- HEY, DUDE. - HEY.
BILL. - HEY.
OH, LOOK AT HANNAH'’S PRETTY HANDS.
I THOUGHT WE AGREED NOT TO USE THAT TERM,
BUT SINCE YOU SAID IT...
JANIE, COME ON. PRETTY HANDS, SWEETIE.
NO, NO, PRETTY, PRETTY HANDS.
OKAY, CLASS, LET'’S GET TOGETHER
AND PRACTICE OUR BOURREE SECTION, HUH?
AND FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
YEAH, OH, THERE WE GO.
JANIE'’S DOING MUCH BETTER TODAY.
LOOKS MORE LIKE SHE'’S STOMPING GRAPES...
[both chuckle]
BUT IN A GOOD WAY.
YEAH, SO THEIR FIRST-- FIRST RECITAL'’S NEXT WEEK, HUH?
SPEAKING OF WHICH, ANY CHANCE
YOU'’LL BE OUT OF TOWN FOR THAT?
NO. WHY?
OH, NO REASON.
SAY, MY FAMILY HAS A CABIN IN MAMMOTH,
AND YOUR FAMILY IS WELCOME TO USE IT,
NEXT WEEKEND SPECIFICALLY.
JUST THROWING IT OUT THERE.
WINE MAKING AND A CABIN IN MAMMOTH?
YOU GUYS TRYING TO KEEP JANIE FROM GOING TO THE RECITAL?
THE CABIN HAS A HOT TUB.
DAVID, I'’M SORRY, BUT I'’VE BEEN TAPING THESE REHEARSALS,
AND TRUST ME, YOUR EYE JUST GOES RIGHT TO HER.
OKAY, THAT'’S ENOUGH REHEARSAL FOR TODAY.
IS IT?
UM, I DON'’T WANT TO NAME NAMES,
BUT SOMEONE COULD USE SOME EXTRA PRACTICES.
- DADDY! - OH, YES.
I'’M SO EXCITED ABOUT THE RECITAL!
I'’M GONNA BE GREAT!
ARE YOU GONNA INVITE GRANDMA?
WELL, HONEY, I DON'’T THINK SHE COULD TAKE IT.
FAKE--MAKE IT. I-I-I THINK--
I THINK GRANDMA'’S VERY, VERY BUSY THAT DAY, SO I'’LL...
[upbeat music]
♪
OH, YES, GOOD TIMING. DINNER'’S ALMOST READY.
OOH, MAC AND CHEESE
WITH LITTLE HOT DOGS IN IT, HUH?
WHAT'’S THE OCCASION? - WELL, JANIE'’S FAVORITE.
LET'’S JUST SAY THAT I KNOW THE WAY TO A WOMAN'’S HEART...
RIGHT BEFORE I BREAK IT.
OKAY, DAVID, WHAT'’S GOING ON?
WELL, HONEY, I-- YOU'’VE SEEN IT.
JANIE-- SHE STINKS AT BALLET.
SHE DOES, AND I'’M GONNA HAVE TO TELL HER THAT SHE HAS TO QUIT.
YOU KNOW PRETTY HANDS?
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I COULD EVEN DO IT.
AND WHEN SHE DOES IT, IT LOOKS LIKE
THAT CLAW THING AT THE ARCADE?
WHEN I WATCH HER DANCE, I'’M HOPING
THAT I'’M GONNA GET A STUFFED ANIMAL WITH IT.
[laughs] DAVID, SHE'’S SIX.
JUST LET JANIE HAVE FUN. - I KNOW. I KNOW.
SHE LOVES IT, BUT SHE'’S GOT TO KNOW THAT IT DOESN'’T LOVE HER.
AND I JUST WANT TO PROTECT HER FROM THAT HEARTACHE NOW, HONEY.
I REALLY DO. - OH, DAVID.
ALL LITTLE GIRLS DREAM OF BECOMING REAL BALLERINAS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'’S A GREAT IDEA.
IF I SHOW HER A REAL BALLERINA,
SHE'’LL KNOW THAT SHE DOESN'’T HAVE A PRAYER
AT EVER BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL DANCER.
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. YES.
- SOLID PARENTING SKILLS, DAVID. - OKAY.
TAKE HER OUT TO A SHOW AND THEN CRUSH HER DREAMS.
YEAH, ALL I GOT TO DO IS GET RID OF THIS SLOP HERE.
[cell phone chimes]
OOH, I'’VE BEEN INVITED TO A MAC-AND-CHEESE MIXER.
KEVIN, WHAT IS THIS?
THAT IS A VIDEOTAPE,
AND LEGEND HAS IT WHEN YOU WERE FINISHED WITH IT,
YOU HAD TO BE KIND AND REWIND
BEFORE YOU RETURNED IT.
RETURNED IT TO WHERE?
THE VIDEO STORE.
YEAH, RIGHT. NEXT THING YOU'’RE GONNA TELL ME
IS THAT THERE WAS A STORE THAT SOLD MUSIC OR BOOKS?
HO.
HOT DOGS, MAC AND CHEESE--
BOO-YOW! WAH!
IS THAT A VHS TAPE?
WOW. DINNER AND A MOVIE.
WHAT ARE WE WATCHING? I LOVE THE '’80s.
WATCHING FOOTLOOSE.
I FOUND THIS UP IN THE ATTIC--
OH, THE ATTIC. I'’LL TAKE THAT.
WHAT'’S ON THE TAPE, KEVIN?
I DON'’T KNOW. I'’VE NEVER SEEN IT.
WELL, PUT THE TAPE IN. LET'’S WATCH IT.
NO, NEVER. DAVID TOLD ME TO DESTROY THIS
AND THEN NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.
FORGET THAT I SPOKE OF IT AGAIN.
YOU THINKING WHAT I'’M THINKING?
THAT WE GOT TO GET OUR HANDS ON THAT TAPE?
MM-HMM.
BUT FIRST, THE MAC AND CHEESE!
I CAN'’T BELIEVE THIS.
MY MOM IS FINALLY PLAYING SUCH A COOL CHARACTER ON THE SOAP.
YEAH, USUALLY, DR. SARAH DESARIO'’S
MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES ARE, LIKE, YAWN,
BUT SASHA DESARIO, THE TROUBLED TEEN,
REALLY SPEAKS TO ME.
AND WHAT DOES SHE SAY?
HERE SHE COMES.
[monitor beeping]
COLONEL, I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS.
YES?
I TOTALLY TOTALED YOUR FERRARI...
[monitor beeping faster]
WITH YOUR BENTLEY.
[monitor beeping faster]
PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER, WOMAN.
YOU'’RE NOT A TEENAGER.
YOU'’RE MY WIFE AND THE SOLE HEIRESS
TO THE GLAMCO FORTUNE.
WHAT DO I CARE?
all: WHOO! - [giggles]
I LOVE HOW SHE ALWAYS NEVER CARES.
HEY, GUYS. I'’M HOME.
WOW. YOU GOT HOME, LIKE, SUPER FAST.
DID YOU GUYS MAKE T-SHIRTS?
BETTER. WE BOUGHT THEM AT THE MALL.
MOM...
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN KIOSK.
- I HAVE MY OWN KIOSK? - YEAH.
[both scream] - EXCITING!
WELL, THE NETWORK AGREES.
WE'’RE DOING A-A LIVE BROADCAST NEXT WEEK, BUT...
all: WHAT DO I CARE?
[screams] WHAT DO I CARE?
I DON'’T. I DON'’T.
[door closes]
MARCUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE LOOKOUT
WHILE I SNUCK INTO KEVIN'’S TRAILER
TO GET THE VIDEOTAPE.
HEATING UP THE MAC AND CHEESE.
SEE, IT'’S ALWAYS BETTER THE SECOND DAY.
THE FLAVORS BECOME MORE COMPLEX.
OKAY, WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS BEFORE MY DAD COMES HOME.
UH-OH, TOO LATE.
YOU BETTER HIDE THAT THING. I'’LL COVER.
- YOU'’RE JUST EATING. - THAT'’S MY COVER.
DADDY, THOSE BALLERINAS WERE SO PRETTY,
AND THE ONE IN THE FRONT JUST KEPT TWIRLING AND TWIRLING.
I KNOW, AND IT PROBABLY MADE HER REAL DIZZY
AND-- AND WANT TO THROW UP.
BLECH.
NO, IT MADE HER BEAUTIFUL.
I WANT TO BE THE BALLERINA IN THE FRONT.
AND YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE IN THE FRONT.
AND MAKE SURE YOU--YOU WAVE YOUR PRETTY HANDS, OKAY?
'’CAUSE THAT'’LL MAKE YOU THE BEST BALLERINA
IN THE WORLD, BABY GIRL.
BOOM.
SWEETHEART, JUST SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND, PLEASE.
LISTEN, UM...
ABOUT YOU BEING A BALLERINA...
I WANT TO BE THE ONE IN THE FRONT
MORE THAN ANYTHING, DADDY.
[groans]
YOU CAN BE.
Y-YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW THAT IT TAKES
A LOT OF HARD WORK, SWEETHEART.
AND IF YOU WANT TO BE CENTER STAGE,
YOU'’RE GONNA HAVE TO PUSH YOUR WAY THROUGH THE PACK
AND DON'’T LET ANYTHING GET IN YOUR WAY, OKAY?
- THANK YOU, DADDY. - ALL RIGHT.
I'’M GONNA GO WORK ON MY PLIES.
GOOD GIRL.
AND PLIE.
AND... [crash]
I'’M OKAY.
PLIES BE CAREFUL.
[sighs]
COME ON, EMILY, WHAT HAPPENS IN THE NEXT EPISODE?
WHAT DOESN'’T SASHA CARE ABOUT NOW?
THERE YOU ARE, EMILY.
OH, WHAT DO YOU WANT, MEREDITH?
NORMALLY, I WOULDN'’T KISS UP TO YOU
IN, LIKE, A BILLION YEARS,
BUT YOUR MOM'’S SO MEGA NOW,
IT'’S REALLY LIKE I'’M KISSING UP TO HER,
SO JUST GO WITH IT. - [giggles]
OKAY.
THE GIRLS AND I HAVE DECIDED
THAT WE'’RE GONNA PULL A SASHA DESARIO.
WHAT'’S THAT?
WE'’RE GONNA DO SOMETHING AND NOT CARE THAT WE DID IT.
[all giggle]
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - WHO CARES? FOLLOW US.
[chuckles]
WHY'’S THIS IS SO EXCITING?
COME ON, EMILY, YOU GOT TO START NOT CARING SO MUCH.
BUT I'’M PRESIDENT OF THE "WE CARE" COMMITTEE.
OH, WHAT DO I CARE?
HURRY UP. WHAT'’S TAKING SO LONG?
[VCR whirring] - IT'’S REWINDING.
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
[VCR clicks] - IT'’S DONE.
ALL RIGHT, LET'’S WATCH THIS.
[VCR clicks]
MARCUS, JOE,
IF YOU'’RE WATCHING THIS RIGHT NOW,
YOU'’VE JUST WASTED OVER FIVE MINUTES
WAITING FOR THE TAPE TO REWIND.
[chuckles]
DID YOU REALLY THINK I'’D BE STUPID ENOUGH
TO LEAVE THE TAPE WHERE JOE COULD FIND IT?
[chuckles]
AND, MARCUS, DID YOU REALLY THINK
I'’D LEAVE ALL THE LEFTOVERS FOR YOU?
[sniffs]
MMM.
YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME, PLAYER.
[laughs]
HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT! OH! OH!
[upbeat orchestration]
♪
SO, HEY, UH, DAVID, UM...
IF YOU DON'’T WANT TO USE THE MAMMOTH CABIN,
THE MOMS HAVE BEEN POOLING SOME OF THEIR CASH TOGETHER
FOR A NICE BEACHFRONT ROOM IN SAN DIEGO.
WAH-WHOO!
THANK YOU FOR THE VERY NICE OFFER, BILL, BUT I'’M GONNA PASS.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT JANIE AND I HAD A LONG TALK,
AND I THINK YOU'’RE GONNA SEE
A VERY INSPIRED LITTLE BALLERINA HERE TODAY.
HMM.
- MAX! - WHAT?
JANIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MY DAD TOLD ME TO PUSH MY WAY TO THE FRONT.
HE SAID IF I WANT IT BAD ENOUGH,
I SHOULDN'’T LET ANYONE STAND IN MY WAY.
KIDS--SO LITERAL.
DADDY, WHAT'’S WRONG? I DID WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO.
STOP SAYING THAT, SWEETIE.
THAT'’S ALL FOR TODAY, DANCERS.
UNFORTUNATELY, THIS WAS OUR LAST REHEARSAL
BEFORE THE BIG RECITAL,
SO KEEP STRETCHING AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS.
JANIE SHOULD BE KICKED OUT OF THE RECITAL FOR THAT.
WHAT? SHE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD MY ADVICE.
SHE--SHE DIDN'’T MEAN TO HURT ANYBODY.
FINE. THEN SHE SHOULD BE KICKED OUT
BECAUSE SHE'’S THE WEAK LINK.
SHE HAS NO FUTURE IN BALLET.
OH, PLIES.
LIKE ANYBODY IN THIS CLASS HAS A FUTURE IN BALLET.
REALLY, I MEAN, YOUR KID WITH--WITH THE PRETTY HANDS.
MORE LIKE STRUCK-BY-LIGHTNING HANDS.
BILL, NO DISRESPECT, BUT HANNAH--A BIT OF A DIVA.
- [gasps] - AND--AND WHAT ABOUT MAX?
YOUR KID-- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
WHAT'’S WITH THE PLASTERED SMILE AND THE CRAZY EYES?
WHAT IS THAT? YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I HAD A VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY IN MY ROOM,
AND IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME,
AND THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, SO MAKE HIM STOP.
LOOK, GUYS, JANIE MAY BE A BAD DANCER,
BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
JUST EVERYBODY PLEASE RELAX.
TAKE IT EASY.
YOU DON'’T THINK I'’M GOOD?
I DON'’T WANT TO DO THE RECITAL ANYMORE.
- ME NEITHER. - I DON'’T WANT TO DO THIS.
YOUR DAD IS MEAN.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I LEFT FOR WORK TODAY,
I DIDN'’T EXPECT TO PICK UP MY DAUGHTER
FROM THE PRINCIPAL'’S OFFICE.
AT BREAKFAST, YOU HAD A 4.0.
NOW YOU HAVE A RAP SHEET.
YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT YOU'’D UNDERSTAND,
YOU KNOW, '’CAUSE OF SASHA.
WAIT, HOLD ON-- YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
TOILET-PAPERED THE GYM BECAUSE OF MY CHARACTER?
YEAH, EVERYONE WAS ASKING, "WHAT WOULD SASHA DO?"
AND WE DECIDED SHE WOULD T.P. THE GYM.
THAT IS SO SASHA.
BUT THAT DOESN'’T SOUND LIKE YOU.
OKAY, MAYBE I DID USE THE TOILET PAPER
TO CLEAN THE SCUFF MARKS OFF THE GYM FLOOR.
HMM.
BUT WHEN I THREW THEM AWAY, I DID NOT RECYCLE.
NOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU.
SASHA'’S THE NEW BAD-GIRL ROCK STAR, MOM.
EVERYONE WANTS TO BE LIKE HER.
BUT, HONEY, YOU GOT SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'’S OFFICE.
WHAT DO I CARE?
OKAY, I'’M TELLING YOU I DON'’T HAVE DAVID'’S TAPE.
IT'’S GONE. I DESTROYED IT.
I-I-I CRUMPLED IT UP WITH MY OWN HANDS,
AND THEN I ATE IT.
YOU'’RE LYING.
YOU CAN'’T DOWN 120 MINUTES OF VIDEOTAPE.
YOU GAG ON SPAGHETTI.
COME ON, I-- HONEY, I SAID I'’M SORRY.
DON'’T DO THE SILENT TREATMENT. DON'’T DO THAT TO ME.
WHAT IF I GOT YOU A PUPPY?
OOH, WOW. SHE IS SERIOUS.
DAD, WILL YOU PLEASE MAKE KEVIN GIVE US THE TAPE?
YEAH, IT'’S KILLING US. WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT'’S ON THAT THING.
- WHAT TAPE? - THE TAPE, DAVID--
THE ONE YOU TOLD ME TO DESTROY MY FIRST WEEK ON THE JOB.
KEVIN, THAT WAS A MILLION YEARS AGO.
I DON'’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TAPE YOU'’RE TALKING ABOUT.
- GIVE UP THE TAPE, KEVIN. - NO.
I CAN ONLY RELEASE IT
IF DAVID GIVES ME THE SAFE WORD.
OH, GIVE THEM THE DANG TAPE, KEVIN.
THAT'’S THE SAFE WORD.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, NOW, JUST-- JUST BE CAREFUL, ALL RIGHT?
THIS IS EXTRA-STRENGTH DUCT TAPE, GUYS.
I DON'’T WANT TO-- I HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN, OKAY?
OH! OH!
[VCR whirring, clicks] - OH, FINALLY.
LET'’S SEE WHAT'’S ON THIS THING.
DAD, IS THAT YOU?
OH, NO.
DAVID HOBBS SCREEN TEST-- PRAIRIE BOY DIARIES,
TAKE 17.
AND ACTION.
HOW COULD YOU, PA?
HE WAS MY ONLY HORSE.
AND NOW YOU--Y'’ALL--
AND NOW Y'’ALL DONE BURNT DOWN THE BARN WITH HIM IN IT...
[poorly imitates crying]
AND MY FAVORITE GOAT.
[poorly imitates crying]
WHOO.
DAD, YOU WERE HORRIBLE.
HOW COULD YOU BURN DOWN THE BARN, PA?
[both laughing]
I DON'’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.
[exhales deeply] I FORGOT HOW BAD I WAS
WHEN I FIRST STARTED.
NO ONE MUST EVER SEE THIS TAPE.
- YEAH. - WAIT.
ONE PERSON MUST SEE IT.
AND THEN IT SWIMS WITH THE FISHES.
[poorly imitates crying]
DADDY, THAT BOY STINKS.
THAT BOY IS ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR FACE?
WELL, I WAS TRYING TO ACT..
AND NOT DOING A VERY GOOD JOB.
BUT I LOVED IT,
AND I--AND I WORKED REALLY HARD.
AND YEARS LATER,
I BECAME THE BEST ACTOR IN THE LAND.
NO ONE EVER TOLD ME
THAT I WAS NO GOOD, AND...
I'’M SORRY THAT I SAID THAT ABOUT YOU.
DOES THAT MEAN I'’M GOOD?
WELL, UM...
IT--IT--IT MEANS THAT YOU CAN BE.
BUT, SWEETIE, LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
IF YOU REALLY LOVE DANCING, IF YOU REALLY LOVE IT,
JUST PROMISE ME YOU'’LL STICK WITH IT, OKAY?
- I PROMISE, DADDY. - OKAY, AND I'’M SORRY.
- DADDY? - YES.
YOU SHOULD DESTROY THAT TAPE.
I'’M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
OKAY, WE'’RE GOING LIVE, PEOPLE.
AND ACTION.
COLONEL...
I'’M TOLD YOU'’RE SUFFERING FROM A LIGHT COMA.
EW.
AND I HAVE A CHOICE TO MAKE.
IF I PULL THE PLUG,
I WILL INHERIT ALL OF GLAMCO'’S FORTUNE.
[laughs]
BUT IF I WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW,
I AM TOLD YOU WILL RECOVER COMPLETELY.
WHAT'’S SHE GONNA DO, EMILY?
I DON'’T KNOW.
ALL SHE SAID IS THAT A BIG SECRET WILL BE REVEALED.
PULL THE PLUG. PULL THE PLUG.
THINK, MEREDITH. THEN HOW WILL WE SEE THE TV?
THAT IS WHY I NEED TO MAKE
THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF MY LIFE.
DO I CARE ENOUGH NOT TO PULL THE PLUG?
YES, I DO.
I DO CARE.
I'’M PRETTY SURE YOU DON'’T.
I WAS NEVER A TOUGH RUNAWAY FROM THE STREETS,
BECAUSE WHAT I REALLY AM IS
A PREMED STUDENT AT STANFORD WHO APPRECIATES
WHAT YOU, THE COLONEL, HAVE DONE FOR OUR COUNTRY.
- DIDN'’T I GO AWOL? - SHH.
I'’M A GOOD GIRL, AND I'’D NEVER HURT YOU
OR SMALL ANIMALS.
AND I DON'’T SUCCUMB TO PEER PRESSURE.
AND I ONLY USE TOILET PAPER FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE.
SO, WHENEVER ANYONE ASKS, "WHAT WOULD SASHA DO?"
REMEMBER, SHE'’D DO THE RIGHT THING.
SHE CARES?
LAME.
SORRY, EMILY. GUESS YOUR MOM'’S NOT COOL ANYMORE.
SO I HAVE NO MORE USE FOR YOU.
HEY, MEREDITH.
WHAT DO I CARE?
AND I'’M SORRY.
I MAY HAVE SAID SOME THINGS THAT WERE UNFAIR
ABOUT HOW YOU ALL DANCE...
EXCEPT FOR YOU, MAX.
I THINK IF YOU CALM YOUR EYES DOWN,
YOU COULD HAVE A REAL CAREER IN THIS, MY FRIEND...
AND--AND SO COULD THE REST OF YOU.
BUT, UM, ANYWAY,
JUST DON'’T LET ANYTHING I SAID
STOP YOU FROM DANCING.
SO LET THEM HAVE THEIR RECITAL.
LET THEM ENJOY IT,
NOT FOR US, FOR THEMSELVES.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
- CAN YOU GIVE US A SECOND? - SURE.
ALL RIGHT, WE'’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, DAVID,
AND-- - WE'’LL DO IT!
BUT WE HAVE ONE CONDITION.
[upbeat orchestration]
♪
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
WHO EVER HEARD OF A RECITAL WITHOUT PARENTS?
WELL, DAVID HAD TO SAY, "LET THEM DO IT FOR THEMSELVES."
KIDS--SO LITERAL.
COME ON, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. I CAN'’T SEE.
NOW WE SEE WHERE JANIE GETS IT.
AND WHERE MAX GETS IT.
BILL, SWITCH WITH ME, WILL YOU?
HER EYES ARE FREAKING ME OUT A LITTLE BIT.
I JUST WISH I HADN'’T SEEN YOUR AUDITION TAPE.
IT CHANGES EVERYTHING.
UP IS DOWN. RIGHT IS WRONG.
GOOD IS HORRIFYINGLY BAD.
DADDY, LOOK, I'’VE BEEN PRACTICING.
DON'’T I LOOK PRETTY?
YOU'’VE BEEN PRACTICING WITH MAX?
HOW'’D YOU KNOW?
LUCKY GUESS.