILY
DIDN'T LAST ONE DAY OF MCLIVIN'.
46
00:02:09,773 --> 00:02:12,276
GUESS HE FOUND OUT
WHO THE BOSS REALLY WAS.
47
00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,144
[chuckles]
48
00:02:14,311 --> 00:02:17,548
LET'S SEE WHO TED CHALLENGES
THIS WEEK.
49
00:02:17,714 --> 00:02:19,250
IS THAT OUR HOUSE?
50
00:02:19,416 --> 00:02:21,285
[doorbell rings]
- IT IS.
51
00:02:21,452 --> 00:02:23,687
[laughing]
WE'RE GONNA BE ON THE SHOW.
52
00:02:23,854 --> 00:02:26,156
DAD, ARE YOU GONNA ACCEPT
HIS CHALLENGE?
53
00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:29,660
LOOK, WE ALL KNOW
HOW MUCH AMERICA WOULD LOVE
54
00:02:29,826 --> 00:02:31,762
TO HAVE ME BACK
ON TELEVISION AGAIN,
55
00:02:31,928 --> 00:02:33,764
BUT THERE'S NOTHING THAT
THAT FATHEAD COULD SAY TO ME
56
00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:35,999
THAT WOULD MAKE ME
DO A REALITY SHOW.
57
00:02:36,166 --> 00:02:37,768
HELLO, DAVID.
58
00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:39,403
- CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
- [laughs]
59
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:42,406
[upbeat music]
60
00:02:42,573 --> 00:02:50,046
♪
61
00:03:03,594 --> 00:03:05,762
DAVID, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE
TO BE ON A SHOW
62
00:03:05,929 --> 00:03:08,365
THAT PEOPLE
ACTUALLY WATCH, UM...
63
00:03:08,532 --> 00:03:11,201
WE REALLY NEED
TO THINK ABOUT EMILY.
64
00:03:11,368 --> 00:03:14,571
[clucking like a chicken]
65
00:03:14,738 --> 00:03:16,373
HE'S CLUCKING AT ME
LIKE A CHICKEN.
66
00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:18,542
AND IT'S A HORRIBLE CHICKEN.
67
00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:20,210
COME ON, MCGINLEY.
ACTING 101.
68
00:03:20,377 --> 00:03:22,413
HERE'S HOW YOU DO A CHICKEN.
READY? READY?
69
00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:25,316
- YEAH.
- [clucks like a chicken]
70
00:03:25,449 --> 00:03:27,318
OH, REALLY?
TRY THIS.
71
00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:30,354
[both clucking like chickens]
72
00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:33,156
FOLKS, IF THIS CLUCK-OFF
IS ANY INDICATION,
73
00:03:33,324 --> 00:03:35,926
WE ARE CLEARLY
IN FOR A TREAT.
74
00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,362
DAVID HOBBS AND TED MCGINLEY
HAVE ONE
75
00:03:38,529 --> 00:03:40,631
OF THE FIERCEST RIVALRIES
IN HOLLYWOOD.
76
00:03:40,797 --> 00:03:43,133
LET'S SEE WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.
77
00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:46,870
A TIE BETWEEN DAVID HOBBS
FROM {\an8}SEE DAD RUN
78
00:03:47,037 --> 00:03:49,205
AND TED MCGINLEY
FROM {\an8}TED PLUS TEN.
79
00:03:49,373 --> 00:03:51,408
CONGRATULATIONS, TED.
80
00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:53,410
- AFTER YOU.
- [grunts]
81
00:03:53,577 --> 00:03:54,878
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
82
00:03:55,045 --> 00:03:56,847
[grunts]
83
00:03:57,013 --> 00:03:59,850
[screaming]
84
00:04:00,016 --> 00:04:05,522
NO, BABY, YOU DON'T NEED
A PASSPORT TO GO TO HAWAII.
85
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,257
OH, SHORT CLIP.
[clears throat]
86
00:04:07,424 --> 00:04:09,693
THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP, GENO.
87
00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:11,628
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S REVIEW THE RULES.
88
00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:14,064
ALL I'M SAYING
IS OUR LITTLE GIRL'S
89
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:16,433
IN A DELICATE PLACE RIGHT NOW.
90
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,968
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY,
THIS MIGHT BE THE PERFECT THING
91
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:19,470
TO GET HER OUT OF HER FUNK.
92
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:21,738
HEY, EMILY,
93
00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,140
REMEMBER WHEN YOU BEAT XANDER
IN THE SCHOOL ELECTION?
94
00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:26,109
REMEMBER THAT? HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO BEAT HIS ENTIRE FAMILY
95
00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:28,244
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION?
96
00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:31,748
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
97
00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:34,385
[burps]
98
00:04:34,485 --> 00:04:37,053
HEAR THAT?
SHE'S IN.
99
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,455
ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THIS, DAVID?
100
00:04:38,622 --> 00:04:40,123
[baby voice]
WHAT'S WRONG?
101
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,793
THE SOAP OPERA ACTRESS
DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY?
102
00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:45,629
WELL, THIS IS PRIMETIME,
TINY LADY.
103
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:47,931
[laughter]
104
00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:50,667
LET'S DO THIS.
105
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:52,235
HI, I'M JOE.
WE'RE BIG FANS.
106
00:04:56,072 --> 00:04:59,242
THEY'RE A LOT CREEPIER
IN PERSON.
107
00:04:59,410 --> 00:05:02,413
OKAY, HOBBS FAMILY,
108
00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:04,881
IF YOU CAN SURVIVE THREE DAYS
WITHOUT HITTING
109
00:05:05,048 --> 00:05:07,984
THE "I MCGIVE" BUTTON...
110
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:12,756
["awooga" buzzer]
111
00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:16,427
YOU WILL WIN $100,000
FOR THE CHARITY OF YOUR CHOICE.
112
00:05:16,527 --> 00:05:19,162
SO LET THE MCLIVIN' BEGIN!
113
00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:21,031
WE'VE GOT THIS THING
IN THE BAG.
114
00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:23,099
MCGINLEY'S BEEN ANNOYING ME
FOR YEARS.
115
00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:24,668
TRUST ME, THERE'S NOTHING
THAT HE COULD SAY
116
00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:26,002
THAT COULD MAKE ME WANT
TO PRESS THAT--
117
00:05:26,169 --> 00:05:28,138
EXCUSE ME.
UH, SORRY.
118
00:05:28,304 --> 00:05:31,808
HEY, DAVID, COULD YOU TELL ME
WHERE YOUR FAVORITE BATHROOM IS?
119
00:05:31,975 --> 00:05:33,544
TED, DO YOU MIND?
I'M DOING MY TESTIMONIAL.
120
00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,178
YEAH, COME ON, UH...
121
00:05:35,345 --> 00:05:39,983
HAVE TO DROP A MCDOODY.
122
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:41,785
[grunts]
123
00:05:41,952 --> 00:05:43,153
THIS IS AWESOME.
124
00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:45,856
DAVID'S OLD RECORDING STUDIO.
125
00:05:46,022 --> 00:05:47,891
REMEMBER HIS ALBUM,
{\an8}INFERNO GIRL?
126
00:05:48,058 --> 00:05:49,893
HA.
WHO COULD FORGET IT?
127
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:53,530
YOU KNOW, THAT BOY
COULD NOT SING A LICK. UCK.
128
00:05:53,697 --> 00:05:56,467
IF YOU TELL HIM THAT,
I'M GONNA DENY IT.
129
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,735
THEN I'M GONNA KILL YOU,
AND I'M GONNA DENY THAT TOO.
130
00:05:58,902 --> 00:06:00,937
HEY, I DIDN'T...
COME ON.
131
00:06:01,104 --> 00:06:03,907
{\an8}GIRL, LET'S SKATE BACKWARDS,
GIRL WAS A HUGE HIT.
132
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:05,008
[upbeat music]
133
00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:07,110
* GIRL
134
00:06:07,277 --> 00:06:10,180
♪ I WANT TO SKATE BACKWARDS
WITH YOU ♪
135
00:06:10,346 --> 00:06:15,051
♪ GIRL
136
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:17,320
♪ LACE UP YOUR LOVE SKATES
137
00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:20,557
♪ LET'S DO SOME FIGURE EIGHTS
138
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:25,496
♪ TAKE MY HAND,
I'M YOUR SLOW-SKATIN' MAN ♪
139
00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:27,498
♪ GIRL
- * YEAH?
140
00:06:27,598 --> 00:06:29,900
* I WANT TO SKATE BACKWARDS
WITH YOU ♪
141
00:06:30,066 --> 00:06:33,770
♪ GIRL
- * YEAH?
142
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:38,074
UGH, IT'S STUCK!
143
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:40,276
SOMEBODY, HELP!
144
00:06:40,511 --> 00:06:42,513
THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU.
THIS ROOM IS SOUNDPROOF.
145
00:06:42,613 --> 00:06:44,114
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?
146
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,851
WELL, WE COULD ALWAYS...
147
00:06:48,018 --> 00:06:50,721
SKATE BACKWARDS, GIRL.
148
00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:51,522
WHA-WHAT?
149
00:06:58,529 --> 00:07:01,965
WELL, FOLKS, THE MCGINLEYS
ARE REALLY BRINGING
150
00:07:02,132 --> 00:07:06,737
THEIR "A" GAME, AND, BY "A,"
I MEAN "A-NNOYING."
151
00:07:06,903 --> 00:07:09,239
LOOKING FOR THESE?
THEY'RE DELICIOUS.
152
00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:10,941
AND THEY HAVE THESE REALLY...
153
00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:17,648
GUESS HE'S ALL THAT
AND A BAG OF CHIPS.
154
00:07:17,814 --> 00:07:20,216
- [laughs]
- THANK YOU, GENO.
155
00:07:20,383 --> 00:07:22,719
COME ON.
REALLY?
156
00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:26,022
YEAH, THIS IS WHAT SENT DANZA
RIGHT OVER THE EDGE.
157
00:07:26,189 --> 00:07:29,893
OH, UH,
YOU LOOKING FOR THIS?
158
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,194
YEAH, ACTUALLY, I WAS.
159
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,229
OKAY, WELL, THERE IT IS.
160
00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:34,430
[handcuffs snap]
161
00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:36,332
MM-HMM.
162
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:37,433
THERE WE GO.
163
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:38,802
[chuckles]
164
00:07:38,969 --> 00:07:41,371
[upbeat music]
165
00:07:41,572 --> 00:07:43,774
[singing along] * WHO KNOWS HOW,
WHO KNOWS WHEN ♪
166
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:47,177
♪ BEFORE I EVEN KNEW IT,
IT WAS TED PLUS TEN ♪
167
00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:48,244
[laughs]
168
00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:49,780
THAT WAS TORTURE.
169
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,715
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS
{\an8}TED PLUS TEN
170
00:07:51,882 --> 00:07:56,887
IS REALLY JUST A RIP-OFF OF
THE TELENOVELA {\an8}DIEGO PLUS DIEZ.
171
00:07:57,053 --> 00:08:02,392
EXCEPT DIEGO DIDN'T HAVE
A BIG, FAT {\an8}CABEZA.
172
00:08:02,593 --> 00:08:05,261
PFFT!
173
00:08:05,428 --> 00:08:06,663
YOU KNOW, IT'S NO FUN
TRYING TO ANNOY YOU
174
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:08,264
IF YOU DON'T SPEAK.
175
00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:09,700
COME ON, EMILY.
176
00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:12,603
GET IN THE GAME.
177
00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:27,818
KIDS, BRING DOWN YOUR LAUNDRY!
178
00:08:27,984 --> 00:08:30,954
IS IT REALLY
YOUR KIDS' LAUNDRY,
179
00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:35,826
OR IS IT THE LAUNDRY OF YOUR
ILLEGITIMATE, LONG-LOST DAUGHTER
180
00:08:35,992 --> 00:08:38,461
WHO'S MARRYING
YOUR ONE-LEGGED STEPFATHER?
181
00:08:38,629 --> 00:08:41,698
[dramatic sound effect]
182
00:08:41,865 --> 00:08:44,167
MAKING FUN OF MY SOAP OPERA?
REALLY?
183
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:47,704
[chuckling] SO CHILDISH.
184
00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:49,673
BUT SO DEAD-ON.
185
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,109
THAT'S OUR EXACT PLOTLINE
FOR NEXT WEEK.
186
00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:55,646
[dramatic sound effect]
187
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:59,282
AAH! [gasps]
188
00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:03,086
AAH!
189
00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:08,191
WOULD YOU TWO STOP DOING THAT?
190
00:09:08,358 --> 00:09:09,392
THEY'RE LIKE ALIENS.
191
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,662
OR ROBOTS.
192
00:09:11,762 --> 00:09:16,867
WHATEVER THEY ARE,
THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
193
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:19,569
THEY'RE HERE,
AREN'T THEY?
194
00:09:19,736 --> 00:09:23,339
AAH! ARGH.
195
00:09:23,506 --> 00:09:27,010
JANIE, I'LL TELL YOU
A SECRET.
196
00:09:27,177 --> 00:09:30,513
IF YOU ASK YOUR PARENTS
FOR A PUPPY 100 TIMES,
197
00:09:30,681 --> 00:09:33,183
THEY HAVE TO GET YOU ONE.
198
00:09:33,349 --> 00:09:34,751
- REALLY?
- YUP.
199
00:09:34,918 --> 00:09:37,988
IT'S THE LAW.
200
00:09:39,856 --> 00:09:42,492
CAN I? 44.
201
00:09:42,693 --> 00:09:45,028
CAN I? 45.
202
00:09:45,195 --> 00:09:47,563
PLEASE. 46.
203
00:09:47,731 --> 00:09:49,866
PLEASE.
47.
204
00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:52,035
I PROMISE I'LL WALK HIM.
205
00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:56,472
40...40...
206
00:09:56,707 --> 00:09:58,108
I LOST COUNT.
207
00:09:58,274 --> 00:10:00,711
I GET FOGGY AROUND THE 40s.
208
00:10:00,744 --> 00:10:05,015
I'LL LET YOU START OVER.
209
00:10:05,181 --> 00:10:07,217
DON'T YOU DO IT, KEVIN.
210
00:10:07,383 --> 00:10:08,451
♪
211
00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:10,486
* GIRL
212
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:14,457
♪ I WANT TO SKATE BACKWARDS
WITH YOU, GIRL ♪
213
00:10:14,624 --> 00:10:16,592
SKATE AWAY FROM THAT MIC, KEVIN.
214
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,295
SORRY, MARCUS, THERE'S NO
PUTTING OUT THIS INFERNO.
215
00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:21,364
* LACE UP
YOUR LOVE SKATES ♪
216
00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,900
[singing along] * LET'S DO
SOME FIGURE EIGHTS ♪
217
00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:25,802
♪ TAKE MY HAND
218
00:10:25,969 --> 00:10:27,871
♪ I'M YOUR SLOW-SKATIN' MAN
219
00:10:28,038 --> 00:10:29,672
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
220
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,674
KEVIN, I WILL SET FIRE
TO THIS ROOM.
221
00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:34,577
THIS ROOM'S ALREADY ON FIRE.
222
00:10:34,745 --> 00:10:37,881
♪ GIRL, SKATE BACKWARDS
WITH YOU, GIRL ♪
223
00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:42,418
SORRY ABOUT THE TAKEOUT, GUYS.
224
00:10:42,585 --> 00:10:46,189
I WAS GONNA COOK, BUT I COULDN'T
FIND THE POTS AND PANS.
225
00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:47,523
THAT'S OKAY.
AT LEAST WE GET TO HAVE
226
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:48,792
A NICE, QUIET FAMILY DINNER.
227
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:51,862
[tuneless music]
228
00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:55,198
JUST IGNORE THEM.
EAT YOUR FOOD AND IGNORE TM.
229
00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:57,033
MAKE IT STOP.
230
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,536
I DON'T EVEN WANT
A PUPPY ANYMORE.
231
00:11:00,771 --> 00:11:03,406
YES, I DO.
WHO AM I KIDDING?
232
00:11:03,573 --> 00:11:05,776
DAVID, THIS IS UNBEARABLE.
233
00:11:05,909 --> 00:11:08,044
COME ON, EMILY.
YOU CAN END THIS.
234
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:10,013
DO ONE INTERESTING THING.
235
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,648
PUSH THE BUTTON,
AND WE CAN ALL GO HOME.
236
00:11:15,085 --> 00:11:18,521
[sighs] FINE.
GO BACK TO BEING BORING.
237
00:11:18,688 --> 00:11:23,059
NO WONDER MATTHEW DUMPED YOU
FOR JESSICA MINNOZZI.
238
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:26,296
OH, NO, HE MCDI'N'T.
239
00:11:26,462 --> 00:11:28,932
JESSICA MINNOZZI?
240
00:11:29,099 --> 00:11:30,801
I THOUGHT SHE KNEW
ABOUT JESSICA MINNOZZI.
241
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:33,203
JESSICA MINNOZZI?
242
00:11:33,369 --> 00:11:35,705
SHE KNEW.
EVERYBODY KNEW.
243
00:11:35,872 --> 00:11:38,408
JESSICA FREAKIN' MINNOZZI?
244
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,817
WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
245
00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:50,153
IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US,
YOU DISAPPOINT ME.
246
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,622
ALL RIGHT, LET'S CHECK BACK IN
WITH THE HOBBS FAMILY,
247
00:11:52,823 --> 00:11:55,425
WHERE EMILY IS FIRED UP.
248
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:58,494
OKAY, WE NEED TO BEAT
THE MCGINLEYS AT THEIR OWN GAME.
249
00:11:58,661 --> 00:12:00,964
THEY THINK THEY CAN BE ANNOYING?
250
00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:02,833
WELL, WE WROTE THE BOOK
ON ANNOYING.
251
00:12:02,966 --> 00:12:04,835
LOSING TO THEM
IS NOT AN OPTION.
252
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:07,170
NOT NOW.
NOT EVER.
253
00:12:07,337 --> 00:12:12,542
SO LET'S TAKE THAT FAMILY
OF FAT HEADS DOWN!
254
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:15,912
I'VE NEVER LOVED YOU MORE
THAN I DO RIGHT NOW, EMILY.
255
00:12:16,079 --> 00:12:19,682
BUT, BABY, YOU DO NEED
TO SHOWER.
256
00:12:19,850 --> 00:12:23,619
THAT I DO.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, FIRST, JOE,
257
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:25,588
YOU KNOW HOW YOU ACT
LIKE A TOTAL DORK
258
00:12:25,755 --> 00:12:26,556
WHEN YOU HAVE A CRUSH
ON ONE OF MY FRIENDS?
259
00:12:26,722 --> 00:12:28,724
NO.
260
00:12:28,892 --> 00:12:30,726
DO THAT WITH THE TWINS.
261
00:12:30,894 --> 00:12:32,762
OH, I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING
WITH THIS.
262
00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,764
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
JANIE, COME HERE.
263
00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:36,566
HERE'S WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO--
I NEED YOU TO FIND
264
00:12:36,732 --> 00:12:38,434
ANY MCGINLEY YOU CAN
AND ROPE THEM
265
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:39,635
INTO ONE OF YOUR
THREE-HOUR TEA PARTIES.
266
00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:41,404
HOW'S THAT ANNOYING?
267
00:12:43,539 --> 00:12:46,209
I'LL TAKE XANDER.
MOM, YOU'RE ON GIGI.
268
00:12:46,376 --> 00:12:48,912
USE ALL YOUR IRRITATING MULTIPLE
PERSONALITIES FROM THE SOAP.
269
00:12:49,079 --> 00:12:52,949
AH, {\an8}SI, SI, ROSARIO DESARIO'S
GONNA DRIVE GIGI LOCO,
270
00:12:53,116 --> 00:12:56,019
SHE WILL.
AY-YI-YI-YI-YI.
271
00:12:56,186 --> 00:12:57,888
WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHAT DO I DO?
272
00:12:58,021 --> 00:13:00,256
TALK ABOUT YOUR SHOW
FOR THREE HOURS.
273
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:03,894
IS THIS
ABOUT THE TEA PARTY COMMENT?
274
00:13:03,994 --> 00:13:05,996
HOW'S IT FEEL?
275
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:12,802
'SUP, LADIES?
276
00:13:12,969 --> 00:13:14,070
I KNOW A LOT OF GUYS
MIGHT BE CREEPED OUT
277
00:13:14,237 --> 00:13:17,073
BY YOUR DEAD-EYED STARE.
278
00:13:19,575 --> 00:13:21,777
BUT I'M INTO IT.
279
00:13:21,945 --> 00:13:23,947
[upbeat music]
COME ON. LET'S DANCE.
280
00:13:24,114 --> 00:13:25,481
GET YOUR FREAK ON.
WHOO!
281
00:13:25,648 --> 00:13:32,022
♪
282
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,928
MR. MCGINLEY, WILL YOU PLAY
TEA PARTY WITH ME?
283
00:13:38,094 --> 00:13:40,096
PLEASE?
284
00:13:47,237 --> 00:13:50,673
ONE LUMP OR TWO,
TEDDY BOY?
285
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,842
OH, HEY, EMILY.
286
00:13:53,009 --> 00:13:55,745
YOU GOT DRESSED. LISTEN,
287
00:13:55,946 --> 00:13:57,380
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT YEST--
- HEY.
288
00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,950
IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME.
289
00:14:00,116 --> 00:14:01,985
IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I HAPPENED
TO MENTION
290
00:14:02,152 --> 00:14:03,753
THE EMBARRASSING THING
THAT ASHLEY TOLD LINDSAY
291
00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:04,854
WHO TOLD ME
YOU DID WITH JENNA.
292
00:14:05,021 --> 00:14:05,956
WHAT THING?
293
00:14:06,089 --> 00:14:07,157
THERE'S NO THING.
294
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:08,491
I MADE IT UP.
295
00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:10,060
WAIT, HOLD ON.
296
00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:11,694
WAS IT THE TIME WHEN I...
297
00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:17,267
UH, WHEN I...
298
00:14:17,433 --> 00:14:19,102
NO, IT WASN'T WHEN YOU LAUGHED
SO HARD YOU FARTED
299
00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:21,704
IN JENNA'S CAR.
300
00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:26,142
I OWN HIM.
301
00:14:26,309 --> 00:14:28,344
OOH, I SEE YOU'RE HAVING LOX
WITH THAT BAGEL.
302
00:14:28,511 --> 00:14:30,180
YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT REMINDS ME
OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE EPISODES,
303
00:14:30,346 --> 00:14:33,249
"SEE DAD GET LOCKED OUT
AND LOCKED UP."
304
00:14:33,416 --> 00:14:34,584
IN THAT EPISODE,
I GOT ARRESTED FOR TRYING
305
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:35,885
TO BREAK INTO MY OWN HOUSE.
306
00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:38,354
[laughs]
307
00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:39,722
IT WAS A CLASSIC.
308
00:14:39,889 --> 00:14:41,591
FADE IN:
309
00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:44,194
DAVID, SITTING
IN HIS RECLINER,
310
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,395
HIS FEET UP,
THE FRONT DOOR OPENS,
311
00:14:45,561 --> 00:14:46,496
IN WALKS HIS WIFE...
312
00:14:46,662 --> 00:14:47,998
OH, HEY, TED.
313
00:14:48,164 --> 00:14:49,799
SHAVING, HUH?
314
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,002
OH, YOU GOT ME,
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.
315
00:14:52,135 --> 00:14:53,503
[horn blasts]
OH, OW!
316
00:14:53,669 --> 00:14:56,039
OH, YOU NICKED YOURSELF.
317
00:14:56,206 --> 00:14:58,408
YOU KNOW, THAT REMINDS ME
OF OUR CHRISTMAS EPISODE,
318
00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:01,211
"SEE DAD SAVE CHRISTMAS
IN THE ST. NICK OF TIME."
319
00:15:01,377 --> 00:15:03,513
IN THAT EPISODE, I DRESSED UP
LIKE SANTA CLAUS...
320
00:15:03,679 --> 00:15:07,817
I KNEW HOBBS COULD DRONE ON
AND ON ABOUT {\an8}SEE DAD RUN,
321
00:15:08,018 --> 00:15:09,852
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
322
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:11,921
THIS REMINDS ME OF
"SEE DAD TESTIFY," WHERE I LED
323
00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:14,624
THE CHURCH GOSPEL CHOIR
AND HAD TO TESTIFY!
324
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,259
HOBBS, DO YOU MIND?
325
00:15:16,426 --> 00:15:17,660
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF MY TESTIMONY HERE.
326
00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:18,861
FADE IN.
[handcuffs snap]
327
00:15:19,029 --> 00:15:20,630
WE SEE DAD RECLINING IN A PEW.
328
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,398
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
- FROM THERE HE GOES OUT--
329
00:15:22,565 --> 00:15:24,167
I CAN'T LISTEN
TO THIS ANYMORE.
330
00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:26,902
I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL
A MCCHALLENGE.
331
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:28,838
WHAT'S A MCCHALLENGE?
332
00:15:29,039 --> 00:15:31,507
CONGRATULATIONS, HOBBS.
333
00:15:35,611 --> 00:15:36,912
YOU ARE THE FIRST FAMILY EVER
334
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,482
TO FORCE A MCCHALLENGE.
335
00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:41,651
NIKKI, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN
THE MCCHALLENGE?
336
00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:49,959
THAT'S RIGHT, NIKKI.
337
00:15:50,126 --> 00:15:52,795
FAMILY MEMBERS PARTICIPATE
IN HEAD-TO-HEAD COMPETITIONS.
338
00:15:52,962 --> 00:15:55,131
THE FIRST FAMILY TO WIN
TWO OUT OF THREE CHALLENGES
339
00:15:55,298 --> 00:15:57,067
WINS IT ALL.
340
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:59,702
SO THE CHICKEN
CALLED A MCCHALLENGE.
341
00:15:59,869 --> 00:16:02,872
[both clucking like chickens]
342
00:16:03,073 --> 00:16:04,207
WHATEVER YOU DO, JANIE,
343
00:16:04,374 --> 00:16:06,642
DON'T LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.
344
00:16:06,809 --> 00:16:08,244
I CAN'T HELP IT.
345
00:16:08,411 --> 00:16:09,545
[whistle blows]
346
00:16:09,712 --> 00:16:12,415
all: GO! PULL!
347
00:16:12,582 --> 00:16:14,484
COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON.
348
00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,886
POINT: MCGINLEYS.
349
00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:19,222
[cheers]
350
00:16:19,389 --> 00:16:21,124
YAY!
351
00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,925
WE LOST, JANIE.
352
00:16:23,093 --> 00:16:24,627
NO, WE WON.
IT'S NOT MUD.
353
00:16:24,794 --> 00:16:26,296
IT'S PUDDING.
354
00:16:26,462 --> 00:16:29,599
WELL, THEN, MOVE OVER.
355
00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:32,102
[all cheering]
356
00:16:32,268 --> 00:16:34,337
YOU'RE A MCGINLEY.
LET'S GO, XANDER. COME ON.
357
00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:35,938
- [giggles]
- STOP LAUGHING.
358
00:16:36,106 --> 00:16:37,973
JUST TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID.
359
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:43,546
FINE. BUT YOU DON'T WANT
ALL OF AMERICA TO HEAR.
360
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:44,480
[sound slowed]
- WHOA!
361
00:16:44,647 --> 00:16:46,582
[thud]
362
00:16:46,749 --> 00:16:48,151
[cheers]
363
00:16:48,318 --> 00:16:50,019
POINT: HOBBS.
364
00:16:50,186 --> 00:16:51,754
[cheers continue]
365
00:16:51,921 --> 00:16:53,556
AND WE'RE TIED 1-1.
366
00:16:53,723 --> 00:16:55,491
THE NEXT ROUND
WILL DECIDE THE WINNER.
367
00:16:55,658 --> 00:16:59,529
YEAH, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
368
00:16:59,695 --> 00:17:02,865
WORTH A SHOT.
369
00:17:03,032 --> 00:17:05,135
THEN THE MEN SHALL DECIDE
THE WINNER...
370
00:17:05,301 --> 00:17:07,870
SUMO-STYLE.
371
00:17:08,037 --> 00:17:10,773
[whistle blows]
372
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:12,908
♪
373
00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:14,877
both: * FROM PARIS TO L.A.
374
00:17:15,044 --> 00:17:17,213
♪ FROM LONDON TO BOMBAY
375
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:19,182
♪ I'LL ROMANCE YOU
EVERY DAY ♪
376
00:17:19,349 --> 00:17:21,517
♪ THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT TO SAY
377
00:17:21,684 --> 00:17:25,955
♪ WHEN I ROCK YOUR WORLD,
OOH, GIRL ♪
378
00:17:26,156 --> 00:17:27,923
♪ I'M GONNA ROCK YOUR WORLD
379
00:17:28,158 --> 00:17:29,292
W-W-W-WAIT.
380
00:17:29,459 --> 00:17:31,461
SOMETHING IS MISSING, MAN.
381
00:17:31,627 --> 00:17:33,596
OH, LASER LIGHTS.
382
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,799
DO IT, GIRL.
383
00:17:36,966 --> 00:17:39,169
OH!
384
00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:41,237
[electricity sizzles]
AAH!
385
00:17:41,404 --> 00:17:43,906
- THIS IS FOR BITING MY CALF.
- [grunts]
386
00:17:44,073 --> 00:17:45,608
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
387
00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:47,443
ALL RIGHT,
EVERYONE TAKE FIVE
388
00:17:47,610 --> 00:17:49,212
TILL THE CREW
GETS THE POWER BACK ON.
389
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:50,180
NIKKI, LET'S CUDDLE
FOR WARMTH.
390
00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:56,085
LOOK AT US, TED.
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
391
00:17:56,252 --> 00:17:58,288
OH, I GET IT.
392
00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:00,623
THIS IS THE PART
WHERE YOU TRY TO PSYCH ME OUT?
393
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:03,226
NO.
NO, REALLY, WHY--
394
00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:05,628
WHY WOULD YOU EVER AGREE
TO DO A REALITY SHOW?
395
00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:06,996
SAME REASON YOU DID.
396
00:18:07,197 --> 00:18:09,965
WE BOTH LOVE THE SPOTLIGHT.
397
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,267
[sighs]
398
00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,269
I MEAN, COME ON, DAVID.
399
00:18:13,436 --> 00:18:15,738
YOU CAN'T TELL ME
THAT YOU'RE REALLY HAPPY
400
00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:17,440
JUST BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
401
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:23,078
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.
402
00:18:23,246 --> 00:18:25,215
I MEAN, BEFORE YOU GUYS KNOCKED
ON MY DOOR,
403
00:18:25,381 --> 00:18:27,483
I WAS PERFECTLY CONTENT
JUST BEING WITH MY FAMILY.
404
00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:30,420
[laughs]
405
00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:33,523
OH, YOU WERE--
YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS.
406
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:36,359
WELL, THEN, DO ME A FAVOR
AND THROW THE MATCH.
407
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:38,828
NO ONE HAS SURVIVED
MCLIVIN' WITH US,
408
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:40,963
AND I WANT TO KEEP IT
THAT WAY.
409
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:44,267
COME ON.
I NEED THIS SHOW.
410
00:18:44,434 --> 00:18:48,238
BUT MY CHARITY
GETS THE MONEY.
411
00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:50,840
DEAL.
412
00:18:53,075 --> 00:18:56,679
AND WE'RE BACK.
413
00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:59,249
RESUME-O SUMO.
414
00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:05,255
[sound slowed]
- YAAH!
415
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:06,789
[splat]
416
00:19:10,993 --> 00:19:13,128
AND THE HOBBS WIN!
417
00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:15,064
[all cheering]
- YES! YES!
418
00:19:15,265 --> 00:19:17,099
YES! YES! YES!
YES! YES! YES!
419
00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:19,302
[laughter]
420
00:19:19,469 --> 00:19:21,337
I MEANT WHAT I SAID
ABOUT MY FAMILY,
421
00:19:21,504 --> 00:19:24,840
BUT I DECIDED
TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
422
00:19:25,007 --> 00:19:29,412
'CAUSE, LET'S FACE IT,
I LIKE ME MOST OF ALL.
423
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:33,483
THINK I WOULD HAVE LEARNED
BY NOW--
424
00:19:33,649 --> 00:19:35,318
DON'T MESS WITH A HOBBS.
425
00:19:35,485 --> 00:19:37,920
NOW YOU'RE CATCHING ON.
426
00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:42,792
HEY, THANKS FOR GETTING ME
OFF THE COUCH.
427
00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,595
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME,
428
00:19:45,761 --> 00:19:47,297
MATTHEW WAS CRAZY
TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.
429
00:19:50,165 --> 00:19:51,901
I TOLD YOU DOING THIS SHOW
WAS A GOOD CALL.
430
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,903
- MM-HMM.
- EMILY'S BACK TO HER OLD SELF,
431
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,071
AND I HAVE
A VERY GOOD FEELING
432
00:19:56,306 --> 00:19:58,341
THAT I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE TO
DEAL WITH THE MCGINLEYS AGAIN.
433
00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:00,710
AW.
434
00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:02,845
[both giggling]
435
00:20:03,012 --> 00:20:04,914
FINGERS CROSSED.
436
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:09,985
WELL, TED, GIGI,
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.
437
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:12,355
XANDER.
WE'RE LEAVING.
438
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:17,259
OH, BY THE WAY, DAVID,
I HAD A COUPLE
439
00:20:17,427 --> 00:20:19,429
OF THE CREW GUYS
CHANGE YOUR DOORBELL.
440
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:21,664
ENJOY.
441
00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:24,867
* WHO KNOWS HOW,
WHO KNOWS WHEN ♪
442
00:20:25,034 --> 00:20:27,903
♪ BEFORE I EVEN KNEW IT,
IT WAS TED PLUS TEN ♪
443
00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:31,073
[laughs]
444
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,808
HEY, WHERE ARE THE TWINS?