1
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,836
HIGHER, JOE. HIGHER.

2
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,403
STOP PRESSURING ME.

3
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:14,318
I HAVEN'’T READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS YET.

4
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:19,540
JOE, THE INSTRUCTIONS
ARE "JUMP."

5
00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:21,455
AND THEN WHAT, DAD?
THEN WHAT?

6
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,022
AND THEN WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO?

7
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:24,415
THEN YOU TAKE IT
IN THE BACKYARD,

8
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,894
BECAUSE GRANDPA BERNIE
IS COMING HERE SOON.

9
00:00:25,894 --> 00:00:27,940
COME ON!
- WE HAVE A GRANDPA BERNIE?

10
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:29,594
HE'’S NOT OUR REAL GRANDPA, JANIE.

11
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,683
HE PLAYED THE GRANDPA
ON DAD'’S SHOW, REMEMBER?

12
00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,862
WHOA!

13
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,299
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY CHAIR?

14
00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:40,605
I DON'’T KNOW
WHAT YOU CALL IT,

15
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:43,869
BUT I CALL IT
"SITTIN'’ AND EATIN'’."

16
00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:47,655
THAT PIE WAS MEANT FOR DINNER
WITH MY BOSS TOMORROW NIGHT.

17
00:00:47,655 --> 00:00:52,182
ABOUT THAT, I GOT GOOD NEWS
AND BAD NEWS.

18
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:54,662
THE BAD NEWS IS
YOU WERE FIRED.

19
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,536
THE GOOD NEWS IS
THIS PIE IS DELICIOUS.

20
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,669
I WAS FIRED?

21
00:01:01,669 --> 00:01:02,931
GOTCHA!

22
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:07,893
I HAVEN'’T SEEN HIM
SINCE THE SHOW ENDED.

23
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:10,113
I'’M SO EXCITED.
- MM-HMM.

24
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:12,767
YEAH, YEAH, YOU'’RE EXCITED
TO SEE THE HOTTIE HE'’S DATING.

25
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:13,855
- NO.
- MM-HMM.

26
00:01:13,855 --> 00:01:15,074
NO, NO.
I MISS THE GUY.

27
00:01:15,074 --> 00:01:16,684
IS HE HERE YET?

28
00:01:16,684 --> 00:01:18,904
AND WHO IS THE HOTTIE
THAT HE'’S DATING?

29
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:20,514
I DON'’T KNOW,

30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,733
BUT I'’M PUTTING MY MONEY
ON A FORMER SWIMSUIT MODEL,

31
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:22,995
35 TO 40.

32
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,736
NO, NO, I'’M GOING
YOGA INSTRUCTOR,

33
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,130
ABOUT 30 TO 35.

34
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,522
UH-UH,
YOU GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS.

35
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,786
SHE'’S A HOT NANNY,
NOT A DAY OVER 30.

36
00:01:31,786 --> 00:01:33,266
YOU KNOW, I'’D BE WILLING
TO JOIN THIS WAGER

37
00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:35,355
IF I HAD, SAY, $10 TO BET.

38
00:01:35,355 --> 00:01:37,227
KEVIN,
YOU GOTTA LET THAT GO.

39
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,967
BERNIE BORROWED
THAT $10 YEARS AGO.

40
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,665
HE DOESN'’T EVEN REMEMBER!

41
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,710
WELL, I REMEMBER.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.

42
00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:44,625
TACO TUESDAY.

43
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:46,540
AND GUESS WHO COULDN'’T
AFFORD A TACO

44
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,889
BECAUSE HE DIDN'’T
HAVE TEN BUCKS.

45
00:01:47,889 --> 00:01:50,936
THIS {\an8}<i>MUCHACHO.</i>

46
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:53,808
WOW, COME ON!

47
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,944
all: OHHH!

48
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,688
OOH.

49
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:06,734
WHOA!

50
00:02:06,734 --> 00:02:08,475
AWW.

51
00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:10,521
- NICE SAVE.
- YEAH, SORRY.

52
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:12,044
BERNIE, YOU LOOK
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

53
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,351
I WAS GONNA SAY
MORE LIKE TEN.

54
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:16,962
CHRISTINE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

55
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,746
OH! HELLO, JOE.

56
00:02:18,746 --> 00:02:20,618
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

57
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,272
YEAH, SHE WAS MY FRIEND
FITZY'’S NANNY.

58
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:23,708
- OH.
- AHH.

59
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:25,840
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?

60
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,799
I HAVE A THING FOR NANNIES.

61
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:31,194
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY
WE WILL NOT BE GETTING A NANNY.

62
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,285
OH, AND, UH,
THIS IS BERNIE JR.

63
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,156
- YEAH.
- PRECIOUS LITTLE THING.

64
00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:38,636
HI, SWEETHEART.
I'’M AMY.

65
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,811
NICE TO MEET YOU.

66
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:43,031
WOW.
WHAT A CUTIE!

67
00:02:43,031 --> 00:02:44,816
WHAT'’S AN OUTFIT LIKE THIS
GO FOR, BERNIE, HUH?

68
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:46,557
I DON'’T KNOW, TEN BUCKS?

69
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,212
WELL, BRUNCH IS WAITING
IN THE KITCHEN.

70
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,387
SO FOLLOW ME, KIDS.

71
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,649
YEAH, PLEASE,
COME ON IN, GUYS.

72
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,259
I HOPE WE'’RE HAVING TACOS.
MMM!

73
00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:55,261
HE'’S STILL WEIRD!

74
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,613
CHRISTINE, HOW CAN ONE
HIRE A NANNY LIKE YOU?

75
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,180
OH, DO YOU HAVE
A LITTLE ONE AT HOME?

76
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:04,749
NOPE.
BUT IF THAT'’S WHAT IT TAKES.

77
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:07,099
LOOK AT YOU.
GOT A WIFE AND A KID.

78
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:09,057
IT'’S LIKE A WHOLE NEW BERNIE.

79
00:03:09,057 --> 00:03:11,103
I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU'’D BE
SPENDING YOUR GOLDEN YEARS

80
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:14,193
ON A BEACH IN COSTA RICA
WITH A NEW WOMAN EACH WEEK.

81
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,847
WELL, I THOUGHT SO TOO, DAVID.

82
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:19,633
BUT YOU CONVINCED ME
THAT LIFE IS MEANT TO BE SHARED.

83
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,462
AND I LISTENED,
AND NOW I HAVE ALL THIS.

84
00:03:22,462 --> 00:03:24,725
OH, WELL, YOU'’RE WELCOME.

85
00:03:24,725 --> 00:03:27,641
I'’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR IT.

86
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:31,079
HEY, NEW BERNIE?
OLD DIAPER.

87
00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,952
NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

88
00:03:35,562 --> 00:03:37,608
BERNIE, THIS IS ONE OF
THOSE "GOTCHA" MOMENTS, RIGHT?

89
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,523
NO.

90
00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:07,202
HEY, BERN, YOU WERE KIDDING
ABOUT NOT FORGIVING ME, RIGHT?

91
00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:09,422
YEAH, I WAS
JUST BLOWING OFF STEAM.

92
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:12,599
I MEAN, OTHER THAN NO SLEEP
AND NO PEACE AND QUIET,

93
00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:14,688
I AM FINE.

94
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,083
I JUST WISH I COULD GET
THIS DIAPER CLOSED

95
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,433
BEFORE HE GOES AGAIN.

96
00:04:20,433 --> 00:04:22,696
YOU GOT A STAPLER
OR SOMETHING?

97
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:26,047
NO, NO, NO.
WATCH AND LEARN, OKAY?

98
00:04:26,047 --> 00:04:27,571
IT'’S SIMPLE.

99
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:30,704
AND SO THE TV SON
TEACHES THE TV DAD.

100
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:34,795
I'’D STAND BACK A LITTLE.
THE KID KICKS LIKE A MULE.

101
00:04:34,795 --> 00:04:36,667
LOOK AT THIS.

102
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:39,017
COME HERE, LITTLE GUY.
COME HERE.

103
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:42,325
OH. LOOKIT, LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS.
COME ON.

104
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,239
HE'’S GOT YOUR EYES.

105
00:04:44,239 --> 00:04:48,026
BLOODSHOT AND SAD...

106
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:50,463
FROM CRYING OF THINGS
I'’M NEVER GONNA SEE,

107
00:04:50,463 --> 00:04:53,510
OF THINGS I'’VE NEVER DONE.

108
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,948
BUT I'’M A HAPPY GUY!

109
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:59,167
OH, HEY, GRANDPA BERNIE.

110
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:02,083
HEY! EMILY!

111
00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:03,694
THIS IS ZACK,
FROM MY HOME EC. CLASS.

112
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,696
AND THIS IS OUR BABY.

113
00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:09,482
HOME EC.
IS GETTING EXCITING.

114
00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:13,007
IN MY DAY, WE MADE TOAST.

115
00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,445
IT'’S NOT A REAL BABY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.

116
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:16,837
IT'’S A SIMULATOR BABY.

117
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:18,448
WE'’RE TAKING CARE OF IT
FOR A CLASS IN SCHOOL.

118
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:19,666
YEAH, THE CLASS IS CALLED

119
00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:22,147
"INTRO TO DON'’T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT."

120
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,410
IT'’S PROGRAMMED TO BEHAVE
JUST LIKE A REAL ONE.

121
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,545
THAT MEANS HE'’S HAPPY.

122
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:29,459
AREN'’T YOU HAPPY?

123
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,069
YES, YOU ARE!
YES, YOU ARE!

124
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:35,160
HE'’S THE LUCKIEST BABY
IN CLASS.

125
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,292
WHOSE BABY IS THAT?
HE'’S SO CUTE.

126
00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:38,381
THIS IS GRANDPA BERNIE'’S.

127
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,209
NO, REALLY.

128
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:43,908
OH, REALLY?

129
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:47,520
YEP.
I MADE IT MYSELF.

130
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,305
THIS IS BERNIE JR.
HERE YA GO.

131
00:05:50,305 --> 00:05:53,657
NO, I'’M GOOD.

132
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,093
OH, TIME FOR A BOTTLE.

133
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,877
LET'’S DO THIS.

134
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,360
CAN I FEED YOUR DOLL?

135
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,928
SORRY, JANIE.
THIS IS NOT A DOLL.

136
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,495
YEAH, SHE WON'’T LET ME
HOLD IT EITHER.

137
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,713
UH, THAT'’S RIGHT.

138
00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:08,323
BECAUSE WHEN JANIE
WAS A BABY,

139
00:06:08,323 --> 00:06:10,587
BUTTERFINGERS OVER HERE
USED TO DROP HER ALL THE TIME.

140
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:13,590
- I DON'’T REMEMBER THAT.
- ME NEITHER.

141
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:18,116
I DON'’T REMEMBER
A LOT OF STUFF.

142
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:20,205
WELL, EMILY,
I'’M A LOT OLDER NOW,

143
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,336
AND MY HANDS
ARE A LOT GRIPPIER.

144
00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:28,474
SMOOTH.
LIKE BUTTER.

145
00:06:28,474 --> 00:06:31,608
- YOU'’VE GOT GREAT KIDS, DAVID.
- THANK YOU.

146
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,653
I MEAN, I GOT A LOT OF DREAMS
FOR THIS GUY.

147
00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:37,962
TOP OF THE LIST IS THAT
BERNIE JR. IS OUTTA DIAPERS

148
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:41,705
BEFORE BERNIE SR. IS IN THEM.

149
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,663
WELL, BERNIE, YOU JUST NEED
TO RELAX A LITTLE BIT.

150
00:06:43,663 --> 00:06:45,491
YOU KNOW, I'’LL TELL YOU.
WHY DON'’T YOU DO THIS?

151
00:06:45,491 --> 00:06:47,624
WHY DON'’T YOU TAKE CHRISTINE,
PICK A NIGHT, GO TO DINNER.

152
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:49,756
AMY AND I WILL WATCH LITTLE--
- CHRISTINE!

153
00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:52,237
DAVID'’S GONNA TAKE THE BABY!

154
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,108
DAVID'’S DOING WHAT NOW?

155
00:06:54,108 --> 00:06:55,588
OH, THAT'’S SO SWEET,
BUT WE CAN'’T.

156
00:06:55,588 --> 00:06:58,765
WE CAN'’T,
YET WE'’RE GONNA.

157
00:06:58,765 --> 00:07:01,420
- GO.
- THANK YOU, AMY.

158
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:05,293
OH, I LOVE YOU,
MY LITTLE ANGEL, MM!

159
00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:08,209
AND I LOVE YOU TOO,
MY LITTLE ANGEL.

160
00:07:08,209 --> 00:07:10,951
GO, GO, GO!

161
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:18,916
YOU WERE RIGHT, MOMMY.
HE TOTALLY LOVES THAT TOY.

162
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:21,179
MM, JUST LIKE YOU WERE, SWEETIE.

163
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:24,312
SO FASCINATED
BY ALL THE SOUNDS IT MAKES.

164
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:29,317
THIS THING CRACKS ME UP.

165
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:33,017
THEY'’RE SO CUTE AT THIS AGE.

166
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,801
OKAY, YOU,
TIME FOR BED, YOU.

167
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:36,499
COME ON,
JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.

168
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:39,110
I THINK SHE MEANT ME.

169
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:42,766
- GOOD NIGHT.
- IT'’S GETTING KIND OF LATE.

170
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:45,290
I WONDER WHERE CHRISTINE
AND BERNIE ARE.

171
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,161
THEY'’RE FINE.
THEY'’RE PROBABLY ON THEIR WAY.

172
00:07:47,161 --> 00:07:49,163
YOU THINK
THEY'’LL LET ME KEEP THIS?

173
00:07:49,163 --> 00:07:52,253
WHAT?
THEY'’RE NOT PAYING US.

174
00:07:52,253 --> 00:07:54,473
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

175
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:56,519
EMILY THINKS
I HAVE BUTTERFINGERS?

176
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:57,955
WELL, WATCH
THESE BUTTERFINGERS

177
00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,826
HACK PAST
THE HIGH SCHOOL'’S FIREWALL

178
00:07:59,826 --> 00:08:01,524
AND INTO THE ROBOT BABY SOFTWARE

179
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:05,702
AND TURN IT INTO
EMILY'’S WORST NIGHTMARE.

180
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:09,488
ALL I UNDERSTOOD WAS
"EMILY'’S WORST NIGHTMARE."

181
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,404
SO I'’M IN.

182
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:15,059
OOH! HANG ON, HANG ON.

183
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,495
HELLO?

184
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:20,064
HEY!
BERNIE, YOU GUYS HAVING FUN?

185
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:21,718
HUH? OH--

186
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:24,285
HE HAD A LITTLE BIT
TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

187
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:26,113
HE THINKS WE'’RE MAD.
HE'’S FEELING GUILTY.

188
00:08:26,113 --> 00:08:29,203
NO--NO, NO, BERN--
BERNIE, NO, DO NOT DRIVE.

189
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:30,727
DON'’T WORRY, OKAY?

190
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:33,643
AMY AND I, WE'’LL TAKE CARE
OF LITTLE BERNIE--

191
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,907
HELLO?

192
00:08:38,604 --> 00:08:41,085
GUESS HE WASN'’T
FEELING THAT GUILTY.

193
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,303
NO, HE WAS.
YOU SHOULD'’VE HEARD HIM.

194
00:08:42,303 --> 00:08:43,957
HE WAS LIKE...

195
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,089
"DAVID, I FEEL SO BAD.

196
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,657
"THEY HAD THIS THING
WITH THE SMALL GLASSES

197
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:50,790
"AND THE SALT AND THE LIME,
AND IT WAS CRAZY!

198
00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:52,662
BUT I FEEL BAD
FOR YOU, DAVID."

199
00:08:55,882 --> 00:08:57,405
LOOK,
ALL RIGHT, HERE'’S THE THING.

200
00:08:57,405 --> 00:08:59,059
THE HARD PART IS DONE.

201
00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:00,626
GO TO BED.
I'’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

202
00:09:00,626 --> 00:09:01,801
OKAY.

203
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:02,976
DAVID...

204
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,543
I'’M GOING UP THAT THING

205
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,893
THAT LEADS ME TO THE PLACE
FOR SLEEPING.

206
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:08,982
ALL RIGHT?
I'’LL SEE YOU LATER.

207
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,897
GOOD NIGHT.

208
00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:13,639
OKAY, OKAY.
SHH. SHH.

209
00:09:13,639 --> 00:09:16,120
I DON'’T GET IT.
I CHANGED HIM, I FED HIM.

210
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,209
IT'’S LIKE HE'’S SUDDENLY
GONE HAYWIRE.

211
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,906
IF IT KEEPS CRYING,
IT'’S GONNA WAKE UP MY BABY.

212
00:09:19,906 --> 00:09:22,996
OH!

213
00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:32,136
YEAH, HEY, BERNIE.
IT'’S DAVID AGAIN.

214
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:33,659
JUST WONDERING
WHEN YOU'’RE GONNA PICK UP

215
00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,530
YOUR LITTLE
BUNDLE OF JOY.

216
00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:40,187
YOU HEAR THAT?

217
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:41,754
THAT'’S BERNIE JR. SAYING,
"COME HOME SOON,

218
00:09:41,754 --> 00:09:46,367
BECAUSE UNCLE DAVID
IS GETTING CRANKY."

219
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,152
I WAS UP EVERY HOUR
ON THE HOUR

220
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:50,241
WITH THIS SCREAM MACHINE.

221
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,025
JOIN THE CLUB!

222
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:56,508
DADDY, WHATEVER I DID
AS A BABY, I APOLOGIZE.

223
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,858
JUST MAKE IT STOP!

224
00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,904
IT'’S LIKE IT'’S PROGRAMMED
TO TORTURE ME.

225
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,906
NICE WORK.

226
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:09,173
HEY, MAYBE HE'’S HUNGRY.
I HEATED UP SOME MILK.

227
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,696
WAIT, KEVIN, NO.

228
00:10:10,696 --> 00:10:12,132
YOU HAVE TO TEST THE TEMPERATURE
OF THAT FOR THE BABY

229
00:10:12,132 --> 00:10:13,481
SO IT'’S NOT TOO HOT.

230
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:17,529
JUST RIGHT.

231
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:20,184
ON YOUR ARM!

232
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:23,143
GIMME THE BOTTLE.
MOVE OVER, MOVE OVER.

233
00:10:23,143 --> 00:10:25,406
COME ON, LITTLE--
LITTLE BERNIE.

234
00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:27,713
HERE WE GO, COME ON.
COME ON!

235
00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:28,845
LITTLE MILK.

236
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:32,805
COME ON, HERE WE GO.

237
00:10:32,805 --> 00:10:34,502
IT'’S NOT WORKING.
NOT WORKING.

238
00:10:34,502 --> 00:10:38,332
TAKE THE BOTTLE.

239
00:10:38,332 --> 00:10:41,205
WAIT, KEEP GO--

240
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,554
WAIT, KEVIN.
DON'’T STOP, KEVIN.

241
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,948
KEEP GOING.
IT'’S WORKING, IT'’S WORKING!

242
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,166
GO! GO!

243
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:50,649
YES!
IT'’S WORKING.

244
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:53,870
AND--
AND TURN!

245
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:57,134
OKAY, THERE WE GO.

246
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,701
THERE WE GO.

247
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,528
OKAY.

248
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,922
OOH.

249
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,101
AH!

250
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,843
MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE
TAKEN SHIFTS.

251
00:11:10,843 --> 00:11:12,149
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

252
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,890
OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.

253
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,718
LET'’S TRY JAZZ HANDS.

254
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:20,548
WAH!
SEE, HE LIKES THAT.

255
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,637
HERE WE GO.

256
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,643
OH, YES!
MARCUS...

257
00:11:28,643 --> 00:11:30,167
PLEASE TELL ME
BERNIE SHOWED UP, MARCUS.

258
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,734
LOOK, I AM NO LONGER
IN THE BUSINESS

259
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:32,647
OF TELLING YOU
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR,

260
00:11:32,647 --> 00:11:34,040
SO, NO, HE DID NOT.

261
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:41,221
- OH, THAT KID IS RELENTLESS.
- THAT'’S NOT BERNIE JR.

262
00:11:45,486 --> 00:11:48,838
KEVIN! WHAT'’S WRONG?

263
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:52,537
DAVID, THIS THING
HAS BEEN CRYING

264
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:56,106
FROM THE MOMENT YOU WENT
TO GET THE KIDS UNTIL RIGHT NOW.

265
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:59,022
HE BROKE ME, DAVID.
HE BROKE ME!

266
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:05,289
OH! BERNIE!

267
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,030
BEFORE YOU SAY
YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME,

268
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,858
I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU
I AM FINE.

269
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:11,077
WELL, WE WEREN'’T FINE.

270
00:12:11,077 --> 00:12:12,557
I'’M SORRY.
I'’M SORRY.

271
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:13,732
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT.

272
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,560
I NEEDED TO CLEAR MY HEAD.

273
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,909
GOOD, I'’M RELIEVED.

274
00:12:16,909 --> 00:12:18,215
I JUST THOUGHT FOR SURE
YOU WERE ON A BEACH

275
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,173
IN COSTA RICA
WEARING A FAKE BEARD,

276
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,523
INSISTING EVERYBODY CALL YOU
"EL PRESIDENTE."

277
00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:25,178
DON'’T WORRY ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

278
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,354
BECAUSE OF YOU,
I AM IN A VERY GOOD PLACE.

279
00:12:27,354 --> 00:12:32,142
I ACTUALLY GOT MY BEAUTIFUL
CHRISTINE A MANI-PEDI...

280
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,927
WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.

281
00:12:34,927 --> 00:12:38,017
THERE'’S MY LITTLE GUY.
HOW YOU DOING?

282
00:12:38,017 --> 00:12:41,194
MISSED YOUR DADDY-WADDY?
HI!

283
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,240
THAT IS JUST LIKE YOU!

284
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,545
IF I KNEW
WHY IT WAS CRYING,

285
00:12:44,545 --> 00:12:46,025
DON'’T YOU THINK
I WOULD TELL YOU?

286
00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:48,071
OKAY, SO NOW OUR SON
IS AN "IT"?

287
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,550
I JUST NEED A BREAK, EMILY.

288
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,683
YOU DON'’T GET A BREAK, ZACHARY.

289
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:54,294
EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP,
THAT BABY IS THERE.

290
00:12:54,294 --> 00:12:56,601
DAY IN, DAY OUT,

291
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:59,430
WEEK AFTER WEEK,

292
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,781
YEAR AFTER YEAR!

293
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,088
SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
MY LIFE'’S OVER?

294
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,872
GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS--WHAT'’S WRONG WITH YOU?

295
00:13:06,872 --> 00:13:09,266
THIS IS A THREE-DAY
SCHOOL PROJECT.

296
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,702
I DON'’T GET IT.
WHAT'’S WITH THE DRAMA?

297
00:13:10,702 --> 00:13:12,660
RIGHT, BERNIE?

298
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,320
OH, HEY, MARCUS,
YOU SEEN BERNIE?

299
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,670
WELL, HE CAME IN
MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT...

300
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:27,588
"I'’M OLD, I'’M TIRED,
I BLAME DAVID FOR EVERYTHING."

301
00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:29,895
DADDY,
WHERE'’S GRANDPA BERNIE GOING?

302
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:32,506
WHAT THE HECK?

303
00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:43,343
NOW THAT'’S HOW YOU USE
A TRAMPOLINE, JOE.

304
00:13:48,696 --> 00:13:51,264
SO BERNIE CAME BACK
AND THEN ABANDONED HIS BABY

305
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,571
BY DOING A TRIPLE LINDY
OVER THE WALL.

306
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:56,052
YEAH, AND AMAZINGLY,
HE STUCK THE LANDING.

307
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,662
GOT IT.

308
00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:00,447
WHAT I DON'’T UNDERSTAND
IS WHAT THOSE TWO ARE DOING.

309
00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:02,667
WELL, FIRST,
THEY WERE GOING AFTER BERNIE,

310
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,538
BUT NOW THEY'’RE JUST
TRYING TO PROVE

311
00:14:04,538 --> 00:14:08,020
THAT IF A 70-YEAR-OLD CAN DO IT,
THEY CAN DO IT.

312
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:09,456
ONE MORE TIME, BABY,
YOU CAN DO IT!

313
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:17,769
OKAY, LET'’S GO.

314
00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:19,989
DO WE HAVE TO?

315
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:22,339
ZACHARY,
PART OF OUR ASSIGNMENT

316
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,558
IS TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC
WITH OUR BABY.

317
00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:25,995
AND YOU WERE THE ONE

318
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,213
WHO PROMISED
YOUR IDIOT FRIEND CHAD

319
00:14:27,213 --> 00:14:28,432
THAT WE'’D MEET HIM
FOR PIZZA.

320
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:32,784
- EMILY, I AM EXHA--
- EXCITED?

321
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,307
'’CAUSE I KNOW YOU WEREN'’T
GOING TO SAY "EXHAUSTED."

322
00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:39,704
FINE.

323
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,227
FORGETTING SOMETHING?

324
00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:44,056
WHAT IT'’S LIKE
TO BE FREE?

325
00:14:44,056 --> 00:14:46,276
THE BABY.

326
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,669
SAME THING.

327
00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:56,895
HEY, I'’M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT
KEVIN MADE IT OVER THE WALL.

328
00:14:56,895 --> 00:15:01,160
UNLIKE BERNIE, HOWEVER,
HE DID NOT STICK THAT LANDING.

329
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,553
THINK, HONEY, THINK.

330
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:03,902
YOU WORKED WITH HIM
FOR TEN YEARS.

331
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:05,512
WHERE WOULD HE GO?
WHERE WOULD BERNIE BE?

332
00:15:05,512 --> 00:15:07,384
I THINK
I FOUND THE ANSWER.

333
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,603
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE WALL,

334
00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:12,302
I DISCOVERED A COUPON
FOR A REUBEN SANDWICH

335
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:16,480
AND THAT THE FAZIOS'’S CAT
DOES NOT LIKE SURPRISES.

336
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,526
IS THERE A DRAFT IN HERE?

337
00:15:19,526 --> 00:15:22,399
UH, UH, UH, KEVIN,
LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT THAT, MAN.

338
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,401
- YEAH, IT'’S LIKE A--
- YEAH.

339
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:29,145
AH. YEAH, FELDY'’S DELI.
THAT'’S RIGHT.

340
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,321
BERNIE LOVES THIS PLACE.
HE'’S ALWAYS HERE.

341
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:32,626
YEAH, IT MAKES SENSE.

342
00:15:32,626 --> 00:15:34,106
IF YOU'’RE GONNA RUN OFF
TO COSTA RICA,

343
00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:35,194
YOU DON'’T WANNA DO IT
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

344
00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:36,848
WHY WOULD HE BE
IN COSTA RICA?

345
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:40,939
I DON'’T KNOW.

346
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:43,463
ALL I KNOW IS I BETTER FIND HIM
BEFORE CHRISTINE FINDS OUT

347
00:15:43,463 --> 00:15:44,856
THAT EL PRESIDENTE'’S
ON THE RUN.

348
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:46,510
WHO?

349
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,642
I DON'’T KNOW.

350
00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:52,081
HEY, THIS IS
FOR TEN BUCKS OFF.

351
00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,386
I'’M KEEPING THIS.

352
00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:56,563
WHERE'’S MY WALLET?

353
00:15:56,563 --> 00:15:58,087
OKAY.

354
00:15:58,087 --> 00:15:59,740
I'’M EVEN WITH BERNIE,

355
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:02,787
BUT NOW I'’VE GOT A SCORE
TO SETTLE WITH MITTENS FAZIO.

356
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,093
ALL RIGHT, I'’M OFF.

357
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:11,665
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LITTLE GUY.
LET'’S GO.

358
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:21,849
YOUR TURN.

359
00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,242
I DON'’T CARE
IF WE FAIL, EMILY.

360
00:16:23,242 --> 00:16:24,287
JUST SHOVE HIM
UNDER THE TABLE.

361
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:25,897
I CAN'’T DEAL
WITH THAT THING.

362
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,986
I'’VE NEVER GOTTEN
ANYTHING LESS THAN A "B"

363
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:31,250
AND THIS BABY IS GONNA
GET ME AN "F."

364
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:34,645
UNLESS...

365
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,690
A WAITRESS WALKED BY

366
00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:40,259
AND ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED
THIS PITCHER OF SODA

367
00:16:40,259 --> 00:16:42,696
ON THE BABY,

368
00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:44,307
SHORTING IT OUT.

369
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,744
I'’M IN.

370
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,485
DO IT.

371
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,531
ALL RIGHT,
ON THE COUNT OF THREE.

372
00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:54,621
ONE, TWO--

373
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,971
WHOA! DUDES!

374
00:16:56,971 --> 00:16:58,799
THAT IS TOTALLY NOT OKAY.

375
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:01,802
DON'’T WASTE
A PERFECTLY GOOD SODA.

376
00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:04,066
IT WON'’T STOP CRYING, CHAD.

377
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:07,330
I GOT THIS.
BABIES LOVE CHAD.

378
00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:13,553
YOU SEE?

379
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,734
AWW, AWW, LITTLE BRO!

380
00:17:22,562 --> 00:17:24,608
OH, SMELLS LIKE
YOU JUST WHIPPED UP

381
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,958
A FRESH BATCH
OF COMPUTER DOODERS.

382
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,177
UGH!

383
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,483
CHAD OUT.
- WAIT.

384
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:34,661
THOSE ARE NOT
COMPUTER DOODERS.

385
00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:36,707
REAL DOODERS, REAL DOODERS,
REAL DOODERS!

386
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:37,925
WHAT?

387
00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:41,886
REAL BABY, REAL BABY,
REAL BABY!

388
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:48,501
{\an8}<i>♪ UNO, DOS,
CHA, CHA, CHA! ♪</i>

389
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,851
- BERNIE.
- {\an8}<i>NO HABLA INGLES.</i>

390
00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:52,462
CHA, CHA, CHA.

391
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,246
BERNIE, BERNIE,
I KNOW IT'’S YOU.

392
00:17:54,246 --> 00:17:55,943
I SMELL THE REUBEN

393
00:17:55,943 --> 00:17:59,033
AND YOU GOT YOUR NAME, "BERNIE,"
WRITTEN ON YOUR TO-GO BAG.

394
00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:01,688
YOU CAN'’T JUST TAKE OFF
LIKE THIS.

395
00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:03,386
SURE, I CAN.

396
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,127
IF THERE'’S A TRAMPOLINE
AT THE MEXICAN BORDER,

397
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:06,432
I'’M AS GOOD AS GONE.

398
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:08,826
NO!
BERNIE, BERNIE, COME ON.

399
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:12,569
CHRISTINE NEEDS YOU.
YOUR BABY NEEDS YOU.

400
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:15,441
CHRISTINE IS YOUNG.
SHE'’LL FIND ANOTHER GUY.

401
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:18,662
AND BERNIE'’S A BABY.

402
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,359
AT THIS POINT,
HE DON'’T KNOW WHO I AM.

403
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:24,450
IF I LEAVE NOW,
HE'’LL NEVER REMEMBER ME.

404
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:28,846
HEY, IT'’S FOR THE BEST.

405
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,804
YOU THINK I'’M A BAD FATHER?
- WELL--

406
00:18:30,804 --> 00:18:32,458
LOOK AT THIS MORON.

407
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:33,807
HE'’S DRIVING OFF WITH A BABY
ON THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR.

408
00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:36,636
NO! THAT'’S YOUR KID!
NO!

409
00:18:36,636 --> 00:18:38,812
BERNIE JR.!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

410
00:18:38,812 --> 00:18:41,685
STOP THE CAR!

411
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,513
STOP THE--
LOOK IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR!

412
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:46,559
BABY HALF-ON-BOARD!

413
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:47,473
OH!

414
00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:50,824
NO! WAIT! NO!

415
00:18:50,824 --> 00:18:52,086
TURN THE...

416
00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:53,392
ENGINE OFF BEFORE THE...

417
00:18:53,392 --> 00:18:55,525
BABY FALLS!

418
00:18:55,525 --> 00:18:57,266
STOP!

419
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,137
I KNEW IT.
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

420
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:01,052
OF COURSE.

421
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,140
WHO COULDN'’T HAVE FORESEEN
A CONSTRUCTION CRANE

422
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:06,100
DANGLING THEIR CHILD
HIGH ABOVE THE STREET?

423
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,494
I GOT THIS, DAVID.

424
00:19:08,494 --> 00:19:11,018
HOLD MY REUBEN.

425
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:25,946
WAS I CLOSE?

426
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:30,124
TO WHERE YOU STARTED.

427
00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:34,128
THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY.

428
00:19:34,128 --> 00:19:36,043
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY.
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!

429
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:38,481
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!

430
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:41,614
THEN WHERE'’S MY KID?

431
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,705
- OH, EMILY!
- MY BABY!

432
00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:46,924
OH, MY BABY!

433
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:49,056
I AM SO SORRY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.

434
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:52,234
I DID NOT MEAN TO TAKE
A LIVE HUMAN BEING.

435
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:56,107
DON'’T WORRY, SWEETHEART.
IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST.

436
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,543
YEAH, YEAH.

437
00:19:57,543 --> 00:20:00,372
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE
OF BERNIE JR.

438
00:20:00,372 --> 00:20:01,939
HE REALLY IS A GREAT BABY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.

439
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:03,723
HE IS, HE IS.

440
00:20:03,723 --> 00:20:06,552
AND I NEVER THOUGHT
I'’D BE SO EXCITED

441
00:20:06,552 --> 00:20:08,685
TO SEE HIM.

442
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:09,903
HEY!

443
00:20:09,903 --> 00:20:11,340
I DON'’T KNOW WHAT I'’D DO

444
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:12,993
IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM.

445
00:20:12,993 --> 00:20:14,647
WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD...

446
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,475
WHERE THE WORRYING
NEVER STOPS.

447
00:20:16,475 --> 00:20:18,738
I'’M GONNA BE OKAY,
RIGHT, DAVID?

448
00:20:18,738 --> 00:20:20,087
YEAH.
COME ON.

449
00:20:20,087 --> 00:20:21,828
BERNIE, YOU "RAISED" ME
FOR TEN YEARS,

450
00:20:21,828 --> 00:20:23,787
AND LOOK AT ME,
I'’M FINE.

451
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:24,744
YOU'’RE GONNA BE AMAZING.

452
00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:31,925
BERNIE?

453
00:20:31,925 --> 00:20:34,232
BERNIE!
BERN--

454
00:20:34,232 --> 00:20:35,538
- GOTCHA!
- OH!

455
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,409
DOH! COME ON!

456
00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:39,455
YOUR DAD
HAS STILL GOT IT.

457
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,500
DON'’T DO THAT!